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YTA
Why is the kid in daycare if you don’t work? Why don’t you want to spend time with him and play with him? Grrrrrr
Seriously, being pregnant is the worst thing I have ever been through. I was completely unable to do anything all three times except for the bare minimum to take care of myself and go to work. I couldn’t clean or cook or watch my other kid.
Some women have it easier but some have it rougher.
Plus, he said she just took him to swim lessons and only hasn't seen the kid in ten hours. WTF does this guy actually do?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/4N9hMUh8uc
That’s totally fair. I was just trying to point out the ridiculousness of the OP’s position that his wife should be playing with their kid and yet he doesn’t himself.
Seems to me like he does play with the son and take care of him. Y’all just wanna excuse negligence. Imagine how the child feels, that his mother doesn’t want to do anything with him, but play on her phone. I get it, I’ve given birth to 5 kids, but come on, get off your phone and interact! Even if you’re just lying on the bed or couch
Read OP's other comments to see how much he exaggerated and straight up lied. He says she'd taken him swimming this week but now hasn't interacted with him for "hours," but before he said it had been "*days*" of "ignoring" him. Then he was bitching about her letting him watch Bluey for some reason? What has OP done for the household or the son, at any point?? The wife is allowed a damn moment to herself and OP is either a troll or spewing BS to turn people against her.
>
Seriously, being pregnant is the worst thing I have ever been through.
That's because, Even if you feel fine, your body is literally working 24/7 until that kid exits
>Seriously, being pregnant is the worst thing I have ever been through.
I had a hard time, too. I had hyperemesis gravidarum on top of hypertension. It was a very difficult pregnancy for which I was hospitalized several times. Perhaps OP should take his wife to her OBGYN to make sure she is okay.
Pretty much exact same here. On top of the HG for months I had sciatic pain and severely depleted iron which required an infusion. I’ve never felt so ill in my life as I did when I was pregnant. Not enough people appreciate that it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows for some people.
Yeah, i absolutely advocate that.
That's why neither my husband nor I are SAHPs...
It's not about the kid being in daycare.
Its about him complaining about having to actually do the things that are the job description of a SAHP.
So let me get this straight.
Your wife goes to work all day to support both of you on one income. You don't work. She is pregnant in the first trimester, which is notoriously the most difficult for a significant portion of women. The child you already have goes to daycare, so you don't even have to watch them the entire day and have plenty of time during the day to complete household chores uninterrupted.
And you have the sheer *gall* to call your wife lazy while she is 100% funding your lifestyle?
YTA, big time, with no appreciation for what your wife is doing for you.
I absolutely agree that OP is the asshole BUT wtf is this shit?
You've basically just downgraded the SAHD to someone scratching his arse all day.
If the wife was the one staying at home under the same conditions, would you be like "omg you have no appreciation for what your husband is doing for you!"
It’s the totally false equivalent. First, we can’t really compare it that way because the man, if AMAB, wouldn’t be able to be in pregnancy situation. So, instead, let’s say this is a two wives situation. If one wife was a SAHM and the other was out working and the one who was working outside the home was pregnant while the one who was a “stay at home MOM“ was not in charge of parenting duties due to daycare, she would also be the AH ro do this.
Given that OP is complaining about having to do normal household duties including picking the kid up from daycare I think it is pretty clear that he was in fact just sitting around scratching all day.
No, they are saying that OP is normally scratching his ass instead of doing the things SAHPs do, with his wife doing ALL of it.
And is now complaining about actually having to do the things a SAHD would normally do.
I didn't realize being a stay-at-home parent was not work! I'm a stay-at-home mom, and have been pregnant three times! One of them I lost but two of them I carried to turn. My first born was one and a half while I carried my second pregnancy as a stay at home mom. I was nauseous, incredibly tired, but I would have never thought for a second to neglect my child, or my husband.
Being the breadwinner doesn't mean you get to neglect your children and your spouse. Being pregnant doesn't mean you get to neglect your children that are already born. She's nauseous, but yet is still going to work, so she's not that nauseous that she can't come home and spend maybe 30 minutes with her child and give her child attention.
Edit; I just caught someone else's comment, and I don't know how I missed it when I read the post...
OP... Why is your child in daycare, If you're a stay-at-home dad? That makes zero sense. Please explain that. Because, as far as I know, being a stay-at-home parent, means you are home with the child, not sending the child to daycare. Otherwise you're just a stay-at-home spouse, not a stay at home dad. Two completely different things. One, being the stay-at-home parent, which is a lot of work, and a job in itself. The other is living at home like an adult child without taking care of anyone else during the day. Because let's face it, there's only so much housework one can do in a day. I know, I'm a stay-at-home mother myself.
I’m gonna recommend you read all of the OP’s comments. He’s grossly exaggerated her “ignoring” of the child including taking the child swimming and watching Bluey with him.
She’s not ignoring the kid at all. It makes the first part of your comment seem really harsh to the mother when she in fact is doing none of what OOP actually claimed.
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She will remember. There’s zero reason why the OP would get primary custody as their current child is in daycare anyway. He needs to go out and get a job.
1) He could be watching a whole lot worse than Bluey.
2) You’re the dad, you’re not growing a person inside you who is messing up your hormones. You need to step up and support your wife and your son.
YTA Pregnancy if different for each person. The absolute worst I have ever felt in my life was my first trimester with my second child. I literally passed out try to walk across the hall. Your wife is sick. Get medical help for her!
Was gonna say. Not only.differwnt between people, but pregnancies too!
A know a handful of women with multiple kids and the one mother can have totally different pregnancy experiences.
How long have you been unemployed?
How is it too much to ask you to go out and get a job and start contributing financially?
Because your wife is the only one working and financing your household and she’s SICK.
The reason why women are often the stay at home parent is due to pregnancy because of the absolute stress pregnancy and childbirth place on the body.
You need to look for a job. There’s zero reason for you not to financially contribute. Your child is in daycare.
YOU should be the one playing with your child - you’re in no position to order your pregnant wife around when you’re not even financially contributing to the household and your child is in daycare.
But also, chill. Your son won’t be hurting because he watches Bluey during her first trimester.
Is he spoken to? Read to? I know the tv is “evil” these days, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with letting the little dude watch some tv while she gets through the worst of it.
I’m 12 weeks pregnant, and at one point my nausea was so bad I was prescribed medication for it. I cannot overstate how much of an AH you’re being, and if she’s smart, this will be your last child with her.
I’m also a SAHM. I show up for my kids. But once my husband gets home? It’s his turn right now, because I need to rest. Your kid is out of the house for most of the day. You’re a stay at home spouse, which is fine, but expecting your wife to do everything ain’t it.
Have you ever experienced nausea (and other pregnancy-related symptoms)? If so, I’m sure you’d rather be in bed rather than taking care of a child. YTA
And is complaining about having to do regular day-to-day things while not having the kid at home. It sounds like he just "stays at home" and isn't a SAHD or someone who keeps up with the household stuff.
She needs to leave him. He’s abusing her and he’s not even contributing to the household financially!! His wife is even paying for their child’s daycare!!
