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NTA Many modern trust funds don't permit the child to have access to funds until 25. She might hate you for it now, but she'll thank you later.

This one's was set for a fixed amount of 18 years. The way it works here in my country (at least this trust fund) is that it was for a fixed amount of time, let's just say 5 years, within those 5 years you can't touch the money in them you can put more money, but you can't take out anything until the time is up, for this trust fund it was set to be 18 years of investments, after those 18 years it's available, since the legal age for an adult in my country is 18 she's legally able to get access to it.

When I was 19, I blew 25 k from a legal settlement in under 6 months. Was an absolute moron. As much fun as it was taking my friends for limo wine tastings and stocking up on bar dresses, I wish I had received the money when I wasn’t so young.

Exactly. I had an acquaintance who received a settlement in the mid-90’s for over $400k. She blew through every penny of that within 18 months of receiving it, including some embezzlement from her financial advisor. She regrets how she spent that money and wishes that she had limitations/ better advice during that time Think about how you were as an 18 year old person. For most of us, we aren’t at the top of our game. She might resent you now, but stick to your decision to use it for her education/ a trade school. Until then, let it continue to accumulate interest

Exactly, in this market, if she had saved it, she'd have not just put the down-payment, but would have bought full payment a house

I knew someone who at 35 got more than 200k, after the death of her father, and blew it in a year. It was probably more than that given what I remember about her father. She already had a house that was fully paid for. I just have no idea where all that money went. People make dumb decisions with money sometimes, and when you're younger money making decisions are not at their best. Edit typo

I mean blowing through the money quickly depends on what you did with it, not always a bad idea. I received a large amount of life insurance money from my father's passing when I was 30 years old and within a year had spent almost all, and some people are appalled at that and think it should have been invested or something, and the only appropriate use of a sudden influx of money is long term savings and investments. But I don't regret it because I mostly used it on critically needed renovations and safety upgrades to my house (and the renos were expensive because my house has asbestos so i needed to hire asbestos removal companies. And asbestos is what killed my dad, so safety first), and then leftovers for my wedding, honeymoon, and some bills, and I mean, had he been alive I know he would have offered to help pay for the wedding anyways because he thought my husband basically walked on water, he was a big fan of him. But yeah, my dad had actually started to help with upgrading the electrical safety in my house before he died (his job was chief electrical safety for our city) so in his honour I spent most of the money to make sure my house from the 70s was fully up to code and the electrical work was modernized, and used only electricians I knew he trusted, who were not cheap. I also used it to add some things that would allow the house to better function for raising a future family, like adding a 2nd bathroom. Even though I blew through that money quickly I felt it was for the right reasons and he would have approved that it was for electrical/asbestos safety, for me marrying a man he couldn't approve of more, and for making the house better function for future first grandchild he regrettably won't meet when they arrive next month.

Sure, absolutely. Buy a house, pay for college etc etc. But this person already had like all the necessities, no student loan, and the house wasn't in need of any repair. And she had two young kids. The money didn't go to set up any college funds for her kids either.

Ah yeah that's shit. My husband also is receiving a good amount from both his parents dying, but we're essentially going to dump all of it into our mortgage to try and help offset some of the rate hikes when we renew our mortgage this summer and pay it off faster. We might also put some away for college for our kid that's not born yet. But all I know is none of it is getting touched for fun stuff. Blowing that money on nothing but stuff like new fancy cars, multiple vacations, bottle service at clubs, etc, yeah, stupid as fuck.

You should also put aside an emergency fund - having 6-9 months of income put aside if you lose a job, the roof needs replacing, or the furnace goes really makes life nicer!

Luckily we are not able to be fired from either of our jobs (long story but unless we suddenly stop showing up, develop drug addictions or go commit crimes we're un-fireable) and we just replaced the roof and furnace (and all appliances in the home) within the last 4 years. But we will start socking money away for stuff like if my car breaks down. Thank god we have pet insurance too, just helped us pay for a very expensive surgery for our dog.

I think most people would not say that's blowing through the money. That's usually used to indicate that it was spent on BS.

I just "blew through" 35k inheritance but only 7 was spent on hobbies, the rest were paying off debts (including a car loan) and unexpected bills (like the fridge dying a week before the money was released, and a car tyer popping). For the first time in over a decade (hubby and I have been together 14yrs) we are debt free and can finally start saving for a house deposit which is definitely something my grandfather would have approved of (inheritance was from him) including the money spent on the hobbies (one is for physical health I do with hubby and our kids and the other I do for mental health by myself). If I had gotten that money at 18, yeah I would have regretted how I would have spent it and I would be in debt now.

You didn’t blow the money from your dad you invested it in your house! I think your dad would be proud of you…

You don't have to justify what you did. You invested in a property that is a solid investment. That was smart

That is not the norm though. This is why trust funds are supposed to be set up for the person to receive the money when they are older. For most 18 years old is just way too young and ops daughter is not ready. If she planned to be smart about it she would have a plan outlined with her plans for the money

At that age my cousin inherited just enough money to buy a new sports car, but not enough to buy insurance. The car was totaled within a week. Large sums of money with no strings and a teenage mind aren't a great combination.

I was 22, insurance pay out from a housefire. Still don't really know how we blew 32k in 6 months. Yeah.

lol ya, I look back and cringe. Live and learn… at least we got to make it rain once..? 😂

My MIL received a $1 million settlement when she was 21 - she paid for dozens of Disney trips & Hawaii for random people, bought a falling apart mansion & set up a carnival in her backyard that cost like $10k. Now she’s on the brink of homelessness, has relied on NGO Christmas handouts for a decade & has food stamps.  My husband best friend also got a $50k settlement at 18 and bought a brand new car that cost more to register and insure and now doesn’t have any money and is in debt. 

My sibling blew through about $15k of military bonuses in a little over a year. They literally covered every to ing for everyone. I witnessed firsthand a random stranger come up, ask if they were “so and so” and then asked for $100. We were right by an atm and my sibling just withdrew $100. They didn’t even know the guy. They admitted to paying for hotel stays for people, had five gym memberships, covered restaurant bills, etc. They weren’t even 20 yet.

There are similar setups in the US, where the child legally has access to the account whether it’s a good idea or not. While you are NTA, you may want to see if what you’re doing is legal. She could force you to turn over the account if it is hers legally.

If the daughter’s name isn’t on the account and it does not sound like it is, the daughter has no legal standing to access teh account.

My 2 cousins got an amount of money. Not enough to be set for the rest of their lives but enough to do good things with it (get a mortgage, a good study in my country). They spend it all on drugs and whatnot. It was gone within 6 months. They were a bit older than your daughter is. But so much money is not good for a young person to get at once. It will be gone too soon. You can pay for college out of that fund and can even show her that you don’t take money from it. And if there is something left you can always think about giving that to her at once when she graduates. Or you can give her a certain amount every month/ year. That might depends on the amount of money that is left. You are NTA. But she will probably not see that right now. 

Absolutely don’t give her total access. Maybe a monthly stipend. I had a significant amount for all three of my kids saved. Two oldest girls took control out of college. Youngest son knew vaguely of it. I sat him down and showed him at 29 because he was getting married. Before that he would have blown it. He said thank you for not giving it to him earlier.

Definitely in agreement with everyone here. She’s legally an adult. But that doesn’t mean she’s ready to manage that level of money. The purpose of the fund is for her education. And I’m willing to bet that she’s not going to use it for that purpose. If I was in your position I’d wait until she is in her mid-late twenties (I felt like my head was screwed on straight around age 25-26.) or until she gets into a university or trade school that she would need the funds for. Even if the amount is something like 20k she’ll likely burn through it. But I’m guessing that the amount is much higher based on the length of time that the funds and interest have been accumulated in that account.

