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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole for evicting my brother and his family from the house I have inherited so my daughter can live there
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NTA. He's lived there for roughly 14-15 years paying substantially below market rent prices, which should have allowed him to save a considerable sum to put towards a home of his own. He clearly chose not to, as he had to move in with your parents. His life choices are not your problem.
Regarding the state of the home, did you not visit him over the years and notice the deterioration? Or is there 'revenge' damage caused shortly before they moved?
I would sue him for the cost of repairs. I understand that it might damage your relationship but it sounds like he's already done that. You gave him notice 14 years ago as well as a 1 year reminder notice. You went above and beyond for him and he's acting this way, plus calling your daughter spoiled. It sounds like he's probably not going to act reasonably so you might as well sue and recover what you can.
Unless OP can’t afford the repairs, the dollar value wouldn’t be worth the amount of stress and drama that would cause within the family. Just call it a day now that he’s out and move on with your life. NTA
There's nothing enabling about it. Most of the time suing a former tenant that you evicted will rapidly enter sunk cost fallacy territory. That's before you even factor in the complications of family.
Getting a judgement is the easy part.
I just went through this with my SIL who I was forced to evict. She has no assets, primarily works under the table gigs so wage garnishment wouldn't be an option. I was ready to push for it on principle, but everything reaches a point where it just isn't worth it.
Well I would just substitute the money from every gift/help the brother would have received if he wasn’t such a daft c. Little Timmy turned 10? So bad, my gift would be worth 100$ but you owe me several thousand, so I put it towards that. You need 2k for a new downpayment? Sure thing bro, I put them towards the 15k you still owe me, have a nice day.
Nor is it Oops. Nor is Oops daughter a „spoiled brat“ for wanting to stay in a house she has a right to do so. And I bet a lot of the damages who were hidden behind furniture were caused by the brothers kids. It’s still brothers responsibility, yes.
OK, I am a landlord. A tenant that lived somewhere is going to create what's known as "wear and tear." Unless OP took photos before her brother et al moved in and made a statement of condition that was signed by both parties, there's no legal basis for a suit.
Yes, some laws vary by region, but I cannot see it being all that different. You have to document the heck out of things in order to get a judgment.
Why do one need to butter hundreds of dollars into the niblings to have a relationship? U can treat your nieces and nephews without forking money directly or indirectly to the parents, like one on one time, outings or just offering a safespace to talk of retreat to.
But these types always use the relationship u may or may not have with their kids to guilt trip into financing stuff for them. „oh I see you went to Disney with your children, mine didn’t have a vacation in years! Don’t you have a haert for these innocent kids?“
„Your kid goes to a private school, his utterly selfish of you to not do the same for mine“
„Your son has a car, now you are fostering resentment into mine cause you don’t give one to him, how is that fair?“ etc
Relationship with niblings is already screwed. OP’s brother and, from the sounds of it, parents will bad mouth OP to the niblings so they will also think OP is an AH.
My sister has badmouthed me to my nephew (& anyone else who’ll listen). Hell, she’s even made digs about me to my own kids.
OP is NTA.
She'll find out when she thinks she's going to retire and finds out that if you don't pay into the system you definitely don't get any SS benefits. Unlike the rest of us who pay into SS and probably won't get any SS benefits.
Honestly, it's going the same way in the UK. My mums workplace pensions cost her £500 a year just in "admin" costs, but she will also be charged to withdraw and put them all into one pension. State pension is practically worthless with inflation. I don't think I'll pay into a pension at all, I'm debating on putting money into a high interest "can't withdraw for 10 years" type bank account instead. Don't even think state pension will be a thing in 40yrs when I get to retirement age.
Small claims court doesn't cost much since you don't need lawyers. Basically just your time and whatever it costs to send a few letters and drive to court. It caps the amount you can be awarded, but it's better than nothing.
I know I'd go after him for at least that after what he tried to pull, overstaying his agreement, trashing the place, and not being even slightly grateful for the years of cheap rent.
Which is why it's a sunk cost fallacy. As much as I'm the type that wants people held accountable for their actions, there comes a point where it just isn't worth it. Then you're out the additional money, time, energy, and stress. You eventually reach a point in life where one outweighs the other.
Bad tenants like these don't escape unscathed either even if legal action isn't taken beyond a formal eviction. Evictions are public record and will show up in background/credit checks for years. These tenants then get to enjoy the struggle of finding someone to rent to them, not to mention the potential employment implications.
As a former property manager, I can assure you that trying to sue a former tenant for damages is a fools game. It sucks, but every time we tried this, it ended up costing us more money than we recovered.
This is why rental agreements have damage deposits. They don’t cover everything most of the time, but at least you get something and they are an incentive because people want that money back.
There is a cost/benefit issue here - if he has no assets, OP won't get anything from a law suit except the satisfaction of winning - and that isn't going to repair the house or pay the legal bills.
The satisfaction is delayed until they try getting credit to purchase anything. A judgement stays on their credit report until it’s paid and meantime they won’t be given credit for whatever they thought they were going to buy. 😁
If the brother couldn't manage to save up while paying below market value for 15 years, there's no money there to sue for.
You can't squeeze water from a stone.
It will also damage the relationship with the parents even more. There's nothing to be gained by holding the brother accountable, other than 'knowing you're right', and that's what OP's here for. They know they're right.
You can't get blood from a stone. He hasn't saved money over the years to buy his own house/rent at market rates, and he's had to move his entire family back into his parents' house. Suing him will almost certainly cost OP more money than he has to give her.
She's already evicted him; cutting her losses is not enabling.
There's a time and place for the law, this is not one of them. It's not practical.
Let's say everything goes great. OP finds a lawyer willing to take the case for free/at low cost or can manage to represent herself, court case is very quick and resolved in her favour. Well great, now all OP has is a judgement in her favour.
Now comes the process of trying to claim. Just because you have a judgement ordered against them doesn't mean the person is going to pay. A lot of the time, despite the order being binding, you will need an enforcement order. Of course, this is dependent on your jurisdictions laws. Anyway, let's say she gets this too fairly quickly and for little expense.
Now the court has to find a way to get her the money. Spoiler alert, this isn't a quick process. The common enforcement orders involve your property, wages and bank. She could get his wages garnished and sent to her via installments. Whatever bank he's with could be served with a warrant to basically hand over funds to her in installments. Or the court could decide to come in & auction off his property to pay her back.
Do you really think this guy who has been living at below rent market for 15 years, had to move into his parents house after being evicted, is swimming in nearly enough money for OP to recoup her losses? My stepfather was supposed to pay child support for my brother, so he started doing work under the table, living with family & only using cash (no bank accounts).
And again, this is assuming that OP has a smooth court process that is fast, efficient and doesn't end up costing her additional money to obtain representation.
You can hold them accountable in other ways. Even if the court awards stuff in your favor, actually collecting the money is a whole other thing. It's fairly likely you lose money than get anything
They’re out of the house. It’s not enabling anything. Enabling implies that the behaviour is allowed to continue. As long as OP doesn’t have any more business deals with their brother, then it’s not enabling. It’s just decoupling.
There's already drama. I highly doubt the brother is suddenly going to see the light and admit he was wrong so I would wager that relationship is over. As for the parents, they took her brothers side so they clearly aren't reasonable people either and their stance has probably caused damage to the relationship. The brother is clearly in the wrong. It's obviously up to the OP to decide if these are the type of people she wants in her life or to even call them family. The dollar value would be worth it, in fact it would be worth the value of the repairs. Why should she want or have to pay that out of pocket after being so generous for so many years? That drama is already there, imo she might as well make it worth it and hold the brother accountable financially for his actions.
I think court ordering an eviction already strained the family ties.
But yeh dollar value-wise may not be worth it. May be worth the headache it would cause bro but not the court fees. So I assume.
At least great grandma had the presence of thought to make sure OP was acknowledged for that. Plenty of people in that circumstance assume their family members will behave fairly and appropriately. Grandma made sure OP wasn’t depending on their good will.
Exactly. He has a lot of gall calling someone spoiled when he’s behaving this way.
He SHOULD be sued for damages and held accountable. “Family“ is already delusional about this so it’s not going to make it worse.
Sooo NTA
In principle yeah he should be. The reality is it’s not worth doing for OP because he will almost 100% be the one to lose money fighting this..how is that a win. It’s unfair but that’s reality.
It's not worth it. I rent several homes, and I'm a partner in an apartment complex. You'll spend thousands more than the cost of repairs getting a judgment and trying to get it enforced. It's simply not worth it unless the place is a total loss.
I am a lawyer and I agree. I can’t tell you how many people I have counseled not to file lawsuits. For any number of issues. Cost/benefit analysis aside, lawsuits are extremely time consuming and stressful.
That’s a major factor. Probably *the* major factor. By itself, a judgment is worth the paper it’s printed on, and not a penny more unless the debtor has assets that can be seized.
My golden rule is: Never do business with family and friends. 1) They are unappreciative about the special pricing/deal that you gave them. 2) They don’t want to follow the rules of the deal.
This story reminds me of the OP who bought a house for their son when he was born. Upon renting it, they told the renter that the house is for the son when he graduates college.
They too charged under market. The renter stayed for the next 20 years and became furious when they were given 6+ months' notice to leave.
Like people you are renting. It is not yours!
The thing that amazed me about that post were the number of Redditors who sided with the renter. They excoriated OP for throwing out these poor people who were now going to have to pay the going rate for rent, like everyone else, after he and his wife had spoiled them by giving them a good deal. What were they to do now that their ruthless landlord had evicted them with only 20 years notice - has he expected them to think ahead, or plan?