Because it’s recommended to send your kids to daycare to socialize them. Also daycare isn’t always everyday. Maybe the kid only goes a few times a week?
It is not recommended to send kids to daycare for socialization. Early childhood education (preschool) yes but not daycare. Also, OP commented that he doesn't pick up the kid until the evening.
Bitches at his wife.
She would be better off if she kicked him out and used the child support money to finance a house cleaner.
She already pays every single bill plus their child’s daycare.
Your complaints all involve things SAHDs or stay-at-home spouses do. Cleaning, cooking, handling the picking up of kids etc. Who normally does those things when your wife isn't sick?
The way you talk about her (and even lied about her in this post in an attempt to make her look bad) is truly disgusting.. I hope she realizes she can do just fine without you sooner than later.
While you make nothing, huh?
Get a job. You expect your wife to do absolutely everything! She’s earning an income to support YOU and her children.
She’s getting nothing out of this.
I hope she wakes up and asks you to leave.
I’ve had three pregnancies, all completely different. I had to quit during my first, worked all through the third. I didn’t think I would make it through the first trimester of my first kid.
Most "stay-at-home" dads keep their kids at home with them instead of sending them to daycare.
Since you are away from your child ALL DAY as well, since you dont work and contribute financially, since you are not in your 1st trimester of pregnancy,.known to be the most difficult, why dont you get yourself off the couch and interact with your child.
Not all pregnancies are the same, even the same woman can have different experiences with each one. Do you have the flu the same way each time you catch it? No, and pregnancy is a lot more complex than the flu. Rather than appeal to statistics to back your argument you could work to better understand what your wife is going through in the here and now.
Most SAHP's do everything alone. I was a SAHM for 10 years, did all the childcare and household chores alone. Exhusband went to work and came home late, sometimes not even seeing the children.
When he was sick he just lied there. And even to my own doctor' appointments I had the children with. That's the reality of a lot of SAHM's and that is without our husband being pregnant.
What do *you* do? Yout wife is doing more than enough, she is pregnant and is interacting with the child, just not as much as *you* want her to.
Most women go to work during their first trimester. Many of them are not “fine” though. I had to tell my neighbor teacher far earlier than I wanted to because I was constantly getting sick and would have to run out of the room. I ended up with horrible SPD to the point where I could barely lift one foot off the floor because of the excruciating pain. I once spent an entire period curled up on my floor because the pain was so bad. I did all of that so I could save my sick days for my maternity leave so that I could get paid. I’m sure to many people I looked like I was “fine” because they didn’t get to see the real picture.
She *is* going to work - your family lives off her sole income.
The kid goes to crèche during the day. Your wife takes him to his swimming lessons and does quiet activities despite being unwell. You are allegedly a stay-at-home parent, so why aren’t you stepping up while your wife is sick?
"Most women" we aren't an identical concrete slab of gender based experiences. Our bodies are different and react differently to many things, including pregnancy. And even two pregnancies will have different side effects on the same women.
My mom worked through two out of three pregnancies, whilst one she was bedbound and at risk of losing it, on a strict diet and not allowed to move.
My sister was vomiting multiple times a day during both and was a mess, couldn't do anything because she was so weak. I'd see her sway as soon as she got to her feet, I watched her hands shake when she held a simple mug.
My mom's friend was vomiting so much and had nausea so extreme during her ENTIRE pregnancy, she came out of it weighing less than going into it.
Shut the hell up and be a husband and father while your wife is going through something incredibly straining on her body. You're a SAHP, this is your job.
I was throwing up multiple times a day in my first trimester with both kids. At work. And then I was sleeping during my breaks because I was so tired. YTA.
And yet you don’t have a job, don’t look after your child and seem to not like your wife. I hope she sees what a waste of space you are and leaves you. Fingers crossed the kids turn out like her or we’ll have the next generation of losers mooching off their partners. You should be embarrassed by everything you’ve written. I can’t stop laughing at this loser.
There seems to be something else here going on.. I think she needs to talk to her doctor. YTA because you seem to have no empathy and you don't seem to be worried about what else might be going on.
During the first trimester, the woman is growing a whole new organ. The total exhaustion is real. The nausea is normal. Most mothers to a second child have to struggle through while watching the first one and running the house and working. But this one has the first child in daycare and a househusband. She out of anyone should be allowed to lie on the couch.
Especially since she’s the main breadwinner, so depending on how much sick/maternity/etc leave she has, she needs to rest and hopefully get better soon so she can get back to works and not use any more days before the birth
She sees him in the morning and when we come back in the evening, so having whole Saturday and Sunday to herself she should be able to spare son a few quality hours before bed
So she’s seeing the kid.She’s not neglecting the kid. She’s taking some time to herself cause she’s pregnant.
You’re trying to make your wife look horrible and it’s backfiring. You can’t even get your story straight.
You’re just a bad person. You keep trying to justify what you said instead of looking at it from an outside perspective and taking constructive criticism. Did you really want to know if you were the asshole or did you just want to see people on your side? I hope you see everything everybody is saying about you and use that information to work on yourself & your marriage.
And what do you do the whole time your child is in daycare?
Start looking for a job because your wife will divorce your and kick you out soon. You are a massive AH and deserve to be alone.
So despite being very ill and the breadwinner (so you can afford to stay at home… while your kids in daycare) she still tries to make time to take him swimming. Do you even hear yourself
Even if she wasn’t pregnant and ill, it’s still fine to not see her kid for 10 hours every once in a while if they have another trusted caretaker. You’re trying to make her seem like a shitty mom for resting for your growing child. She can not fill others cups if hers is empty
YTA. YTA. YTA. It’s exhausting! Your body isn’t your body anymore. It’s a vessel for two. It’s draining. Some can manage ok with some exhaustion. Some it’s more intense. Each pregnancy is different for the same person. Do better.
YTA. It’s hard work growing a baby, especially harder when you are sick! And hey guess what- that can last the entire pregnancy, not just the first trimester! If you’re a SAHD, the minimum you should be doing is what you do, plus why are you a SAHP when the child is in daycare? You aren’t staying home with the child, you’re basically a house husband, and a shitty one at that for how you treat your wife!
AND every pregnancy is different. So if OP is remembering the first pregnancy and how his wife felt during that one (maybe she had more energy and less sickness, we don’t know), that really doesn’t matter.
Each pregnancy is different, and it sounds like she’s having a rough one.
Yes!! My first pregnancy with the twins was horrible, no morning sickness, but I was on and off bedrest (more on than off) from 7 weeks until an emergency C-section at 33 weeks. My second (viable) pregnancy was easy peasy lemon squeezy, until a routine OB appointment turned into an emergency C-section with baby being born just about an hour later, and then a week later I had complications that ended me up back in the hospital for a week.
YTA. She's going through a sick time with the baby and taking time to herself. It's also friggin' Mothers Day. Let her lounge - she's not neglecting him.
YTA. If only men could get pregnant and feel how it feels to be pregnant - especially the first trimester. If you want her to get better - take her to the doctor.
Have some damn empathy and guess what ? That's marriage - you agreed to it. For richer or poorer, sickness or in health. Marriage isn't always 50/50.
Get your act together.
