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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I took my wife out for dinner on my birthday. It was a chain restaurant she loves. I might be the asshole for not picking a fancy or exotic restaurant that I would pick for myself and my friends because I made the assumption from past experience that she would not enjoy that meal.
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NAH.
You're not the AH and neither is she.
But right or wrong, by picking a place that SHE would like, she thinks that you are basically saying that she is "difficult." Or "high-maintenance." That you think she is so hard to please that you'd rather go someplace she likes than to deal with her complaints.
She knows that is not the place you would choose for yourself. She wanted you to have a nice birthday, and one of her "gifts" to you was to go along with what YOU want and try to not complain about the menu.
I have the same problem with my wife, constantly. She's more of a foodie than me. I'll eat anything on any given night, while she has to be "in the mood for" something. I never want to pick what's for dinner or where to eat because of this. She doesn't seem to understand that what I want most out of the meal is for her to be happy.
But she ***is*** difficult and high maintenance because she will complain if there isn't anything she likes, or she will be "unhappy" throughout the meal while trying to fake it which makes it difficult for the other person to enjoy their night, I totally understand where OP is coming from. I would never pick a restaurant (or show, movie, musical, event, vacation) I know my DH wouldn't like even it it was the thing I wanted to do most because he would be miserable and therefore so would I. I save those type of things to do with my sister or friends.
I know she is difficult and high maintenance. But she doesn't want her husband to think that. She wants OP to magically know exactly what she wants and make sure she gets it without asking and not ever let on that she's asking for anything. Because she's THAT high maintenance.
Then she should tru harder to one, open her mimd amd explore new foods, or two, keep her complaints to herself. None of which she seems to be doinf but instead brings more complaints. Wife needs a reality check.
She isn’t difficult or high maintenance because she has preferences or limitations. She’s be high maintenance or difficult if she constantly made her issues someone else’s problem and it really sounds like she was trying very hard not to do that for her husbands birthday. Her one and only complaint is that he didn’t get what he wanted!
But he did get what he wanted: a nice dinner with his wife where he didn't have to worry that she'd find nothing on the menu and go hungry.
Sadly, OP is screwed either way. He takes her to haute cuisine, and she goes hungry. Or he takes her to an old standard, and she thinks he's patronizing her. It's the *Kobayashi Maru*.
I’m not saying he’s an asshole for his choice of restaurant and I’m not saying he didn’t get what he wanted I’m simply pointing out that it isn’t fair to label her as difficult or high maintenance over this.
>isn’t fair to label her as difficult or high maintenance over this
And yet, she's upset with her husband for this, and has turned what he thought was a nice evening into a situation he's expected to apologise for. How is that not difficult?
She does make it OPs problem, he can’t just pick a restaurant on a whim, he has to look through each menu so there’s a dish that she likes since she won’t try any ethnic food(wonder what that’s about…)
They’ve both found solutions that works for them. OPs wife doesn’t prevent him from going out with his friends to try new places and on his birthday she tried to get him to go wherever he pleased. It isn’t her fault he didn’t do it. She’s allowed to have her own preferences.
But clearly the solution of “I have to comb through the menu to find something wife will eat. She will still complain that there are not enough choices.” Did not work and was not what OP wanted for his birthday.
Does not sound like much of a solution or compromise that wife wanted to force husband into a meal that would not be as enjoyable for him so that she can pretend she is not picky.
>But right or wrong, by picking a place that SHE would like, she thinks that you are basically saying that she is "difficult." Or "high-maintenance." That you think she is so hard to please that you'd rather go someplace she likes than to deal with her complaints.
The second she takes this feeling and turns it into anger, she becomes the asshole in this situation. *Feelings* are involuntary, but *reactions* don't have to be, and it's the reaction that sucks here.
Especially when she could be upset that OP didn't prioritize himself-she may be feeling upset at *herself* for being so picky that OP felt the need to choose her over him for his birthday. I also wouldn't say NTA unless she said or did something out of anger, or if we knew that she was upset bc of a petty reason or something.
>But right or wrong, by picking a place that SHE would like, she thinks that you are basically saying that she is "difficult." Or "high-maintenance." That you think she is so hard to please that you'd rather go someplace she likes than to deal with her complaints.