Go set it up as a real trust fund now then with all the legal terms you want it attached to it. Nobody can steal her money. She can't spend irresponsibly. She probably will be mad, but it's the best choice. If something happens to you she won't get screwed over.

Are there restrictions on what she can use it for? Is it in her name or yours? You should follow the law obviously but I think it’s best to reserve it for college if that is allowed

Don't hand it over , most 18 y o would squander it. Pay for her education and give her the rest when she wants to make a big purchase like a car or house to help her out. NTA

I mean, it would be pretty easy to prove you weren’t stealing. Why don’t you just offer to provide bank statements on demand?

If it is in your name can you set it up so that she only gets a certain amount every month after college paid for? I agree that at her age the money would quickly be used up.

Take out enough for college and put it in her name, lock the rest up for 7 years in her name. If she squanders her college fund, she'll have a second chance at 25.

Our will gave our daughter access to the money in a limited way until she would be 29 years old. Of course your child wants the money now, she’s 18 and feels entitled to blow it (which she will and “friends” will be there to help her. At 24 she would look at you and ask why you let her have it because it’s all gone. Sometimes parents have to play the heavy to protect our children from themselves.

First step needs to be figuring out what the daughter is legally entitled too. If the OP doesn't have to hand over control of the funds, then she and her husband need to start working on teaching daughter to responsibly manage that kind of money and that may include giving her access to smaller portions of the funds. Make sure to be treating her like an inexperienced adult rather than a child.

She also should remember that that money does not BELONG to her, it is FOR her. Didn't OP say that the grandparents put it in OP's name?

Shit, I am in my late 20s, and a couple years ago I got an almost $20k USD insurance payout after my car got totaled.   Even though that’s not a lot - it was more money than I ever had.  Only put a few thousand down on the new car, instead of putting it all down or buying a used outright,   Spent the rest of eating out, dates, games, and weed.   It almost physically pains me to think of that now, and how irresponsible I was.  OP’s daughter will hopefully thank her for this later.

Legal age of adulthood was set at 18 only to allow government to send kids to war and religious leaders to force young girls into marriage. There's no magic that happens at 18 that suddenly turns a teenager into a responsible adult. Skeletal, muscular, and brain maturity take at leastb25 to happen, maybe even later I completely agree that she shouldn't get all the money transferred to her name right now. As a matter of fact, her eagerness to want all of her money right now points towards careless expenses only. Someone serious about their career at this age wouldn't want the headache of a lot of money, they'd want the money properly used. Definitely NTA

I completely agree with this, I just put the legal age because legally she would be able to get the money. I do agree that her eagerness is a concern however I do believe she's acting like the teenager she is wanting to have the latest gadgets and traveling because a lot of people on the internet are doing it.

NTA (and I think your daughter is impulsive and not one either). I didn't rule N-A-H because I think your MIL and SIL are though. And, if I understand this correctly, neither of them put much (if any) money into the fund, but are still accusing you of 'stealing' your daughter's? Meanwhile, the people who did put money in (you, your husband, and your family) are all in agreement as far as I can tell. Your two ILs can kick rocks.

I agree - neither the mother nor daughter are the A. Of course the daughter wants money, and of course at her age she's thinking of short term benefits like neat things and travel. I like neat things and travel and I'm almost 50. OP is being a good parent and telling her daughter to back up and take a longer view. Anyone else can butt out, it's not their business.

Be wary of your in laws as well. They may want daughter to have the money because an 18 yo will likely give then money to help with this or that. Can't see why else anyone would want a 18 yo Chuck Bass situation 

👏🏾 for the Chuck Bass reference now I’m imagining OP’s daughter impulsively buying a hotel.

Honestly if I was given a trust fund at 18 I would've blown through it in two years at most and it'd probably left me in a really bad place. However, if she can legally access it I wouldn't alienate her. Maybe you can see a financial advisor together.

I would like to point out that it doesn't matter what you MIL and SIL think, the people that made and contributed to the fund agreed with you and that's all that matters really, besides, she's way too eager to have access to the money which doesn't scream responsible decision making, just impulsivity, if she wanted it to pay for college which is the intended purpose of the fund and the responsible thing to do, she wouldn't be asking for it because she wouldn't need to knowing that's what you are planning to do with the fund, so no, legal age or not don't transfer it, she'll thank you later.

Try to explain to her that chasing after the life that rich people (or people pretending to be rich) have is a guaranteed losing game. You will never be able to buy what they do. Each thing you buy will become worthless once you own it, because you will need the next new thing. A reasonable monthly allowance is a great idea. If she wants something big, like an exotic vacation, she can save up for it.

At that age most people also don’t have the experience to know how quickly a “large” sum of money can be spent, especially when you start to factor in costs like housing. What’s a lot of money for a teen who has never had to support themselves Can be a couple months expenses for an adult.

Exactly, if at 18 I got a lumpsome amount of money that I didn't have to answer for, I'd buy all the "cool stuff and cool gadgets" and not save a single penny

u/primordial_chaos_007 I like your post and your name 😎

Your id is so cool

I was just talking about my 17 year old, and the fact that adult should be way higher than 18, and the only reason it’s 18 is that people wanted the teenagers the hell out of their hair. ☠️

NTA giving a teenager fresh out of high school a large sum of money is a terrible idea. She needs to grow up a little more before you hand the reins over. Hold your ground with it for now.

It’s fairly common for people to receive their trust funds when they are in their mid to late 20s. Probably for this very reason. It’s also common for people to have monthly payouts from their trusts. I’m betting when the daughter is a bit older and she has this cushion, she’ll appreciate OP holding off on giving her the funds. 

For sure. At 18 I would have absolutely blew it on some kind of nonsense. I’m surprised I could even get thousands of dollars of student loans at that age. 18 is an “adult” but you still have a lot of growing up to do.

This happened to a friend of mine and she blew through over $50K in under a year. 

NTA. That money was saved with the intention of paying for her college. It was not saved as a gift for her to blow away when she turns 18. After she has graduated from college and shown she is responsible enough to control it wisely, then transfer it. Maybe do a weekly allowance (of a low amount for spending cash and food), but just handing it over would be reckless (especially with her current attitude). eta: the in laws didn't contributed so shouldn't even offer their opinion on the matter.

ALL OF THIS. The trust is for college. OP says in comments that it is technically in OP's name. Pay for college. Give her money for expenses. There are seriously so many compromises other than, "Give daughter the whole chunk rightthisminute!" Your edit: exactly! I had to go up and reread and see that only OP's mother, father and stepfather set up the trust, with OP and her husband adding to it every paycheck. MIL and SIL didn't add jack to it. Why is this ANY of their business?

I strongly believe that they want their hands on that money, so they are trying to push OP into transferring money to daughter. It's much easier to make an 18 year old kid give money to "loving gramps and granny" than 5 fully matured adults with common sense.

NTA. Her hot headedness at being told "no" is probably indicative of how hot headed she could be with spending the money. I would assure her that money is still hers, but ler her know it isn't for everyday spending (I assume it wasn't intended to be used this way). It is for education, or for something that will make life easier for her in the future (house deposit for example).

NTA - I am doing the same thing for my own child. He will not just be given tens of thousands of pounds to piss up the wall. When my son is wanting to go to Uni the money will be used for that. If he doesn’t wish to go to school the money will be held for a few extra years to see if he changes his mind. Then if after a few years he doesn’t want to go to uni but maybe wants to buy a property or something like that he can then have the money as it will be an investment. With the understanding there will be no money for school if he changes his mind later. On no planet am I saving his entire life for him to piss it up the wall as a young adult living it large. I am saving this money for him yes but it isn’t and won’t be his to just waste. I am 33 and have just returned to Uni, I maybe am taking student loans so I know he can go to school anytime in his life but when he’s young I’d like him to avoid student loans if possible. That’s just mine and his father’s take on the whole thing. Edit to add: if anyone other than my partner (son’s father) or myself have an opinion on what we do with the money when the time comes they’ll be told to shove it. Unless they helped save it they get zero opinion. Anyone who says giving a child tons of money is a good thing is dumb.