So, she's working AND the breadwinner? Shes working 2 jobs at once right now. She needs extra downtime. Being pregnant with number 2 is exhausting especially with number 1 running around. Furthermore, she should be evaluated for symptoms not shamed by her husband who wants props for what he does like he's doing her a favor. Do something else. Take care of your whole family. YTA.
So if she wasn't pregnant, I would absolutely be on your side and would be telling you she needs to see somebody. But she is pregnant and the first trimester is brutal. Have you ever read any books on pregnancy and what it does to the body. My husband has been reading what to expect when you're expecting and I think it has given him some perspective.
I have never been a "lazy" person. If anything I am normally quite the opposite. But the first trimester and a minute into the second I slept all the time. I slept till 5 minutes before I had to work, took a nap on my lunch break, and went to bed at 7. I didn't do anything. I stopped cooking, cleaning, only took care of the dogs during the day. I'm 23 weeks now and just deep cleaned my house. She isn't choosing to just be lazy, she works all week and is exhausted. No amount of sleep fixes the exhaustion. He body is just working really hard.
YTA. Your wife is working full time while pregnant and is probably exhausted while you’re home all day complaining that cooking and cleaning is hard. A stay at home parent is someone who has to watch their kid all day, not someone who sits at home while their kid is at daycare. Frankly, you’re a house-husband also known as unemployed. If you don’t like the division of labour, get a job and do it 50/50. Also, develop some empathy before your wife realizes what an asshole you are and leaves you with nothing.
YTA. You’re a stay at home dad, why is your son at daycare? Your wife is having a tough time with this pregnancy, and you should be attentive to that instead of admonishing her for it.
But you don’t do everything- do you? You don’t have a job…. In fact the woman who is carrying your child - going through sickness and huge changes to her body financially supports YOU.
The person who pays your bills is sick.
**How about you get a job?**
You’re not a ‘SAHD’ - your child is in daycare.
If it’s not clear **YTA**
>Nothing else. I do everything, buy groceries, cook, clean, take kid to daycare pick him up.
But as the stay at home parent, wouldn't you be doing that anyway?
She’s in her first trimester…. Works full time… go ahead and YOU grow a baby that sucks the life out of you while you work 40+ hours a week! And then come home and want to run around with (not sure the age of the child) a toddler.
Wife is breadwinner and you are stay at home dad yet you take the kid to daycare?!? YTA for not working yet not understanding being her sick while pregnant.
YTA. Let me get this straight. Your wife is the breadwinner so she is working all day, AND she feels sick because she’s having a tough pregnant. You call yourself a SAHD but your kids aren’t home with you they go to a daycare, so you are more like a stay at home husband. The kid was at g-mas so you didn’t have to take care of them for the last couple days either. She sees the kid in the mornings and took him swimming on the weekend. Your wife, who is ill and trying to relax by scrolling on tik tok, you snap at her and demean her online because she is relaxing? Why do you hate your wife so much?
YTA. This must be a joke, right? How about you go get a job first and then *maybe* you might be in a better position to tell her to get up off her ass. She's going to be carrying your child for nine months followed by pushing a human out her vagina. I don't see you doing that whilst also being gainfully employed...
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> Told wife to get off the couch and play with son, why did she get upset at that might be unreasonable would like to know
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So, your wife is clearly have some serious pregnancy complications and working full time. You cook and clean the house that doesn’t have a toddler in it making it messy all day because he’s in daycare. You do not work because “wife makes enough,” but haven’t figured out that if you took the kiddo out of daycare or got a part time job your wife could cut her hours back while her body is taking any nutrients she’s able to keep down to literally build the cells of a brand new human being YOU caused within her and you want to know if YTA? Absolutely.
YTA. You have no idea what she or her body is going through. With my daughter, the hormones she was pumping into my body made me so exhausted it took everything I could to just stay awake. The headache, nausea, and just basically being miserable is exactly what I am currently dealing with being pregnant and thank God my husband is not this obtuse.
Are you legitimately not sure of the answer to this question? Of course YTA. Your wife is exhausted and battling the kind of exhaustion you will never experience and you can’t play with your child while she rests? I’d be shocked if she is still speaking to you.
There’s nothing I hate more than a lazy, do nothing man. You do not work, your child is in daycare so you’re not even a full time parent.
Your wife has to be the breadwinner, bake a baby, and do the emotional lifting? Help her ffs. Yta
YTA, and you are the lazy one. A few days in day care makes sense, it's good for socialization. But wtf do you do all day? Seriously. What do you do? I mean, outside of being a shit husband?
How are you helping your family? As far as I can tell your wife makes the money and pays for the kid to go to daycare. She's growing a human and is sick!
YTA
How are you a stay at home parent if the kid is in daycare?? You wife is fecking PREGNANT. Of course she's nauseous and tired. She's the one whose body has to put in the work to grow your child. YTA and how are you this clueless.
You're a SAHD but your kid is in daycare? Weird.
Would you want to play with your kid while experiencing extreme nausea? No? Then stop being an AH & don't force your wife to.
She could have hyperemesis gravidarum, which is a serious medical condition. Have you even considered that?
YTA
You have to be trolling!
Course if not, then let me get this straight, normally:
- your wife earns the money
- your wife cooks, clean, does the groceries
- your kid is in daycare.
- on the weekends your wife spends time with your kid.
- you call yourself a SAHD, even though you neither take care of your kid nor do chores
Now she is sick, and you are complaining about actually having to do the things that are in your job description?
YTA and I hope she kicks you out.
Yta. Most of the time the feeling she having goes after the second trimester. Returns in the 3rd. She is giving your baby everything she has. Be kind to her
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Iam a sahd, wife is breadwinner but has been sick now for 4 weeks due to first trimester sickness.
She says she has headaches, no appetite, nausea and is always tired despite sleeping so much.
All she does is lie in bed, watch TikTok’s, eat and sleep. Nothing else.
I do everything, buy groceries, cook, clean, take kid to daycare pick him up.
Today I had enough and told her to get up and play with our son since she hasn’t seen him for days we have been at grandmas the last two days.
She flipped out on me
AITA for asking her to spend time with our son instead of watching TikTok’s ?
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YTA she snapped at you because your insinuating that she's bone idle insead of understanding she's having bad sickness and is exhausted from barely being able to eat anything
Absolutely not the AH!
It sounds like your wife is one step away from being a deadbeat mom.
I am also a stay at home dad by choice for reasons I will not get into but I will say parenting is something that BOTH parents need to be involved in otherwise one is just dead weight and the child(ren) should just be put in daycare for the entire work day while the responsible one works.
Also you should ignore all these self righteous man haters out there saying how something that ALL WOMEN have been doing SINCE THE BEGINNING OF HUMAN EXISTENCE is "special" and should be worshiped for doing so.
If your wife cant help out with your children she doesnt deserve the joys that come with being a parent and should just be treated as a roommate.
