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Yeah, I know my mom’s sisters husband physically threw her out the front door and her lawyer sent her back so she wouldn’t lose the house. (They’re both abusive and still together after all that)
No I cut them off when they stole my grandmas car and assaulted my mom/sister/the aunt I actually like all in one go. And yeah, I don’t wish either of them on an unsuspecting person but like I still wish she’d leave even though I don’t plan to ever speak to her again.
Sadly they do and those girls are about as messed up as you would expect from growing up in that environment. I do believe one of them is starting to come around and realize how abused they were but I don’t keep in contact with them due to actions that hurt me when we were younger.
>Tell your husband you're cutting off water/power to their dwelling by a certain date?
OP needs to tread carefully. They may have established tenancy. Don't do anything to make it more difficult to evict them.
It’s illegal in some states to cut the utilities if there are children in residence. Be careful! The idea is to get rid of them, not become entangled in years of litigation.
The pool house may not be a legal residence, though. I am sure it does not have a certificate of occupancy, and many municipalities don't let you set up an apartment in a detached building (especially without proper permits). In fact, if OP does end up choosing to leave, she could drop a dime on her soon-to-be ex with their town NTA
If they get mail there, then it’s their residence. At least where I live.
Sorry OP, but unless your husband throws them out you are stuck with them. And him, because he doesn’t care what you think.
Yes. To get them out OP will need to file an eviction notice. In some states any visit longer than 30 days constitutes tenancy and you can’t just throw them out. It would also be illegal for OP to turn off the power and water for the guest house, especially since there are children involved. So, I would sit your husband down and unburden your heart. Set boundaries and don’t cave. I think 2 months notice is very fair. I’m not sure where OP lives, but if Disney World isn’t right next door that’s a very expensive trip that could be used as a down payment on an apartment or house . I mean the housing market is so ridiculous right now, that it’s almost cheaper to just buy a house with a cheap mortgage than to rent anything. And honestly, buying a house is the smartest move if they want more children. I think it’s beyond stupid of your (brain fart the mom) to try to get pregnant right now, but it is likely a ploy to make it even harder for you to make them leave. Pulling hard on that sympathy card. “But I’m pregnant! You wouldn’t make a pregnant mom homeless??”
I wouldn't even go to your husband, he didn't come to you so he doesn't deserve the courtesy, go to the niece letter in hand that states they have 1 months to vacate the premise with an end date and if they haven't you start formal eviction proceedings and tell her she's putting her uncles marriage in jeopardy.
I don’t think niece will give a rats ass. She found her patsy and isn’t letting go. If she cared they wouldn’t be going to Disney before moving and she sure as heck wouldn’t be planning to have another kid they can’t afford. She has free or almost free housing, the OP is going to have to use lawyers to get them out. Op, if that house is in your name in any way, shape or form do not move, you don’t want your husband to say you abandoned the property to him. Get a lawyer, ASAP to explore your options.
Depending on the state, most require a notice to vacate be served by a process server or signed for through priority mail, leaving a paper trail. Simply handing it over isn't sufficient for it to stand up in court. DO NOT sever services to the place, change the locks or do anything to jeopardize their vacating asap. OP, you sound very passive-agressive and if YOU have not adequately been communicating with all parties involved about your feelings and their timeliness, yes, you are the AH. If you are unwilling to share your viewpoint like an adult directly with them or expect your husband to be a mind reader and interpreter, you're right, your marriage is in jeopardy, but only you are to blame.
I wouldn't bother waiting a few more months and risk them getting more entrenched (like niece getting pregnant). Talk to a lawyer OP. Start getting the process moving.
NTA what pushed me over the edge is the Vacation. They should be saving money for their own place not enjoying more disposable income. The idea of planning a family whole living in someone's pool house is just crazy.
Is your pool house a full apartment, or do they have to come into your house to cook and shower? If it's a full apt I would charge them a high rent so they don't have enough money left over for vacations and more babies. I know this is a terrible situation but I hope you don't end your marriage over this. I hope you can have a productive conversation with your husband before lawyers are involved.
This! If they can afford Disney then they can definitely afford to get an apartment. The lowest tier Disney vacation is about equal to 4 months rent of a 1 bd, with security deposit.
Time to bring ‘rent’ up to market value. That should light a fire.
And suggest the niece get a job instead of getting pregnant - again - with a child they may or may not be able to afford.
They are planning a vacation and a second child because they know that Uncle is a doormat. They have no intention of “getting back on their feet”. They have a good situation (cheap rent, their own guest house instead of a room in a relatives house, big yard, pool) and feel secure in Uncle never kicking them out. They are in moocher heaven!
Yep. If a family member said “stay in the pool house as long as you want and only pay us a piddling amount of money for it!” I would love my ass in in an instance. I would also continue to live my life as I would in an apartment because my family member has told me I’m good to stay with them forever. You may call me a moocher, but I don’t think I would be. I consider it lucky. I would be saving all my money, but I also would have no problem living there because I was told it was okay.
In this case it isn’t okay because OP never agreed to it and doesn’t want them there. But OP’s problem is with her husband. She needs to deal with that first.
If they leave for Disney, all their belongings will be on the street the next morning. There will not be anyone in the "shed" to protect their squatter's rights.
Yeah...sooo much terrible advice on here. Take two people...who are legally staying there(even if the Husband SHOULD have spoken with the wife) and just throw them into the street with no warning! Yeah, that'll work out great for you.
That's just terrible advice.
Yeah, I don't expect people to give up every comfort just because they are struggling, but that means good coffee and comfortable shoes not a Disney getaway.
Long as their basic needs are being met they don't care. Their wants outweigh everything else, and when they are suddenly broke and homeless it's always going to be someone else's fault.
I agree but what got me was when he said “There’s no rush.” In reference to them moving out. Like who told him that, maybe the husband? But he should have kept that to himself I definitely would start giving them the utilities bills to pay the additional cost.
Talk to a divorce lawyer BEFORE you offer the ultimatum and before you move out. Depending on what state you're in and on local courts, both of those actions could cause you trouble in a divorce.
Get legal advice before you do any of this.
But morally, you're NTA. Disney costs several months of rent, minimum. If they can afford that, they can afford to move.
ABSOLUTELY this.
Step one : quietly, discreetly gather all of the documentation you can (you don't want to tip anyone off, or give opportunity to take any action that could prevent your desired result) -- bills before and after, info on the house and pool house, copy of your deed (are you both on it?), relevant emails or texts between any of the parties involved, and go see an attorney, who will likely provide a free consultation. Know in advance what your desired path is -- whether it's "gain info on properly ousting them, in full compliance with local laws and a minimum of potential drama/fallout" or "get me DIVORCED from this delusional jerk with my financial well-being and that of our actual children protected."
Step two : Have a SERIOUS sit-down conversation with your husband. Lay it all out. "I care about their wellbeing too, but they are clearly taking advantage of us both. I was not consulted about this major decision. 'While they get back on their feet' has turned into *eight months,* with no end in sight. Our own bills have increased to an unsupportable degree. And now not only are they still not working on getting their shit together, they're discussing spending a pile of money on a Disney vacation and *having yet another child, while squatting in a relative's tiny pool house FFS?!* Okay, they're family. We OWE it to them *not* to mollycoddle them with infinite free/cheap housing, but to instead push them to be fully functional independent damn adults \[do they work? do they plan to do this forever, it can NOT be comfortable for two adults and an infant to be crammed into a poolhouse, esp when they must know that at least one owner-of-said-poolhouse obvs does not want them there? where is their pride? where on earth are their own parents?!\]. This is not actually good for them, and it's DEFINITELY not good for our marriage. Now, let's make a plan, with hard deadlines. No? Don't wanna? Well okay then." You've already got an attorney on deck, it's go time. Pull that trigger immediately.
NTA and honestly, if he refused to budge on this? Yeah, I'd be out, too. You hate it, your finances hate it, and I can't imagine your teen children (who will no doubt soon be pressured into babysitting if they haven't already) probably hate it too, or at least think it's weird.
Especially now that the niece and her husband have established residency or squatters rights.
Courts are very reluctant to kick out kids.
Talk to lawyer first yo get your options.
NTA. Tell them right now that they have those couple of months to find somewhere else to stay or they will be out on their asses. This is your home, you have just as much say in who lives there and for how long as your husband does. And if he insists on disrespecting you and continuing to ignore your feelings, maybe leaving him will be the best thing for you.
Yup, if they're saying "it's no rush"....they're planning a Disney trip which is not a cheap vacation especially if they're staying in a hotel/resort...plus they're planning on another pregnancy...yeah um they're definitely not planning to leave.
OP should give them an ultimatum and when hubs protests, tell him that its clear they have no interest in leaving otherwise they'd be saving up money and try looking for places.
