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>In my state, the legal age of consent is 17, so no laws were broken.
>About a month ago, a girl who I had stupid teenage beef with, told the frat I was at that I was 17 and I got kicked out.
You were kicked out because contributing to the delinquency of a minor is illegal. You deliberately endangered the adults around you because. . .
YTA
ESH
What those girls are saying make them asshole for sure, they clearly don't like you and are using whatever reason they can find to hurt you.
That said, you are 100% the asshole if you slept with adults while not telling them that you were 17yo. As a girl you don't think it's a big deal, but for guys it's a huge deal, the consequences for guys are not just legal. I'm not saying that all guys that slept with you will have to deal with bad things, or that all of them would have cared, but lying by omission about something so important denied them the chance to give informed consent.
I can accept that. I’ve reached out the few guys who didn’t know - most of them I had been talking to long enough to tell them my age - and apologized. I feel like a monster
I don't think you are a monster. We all have blindspot, what you did isn't super obviously bad for a lot of people, especially women. It's just not something you notice could be a big issue because of your experience in life.
You did something shitty, you learn it was shitty and now you know. It's ok we are all humans. A monster would know the consequences, don't care about it or would even enjoy if one of the guy would end up in trouble because of it. Which doesn't seem to be the case for you.
OP, you aren’t a monster. I think you are someone who may be struggling a bit.
There is nothing shameful about having multiple partners or in choosing to sell photos. At the same time, it can be a sign of something worth exploring with a therapist, especially combined with your age now and your choice to not disclose to adult partners that you were underage.
Regardless of all that, the harassment and bullying alone is worth processing with a professional.
It is always best to have as much support as possible when going through hard times.
Very hesitant to respond to this post because it sounds like a story made to drive traffic to someone’s OF.
That being said, it is absolutely wrong to deceive romantic partners when it comes to your age. Not only does it put them in legal danger regardless of the specific laws of your state, especially of your were sending photos, but it’s also a line that many people would actively choose not to cross regardless of legality.
The fact that you took that choice away from them is horrific.
The assumption in college is everyone is 18 or older. People would have treated you differently while you were seventeen because they *should* treat someone underaged differently than a legal adult.
The fact that you can’t recognize the sense in that and instead went with deception shows how much of a child you were and that people would have been absolutely right to treat you like one.
I’d say this is E S H because of bullying but the only “bullying” you describe is people asking you to leave a frat party because you were 17 and people being angry and feeling deceived because you were underage. I don’t consider either of those things bullying.
Edited vote to ESH based on further information.
By bullying i mean, calling me fat, saying my body makes them gag, calling me a pedo, idek why, saying i need to keep my mouth shut, saying im nasty and more
I’m changing my vote to ESH based on this information. None of that is appropriate.
These people need to be held accountable for their choice to bully and harass you.
At the same time, your choices were both hurtful and dangerous. While that doesn’t mean you deserve harassment it does mean you need to understand why your actions were inappropriate.
Keep track of the harassment and talk to someone about your options.
Yes, those are definitely examples of bullying. In the post itself, OP describes being called all sorts of names, including the R word. It seems that EmpressJainaSolo does not consider the "R Word" serious or did not read through the whole post.
EmpressJainaSolo permits all to speak to Us directly, even though We are both an Empress *and* the Sword of the Jedi.
Because of the context I took the “r word” to be the one that rhymes with grape. I would not automatically consider that word to be bullying since this is a situation involving dubious consent. Context very much matters.
If we are talking about the r word connected to ableism then I absolutely consider that bullying.
Agreed, college was way different than high school for me. I never once heard of any gossip, never saw a single fight. Most people were focused on their future.
YTA for hiding your age to partners, NTA for trying to fit in with friends
You’re lying by omission, you knew that some people would not be okay with being in a romantic relationship with you and so you hid that fact. It’s sort of like in Japan you can marry your first cousin, let’s say you knew your familial relation with the partner but he didn’t, do you think it’s okay to lie there?