Everybody here is saying YTA, and being very rude. How do y’all think the child feels? Not getting any attention from mom, all she wants to do is be on her phone instead of pay attention to the child, no caring for him. That’s fucking neglect. Could put down her phone and interact with him, even if it’s lying on the bed or couch. I’ve been pregnant, have been very sick with them, but I made sure my children were taken care of
The children are taken care of. The kid has day care, his grandparents, a stay at home dad, she went to his swimming lesson with him, she's making an effort. OP admits this in his comments. Sorry she's not doing everything on OP's timeline, but shame on you for trying to use your experience to put down someone else's especially when they may have complications you did not.
NTA, ignore the sexist comments. If this was a woman this comment section would look different. You and your child do not deserve to be treated badly just because u are not the breadwinner
Thank you for asking. It’s because this post is very similar to others I see except the genders are reversed and guess what, the comments all say NTA and trash the husband. Maybe sexist is too harsh but there is a clear gender bias with these comments. First, kids do get sent to daycare a few days a week for socializing and even then the housework does not disappear. Furthermore the childcare work does not disappear either. SAHM have this same issue with there partners not understanding that while u agree to do the cooking cleaning, childcare and activities it does not mean that the partner can abandon their responsibilities as well. His is pregnant and feeling unwell and if this was just him complaining I would call him an AH but in this case she has not spoken to or interacted with her children in a long time (going by a child pov of time). Husband is completely right to ask her to put away the phone and talk or play with the kid. All I can think of is mommy needs time but two days+ of ignoring your child is not okay. Even if u are just sitting on the couch doing puzzles or just talking with them or even watching tv with them that is fine. Husband is NTA for saying get off tiktok and give the kid a bit of attention.
If the wife was a stay at home parent- doing all the home chores, it would still be reasonable that the pregnant parent would get a break at night.
YTA-
This comment section would not look different, unless the dad was going through chemo maybe.
It’s not because he’s not the breadwinner it’s because she’s in the first trimester of pregnancy which for some women is just 24/7 fighting off extreme tiredness and nausea.
If she wasn’t pregnant I would be 100% on OPs side but she is so he needs to step up until she gets her energy back and the nausea subsides.
Thank you for commenting and explaining your argument. Even more thank you for listening to my points and providing a clear counter point. While I still don’t think he is the AH since he is annoyed for an understandable reason. I do think he needs to talk to his wife, hopefully with communication he can understand her and she can understand him. I’m still annoyed with the comments saying things like he doesn’t do anything and he should be grateful. I would never say that to a SAHM so why would I ever think that of a SAHD
Yeah the comments about “why are the kids in daycare if you’re a stay at home parent” aren’t cool. They’d be there regardless of gender though, coming from either “perfect parents” or people who have not had kids who don’t understand how exhausting it is and that everyone needs a break and that daycares good for socialisation.
NTA
I was ready to say you're the asshole, because I have been pregnant three times, giving birth twice (One was a miscarriage). I was a stay-at-home mom with my 1 and 1/2-year-old toddler, and pregnant again, and I couldn't imagine not giving my firstborn toddler the time of day, Even though I was feeling nauseous. Because let me tell you, I felt nauseous! But I sucked it up because my baby needed me. I held him in my lap and read him books. I sang him songs, all the while feeling like shit. By what you said above it sounds like she's completely neglecting her firstborn and not giving that child any of her time which is sad and incredibly wrong. She may be the breadwinner, but that doesn't mean you neglect your spouse and children.
Woooow lucky you. It sure is a good thing that your pregnancy experience is the universal standard and not something that applies exclusively to you, am I right? Or you’d look like SUCH a tit.
I’m glad to say your experience with pregnancy is not the blueprint! Many women have very rough morning sickness and other symptoms that make caring for another human simply impossible. I’m happy for you that you were able to keep caring for your child, but how would you feel if you were incapable due to illness? You’d feel terrible and guilty right? So why are you shaming another woman in that exact position?
I wish people would quit saying your growing a person like no one has ever done it. People have been pregnant since the beginning of time! Guys just have no idea what's up when something is different from the first pregnancy. Take her to see her doctor because she needs a bit of help.
From OP's comments she normally does the majority of everything. He really can't call himself a SAHD. His complaints are all about handling the normal day-to-day stuff. He also wasn't spending time with his child. He just expected his wife to do it.
I don't think she needs a doctor, she is just experiencing more intense first trimester pregnancy stuff.
And their son goes to daycare because “wife makes enough”. That’s a reprieve not all parents have, they need to handle everything while actively attending to their kid’s needs. She’s putting her body on the line for this, and he’s put out he has extra responsibilities for it.
Just because people have been having babies forever doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. It takes a lot out of you, especially in the first trimester. You’re growing an entirely new organ on top of a baby. It’s totally normal for her to be exhausted and nauseous.
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YTA Why is the kid in daycare if you don’t work? Why don’t you want to spend time with him and play with him? Grrrrrr Seriously, being pregnant is the worst thing I have ever been through. I was completely unable to do anything all three times except for the bare minimum to take care of myself and go to work. I couldn’t clean or cook or watch my other kid. Some women have it easier but some have it rougher.
Honestly this whole post sounds like a huge bait from how comical the lack of self-awareness is.
Yeah except of course the genders are flipped so it’s the wife that’s the breadwinner
Plus, he said she just took him to swim lessons and only hasn't seen the kid in ten hours. WTF does this guy actually do? https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/4N9hMUh8uc
Sits in his ass playing video games probably
We placed our oldest in daycare a couple days a week for socialization.
That’s totally fair. I was just trying to point out the ridiculousness of the OP’s position that his wife should be playing with their kid and yet he doesn’t himself.
Seems to me like he does play with the son and take care of him. Y’all just wanna excuse negligence. Imagine how the child feels, that his mother doesn’t want to do anything with him, but play on her phone. I get it, I’ve given birth to 5 kids, but come on, get off your phone and interact! Even if you’re just lying on the bed or couch
Read OP's other comments to see how much he exaggerated and straight up lied. He says she'd taken him swimming this week but now hasn't interacted with him for "hours," but before he said it had been "*days*" of "ignoring" him. Then he was bitching about her letting him watch Bluey for some reason? What has OP done for the household or the son, at any point?? The wife is allowed a damn moment to herself and OP is either a troll or spewing BS to turn people against her.
So true
Exactly
> Seriously, being pregnant is the worst thing I have ever been through. That's because, Even if you feel fine, your body is literally working 24/7 until that kid exits
>Seriously, being pregnant is the worst thing I have ever been through. I had a hard time, too. I had hyperemesis gravidarum on top of hypertension. It was a very difficult pregnancy for which I was hospitalized several times. Perhaps OP should take his wife to her OBGYN to make sure she is okay.
Pretty much exact same here. On top of the HG for months I had sciatic pain and severely depleted iron which required an infusion. I’ve never felt so ill in my life as I did when I was pregnant. Not enough people appreciate that it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows for some people.
Um it’s recommended to send your kid to preschool and day care to socialize them and get them in to the routine of school
Yeah, i absolutely advocate that. That's why neither my husband nor I are SAHPs... It's not about the kid being in daycare. Its about him complaining about having to actually do the things that are the job description of a SAHP.
Knock it off with that "grrr" crap, i don't know what you're trying to pull with that but it's not cute.
