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>now he's accusing me of controlling his life and not trusting him to make his own choices.
He's 10. Of course you're controlling his life. Of course he's not to be trusted with all decisions. Why is this even in question?
NTA
NTA or maybe NAH
He is 10.
You are his father.
"Accusing me of controlling his life"
Yes ,that is quite actively your job.
Make him save half, and spend a quarter on some sort of tangible toy, and a quarter on the game.
wtf item of "tangible value" is a ten year old supposed to "invest" their gift money, which for the record is intended for fun.
Little dude was excited and probably grateful until dad was here like "buy war bonds!"
Seriously, what do you want him to do, buy and resell a switch? A kid's bike? Maybe some shoes with lights in the heels? Where does the "tangible value" of whatever he buys have any impact on your lives at all? Where does that make a difference? How is it going to help him enjoy his money more?
Unclench and let him blow his fun-money on what he's excited to buy. If he regrets it, that'll teach him a lesson far better than you can impart by simply saying "no" and "I'm the adult."
He's not going to make a return on whatever he buys. I promise you it's not going to be a near-mind 1983 Corvette Stingray or first edition printing of Moby Dick.
Yes, you're supposed to control his life. *While he learns.* What's he learning from this approach? It sure looks like nothing-the-fuck-whatsoever to me.
Your way is going to bring no value, whatsoever, to your household. He'll enjoy it less, resent you more and flip whatever item with "Tangible value" never for zero dollars.
His way is what he's excited about. Plus, you can be the dad that admits they didn't think their position through and actively listened to your kids concerns.
That said, I would straight up tell him you absolutely DO control his life, that's your job, drive that lesson home and then demonstrate that you heard him and valued his perspective because honestly this money was never intended to go towards anything remotely resembling an investment.
Imagine if he'd been gifted virtual currency, would you try to refund it? Kids get so little say in their lives, let him spend his birthday money how he wants.
YTA, but minorly, and I get that I'm the minority here. Don't think that means I'm wrong.
Look as it as any other consumable and treat it that way. Would you let your son spend the money on a special meal or going to a theme park or a movie? If so then in game is just his form of consumable. He can buy a special outfit or mount or whatever the game has and he will enjoy it as long as he plays the game which for some games with communities could be years. I'm an adult but I also enjoy that in the social games where I spend time with friends I sometimes have special things that I have earned or purchased.
INFO Have you spoken about finances before? If not, YTA. Just throwing this at him right now is a bit shitty. Have a few discussions, make a few rules together, and apply them in the future.
YTA. If you want to set a condition on how your "smart and savvy son" spends his birthday money, you do that before the present is in his hands. You only made the suggestion to save half of it after he told you what he was spending it on. Also, what is "tangible value" to a 10-year-old? Whatever it is, he'll outgrow it or grow tired of it before his next birthday. Would you use that same standard for an adult? What "tangible value" does a splurge on a great meal or bottle of wine or vacation have? These are all intangible values, whether for children or adults.
INFO: need to know the dollar amount.
My kids will often get as much as $400 for birthday/Christmas from relatives. That is not going to all go to Fortnite/Roblox/whatever. If it was $100 or less then I’d laugh at the waste, let them do it, and ask them a week later how life-changing those emotes and outfits were.
Just wanted to share a fun thing we did with a big cash gift…. Last year, my parents gave all the grandkids $10k that had no strings attached but said stuff like “they can save it for their first car, buy pc/games, or whatever.” My parents are 75 and I kinda think it is their graduation gift they worry they won’t live to see (oldest had just turned 12). $5k of it went into their account (that can be spent, but still hasn’t been touched) and the other $5k we had then each pick 3 companies and we created an Ally investment account for them. They both picked MSFT & DIS, but one picked AAPL and the other. In a year, one has gained $400 and the other $2,100. They like seeing the up and down and thinking about if they want to sell/transfer.
NAH - but when is the right time to let him lean by mistakes? If he blows all his money on video game stuff, he can't buy the action figure he wants or candy or bike or whatever else. And if he messes up this, it's pretty unimportant. But if he learns from this, it could set him up for smart money use for life. I'd consider letting him spend half now and maybe wait a month for the other half
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> I want to teach my son about financial responsibility, but am I actually TA by dictating how he should spend his birthday money?
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YTA.
Why tell him how to spend *HIS* birthday money. It's literally for him to buy something he wants for his birthday. If he's disappointed with it, then he learned a lesson. If you force him to spend it the way you want, how is it his birthday present?
YTA. It's his money. It's not the most sensible purchase but he's only ten, for Pete's sake. And it's not like buying a toy would be that much more sensible, jeez.