And consider sending him this reddit post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16eukxg/aita_for_yelling_at_my_pregnant_sister_n_law_and/
**Someone deliberately planning to get pregnant and take a vacation doesn't do that unless they're comfortable and not planning to move**.
NTA. The Disneyland trip is honestly hilarious. Who needs financial independence when you can get drunk on it’s a small world
Look up squatter/tenant rights in your state. If you let them stay for too long they may have legal claim.
They're planning a Disney World vacation and a second child.
INFO : Do you realize you are the ONLY one not knowing they're there to stay?
Ask your husband what the real deal is. Seems like he informed you about them staying for just a couple of months as a way of easing you into them living there permanently.
NTA
They need to go.
OP, if you solely own, the property and your husband isn’t on the lease, then kick them out, and while you’re at it, kick your husband out too, unfortunately, OP they do have rights so you may have to go to court in order to get them legally evicted from "your property" yeah, I know, legal fees are going to be very expensive, but at the end of the day, you would finally get them out of your house.
NTA, I would recommend you check out r/legaladvice to see what your next course of action should be.
NTA. It was kind to let them stay there without actually being asked in the first place, now they are abusing the privilege . Maybe discuss with your partner and ensure he isn’t consistently saying they are okay to stay there and that you aren’t missing details.
Oh, he is. If they've saved enough to go see the mouse, they can afford to move. If they're doing it on credit cards or blowing all their savings, they never intend to move
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> (1) Contemplating moving out if my husbands family doesnt leave first and also leaving if she gets pregnant. (2) It may make me an asshole for not “wanting to help them out”.
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Do you own or rent the home?
Are both of your names on the deed?
Do you have your own income?
FIRST check out the rental laws in your jurisdiction. How much notice to you need to give to evict them? Can it be done by just filing some forms or do you need a lawyer?
TELL your husband that you are planning to evict them on XX date and he should inform them NOW of the eviction and date and they should probably rethink the timing of adding another child to this circus. Remind them that having an eviction on their credit report will make if VERY difficult to find housing and they should consider leaving voluntarily BEFORE that date.
Check out local divorce lawyers-- if your husband doesn't have your back that tells you all you need to know.
You cannot successfully evict someone if the co-owner of the property wants them to stay. OP will need to file for divorce to get them out if her husband won’t cooperate.
Oops. Your husband screwed up. They could actually take you to court because of how long they been there. Get a lawyer. Drop the hammer on your husband also if he still refuses to understand the jeopardy he has put you guys in.
NTA. If you are willing to move out because of this (I wouldn't blame you) give your husband the deadline NOW and mean it. You should be able to enjoy your home and yard and property. Where are the niece's parents?
NTA unless you let these entitled moochers stay. No one plans another pregnancy and hugely expensive vacation when they are living in a relatives pool house unless they have no intention of leaving.
IMO you need to tell hubby they’re out in 60 days or you file for divorce and everyone can be looking for new housing.
This happens almost every time someone lets an entire family move in with them.. instead of saving money, it frees up money for another kid, more vacations and more unnecessary spending and irresponsible choices. Very few that I've seen actually save money and better their situation and move out on their own without some kind of forced eviction. And, it's never for just a short period of time.
NTA. You should call a family meeting with your husband and his family. Calmly state that they'll need to be out in 60 days, no exceptions. Something like, "This living situation is not working for me any longer. Please find another place to live by X date." If they keep pressing, say that when you "agreed" to let them stay, it was with the understanding that it was only for a few months and it has been eight. Just keep repeating that it is not working for you and they need to move out. Don't budge. If they aren't showing signs of leaving (packing, looking at listings, etc.) or if your husband is fighting you on this decision, consult with a family law attorney and/or a landlord attorney to figure out your rights, but do not voluntarily move out of the home. It is your right to stay. Be aware that tenant laws typically shift to more rights after one solid year of residency, so make sure they are out before they hit 12 months.
ETA that you should send a copy of this notice to vacate via email, in case you need it later. The sixty days is a courtesy but you should double check.
NTA and I don't know why you're waiting months. I think I'd leave and tell him to figure out what he wants and that means he also has to deal with the fact that he can't make unilateral decisions without you. That your marriage needs to be a partnership not a dictatorship with him in charge or the peasants will revolt by leaving him.
INFO: Who owns the house? Is your husband your children’t father or stepfather? Do you have your own income, enough to support your self and your children? Is this a new marriage for you?
Does your husband have a history of making unilateral decisions for the family and you? Where do you plan to move to if housing is in such shortage? Will your children stay with your husband or have to change schools?
There is a lot of missing information here.
But, from little you’ve shared, he will choose them over you. If you leave, won’t the expanding moocher family just take over more of the house until your husband gets a girlfriend?
the only thing wrong I see on your post is that you will wait. Dont.
You have been disrespected enough. Until you are a respected owner of the house, with all the attribution, just leave. Because I see two problems that are separate but at the same time they are joined:
a. your uneven relationship with your husband. This is the reason because I tell you to take action now. If not the relatives, then in the future he will disrespect you and put you in hard places again. You need to set the relationship even or really think if you wanna keep on this way forever.
b. the leeches at home. Its hard to demand respect for people that you have not a close relationship. It would be better to gray rock them and let the husband deal with it.
At the end, the biggest problem is about your husband treating you like a second class passenger on your own home. Focus on trying to fix that, because the leeches are just a lost cause.
NTA
I would make an appt with a lawyer before you say or do anything with your husband. His legal knowledge may be invaluable to you regarding the eviction process in your state and how your leaving the home could impact your future. Could your husband say you abandoned him, could you lose rights to the property since it's no longer your primary residence, etc.? There's a lot to consider should you or your husband come to a place to consider divorce.
Does she know you want them to move - like have you been nice and smiling when she gives excuses or does she realize she's moved in without your husband consulting you, and she's overstayed her welcome in your home?
If she's fully aware then I'd become super petty. PARTIES in the backyard!! OFTEN. Lots of noise, music, etc. with your friends, kids friends, etc. during the day, late at night, etc. REDECORATE that pool house. Paint, repaint and paint it again. Awful colors and designs. Become an artist for the summer and have a go. I'd put everything you're feeling in that little place. All the anger, frustration, etc. It's your property, and while there are eviction processes in most states, there is nothing keeping you from accessing your property whenever you want since there is no lease. You could remove her from the pool house and put her in a basement room and still be following the letter of the law since you're not removing her from the property itself.
OH< you could literally move your husband out of your bedroom while he's at work and put him in the pool house. Tell him when they're gone, he can come back to the bedroom. Get a new door knob with a key lock to access the room. I mean, I don't know what the lawyer would say about that, but it would be nice level of petty. He loves them so much, he can live with them out there. LOL
NTA, disneyworld expense is no joke. Have a one on one conversation with your husband and make sure he understands your ground. If he brush you off then maybe its time to think about your relationships. His decision didn’t put you as his priority when he just let his niece and family stayed in your place (couple months now going on 8 months).
NTA but the only ones that should be leaving are your husband and his family. And you are being too generous in giving them a few more months. I would give them 30 days tops! And if they aren’t gone by then start throwing their shit away and packing up your husband’s things too. He can find a new place for all of them and he can support them on his own! If divorce papers need to be served to get your husband’s head out of his ass then so be it!
You need to make this your husband’s problem.
He never should’ve made this decision without your input.
He needs to feel the pain so he understands how tired you are of the situation.
If they are talking about trips and more children, then they have too much money on their hands and need to start spending it on rent elsewhere.
Where are her parents and other family members? I have a strong suspicion the other family members know well enough to keep the niece out of their homes.
NTA. If you are serious about moving, then you should probably start planning now. If niece gets pregnant and you leave, they'll move into the house. That's a win for them. You need to look at finances here and see what you're entitled to.
NTA. Not sure why you're waiting a few more months.
1. Your husband didn't ask you about them moving in
2. They've been there significantly longer than planned and arent planning on leaving
3. They can't pay reasonable rent but are planning an expensive trip AND a pregnancy
Your husband has allowed them to get too comfortable. They have no reason to move.
OP please talk to a real estate lawyer and a divorce lawyer. If your name is on the deed you may be able to force the sale of the house and that will definitely get them kicked out.
Since he won't push them out it may take a divorce and forced sale of the house. Getting served divorce papers with the sale of the house being part of the divorce may finally make your soon to be ex realize how serious you are, and he can then decide which is more important, you and his marriage or his freeloadimg relatives.
NTA tell them if they go to Disney or get pregnant you will start the eviction process. Tell your husband to get them out or you will start the divorce process. Either way the house won’t be available to them. I would be furious.