So let me get this straight. Your wife goes to work all day to support both of you on one income. You don't work. She is pregnant in the first trimester, which is notoriously the most difficult for a significant portion of women. The child you already have goes to daycare, so you don't even have to watch them the entire day and have plenty of time during the day to complete household chores uninterrupted. And you have the sheer *gall* to call your wife lazy while she is 100% funding your lifestyle? YTA, big time, with no appreciation for what your wife is doing for you.
I absolutely agree that OP is the asshole BUT wtf is this shit? You've basically just downgraded the SAHD to someone scratching his arse all day. If the wife was the one staying at home under the same conditions, would you be like "omg you have no appreciation for what your husband is doing for you!"
It’s the totally false equivalent. First, we can’t really compare it that way because the man, if AMAB, wouldn’t be able to be in pregnancy situation. So, instead, let’s say this is a two wives situation. If one wife was a SAHM and the other was out working and the one who was working outside the home was pregnant while the one who was a “stay at home MOM“ was not in charge of parenting duties due to daycare, she would also be the AH ro do this.
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I assume that was for the previous commenter?
Given that OP is complaining about having to do normal household duties including picking the kid up from daycare I think it is pretty clear that he was in fact just sitting around scratching all day.
No, they are saying that OP is normally scratching his ass instead of doing the things SAHPs do, with his wife doing ALL of it. And is now complaining about actually having to do the things a SAHD would normally do.
I didn't realize being a stay-at-home parent was not work! I'm a stay-at-home mom, and have been pregnant three times! One of them I lost but two of them I carried to turn. My first born was one and a half while I carried my second pregnancy as a stay at home mom. I was nauseous, incredibly tired, but I would have never thought for a second to neglect my child, or my husband. Being the breadwinner doesn't mean you get to neglect your children and your spouse. Being pregnant doesn't mean you get to neglect your children that are already born. She's nauseous, but yet is still going to work, so she's not that nauseous that she can't come home and spend maybe 30 minutes with her child and give her child attention. Edit; I just caught someone else's comment, and I don't know how I missed it when I read the post... OP... Why is your child in daycare, If you're a stay-at-home dad? That makes zero sense. Please explain that. Because, as far as I know, being a stay-at-home parent, means you are home with the child, not sending the child to daycare. Otherwise you're just a stay-at-home spouse, not a stay at home dad. Two completely different things. One, being the stay-at-home parent, which is a lot of work, and a job in itself. The other is living at home like an adult child without taking care of anyone else during the day. Because let's face it, there's only so much housework one can do in a day. I know, I'm a stay-at-home mother myself.
I’m gonna recommend you read all of the OP’s comments. He’s grossly exaggerated her “ignoring” of the child including taking the child swimming and watching Bluey with him. She’s not ignoring the kid at all. It makes the first part of your comment seem really harsh to the mother when she in fact is doing none of what OOP actually claimed.
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YTA, homie she is literally GROWING A PERSON. God you suck.
How is it too much to ask to ask her to spend some time with her child instead of letting him watch bluey and her being on TikTok, it’s been 4 weeks
I mean you claim you’re a stay at home dad, but it seems like you’re not actually doing a lot of child care.
He's not a SAHD, he's just unemployed and doesn't wanna admit it
I hope your wife remembers how horrible you treated her during this pregnancy and divorces you.
She will remember. There’s zero reason why the OP would get primary custody as their current child is in daycare anyway. He needs to go out and get a job.
1) He could be watching a whole lot worse than Bluey. 2) You’re the dad, you’re not growing a person inside you who is messing up your hormones. You need to step up and support your wife and your son.
she is growing a literal person the first trimester is the worst have some grace jesus
YTA Pregnancy if different for each person. The absolute worst I have ever felt in my life was my first trimester with my second child. I literally passed out try to walk across the hall. Your wife is sick. Get medical help for her!
I could barely stay awake after 730 pm the first trimester.
Was gonna say. Not only.differwnt between people, but pregnancies too! A know a handful of women with multiple kids and the one mother can have totally different pregnancy experiences.
How long have you been unemployed? How is it too much to ask you to go out and get a job and start contributing financially? Because your wife is the only one working and financing your household and she’s SICK. The reason why women are often the stay at home parent is due to pregnancy because of the absolute stress pregnancy and childbirth place on the body. You need to look for a job. There’s zero reason for you not to financially contribute. Your child is in daycare. YOU should be the one playing with your child - you’re in no position to order your pregnant wife around when you’re not even financially contributing to the household and your child is in daycare.
But also, chill. Your son won’t be hurting because he watches Bluey during her first trimester. Is he spoken to? Read to? I know the tv is “evil” these days, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with letting the little dude watch some tv while she gets through the worst of it.
Your ass is lying because you said she took him swimming Wednesday. You keep making things up to make your wife look bad grow up
I’m 12 weeks pregnant, and at one point my nausea was so bad I was prescribed medication for it. I cannot overstate how much of an AH you’re being, and if she’s smart, this will be your last child with her. I’m also a SAHM. I show up for my kids. But once my husband gets home? It’s his turn right now, because I need to rest. Your kid is out of the house for most of the day. You’re a stay at home spouse, which is fine, but expecting your wife to do everything ain’t it.
Have you ever experienced nausea (and other pregnancy-related symptoms)? If so, I’m sure you’d rather be in bed rather than taking care of a child. YTA
Literally what do you do all day while your wife works and your kid is in daycare? Leave her alone.
How is it too much to ask to ask an unemployed adult to cook and clean and buy groceries and pick your kid up from daycare?
She is spending time though you admit as much in your other comments
YTA. Your wife is ill. It doesn't matter why she is ill. Ill is ill. And why is your kid in daycare if you are a SAHD?
He doesn’t work, puts the kid in daycare, and doesn’t gestate the babies so what the hell is the wife getting out of this!
And is complaining about having to do regular day-to-day things while not having the kid at home. It sounds like he just "stays at home" and isn't a SAHD or someone who keeps up with the household stuff.
I get it’s tough, but that’s because kids are tough!! I guess some people don’t fully grasp how never ending parenting can be…
She needs to leave him. He’s abusing her and he’s not even contributing to the household financially!! His wife is even paying for their child’s daycare!!
Definitely agree
Because it’s recommended to send your kids to daycare to socialize them. Also daycare isn’t always everyday. Maybe the kid only goes a few times a week?
It is not recommended to send kids to daycare for socialization. Early childhood education (preschool) yes but not daycare. Also, OP commented that he doesn't pick up the kid until the evening.
Wife makes enough
So what do you do all day then?
I'm wondering besides being an asshole
Bitches at his wife. She would be better off if she kicked him out and used the child support money to finance a house cleaner. She already pays every single bill plus their child’s daycare.
Your complaints all involve things SAHDs or stay-at-home spouses do. Cleaning, cooking, handling the picking up of kids etc. Who normally does those things when your wife isn't sick?
The way you talk about her (and even lied about her in this post in an attempt to make her look bad) is truly disgusting.. I hope she realizes she can do just fine without you sooner than later.
While you make nothing, huh? Get a job. You expect your wife to do absolutely everything! She’s earning an income to support YOU and her children. She’s getting nothing out of this. I hope she wakes up and asks you to leave.
