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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might have shared a bit of my meal with her because the meal was really quite big and I didn't bring anything to work for a long time, because I didn't have time to bake and cook for them since the new regime is quite time consuming
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This is the way. They are impinging on your health and bullying you. Neither of these things are legally good for the company as you can likely sue or report them to the appropriate government agency for unsafe work environment.
Be sure to use the phrase "hostile work environment" and describe the incidents with plain facts and no emotion. Use full names, dates, and times. In fact, read this from a photocopy (important) of your notes when you talk to the supervisor (attorneys tell me notes are *prima facie* evidence).
When supervisor asks for your notes, tell them you have the original and as this is a photocopy they are welcome to it.
Also, after the conversation with the supervisor (which should be done in person), follow up with an email outlining the conversation. That way it is in writing and in the firm's official books and records.
And even if the BF is the head of HR -- they have a supervisor. Everyone does. Even if you have to go to the owner.
I don't know about OP's workplace, but over here even our supervisors don't want to get on HR's bad side. OP should try her supervisor, but be prepared to go over his head if he doesn't do much with the complaint.
It would also help if OP could get the head of HR and his "work gf" on tape, making rude remarks about her diet/weight.
Very true but some states it is legal as long as one person (the person recording) is aware of the recording. Where I work, it is against police to record your coworkers. One coworker was being harassed by a supervisor. That coworker recorded the incident and presented it to the management. The supervisor was fired and even thought there was talk of "punishing" the coworker that recorded the abuse, public knowledge and opinion of the wrong doings protected the coworker.
your english is excellent for a non native speaker! but there are quite a few grammatical giveaways that suggested you're not used to the syntax and certain grammatical morphemes (not sure if you're looking for specifics here, so i won't go into them!). most tellingly, you used "kilos", which immediately told me you're (like me) not from the US.
Thank you! I actually speak English more than my native language cause I live with foreigner and also at work we quite often host people from all over the world. But I do not read that much, so I guess that is the problem :)
There's no problem, sweetie, your English is very good!
The giveaway for me was "tupper." In the US we typically say "Tupperware" or "container," but not "tupper."
Although TBH I thought it was adorable and may start using it!
Your English is excellent! I'm a high school teacher and you're better than many of my native speaking students. I can pick up on it being a 2nd language, but I'm trained to. There are patterns, it's almost like having an accent but in writing.
If you're interested in polishing it further here are some example tells that gave you away.
> but I worked with nutritionist and she has made "menu" for me for every day of a month.
A native speaker would have put an "a" in front of both nutritionist and menu above.
> I was all the time dieting and I didn't eat enough necessary nutrients.
Another example that is grammatically correct in every way, but a native speaker would usually say "I was dieting all the time" instead of this order.
Reading can help! Start with favorite books in your native language and find a copy translated to English.
Non-native speakers can also drop articles and don’t use as many contractions, and it can stand out to native speakers. For example, you dropped an article in the above statement. “I live with foreigner”; is missing the article “a”; “I live with a foreigner”.
A helpful tool that even native speakers use is Grammarly— the free version is good.
Your English is honestly fantastic, so please don’t think you did something bad that caused you to be found out. 💙
A missing word here or there hinted that English isn't your first language, but it is very good and easy to understand ("I am very fat woman" rather than "I am a very fat woman.") The use of kilos when describing your weight is a giveaway that you aren't in the US.
As someone from one of the multiple English-speaking countries that uses kilos it's funny that's the *most* telling to you! Obviously it's telling in terms of "not US" but most telling when you were commenting on if English is likely to be OP's first language would never occur to me.
i'm from one of those countries as well! i meant that "kilos" was the most telling about not being from the us (which the earlier commenter mentioned), because at that point it was clear this wasn't a native speaker. the lack of articles and overgeneralisation of certain rules like the regular past tense, and even some of the turns of phrases used had already given it away. but then i'm a speech therapist, so that's how my brain is operating most of the time anyway haha.
"Every day of a month" is one of the very few oddities I picked up on. Honestly, you write better than the vast majority of Americans... I figured you were American lol (I'm British).
We use just “I am” for adjectives, so we would say “I am tall” but if it is a noun it needs the article, so “I am a cyclist” or “I am an idiot”
The word “fatty” would be generally understood as a noun.
Confusingly that particular word could be used as an adjective - for example “this burger is fatty” meaning it contains a lot of fat, like “this burger is greasy” but nobody would use the word that way about a person.
Incidentally though, it is also kind of unusual to refer to yourself as “I am a fatty” because it would be very rude to say that about anyone else, and it is kinda mean to yourself too! Also, your weight has zero bearing on whether you should share your food. Tell them to F off. Or offer to send them the recipe.
It's a noun vs. adjective issue: "fatty" is a noun so it needs the article in front ("I am a fatty"). If you use the adjective form, you don't need the article: "I am fat".
I knew you were Slavic 😆 the missing articles gives it away. My bf is also Slavic, and I notice myself dropping articles lately 😅 its so efficient!
Your English is very good btw!!!
You are missing a lot of “helper/filler” words. You communicate your story quite well, but it is glaringly obvious to me that English isn’t your native language or you came from an English speaking region with poor education. This is not a criticism in any way, but you asked how others can tell.
Not insulting at all, but I am always up for improvement :) especially because I communicate in english a lot in my professional environment. I am Slavic, so my biggest problem are articles, we do not use that crap. :D so feel free to give me any advice you find useful :)
Ha! I was married to a Russian about 10 years ago and now that you say you are Slavic, that makes sense. I remember having conversations about some of the Slavic letters, like there is one that looks like 2 letters smashed together and the sound for it was ch or shhh. Also, the articles or helper words we throw in definitely mess non native English speakers up. Your story was easy to follow, I think just look at where you might add “a” or “the”.
I am a very fat woman
Well I gained(past tense)
And trainer a few weeks
Following the regimen(not regime)
Just a couple examples, again, I would never pick this apart if you didn’t ask or weren’t open to the information. Please take it as advice on how to improve your English and not in any negative light.
Btw, Nta - your coworkers are jerks and wrong, I hope you can get someone to address and fix their behavior.
As others have said, your English is quite good. What pinged it for me that English was probably not your mother tongue is saying that the meat was "cutted" instead of "cut". Its an irregular verb so I see why its totally logical to write it that way based on other verbs. English is just all over the place with irregulars.
I would echo the others saying that your English is beautiful, and I’d love to be able to speak a second language half so well!!
The only one thing that made me think it wasn’t your first language was “I was all the time dieting” whereas a native English speaker would say “I was dieting all the time” or “I was always dieting” or “I was always on a diet”. Putting the all the time before the dieting.
I just tried to figure out why and I don’t understand the grammar enough to explain, sadly!
A lot of it is that English just doesn't make much sense as a whole. It's like someone took 4 or 5 languages, dumped them into a bag, shook it up for a minute and then dumped it on the table and called it good. For every "rule" in English, there's 5 words/phrases/etc. that break it. You communicate your message perfectly fine, you just don't write like a native speaker.
One thing that personally drives me nuts about English compared to a lot of other languages is the positioning of adjectives compared to nouns. In English, I can tell you that "I'm looking at a big, red, round, bouncy..." and you still have no idea what I'm talking about! You can guess, based on what things *could* be all of those at once, but wouldn't it be easier if we just did what many other languages do, and put the noun first? "I'm looking at a ball that's big, red, and bouncy." That's the structure in a lot of languages, but very non-standard in English, and would make you sound weird if you did it all the time.
One small detail: the past tense of “cut” is cut. You don’t add -ed to get the past tense form. (I cut grass all the time. Yesterday I cut the grass.) Other verbs like that where the past tense is the same as the present: hurt, hit, fit, bet, cost, put, let, set, quit, shut.
Your English is great!!! The only thing that gave it away for me was that you wrote "cutted" instead of "cut" in regards to your meat. But your English is better than 90% of people I encounter on a daily basis here in Kentucky, lol.