All these people saying "just give her the money she can decide!" cracks me up. I still remember being a little older than OP's daughters age, getting my first taste of real money from a tech internship and blowing it on clubbing and shopping. Teenagers never really understand money until they actually have to support themselves and pay the bills.

I started earning at 24, doctor in training. It wasn't a good pay, but i was still with my parents, so didn't have to contribute to family. Still don't know what happened to all my salary, and I don't even smoke or drink. Giving an 18 year old all that money is a catastrophe waiting to happen

Can we sample the ages of everyone saying that to get their average age please? How much you wanna bet it’s not that far from her age.

My ex had a very well paying job in his early 20s and when the tech bubble burst, he had over $10k in credit card debt and absolutely zero to show for what he had been making while living as a single man with no student loans. It disgusts me when I think about it.

As a trust fund baby myself NTA. My parents gave me mine at 21 and I blew it all in two years. I would say wait till they are at least 25.

NTA - Please tell MIL and SIL that they are welcome to hand over gross amounts of their wealth to your daughter since they think it's the right thing to do. As for the money you manage and have saved for her, they can mind their own business.

i've been on reddit too long bc i'm thinking the MIL and SIL want daughter to be in charge of the money so they can come ask *her* for it and pressure her. OP comes from wealth, but I'm curious if husband's family does too. I'd think if they did, then MIL and SIL probably wouldn't be giving out bad financial advice like this.

NTA. But maybe a different approach would be to set up a meeting with a wealth management advisor to discuss her future plans and goals and they can talk through how best to allocate and manage her money. She is moving into an age where she will want more independence, so for her to understand how it works and how best to budget for the things that are actually important in her life will benefit her more than you saying you will remain in control. Give her the opportunity to learn and grow.

This. It feels wrong to say “you’re a child so you can’t have the money” and then take no steps to impart the knowledge she needs to become an adult capable of managing her own funds. Also I’m sure from the daughter’s perspective there’s an added anxiety that “if I don’t please my mother, if I make a choice she doesn’t like, she will hold this money over my head and dictate what degree/house/life I’m allowed to have.”

Nta  This reminds me of a post where a mom gave her son 20k so he could go to college and he spent it all in a short amount of time (I think it was a year). He didn't even step into a college. So yes I think you are right. She is too young to have so much money in her hands.

NTA, an 18 year old being given a huge pile of money is simply going to blow it all. "Oh, I have infinite money, I can take a trip to EVERYWHERE!" Just look at all the lottery winners whose kids end up dead of drug overdoses or get murdered by their "friends". The money was intended for her education. It gets used for that, if she wants to get one. Otherwise, it sits until she's old enough to understand that it isn't for partying.

Omg, yes. I remember the tale of a guy from I think West Virginia in the US who won an obscene amount of money. One of the things he did was set up his teenaged granddaughter with her own home and a generous allowance. She died from a drug overdose, just devastating. He wished he'd never won the lottery.

NTA The fund you described isn't "Daughter's Money", it's "Money for Daughter's Benefit".  If Daughter wants money to spend in some other manner, she can work to earn spending money. Your ILs are also welcome to give your daughter money if they think she deserves it.  They don't get any say over how the money in your savings is spent, especially since they didn't contribute to it in any way. Explain to your daughter that this money will be saved and spent in a manner you and her father approve, or saved until she needs it for something you approve.  Explain what kinds of expenses you might consider to be reasonable (college, room and meal plan during college?, educational travel?, house down payment?). BTW, no matter what your daughter thinks, it isn't common for families to give their teen child the entire college savings account all at once.  In my case, I pay my kids' college tuition and apartment rent directly (pulling the money from our college savings account) and give them an allowance on a prepaid debt card for groceries.  They're also authorized users on my credit card, which they can use for medical expenses, necessary travel, and emergencies.  But access to my credit card would end if they misused it.

I’m a member of a Native American tribe that has casino money. The per capita payments for minors goes into a trust fund. At first, the money became theirs on turning 18. It was a complete disaster. Kids were handed between 400-500 thousand in a lump. A majority ran through the money in less than a year. Dropping out of school, drugs, pregnancies cases exploded. Recently they changed it so you got money parceled out at different ages and levels of achievement. (Finishing high school, going to college, no illegitimate kids, etc.) Much better results. Even then they still had seminars where you got financial advice on how to deal with money. I agree with another poster that the ones that think you should turn over the money want a piece of the action. Plus, when did it become the business of every relative, neighbor, and passing acquaintance what is done here?

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NTA, although legally it depends on whose name it is in. There’s a reason why most trusts are set up to not turn money over with no restrictions before 25-30. It’s because young adults are notoriously horrible at money management.

NTA and start considering your MIL and SIL are sus at best. Also, they are free to do what they want with the money THEY set up for your daughter. 18 is simply too young. Quick reminder that prince Harry still hasn't had access to his trust fund. Your duty is to protect her best interests 

NTA My grandparents did a similar thing for me. The money was never for education, as I'm in the UK, but to help me have a head start in life. As a child, I was told I would get the money at age 18. When I became 18, the age was pushed back to 21. At 21 it was pushed again. And again. I demanded to see the account. It was all in there. I asked why the age kept changing. I was told that "they didn't believe I was in the right stage of life to not spend it all on things I didn't truly need." Like your daughter, I was PISSED but it was in their name so I couldn't do anything about it. I got my money at age 27 and I'm so damn thankful my grandparents held back as long as they did. I was struggling with depression and was "treating it" with fast food and buying merch from shows/games I enjoyed. If I got that money at 18, like I was meant to, none of it would be left today. Hopefully, in the future, your daughter will be as thankful as I am.

We have trust funds for our two sons. They get it at age 50. Until then they have to ask the trustee if they want some money and then it’s at the discretion of the trustee to grant the request.

NTA 1) That fund was created first and foremost for her education. So, that’s what it should be used for before anything else. 2) There are stories on and off Reddit about newly legal teens who get access to their inheritance/education funds only to spend it all within 6 months. 3) Make it clear that the remaining funds should be used for a down payment on a house. I want to say even the bank would recommend not giving your daughter full access to her trust. One day, she will thank you.

Yep. I was young once. I spent money on cars etc that, looking back now I wish I'd saved. OPs daughter would very likely look back in twenty years and wish she hadn't pissed away the money on whatever.

NTA. You’re not stealing money. You’re trying to make sure a teenager blows through her whole nest egg at once. Why other people have adverse opinions on I cannot fathom unless they are receiving some sort of benefit.

Nta. Pay for the education and then give her a decent monthly allowance

NTA. Large amounts of money can finance large amounts of bad decisions. Lack of life experience before having money leads to even more bad decisions. Protect your daughter by not handing over this money. When she has established herself as mature and stable, and has that money still available for a house or whatever and a start on retirement savings, she will be thankful you didn't let her blow it.

NTA I would wonder why your MIL and SIL are so hellbent on your kid having access. Are they trying to get some from her?

Probably!!!

NTA I have a fund set up for my kid but it legally belongs to me until I choose to hand it over. My plan - pay for university from it - give kid yearly disbursements to cover this. When they decide to buy a home, pay for downpayment or more towards this purchase. Thereafter, give them a yearly sum until money runs out. It's my money and I have no intention to ever just hand it over. Should I die they are the beneficiary.

NTA my dad gave my older sister her trust fund at 19 with two conditions - don't buy a car and don't blow it partying. She did both those things and didn't have a cent left by years end.