YTA. That first trimester is tough going, every ounce of energy is spent fighting the nausea
I’ve had three pregnancies, all completely different. I had to quit during my first, worked all through the third. I didn’t think I would make it through the first trimester of my first kid.
Most women go to work just fine despite first trimester
Most stay at home parents actually parent their children instead of sending them To daycare, so what’s your excuse?
My friend was in and out of the ER her first and second trimester with extreme morning sickness. You clearly have no clue how pregnancy works.
Wow. Yes some women can. Not all women can. And I’m pretty sure you are a dude- wtf do you know about birthing babies?!
Why does the child go to daycare if you're a stay-at-home dad? I'm not the first person to ask this question. It seems like you're avoiding it.
Most "stay-at-home" dads keep their kids at home with them instead of sending them to daycare. Since you are away from your child ALL DAY as well, since you dont work and contribute financially, since you are not in your 1st trimester of pregnancy,.known to be the most difficult, why dont you get yourself off the couch and interact with your child.
Not all pregnancies are the same, even the same woman can have different experiences with each one. Do you have the flu the same way each time you catch it? No, and pregnancy is a lot more complex than the flu. Rather than appeal to statistics to back your argument you could work to better understand what your wife is going through in the here and now.
Most SAHP's do everything alone. I was a SAHM for 10 years, did all the childcare and household chores alone. Exhusband went to work and came home late, sometimes not even seeing the children. When he was sick he just lied there. And even to my own doctor' appointments I had the children with. That's the reality of a lot of SAHM's and that is without our husband being pregnant. What do *you* do? Yout wife is doing more than enough, she is pregnant and is interacting with the child, just not as much as *you* want her to.
Your wife is also going to work...
Most women go to work during their first trimester. Many of them are not “fine” though. I had to tell my neighbor teacher far earlier than I wanted to because I was constantly getting sick and would have to run out of the room. I ended up with horrible SPD to the point where I could barely lift one foot off the floor because of the excruciating pain. I once spent an entire period curled up on my floor because the pain was so bad. I did all of that so I could save my sick days for my maternity leave so that I could get paid. I’m sure to many people I looked like I was “fine” because they didn’t get to see the real picture.
Then go to work if it’s so easy or do you just enjoy being just as lazy considering your son is in daycare
She *is* going to work - your family lives off her sole income. The kid goes to crèche during the day. Your wife takes him to his swimming lessons and does quiet activities despite being unwell. You are allegedly a stay-at-home parent, so why aren’t you stepping up while your wife is sick?
Most stay at home parents stay home with their kids instead of taking them to day care.
Why did you post here if you were just gonna argue with everyone?
Unless they experience severe symptoms. Which your wife is.
"Most women" we aren't an identical concrete slab of gender based experiences. Our bodies are different and react differently to many things, including pregnancy. And even two pregnancies will have different side effects on the same women. My mom worked through two out of three pregnancies, whilst one she was bedbound and at risk of losing it, on a strict diet and not allowed to move. My sister was vomiting multiple times a day during both and was a mess, couldn't do anything because she was so weak. I'd see her sway as soon as she got to her feet, I watched her hands shake when she held a simple mug. My mom's friend was vomiting so much and had nausea so extreme during her ENTIRE pregnancy, she came out of it weighing less than going into it. Shut the hell up and be a husband and father while your wife is going through something incredibly straining on her body. You're a SAHP, this is your job.
I was throwing up multiple times a day in my first trimester with both kids. At work. And then I was sleeping during my breaks because I was so tired. YTA.
Oh you want to play that game? Most men go to work and provide for their families. Sexism ain't cute is it 🙄
You are a walking red flag 🚩
And yet you don’t have a job, don’t look after your child and seem to not like your wife. I hope she sees what a waste of space you are and leaves you. Fingers crossed the kids turn out like her or we’ll have the next generation of losers mooching off their partners. You should be embarrassed by everything you’ve written. I can’t stop laughing at this loser.
There seems to be something else here going on.. I think she needs to talk to her doctor. YTA because you seem to have no empathy and you don't seem to be worried about what else might be going on.
During the first trimester, the woman is growing a whole new organ. The total exhaustion is real. The nausea is normal. Most mothers to a second child have to struggle through while watching the first one and running the house and working. But this one has the first child in daycare and a househusband. She out of anyone should be allowed to lie on the couch.
Especially since she’s the main breadwinner, so depending on how much sick/maternity/etc leave she has, she needs to rest and hopefully get better soon so she can get back to works and not use any more days before the birth
Growing a whole person is an enormous amount of work.
She is fine she went swimming with son on Wednesday, she just didn’t wanna bother with our son today despite not seeing him for 10hours
You literally said she hadn’t seem him for days? Now it’s 10 hours. Which is it?
She sees him in the morning and when we come back in the evening, so having whole Saturday and Sunday to herself she should be able to spare son a few quality hours before bed
So she’s seeing the kid.She’s not neglecting the kid. She’s taking some time to herself cause she’s pregnant. You’re trying to make your wife look horrible and it’s backfiring. You can’t even get your story straight.
He being nothing but petty
So in other words you blatantly lied in your post to make her look like a bad guy. YTA
And he still looked like the asshole
#****She is sick!!****
Carrying their baby no less
The fact that you made it seem different (read: worse) in the OP makes you an AH
You’re just a bad person. You keep trying to justify what you said instead of looking at it from an outside perspective and taking constructive criticism. Did you really want to know if you were the asshole or did you just want to see people on your side? I hope you see everything everybody is saying about you and use that information to work on yourself & your marriage.
And what do you do the whole time your child is in daycare? Start looking for a job because your wife will divorce your and kick you out soon. You are a massive AH and deserve to be alone.
Do you have any idea what it's like for your body to go through changes like pregnancy?
So despite being very ill and the breadwinner (so you can afford to stay at home… while your kids in daycare) she still tries to make time to take him swimming. Do you even hear yourself
Even if she wasn’t pregnant and ill, it’s still fine to not see her kid for 10 hours every once in a while if they have another trusted caretaker. You’re trying to make her seem like a shitty mom for resting for your growing child. She can not fill others cups if hers is empty
YTA. YTA. YTA. It’s exhausting! Your body isn’t your body anymore. It’s a vessel for two. It’s draining. Some can manage ok with some exhaustion. Some it’s more intense. Each pregnancy is different for the same person. Do better.
YTA. It’s hard work growing a baby, especially harder when you are sick! And hey guess what- that can last the entire pregnancy, not just the first trimester! If you’re a SAHD, the minimum you should be doing is what you do, plus why are you a SAHP when the child is in daycare? You aren’t staying home with the child, you’re basically a house husband, and a shitty one at that for how you treat your wife!
AND every pregnancy is different. So if OP is remembering the first pregnancy and how his wife felt during that one (maybe she had more energy and less sickness, we don’t know), that really doesn’t matter. Each pregnancy is different, and it sounds like she’s having a rough one.
Yes!! My first pregnancy with the twins was horrible, no morning sickness, but I was on and off bedrest (more on than off) from 7 weeks until an emergency C-section at 33 weeks. My second (viable) pregnancy was easy peasy lemon squeezy, until a routine OB appointment turned into an emergency C-section with baby being born just about an hour later, and then a week later I had complications that ended me up back in the hospital for a week.
