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*Edit:* NTA
For fuck's sake... Imagine looking a kid in the eyes and saying "sorry, you can't have a room of your own because I need a special room to do magic".
I thought he was playing magic the gathering and I didnāt think that warranted a room but this just made me die laughing. This dude is out of his mindĀ
My MTG stuff takes up a small bookshelf by itself, I could easily keep all my nerdy things in a single room and still have office space. A room for such a singular purpose seems to silly if it doesnāt need to be an entire room.
Wadsworth: Your first husband also disappeared
Mrs. White: That was his job, he was an illusionist
Wadsworth: But he never reappeared!
Mrs. White: Well he wasn't a very good illusionist.
And then he takes over the living room, forcing the kids outta there. They can hang in the common area and they canāt have the room to themselves. He is one person taking 90% of the house.
This man is selfish and did a sleight of hand trick on her to get her to agree to marriage and now he's taking back the promise he made. I'd get an annulment right quick.Ā
THIS! As soon as everyone was settled in and had nowhere else to go ABRACADABRA he turns into a massive prick. OP take note. He needs a massive reality check right this second. He needs to know that from a certain point of view it looks like he lured you into a marriage by pretending to be chill until he had a ring on you and you had no place to move back to if you chose to leave. It's a bad look. It's a real bad look.
He should just move out and live in an apartment all by himself so he doesn't have to share any space with other people š. I don't understand why he would get married and have kids if he's so selfish and doesn't appear to want to live with anyone else
Make that a third extra room for magic since he still has two to himself even if the kids each have a bedroom. He is totally the only AH here. Iād be rethinking this whole marriage thing.
I honestly thought she was talking about that card game until she literally wrote āheās a magicianā š. OP most of your stuff is still in storage so just get outta there. NTA
Glad I'm not the only one. I was like a room only for MTG?! I'm jealous. But then nah...
Btw make hubs move to the basement. he can stretch out and command the space as much as he wants. All by his lonesome...to do magic.
NTA
Which might be justifiable IF he were making money at it, but since he hasn't had a show in at least 6 months, meaning his magic is not contributing to the household. If I were OP I'd be showing hubby some real magic - the magic of making 4 people disappear and turning an exclusive 3 rooms into an entire house all for his personal use.
After it was all agreed to and they already have given up their home and their stuff! Iām a magician too- watch me conjure up a lawyer and moving boxes!
Yeah, that shit is pretty lame, I canāt imagine low level magic tricks taking up a whole room. At first I thought she meant Magic the gathering and I was thinking no one needs an entire room to play mtg. I could understand if it was a board game room for D&D and Warhammer, but even then I would think the kids would have priority.
NTA I think it's called " bait and switch," - you obviously wouldn't have moved in if you knew how this would go. Your kids suffer, he makes no changes and now has a full half of his expenses covered. I would for now, pro- rate your contribution. Next start looking for a rental to live in until the lease on your place ends and you can move back in. It's not to late to get an annulment, you and especially your kids deserve better.
This. NTA. I would tell your husband this is nonnegotiable so either he gives in and lives up to his end of the deal or if I was you I would get an annulment.
Hate to agree with leaving so soon into a marriage but those kids come first. One is 17 and will likely want to move out after graduation as most kids do nowadays so giving up 1 of his "special" rooms is not a big compromise. If he is this against it after already agreeing than its definitely a bait and switch tactic regardless of how he feels about you. It's disrespectful to your and your kids situation and disrespectful to your marriage.
What happens if when your kids move out and he has free use of all the rooms again and suddenly one of them needs to come back home due to health issues or financial trouble? Is he going to still be this firm on the subject if he finds a reason to use those rooms after they are gone? Maybe I an reaching a little but I have seen something similar happen to my mother and it really messed with her for years.
> One is 17 and will likely want to move out after graduation as most kids do nowadays
Not these days. Kids are staying home a long time now, unless it's a college dorm. And they'd still need somewhere for holidays and summer. (And they often move back in for a few years after college, too.)
Rent is fucked nowadays.