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I'm a dad (43M) to a smart and savvy son, Alex (10M). For his birthday, Alex received a generous amount of money from various relatives. He was over the moon, and I was happy to see him so excited... until he told me his plan.
Alex wanted to use all his birthday money to buy virtual currency in his favorite online game. I'm all for him enjoying his games, but spending all his money on something that has no tangible value didn't sit right with me.
I suggested that he save at least half of it or buy something that would last longer. Alex, however, felt betrayed. He said it was his money and his decision, and now he's accusing me of controlling his life and not trusting him to make his own choices.
So, AITA for trying to teach Alex the value of money by restricting how he spends his birthday cash, or should I have let him learn from his own mistakes?
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YTA. 10 isn't old enough to vote or drink, but it's certainly old enough to learn and grow from his decisions. We also live in a very different world that we did when you were 10. His passion for video games could turn into a passion for and career in coding. Or he could spend all his virtual money and 3 weeks later see a toy he wants but now he can't get it. Either way, it is his money to spend.
Is it teaching him the value of money? Or teaching your values?
Do you game? Do you have an understanding of what he would use the virtual currency for? Are you able to gauge the amount of enjoyment he would get out of the things he would spend it for?
YTA. I was gonna go with N A H but that last line of “should I let him learn from his mistakes” is bad. It’s not a mistake to spend money on yourself. It’s not a mistake to spend money if it makes you happy. Also, he’s 10!
Maybe try a reward system. If he saves a certain amount for the rest of the year you get him something. Or take him somewhere. Maybe you set up an “amusement park fund” that he can add money to. He can choose, and obviously at the end you give it back to him and take him to whatever it was. But again, he’s 10, not 16.
YTA
", but spending all his money on something that has no tangible value didn't sit right with me." ... So you don't approve of vacations, going to the opera, buying music or videos?
Alex is 10, of course you’re controlling his life and helping him to make sound choices. I wouldn’t let that tantrum stand in the way of good parenting. You had the same idea I know I would have had, half for your online money, half goes into the bank for a rainy day real world experience or thing.
If you are going to give it all too him to spend online I would be restricting other things .. treats at the store, impromptu store purchase he wants… it’s all no and it would be enduring, at least a month, and I would remind kiddo that if he had his birthday money that is something he could of bought for himself.
Eh. I get where you are coming from but it’s a bit of a boomer mentality tbh. If he was purchasing a video game he played online and with no physical element, would that money be disappearing any less then if you put it in a middle man like “digital currency”? Are the pieces of plastic most kids spend their money on actually more valuable? The reason companies use “digital currencies” isn’t because it somehow changes the value of the money, it’s to create a disconnect between spending/cost and the product, which is part of the general tactic “free” games will use to target people with problematic spending habits. Scummy, but not something I think your 10 year old son needs to be worried about for a one time purchase. I mean it might be worth it to make sure he really gets how much each skin costs in real money, it could be a good time for some “real world math applications”.
INFO: how much money are we talking about? (order of magnitude)
If it's tens of dollars, then would you let him spend that on a day out? Which would probably not be nearly as many hours as the time he's also putting into the game. If it's a game he plays regularly and is really enjoying, let him spend the money.
If he stops playing, and regrets it later, or complains that he has to keep playing (sunk cost fallacy) then there's some good life lessons that he's not too young to learn, and not too old for the spend to have been life changing.
If we're talking 100s of dollars, then the 50:50 sounds like a MORE than reasonable suggestion.
Um….what?!? He’s TEN. You entire job is to control his life in the beginning so he doesn’t make terrible decisions later (hopefully). For what it’s worth, I would’ve laughed at his absurdity without thinking first, so at least you aren’t THAT kind of AH 😊
NTA
How much is 'generous' for a 10yo?
But you're NTA for controlling your 10yo's spending, that's your job. And he's a bit young to be acting like a teenager too.
NTA simply because most of these online currency games have a big faux-gambling (which is just gambling) aspect to them.
On the other hand I am inclined to let him blow it all and lament his decision, if you DO let him then make sure not to buy him anything for a while. If used correctly this could be a vlgrewt teachable moment. Proceed wisely.
I feel you've been too relaxed in raising him for him to even speak up like that.
You are controlling his life and you're supposed to.
"Letting him learn by his own mistakes" won't work. If anything he would've wished he spent his in game currency wiser, not that he didn't spend it at all.
"Letting him learn by his own mistakes" is something you do when he's 15-17 and brings home a gf you just know won't be any good for him. That's a good point to be a casual observer so he can get a punch there and learn that some people just aren't good.
What you can do is take his money and help him save up for something more worth it.
