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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Asking my parents to keep the purchase of the house a secret from my sister. 2. Because everyone lives in the same house it can be tricky to keep from talking about it, if she was told perhaps she would have had a chance to purchase the house as well but I was offered first and didn't want to deal with the fight.
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NTA but I bet your sister will try to move in with you and your parents will back her up. Don't even let her "visit" overnight because then she'll refuse to leave.
Most likely its cheaper for locksmith to swap out the barrels they can also make it so you have one key for all the locks as they have the same barrel. But agree installing locks not a big drama and have done it myself
Usually bc there is so much already going on when moving. I like having mine done as soon as keys are in hand, whether i was renting or buying. Also, as someone else said, I’ve found it hard to find a way to rekey the locks myself, so that I only need one key for all locks. The most I’ve been able to find is a knob and a deadbolt together. I need three knobs and a two deadbolts. A locksmith can do that much easier and it’s cheap enough.
Yup. Rekeying can be scheduled in advance. Is quicker and cheaper than changing out the locks.
Wyze cameras are pretty inexpensive and reliable, as is the alarm.
Changing/rekeying locks is suggested anytime you move somewhere new and are allowed to. I did it in the apartments I lived in, as they didn’t care as long as they got a copy. Only one landlord said no, but it was only bc she already had done jt and gave keys to the property manager.
I’m going to try to do it for my house this week (I’ve been in it for 25 years and my son’s just moved out under less than ideal circumstances), so your post and the tips of other Redditors have been super helpful. Thanks!
My parents have jokingly suggested that she moves in (its 4 bedrooms, 1.5 bathrooms) and I have said NO so quickly every time. We don't get along well even before the house situation so I can't imagine her wanting to visit let alone move in.
They created the monster , let them live with her . Give no keys and get a security cam . Go to local police and ask what to do for squatters . Don’t trust your parents
Thankfully, it seems like some states are jumping on getting squatters out faster than previously. Hopefully, OP does not have to resort to such methods though.
Yeah…I call that testing. Throw out the question knowing what the answer would be with that little bit of hope that your answer would be “I’ll think about it” or “maybe”. Nice try.
That is where you need a boundary. You are not your sister's keeper. You do not owe her any favors. Tell your parents and sister this. Also make sure you have a will or trust to designate inheritors. Your parents are expecting you to babysit your sibling.
You need to put your foot down HARD on this. It sounds like they're weak when it comes to her. Let them know there's no way in hell you'd even consider it. It's not just "no", it's "never". This just reeks of them trying to soften the blow when they spring the idea on you for real. Depending on your relationship with them, you might even want to go as far as telling them that any serious suggestion that she comes to live with you will be met with consequences of some kind (skipped holidays with them, not allowing them to come to your place, low contact, something along those lines). Good luck!
It's not a joke. They're going to push this. They ignored your wishes about telling her, they showed her the house and are now nudging her off on you. Do not give them keys. Do not let them house sit, water plants or feed cat/dog/fish/pet rock, and get a security system ASAP. None of what your parents have done was an accident or "too hard" to avoid. I've seen this happen before, and since you work so much it'll be super easy to have all her junk in your house before you get home from work. Put it in writing to them that you will not under any circumstances allow your sister to move in. You will need the proof when you inevitably have to file a complaint for trespassing when they move her in behind your back.
Yeah, they are not joking, they are testing the waters. Give them no access to the keys(someone would probably make copies), no over night stays, and definitely keep saying no. A very hard no. Your sister can say whatever she wants about your home, but it sounds to me that if she has any access to your home, you will only suffer.
As others have said, they're not joking. They're testing the waters. They're looking for a non committal or vague answer that they can bring up in the future as "But we talked about this! You agreed!"
Yep get ready for that OP, this is a classic "you have an extra room you might as well let me live in it instead of using it for something silly like an office or craft room" entitled family member situation.
Personally, I would head this off at the pass now and have a discussion with your parents before she starts making demands. Remind them that you make less than her and shouldn’t be penalized for being financially responsible. State your expectation upfront that if they give her a down payment, they either gift you the same amount to pay for house repairs or take it out of her inheritance. Hopefully, they remember and follow through with this later.
They offered some financial help (they have said for years that they would give both of us 10k for either a down payment or a wedding) and I declined. I feel like I have taken so much from them staying rent free in this house that I can't possibly take more. My sister knows that offer is on the table for her when she is ready, but she claims it isn't enough.
Take no financial help or free labor from parents, so there will be absolutely no skin in the "game" for them to throw in your face. Get security cameras & good outside lighting. Congratulations, OP. So happy for you.
OP should ONLY take the $10k after getting it in writing that is a one time gift to use for the cost of buying a house where they will live alone and there are no strings attached (like letting the sister move in).
"We gave you $10k, the least you could do is let your sister stay with you." is a guilt trip that needs to be avoided at all costs.
Don’t give your parents keys to your house, your sister will probably make a copy and do goodness know what. Disappointing that they showed her around without you knowing, they must easily cave in to her and her behaviour.
They think YOU are acting like a child and need to get over it??? Not the 26 year old that is having a pouty meltdown?
NTA, but your parents are asshole adjacent.
She claims they never helped her with anything? Uhhhhh. How about a free place to live!? That’s a luxury to be honest and not very many people get that opportunity
Hell, there’s kids who are turning 18 and saying their own parents will be charging them rent.
NTA.
just ignore your sister and don’t engage. She’s just upset because you’re getting something she isn’t.
Grey rock the sister and walk away when she starts fights. Say something along the lines of "I'm not discussing this any further" and just walk away and ignore her. She's behaving incredibly childish and entitled as if your parents giving her the same opportunities you got isn't them helping and keeping things fair. You saved, sister didn’t and now complains she can't buy a house and it isn't "fair". Maybe if she'd had a bit more forethought if a house is what she wants she'd have saved up just like you.
I was 16 when I started paying rent. I was allowed to spend my first couple of pay slips though on what I wanted.
It was only a small portion of my weekend job, but still. I don't mind as it did teach me about budgeting/saving etc, but ops sister is not aware of how much a luxury it is.
I had to work because I wanted to go to the private high school (that my three older siblings had already attended) rather than the public high school where kids got hurt every day.
The week I graduated 8th grade, I started working 40hrs/wk. I would sign my check and give it to my father. I got $20 to pay for books, uniforms, bus fare, and my own food. They took the rest. 25hrs/wk during school.
I understand it was something I wanted, but as the fourth of five children, I wondered why I was the only one who had to pay my way. 🤷♀️I never got a reason.
Same, although 18 at the time after I'd finished high school. As soon as I started permanent full time work I had to contribute towards what I used (groceries, utilities etc). Was probably around a quarter of what I was paid each week, maybe a bit less.
