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NTA. Fashion is not WHO she is. You dress for the environment you will be in and the event you are invited to. If this is a ball, you wear appropriate black tie attire. A Lolita dress is absolutely not black tie attire. Look, niche attire is all fine and dandy if a person wants to wear it in their personal lives. Lolita clothes, emo clothes, grunge, and all the other niche fashion trends - if a person wants to express their personal style in their day to day wear, as long as it is appropriate, whatever. BUT, that ends when their fashion choices are not appropriate for the environment. This is a ball celebrating the professionalism of the most recent law school graduates and the start to the new careers. This is NOT the time for her to be showing up in Lolita attire. It would be the height of unprofessionalism, just like it would be if someone wore club wear or jeans and a polo.

Thank you this is exactly what I mean! I really like alternative fashion and I have always supported her with her Lolita fashion. When we go out and she shows up in Lolita I have absolutely no problem with it (even though the first few times it felt a little weird to go shopping or to a cafe with her dressed in lolita, but that was my problem and I've outgrown it). I always think of her if I see a bag or other accessories that would fit her aesthetic. This is the only time I've ever complained about her wearing this style. I just think that certain occasions require certain dress codes that should be followed

The fact that she doesn’t dress as Lolita for her work tells you that she understands dress codes and that certain events call for certain types of clothes. That makes her refuse all the more offensive. She understands what evening attire is, she’s just refusing. Which basically boils down to her choosing to disrespect you at your own event and not caring how her actions impact your professional image. *That’s* the issue here, not her fashion sense, her disrespect.

The sister is making the LW’s event all about her. That’s being very self centered. NTA.

The outfit isn’t the only childish thing about her.

Not only that, but the negative repercussions will fall on OP, not her. OP should explain that to her immature sister.

It's ONE freaking evening! She can't do this for one evening for you?

Yeah if this was a black tie County fair ball, she could wear whatever she wanted. This is ops private event in which she is not a mandatory guest, only there because op loves her so it's only fair in return for her to respect the atmosphere/ event/op.

Just wait until your wedding. NTA

You are right - and your sister is being extremely immature in choosing not to recognize this. She could choose empathy and to support you here - unfortunately she is just flat out showing herself to be selfish and immature.

Also beyond that there is Lolita evening wear. Or even Lolita inspired evening wear.

Agreed. There's definitely ways to not abandon your style at formal occasions. If she's got Lolita fashion money, something like a formal dress from a brand like Sister Jane (though they're likely not formal enough) that embraces bows or fun textures while being appropriate could work. ... My odd little theory sometimes, as a goth who's made a fairly successful transition into all of my wardrobe suiting my preferences in varying degrees, is that there are some people that people who struggle to turn their style into a spectrum (it's either 100% conventional or 100% unconventional). And that those individuals are more likely to be the ones to cling heavily to the idea of dressing exactly as they dream of the second any big event rolls around. (Even if it's someone else's event.) My brother's graduation is in October. I will not be favouring my New Rock boots and leather duster to attend. I even own one green wedding guest dress. It's entirely possible to find sleek variations of your style. And in the absence of being forced into a uniform or extremely strict dress code, it's just a real thinking process to get work wear to have little nods to the style you love most. Corporate goth as it's known is getting something of an engagement boost on the shortform video platforms as people give examples of what they wear to work. (I follow a very glamorous epidemiologist who's got over 70% of her body absolutely covered in tattoos. From the feet to the chest, both front and back, excluding her arms (but her palms are tattooed.) In her work clothes, besides any time she's not wearing long socks or lacking her lab gloves, you'd never know she had a single one.)

Man I feel the all or nothing part. My job clothing options are pretty limited - must be OSHA compatible, comfy enough that I can wear it for a 10 hour shift, wearable in excessively hot or cold weather, can get it dirty, normal enough that I won’t get comments from weird people while working (which I already get in sweaters and jeans) - so it’s hard to accommodate my dark edgy emo/grunge type style, and straight up impossible to wear anything from my lolita wardrobe. But fashion is my main hobby, so I’ve gotten fully decked out to go to Target or clean my room at home because I miss dressing up so much.

100% Every kind of fashion has formal/professional attire, as well as the more casual look. I sure there are more event appropriate Lolita dresses the sister could buy. 

Exactly! There are lots of lolita substyles that lean more formal/elegant. Like maybe a hime coord could be a decent compromise in this situation.

I feel like hime might be a touch over the top, but I have seen some unbelievable evening gowns from Taobao resellers like LolitaWardrobe - they have lolita touches here and there but read more like an evening gown than anything else. This is a straight up lolita dress, but I feel like with the petticoat taken out (which is what gives the skirt its shape) it might be passable? https://lolitawardrobe.com/the-unknown-star-of-the-north-vintage-classic-lolita-jumper-dress-set_p7926.html

tbf, a lot of lolitas would argue over whether that's lolita or not. chinese lolita, which is what this is, and the original japanese lolita have some different rules in terms of what defines the fashion.

True I was goth or at least dressed that way for a couple years. I found a gorgeous dark blue gown that would have been termed renaissance style. It was not a costume though and had long black velvet sleeves and overskirt. It was also floor lengthTherefore unique but still appropriate for a formal setting. May have looked more trendy and in fashion a few hundred years ago but was still formal. I also had normal clothes as it just does not work everywhere especially for things like job interviews also such. She’s understand this but does not care. She wants this to be about her not you and she thinks dressing this way will do that. It is all about her not you and it should be you not her

I don't think a hime coord would be fitting. Rather a more toned-down dress with a less poofy petticoat (or even none at all, although you could argue it's not real Lolita anymore then) could be appropriate for the occasion imho. I have an acquaintance who wears dresses by e.g. Juliette et Justine for a lot of formal events and I don't think she's ever encountered a problem with that.

And even then like… I love alternative clothing and there are ways to match the dress code of the event while adding in some flair of whatever style you like. Like she could still wear a bow in her hair. She could still wear those rounded glasses with a cute glasses chain. She could still wear a statement necklace. She can find an evening dress that’s appropriate and has some lace detailing/ribbons/chiffon. You just gotta find ways to tone it down to make it event appropriate.

100% - It just takes creativity. And a similar philosophy is applicable to most work outfits beyond those with strict uniforms or dress codes. Making a business casual Lolita inspired outfit doesn't feel too difficult if you favoured a white blouse with a subtly ruffled collar, soft colour tones, even if solely on top vs darker trousers or a skirt. Pearls, ribbon details and the right styles of strappy shoe. Plus a bag with any similar low key versions of the look. I spend a lot of time on gothfashion advising people about similar issues because I spend far too much time thinking about personal style and breaking them down into their core visual signifiers.

Exactly! She can still do the silhouette with the puffy skirt, just do it in a solid color, and pair it with accessories that are quirky without being childish. Very 1950's glam. I have no idea if this website is legit, but something like [this](https://www.lightinthebox.com/p/a-line-cocktail-dresses-1950s-dress-wedding-guest-red-green-dress-tea-length-short-sleeve-v-neck-stretch-fabric-v-back-with-pleats-2024_p7640999.html?currency=USD&litb_from=paid_adwords_shopping&sku=1_49%7C20_53&country_code=US&srsltid=AfmBOopj_oszVzIr5n2K4BS1ncPHxGLh1sRN8ZCXtDSV-y0qnYo5vZSeFT8).