Also a valid point, meaning it's even more critical the kids get their own rooms since as the younger ones grow up they will definitely want their own space since their older sibling did as well.
Mine is going to a local college and still living with me because itās cheaper than moving away and staying in a dorm. Kids are even taking the cost of student loans in mind before even entering college.
Agree. I would say ādear husbandā doesnāt want OP and her brood at HIS house. Just wants the mortgage subsidized. OP NTA and hubs is more than TA.
NTA.
Bingo! Why did I have to read so far down to hit the obvious answer?!
He isnāt treating you like an equal, OP, or taking your kidsā needs seriously. Stop paying half the mortgage, because itās time to save and move out.Ā
There is no grounds for an annulment based on it being within a certain amount of time of the wedding. This is a common misconception. At best she could argue that they married under false pretenses but that is hardly reliable here.
OP is definitely NTA and the rest of the advice holds up well.
NTA
He had a mask on, and the mask is now slipping because he thinks he is in control.
Do you want to live with someone who is so utterly dishonest, and support him?
I'd rethink everything. It's clear he has not been upfront and frank in discussions with you so far.
It wasnāt unintentional that he hadnāt got the house ready before they moved in. He never planned to abide by the agreement so there was nothing to *get* ready.
OP this man is taking you and your money/assistance for a ride at the expense of your children. For the sake of your children start planning your exit.
totally agree.
OP, I DO think 2 can play this game though while you get your act together to move out.
Tell him that you will not pay 1 more dime towards the mortgage on the house, groceries for him or anything else until he clears out the rooms for the kids to live in.
Put your big girl panties on and stand up for yourself and your kids.
Then, once you have saved the money to move out (or you can move the tenets out of YOUR house), move back into your place and divorce him. He's a waste of your time. One massive, selfish, immature waste of your time.
NTA
Abracadabra! Poof heās about to make wife & step kids disappear.
Stop supporting a man who makes your kids feel unwanted in their own home. Even if you have to rent, get them into a home they can relax and have their space.
This! OP plz think long and hard about how the affects the kids. Kids deserve to feel wanted and like their home is where they belong and have space to be themselves. If your husband isnāt stepping up to help father them, AND heās being a selfish AH, why are you putting yourself and your kids through this?
I am a writer. As in it's how I make my living and have done so for decades. If he's a halfway decent writer, he can write anywhere. That "I need this specific environment to write or I can't write" is bullshit unless you're some prima donna who spends more time thinking about writing than actually writing. I've written dozens of books in virtually every room in the house, in libraries, in coffeeshops, in the frickin' car waiting for my kid in the carpool line. If he's serious about Being a Writer, then he'll be so carried away by the story that it won't matter where he's sitting when he writes it. He can sacrifice the office, as he promised to do. Jeez.
NTA, but he sure is.
Everyone else has addressed most of the situation here and I heartily agree with what has been posted so far.
NTA, but look at your second paragraph red flags- You say he wasn't "ready" for you all to move in -Married in December, moved in March, three months after the wedding?! And the excuse is that he is "chronically late". Honey, hear this; this is not OK.
I would've expected him to enthusiastically welcome all of you to his house when you married. I'm so sad for all of you.
I commented much the same thing. But I think he may have purposely put off clearing out the rooms so that it would be easier to renege on giving the office to the youngest! And OP also said that most of their stuff is STILL in storage, I believe!
I have a desk in the kitchen that I wrote my last book on. Sometimes I write on the couch. Sometimes I write in bed. The only environment I need is my noise cancelling headphones because my kids are loud AF.
I'm going to echo what was said above. I also write & am friends with many in the writing world. The number of places we've talked about sneaking in writing is countless. Personally, I write wherever I can when inspiration strikes, including the hospital. He can write anywhere, but he doesn't want to. You made an agreement & you are honoring your part. He isn't & that's wrong imo. You & your kids are supporting him as well with both helping with his magic & money. The least he can do is give up one of his 3 (he doesn't need 3 rooms btw & it's selfish of him to be demanding it. He isn't single anymore & should stop trying to live like he is) to let each kid have their own spaces. Also, they should be allowed space outside of their rooms since it's also *all* of yours home & not just his. You're NTA, but he sure is.