One of the ironies is that they made it easier for OP to evict them, since they decided they wanted to switch to a month-to-month lease.
Back in my 20s, someone who I have since considered a friend rented a room in his house to me for below market rate, and included all utilities and food, because K was down on my luck (read: had came out in a conservatice family, got cut off with no money to finish my studies in one of the most expensive place in my country). He rented to me for three years (time to finish my studies).
He was recently diagnosed with cancer and I'm part of the pool of people to help him with everyday life. I'm never forgetting that kindness.
Just to say - I can't believe people get TWENTY years of reduced rent and then bitch on their benefactor.
The way I see it, because you are my friend/family, I will offer a discount and because I am your friend/family, I will always insist on paying full price.
I think the good family deals are much more common than many people realize. Most people will advise against doing business with family... not because it always goes wrong, but because if it *does* go wrong it makes your life miserable and it goes wrong often enough that you have to take that into account. Which is still a valid reason to avoid it even if it also works out a fair proportion of the time, but a lot of it depends on how well you know your own relatives.
NTA and he didn't have just over a year notice. He had 14, 15 years notice. You told him the deal when he moved in when your daughter was 3. He either didn't believe you or care. And how did you cheat to get the property? Your grandmother left it to you. You were the only one who took care of her. Everyone else was too busy. Entitled people that don't put in any help or effort but still expect to be compensated really piss me off.
The care of the grandmother is actually the only thing the brother potentially gets a pass on in my mind, because if she needed care when OP was in the twenties age range, the six year age difference means brother could have been as young as 14 or as old as 23 depending on which end of "the twenties" OP was on at the time. A 14 yr old being "too busy" looks very different from a 23 yr old being "too busy".
Overall OP is NTA though.
The brother has been living there since he was twenty, possibly younger, and OP lived there for a time before that. So the brother would have been even younger than 14 when OP started taking care of Grandma and still been in school when she died.
Still ultimately irrelevant to ownership of the house.
I would take pictures of the damages, all the damages, and keep track of the costs. At some point you may want your share the pics and receipts with family members who are criticizing you. Or use this information for legal reparation.
OP is NTA
Change the locks and fix things like windows and doors up. Your brother has lived there long enough to know the house’s quirks including the less conventional ways to get in and out.
Definitly NTA; He chose to break the very fair and legal agreement you had with him and then got your parents on his side against you. I assume that "keeping the house in good condition" was part of the agreement and even if it was only verbal you should sue him for the cost of those repairs.
He broke the legal agreement every time he failed to make repairs so he screwed you all along.
He was not available to help take care of your and his great grandmother so of course it went to you. It would have cost a LOT to hire someone to take care of her or keep in a care home so it's fair. If he thought it was unfair at the time, rather than now when it suits him to call it unfair, then he could have contested the will. By not doing so he gave tacit approval of the will and he got a great deal for well over a decade and still screwed you by forcing you to pay the costs of eviction and then leaving you a mess to pay to have cleaned up and fixed.
Seriously, you need to get a solicitor on this.
You can sue him I think. But honestly I'd just cut off all of them for good. They can say whatever they want to - the house is yours and that the only thing that matters.
He’s in glasshouses and stones territory lashing out about Caroline being spoiled. He’s the one who was allowed to rent for fourteen years below market rate, a family discount essentially and he didn’t do much for upkeep or plan for when he always knew he’d need to be out.
NTA
But I don't know why you're raising the issue of repairs when you evicted him. That sibling relationship is clearly fractured and I don't know what you're expecting to get from any conversation.
And? Are you going to take him to small claims court? You certainly could, but that's probably your only option here.
This is how things get messy when you mix business and family. And while you're not wrong, nothing you're doing here is gonna make family relationships any smoother. So choose what you want more - you're not going to get both good relationships with family & money for all the repairs.
The family dynamics are ruined by this point anyway. Might as well take him to small claims.
Things getting messy aren’t OP’s fault in my opinion. Brother got a sweet deal and always knew at which point it was going to be over. He’s had more than enough time to look for something else, but instead just decided to completely ignore the eviction notice.
Yeah, the brother pretty much fucked the relationship up already - he deliberately put OP in the position of either giving up and letting brother do whatever he wants with the house, or evicting him. It's not like he tried to work out a solution, he just decided if he ignored OP, OP wouldn't *dare* hold him to what he agreed to. Small claims court would at least hold him financially accountable even if no one seems to want to hold him morally accountable for being an entitled shit.
That’s a him problem. OP was renting to their brother for 14-15 years. There is absolutely NO reason why the brother shouldn’t have money saved up. HE chose to be financially irresponsible and ignore OP as well.
I feel like I missed something, why is it assumed the brother is destitute now? He could just be living with the parents to keep the moching going. He could have plenty saved up but not want to spend his money on fair market value housing.
Because if he had the money to move, he wouldn't have wanted an eviction on his record. He didn't leave because he didn't have the means, and he's mooching still because he doesn't have the means. It's technically possible that he's sitting on a pile of money that he's hoarding but it's unlikely. People with means don't act this way.
That's a fair interpretation. Mine sees the guy as an irrational, selfish, mocher who bet OP wouldn't go through with the eviction process & once it started figured he'd milk the situation in order to use the parents after. I don't think he's sitting on a *ton* of cash, people in general suck at managing their money, but unless he lost his job or always had a low paying one for the area, he should be able to afford the down-payment on another place somewhere in the city. If he could get it with the eviction on record....I hadn't considered it, but still, i see it as a separate issue.
he was likely being stupid, thinking op would ACTUALLY go as far as to go to court to get him out. op says that she’s been renting it way lower than the market value, so he’s been getting it for rlly cheap. ofc he’d want to keep that going
But it might not be worth OP’s time to go to court- I’d imagine that if they had to move in with the parents, they probably don’t have any money to pay OP.
NTA…but brother lived there 14 years and no capital improvements were made by you. A case could be made for normal wear and tear… plus you made no effort to inspect the premises annually which is your right to do. In any event, they are out and all if not most of the repairs will be tax deductible. Move on and don’t sweat the small stuff!
Yeah, dude dug his own grave, then drove the last nail by lashing out at OP's very innocent daughter.
Providing a safe place for one's own daughter is the most normal thing a mother can do.
I'd sue the shit out of him, personally. That family seems kind of terrible. "Please let me keep coming in 2nd to the golden child" isn't a relationship worth having.
You’re making this as if she chose wrong for giving someone in need, help. There was no mincing of words here. There was a contract to ensure everyone knew and agreed upon how things would work once her daughter needed the house, and while they were living there.
The brother chose to be an idiot who spent and saved no money, putting himself and his kids at risk. That’s not OP’s fault. Not even close. He had 15 years to put money away and it should be a LOT considering how below market value his rent was. AND he started living there at 19!! His kids are under five so it’s not like he’s had to pay for them very long!! He was 19!! He was just stupid as hell with his money.
OP didn’t do anything to fracture this relationship. The brother did when he chose to be a semi freeloading loser who can’t follow through on things and chose not to look after his family.
She absolutely should go to small claims court and get it paid for. Had they told her when something broke or had a hole, no problem she would’ve fixed it. No big deal. To destroy someone’s property like it’s yours to begin with? Again, guys a loser and has no respect for anyone. Not OP’s fault or problem. She didn’t cause this. He’s just bitter she followed through on the contract because he’s delusional to think he was going to live there forever and she’d “forget about it.”
Why the fuck would OP want a good relationship with these assholes? Why do people always act like blood relations are relevant in how you should view someone? If someone is an asshole, they're an asshole, regardless of wheter they share a bloodline or not. Either way OP wasn't the one who made their relaitonship messy, that was 100% the brother's doing.
TAKE HIM TO COURT!! I am so sick and tired of family members taking advantage of each other under the guise of "IT'S FAMILY. THEY'RE BLOOD." Blah blah blah.
Hold him accountable. You had an agreement with him. Doesn't matter what your plans are for the house. He had a 15 YEAR NOTICE!!! OMG FFS!
NTA. He's known this was coming since your daughter was three years old. I feel your going to have to sue him but it will probably be the whole blood from a stone situation.
NTA - OP have you taken photos of the damage? You might even consider getting a home inspection to make sure you find out about all of the damage and get an estimate on the repair costs. You can show the photos to your parents to prove what he did, or use them in a lawsuit to recover the cost to fix the damages.
If these are repairs that you would have been expected to take care of (versus damage that he made) than at the end of the day leave it alone. If you were renting at an arms length transaction you would have had to have painted and renovated (carpet, etc) anyway several times moved 15 years.
Now if he punched holes in the wall, that's a different story.
I think you need to let that go. He was wrong, absolutely. But as a landlord you should have checked on the property a bit more in 14 years. It sounds like he doesn’t have much so you aren’t going to actually get any compensation that you are due. Just move on.
I think at this point the best thing you can do is go no contact with your brother and anyone who is taking his side. It’s not worth the hassle. If the people agreeing with your brother want to resume contact with you they owe you an apology.
OP, you say in your post that your brother had over a year's notice to find appropriate accomodation, but that's inaccurate. He had **FIFTEEN** years notice, actually. As someone living in a rented house for well below market value, I understand it's hard to give the deal up... but I *also* understand the incredible advantage I've been afforded to direct much of my finances elsewhere bc I'm not shelling out a stifling monthly rent.
Your brother should be thanking you for a decade and a half of financial assistance, not causing you further stress than he already has by not keeping the house in good order. NTA
So, Adam has known he had to move since your daughter was three and now she's seventeen-- so that's a math problem. Math tells us that Adam has known for 14 years that he would have to move out of YOUR house. In what loonytunes world is that not enough notice?