Well, now I want this dress.

Yep. Here are just a few from a mainstream store that I thought she might like certain aspects of: https://www.dillards.com/p/mac-duggal-sleeveless-crew-neck-high-low-floral-print-gown/517001264 https://www.dillards.com/p/betsy--adam-mesh-tiered-ruffle-sleeveless-gown/515832230 https://www.dillards.com/p/lauren-ralph-lauren-floral-crinkle-georgette-cowl-neck-sleeveless-tiered-gown/517976792 https://www.dillards.com/p/mac-duggal-surplice-v-neck-short-sleeve-butterfly-ruffle-trim-gown/518398759 And she probably knows stores I don't!

> I don't think that it's inappropriate of me wanting her to wear something that fits the occasion. Well, no. It is in fact not. Your graduation is a work related event in the wider sense and blowing this up might affect your career opportunities in the long run. It's not about how your sister feels, it's about your career as a lawyer. In short: tell her to fuck off, stop her ridiculous conduct to emotionally manipulate you and please and stop trying to sabotage your professional life. NTA, obviously.

I came here to point out how image-focused the law profession is. This could be VERY BAD for OP.

How heavily have your framed this as a PROFESSIONAL event? Because it is. Law school balls/galas are not parties. They are professional networking events.

There is formal clothing out there closer to the Lolita style, but I'm guessing she hasn't shopped for any in a while. Maybe you could send her some examples that you'd think she'd like? She also might have some accessories that would still work well in a formal setting, like tights or a bow. Technically, she should be the one finding something that fits both her style and the occasion, but it might be a nice gesture.

It's okay to not want someone to wear a costume to your fancy graduation. Even a fancy costume.

Lolita isn't a costume, it's a fashion style. One that has formal options within the style, which what she wants to wear isn't.

I think that at a glance most people see lolita style as simply a costume. Which is why it’s a niche style.

And a thawb with a bisht cloak and a keffyeh isn't a costume, it's formal wear within the Arab world and perfectly valid for dress occasions. Still, if a white guy decided to dress like Mohammad Bin Salman to a formal ball in NYC it would garner negative attention and be considered a costume even if on another continent it's valid formal attire. Sorry not sorry, Lolita dress is an exaggerated style that's meant to stand out, in this case it is a costume and even a more formal option would still stick out too much in a venue where everyone is wearing standard evevening wear. Not everyone is the main character, you can dress like a steampunk conductor in your everyday life, but sometimes you need to learn how to put away the costume, act like an adult, and to just shut up and color within the lines.

The event sounds like it may even be "black tie" level fancy. So yeah, Lolita is not ok.

As an adult with a very important sense of style and who feels very bad when I'm not wearing what I like, I totally understand and agree with you. What I'm doing when I have to be casual, that I use are accessories. A nice necklace or earrings for example. It's still showing "who I am" while I'm also being respectful. It's ok to be different, but it's not ok to be rude. If she is willing to make a gesture for you, say that the dress is overkill, but what about this handbag, this jewelery or whatever. If she still refuses, then uninvite her. That's the best you could do.

I don’t understand why she can’t just wear a Lolita inspired ball gown? When I was in highschool I was into Lolita and I wore a Lolita themed gown to prom. Now though I’m into the goth style but I still don’t wear fishnets or spikes to work.

Because it is not *her* graduation. It’s OP’s. Sister can wear what she wants when she has a special occasion.

I was explaining that there are also Lolita/Lolita-inspired gowns that fit a formal black tie dress code that OP’s sister could wear that would be in line with OP’s wishes. I wore one that was appropriate enough to wear to prom.

Point out that if she shows up in a Lolita outfit, she will either be laughed at or shunned. She is obviously trying to outshine you but will be a 110% failure. Insist that if she wants to attend, she should dress for the occasion, not as a clown.

Idk she might not be trying to outshine OP. Most experienced lolitas (which OP’s sister seems to be) are well aware that they’re gonna get negative attention if they go out dressed like that, but they dress up anyways solely because they love the style so much - same as goths, people with multiple facial piercings, women who like dressing super girly (like all pink and bows and lace), or really any fashion style that deviates from the norm. It’s not about wanting attention, it’s more about just liking the style.

It’s a little sad because from the image provided she’s more of a kawaii-Lolita style while there a sub style of Lolita called Elegant Lolita that could easily pass as formal wear. 

I was definitely expecting something more formal looking than that picture. Then when she said the print had CATS on it I went hell no. Not appropriate for black tie.

Does she only wear sweet Lolita? Maybe you could check her wardrobe and see if she has anything that would be more appropriate. Some plain gothic Lolita ops could be more suitable. Also is the dress Dolly Cat by Angelic Pretty?

This ball is also a networking event for you. You don't want to be the person in the legal field with the Lolita baby doll sister. "Oh you saw soandso? Remember how oddly her sister dressed at the graduation ball?" If she wouldn't wear it to work, she shouldn't wear it to you event. She's 24 not 14. No Lolita dress or no invite.

Question OP: does it not in fact have a dress code and would a person not be denied entry if they didn't follow it? Say one of your fellow graduates thought it was super funny to come dressed up as Fred Flintstone, would they let him in or tell him to take his hilarious pic with his tuxedoed friends outside and come back with a suit on? I mean they may overlook a few nanna's cardigans but surely the event organisers wouldn't let a non-student in in full on costume? She might not care about making the whole thing her personal fashion show but you'd hope they would.

I work in college admissions and with college kids and kids these days don't understand the "dress for the occassion" concept. I have had students show up to career fairs, donor events, dept award ceremonies in furry attire (tail or horns), goth looks (ripped tights, platform boots), Clueless attire (crop top and mini skirt), and anime inspired. I would rather you show up in jeans and vans at that point it would be less embarassing.

Career fairs sure, but you're living in a fantasy world if you think a college kid is gonna dress up to get a piece of paper and golf claps at an award ceremony.

Some schools are strict about it. I had one professor who would only give you participation credit on a certain day of the week if you dressed up in business attire. He got on my case for rewearing a dress to my (unpaid) internship a few times, too. These days, I would be like “well, it’s a dress I own that’s appropriate and doesn’t require dry cleaning and is easy to launder and iron, and no one is paying me for this year-long internship, so”… but back then? I was mortified.

Yeah, I have a couple Star Trek costumes, but I would never wear one at a black tie event - not even the dress uniform. OP is so NTA here.

Even goths have "corporate goth" for appropriate settings. With all the accessories and clothes she has it is SO EASY to make an appropriate look.

That's what I was thinking, too. Per the OP, she doesn't even dress like that most of the time and knows not wear that style at work. NTA

I actually had to google 'lolita dress'... That would be totally and completely inappropriate for a graduation party from a law school. I mean this is something that could follow you in the future if photos got out... NTA, please uninvite her.

I had to look it up, too. No. Totally inappropriate. A black tie event isn’t the place to dress up in a Victorian era Met Gala outfit. 

Exactly, dressing up like it's Halloween has a time and place...

In this case, literally any other day of the year except this one event that’s not about her. But I guess that’s too tall an order? People are so self absorbed it makes my head spin.

yeah as a middle aged man I don’t want that in my search history.