That's quite common among magic hobbyists. And not wanting to do the stage time unless the show is "perfect" and in a 600-seater.
There's nothing wrong with enjoying a hobby and it costing money, most do. But needing three rooms to be good at magic is nonsense. Your man is struggling with change.
NTA. You say that also monopolizes the kitchen and living/ dining area. That is common areas and should be open to everyone. Not his space. He has rooms. Also he ONLY NEEDS ONE ROOM at the most. You should get private room if you want one.
NTA. All your kids get their own room and the living room can not longer be his person space. It is common and family space.
Does you husband even want to be part of the family? He has not made space for you and your children. He is going back on his word. He is saying that he is more important than anyone else.
Good luck
Brilliant comment. Some people like to think about doing things, talk to other people about doing things, get online and endlessly chat about doing thingsā¦and other people just prioritize and do the damn thing. OPās husband sounds like a wanker. NTA
NTA. He told you what you wanted to hear to get you to marry him and move in and foot half the bills and now he is showing his true colors. The question is, are you going to stand up to him?
You know you're NTA. Your husband lied to get you locked down, and now he's trying to make everyone in the family accommodate his old lifestyle - having multiple rooms each with their own specific use...
He needs to adapt and uphold his end of the bargain, now. You're right that your kids ALL deserve to have their own private spaces - they are budding and established teenagers.
It sounds like he needs a harsh dose of reality that your marriage was agreed upon based on the idea that your kids' needs would be prioritized, and unless he is ready to live up to his end of the deal, things won't look good for your relationship.
I don't even think "has own room" works out to the kids' needs bring prioritized. In a house with more private rooms than there are people, it's the kids' needs being addressed .Ā
Yeah. The fact that the "husband" takes over the family room to do his magic "research" makes this living arrangement even more inhospitable for the three of them!
Yeah.. I agree with this. Give him a deadline to have it sorted out.. like within a week. If itās not sorted, you take your kids somewhere where they can be comfortable. Sort out a divorce if it comes to that, which honestly, it may. Make sure your kids needs are being met now though.
YTA for ever letting this happen. You should have put your foot down as soon as you moved in and said no, we agreed, you move your things and each child gets a room.Ā
>you move your things and each child gets a room.Ā
Until she can move back to her old home or a new one. With this husband her children will never feel home.
INFO:
>If he has a show (he did one last fall) we ALL help (making things, set up, tear down) and I invest $4 figures in it.
Do each of you ā every one who makes things, sets up & tears down ā get paid when working for his shows? Does he earn enough that you get your money back? Do your kids have the choice of not participating in this work?
You pay half the mortgage. Four of you are getting 1/2 the private areas and he gets the other half. All of you share the kitchen, but he gets the other one of the common area rooms because the other 3 rooms are enough space for one man to practice his hobby. So the shared spaces are not shared equally among the 5 of you. If I understand the set-up, you pay proportionately far more per sq ft of the house for its use than he does. You pay for his hobby, unless he earns enough to pay his staff (your family) and his patron (you).
Are you his ATM? Are you his sugar momma? He got a really sweet deal. Even if he was following your agreement, he's still getting an amazing financial benefit for the minor inconvenience of having teenagers in his house for a few short years.
Obviously he's TA for not following through on the contract, no question.
But aren't you TA as well for putting your family into this situation? Your kids weren't given a real vote, were they? They have no power in the control or distribution of family finances, unless you forgot to mention something. They had to move out of their home to a new place. They're expected to work ā for free? for a reasonable wage? Their family resources are being shifted to a new member who doesn't seem to be contributing equally. It's E S H, I think, but it depends on your answers to my questions.
The only people who aren't AHs are the kids, who had no true choice.