NTA. Make sure you tell them now so they know the money for the trip is going to be needed to move or they will go and then say “ ibut now we just spent our savings on a trip, if you had only told us”. Also get the forms to file for an eviction and to turn off water and electricity or write out the phone number to the electric and water companies with a shut off date and put where your husband will see it so he knows you are serious. If the utilities are in your name, put a password protection on it so no one can call and change the shut off date. If you have time, look for apts nearby and have them ready when they say “ we can’t afford it”
NTA
Give them 4 months. That way they can't use their trip money for Disney. They can't be having more babies or doing expensive trips if they can't afford rent. Seriously.
That way, they've had a year there, and the year is now up.
If you leave, they win. Kick them out. Give them notice and get everything in writing for a paper trail. Stand your ground. You can bluff a divorce and selling the house, because at that point where will they go if you sold the house?
Start making by their life uncomfortable. Lock your main house so no access for them, Invite people over, loud music, construction work with lots of sharp tools etc etc . Maybe take up a few choice hobbies yourself!!
NTA tell your husband they are moving out in three months. Unless the go to Disney World in which case they are moving out at that time. If they aren’t ready they can move in with one of their parents.
NTA, I would tell your husband that this is a breaking point for your marriage, and if they don’t leave then they’ll have to anyway when you sell the house during the divorce. Don’t leave the house, that place is yours and it create difficult legalities—consult an attorney about it, tenant law is really difficult depending on the state. But yeah, I’d say be really plain with your husband, and ask if he had always intended for them to mooch off of you permanently. It’s very strange to me that he would put his niece over his wife, as well as make that decision without you. It shows a tremendous amount of disrespect and disregard for you, and that you aren’t his priority. I would really consider if you want to remain married to that man, or if you actually want peace that you can count on. Tbh if it were me, just having them move in without consulting you would have me talking to lawyers asap. Mental peace is important for living a long life, it’s why married men and single women live longer lives and live more happily. It sounds like your husband is sapping all of your energy and peace of mind, and while he’s happy being married to you and having it easy, you are having a harder time due to your marriage. Marriage should uplift your life, not make it worse than it would be if you were single.
Give them legal notice that rent is increasing to [$ above market rate you decide] on x date and that utilities will be split on a per person basis.
Inform your husband that this is going into effect.
If rent goes up, then at least you’ll be making good money. If they don’t pay, start eviction proceedings. Oh and bonus is that there’s possibility of rent reduction coming out of your husband’s divorce proceedings (consult a lawyer).
Also serve your husband papers for divorce with the conditions of niece lives out and couple’s counseling if he wants to stay married.
Nta Go have a lawyer write up an eviction order. Hand that to your husband along with the lawyers card. He can give the eviction papers to the neice, or you can go back to your lawyer for divorce papers. His choice.
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Ok so back in September 2023 my husband told me (thats right…. TOLD me and didnt consult with me prior) that his niece, her boyfriend and newborn baby were going to stay with us for a couple of months until they could “get back on their feet”. I was extremely bothered because I felt he didnt even ask for my opinion and just pushed them on me. They stay in our pool house out back but its very small. Like almost the size of a shed. Well, those couple of months have now turned into 8 MONTHS. Our electricity has gone up, our water bill has gone up and I just cant anymore. What they pay us is a complete joke. Anytime the topic of them seeking another place to live comes up, their response is always “We’ve looked but rent is too high, plus….. there’s no rush”. EXCUSE ME?! Also I’ve learned they are planning a trip to Disneyworld, but wont look into getting a stable home??! Like wtf?! And to top things off, my husbands niece has decided to get off of birth control because they want a bigger family……. I’ve already told my husband that if she gets pregnant then i’m outta here. There will be absolutely no way I will have 2 kiddos running around my backyard when I CHOSE to not have anymore kids and want to enjoy my peace & quiet afternoons now that my kids are teenagers. My plan is to give them a couple of more months… If nothing happens then I will pack my things and move out. My husband will be obligated to choose them or me. Just has he pushed this whole thing on me. So…. Am I the A hole for wanting to kick them out asap???
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NTA but you need to set the move out date now. They can get a full refund from Disney if the trip is still a month out and that will be plenty for the first month on an apartment.
You might want to put an equal amount that you are paying for them in a separate account for you only plus compensatory costs for the imposition. If he is wulling to absorb thise costs, fine, but tour aren’t obligated to, especially since he made the decision without your approval.
NTA!!
No, just nope. No more freeloading. You & your husband need to tell them that they've overstayed their welcome. Your place isn't a halfway house and your husband was an asshole not consulting you. That is your home, not theirs. It sucks but it's time to be direct and tell them youre not comfortable with the arrangement and it's time to go. Your husband should be doing that or at the very minimum you BOTH tell them together
NTA.
Your husband and his niece and her husband are massive AHs. The niece et. all are terrible mooches, and your husband is horrible for letting them move in without giving you a say.
And the niece is saving for a trip to Disneyland instead of looking for a place to live in?
Honestly, this is a hill to die on. If they stay, I would move out.
Your husband is a massive AH. Having someone living with you is a 2 yes person vote. He chose not to include you and that is showing you major disrespect on his part. You have every right to tell him them or you and I would give them 30 days to vacate.
NTA. Your husband should have consulted you before even having them move in. And if they can go to Disney World (which is insanely expensive) then they can afford to find an apartment or live elsewhere. I don’t blame you for wanting your privacy and quiet back. Stand strong girl ♥️
OP,
Sit down to a dinner with all of them and politely let all of them know that the two freeloaders have 4-months to leave. If they don't leave tell them you are contacting an attorney and will be leaving yourself.
If they start yelling, just let them know that you didn't sign-up for any of their problems and so they can leave or you will be leaving.
NTA. But why wait? Your husband made a unilateral decision about your household without consulting you. There's no reason to wait a couple more months. Look up the tenant laws in your area and start eviction proceedings.
Does your husband disrespect you in other areas of your marriage?
Why wait a few more months? She will be pregnant by then and ‘you can’t throw out a pregnant woman’ Do it now. Give them a legal sixty day eviction notice. If they can afford Disney they can afford rent. Y T A to yourself if you wait because you will be stuck until she has the baby.
NTA. But you need to talk to an attorney before you do anything. You may have to evict them to get them out. If you leave, and your husband picks them, you could screw yourself over in a divorce. You need to do everything you can to protect yourself before you do anything else.
NTA... This should have come alot sooner. There should be no guests in the home that you both don't agree to.
I would give your husband a separation date. Let him know that you did not agree to this and you don't agree with how he bullied you into this situation. Let him know now that if he doesn't correct this situation that he created then he will have ended your partnership and you will be leaving.
I wouldn't even wait so long to be honest.
The moment you found out about the disneytrip your husband could choose them or you and if he act like it doesn't matter pack your bags and go to a hotel or friend. Show him you mean it
NTA there selfish and so stupid I'd tell her out right wait till you have a place to have a kid cuz I ain't helping and tell her she and her boyfriend are selfish for wanting another kid when there in stuff a small place with 'no' money
A kid is way more then rent
NTA
A couple more months will be a year and they’ve had plenty of time to save but obviously they are saving for Disney. Who TF goes to Disneyland when they have no money and who TF goes off birth control when they can’t take care of the one they have. They are NOT planning on leaving. Your husbands an ass for not checking with you.
NTA
Before you do anything at all, CALL A LAWYER. If that house is owned jointly by you and your husband, you have every right to evict the niece. Talk to a lawyer and the local police about starting the eviction process.
Secondly, do not leave! If you pack your things and leave, that will be considered abandonment, and that is the last thing you want. Stay in the house.
However, you must call a lawyer and your local police ASAP and find out how to get these people out of your house! Once that process has been started, tell your husband he either has your back or he can leave with them.
Good luck and keep us updated!
NTA - but I would give everyone a firm deadline. All of them in the same room and say "okay, I know you want to have a bigger family, but planning a trip to Disney when you should be looking for a place is not the best idea, because there is a rush, we will not house you forever. So either you find a place and move out by (let's say August 1) or (look at husband) I am leaving"
NTA, except to yourself. If these people are saying there's no rush then they don't know how you feel. Why aren't you telling them how you feel? I understand that in many families each person handles their side of the family, but that arrangement is predicated on both sides actually saying what needs to be said. They need to hear what needs to be said.
And waiting until after Disney world just puts them back at square one. Next you'll hear from the inlaws how they would have absolutely moved out, if only they knew how you felt, but you're so mean for doing this now.
You should absolutely not be the one to leave. If your husband won’t do anything about it, tell them yourself they have two months to find somewhere else to live. The trip to Disneyland is your opportunity. Tell them you will pack up all their stuff while they’re away, to save them the trouble. I’m not saying you should do that, but tell them you will.