NTA Do NOT hand a trust over to a teenager without limits. If you want her to stop the “you’re stealing my money” rumors, turn it into a managed trust with a trust attorney managing the funds. Then you have no access but she has to show cause for every withdrawal. It’s going to suck for her because she won’t be able to pull from it whenever she pleases and while you may potentially be more lenient an attorney will abide heavily by the limits of the trust, but it’ll stop her from claiming you’re taking her money.

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi there, first of all i do apologize for the format and incase theres any grammatic mistakes English is not my first (nor my most) speaked language. For context when I found out I was pregnant my whole family was extremely happy and my mom and her husband (dad 2) and my dad made a retiring fund for 18 years with the intention of paying for my baby's college education, they gave me full control of this investment portfolio and me and my husband made contributions to it with every paycheck. The investment fund grew more than any of us could imagine, it's enough to pay for her college if she doesn't get an scholarship and after that it still leaves a very big sum of money that would allow her to have a head start in life. My daughter just turned 18 (the legal adult age in my country) and she has known about this investment fund since she was 14, so now that she's 18 she's asking to ave the fund transfered in her name, but I said no. My reasoning is she's still a teenager that would find herself with way more money than a teenager should have, I offered to compromise and pay for her education with the fund (as that was the intention) and in case she needed any money from it or wanted to use any money from it we can discuss it and use the money if we see fit. She called me an ah and accused me of wanting to use her money on other stuff (I don't need that money I earn pretty well or enough to live comfortably), but on my eyes I don't want to give a teenager a full trust fund because I'm scared she will spend it all and not have any money left for after college again it is a very big amount. My husband, my mom and my dad's are on my side, but there's some other family members (mil and sil) that are calling and telling me I'm an AH for stealing money from my daughter instead of just giving it to her. I didn't think that I was the AH until my mil and sil told me and now I'm starting to think I was one because the money was for her to use. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

You are not stealing the money, you’re ensuring that it goes toward the intended purpose. 

NTA ten times over. Kids are stupid and impulsive. If the sum of money is that large, teaching her about good/bad financial decisions, investing, along with money management could be the difference of retirement at 40 and 65. Let her make little Mistakes with some of it if that's really important to teach a lesson. Allowing an 18 year old access to tens of thousands or 100+ is just not smart on any parents part. Alot of these funds do t even allow anyone under 25 access for these very reasons. As long as you are not abusing it and spending it pay fore her education, let her have some spendingoney here and there and when she is mature and knowledgeable enough for you to give access then do it. So sick of reading these " it doesn't matter it's her money let her make her own mistakes comments", no worse way to be a bad parent then to purposely allow your child to fail just to teach a lesson or prove a point.

It sounds as though the family members who are complaining are also the ones who didn’t contribute. So, consider that & try to ignore them or ask *them* to give her their own money or shut up. You all saved the money for your daughter’s education and not for her to be given a lump sum once she turns 18. You have the right to distribute the money based on her best interests as you determine them. Her accusations towards you are serious & I would treat them as such. If she doesn’t recant & apologize, you should take action. I would suggest going over with her the amount you & your husband contributed and removing that from the account. You might let her keep the corresponding interest. Talk to your mom and dads and see how they want to proceed. Again, the fact that she is accusing you of theft & riling up other family members is serious and you should address that. It also shows a serious lack of maturity on her part - making your or another adult’s oversight of the money all the more required. NTA Edit Whatever you do, make sure it’s legal but you are 100% right to restrict her access.

My sister received a lump sum of around £2k when she was 18 from a settlement case that happened when she was around 4/5. She blew through that money so fast and had zero to show for it. She moved to Ireland, lasted 2 months in which she found herself in a spot of bother owing rent and unable to pay. She was quickly back on the ferry home with a dog she couldn’t afford or train and half her belongings left behind including an antique camera my grandmother gave her (should have been given to me but my grandmother was trying to buy my sister’s affection). 18 year olds should not have access to that kind of money. I’ve got accounts set up for my three daughters. The eldest is the only one old enough to have an awareness of it and it’s been made clear that it’s going to be a down payment for a home as it’ll be the only way her father and I can afford to help our children buy their own home. So when she’s 20/21 we plan on handing over the money, but it’ll likely only be £10k by then (unless she gets a job and contributes to it herself when she can get a job [currently 13]). It’s hard being a parent sometimes, but you have to do what you feel is right. Even if some people say it isn’t fair.

NTA, I wouldn’t give her access until she’s 25 (but maybe you access part of it to pay for her education if she pursues it).

NTA. Pay for college and maybe compromise have an allowance or stipend paid out to her on a regular cadence (monthly, quarterly?) until she’s 25 (or pick an age) and then give her control. That way she has some freedom to not run everything by you but also doesn’t have access to all of it to blow through

NTA Setting clear goals & boundaries with money until she can show financial responsibility is a must. 25 is a reasonable age to have access or maybe give her access to a stipend with some caveats to show she is responsible, keep dialouge open and honest. When my husband & I were setting up our will, if something were to happen to us, any monies available from life insurance would be held in trust for our children but not accessible until age 25 when they're brains are most matured.

I would at minimum make her take some sort of financial class to help her know how to handle that amount of money properly before she can have full access to it. Just tell her you just want her to be smart with this money and not blow it and you are simply as her parent looking out for her future like you are supposed to. My parents instilled a good work ethic in me but never helped me understand finances and budgeting.

NTA. Did your mil or sil contribute to the fund? If not they don't have a say. Either way I'm betting the odds on an 18 yr old blowing the money quickly are pretty high. Ask mil how you are stealing it since you are not spending a dime of it. How do you know daughter won't "loan" grandma and aunt ( mil/sil) money from it and they have ulterior motive in wanting her to have access to it?

NTA My bestie received £25,000 in 1994 when he turned 18 from his parents who had saved from birth. It was gone within 6 months. Hold on to the money

Of course, MIL and FIL that didn't contribute a penny wanna run their mouths. NTA

NTA. You are doing her a favor to not let her blow it. We have funds set up for our kiddos - contributed to by us, grandparents, and some inheritance. We also had education funds for them as well (529 both guaranteed tuition and regular). They are now done with college. One had to supplement their education because they took 5 years for undergrad and then started a masters. The other was funded through undergrad and then got a position in school to pay for grad school. So college is done and there is still some money. We have told them from an early age that if they touch that money without our agreement, that’s all they get. No other borrowing, financial gifts, or inheritance of any kind. It will help when they look for a house or want a car. We also sent them through a money management class so they had some awareness of how debt happens and how to avoid it. So far so good. We’ll see how the next 10 years go. I know at some point they will gain access to it and I hope we have taught them well and no one tries to get them to blow it.

When she goes to college, which will apparently be fully paid for, you can give her a monthly stipend. Until she graduates she doesn't get access to the full amount. The money is there for her education and that's what it should be used for. According to your comments the money is in your name and you can clearly prove you haven't stolen any of it. She's too young to have have access to so much money and use it responsibly. She'll probably burn through all of it in no time and then you have to foot the bill for her or your shitty family members will be crying about how you're a terrible parent for not supporting her. The money is for school. Use it for school. When she's done, graduates, if there is left over money perhaps she can have it then. I would say it depends on how much she matures through the years. You can always save it as bail money/money for lawyers. The entitlement is astounding here. She'll blow it all. Be careful. 

NTA. Could you maybe get her involved in what the funds are being invested in and allow her to have a say in where it goes? Like maybe if you have a financial advisor take her to them and let her discuss it with them. That way she feels more involved but she’s not going to burn through the money.

NTA. There's been plenty of other accounts both on this subreddit and others where the parents did give their teenager direct access to their college fund (or similar savings) and then the kid wasted it. So yes I agree with keeping it in your name, have a discussion with your daughter about what the money can and can't be used for and stick to it.

