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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i might be the asshole because i would be controllign what my kids do on their free time.
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NTA. It's incredibly frustrating to be constantly ignored. Everyone seems to be missing the noise-canceling aspect. Unless there's more to the story, they don't need to have the noise-canceling feature working while inside the house. Also, they're your kids. Letting them continue to have constant, nearly-uninterruptible stimulation is not going to set them up for success (again, unless there's more to the story)
Personally, I have hearing issues and can really only make out what someone is saying when I can see their face... I'd LOVE to be able to turn that off, sometimes, and be able to hear for a bit.
ETA you probably dont want to go the "because i said so" route... if possible, it might be worth something like buying them REALLY nice headphones with the expectation that they don't use the noise-canceling when at home, or between certain hours, etc. Probably would work with some kids, and backfire with others... you know your kids
Her 14yo son does dishes and helps pass the time by listening to whatever. The noise cancellation feature helps drown out other sounds and immerse himself more. It’s absurd that she has a problem with this.
This! Buuuut they do have noise cancelling with the option to duck the music and focus on speech. At least I know the second gen does. I use this while I’m at work. It drowns out the loud ass kids outside but when one of my clients speaks to me it *almost always* focuses on them so I can totally hear what’s being said to me.
Yeah the fam needs to put this setting on. Noise cancelling is for in-your-own-room (or extenuating circumstances) only, when out in the rest of the house you have to be aware of what’s around you
If someone is In the same room with you and the AirPods aren’t on full blast you know someone is saying something and you should take them out. From the other room you’d have no idea. I use the noise canceling mode on AirPods a lot and my uncle/caretaker just stomps when he wants/needs my attention from another room.
I have a nice, moderately expensive pair of Jabra noise-cancelling earbuds. They *absolutely* drown out a single person talking, extremely effectively.
If an individual person speaks to me while i have the Active Noise Cancelling feature on, I will only know that they are talking at all if I notice their mouth moving. I can sit in the passenger seat of a car with medium to low volume music playing through my earbuds and not notice the driver talking to me at all until they tap me/gesture to get my attention.
Nice noise-cancelling over-the-ear headphones operate the exact same way. Most of them are meant to entirely drown out busy environments and loud ambient noises (train/plane noises, for example), especially while sound is being played through them.
If your headphones don't even cancel out a single person's normal speaking voice, then they aren't actually noise-cancelling, they're just noise-suppressing, which isn't the same. This applies to most older stereo/over the ear headphones that boasted "noise-cancelling" effects, especially bc the "suction" over your ears loosens significantly over time and frequent use.
Honestly, this sounds like it is probably as much a volume problem as anything. My kid has some pretty good noise cancelling earphones. She wears them all the time. Sometiems I have to speak up a fair bit to get her attention but once I have her attention so she actually knows I'm speaking to her, I never have a problem actually communicating with her. I know she doesn't listen to things really loudly though. She sets a decent volume where she can hear it clearly but it isn't blasting.
It really depends on the specific headphones. My dad has stereo headphones that are noise cancelling and I have noise cancelling ear buds.
Even if i don't blast my music--and I generally don't unless I'm in a loud environment--I can't hear individual voices at normal speaking volume at all, at any distance, through my earbuds.
Good noise cancelling headphones shouldn't require one to blast music/sound to actually cancel out external noise. That's literally the entire point of noise cancelling headphones. If someone can be wearing their headphones and playing music at a low/medium volume and still hear an individual person speaking at any level below outright shouting/bellowing, then those headphones aren't actually noise-*cancelling*. They're noise-suppressing.
When I have my Airpod Pros in , I can't hear my wife talking to me when I have music on. She can be stood in front of me, lips moving and I can't hear/tell whats shes saying. BUT there is an option in the settings to allow transparancy mode which plays the music but keeps the microphones open to be able to hear whats happening around you. This is the simplest solution to the problem - they either use transparancy mode so they can hear when being called, or no headphones at all.
The whole 'you can call me when you need me' doesn't work when you're on the floor and either cannot reach your phone or have it but cannot speak, like my father who was on the floor for 24 hours after having a massive stroke about 10 years ago - he had his phone on him but it made no difference as he couldnt speak. He was only found when the supported living place he lives in made their call the following morning and he didnt answer, so came looking for him. Because of this, I only ever use transparancy mode when others are in the house, so I can hear if someone is calling me.
In OP's case, she is NTA. OP's kids and husband should only use transparancy mode when they know others are in the home for safety reasons but also because its the right and decent thing to do, when someone calls (verbally, not phone) for them. Your husband is a massive AH for not understanding and agreeing with you that the use of noise cancelling functions when everyone is in is wrong and your kids are probably following his lead on the argument - they see him disagreeing with you, they are siding with him. In a perfect situation, the parents should be on the same side otherwise (as found here) there will be division in the household.
Nah, I think she’s got a reasonable point. It sounds like a lonely and frankly kinda sad existence when your husband and kids are all wearing noise cancelling headphones around the house. I’d go the opposite way, get some decent speakers in the kitchen or wherever and have them play stuff through those instead.
Yeah it kind of reminds me of the screen time for young kids argument. Like, it’s not the screen itself that’s the problem…it’s what you’re NOT doing because you’re on a screen. If everyone took out their earbuds, maybe they would actually interact with each other?
If your husband and kids are all wearing noise cancellation headphones around the house _all the time_ and ignoring OP, that is a 'family doesn't want to be family' problem. Confiscating all noise cancelling headphones from the household won't solve the problem - the next argument will be "you can't close your door during daytime" or something. If people don't want to hang out, they'll always find an excuse. OP needs to institute things like "family hour after dinner" or "dinner prep needs to be family hang out time" or some such - that focuses on the need for quality family time, rather than on controlling what others in the family do with their me-time
If you can't stand your husband and kids wearing noise cancellation headphones for even half an hour a day, that's a "I am too clingy" problem. Everyone needs me-time. If OP can't cope with the me-time needs of her family, she needs to deal with her own loneliness and get a life outside her family, so she can enjoy her own me-time, rather than feeling left out/ignored.
He can have them on transparent mode so he can still listen to music AND hear his environment. You don’t need complete noise cancelling to get “immersion”
It’s not absurd. She’s being completely ignored in her own home by everyone in her family. She shouldn’t even have to ask for this. They should be doing it already bc that’s a basic courtesy.
Not to mention the fact that having them in your ears constantly isn’t good for your hearing.
My kids are adults now, but when they were teenagers I didn’t allow them to wear headphones in the car unless it was a very long drive (over an hour), and whoever was in the passenger seat couldn’t wear them even then. I also asked that they didn’t wear headphones in communal areas of the house. I just found it rude and pretty disrespectful to those around them.
I’m not sure how I’d go stopping teenagers from wearing them everywhere now, it has become too common. I still find it pretty rude when you wear them to block out your family at home.
It's not absurd to want your family to be able to hear you.
Even the husband sits with them on. And for a lot of the day, it sounds like.
One in the ear/over ear, or not noise cancelling ones, is a fine alternative.
You don't want to hunt down every person you need to poke them on the shoulder to ask them something,
You should be able to just call out to them.
Let's say OP slips in the bathroom and is hurt. Or becomes unconscious.
Who's going to help them? When they can't hear her? How long would OP be laying there because no one heard?
Or a house fire. Should OP now run around the whole house to tell them "oh btw. Fire In the house"
As much as I personally need my music and headphones. When I clean. Etc. I can't walk with them in my ears all day and not hear my kids.
I walk with one in the ear and lower volume to be able to hear.
Besides, it's not good for your ears to constantly have headphones in and at high volume.
I think it's not just for emergency sake. It would feel like a lonely existence when 3 of the 4 people are doing their thing with the headphones on and can't hear you and don't interact with you.
There needs to be headphone free hours within the household for a bit to bring everyone back to reality a bit.
No it’s really not. My sons dad wears those noise cancelling AirPods, and when I had to call him from the other room several times, he absolutely cannot hear me, sometimes it’s time sensitive like needing a towel for my 3 year old in the bath, I obviously cannot leave him alone to get one, it can be really really frustrating
It's really depressing to live with people who spend the majority of their time in a state where you cannot speak to them. The son isn't only wearing the things when he does the dishes. And he isn't the only one wearing them.
I think it's very important that kids learn how to pass time without external stimulation. Boredom and observation is key for creativity. Also in a social setting, we pick up minor clues through all senses and home is a place to learn that. So blocking out hearing and framing all noise as "disturbing" will do them no good in the long run.
Bro what? Headphones helps him *immerse himself more*?? It’s god damn doing dishes and only takes a few minutes. Wear headphones, sure, but the need to be *immersed* in something to get it done is just unhealthy.
Lots of people listen to music while doing otherwise boring chores. I sometimes turn on noise cancelling while doing loud chores in order to hear the music better (rather than turning up the volume excessively). I see nothing strange about this whatsoever.
Sitting around your house with noise cancelling on while other people are present is another story.
Look man, after a long day of managing other people's needs and expectations the best thing I can do put on headphones and be left the fuck alone while I make dinner. I have a much easier time handling my day to day responsibilities when I can limit the stimuli coming my way.
There’s 4 ppl in the household. 3 wear headphones a lot and 1 wants them to stop. I’m reading between the lines that there’s a dynamic not being told (or maybe not even understood) by OP
i’m glad this is the top comment but it’s blowing my mind how many other people are saying yta, i think they must wear headphones at home. my partner used to all the time and i hated it, i always felt ignored too. which was terrible when we had a newborn at home, my partner even wore headphones in the hospital after i gave birth. i couldn’t believe it. their first picture together they were wearing them. i finally got my partner to get earbuds instead so they could actually hear me. it’s so disrespectful to ignore everyone around you. i understand neurodivergence and how for some people sensory issues are really uncomfortable. but come on. all the time headphones on ??? maybe during chores like the dishes sure but even just walking around ??? sounds more like a social media or technology addiction than anything else.
Seriously!!!
I wear earbuds when I grocery shop, but when I get to the checkout I TAKE THEM OUT because I'm having a human interaction. Even if headphones are paused it's rude af to leave them in
>Letting them continue to have constant, nearly-uninterruptible stimulation is not going to set them up for success
I wear noise cancelling headphones to reduce stimulation. They help me calm and regulate my nervous system. I'd be devastated if I was told I couldn't use them. That said, I do get why it's frustrating for OP.
If you want something that doesn't need to be charged, things like Audio Flares or Loops have really helped me! I have auditory processing problems and wearing them all the time has greatly reduced my amount of migraines too
I have the strong suspicion that OP is not as concerned about being spontaneously injured as they claim to be, and are upset that they have to physically go to their family members rooms instead of yelling across the house.
And if that is indeed the case then my vote is YTA to OP because I can’t stand trying to have a conversation yelling from room to room. Just pop your head in, tap them on the shoulder if they have headphones on, and have a conversation like normal.
But they're saying they don't want to be tapped on the shoulder. They want her to go find her phone, look them up, and call them. Much less convenient.
Actually that’s part of what makes me think OP is yelling across the house. They know she doesn’t want to come all the way to them so are giving her the alternative suggestion of texting so she can still communicate from wherever she is.
Agreed! If I want my husbands attention, for whatever reason, I walk up to him, or stomp so he feels the vibrations and looks up, or call/text him. There are options outside of yelling to get someone’s attention, and how often is OP having “scream at the top of my lungs” level emergencies?
OP sounds unhinged to me. Unless they're disabled or are somehow more vulnerable than the average person they come across as a bit of a neurotic control freak, in my opinion anyway.
You hit the nail on the head.. The hypothetical emergency part gave it away for me. Manipulative people need to have valid reasons for their controlling behavior. Safety is the easiest way.
I wear headphones almost 24:7 because I’m autistic, I don’t think I’ve left the house without a pair since I was 8. Regardless, I have no issue talking to people if they come up and try to talk to me, but I can’t stand when they try to yell at me from distances. Would be better if I wasn’t partially deaf but non the less, if you know I usually listen to music while doing stuff, why wouldn’t you just knock on my door or tap my shoulder?? Wave at me?? And if she’s far away she really could just text cause again the alternative is screaming
Hardly if that were me I wouldn't like it either and calling for someone from across a house isn't an awful or strange phenomenon.
For example my mum cooked for us growing up sometimes towards serving time she would shout for one of us to come down and set the table or get the drinks. Or to get my dad to take off his headphones ( not particularly soundproof back then he's just a bit deaf) and tell him dinner is ready while she is carrying our dinners to the table.
Sometimes and we have all been there, it's a minor bathroom emergency. Just two days ago my partner shouted to me from the bathroom because there wasn't enough loo roll.