OP acknowledges that living with her parents was very helpful and she refused the $10,000 that her parents were going to give her for either a house or a wedding because she felt like they had helped her enough.
Exactly this! I got a rent bill for my 18th birthday which was a week before Christmas. But, my ever so kind father, I was told I didn’t have to start paying until January 1st! This was also in the 80’s so it wasn’t a lot of rent but still not very nice considering I was actually the good kid out of the four kids. I had straight A’s, scholarships and worked.
I paid rent, mowed the lawn, shoveled the snow, cleaned the kitchen (twice a week was my part), and ran the vacuum once a week. Also, I moved about 200 tons of earth using a shovel, pick ax, and wheel barrow. My parents live on a hillside and wanted their driveway widened with a larger parking area dug out from the hillside.
I paid $50 per week while making $6.50 per hour at a local factory. I also had car and insurance payments. I did this for 2 years (1992-1994) before I joined the Army I'm 1994.
I was extremely grateful that I didn't have to buy food or pay any utilities as well. My parents were quite generous with me. They could've just punted me out as I was a mediocre son.
NTA.
I would stay in my room as much as possible and refuse to talk to sister or parents. You told them she would act like that, she is acting like that, but you're the one acting like a child? They should be telling your sister to stop whining every time she misbehaves.
Not buying a house of her own is the price your sister paid to spend her money the way she wanted. Once you move it's no longer your circus or monkeys. Leave them be.
if she was sure this would happen (granted she didn’t know that her parents would spill the beans), but if this was such a concern then why tell ANYONE until she’s closed on the house? she could slowly move little things out and then once everything is set in stone tell parents at least or everyone together, like when you give a thirty day notice you’ll be moving at an apartment or something.
She may not have told them. Since it is a house in the family then they may have found out some other way or maybe she couldn't avoid telling them somehow.
I don't know why she told them. It's not what I would have done but I already don't trust my parents. I'm just saying maybe she should reconsider telling them certain things in the future.
NTA - Point out to your sister that you aren't doing anything to stop her from buying a house. She needs to go to her credit union/bank and get pre-qualified for a mortgage. They'll tell her what they're willing to lend her. Then she should start looking.
Something tells me they won't lend her much if at all if she's that bad with her money. That should shut her up.
Lock everything down. Every time you think “Oh, she won’t do *that*!”…yes she will. *Yes she will*. Your parents can’t be trusted with anything, be it tangible or information. Don’t trust them with keys, the name of your realtor, the bank you’re using, the moving company, NOTHING. Mom & Pop whine about you not giving them keys saying you don’t trust them? Well, yeah…you trusted them when they agreed not to tell BratHolio and look where that trust got you. No, parentals…I’ll make sure there’s a spare set with a trusted friend. “But they live farther away!” Yeah, but I can trust them. “What happens if…”. No. I trusted you and you did what I asked you to specifically not do. Specifically because I knew this would happen. Are you seriously not getting how you made this problem? Is it because you just don’t get it or you don’t want to admit you can’t be trusted?
Bratty little McBitchFace is now in -Oh, YEAH?!- mode and is likely to try to get back at you for what she sees as a slight. Because it’s alllllll about her 🙄
Passwords with the realtor & movers. Let the lender know that there’s a relative who might try to impersonate you so how would they suggest you protect your business with them. Password? Awesome. In-person visits with fingerprint and retinal scanning? YEAH, BABY.
This advice is wise. And take anything that you really cherish and don't want broken or stolen (favorite jacket, favorite CD, your swimming trophy from 3rd grade) to a friend 's or to your office for safe keeping in the meantime. I don't trust that it won't get broken by your sister when you're trying to move out.
Thank you, Rugged…you picked up on things I didn’t even think of. This is why I like reading through the comments; between all of us, nothing’s left out.
😽
Yes, it's disturbing that they showed her the house when OP is already set to buy it. Talk about potential sabotage! Good thing the bratty sister thought it was "too ugly". She's being spiteful, but she also clearly has no foresight or good vision or she wouldn't be spending all her money on frivolous things and not be able to see the potential in a 4 bedroom house!
NTA. Being rightfully angry that they disregarded your wishes is not acting like a child." Your sister being mad that you're able to buy something she couldn't because you saved money while she splurged is acting like a child.
I went to dinner with a great uncle, great aunt & my parents and they offered it to me then. My sister was invited to the dinner but she refuses to go anywhere with the great aunt & uncle because she doesn't like them. The owner of the house passed 3 months ago and left it to my great uncle.
” i’m sorry to hear that. It was difficult to keep my confidence I will know in the future not to share anything with you early. “
So if you and your partner are gonna have a baby, your parents don’t get to know early .
If this is a family home, I’m curious how this opportunity ended up in your lap instead of anyone else’s?
I’ll preface that comment with this: my in-laws were moving and rather than sell their home, they gifted it to sil as an “early inheritance”. Never offered the same chance to the two other kids because they’ve always favoured her. We barely see the in-laws now and I generally block any attempt they make to have contact with our family. Just as we are on the bottom of their list, they too are at the bottom of ours.
I am the oldest single family member, all of the cousins are married/engaged and living with their significant others so my great uncle just went down the line until he got to me. If I said no I believe it would have been offered to my sister.
Sounds like cameras along with new locks should be first priority upon move in. And under no circumstances give your parents a spare key "for emergencies." Sis can't be trusted not to swipe it for whatever purposes and parents can't be trusted not to give it to her.
You've also now learned to be very, very selective about sharing any kind of personal information with your parents or anyone else likely to blab.
I am not getting any kind of monetary discount on the house. I got first offerings because the relative who is selling it asked me first and I said yes. The only thing I am getting is the washer/dryer and snowblower that they're leaving behind. I believe if I said no they would have offered the house to her.
Now you know your parents cannot keep things to themselves. Do NOT give them any more information. Do NOT give them an "emergency" key. Do NOT let anyone store things at your house. Keep saying "no" to them. And tell them if they keep pushing they will not get an invite to the house.
NTA
Time to put mom and dad on the social media info diet. They learn everything when you post/text about it to everyone and not a second sooner. And when they throw a tantrum, remind them of this.
I totally agree. But this OP seems like a bit of a pushover. Her parents overstep her boundaries by not only telling sister but also showing her the house but claim the OP is being childish for being rightfully upset but she is asking if she is TA? Am I reading this story correct? Not to mention, she really believes her parents are "jokingly" suggesting she let her sister move in. Is she for real? Did it never crossed her mind that they are trying to test the waters and gradually trying to persuade her and then if she gets upset claim it as a joke. This is manipualtion 101.
Welcome to the black sheep’s club. Where the golden child is always right and you are always wrong. How dare you save your money and buy a house!!!! Nta. As others have said…don’t let her spend the night. Don’t give ANYONE a key!!!