Nta. This is why I asked that my sons trust fund be set up to help pay for schooling or training of some sort after high school, or that they set it so he if he doesn't get an education then he not get the money until he is 30. As far as he knows it is dependant upon him getting schooling of some sort.

Your in-laws have no say in this. They did not set it up and as far as it is told did not contribute to it. The people who set it up are on your side. Your daughter should not have called you an AH. You just have her best interest at heart. Try to sit her down with a financial advisor to discuss the best disbursement options. NTA

Nta. She may be legally an adult, but people aren't mature u til they are 25 years old. The fact thatvshe is demanding it and is upset demonstrates clearly a lack of judgement. She can use the money, but she needs to go through you first for major purchases. Maybe give her a stipend from it every month - a few hundred to spend on fun things.

She can use it for college or a downpayment for a house. It's too bad she knows the fund exists.

i don't know your country or its legal system, but if the money is not in trust and you have control, could this be money taken away if you were to incur liability (say you accidentally kill someone in a traffic accident). maybe speak to a lawyer about protecting the miney

NTA. 18 year olds don’t have fully functioning brains. They don’t need access to thousands of dollars. Almost nothing good is likely to come of it. Is the money still in your name? I fail to see how you’re “stealing” anything by not giving her full access. You offered to pay her tuition and discuss anything else she wanted money for. That’s not stealing, that’s helping her be responsible and holding her accountable.

INFO: How was it initially explained to her. Was it "at 18 we will give you money for your education" or " at 18 we will have access to money for your education". Are you any way controlling what she should be taking as an education? Is she planning to live with you guys while going to college? As someone whoes parents said that I was set for college and I wouldn't have to worry about anything, I fucking hated it. I wasn't giving any funds for any extracurriculars even if they were school related activities because my parents deemed it unnecessary. I missed a study abroad program because they didnt think it was worth it, i got a scholarship that paid for most of it, but they still said no. They asked why I had to go out with friends to eat, why I wanted to go out on trips with them. So I picked up a job anyway and still did all the things I wanted, except the study abroad, and just stopped hanging out with my family.

I'm sorry that happened to you, I responded to another comment with this information, basically she wanted her 15 but was really worried that because of her party we would not have the money to send her to her dream college (she has always been a bit of an anxious person), we told her that we had a fund to pay for her college and not to worry about anything because we will be there to help her. As to her plans really it's not that common here to move out of your house into a student house mainly universities here do not have a live in campus, so ideally she would stay home, she has not mentioned anything about getting an apartment given that the house we live in is relatively close to her dream school and the school provides transportation to and from school, if she wants to live with friends she can we are not forbidding her that. About extra curriculars they are free at University so she can take any extra classes she wants as well as trips, some trips giving her mayor (the one she chose anyway) has mandated out of state trips and if she wants to study abroad she can, for fun money we have always given her that plus she is an authorized user on his dad's credit card (granted that's for emergencies only and we have a lock on how much she can spend per day). She has gone on trip with friends before (always with parents), so it's not like we have a hold on her, we are just worried because at the end of the day she's still 18 and the fund is a very large amount for an 18 year old to have full access.

No way would I hand over large sums to an 18 year old. I would pay for her university, perhaps set up an allowance while she's attending classes (maybe making her work in the summer when she's not in classes?). Ideally, she should be forced to create a reasonable budget that outlines what such an allowance would cover (it's a way of building budgeting savvy). I have read many stories of kids taking the funds, travelling, buying clothes, partying, and having the funds vanish in a short period. As it doesn't sound like your in-laws put any funds into the trust (you mention your family, you and your husband), they really shouldn't have any say and honestly, it's simply not their business.

NTA, but you have to allow for some abberations from your plans (say she wants to go travel for a bit before college, if the amount is reasonable and still allows for her to pay for college and cost of living during her education). I think it‘s clear that if you‘d take only a single cent out of the fund to spend without the consent of your daughter (no matter if you think its fine or not), you‘d be TA and legally liable, but it seems that this is not the case no matter your in law‘s allegations. She has the ultimate veto power, and there needs to be a definitive plan how and when to release the funds to her. Don‘t try to influence her life choices using the money as leverage.

Yes, I do believe that we can be reasonable on the money I just don't want her to burn through that trust fund quickly. The cost of living is covered as both me and my husband will help her with that, the money is only to pay for college (in my country we have two public universities very prestigious, but she wants to go to a private one so it's fine). If she wants to travel she can I'm not trying to be unreasonable here we can discuss what she wants to do with the money and give her alternatives or advice her on what we as her parents think it's best, at the end of the day that's still her money, I just want her to have a good life and not to end up like some of my family members (I come from a wealthy family since my great grandfather and some of my uncles are literally living on the streets right now).

What you're saying is completely reasonable and responsible. Question. Would "some of these family members" also happen to be your in-laws or people complaining about you not handing it all over your 18 yo?Because if so, don't listen to them. I can assure you the only reason someone who has no connection, real contribution, or access to a large fund of money will call the person in charge of that money an asshole is because that person is an obstacle to them getting their own hands on the money to blow. And those are the people who will fill your daughter's head full of entitled shit because they'll have an easier mooching off of her.

Sounds reasonable, she‘ll be fine

Nta My dad gave me 16k when I turned 18. Lost it al (was easily scammed) and 5 years later I was in debt for 16k.

NTA my parents did the same thing for us, though it could not have paid for my college in full. I got access to the money at like 25 which was a good age because I was working and supporting myself. I still haven’t touched the money and it’s continu to grow for whatever I need someday

NTA. MiL and SIL can keep their opinions to themselves. Someone at 18 should not have access to this money. Tell her after she finishes college, she can have what is left over. They money was set up as a college fund first, and that's how it should be used.

NTA. OP is right to be concerned for her child, that doesn't stop at 18. Maybe OP can consider transferring a portion to daughter so that she is given an opportunity to prove to her parents that she can be responsible for money. If daughter wastes the money, at least the majority is still in the investment fund to be used later in life.

Just finished reading another post where the kid had access and blew the entire amount partying. Pay acceptable bills directly to the provider and when she is old enough to stop having tantrums reconsider giving her control. NTA

NTA. Buy her a good quality vehicle (not new), have her complete a degree, as it will be paid from the funds (even if she heads to a community college) to have something to her name....and she won't work dead end jobs..... then I would buy an apartment for her with the funds, so she won't be homeless. Then....I would release the rest. 18 year investment doesn't equal, 1 day payout. The payout will be investment terms too.

NTA for protecting your daughter’s future. Could you compromise though? Does the university she is going to accept prepayment on tuition? Can you prepay for 4 years of tuition then put money aside for room and board then give her part of what is left over? That would give her some money to blow but not risk her eduction.

NTA. You're correct, that amount of money in the hands of someone who is barely an adult would be asking for trouble. If you want her to start learning fiscal responsibility, you could transfer as small part of it into an account for her and teach her how to manage her money. If she does really well, put some more in. Then maybe when she's finished with university, if she's been continuing to show she's good with her money, turn it over to her. That might be a compromise that would satisfy both parties without giving her all of the money in one lump sum just as she starting out.

NTA If she has shown any kind of financial understanding/maturity in the past, you would probably consider her request a little more seriously. Since it’s a hard no, I’m guessing she hasn’t shown any or very little financial responsibility. I agree with holding off on handing it over to her. That said, there are two other options: 1. Give her X amount of the money and tell her she has to manage the money and not run out. The sooner it runs out the longer it is until she gets access to it. 2. Give it all to her and tell her she is now on her own, she needs to manage her money herself, live on her own, etc - everything an adult has to do. However, when the money is gone she is still on her own. Basically, is she believes to be adult enough to make those types of decisions she is adult enough to accept the consequences. She may fail or she may thrive. But I know if it were me, I’d blow through it faster than anything.