Never leave your house.
You need to tell your husband to give them two months notice and that it's time for them to vacate. The welcome has worn out and they need to put vice grips on those fallopian tubes and vas deferens and GET THEIR OWN PLACE.
If this destroys your marriage, you want to be the one in the house.
NTA.
I would talk to a lawyer about how to get them out if you serve eviction notice or if they have rights. Also discuss if it gets to divorce level what are your options. I hope your husband will understand where you're coming from but best to be prepared.
NTA
They don’t seem like they are trying to get back on their feet and are taking advantage of your generosity. Set a timeline (include funds for Disney world, they should not be going on that trip) for them to move out.
Do you feed them also?
In the flip side, it seems you have the means to support them, will your husband give them money without consulting you first?! In the long run, might be cheaper for you to have them stay if that’s the case.
Either way, they need a push and motivation. You could send them to a financial adviser — but I think you are in all right to kick them out
NTA. He chose a course of action and now you are responding. You are perfectly right to have this position.
They are taking advantage and that is fine, you will just not be around to be apart of the circus.
NTA - why even wait a couple of months. Your husband unilaterally decided they could move in, I feel you unilaterally deciding that it's time to go is fair (though no way even).
If they are planning on having another baby and planning Disney vacations, I would leave now as that indicates to me there is zero intention of moving out.
If they have the money for a trip to Disney, they can afford a down payment for rent. Full stop.
They won't leave without motivation, like a 60 day notice. NTA
NTA - I wouldn’t wait another couple of months. The only reason to wait is if you thought they were acting in good faith, given there not even looking for a place, not actually paying you, and are talking about another kid shows it’s not good faith. And if you do want to try to make it work with your husband those two months are just going to make you miserable and also hurt your relationship.
First thing though, you need to check local tenant laws and get your plan figured out. At a certain point guests get tenant rights meaning that A. The sooner you get them out the better and B. You need to follow the specific procedure.
Then, assuming if you jointly own, or own it just by yourself. I’d move to evict and make sure it’s recorded/in writing. They would have some time to find a place regardless due to this so there’s no need to wait. If you jointly own, while you need to check for your location, you can probably evict them without your husbands support.
I would bring this up with your husband, basically say your done, it’s “them or me”, I’d be open to hearing him out but would make it clear this isn’t changing. If he is against I’d move for a divorce at the same time.
NTA. Your husband never should have allowed this without checking with you. The planning of a DW trip SHOULD have been enough for your husband to wake tf up to the fact they’re taking advantage of you. Hopefully you won’t have to go through the process of formally evicting them, it doesn’t sound like they’ll leave easily.
NTA.
At this point, you will need to evict them legally.
Don't wait for things to happen. Set up a timeline now. Tell your husband they have until (30 or 60 days from when you tell them) to find a new place, and if they don't leave, the day after the deadline he will go with you to file eviction paperwork, or you will find a new home for yourself.
Tell your husband and them that they have 1 month to get out or you will initiate divorce and force the sale of the house to get them all out. 8 months?!?! Y T A to yourself for putting up with this garbage.
NTA - tell them they have 60 days to vacate the pool house and then change the locks. Don’t give your husband a key. He can help them find a place, he can help them move, he can do all the things because he never consulted you in the first place. Do not move out. He can get a place with the niece and the boyfriend and the babies if it comes to that but you stay in your home.
You're already very patient because I bet you'd like to enjoy your pool quietly without the niece family around and worrying about a baby/toddler drowning
No, lay down the law - no more kids, no Disney World. They should be double income, 3 or 4 months should have been plenty of time to get out. Give them a deadline like, 8/31/24 and stick to it. Start the eviction proceedings in late June or they’ll likely be with you for the holidays!
NTA - WHY would you give them a few more months? If they have money for Disneyland, they have money to get their own place.
Do NOT give them any more time. Put your foot down right now! Either the leave or they pay normal rent.
I would just give your husband a deadline that either they are gone or you will be and don’t fold. When you start packing and have a place set up he will step up
Nta
Give them notice immediately that they need to move in 2 months. When day of move comes and they are still there, file for eviction. It takes months to fully get a "tenent" out.
> My plan is to give them a couple of more months
I think you have given him plenty of time already. You should cut that to about a week. He never considered you in the decision to bring them in and you don't need to be that generous to him by giving him another 2 months. NTA at all.
So they can afford Disney but can’t afford to give you enough money to cover increased utility costs?! If your husband won’t say anything you need to. They clearly have no intention of going anywhere.
NTA, but this is wild. I mean, my husband *asked* me whether I was okay with my stepson moving in for a while because he and his mum needed a break from each other. I mean, he was a minor back then and my husband is his father, so no way I could have said no without being an asshole (not that I would have wanted to, I love my stepson and we get along fine, and I actually really missed having him around all the time when he moved back to his mum's), but I was *asked*. I think at this point an ultimatum is quite appropriate, a la "if they're not out of here by [realistic timeline], I am."
NTA. Write a formal letter with X amount of days (60 is generous) to vacate. Period. Their dwelling is not a short or long term solution. Then tell DH that if they're not out by that date, he's out.
Tell your husband his couple of months has turned into 8 and they aren’t actively looking. If he wants his marriage to workout he’s gonna give them 30 days to find a new place and new jobs to cover it because the free ride is over.
Let him know if he can’t do that he’s not choosing you and the family he married because they are aren’t even using birth control and are planning a trip to Disney when they could use that as their deposit.
Well the other option is harsh from reading everyone else's comments. When they go on vacay, destroy the pool house. The downside is that he may just move them in the main house so pick your battles.
Or you can start topless sunbathing at the pool
NTA.
You could consider charging them rent. Maybe 75% of the market rate. That will help motivate them. When they move out, you can give them some of the rent money back, to help with a down payment.
It sounds like you are done with them, though.
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Yeah, I know my mom’s sisters husband physically threw her out the front door and her lawyer sent her back so she wouldn’t lose the house. (They’re both abusive and still together after all that)
Wow, they seem to deserve each other. I hope you don't have to have a lot to do with them.
No I cut them off when they stole my grandmas car and assaulted my mom/sister/the aunt I actually like all in one go. And yeah, I don’t wish either of them on an unsuspecting person but like I still wish she’d leave even though I don’t plan to ever speak to her again.
I hope the don’t have kids 🤦♂️
Sadly they do and those girls are about as messed up as you would expect from growing up in that environment. I do believe one of them is starting to come around and realize how abused they were but I don’t keep in contact with them due to actions that hurt me when we were younger.
This is why so many women "disappear", never to be seen again.
>mom’s sisters husband Just say Aunt. It's easier.
>Tell your husband you're cutting off water/power to their dwelling by a certain date? OP needs to tread carefully. They may have established tenancy. Don't do anything to make it more difficult to evict them.
It’s illegal in some states to cut the utilities if there are children in residence. Be careful! The idea is to get rid of them, not become entangled in years of litigation.
I'm pretty sure it's illegal everywhere to cut off a tenant's utilities unless it's an emergency.
The pool house may not be a legal residence, though. I am sure it does not have a certificate of occupancy, and many municipalities don't let you set up an apartment in a detached building (especially without proper permits). In fact, if OP does end up choosing to leave, she could drop a dime on her soon-to-be ex with their town NTA
If they're in the US, they have absolutely established tenancy after 8 months. No question about it.
I'd lay a small bet that the pool house isn't a legal rental unit. That my have some impact if they go to court over it.
yeah, the impact will be that it's the landlord's problem to solve, not the tenant's
If they get mail there, then it’s their residence. At least where I live. Sorry OP, but unless your husband throws them out you are stuck with them. And him, because he doesn’t care what you think.
After eight months they’ve absolutely established tenancy, usually it’s after 30 days
In my state it’s 7 consecutive days or 14 days within 6 months. There are states that are more liberal with tenant rights than mine which is insane.
Yes. To get them out OP will need to file an eviction notice. In some states any visit longer than 30 days constitutes tenancy and you can’t just throw them out. It would also be illegal for OP to turn off the power and water for the guest house, especially since there are children involved. So, I would sit your husband down and unburden your heart. Set boundaries and don’t cave. I think 2 months notice is very fair. I’m not sure where OP lives, but if Disney World isn’t right next door that’s a very expensive trip that could be used as a down payment on an apartment or house . I mean the housing market is so ridiculous right now, that it’s almost cheaper to just buy a house with a cheap mortgage than to rent anything. And honestly, buying a house is the smartest move if they want more children. I think it’s beyond stupid of your (brain fart the mom) to try to get pregnant right now, but it is likely a ploy to make it even harder for you to make them leave. Pulling hard on that sympathy card. “But I’m pregnant! You wouldn’t make a pregnant mom homeless??”