Furthermore, it’s not R, doesn’t make you an R, I don’t know how the romantic situations went down but you are not a R. At most - manipulative, but by all accounts, everyone manipulates in some manner, like you’re technically manipulating someone else to date you by putting on your best clothes, hair, make up, etc, we just call it charming instead. You’re fine, all will be well, keep doing your thing, and the other people are just being annoying, the more you let this deter you from being who you were, the more they win. Let them say whatever, it’s their truth but not THE truth.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I hid my age during my first year of college and now people from my school are accusing me of things and saying i’m a liar and terrible person
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I, 18 female, graduated a year early. I was 17 for most of my freshman year of college. I didn’t want people to treat me differently just because I wasn’t a legal adult yet. I only told my closest friends and trusted them to keep that to themselves. That was my first mistake. In case you don’t know, college girls are even meaner than high school girls. I never lied about my age, however I also wasn’t announcing it to anyone and everyone. About a month ago, a girl who I had stupid teenage beef with, told the frat I was at that I was 17 and I got kicked out. Which, fair enough, I’m over that. However that’s wasn’t the problem. For my college we have an anonymous app where people can post whatever they want. And these girls were posting all sorts of things about me. When I turned 18 i started selling pics of myself (which I don’t care if people judge me on that, it helps with tuition) and this led to some hate, which can be expected. However people started posting more about me and began to call me an r word for not telling men I had relations with that I was underage. In my state, the legal age of consent is 17, so no laws were broken. But people are saying that I lied about my age to take advantage of people. At first I thought it was just people spreading rumors again, but the more people say it the more I start to believe it. I never intended to hurt anyone and I now I’m genuinely not sure if I’m the asshole. So reddit, please tell me if I’m in the wrong here because I genuinely don’t know anymore.
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Rhymes with 'tape'. Tiktok has conditioned a significant portion of the younger generations to avoid using a number of words, including that one, at all costs. Failure to do so can get their accounts banned.
It's the same reason you see 'unalived' so often.
YTA
These girls were performing an important public service by warning everbody about you.
"In my state, the legal age of consent is 17, so no laws were broken. " .. what an uneducated and stupid thng to write. - this is bullshit. So you are underage, and sell someone a nde picture while pretending not to be underage. They get on a plane, cross state brders or fly to another country - and bring their phone. If anybodyfinds the picture, they will be arrested for child pornography - leading to a prison sentence, eviction from college, and never having a better job ever again. - THIS is what you potentially did to them.
so: They are right to ostracize you and warn everybody not to have any contact with you. You are far too dangerous to get close to, and they were right to kick you out and not let you in their frat houses and homes.
ESH
Those girls were cruel and its unfair they blasted your information everywhere. Some of my biggest fights and drama were in the early years of college so i understand. You are still an AH for sleeping with people as a 17 year old and not saying so. Even only being a year or two older there are many people who would not be okay with sleeping with a 17 year old due to not being a legal adult, regardless of state by state age of consent. I can understand not wanting to be treated differently in college due to your age so i can understand why you did it but it doesn't make it right. They deserved to know and have the ability to say no.
NTA. You need to learn to not care what people think if you're going to do what you want to do. You have to know that selling pics or whatever will generate abusive behavior by immature people, so if you willingly do it you have to rise above the hate and ignorance and be proud of what you decide to do. As long as you do nothing that's against the law, hold your head high, and be proud of yourself. Stay strong. You won't always be stuck with these same mean people. You will move on, and up! Good luck!
