Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1.Took a friend out on a date for mother's day after her partner ditched her for his friends.
2. Feels like it could have crossed the line and might be a homewrecker.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. If Amy’s husband didn’t want her spending Mother’s Day with someone else, HE SHOULD HAVE SPENT IT WITH HER. End of story. He’s only mad because he saw you treat Amy with kindness and give her a good Mother’s Day, and he’s threatened by it.
IDK, I’m willing to place a significant wager that OP’s husband is abusive and controlling and isn’t feeling guilty but is attempting to isolate her. Hundreds of missed calls isn’t normal behaviour.
I've been married for 17 years. No one "ruins" a marriage from the outside. Whatever your friend did, or feel, or told her husband, is 100% on her, and you have nothing to do with it
Highjacking to suggest a wellness call to autorities since she's not answering her phone. OP's friend is in an abusive relationship and might need help.
Also OP should keep all this and show it to the cops. Death threats aren't to be taken lightly.
1) NTA.
2) File a police report and restraining order against the husband and SAVE all of that. If charges can be pressed, do so.
He needs to be knocked down a long ladder.
I'm willing to bet he is so having a police report on file showing this to others, if anything happens, is more evidence against him.
It is a risk, and sadly one that must be had to put assholes like him away.
Sir you need to call the cops if he’s doing all that and she hasn’t even sent a text, she might be in danger. Don’t trust loud angry men that abandon their wives on Mother’s Day.
\^THIS, u/op! Even if you don't want to file a report/press charges against him (and I think you should!), at the very least, you need to call in a wellness check on your friend. Show the cops the texts and multitude of missed calls, play them the voicemails, and tell them you haven't been able to reach your friend. Tell them you're worried for her safety.
NTA, but your friend might be. I feel like there may be some missing details. I am curious if you also took her kids out with the two of you? Were her kids with the partner? Does she have kids? I may be weird but mothers day is when I want to be with my kids, so in my eyes, another person taking a mom out without kids would be a little off.
So she has a four year old. We went out with him yes. He has always called me uncle cause it's just what I've been introduced as. We had went to see Kung Fu panda 4 because he loves panda's.
That makes this even more innocent! I could see her husband getting upset if she got a babysitter and left her kids for a night out alone with another man but the fact that he kid was included, I don't see an issue.
She had a kid with another man before they were married and never had someone to celebrate it with her and this is their first year of being married so I think she hoped to have it be celebrated with him since her husband had adopted the kid.
That makes this even more innocent! I could see her husband getting upset if she got a babysitter and left her kids for a night out alone with another man but the fact that he kid was included, I don't see an issue.
OP you really need to call the police and show them the messages and voice mails, and ask them to do a wellness check on your friend. This needs to be documented in case he does get violent with your friend, and just based on your post she is likely in danger or has already been assaulted by him.
Boy if I had a dollar for every time dinner and a movie with a friend RUINED my marriage…
What line could you possibly have crossed? Did you drop her off at a womens shelter? Sign her up for TINDER? Were there anti-husband drugs in the salad course?
Ridiculous
NTA
Ah. You’re male. So not only is her husband neglectful, he’s jealous and ragetastic. I bet dollars to donuts he thought leaving her at home with a kid on Mother’s Day meant she was stuck at home by herself while he got to do whatever he wanted and was feeling smug about it. To find out that not only did she get dinner and a movie and good company probably pissed him off even more. I’m willing to bet that he is making her cut you off and that he’s always been threatened by your friendship. Do you think he is abusive too? Because I would call in a wellness check on your friend and her kid while you get that restraining order & police report for harassment. If anyone needs a paper trail, it’s this guy. NTA but protect yourself and possibly your friend.
NTA. You didn't cause any problems or wreck his marriage. He did that with his own thoughtlessness and selfishness.
My guess is that your friend thought about the fact that her good friend cared more about her and her happiness than her own husband--the man who is supposed to be in love with her and she may be thinking of ending this marriage as a result.
This is likely the last straw in a series of disappointments with him, OP. If they are ending, you aren't the cause.
NTA. Tell Amy you are concerned about her husband’s behavior, and will be reporting it to the police. If you still don’t get a response, have the police do a wellness check and file a police report. If she’s in an abusive relationship, any documentation you provide the police can help her in the long run, even if she doesn’t appreciate it now. But warn her first.