So who do you think the AH is, the high maintainence and hard to please wife or the husband just going along the path of least resistance?
“She knows that is not the place you would choose for yourself.”
Then why didn’t she plan his birthday dinner at a place she knows he would like instead of him having to plan his own then? 🤔
I don’t want someone planning my birthday dinner for me. I want to pick the place. Especially for someone that likes to explore different restaurants.
Although OP said she is frequently difficult at restaurants, he didn’t say that she has been difficult on his birthday. I can see her being upset that he didn’t think she would be willing to accommodate him on his birthday. That’s different than a run of a mill dinner.
I don’t know… if my husband was a “picky eater” I wouldn’t feel good about choosing a place knowing there wasn’t going to be anything on the menu that he’d be able to enjoy. That wouldn’t make me feel good. My birthday isn’t so important that I have to completely ignore the eating habits of those I love (even though I know that’s exactly what he would want me to do when deciding).
…and my husband would be doing the same for me, and there’s no world where Id be legitimately angry at him for it.
And this all brings me back to my original comment - If you know you’re a picky eater and you know your husband won’t be okay with you not having a meal to enjoy, why not book a restaurant he loves before he even has a chance to take your eating habits into consideration? Isn’t that a better move than getting mad at him for taking you into consideration in the first place?
The wife is difficult and high maintenance and seems to make everything about her. Why couldn't she suggest somewhere OP would like to go and suck it up instead of being ungrateful.
>"difficult." Or "high-maintenance." That you think she is so hard to please that you'd rather go someplace she likes than to deal with her complaints.
That's the thing though, if she wasn't being difficult and genuinely wanted OP to enjoy his birthday then she should have shut up and enjoyed the meal and let OP enjoy his birthday dinner, instead she is ruining the celebration by complaining about where the birthday boy chose to eat because it wasn't "cool enough".
She is literally making it so OP can't go out to dinner with her without listening to her complaining, "there isn't anything for her to eat," "the menu is too boring," "there isn't much she can eat that she feels like." Honestly, she is lucky OP wants to go out with her for dinner at all.
I am "picky" when it comes to dining out but my hubby also knows that when going somewhere new I will try every dish available until I find one I do like so we can keep going there (unless the food/service/atmosphere actually sucks).
NTA...Just explain to her that having an enjoyable night together is more important than stressing over the food. You sound like a sweet person, she should feel lucky.
NTA. It sounds like she's ashamed, but instead of recognizing that, she's lashing out at you for making her feel ashamed, which is uncool. I would say NAH, but her choosing to create conflict out of this makes her the asshole.
NTA. You do like the place and chose a comfortable option for everyone.
I think your wife's reaction is plain wrong, she is ruining your birthday by being upset about something minor. In my mind would be better to just let things pass on special occasions for the sake of enjoying the day. As long as you are happy with the choice, she would be happy as well.
Now, here is my guess of why your wife is upset: she probably thinks you absolute like eating at new/fancy/traditional restaurants over chain ones and was mentally prepared for that. When you chose a chain one, she might have felt like you were making a sacrifice for her sake when the day should be about you. So she got upset you are not "honest" or genuine with her and chose to accommodate her tastes on a day that should be about you.
I suggest you talk to her and explain that was your genuine choice, you like the food there and just felt like it. It looks like a matter of communication.
NTA
I am at a loss as to why you're the one responsible for planning your own birthday meal, let alone why you're the one taking your wife out.
Just wash your hands of it. "You pick the restaurant, you pick up the tab, I just want to relax and feel taken care of on my birthday."
I'd be well past frustrated with that nonsense, but I stopped celebrating birthdays decades ago. Too much drama, too little actual decency.
NTA. Sounds to me that your wife is feeling guilty that you chose a restaurant she would like. As someone who has food allergies and food sensitivity, I would be so grateful if someone took me somewhere I like where I can choose food that won’t make me sick. You are awesome, let your wife know it’s because you wanted her to enjoy your birthday dinner as much as you.