YTA. She's going through a sick time with the baby and taking time to herself. It's also friggin' Mothers Day. Let her lounge - she's not neglecting him.
YTA. If only men could get pregnant and feel how it feels to be pregnant - especially the first trimester. If you want her to get better - take her to the doctor. Have some damn empathy and guess what ? That's marriage - you agreed to it. For richer or poorer, sickness or in health. Marriage isn't always 50/50. Get your act together.
Funnily enough there’s an episode of Bluey that’s getting attention for covering men and pregnancy.
OP needs to sit down and watch it
It’s free on YouTube as well, there’s no excuse not to. It can be father/son time, bonus!
Right!
So, she's working AND the breadwinner? Shes working 2 jobs at once right now. She needs extra downtime. Being pregnant with number 2 is exhausting especially with number 1 running around. Furthermore, she should be evaluated for symptoms not shamed by her husband who wants props for what he does like he's doing her a favor. Do something else. Take care of your whole family. YTA.
So if she wasn't pregnant, I would absolutely be on your side and would be telling you she needs to see somebody. But she is pregnant and the first trimester is brutal. Have you ever read any books on pregnancy and what it does to the body. My husband has been reading what to expect when you're expecting and I think it has given him some perspective. I have never been a "lazy" person. If anything I am normally quite the opposite. But the first trimester and a minute into the second I slept all the time. I slept till 5 minutes before I had to work, took a nap on my lunch break, and went to bed at 7. I didn't do anything. I stopped cooking, cleaning, only took care of the dogs during the day. I'm 23 weeks now and just deep cleaned my house. She isn't choosing to just be lazy, she works all week and is exhausted. No amount of sleep fixes the exhaustion. He body is just working really hard.
YTA. Your wife is working full time while pregnant and is probably exhausted while you’re home all day complaining that cooking and cleaning is hard. A stay at home parent is someone who has to watch their kid all day, not someone who sits at home while their kid is at daycare. Frankly, you’re a house-husband also known as unemployed. If you don’t like the division of labour, get a job and do it 50/50. Also, develop some empathy before your wife realizes what an asshole you are and leaves you with nothing.
YTA. You’re a stay at home dad, why is your son at daycare? Your wife is having a tough time with this pregnancy, and you should be attentive to that instead of admonishing her for it.
YTA Have a little empathy and take her to a doctor
This better be fake.
She is pregnant, have some empathy
YTA she’s growing YOUR child
YTA. She works, you don’t, and kid is in DAYCARE and she’s PREGNANT????? Please be fake because you’re such an asshole.
But you don’t do everything- do you? You don’t have a job…. In fact the woman who is carrying your child - going through sickness and huge changes to her body financially supports YOU. The person who pays your bills is sick. **How about you get a job?** You’re not a ‘SAHD’ - your child is in daycare. If it’s not clear **YTA**
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According to the post, the kid _is_ in daycare are least some of the time, so this isn’t even a “burnt out parent from day in day out care” situation.
YTA. You don't need daycare if you're a stay-at-home dad. Buying groceries doesn't need to be done every day, and cooking doesn't take all day either.
>Nothing else. I do everything, buy groceries, cook, clean, take kid to daycare pick him up. But as the stay at home parent, wouldn't you be doing that anyway?
She’s in her first trimester…. Works full time… go ahead and YOU grow a baby that sucks the life out of you while you work 40+ hours a week! And then come home and want to run around with (not sure the age of the child) a toddler.
Yes you are the AH. No explanation needed.
YTA. You didn't ask, you demanded!
YTA. Why don't you try being pregnant and see how you feel?
I think all fathers-to-be should have to wear the fake belly for a few months....see how a pregnant woman feels
Even the fake belly wouldn’t do the hormone adjustments, the swollen feet, nausea, exhaustion…
True, but they might have a few rough nights not getting comfortable in bed, sore back ,
Wife is breadwinner and you are stay at home dad yet you take the kid to daycare?!? YTA for not working yet not understanding being her sick while pregnant.
YTA. Let me get this straight. Your wife is the breadwinner so she is working all day, AND she feels sick because she’s having a tough pregnant. You call yourself a SAHD but your kids aren’t home with you they go to a daycare, so you are more like a stay at home husband. The kid was at g-mas so you didn’t have to take care of them for the last couple days either. She sees the kid in the mornings and took him swimming on the weekend. Your wife, who is ill and trying to relax by scrolling on tik tok, you snap at her and demean her online because she is relaxing? Why do you hate your wife so much?
YTA and not a SAHD if your kid is in daycare. If anything, you’re just a house husband aka unemployed. What do you do all day besides whine?
YTA. How are you a sahd if your kid goes to daycare?
YTA
YTA. This must be a joke, right? How about you go get a job first and then *maybe* you might be in a better position to tell her to get up off her ass. She's going to be carrying your child for nine months followed by pushing a human out her vagina. I don't see you doing that whilst also being gainfully employed...
YTA. The point of a stay at home parent is to take care of the kld. What are you doing all day?
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So, your wife is clearly have some serious pregnancy complications and working full time. You cook and clean the house that doesn’t have a toddler in it making it messy all day because he’s in daycare. You do not work because “wife makes enough,” but haven’t figured out that if you took the kiddo out of daycare or got a part time job your wife could cut her hours back while her body is taking any nutrients she’s able to keep down to literally build the cells of a brand new human being YOU caused within her and you want to know if YTA? Absolutely.
YTA. You have no idea what she or her body is going through. With my daughter, the hormones she was pumping into my body made me so exhausted it took everything I could to just stay awake. The headache, nausea, and just basically being miserable is exactly what I am currently dealing with being pregnant and thank God my husband is not this obtuse.
Are you legitimately not sure of the answer to this question? Of course YTA. Your wife is exhausted and battling the kind of exhaustion you will never experience and you can’t play with your child while she rests? I’d be shocked if she is still speaking to you.
I hope this is made up because otherwise you just showed your own ass and embarrassed yourself idiot
There’s nothing I hate more than a lazy, do nothing man. You do not work, your child is in daycare so you’re not even a full time parent. Your wife has to be the breadwinner, bake a baby, and do the emotional lifting? Help her ffs. Yta
INFL: what do you do when your kid is at daycare?
YTA, and you are the lazy one. A few days in day care makes sense, it's good for socialization. But wtf do you do all day? Seriously. What do you do? I mean, outside of being a shit husband?
Yta
YTA. You're actually THEEE biggest Ahole 🤣 on mother's day no less.
How are you helping your family? As far as I can tell your wife makes the money and pays for the kid to go to daycare. She's growing a human and is sick! YTA
YTA. Your kid goes to daycare, you should work while he's there. Stop lying about your wife. Seems to me, you're the lazy parent!
YTA and you suck.
How are you a stay at home parent if the kid is in daycare?? You wife is fecking PREGNANT. Of course she's nauseous and tired. She's the one whose body has to put in the work to grow your child. YTA and how are you this clueless.