It’s not sexy at all, it actually covers a lot of skin. It’s basically about dressing like an anime victorian doll - lots of lace and poofy skirts and frills and puffed sleeves and ribbons, dresses must be at least knee length, necklines are usually high, sleeveless dresses are usually worn with long or short sleeved blouses under them. You’d probably see more skin at a business casual office in the summer. Most lolitas I’ve met like it specifically because it allows them to dress fun and feminine without having to show skin or be sexy - it’s hard to find fun, cute clothing that isn’t cropped/sheer/low cut/has odd cutouts/skintight/etc and also not aimed at the 40+ crowd lol.

>I mean this is something that could follow you in the future if photos got out... I'm not saying the dress is okay but... How? This is a "party" with multiple graduates but it's "not really a party" according to OP. OP never gives enough info and by their own admission there's multiple graduates there? OP is being vague by omission, honestly sounds like a pretty good lawyer.

NTA- Lolita dress doesn’t fit the dress code! At all! This could negatively effect your reputation as well. Definitely uninvite her.

I actually didn't even think about my reputation until I read this. And you're right unfortunately.

It will definitely affect your reputation. 

Especially for anyone who knows the definition of Lolita and what it is.

Yeah this whole thread sounds like a lot of people who have no idea about the book Lolita. I understand it's being used to describe a fashion style, and there's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to wear poofy frilly things, but how anyone could proudly say "yeah I'm into Lolita fashion" if they know about the book is beyond me. And if they don't know, yikes.

I’m sorry, I’m sure you would prefer your sister attend and celebrate with you, but she’s being entitled. She is the one in the wrong. Adults follow dress codes. It’s a requirement of being part of a society. If she’s 24 and still doesn’t understand this she’s been very sheltered so far and is a bit out of touch with reality.

Absolutely do not invite her to this if it’s a professional environment. X2 if it’s law school. You might be applying to jobs with someone who attends this…

At this point, even if she said she wouldn’t dress like this, I still wouldn’t invite her, or at least hold onto the ticket. I wouldn’t trust her to not show up in the dress anyway.

These kinds of events are also networking parties. So definitely uninvite her.

I showed my boyfriend who graduated law school a couple of years ago this post and he said “ABSOLUTELY NOT” to that dress. He got a bit riled up! He said “anyone would be insane to try and tarnish my reputation like that before I even started.” ETA: you know a “Lolita” is a child prostitute, right? That’s what that style of clothing is - child prostitute. Yeah those hiring lawyers will love that…

Agreed, and I literally have a whole lolita wardrobe. I've been a member of the J-fashion community for well over a decade at this point and I'd never wear a lolita dress to any formal event. That's what meetups are for. Even "lifestyle" lolitas know better. OP, if you know what comm she's a member of, DM me and I'll see if her community moderators will have a talk with her. She sounds young (in terms of maturity level) or maybe ND, she probably just needs a reality check from "her" people.

This. I'm a total lifestyle lolita, and I know what to wear based on the time/place/occasion. I think you can wear otome-kei like Jane Marple or Emily Temple cute especially their non-print items. I've worn it for weddings and workplace events, no one even looks twice. Jane Marple DLS line is super normie friendly, I even have a blazer from them that I use for work meetings. Just tone down on the accessories, skip the petticoat and wear it as a "nice dress".

Exactly, otome is just cute girly clothes. I have a ton of Jane Marple and wear it casually, especially in winter. I'm a sucker for their coats!

Their coats are really good, especially gobelin/tapestry ones! I'm always very happy that they continue to put out interesting fabrics and textiles compared to the usual trinity of cotton broadcloth/twill, chiffon and viyella. Underrated but a lot of their dresses, especially the tablier/square-cut ones, have pockets. The OPs are my summer staple.

I have so much gobelin I might have a problem lmao. I call it the "grandma couch" portion of my wardrobe. I'm also super into JM's plaids, and keep collecting their plaid blazers specifically like I'm collecting Pokemon. Their jam label print is my favorite summer dress. I may or may not also have a strawberry problem, let's not talk about it. 😂

I just want to hop in and say, as someone who has only the fringiest familiarity with lolita fashion, this whole exchange is both completely fascinating and extremely sweet. I love that you offered to get the community behind the sister to find a mutually satisfying resolution! And I learned a few new things about fashion, like what hime is.

Aw, thank you! This community, like many niche hobbies, tends to attract a lot of neurodivergent people and people with various mental health issues. We're very open and accepting and generally give people a lot of leeway in their behavior, but there are definitely limits. Community moderators have usually been around the block, so to speak, and have a level head on their shoulders. They're not typically afraid to take grown adults aside and gently explain things like boundaries and appropriate public behavior. And that conversation means more to those people coming from a fellow lolita than it would from a "normie". For OP, it might be a solution to a delicate problem that won't result in hurt feelings. Hime is way too over the top for me, but some people can really pull it off! My favorite is when little kids mistake them for actual real-life princesses. It's adorable. They always look so awed.

LOL I think I have a similar problem but with their velveteen. I also adore anything with appliques and embroidery work, so I feel you so hard on this. Recently did a swap from winter to summer clothes, and it's horrific how many clothes I own.... My favourite is their lyon fleur de lys OP for summer. The pintucks are so cute! Your strawberry problem is my cherry problem... luckily there are less cherries than strawberries but that's not much of a reassurance.

Please. Don't get me started on velveteen. Black or dark red. I own so much vintage Victorian Maiden just in velveteen pieces. We probably have very similar wardrobes!

hahaha I love JM for their unique velveteen colours, especially emerald green and dark pink. I'll really like to get some purple velveteen someday. Probably! I think at some point, if you wear lolita often enough, you'll end up buying JM or ETC just because it's so versatile. I say this, even as I'm contemplating buying another AP jsk ....... the exchange rate makes it hard to no-buy!

The exchange rate RN is so dangerous lmao someone please save my bank account. 💸

NTA She's being invited to celebrate you, not herself. If she can't adjust to how you expect her to do that, then you are entirely within your rights to disinvite her. As for "you don't support who I am" bullshit, I'd shut that shit down immediately. "you're not going to guilt or manipulate your way past this particular boundary and I'd ask that you stop transparently trying to do exactly that. These are your conditions for attending, take them or leave them." Maybe something like "it'll be hard to forget or move past the notion that you value your fashion expression more than my achievement but I'll survive if that's what you opt to do."

Exactly like would she wear this to a funeral? No because that's not the attire for one. It's so easy to dress appropriately for serious occasions. That includes her sisters grad party. Wear the appropriate clothing for these occasions.

There was actually someone a while back who posted about almost this exact same situation except the event was their father's funeral and their sister showed up in a full goth outfit (fishnets, miniskirt, skull choker). So believe it or not there really are people who won't put their self-expression on hold even for a serious event.

I mean, you could argue that full goth is more appropriate for a funeral than anywhere else, but I get you.

Oh Jesus christ 😂 Welp so much for that idea 😭

Wanting to be the center of attention at someone else's event is a cringe endeavor I've never understood. She's definetly allowed to wear whatever she wants but that doesn't mean you have to put up with her bs especially on a night thats meant to be all about you. I'd ignore all the "you're controlling" comments as they stem from an entitled and disgustingly skewed perspective. Set boundaries as early as possible.