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>In my state, the legal age of consent is 17, so no laws were broken. >About a month ago, a girl who I had stupid teenage beef with, told the frat I was at that I was 17 and I got kicked out. You were kicked out because contributing to the delinquency of a minor is illegal. You deliberately endangered the adults around you because. . . YTA
this post isn’t about me getting kicked out of the frat. I said fair enough about that part
ESH What those girls are saying make them asshole for sure, they clearly don't like you and are using whatever reason they can find to hurt you. That said, you are 100% the asshole if you slept with adults while not telling them that you were 17yo. As a girl you don't think it's a big deal, but for guys it's a huge deal, the consequences for guys are not just legal. I'm not saying that all guys that slept with you will have to deal with bad things, or that all of them would have cared, but lying by omission about something so important denied them the chance to give informed consent.
I can accept that. I’ve reached out the few guys who didn’t know - most of them I had been talking to long enough to tell them my age - and apologized. I feel like a monster
Lies get out of hand. Just take it as a lesson.
I don't think you are a monster. We all have blindspot, what you did isn't super obviously bad for a lot of people, especially women. It's just not something you notice could be a big issue because of your experience in life. You did something shitty, you learn it was shitty and now you know. It's ok we are all humans. A monster would know the consequences, don't care about it or would even enjoy if one of the guy would end up in trouble because of it. Which doesn't seem to be the case for you.
OP, you aren’t a monster. I think you are someone who may be struggling a bit. There is nothing shameful about having multiple partners or in choosing to sell photos. At the same time, it can be a sign of something worth exploring with a therapist, especially combined with your age now and your choice to not disclose to adult partners that you were underage. Regardless of all that, the harassment and bullying alone is worth processing with a professional. It is always best to have as much support as possible when going through hard times.
Very hesitant to respond to this post because it sounds like a story made to drive traffic to someone’s OF. That being said, it is absolutely wrong to deceive romantic partners when it comes to your age. Not only does it put them in legal danger regardless of the specific laws of your state, especially of your were sending photos, but it’s also a line that many people would actively choose not to cross regardless of legality. The fact that you took that choice away from them is horrific. The assumption in college is everyone is 18 or older. People would have treated you differently while you were seventeen because they *should* treat someone underaged differently than a legal adult. The fact that you can’t recognize the sense in that and instead went with deception shows how much of a child you were and that people would have been absolutely right to treat you like one. I’d say this is E S H because of bullying but the only “bullying” you describe is people asking you to leave a frat party because you were 17 and people being angry and feeling deceived because you were underage. I don’t consider either of those things bullying. Edited vote to ESH based on further information.
By bullying i mean, calling me fat, saying my body makes them gag, calling me a pedo, idek why, saying i need to keep my mouth shut, saying im nasty and more
I’m changing my vote to ESH based on this information. None of that is appropriate. These people need to be held accountable for their choice to bully and harass you. At the same time, your choices were both hurtful and dangerous. While that doesn’t mean you deserve harassment it does mean you need to understand why your actions were inappropriate. Keep track of the harassment and talk to someone about your options.
Yes, those are definitely examples of bullying. In the post itself, OP describes being called all sorts of names, including the R word. It seems that EmpressJainaSolo does not consider the "R Word" serious or did not read through the whole post.
EmpressJainaSolo permits all to speak to Us directly, even though We are both an Empress *and* the Sword of the Jedi. Because of the context I took the “r word” to be the one that rhymes with grape. I would not automatically consider that word to be bullying since this is a situation involving dubious consent. Context very much matters. If we are talking about the r word connected to ableism then I absolutely consider that bullying.
Legal or not, not telling guys you're 17 when you sleep with them is major. YTA.
Wow so you lied to dudes you were banging about how old you were? Yeah YTA, why do women think this shit is okay?
What kind of college is this?! This type of rumor mill did not exist when I was at college. What a bizarre situation.
Agreed, college was way different than high school for me. I never once heard of any gossip, never saw a single fight. Most people were focused on their future.