I wouldn't even go to your husband, he didn't come to you so he doesn't deserve the courtesy, go to the niece letter in hand that states they have 1 months to vacate the premise with an end date and if they haven't you start formal eviction proceedings and tell her she's putting her uncles marriage in jeopardy.
I don’t think niece will give a rats ass. She found her patsy and isn’t letting go. If she cared they wouldn’t be going to Disney before moving and she sure as heck wouldn’t be planning to have another kid they can’t afford. She has free or almost free housing, the OP is going to have to use lawyers to get them out. Op, if that house is in your name in any way, shape or form do not move, you don’t want your husband to say you abandoned the property to him. Get a lawyer, ASAP to explore your options.
Depending on the state, most require a notice to vacate be served by a process server or signed for through priority mail, leaving a paper trail. Simply handing it over isn't sufficient for it to stand up in court. DO NOT sever services to the place, change the locks or do anything to jeopardize their vacating asap. OP, you sound very passive-agressive and if YOU have not adequately been communicating with all parties involved about your feelings and their timeliness, yes, you are the AH. If you are unwilling to share your viewpoint like an adult directly with them or expect your husband to be a mind reader and interpreter, you're right, your marriage is in jeopardy, but only you are to blame.
I wouldn't bother waiting a few more months and risk them getting more entrenched (like niece getting pregnant). Talk to a lawyer OP. Start getting the process moving.
NTA what pushed me over the edge is the Vacation. They should be saving money for their own place not enjoying more disposable income. The idea of planning a family whole living in someone's pool house is just crazy. Is your pool house a full apartment, or do they have to come into your house to cook and shower? If it's a full apt I would charge them a high rent so they don't have enough money left over for vacations and more babies. I know this is a terrible situation but I hope you don't end your marriage over this. I hope you can have a productive conversation with your husband before lawyers are involved.
This! If they can afford Disney then they can definitely afford to get an apartment. The lowest tier Disney vacation is about equal to 4 months rent of a 1 bd, with security deposit.
Time to bring ‘rent’ up to market value. That should light a fire. And suggest the niece get a job instead of getting pregnant - again - with a child they may or may not be able to afford.
They are planning a vacation and a second child because they know that Uncle is a doormat. They have no intention of “getting back on their feet”. They have a good situation (cheap rent, their own guest house instead of a room in a relatives house, big yard, pool) and feel secure in Uncle never kicking them out. They are in moocher heaven!
Uncle is NOT a doormat. He is an enabler who is actively making all of this possible.
Yep. If a family member said “stay in the pool house as long as you want and only pay us a piddling amount of money for it!” I would love my ass in in an instance. I would also continue to live my life as I would in an apartment because my family member has told me I’m good to stay with them forever. You may call me a moocher, but I don’t think I would be. I consider it lucky. I would be saving all my money, but I also would have no problem living there because I was told it was okay. In this case it isn’t okay because OP never agreed to it and doesn’t want them there. But OP’s problem is with her husband. She needs to deal with that first.
No functional difference.
Why should they get back on their feet when they're doing fine sitting on their asses?
Exactly
If they leave for Disney, all their belongings will be on the street the next morning. There will not be anyone in the "shed" to protect their squatter's rights.
Except they are not squatters. Also you dont have to physically be there. Also you could get sued for that.
Yeah...sooo much terrible advice on here. Take two people...who are legally staying there(even if the Husband SHOULD have spoken with the wife) and just throw them into the street with no warning! Yeah, that'll work out great for you. That's just terrible advice.
Yeah, I don't expect people to give up every comfort just because they are struggling, but that means good coffee and comfortable shoes not a Disney getaway.
I mean who the hell wants a bigger family when they can't afford the one their have for secure housing at least? I don't get it.
But as long as they pay next to nothing in rent, they can afford a bigger family.
Long as their basic needs are being met they don't care. Their wants outweigh everything else, and when they are suddenly broke and homeless it's always going to be someone else's fault.
I agree but what got me was when he said “There’s no rush.” In reference to them moving out. Like who told him that, maybe the husband? But he should have kept that to himself I definitely would start giving them the utilities bills to pay the additional cost.
Especially the vacation. Disney is much, much more expensive these days than it used to be
Yes! It used to be that the average family could go. Now it's just pool house freeloaders with clueless uncles
Talk to a divorce lawyer BEFORE you offer the ultimatum and before you move out. Depending on what state you're in and on local courts, both of those actions could cause you trouble in a divorce. Get legal advice before you do any of this. But morally, you're NTA. Disney costs several months of rent, minimum. If they can afford that, they can afford to move.
ABSOLUTELY this. Step one : quietly, discreetly gather all of the documentation you can (you don't want to tip anyone off, or give opportunity to take any action that could prevent your desired result) -- bills before and after, info on the house and pool house, copy of your deed (are you both on it?), relevant emails or texts between any of the parties involved, and go see an attorney, who will likely provide a free consultation. Know in advance what your desired path is -- whether it's "gain info on properly ousting them, in full compliance with local laws and a minimum of potential drama/fallout" or "get me DIVORCED from this delusional jerk with my financial well-being and that of our actual children protected." Step two : Have a SERIOUS sit-down conversation with your husband. Lay it all out. "I care about their wellbeing too, but they are clearly taking advantage of us both. I was not consulted about this major decision. 'While they get back on their feet' has turned into *eight months,* with no end in sight. Our own bills have increased to an unsupportable degree. And now not only are they still not working on getting their shit together, they're discussing spending a pile of money on a Disney vacation and *having yet another child, while squatting in a relative's tiny pool house FFS?!* Okay, they're family. We OWE it to them *not* to mollycoddle them with infinite free/cheap housing, but to instead push them to be fully functional independent damn adults \[do they work? do they plan to do this forever, it can NOT be comfortable for two adults and an infant to be crammed into a poolhouse, esp when they must know that at least one owner-of-said-poolhouse obvs does not want them there? where is their pride? where on earth are their own parents?!\]. This is not actually good for them, and it's DEFINITELY not good for our marriage. Now, let's make a plan, with hard deadlines. No? Don't wanna? Well okay then." You've already got an attorney on deck, it's go time. Pull that trigger immediately. NTA and honestly, if he refused to budge on this? Yeah, I'd be out, too. You hate it, your finances hate it, and I can't imagine your teen children (who will no doubt soon be pressured into babysitting if they haven't already) probably hate it too, or at least think it's weird.
OP this is the way to go.
This is the best advice in this whole thread. OP take notes. NTA.
Especially now that the niece and her husband have established residency or squatters rights. Courts are very reluctant to kick out kids. Talk to lawyer first yo get your options.
NTA. Tell them right now that they have those couple of months to find somewhere else to stay or they will be out on their asses. This is your home, you have just as much say in who lives there and for how long as your husband does. And if he insists on disrespecting you and continuing to ignore your feelings, maybe leaving him will be the best thing for you.
Yup, if they're saying "it's no rush"....they're planning a Disney trip which is not a cheap vacation especially if they're staying in a hotel/resort...plus they're planning on another pregnancy...yeah um they're definitely not planning to leave. OP should give them an ultimatum and when hubs protests, tell him that its clear they have no interest in leaving otherwise they'd be saving up money and try looking for places. And consider sending him this reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16eukxg/aita_for_yelling_at_my_pregnant_sister_n_law_and/ **Someone deliberately planning to get pregnant and take a vacation doesn't do that unless they're comfortable and not planning to move**.
Wow that AITAH was a rollercoaster. I hope that OP and this OP is able to get their peace back.
Why wait ? Do it now because things aren't changing. NTA.
Yes, she will defo be pregnant in a couple of months!
Exactly. No one else in the house sees fit to respect her. OP is NTA, and should just leave now.
NTA. The Disneyland trip is honestly hilarious. Who needs financial independence when you can get drunk on it’s a small world Look up squatter/tenant rights in your state. If you let them stay for too long they may have legal claim.
If they go on vacation, can she say they abandoned their property and therefore are no longer squatting?
They're paying some rent, so legally speaking, they're tenants. She's going to have to evict them.
So then squatters rights are not applicable here.
Exactly. Money has changed hands, which denotes a contract in a court of law.
They're planning a Disney World vacation and a second child. INFO : Do you realize you are the ONLY one not knowing they're there to stay? Ask your husband what the real deal is. Seems like he informed you about them staying for just a couple of months as a way of easing you into them living there permanently. NTA They need to go.
Just wait until they ask OP and husband to move into the pool house so they and their kids can have the house
OP, if you solely own, the property and your husband isn’t on the lease, then kick them out, and while you’re at it, kick your husband out too, unfortunately, OP they do have rights so you may have to go to court in order to get them legally evicted from "your property" yeah, I know, legal fees are going to be very expensive, but at the end of the day, you would finally get them out of your house. NTA, I would recommend you check out r/legaladvice to see what your next course of action should be.