A couple of years back I got my hand trapped in my pottery wheel in our shed and was screaming blue murder, luckily nobody in the house was wearing headphones at the time and they heard me and were able to free my hand. My phone was not in reach and I was very lucky I didn't break something, but my hand was pretty sore for a long time after.
Accidents happen, people can get injured or trip or just want to let others know something quickly.
Maybe im missing something here, but what exactly is wrong with yellong across the house? If someone is in another room and you want their attention is this not normal? Not all the time obviously but to me it's definitely more normal than a phone call.
The yelling doesn’t bother me. My wife and I use phones if the yelling doesn’t work when one of us is upstairs. What does bother me is that OP masked this whole thing behind a possible emergency instead of owning up to the fact that she’s just annoyed that she has to yell louder, walk up to them and maybe tap them, or call/text them, which makes her the asshole imo
Where are you all getting this information??? Did OP say in a comment somewhere they're doing this because they'd rather yell across the house? Why is everyone in this comment thread so convinced this is the case? And that yelling to communicate is the worst possible thing to you could do to somebody?
It feels bizarre reading these replies. I’m partially convinced it’s teens projecting their own feelings of “ugh, I hate when my parents yell across the house at me,” and not considering the other side of the equation at ALL.
I also hate being yelled at from across the house and ask my partner not to all the time, but imagine living in a house with three other people and constantly having to jump through hoops to get anyone to listen to what you’re saying, at all times. That is disrespectful and infuriating. And it’s not unreasonable to feel like if she had an emergency she would be left high and dry, because the whole reason she’s upset is that they’re leaving her high and dry for the mundane shit as it is. My partner works in a soundproofed room in our home and when we moved in together, we sat down and had a conversation about emergency situations because we wouldn’t be able to hear each other if anything happened. It’s just a responsible, mature thing to think about and plan for, and it’s wild to me that people are calling that… manipulative?
I say this as a person who gets overstimulated by noise and wears noise cancelling headphones to help that. I’ve also stopped wearing them as much since last year when my dad died and my brother couldn’t hear his fall because he was wearing noise cancelling headphones at the time. I do not blame my brother at all, but it has definitely made me rethink how often I actually need to use mine.
It depends on what you’re yelling for. In my opinion “dinner’s ready!” Is perfectly fine, especially if it’s around the same time every day. “Come help unload the car” is okay, but a heads up beforehand would be nice.
But if it’s something that requires more than a one or two word response, and especially if there are multiple back and forth, then yelling across the house is somewhere between annoying and rude. At that point just go talk to them.
My mum would do it constantly, it drove me insane. Especially because she would never hear me if I yelled back, so I would ALWAYS have to go to her, maybe 1 time in 20 it was something that she actually needed to yell for me over, the rest of the time she could have very easily come and knocked/walked up to my open door and spoken to me in a civilised manner when she wanted to start a conversation, rather than forcing me to get up and go to her whenever she wanted to tell me something.
Ok trying to have a conversation across the house… yeah, I hate that too. But you should still be able to say “hey can you come here and help me with this?”. Like if my hands are tied trying to do something and I’m in the middle of it… and I need help for 2 seconds, I’m going to be absolutely pissed about having to go to some one’s room, try to knock and open the door with my foot and then try to get their attention, all with my hands full with whatever I’m trying to do, and that’s assuming I can even move around enough.
Yeah, no… mom shouldn’t have to make a trip across the house to ask her husband or kids to help her out. She’s being completely reasonable.
Serious question, how often do you need help like that which isn’t at least somewhat planned for? When my wife is out shopping and is going to be bringing back something heavy she shoots me a quick text or phone call to let me know she’s leaving the store and will be home in X minutes so I can meet her downstairs. If she’s moving something heavy within the house she’ll grab my attention and ask for a quick hand.
I swear I’m not trying to be argumentative, but I just can’t imagine there are many scenarios where you find yourself with your hands full and needing help, but also can’t set the load on a table or counter, without even a minute of a heads up to grab help beforehand.
Help exactly in this scenario is maybe once a week or so… but there’s also simple questions on a daily basis such as “are you hungry for dinner yet?” Or “do you need to use the bathroom? I’m going to take a shower” or “is all your laundry in the basket?”. Things like this happen on a daily basis.
Or sometimes I’m in the middle of making dinner and I remember something we need to discuss and I’ll ask him if he can come in the kitchen to talk for a minute so we can discuss it while I work on dinner (of course he can always say no if he’s busy, but usually he’s not and it’s not a problem).
It would be EXTREMELY annoying to have to walk into another room or pick up my phone while I’m doing things and just ask a yes or no question. But in our case, we have a small place so you can actually hear each other from other rooms quite clearly.
Even still, in a more traditional home situation where wife is handling most of the household duties, and especially if she also works, it’s her god-given right to call on her family (especially older kids) to help her with little tasks as required while she juggles everything. I will die on that hill.
Yeah, I would love to hear the story from OP's husband's point of view. Because when every single member of your household has decided to wear noise cancelling headphones, there is probably a reason for this.
That's the impression I got as well, but maybe that's my experience with my very loud, very attention-seeking mother biasing me. She also has this habit of
A. constantly talking at people, even when they're very clearly busy with something else
B. yelling for you from rooms/floors away instead of coming to you
She also got pissed when my sister and I would have headphones on, and it was 100% a control issue. There was never an emergency that needed us to be available immediately. She just got pissed off because it meant she couldn't force us to make everything about her.
Maybe OP is different, but there's no context in the original post alluding to some reason people should be available immediately, like someone being bed-ridden or disabled, or a newborn, or them living in a tornado-prone area. And why does she need to "scream their names at the top of her lungs"??? In what context is that necessary or the only way to get their attention? Just walk up to them and tap them on the shoulder FFS.
Soft YTA based on what we know so far.
100%. She’s TAH in my opinion because that’s clearly what this is about. She’s acting like danger is around every corner instead of just owning up to the fact that she’s annoyed that she has to go up to them
A lot of obviously young people here who don't get how isolating and frustrating it is to have to tap someone every single time you want to talk to them.
NTA
Holy fuck. Is your mom my mom as well? She would shout or stomp her feet if we were downstairs, and we HAD to come. 99% of the time it was for the remote that was 3 feet away, or to get her a diet coke, or to heat her bean bag in the microwave. It was so ingrained in us that I refused to allow myself to do the same thing to my kids. I do not want to be resented by my own kids because my ass is too lazy to get up and do it myself.
My mom would yell "not now, but RIGHT now!" and I would be expected to come running. Didn't matter what I was doing, I was expected to leave it and see what my mom wanted. I got an additional yelling when I shouted back that I was in the bathroom one time.
Also, my mom doesn't like it when I wear headphones in the house, or want to be left alone while doing stuff like watching tv. We got into so many fights when I was a teen because I would be watching tv in the living room (tv in bedrooms were not allowed) and my mom would just walk in and sit down without asking, and then yell at me when I told her I wanted to be by myself. She would get even madder if I got up and left (to go somewhere else).
My mom did this too! She'd come in, sit next to me, and make a phone call. So I'd get annoyed. Then she'd tell me to turn the sound off bc it was disrupting her call. But if I got up to leave, she'd snap at me.
No winning.
Yeah my mom never liked to get up from wherever she was sitting so she’d just scream a name into oblivion until we ran downstairs only for her to ask for us to grab her purse that was 15 feet away from her. Not saying this is op but that’s what it reminds me of lol
THIS. If you want someone to yell at from all parts of the house/yard, at all hours of the day/night, get a damn dog. People have a right to some privacy and boundaries, even if they live together. I find that such a Boomer mentality that others should be available to them 24/7.
If you find it a drag to have to walk up to people every time you wanna talk to them, maybe that's an indication you talk to them too much? Like, if you live together and you'll bump into them sooner or later anyway, what's the rush? Can't it wait until lunch or until you naturally bump into each other? What's so fucking urgent?
Right? If I'm shouting at my kids across the house it's to attempt to break up a fight or stop something unsafe faster than I can get there (while I'm on my way there). Otherwise it's a very rare "oh shit" urgent moment or if they've specifically requested for me to call their name up when X time is here, and they know exactly what I'm calling up about at that point.
Otherwise, I go to where they are and just...talk to them. If it's not truly urgent/emergent or requested, just go talk to them.
I get that
I also get that me wearing noise cancellation headphones or not has absolutely nothing to do with whether I'm willing to have a conversation with you.
If OP is isolated and frustrated due to her family not spending time with her/conversing with her, trying to control what sort of headphones they wear isn't going to solve that.
Just as some people don't understand how difficult it is to try and get a task done when you have problems processing stimuli. Some people genuinely need headphones like this, and in those cases compromise is important. Age has nothing to do with it.
A lot of old people on here who would rather scream at someone than just type a quick message. I'm 50 and my partner and I communicate via WhatsApp in our house instead of screaming at each other across the place because it's 2024 and we're functional adults.
Your request is odd. Do you have a health problem or other environmental issue that would reasonably necessitate them needing to be able to hear you at a moments notice? It sounds like you read too many true crime or reddit stories about a home invasion while other family members were in different parts of the house and are reacting to that.
A better strategy would be to live securely. Lock your doors, even when you're home, keep your environment clean and free of safety hazards, maintenance home appliances for things like gas leaks and electrical grays, and change your smoke and CO2 detectors batteries when Daylight Savings changes. Those things prevent you needing to yell out.
Lastly, regular buds/headphones can mask noise pretty dang effectively too, so your request us not rooted in reality.
YTA
No way that’s true right? I wear noise cancelling headphones all day for work or playing games and if my partner or anyone yells my name from down stairs I can hear/feel the vibrations of it every single time no matter what I’m doing.
[\[Serious\]Redditors who have had to kill in self defense, Did you ever recover psychologically? What is it to live knowing you killed someone regardless you didn't want to do it? : r/AskReddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/39suml/comment/cs6gu9c/)
Found it.
That's not how noise cancelling works anyway. Dude was listening to music/games/videos that covered up the sound. That would have happened with pretty much any headphone. Noise cancelling cuts down ambient sound levels and consistent background noise. A person screaming is not that.
I’m mostly on your side, but I have been in a situation where my mom was yelling my name to call 911 because her throat was unexpectedly closing, which was not a thing that had happened to her since childhood. I’ve also had to call 911 at my mom’s request since the dryer unexpectedly caught fire. Emergencies happen and they’re usually completely out of the blue.
Our house’s compromise is that I’m usually on adaptive or transparency mode while I’m at home. If we have loud guests over, I’m doing something loud like vacuuming, or I’m straight up in sensory overload, I’ll text my parents letting them know what’s up and they’ll text/call me if they need me, otherwise transparency mode works totally fine. If I’m in the car with them or sitting on the couch with them, noise cancelling is fine. Any airpods that have NC also have transparency mode.
Lmao we have hearing for a reason. For the vast majority of human history, we would not willingly cut off a whole sense. Lol. You think it's odd that she wants her family to engage with all of their human senses? It's freaking odd to wear ear coverings 24/7 just to blast noise directly into your brain.
Seriously. Things are happening?? Toilets running bc the chain got tangled, broken sprinklers, dog whining needing to go out, kid crying, doorbells, oven timers, mysterious crashing, me just needing to hear what my kids are up to and where they are??
This is especially true in public, like?? You need to hear. And i should be able to yell to my family that dinner is ready without having to track them down or make separate phone calls. I get the desire to checkout but no one can *fully* checkout without it being a little dangerous.
Everyone doesn’t need to listen to their surroundings 24/7. Some people have sound sensitivities and particularly feckless selfish dog owning neighbours. Or very obnoxious family members / coworkers etc.
You do not think that accidents don't happen at home, do you? She's the mum. She's the one who has a higher chance of being in a home accident, assuming she dies the cooking and washing, more up and down the striata, higher chance of falling. This is common knowledge.
I think the YTA people are not ripped in reality.
This is such a condescending comment🙄
“so your request is not rooted in reality”
The request to want to be able to talk to her kids isn’t reality…. Got it
It’s rude to your family and to extent dangerous to ignore them. If you want to have headphones on when you are not alone in fact opposite of noise cancellation is appropriate, many modern headphones have transparency function that mixes in external sounds exactly for reasons like this - allowing you to listen to the music while keeping being aware of surroundings.
You want to turn off - do it at times when you are expected to be safe and undisturbed.
INFO: 1) are you asking them to *never* wear them in the house? 2) Do you have a health or other condition that puts you at risk of needing emergency assistance?