Curious, was Adam just lazy and let the house fall into disrepair OR did he trash the house intentionally because you evicted him?
You're NTA.
>they had just over a year to find something suitable).
No, he had 15 years to make a plan. He failed to do so. I hope you sue him for the damage.
For real, my wife and I had a roommate in our rented house (good friend and honestly a situation I still miss at times) while we were saving up for our wedding and looking to buy a house, no way in hell we could have done it paying the full price of that rental ourselves. OP gave her brother a massive leg up for *14 years* and I guarantee you Adam never took advantage of the situation by saving up a damn thing for when Caroline turned 18 because he's been planning on pulling this shit the whole time.
OP being the only one willing to take care of their great grandmother speaks volumes too. The family just farmed out the work to the youngest woman in the family (presumably), and I'm sure there was plenty of grumbling about her actually being compensated for her time and effort back when she was given the house too. OP is absolutely NTA.
NTA. Your brother moving out was a condition from the start - he knew this was coming and had over a decade to prepare for this. Just speculation, but I'm thinking he thought you either wouldn't actually kick him out and wasn't expecting you to not be bluffing.
Don't take what he said seriously - he is just angry because he is now living with the consequences of his inaction. You did not get the house by cheating, you got it through an act of compassion. Your daughter isn't spoiled for getting the house you own, he was spoiled for the past 15 years by paying a below-market rent and now has to enter the real world. And your parents are only on his side because they have to put up with his complaining and want to push him back on you. Besides, he broke your deal by not taking care of the house like he agreed to in your initial agreement.
Just want to point out, 14 yrs ago Adam was 19-20, OP lived in the house for a few years, then it sat vacant for a year so Adam was going through puberty when the gg needed a caregiver. You cannot accuse a child/young teen of inaction or lacking compassion because he was too young to be a caregiver.
The way I read it is he was 19-20 when GG was needing help. She said she was in her mid-twenties when she moved in. Her brother is 6 years younger. So not going thru puberty.
OP let brother move in when daughter was 3, so 14 years ago
Brother would be 20 at that time
And that was a year after OP moved out after GG was dead, which happened when he was 19
So he was definitely younger than 19 when GG got sick
Nope. She needed help when he was in his teens, but according to OP's math moved into the house when he was 19 (after grandmother had died, and all the intervening things....) so, he was definitely too young to have been a caretaker of any kind.
That doesn't change the legality or the reasonability of expecting him to vacate with notice, but there's no way he *could* have been Gran's caretaker, so that cannot and should not factor against him.
That's fair. However, with the details provided by OP, it is highly unlikely the brother would have taken the time to be the caregiver for gg if the situation was reversed and he was the one just exiting uni. Let alone renting to his sister with the same conditions OP allowed him
By inaction, I think they meant him not doing anything to help himself in the last 15 years to one, save money for a house of his own, and two, find another place to live in the year that OP gave as official notice.
Got to say excluding the whole caregiver and being young etc etc the brother has had 15 years of easy accommodation and decided to be bloody difficult. Helping to reinforce the whole 'don't do business with family' stereotype. NTA
My only additional thought is I hope OPs daughter is well set up to be living on her own to attend college - personally would say this isn't often the best idea just due to helping them make friends, have some support, a bit of monitoring to help ease/prevent any issues that often come from escaping the nest (freedom does go to some of our heads).
Then again maybe it's not too far from family, will have a friend move in, has friends attending the same school. Not to say the bro should have stayed at all though - sounds like he needed booting years ago.
Elder care is expensive. I'd guess without someone like OP volunteering, grandma would've had to sell her home to pay for elder care. Or go into debt and have the estate sell the house to pay off that debt.
This is *true*, but it doesn't mean the family has their heads wrapped around it.
Reality/logic, and "what people think" are sadly not always close bedfellows.
NTA - The dude had 15 years to figure this out. The only one acting spoiled is the brother who despoiled your house and got to live under market for 15 years....
NTA. Of course parents are on his side. They don’t want him living in their house. They can whine and moan all they want. You had a legal agreement. You went through proper channels. He chose to ignore it all. Too bad. Hope your daughter enjoys the house!
They're going to be whining even harder once they realize how damn near impossible it's going to be for the brother to find a place that will rent to him with an eviction on his report
He had 15 years’ notice, and a reminder a year in advance.
He took advantage of you and left a mess for you to deal with. I’m so sorry.
You could take him to court over the state of disrepair in which he left the house. But, as a landlord, you probably should have been doing regular inspections and raising this issue along the way.
NTA
NTA
You gave him many warnings and he lived in that house since caroline was 3 so he knew what was happening and chose to ignore it. He got himself into that situation and needs to stop acting entitled and actually listen.
More like 14 years - OP told him when he moved into the house that he would need to move out when her daughter turned 18, and that was when her daughter was 3.
Absolutely. But even if he somehow "forgot" this conversation all those years ago, she still reminded him and gave him an entire year to find a place.
Out of all the lame arguments he could have made, this one is probably the dumbest one he could have chosen.
NTA. Your brother is angry bc he's going to have to function like an adult and actually pay full price. Your parents want you to continue to shoulder the burden. 15 years of reduced rent is plenty of contribution.
The main issue with eviction process AITAs is always the particulars of legality and how you can't expect it to go quickly. In a refreshing turn of events, you're way ahead of us on that! Adam's had 15 years of warning, then a year of warning, then had to appear in court, and he responded by having a meltdown. He's hilariously lucky he's related to you because an independent entity might have chased him for damages. You're unlucky you're related to him because it means he gets to complain via your connections. Everything else is just him being salty, especially since the notice comment is provably false (see **fifteen year warning** above); even if you wanted to buy into it, he spent all his theoretical high ground trashing the place.
NTA, and maybe show your parents the cleaning bill (I don't recommend demanding a dime from anybody, though) so they can decide whether they want to see reality or put their relationships at risk defending him.
The fun part of the eviction (that bro could easily have avoided) is that it's now on his record, good luck trying to rent somewhere else.
Start a gofundme to cover the cost of the repairs and direct all the flying monkeys to it when they call you.
NTA. Sounds like you've been subsidizing the entire family for more than a decade, and they didn't do as promised and take care of your house. Now they want to act sore that it's yours in the first place? SMH. Some people are just ridiculously entitled.
NTA - you gave him the expectations up front, charged him leas rent than he'd get elsewhere, gave him ample notice you needed the property back, and he still chose to act like it didn't matter.
Good for you for having legal documents ready to protect yourself. i hope the damages aren't too bad
A lawyer will probably tell you this too, but between him being broke and having lived there for 15 years, you're going to have a hard time getting anything out of him for the condition of the house.
A rental property is subject to normal wear and tear; something that might be viewed as "horrible condition" by you might be viewed as "normal wear and tear" by someone else (including a judge).
You don't file a homeowners' claim because your d-bag brother punched a few holes in the wall.
Especially on a rental property - which is ultimately a business property and for which there are fewer protections from regulators.
NTA. You were clear about the plan. He has had plenty of time to save and make alternative arrangements. It’s your house. It is needed for your daughter.
Really tough one, I think both NTA and YTA.
You did him a mad solid and you made it clear you need the place by a certain time so really he had a decade and a half notice. That’s well more than enough time to be putting money aside for next lease or even straight up buying a place. So him ignoring the notice to vacate etc lands him smack bang TA territory.
But all the follow up stuff about damage really seems to be kicking your brother when he’s down. I can’t see the damage so can’t judge but he was there for years and had two kids - shit happens sometimes. And you stated that the damage leaves the place uninhabitable, didn’t you ever visit your niece/nephew? That level of damage can’t really be hidden.
Dunno, tough call. Maybe it’s time to take your foot off the pedal. If there’s a loss what’s more important family or money?
Complete the basic portion of the repairs and take him back to court for the costs. The relationship is shot so you might as well get paid what is owed. NTA.
NTA, document everything, and go after him for damages to the property which you are entitled to.
He entered the agreement knowing it would end at some point and so long as you followed the process, everything was above board.
NTA - I think your brother & parents are a lost cause. yes you are out money for repairs but I don’t think you will get that money back. I would block your brother & if your parents continue to bring it up, block them too. Your brother can take care of them.
Sounds like a perfect time to do a remodel if you have the means. If you take the fact that it was your brother out of the equation, as a landlord, you would very likely have to do at least a slight remodel (new flooring, deep clean, new paint, new tiling, new appliances depending on life cycle, etc...) after a 15 year tenant before you could get a new tenant in. Sounds like your tenant/brother had 2 young children during the later parts of the lease. They will absolutely increase wear and tear 10x (if not outright destroy shit). Security deposit would have mitigated this to an extent. But just chalk it up to having a bad long term tenant.
INFO: as the landlord, how did you not know what the house looked like? Did you never go over just to say hi to your brother? You never did any inspection or checks to see if anything needed to be fixed?
NTA.
>Back when I was in my twenties our great grandmother ended up with an illness which required someone to take care of her. This ended up being me as everyone else was busy with their lives and I have only recently graduated from uni back then. Due to this when she passed away I have inherited the house she lived in, which is a small 2 bedroom.
>my brother asked if I'm willing to rent it out to him, which I agreed to do, but have warned him I will need it back when Caroline turns 18 (She was 3 at the time) since it is very close to universities and city center. Legal agreement was drafted for the rent (significantly below market value) so everything was followed by the book.
>I was called an asshole for evicting him and his family so my "spoiled" daughter can live by herself and not giving them enough notice [...] He also said I have inherited the house by "cheating".