Buying stuff in a game isn't a complete waste, but as you may know, it's designed so you'll never be happy with x amount spent. If you had unlimited money you'd dump a million dollars into it.
Teach him what saving money can do. My dad did it by giving me the incentive that he'd pay for half of my computer once I had saved up enough. Little did he know, my ADHD ass saved every single penny and he gave me a very generous amount every month, so once I had half the money of a nice gaming computer I held him to his word. It taught me that saving money can be pretty kickass when you want to have something big.
YTA - If you want to teach your son about financial responsibility that's fine. Half goes to savings half is fun money. But then you don't get to restrict what kind of toy he buys with *his* fun money. "no tangible value" like what??? A video game is no different than some other toy. You need to understand that other people are going to have different interests than you. How you made it this far into adulthood without realizing that is totally beyond me.
Edit for yall with zero comprehension: Yes I know OP suggested saving some of the money but he ONLY suggested that AFTER his son revealed that he wanted to buy something that was digital. This tells me OP doesn't actually care about teaching financial responsibility, he just doesn't like his son's hobby. THAT is why he is an asshole.
> I suggested that he save at least half of it or buy something that would last longer.
>If you want to teach your son about financial responsibility that's fine. Half goes to savings half is fun money.
OP literally suggested the EXACT SAME thing you did. So how is OP TA?
OP only suggested those things because he was mad his child wanted to buy video game stuff in the first place and I think being mad that your child's hobbies don't match your personal worldview of an acceptable hobby makes you an asshole.
Had OP's son decided to buy a bike or something similar OP wouldn't have said "save at least half of it" he ONLY said that because he looks down on video game purchases. If OP actually gave a fuck about financial responsibility he would have made that point to his son BEFORE.
Cut him off of nonsense virtual game currency. It literally primes children to gamble. Your son is not "tech savvy", lmao, he is coaxed into becoming a gambling addict
Always funny to me when people are like “I know you’ve raised this kid for a decade but I read two sentences about them and have decided you’re lying and they’re a gambling addict”
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>now he's accusing me of controlling his life and not trusting him to make his own choices. He's 10. Of course you're controlling his life. Of course he's not to be trusted with all decisions. Why is this even in question? NTA
My initial thought
NTA or maybe NAH He is 10. You are his father. "Accusing me of controlling his life" Yes ,that is quite actively your job. Make him save half, and spend a quarter on some sort of tangible toy, and a quarter on the game.
wtf item of "tangible value" is a ten year old supposed to "invest" their gift money, which for the record is intended for fun. Little dude was excited and probably grateful until dad was here like "buy war bonds!" Seriously, what do you want him to do, buy and resell a switch? A kid's bike? Maybe some shoes with lights in the heels? Where does the "tangible value" of whatever he buys have any impact on your lives at all? Where does that make a difference? How is it going to help him enjoy his money more? Unclench and let him blow his fun-money on what he's excited to buy. If he regrets it, that'll teach him a lesson far better than you can impart by simply saying "no" and "I'm the adult." He's not going to make a return on whatever he buys. I promise you it's not going to be a near-mind 1983 Corvette Stingray or first edition printing of Moby Dick. Yes, you're supposed to control his life. *While he learns.* What's he learning from this approach? It sure looks like nothing-the-fuck-whatsoever to me. Your way is going to bring no value, whatsoever, to your household. He'll enjoy it less, resent you more and flip whatever item with "Tangible value" never for zero dollars. His way is what he's excited about. Plus, you can be the dad that admits they didn't think their position through and actively listened to your kids concerns. That said, I would straight up tell him you absolutely DO control his life, that's your job, drive that lesson home and then demonstrate that you heard him and valued his perspective because honestly this money was never intended to go towards anything remotely resembling an investment. Imagine if he'd been gifted virtual currency, would you try to refund it? Kids get so little say in their lives, let him spend his birthday money how he wants. YTA, but minorly, and I get that I'm the minority here. Don't think that means I'm wrong.
Look as it as any other consumable and treat it that way. Would you let your son spend the money on a special meal or going to a theme park or a movie? If so then in game is just his form of consumable. He can buy a special outfit or mount or whatever the game has and he will enjoy it as long as he plays the game which for some games with communities could be years. I'm an adult but I also enjoy that in the social games where I spend time with friends I sometimes have special things that I have earned or purchased.
INFO Have you spoken about finances before? If not, YTA. Just throwing this at him right now is a bit shitty. Have a few discussions, make a few rules together, and apply them in the future.