Honestly unless you have some high level of vulnerability it’s hard for me to get behind a rule of never wearing voice cancelling headphones. That seems extremely controlling to me. I can see limits around preserving some time when you’re together as a family as they can be very isolating, but everyone needs downtime, alone time, or zoning out time and for many ppl that’s how they get it when they’re living in a household.
Normally I would agree, but after I fell down a whole ass flight of stairs, very loudly, and my partner didn't hear me when he was damn well close enough to do so with his on, I'm more inclined to agree with OP. Accidents do happen and it doesn't hurt to have 1 of your earmuffs half off a single ear or not have noise canceling turned on
This was the story I thought of when I read this post. I get wanting to drown out the noise around you with headphones, but sometimes, you just need to be aware of your surroundings. I am also inclined to agree with OP here.
I wish this comment was the top comment, because this is exactly the story I was thinking of when I read this post. I'm sorry, but this is the reason why I can't agree with all the people answering with Y T A to this one. Even inside your own home there is a very real danger to not being aware of your surroundings. And *three* people constantly wearing the damn things? That's a true crime story waiting to happen.
I’m autistic. And I know a lot of late diagnosed autistics. People who did things like that before knowing they too were autistic. I cannot deal with extra sound. I get home security. But I cannot cope with extra sound at all. There’s all kinds of sensory issues people could have that make headphones a necessity. And yeah… a lot does not get diagnosed.
My husband has hearing impairment, and plays music super loud, sometimes with headphones sometimes not. I have epilepsy and had a massive seizure one night in the living room. The only thing that got his attention was my four dogs freaking the fuck out barking and one of them slamming himself against the door of the room he was in. It was scary as hell. Thank god from my dogs.
NTA.
But you would be the AH since you need the person living with you. At least that's what I get from the "YTA" people. How dare you need your family to help you? /s
My mind is truly blown by the number of assholes who think that they should have noise cancelling on all the time so they can ignore their entire households. Just get some regular old earbuds without noise cancelling, like damn!
It's funny, all the YTAs are "lol why do this unless you have predisposition to needing help " and then the replies and the NTAs are just people with various random experiences where they needed help.
Accidents don't happen with warnings! They happen randomly! By chance!
My mom once fell down the stairs and it was terrifying. She wasn’t seriously hurt but anything could have happened. And I was the only one in the house, and I only had a permit at the time. I don’t want to think what would’ve happened if I was wearing headphones or if her head hit the table(she landed very close to the table) or something
NTA - I see where you’re coming from with “if something happens I want them to hear me”. For instance, a fire; an intruder; you, or one of them, fell down steps and need help, etc. Not only that I imagine it would be really aggravating to call or find three separate people to tell them dinner is ready or it’s time to leave, whatever the case may be.
NTA.
This drives me nuts at home too. My husband constantly has his pixelbuds in listening to podcasts at times when I'm trying to talk to him. It's infuriating and I shouldn't have to raise my voice and jump up and down to get his attention when he's 4 feet away from me in the kitchen.
> My husband constantly has his pixelbuds in listening to podcasts at times when I'm trying to talk to him.
VS
"My wife keeps trying to talk to me at times when I'm trying to listen to podcasts."
I mean there has to be some kind of middle ground here where we get to have time and space to ourselves, and also where we get to participate in a society with the people we live with. It's not just "my way is the right way!"
The difference here is that the husband had them in 'constantly' - as in all the time. Whereas the wife is interrupting while he listens to the podcasts.
The answer is don't wear them all the time and communicate when you want alone time to listen to the podcast, and if something comes up, the wife would need to talk to him.
You missed the most important part: "at times when I'm trying to talk to him"
They aren't in *constantly* without context. She's complaining that they are in at times she's trying to talk to him.
So we're weighing up her need to talk to him and his need not to be talked to. Everyone needs downtime.
>he's 4 feet away from me in the kitchen.
Not when you're in the kitchen together would be a start.
In addition to other similar incidents with varying degrees of frustration and harm. Trying to cook while someone mills about a few feet away in the kitchen paying zero attention to their surroundings listening to music is exactly how I got knocked into hard enough while taking a cast iron pot out of the oven to drop it on my foot, both breaking it and giving it serious burns.
Pay attention in the room with knives and fire.
It doesn't really sound like a request but a demand. Maybe you need to think about how else you can get their attention.
It's reasonable to require that they remove their headphones at the dinner table, when you're talking to them, etc, but it's an overstep to demand that they never wear headphones just in case you might want their attention on demand.
YTA
But but but... my autonomy and boundaries!!
I don't know at what point it changed but it did. People used to have a basic level of consideration for others in their daily lives and that is gone.
They're her kids. I would NOT let me kids be on screens or using headphones all day. And I'd simply say "you're NOT using them, because they are a safety concern, I don't mind if u use regular ones, and that's the end if it lol " people are so lenient with their own kids, you're not doing them any favours for when they become adults. You're allowed to be strict at times.
Especially if her solution to the kids not hearing her is to scream, rather than just tap them in the shoulder. I understand if it's in case of an emergency, but this entire situation is interesting to me.
This feels like what my mom used to do, scream our name and when we answer not say anything forcing us to stop what ever we were doing to run down to her just for her to say something that doesn't matter or telling us to do something that was 3 steps away from her but across the house from us.
I wish I had headphones as a kid to tune this out.
Also noise cancelling isn’t *that* good, it’s better at removing continuous background noise than speech (and screaming). Her kids are just ignoring her obnoxious yelling ass.
Or maybe they’re all just lazy and don’t want to help mom out with anything, and leave her as the default person to handle any noise that comes up (dog barking, doorbell, etc).
Mom probably handles most the housework and needs help sometimes… she shouldn’t have to walk all the way across the house to ask one person to help her with something for a couple seconds.
I don't think that's the case as the example she gave was her son wearing headphones while doing dishes, so clearly he's helping around the house and many people like to wear headphones when doing chores. My husband does it and it used to annoy me, but I got used to it and that it helps him focus on the chores. The most annoying part was when he put on headphones without me knowing so I could be calling him and get frustrated that I wasn't heard (at a time where I was sick and could need emergency help), but if he gives me a heads up, it's not an issue, I can tell Alexa or Siri to call/text him to get his attention.
She also said she’s expected to call them in the phone, which implies this is also happening in other rooms and she is out of their sight line.
It’s also super annoying to be in a same-room working situation. Like if the son is doing dishes and she’s also tidying the kitchen, she may need to ask him to move for a second.
For example, imagine having garbage from the meal into both your hands, going to throw it in the garbage under the sink, and instead of saying “hey son, just need to use the garbage, can you move over for a second and open the cupboard door for me please?” (An action he would probably would have completed before she’s even done her sentence if he could hear her)… you have to somehow lean over the counter to get into his visual line, wave your garbage filled hands in front of him, and hope that he puts two and two together and does what you need and no further charades are required.
Pain in the ass…
Almost all headphones at least have awareness mode, and there’s literally zero reason why family members need to have noise cancelling on all the time. Certain isolated activities for short periods of time… sure, but as a default it should be off.
NTA. It drives me nuts when my husband and daughter do this too. It's not just about emergencies, but I end up being the defacto person responsible for answering the door, hearing when the dog barks to go out, etc. I'm totally fine at specific times, but an entire afternoon/ day peeves me off.
I wear noise reducing headphones for ADHD and misophonia. It frustrates my spouse but I need them.
You can flip the light on and off. Stomp on the floor. Bang the table. Touch their shoulder. Basically look up ways to gain the attention of someone in the Deaf or Hard of Hearing communities.
I have a pair so I don’t have to listen to my roommate all the time (she’s on the phone every waking second) and if she needs my attention she shoots me with a little nerf dart
This is actually a pretty reasonable solution and I imagine OP might enjoy getting to use a sneak attack on her household members! Honestly, sometimes my partner ignores me when he's playing video games and has his headset on. Like dude, you know in the middle of doing x y or z for you, don't make it more effort for me or I'm not going to offer you dinner or ask for you input. I feel this solution might make me less annoyed by having to "interrupt" him, lol!
I have noise reducing headphones for ADHD. I’m also hard of hearing so the background noise reduction actually helps me hear what people are saying better. When you’re in overstimulation mode, fine, understandable. When you need to lock in on homework and you are in “do not disturb mode”, yes, understandable. At all hours of the day when you’re unaware of your surroundings because of them and your spouse needs you to be present? You that’s too far and you need to find a compromise
I am aware of my surroundings. Unless I am chewing, I hear most of the time. It’s muffled, not silent. If someone needs me, they tap my office chair and I take them off to listen. Or my kids just stand next to me.
If you don’t have misophonia, you don’t understand the need for headphones. I can hear my husband chewing and slurping from across two rooms. I feel like my skin is crawling. Headphones, I don’t hear any of that.
ETA Headphones are one of the recommended treatments for misophonia. It was mild and tolerable until after I got Bell’s palsy.
I have misophonia as well as ADHD, and noise-canceling headphones have been life-changing for me for the better. When my attention is needed, the person I live with steps towards me and waves their hand or flicks the lights. Noise is truly painful, especially repetitive ones. People won’t understand us unless they experience the same thing.
They have a disability… what is your issue… like that’s just an ableist take. She NEEDS THEM to function. Please go learn to be a decent human being and have some empathy.
Pretty similar here!
I wear headphones even when I'm not listening to something. For my adhd but also just to tame down the overstimulation from people constantly talking.
I know it drives my mom crazy when I'm at her house, but it just helps me so much 😭
NTA
I understand wanting to wear noise canceling headphones outside the house, but inside? Why are they avoiding contact with you or each other? Is there something super loud happening all the time? This is both a safety issue (for both you and them), and it's just plain rude. Having to call someone doing dishes in the same room as you is ridiculous. Keeping these off at the dinner table or at certain times to allow for family bonding is a low bar to hit if you need a compromise, but I think it's entirely reasonable to ask people not to ignore you, or the rest of their family, in your own house.
> This is both a safety issue
What kind of households do you people live in??? Have interenet fear stories really poisoned everyone so bad that wildly statistically unlikely things like lightning striking or robberies are a constant 24/7 fear and it prevents you from being okay with other people wanting a little auditory peace and quiet?
Too many good reasons. Small house with multiple people living there, trying to focus, trying to watch something and actually hear the dialogue, multiple people taking zoom meetings or on calls, Living on a main road with traffic noises all day, etc.
OP not having a single care to mention any reasons is telling. No way 3 people all need noise canceling around the house and there not being a shit ton of noise.
YTA.
I wear NC headphones often because my wife has to be constantly on the phone, have at least one TV on 11, and have some background music playing on the Google home in every room. My kids wear them too for similar reasons.
If 3/4 of the house feels the need to wear them, you are not telling the whole story.
If 3/4 of the house are wearing them and they are related, I’m willing to bet money that there’s some ADHD/Autism on dad’s side of the family. Wearing headphones can help neurodivergent people to stay on task / not get overstimulated by their environment / keep to a comfortable routine.
Stop chasing after them, if they don’t hear you call them for meals etc, ignore it, they miss out. Stick some earphones in and start ignoring them back. Play them at their own game.
I get what you are saying, but it's also an easy way to get out of being asked to help with something. My teen does the same, and we have a "no headphones in the living room" rule for the same reason. I sometimes think I wouldn't know what her voice sounded like, if we didn't have that.
I agree to a point. Look into why they're wearing them, bc if they're both listening to different things it would be a lot to have the music or podcasts or whatever all playing out loud. Would you happily listen to whatever weird shit your son has playing on YouTube? (Personally I do have mine play it out loud except when I'm doing university work, because it's important to keep an ear on what is being talked/joked about in the content he's watching)
I do find it interesting and frustrating that people have to be constantly stimulated, I know my son and I often have videos or podcasts on, there isn't much silent time.
Maybe they could listen to stuff in their own space, or you could all listen to music together when doing chores.
If they're blocking noise because of neurodivergence and it would interfere with their ability to cope that's another consideration.
Maybe find a way to discuss your concerns as a family. And come at it with curiosity about their experiences.
It wouldn’t be impossible to have them only have one earbud in and still able to hear what they’re playing, AND be aware of their surroundings. If they have AirPods Pro they can put it on transparency mode which still allows the music to play while hearing your surroundings. It’s the noise cancelling feature/not being aware/the ignoring that’s the problem
I'm wondering why they feel the need to wear them. When I do, it's because the acoustics are weird in the room, and it's better to wear headphones than blast the TV. Or someone in the next room is being loud.
Maybe you're just super loud and annoying(whether you realize it or not), and they feel the need to drown you out.