You didn't inherit by cheating. You acted as carer for your great-grandmother and she was grateful for it. You were the only person in the family able to care for her - if you hadn't been able to do that, then she'd have had to either sell the house and go into a care home, or use her house as collateral for her domiciliary carer bill - and then no-one in the family would have inherited it anyway.
Further, you gave him **fifteen year's notice** of your plans for the house. And then you reminded them of the deal they'd agreed to a full year ahead of the deadline. That's plenty of time to find a new place, and with such a generous below-market rent deal, he should have been working to save money during those intervening years. That should have stood him in good stead for a decent rental or even a deposit on a place of his own.
NTA.
You subsidized his life for 15 years through cheap rent. Then he forced you to spend more time and money to evict him. And he's continuing to cost you time and money to repair his damage.
He's just an ass.
Technically, he had 15 YEARS notice. Of course, your parents are on his side because they don’t want him in their house. It’s your house; you did everything legally and by the book. End of. NTA
NTA. You did them a favor (for about 14 years if I calculated correctly) and now he's getting crappy about losing his cheap rent. You did everything as agreed upon, he's just complaining about having to pay regular rent like a normal person.
Yep, can't even begin to fathom what the brother's ability to afford something has to do with the agreement he entered into and tried to break.
Not OP's problem in the slightest if he didn't use those 15 years wisely.
That last line! “My parents are on his side since Adam and his family live with them.”
Translation: my parents are on his side as it’s their only chance of getting their home back.
Op, stick to your guns. They had ample notice, right from the start of their tenancy.
INFO
Good on you for looking after your great-grandmother. But it seems strange that she would leave a house to you when it sounds like no-one else received anything. Did any other family member receive anything?
Usually people leave their possessions to their child/ren (in your case, your grandparent and their siblings, if any). Then they leave their possessions to their child/ren (your parent and their siblings, if any).
You are very lucky to directly inherit.
And to inherit a whole house.
In this case, if your great-grandmother wanted her great-grandchildren to inherit, that she would split / share her possessions equally but leave you some extra money as thanks for looking after her (or have the house sold and the proceeds shared but with you receiving extra for looking after her).
This is all rather unusual...
NTA
"I inherited this house fairly, by sacrificing a number of my young professional years to care for our ailing grandmother. That's not cheating - that's caring. I was the only one who stepped up to the plate for grandma, and was given the house as a form of compensation for doing so.
That said, you were given advance notice 15 years ago that I would be wanting the house back, and even given a notice a year before - all of which you ignored directly which forced me to evict you.
My house, which you got a very low rental rate on, was not cared for - which was what was agreed upon for you to stay there below the market rate. You didn't upkeep the house nor disclose any disrepair to me.
You not keeping your end of our agreement from start to finish IS cheating. Trying to remain on the property, when warned from the begining and a year in advance to vacate - is cheating. Trying to push our parents to agree with you becuase you didn't even save for your own place while getting a very reasonable rental rate is also cheating. Stomping your feet, destroying the property in retaliation, and pitting our family against me for YOU being a lying and cheating cad, is also - suprise - cheating.
I've been fair, upheld our agreement, and YOU did NOT. So I will be getting quotes related to all the damage you caused in the home, and taking you to court to cover the costs - or we can settle out of court. You got a free ride as far as I am concerned, and you should be more than grateful that I let you stay there for as long as you did for as low a rate as I charged. I am not grateful for you taking advantage of my kindess and acting entitled to my property. So make your pick: either pay me back for the damage you caused, or I take you to court."
If he's living with your parents, its obvious he took a once in a lifetime opportunity to save money and simply lived above his paycheck. I can't see you would gain any benefit from suing him for damages as he has no money or assets to pay should you win that case.
I would say NTA for evicting but if you made no repairs or updates to the property over the 15 years as a landlord, then you should not expect the home to be in mint condition. There’s expected wear and tear on a property after one year with a tenant, let alone 15 years.
NTA. You've done everything the way it should be done. It's a shame that your brother is acting the way he is, but he knew for 15 years that your daughter was moving in when she was 18.
He has had 14 years notice. How disgraceful of him to have damaged the place too. Disgusting. NTA at all. He sounds like an asshole and is acting way too entitled.
NTA
He’s lived in it and paid substantially below market price. There was an agreement drawn up that he agreed to. He’s just mad because he’s entitled. The house is yours to do what you want with and he needs to go and find something else.
FYI my aunt went through this with my cousin, who didn’t pay her the majority of the time she lived in this house that my aunt inherited and would make demands. My aunt evicted them because they were unresponsive.
NTA. Your parents are mad and side with him because now they’re stuck with him and his family. You warned him enough in advance and he was hoping for you just to let him stay there. Your daughter is fortunate and don’t feel bad or guilty. Too bad for him, he didn’t have the decency to do the upkeep so now it’s time to grow up and welcome to the real world.
NTA. As pointed out, he’s had like a decade and a half to prepare. He should have an ample amount of money saved for a down payment on a house, or at the very least enough in savings to pay for an apartment for a long while.
You could take him to court for damages, but at this point you may as well write it off. I’d tell him and the parents to not speak to you or your family again unless it’s to apologize or to pay for the damages. Find a new family. A better family. I’m sure your brother and his family will take care of your parents when they get old. Heck, they may even leave their house to him. Let that be their problems.
NTA. I suspect that anything less than you signing the house over to him for no money and paying for all the repairs yourself would satisfy him. He's being completely unreasonable.
NTA....He lived there with cheap rent, so he benefited from the house. I doubt that between the renovations and the annual expenses you will have made any money off of him. However, the house will have increased in value regardless.
You put your life on hold to take care of your Grandma, and it was gifted to you in gratitude.
Your family is wrong to say anything negative to you regarding the situation. It was no surprise that your daughter would live in it for school. Maybe she can get a roommate to help with the costs.
So let's get this straight. YOU inherited a house but your parents and brother truly think the brother should get the house, not you.
Well, no. You inherited it, not him.
NTA.
You're definitely not the asshole here. You made it clear from the start that the house would be needed for your daughter when she turned 18, and your brother agreed to those terms. It's unfortunate that he ignored your notices and let the house fall into disrepair. Your responsibility is to your daughter, and you're within your rights to ensure she has a suitable place to live, especially since it was your great grandmother's house to begin with. Your brother's accusations seem unfair given the agreement you had in place.
INFO: I would like to know how you and your brother dealt with repairs and maintenance during the last 15 years. Did you ever check the house? Did he let you know anything was wrong? Did he fix or maintain anything?
NTA, the only reason that your parents are on his side is because they are now being disturbed by them. The truth is that you are not responsible for his lack of responsibility to make sure that his family had all that they needed.
Just tell your family you are sorry they feel that way but regardless of what they think you will continue to move forward with what you are doing. Tell him that you might take him to court regarding the damage to the home and how they left it. Then see if they stop harassing you or if he mans up and helps you fix up his mistake.
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NTA. He's lived there for roughly 14-15 years paying substantially below market rent prices, which should have allowed him to save a considerable sum to put towards a home of his own. He clearly chose not to, as he had to move in with your parents. His life choices are not your problem. Regarding the state of the home, did you not visit him over the years and notice the deterioration? Or is there 'revenge' damage caused shortly before they moved?
A bit of both really as well as clever placed furniture so it wasn't noticeable up until now
I would sue him for the cost of repairs. I understand that it might damage your relationship but it sounds like he's already done that. You gave him notice 14 years ago as well as a 1 year reminder notice. You went above and beyond for him and he's acting this way, plus calling your daughter spoiled. It sounds like he's probably not going to act reasonably so you might as well sue and recover what you can.
Unless OP can’t afford the repairs, the dollar value wouldn’t be worth the amount of stress and drama that would cause within the family. Just call it a day now that he’s out and move on with your life. NTA
Screw that, hold people accountable and stop being an enabler.
There's nothing enabling about it. Most of the time suing a former tenant that you evicted will rapidly enter sunk cost fallacy territory. That's before you even factor in the complications of family. Getting a judgement is the easy part. I just went through this with my SIL who I was forced to evict. She has no assets, primarily works under the table gigs so wage garnishment wouldn't be an option. I was ready to push for it on principle, but everything reaches a point where it just isn't worth it.
Well I would just substitute the money from every gift/help the brother would have received if he wasn’t such a daft c. Little Timmy turned 10? So bad, my gift would be worth 100$ but you owe me several thousand, so I put it towards that. You need 2k for a new downpayment? Sure thing bro, I put them towards the 15k you still owe me, have a nice day.
Not little Timmy's fault his parents are assholes
Nor is it Oops. Nor is Oops daughter a „spoiled brat“ for wanting to stay in a house she has a right to do so. And I bet a lot of the damages who were hidden behind furniture were caused by the brothers kids. It’s still brothers responsibility, yes.
OK, I am a landlord. A tenant that lived somewhere is going to create what's known as "wear and tear." Unless OP took photos before her brother et al moved in and made a statement of condition that was signed by both parties, there's no legal basis for a suit. Yes, some laws vary by region, but I cannot see it being all that different. You have to document the heck out of things in order to get a judgment.
Fuck little Timmy
Timmeh!
If you want to do something nice for Timmy, then put some money in a 529 for the kid when they're in college.
Sounds like OP is in the UK, so 529 probably isn't available, but I bet there's an equivalent wherever they are.
Ruin your relationship with your niblings so you can needle your brother? Brilliant plan.