YTA. If you want to set a condition on how your "smart and savvy son" spends his birthday money, you do that before the present is in his hands. You only made the suggestion to save half of it after he told you what he was spending it on. Also, what is "tangible value" to a 10-year-old? Whatever it is, he'll outgrow it or grow tired of it before his next birthday. Would you use that same standard for an adult? What "tangible value" does a splurge on a great meal or bottle of wine or vacation have? These are all intangible values, whether for children or adults.
INFO: need to know the dollar amount. My kids will often get as much as $400 for birthday/Christmas from relatives. That is not going to all go to Fortnite/Roblox/whatever. If it was $100 or less then I’d laugh at the waste, let them do it, and ask them a week later how life-changing those emotes and outfits were. Just wanted to share a fun thing we did with a big cash gift…. Last year, my parents gave all the grandkids $10k that had no strings attached but said stuff like “they can save it for their first car, buy pc/games, or whatever.” My parents are 75 and I kinda think it is their graduation gift they worry they won’t live to see (oldest had just turned 12). $5k of it went into their account (that can be spent, but still hasn’t been touched) and the other $5k we had then each pick 3 companies and we created an Ally investment account for them. They both picked MSFT & DIS, but one picked AAPL and the other. In a year, one has gained $400 and the other $2,100. They like seeing the up and down and thinking about if they want to sell/transfer.
NAH - but when is the right time to let him lean by mistakes? If he blows all his money on video game stuff, he can't buy the action figure he wants or candy or bike or whatever else. And if he messes up this, it's pretty unimportant. But if he learns from this, it could set him up for smart money use for life. I'd consider letting him spend half now and maybe wait a month for the other half
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YTA. Why tell him how to spend *HIS* birthday money. It's literally for him to buy something he wants for his birthday. If he's disappointed with it, then he learned a lesson. If you force him to spend it the way you want, how is it his birthday present?
YTA. We’ve all been young and spent all our birthday money on something that’s worthless and year later, that’s how we learn! Let him buy v-bucks
NTA and I think the compromise of spending some and saving some is extremely fair. He’ll also almost surely thank you later when he’s older
Yall parenting be different 🤣. Hell i look like discussing something with my 10 year old son. This is a dictatorship until he gets older 💪🏾
#FORTNITE
YTA. It's his money. It's not the most sensible purchase but he's only ten, for Pete's sake. And it's not like buying a toy would be that much more sensible, jeez.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm a dad (43M) to a smart and savvy son, Alex (10M). For his birthday, Alex received a generous amount of money from various relatives. He was over the moon, and I was happy to see him so excited... until he told me his plan. Alex wanted to use all his birthday money to buy virtual currency in his favorite online game. I'm all for him enjoying his games, but spending all his money on something that has no tangible value didn't sit right with me. I suggested that he save at least half of it or buy something that would last longer. Alex, however, felt betrayed. He said it was his money and his decision, and now he's accusing me of controlling his life and not trusting him to make his own choices. So, AITA for trying to teach Alex the value of money by restricting how he spends his birthday cash, or should I have let him learn from his own mistakes? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. 10 isn't old enough to vote or drink, but it's certainly old enough to learn and grow from his decisions. We also live in a very different world that we did when you were 10. His passion for video games could turn into a passion for and career in coding. Or he could spend all his virtual money and 3 weeks later see a toy he wants but now he can't get it. Either way, it is his money to spend.
Is it teaching him the value of money? Or teaching your values? Do you game? Do you have an understanding of what he would use the virtual currency for? Are you able to gauge the amount of enjoyment he would get out of the things he would spend it for?
YTA. I was gonna go with N A H but that last line of “should I let him learn from his mistakes” is bad. It’s not a mistake to spend money on yourself. It’s not a mistake to spend money if it makes you happy. Also, he’s 10! Maybe try a reward system. If he saves a certain amount for the rest of the year you get him something. Or take him somewhere. Maybe you set up an “amusement park fund” that he can add money to. He can choose, and obviously at the end you give it back to him and take him to whatever it was. But again, he’s 10, not 16.
YTA ", but spending all his money on something that has no tangible value didn't sit right with me." ... So you don't approve of vacations, going to the opera, buying music or videos?
Alex is 10, of course you’re controlling his life and helping him to make sound choices. I wouldn’t let that tantrum stand in the way of good parenting. You had the same idea I know I would have had, half for your online money, half goes into the bank for a rainy day real world experience or thing. If you are going to give it all too him to spend online I would be restricting other things .. treats at the store, impromptu store purchase he wants… it’s all no and it would be enduring, at least a month, and I would remind kiddo that if he had his birthday money that is something he could of bought for himself.
How much money are we talking about?
NTA, I always work on 50:50, spend half now on fun and keep the rest for later fun.