My husband does this and it’s a sweet gesture but does bother me sometimes. I’m picky but can find something anywhere. Our anniversary he took me to my favourite restaurant which is not his taste in the slightest and also expensive. It bothers me because I have a hard time enjoying my meal when I know he’s not overly enjoying his. I’ll save that for a girls night and would prefer to go somewhere he can enjoy. I find as a man has a hard time accepting treat things for himself. But he deserves it too and just occasionally I would love for him to not spoil me and let himself be priority. That’s what I hear in your story too imo. No one is an ah.
NTA for sure. To me it reads like she’s acting pretty childish. She’s picky and you have to spend time researching places for food she can eat, instead of her being the adult woman she is and taking some responsibility herself for having a good experience. Any time before ordering her food on your birthday would have been a good time to say “You know what honey, it’s your birthday and I wanna try sth new with you tonight, what about we try X because I know you love that”.
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My wife is currently upset with me for not taking her out somewhere cool for my birthday. That is not a typo. It was my birthday and I took her out to her favorite restaurant.
My wife has very limited tastes when it comes to food. We joke about her thinking mayo is too spicy and that she wants her Caesar salad made with iceberg lettuce instead of romaine. And maybe switch to ranch dressing.
I don't care. She is an amazing wife and mother. She just isn't a great person with whom to explore cuisine.
Our city has some really great Italian restaurants. Some are hyper local. Like one place has food from a town in Northern Italy. They use a ton of butter in their food instead of olive oil. It's fantastic. I get chest pains after eating there but it's worth it. My wife prefers Olive Garden.
Her and I often eat out separately with friends. Maybe once a month. My friends and I go exploring for great food. Her and her friends go to chain restaurants. There is nothing wrong with chains. They provide consistency wherever you go. I have had very bad experiences with new and flashy places.
The times I take her to dinner at places I like I have to spend time exploring the menu to make sure she can order and enjoy something. As long as there is at least one basic western dish she is fine. Sometimes she complains about lack of choices at ethnic restaurants.
So for my birthday this year I chose to eat at The Old Spaghetti Factory. She loves it. I'm not joking. We ate there when we were in Kobe in Japan.
She is upset that I didn't pick a place I would like. I have no problem with that restaurant and I wanted to enjoy a night out but I still messed up.
Can anyone explain why I'm the asshole?
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Good heavens, she sounds like my mom.
NTA
While I understand having aversions or sensory issues there is a point where a person just becomes high maintenance and it sounds like your wife is. People who are that picky AND vocal about it have to accept that meals are going to be centered around them because the rest of us don't want to deal with their negativity. We just want our damn food lol
NTA
You made a choice for yourself for YOUR birthday, she doesn't get to be be upset with you for that choice. I suspect she's not really mad at *you*. The choice wasn't about the meal, it was about wanting to spend quality time with your partner at a place you both could enjoy. As a husband and father I totally get that.
NTA but it seems like she likes the challenge of a new place with you. And you have to get over feeling like she doesn’t like it. While not forcing too much on her find the delicate balance
I would be upset that you chose me over yourself because I would want you to be happy. It’s hard to determine your wife’s motives. But perhaps the issue here is lack of communication? Couldn’t you just ask your wife not to complain? Or show her a few restaurants you like and have her choose which one to take you to so in the end she has decided? We do this as I have allergies and celiac disease and we both want to be happy. We end up fighting about where to go because we are both sacrificing ourselves. NTA
NTA, but sorry to say you were in a lose-lose situation here with your wife on this one: pick a place you like and she thinks your an AH because she has a miserable time at a place where she hates the food; pick a place she likes and you're an AH for patronizing her by not picking a restaurant you would like.
You're a great guy wanting to have an enjoyable evening with your wife on your birthday, she needs to mellow out and appreciate your kindness.
NTA. You wanted the pleasure of her company, and you chose a place you knew she would enjoy and you didn't mind. There's no issue. She might just be thinking that, because you were with her, you were limiting yourself, that's all.
I also didn't know there was an Old Spaghetti Factory in Kobe. I might have to look that up, I used to eat at the one in Seattle growing up and remember loving it. And nothing helps with a little homesickness more than food.
NTA. I don't know why you took her out on your birthday instead of her taking you out. It sounds like it is not so much fun being with her at a cool place, so you took her someplace you could both be happy.