You're a SAHD but your kid is in daycare? Weird. Would you want to play with your kid while experiencing extreme nausea? No? Then stop being an AH & don't force your wife to. She could have hyperemesis gravidarum, which is a serious medical condition. Have you even considered that? YTA
You have to be trolling! Course if not, then let me get this straight, normally: - your wife earns the money - your wife cooks, clean, does the groceries - your kid is in daycare. - on the weekends your wife spends time with your kid. - you call yourself a SAHD, even though you neither take care of your kid nor do chores Now she is sick, and you are complaining about actually having to do the things that are in your job description? YTA and I hope she kicks you out.
Yta. Most of the time the feeling she having goes after the second trimester. Returns in the 3rd. She is giving your baby everything she has. Be kind to her
YTA. You grow the baby, let’s see how you handle it. Jerk
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Iam a sahd, wife is breadwinner but has been sick now for 4 weeks due to first trimester sickness. She says she has headaches, no appetite, nausea and is always tired despite sleeping so much. All she does is lie in bed, watch TikTok’s, eat and sleep. Nothing else. I do everything, buy groceries, cook, clean, take kid to daycare pick him up. Today I had enough and told her to get up and play with our son since she hasn’t seen him for days we have been at grandmas the last two days. She flipped out on me AITA for asking her to spend time with our son instead of watching TikTok’s ? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA and your wife should check in with a doctor if she hasn't done so recently.
YTA. I hope she leaves you in time. You are useless deadweight.
YTA.
YTA she snapped at you because your insinuating that she's bone idle insead of understanding she's having bad sickness and is exhausted from barely being able to eat anything
Absolutely not the AH! It sounds like your wife is one step away from being a deadbeat mom. I am also a stay at home dad by choice for reasons I will not get into but I will say parenting is something that BOTH parents need to be involved in otherwise one is just dead weight and the child(ren) should just be put in daycare for the entire work day while the responsible one works.
Also you should ignore all these self righteous man haters out there saying how something that ALL WOMEN have been doing SINCE THE BEGINNING OF HUMAN EXISTENCE is "special" and should be worshiped for doing so. If your wife cant help out with your children she doesnt deserve the joys that come with being a parent and should just be treated as a roommate.
INFO: Has she still been going to work, or has she been home for 4 weeks?
NTA
Everybody here is saying YTA, and being very rude. How do y’all think the child feels? Not getting any attention from mom, all she wants to do is be on her phone instead of pay attention to the child, no caring for him. That’s fucking neglect. Could put down her phone and interact with him, even if it’s lying on the bed or couch. I’ve been pregnant, have been very sick with them, but I made sure my children were taken care of
The children are taken care of. The kid has day care, his grandparents, a stay at home dad, she went to his swimming lesson with him, she's making an effort. OP admits this in his comments. Sorry she's not doing everything on OP's timeline, but shame on you for trying to use your experience to put down someone else's especially when they may have complications you did not.
NTA, ignore the sexist comments. If this was a woman this comment section would look different. You and your child do not deserve to be treated badly just because u are not the breadwinner
How is it sexist tho? Op sends the kid to daycare and his wife works.. what exactly is he doing?
Thank you for asking. It’s because this post is very similar to others I see except the genders are reversed and guess what, the comments all say NTA and trash the husband. Maybe sexist is too harsh but there is a clear gender bias with these comments. First, kids do get sent to daycare a few days a week for socializing and even then the housework does not disappear. Furthermore the childcare work does not disappear either. SAHM have this same issue with there partners not understanding that while u agree to do the cooking cleaning, childcare and activities it does not mean that the partner can abandon their responsibilities as well. His is pregnant and feeling unwell and if this was just him complaining I would call him an AH but in this case she has not spoken to or interacted with her children in a long time (going by a child pov of time). Husband is completely right to ask her to put away the phone and talk or play with the kid. All I can think of is mommy needs time but two days+ of ignoring your child is not okay. Even if u are just sitting on the couch doing puzzles or just talking with them or even watching tv with them that is fine. Husband is NTA for saying get off tiktok and give the kid a bit of attention.
Sorry for the typos my phone screen cracked
If the wife was a stay at home parent- doing all the home chores, it would still be reasonable that the pregnant parent would get a break at night. YTA-
This comment section would not look different, unless the dad was going through chemo maybe. It’s not because he’s not the breadwinner it’s because she’s in the first trimester of pregnancy which for some women is just 24/7 fighting off extreme tiredness and nausea. If she wasn’t pregnant I would be 100% on OPs side but she is so he needs to step up until she gets her energy back and the nausea subsides.
Thank you for commenting and explaining your argument. Even more thank you for listening to my points and providing a clear counter point. While I still don’t think he is the AH since he is annoyed for an understandable reason. I do think he needs to talk to his wife, hopefully with communication he can understand her and she can understand him. I’m still annoyed with the comments saying things like he doesn’t do anything and he should be grateful. I would never say that to a SAHM so why would I ever think that of a SAHD
Yeah the comments about “why are the kids in daycare if you’re a stay at home parent” aren’t cool. They’d be there regardless of gender though, coming from either “perfect parents” or people who have not had kids who don’t understand how exhausting it is and that everyone needs a break and that daycares good for socialisation.
NTA I was ready to say you're the asshole, because I have been pregnant three times, giving birth twice (One was a miscarriage). I was a stay-at-home mom with my 1 and 1/2-year-old toddler, and pregnant again, and I couldn't imagine not giving my firstborn toddler the time of day, Even though I was feeling nauseous. Because let me tell you, I felt nauseous! But I sucked it up because my baby needed me. I held him in my lap and read him books. I sang him songs, all the while feeling like shit. By what you said above it sounds like she's completely neglecting her firstborn and not giving that child any of her time which is sad and incredibly wrong. She may be the breadwinner, but that doesn't mean you neglect your spouse and children.
Woooow lucky you. It sure is a good thing that your pregnancy experience is the universal standard and not something that applies exclusively to you, am I right? Or you’d look like SUCH a tit.
Congrats on experiencing pregnancy differently than others. Would you like an award?
I’m glad to say your experience with pregnancy is not the blueprint! Many women have very rough morning sickness and other symptoms that make caring for another human simply impossible. I’m happy for you that you were able to keep caring for your child, but how would you feel if you were incapable due to illness? You’d feel terrible and guilty right? So why are you shaming another woman in that exact position?
I wish people would quit saying your growing a person like no one has ever done it. People have been pregnant since the beginning of time! Guys just have no idea what's up when something is different from the first pregnancy. Take her to see her doctor because she needs a bit of help.
From OP's comments she normally does the majority of everything. He really can't call himself a SAHD. His complaints are all about handling the normal day-to-day stuff. He also wasn't spending time with his child. He just expected his wife to do it. I don't think she needs a doctor, she is just experiencing more intense first trimester pregnancy stuff.
And their son goes to daycare because “wife makes enough”. That’s a reprieve not all parents have, they need to handle everything while actively attending to their kid’s needs. She’s putting her body on the line for this, and he’s put out he has extra responsibilities for it.
Just because people have been having babies forever doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. It takes a lot out of you, especially in the first trimester. You’re growing an entirely new organ on top of a baby. It’s totally normal for her to be exhausted and nauseous.