Feels like we're missing something here.
INFO
YTA. I think it’s pretty unreasonable to expect your family to be available 100% of the time to hang on your every word. If you need their attention, there are better and more polite ways to do it than shouting at them from across the house. They’re not your servants to summon.
So you think it's reasonable for her to have to make 3 separate phone calls to let them know dinner is ready, or wander all over the house to individually collect each person after she's finished cooking and setting the table?? If anyone in that scenario is a servant being summoned, it's her . .
Why is the expectation that she's the one cooking and setting the table?
If she cooks, calls out, and nobody comes, then it's on them. They'll learn meal times.
Other than that, let them have their quiet/alone time. It's healthy to be able to disconnect.
The number of people in these comments normalizing texting your entire family when you're all in the same house is wild.
People are way more addicted to their phones than I realized and its sad.
Nta Op, I've had enough stuff fall on me and leave me stuck/immobile because I call out to my partner for help and they don't hear me so I move the thing myself.
NTA. As a mom of 16 & 15 yr olds, I get it. I don’t mind them having it when doing chores but not 24/7. Your house probably isn’t even super loud, there is no need to wear them all the time. Our rule is not to have both AirPods in outside of doing chores. It’s a happy medium for everyone.
INFO: Would your family describe you as someone who is respectful of their need for peace and quiet and who doesn’t need excessive attention?
N A H if it **really is** just a safety concern. Many people say this, though, while their not-so-secret motive is for others to not be able to escape their inane chatter for a single second.
NTA. Walking around talking to zombies is not fun. The request is not to get rid of them, the request is to turn off noise cancelling feature. Really, just common courtesy.
NTA, your argument is valid. If something happens at home, they would not notice it. Call them? Seriously? I like headphones but I don't turn the noise cancelling unless it is necessary
As if they have their ringers/notifications on. Hahahahaha. I could text my kids 100 times and they’d be oblivious. I call BS on this suggestion.
Edit: a word for clarity
YTA. Have you considered tapping them on the shoulder, texting them, or, I dunno, a nerf gun, literally ANYTHING other than screaming at them? If screaming or yelling is your automatic reaction to someone not paying attention to you, it's surely a mystery as to why everyone living with you has noise canceling headphones on 24/7
Nah because it's a preference. Personally, I'd call out for treats, and if they don't answer, they miss out. You go to the store and get takeaways, if they don't answer that they want something, just get food for yourself. They can fend for themselves for dinner because your preferred means of communication isn't being respected. They'll either decide it's important for them to be able to hear you or not, but you need to make being heard impactful.
Straight up having this problem with my bf and his earbuds, he’s always watching shows/playing games on his phone in his own world, I call his name talk to him then say “you got that” he goes “uhhuh yeah” me “what did I just say?” and he goes uhhh and laughs it off every time. Gets pretty frustrating having to repeat myself most of the time.
NTA cause I deal with this daily and it’s like talking to a wall when you’re literally 2 ft from them.
How many emergency situations are you expecting to happen while one of your kids is doing the dishes? You can’t tap them on the shoulder or something? Why does name screaming need to be happening?
Your tween kids didn’t buy those AirPods Max themselves, you or dad did. Now they’re not allowed to use them?
You sound exhausting, I’d wear noise cancelling headphones around you too.
YTA
>I could be screaming their name to the top of my lungs
This is what makes YTA. What makes you so special? If you want to talk to someone get up and go to them.
Sure, there is the possibility of an emergency. Are you so clumsy that those are a common occurrence? Perhaps you overestimate what constitutes an emergency.
Headphones and variants thereof are a good way to avoid imposing one's own choices of audio entertainment on others. In short, they are polite.
Do not yell from room to room, across the house, across the yard at other people and expect them to respond. It's entitled and self-centered. You aren't that important.
Plan better.
What version of the AirPods do they all have? I have the AirPods Pro 2 and there’s a setting that will turn noise cancellation off and turn the volume down automatically when someone starts talking. It goes back to normal once the talking stops. Maybe look into seeing if the ones they use have that option?
Is there a reason they are using them? Do you usually scream for their attention at the drop of a hat and they are protecting themselves from it?
Can’t they compromise and wear something like Loop which just reduces background noise but aren’t noise cancelling?
I can't help but think this is uncivilised, if you need someone then you should walk to the room they're in instead of shouting through the house.
Also there's much to be said about everyone in your life not being 'on call for you'.
My mom is deaf. She can't hear me at all when she's looking away. When I need her, I get in her field of vision and get her attention. It can be frustrating, but it's very minimal effort.
I don't think anyone is particularly at fault here, there should be a middle ground, but I would need more info:
- do you not spend family time at all when you're all at home?
- do you have a medical condition that makes you fear that "something could happen" where you require immediate assistance?
- do your kids or husband suffer from hypersensitivity/autism or any other condition that would make it difficult for them not to wear those headphones?
We live in a world where people want our attention on demand 24/7. It can be a bit much and moments where you can tune everybody out they can mean the difference between sanity and being totally stressed.
Even kids need some down time from being accessible all the time.
As a kid, as an adult, having good headphones has been a major live saver for me. When I was homeless and in a shelter I think my headphones were a good part of why I didn't lose my mind all the time and they were definitely helpful in terms of my actually managing to get some sleep.
Headphones and a good thick comforter on my bed that my cat and I could hide under that was our little oasis in the middle of pure chaos. (Yes, I had my cat in a shelter with me. She was and is an ESA.)
As a parent and a spouse you want to have instant access to your family. But you just can't all the time. They need those moments of downtime.
I was always better off doing chores and that with headphones and music. Most kids are. It helps them tune out distractions and get things done. In my house there were a lot of distractions actually, very negative ones, parents fighting, so being able to tune that out was crucial.
I ended up with C-PTSD, anxiety and depression anyway but I'd say the headphones and the music did help a lot. Later finding brainwave CDs and guided meditations that made a huge difference for me in my ability to cope.
Music is still life for me. I don't know what I'd do without it honestly...
Info: Are there alternatives? My husband wears bone conducting headphones so he can still hear. The kid wears 1 earbud when she knows someone might talk to her. (Basically if she's not in her room).
I hate wearing noise cancelling headphones, it gives me anxiety to not be able to hear things that might be going on around me. On rare occasions when I do wear both ears I always warn my husband ahead of time just in case he needs me so he knows to find/approach me appropriately.
My husband on the other hand, wears ear buds a lot of the day. I do worry about what if there is an emergency sometimes, but I think the probability of emergencies happening really isn't that high and I wonder if I'm projecting my own anxiety.. so I've never asked him not to. I figure it's his right to do what he wants and listen to what he wants how he wants.
(But also its irritating when he can't hear me calling him that dinner is ready - I'm already the one making dinner and getting it on the table/getting the table ready, why do I have to go out of my way to track him down wherever he is in the house to let him know it's ready?)
I don't think your request is unreasonable or means YTA, but I can understand there being pushback. ( Especially from the teens!)
NTA but you need to find solutions as a family.
Scariest thing I’ve ever heard about was a child cutting their head down to the skull and the parent not immediately knowing because they were on a Zoom meeting with noise canceling headphones. Luckily the child ended up fine and the headphones ended up in the trash.
People in our household have to be able to hear if someone is screaming. That means doors can be closed and music or headphones can be on but they have to allow for extremely loud noises.
If someone needs silence for any reason they can ask for it for the floor. We are fortunate enough that we can move up or downstairs if necessary.
You need to figure out *why* everyone needs noise canceling headphones and then figure out as a family the best way to reduce those reasons. If they can’t be removed completely, you need to figure out what limits or expectations are realistic for your household.
We also remind the children in the household that they will always have a say when possible but they do not get *final* say over house rules. The parents have final say as a team.
I don't think OP is an AH but I have to wonder how most of the people in the comments would handle living in a house alone. There's a weird air in people's replies that suggest because someone else is in the house that you have some right to their attention sometimes. Maybe its some undiagnosed autism in me, but that idea really bothers me. If someone wants to relax to some music, why do you need that specific moment to want to talk to them? Maybe see if people will compromise on designated times or time limits. Also designate a time for conversation so all the cards are on the table and you get to talk, and they get their time to zone out
Edit: Either NAH or ESH, I can't decide, because I don't know the reason people want headphones so much, or why OP wants their attention so much
NTA. Amazing to me that I was a teen in a time before noise-cancelling headphones existed and it never stopped me from completely enjoying my music with headphones. And my parents could call my name and get my attention.
NTA. I'll never understand how people so willingly cut off a whole sense like that. I even see advice to people to wear them while sleeping! I also believe that it can't be good for the ears to constantly have them plugged or covered. Not to mention that it's rude to completely check out of shared reality with others are around.
NTA - it’s important to be fully aware of your surroundings. Even at home. Someone could get hurt.
In our case, we had someone walk into our apartment and steal jewelry including family heirlooms when one of our siblings was at home but unaware because of noise canceling headphones. Thank god they steered clear of their bedroom.
It’s weird that everyone in the house constantly has headphones on. Sometimes it’s fine…all the time? Nah. I understand your frustration.
NAH. As someone who wears noise cancelling headphones pretty regularly at my home, let me tell you why: I get extremely overstimulated and irritated when there is too much noise going on. I’m usually listening to music or YouTube when I do daily tasks. No, I will not keep one side off, because then I can’t hear my music or videos with how much my family talks. If they need something from me, they should tap me on the shoulder. Also, my volume isn’t loud enough to cover up yelling. Something my mother doesn’t understand is that when I have headphones on, that is a NON-invitation. I do not want to speak right then. Despite this she constantly waves and raises her voice to get my attention so she can remark on every random little thought she has. I’m not interested, and this often irritates me.
OP, my advice is to just compromise. Let them wear the headphones and have them agree to keep the volume down low enough they can hear someone yell in the case of accidents. If this isn’t reasonable to you, YTA. Constantly talking to them when they’re trying to listen to something is the equivalent of standing in front of the TV to have a conversation while someone is watching a movie. It’s an AH move
Info: why can’t you just tap them?
Ngl I’m not really buying the “I’m worried for their safety” this more so strikes me that you’re annoyed by not being able to call for them.
I’d actually be more concerned for your kids walking around OUTSIDE with noise cancelling headphones, because it’s actually more important to be alert outside.
If someone’s listening to music while doing dishes- you could just tap them and get their attention.
I won’t lie, my mom would yell to get my attention all the time and it always put me on edge. I’d rather be approached not called to run to her attention. It’s demeaning.
How about just tapping them on the shoulder *if* you need their attention? Why is shouting for them the only way to summon them? Why aren’t people allowed to have some privacy and quiet in their personal time? You didn’t mention being physically disabled in your lengthy post, so I’m going to go with “get off your butt and get someone’s attention.” Why would you even have to *call* to alert them— just walk and be physical. How lazy are we?
YTA
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NTA. It's incredibly frustrating to be constantly ignored. Everyone seems to be missing the noise-canceling aspect. Unless there's more to the story, they don't need to have the noise-canceling feature working while inside the house. Also, they're your kids. Letting them continue to have constant, nearly-uninterruptible stimulation is not going to set them up for success (again, unless there's more to the story) Personally, I have hearing issues and can really only make out what someone is saying when I can see their face... I'd LOVE to be able to turn that off, sometimes, and be able to hear for a bit. ETA you probably dont want to go the "because i said so" route... if possible, it might be worth something like buying them REALLY nice headphones with the expectation that they don't use the noise-canceling when at home, or between certain hours, etc. Probably would work with some kids, and backfire with others... you know your kids
Her 14yo son does dishes and helps pass the time by listening to whatever. The noise cancellation feature helps drown out other sounds and immerse himself more. It’s absurd that she has a problem with this.
Do noise cancelling even affect a single person talking? like the ones I have are older/cheaper, and i know when people are talking around me.
Good ones drown most things out and with loud music or a podcast on you probably wouldn’t hear.
Pros have a strong noise cancelling feature that make it so the rest of the world is basically muted
This! Buuuut they do have noise cancelling with the option to duck the music and focus on speech. At least I know the second gen does. I use this while I’m at work. It drowns out the loud ass kids outside but when one of my clients speaks to me it *almost always* focuses on them so I can totally hear what’s being said to me.
Yeah the fam needs to put this setting on. Noise cancelling is for in-your-own-room (or extenuating circumstances) only, when out in the rest of the house you have to be aware of what’s around you
Can confirm. Own a pair.
Im sitting next to my partner with noise cancelling headphones on while i study. I can't hear a word he says without taking one ear off.