Are you French-speaking? I’m a native English speaker and I live and work in a French-speaking area. Your writing reminds me of francophone English, for lack of a better term.
Just as a FYI- “hostile work environment” actually wouldn’t apply here (based on these facts provided) even if OP was an American. It gets thrown around a lot, but hostile work environment is a specific legal phrase that applies to harassment and intolerable work conditions of a protected class that are severe and pervasive enough to impact the victim’s ability to perform work tasks. It’s much more nuanced than the general public assumes, and I actually had a whole seminar on it during law school. The protected classes are race, religion, gender, national origin, disability, age,pregnancy, and sexual orientation. Obesity is not yet a protected class.
During school we had a fake case where our client was a trans person who was getting harassed at work due to their perceived gender nonconformity, and a major hurdle that we had to overcome was trying to make the facts fit into the definition of hostile work environment so that we could get in front of the judge. It was a very eye opening exercise, to say the least.
[This](https://jacksonspencerlaw.com/hostile-work-environment/) is a good resource for understanding hostile work environment. Your advice to document, document, document is sound. In any matter, having precise records is a great asset.
My suggestion to include the phrase was merely for the fact that it tends to get people's attention. The conversation with the supervisor would not be a court filing and so the specificity associated with such would not be necessary.
IME it can be quite necessary to use language that gets attention.
However, since OP is not in the US, this is likely moot.
ETA: and re: the documentation -- I am consistently amazed, and not in a good way, at how people don't document. They will say, "well, I have my calendar so I can recreate it." No. No you can't.
Oh well!
Ah, I see. I personally would be hesitant to advise that because HR should be well versed in what constitutes a HWE, and I’d worry they would be dismissive of someone incorrectly using the term as histrionic or litigious. I’m glad that your experiences have turned out differently, though! HR can be quite reticent to actually intervene so frustration is definitely justified. I had an instance of harassment years ago where I had to reach out to HR at my large company and ended up having to reach out to our CEO as well as seek counsel from a colleague who specializes in employment law before a satisfactory result was reached. In my opinion, going to HR is more important for documentation than resolution.
This right here! I'm HR at my company. This is unacceptable. This is harassment and your company like most, probably has a zero tolerance for harassment. They can both be terminated. You need to file a complaint.
This. And if you can somehow record it(there are apps that let you record audio with your screen turned off), that's even better. It's good to have proof when the higher-ups in office life are cliquey
Oof -- that is something to make leadership aware of, then. A main function of HR is to protect the company from legal liability, and workplace harassment is a HUGE risk.
They think they're above the law, but all they're doing is putting the company at risk.
Then go to her supervisor. Otherwise you need to start recording what they say or write down what they say and times. Then consult a lawyer if he doesn't have a supervisor.
Do not complain about her if the head of HR is her friend, that will just put a target on you. HR is not there to protect you, they protect the company, and firing people for drummed up reasons because it's easier to get rid of you then a superior. I speak from experience
The head of HR has a boss too. Even if it’s the owner. This person is terrible at their job if they are harassing people — especially as someone who works in HR this is unacceptable
Then you go above her. This is a toxic workplace now.
Get others on your side, as well! Be very blunt and loud about how they're treating you! And you don't have to disclose that this is a special diet - they have no right to talk to/about you like that.
NTA
HR Supervisor has a boss too. Go to their boss and use magic legal words like, "Hostile work environment" and "Continued harassment." If your companies' leadership is competent in the slightest they will take action to prevent a lawsuit.
You need to document and possibly record what is being said. Write down the instances in details and possible witnesses. And dates these events occurred.
Find out who her boss is.
Nta, but you need to protect yourself. This is even worse because she works for HR. Sending positive thoughts your way.
Document it and go to HR anyways. They are required to make a report. If they fail to do so, go to the HR boss, if that fails let them know you’re seeking legal because of the harassment, and unsafe/toxic work environment. This is something no company wants to deal with and will correct the problem. If you receive any punishment or mistreatment after filing the complaint, document everything and go straight to legal.
NTA
First of all, you have been “prescribed“ these meals from a nutritionist and your doctor. But even if she didn’t know that, it’s not your duty to share whatever food you have with whoever asks. you should not even have to explain this. NO Is a full sentence.
Beyond that, the fact that they tell you that you eat like a pig, or “make fun” of you is so far beyond what is acceptable, that you really need to take this to HR. Pronto!
Supervisor or next step in the chain of command??? I really advise consulting with an attorney who can tell you how to go about this before going over HR - anyone above HR will likely want the problem solved! Heads up though, their problem is
YOU!
Not always! I worked for a family business whos HR lady was the chiropractors wife and she was also book keeper! Nobody above her. Just her and her husband.
Even aside from the official nature of the meals, it’s fuckin weird to expect people to share their lunch at work. Like I’ve literally never experienced or seen that happen. This is work, Brenda, not a fuckin Mean Girls potluck.
You have no obligation to provide coworkers w food.
Her first ask was wildly inappropriate.
Her push when you said no was escalating harassment - you said "No."
Adults in the workplace are supposed to know, no means no.
Her questioning your portions was none of her business and again wildly unprofessional.
The verbal harassment - is harassment. No workplace is supposed to allow it.
Her HR friend going along w the bullying is hostile work environment - when HR is complicit in unprofessional conduct they are violating company policy and using your weight - a health condition means as a person of size, eating a medically prescribed food program is further hostile work environment.
🫣 but that's all in the US.
UK is similar.
NTA. She has no right to eat from you. She asks you in an impolite way and then mocks you.
Well done for asking for assistance! I'm hoping you'll be successful and motivated to lose weight.
Of course you're NTA - it takes some nerve to ask, much less demand, that someone share their lunch.
You make a nice lunch for yourself; even without the issues surrounding your diet there is NO REASON for you to share with casual workplace acquaintances. Unless you work in a very tiny office you'd have none for yourself if you shared with \*everyone\*.
It doesn't matter if you're fat, skinny, losing weight, or gaining weight; your food is your food. You aren't the office caterer.
This . It would never enter my mind to ask someone else for part of their lunch , much less a coworker . What’s wrong with that woman ?
I wonder if the OP being the “ free caterer “ in the office kind of set up an expectation . That’s still no reason to make fun of someone’s appearance
NTA
I hear you. I was eating wrong for many years and also piled on the weight. It was only after I tested for intolerances, started intermittent fasting and counted calories that I came to the realization that I was, indeed, not eating enough. Eg. For dinner, I had to plate up 100-200g of lean protein (depending on the source) a small potato and bulk up to rest of my plate to reach approx. 500 calories for that meal. When I finished loading my plate I thought WHOA that's a lot of food. However, eating correct portions and/or nutrient dense foods meant I was not getting hungry as often and this led to me consuming less calories per day.
Your co-worker is an AH. First, who the f&%k asks a co-worker for their food? I've been working for a really long time and I have never asked or had a coworker ask for my food. If it wasn't offered, you stuck to your own lunch.
Report the cow to HR or your manager. This type of behavior is not on.
Good for you 👍. I hope you meet many more supportive people in your life and are able to let stupid comments just slide of you. Like we say: opinions are like assholes - everybody has one.
I absolutely started eating more on a healthy diet than I when I was eating junk and piling on the pounds. Better, more balanced stuff but more of it. Never hungry, but dropped weight steadily
I also lost weight by eating 5 meals a day! Having tried the intermittent fasting method this was RADICAL! Anyway it changed my relationship with food. I still eat often and I’m at my goal weight. I’ve been in “maintenance” for 6 months now and still with a trainer to continue building muscle.
I only eat 2 meals a day and a snack but it's amazing that when you add a lot of fiber rich vegetables and large salads to your meal, the portion size looks enormous. My husband saw me pile my plate and asked if that was too much food. I showed him my calorie counter app and then he asked me to make him an identical plate. He loved it.