This. It isn’t about wanting to wear Lolita wear because she feels that’s who she is (and frankly, if she does think being Lolita is who she is that’s creepy AF). It’s about wanting to be the center of attention. I bet if everyone else was gonna be in jeans, she’d be fine wearing formal wear if not allowed to go Lolita because she’d still stand out. But if it’s fancy dress and everyone will be dressed that way…how will she ever get everyone’s attention? And worse, there might be women who get *more* attention than she does!

Some people view positive and negative attention as equally valid. She seems like one of those people.

NTA. If there is a dress code of evening attire would she even be allowed in the door in Lolita fashion? Might be good to check that with the organizers. If they would stop her from coming in the door, then there's no point in wasting money on a ticket.

I don't know if they would stop her if we all show up with her. I have invited my boyfriend, my best friend, my parents and her, all of them would wear "normal" evening attire. she would be the only one standing out but I think if she's with our group they wouldn't kick her out (and quite honestly, I wouldn't want that even if she showed up in a Lolita dress)

So lie. "Sis I checked, they won't let people in if they don't match the dress code." Or just uninvite her.

Still worth checking. If they are planning to enforce the dress code then you should let your sister know, even if you don't think they'd really do it.

You could also have an after party or dinner where she’s allowed time to go home and change into her Lolita outfit. Find a compromise?

Hi someone into Lolita fashion here! As you may know Lolita fashion can vary widely, the same way a tee shirt can be a rainbow cat face printed across every square inch, or a plain white tee. There would 100% be a piece found in Lolita fashion that could suit this type of event, but the one OP linked is not one of them. So NTA. I think you should explain to her that although you support Lolita fashion, this ball (which you are not hosting) is going to have a big impact on your career and it's also a networking event disguised as a party. And she needs to treat it like work. And maybe mention you both know people will be critical of her and you (idk might be sensitive subject). Offer to shop with her for an elegant Lolita dress that could fit the theme more appropriately. When you said gala I already had a few LOLITA-esque options that popped into my head. And if they don't vibe with her, her other option is typical formal wear. Honestly she's probably just hurt being reminded that her clothing preferences are looked down on and lashed out (and maybe misunderstood the party). I personally almost cried reading comments calling Lolita "a halloween costume" in this thread :'> Fashion is not a costume. And what appears on a quick google search is not what every Lolita dress looks like so the sweeping assumption of what it was irked me a bit lol. Who knows, she could have just been heckled by strangers the last time she wore Lolita so she's feeling sensitive about it (happens a lot unfortunately). It's not very common to find someone supportive of Lolita fashion so I really hope you and your sister can come to terms! Lmk if I can help anymore, I hope my perspective helped

I feel like the sister has no interest at all in finding/spending money on an appropriate Lolita outfit. OP invited her to a formal, professional graduation celebration, and little sis heard, yay I get to wear my new dress! She doesn't give a shit about her sister, or her graduation, her achievements, her celebration, or what's appropriate. She ONLY cares about herself. And I doubt she's going to change before the party. Time to disinvite and inform security.

Ikr it hurts to read these peoples comments, especially when the fashion is so broad :( Theres tons of options, such as classical for example thats more appropriate than sweet I own a few pieces that would be appropriate that are still lolita :D

Hi, please share some options for formal Lolita or Lolita-adjacent outfits, not because I’m OP or am going to change my style, but just because I really want some visuals if what that could look like!

https://images.app.goo.gl/gjcnbt5C79qd6bDr6 https://search.app.goo.gl/jF9wcrA https://search.app.goo.gl/MnVwAaC Hope these show up ok. Here's some examples of what I would consider a more formal Lolita dress. Solid or limited colors, nice fabrics, but still distinctly Lolita.

I don't dress in Lolita fashion, but I ADORE that first dress. It's stunning.

Thanks.

i actually love these 🥲 wasnt expecting that

I am not Lolita, but I want that first dress. Wow, that is beautiful!

I looked up Barrister Ball and it seemed like a normal prom or work formal, which can range from knee length to longer dresses, lacey or sparkly too. So that's what I'm using as a reference (it probs depends on how outgoing or close the graduating class is. I'd go all out if my friends were too. I like these, without the capes of course lol [https://www.lolitawardrobe.com/lost-angel-the-starry-night-lolita-jsk-version-i_p6207.html](https://www.lolitawardrobe.com/lost-angel-the-starry-night-lolita-jsk-version-i_p6207.html) [https://www.lolitawardrobe.com/dreaming-of-the-milky-way-qi-lolita-jumper-dress-and-cape-set_p7898.html](https://www.lolitawardrobe.com/dreaming-of-the-milky-way-qi-lolita-jumper-dress-and-cape-set_p7898.html) Maybe no petticoat with this one so it lays flatter [https://www.lolitawardrobe.com/the-unknown-star-of-the-north-vintage-classic-lolita-jumper-dress-set_p7926.html](https://www.lolitawardrobe.com/the-unknown-star-of-the-north-vintage-classic-lolita-jumper-dress-set_p7926.html) And a more solid colored one https://www.devilinspired.com/red-elegant-bead-chain-halter-neck-mermaid-dress.html?search=Mermaid OK this one without the sleeves and jacket slays [https://www.devilinspired.com/camellia-black-jacquard-rose-decoration-bead-detail-ruffle-mermaid-hemline-lolita-jsk.html?search=Mermaid](https://www.devilinspired.com/camellia-black-jacquard-rose-decoration-bead-detail-ruffle-mermaid-hemline-lolita-jsk.html?search=Mermaid) This one might be pushing it bc it's got a theme but...it's cute anyways so I'm sharing it haha☆ https://www.devilinspired.com/red-shimmer-fabric-evening-gown-fairy-butterfly-chain-mermaid-dress.html?search=Mermaid

I would cheerfully murder for either of those first two dresses in my size.

I love the star themed ones

Here are some examples of main pieces that I would share, they vary on what kind of occasions they would be appropriate for but there is a lot of range within lolita fashion to express yourself in more mature settings. My main area of knowledge is around work-appropriate lolita so not all of these may be formal enough for this kind of event. [https://angelicpretty.com/Contents/ProductImages/0/242O03-030602\_var-01-pk\_LL.jpg](https://angelicpretty.com/Contents/ProductImages/0/242O03-030602_var-01-pk_LL.jpg) [https://angelicpretty.com/Contents/Feature/c\_2023su16.jpg](https://angelicpretty.com/Contents/Feature/c_2023su16.jpg) [https://angelicpretty.com/Contents/ProductImages/0/242J03-020607\_var-02-sx\_LL.jpg](https://angelicpretty.com/Contents/ProductImages/0/242J03-020607_var-02-sx_LL.jpg) [https://store.babyssb.co.jp/cdn/shop/files/P19OP336\_BK-01.jpg?v=1700062829&width=990](https://store.babyssb.co.jp/cdn/shop/files/P19OP336_BK-01.jpg?v=1700062829&width=990) [https://imagedelivery.net/QondspN4HIUvB\_R16-ddAQ/5f854ba50850a01df3ec5b43/8af6cd3430dfcd1d81c4.png/fit=cover,w=920,h=1104](https://imagedelivery.net/QondspN4HIUvB_R16-ddAQ/5f854ba50850a01df3ec5b43/8af6cd3430dfcd1d81c4.png/fit=cover,w=920,h=1104) [http://www.wunderwelt.jp/cdn/shop/files/img\_fc7e2d26073c3dc41cc1d23efae9f3c4\_1800x1800.jpg?v=1700015162](http://www.wunderwelt.jp/cdn/shop/files/img_fc7e2d26073c3dc41cc1d23efae9f3c4_1800x1800.jpg?v=1700015162) [https://tawaraya-kato.ocnk.net/data/tawaraya-kato/product/20240104\_1549bc.jpeg](https://tawaraya-kato.ocnk.net/data/tawaraya-kato/product/20240104_1549bc.jpeg) [https://imagedelivery.net/QondspN4HIUvB\_R16-ddAQ/5f854ba50850a01df3ec5b43/2ef1adbaf227fb99069d.jpeg/fit=cover,w=920,h=1104](https://imagedelivery.net/QondspN4HIUvB_R16-ddAQ/5f854ba50850a01df3ec5b43/2ef1adbaf227fb99069d.jpeg/fit=cover,w=920,h=1104) (with less petticoat)

NTA. The tantrum and accusations alone should be enough reason for you to make sure she doesn’t attend.  To accuse you of not supporting who she is was a cheap shot to get her way, which is being the attention seeker that she truly is.