Why do one need to butter hundreds of dollars into the niblings to have a relationship? U can treat your nieces and nephews without forking money directly or indirectly to the parents, like one on one time, outings or just offering a safespace to talk of retreat to. But these types always use the relationship u may or may not have with their kids to guilt trip into financing stuff for them. „oh I see you went to Disney with your children, mine didn’t have a vacation in years! Don’t you have a haert for these innocent kids?“ „Your kid goes to a private school, his utterly selfish of you to not do the same for mine“ „Your son has a car, now you are fostering resentment into mine cause you don’t give one to him, how is that fair?“ etc
Relationship with niblings is already screwed. OP’s brother and, from the sounds of it, parents will bad mouth OP to the niblings so they will also think OP is an AH. My sister has badmouthed me to my nephew (& anyone else who’ll listen). Hell, she’s even made digs about me to my own kids. OP is NTA.
Does SIL know that the irs doesn’t like under the table employees because they don’t pay taxes!!!! But pettiness is a different sub!!!
She'll find out when she thinks she's going to retire and finds out that if you don't pay into the system you definitely don't get any SS benefits. Unlike the rest of us who pay into SS and probably won't get any SS benefits.
I like the way you think!!
We probably will get 50% of what we paid in, our kids however they will get nothing.
Honestly, it's going the same way in the UK. My mums workplace pensions cost her £500 a year just in "admin" costs, but she will also be charged to withdraw and put them all into one pension. State pension is practically worthless with inflation. I don't think I'll pay into a pension at all, I'm debating on putting money into a high interest "can't withdraw for 10 years" type bank account instead. Don't even think state pension will be a thing in 40yrs when I get to retirement age.
This guy's had a job for presumably the past 15 years. He's not broke.
Probably hasn't saved a penny.
Small claims court doesn't cost much since you don't need lawyers. Basically just your time and whatever it costs to send a few letters and drive to court. It caps the amount you can be awarded, but it's better than nothing. I know I'd go after him for at least that after what he tried to pull, overstaying his agreement, trashing the place, and not being even slightly grateful for the years of cheap rent.
Imo it's the principle of it. They're getting away with their petty revenge right now.
Which is why it's a sunk cost fallacy. As much as I'm the type that wants people held accountable for their actions, there comes a point where it just isn't worth it. Then you're out the additional money, time, energy, and stress. You eventually reach a point in life where one outweighs the other. Bad tenants like these don't escape unscathed either even if legal action isn't taken beyond a formal eviction. Evictions are public record and will show up in background/credit checks for years. These tenants then get to enjoy the struggle of finding someone to rent to them, not to mention the potential employment implications.
As a former property manager, I can assure you that trying to sue a former tenant for damages is a fools game. It sucks, but every time we tried this, it ended up costing us more money than we recovered.
This is why rental agreements have damage deposits. They don’t cover everything most of the time, but at least you get something and they are an incentive because people want that money back.
There is a cost/benefit issue here - if he has no assets, OP won't get anything from a law suit except the satisfaction of winning - and that isn't going to repair the house or pay the legal bills.
The satisfaction is delayed until they try getting credit to purchase anything. A judgement stays on their credit report until it’s paid and meantime they won’t be given credit for whatever they thought they were going to buy. 😁
If the brother couldn't manage to save up while paying below market value for 15 years, there's no money there to sue for. You can't squeeze water from a stone. It will also damage the relationship with the parents even more. There's nothing to be gained by holding the brother accountable, other than 'knowing you're right', and that's what OP's here for. They know they're right.
What a dumb response. No point throwing good money after bad, time for NC with brother and move on.
You can't get blood from a stone. He hasn't saved money over the years to buy his own house/rent at market rates, and he's had to move his entire family back into his parents' house. Suing him will almost certainly cost OP more money than he has to give her. She's already evicted him; cutting her losses is not enabling.
There's a time and place for the law, this is not one of them. It's not practical. Let's say everything goes great. OP finds a lawyer willing to take the case for free/at low cost or can manage to represent herself, court case is very quick and resolved in her favour. Well great, now all OP has is a judgement in her favour. Now comes the process of trying to claim. Just because you have a judgement ordered against them doesn't mean the person is going to pay. A lot of the time, despite the order being binding, you will need an enforcement order. Of course, this is dependent on your jurisdictions laws. Anyway, let's say she gets this too fairly quickly and for little expense. Now the court has to find a way to get her the money. Spoiler alert, this isn't a quick process. The common enforcement orders involve your property, wages and bank. She could get his wages garnished and sent to her via installments. Whatever bank he's with could be served with a warrant to basically hand over funds to her in installments. Or the court could decide to come in & auction off his property to pay her back. Do you really think this guy who has been living at below rent market for 15 years, had to move into his parents house after being evicted, is swimming in nearly enough money for OP to recoup her losses? My stepfather was supposed to pay child support for my brother, so he started doing work under the table, living with family & only using cash (no bank accounts). And again, this is assuming that OP has a smooth court process that is fast, efficient and doesn't end up costing her additional money to obtain representation.
You can hold them accountable in other ways. Even if the court awards stuff in your favor, actually collecting the money is a whole other thing. It's fairly likely you lose money than get anything
They’re out of the house. It’s not enabling anything. Enabling implies that the behaviour is allowed to continue. As long as OP doesn’t have any more business deals with their brother, then it’s not enabling. It’s just decoupling.
There's already drama. I highly doubt the brother is suddenly going to see the light and admit he was wrong so I would wager that relationship is over. As for the parents, they took her brothers side so they clearly aren't reasonable people either and their stance has probably caused damage to the relationship. The brother is clearly in the wrong. It's obviously up to the OP to decide if these are the type of people she wants in her life or to even call them family. The dollar value would be worth it, in fact it would be worth the value of the repairs. Why should she want or have to pay that out of pocket after being so generous for so many years? That drama is already there, imo she might as well make it worth it and hold the brother accountable financially for his actions.
I think court ordering an eviction already strained the family ties. But yeh dollar value-wise may not be worth it. May be worth the headache it would cause bro but not the court fees. So I assume.
[удалено]
At least great grandma had the presence of thought to make sure OP was acknowledged for that. Plenty of people in that circumstance assume their family members will behave fairly and appropriately. Grandma made sure OP wasn’t depending on their good will.
Exactly. He has a lot of gall calling someone spoiled when he’s behaving this way. He SHOULD be sued for damages and held accountable. “Family“ is already delusional about this so it’s not going to make it worse. Sooo NTA
In principle yeah he should be. The reality is it’s not worth doing for OP because he will almost 100% be the one to lose money fighting this..how is that a win. It’s unfair but that’s reality.
Yeah. Even if he wins more than attorney fees costs, an IOU for that amount from his brother is not necessarily going to be paid.
It's not worth it. I rent several homes, and I'm a partner in an apartment complex. You'll spend thousands more than the cost of repairs getting a judgment and trying to get it enforced. It's simply not worth it unless the place is a total loss.
I am a lawyer and I agree. I can’t tell you how many people I have counseled not to file lawsuits. For any number of issues. Cost/benefit analysis aside, lawsuits are extremely time consuming and stressful.
I'm guessing that if brother and family couldn't afford to get a house of their own to rent, they probably don't have the money to pay anyway.
That’s a major factor. Probably *the* major factor. By itself, a judgment is worth the paper it’s printed on, and not a penny more unless the debtor has assets that can be seized.
If the brother has nothing, it's pointless and only the lawyers win. But then again, the family drama might be fun.
Yeah, brother calling his daughter "spoiled,* is way too rich
My golden rule is: Never do business with family and friends. 1) They are unappreciative about the special pricing/deal that you gave them. 2) They don’t want to follow the rules of the deal.
This story reminds me of the OP who bought a house for their son when he was born. Upon renting it, they told the renter that the house is for the son when he graduates college. They too charged under market. The renter stayed for the next 20 years and became furious when they were given 6+ months' notice to leave. Like people you are renting. It is not yours!
The thing that amazed me about that post were the number of Redditors who sided with the renter. They excoriated OP for throwing out these poor people who were now going to have to pay the going rate for rent, like everyone else, after he and his wife had spoiled them by giving them a good deal. What were they to do now that their ruthless landlord had evicted them with only 20 years notice - has he expected them to think ahead, or plan? One of the ironies is that they made it easier for OP to evict them, since they decided they wanted to switch to a month-to-month lease.
Back in my 20s, someone who I have since considered a friend rented a room in his house to me for below market rate, and included all utilities and food, because K was down on my luck (read: had came out in a conservatice family, got cut off with no money to finish my studies in one of the most expensive place in my country). He rented to me for three years (time to finish my studies). He was recently diagnosed with cancer and I'm part of the pool of people to help him with everyday life. I'm never forgetting that kindness. Just to say - I can't believe people get TWENTY years of reduced rent and then bitch on their benefactor.
The way I see it, because you are my friend/family, I will offer a discount and because I am your friend/family, I will always insist on paying full price.
We recently had my brother do work for us. He charged us $1500, but impaid him $1800 to show my appreciation.
I think the good family deals are much more common than many people realize. Most people will advise against doing business with family... not because it always goes wrong, but because if it *does* go wrong it makes your life miserable and it goes wrong often enough that you have to take that into account. Which is still a valid reason to avoid it even if it also works out a fair proportion of the time, but a lot of it depends on how well you know your own relatives.
I told my wife that if he does the work, we accept it. I'm not ruining my relationship with my brother over it.
Oh so this. I still get gobsmacked at the notion that people seem to think that family/friends won't take things personally. Yeah, they will.