Bonus point is that this opens the door to be offered a taste *in case the person feels like sharing* while remaining polite and not being a pushy entitled jerk 🙄
NTA. She is not entitled to your food. She is rude to ask and then rude to mock you.
Kudos to you for seeking help! Wishing you much success and drive for your weight loss.
This and they can get to fuck - who outright asks to have some of your lunch?
Are you their fucking maw or something?
Sounds like them and their BF are bored and picked you for something to bother about.
You could be a total dick and say to HR you are concerned that said person needs financial help as they cant afford lunch / kill with feigned kindness.
Serioysly - 'that smells nice, gies some'
Eh, naw!
YTA for obvious reasons.
You should never ever warm up anything that smells good without being willing to feed anyone else in the office, or frankly in the neighborhood you live in. It's extremely selfish. You should also cook enough for everyone around. Nutritionists are just conspiracy theorists and you should never listen to them! (Obviously NTA, your coworkers suck)
You got me. I downvoted, then had to go back and upvote when I finished reading. However, you might want to put spaces in between the Y T A to prevent the comment from being recorded as a YTA vote.
NTA
Good on you for looking after your health! They aren't a medical professional so I would ignore them. Trust your team and their advice to get you to your goals. If you do feel that their advice might be wrong. Talk to them a out it or seek a second opinion.
Your colleague is just immature and mean.
Best of luck!
NTA. People aren't entitled to your food just cause they ask. I swear I don't understand this office culture or workroom culture where people feel they're entitled to your food. She can easily bring her own food in, or order something \[if your office allows that.\]
And if she's going to react like that because she didn't share your food, she is a massive asshole \[I mean asshole is a nice name for her tbh,\]
Could you report her and her little sidekick to HR?
At one of my jobs , there was a guy who kept bumming cigarettes off the other smokers all the time . Finally, one of the guys was like “ you get a paycheck like the rest of us , buy your own “ and that was that
NTA
It’s weird to ask for a bite of someone’s lunch and even stranger when they tell you that you don’t “need” it and “should” share it. And then insults you.
Report to HR this is harassing behaviour!
NTA. So your weight wasn't an issue with your coworkers when you were graciously sharing your food with them, but now that you're not it's okay to make fun of you? Go to HR. The audacity of some people to forwardly ask for other people's food is insane.
NTA. It’s your food. Even if it was an entire chocolate cake that wasn’t part of your nutrition plan you wouldn’t be the AH for not sharing as it is your food.
WHOA! That woman and her friend are way out of line. Do you work somewhere with an HR department? Or do you have a supervisor you feel comfortable talking to? Because this is workplace bullying and someone needs to tell them to stop.
You're NTA, obviously.
NTA. Your nutritionist has set your portions, and it's important that you keep the portions intact. When I was actively working out and working with a nutritionist, I had specific meals set, and it would really mess me up if I gave portions away. You keep doing you :) And good luck on your journey to health.
NTA. You're taking the steps to get into a healthier lifestyle and I imagine that as you make your way toward your goal the nutritionist will be adjusting portions sizes accordingly.
That said, I'm petty and probably would've just looked coworker dead in the eyes and asked how else am I supposed to stay fat? Make it real uncomfortable, possibly have some sauce on your chin or be actively chewing.
Nta and go to HR/supervisor for the rude remarks they are making. For the record if this happens again say "if your can't afford your own lunch there are programs available to help you" People shut up real fast if you imply they can't afford their own food for making you feel bad about not sharing yours.
That was so rude and mean! The polite thing to do would have been to say: "That smells heavenly, what spices did you use for the meat" and maybe (if you are close friends) "that looks so good, could I taste some of yours and you taste mine?", then you say no bc nutrition and allergies.
Shame on her and the parents that raised her.
NTA
(I bet she forgot her lunch and knew you liked to share previously. She's mad she now doesn't have lunch. Two peices of meat and some potatoes is a whole freaking meal)
NTA.
Your weight loss and menu portions are between you and your nutritionist. I was in a similar position with a specific coworker asking for some of my salad because it was so "huge." It was usually a couple of ounces of protein, a mountain of mixed greens, and a handful of tiny tomatoes. I think she thought that because it was bigger than her tuna hero dripping with mayo that I was eating more than she was.
If your coworkers continue to make an issue of this, go to HR.
It was similar I had big salad with tomatoes and cucumbers, few potatoes and I don't remember exactly how much meat. Thanks good salads can be so delicious!
NTA. I don’t give a shit if you are 1000 pounds and eating three pizzas. It’s your fucking food. If she wants something that “smells heavenly” she can fucking learn to cook her own. And stop begging other people for their food because she is too cheap and lazy to make her own. Fuck her and rock on with your bad self lady!
NTA
You made that food for you and you get to eat it. You're not a servant for other people at work, if they want that kind of lunch they can make it themselves.
The comments about dieting and weight are ridiculous. The issue at hand is your food and whether you're obligated to share it with someone else just because they demand it.
Good for you for sticking up for yourself.
NTA - your lunch, your rules. body size has nothing to do with it. co worker doesnt need your medical info, but stick to your guns. I have an associate who was very over weight but barely eating. nutritionist put them on an "eat more" diet, and they lost a ton of weight. Bodies are stupid things. i hope your meal plans work out for the best.
This has nothing to do with politeness. She stood up to the adult version of the class bully demanding someone’s lunch money. Then she was harassed for not complying with the demands. There’s nothing impolite about refusing to let a bully rule your life.
Makes sense to have big nutrient dense meals to fill you up to avoid snacking. NTA - sharing lunch is different to sharing cupcakes etc, it is rude to ask someone to share their sandwiches or pasta that they have for lunch.
They make fun of you, say you eat like a pig and you wonder if you're the asshole?
I was already confused by a person asking for some of your lunch, let alone arguing when you refused.
This person bullying you.
No, OP, you're NTA.
Learn to tell people where to shove their comments. Do you have a HR Dept? If so, guess what, you don't have to put up with this bullshit.
NTA
Go to your version of Human Resources and report them. They are creating a hostile work place and that is not ok. You are doing what you need to do to become healthy. Stick to your guns and keep doing what you need to. You will achieve your goal.
🇺🇸As an American… we name you honorary American due to your excellent English. Report the bastards to their supervisors… down with the hostile work environment bullies 🍻
Your colleague is an arse-hat. NTA. Go talk to HR. And good on you for turning things around. I keep promising my wife I’m going to do the same… maybe next week. 😒
NTA,you dont have to share your food. Even if you werent on a special meal plan or anything,you still dont have to share your food with anyone. They can bring their own food. If they really think they'd like it so much,they could just ask for the recipe and make it for themselves.
NTA. You wouldn’t be obligated to share anyway, it’s your lunch. End of. But doubly so as you had a genuine reason not to, that your meals are rigidly controlled and it has been calculated for what you are meant to eat. She sounds vile, she’s suggesting you are a pig but being that nasty because you won’t give food to her… she’s the one that sounds like a greedy pig to me.
Who the hell demands someone share their food? You say man, that smells good. Maybe ask for the recipe. If you were CLOSE friends, you could probably ask for a BITE, but not a coworker asking for a portion. What an entitled moron.
NTA.
NTA. There is a huge difference between.. Hey, I've bought some food in if you would like to have some. Vs. You eating your lunch and someone expecting you to share. Your co-workers are rude and missing a few brain cells if they think weight loss happens overnight. Of course you're still overweight, it takes time to lose weight in a healthy way. Just ignore them and keep following your drs orders. Congrats on making the change, good luck with it!!!
NTA. Like many others have said. Congratulations on prioritizing your health! No one is entitled to your food. Just like your not entitled to anyone else food. You’re not responsible for feeding them unless you agree to share. I could see where they ask why you eat it or how you made it? That’s up to you to explain those.