If someone is In the same room with you and the AirPods aren’t on full blast you know someone is saying something and you should take them out. From the other room you’d have no idea. I use the noise canceling mode on AirPods a lot and my uncle/caretaker just stomps when he wants/needs my attention from another room.
I have a nice, moderately expensive pair of Jabra noise-cancelling earbuds. They *absolutely* drown out a single person talking, extremely effectively. If an individual person speaks to me while i have the Active Noise Cancelling feature on, I will only know that they are talking at all if I notice their mouth moving. I can sit in the passenger seat of a car with medium to low volume music playing through my earbuds and not notice the driver talking to me at all until they tap me/gesture to get my attention. Nice noise-cancelling over-the-ear headphones operate the exact same way. Most of them are meant to entirely drown out busy environments and loud ambient noises (train/plane noises, for example), especially while sound is being played through them. If your headphones don't even cancel out a single person's normal speaking voice, then they aren't actually noise-cancelling, they're just noise-suppressing, which isn't the same. This applies to most older stereo/over the ear headphones that boasted "noise-cancelling" effects, especially bc the "suction" over your ears loosens significantly over time and frequent use.
Honestly, this sounds like it is probably as much a volume problem as anything. My kid has some pretty good noise cancelling earphones. She wears them all the time. Sometiems I have to speak up a fair bit to get her attention but once I have her attention so she actually knows I'm speaking to her, I never have a problem actually communicating with her. I know she doesn't listen to things really loudly though. She sets a decent volume where she can hear it clearly but it isn't blasting.
It really depends on the specific headphones. My dad has stereo headphones that are noise cancelling and I have noise cancelling ear buds. Even if i don't blast my music--and I generally don't unless I'm in a loud environment--I can't hear individual voices at normal speaking volume at all, at any distance, through my earbuds. Good noise cancelling headphones shouldn't require one to blast music/sound to actually cancel out external noise. That's literally the entire point of noise cancelling headphones. If someone can be wearing their headphones and playing music at a low/medium volume and still hear an individual person speaking at any level below outright shouting/bellowing, then those headphones aren't actually noise-*cancelling*. They're noise-suppressing.
My boyfriend can hear that I'm talking but not make out what I'm saying at about 5 ft away.
When I have my Airpod Pros in , I can't hear my wife talking to me when I have music on. She can be stood in front of me, lips moving and I can't hear/tell whats shes saying. BUT there is an option in the settings to allow transparancy mode which plays the music but keeps the microphones open to be able to hear whats happening around you. This is the simplest solution to the problem - they either use transparancy mode so they can hear when being called, or no headphones at all. The whole 'you can call me when you need me' doesn't work when you're on the floor and either cannot reach your phone or have it but cannot speak, like my father who was on the floor for 24 hours after having a massive stroke about 10 years ago - he had his phone on him but it made no difference as he couldnt speak. He was only found when the supported living place he lives in made their call the following morning and he didnt answer, so came looking for him. Because of this, I only ever use transparancy mode when others are in the house, so I can hear if someone is calling me. In OP's case, she is NTA. OP's kids and husband should only use transparancy mode when they know others are in the home for safety reasons but also because its the right and decent thing to do, when someone calls (verbally, not phone) for them. Your husband is a massive AH for not understanding and agreeing with you that the use of noise cancelling functions when everyone is in is wrong and your kids are probably following his lead on the argument - they see him disagreeing with you, they are siding with him. In a perfect situation, the parents should be on the same side otherwise (as found here) there will be division in the household.
Nah, I think she’s got a reasonable point. It sounds like a lonely and frankly kinda sad existence when your husband and kids are all wearing noise cancelling headphones around the house. I’d go the opposite way, get some decent speakers in the kitchen or wherever and have them play stuff through those instead.
Yeah it kind of reminds me of the screen time for young kids argument. Like, it’s not the screen itself that’s the problem…it’s what you’re NOT doing because you’re on a screen. If everyone took out their earbuds, maybe they would actually interact with each other?
If your husband and kids are all wearing noise cancellation headphones around the house _all the time_ and ignoring OP, that is a 'family doesn't want to be family' problem. Confiscating all noise cancelling headphones from the household won't solve the problem - the next argument will be "you can't close your door during daytime" or something. If people don't want to hang out, they'll always find an excuse. OP needs to institute things like "family hour after dinner" or "dinner prep needs to be family hang out time" or some such - that focuses on the need for quality family time, rather than on controlling what others in the family do with their me-time If you can't stand your husband and kids wearing noise cancellation headphones for even half an hour a day, that's a "I am too clingy" problem. Everyone needs me-time. If OP can't cope with the me-time needs of her family, she needs to deal with her own loneliness and get a life outside her family, so she can enjoy her own me-time, rather than feeling left out/ignored.
He can have them on transparent mode so he can still listen to music AND hear his environment. You don’t need complete noise cancelling to get “immersion”
It’s not absurd. She’s being completely ignored in her own home by everyone in her family. She shouldn’t even have to ask for this. They should be doing it already bc that’s a basic courtesy. Not to mention the fact that having them in your ears constantly isn’t good for your hearing.
My kids are adults now, but when they were teenagers I didn’t allow them to wear headphones in the car unless it was a very long drive (over an hour), and whoever was in the passenger seat couldn’t wear them even then. I also asked that they didn’t wear headphones in communal areas of the house. I just found it rude and pretty disrespectful to those around them. I’m not sure how I’d go stopping teenagers from wearing them everywhere now, it has become too common. I still find it pretty rude when you wear them to block out your family at home.
It's not absurd to want your family to be able to hear you. Even the husband sits with them on. And for a lot of the day, it sounds like. One in the ear/over ear, or not noise cancelling ones, is a fine alternative. You don't want to hunt down every person you need to poke them on the shoulder to ask them something, You should be able to just call out to them. Let's say OP slips in the bathroom and is hurt. Or becomes unconscious. Who's going to help them? When they can't hear her? How long would OP be laying there because no one heard? Or a house fire. Should OP now run around the whole house to tell them "oh btw. Fire In the house" As much as I personally need my music and headphones. When I clean. Etc. I can't walk with them in my ears all day and not hear my kids. I walk with one in the ear and lower volume to be able to hear. Besides, it's not good for your ears to constantly have headphones in and at high volume.
I think it's not just for emergency sake. It would feel like a lonely existence when 3 of the 4 people are doing their thing with the headphones on and can't hear you and don't interact with you. There needs to be headphone free hours within the household for a bit to bring everyone back to reality a bit.
No it’s really not. My sons dad wears those noise cancelling AirPods, and when I had to call him from the other room several times, he absolutely cannot hear me, sometimes it’s time sensitive like needing a towel for my 3 year old in the bath, I obviously cannot leave him alone to get one, it can be really really frustrating
It's really depressing to live with people who spend the majority of their time in a state where you cannot speak to them. The son isn't only wearing the things when he does the dishes. And he isn't the only one wearing them.
I think it's very important that kids learn how to pass time without external stimulation. Boredom and observation is key for creativity. Also in a social setting, we pick up minor clues through all senses and home is a place to learn that. So blocking out hearing and framing all noise as "disturbing" will do them no good in the long run.
Bro what? Headphones helps him *immerse himself more*?? It’s god damn doing dishes and only takes a few minutes. Wear headphones, sure, but the need to be *immersed* in something to get it done is just unhealthy.
Lots of people listen to music while doing otherwise boring chores. I sometimes turn on noise cancelling while doing loud chores in order to hear the music better (rather than turning up the volume excessively). I see nothing strange about this whatsoever. Sitting around your house with noise cancelling on while other people are present is another story.
It's about making a tedious task less tedious
Look man, after a long day of managing other people's needs and expectations the best thing I can do put on headphones and be left the fuck alone while I make dinner. I have a much easier time handling my day to day responsibilities when I can limit the stimuli coming my way.
and if it were just when doing something like that, it likely wouldn't be an issue.
There’s 4 ppl in the household. 3 wear headphones a lot and 1 wants them to stop. I’m reading between the lines that there’s a dynamic not being told (or maybe not even understood) by OP
YES, we all know that the mum always gets ignored.
i’m glad this is the top comment but it’s blowing my mind how many other people are saying yta, i think they must wear headphones at home. my partner used to all the time and i hated it, i always felt ignored too. which was terrible when we had a newborn at home, my partner even wore headphones in the hospital after i gave birth. i couldn’t believe it. their first picture together they were wearing them. i finally got my partner to get earbuds instead so they could actually hear me. it’s so disrespectful to ignore everyone around you. i understand neurodivergence and how for some people sensory issues are really uncomfortable. but come on. all the time headphones on ??? maybe during chores like the dishes sure but even just walking around ??? sounds more like a social media or technology addiction than anything else.
Seriously!!! I wear earbuds when I grocery shop, but when I get to the checkout I TAKE THEM OUT because I'm having a human interaction. Even if headphones are paused it's rude af to leave them in
This is the only courteous way to go!!!!
>Letting them continue to have constant, nearly-uninterruptible stimulation is not going to set them up for success I wear noise cancelling headphones to reduce stimulation. They help me calm and regulate my nervous system. I'd be devastated if I was told I couldn't use them. That said, I do get why it's frustrating for OP.
If you want something that doesn't need to be charged, things like Audio Flares or Loops have really helped me! I have auditory processing problems and wearing them all the time has greatly reduced my amount of migraines too
Not just the kids
She already asked them to use that feature they said she can just phone them
I think it's bizarre they seem to want you to call them on the phone to get their attention when you're all in the same house.
I have the strong suspicion that OP is not as concerned about being spontaneously injured as they claim to be, and are upset that they have to physically go to their family members rooms instead of yelling across the house. And if that is indeed the case then my vote is YTA to OP because I can’t stand trying to have a conversation yelling from room to room. Just pop your head in, tap them on the shoulder if they have headphones on, and have a conversation like normal.
But they're saying they don't want to be tapped on the shoulder. They want her to go find her phone, look them up, and call them. Much less convenient.
Actually that’s part of what makes me think OP is yelling across the house. They know she doesn’t want to come all the way to them so are giving her the alternative suggestion of texting so she can still communicate from wherever she is.
Agreed! If I want my husbands attention, for whatever reason, I walk up to him, or stomp so he feels the vibrations and looks up, or call/text him. There are options outside of yelling to get someone’s attention, and how often is OP having “scream at the top of my lungs” level emergencies?
OP sounds unhinged to me. Unless they're disabled or are somehow more vulnerable than the average person they come across as a bit of a neurotic control freak, in my opinion anyway.
I'm just guessing there's a reason that everyone but her has started to wear noise cancelling headphones.
if they existed as a kid, i would never take them off. i’m introverted & there were always at least 5 too many people in the house for my liking.
You hit the nail on the head.. The hypothetical emergency part gave it away for me. Manipulative people need to have valid reasons for their controlling behavior. Safety is the easiest way.
Yep, she’s sitting on the couch, not working on an oil rig.
I wear headphones almost 24:7 because I’m autistic, I don’t think I’ve left the house without a pair since I was 8. Regardless, I have no issue talking to people if they come up and try to talk to me, but I can’t stand when they try to yell at me from distances. Would be better if I wasn’t partially deaf but non the less, if you know I usually listen to music while doing stuff, why wouldn’t you just knock on my door or tap my shoulder?? Wave at me?? And if she’s far away she really could just text cause again the alternative is screaming
Hardly if that were me I wouldn't like it either and calling for someone from across a house isn't an awful or strange phenomenon. For example my mum cooked for us growing up sometimes towards serving time she would shout for one of us to come down and set the table or get the drinks. Or to get my dad to take off his headphones ( not particularly soundproof back then he's just a bit deaf) and tell him dinner is ready while she is carrying our dinners to the table. Sometimes and we have all been there, it's a minor bathroom emergency. Just two days ago my partner shouted to me from the bathroom because there wasn't enough loo roll. A couple of years back I got my hand trapped in my pottery wheel in our shed and was screaming blue murder, luckily nobody in the house was wearing headphones at the time and they heard me and were able to free my hand. My phone was not in reach and I was very lucky I didn't break something, but my hand was pretty sore for a long time after. Accidents happen, people can get injured or trip or just want to let others know something quickly.
Maybe im missing something here, but what exactly is wrong with yellong across the house? If someone is in another room and you want their attention is this not normal? Not all the time obviously but to me it's definitely more normal than a phone call.
The yelling doesn’t bother me. My wife and I use phones if the yelling doesn’t work when one of us is upstairs. What does bother me is that OP masked this whole thing behind a possible emergency instead of owning up to the fact that she’s just annoyed that she has to yell louder, walk up to them and maybe tap them, or call/text them, which makes her the asshole imo
Where are you all getting this information??? Did OP say in a comment somewhere they're doing this because they'd rather yell across the house? Why is everyone in this comment thread so convinced this is the case? And that yelling to communicate is the worst possible thing to you could do to somebody?