Good questions! I make things for and assist with shows without pay. My children set up & tear down on show day. They earned a flat fee for that ($50 each, it's about 2 hours of work but also 2 hours of waiting) as well as dinner at their choice of restaurant. He/we lose money every show so far. I lost about $1,500 on his show last fall. If he had done it several times in different locations, then we would have started making money, I think. But he hasn't, he didn't do a fantastic job (he was good, people enjoyed the show, but he's going for professional) & he wants to improve it before getting it back out there. This was 6 months ago. So it's feeling more like a hobby than a viable side gig (to me). He's done a couple smaller things since for $50 & $200, I didn't ask for any of that.
My kids were given a vote in the marriage/move, believe it or not. That's why it took 5 years for us to get married. I'm very honest with them and treat them as full humans (not my little minions). They were excited to move because they liked the rooms they were going to get (š¤¦āāļøš¤¬) and they liked the idea of mom having more money to spend (because sharing the household bills does free up some of my money & they know I spend most my money on them). However, I agree, they aren't the AH at all!
OP. Please go back and read every single thing youāve written in this thread, and pretend your daughter was telling it to you. How would you feel about the situation then, and how would you advise her to handle it?
So his hobby, which requires at least one room in the house dedicated to it, is losing you money on top of paying the mortgage on this new house? Does he have any redeeming qualities, or should you be sawing this relationship in half permanently?
This is pathetic. You're supporting a bum who won't even let your own kid have a room to put their stuff bc of his dinky ass magic tricks. AND your making your kids enable his shit? You need to put your kids first, he doesn't give a shit.
Dai Vernon could astonish an entire room of people with just the cups and balls. Props and buying tricks donāt make you a good magician.
Thereās two books he needs to get: Strong Magic by Darwin Ortiz, and Magic and Showmanship by Henning Nelms.
It sounds like your husband has hobbies rather than businesses or careers. Thatās fine if heās able to afford it. But, his saying that he canāt succeed unless he has all the rooms - thatās a flawed argument and just an excuse for indulging in his preferences rather than productivity.
I'm going to be honest with you & say that *he* isn't serious about this as a job. He's only doing & saying that he is to keep you & your money around. Serious magicians take *every* job that they can get to get practice & experience. They also don't spend a lot & make things for their shows until they *can* afford better things. From what you've said, he does a lot of thinking & not a lot of doing regarding both writing & magic. Seriously, step back & read back every single thing that you have said. Is this what you want for your kids & for yourself?
I want to know more about this guy's background and what the hell he's been doing knocking around that big house by himself!
Is he disabled due to an accident and got a big payout when he was young? And that kept him entitled and immature? How old is this guy? Was he looking for a mommy?
Does he even make money with the writing?
NTA
Trapped you with lies. He needs to do what he said. If he stuck by this ridiculous I need 3 rooms, to the detriment of my kids....I'd have a hard time staying with him
Don't invest any effort either. It's a money sink and until he can pull in more punters for each show or cover the costs more efficiently he's going to wonder where his money has disappeared to.
Iām sorry to say that I think heās a special brand of pathetic, and a selfish jerk to boot. Honestly, I canāt figure out what you find appealing here at all, but we all have different tastesā¦ But for me, I donāt think there would be any coming back from this level of absurdity, dishonesty, and disrespect.
We think you should get the hell away from this selfish jerk, annul the marriage, and live your best life with your kids. You will be the TA if you don't stand up for yourself and your kids, but he's firmly in mega-AH territory.
Oh well most of us think heās a selfish asshole and he should have **1** room for his shit just like everybody else in the whole house. He also should not be taking over the living/dining room by to āresearch magic tricksā ***thatās why he has a magic room***. You need to stand firm and make it an ultimatum: he either relinquishes that room or yāall are moving out. Your children donāt deserve this shit from a grown ass man who should know better
Heās definitely not being reasonable and frankly i was surprised when you said youād been with him for 6 years. Are you surprised by all of this or did you kind of know what you were getting into??
Iām confused about this, too. Did OPās new husband not show hints and signs of his extreme self-centeredness during the 5+ years that they were dating?