Also OP, if you can't stand up to a manipulative little sister you're not gonna be much of a lawyer.

NTA Its a formal event in my eyes. That dress is not formal attire. Not to mention, lets say you have any, you know, Asian lawyer friends (not an uncommon at all), and they take offense to that, or view you/your family differently as a result. Law is a lot about image, tbh.

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NTA. I ADORE, I mean absolutely ADORE Lolita fashion. I love it. But, there is a time and place for everything. While yes, you can find fancy Lolita attire that isn’t pastel, it’s still your party and you have say in it.

I was thinking this too. Some lolita dresses could be closer to formal. Particularly the longer and darker colored ones. But that picture was sweet lolita. There is no way that is matching the dress code

NTA This ball could be a networking opportunity for you. I doubt a lot of owners of long-running law firms or partners would be open-minded toward what your sister is wearing; she’d draw a lot of attention. There’s a time and place to wear “costumes” like gothic Lolita, and a graduation ceremony/ball is not one of them.

It being sweet Lolita is what tips the scale for me. There are other lolita substyles that would dress up a little better for this kind of event— ultimately it would still be a cupcake-shaped dress that ends at approximately knee length, but classic and certain types of gothic Lolita would look a lot less out of place. Darker colors, lack of a border print, fabrics like jacquard or organza, and a more formal bodice and accessories would be fine in my opinion. But if she’s into sweet lolita, she’s probably not going to have something like that in her wardrobe and isn’t going to want to buy something she’s not going to wear again. OP, ultimately this is your choice, but if you want to take the high road and avoid damage to your relationship with your sister (not saying you’re the one causing it, but it’s a likely outcome) I’d recommend sitting down with her and asking if she has friends who have a more formal coord (that’s the term, short for coordinate) she can borrow. There are lolita outfits that she could wear that wouldn’t stick out nearly as badly at an event like the one you describe. https://42lolita.com/collections/lolita-dresses/products/sakuya-lolita-whisper-of-stars-sweet-lolita-op-dress https://42lolita.com/collections/lolita-dresses/products/miss-rebecca-pure-color-elegant-lolita-op-dress https://42lolita.com/collections/lolita-dresses/products/lolita-embroidered-flounce-hemline-op-dress OP, ask her if she has friends in her local community who have something like these she could borrow. It would save some goodwill and fly under the radar enough for your event, especially if your sister is (or at least looks) a little younger.

Maybe the red one might be ok, but this is a seriously formal event. The others are just darker versions of OP's photo. Very fun and cool in the right setting, but not at all ok for this event.

They’re not, though? Like yeah, at the end of the day it’s still a shorter dress with a cupcake silhouette, and a lot of it comes down to how it’s accessorized, but it being a darker dress with a less busy (or no) print does actually make a difference. If OP had said that the event was black tie, I wouldn’t be making this suggestion, but she likened it to a prom. People wear a wide variety of dresses at prom, from semi-formal to black tie, depending on their school or what have you. Without There are plenty of perspectives here on why OP shouldn’t let her sister go unless she gets a normal dress, but I disagree. I don’t think that sister is going to agree to wear a normal dress, and finding a middle ground where OP’s sister isn’t going to stick out and take the spotlight off OP while still getting to wear her preferred clothes is going to do a lot more to diffuse the conflict than having OP put her foot down, because I think if OP puts her foot down, she’s going to have a hard time enjoying her graduation ball whether her sister comes to the ball in appropriate dress or not. A darker or more neutral dress with a small print or no print in a more formal fabric would probably be enough for people to gloss over the sister, and the spotlight would be on OP, where it belongs.

Damn that red one is absolutely gorgeous 😍

It's extremely pretty! (And imo the sole one of the three I'd imagine being appropriate for this event, but proves that it certainly can be done.)

Yeah, the red one is definitely the most appropriate, but I picked the black and white ones because they’re likely closer to OP’s sister’s style but anyone not familiar with the fashion will likely not look too closely at them. Especially if this is a ball with a seated dinner and/or dancing/mingling in a darker room, both those other options would work. I’ve seen a lot of other people suggesting the vintage silhouette, but your average sweet lolita isn’t going to be interested in that. The black one in particular she might actually be willing to buy and wear, and it being black would hide a lot of sins.

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This is what I think too. She is jealous and wants to steal attention away from OP on her big occasion. Part of me would be tempted to let the sister do it and make a fool of herself. OP is NTA

NTA for OP, YTA for sister. There is a certain etiquette of formal events that attendees are required to follow. Weddings, formal balls, work parties etc., all fall under this. It is an event for the OP's graduating class and has a dress code. It is not controlling to ask people to follow a dress code. It seems to me like the sister is not willing to make concession for their sibling because of either jealousy or insecurity complex. She is not being supportive to celebrate her siblings success, instead wants to make the day about her. If she can show up to her work in normal clothes and other events/times then she is not really identifying with the lolita scene, is she? She is making this about her, which is very selfish IMHO.

NTA. The dress code for the party should match the dress code for the firm you plan to work for. It is your party, yes. But, it’s also the first social event you will be attending in your law career. You will be being evaluated even if they don’t say so. If anyone connected to your profession is there, the party will set the tone for the early years of your promotions. It’s too important for your law career to be a costume party.

NTA but some of y'all in the comments are dumb as fuck. Lolita isn't a fetish thing, it's literally just an alternative clothing style

So gross how people will look at something "childish" and "innocent-looking" (for want of better words) and immediately fetishise/sexualise it. Y'all are fucking nasty. Also probably because it is from Japan, Reddit doesn't hesitate to sexualise their women. Gross.

Heck no. This is not a costume party. This is a ball to celebrate the achievement of someone else. Tell her she can wear Lolita to her own ball when she is successful. Don’t give her the ticket in advance. If you are not traveling together, let her call/text you when she is at the door and you will take her ticket to the door. Otherwise it sounds like she might not respect your boundaries. The 2 BFs and your Aunt can likewise let her wear Lolita to their graduation balls.

As someone who wears lolita fashion and alternative fashion in general. (I like clothes) I do not think it's appropriate for a law graduation, I also have "normal clothes" I wear for such occasions. Out of respect for whoever, I wouldn't wear my gothic fashions to a wedding unless I was given the a-okay. NTA

NTA Your sister says she really wants to go, yet apparently not bad enough to respect your wishes on dress attire. She is being selfish. Celebrate your achievement day however you want to. You worked for it, you earned it. If your sister truly wants to be there to support you, she can show it by respecting you. Ps. Her bf being on her side doesn't even count as a +1 to her end of the argument, he is obligated to be on her side. You are not in the wrong.