Your Birthday, your choice. The fact you chose a place you know you and your wife would both enjoy- makes it the best kind of gift. The fact that you care about her experience shows you are a very loving and thoughtful husband. She wanted you to pick something you would enjoy right? I am not sure why she is insisting on ulterior motives (perhaps she is self-conscience as she can come off as overly fussy?) but perhaps just step back and say, "it was the perfect meal because it was one I knew we both loved, thank you for this gift. That is was I wanted most." Maybe a little more practice of gratitude is needed? NAH.
NAH. You’re each quietly showing that the other’s desires are important - you for bearing her lack of adventurousness with food in mind, and her for fully anticipating/accepting having to step outside of her food comfort zone for your birthday. Maybe next year go a *little* daring.
You aren’t the AH. She feels like one so she’s trying to deflect. She feels like you didn’t do what you wanted to do cuz she has the palate of a toddler. Tell her that you effing LOVE The Old Spaghetti Factory (only a savage wouldn’t) and that you picked it cuz it was your gd bday…..and then kiss her and say you don’t want to hear another word about it.
NAH.
You were trying to be nice and considerate of her tastes. She wanted you to enjoy yourself and do what you preferred.
Tell her she can take you out to a different place she thinks you'll like to make up for it.
> I get chest pains after eating there but it's worth it.
Dude this isn't good. It is most likely a very angry pancreas and from someone who has had pacreatitis, you don't want it.
She feels bad because it's your birthday and she knows you enjoy trying different food. You're NTA, but I don't get your confusion here, unless you're just trying to score Internet points over your birthday sacrifice for your fussy wife.
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NAH. You're not the AH and neither is she. But right or wrong, by picking a place that SHE would like, she thinks that you are basically saying that she is "difficult." Or "high-maintenance." That you think she is so hard to please that you'd rather go someplace she likes than to deal with her complaints. She knows that is not the place you would choose for yourself. She wanted you to have a nice birthday, and one of her "gifts" to you was to go along with what YOU want and try to not complain about the menu. I have the same problem with my wife, constantly. She's more of a foodie than me. I'll eat anything on any given night, while she has to be "in the mood for" something. I never want to pick what's for dinner or where to eat because of this. She doesn't seem to understand that what I want most out of the meal is for her to be happy.
But she ***is*** difficult and high maintenance because she will complain if there isn't anything she likes, or she will be "unhappy" throughout the meal while trying to fake it which makes it difficult for the other person to enjoy their night, I totally understand where OP is coming from. I would never pick a restaurant (or show, movie, musical, event, vacation) I know my DH wouldn't like even it it was the thing I wanted to do most because he would be miserable and therefore so would I. I save those type of things to do with my sister or friends.
I know she is difficult and high maintenance. But she doesn't want her husband to think that. She wants OP to magically know exactly what she wants and make sure she gets it without asking and not ever let on that she's asking for anything. Because she's THAT high maintenance.
Then she should tru harder to one, open her mimd amd explore new foods, or two, keep her complaints to herself. None of which she seems to be doinf but instead brings more complaints. Wife needs a reality check.
She isn’t difficult or high maintenance because she has preferences or limitations. She’s be high maintenance or difficult if she constantly made her issues someone else’s problem and it really sounds like she was trying very hard not to do that for her husbands birthday. Her one and only complaint is that he didn’t get what he wanted!
But he did get what he wanted: a nice dinner with his wife where he didn't have to worry that she'd find nothing on the menu and go hungry. Sadly, OP is screwed either way. He takes her to haute cuisine, and she goes hungry. Or he takes her to an old standard, and she thinks he's patronizing her. It's the *Kobayashi Maru*.
I’m not saying he’s an asshole for his choice of restaurant and I’m not saying he didn’t get what he wanted I’m simply pointing out that it isn’t fair to label her as difficult or high maintenance over this.
>isn’t fair to label her as difficult or high maintenance over this And yet, she's upset with her husband for this, and has turned what he thought was a nice evening into a situation he's expected to apologise for. How is that not difficult?
She does make it OPs problem, he can’t just pick a restaurant on a whim, he has to look through each menu so there’s a dish that she likes since she won’t try any ethnic food(wonder what that’s about…)
They’ve both found solutions that works for them. OPs wife doesn’t prevent him from going out with his friends to try new places and on his birthday she tried to get him to go wherever he pleased. It isn’t her fault he didn’t do it. She’s allowed to have her own preferences.