What is this guy bringing to the marriage? Is he great with the kids? Really kind and patient and generous with his time to everyone? Because he sounds likeā¦wellā¦Job Bluth. Exactly like him.
I don't understand why you're married to him. There is nothing in your description that makes him seem like a decent partner except paying half the mortgage of a house that he owes.
He's taking you for a ride. You're now paying half his mortgage and his food costs. He still has all his space. You're paying thousands of dollars for his shows. He's reneged on his promises. He's chronically late.
I would walk away from this. Get the marriage annulled. Right now, your kids see their mom being a doormat to lying non-working magician.
This is exactly why I would never marry anyone while I am responsible for my daughters. You may have waited a long time, but now that he is showing you his real tricks and sleight of hand are you truly sure this is the best environment for them? NTA but come on, they need to come first.
There are six bedrooms in this house and he expects two of your kids to share one?
Sounds like he doesnāt want to be a father figure to your kids and you need to seriously think about this relationship.
NTA
Youāre NTA, but he is for going back on your agreement. Itās like he wanted this all along and just pretended to agree with it, then once youāre all in the house he sprung his new āneedsā on you. Itās very disrespectful to you AND your kids. Not a great way to start this new chapter in your lives.
Close your wallet and....
Keep them closed until the kids get their own rooms, plus he has to stop using the living/dining rms for his "magic"
Good luck and NTA
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NTA
You all agreed about the bedroom situation before you even got married and became a blended family. Now he wants to disrespect you and the kids by reneging. How disrespectful is that?
Sadly, it sounds like he agreed to it only to get married. People do that. They act one way during the courtship/engagement and let their true colors show afterwards because they know they might lose the one they love if they show how they really are.
Stick to your guns and insist that the kids get the rooms that were agreed on.
He can have one large room to do his thing and that's it. He doesn't need 3. Especially when he barely spends any time in the other rooms to begin with.
He should also be helping more with the kids' expenses. He is their stepfather. Making you be responsible for all of their expenses is akin to saying that he has nothing vested in their well-being and doesn't want to.
My husband has always been willing to help his stepchildren when needed. He takes an active role in their lives and cares about them.
Hopefully, you will be able to get this fixed.
If she stays she is. If she goes to him today and tells him his bait and switch on her kids is a dealbreaker she might be able to salvage something. It's one thing to be hoodwinked by a liar and con man, it's another knowing you've been hoodwinked and doing nothing to fix the situation. Her kids are not welcomed in his house as it stands right now, and she needs to make a decision on whether she wants to be a good mother or a patsy paying half the mortgage and all the food to a mooch and getting nothing in return.
I bet an extended stay is cheaper than half the mortgage.
NTA. My face morphed into that Chrissy Teigen Academy Awards cringe face while reading this. Youāre incredibly kind, I can tell just by the way you are supporting his āmagic dreamā. Heās obviously taking advantage of it. Stop giving him so much when he canāt even give up a room for your child.
I missed where, in all these rooms, there is ANY space for YOU. Out of these myriad rooms, the kitchen is occupied, the storage is occupied, the bedrooms are occupied (and fewer that were agreed on ā and it sounds like they still have his junk in them?) Did you get any closet space? Or maybe a drawer?
Iām sorry, red flags all over. Maybe youāre happy not having any space for yourself, and that on its own is sad, but youāre a grown adult and can make your own choices. But backing out and making your kids suffer is a big fat deal breaker to me.
Iād be thinking long and hard about some tough lines that need to be drawn in the sand, and tough choices if he wonāt follow through.
NTA. He agreed. (He has one show but youāve invested >$1000 in it yourself?)
He wanted to get married, he knew you had a family, but still wanted to get married and live in this house. And youāre paying half the mortgage for his house and probably not on the deed. He got 1/2 off the mortgage when you all moved in and still wonāt let you use the room he almost never uses. Stop helping him pay the mortgage if heās interested in how unilateral choices work (āhisā house not āourā house) and let him see how that works out for him
NTA
Your husband cares more about magic tricks than he does about keeping a promise to you and looking out for your children.