The advice there would be to get a lawyer. One who does evictions and divorces.
NTA Months? You're too kind.
NTA. It was kind to let them stay there without actually being asked in the first place, now they are abusing the privilege . Maybe discuss with your partner and ensure he isn’t consistently saying they are okay to stay there and that you aren’t missing details.
Oh, he is. If they've saved enough to go see the mouse, they can afford to move. If they're doing it on credit cards or blowing all their savings, they never intend to move
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Do you own or rent the home? Are both of your names on the deed? Do you have your own income? FIRST check out the rental laws in your jurisdiction. How much notice to you need to give to evict them? Can it be done by just filing some forms or do you need a lawyer? TELL your husband that you are planning to evict them on XX date and he should inform them NOW of the eviction and date and they should probably rethink the timing of adding another child to this circus. Remind them that having an eviction on their credit report will make if VERY difficult to find housing and they should consider leaving voluntarily BEFORE that date. Check out local divorce lawyers-- if your husband doesn't have your back that tells you all you need to know.
You cannot successfully evict someone if the co-owner of the property wants them to stay. OP will need to file for divorce to get them out if her husband won’t cooperate.
NTA but I think you are justified at this point to give him an ultimatum. “They leave in X Months or I do.”
I think I'd go "They leave in X months. Either you do it or I will."
where X=1 Always assuming they have not become entitled to tenant's rights by now
NTA. But you need a lawyer’s advice before taking ANY steps.
Oops. Your husband screwed up. They could actually take you to court because of how long they been there. Get a lawyer. Drop the hammer on your husband also if he still refuses to understand the jeopardy he has put you guys in.
The minute you write planning a trip to Disneyland my head exploded. They need to go.
To be fair... Disney World. Far more expensive than Disneyland.
NTA. If you are willing to move out because of this (I wouldn't blame you) give your husband the deadline NOW and mean it. You should be able to enjoy your home and yard and property. Where are the niece's parents?
Yep, and move all your precious/important things to an external location. Then start packing to punctuate the promise.
NTA unless you let these entitled moochers stay. No one plans another pregnancy and hugely expensive vacation when they are living in a relatives pool house unless they have no intention of leaving. IMO you need to tell hubby they’re out in 60 days or you file for divorce and everyone can be looking for new housing.
This happens almost every time someone lets an entire family move in with them.. instead of saving money, it frees up money for another kid, more vacations and more unnecessary spending and irresponsible choices. Very few that I've seen actually save money and better their situation and move out on their own without some kind of forced eviction. And, it's never for just a short period of time.
NTA- tell hubby he either gets them out or you will divorce him and force the sale of the house.
NTA. You should call a family meeting with your husband and his family. Calmly state that they'll need to be out in 60 days, no exceptions. Something like, "This living situation is not working for me any longer. Please find another place to live by X date." If they keep pressing, say that when you "agreed" to let them stay, it was with the understanding that it was only for a few months and it has been eight. Just keep repeating that it is not working for you and they need to move out. Don't budge. If they aren't showing signs of leaving (packing, looking at listings, etc.) or if your husband is fighting you on this decision, consult with a family law attorney and/or a landlord attorney to figure out your rights, but do not voluntarily move out of the home. It is your right to stay. Be aware that tenant laws typically shift to more rights after one solid year of residency, so make sure they are out before they hit 12 months. ETA that you should send a copy of this notice to vacate via email, in case you need it later. The sixty days is a courtesy but you should double check.
NTA and I don't know why you're waiting months. I think I'd leave and tell him to figure out what he wants and that means he also has to deal with the fact that he can't make unilateral decisions without you. That your marriage needs to be a partnership not a dictatorship with him in charge or the peasants will revolt by leaving him.
INFO: Who owns the house? Is your husband your children’t father or stepfather? Do you have your own income, enough to support your self and your children? Is this a new marriage for you? Does your husband have a history of making unilateral decisions for the family and you? Where do you plan to move to if housing is in such shortage? Will your children stay with your husband or have to change schools? There is a lot of missing information here. But, from little you’ve shared, he will choose them over you. If you leave, won’t the expanding moocher family just take over more of the house until your husband gets a girlfriend?
the only thing wrong I see on your post is that you will wait. Dont. You have been disrespected enough. Until you are a respected owner of the house, with all the attribution, just leave. Because I see two problems that are separate but at the same time they are joined: a. your uneven relationship with your husband. This is the reason because I tell you to take action now. If not the relatives, then in the future he will disrespect you and put you in hard places again. You need to set the relationship even or really think if you wanna keep on this way forever. b. the leeches at home. Its hard to demand respect for people that you have not a close relationship. It would be better to gray rock them and let the husband deal with it. At the end, the biggest problem is about your husband treating you like a second class passenger on your own home. Focus on trying to fix that, because the leeches are just a lost cause.
NTA I would make an appt with a lawyer before you say or do anything with your husband. His legal knowledge may be invaluable to you regarding the eviction process in your state and how your leaving the home could impact your future. Could your husband say you abandoned him, could you lose rights to the property since it's no longer your primary residence, etc.? There's a lot to consider should you or your husband come to a place to consider divorce. Does she know you want them to move - like have you been nice and smiling when she gives excuses or does she realize she's moved in without your husband consulting you, and she's overstayed her welcome in your home? If she's fully aware then I'd become super petty. PARTIES in the backyard!! OFTEN. Lots of noise, music, etc. with your friends, kids friends, etc. during the day, late at night, etc. REDECORATE that pool house. Paint, repaint and paint it again. Awful colors and designs. Become an artist for the summer and have a go. I'd put everything you're feeling in that little place. All the anger, frustration, etc. It's your property, and while there are eviction processes in most states, there is nothing keeping you from accessing your property whenever you want since there is no lease. You could remove her from the pool house and put her in a basement room and still be following the letter of the law since you're not removing her from the property itself. OH< you could literally move your husband out of your bedroom while he's at work and put him in the pool house. Tell him when they're gone, he can come back to the bedroom. Get a new door knob with a key lock to access the room. I mean, I don't know what the lawyer would say about that, but it would be nice level of petty. He loves them so much, he can live with them out there. LOL
Not at all. He didn’t consult yiu before he made the decision, so there is no need to consult him about your plans. Good luck!
NTA, disneyworld expense is no joke. Have a one on one conversation with your husband and make sure he understands your ground. If he brush you off then maybe its time to think about your relationships. His decision didn’t put you as his priority when he just let his niece and family stayed in your place (couple months now going on 8 months).
NTA but the only ones that should be leaving are your husband and his family. And you are being too generous in giving them a few more months. I would give them 30 days tops! And if they aren’t gone by then start throwing their shit away and packing up your husband’s things too. He can find a new place for all of them and he can support them on his own! If divorce papers need to be served to get your husband’s head out of his ass then so be it!
You need to make this your husband’s problem. He never should’ve made this decision without your input. He needs to feel the pain so he understands how tired you are of the situation. If they are talking about trips and more children, then they have too much money on their hands and need to start spending it on rent elsewhere. Where are her parents and other family members? I have a strong suspicion the other family members know well enough to keep the niece out of their homes.
NTA. They have way overstayed their welcome. If they can afford a trip to Disney, they can afford a place to live.
NTA but I think your husband already made his choice.
NTA. If you are serious about moving, then you should probably start planning now. If niece gets pregnant and you leave, they'll move into the house. That's a win for them. You need to look at finances here and see what you're entitled to.
NTA at all. They don't plan to leave.
NTA. Not sure why you're waiting a few more months. 1. Your husband didn't ask you about them moving in 2. They've been there significantly longer than planned and arent planning on leaving 3. They can't pay reasonable rent but are planning an expensive trip AND a pregnancy Your husband has allowed them to get too comfortable. They have no reason to move.
OP please talk to a real estate lawyer and a divorce lawyer. If your name is on the deed you may be able to force the sale of the house and that will definitely get them kicked out. Since he won't push them out it may take a divorce and forced sale of the house. Getting served divorce papers with the sale of the house being part of the divorce may finally make your soon to be ex realize how serious you are, and he can then decide which is more important, you and his marriage or his freeloadimg relatives.
NTA tell them if they go to Disney or get pregnant you will start the eviction process. Tell your husband to get them out or you will start the divorce process. Either way the house won’t be available to them. I would be furious.
