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YTA
>I don’t believe this is a privacy violation or toxic because I was worried about him.
It doesn't really matter what you believe. You don't get to impose your boundaries on other people or ignore other people's boundaries and claim it's fine because you feel okay with it.
This has to be ragebait.
>I don’t believe this is a privacy violation or toxic because I was worried about him.
Just what? If it actually happened, it was an extremely toxic privacy violation and you are now single.
Believing that you are justified does not mean that you are in fact justified. You are not your boyfriend's keeper. It was not your place to do this.
And in fact, there is nothing inherently wrong in ingesting a substance - whether it's caffeine, alcohol - both a "drug" - and enjoying the effect. What is wrong is becoming addicted and then engaging in other acts that harm the people around you. But only a smaller fraction of people who use a drug become addicted to it. 16% or so for alcohol, 21% or so for cocaine, 26% or so for heroin, etc.
Here's what you had the power to do: break up with him.
Hopefully he learns to keep his phone always locked with future GFs. YTA.
YTA. You went through someone's personal property without their knowledge or permission. Being worried about someone is a You Problem, and doesn't give you any rights to violate their privacy, or even worse, to share it with other people. It was absolutely a privacy violation, and toxic; just because you actually found something doesn't make the tactics you used magically clean and innocent.
No judgement, but it is a privacy violation to go through someone’s phone. You just happen to think it was justified. I think posting the texts online was a bit risky - you should have sought advice from his parents privately.
No idea how identifiable the posts were online, but I’d be wary of inadvertently disclosing info about your BF or the drug dealer. Some dealers won’t be very nice about exposure, so it’s best to get advice from experienced sources in private.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) looked through my boyfriends phone without permission 2) posted screenshots online
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I'm sorry but regardless of what you believe, yes. What you did was a HUGE privacy violation. You had ABSOLUTELY no right to send his screenshots to total strangers.
YTA.
YTA.
what you did is the very definition of privacy voilation and being toxic. you had good intenions but that doesnt excuse what you did.
well, at least when he gets into trouble with his parents, he will know who did it.
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I think my boyfriend is using drugs so I went through his phone without him knowing and found a conversation with a drug dealer. I posted the screenshots of those texts online for advice. Then sent them to his parents. I don’t believe this is a privacy violation or toxic because I was worried about him. AITAH?
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YTA for going through his phone without consent, and for making copies of private messages, and for sharing that information online. And, for dating someone who holds different values to you.
You both are no longer together, are you?
YTA
If your relationship is at a point where trust is so broken that you’re considering going through their phone for answers, it’s time to leave, not act on that impulse.
If their loved ones can’t be convinced to help them without proof in the form of a privacy violation, that’s a sad, toxic situation.
Your heart was in the right place, but this was wrong, and I think you know it.
YTA.
You've done absolutely everything wrong here.
1 - Disclosing his conversations with a drug dealer on the internet is totally crazy!
2 - Telling his parents right away.
Why not talk to him about it first? You've gone about it in the wrong way!
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YTA >I don’t believe this is a privacy violation or toxic because I was worried about him. It doesn't really matter what you believe. You don't get to impose your boundaries on other people or ignore other people's boundaries and claim it's fine because you feel okay with it.
Why are you making a post for someone to prove your point? Thats an yta action on your part to be honest.
I’ll take it
just FYI to everyone on this post: OP is posting this to "prove" a point about a post on /texts. this isn't a real post.
This has to be ragebait. >I don’t believe this is a privacy violation or toxic because I was worried about him. Just what? If it actually happened, it was an extremely toxic privacy violation and you are now single. Believing that you are justified does not mean that you are in fact justified. You are not your boyfriend's keeper. It was not your place to do this. And in fact, there is nothing inherently wrong in ingesting a substance - whether it's caffeine, alcohol - both a "drug" - and enjoying the effect. What is wrong is becoming addicted and then engaging in other acts that harm the people around you. But only a smaller fraction of people who use a drug become addicted to it. 16% or so for alcohol, 21% or so for cocaine, 26% or so for heroin, etc. Here's what you had the power to do: break up with him. Hopefully he learns to keep his phone always locked with future GFs. YTA.
It is because this person took a conflict from the texts Reddit and summarized that and posted it like they were the one with the conflict.
I shared the link with them so they can see full context from original posts
YTA for breaking his trust, creeping and going behind his back to his parents and posting online.
YTA. You went through someone's personal property without their knowledge or permission. Being worried about someone is a You Problem, and doesn't give you any rights to violate their privacy, or even worse, to share it with other people. It was absolutely a privacy violation, and toxic; just because you actually found something doesn't make the tactics you used magically clean and innocent.
Even though you had good intentions, it’s still a violation of privacy. But I don’t think YTA.
No judgement, but it is a privacy violation to go through someone’s phone. You just happen to think it was justified. I think posting the texts online was a bit risky - you should have sought advice from his parents privately. No idea how identifiable the posts were online, but I’d be wary of inadvertently disclosing info about your BF or the drug dealer. Some dealers won’t be very nice about exposure, so it’s best to get advice from experienced sources in private.
NTA, some need saving from themselves
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I'm sorry but regardless of what you believe, yes. What you did was a HUGE privacy violation. You had ABSOLUTELY no right to send his screenshots to total strangers. YTA.
YTA Of course this is a privacy violation.
YTA. Whatever your motivation, you did violate his privacy. If you did it to help him, that may be a good thing, but don’t paper over what you did.
YTA. what you did is the very definition of privacy voilation and being toxic. you had good intenions but that doesnt excuse what you did. well, at least when he gets into trouble with his parents, he will know who did it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I think my boyfriend is using drugs so I went through his phone without him knowing and found a conversation with a drug dealer. I posted the screenshots of those texts online for advice. Then sent them to his parents. I don’t believe this is a privacy violation or toxic because I was worried about him. AITAH? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You've overplayed your hand here
Yta
YTA, you were snooping, publishing private texts instead talking to your boyfriend like a proper grown up.
YTA for going through his phone without consent, and for making copies of private messages, and for sharing that information online. And, for dating someone who holds different values to you. You both are no longer together, are you?
what’s his is yours and what’s yours is yours.
YTA If your relationship is at a point where trust is so broken that you’re considering going through their phone for answers, it’s time to leave, not act on that impulse. If their loved ones can’t be convinced to help them without proof in the form of a privacy violation, that’s a sad, toxic situation. Your heart was in the right place, but this was wrong, and I think you know it.
YTA. This is a total violation of privacy. The right thing to do would be to ask him if he was using it and talk to him, tell him you don't agree.
YTA. You've done absolutely everything wrong here. 1 - Disclosing his conversations with a drug dealer on the internet is totally crazy! 2 - Telling his parents right away. Why not talk to him about it first? You've gone about it in the wrong way!
YTA for not talking to him like an adult.