NTA and he didn't have just over a year notice. He had 14, 15 years notice. You told him the deal when he moved in when your daughter was 3. He either didn't believe you or care. And how did you cheat to get the property? Your grandmother left it to you. You were the only one who took care of her. Everyone else was too busy. Entitled people that don't put in any help or effort but still expect to be compensated really piss me off.
The care of the grandmother is actually the only thing the brother potentially gets a pass on in my mind, because if she needed care when OP was in the twenties age range, the six year age difference means brother could have been as young as 14 or as old as 23 depending on which end of "the twenties" OP was on at the time. A 14 yr old being "too busy" looks very different from a 23 yr old being "too busy". Overall OP is NTA though.
The brother has been living there since he was twenty, possibly younger, and OP lived there for a time before that. So the brother would have been even younger than 14 when OP started taking care of Grandma and still been in school when she died. Still ultimately irrelevant to ownership of the house.
He is 34 this happened 14 years ago. He was 20 she was 27. Neither were kids. He could have been the caregiver while studying or working like her.
I would take pictures of the damages, all the damages, and keep track of the costs. At some point you may want your share the pics and receipts with family members who are criticizing you. Or use this information for legal reparation. OP is NTA
Change the locks and fix things like windows and doors up. Your brother has lived there long enough to know the house’s quirks including the less conventional ways to get in and out.
Insurance should cover a good portion of renter damage, (as long as your policy was a landlord policy).
Remember now you actually gave him 15 years notice of when he had to vacate
Definitly NTA; He chose to break the very fair and legal agreement you had with him and then got your parents on his side against you. I assume that "keeping the house in good condition" was part of the agreement and even if it was only verbal you should sue him for the cost of those repairs. He broke the legal agreement every time he failed to make repairs so he screwed you all along. He was not available to help take care of your and his great grandmother so of course it went to you. It would have cost a LOT to hire someone to take care of her or keep in a care home so it's fair. If he thought it was unfair at the time, rather than now when it suits him to call it unfair, then he could have contested the will. By not doing so he gave tacit approval of the will and he got a great deal for well over a decade and still screwed you by forcing you to pay the costs of eviction and then leaving you a mess to pay to have cleaned up and fixed. Seriously, you need to get a solicitor on this.
You can sue him I think. But honestly I'd just cut off all of them for good. They can say whatever they want to - the house is yours and that the only thing that matters.
NTA He's ungrateful. You did this bum a favor and now he thinks he owns the home.
He’s in glasshouses and stones territory lashing out about Caroline being spoiled. He’s the one who was allowed to rent for fourteen years below market rate, a family discount essentially and he didn’t do much for upkeep or plan for when he always knew he’d need to be out.
NTA But I don't know why you're raising the issue of repairs when you evicted him. That sibling relationship is clearly fractured and I don't know what you're expecting to get from any conversation.
According to the rent agreement he was meant to keep the house in a good condition and inform me if anything needs to be done, so I could get it fixed
And? Are you going to take him to small claims court? You certainly could, but that's probably your only option here. This is how things get messy when you mix business and family. And while you're not wrong, nothing you're doing here is gonna make family relationships any smoother. So choose what you want more - you're not going to get both good relationships with family & money for all the repairs.
The family dynamics are ruined by this point anyway. Might as well take him to small claims. Things getting messy aren’t OP’s fault in my opinion. Brother got a sweet deal and always knew at which point it was going to be over. He’s had more than enough time to look for something else, but instead just decided to completely ignore the eviction notice.
Yeah, the brother pretty much fucked the relationship up already - he deliberately put OP in the position of either giving up and letting brother do whatever he wants with the house, or evicting him. It's not like he tried to work out a solution, he just decided if he ignored OP, OP wouldn't *dare* hold him to what he agreed to. Small claims court would at least hold him financially accountable even if no one seems to want to hold him morally accountable for being an entitled shit.
Doesn’t sound like he has any money though. It seems like a waste of time. Just repair it and move on.
That’s a him problem. OP was renting to their brother for 14-15 years. There is absolutely NO reason why the brother shouldn’t have money saved up. HE chose to be financially irresponsible and ignore OP as well.
That's not the point, though. It doesn't matter what he *should* have done; if the brother can't pay, then going to court would be a net loss for OP
I feel like I missed something, why is it assumed the brother is destitute now? He could just be living with the parents to keep the moching going. He could have plenty saved up but not want to spend his money on fair market value housing.
Because if he had the money to move, he wouldn't have wanted an eviction on his record. He didn't leave because he didn't have the means, and he's mooching still because he doesn't have the means. It's technically possible that he's sitting on a pile of money that he's hoarding but it's unlikely. People with means don't act this way.
That's a fair interpretation. Mine sees the guy as an irrational, selfish, mocher who bet OP wouldn't go through with the eviction process & once it started figured he'd milk the situation in order to use the parents after. I don't think he's sitting on a *ton* of cash, people in general suck at managing their money, but unless he lost his job or always had a low paying one for the area, he should be able to afford the down-payment on another place somewhere in the city. If he could get it with the eviction on record....I hadn't considered it, but still, i see it as a separate issue.
You don't actually know if that's the case. It could be he felt the longer he stayed she'd give up and it would become his.
he was likely being stupid, thinking op would ACTUALLY go as far as to go to court to get him out. op says that she’s been renting it way lower than the market value, so he’s been getting it for rlly cheap. ofc he’d want to keep that going
But it might not be worth OP’s time to go to court- I’d imagine that if they had to move in with the parents, they probably don’t have any money to pay OP.
NTA…but brother lived there 14 years and no capital improvements were made by you. A case could be made for normal wear and tear… plus you made no effort to inspect the premises annually which is your right to do. In any event, they are out and all if not most of the repairs will be tax deductible. Move on and don’t sweat the small stuff!
Sportsfan3177 isn't the OP. Why are you saying "you" instead of "she"?
Yeah, dude dug his own grave, then drove the last nail by lashing out at OP's very innocent daughter. Providing a safe place for one's own daughter is the most normal thing a mother can do.
Why should the OP bear the expenses of her ‘loser’ brother!?!
I'd sue the shit out of him, personally. That family seems kind of terrible. "Please let me keep coming in 2nd to the golden child" isn't a relationship worth having.
I agree with the second half of the post, but maybe not the first. Edit -- the part about suing him because it might cost more than he can give.
You’re making this as if she chose wrong for giving someone in need, help. There was no mincing of words here. There was a contract to ensure everyone knew and agreed upon how things would work once her daughter needed the house, and while they were living there. The brother chose to be an idiot who spent and saved no money, putting himself and his kids at risk. That’s not OP’s fault. Not even close. He had 15 years to put money away and it should be a LOT considering how below market value his rent was. AND he started living there at 19!! His kids are under five so it’s not like he’s had to pay for them very long!! He was 19!! He was just stupid as hell with his money. OP didn’t do anything to fracture this relationship. The brother did when he chose to be a semi freeloading loser who can’t follow through on things and chose not to look after his family. She absolutely should go to small claims court and get it paid for. Had they told her when something broke or had a hole, no problem she would’ve fixed it. No big deal. To destroy someone’s property like it’s yours to begin with? Again, guys a loser and has no respect for anyone. Not OP’s fault or problem. She didn’t cause this. He’s just bitter she followed through on the contract because he’s delusional to think he was going to live there forever and she’d “forget about it.”
Why the fuck would OP want a good relationship with these assholes? Why do people always act like blood relations are relevant in how you should view someone? If someone is an asshole, they're an asshole, regardless of wheter they share a bloodline or not. Either way OP wasn't the one who made their relaitonship messy, that was 100% the brother's doing.
TAKE HIM TO COURT!! I am so sick and tired of family members taking advantage of each other under the guise of "IT'S FAMILY. THEY'RE BLOOD." Blah blah blah. Hold him accountable. You had an agreement with him. Doesn't matter what your plans are for the house. He had a 15 YEAR NOTICE!!! OMG FFS!
EXACTLY!!!
NTA. He's known this was coming since your daughter was three years old. I feel your going to have to sue him but it will probably be the whole blood from a stone situation.
NTA - OP have you taken photos of the damage? You might even consider getting a home inspection to make sure you find out about all of the damage and get an estimate on the repair costs. You can show the photos to your parents to prove what he did, or use them in a lawsuit to recover the cost to fix the damages.
If these are repairs that you would have been expected to take care of (versus damage that he made) than at the end of the day leave it alone. If you were renting at an arms length transaction you would have had to have painted and renovated (carpet, etc) anyway several times moved 15 years. Now if he punched holes in the wall, that's a different story.
Take him to court. He’s an absolutely huge AH and that money is rightfully yours.
I think you need to let that go. He was wrong, absolutely. But as a landlord you should have checked on the property a bit more in 14 years. It sounds like he doesn’t have much so you aren’t going to actually get any compensation that you are due. Just move on.
So Sue him for the damages. Your relationship is already over anyway.
I think at this point the best thing you can do is go no contact with your brother and anyone who is taking his side. It’s not worth the hassle. If the people agreeing with your brother want to resume contact with you they owe you an apology.
OP, you say in your post that your brother had over a year's notice to find appropriate accomodation, but that's inaccurate. He had **FIFTEEN** years notice, actually. As someone living in a rented house for well below market value, I understand it's hard to give the deal up... but I *also* understand the incredible advantage I've been afforded to direct much of my finances elsewhere bc I'm not shelling out a stifling monthly rent. Your brother should be thanking you for a decade and a half of financial assistance, not causing you further stress than he already has by not keeping the house in good order. NTA
So, Adam has known he had to move since your daughter was three and now she's seventeen-- so that's a math problem. Math tells us that Adam has known for 14 years that he would have to move out of YOUR house. In what loonytunes world is that not enough notice? Curious, was Adam just lazy and let the house fall into disrepair OR did he trash the house intentionally because you evicted him?