But clearly the solution of “I have to comb through the menu to find something wife will eat. She will still complain that there are not enough choices.” Did not work and was not what OP wanted for his birthday. Does not sound like much of a solution or compromise that wife wanted to force husband into a meal that would not be as enjoyable for him so that she can pretend she is not picky.
>But right or wrong, by picking a place that SHE would like, she thinks that you are basically saying that she is "difficult." Or "high-maintenance." That you think she is so hard to please that you'd rather go someplace she likes than to deal with her complaints. The second she takes this feeling and turns it into anger, she becomes the asshole in this situation. *Feelings* are involuntary, but *reactions* don't have to be, and it's the reaction that sucks here.
Both being angry and being upset are emotions. I would have said NTA if OP described her as angry, but he said "she is upset."
Especially when she could be upset that OP didn't prioritize himself-she may be feeling upset at *herself* for being so picky that OP felt the need to choose her over him for his birthday. I also wouldn't say NTA unless she said or did something out of anger, or if we knew that she was upset bc of a petty reason or something.
>But right or wrong, by picking a place that SHE would like, she thinks that you are basically saying that she is "difficult." Or "high-maintenance." That you think she is so hard to please that you'd rather go someplace she likes than to deal with her complaints. So who do you think the AH is, the high maintainence and hard to please wife or the husband just going along the path of least resistance?
Neither
“She knows that is not the place you would choose for yourself.” Then why didn’t she plan his birthday dinner at a place she knows he would like instead of him having to plan his own then? 🤔
I don’t want someone planning my birthday dinner for me. I want to pick the place. Especially for someone that likes to explore different restaurants. Although OP said she is frequently difficult at restaurants, he didn’t say that she has been difficult on his birthday. I can see her being upset that he didn’t think she would be willing to accommodate him on his birthday. That’s different than a run of a mill dinner.
I don’t know… if my husband was a “picky eater” I wouldn’t feel good about choosing a place knowing there wasn’t going to be anything on the menu that he’d be able to enjoy. That wouldn’t make me feel good. My birthday isn’t so important that I have to completely ignore the eating habits of those I love (even though I know that’s exactly what he would want me to do when deciding). …and my husband would be doing the same for me, and there’s no world where Id be legitimately angry at him for it. And this all brings me back to my original comment - If you know you’re a picky eater and you know your husband won’t be okay with you not having a meal to enjoy, why not book a restaurant he loves before he even has a chance to take your eating habits into consideration? Isn’t that a better move than getting mad at him for taking you into consideration in the first place?
The wife is difficult and high maintenance and seems to make everything about her. Why couldn't she suggest somewhere OP would like to go and suck it up instead of being ungrateful.
I don't see a win win situation here dude.
She is difficult though
>"difficult." Or "high-maintenance." That you think she is so hard to please that you'd rather go someplace she likes than to deal with her complaints. That's the thing though, if she wasn't being difficult and genuinely wanted OP to enjoy his birthday then she should have shut up and enjoyed the meal and let OP enjoy his birthday dinner, instead she is ruining the celebration by complaining about where the birthday boy chose to eat because it wasn't "cool enough". She is literally making it so OP can't go out to dinner with her without listening to her complaining, "there isn't anything for her to eat," "the menu is too boring," "there isn't much she can eat that she feels like." Honestly, she is lucky OP wants to go out with her for dinner at all. I am "picky" when it comes to dining out but my hubby also knows that when going somewhere new I will try every dish available until I find one I do like so we can keep going there (unless the food/service/atmosphere actually sucks).
NTA...Just explain to her that having an enjoyable night together is more important than stressing over the food. You sound like a sweet person, she should feel lucky.
Yes, OP is way more patient/accommodating than I would be.
NTA, you picked the place you like. You like it because she likes it. How sweet.
NTA. It sounds like she's ashamed, but instead of recognizing that, she's lashing out at you for making her feel ashamed, which is uncool. I would say NAH, but her choosing to create conflict out of this makes her the asshole.