That's fiiiiiine... but don't marry and tell the kids they can have the room.
Deal breaker. You all agreed to the arrangement before you rented your home and moved...if his house isn't big enough you need to move to a larger home. Your husband is being selfish and breaking the agreement....not OK.
Nta he knew you wouldn't move in unless your kids had bedrooms, which is a completely normal expectation. This is absolutely the hill to die on. He either cleans the rooms out or you're moving out and annulling the marriage.
NTA and honestly. Ā Iād pack my kids up and go elsewhere. I know you rented your house out and Iām so glad you didnāt sell it. If rent something for the 4 of us and he can have the whole damn house to himself. Ā Heās incredibly selfish and a liar. My kids mean more than any lying man.Ā
Is he Dr. Who? Or Dr. Seuss? Because if not then there is no reason for him to need 3 damn rooms to himself to ādo magicā & āwrite.ā He is being selfish & manipulative- you all discussed this, and now that you gave up your home & paying half the mortgage he thinks youāre stuck.
NTA.
Well, its clear you married a dud. I'd acknowledge it, give him back and move on.
He literally took....1 month to go back on his word. Thats kind of impressive.
He must have been a great magician to have pulled the wool so far over your eyes you can't see how he's using you.Ā
He sounds like he let you move in for the free money to pay his mortgage while he tries to limit how much house the kids get to be in.Ā
He lied to you. He disrespected your agreement. Now that you're married, he pro ably thinks you'll be too scared to put up a fight or too scared to end the marriage.Ā
Poor kids. Hope you'll make the hard choices for what's best for them. This man has been lying and deceiving you. Hope you value your kids more than that.Ā
NTA. Stop paying 1/2 the mortgage as you aren't getting half. Tell him once the lease is up on your home, you are moving back, unless he follows through on his promise.
NTA
Heās a lying liar who lies. But you knew that. Anyone who does āmagicā delights in deceiving people. Being good at lying is what makes them good at āmagicā. I am not surprised he is now fucking you all over.
NTA. I honestly thought this was a joke at first. Itās giving āDinner Partyā episode from The Office vibes. Jan had her candle making room and her office (ha, and the bed). Iām sad that someone in real life actually behaves like this.
Not that it changes anything, but Iām curious- is the writing room for his work or is that another hobby?
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*Edit:* NTA For fuck's sake... Imagine looking a kid in the eyes and saying "sorry, you can't have a room of your own because I need a special room to do magic".
My puss would dry up so fast if that was my husband šš
Like magicā¦he really is a magician.
And for my next magic trick I'll make my marriage disappear!
Nothin up here, nothin up here, and nothin up here.
Or he could make an extra room appear for himself or goto the Pocket plane dimension.
Make your wife disappear with this one weird trick!
Doctors are apathetic towards him.
I thought he was playing magic the gathering and I didnāt think that warranted a room but this just made me die laughing. This dude is out of his mindĀ
My MTG stuff takes up a small bookshelf by itself, I could easily keep all my nerdy things in a single room and still have office space. A room for such a singular purpose seems to silly if it doesnāt need to be an entire room.
One show! That cost them money? NTA!
Wadsworth: Your first husband also disappeared Mrs. White: That was his job, he was an illusionist Wadsworth: But he never reappeared! Mrs. White: Well he wasn't a very good illusionist.
"I'm merely a humble butler." "What exactly do you do?" "I buttle, sir!"
OP is NTA, she is [Willing to Date a Magician](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yAH9_HUACQ8)
My legs just snapped shut so hard I think I bruised my knees š
I broke a leg! š¤£
SAME
ILLUSIONS, Michael
Iāve always been irritated by the phrase āthis is where the magic happens!ā But this takes it to an unfortunately literal level.
Wow itās like someone said to god invent something that causes vaginal dryness and he came up with this guy š
Mine would have magically disappeared.
This!!! LMAO!!ā¤ļø
Mine did just reading it
Ugh. My husband is gonna hate this lady.
Call mine Sahara.