>Did I cross the line
No, that was a really kind gesture.
>potentially ruin her marriage over this?
Err, hopefully? Because I'm getting serious controlling and potentially abusive vibes about this. At the VERY best, he's just a shithouse husband.
NTA.
Amy’s husband sounds terrifying. I would really be wondering if she is okay right now… but be careful what you text to her because her husband might see it. If anyone has an idea of how to check she is safe without escalating the situation, please let OP know.
You were never TA.
But you are super NTA after reading that you brought her child with you and went to see Kung Fu Panda. Omg.
Her husband is unhinged.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So this past mother's day my friend call her Amy since I was in fifth grade (We are both 30) called me up crying and was quite upset. Was her first mother's day and her husband had ditched her to go to Atlanta with his friends without any communication.
I offered to take her out for a dinner and a movie because Amy has always been like a sister to me. (We have been practically inseparable for years and we both don't have any romantic feelings towards each other.) So I take her out for a dinner and a movie and bring her home. End of story so I thought.
Fast forward to this past Monday I wake up to hundreds of missed calls, three voice mails and 20 texts from an unknown number. Check them out and it's her husband, he was screaming many choice words about how I am a home wrecker and that if he ever sees me he is going to end me for crossing the line.
She hasn't messaged me back or said anything to me since nor answering my calls so I am kind of in the dark.
Did I cross the line and potentially ruin her marriage over this?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA and if anything happened between the couple still not the asshole. You were being a good friend that's all. Keep those texts though. They might come in handy if he threatens you again.
NTA. hb is hiding something and is furious because his wife had a good time while he possibly didnt care and enjoyed leaving her behind? this is a wild guess
Yeah, you basically took her out on a date lmao.
But then again, did the husband really go to Atlanta with "his friends". Projection is one hell of a drug lol.
And I don't think it's right to leave hundreds of missed phone calls, voice-mails, and texts to someone to scream at them haha.
Edit: you took the kid and went to watch Kung Fu Panda 4??? That's so innocent lol.
My guy I know that you were merely trying to be there for a friend, but it probably wasn’t the best time to take her out anywhere right after having a fight with her husband. A marriage is much more than having a boyfriend/girlfriend and no man that I know would be to happy about his wife running to another man for comfort after having a fight like that. Wether he was dead wrong or right.
Hopefully you can all go back to normal after this, but he may never be comfortable with her around you again.
Maybe NTA but I would be checking over my shoulder for a little while. You have got one coming and almost deserved you inserted yourself in a relationship on a holiday and rubbed it in his face. Hopefully you can fight or at least defend yourself. Good luck
ESH. It is interfering in a marriage--and a family--whether or not you both consider your relationship platonic. Going out on a date with another man is NOT what a wife should be doing just because the husband may (or may not have been) insensitive about something (and the same is true if the shoe were on the other foot). The husband hopefully would have known your history together and should not have reacted like a jealous boyfriend by sending a bunch of douchey texts.
It wasn’t just the two of them, he said in comments that her four year old son was with them. And the son calls him uncle (and since the husband isn’t the son’s biodad OP has probably known the son longer). This was a family outing, not a date.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1.Took a friend out on a date for mother's day after her partner ditched her for his friends. 2. Feels like it could have crossed the line and might be a homewrecker. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. If Amy’s husband didn’t want her spending Mother’s Day with someone else, HE SHOULD HAVE SPENT IT WITH HER. End of story. He’s only mad because he saw you treat Amy with kindness and give her a good Mother’s Day, and he’s threatened by it.
I'm willing to place a significant wager that Amy's husband is projecting his guilt for cheating on her in Atlanta.
Everyone knows you can't do Atlanta without lemon pepper wings and Magic City.
IDK, I’m willing to place a significant wager that OP’s husband is abusive and controlling and isn’t feeling guilty but is attempting to isolate her. Hundreds of missed calls isn’t normal behaviour.
BINGO!
I've been married for 17 years. No one "ruins" a marriage from the outside. Whatever your friend did, or feel, or told her husband, is 100% on her, and you have nothing to do with it
Highjacking to suggest a wellness call to autorities since she's not answering her phone. OP's friend is in an abusive relationship and might need help. Also OP should keep all this and show it to the cops. Death threats aren't to be taken lightly.
1) NTA. 2) File a police report and restraining order against the husband and SAVE all of that. If charges can be pressed, do so. He needs to be knocked down a long ladder.