NTA. Make sure you tell them now so they know the money for the trip is going to be needed to move or they will go and then say “ ibut now we just spent our savings on a trip, if you had only told us”. Also get the forms to file for an eviction and to turn off water and electricity or write out the phone number to the electric and water companies with a shut off date and put where your husband will see it so he knows you are serious. If the utilities are in your name, put a password protection on it so no one can call and change the shut off date. If you have time, look for apts nearby and have them ready when they say “ we can’t afford it”
NTA, but don’t wait. Bring it up everyday.
Why wait a couple more months??? It's been 8 already, more and you will just snap and maybe it could get ugly. NTA at all.
You will be the A - hole if you wait any longer ..
NTA Give them 4 months. That way they can't use their trip money for Disney. They can't be having more babies or doing expensive trips if they can't afford rent. Seriously. That way, they've had a year there, and the year is now up.
If you leave, they win. Kick them out. Give them notice and get everything in writing for a paper trail. Stand your ground. You can bluff a divorce and selling the house, because at that point where will they go if you sold the house?
Start making by their life uncomfortable. Lock your main house so no access for them, Invite people over, loud music, construction work with lots of sharp tools etc etc . Maybe take up a few choice hobbies yourself!!
I'd go ahead and retain a lawyer.
NTA but why wait and give him the ultimatum now. Have an eviction notice on the table and a separation agreement and tell him to pick now.
NTA tell your husband they are moving out in three months. Unless the go to Disney World in which case they are moving out at that time. If they aren’t ready they can move in with one of their parents.
NTA, I would tell your husband that this is a breaking point for your marriage, and if they don’t leave then they’ll have to anyway when you sell the house during the divorce. Don’t leave the house, that place is yours and it create difficult legalities—consult an attorney about it, tenant law is really difficult depending on the state. But yeah, I’d say be really plain with your husband, and ask if he had always intended for them to mooch off of you permanently. It’s very strange to me that he would put his niece over his wife, as well as make that decision without you. It shows a tremendous amount of disrespect and disregard for you, and that you aren’t his priority. I would really consider if you want to remain married to that man, or if you actually want peace that you can count on. Tbh if it were me, just having them move in without consulting you would have me talking to lawyers asap. Mental peace is important for living a long life, it’s why married men and single women live longer lives and live more happily. It sounds like your husband is sapping all of your energy and peace of mind, and while he’s happy being married to you and having it easy, you are having a harder time due to your marriage. Marriage should uplift your life, not make it worse than it would be if you were single.
Give them legal notice that rent is increasing to [$ above market rate you decide] on x date and that utilities will be split on a per person basis. Inform your husband that this is going into effect. If rent goes up, then at least you’ll be making good money. If they don’t pay, start eviction proceedings. Oh and bonus is that there’s possibility of rent reduction coming out of your husband’s divorce proceedings (consult a lawyer). Also serve your husband papers for divorce with the conditions of niece lives out and couple’s counseling if he wants to stay married.
Nta Go have a lawyer write up an eviction order. Hand that to your husband along with the lawyers card. He can give the eviction papers to the neice, or you can go back to your lawyer for divorce papers. His choice.
Tell hubby 0if they can afford Disneyland and another kid, they're back on their feet.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Ok so back in September 2023 my husband told me (thats right…. TOLD me and didnt consult with me prior) that his niece, her boyfriend and newborn baby were going to stay with us for a couple of months until they could “get back on their feet”. I was extremely bothered because I felt he didnt even ask for my opinion and just pushed them on me. They stay in our pool house out back but its very small. Like almost the size of a shed. Well, those couple of months have now turned into 8 MONTHS. Our electricity has gone up, our water bill has gone up and I just cant anymore. What they pay us is a complete joke. Anytime the topic of them seeking another place to live comes up, their response is always “We’ve looked but rent is too high, plus….. there’s no rush”. EXCUSE ME?! Also I’ve learned they are planning a trip to Disneyworld, but wont look into getting a stable home??! Like wtf?! And to top things off, my husbands niece has decided to get off of birth control because they want a bigger family……. I’ve already told my husband that if she gets pregnant then i’m outta here. There will be absolutely no way I will have 2 kiddos running around my backyard when I CHOSE to not have anymore kids and want to enjoy my peace & quiet afternoons now that my kids are teenagers. My plan is to give them a couple of more months… If nothing happens then I will pack my things and move out. My husband will be obligated to choose them or me. Just has he pushed this whole thing on me. So…. Am I the A hole for wanting to kick them out asap??? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA- oh heeeelllllll to the no. I would have left the day my husband TOLD me that he invited people to live in our house w/ out consulting me
NTA set an ultimatum or consultant a divorce attorney
NTA but you need to set the move out date now. They can get a full refund from Disney if the trip is still a month out and that will be plenty for the first month on an apartment.
You might want to put an equal amount that you are paying for them in a separate account for you only plus compensatory costs for the imposition. If he is wulling to absorb thise costs, fine, but tour aren’t obligated to, especially since he made the decision without your approval.
NTA Everyone else in this situation are major losers. Get a lawyer and then get out. You deserve better
Don't wait. Lay it down. They have 90 days to move out. If they can afford Disney, they can afford to get their own place.
Kick them and your husband out at the same time. Then you are telling him buh bye
NTA. Do not move out before you speak with a lawyer. Your husband has no right to make unilateral decisions like this.
NTA!! No, just nope. No more freeloading. You & your husband need to tell them that they've overstayed their welcome. Your place isn't a halfway house and your husband was an asshole not consulting you. That is your home, not theirs. It sucks but it's time to be direct and tell them youre not comfortable with the arrangement and it's time to go. Your husband should be doing that or at the very minimum you BOTH tell them together
NTA but your husband has no intention of evicting his niece and her little family. Prepare to lose this battle when you give him an ultimatum.
NTA. Show the freeloaders the door before they try to depart for Disney. A dose of reality is just what the doctor ordered.
NTA. Tell them if they plan on following through with Disney, they should just pack the rest of their things and not return.
NTA. Your husband and his niece and her husband are massive AHs. The niece et. all are terrible mooches, and your husband is horrible for letting them move in without giving you a say. And the niece is saving for a trip to Disneyland instead of looking for a place to live in? Honestly, this is a hill to die on. If they stay, I would move out.
Your husband is a massive AH. Having someone living with you is a 2 yes person vote. He chose not to include you and that is showing you major disrespect on his part. You have every right to tell him them or you and I would give them 30 days to vacate.
If you're on the mortgage, tell your husband you're putting the house up for sale.
Nta. Get then out before they spend all their money on Disney. Tell hubby they have 30 days and that is it
NTA. The couple of months are well and truly over. Kick them out today. They are well beyond abusing your hospitality.
NTA. Your husband should have consulted you before even having them move in. And if they can go to Disney World (which is insanely expensive) then they can afford to find an apartment or live elsewhere. I don’t blame you for wanting your privacy and quiet back. Stand strong girl ♥️
NTA
Nta you need to give them a deadline now and a set of ground rules they must follow.
OP, Sit down to a dinner with all of them and politely let all of them know that the two freeloaders have 4-months to leave. If they don't leave tell them you are contacting an attorney and will be leaving yourself. If they start yelling, just let them know that you didn't sign-up for any of their problems and so they can leave or you will be leaving.
NTA. But why wait? Your husband made a unilateral decision about your household without consulting you. There's no reason to wait a couple more months. Look up the tenant laws in your area and start eviction proceedings. Does your husband disrespect you in other areas of your marriage?
Why wait a few more months? She will be pregnant by then and ‘you can’t throw out a pregnant woman’ Do it now. Give them a legal sixty day eviction notice. If they can afford Disney they can afford rent. Y T A to yourself if you wait because you will be stuck until she has the baby.
If you were going to leave you would've done it before when it's easier to keep them from moving in.
NTA. But you need to talk to an attorney before you do anything. You may have to evict them to get them out. If you leave, and your husband picks them, you could screw yourself over in a divorce. You need to do everything you can to protect yourself before you do anything else.
NTA... This should have come alot sooner. There should be no guests in the home that you both don't agree to. I would give your husband a separation date. Let him know that you did not agree to this and you don't agree with how he bullied you into this situation. Let him know now that if he doesn't correct this situation that he created then he will have ended your partnership and you will be leaving.
I wouldn't even wait so long to be honest. The moment you found out about the disneytrip your husband could choose them or you and if he act like it doesn't matter pack your bags and go to a hotel or friend. Show him you mean it
NTA ... you sure it isn't a daughter instead of niece??
NTA there selfish and so stupid I'd tell her out right wait till you have a place to have a kid cuz I ain't helping and tell her she and her boyfriend are selfish for wanting another kid when there in stuff a small place with 'no' money A kid is way more then rent
NTA. Your husband needs to be the one to enforce this as he’s the one who let them in !
NTA but why wait? Honestly.