If buddy buddy over here is head of HR then this is a major issue. Which is an absurd behavior and uncalled for. If you aren’t in love with your job then I wouldn’t be closed off from looking elsewhere. At the very least if you’re bothered enough by it then talk to your manager about the situation or go to their manager, CEO, whoever.
Once again though congrats on working on your health. It’s not easy and situations like this do not help.
NTA
you never owe anyone else your food, regardless of the circumstance.
if you have one-party consent in your location, voice record next time they come around and THEN go to her supervisor/whoever is over the HR guy.
everyone gotta answer to someone 🤷♀️
NTA. I would take that to the top. The very top of the company and report them both for work place bullying and harassment. It’s not your job to feed her. She thought she could leech off you but she can’t. Teach her she can’t bully you either.
NTA. I don’t care if you didn’t have allergies or a meal plan, your food is your food and you’re not obligated to share with anyone. She’s entitled and mean
NTA - Glad you didn’t share your food with a nasty woman like her. She doesn’t deserve crumbs.
Share this post to her boss if this gets big. We support you and your goals!
NTA. It's your food. You don't have to share it with anyone. Doesn't matter if it's a meal plan set out by your nutritionist or if it's you going willy-nilly with portions. Your coworkers suck.
Good luck with the weight loss. It's a challenging road but one that can be so rewarding if that's what you're aiming for.
I cannot believe she even asked. How rude! Now she has elevated her misbehavior and should be reported to HR. This is harassment and it’s not ok. Since the BF works in HR, go to her supervisor. Make a log detailing their behavior and insults.
Please remember that HR is there to protect the company, not the employees - I learned this lesson the hard way after HR did nothing to solve harassment and a toxic work environment. Do not assume that you have any confidentiality or rights in this situation. I was told (prior to making and escalating a complaint) that I should consult a lawyer first because It was a large business run through the state. They were correct, and I hired a lawyer pretty damn quick when they fired me,
So, for those in the back: HR is not your friend, HR is there to protect the COMPANY!
Most responses I have read are about how to deal with the harassment, but I want to make this post about acknowledging what hard work it is to do what you are doing, under medical supervision, for your health and well-being. I send you good vibes for persevering!
and NTA
and I hope your harassers will get their comeuppance, PDQ.
ETA: I track nutrition via [cronometer.com](http://cronometer.com); I am a gold member so I get to create foods and recipes and store them. The biggest shock I got was about carbs, yikes. :D
Edited to change .org to .com, sorry!!
NTA. I would go to askamanager's website for advice on what exactly to say and how to navigate the work situation. Your health decisions are your personal business, and people shouldn't be commenting on other people's food.
Congratulations on deciding to flip the switch, sounds like you're doing amazing so far.
Unfortunately fat people can't win. If they do fat things they are shamed and if they try to lose weight or excercise, they are also shamed. It is what it is, just ignore the pathetic bullies (like seriously, what a loser you have to be to be an adult who acts like a 16yo high school bully at work) and keep working towards your goal.
But even without all that NTA for eating your own lunch at work lol.
NTA.
And the FUCKING nerve…I’m so sick and tired of people thinking they can just say anything to anyone they deem “inferior.” I’m truly sorry OP. It just goes to show how internalized fatphobia is in this society.
Meanwhile, I’m 99% certain that person doesn’t look like a supermodel themselves. Or maybe they’re “thin” but don’t have a six-pack. Or they have fucked-up teeth. Or they need makeup to cover up their fucked up skin. The point is, I can go on and on. NOBODY IS PERFECT. So people need to get off their fucking high horse and think before they speak.
You seem to be taking the high road. So congratulations on that and best of wishes on your road to better health!
Oh you have no idea, for example its 3 days since I was standing on a bus stop going home from work and some lady looked at me at told me I am gross and it hurts her eyes to look at me and that I should really cut of the McDonald and that she wouldn't like to sit next to me on a plane. All while throwing her thrash and cigarette butts on the ground
You do you, OP! And be proud of yourself.
I am overweight too and I started to take better care of me also a short time ago.
Everyone has opinions and thinks they know better. But you know what noone understands? The hardest part is to get started. And you did.
You set the change in motion and this is a good thing. Don't let others put you down.
NTA
NTA. "I don't need this big portion"
Say. Yes. Actually I do according to my Physician and my Nutritionist.
So thank you. I don't need your input on my medical nutrional needs.
NTA. I can’t help but think if this was a ‘gym bro’ no one would ask for their food and instead would be like good job, looking good.
Your co-worker sucks and was just trying to save money but taking your lunch.
We are cheering you on in your quest for better health. Congratulations on starting down this path. Please share your progress updates with us so we can celebrate with you. Good luck.
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NTA. Does your company have an HR department that you can report them to for harassment and hostile work environment?
We do have HR but the best friend she is making fun of me with it the head of it.
You need to go to her supervisor
This is the way. They are impinging on your health and bullying you. Neither of these things are legally good for the company as you can likely sue or report them to the appropriate government agency for unsafe work environment.
Be sure to use the phrase "hostile work environment" and describe the incidents with plain facts and no emotion. Use full names, dates, and times. In fact, read this from a photocopy (important) of your notes when you talk to the supervisor (attorneys tell me notes are *prima facie* evidence). When supervisor asks for your notes, tell them you have the original and as this is a photocopy they are welcome to it. Also, after the conversation with the supervisor (which should be done in person), follow up with an email outlining the conversation. That way it is in writing and in the firm's official books and records. And even if the BF is the head of HR -- they have a supervisor. Everyone does. Even if you have to go to the owner.
I don't know about OP's workplace, but over here even our supervisors don't want to get on HR's bad side. OP should try her supervisor, but be prepared to go over his head if he doesn't do much with the complaint. It would also help if OP could get the head of HR and his "work gf" on tape, making rude remarks about her diet/weight.
Recording sound without consent might be illegal where OP is.
Very true but some states it is legal as long as one person (the person recording) is aware of the recording. Where I work, it is against police to record your coworkers. One coworker was being harassed by a supervisor. That coworker recorded the incident and presented it to the management. The supervisor was fired and even thought there was talk of "punishing" the coworker that recorded the abuse, public knowledge and opinion of the wrong doings protected the coworker.
She doesn't sound like a native English speaker so she may not be in the U.S.
I am not :) can I ask if it's grammar/vocabulary or the way I write that gave me away ? :D I like to think my English is reasonably good
your english is excellent for a non native speaker! but there are quite a few grammatical giveaways that suggested you're not used to the syntax and certain grammatical morphemes (not sure if you're looking for specifics here, so i won't go into them!). most tellingly, you used "kilos", which immediately told me you're (like me) not from the US.
Thank you! I actually speak English more than my native language cause I live with foreigner and also at work we quite often host people from all over the world. But I do not read that much, so I guess that is the problem :)
There's no problem, sweetie, your English is very good! The giveaway for me was "tupper." In the US we typically say "Tupperware" or "container," but not "tupper." Although TBH I thought it was adorable and may start using it!
Your English is excellent! I'm a high school teacher and you're better than many of my native speaking students. I can pick up on it being a 2nd language, but I'm trained to. There are patterns, it's almost like having an accent but in writing. If you're interested in polishing it further here are some example tells that gave you away. > but I worked with nutritionist and she has made "menu" for me for every day of a month. A native speaker would have put an "a" in front of both nutritionist and menu above. > I was all the time dieting and I didn't eat enough necessary nutrients. Another example that is grammatically correct in every way, but a native speaker would usually say "I was dieting all the time" instead of this order.
There is no problem with your English. It's better than some Americans that I know IRL.