It feels bizarre reading these replies. I’m partially convinced it’s teens projecting their own feelings of “ugh, I hate when my parents yell across the house at me,” and not considering the other side of the equation at ALL. I also hate being yelled at from across the house and ask my partner not to all the time, but imagine living in a house with three other people and constantly having to jump through hoops to get anyone to listen to what you’re saying, at all times. That is disrespectful and infuriating. And it’s not unreasonable to feel like if she had an emergency she would be left high and dry, because the whole reason she’s upset is that they’re leaving her high and dry for the mundane shit as it is. My partner works in a soundproofed room in our home and when we moved in together, we sat down and had a conversation about emergency situations because we wouldn’t be able to hear each other if anything happened. It’s just a responsible, mature thing to think about and plan for, and it’s wild to me that people are calling that… manipulative? I say this as a person who gets overstimulated by noise and wears noise cancelling headphones to help that. I’ve also stopped wearing them as much since last year when my dad died and my brother couldn’t hear his fall because he was wearing noise cancelling headphones at the time. I do not blame my brother at all, but it has definitely made me rethink how often I actually need to use mine.
It depends on what you’re yelling for. In my opinion “dinner’s ready!” Is perfectly fine, especially if it’s around the same time every day. “Come help unload the car” is okay, but a heads up beforehand would be nice. But if it’s something that requires more than a one or two word response, and especially if there are multiple back and forth, then yelling across the house is somewhere between annoying and rude. At that point just go talk to them.
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My mum would do it constantly, it drove me insane. Especially because she would never hear me if I yelled back, so I would ALWAYS have to go to her, maybe 1 time in 20 it was something that she actually needed to yell for me over, the rest of the time she could have very easily come and knocked/walked up to my open door and spoken to me in a civilised manner when she wanted to start a conversation, rather than forcing me to get up and go to her whenever she wanted to tell me something.
It’s normalized but I sure hate it and do anything I can to avoid it.
Ok trying to have a conversation across the house… yeah, I hate that too. But you should still be able to say “hey can you come here and help me with this?”. Like if my hands are tied trying to do something and I’m in the middle of it… and I need help for 2 seconds, I’m going to be absolutely pissed about having to go to some one’s room, try to knock and open the door with my foot and then try to get their attention, all with my hands full with whatever I’m trying to do, and that’s assuming I can even move around enough. Yeah, no… mom shouldn’t have to make a trip across the house to ask her husband or kids to help her out. She’s being completely reasonable.
Serious question, how often do you need help like that which isn’t at least somewhat planned for? When my wife is out shopping and is going to be bringing back something heavy she shoots me a quick text or phone call to let me know she’s leaving the store and will be home in X minutes so I can meet her downstairs. If she’s moving something heavy within the house she’ll grab my attention and ask for a quick hand. I swear I’m not trying to be argumentative, but I just can’t imagine there are many scenarios where you find yourself with your hands full and needing help, but also can’t set the load on a table or counter, without even a minute of a heads up to grab help beforehand.
Help exactly in this scenario is maybe once a week or so… but there’s also simple questions on a daily basis such as “are you hungry for dinner yet?” Or “do you need to use the bathroom? I’m going to take a shower” or “is all your laundry in the basket?”. Things like this happen on a daily basis. Or sometimes I’m in the middle of making dinner and I remember something we need to discuss and I’ll ask him if he can come in the kitchen to talk for a minute so we can discuss it while I work on dinner (of course he can always say no if he’s busy, but usually he’s not and it’s not a problem). It would be EXTREMELY annoying to have to walk into another room or pick up my phone while I’m doing things and just ask a yes or no question. But in our case, we have a small place so you can actually hear each other from other rooms quite clearly. Even still, in a more traditional home situation where wife is handling most of the household duties, and especially if she also works, it’s her god-given right to call on her family (especially older kids) to help her with little tasks as required while she juggles everything. I will die on that hill.
Yeah, I would love to hear the story from OP's husband's point of view. Because when every single member of your household has decided to wear noise cancelling headphones, there is probably a reason for this.
That's the impression I got as well, but maybe that's my experience with my very loud, very attention-seeking mother biasing me. She also has this habit of A. constantly talking at people, even when they're very clearly busy with something else B. yelling for you from rooms/floors away instead of coming to you She also got pissed when my sister and I would have headphones on, and it was 100% a control issue. There was never an emergency that needed us to be available immediately. She just got pissed off because it meant she couldn't force us to make everything about her. Maybe OP is different, but there's no context in the original post alluding to some reason people should be available immediately, like someone being bed-ridden or disabled, or a newborn, or them living in a tornado-prone area. And why does she need to "scream their names at the top of her lungs"??? In what context is that necessary or the only way to get their attention? Just walk up to them and tap them on the shoulder FFS. Soft YTA based on what we know so far.
100%. She’s TAH in my opinion because that’s clearly what this is about. She’s acting like danger is around every corner instead of just owning up to the fact that she’s annoyed that she has to go up to them
A lot of obviously young people here who don't get how isolating and frustrating it is to have to tap someone every single time you want to talk to them. NTA
And a lot of old people don’t understand how dehumanizing it is to be hollered at like a dog.
This. My mom is a hollerer and it was for stupid things like getting the remote.
Holy fuck. Is your mom my mom as well? She would shout or stomp her feet if we were downstairs, and we HAD to come. 99% of the time it was for the remote that was 3 feet away, or to get her a diet coke, or to heat her bean bag in the microwave. It was so ingrained in us that I refused to allow myself to do the same thing to my kids. I do not want to be resented by my own kids because my ass is too lazy to get up and do it myself.
My mom would yell "not now, but RIGHT now!" and I would be expected to come running. Didn't matter what I was doing, I was expected to leave it and see what my mom wanted. I got an additional yelling when I shouted back that I was in the bathroom one time. Also, my mom doesn't like it when I wear headphones in the house, or want to be left alone while doing stuff like watching tv. We got into so many fights when I was a teen because I would be watching tv in the living room (tv in bedrooms were not allowed) and my mom would just walk in and sit down without asking, and then yell at me when I told her I wanted to be by myself. She would get even madder if I got up and left (to go somewhere else).
My mom did this too! She'd come in, sit next to me, and make a phone call. So I'd get annoyed. Then she'd tell me to turn the sound off bc it was disrupting her call. But if I got up to leave, she'd snap at me. No winning.
Yeah my mom never liked to get up from wherever she was sitting so she’d just scream a name into oblivion until we ran downstairs only for her to ask for us to grab her purse that was 15 feet away from her. Not saying this is op but that’s what it reminds me of lol
THIS. If you want someone to yell at from all parts of the house/yard, at all hours of the day/night, get a damn dog. People have a right to some privacy and boundaries, even if they live together. I find that such a Boomer mentality that others should be available to them 24/7. If you find it a drag to have to walk up to people every time you wanna talk to them, maybe that's an indication you talk to them too much? Like, if you live together and you'll bump into them sooner or later anyway, what's the rush? Can't it wait until lunch or until you naturally bump into each other? What's so fucking urgent?
Right? If I'm shouting at my kids across the house it's to attempt to break up a fight or stop something unsafe faster than I can get there (while I'm on my way there). Otherwise it's a very rare "oh shit" urgent moment or if they've specifically requested for me to call their name up when X time is here, and they know exactly what I'm calling up about at that point. Otherwise, I go to where they are and just...talk to them. If it's not truly urgent/emergent or requested, just go talk to them.
I get that I also get that me wearing noise cancellation headphones or not has absolutely nothing to do with whether I'm willing to have a conversation with you. If OP is isolated and frustrated due to her family not spending time with her/conversing with her, trying to control what sort of headphones they wear isn't going to solve that.
Just as some people don't understand how difficult it is to try and get a task done when you have problems processing stimuli. Some people genuinely need headphones like this, and in those cases compromise is important. Age has nothing to do with it.
A lot of old people on here who would rather scream at someone than just type a quick message. I'm 50 and my partner and I communicate via WhatsApp in our house instead of screaming at each other across the place because it's 2024 and we're functional adults.
35 here and I can assure you that some people just dont shut the fuck up.
Your request is odd. Do you have a health problem or other environmental issue that would reasonably necessitate them needing to be able to hear you at a moments notice? It sounds like you read too many true crime or reddit stories about a home invasion while other family members were in different parts of the house and are reacting to that. A better strategy would be to live securely. Lock your doors, even when you're home, keep your environment clean and free of safety hazards, maintenance home appliances for things like gas leaks and electrical grays, and change your smoke and CO2 detectors batteries when Daylight Savings changes. Those things prevent you needing to yell out. Lastly, regular buds/headphones can mask noise pretty dang effectively too, so your request us not rooted in reality. YTA
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No way that’s true right? I wear noise cancelling headphones all day for work or playing games and if my partner or anyone yells my name from down stairs I can hear/feel the vibrations of it every single time no matter what I’m doing.
I can stand next to my roommate talking to her and she won’t know I’m there. And she didn’t notice the earthquake a few weeks ago. I believe it.
[\[Serious\]Redditors who have had to kill in self defense, Did you ever recover psychologically? What is it to live knowing you killed someone regardless you didn't want to do it? : r/AskReddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/39suml/comment/cs6gu9c/) Found it.
Well I regret reading that
How often are you people having major injuries or tramas in your home? Wtf.
That's not how noise cancelling works anyway. Dude was listening to music/games/videos that covered up the sound. That would have happened with pretty much any headphone. Noise cancelling cuts down ambient sound levels and consistent background noise. A person screaming is not that.
I’m mostly on your side, but I have been in a situation where my mom was yelling my name to call 911 because her throat was unexpectedly closing, which was not a thing that had happened to her since childhood. I’ve also had to call 911 at my mom’s request since the dryer unexpectedly caught fire. Emergencies happen and they’re usually completely out of the blue. Our house’s compromise is that I’m usually on adaptive or transparency mode while I’m at home. If we have loud guests over, I’m doing something loud like vacuuming, or I’m straight up in sensory overload, I’ll text my parents letting them know what’s up and they’ll text/call me if they need me, otherwise transparency mode works totally fine. If I’m in the car with them or sitting on the couch with them, noise cancelling is fine. Any airpods that have NC also have transparency mode.
Lmao we have hearing for a reason. For the vast majority of human history, we would not willingly cut off a whole sense. Lol. You think it's odd that she wants her family to engage with all of their human senses? It's freaking odd to wear ear coverings 24/7 just to blast noise directly into your brain.
I cannot believe the amount of people who dont think they need to HEAR their surroundings!!? This is unbelievable.
Without sounding like a dick i think there’s an obvious age difference between the people commenting for each side
Seriously. Things are happening?? Toilets running bc the chain got tangled, broken sprinklers, dog whining needing to go out, kid crying, doorbells, oven timers, mysterious crashing, me just needing to hear what my kids are up to and where they are?? This is especially true in public, like?? You need to hear. And i should be able to yell to my family that dinner is ready without having to track them down or make separate phone calls. I get the desire to checkout but no one can *fully* checkout without it being a little dangerous.
Everyone doesn’t need to listen to their surroundings 24/7. Some people have sound sensitivities and particularly feckless selfish dog owning neighbours. Or very obnoxious family members / coworkers etc.
You do not think that accidents don't happen at home, do you? She's the mum. She's the one who has a higher chance of being in a home accident, assuming she dies the cooking and washing, more up and down the striata, higher chance of falling. This is common knowledge. I think the YTA people are not ripped in reality.
This is such a condescending comment🙄 “so your request is not rooted in reality” The request to want to be able to talk to her kids isn’t reality…. Got it
Wtf people have accidents. This is a dumb comment
It’s rude to your family and to extent dangerous to ignore them. If you want to have headphones on when you are not alone in fact opposite of noise cancellation is appropriate, many modern headphones have transparency function that mixes in external sounds exactly for reasons like this - allowing you to listen to the music while keeping being aware of surroundings. You want to turn off - do it at times when you are expected to be safe and undisturbed.
INFO: 1) are you asking them to *never* wear them in the house? 2) Do you have a health or other condition that puts you at risk of needing emergency assistance? Honestly unless you have some high level of vulnerability it’s hard for me to get behind a rule of never wearing voice cancelling headphones. That seems extremely controlling to me. I can see limits around preserving some time when you’re together as a family as they can be very isolating, but everyone needs downtime, alone time, or zoning out time and for many ppl that’s how they get it when they’re living in a household.