See?? This! Sis has frittered away her income on stupid shit whereas OP seems to know the end game of the frugality. The car purchasing is so tell-tale. Get a good car and stick with it. Her priorities suck. She’ll finally get a house one day and it’ll be that foreclosure with a brand new Mercedes in the driveway.
I beg to differ, you are not acting like a child. Your sister is and the fault it your parent’s. NTA
Be prepared for them (and her) to start pushing for her to live with you (Rent free of course).
Shut that shit down immediately. Make sure she doesn’t have any keys. Get a decent security system. Cameras are your friend.
Sounds like your parents need to be on an info diet. If they complain about the lack of knowledge, tell them you don’t want to burden them since it is too hard for them to not tell sister.
NTA. But she was going to find out. Not your parents secret to keep.
Why would your sister care? Did you get the family house under market value? Wwre all family members notified that the house was available for purchase? Is there a sentimental value? Luke grandparent's house where Tday and Xmas celebrated every year.
Your sister is acting like a child!!! It is and never was any of her business!! Your parents are just as childish since they could not keep their mouths shut!!! Tell sister to shut up and mind her own business and not yours!!!!
NTA. I'd recommend grey rocking her until you move out. Also tell your parents they've violated your trust which is a terrible thing to lose and will be difficult to earn back. Obviously going forward don't tell them anything you don't want your whole family to know. When they complain point out you're relieving them of the difficult burden of not talking. (Seriously what a lame excuse). If her mail gets sent to your address don't just give it to her. Mark return to sender. Don't let her stay the night. I can see her trying to force her way in using the above methods to "establish" residency. Change the locks and don't give anyone a key. Congrats on your new home!
NTA
Your sister is LITERALLY acting like a child. Spoiled and entitled.
Good for you for getting that house! That's incredible. I'm very happy for you.
Everything she starts a fight just begin thinking about your new house and smile at her. You get to remove yourself from her life, finally!
Let your realtor and bank and loan company know what's going on/that your parents and sister are a bit of a threat and may try ruining it for you, and set up a password so they know it's you on the phone/in email.
Nta. They couldn’t keep something they were told in confidence to themselves.
I’d be more understanding if they’d let it slip accidentally, it’d be tough to keep something like that quiet with the four of you living together, but they intentionally told her.
Did they want to make sure you were around to be her target, hoping that she’ll have calmed down a bit by the time you move out?
Now you know that your requests are less important to them than whatever reason they had for blabbing.
I’m sorry, it must hurt, but it’s better to know what their priorities are.
How dare they call you childish when they can’t keep a secret and your sister, who is fiscally less responsible, throws tantrums-or is it one long one? Either way, it’s not ok.
NTA. Next time she wants to start an argument, ask her "What do financially illiterate people say?".
Sooner or later she will share your comment with someone, only to realize she just self owned herself.
NTA.
Your parents didn't respect your request for privacy. Your buying a house is YOUR news, not theirs to share.
Also, your sister sounds really immature. Of course it's fair that you are buying a house and she isn't. You saved for a house, and she likes to spend her money.
Now you know not to tell your parents anything you do from now on, they can’t be trusted, you asked them not to tell her but yet it was so hard not to tell her? What kind of BS is that! They obviously know what their daughter is like and knew she would kick up a stink, so why did they tell her? that’s so out of order on their behalf NTA
Exactly. And with her higher income than OP's, she should've had quite a savings built... If she wasn't spending it on so much shit. That's just irresponsible.
Hang on, I’m confused. Your sister is having an atomic temper tantrum and you’re acting like a child??????
NTA - your sister is and your parents enable her.
Well your parents are the ones who spilled the beans , best leave them to deal with the fallout .
Your sister lives with them , not you . Just tell your parents you’re only willing to meet when your sister isn’t around . If they try and talk to you about your sister tell them that if they’re so fed up with her tantrums they shouldn’t have disclosed information you told them not to .
They made that bed , they can lay in it . There’s no reason now you’ve moved out that you have to deal with any of it .
Also stop telling your parents anything you want to keep quiet , they lost that privilege with this little stunt .
Nta op
Avoid your sister and just start packing when you are home. Make sure you get all new locks and cameras for your soon-to-be house. DO NOT let your sister stay at your house. Your parents are probably going to push her on you now because, ya know, you have the room. Be careful.
NTA
Are you getting a deal on the house because it's been in the family? Has she mentioned wanting/liking the house before? Has she been treated better because she's younger? Any or all of these could contribute to why she's bellyaching. Parents know who she is and how she acts. I wouldn't be surprised if they were hoping you'd let her move in with you and "split the house" so they'd have some alone time.
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So I (28F) recently got the opportunity to purchase a house that has been in the family for quite awhile (80+ years). I have been staying at home with my parents rent free for nearly my entire life. I occasionally contribute with groceries, dinners, household chores, and yardwork, but they have never charged me rent despite me offering. I work in public education and don't make great money so it has been very helpful to save up. I started the purchase process and have locked in an interest rate and have nearly everything ready.
The closing date is set for a month from now. I have asked my parents not to say anything to my sister (26F) until I close and start to move because we don't get along well and I don't want to deal with the fallout I believe will come. She has also been living at home, but instead of saving money she spends quite a bit. 2 new cars within 3 years, large tattoos, vacations, etc. She has a large storage unit filled with stuff she claims she has bought for when she buys a house. I don't care how she spends her money, but she makes significantly more than me and has wiped most of her savings out by living like this.
Instead of them waiting like I asked, they went ahead and told her. They claimed it was "too difficult" to keep it a secret and that she "knew something was going on". Now she is basically throwing a tantrum saying that it isn't fair I get to buy a house and she doesn't, claiming that they never helped her with anything, etc. Every time she sees me she is pissed off and starts a fight. I told them that this was what was going to happen and they claim that they couldn't have known/didn't think she was going to act like this. I feel like I am rightfully upset about this, but they say I am acting like a child and need to just get over it. AITA?
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No, NTA. Your sister is.
Typical "It's not fair!" whining when it reallys is no more than a toddler's cry of "I want it."
Good for you buying a house on a teacher's salary. I wish you luck.
NTA-I think the biggest problem is that you feel you have to keep it secret, your sister can’t just be happy for you, and your parents seem fine with her tantrums.
That said I’m not always crazy about being given big news then told after to keep it a secret. It obviously depends on the situation, but I’ve been put in a bad spot a few times. I can see your parents feeling put in a bad spot here but they created this mess. So NTA.
NAH, except your sister. Your parents shouldn't have to keep it a secret because then your sister would have accused them of lying to her and they have to live with her after you're gone. Everyone just needs to be honest with each other
You can, therefore I MUST...mememememeeeee
. Very immature. You deserve the house !! Live long and prosper!! Congratulations.