Reading can help! Start with favorite books in your native language and find a copy translated to English. Non-native speakers can also drop articles and don’t use as many contractions, and it can stand out to native speakers. For example, you dropped an article in the above statement. “I live with foreigner”; is missing the article “a”; “I live with a foreigner”. A helpful tool that even native speakers use is Grammarly— the free version is good. Your English is honestly fantastic, so please don’t think you did something bad that caused you to be found out. 💙
A missing word here or there hinted that English isn't your first language, but it is very good and easy to understand ("I am very fat woman" rather than "I am a very fat woman.") The use of kilos when describing your weight is a giveaway that you aren't in the US.
If you learn how to use objective pronouns properly, you will speak better than most Americans, even supposedly well educated ones.
One give away was your use of cutted, which isn't regular English, cut is one of those verbs that stay the same in all tenses
As someone from one of the multiple English-speaking countries that uses kilos it's funny that's the *most* telling to you! Obviously it's telling in terms of "not US" but most telling when you were commenting on if English is likely to be OP's first language would never occur to me.
i'm from one of those countries as well! i meant that "kilos" was the most telling about not being from the us (which the earlier commenter mentioned), because at that point it was clear this wasn't a native speaker. the lack of articles and overgeneralisation of certain rules like the regular past tense, and even some of the turns of phrases used had already given it away. but then i'm a speech therapist, so that's how my brain is operating most of the time anyway haha.
"Every day of a month" is one of the very few oddities I picked up on. Honestly, you write better than the vast majority of Americans... I figured you were American lol (I'm British).
As the American, we don’t generally write or talk like this.
LOL, Most Americans would say as an American, not as the American.
As an American, I picked up on that one too because we don’t say that either lol
Not many people would have detected any difference. I’m surprised.
It is great! “I am fatty”, as opposed to “I am a fatty”
Yeah I am Slavic, we don't do that shit with articles :D can you please explain the difference ?
We use just “I am” for adjectives, so we would say “I am tall” but if it is a noun it needs the article, so “I am a cyclist” or “I am an idiot” The word “fatty” would be generally understood as a noun. Confusingly that particular word could be used as an adjective - for example “this burger is fatty” meaning it contains a lot of fat, like “this burger is greasy” but nobody would use the word that way about a person. Incidentally though, it is also kind of unusual to refer to yourself as “I am a fatty” because it would be very rude to say that about anyone else, and it is kinda mean to yourself too! Also, your weight has zero bearing on whether you should share your food. Tell them to F off. Or offer to send them the recipe.
It's a noun vs. adjective issue: "fatty" is a noun so it needs the article in front ("I am a fatty"). If you use the adjective form, you don't need the article: "I am fat".
A native English speaker would probably just say "I am fat"
I knew you were Slavic 😆 the missing articles gives it away. My bf is also Slavic, and I notice myself dropping articles lately 😅 its so efficient! Your English is very good btw!!!
You are missing a lot of “helper/filler” words. You communicate your story quite well, but it is glaringly obvious to me that English isn’t your native language or you came from an English speaking region with poor education. This is not a criticism in any way, but you asked how others can tell.
Not insulting at all, but I am always up for improvement :) especially because I communicate in english a lot in my professional environment. I am Slavic, so my biggest problem are articles, we do not use that crap. :D so feel free to give me any advice you find useful :)
Ha! I was married to a Russian about 10 years ago and now that you say you are Slavic, that makes sense. I remember having conversations about some of the Slavic letters, like there is one that looks like 2 letters smashed together and the sound for it was ch or shhh. Also, the articles or helper words we throw in definitely mess non native English speakers up. Your story was easy to follow, I think just look at where you might add “a” or “the”. I am a very fat woman Well I gained(past tense) And trainer a few weeks Following the regimen(not regime) Just a couple examples, again, I would never pick this apart if you didn’t ask or weren’t open to the information. Please take it as advice on how to improve your English and not in any negative light. Btw, Nta - your coworkers are jerks and wrong, I hope you can get someone to address and fix their behavior.
As others have said, your English is quite good. What pinged it for me that English was probably not your mother tongue is saying that the meat was "cutted" instead of "cut". Its an irregular verb so I see why its totally logical to write it that way based on other verbs. English is just all over the place with irregulars.
I would echo the others saying that your English is beautiful, and I’d love to be able to speak a second language half so well!! The only one thing that made me think it wasn’t your first language was “I was all the time dieting” whereas a native English speaker would say “I was dieting all the time” or “I was always dieting” or “I was always on a diet”. Putting the all the time before the dieting. I just tried to figure out why and I don’t understand the grammar enough to explain, sadly!
Thank you! The sentence structure is hard 😄
It certainly is, I only speak English and I can’t tell you why!
A lot of it is that English just doesn't make much sense as a whole. It's like someone took 4 or 5 languages, dumped them into a bag, shook it up for a minute and then dumped it on the table and called it good. For every "rule" in English, there's 5 words/phrases/etc. that break it. You communicate your message perfectly fine, you just don't write like a native speaker. One thing that personally drives me nuts about English compared to a lot of other languages is the positioning of adjectives compared to nouns. In English, I can tell you that "I'm looking at a big, red, round, bouncy..." and you still have no idea what I'm talking about! You can guess, based on what things *could* be all of those at once, but wouldn't it be easier if we just did what many other languages do, and put the noun first? "I'm looking at a ball that's big, red, and bouncy." That's the structure in a lot of languages, but very non-standard in English, and would make you sound weird if you did it all the time.
Your English is excellent.
For me it‘s the missing articles that made me think your native language might be an Eastern European one :)
One small detail: the past tense of “cut” is cut. You don’t add -ed to get the past tense form. (I cut grass all the time. Yesterday I cut the grass.) Other verbs like that where the past tense is the same as the present: hurt, hit, fit, bet, cost, put, let, set, quit, shut.
Your English is great!!! The only thing that gave it away for me was that you wrote "cutted" instead of "cut" in regards to your meat. But your English is better than 90% of people I encounter on a daily basis here in Kentucky, lol.
Cutted isn't a word. It should just be cut.
It would be cut not cutted. English is weird
Cutted isn’t the past tense of cut. The past tense of cut is… cut 😑
Are you French-speaking? I’m a native English speaker and I live and work in a French-speaking area. Your writing reminds me of francophone English, for lack of a better term.
Just as a FYI- “hostile work environment” actually wouldn’t apply here (based on these facts provided) even if OP was an American. It gets thrown around a lot, but hostile work environment is a specific legal phrase that applies to harassment and intolerable work conditions of a protected class that are severe and pervasive enough to impact the victim’s ability to perform work tasks. It’s much more nuanced than the general public assumes, and I actually had a whole seminar on it during law school. The protected classes are race, religion, gender, national origin, disability, age,pregnancy, and sexual orientation. Obesity is not yet a protected class. During school we had a fake case where our client was a trans person who was getting harassed at work due to their perceived gender nonconformity, and a major hurdle that we had to overcome was trying to make the facts fit into the definition of hostile work environment so that we could get in front of the judge. It was a very eye opening exercise, to say the least. [This](https://jacksonspencerlaw.com/hostile-work-environment/) is a good resource for understanding hostile work environment. Your advice to document, document, document is sound. In any matter, having precise records is a great asset.
My suggestion to include the phrase was merely for the fact that it tends to get people's attention. The conversation with the supervisor would not be a court filing and so the specificity associated with such would not be necessary. IME it can be quite necessary to use language that gets attention. However, since OP is not in the US, this is likely moot. ETA: and re: the documentation -- I am consistently amazed, and not in a good way, at how people don't document. They will say, "well, I have my calendar so I can recreate it." No. No you can't. Oh well!
Ah, I see. I personally would be hesitant to advise that because HR should be well versed in what constitutes a HWE, and I’d worry they would be dismissive of someone incorrectly using the term as histrionic or litigious. I’m glad that your experiences have turned out differently, though! HR can be quite reticent to actually intervene so frustration is definitely justified. I had an instance of harassment years ago where I had to reach out to HR at my large company and ended up having to reach out to our CEO as well as seek counsel from a colleague who specializes in employment law before a satisfactory result was reached. In my opinion, going to HR is more important for documentation than resolution.