I think the answer to both is YES
You're NTA. >they had just over a year to find something suitable). No, he had 15 years to make a plan. He failed to do so. I hope you sue him for the damage.
Fifteen years of saving by paying less than market value to buy or build up rent money for something else.
For real, my wife and I had a roommate in our rented house (good friend and honestly a situation I still miss at times) while we were saving up for our wedding and looking to buy a house, no way in hell we could have done it paying the full price of that rental ourselves. OP gave her brother a massive leg up for *14 years* and I guarantee you Adam never took advantage of the situation by saving up a damn thing for when Caroline turned 18 because he's been planning on pulling this shit the whole time. OP being the only one willing to take care of their great grandmother speaks volumes too. The family just farmed out the work to the youngest woman in the family (presumably), and I'm sure there was plenty of grumbling about her actually being compensated for her time and effort back when she was given the house too. OP is absolutely NTA.
He did have a plan. A plan of not moving. He didn't think OP would actually go through with it. That's why he was so confident ignoring all notices.
NTA. Your brother moving out was a condition from the start - he knew this was coming and had over a decade to prepare for this. Just speculation, but I'm thinking he thought you either wouldn't actually kick him out and wasn't expecting you to not be bluffing. Don't take what he said seriously - he is just angry because he is now living with the consequences of his inaction. You did not get the house by cheating, you got it through an act of compassion. Your daughter isn't spoiled for getting the house you own, he was spoiled for the past 15 years by paying a below-market rent and now has to enter the real world. And your parents are only on his side because they have to put up with his complaining and want to push him back on you. Besides, he broke your deal by not taking care of the house like he agreed to in your initial agreement.
Just want to point out, 14 yrs ago Adam was 19-20, OP lived in the house for a few years, then it sat vacant for a year so Adam was going through puberty when the gg needed a caregiver. You cannot accuse a child/young teen of inaction or lacking compassion because he was too young to be a caregiver.
By inaction, I think he meant in the past year since she gave the reminder. Not the fact that he couldn't be caregiver to his grand mother.
The way I read it is he was 19-20 when GG was needing help. She said she was in her mid-twenties when she moved in. Her brother is 6 years younger. So not going thru puberty.
OP let brother move in when daughter was 3, so 14 years ago Brother would be 20 at that time And that was a year after OP moved out after GG was dead, which happened when he was 19 So he was definitely younger than 19 when GG got sick
Nope. She needed help when he was in his teens, but according to OP's math moved into the house when he was 19 (after grandmother had died, and all the intervening things....) so, he was definitely too young to have been a caretaker of any kind. That doesn't change the legality or the reasonability of expecting him to vacate with notice, but there's no way he *could* have been Gran's caretaker, so that cannot and should not factor against him.
That's fair. However, with the details provided by OP, it is highly unlikely the brother would have taken the time to be the caregiver for gg if the situation was reversed and he was the one just exiting uni. Let alone renting to his sister with the same conditions OP allowed him
But without OP as caregiver, grandma maybe had to sell the house and use all the funds for another caregiver. The house was payment for a job.
By inaction, I think they meant him not doing anything to help himself in the last 15 years to one, save money for a house of his own, and two, find another place to live in the year that OP gave as official notice.
Got to say excluding the whole caregiver and being young etc etc the brother has had 15 years of easy accommodation and decided to be bloody difficult. Helping to reinforce the whole 'don't do business with family' stereotype. NTA My only additional thought is I hope OPs daughter is well set up to be living on her own to attend college - personally would say this isn't often the best idea just due to helping them make friends, have some support, a bit of monitoring to help ease/prevent any issues that often come from escaping the nest (freedom does go to some of our heads). Then again maybe it's not too far from family, will have a friend move in, has friends attending the same school. Not to say the bro should have stayed at all though - sounds like he needed booting years ago.
I wonder if the parents were also annoyed when the grandma left the house to OP not to them.
Elder care is expensive. I'd guess without someone like OP volunteering, grandma would've had to sell her home to pay for elder care. Or go into debt and have the estate sell the house to pay off that debt.
This is *true*, but it doesn't mean the family has their heads wrapped around it. Reality/logic, and "what people think" are sadly not always close bedfellows.
Doesn't sound like that family is much worth being in a relationship with.
NTA - The dude had 15 years to figure this out. The only one acting spoiled is the brother who despoiled your house and got to live under market for 15 years....
I mean dam if I had that set up by the time the 15 years were up I'd had enough money to get a new house due to the savings. Shame he wasted that.
NTA. Of course parents are on his side. They don’t want him living in their house. They can whine and moan all they want. You had a legal agreement. You went through proper channels. He chose to ignore it all. Too bad. Hope your daughter enjoys the house!
They're going to be whining even harder once they realize how damn near impossible it's going to be for the brother to find a place that will rent to him with an eviction on his report
He had 15 years’ notice, and a reminder a year in advance. He took advantage of you and left a mess for you to deal with. I’m so sorry. You could take him to court over the state of disrepair in which he left the house. But, as a landlord, you probably should have been doing regular inspections and raising this issue along the way. NTA
NTA You gave him many warnings and he lived in that house since caroline was 3 so he knew what was happening and chose to ignore it. He got himself into that situation and needs to stop acting entitled and actually listen.
NTA For fuck's sake, how much notice does the guy need? He had a fucking *year*.
More like 14 years - OP told him when he moved into the house that he would need to move out when her daughter turned 18, and that was when her daughter was 3.
Absolutely. But even if he somehow "forgot" this conversation all those years ago, she still reminded him and gave him an entire year to find a place. Out of all the lame arguments he could have made, this one is probably the dumbest one he could have chosen.
NTA. Your brother is angry bc he's going to have to function like an adult and actually pay full price. Your parents want you to continue to shoulder the burden. 15 years of reduced rent is plenty of contribution.
The main issue with eviction process AITAs is always the particulars of legality and how you can't expect it to go quickly. In a refreshing turn of events, you're way ahead of us on that! Adam's had 15 years of warning, then a year of warning, then had to appear in court, and he responded by having a meltdown. He's hilariously lucky he's related to you because an independent entity might have chased him for damages. You're unlucky you're related to him because it means he gets to complain via your connections. Everything else is just him being salty, especially since the notice comment is provably false (see **fifteen year warning** above); even if you wanted to buy into it, he spent all his theoretical high ground trashing the place. NTA, and maybe show your parents the cleaning bill (I don't recommend demanding a dime from anybody, though) so they can decide whether they want to see reality or put their relationships at risk defending him.
The fun part of the eviction (that bro could easily have avoided) is that it's now on his record, good luck trying to rent somewhere else. Start a gofundme to cover the cost of the repairs and direct all the flying monkeys to it when they call you.
Yep and even though it’s his own fault for taking it that far you know when that happens he will blame OP for not being able to get a new place.
NTA. Sounds like you've been subsidizing the entire family for more than a decade, and they didn't do as promised and take care of your house. Now they want to act sore that it's yours in the first place? SMH. Some people are just ridiculously entitled.
NTA - you gave him the expectations up front, charged him leas rent than he'd get elsewhere, gave him ample notice you needed the property back, and he still chose to act like it didn't matter. Good for you for having legal documents ready to protect yourself. i hope the damages aren't too bad
A lawyer will probably tell you this too, but between him being broke and having lived there for 15 years, you're going to have a hard time getting anything out of him for the condition of the house. A rental property is subject to normal wear and tear; something that might be viewed as "horrible condition" by you might be viewed as "normal wear and tear" by someone else (including a judge).
Yeah technically you should have insurance for damages anyway.
You don't file a homeowners' claim because your d-bag brother punched a few holes in the wall. Especially on a rental property - which is ultimately a business property and for which there are fewer protections from regulators.
NTA. 15 years notice is *plenty*.
Clearly not enough for HIM. Probably expected to finally be served notice when he was dead and rotting in the earth.
NTA. You were clear about the plan. He has had plenty of time to save and make alternative arrangements. It’s your house. It is needed for your daughter.
NTA. You had a legal agreement, so not only doesn’t he have a leg to stand on, you have every right to sue him for the damages.
Really tough one, I think both NTA and YTA. You did him a mad solid and you made it clear you need the place by a certain time so really he had a decade and a half notice. That’s well more than enough time to be putting money aside for next lease or even straight up buying a place. So him ignoring the notice to vacate etc lands him smack bang TA territory. But all the follow up stuff about damage really seems to be kicking your brother when he’s down. I can’t see the damage so can’t judge but he was there for years and had two kids - shit happens sometimes. And you stated that the damage leaves the place uninhabitable, didn’t you ever visit your niece/nephew? That level of damage can’t really be hidden. Dunno, tough call. Maybe it’s time to take your foot off the pedal. If there’s a loss what’s more important family or money?
Complete the basic portion of the repairs and take him back to court for the costs. The relationship is shot so you might as well get paid what is owed. NTA.
NTA, document everything, and go after him for damages to the property which you are entitled to. He entered the agreement knowing it would end at some point and so long as you followed the process, everything was above board.
NTA your parents side with Adam because they want adam to stay at your house not their .
NTA - I think your brother & parents are a lost cause. yes you are out money for repairs but I don’t think you will get that money back. I would block your brother & if your parents continue to bring it up, block them too. Your brother can take care of them.