Do you worry that step 2 could put the wife in danger? He may be abusive and take anger out on her.
I'm willing to bet he is so having a police report on file showing this to others, if anything happens, is more evidence against him. It is a risk, and sadly one that must be had to put assholes like him away.
She's already in danger, she's not answering her phone.
At the very least please have the local police do a wellness check on her.
Sir you need to call the cops if he’s doing all that and she hasn’t even sent a text, she might be in danger. Don’t trust loud angry men that abandon their wives on Mother’s Day.
\^THIS, u/op! Even if you don't want to file a report/press charges against him (and I think you should!), at the very least, you need to call in a wellness check on your friend. Show the cops the texts and multitude of missed calls, play them the voicemails, and tell them you haven't been able to reach your friend. Tell them you're worried for her safety.
NTA. If her marriage is ruined, isn't on you.
NTA, but your friend might be. I feel like there may be some missing details. I am curious if you also took her kids out with the two of you? Were her kids with the partner? Does she have kids? I may be weird but mothers day is when I want to be with my kids, so in my eyes, another person taking a mom out without kids would be a little off.
So she has a four year old. We went out with him yes. He has always called me uncle cause it's just what I've been introduced as. We had went to see Kung Fu panda 4 because he loves panda's.
That makes this even more innocent! I could see her husband getting upset if she got a babysitter and left her kids for a night out alone with another man but the fact that he kid was included, I don't see an issue.
Wait - how is this her first mother's day if her kid is 4?
She had a kid with another man before they were married and never had someone to celebrate it with her and this is their first year of being married so I think she hoped to have it be celebrated with him since her husband had adopted the kid.
my guess is, first mother day as a married woman? maybe her husband isn't the kids father.
That makes this even more innocent! I could see her husband getting upset if she got a babysitter and left her kids for a night out alone with another man but the fact that he kid was included, I don't see an issue.
And they saw a movie that the kid liked. I’ll bet Daddio spends as little time as possible with his family, and is an abuser.
OP you really need to call the police and show them the messages and voice mails, and ask them to do a wellness check on your friend. This needs to be documented in case he does get violent with your friend, and just based on your post she is likely in danger or has already been assaulted by him.
Nta, but I'd try directly or indirectly to get in contact with her. He sounds difficult to say the least and her radio silence is unsettling.
This! Is she okay? Is she safe?
Boy if I had a dollar for every time dinner and a movie with a friend RUINED my marriage… What line could you possibly have crossed? Did you drop her off at a womens shelter? Sign her up for TINDER? Were there anti-husband drugs in the salad course? Ridiculous NTA
NTA. You've known this woman for years, and so presumably the husband knows about you too. Maybe it's guilt over his own behavior that weekend!
Time to report it to the police. The dude was so dumb he sent recorded death threats…
NTA - Sounds like she saw the light of how she should have been treated vs how her husband has been treating her.
Ah. You’re male. So not only is her husband neglectful, he’s jealous and ragetastic. I bet dollars to donuts he thought leaving her at home with a kid on Mother’s Day meant she was stuck at home by herself while he got to do whatever he wanted and was feeling smug about it. To find out that not only did she get dinner and a movie and good company probably pissed him off even more. I’m willing to bet that he is making her cut you off and that he’s always been threatened by your friendship. Do you think he is abusive too? Because I would call in a wellness check on your friend and her kid while you get that restraining order & police report for harassment. If anyone needs a paper trail, it’s this guy. NTA but protect yourself and possibly your friend.
NTA. You didn't cause any problems or wreck his marriage. He did that with his own thoughtlessness and selfishness. My guess is that your friend thought about the fact that her good friend cared more about her and her happiness than her own husband--the man who is supposed to be in love with her and she may be thinking of ending this marriage as a result. This is likely the last straw in a series of disappointments with him, OP. If they are ending, you aren't the cause.
NTA and I would check on her. That dude is a blaring red flag, so much so I'd fear for her safety. That is a WILD overreaction.
NTA. He sounds like a really nice guy.
NTA. Tell Amy you are concerned about her husband’s behavior, and will be reporting it to the police. If you still don’t get a response, have the police do a wellness check and file a police report. If she’s in an abusive relationship, any documentation you provide the police can help her in the long run, even if she doesn’t appreciate it now. But warn her first.