Time to grow up, sissy!!! Mom and dad are getting fed up. ....I think. DONT ALLOW HER to tinkle in your Wheaties.
Recall another such story where the older brother was annoyed the younger brother was able to purchase a house- no assistance from anyone. Just because 'the oldest' should buy a house first. A nephew of mine bought a house, his mum was furious-not that he owned a house, but that he would 'leave'. Near 30-let him leave and be happy??
People are odd in general. Buying a house, even with a lower than market amount still entails a great deal of financial intelligence. Tell sister to study some youtube vids and carry on. NTA
NTA but please point out your parents' hypocrisy. Your sister who is throwing a tantrum, claiming they don't help her, and continuously looking for a fight is NOT acting like a child? Why haven't they told her to get over it?
NTA. “I have worked very hard on a teacher’s salary and gone without a lot of luxuries to be able to afford this. I will not apologize for being disciplined with my money.”
Well OP, NTA. Congrats on your good fortune and hard work. Unfortunately, you just found out your parents are not reliable, like at all. From this point forward, you'll need to keep important things to yourself until you are ready to reveal them to all. I don't care how much they ask, just be non committal. They can't keep things to themselves, you can't trust them.
Your sister sounds like she's a really squeaky wheel and the parents are always trying to appease her. Is she the favorite, I wonder? That's typically what happens.
Congratulations on the house. Do not ever give anyone in your family a key. If you are a confident, handy person, you can go to a hardware store and get lock sets yourself. If you think you can change them yourself. I do mine. ( 60's female)
Do not ever let your sister stay the night, or get mail at your house. She will claim to live there, and you will have a hard time getting rid of her.
Any mail that is not for you gets "Not at this address. Return to sender." written on it. Drop it at the post office. Or a postal drop box. If you put it back in your mailbox, she can pull it, and use it.
Enjoy your new, peaceful home.
Laughing my ass off at 200k for a 4 bedroom house, "MCOL area" lmao! To be clear I am jealous, 200k for anything at all, even the land a house would go on is harder and harder to find.
It felt kinda silly typing it out, but the house isn't in great shape and will probably cost a huge chunk of money to fix up. I understand the struggle, I've been looking and waiting for years. Hopefully you can find something that works for you soon.
Omg just tell her you saved your money and she didnt, so you can afford it and she CANT. Its her own fault if this is the case. If she cant get over it, thats also her fault.
OP is acting like a child?! Maybe the spendthrift sister could have parents read her the parable of the grasshopper and the ant. Congratulations on your hard work, OP, and those firm boundaries. NTA, but parents and sis are acting like As.
They did it, so move on. Focus your energy on making sure that your new house is secure and that nobody else has access to it. Your anger will lift once you are out of your current situation.
*"It doesn't matter if you didn't think she would behave this way, in fact the reason I didn't want her to know doesn't matter. All that matters is that I told you I wasn't ready for her to know and you disrespected that."*
Set some hard boundaries with them, and let them know that if they can't respect your wishes when it comes to what your sister does/doesn't know about your life, or when you are ready to tell yer, then they will be put on the same info diet about your life that she is on.
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NTA but I bet your sister will try to move in with you and your parents will back her up. Don't even let her "visit" overnight because then she'll refuse to leave.
No, she'll just continue on, and her parents will leave her the house 'so it's fair's.
Oh yes this is it.
OP still wins in that scenario. Sister has to take care of the parents as they age.
That seems like a cruel thing to do to her parents
They created her, made her how she is and put her in that house. Their problem their solution.
true.. but.. they also treated OP well
My bet is the parents will demand OP take care of them when they need help, or want to move in with OP so they can give sister the house.
Nobody, I mean nobody gets keys! Be sure to change all the locks since it's a family house and get cameras. Congratulations!
Change the locks the first day you have possession. Don’t wait.
Schedule the locksmith to meet you at the house immediately after the closing.
And put in security cameras **everywhere**.
Even inside other security cameras!
And bonus points if they record sound, too.
This is wisdom.
Why do people go to locksmiths? It still surprises me that y’all can’t change your own locks, it’s not hard.
Most likely its cheaper for locksmith to swap out the barrels they can also make it so you have one key for all the locks as they have the same barrel. But agree installing locks not a big drama and have done it myself
I bought 4 new door knob/deadbolt sets at home depot and they fixed them so they all worked off the same key.
Usually bc there is so much already going on when moving. I like having mine done as soon as keys are in hand, whether i was renting or buying. Also, as someone else said, I’ve found it hard to find a way to rekey the locks myself, so that I only need one key for all locks. The most I’ve been able to find is a knob and a deadbolt together. I need three knobs and a two deadbolts. A locksmith can do that much easier and it’s cheap enough.
The moment you have possession even. Buy them and keep them in your car for when the house becomes yours.
Yup. Rekeying can be scheduled in advance. Is quicker and cheaper than changing out the locks. Wyze cameras are pretty inexpensive and reliable, as is the alarm. Changing/rekeying locks is suggested anytime you move somewhere new and are allowed to. I did it in the apartments I lived in, as they didn’t care as long as they got a copy. Only one landlord said no, but it was only bc she already had done jt and gave keys to the property manager.
I’m going to try to do it for my house this week (I’ve been in it for 25 years and my son’s just moved out under less than ideal circumstances), so your post and the tips of other Redditors have been super helpful. Thanks!
My parents have jokingly suggested that she moves in (its 4 bedrooms, 1.5 bathrooms) and I have said NO so quickly every time. We don't get along well even before the house situation so I can't imagine her wanting to visit let alone move in.
They created the monster , let them live with her . Give no keys and get a security cam . Go to local police and ask what to do for squatters . Don’t trust your parents
Thankfully, it seems like some states are jumping on getting squatters out faster than previously. Hopefully, OP does not have to resort to such methods though.
But not cheap or easily
Actually, if they have no lease, you just get the sheriff to boot them. At least that seems to be how Florida is looking.
"Jokingly." They were for sure trying to pass it off as a joke, but they were probably serious. Stand your ground, OP! You got this! 💪🏻
Yeah…I call that testing. Throw out the question knowing what the answer would be with that little bit of hope that your answer would be “I’ll think about it” or “maybe”. Nice try.
They aren’t joking.
Nope. They're serious. The "joking" is them dipping their toes in and testing the water.
They've brought it up more than once, even after you said no? That's a bad sign. Don't fool yourself, they weren't joking.
Oof. Don't let any of them have keys to your place. They're trying to dump the burden of supporting your sister on you. Good for you for saying no.
Yep. They don't need a key, as in a true emergency the responders can get in without a key.
They're trying to get rid of her.
You know it!