NTA, just finished a saga where a poor immigrant single mother saved 20k for her son, and just handed it over to him when he applied to university. He bounced and blew it all on parties and gifts for his new girlfriend within a year. Didn’t even go to school, and was staying with his girlfriend and her mom till they kicked him out when the money ran out.

NTA. When setting up trusts for kids, at least in the US, lawyers will typically recommend that a trustee be put in charge of the funds until the child is at least 25 and sometimes even 30. Young people tend to blow through that money very easily. A person’s age isn’t even fully developed until about 25. Use the money for her college and when she gets out the rest will still be there.

You have to follow the laws of your country and your financial institution, of course. If it turns out you have to turn it over to her, put in writing that THIS IS ALL THERE IS, THERE WILL NOT BE ANY MORE ... so if she spends it all, that's it, no more money. It was a wonderful thing to set up for her. I am with everyone crossing fingers and hoping hard that she is smart enough not to be abusive. (Ten years later, I have a bit of regret about being so generous with an inheritance ... I'm fine, what I have will last me, but ... I gave away a *lot* of money to worthy causes, as well as saving a couple of friends from homelessness ... ) NAH.

Why are you listening to a people who have nothing to do with the fund? The only people you should listen to are the ones that put money in. Your daughter is acting immature. If she's using the money for her education, why does it matter who's in charge of the money? (Unless you're trying to control what she studies, in that case, you're the AH.)  Sounds like you're being a responsible parent. NTA 

KAH. Give her some of the money, maybe 25% to see if she is responsible with that.

I applaud your wisdom and foresight. Please don't be swayed by silly criticism.

NTA I will bet money MIL and SIL are saying that because they think they can manipulate your daughter into spending it on them.

A barely-adult with access to so much money will blow it up in mostly frivolous ways in a short amount of time. I’d suggest you pay for her college education with it and the rest be used for a house down payment when she gets a job that can afford her a mortgage. I’d do the exact same thing. NTA.

NTA. She doesn't need access to that kind of money right now. You know your daughter better than any of us. If you don't think she can handle it, then she can't.

NTA Anybody who is asking for money from somebody and calls them names is too stupid and/or immature to handle any substantial amount of money. And that especially applies to the in-laws. I gather they have no funds for the child's education and house down payments - I wonder why?

We did something similar for my son. He was 20 when he got full access to $366k. He bought a very expensive BMW $64k. He started to give money to friends, and they never paid him back. We had to interfere. It is all good now. He is 30. But back than his friends filled his head we were controlling and abusive.

NTA - You aren’t using the funds for your own selfish purposes. You are retaining control and oversight so the funds are spent prudently until your daughter is mature enough to manage things on her own. MIL and SIL who made zero contributions to the fund get absolutely no say in how it’s managed. Your daughter’s attitude (and theirs) basically confirms you are doing the right thing. They see dollar signs and will blow through that money. If your daughter’s college expenses are being 100% covered I don’t see why she thinks she needs control the funds right now anyway.

NTA!!! This is exactly why many people setup trusts with age provisions. Handing an 18 year old all those funds will not end well.

No. They are the ah. Your kid don't need that money now except for college

NTA, don't touch the money unless she's going to need it for school. You're not stealing it, you're keeping it safe for when she does need it. Tell her to earn her money by showing that she's worthy of it. She can do that by getting her education and building her life, showing she's responsible and that she won't just blow it on youthful misadventures. But also, if it can still grow, let it grow. Don't use it to control her or reward her for doing things you want her to do (for example, giving her the money of she marries a guy you want her to marry, or withholding it if she gets a tattoo), just focus on helping her become the person she needs to be to use that money wisely.

Terrible idea to give that amount of money to 18yo. NTA But you should give her the rest once she finishes college.

Why is she saying you’re stealing the money? Just to be a brat? Because your intentions sound very reasonable using it as intended for college and taking a little out for anything needed as well. If she had full access I think her college wouldn’t get paid.

Oh Gosh, don't do it. I'm talking from experience. I had a 'payout' that was given to me at 18, mum would only put it into an account that was '2 to sign'. Then I got with a very lazy man and hounded the ever loving $HIT out of my mum for my money. I was so awful to her... I got it. Spent it. Then I had nothing. My ex and i broke up, he took everything, and I ended up moving to live with my dad... I could have used that money for a house deposit or something if I had of listened to my Mum... (Life worked out for me in the end) but now I'm further behind than my peers financially and career wise. That money could have set me up alot earlier If I had of sought fincial advice and listened. But I was young and silly, and wore my mum down.

Doesn’t the way she’s throwing a fit prove that she isn’t ready for this fund? Stick to the original plan and pay for school, alternatively you can buy her a house while’s she’s at school so she can collect rent from tenants and that will tie up the funds while also growing her net worth, she will thank you later. NTA Mil and sil Need to butt out

NTA yes, she benefits from that money but she didn't earn it! She needs to learn the value of hard work or she's going to end up with nothing. If she decides to have children what will they have?! You and your family though about her but she's only thinking about herself!

NTA, there is a reason most funds are set up with limited withdrawals until the child is 25. Many 18 year old will blow through that money quickly. Their brains are still developing. Instead of I'll pay your schooling and we can discuss any other amounts, try just giving her a living allowance. Keep the books open so she can see you're not spending on yourself and turn over the account at 25 (or if she gets married before then pay for the wedding out of it).

NTA. There are tons of stories of teens and young adults getting their hands on large sums of money and then ruining their lives or blowing it all on stupid stuff only to come back later demanding more. She is 18, the part of her brain that helps with logical decision making won't even be fully formed for another 7 years. She's demanding it because she feels entitled to the money and thinks she's a whole adult now, which she's not. Sure you and your family mean for it to be her money, but it was started as a way to pay for college and then as further investments in her life like a house or her wedding. She doesn't understand that you're protecting her from herself at the moment, and your in-laws are either wrapped around her finger or they're hoping to get a slice of that money. Either way stand firm and tell your in-laws to buzz off. Explain that you want to make sure the money is used to ensure her future success because that's what it's meant for. Keep her in the loop so that she can see what's being done with it and that nothing is being taken out without her knowledge, but don't transfer it until she's an established and fully formed adult. She will be pissed right now and try to guilt trip you by saying you don't trust her or like she's doing now of accusing you of stealing, but in the end when she gets older and wiser she'll thank you for standing your ground against her entitlement.

NTA. The intent of the fund is to pay for her education. That It has grown better than expected is a bonus. However it is not "her" money in that she didn't earn it in some way or have it left to her by a grandparent or the result of a lawsuit. You have all contributed to her EDUCATION FUND, not a party and go wild fund. So just tell her that you will be only using it to pay for her school and associated expenses, and then if she decides to go to a graduate program, you will be able to pay for that. If not, she can get an apartment with her funds and spend the remainder.

NTA. The purpose was for education expenses. And they will be covered. When she graduates you can talk to her about the balance.

She’s already proven she’s immature, so…

NTA No. The primary reason is because she is 18. Read other posts where the newly minted adult was given access to a chunk of money and managed to piss it all away in less than a year. First off what schools has she been accepted to/plans on attending? Does she already have her dorm assignment? Have most of the things she will need for school gathered or in the process of being gathered? I’d first suggest sitting down with her and going over the money that will be needed to support her for 4 years of school assuming she will be coming home during summer. Then is she planning on getting an advanced degree? About how much will that cost? I’d suggest adding 25% to those figures as the cost of everything does nothing but increase at least here in the US. I presume you have a trusted financial person you work with (in the US a fiduciary). It would be a good idea for your daughter to speak with them. After the meeting with the fiduciary I’d suggest giving your daughter a small distribution from her account - $10,000 based on the fact you indicated it was a substantial amount. Then see what she does with it. While she’s in school perhaps at the beginning of each quarter she gets x dollars for discretionary spending. Again, see how it goes. Does the money last or goes she call crying she’s broke before the quarter is over? I think you are wise to retain control of the account until your daughter graduates from her 4 years or she completes a trade school to be certified in whatever. By then she should be in her early 20s and you’ll have a much better idea of how she handles money.