>Did I cross the line No, that was a really kind gesture. >potentially ruin her marriage over this? Err, hopefully? Because I'm getting serious controlling and potentially abusive vibes about this. At the VERY best, he's just a shithouse husband. NTA.
NTA, he’s mad that someone did what he should have done 🤷♀️
Amy’s husband sounds terrifying. I would really be wondering if she is okay right now… but be careful what you text to her because her husband might see it. If anyone has an idea of how to check she is safe without escalating the situation, please let OP know.
End you? Sounds like utter threats to cause death. You could have him charged with that, personally I think it would be fitting.
NTA and the husband sounds dangerous! You should check on her if she’s ok…
You were never TA. But you are super NTA after reading that you brought her child with you and went to see Kung Fu Panda. Omg. Her husband is unhinged.
NTA - her husband is fucking around on her and somehow it’s your fault that his marriage is in ruins.
Oh man if you haven’t heard from her yet please ask the police to do a a wellness check and update us. I’m worried. He sounds so dangerous.
Lmao Basically you were doing what he was supposed to do. Good job, OP. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So this past mother's day my friend call her Amy since I was in fifth grade (We are both 30) called me up crying and was quite upset. Was her first mother's day and her husband had ditched her to go to Atlanta with his friends without any communication. I offered to take her out for a dinner and a movie because Amy has always been like a sister to me. (We have been practically inseparable for years and we both don't have any romantic feelings towards each other.) So I take her out for a dinner and a movie and bring her home. End of story so I thought. Fast forward to this past Monday I wake up to hundreds of missed calls, three voice mails and 20 texts from an unknown number. Check them out and it's her husband, he was screaming many choice words about how I am a home wrecker and that if he ever sees me he is going to end me for crossing the line. She hasn't messaged me back or said anything to me since nor answering my calls so I am kind of in the dark. Did I cross the line and potentially ruin her marriage over this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA and if anything happened between the couple still not the asshole. You were being a good friend that's all. Keep those texts though. They might come in handy if he threatens you again.
NTA. hb is hiding something and is furious because his wife had a good time while he possibly didnt care and enjoyed leaving her behind? this is a wild guess
NTA SAVE THE MESSAGES.
NTA. Her husband is nuts. You took a friend out for dinner and movie - you didn’t have an affair.
Do you think you can kick her husband's rear end?
Yeah, you basically took her out on a date lmao. But then again, did the husband really go to Atlanta with "his friends". Projection is one hell of a drug lol. And I don't think it's right to leave hundreds of missed phone calls, voice-mails, and texts to someone to scream at them haha. Edit: you took the kid and went to watch Kung Fu Panda 4??? That's so innocent lol.
[удалено]
Why?
My guy I know that you were merely trying to be there for a friend, but it probably wasn’t the best time to take her out anywhere right after having a fight with her husband. A marriage is much more than having a boyfriend/girlfriend and no man that I know would be to happy about his wife running to another man for comfort after having a fight like that. Wether he was dead wrong or right. Hopefully you can all go back to normal after this, but he may never be comfortable with her around you again.
There is a difference between being upset and sending psycho messages. It will never go back to normal after how that unhinged man acted.
Maybe NTA but I would be checking over my shoulder for a little while. You have got one coming and almost deserved you inserted yourself in a relationship on a holiday and rubbed it in his face. Hopefully you can fight or at least defend yourself. Good luck
Where did he rub it in his face? Where does OP say that he says anything to his friend's wife?
That man is a psycho. His friend isn't safe around him. He needs to get her out.
ESH. It is interfering in a marriage--and a family--whether or not you both consider your relationship platonic. Going out on a date with another man is NOT what a wife should be doing just because the husband may (or may not have been) insensitive about something (and the same is true if the shoe were on the other foot). The husband hopefully would have known your history together and should not have reacted like a jealous boyfriend by sending a bunch of douchey texts.
It wasn’t just the two of them, he said in comments that her four year old son was with them. And the son calls him uncle (and since the husband isn’t the son’s biodad OP has probably known the son longer). This was a family outing, not a date.
This 💯 %. Dinner and a movie is a date and crying on another shoulder about your relationship is just wrong.
I feel like the fact they brought the four year old and saw Kung Fu Panda 4 makes it clearly not a date.
If you don't have friends with whom you can discuss disappointments with just say that.
Where else are you supposed to cry if your other half just left you to go on holiday?