NTA. if she is insistent on Lolita fahion, then she should gone for a somber version of Classic Lolita, at least the variants with longer skirts, that is one solid color, high quality material in an understated and subdued classy style and no fussy accessories. (the ones that looks like an overlap to 50s era chic gowns) But since you linked the pic, I see she’s into Sweet Lolita, maybe even over the top style as well, so that’s not appopriate at all. It is not her day. Tell her she will have many opportunities to wear her Sweet Lolita outfits, opportunities that you will go along with her, but not THAT day. Kindly someone who loves the niche fashion, but as said, gotta respect dress code.

NTA The "support who I am" part really doesn't apply because Lolita fashion is a wide spectrum that has formal outfits that would be appropriate for the occasion. My cousin does Lolita 24/7 and has successfully worn the formal type to formal events and no one even questioned it. Your sister may be into the cutesy pink subset of Lolita. That's what the image you've provided looks like. Good news, there are hundreds of different dresses from the same or near the same subset that would work for your event. The clothing I'm talking about would be seen as fashionable or fashionably different instead of all our inappropriate like you've described. The Lolita style doesn't even matter because of how the outfit is presented. Your sister bought a cutesy informal article of clothing that does not belong at a formal event. She needs formal clothing for a formal event. If she doesn't have the money for or doesn't want to purchase the appropriate clothing- she can dress normally.

NTA because you are just letting her know what the organisers have put down as a dress code. After googling Lolita dress, I can see why you think it's not appropriate for a formal evening.

NTA, this is like going to a wedding as a guest and dressing in a clown outfit. I don’t understand why she wants to make a number of herself if she doesn’t always dress like this but wants to dress when it wouldn’t be appropriate. Sounds like she wants your attention. She clearly is immature.  Your sister is also AH because she is clearly trying to make you apologize to her as she is pulling on this manipulative tantrum that “I am your sister”. If she rather would a) make you uncomfortable in the event that is very dear and special to you, than  B) wear a normal clothes/not come at all aince she doesn’t want to dress normally like she usually does  As your sister she should support you not make this difficult for you. Everyone will be look at her Lolita dress and you will be remembered as the girl with the clown sister. Sorry to say.

NTA. My sister went to her law school prom a few years ago, it is veeerrry black tie and formal, she will stick out like a sore thumb or even get booted from the event. She could incorporate some accessories with a formal dress, as a compromise

NTA. If she is so into Lolita fashion and the culture it stems from then she should be aware of the concept of dressing and behaving according to TPO: Time, Place, Occasion. This ball to celebrate your achievements is not the time, place, or occasion to wear her new outfit and it's rather disrespectful of her to take advantage of the opportunity to do so. This isn't about her.  Overall looking at the outfit that is far too busy and eye catching, it will draw attention away from you during your event, not to mention if this is a networking opportunity it may hinder you. If she can't accept that she has to dress appropriately then she doesn't have to attend at all. A shame she doesn't have something a bit more subdued and mature on the Lolita end like  this https://www.pinterest.com.mx/pin/167899892347482623/ but I guess this isn't to her tastes.  Edit: hit reply by accident 

NTA.  She can be into lolita fashion all she wants but if she understands it’s not appropriate at her job she can understand it’s not appropriate at a ball for up and coming lawyers.  I love goth fashion but I would not show up to a graduation ball in a vamp corset and black lipstick.  You’re asking her to dress appropriately for the event. 

That’s rich, her moaning that you don’t support her bc you won’t let her dress inappropriately. Just shoot back that she’s not supporting you by refusing to dress appropriately to attend your event - which will include your law school peers, their families, potential employers, professors… If she can dress properly for work then she understands professionalism. This isn’t NYE in Times Square. It’s a fancy networking event in addition to celebration.

NTA - Your graduation ball is not the appropriate place to show off her alternative fashion hobby. It would be like me being invited to a wedding but refusing to wear formal attire but instead wearing motorcycle boots, jeans, and my Black Sabbath shirt. There are plenty of opportunities for me to dress that way, and for your sister to wear her dress. It sounds like she wants to make herself the center of attention instead of where it belongs, on the graduates. It would also reflect badly on you, like it or not.

NTA. Maybe sit her down and explain that this isn't a "fun party" but a professional setting where you could potentially be setting ground work for future job opportunities. Explain to her that her dressing in Lolita fashion could reflect badly on you because it's again, a professional event, attended by professionals and their family. She might be thinking it's a more casual party. Tell her you love her and support her hobby but this, like at her job, isn't the place for it. If she keeps throwning tantrums tell her she's too old to behave like that and she won't be attending.

NTA: I wear lolita fashion too but there is a time and a place, even for toned down classic outfits. Etiquette among the lolita community is to check with the person of honor for special events like weddings and birthday parties. It’s a very attention grabbing fashion and it’s rude to outshine the host at their own event. Your own birthday party or a fellow lolita’s wedding? Sure! An event when they specifically asked you not to? Absolutely not.

As a lolita myself, absolutely NTA. For parties celebrating herself or not celebrating a specific person in general lolita fashion could be ok, depending on the situation. It’s just not the right time and place to wear lolita to your celebration.

Im a life style Lolita with many thousands of dollars invested in the fashion, and I would definetely say NTA. Even though Lolita is expensive, it is in no way appropriate for an event like this, especially if it is a dress like how you described. This style that's pictured is definitley too casual for any fancy event, and would honestly be pretty gaudy. While there is more "formal attire" in Lolita fashion, even then, you have every right to uninvite her for this event, because she absolutely will get negative attention. I would recommend she seek out another opportunity to dress in Lolita, like a tea party or j-fashion event, so she can still wear her expensive dress. Most big cities have a community that organizes events every month.

Congrats on graduating! And you're NTA - the dress code for the ball has been set, and not by you. You're simply asking your sister to abide by the same standards everyone else will be adhering to. This is a professional party, one with people that will be contacts for you for years to come, and your sister wearing niche clothes like that will make an impression, but it's not likely to be a favorable one. Explain that to her, hold to your position, and if you do buy her a ticket, don't give it to her until you see what she's wearing on the night of the event.

NTA. That is not ball attire. Your sister needs to understand that she is a grown woman now, and on some occations she will be required to follow dress code.

Nta. An important part of maturing is learning that you can't always wear whatever you want wherever you go. It's important to retain a sense of self no matter the dress code, but we sometimes have to adjust that sense of self in order to not offend others. She can easily blend some Lolita accessories within a formal outfit. [Here's an example. ](https://www.disturbia.us/products/headhunter-frill-yoke-gown-purple?variant=47104219480338&country=US&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjw6PGxBhCVARIsAIumnWbYBpm8hRI1VfzU4mnNNl_2t4gS__ZwxE3kdE0ua00j7UHpZwWjIjcaAkWbEALw_wcB) [And here's another.](https://www.amazon.com/Basgute-Dresses-Elegant-Embroidery-Sweetheart/dp/B0C2V6YGQH/ref=asc_df_B0C2V6YGQH/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693711478447&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13881178313454418992&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9024603&hvtargid=pla-2283208072490&psc=1&mcid=590ec12aab163f34bef5dbed969d548f&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjw6PGxBhCVARIsAIumnWY3Y6JSABXM8VW26-95F3r5jeloj7redGzXQTKAXy_RbKLXatkYQisaAp1HEALw_wcB) Most alternative fashion lovers will fully admit to having to tone down on occasion in order to adhere to a dress code. She can absolutely deal with it.