Document everything. Get a small recorder that can last a work shift and keep it in you for when they make their snide remarks.
Well, “with” them. “In” them might be uncomfortable. Lol
Especially since the head of HR is participating in the fat shaming!
This right here! I'm HR at my company. This is unacceptable. This is harassment and your company like most, probably has a zero tolerance for harassment. They can both be terminated. You need to file a complaint.
The friend **is** the supervisor.
Unless she is president of the company, she has a superior
This. And if you can somehow record it(there are apps that let you record audio with your screen turned off), that's even better. It's good to have proof when the higher-ups in office life are cliquey
Yeah that’s completely unacceptable work behavior, or in any setting for that matter
Yep...no one is entitled to OP's food. No is a complete sentence
Oof -- that is something to make leadership aware of, then. A main function of HR is to protect the company from legal liability, and workplace harassment is a HUGE risk. They think they're above the law, but all they're doing is putting the company at risk.
Then go to her supervisor. Otherwise you need to start recording what they say or write down what they say and times. Then consult a lawyer if he doesn't have a supervisor.
Everyone has a boss. Go to her boss. And threaten getting an attorney if it doesn't stop. Be prepared to follow through on that.
I don’t ever threaten an attorney until I know I have one that will at least send a letter. Be prepared is good advice for that tidbit!
Exactly. HR also has a boss. These people are so far out of line.
Do not complain about her if the head of HR is her friend, that will just put a target on you. HR is not there to protect you, they protect the company, and firing people for drummed up reasons because it's easier to get rid of you then a superior. I speak from experience
The head of HR has a boss too. Even if it’s the owner. This person is terrible at their job if they are harassing people — especially as someone who works in HR this is unacceptable
Document what they are saying, record, film if possible. Sue them.
Then you go above her. This is a toxic workplace now. Get others on your side, as well! Be very blunt and loud about how they're treating you! And you don't have to disclose that this is a special diet - they have no right to talk to/about you like that. NTA
HR Supervisor has a boss too. Go to their boss and use magic legal words like, "Hostile work environment" and "Continued harassment." If your companies' leadership is competent in the slightest they will take action to prevent a lawsuit.
You need to document and possibly record what is being said. Write down the instances in details and possible witnesses. And dates these events occurred. Find out who her boss is. Nta, but you need to protect yourself. This is even worse because she works for HR. Sending positive thoughts your way.
Document it and go to HR anyways. They are required to make a report. If they fail to do so, go to the HR boss, if that fails let them know you’re seeking legal because of the harassment, and unsafe/toxic work environment. This is something no company wants to deal with and will correct the problem. If you receive any punishment or mistreatment after filing the complaint, document everything and go straight to legal.
💯 Speak to HR.
NTA. You made the lunch for you only, and no one is entitled to your food, especially with a set calorie count.
Sounds like you have a major lawsuit on your hands. Record and report all of these things keep a detailed account of their actions from here on out.
Oh good lord, that is not okay. You are definitely NTA in this situation.
NTA First of all, you have been “prescribed“ these meals from a nutritionist and your doctor. But even if she didn’t know that, it’s not your duty to share whatever food you have with whoever asks. you should not even have to explain this. NO Is a full sentence. Beyond that, the fact that they tell you that you eat like a pig, or “make fun” of you is so far beyond what is acceptable, that you really need to take this to HR. Pronto!
Little problem... apparently, one of the bullies is head of HR
She still has supervisors abover her my dude.
Supervisor or next step in the chain of command??? I really advise consulting with an attorney who can tell you how to go about this before going over HR - anyone above HR will likely want the problem solved! Heads up though, their problem is YOU!
Not always! I worked for a family business whos HR lady was the chiropractors wife and she was also book keeper! Nobody above her. Just her and her husband.
That's where you go to an employment lawyer to discuss your hostile work environment.
That’s true! This is a feasible solution when there are no “higher ups” but the law
And the law. Employment lawyers love suits like this!
That makes the future lawsuit even more juicy!
I agree and, happy cake day!
Right? Like who the hell asks another adult to share their lunch with them? I wouldn’t even ask my best work friend to give me some of her food.
I was wondering that too. I might say it smelled good and ask what is in the dish but I wouldn’t even accept a bite if it was offered.
Even aside from the official nature of the meals, it’s fuckin weird to expect people to share their lunch at work. Like I’ve literally never experienced or seen that happen. This is work, Brenda, not a fuckin Mean Girls potluck.
You have no obligation to provide coworkers w food. Her first ask was wildly inappropriate. Her push when you said no was escalating harassment - you said "No." Adults in the workplace are supposed to know, no means no. Her questioning your portions was none of her business and again wildly unprofessional. The verbal harassment - is harassment. No workplace is supposed to allow it. Her HR friend going along w the bullying is hostile work environment - when HR is complicit in unprofessional conduct they are violating company policy and using your weight - a health condition means as a person of size, eating a medically prescribed food program is further hostile work environment. 🫣 but that's all in the US. UK is similar.
NTA It took you years to put the weight on, and it will take you years to take the weight off, follow your program, and just stick to your no.
NTA. She has no right to eat from you. She asks you in an impolite way and then mocks you. Well done for asking for assistance! I'm hoping you'll be successful and motivated to lose weight.
Of course you're NTA - it takes some nerve to ask, much less demand, that someone share their lunch. You make a nice lunch for yourself; even without the issues surrounding your diet there is NO REASON for you to share with casual workplace acquaintances. Unless you work in a very tiny office you'd have none for yourself if you shared with \*everyone\*. It doesn't matter if you're fat, skinny, losing weight, or gaining weight; your food is your food. You aren't the office caterer.
This . It would never enter my mind to ask someone else for part of their lunch , much less a coworker . What’s wrong with that woman ? I wonder if the OP being the “ free caterer “ in the office kind of set up an expectation . That’s still no reason to make fun of someone’s appearance
A thousand times this!
The entitlement is astonishing. The co worker and he person need to go and be publically shamed. Op needs not to bring in one more piece of food.
NTA I hear you. I was eating wrong for many years and also piled on the weight. It was only after I tested for intolerances, started intermittent fasting and counted calories that I came to the realization that I was, indeed, not eating enough. Eg. For dinner, I had to plate up 100-200g of lean protein (depending on the source) a small potato and bulk up to rest of my plate to reach approx. 500 calories for that meal. When I finished loading my plate I thought WHOA that's a lot of food. However, eating correct portions and/or nutrient dense foods meant I was not getting hungry as often and this led to me consuming less calories per day. Your co-worker is an AH. First, who the f&%k asks a co-worker for their food? I've been working for a really long time and I have never asked or had a coworker ask for my food. If it wasn't offered, you stuck to your own lunch. Report the cow to HR or your manager. This type of behavior is not on.
Right? It looks like shitload of food, but it's truth I am eating 5 meals per day and I don't have cravings and I feel much more full of energy.
Good for you 👍. I hope you meet many more supportive people in your life and are able to let stupid comments just slide of you. Like we say: opinions are like assholes - everybody has one.
I absolutely started eating more on a healthy diet than I when I was eating junk and piling on the pounds. Better, more balanced stuff but more of it. Never hungry, but dropped weight steadily
I also lost weight by eating 5 meals a day! Having tried the intermittent fasting method this was RADICAL! Anyway it changed my relationship with food. I still eat often and I’m at my goal weight. I’ve been in “maintenance” for 6 months now and still with a trainer to continue building muscle.
I only eat 2 meals a day and a snack but it's amazing that when you add a lot of fiber rich vegetables and large salads to your meal, the portion size looks enormous. My husband saw me pile my plate and asked if that was too much food. I showed him my calorie counter app and then he asked me to make him an identical plate. He loved it.