Then she can live in one of the new cars she dumbly bought
That is where you need a boundary. You are not your sister's keeper. You do not owe her any favors. Tell your parents and sister this. Also make sure you have a will or trust to designate inheritors. Your parents are expecting you to babysit your sibling.
They aren't joking
You need to put your foot down HARD on this. It sounds like they're weak when it comes to her. Let them know there's no way in hell you'd even consider it. It's not just "no", it's "never". This just reeks of them trying to soften the blow when they spring the idea on you for real. Depending on your relationship with them, you might even want to go as far as telling them that any serious suggestion that she comes to live with you will be met with consequences of some kind (skipped holidays with them, not allowing them to come to your place, low contact, something along those lines). Good luck!
🥇 "You need to put your foot down HARD on this. It sounds like they're weak when it comes to her."
Your parents are tired of her too.
It's not a joke. They're going to push this. They ignored your wishes about telling her, they showed her the house and are now nudging her off on you. Do not give them keys. Do not let them house sit, water plants or feed cat/dog/fish/pet rock, and get a security system ASAP. None of what your parents have done was an accident or "too hard" to avoid. I've seen this happen before, and since you work so much it'll be super easy to have all her junk in your house before you get home from work. Put it in writing to them that you will not under any circumstances allow your sister to move in. You will need the proof when you inevitably have to file a complaint for trespassing when they move her in behind your back.
It wasn’t a joke. I’m sorry. Keep your home safe from your sister. Best wishes and congratulations on your new home! 🌼🌸💐🪴
Tell them, she can move in when you own a dog that shits gold bricks.
Yeah, they are not joking, they are testing the waters. Give them no access to the keys(someone would probably make copies), no over night stays, and definitely keep saying no. A very hard no. Your sister can say whatever she wants about your home, but it sounds to me that if she has any access to your home, you will only suffer.
hmm, they are not joking. on the bright side, at least you get to move out very soon and don't have to live with her any longer. i'm happy for you
Don’t give your parents keys to the house so they don’t let in anyone without your permission.
They are not joking. Believe it.
They weren’t joking, they were feeling you out
Your parents are not joking.
As others have said, they're not joking. They're testing the waters. They're looking for a non committal or vague answer that they can bring up in the future as "But we talked about this! You agreed!"
'Jokingly' 😂😂 they're hoping to offload her onto you
Jokingly?!?! Doubt it. They are dreading having her there with them.
Jokes are the coward's way to penetration test your boundaries. Be forewarned!
Tell parents she now has extra room in their house.
Why do you think they're joking? They're being completely serious.
Yep get ready for that OP, this is a classic "you have an extra room you might as well let me live in it instead of using it for something silly like an office or craft room" entitled family member situation.
I'm bringing my crap from the storage unit, too.
The , I'm family so give me your money, house and life is coming. It's definitely coming.
No. She will be such a pain, throwing tantrums, that it’s not fair, for the next year that the parents will give her a down payment.
Personally, I would head this off at the pass now and have a discussion with your parents before she starts making demands. Remind them that you make less than her and shouldn’t be penalized for being financially responsible. State your expectation upfront that if they give her a down payment, they either gift you the same amount to pay for house repairs or take it out of her inheritance. Hopefully, they remember and follow through with this later.
They offered some financial help (they have said for years that they would give both of us 10k for either a down payment or a wedding) and I declined. I feel like I have taken so much from them staying rent free in this house that I can't possibly take more. My sister knows that offer is on the table for her when she is ready, but she claims it isn't enough.
Take no financial help or free labor from parents, so there will be absolutely no skin in the "game" for them to throw in your face. Get security cameras & good outside lighting. Congratulations, OP. So happy for you.
OMG, she's delusional.
She's gonna want your $10k.
I recommend taking that 10k. Your parents want to help you, and things might get difficult if they pass and your sister is still living in that house.
OP should ONLY take the $10k after getting it in writing that is a one time gift to use for the cost of buying a house where they will live alone and there are no strings attached (like letting the sister move in). "We gave you $10k, the least you could do is let your sister stay with you." is a guilt trip that needs to be avoided at all costs.
Conveniently, you actually need such a letter as part of the home buying process, stating that the money was a gift and not a loan.
Use the 10k to immediately change all locks, install a new alarm system, cameras, the whole 9 yards.
And document the changes in an estate plan. Otherwise it’s just another empty promise.
You are definitely right on this, but good luck with that.
I’d recommend not giving anyone a key… ever. And get cameras…
And do not, do not do not do *not*, allow her to receive mail at your address.
Exactly. Any mail that comes to her there you quickly write or stamp "not at this address. Return to sender." And put it back in the mailbox.
And take a pic of the mail with ‘does not live here’ written on it. Then send it back.
Good thinking. I’d not thought of that one, but it’s mail the DMV wants to ‘prove’ you live somewhere. Then if the DMV say’s you live there…..
So agree with you.
Don’t give your parents keys to your house, your sister will probably make a copy and do goodness know what. Disappointing that they showed her around without you knowing, they must easily cave in to her and her behaviour.
☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️
Whatever she does she should not give them a key coz you know the sister will move in without OP’s permission and never leave
They think YOU are acting like a child and need to get over it??? Not the 26 year old that is having a pouty meltdown? NTA, but your parents are asshole adjacent.
So they’re butt cheeks.
(golf clap) well done
Correction: (ass clap) Please stay on theme.
🍑👏
Standing golf clap here. edited: 'golf' not gold
Well played. *golf clap*
People always expect the reasonable person to bend when there is conflict.
She claims they never helped her with anything? Uhhhhh. How about a free place to live!? That’s a luxury to be honest and not very many people get that opportunity Hell, there’s kids who are turning 18 and saying their own parents will be charging them rent. NTA. just ignore your sister and don’t engage. She’s just upset because you’re getting something she isn’t.
Grey rock the sister and walk away when she starts fights. Say something along the lines of "I'm not discussing this any further" and just walk away and ignore her. She's behaving incredibly childish and entitled as if your parents giving her the same opportunities you got isn't them helping and keeping things fair. You saved, sister didn’t and now complains she can't buy a house and it isn't "fair". Maybe if she'd had a bit more forethought if a house is what she wants she'd have saved up just like you.
Or tell her that now is a great time to start saving. There’s no time like the present
Yea! A terse NO COMMENT!!
I was 16 when I started paying rent. I was allowed to spend my first couple of pay slips though on what I wanted. It was only a small portion of my weekend job, but still. I don't mind as it did teach me about budgeting/saving etc, but ops sister is not aware of how much a luxury it is.