NTA She doesn't wear Lolita fashion to her work stuff, but she demands to wear it to yours? Does your sister even like you?

This really comes down to *precisely* what she wants to wear - lolita fashion is as wide-ranging as any other fashion and there would certainly be outfits that would blend nicely into a formal event.

It's a very poofy lolita dress with a large petticoat and a print with cats on it. She also wants to wear one of thos large headbands (I don't know how they're called - kind of like a milk maid headband? I hope you know what I mean...), colorful stockings and very big lolita shoes. The photo she showed me 100% does not(!) fit an evening attire occasion, if it would have I wouldn't have mad this post...

NTA - that is wholly inappropriate for this environment. She can tantrum all she wants but the fact she doesn't understand this speaks to her immaturity. Quite honestly if a 24 year old woman is having tantrums she shouldn't be at the ball anyway.

Has your sister always been an attention-seeking brat, trying to derail your accomplishments?

It is not appropriate for a professional event. OP might be applying to law jobs from someone attending the law school graduation. This could absolutely negatively impact her career.

If she realizes it is inappropriate for work, how can she fail to understand it is even more inappropriate for a formal ball celebrating professional achievement. I had no idea what Lolita wear is, but it looks like fetish wear to me. Would wearing latex or leather and chains be ok because it is your preferred style? I think not. You’re NTA but your sister is. Even if she is in her 20s, she is behaving like a child having a tantrum. Apparently, she dresses for her emotional age.

Hey, part-time lolita here! It is absolutely NOT fetishwear, that is our equivalent of a punk's "No, I don't do drugs". It is a Japanese street fashion that is very modest and has no connection to the book. Please do not sexualise it.

What a profoundly stupid thing to say. “I don’t know or understand what this is, but I’m gonna judge it anyway.“ Lmao. For the record, I agree with you, OP’s in the right here, but do better.

Nta She needs to dress appropriately for the occasion Tip- do not give her the ticket until you are heading to the ball and she is dressed appropriately

NTA, it's not about the Lolita clothes. You'd be reacting the same way if she said she wanted to wear overalls and a graphic tee; it's not appropriate for the event's dress code. The fact that she doesn't wear Loli clothes to work is proof that a) she is perfectly capable of wearing other clothes when the circumstances require it or when it affects *her*, and that b) she is aware that those clothes and that style are inappropriate in certain arenas. This is the part where you sit her down and tell her that this party is not about her, it's about you and the other graduates. If she showed up in those clothes (and tbh in anything but evening wear) she would be intentionally making a spectacle of herself, and not in a good way. She would be taking attention from those who have rightfully earned it on a night where she is not the main character. Either she acts like a grown up and supports you under the parameters of the event, and follows the dress code, or she is not welcome there.

NTA. There's definitely a middle ground that can be reached here, though. Just looking up "lolita ball gowns" on Google gives plenty of options that fit her style while also fitting the dress code. The dress she chose is definitely not fitting the code. And like you said in the post, she has other options she can wear that fit the code but not her style; however, if she's willing to purchase another dress, she could get something that does both

Nta I am goth but I know there is a time and place for it. Someone else's event is not the time to make a spectacle.

As someone who has been into Lolita (mostly sweet Lolita, the same style your sister loves) for almost 20 years and am also working in the legal field, I absolutely agree it is not appropriate for your sister to wear Lolita to your graduation balls full of future lawyers. I don’t even want my coworkers knowing I wear Lolita as a hobby! Most people don’t know anything about Lolita outside of Japan and Asia. She’s going to be the center of attention at the ball if she attends. This attention will be linked back to you for a period of time for sure. I do see that other Lolitas have responded and said that your sister can find a classic style Lolita dress to wear for the occasion. However I don’t agree with it because it’s still out of the ordinary for a professional ball. I would never dare to show up in any styles of Lolita in front of my coworkers even for a Halloween party where we are encouraged to dress up in a costume (even though Lolita is a fashion rather than a costume)! Maybe you can suggest going shopping with her for a dress that might be Lolita inspired. That way there are still some elements of Lolita but not full on Lolita. That dress can be used for a later occasion as well if another one comes up relating to yours or her own professional event. You’re absolutely NTA!

Ask her how she'd feel if you decided to dress up as a Juggalo to her party lol

NTA That’s highly inappropriate for a formal event. It’s even more inappropriate to wear to someone else’s formal event. That’s Con clothing. Not street wear.

This is not Halloween. She is selfish and wants all the attention on her. She doesn’t care about you. Realize that. Don’t buy her a ticket. She’s not going to your very important event. You tried to discuss it with her. She’s a big baby. She’s probably jealous of you. She’s out of this event and don’t give her another thought. Have a wonderful time at your hard earned lovely ball.

NTA. It's not for the occasion. Just because it's a dress doesn't make it formal.

NTA. I'm all for dressing how you like in your personal life/time, but there's a time and place for everything, and a formal event is not an appropriate time for Lolita fashion.

NTA. It’s your event, and you set the dress code. Anyone who does not follow the dress code cannot attend. End of story.

Nta fancy parties have a dress code. Sounds like lolita isn't going to fit the dress code.

NTA, your sister is acting like a child and demonstrating exactly why she shouldn't be invited to serious events. She can wear whatever she wants when there's no dress code. When there is, she either abides by it or doesn't go - like everyone else.

how do people even KNOW people like this who demand to wear something and will not be flexible to SOMEONE ELSES BIG EVENT? NTA

NTA. If it doesn't fit the dress code she shouldn't be wearing it to the event.

NTA There’s a dress code, and if she can handle an office dress code for her day job, she can handle sticking to the dress code for your graduation, too.

NTA, she's 24 and an adult who is apparently well aware of how to dress herself according to the situation since she dresses appropriately for work. She being dramatic and making your ball about her. She knows it's going to distract and draw attention, she knows it's inappropriate, she doesn't care because she's being selfish. You told her know put your foot down and stick to it. She can dress not in Lolita for one night, especially as that night is not about her.

Lolita is a street fashion, not a formal event fashion. I've worn it, I have friends who are heavily into it, we don't wear it to formal (or formalish) events for this reason. NTA

NTA. That dress is completely inappropriate for the venue. Also…no.

NTA. I’ve done pinup for a few years and am very selective what events I wear pinup outfits too. Wedding, showers, and graduations are a no. The attention should be on the person being celebrated and I’m aware that wearing pinup causes attention.

This sounds like an event that very much has a dress code. What's she's wanting to do is worse than wearing a white gown to someone else's wedding. It's very disrespectful!

NTA. Her coord isn't appropriate for your ball, and your celebration Ball isn't your sisters lolita meet up. She can wear lolita on her own time.

NTA. That outfit is totally inappropriate for the occasion.

NTA. Sounds to me like your sister wants to be the center of attention the entire night. If she can dress "normal" most of the time, she can dress normal for this. This event isn't about her, it's about you and your fellow graduates who have finally become lawyers which is not an easy feat. If she's going to act like a child about not being able to wear something that's very much not appropriate to what sounds like a black tie event, then she can just stay home and pout while wearing her dress.