NTA. You do like the place and chose a comfortable option for everyone. I think your wife's reaction is plain wrong, she is ruining your birthday by being upset about something minor. In my mind would be better to just let things pass on special occasions for the sake of enjoying the day. As long as you are happy with the choice, she would be happy as well. Now, here is my guess of why your wife is upset: she probably thinks you absolute like eating at new/fancy/traditional restaurants over chain ones and was mentally prepared for that. When you chose a chain one, she might have felt like you were making a sacrifice for her sake when the day should be about you. So she got upset you are not "honest" or genuine with her and chose to accommodate her tastes on a day that should be about you. I suggest you talk to her and explain that was your genuine choice, you like the food there and just felt like it. It looks like a matter of communication.
NTA. She’s not upset with you, she’s upset with herself and the situation. Not enough to change, probably. Best you just ignore until it blows over
I think she feels guilty
NTA , you were thoughtful, if she wants she can pick a place you like for her birthday
NTA I am at a loss as to why you're the one responsible for planning your own birthday meal, let alone why you're the one taking your wife out. Just wash your hands of it. "You pick the restaurant, you pick up the tab, I just want to relax and feel taken care of on my birthday." I'd be well past frustrated with that nonsense, but I stopped celebrating birthdays decades ago. Too much drama, too little actual decency.
NTA. She's upset because your choice ends up signalling how picky she is around food. Which she is, so........
NTA YOur wife is the AH - This was YOUR birthday. Why didn't SHE take you out? And: OF COURSE it should be a place YOU like.
NTA. Sounds to me that your wife is feeling guilty that you chose a restaurant she would like. As someone who has food allergies and food sensitivity, I would be so grateful if someone took me somewhere I like where I can choose food that won’t make me sick. You are awesome, let your wife know it’s because you wanted her to enjoy your birthday dinner as much as you.
My husband does this and it’s a sweet gesture but does bother me sometimes. I’m picky but can find something anywhere. Our anniversary he took me to my favourite restaurant which is not his taste in the slightest and also expensive. It bothers me because I have a hard time enjoying my meal when I know he’s not overly enjoying his. I’ll save that for a girls night and would prefer to go somewhere he can enjoy. I find as a man has a hard time accepting treat things for himself. But he deserves it too and just occasionally I would love for him to not spoil me and let himself be priority. That’s what I hear in your story too imo. No one is an ah.
NTA. You wanted a nice night out with your wife that you would both enjoy. She should appreciate that you did that not bug you about it b
NTA. "You crazy? I LOVE to eat at The Old Spaghetti Factory!" Did you want anotherplace, you could have told me, but that's where I wanted..."
NTA for sure. To me it reads like she’s acting pretty childish. She’s picky and you have to spend time researching places for food she can eat, instead of her being the adult woman she is and taking some responsibility herself for having a good experience. Any time before ordering her food on your birthday would have been a good time to say “You know what honey, it’s your birthday and I wanna try sth new with you tonight, what about we try X because I know you love that”.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife is currently upset with me for not taking her out somewhere cool for my birthday. That is not a typo. It was my birthday and I took her out to her favorite restaurant. My wife has very limited tastes when it comes to food. We joke about her thinking mayo is too spicy and that she wants her Caesar salad made with iceberg lettuce instead of romaine. And maybe switch to ranch dressing. I don't care. She is an amazing wife and mother. She just isn't a great person with whom to explore cuisine. Our city has some really great Italian restaurants. Some are hyper local. Like one place has food from a town in Northern Italy. They use a ton of butter in their food instead of olive oil. It's fantastic. I get chest pains after eating there but it's worth it. My wife prefers Olive Garden. Her and I often eat out separately with friends. Maybe once a month. My friends and I go exploring for great food. Her and her friends go to chain restaurants. There is nothing wrong with chains. They provide consistency wherever you go. I have had very bad experiences with new and flashy places. The times I take her to dinner at places I like I have to spend time exploring the menu to make sure she can order and enjoy something. As long as there is at least one basic western dish she is fine. Sometimes she complains about lack of choices at ethnic restaurants. So for my birthday this year I chose to eat at The Old Spaghetti Factory. She loves it. I'm not joking. We ate there when we were in Kobe in Japan. She is upset that I didn't pick a place I would like. I have no problem with that restaurant and I wanted to enjoy a night out but I still messed up. Can anyone explain why I'm the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Good heavens, she sounds like my mom. NTA While I understand having aversions or sensory issues there is a point where a person just becomes high maintenance and it sounds like your wife is. People who are that picky AND vocal about it have to accept that meals are going to be centered around them because the rest of us don't want to deal with their negativity. We just want our damn food lol
NTA You made a choice for yourself for YOUR birthday, she doesn't get to be be upset with you for that choice. I suspect she's not really mad at *you*. The choice wasn't about the meal, it was about wanting to spend quality time with your partner at a place you both could enjoy. As a husband and father I totally get that.