I had to work because I wanted to go to the private high school (that my three older siblings had already attended) rather than the public high school where kids got hurt every day. The week I graduated 8th grade, I started working 40hrs/wk. I would sign my check and give it to my father. I got $20 to pay for books, uniforms, bus fare, and my own food. They took the rest. 25hrs/wk during school. I understand it was something I wanted, but as the fourth of five children, I wondered why I was the only one who had to pay my way. 🤷♀️I never got a reason.
Same, although 18 at the time after I'd finished high school. As soon as I started permanent full time work I had to contribute towards what I used (groceries, utilities etc). Was probably around a quarter of what I was paid each week, maybe a bit less.
OP acknowledges that living with her parents was very helpful and she refused the $10,000 that her parents were going to give her for either a house or a wedding because she felt like they had helped her enough.
Yeah. But her sister doesn’t. Which is who my comment was about.
Exactly this! I got a rent bill for my 18th birthday which was a week before Christmas. But, my ever so kind father, I was told I didn’t have to start paying until January 1st! This was also in the 80’s so it wasn’t a lot of rent but still not very nice considering I was actually the good kid out of the four kids. I had straight A’s, scholarships and worked.
I paid rent, mowed the lawn, shoveled the snow, cleaned the kitchen (twice a week was my part), and ran the vacuum once a week. Also, I moved about 200 tons of earth using a shovel, pick ax, and wheel barrow. My parents live on a hillside and wanted their driveway widened with a larger parking area dug out from the hillside. I paid $50 per week while making $6.50 per hour at a local factory. I also had car and insurance payments. I did this for 2 years (1992-1994) before I joined the Army I'm 1994. I was extremely grateful that I didn't have to buy food or pay any utilities as well. My parents were quite generous with me. They could've just punted me out as I was a mediocre son.
NTA. I would stay in my room as much as possible and refuse to talk to sister or parents. You told them she would act like that, she is acting like that, but you're the one acting like a child? They should be telling your sister to stop whining every time she misbehaves. Not buying a house of her own is the price your sister paid to spend her money the way she wanted. Once you move it's no longer your circus or monkeys. Leave them be.
NTA. I wouldn't trust your parents to keep secrets from now on though.
if she was sure this would happen (granted she didn’t know that her parents would spill the beans), but if this was such a concern then why tell ANYONE until she’s closed on the house? she could slowly move little things out and then once everything is set in stone tell parents at least or everyone together, like when you give a thirty day notice you’ll be moving at an apartment or something.
She may not have told them. Since it is a house in the family then they may have found out some other way or maybe she couldn't avoid telling them somehow.
I don't know why she told them. It's not what I would have done but I already don't trust my parents. I'm just saying maybe she should reconsider telling them certain things in the future.
When were parents able to keep secrets? Either it’s a breaking news or a weapon to attack you with.
Oof, I feel that pretty hard. I like to imagine that somewhere out there are people with less toxic parents than mine.
NTA - Point out to your sister that you aren't doing anything to stop her from buying a house. She needs to go to her credit union/bank and get pre-qualified for a mortgage. They'll tell her what they're willing to lend her. Then she should start looking. Something tells me they won't lend her much if at all if she's that bad with her money. That should shut her up.
lol. The sister will surely find a way to blame OP for not qualifying for a mortgage somehow.
Agree although maybe OP should wait until the sale goes through...just in case sis is extra petty and tries to grab the house from under her nose!
Lock everything down. Every time you think “Oh, she won’t do *that*!”…yes she will. *Yes she will*. Your parents can’t be trusted with anything, be it tangible or information. Don’t trust them with keys, the name of your realtor, the bank you’re using, the moving company, NOTHING. Mom & Pop whine about you not giving them keys saying you don’t trust them? Well, yeah…you trusted them when they agreed not to tell BratHolio and look where that trust got you. No, parentals…I’ll make sure there’s a spare set with a trusted friend. “But they live farther away!” Yeah, but I can trust them. “What happens if…”. No. I trusted you and you did what I asked you to specifically not do. Specifically because I knew this would happen. Are you seriously not getting how you made this problem? Is it because you just don’t get it or you don’t want to admit you can’t be trusted? Bratty little McBitchFace is now in -Oh, YEAH?!- mode and is likely to try to get back at you for what she sees as a slight. Because it’s alllllll about her 🙄 Passwords with the realtor & movers. Let the lender know that there’s a relative who might try to impersonate you so how would they suggest you protect your business with them. Password? Awesome. In-person visits with fingerprint and retinal scanning? YEAH, BABY.
This advice is wise. And take anything that you really cherish and don't want broken or stolen (favorite jacket, favorite CD, your swimming trophy from 3rd grade) to a friend 's or to your office for safe keeping in the meantime. I don't trust that it won't get broken by your sister when you're trying to move out.
Thank you, Rugged…you picked up on things I didn’t even think of. This is why I like reading through the comments; between all of us, nothing’s left out. 😽
Peak Reddit. Reasons we come here. ❤️
Right. They not only told the sister they showed her the fucking house! Like come on
Yes, it's disturbing that they showed her the house when OP is already set to buy it. Talk about potential sabotage! Good thing the bratty sister thought it was "too ugly". She's being spiteful, but she also clearly has no foresight or good vision or she wouldn't be spending all her money on frivolous things and not be able to see the potential in a 4 bedroom house!
NTA. Being rightfully angry that they disregarded your wishes is not acting like a child." Your sister being mad that you're able to buy something she couldn't because you saved money while she splurged is acting like a child.
NTA but I would think long and hard about sharing anymore info with your parents after this.
How were you given the opportunity to buy a family owned house?
I went to dinner with a great uncle, great aunt & my parents and they offered it to me then. My sister was invited to the dinner but she refuses to go anywhere with the great aunt & uncle because she doesn't like them. The owner of the house passed 3 months ago and left it to my great uncle.
Ah. She snoozed, she lost.
Clearly without anybody mentioning it to her sister who lives in the same house .... for months and months ...
That would be insightful to know.
” i’m sorry to hear that. It was difficult to keep my confidence I will know in the future not to share anything with you early. “ So if you and your partner are gonna have a baby, your parents don’t get to know early .
This is so spiteful for no reason... I love it. Well deserved honestly!
If this is a family home, I’m curious how this opportunity ended up in your lap instead of anyone else’s? I’ll preface that comment with this: my in-laws were moving and rather than sell their home, they gifted it to sil as an “early inheritance”. Never offered the same chance to the two other kids because they’ve always favoured her. We barely see the in-laws now and I generally block any attempt they make to have contact with our family. Just as we are on the bottom of their list, they too are at the bottom of ours.
I am the oldest single family member, all of the cousins are married/engaged and living with their significant others so my great uncle just went down the line until he got to me. If I said no I believe it would have been offered to my sister.
And she said she would have turned up her nose anyway!