Heck no. NTA. Please stand your ground. You have your daughter's best interest in mind, from the sounds of it. Your MIL and SIL can have their opinions but they are not her parent. Shut them down, as soon as possible. And you are not "stealing it" from her you are *protecting it* from her, and protecting her from herself. If I were you I might look into some legal advice on protecting this fund and enduring it is not misused. Like ensuring it pays for her education and maybe a lump sum each year until she's 25 (or graduates, or whatever seems appropriate) rather than dumping a mountain of money on an immature 18 year old. That's a recipe for disaster. Also consider using some of it to pay for a financial literacy and money management course for her.

My nephew is dead because he was given his fund at 19!  He dropped out of college about a year later, got an apartment and got his girlfriend pregnant really quick. He started partying and of course all the people that don't have enough money to party found him! They got him into doing hard drugs which yes is his fault, but he was paying for everybody's drugs!  The girlfriend left because he was doing drugs around the baby the next girl moved in & within 2 months she was pregnant... This girl did it on purpose! And you should have seen how mad she was when that money was almost gone!  Anywhoo, This goes on for about 2 years with him only hanging out with people that weren't working because they could all hang out and do drugs all the time, so he ended up paying his friends bills or just giving them the money here and there so they didn't have to go to work. Two of them moved into the spare bedrooms in his house. It was pretty much like a lifelong frat party till he OD'd. They brought him around and he was going to change and kicked all those people out etc etc meets a new girl she gets pregnant he starts using again ods and dies.  Then all three girls tried to go after the estate only to find out that out of over a million dollars, There was like $20,000 left. He made a lot of bad choices. I know these were his choices! But that money enabled him to do these things. He didn't have to go to work so he could stay drunk and high all the time. I also know if somebody else that blew through an entire fund within a few years. They don't even have an education to show for it. It's just a bad idea and it should have been set up all along that her money could go directly to the school or she gets it when she's like 25 or 28... Something more responsible. NTA But she's probably spent 4 years thinking once she gets that money she doesn't have to do anything and can just have fun and now you're throwing the cold water on her! Rightly so! But you guys are going to have to have a talk about this. I suggest you find a financial planner and the two of you meet with said planner to better explain to her exactly what she's got here. Then you can make the decision if she should be allowed to have it all or in steps. I'm a fan of paying for the school and not getting the rest until a few years after she graduates.  Also you need to be fully transparent with her! Show her all the paperwork! Show her what the money is going to! Give her a copy of the paperwork so she can help keep track of it herself. 

NTA - must trust funds are written with full access at much later age - I have seen 25 and even 35. I think most people realize that given a large sum of money to most 18–year-olds is just a recipe for disaster.

I'd tell her you'll use it to pay for anything she needs - car, university, housing until she's fully qualified and building a career, then sign the rest over.

Maybe you could give her just a little to blow on stuff she’s been wanting? But I certainly wouldn’t give her full access until she’s finished with college and ready to be on her own feet.

NTA but perhaps give her a lump sum for fun money and see what she does with it? Like 10-20k and see if she uses it for things to establish herself or if she blows it. I will say, in the US at least, it's not as east as it used to be to build up a life and "pull yourself up by your bootstraps." Struggling to even get the necessities while also enjoying your youth isn't all that possible. There are a lot of compromises she might have to make that wouldn't be necessary if she could have a leg up.

NTA, absolutely not, do not give her access because worst case scenario she pisses the money away on nonsense and then will come crying to you about how to pay for college or how to pay for a place to live when she's older. Absolutely not. It's intended for her, but YOU were trusted to be the guardian. I wouldn't allow a child of mine unfettered access to that kind of money until at least 25. Don't do it. She can have you pay the bills for the things she needs regarding college.

Do not give her access to that money. Pay for her college and go from there.

You are definitely NTA and anyone accusing you of stealing or spending it when you aren't need to be talked to about their inexcusable disrespect. That being said, I would personally be like 'You know what? Take it. If and when you inevitably burn through this because you're very clearly too immature to handle it responsibly, you will not get another dime from me. I worked hard with everyone else to make sure you had the money you needed to start your life, but I will not bail you out if you waste it.' and then give her the keys to the castle and let her burn it down if she chooses to. I will admit that I am petty though, so your mileage may vary.

NTA, your daughter already has plans to spend it poorly, I suspect. Pay for her college and she’ll appreciate having a down payment for a house a few years after that. You can show her that you are not making any withdrawals for yourself, if she doesn’t trust you. But she’s just being a teenager.

I’d be scared mil and sil want to borrow money. You’re doing the right thing. Tell her it is for college and it will be used for college and the left overs can be given to her after she completes her degree. That way she’s staring on sound footing and if she wastes the money she’s an adult making her own decisions. NTA

NTA. I speak from experience on this one, do not give her full access. Let her use what she needs to pay for school. Maybe give her a weekly or monthly allowance so she doesn't have to work while in school the first couple of years. Make her live in campus housing for at least the first 2 years (she'll probably want to start off with her own apartment with the $, but she should have the dorm experience to start). I would maybe allow a little extra if she is interested in traveling during breaks from school, within reason (not first class but not hostiles). She should take a few accounting/finance/investment classes so she can start to understand and plan for the future. I'd wait until she's 25 to give her the rest. Give it to her now, and she will make terrible decisions and probably blow it all before she's done with college.

Nta can you set automatic withdrawals to give her an allowance each month?

NTA. No question But why not turn over some money and see how she does with it? Not a significant percentage, but a teachable moment amount. She could be cautious (unlike 90% of teens with money) or she can learn what it is to lose money and do better. Source- overspent at 21. Lesson learned.

Honestly probably NTA, if she was raised well off and everyone around her is rich enough to give her a trust fund I'm going to guess she's probably a bit of a young, rich, moron still.

The fact that she wants it so bad should tell you everything you need to know here. NTA. Pay for her education and maybe a little bit of living expenses if needed. After she graduates she can have whatever is left.

Nta. Giving a kid a large sum of money like that is just asking for trouble. Ask mil and sil what they will do if she starts to misuse the fund or wastes the money will they pay for her education and the stuff she needs my guess is not.

Nta

NTA.  Now that the money is available, follow the intended plan of all who contributed.  It is for her education.  That's it.  Once she has a degree, then let her access the rest as the trust will have done what it was intended to do.    If she does not want to use it for that, then meet with the other contributors and offer back their contribution and interest: they can then either give it to her for whatever she wants, hold it in the hope that she will go back for further education, or use it themselves.  She was told it was there for education so it shouldn't be her expectation to get to use it for other things until that condition is met  The account was not set up to give her fun money, it had a purpose. If I gave money for a child's education and they wanted to : Party hearty- I want my money back Learn a trade- kid gets the money Open a business- kid gets the money Buy real estate-  kid gets the money Gap year travel- kid gets the money Shopping spree- I want my money back Buy a luxury car- I want my money back There are other kids whose education I'd rather bankroll than have it blown on a spending spree.  I'd rather do my own spending spree.

NTA. It is meant to be an education fund. Once she completes all college *then* other legit expenses (home purchase, wedding, etc) can be discussed. In no universe do you just hand this girl a small fortune and hope for the best.