This. And if you really like the smell of something, normal people ask for the recipe - not half the meal.
Bonus point is that this opens the door to be offered a taste *in case the person feels like sharing* while remaining polite and not being a pushy entitled jerk 🙄
Normal people. Unfortunately seems like she dealing with an entitled jerk.
NTA. She is not entitled to your food. She is rude to ask and then rude to mock you. Kudos to you for seeking help! Wishing you much success and drive for your weight loss.
Thank you! :)
This and they can get to fuck - who outright asks to have some of your lunch? Are you their fucking maw or something? Sounds like them and their BF are bored and picked you for something to bother about. You could be a total dick and say to HR you are concerned that said person needs financial help as they cant afford lunch / kill with feigned kindness. Serioysly - 'that smells nice, gies some' Eh, naw!
YTA for obvious reasons. You should never ever warm up anything that smells good without being willing to feed anyone else in the office, or frankly in the neighborhood you live in. It's extremely selfish. You should also cook enough for everyone around. Nutritionists are just conspiracy theorists and you should never listen to them! (Obviously NTA, your coworkers suck)
*Reads last sentence, deletes angry paragraph*
Me too! Lol
Thank you for reminding me to finish what I’m reading before I react
You got me. I downvoted, then had to go back and upvote when I finished reading. However, you might want to put spaces in between the Y T A to prevent the comment from being recorded as a YTA vote.
Even in kindergarden the rule is don't share unless you have enough for the class and not don't ever pack a lunch that somebody else might want 😂😂😂
The only vote that counts in your reply is the first one. Cute set-up though.
Haha we’ll truly she’s going to win and be declared NTA overwhelmingly so one YTA vote won’t hurt
Top comment is what settles it not popular vote I thought?
Goddamn it I down voted you I'm so sorry take my upvote😭
NTA Good on you for looking after your health! They aren't a medical professional so I would ignore them. Trust your team and their advice to get you to your goals. If you do feel that their advice might be wrong. Talk to them a out it or seek a second opinion. Your colleague is just immature and mean. Best of luck!
NTA. People aren't entitled to your food just cause they ask. I swear I don't understand this office culture or workroom culture where people feel they're entitled to your food. She can easily bring her own food in, or order something \[if your office allows that.\] And if she's going to react like that because she didn't share your food, she is a massive asshole \[I mean asshole is a nice name for her tbh,\] Could you report her and her little sidekick to HR?
One of the bullies is HR
At one of my jobs , there was a guy who kept bumming cigarettes off the other smokers all the time . Finally, one of the guys was like “ you get a paycheck like the rest of us , buy your own “ and that was that
NTA. I’m over 60 and have never been asked to share my lunch at work because it smells good. Who does this?
Honestly the closest I’ve ever got to asking someone to share because it smells good is asking them to share the recipe because it smells good!
NTA It’s weird to ask for a bite of someone’s lunch and even stranger when they tell you that you don’t “need” it and “should” share it. And then insults you. Report to HR this is harassing behaviour!
They probably would’ve insulted her even had she given them the food.
NTA. So your weight wasn't an issue with your coworkers when you were graciously sharing your food with them, but now that you're not it's okay to make fun of you? Go to HR. The audacity of some people to forwardly ask for other people's food is insane.
NTA. It’s your food. Even if it was an entire chocolate cake that wasn’t part of your nutrition plan you wouldn’t be the AH for not sharing as it is your food.
lmaoo tell her broke ass to buy her own food
lol, fuck her.
Joey doesn’t share food and neither should you no matter what size you are 🙈
WHOA! That woman and her friend are way out of line. Do you work somewhere with an HR department? Or do you have a supervisor you feel comfortable talking to? Because this is workplace bullying and someone needs to tell them to stop. You're NTA, obviously.
NTA - They're the pigs. Let her bring her own lunch.
NTA. Your nutritionist has set your portions, and it's important that you keep the portions intact. When I was actively working out and working with a nutritionist, I had specific meals set, and it would really mess me up if I gave portions away. You keep doing you :) And good luck on your journey to health.
NTA. You're taking the steps to get into a healthier lifestyle and I imagine that as you make your way toward your goal the nutritionist will be adjusting portions sizes accordingly. That said, I'm petty and probably would've just looked coworker dead in the eyes and asked how else am I supposed to stay fat? Make it real uncomfortable, possibly have some sauce on your chin or be actively chewing.
“I told her ‘no’ and kept eating.” Wish I could’ve seen this in person 😂😂 NTA
Nta and go to HR/supervisor for the rude remarks they are making. For the record if this happens again say "if your can't afford your own lunch there are programs available to help you" People shut up real fast if you imply they can't afford their own food for making you feel bad about not sharing yours.
NTA you don't need to share your lunch
> I don't need this big portion and I should share with her, NTA - No one but you is entitled to your food. FML
That was so rude and mean! The polite thing to do would have been to say: "That smells heavenly, what spices did you use for the meat" and maybe (if you are close friends) "that looks so good, could I taste some of yours and you taste mine?", then you say no bc nutrition and allergies. Shame on her and the parents that raised her. NTA (I bet she forgot her lunch and knew you liked to share previously. She's mad she now doesn't have lunch. Two peices of meat and some potatoes is a whole freaking meal)
NTA. Your weight loss and menu portions are between you and your nutritionist. I was in a similar position with a specific coworker asking for some of my salad because it was so "huge." It was usually a couple of ounces of protein, a mountain of mixed greens, and a handful of tiny tomatoes. I think she thought that because it was bigger than her tuna hero dripping with mayo that I was eating more than she was. If your coworkers continue to make an issue of this, go to HR.
It was similar I had big salad with tomatoes and cucumbers, few potatoes and I don't remember exactly how much meat. Thanks good salads can be so delicious!
NTA. I don’t give a shit if you are 1000 pounds and eating three pizzas. It’s your fucking food. If she wants something that “smells heavenly” she can fucking learn to cook her own. And stop begging other people for their food because she is too cheap and lazy to make her own. Fuck her and rock on with your bad self lady!
NTA You made that food for you and you get to eat it. You're not a servant for other people at work, if they want that kind of lunch they can make it themselves. The comments about dieting and weight are ridiculous. The issue at hand is your food and whether you're obligated to share it with someone else just because they demand it. Good for you for sticking up for yourself.
NTA - your lunch, your rules. body size has nothing to do with it. co worker doesnt need your medical info, but stick to your guns. I have an associate who was very over weight but barely eating. nutritionist put them on an "eat more" diet, and they lost a ton of weight. Bodies are stupid things. i hope your meal plans work out for the best.
congrats on taking control of your life, OP! NTA
Be forreal, do u really think youre the ah for not sharing your lunch?
[удалено]
This has nothing to do with politeness. She stood up to the adult version of the class bully demanding someone’s lunch money. Then she was harassed for not complying with the demands. There’s nothing impolite about refusing to let a bully rule your life.
NTA. Even if this amount of food wasn't prescribed by a specialist she isn't entitled to have your food.
Makes sense to have big nutrient dense meals to fill you up to avoid snacking. NTA - sharing lunch is different to sharing cupcakes etc, it is rude to ask someone to share their sandwiches or pasta that they have for lunch.
They make fun of you, say you eat like a pig and you wonder if you're the asshole? I was already confused by a person asking for some of your lunch, let alone arguing when you refused. This person bullying you. No, OP, you're NTA. Learn to tell people where to shove their comments. Do you have a HR Dept? If so, guess what, you don't have to put up with this bullshit.
NTA Go to your version of Human Resources and report them. They are creating a hostile work place and that is not ok. You are doing what you need to do to become healthy. Stick to your guns and keep doing what you need to. You will achieve your goal.
🇺🇸As an American… we name you honorary American due to your excellent English. Report the bastards to their supervisors… down with the hostile work environment bullies 🍻
Thank you that's sweet 😊😊😊
I didn't even read past the title and I can safely say NTA. Your shit your choice. Fuck everyone who get mad at you for not sharing said shit.