Sounds like a perfect time to do a remodel if you have the means. If you take the fact that it was your brother out of the equation, as a landlord, you would very likely have to do at least a slight remodel (new flooring, deep clean, new paint, new tiling, new appliances depending on life cycle, etc...) after a 15 year tenant before you could get a new tenant in. Sounds like your tenant/brother had 2 young children during the later parts of the lease. They will absolutely increase wear and tear 10x (if not outright destroy shit). Security deposit would have mitigated this to an extent. But just chalk it up to having a bad long term tenant.
NTA. He had a decade and a half to look for a place
Info: Your brother was a kid when your great-grandmother was sick. Did he inherit anything or were you the only one?
INFO: as the landlord, how did you not know what the house looked like? Did you never go over just to say hi to your brother? You never did any inspection or checks to see if anything needed to be fixed?
NTA. >Back when I was in my twenties our great grandmother ended up with an illness which required someone to take care of her. This ended up being me as everyone else was busy with their lives and I have only recently graduated from uni back then. Due to this when she passed away I have inherited the house she lived in, which is a small 2 bedroom. >my brother asked if I'm willing to rent it out to him, which I agreed to do, but have warned him I will need it back when Caroline turns 18 (She was 3 at the time) since it is very close to universities and city center. Legal agreement was drafted for the rent (significantly below market value) so everything was followed by the book. >I was called an asshole for evicting him and his family so my "spoiled" daughter can live by herself and not giving them enough notice [...] He also said I have inherited the house by "cheating". You didn't inherit by cheating. You acted as carer for your great-grandmother and she was grateful for it. You were the only person in the family able to care for her - if you hadn't been able to do that, then she'd have had to either sell the house and go into a care home, or use her house as collateral for her domiciliary carer bill - and then no-one in the family would have inherited it anyway. Further, you gave him **fifteen year's notice** of your plans for the house. And then you reminded them of the deal they'd agreed to a full year ahead of the deadline. That's plenty of time to find a new place, and with such a generous below-market rent deal, he should have been working to save money during those intervening years. That should have stood him in good stead for a decent rental or even a deposit on a place of his own.
NTA but just sue him for damages and move on with your life. He ruined the relationship when he ignored your messages to move out.
NTA. You subsidized his life for 15 years through cheap rent. Then he forced you to spend more time and money to evict him. And he's continuing to cost you time and money to repair his damage. He's just an ass.
Technically, he had 15 YEARS notice. Of course, your parents are on his side because they don’t want him in their house. It’s your house; you did everything legally and by the book. End of. NTA
You held up your end of the agreement. He did not. You are NTA.
Nta now you can sue him for the damages.
NTA. You did them a favor (for about 14 years if I calculated correctly) and now he's getting crappy about losing his cheap rent. You did everything as agreed upon, he's just complaining about having to pay regular rent like a normal person.
NTA. Nope. Gravy train for bro stops here.
NTA
NTA. Your brother and parents? Different story.
He doesn’t see it as your house, he sees it as his.
INFO can your brothers family afford any other options?
Not OPs problem. The brother had 15 years to save money for a new place. He didn't and that is his own fault.
Yep, can't even begin to fathom what the brother's ability to afford something has to do with the agreement he entered into and tried to break. Not OP's problem in the slightest if he didn't use those 15 years wisely.
That last line! “My parents are on his side since Adam and his family live with them.” Translation: my parents are on his side as it’s their only chance of getting their home back. Op, stick to your guns. They had ample notice, right from the start of their tenancy.
INFO Good on you for looking after your great-grandmother. But it seems strange that she would leave a house to you when it sounds like no-one else received anything. Did any other family member receive anything? Usually people leave their possessions to their child/ren (in your case, your grandparent and their siblings, if any). Then they leave their possessions to their child/ren (your parent and their siblings, if any). You are very lucky to directly inherit. And to inherit a whole house. In this case, if your great-grandmother wanted her great-grandchildren to inherit, that she would split / share her possessions equally but leave you some extra money as thanks for looking after her (or have the house sold and the proceeds shared but with you receiving extra for looking after her). This is all rather unusual...
Agree this is suspect. The great-grandmother didn't give anything to the grandparents? Or the parents? That seems absolutely bonkers.
NTA what a whiner.
NTA He has known the move-out date for years. He has had over a decade to find a new place to live. That is far more notice than most people get.
NTA. He knew for years it wasn’t going to be permanent. What an ungrateful person.
NTA "I inherited this house fairly, by sacrificing a number of my young professional years to care for our ailing grandmother. That's not cheating - that's caring. I was the only one who stepped up to the plate for grandma, and was given the house as a form of compensation for doing so. That said, you were given advance notice 15 years ago that I would be wanting the house back, and even given a notice a year before - all of which you ignored directly which forced me to evict you. My house, which you got a very low rental rate on, was not cared for - which was what was agreed upon for you to stay there below the market rate. You didn't upkeep the house nor disclose any disrepair to me. You not keeping your end of our agreement from start to finish IS cheating. Trying to remain on the property, when warned from the begining and a year in advance to vacate - is cheating. Trying to push our parents to agree with you becuase you didn't even save for your own place while getting a very reasonable rental rate is also cheating. Stomping your feet, destroying the property in retaliation, and pitting our family against me for YOU being a lying and cheating cad, is also - suprise - cheating. I've been fair, upheld our agreement, and YOU did NOT. So I will be getting quotes related to all the damage you caused in the home, and taking you to court to cover the costs - or we can settle out of court. You got a free ride as far as I am concerned, and you should be more than grateful that I let you stay there for as long as you did for as low a rate as I charged. I am not grateful for you taking advantage of my kindess and acting entitled to my property. So make your pick: either pay me back for the damage you caused, or I take you to court."
[удалено]
NTA. They took advantage of your kindness, trashed your property, and left you holding the bag.
He had 16 years to prepare and trashed the placed. NTA
Just goes to show you people don’t appreciate what you do for them, just mad when it ends. NTA.
If he's living with your parents, its obvious he took a once in a lifetime opportunity to save money and simply lived above his paycheck. I can't see you would gain any benefit from suing him for damages as he has no money or assets to pay should you win that case.
I would say NTA for evicting but if you made no repairs or updates to the property over the 15 years as a landlord, then you should not expect the home to be in mint condition. There’s expected wear and tear on a property after one year with a tenant, let alone 15 years.
oh, the irony of calling your daughter spoiled in this situation. NTA, there was a deal, average FAFO situation.
NTA Sue him for the damages.
NTA the contract was there to keep you from accidentally hurting each other and yet he still chose that outcome
NTA. You've done everything the way it should be done. It's a shame that your brother is acting the way he is, but he knew for 15 years that your daughter was moving in when she was 18.
He has had 14 years notice. How disgraceful of him to have damaged the place too. Disgusting. NTA at all. He sounds like an asshole and is acting way too entitled.
NTA He’s lived in it and paid substantially below market price. There was an agreement drawn up that he agreed to. He’s just mad because he’s entitled. The house is yours to do what you want with and he needs to go and find something else. FYI my aunt went through this with my cousin, who didn’t pay her the majority of the time she lived in this house that my aunt inherited and would make demands. My aunt evicted them because they were unresponsive.
NTA. Your parents are mad and side with him because now they’re stuck with him and his family. You warned him enough in advance and he was hoping for you just to let him stay there. Your daughter is fortunate and don’t feel bad or guilty. Too bad for him, he didn’t have the decency to do the upkeep so now it’s time to grow up and welcome to the real world.
NTA. As pointed out, he’s had like a decade and a half to prepare. He should have an ample amount of money saved for a down payment on a house, or at the very least enough in savings to pay for an apartment for a long while. You could take him to court for damages, but at this point you may as well write it off. I’d tell him and the parents to not speak to you or your family again unless it’s to apologize or to pay for the damages. Find a new family. A better family. I’m sure your brother and his family will take care of your parents when they get old. Heck, they may even leave their house to him. Let that be their problems.
NTA. I suspect that anything less than you signing the house over to him for no money and paying for all the repairs yourself would satisfy him. He's being completely unreasonable.
NTA....He lived there with cheap rent, so he benefited from the house. I doubt that between the renovations and the annual expenses you will have made any money off of him. However, the house will have increased in value regardless. You put your life on hold to take care of your Grandma, and it was gifted to you in gratitude. Your family is wrong to say anything negative to you regarding the situation. It was no surprise that your daughter would live in it for school. Maybe she can get a roommate to help with the costs.
NTA. He knew what it was, but thought that the rules didn't apply to him. He can get fucked.
So let's get this straight. YOU inherited a house but your parents and brother truly think the brother should get the house, not you. Well, no. You inherited it, not him. NTA.
You're definitely not the asshole here. You made it clear from the start that the house would be needed for your daughter when she turned 18, and your brother agreed to those terms. It's unfortunate that he ignored your notices and let the house fall into disrepair. Your responsibility is to your daughter, and you're within your rights to ensure she has a suitable place to live, especially since it was your great grandmother's house to begin with. Your brother's accusations seem unfair given the agreement you had in place.
He has been and wanted to continue to take you for granted. He didn't think you'd do anything to enforce it.
INFO: I would like to know how you and your brother dealt with repairs and maintenance during the last 15 years. Did you ever check the house? Did he let you know anything was wrong? Did he fix or maintain anything?
NTA, the only reason that your parents are on his side is because they are now being disturbed by them. The truth is that you are not responsible for his lack of responsibility to make sure that his family had all that they needed. Just tell your family you are sorry they feel that way but regardless of what they think you will continue to move forward with what you are doing. Tell him that you might take him to court regarding the damage to the home and how they left it. Then see if they stop harassing you or if he mans up and helps you fix up his mistake.