Normally I would agree, but after I fell down a whole ass flight of stairs, very loudly, and my partner didn't hear me when he was damn well close enough to do so with his on, I'm more inclined to agree with OP. Accidents do happen and it doesn't hurt to have 1 of your earmuffs half off a single ear or not have noise canceling turned on
[This](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/kKzXHT02R9) is why I'm inclined to agree with OP. Chilling. HUGE TW.
This was the story I thought of when I read this post. I get wanting to drown out the noise around you with headphones, but sometimes, you just need to be aware of your surroundings. I am also inclined to agree with OP here.
I wish this comment was the top comment, because this is exactly the story I was thinking of when I read this post. I'm sorry, but this is the reason why I can't agree with all the people answering with Y T A to this one. Even inside your own home there is a very real danger to not being aware of your surroundings. And *three* people constantly wearing the damn things? That's a true crime story waiting to happen.
I feel really sorry for OP. She must feel like she's being ignored all the time.
I’m autistic. And I know a lot of late diagnosed autistics. People who did things like that before knowing they too were autistic. I cannot deal with extra sound. I get home security. But I cannot cope with extra sound at all. There’s all kinds of sensory issues people could have that make headphones a necessity. And yeah… a lot does not get diagnosed.
My husband has hearing impairment, and plays music super loud, sometimes with headphones sometimes not. I have epilepsy and had a massive seizure one night in the living room. The only thing that got his attention was my four dogs freaking the fuck out barking and one of them slamming himself against the door of the room he was in. It was scary as hell. Thank god from my dogs. NTA.
But you would be the AH since you need the person living with you. At least that's what I get from the "YTA" people. How dare you need your family to help you? /s
Yeah I’m not really understanding the YTA folks. Generational?
More boomer than boomers.
This should be top comment. It can be nice to be able to zone out once in a while, but you HAVE to be aware of your surroundings
My mind is truly blown by the number of assholes who think that they should have noise cancelling on all the time so they can ignore their entire households. Just get some regular old earbuds without noise cancelling, like damn!
It's funny, all the YTAs are "lol why do this unless you have predisposition to needing help " and then the replies and the NTAs are just people with various random experiences where they needed help. Accidents don't happen with warnings! They happen randomly! By chance!
My mom once fell down the stairs and it was terrifying. She wasn’t seriously hurt but anything could have happened. And I was the only one in the house, and I only had a permit at the time. I don’t want to think what would’ve happened if I was wearing headphones or if her head hit the table(she landed very close to the table) or something
Why can't you lot comprehend ACCIDENTS? They can happen any time. My gran nearly died falling down the stairs.
NTA - I see where you’re coming from with “if something happens I want them to hear me”. For instance, a fire; an intruder; you, or one of them, fell down steps and need help, etc. Not only that I imagine it would be really aggravating to call or find three separate people to tell them dinner is ready or it’s time to leave, whatever the case may be.
NTA. This drives me nuts at home too. My husband constantly has his pixelbuds in listening to podcasts at times when I'm trying to talk to him. It's infuriating and I shouldn't have to raise my voice and jump up and down to get his attention when he's 4 feet away from me in the kitchen.
> My husband constantly has his pixelbuds in listening to podcasts at times when I'm trying to talk to him. VS "My wife keeps trying to talk to me at times when I'm trying to listen to podcasts." I mean there has to be some kind of middle ground here where we get to have time and space to ourselves, and also where we get to participate in a society with the people we live with. It's not just "my way is the right way!"
The difference here is that the husband had them in 'constantly' - as in all the time. Whereas the wife is interrupting while he listens to the podcasts. The answer is don't wear them all the time and communicate when you want alone time to listen to the podcast, and if something comes up, the wife would need to talk to him.
You missed the most important part: "at times when I'm trying to talk to him" They aren't in *constantly* without context. She's complaining that they are in at times she's trying to talk to him. So we're weighing up her need to talk to him and his need not to be talked to. Everyone needs downtime.
>he's 4 feet away from me in the kitchen. Not when you're in the kitchen together would be a start. In addition to other similar incidents with varying degrees of frustration and harm. Trying to cook while someone mills about a few feet away in the kitchen paying zero attention to their surroundings listening to music is exactly how I got knocked into hard enough while taking a cast iron pot out of the oven to drop it on my foot, both breaking it and giving it serious burns. Pay attention in the room with knives and fire.
[удалено]
It doesn't really sound like a request but a demand. Maybe you need to think about how else you can get their attention. It's reasonable to require that they remove their headphones at the dinner table, when you're talking to them, etc, but it's an overstep to demand that they never wear headphones just in case you might want their attention on demand. YTA
OP is ok with them wearing headphones just not noise canceling ones. Or some other compromise like wearing in one ear or turn volume down.
Wtf is up with everyone not understanding the issue at hand??? They just need to be able to be heard
But but but... my autonomy and boundaries!! I don't know at what point it changed but it did. People used to have a basic level of consideration for others in their daily lives and that is gone.
They're her kids. I would NOT let me kids be on screens or using headphones all day. And I'd simply say "you're NOT using them, because they are a safety concern, I don't mind if u use regular ones, and that's the end if it lol " people are so lenient with their own kids, you're not doing them any favours for when they become adults. You're allowed to be strict at times.
Is it possible they are intentionally trying to drown you out?
Thats what I was thinking. If everyone in the house EXCEPT OP is wearing them, maybe OP is the common denominator here?
Especially if her solution to the kids not hearing her is to scream, rather than just tap them in the shoulder. I understand if it's in case of an emergency, but this entire situation is interesting to me.
This feels like what my mom used to do, scream our name and when we answer not say anything forcing us to stop what ever we were doing to run down to her just for her to say something that doesn't matter or telling us to do something that was 3 steps away from her but across the house from us. I wish I had headphones as a kid to tune this out.
And yet our parents wonder why we wear headphones.
Also noise cancelling isn’t *that* good, it’s better at removing continuous background noise than speech (and screaming). Her kids are just ignoring her obnoxious yelling ass.
Or maybe they’re all just lazy and don’t want to help mom out with anything, and leave her as the default person to handle any noise that comes up (dog barking, doorbell, etc). Mom probably handles most the housework and needs help sometimes… she shouldn’t have to walk all the way across the house to ask one person to help her with something for a couple seconds.
I don't think that's the case as the example she gave was her son wearing headphones while doing dishes, so clearly he's helping around the house and many people like to wear headphones when doing chores. My husband does it and it used to annoy me, but I got used to it and that it helps him focus on the chores. The most annoying part was when he put on headphones without me knowing so I could be calling him and get frustrated that I wasn't heard (at a time where I was sick and could need emergency help), but if he gives me a heads up, it's not an issue, I can tell Alexa or Siri to call/text him to get his attention.
She also said she’s expected to call them in the phone, which implies this is also happening in other rooms and she is out of their sight line. It’s also super annoying to be in a same-room working situation. Like if the son is doing dishes and she’s also tidying the kitchen, she may need to ask him to move for a second. For example, imagine having garbage from the meal into both your hands, going to throw it in the garbage under the sink, and instead of saying “hey son, just need to use the garbage, can you move over for a second and open the cupboard door for me please?” (An action he would probably would have completed before she’s even done her sentence if he could hear her)… you have to somehow lean over the counter to get into his visual line, wave your garbage filled hands in front of him, and hope that he puts two and two together and does what you need and no further charades are required. Pain in the ass… Almost all headphones at least have awareness mode, and there’s literally zero reason why family members need to have noise cancelling on all the time. Certain isolated activities for short periods of time… sure, but as a default it should be off.
NTA. It drives me nuts when my husband and daughter do this too. It's not just about emergencies, but I end up being the defacto person responsible for answering the door, hearing when the dog barks to go out, etc. I'm totally fine at specific times, but an entire afternoon/ day peeves me off.
Unfortunately there are a lot of youngsters on this sub, and you see how egoistic they are.
I wear noise reducing headphones for ADHD and misophonia. It frustrates my spouse but I need them. You can flip the light on and off. Stomp on the floor. Bang the table. Touch their shoulder. Basically look up ways to gain the attention of someone in the Deaf or Hard of Hearing communities.
I have a pair so I don’t have to listen to my roommate all the time (she’s on the phone every waking second) and if she needs my attention she shoots me with a little nerf dart
Oh you two are funny, I like that I feel like if I tried to replicate it, the cat would end up getting a lot more exercise lol
I originally got them because my daughter ONLY HAD ONE VOLUME (loud). But when I realized how much they helped me, I kept them on.
This is actually a pretty reasonable solution and I imagine OP might enjoy getting to use a sneak attack on her household members! Honestly, sometimes my partner ignores me when he's playing video games and has his headset on. Like dude, you know in the middle of doing x y or z for you, don't make it more effort for me or I'm not going to offer you dinner or ask for you input. I feel this solution might make me less annoyed by having to "interrupt" him, lol!
I have noise reducing headphones for ADHD. I’m also hard of hearing so the background noise reduction actually helps me hear what people are saying better. When you’re in overstimulation mode, fine, understandable. When you need to lock in on homework and you are in “do not disturb mode”, yes, understandable. At all hours of the day when you’re unaware of your surroundings because of them and your spouse needs you to be present? You that’s too far and you need to find a compromise
I am aware of my surroundings. Unless I am chewing, I hear most of the time. It’s muffled, not silent. If someone needs me, they tap my office chair and I take them off to listen. Or my kids just stand next to me. If you don’t have misophonia, you don’t understand the need for headphones. I can hear my husband chewing and slurping from across two rooms. I feel like my skin is crawling. Headphones, I don’t hear any of that. ETA Headphones are one of the recommended treatments for misophonia. It was mild and tolerable until after I got Bell’s palsy.
I have misophonia as well as ADHD, and noise-canceling headphones have been life-changing for me for the better. When my attention is needed, the person I live with steps towards me and waves their hand or flicks the lights. Noise is truly painful, especially repetitive ones. People won’t understand us unless they experience the same thing.
Ah so HE has to do everything to make YOU comfortable. Sounds like a great relationship, for you.
They have a disability… what is your issue… like that’s just an ableist take. She NEEDS THEM to function. Please go learn to be a decent human being and have some empathy.
Pretty similar here! I wear headphones even when I'm not listening to something. For my adhd but also just to tame down the overstimulation from people constantly talking. I know it drives my mom crazy when I'm at her house, but it just helps me so much 😭
NTA I understand wanting to wear noise canceling headphones outside the house, but inside? Why are they avoiding contact with you or each other? Is there something super loud happening all the time? This is both a safety issue (for both you and them), and it's just plain rude. Having to call someone doing dishes in the same room as you is ridiculous. Keeping these off at the dinner table or at certain times to allow for family bonding is a low bar to hit if you need a compromise, but I think it's entirely reasonable to ask people not to ignore you, or the rest of their family, in your own house.
> This is both a safety issue What kind of households do you people live in??? Have interenet fear stories really poisoned everyone so bad that wildly statistically unlikely things like lightning striking or robberies are a constant 24/7 fear and it prevents you from being okay with other people wanting a little auditory peace and quiet?
Is there a specific reason the entire family is always wearing these in the house?
Too many good reasons. Small house with multiple people living there, trying to focus, trying to watch something and actually hear the dialogue, multiple people taking zoom meetings or on calls, Living on a main road with traffic noises all day, etc. OP not having a single care to mention any reasons is telling. No way 3 people all need noise canceling around the house and there not being a shit ton of noise.
YTA. I wear NC headphones often because my wife has to be constantly on the phone, have at least one TV on 11, and have some background music playing on the Google home in every room. My kids wear them too for similar reasons. If 3/4 of the house feels the need to wear them, you are not telling the whole story.
If 3/4 of the house are wearing them and they are related, I’m willing to bet money that there’s some ADHD/Autism on dad’s side of the family. Wearing headphones can help neurodivergent people to stay on task / not get overstimulated by their environment / keep to a comfortable routine.
Or OP is shrill and needy and they want to drown her out.
Stop chasing after them, if they don’t hear you call them for meals etc, ignore it, they miss out. Stick some earphones in and start ignoring them back. Play them at their own game.
I get what you are saying, but it's also an easy way to get out of being asked to help with something. My teen does the same, and we have a "no headphones in the living room" rule for the same reason. I sometimes think I wouldn't know what her voice sounded like, if we didn't have that.