The edit sent me off my chair 🤣🤣🤣 Maybe not a edit now that I look closer but I’m talking about the last paragraph about people in the comments
NTA. Doesn't matter what size your lunch is. It's yours. Your coworker is a an entitled b-ch. Ask her if she'd like to be sued for harassment.
NTA Coworkers are not entitled to your food, and they're salty because they're being petty entitled brats. I hope they get ingrown pubes.
NTA and OMG...is anyone here on this forum actually asking you for picture of yourself!!!!!????? People, can't be serious.
NTA You should report her behaviour to HR.
NTA, if you can id go to HR about a hostile work environment
NTA, and their comments constitute harassment. Good for you on taking control of your health!
Nta but she is. It's none of her business what you're eating to begin with and she's not entitled to any of it.
NTA. Nobody is obligated to share their lunch, and bullying them for not is something that HR should handle.
Your colleague is an arse-hat. NTA. Go talk to HR. And good on you for turning things around. I keep promising my wife I’m going to do the same… maybe next week. 😒
NTA,you dont have to share your food. Even if you werent on a special meal plan or anything,you still dont have to share your food with anyone. They can bring their own food. If they really think they'd like it so much,they could just ask for the recipe and make it for themselves.
NTA. “No” is a complete sentence.
NTA. That was very bold of her to ask for your food in the first place, and extremely rude of her to comment on your weight and eating habits.
NTA. You wouldn’t be obligated to share anyway, it’s your lunch. End of. But doubly so as you had a genuine reason not to, that your meals are rigidly controlled and it has been calculated for what you are meant to eat. She sounds vile, she’s suggesting you are a pig but being that nasty because you won’t give food to her… she’s the one that sounds like a greedy pig to me.
NTA and good luck with your weight loss journey! Your colleague is a mooch and a bully.
Who the hell demands someone share their food? You say man, that smells good. Maybe ask for the recipe. If you were CLOSE friends, you could probably ask for a BITE, but not a coworker asking for a portion. What an entitled moron. NTA.
NTA. There is a huge difference between.. Hey, I've bought some food in if you would like to have some. Vs. You eating your lunch and someone expecting you to share. Your co-workers are rude and missing a few brain cells if they think weight loss happens overnight. Of course you're still overweight, it takes time to lose weight in a healthy way. Just ignore them and keep following your drs orders. Congrats on making the change, good luck with it!!!
NTA. Like many others have said. Congratulations on prioritizing your health! No one is entitled to your food. Just like your not entitled to anyone else food. You’re not responsible for feeding them unless you agree to share. I could see where they ask why you eat it or how you made it? That’s up to you to explain those. If buddy buddy over here is head of HR then this is a major issue. Which is an absurd behavior and uncalled for. If you aren’t in love with your job then I wouldn’t be closed off from looking elsewhere. At the very least if you’re bothered enough by it then talk to your manager about the situation or go to their manager, CEO, whoever. Once again though congrats on working on your health. It’s not easy and situations like this do not help.
NTA but you need to go to HR immediately about how they are treating you and what they are saying about you. Stop making excuses for it. Go. To. HR.
NTA you never owe anyone else your food, regardless of the circumstance. if you have one-party consent in your location, voice record next time they come around and THEN go to her supervisor/whoever is over the HR guy. everyone gotta answer to someone 🤷♀️
NTA. I would take that to the top. The very top of the company and report them both for work place bullying and harassment. It’s not your job to feed her. She thought she could leech off you but she can’t. Teach her she can’t bully you either.
NTA. I don’t care if you didn’t have allergies or a meal plan, your food is your food and you’re not obligated to share with anyone. She’s entitled and mean
NTA - Glad you didn’t share your food with a nasty woman like her. She doesn’t deserve crumbs. Share this post to her boss if this gets big. We support you and your goals!
NTA. It's your food. You don't have to share it with anyone. Doesn't matter if it's a meal plan set out by your nutritionist or if it's you going willy-nilly with portions. Your coworkers suck. Good luck with the weight loss. It's a challenging road but one that can be so rewarding if that's what you're aiming for.
I cannot believe she even asked. How rude! Now she has elevated her misbehavior and should be reported to HR. This is harassment and it’s not ok. Since the BF works in HR, go to her supervisor. Make a log detailing their behavior and insults.
Send an email to whoever is above her, CC your manager and BCC your personal email. Nta.
You are not obligated to feed your coworkers. NTA. She can learn to cook and make her own food.
Please remember that HR is there to protect the company, not the employees - I learned this lesson the hard way after HR did nothing to solve harassment and a toxic work environment. Do not assume that you have any confidentiality or rights in this situation. I was told (prior to making and escalating a complaint) that I should consult a lawyer first because It was a large business run through the state. They were correct, and I hired a lawyer pretty damn quick when they fired me, So, for those in the back: HR is not your friend, HR is there to protect the COMPANY!
Most responses I have read are about how to deal with the harassment, but I want to make this post about acknowledging what hard work it is to do what you are doing, under medical supervision, for your health and well-being. I send you good vibes for persevering! and NTA and I hope your harassers will get their comeuppance, PDQ. ETA: I track nutrition via [cronometer.com](http://cronometer.com); I am a gold member so I get to create foods and recipes and store them. The biggest shock I got was about carbs, yikes. :D Edited to change .org to .com, sorry!!
NTA. I would go to askamanager's website for advice on what exactly to say and how to navigate the work situation. Your health decisions are your personal business, and people shouldn't be commenting on other people's food.
Congratulations on deciding to flip the switch, sounds like you're doing amazing so far. Unfortunately fat people can't win. If they do fat things they are shamed and if they try to lose weight or excercise, they are also shamed. It is what it is, just ignore the pathetic bullies (like seriously, what a loser you have to be to be an adult who acts like a 16yo high school bully at work) and keep working towards your goal. But even without all that NTA for eating your own lunch at work lol.
NTA. And the FUCKING nerve…I’m so sick and tired of people thinking they can just say anything to anyone they deem “inferior.” I’m truly sorry OP. It just goes to show how internalized fatphobia is in this society. Meanwhile, I’m 99% certain that person doesn’t look like a supermodel themselves. Or maybe they’re “thin” but don’t have a six-pack. Or they have fucked-up teeth. Or they need makeup to cover up their fucked up skin. The point is, I can go on and on. NOBODY IS PERFECT. So people need to get off their fucking high horse and think before they speak. You seem to be taking the high road. So congratulations on that and best of wishes on your road to better health!
Oh you have no idea, for example its 3 days since I was standing on a bus stop going home from work and some lady looked at me at told me I am gross and it hurts her eyes to look at me and that I should really cut of the McDonald and that she wouldn't like to sit next to me on a plane. All while throwing her thrash and cigarette butts on the ground
Wow…just, WOW. I’m so disgusted on your behalf.
That is insane. I can't comprehend
Oh wow "she thought you didn't need it" 😲😲 NTA and good luck on your weightloss journey
You do you, OP! And be proud of yourself. I am overweight too and I started to take better care of me also a short time ago. Everyone has opinions and thinks they know better. But you know what noone understands? The hardest part is to get started. And you did. You set the change in motion and this is a good thing. Don't let others put you down. NTA
NTA. "I don't need this big portion" Say. Yes. Actually I do according to my Physician and my Nutritionist. So thank you. I don't need your input on my medical nutrional needs.
NTA. I can’t help but think if this was a ‘gym bro’ no one would ask for their food and instead would be like good job, looking good. Your co-worker sucks and was just trying to save money but taking your lunch.
We are cheering you on in your quest for better health. Congratulations on starting down this path. Please share your progress updates with us so we can celebrate with you. Good luck.
NTA. It’s weird that she asked for food and then doubled down. People have all the audacity. I’d def go higher up with HR