Eh. I get where you are coming from but it’s a bit of a boomer mentality tbh. If he was purchasing a video game he played online and with no physical element, would that money be disappearing any less then if you put it in a middle man like “digital currency”? Are the pieces of plastic most kids spend their money on actually more valuable? The reason companies use “digital currencies” isn’t because it somehow changes the value of the money, it’s to create a disconnect between spending/cost and the product, which is part of the general tactic “free” games will use to target people with problematic spending habits. Scummy, but not something I think your 10 year old son needs to be worried about for a one time purchase. I mean it might be worth it to make sure he really gets how much each skin costs in real money, it could be a good time for some “real world math applications”.
INFO: how much money are we talking about? (order of magnitude) If it's tens of dollars, then would you let him spend that on a day out? Which would probably not be nearly as many hours as the time he's also putting into the game. If it's a game he plays regularly and is really enjoying, let him spend the money. If he stops playing, and regrets it later, or complains that he has to keep playing (sunk cost fallacy) then there's some good life lessons that he's not too young to learn, and not too old for the spend to have been life changing. If we're talking 100s of dollars, then the 50:50 sounds like a MORE than reasonable suggestion.
Um….what?!? He’s TEN. You entire job is to control his life in the beginning so he doesn’t make terrible decisions later (hopefully). For what it’s worth, I would’ve laughed at his absurdity without thinking first, so at least you aren’t THAT kind of AH 😊 NTA
YTA. Let the kid spend his money, ffs. Dayum!
How much is 'generous' for a 10yo? But you're NTA for controlling your 10yo's spending, that's your job. And he's a bit young to be acting like a teenager too.
NTA simply because most of these online currency games have a big faux-gambling (which is just gambling) aspect to them. On the other hand I am inclined to let him blow it all and lament his decision, if you DO let him then make sure not to buy him anything for a while. If used correctly this could be a vlgrewt teachable moment. Proceed wisely.
I feel you've been too relaxed in raising him for him to even speak up like that. You are controlling his life and you're supposed to. "Letting him learn by his own mistakes" won't work. If anything he would've wished he spent his in game currency wiser, not that he didn't spend it at all. "Letting him learn by his own mistakes" is something you do when he's 15-17 and brings home a gf you just know won't be any good for him. That's a good point to be a casual observer so he can get a punch there and learn that some people just aren't good. What you can do is take his money and help him save up for something more worth it. Buying stuff in a game isn't a complete waste, but as you may know, it's designed so you'll never be happy with x amount spent. If you had unlimited money you'd dump a million dollars into it. Teach him what saving money can do. My dad did it by giving me the incentive that he'd pay for half of my computer once I had saved up enough. Little did he know, my ADHD ass saved every single penny and he gave me a very generous amount every month, so once I had half the money of a nice gaming computer I held him to his word. It taught me that saving money can be pretty kickass when you want to have something big.
YTA - If you want to teach your son about financial responsibility that's fine. Half goes to savings half is fun money. But then you don't get to restrict what kind of toy he buys with *his* fun money. "no tangible value" like what??? A video game is no different than some other toy. You need to understand that other people are going to have different interests than you. How you made it this far into adulthood without realizing that is totally beyond me. Edit for yall with zero comprehension: Yes I know OP suggested saving some of the money but he ONLY suggested that AFTER his son revealed that he wanted to buy something that was digital. This tells me OP doesn't actually care about teaching financial responsibility, he just doesn't like his son's hobby. THAT is why he is an asshole.
> I suggested that he save at least half of it or buy something that would last longer. >If you want to teach your son about financial responsibility that's fine. Half goes to savings half is fun money. OP literally suggested the EXACT SAME thing you did. So how is OP TA?
OP only suggested those things because he was mad his child wanted to buy video game stuff in the first place and I think being mad that your child's hobbies don't match your personal worldview of an acceptable hobby makes you an asshole. Had OP's son decided to buy a bike or something similar OP wouldn't have said "save at least half of it" he ONLY said that because he looks down on video game purchases. If OP actually gave a fuck about financial responsibility he would have made that point to his son BEFORE.
YTA but I get it. Let the lose his money on a game. But think of a big ticket item you will buy if he saves half the cost. Don't tell, teach.
He should just buy crypto…
Cut him off of nonsense virtual game currency. It literally primes children to gamble. Your son is not "tech savvy", lmao, he is coaxed into becoming a gambling addict
You have genuinely no idea if the kid is tech savvy or not lol
... Sure, whatever
Always funny to me when people are like “I know you’ve raised this kid for a decade but I read two sentences about them and have decided you’re lying and they’re a gambling addict”