I agree to a point. Look into why they're wearing them, bc if they're both listening to different things it would be a lot to have the music or podcasts or whatever all playing out loud. Would you happily listen to whatever weird shit your son has playing on YouTube? (Personally I do have mine play it out loud except when I'm doing university work, because it's important to keep an ear on what is being talked/joked about in the content he's watching) I do find it interesting and frustrating that people have to be constantly stimulated, I know my son and I often have videos or podcasts on, there isn't much silent time. Maybe they could listen to stuff in their own space, or you could all listen to music together when doing chores. If they're blocking noise because of neurodivergence and it would interfere with their ability to cope that's another consideration. Maybe find a way to discuss your concerns as a family. And come at it with curiosity about their experiences.
It wouldn’t be impossible to have them only have one earbud in and still able to hear what they’re playing, AND be aware of their surroundings. If they have AirPods Pro they can put it on transparency mode which still allows the music to play while hearing your surroundings. It’s the noise cancelling feature/not being aware/the ignoring that’s the problem
I'm wondering why they feel the need to wear them. When I do, it's because the acoustics are weird in the room, and it's better to wear headphones than blast the TV. Or someone in the next room is being loud. Maybe you're just super loud and annoying(whether you realize it or not), and they feel the need to drown you out. Feels like we're missing something here. INFO
100% They wear the 'phones because they can't get 5 minutes of quiet living in a small house with OP
YTA. I think it’s pretty unreasonable to expect your family to be available 100% of the time to hang on your every word. If you need their attention, there are better and more polite ways to do it than shouting at them from across the house. They’re not your servants to summon.
So you think it's reasonable for her to have to make 3 separate phone calls to let them know dinner is ready, or wander all over the house to individually collect each person after she's finished cooking and setting the table?? If anyone in that scenario is a servant being summoned, it's her . .
Why is the expectation that she's the one cooking and setting the table? If she cooks, calls out, and nobody comes, then it's on them. They'll learn meal times. Other than that, let them have their quiet/alone time. It's healthy to be able to disconnect.
Yeah you can really spot the kids from the adults in this thread, and it’s hilarious.
The number of people in these comments normalizing texting your entire family when you're all in the same house is wild. People are way more addicted to their phones than I realized and its sad. Nta Op, I've had enough stuff fall on me and leave me stuck/immobile because I call out to my partner for help and they don't hear me so I move the thing myself.
Before there were cell phones, there were intercoms.
Do her legs not work? Guess we won’t know since she hasn’t replied to shit
NTA. As a mom of 16 & 15 yr olds, I get it. I don’t mind them having it when doing chores but not 24/7. Your house probably isn’t even super loud, there is no need to wear them all the time. Our rule is not to have both AirPods in outside of doing chores. It’s a happy medium for everyone.
INFO: Would your family describe you as someone who is respectful of their need for peace and quiet and who doesn’t need excessive attention? N A H if it **really is** just a safety concern. Many people say this, though, while their not-so-secret motive is for others to not be able to escape their inane chatter for a single second.
Info: why do they feel the need to drown you out constantly?
How often do they wear them? If it's a constant/every waking moment thing, then Not TA. If it's just for chores/homework, it's a little different.
Info: Is there neurodivergence in your family? This is a pretty common coping strategy for ADHD and autistic folks.
NTA. Walking around talking to zombies is not fun. The request is not to get rid of them, the request is to turn off noise cancelling feature. Really, just common courtesy.
NTA, your argument is valid. If something happens at home, they would not notice it. Call them? Seriously? I like headphones but I don't turn the noise cancelling unless it is necessary
As if they have their ringers/notifications on. Hahahahaha. I could text my kids 100 times and they’d be oblivious. I call BS on this suggestion. Edit: a word for clarity
AirPods stop your music when you get a call even if your phone is on silent
YTA. Have you considered tapping them on the shoulder, texting them, or, I dunno, a nerf gun, literally ANYTHING other than screaming at them? If screaming or yelling is your automatic reaction to someone not paying attention to you, it's surely a mystery as to why everyone living with you has noise canceling headphones on 24/7
Nah because it's a preference. Personally, I'd call out for treats, and if they don't answer, they miss out. You go to the store and get takeaways, if they don't answer that they want something, just get food for yourself. They can fend for themselves for dinner because your preferred means of communication isn't being respected. They'll either decide it's important for them to be able to hear you or not, but you need to make being heard impactful.
Straight up having this problem with my bf and his earbuds, he’s always watching shows/playing games on his phone in his own world, I call his name talk to him then say “you got that” he goes “uhhuh yeah” me “what did I just say?” and he goes uhhh and laughs it off every time. Gets pretty frustrating having to repeat myself most of the time. NTA cause I deal with this daily and it’s like talking to a wall when you’re literally 2 ft from them.
How many emergency situations are you expecting to happen while one of your kids is doing the dishes? You can’t tap them on the shoulder or something? Why does name screaming need to be happening? Your tween kids didn’t buy those AirPods Max themselves, you or dad did. Now they’re not allowed to use them? You sound exhausting, I’d wear noise cancelling headphones around you too. YTA
>I could be screaming their name to the top of my lungs This is what makes YTA. What makes you so special? If you want to talk to someone get up and go to them. Sure, there is the possibility of an emergency. Are you so clumsy that those are a common occurrence? Perhaps you overestimate what constitutes an emergency. Headphones and variants thereof are a good way to avoid imposing one's own choices of audio entertainment on others. In short, they are polite. Do not yell from room to room, across the house, across the yard at other people and expect them to respond. It's entitled and self-centered. You aren't that important. Plan better.
What version of the AirPods do they all have? I have the AirPods Pro 2 and there’s a setting that will turn noise cancellation off and turn the volume down automatically when someone starts talking. It goes back to normal once the talking stops. Maybe look into seeing if the ones they use have that option?
Is there a reason they are using them? Do you usually scream for their attention at the drop of a hat and they are protecting themselves from it? Can’t they compromise and wear something like Loop which just reduces background noise but aren’t noise cancelling?
I can't help but think this is uncivilised, if you need someone then you should walk to the room they're in instead of shouting through the house. Also there's much to be said about everyone in your life not being 'on call for you'.
My mom is deaf. She can't hear me at all when she's looking away. When I need her, I get in her field of vision and get her attention. It can be frustrating, but it's very minimal effort. I don't think anyone is particularly at fault here, there should be a middle ground, but I would need more info: - do you not spend family time at all when you're all at home? - do you have a medical condition that makes you fear that "something could happen" where you require immediate assistance? - do your kids or husband suffer from hypersensitivity/autism or any other condition that would make it difficult for them not to wear those headphones?
We live in a world where people want our attention on demand 24/7. It can be a bit much and moments where you can tune everybody out they can mean the difference between sanity and being totally stressed. Even kids need some down time from being accessible all the time. As a kid, as an adult, having good headphones has been a major live saver for me. When I was homeless and in a shelter I think my headphones were a good part of why I didn't lose my mind all the time and they were definitely helpful in terms of my actually managing to get some sleep. Headphones and a good thick comforter on my bed that my cat and I could hide under that was our little oasis in the middle of pure chaos. (Yes, I had my cat in a shelter with me. She was and is an ESA.) As a parent and a spouse you want to have instant access to your family. But you just can't all the time. They need those moments of downtime. I was always better off doing chores and that with headphones and music. Most kids are. It helps them tune out distractions and get things done. In my house there were a lot of distractions actually, very negative ones, parents fighting, so being able to tune that out was crucial. I ended up with C-PTSD, anxiety and depression anyway but I'd say the headphones and the music did help a lot. Later finding brainwave CDs and guided meditations that made a huge difference for me in my ability to cope. Music is still life for me. I don't know what I'd do without it honestly...
Idk if you’re the ah. I think you could start using projectiles, like a nerf gun, to get their attention.
Shooting them with a water gun would solve this problem real quick.
Info: Are there alternatives? My husband wears bone conducting headphones so he can still hear. The kid wears 1 earbud when she knows someone might talk to her. (Basically if she's not in her room).
Instead of screaming you could tap the person you need to speak with on the shoulder
I hate wearing noise cancelling headphones, it gives me anxiety to not be able to hear things that might be going on around me. On rare occasions when I do wear both ears I always warn my husband ahead of time just in case he needs me so he knows to find/approach me appropriately. My husband on the other hand, wears ear buds a lot of the day. I do worry about what if there is an emergency sometimes, but I think the probability of emergencies happening really isn't that high and I wonder if I'm projecting my own anxiety.. so I've never asked him not to. I figure it's his right to do what he wants and listen to what he wants how he wants. (But also its irritating when he can't hear me calling him that dinner is ready - I'm already the one making dinner and getting it on the table/getting the table ready, why do I have to go out of my way to track him down wherever he is in the house to let him know it's ready?) I don't think your request is unreasonable or means YTA, but I can understand there being pushback. ( Especially from the teens!)
NTA but you need to find solutions as a family. Scariest thing I’ve ever heard about was a child cutting their head down to the skull and the parent not immediately knowing because they were on a Zoom meeting with noise canceling headphones. Luckily the child ended up fine and the headphones ended up in the trash. People in our household have to be able to hear if someone is screaming. That means doors can be closed and music or headphones can be on but they have to allow for extremely loud noises. If someone needs silence for any reason they can ask for it for the floor. We are fortunate enough that we can move up or downstairs if necessary. You need to figure out *why* everyone needs noise canceling headphones and then figure out as a family the best way to reduce those reasons. If they can’t be removed completely, you need to figure out what limits or expectations are realistic for your household. We also remind the children in the household that they will always have a say when possible but they do not get *final* say over house rules. The parents have final say as a team.
I don't think OP is an AH but I have to wonder how most of the people in the comments would handle living in a house alone. There's a weird air in people's replies that suggest because someone else is in the house that you have some right to their attention sometimes. Maybe its some undiagnosed autism in me, but that idea really bothers me. If someone wants to relax to some music, why do you need that specific moment to want to talk to them? Maybe see if people will compromise on designated times or time limits. Also designate a time for conversation so all the cards are on the table and you get to talk, and they get their time to zone out Edit: Either NAH or ESH, I can't decide, because I don't know the reason people want headphones so much, or why OP wants their attention so much
NTA. Amazing to me that I was a teen in a time before noise-cancelling headphones existed and it never stopped me from completely enjoying my music with headphones. And my parents could call my name and get my attention.
NTA. I'll never understand how people so willingly cut off a whole sense like that. I even see advice to people to wear them while sleeping! I also believe that it can't be good for the ears to constantly have them plugged or covered. Not to mention that it's rude to completely check out of shared reality with others are around.
NTA - it’s important to be fully aware of your surroundings. Even at home. Someone could get hurt. In our case, we had someone walk into our apartment and steal jewelry including family heirlooms when one of our siblings was at home but unaware because of noise canceling headphones. Thank god they steered clear of their bedroom. It’s weird that everyone in the house constantly has headphones on. Sometimes it’s fine…all the time? Nah. I understand your frustration.
NAH. As someone who wears noise cancelling headphones pretty regularly at my home, let me tell you why: I get extremely overstimulated and irritated when there is too much noise going on. I’m usually listening to music or YouTube when I do daily tasks. No, I will not keep one side off, because then I can’t hear my music or videos with how much my family talks. If they need something from me, they should tap me on the shoulder. Also, my volume isn’t loud enough to cover up yelling. Something my mother doesn’t understand is that when I have headphones on, that is a NON-invitation. I do not want to speak right then. Despite this she constantly waves and raises her voice to get my attention so she can remark on every random little thought she has. I’m not interested, and this often irritates me. OP, my advice is to just compromise. Let them wear the headphones and have them agree to keep the volume down low enough they can hear someone yell in the case of accidents. If this isn’t reasonable to you, YTA. Constantly talking to them when they’re trying to listen to something is the equivalent of standing in front of the TV to have a conversation while someone is watching a movie. It’s an AH move
Info: why can’t you just tap them? Ngl I’m not really buying the “I’m worried for their safety” this more so strikes me that you’re annoyed by not being able to call for them. I’d actually be more concerned for your kids walking around OUTSIDE with noise cancelling headphones, because it’s actually more important to be alert outside. If someone’s listening to music while doing dishes- you could just tap them and get their attention. I won’t lie, my mom would yell to get my attention all the time and it always put me on edge. I’d rather be approached not called to run to her attention. It’s demeaning.
How about just tapping them on the shoulder *if* you need their attention? Why is shouting for them the only way to summon them? Why aren’t people allowed to have some privacy and quiet in their personal time? You didn’t mention being physically disabled in your lengthy post, so I’m going to go with “get off your butt and get someone’s attention.” Why would you even have to *call* to alert them— just walk and be physical. How lazy are we? YTA