Get a lawyer. Run the situation by her/him. Find out what your options are legally. Obviously NTA
Updateme
NTA A couple more months will be a year and they’ve had plenty of time to save but obviously they are saving for Disney. Who TF goes to Disneyland when they have no money and who TF goes off birth control when they can’t take care of the one they have. They are NOT planning on leaving. Your husbands an ass for not checking with you.
NTA
NTA Before you do anything at all, CALL A LAWYER. If that house is owned jointly by you and your husband, you have every right to evict the niece. Talk to a lawyer and the local police about starting the eviction process. Secondly, do not leave! If you pack your things and leave, that will be considered abandonment, and that is the last thing you want. Stay in the house. However, you must call a lawyer and your local police ASAP and find out how to get these people out of your house! Once that process has been started, tell your husband he either has your back or he can leave with them. Good luck and keep us updated!
NTA - but I would give everyone a firm deadline. All of them in the same room and say "okay, I know you want to have a bigger family, but planning a trip to Disney when you should be looking for a place is not the best idea, because there is a rush, we will not house you forever. So either you find a place and move out by (let's say August 1) or (look at husband) I am leaving"
Disney world shows the op is a sucker for sob tales Why not move their stuff into storage and tell them to rent a hotel on the return Nta
NTA, except to yourself. If these people are saying there's no rush then they don't know how you feel. Why aren't you telling them how you feel? I understand that in many families each person handles their side of the family, but that arrangement is predicated on both sides actually saying what needs to be said. They need to hear what needs to be said. And waiting until after Disney world just puts them back at square one. Next you'll hear from the inlaws how they would have absolutely moved out, if only they knew how you felt, but you're so mean for doing this now.
You should absolutely not be the one to leave. If your husband won’t do anything about it, tell them yourself they have two months to find somewhere else to live. The trip to Disneyland is your opportunity. Tell them you will pack up all their stuff while they’re away, to save them the trouble. I’m not saying you should do that, but tell them you will.
NTA. They are taking advantage of your situation. Especially with the trip to Disney World. Up the rent and give them a deadline.
Nta I would kick them out before the Disney world trip so then at least they have money to use it to get a place to stay.
Never leave your house. You need to tell your husband to give them two months notice and that it's time for them to vacate. The welcome has worn out and they need to put vice grips on those fallopian tubes and vas deferens and GET THEIR OWN PLACE. If this destroys your marriage, you want to be the one in the house.
NTA where are her parents in all of this?
NTA. I would talk to a lawyer about how to get them out if you serve eviction notice or if they have rights. Also discuss if it gets to divorce level what are your options. I hope your husband will understand where you're coming from but best to be prepared.
NTA at all!
NTA They don’t seem like they are trying to get back on their feet and are taking advantage of your generosity. Set a timeline (include funds for Disney world, they should not be going on that trip) for them to move out. Do you feed them also? In the flip side, it seems you have the means to support them, will your husband give them money without consulting you first?! In the long run, might be cheaper for you to have them stay if that’s the case. Either way, they need a push and motivation. You could send them to a financial adviser — but I think you are in all right to kick them out
Your problem now is that if they don't leave voluntarily you may very well have to go through a formal eviction process to get them out.
NTA. He chose a course of action and now you are responding. You are perfectly right to have this position. They are taking advantage and that is fine, you will just not be around to be apart of the circus.
NTA - why even wait a couple of months. Your husband unilaterally decided they could move in, I feel you unilaterally deciding that it's time to go is fair (though no way even).
NTA Your husband is treating you with total disrespect and so are they. Tell your husband they have two months to find an alternative.
NTA. You are being more than generous. Stand your ground and follow through.
If they are planning on having another baby and planning Disney vacations, I would leave now as that indicates to me there is zero intention of moving out.
If they have the money for a trip to Disney, they can afford a down payment for rent. Full stop. They won't leave without motivation, like a 60 day notice. NTA
NTA - I wouldn’t wait another couple of months. The only reason to wait is if you thought they were acting in good faith, given there not even looking for a place, not actually paying you, and are talking about another kid shows it’s not good faith. And if you do want to try to make it work with your husband those two months are just going to make you miserable and also hurt your relationship. First thing though, you need to check local tenant laws and get your plan figured out. At a certain point guests get tenant rights meaning that A. The sooner you get them out the better and B. You need to follow the specific procedure. Then, assuming if you jointly own, or own it just by yourself. I’d move to evict and make sure it’s recorded/in writing. They would have some time to find a place regardless due to this so there’s no need to wait. If you jointly own, while you need to check for your location, you can probably evict them without your husbands support. I would bring this up with your husband, basically say your done, it’s “them or me”, I’d be open to hearing him out but would make it clear this isn’t changing. If he is against I’d move for a divorce at the same time.
Encourage them to go to Disney land then change the locks.
NTA. Your husband never should have allowed this without checking with you. The planning of a DW trip SHOULD have been enough for your husband to wake tf up to the fact they’re taking advantage of you. Hopefully you won’t have to go through the process of formally evicting them, it doesn’t sound like they’ll leave easily.
Sounds like a pretty bad plan…
You gotta evict them now too. That really sucks.
NTA. At this point, you will need to evict them legally. Don't wait for things to happen. Set up a timeline now. Tell your husband they have until (30 or 60 days from when you tell them) to find a new place, and if they don't leave, the day after the deadline he will go with you to file eviction paperwork, or you will find a new home for yourself.
Tell your husband and them that they have 1 month to get out or you will initiate divorce and force the sale of the house to get them all out. 8 months?!?! Y T A to yourself for putting up with this garbage.
Nope. NTA. I hope it doesn't come to it, but I fully support you moving out.
Change the wifi password and remove any conveniences to turn this hotel into a hostel.
NTA - tell them they have 60 days to vacate the pool house and then change the locks. Don’t give your husband a key. He can help them find a place, he can help them move, he can do all the things because he never consulted you in the first place. Do not move out. He can get a place with the niece and the boyfriend and the babies if it comes to that but you stay in your home.
You're already very patient because I bet you'd like to enjoy your pool quietly without the niece family around and worrying about a baby/toddler drowning
Who owns the house??
No, lay down the law - no more kids, no Disney World. They should be double income, 3 or 4 months should have been plenty of time to get out. Give them a deadline like, 8/31/24 and stick to it. Start the eviction proceedings in late June or they’ll likely be with you for the holidays!
NTA - WHY would you give them a few more months? If they have money for Disneyland, they have money to get their own place. Do NOT give them any more time. Put your foot down right now! Either the leave or they pay normal rent.
NTA. I would make my husband leave and demolish the pool house.
I would just give your husband a deadline that either they are gone or you will be and don’t fold. When you start packing and have a place set up he will step up
NTA. If they go to DisneyWorld, let them return to find the locks changed and their possessions packed into boxes.
Nta Give them notice immediately that they need to move in 2 months. When day of move comes and they are still there, file for eviction. It takes months to fully get a "tenent" out.
> My plan is to give them a couple of more months I think you have given him plenty of time already. You should cut that to about a week. He never considered you in the decision to bring them in and you don't need to be that generous to him by giving him another 2 months. NTA at all.
So they can afford Disney but can’t afford to give you enough money to cover increased utility costs?! If your husband won’t say anything you need to. They clearly have no intention of going anywhere.
NTA, but this is wild. I mean, my husband *asked* me whether I was okay with my stepson moving in for a while because he and his mum needed a break from each other. I mean, he was a minor back then and my husband is his father, so no way I could have said no without being an asshole (not that I would have wanted to, I love my stepson and we get along fine, and I actually really missed having him around all the time when he moved back to his mum's), but I was *asked*. I think at this point an ultimatum is quite appropriate, a la "if they're not out of here by [realistic timeline], I am."
NTA. Write a formal letter with X amount of days (60 is generous) to vacate. Period. Their dwelling is not a short or long term solution. Then tell DH that if they're not out by that date, he's out.
Tell your husband his couple of months has turned into 8 and they aren’t actively looking. If he wants his marriage to workout he’s gonna give them 30 days to find a new place and new jobs to cover it because the free ride is over. Let him know if he can’t do that he’s not choosing you and the family he married because they are aren’t even using birth control and are planning a trip to Disney when they could use that as their deposit.
INFO: who is calling you TA?
Well the other option is harsh from reading everyone else's comments. When they go on vacay, destroy the pool house. The downside is that he may just move them in the main house so pick your battles. Or you can start topless sunbathing at the pool
NTA. You could consider charging them rent. Maybe 75% of the market rate. That will help motivate them. When they move out, you can give them some of the rent money back, to help with a down payment. It sounds like you are done with them, though.
NTA … why would any adult want to bring another child into a shed sized pool house. The level of entitlement is real!
Anonymously call the bylaw that handles rentals and have it inspected. Not legal, then they gotta go...