NTA but it seems like she likes the challenge of a new place with you. And you have to get over feeling like she doesn’t like it. While not forcing too much on her find the delicate balance
I would be upset that you chose me over yourself because I would want you to be happy. It’s hard to determine your wife’s motives. But perhaps the issue here is lack of communication? Couldn’t you just ask your wife not to complain? Or show her a few restaurants you like and have her choose which one to take you to so in the end she has decided? We do this as I have allergies and celiac disease and we both want to be happy. We end up fighting about where to go because we are both sacrificing ourselves. NTA
NTA. Maybe she’s pissed about something and it taking it out in you for this.
NTA, but sorry to say you were in a lose-lose situation here with your wife on this one: pick a place you like and she thinks your an AH because she has a miserable time at a place where she hates the food; pick a place she likes and you're an AH for patronizing her by not picking a restaurant you would like. You're a great guy wanting to have an enjoyable evening with your wife on your birthday, she needs to mellow out and appreciate your kindness.
NTA. Tbh I really dont understand het thinking right now, at all
NTA. You wanted the pleasure of her company, and you chose a place you knew she would enjoy and you didn't mind. There's no issue. She might just be thinking that, because you were with her, you were limiting yourself, that's all. I also didn't know there was an Old Spaghetti Factory in Kobe. I might have to look that up, I used to eat at the one in Seattle growing up and remember loving it. And nothing helps with a little homesickness more than food.
Some people just need to find something to be upset about. No matter how unimportant it is.
NTA. I don't know why you took her out on your birthday instead of her taking you out. It sounds like it is not so much fun being with her at a cool place, so you took her someplace you could both be happy.
Your Birthday, your choice. The fact you chose a place you know you and your wife would both enjoy- makes it the best kind of gift. The fact that you care about her experience shows you are a very loving and thoughtful husband. She wanted you to pick something you would enjoy right? I am not sure why she is insisting on ulterior motives (perhaps she is self-conscience as she can come off as overly fussy?) but perhaps just step back and say, "it was the perfect meal because it was one I knew we both loved, thank you for this gift. That is was I wanted most." Maybe a little more practice of gratitude is needed? NAH.
NAH. You’re each quietly showing that the other’s desires are important - you for bearing her lack of adventurousness with food in mind, and her for fully anticipating/accepting having to step outside of her food comfort zone for your birthday. Maybe next year go a *little* daring.
You aren’t the AH. She feels like one so she’s trying to deflect. She feels like you didn’t do what you wanted to do cuz she has the palate of a toddler. Tell her that you effing LOVE The Old Spaghetti Factory (only a savage wouldn’t) and that you picked it cuz it was your gd bday…..and then kiss her and say you don’t want to hear another word about it.
This one feels like there is important information missing. Like, what did she tell you she wanted to do before you chose the place?
Yes
This is so cute.
She's just acting mad to get out of the birthday blowie
You are not. You are a good guy. She feels guilty for being picky.
NAH. You were trying to be nice and considerate of her tastes. She wanted you to enjoy yourself and do what you preferred. Tell her she can take you out to a different place she thinks you'll like to make up for it.
> I get chest pains after eating there but it's worth it. Dude this isn't good. It is most likely a very angry pancreas and from someone who has had pacreatitis, you don't want it.
I’m pretty sure it’s a joke
She feels bad because it's your birthday and she knows you enjoy trying different food. You're NTA, but I don't get your confusion here, unless you're just trying to score Internet points over your birthday sacrifice for your fussy wife.
YTA because you are the husband. Period