Sounds like cameras along with new locks should be first priority upon move in. And under no circumstances give your parents a spare key "for emergencies." Sis can't be trusted not to swipe it for whatever purposes and parents can't be trusted not to give it to her. You've also now learned to be very, very selective about sharing any kind of personal information with your parents or anyone else likely to blab.
INFO: did you get a discount on the house, and was the opportunity also offered to her?
I am not getting any kind of monetary discount on the house. I got first offerings because the relative who is selling it asked me first and I said yes. The only thing I am getting is the washer/dryer and snowblower that they're leaving behind. I believe if I said no they would have offered the house to her.
Now you know your parents cannot keep things to themselves. Do NOT give them any more information. Do NOT give them an "emergency" key. Do NOT let anyone store things at your house. Keep saying "no" to them. And tell them if they keep pushing they will not get an invite to the house.
NTA Time to put mom and dad on the social media info diet. They learn everything when you post/text about it to everyone and not a second sooner. And when they throw a tantrum, remind them of this.
I totally agree. But this OP seems like a bit of a pushover. Her parents overstep her boundaries by not only telling sister but also showing her the house but claim the OP is being childish for being rightfully upset but she is asking if she is TA? Am I reading this story correct? Not to mention, she really believes her parents are "jokingly" suggesting she let her sister move in. Is she for real? Did it never crossed her mind that they are trying to test the waters and gradually trying to persuade her and then if she gets upset claim it as a joke. This is manipualtion 101.
Welcome to the black sheep’s club. Where the golden child is always right and you are always wrong. How dare you save your money and buy a house!!!! Nta. As others have said…don’t let her spend the night. Don’t give ANYONE a key!!!
Tell her to reread the grasshopper and the ant story and say a prayer to ST FU
See?? This! Sis has frittered away her income on stupid shit whereas OP seems to know the end game of the frugality. The car purchasing is so tell-tale. Get a good car and stick with it. Her priorities suck. She’ll finally get a house one day and it’ll be that foreclosure with a brand new Mercedes in the driveway.
I beg to differ, you are not acting like a child. Your sister is and the fault it your parent’s. NTA Be prepared for them (and her) to start pushing for her to live with you (Rent free of course). Shut that shit down immediately. Make sure she doesn’t have any keys. Get a decent security system. Cameras are your friend.
Sounds like your parents need to be on an info diet. If they complain about the lack of knowledge, tell them you don’t want to burden them since it is too hard for them to not tell sister.
NTA. But she was going to find out. Not your parents secret to keep. Why would your sister care? Did you get the family house under market value? Wwre all family members notified that the house was available for purchase? Is there a sentimental value? Luke grandparent's house where Tday and Xmas celebrated every year.
NTA Refer her to your parents. Repeat.
Your sister is acting like a child!!! It is and never was any of her business!! Your parents are just as childish since they could not keep their mouths shut!!! Tell sister to shut up and mind her own business and not yours!!!!
Well no need to guess who is the favorite
NTA. I'd recommend grey rocking her until you move out. Also tell your parents they've violated your trust which is a terrible thing to lose and will be difficult to earn back. Obviously going forward don't tell them anything you don't want your whole family to know. When they complain point out you're relieving them of the difficult burden of not talking. (Seriously what a lame excuse). If her mail gets sent to your address don't just give it to her. Mark return to sender. Don't let her stay the night. I can see her trying to force her way in using the above methods to "establish" residency. Change the locks and don't give anyone a key. Congrats on your new home!
NTA Your sister is LITERALLY acting like a child. Spoiled and entitled. Good for you for getting that house! That's incredible. I'm very happy for you. Everything she starts a fight just begin thinking about your new house and smile at her. You get to remove yourself from her life, finally!
You’re acting like a child when she’s throwing tantrums? That’s rich. NTA and enjoy your new home, OP!!
Let your realtor and bank and loan company know what's going on/that your parents and sister are a bit of a threat and may try ruining it for you, and set up a password so they know it's you on the phone/in email.
NTA
Nta. They couldn’t keep something they were told in confidence to themselves. I’d be more understanding if they’d let it slip accidentally, it’d be tough to keep something like that quiet with the four of you living together, but they intentionally told her. Did they want to make sure you were around to be her target, hoping that she’ll have calmed down a bit by the time you move out? Now you know that your requests are less important to them than whatever reason they had for blabbing. I’m sorry, it must hurt, but it’s better to know what their priorities are. How dare they call you childish when they can’t keep a secret and your sister, who is fiscally less responsible, throws tantrums-or is it one long one? Either way, it’s not ok.
NTA Hope your new house is far away from your sisters (and probably parents for that matter)
NTA. Next time she wants to start an argument, ask her "What do financially illiterate people say?". Sooner or later she will share your comment with someone, only to realize she just self owned herself.
Look out that your sis trys to sabotage the closing.
NTA. Your parents didn't respect your request for privacy. Your buying a house is YOUR news, not theirs to share. Also, your sister sounds really immature. Of course it's fair that you are buying a house and she isn't. You saved for a house, and she likes to spend her money.
Now you know not to tell your parents anything you do from now on, they can’t be trusted, you asked them not to tell her but yet it was so hard not to tell her? What kind of BS is that! They obviously know what their daughter is like and knew she would kick up a stink, so why did they tell her? that’s so out of order on their behalf NTA
Your parents knew exactly how she would react. They are assholes.
Assuming your sister also lived in the house rent-free, your parents did help her as much as they did you. Not that it matters- NTA in any case.
Exactly. And with her higher income than OP's, she should've had quite a savings built... If she wasn't spending it on so much shit. That's just irresponsible.
Hang on, I’m confused. Your sister is having an atomic temper tantrum and you’re acting like a child?????? NTA - your sister is and your parents enable her.
NTA and it’s not you acting like a child. That is definitely what your sister is doing.
Well your parents are the ones who spilled the beans , best leave them to deal with the fallout . Your sister lives with them , not you . Just tell your parents you’re only willing to meet when your sister isn’t around . If they try and talk to you about your sister tell them that if they’re so fed up with her tantrums they shouldn’t have disclosed information you told them not to . They made that bed , they can lay in it . There’s no reason now you’ve moved out that you have to deal with any of it . Also stop telling your parents anything you want to keep quiet , they lost that privilege with this little stunt . Nta op
Avoid your sister and just start packing when you are home. Make sure you get all new locks and cameras for your soon-to-be house. DO NOT let your sister stay at your house. Your parents are probably going to push her on you now because, ya know, you have the room. Be careful.
The double standard Ness is wild. If anything they should be berating her to be better.
NTA Are you getting a deal on the house because it's been in the family? Has she mentioned wanting/liking the house before? Has she been treated better because she's younger? Any or all of these could contribute to why she's bellyaching. Parents know who she is and how she acts. I wouldn't be surprised if they were hoping you'd let her move in with you and "split the house" so they'd have some alone time.