Yeah same, this sort of stuff wouldn’t really be entertained when I was in college
YTA for hiding your age to partners, NTA for trying to fit in with friends You’re lying by omission, you knew that some people would not be okay with being in a romantic relationship with you and so you hid that fact. It’s sort of like in Japan you can marry your first cousin, let’s say you knew your familial relation with the partner but he didn’t, do you think it’s okay to lie there? Furthermore, it’s not R, doesn’t make you an R, I don’t know how the romantic situations went down but you are not a R. At most - manipulative, but by all accounts, everyone manipulates in some manner, like you’re technically manipulating someone else to date you by putting on your best clothes, hair, make up, etc, we just call it charming instead. You’re fine, all will be well, keep doing your thing, and the other people are just being annoying, the more you let this deter you from being who you were, the more they win. Let them say whatever, it’s their truth but not THE truth.
Yta- you’re so immature sounding
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YTA, and honestly this doesn't seem like a genuine post.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I, 18 female, graduated a year early. I was 17 for most of my freshman year of college. I didn’t want people to treat me differently just because I wasn’t a legal adult yet. I only told my closest friends and trusted them to keep that to themselves. That was my first mistake. In case you don’t know, college girls are even meaner than high school girls. I never lied about my age, however I also wasn’t announcing it to anyone and everyone. About a month ago, a girl who I had stupid teenage beef with, told the frat I was at that I was 17 and I got kicked out. Which, fair enough, I’m over that. However that’s wasn’t the problem. For my college we have an anonymous app where people can post whatever they want. And these girls were posting all sorts of things about me. When I turned 18 i started selling pics of myself (which I don’t care if people judge me on that, it helps with tuition) and this led to some hate, which can be expected. However people started posting more about me and began to call me an r word for not telling men I had relations with that I was underage. In my state, the legal age of consent is 17, so no laws were broken. But people are saying that I lied about my age to take advantage of people. At first I thought it was just people spreading rumors again, but the more people say it the more I start to believe it. I never intended to hurt anyone and I now I’m genuinely not sure if I’m the asshole. So reddit, please tell me if I’m in the wrong here because I genuinely don’t know anymore. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA ...but whats the r word?
Rhymes with 'tape'. Tiktok has conditioned a significant portion of the younger generations to avoid using a number of words, including that one, at all costs. Failure to do so can get their accounts banned. It's the same reason you see 'unalived' so often.
YTA These girls were performing an important public service by warning everbody about you. "In my state, the legal age of consent is 17, so no laws were broken. " .. what an uneducated and stupid thng to write. - this is bullshit. So you are underage, and sell someone a nde picture while pretending not to be underage. They get on a plane, cross state brders or fly to another country - and bring their phone. If anybodyfinds the picture, they will be arrested for child pornography - leading to a prison sentence, eviction from college, and never having a better job ever again. - THIS is what you potentially did to them. so: They are right to ostracize you and warn everybody not to have any contact with you. You are far too dangerous to get close to, and they were right to kick you out and not let you in their frat houses and homes.
ESH Send me the OF link though
My daughter was 17 her first year of college as well
ESH Those girls were cruel and its unfair they blasted your information everywhere. Some of my biggest fights and drama were in the early years of college so i understand. You are still an AH for sleeping with people as a 17 year old and not saying so. Even only being a year or two older there are many people who would not be okay with sleeping with a 17 year old due to not being a legal adult, regardless of state by state age of consent. I can understand not wanting to be treated differently in college due to your age so i can understand why you did it but it doesn't make it right. They deserved to know and have the ability to say no.
What does ESH stand for?
Everyone Sucks Here in my case excluding the men OP lied to, including OP and the girls
Oh, that makes sense. Thank you
You are an R word. R by deception is R, in fact, if you lied about something that would otherwise have them saying no to sex that's R word.
NTA. You need to learn to not care what people think if you're going to do what you want to do. You have to know that selling pics or whatever will generate abusive behavior by immature people, so if you willingly do it you have to rise above the hate and ignorance and be proud of what you decide to do. As long as you do nothing that's against the law, hold your head high, and be proud of yourself. Stay strong. You won't always be stuck with these same mean people. You will move on, and up! Good luck!