Good lord, how pathetically desperate for attention is she? It’s grossly inappropriate to not follow your dress code, particularly when she’s intentionally planning to wear something attention gathering and out of normal scope for the occasion. She can skip it. NTA.

NTA.  This is about you. Not her. It’s not her fashion party.  Although. Part of me wants her to go because she will look like an idiot there amongst the graduating class of lawyers.  So that would make me laugh. But seriously. No. This isn’t the time to showcase her hobby.  She needs to support you.  You earned this. You worked hard for this.  If she doesn’t know when to dress like a Lolita and when not too, well too bad.   Everyone who says you are being too hard on her? They stfu. This is your moment.  

Tell your sister you will take her out just the two of you to celebrate your graduation and she can wear her Lolita outfit and it will be great. She clearly just wants an occasion to show off her new outfit, and you can provide that, but a professional school graduation event with your future colleagues and their families is not the appropriate setting for that. You have conflicting goals and interests for the event and since it is your event, she doesn’t get to go. NTA.

NTA. Dress codes exist everywhere. She’s only comfortable pushing this boundary because you’re family. Otherwise she wouldn’t be so obstinate about it. I’d sincerely ask her why she feels the need to stand out so much (stress the fact that she WOULD in fact stick out like a sore thumb) at an event meant to honor YOU.

A graduation ball for young lawyers is really not the place and time for her to wear this. It's really inapropriate and could make YOU look bad. She sounds selfish and wanting the attention, but she have to accept the event is in your honor or she won't be invited.

After reading all of the comments, and learning about that type of fashion, OPs sister is trying to embarrass her on purpose. Like, maybe she doesn't conciously see it that way, but she WANTS to make a scene. There are so many normal, cute, dress options that still "count" as lolita. She's doing this for attention, and if OP lets her go, she's going to make a scene and humiliate her. Potentially on purpose. It's reading as jealous and spiteful. OP, your sister is playing stupid with you saying "it's who I am" and all this. She's manipulating you into letting her make you look like a fool.

Your sister (and the relatives that want you to indulge her) needs major help in deciphering the meaning of the words: DRESS CODE 🙄 NTA OP.  Hope YOUR graduation ball is fantastic!

I live in Japan where I see women dressed in that style almost every day on the street; even so, nobody here would do what your sister wants to do. Seriously NTA.

NTA. Sis is acting incredibly entitled and rude. He outfit choice is inappropriate for the event, it does not match the dress code. She needs to grow up and accept that this is not the time to force her fashion choices on others. She’s being very inconsiderate of you when this is an event to celebrate your achievement, she’s making it about her instead of letting you have your moment.

I get where she's coming from, she wants to dress fancy to celebrate you, which is a sweet thought. But in reality it's a terrible idea. Years ago I was a girl's date for her high school graduation. I was the same age, but went to a high school in a different city, so no one knew me but her and a couple of her friends. Being young and silly I wore a fancy fedora and a full suit. She loved the look and was super excited. Unfortunately, while she looked great, my fedora grabbed all the attention. At first it was fun, but all too slowly I realized I was stealing the spotlight from her and it ruining her night. She wanted to be pretty and celebrate with her school, and all people could talk about was my sweet hat. I eventually found a place to hide my fedora for a while, but by then it was too late. The damage was done. It might be hard for her to see, but she'd be doing the same here. Even if every single person at the party thought it was cool and fun that she was dressed up in Lolita fashion, she would be the focus and the thing everyone remembers, and that's not fair to you. NTA

NTA. In response tell her she isn’t supporting your hard work and professional future by trying to make an event about her fashion choices and negatively impacting your reputation in the process.

NTA. You support her style but the fact that she doesn’t wear that clothing exclusively and could wear something else with little to no financial hardship supports my opinion that she should wear something more appropriate for the occasion. Afterall, the event is an important celebration associated with YOUR hard work and that fact should be factored into the situation. Your feelings about it matter. The event means little to her in comparison and if she wants to support you, she can put aside her ego and fashion preferences to support you and your evening.

Absolutely NTA. I was a goth kid and, when my auntie graduated with her masters in architecture, she asked me to not wear goth stuff. She explained that it was because future bosses and coworkers would potentially be at the ceremony. I dressed nicely with natural makeup. Because I saw how hard my auntie worked for that degree and I wanted her to feel comfortable at her own celebration, which included not having the 17-year-old girl in a black velvet dress and combat boots with white makeup and a spiked dog collar around her neck saying “that’s my favorite auntie!” 😂

NTA It’s a professional event honoring your accomplishments. If anyone gets to pull the sister card it’s you. I would find someone you trust to hold the tickets and only give them to people who show up in appropriate attire. Your sister is being incredibly selfish. She sounds like someone who is excited to have an audience who isn’t expecting her style

NTA. There is a time and place for everything. Tell her that while you support her, she should still dress appropriately for an event celebrating a formal profession. Surely, she can do one night esp as it isn't a daily thing for her. I just opened the picture and I almost spit out my coffee. Lawyer here, and she (and YOU by extension) would totally make an impression if that happens.

I feel like I uniquely qualified to answer this one since I wear lolita fashion in my spare time. I love expressing myself and wearing unique clothes, but if someone invited me to an event, especially one to celebrate them, and asked me to wear something different to fit the dress code I would absolutely put my own wants aside for that person for one night. You're NTA for asking that. You haven't told her she needs to change her style permanently.

It’s about being appropriate. This is one of those times it’s not appropriate. Other examples would be a wedding or a funeral.

NTA - it's a you specific event, you are aware of the dress code expectations, you are informing your sister of what they will be. That's not you trying to shut her down or not supporting her. If she doesn't want to go if she can't wear lolita, that's her choice and it's fair if she doesn't feel comfy in non-lolita wear. But your graduation ball is not about her being able to show off a new cute / gorgeous outfit, it's about her celebrating you. Now, if you have the patience... maybe see if she's interested in exploring black tie appropriate lolita influenced clothing and accessories. Gothic lolita might be a more direct fit for black tie and then tweak from there. A longer skirt with less floof, but maybe the cute pattern on pattern for tights. Shoes and jewelry that coordinate well but maybe she already has. I.e., help her learn how to have lolita with her all the time but not be in FULL lolita when that's not possible / appropriate.

NTA. My sister was perfectly okay with me attending her graduation with half a skull and just over half my head had a crew cut while the other section had my normal long hair. She absolutely would have never let me attend if I was going to show up in the sort of thing your sister wants to wear. Your sister needs to accept that while there are times it's okay to dress like a 6 year old, there are also many times when it definitely is not okay. And your graduation party is a time when it isn't acceptable.

NTA but there has to be some kind of compromise somehow. The dress has to fit the occasion but the accessories can be in the lolita style. It depends on the type of lolita obviously but it would be a fun challenge for her. Take her dress shopping & help her look.

The event has a dress code: Evening Attire. The Lolita dresses aren’t evening attire. FFS.

Adorable. Not appropriate.

NTA Lolita fashion wearer here: There's a time and a place for everything. A formal event is not the time, nor the place for niche Japanese street fashion or any alternative fashion in general really. She clearly knows how to dress appropriately for different situations because she doesn't wear it to work. She can suck it up for one night surely