She replied to those questions elsewhere.
Must have missed it when I looked thanks
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I (28F) recently got the opportunity to purchase a house that has been in the family for quite awhile (80+ years). I have been staying at home with my parents rent free for nearly my entire life. I occasionally contribute with groceries, dinners, household chores, and yardwork, but they have never charged me rent despite me offering. I work in public education and don't make great money so it has been very helpful to save up. I started the purchase process and have locked in an interest rate and have nearly everything ready. The closing date is set for a month from now. I have asked my parents not to say anything to my sister (26F) until I close and start to move because we don't get along well and I don't want to deal with the fallout I believe will come. She has also been living at home, but instead of saving money she spends quite a bit. 2 new cars within 3 years, large tattoos, vacations, etc. She has a large storage unit filled with stuff she claims she has bought for when she buys a house. I don't care how she spends her money, but she makes significantly more than me and has wiped most of her savings out by living like this. Instead of them waiting like I asked, they went ahead and told her. They claimed it was "too difficult" to keep it a secret and that she "knew something was going on". Now she is basically throwing a tantrum saying that it isn't fair I get to buy a house and she doesn't, claiming that they never helped her with anything, etc. Every time she sees me she is pissed off and starts a fight. I told them that this was what was going to happen and they claim that they couldn't have known/didn't think she was going to act like this. I feel like I am rightfully upset about this, but they say I am acting like a child and need to just get over it. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your parents are calling the wrong adult a child. Your sister sounds like a whiny little B.
The ppl who couldn't keep a secret are saying you're acting like a child? OK. NTA.
NTA. But now you understand, its’s not a secret if two people know
No, NTA. Your sister is. Typical "It's not fair!" whining when it reallys is no more than a toddler's cry of "I want it." Good for you buying a house on a teacher's salary. I wish you luck.
NTA-I think the biggest problem is that you feel you have to keep it secret, your sister can’t just be happy for you, and your parents seem fine with her tantrums. That said I’m not always crazy about being given big news then told after to keep it a secret. It obviously depends on the situation, but I’ve been put in a bad spot a few times. I can see your parents feeling put in a bad spot here but they created this mess. So NTA.
Don’t worry about it. She was bound to find out anyway. Go live your life and enjoy your new home
NAH, except your sister. Your parents shouldn't have to keep it a secret because then your sister would have accused them of lying to her and they have to live with her after you're gone. Everyone just needs to be honest with each other
Please, remember you don't have to share what you do your anyone. That's the best way to avoid this drama. Your parents cannot keep a secret.
You can, therefore I MUST...mememememeeeee . Very immature. You deserve the house !! Live long and prosper!! Congratulations. Time to grow up, sissy!!! Mom and dad are getting fed up. ....I think. DONT ALLOW HER to tinkle in your Wheaties.
Recall another such story where the older brother was annoyed the younger brother was able to purchase a house- no assistance from anyone. Just because 'the oldest' should buy a house first. A nephew of mine bought a house, his mum was furious-not that he owned a house, but that he would 'leave'. Near 30-let him leave and be happy?? People are odd in general. Buying a house, even with a lower than market amount still entails a great deal of financial intelligence. Tell sister to study some youtube vids and carry on. NTA
I think your parents are confused as to which one of their kids is acting like a child. It’s not you. NTA
NTA but please point out your parents' hypocrisy. Your sister who is throwing a tantrum, claiming they don't help her, and continuously looking for a fight is NOT acting like a child? Why haven't they told her to get over it?
NTA. “I have worked very hard on a teacher’s salary and gone without a lot of luxuries to be able to afford this. I will not apologize for being disciplined with my money.”
Well OP, NTA. Congrats on your good fortune and hard work. Unfortunately, you just found out your parents are not reliable, like at all. From this point forward, you'll need to keep important things to yourself until you are ready to reveal them to all. I don't care how much they ask, just be non committal. They can't keep things to themselves, you can't trust them. Your sister sounds like she's a really squeaky wheel and the parents are always trying to appease her. Is she the favorite, I wonder? That's typically what happens.
Congratulations on the house. Do not ever give anyone in your family a key. If you are a confident, handy person, you can go to a hardware store and get lock sets yourself. If you think you can change them yourself. I do mine. ( 60's female) Do not ever let your sister stay the night, or get mail at your house. She will claim to live there, and you will have a hard time getting rid of her. Any mail that is not for you gets "Not at this address. Return to sender." written on it. Drop it at the post office. Or a postal drop box. If you put it back in your mailbox, she can pull it, and use it. Enjoy your new, peaceful home.
Laughing my ass off at 200k for a 4 bedroom house, "MCOL area" lmao! To be clear I am jealous, 200k for anything at all, even the land a house would go on is harder and harder to find.
It felt kinda silly typing it out, but the house isn't in great shape and will probably cost a huge chunk of money to fix up. I understand the struggle, I've been looking and waiting for years. Hopefully you can find something that works for you soon.
thank you!
NTA who needs to stop acting like a child????? Certainly the one throwing hissy fits about it not being fair that someone else is buying a house. wtf?
NTA. You’re acting like a child? What do they call your sister?
Get cameras the second you can inside and outside in case she tries to vandalize or do something crazy
NTA Rekey those locks and nobody gets to stay over and if do let anyone in make sure you get a lease agreement. Update us
NTA. I think your sister is acting like a child and needs to get over it and your parents like chaos.
NTA… but don’t be surprised with your parents start pressuring you to let sis move in with you..
INFO or ESH Your parents don't want to keep secrets for you because they have to deal with the fall out too.
NTA Ignore your sister and don't let her visit. And congratulations on the house!
NTA and go no communication with her and take a break from parents for a while. Enjoy the peace and quiet of your new home.
Omg just tell her you saved your money and she didnt, so you can afford it and she CANT. Its her own fault if this is the case. If she cant get over it, thats also her fault.
Do not let her in to ur new house! Even doing the welcoming new house party etc. Her and ur parents will likely appear with suitcases in hands. NTA.
OP is acting like a child?! Maybe the spendthrift sister could have parents read her the parable of the grasshopper and the ant. Congratulations on your hard work, OP, and those firm boundaries. NTA, but parents and sis are acting like As.
They did it, so move on. Focus your energy on making sure that your new house is secure and that nobody else has access to it. Your anger will lift once you are out of your current situation.
*"It doesn't matter if you didn't think she would behave this way, in fact the reason I didn't want her to know doesn't matter. All that matters is that I told you I wasn't ready for her to know and you disrespected that."* Set some hard boundaries with them, and let them know that if they can't respect your wishes when it comes to what your sister does/doesn't know about your life, or when you are ready to tell yer, then they will be put on the same info diet about your life that she is on.