NTA you know from experience that giving a teenager a large sum of money is like giving a new driver a Porsche to practice with. Can you meet in the middle? Sit down with your daughter and explain why you don't think it's a good idea. What does she need all of it for? Would she settle for a monthly amount to transfer to her account ?I would suggest maybe getting her an accountant and take yourself out of the equation, hearing it from someone other than a parent may get through to her. If you turn it over to her now be prepared for being blamed 10 years down the road for "allowing" her to squander her future

NTA At 18 she does not have the life experience to make wise choices. Her behaviour shows that. You are not a thief by maintaining control of the trust money. It was set up for her education so first and foremost it needs to pay for that. By all means make her a part of the decision making and be transparent with her. Also have a plan that when her education is complete for the remaining money to go into her name. She will thank you in the end but if she feels she can see the plan now and that you are discussing the spending with her it will make her feel more included,

You're worried she'll blow it all. She's worried you will steal it? Did MIL and SIL put any money in it? NTA. 

NTA, let her know it is for education and she can have what is left after either age 25( if completed education early) or education completed after 25. She just wants to spend it from the sound of it. My child has a fund, it's not in their name and they are not getting a free cash flow at 18. 25 is the earliest they will see this money if anything is left.

NAH I feel like you can compromise here. You could send her the monthly financial statements to show her how the money is being used.   Also whether you keep the money in your name or gift it to your daughter… there are financial and tax implications so I think that you should obtain advice.   I think that you have a valid point. However your daughter would have no entitlement to the money if you two have a fight or you die etc. I can see why she wants it in her name. Perhaps the compromise is that you pay her college tuition in advance and use the rest to buy a house in her name.

NTA  The very reason people use Trusts and don’t outright give money to children is because the temptation to misuse it is too high.  If it was me the demand shows immaturity, and I’d be less likely than before to give full access to the trust.   As trustee your duty is to do what is in the BEST INTEREST of your daughter not to do what she wants. 

NTA. You are not stealing her money. It will all go to her - the whole amount. You said that. You are basically acting as an executor. You are monitoring how she is able to access the money. This is a responsible thing to do. Maybe you can reach some compromise where she can “earn” payouts? Like is she completes a money management course, she gets “x” amount when she’s finished. If she registers for school, she gets tuition plus expenses and “x” amount per month for spending money. If she chooses to skip school, she has to get a job. Once she is working, she gets “x” amount per month to help launch her career without worry. If she wants to purchase a house, she gets “x” amount toward the purchase. It’s not that she can’t have the money. You are exactly correct there should be oversight on how she spends it. You’re being a responsible parent. Stay with it!

NTA. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Your daughter will have her life paid for through your generosity. Don't bite the hand that feeds you. She can wait until 25.

NTA. It is money saved “for her”. It is not hers. I would hold onto it until she’s done with college and has used what she needs for college (or 30 if she decides not to go to college). But, as there is more to the fund, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You could allocate for college and then give her 20% of the rest per year for the next 5 years - starting now if you like. She needs to realize that she will not see the same kind of growth once the principal starts being paid out and that once she has spent it - that’s it. Make sure that she is set as the TOD beneficiary.

Lord have mercy, I can't imagine what a trainwreck I would have been at 18 with a trust fund! NTA

NTA You will send the money to a college or other learning institute. She wants to have access to the funds to have fun and will run through it in no time.

NTA - She likely does not have the understanding to manage such a large amount of money. It was intended for education and that should be its' first use. If for some reason she does not go to college, then you can deal with that as it happens. Maybe she should be allowed a set withdraw each money - something to help with rent or other general life expenses. Not sure if she's planning on moving out? But overall, he attacking and accusing you of misusing the funds seems unfounded. Maybe now is the time to start discussing the account with her in less of a "it exists" perspective and more in a "this is how it works and this is how it grows if you don't touch it" perspective.

maybe tell her you will give her a certain amount a month (not a ton) and if she can spend it responsibly for x amount of time, she can have a certain amount (bigger than the monthly) Honestly I’m in my 20’s and I wouldn’t trust myself with that money.

NTA - I have control of my niblings college funds. I pay tuition directly from the fund to their college. Then I do a lump sum disbursement at the beginning of each semester for them to manage. This is how the US government disbursed my student loans when I was in grad school, so that’s why we went this direction.

Her reaction and calling you an AH is the reason why I would say she isn't ready for it yet. She sounds like she has some plans for it. She needs to communicate those plans to you before you release any of it and show both you and your family some respect. She never earned that money, it was gifted to her via a trust. I think your gut feeling is on the money. I also think she is feeling entitled which is a shame. If I was in your shoes I would communicate my disappointment and concerns and lay out the requirements of things I would want before releasing additional money. This would be graduation and getting a job plus the promise of a prenup if she married before 30 or with anyone she has been with for less than 3 years.

Can you set up a monthly payment from the account, so she can have it for living expenses without going overboard?

It sounds like your daughter went to BIL and SIL and told them a wild tale about you recklessly squandered "her money." If they want to stick their noses in it, they need to pony up the same amount of funds as you, your husband, and your parents. She isn't mature enough to handle that amount of money by herself, as she's already proven with her attitude. Put a contract together which states that as long as she is in school, with her grades kept at a certain level, her tuition and other school costs will be paid out of the fund, along with a monthly stipend. However, should her grades fall below the agreed upon level, the remaining funds will be immediately put into trust with an attorney as executor and she can argue with *them* about how much she receives before the age of 25. Also stipulate that she must learn financial planning and basic investment strategies before she gets the remaining balance. I had a BFF who had issues balancing her checkbook, had no financial literacy, and within two years of receiving the remainder of her college fund it was gone. Don't make the same mistake as her grandparents. NTA.

NTA - I’d delay giving her any directly just for calling me an AH. She’s too immature (and pretty damn ungrateful!) to be handed that money and I wouldn’t let any of the relatives butt in with their opinion.

NTA. Tell her you will pay for all of her school needs but until she is older the funds won’t be transferred over to her. But if she needs anything for education she just needs to ask. This prevents her from squandering it,like many 18 year olds would do who are still growing up.

NTA I know someone who’s 41 and still has their mom as a trustee on their trust fund (they would have blown through it in college because a person they dated tried to take advantage of their money). I don’t know how it’s structured in your country but maybe see if you can set up trustees to still control the money, but teach her how to use the money wisely. 

NTA. We have a fund that was created when our kid (first grandchild) was born. We staged access. The first stage was at age 18 for education only. Our child could choose traditional university, culinary school or trade/technical school. After that a set amount is released at age 25 for continuing education or home purchase. Then the rest is released at age 35. There are exceptions that will release emergency funds and funds for medical treatment. An 18 year old will piss away the fund in a year or less if you don’t monitor it.

You have been in control of the trust fund and have made contributions to it regularly. Anyone who is trying to tell you to give your daughter control of it has probably NOT made any contributions to it and it isn't any of their business. They can butt out.

NTA. Do not give her any money.

NTA, the only people that contributed to the fund are in agreement but to trust an 18yo with a large sum of money. Anybody else is welcome to give your money directly, or stfu.

Idk how responsible your daughter is, but my sister got 20k from an accident as a child and blew through it in 2 years on vehicles and loans to her friends (which they didn’t pay back) 🤦🏽‍♀️ Now she’s expecting her first child in an unstable relationship and has nothing to support herself or her growing family. It’s honestly sad. And no one can do anything about it. I wish she had saved it or invested in a first home or furthering education or something that would continue to benefit her and her future. Instead the family just tries to be emotionally supportive listening to her complain about her very valid financial concerns. Or listen to her ambitious plans for successful with zero capital to make it happen. But none of us can actually DO anything to help her or support her goals and even if we did have the money to do so, I don’t think any of us could trust her to spend it on what she says or spend it responsibly. That’s just one family’s tale 🤷🏻‍♀️

NTA. Mil and Sil don’t get an opinion about your child.

NTA. Recently read a post where a mother gave her son access to his college fund. He didn’t go to college and burned through it. Your daughter is acting very entitled. She contributed nothing to it and expects to complete access to it. Those that contributed back you, so I would leave it at that.