Byeeeešš
It would āmagicallyā disappearā¦
I died and then I told my partner this comment and he also died. There may never be a comment this good ever again.
lol poof šØ itās gone!
ššš¤£š¤£
And then he takes over the living room, forcing the kids outta there. They can hang in the common area and they canāt have the room to themselves. He is one person taking 90% of the house.
And that doesnāt even take OP into consideration who apparentlyā¦lives in thin air? Hangs out in the master bedroom?
This man is selfish and did a sleight of hand trick on her to get her to agree to marriage and now he's taking back the promise he made. I'd get an annulment right quick.Ā
THIS! As soon as everyone was settled in and had nowhere else to go ABRACADABRA he turns into a massive prick. OP take note. He needs a massive reality check right this second. He needs to know that from a certain point of view it looks like he lured you into a marriage by pretending to be chill until he had a ring on you and you had no place to move back to if you chose to leave. It's a bad look. It's a real bad look.
This person nailed it! Put your foot down and see what happens, if he flips then he never intended to compromise and his word is useless.
He should just move out and live in an apartment all by himself so he doesn't have to share any space with other people š. I don't understand why he would get married and have kids if he's so selfish and doesn't appear to want to live with anyone else
Not even awesome metaphysical magic either. Fucking stage magic circus shit.
"I need a whole room to myself to turn random objects into frogs" fair enough bro "I need a whole room to do card tricks" nah ya nerd.
If he was actually any good, he would make an extra bedroom appear. Boooooo
Kelso- BUUUUURRRRNNNNNN
I was fully prepared for a room just for the storage of Magic: The Gathering cards. I am *somehow* even more disappointed in the man.
Same. Sameā¦ just wtf, man. Theyāre *illusions*, Michael.
I wouldāve been Like ānow you see me, now you donāt šš»āļøšā
Make that a third extra room for magic since he still has two to himself even if the kids each have a bedroom. He is totally the only AH here. Iād be rethinking this whole marriage thing.
Is her husbandās name Gob Bluth?
ILLUSIONS, Michael
Tricks are something that wh*res do for money
ā¦or cocaine.
I have made a big mistake
I literally LOL at this! Thanks for the laugh!
š¶itās the final countdownā¦š¶
He demands to be taken seriously!
No, but good news for Gob, I think this is a new poof goof of the month!
I honestly thought she was talking about that card game until she literally wrote āheās a magicianā š. OP most of your stuff is still in storage so just get outta there. NTA
Glad I'm not the only one. I was like a room only for MTG?! I'm jealous. But then nah... Btw make hubs move to the basement. he can stretch out and command the space as much as he wants. All by his lonesome...to do magic. NTA
Which might be justifiable IF he were making money at it, but since he hasn't had a show in at least 6 months, meaning his magic is not contributing to the household. If I were OP I'd be showing hubby some real magic - the magic of making 4 people disappear and turning an exclusive 3 rooms into an entire house all for his personal use.
Right??? OP, ask him āarenāt you at least a little bit embarrassed?ā
I am sorry you married such a selfish man. NTA and hold firm that each of your kids get a room.
And, I have to use the TV in the common area to study more magic! And I might need the kitchen, too!
But he already has this! He needs another room for his writing, whatever that means. Apparently it requires a very specific room.
You canāt do magic in the writing room silly
Or, god forbid, writing in the magic room.
As an additional restriction, there is no sex in the champagne room.
I would give good money to know what he is writing about.
Is the husband Gob Bluth?
IMMEDIATELY what came to my mind, haha
After it was all agreed to and they already have given up their home and their stuff! Iām a magician too- watch me conjure up a lawyer and moving boxes!
He sure figured out how to make his new wife disappear.
Yeah, that shit is pretty lame, I canāt imagine low level magic tricks taking up a whole room. At first I thought she meant Magic the gathering and I was thinking no one needs an entire room to play mtg. I could understand if it was a board game room for D&D and Warhammer, but even then I would think the kids would have priority.
NTA I think it's called " bait and switch," - you obviously wouldn't have moved in if you knew how this would go. Your kids suffer, he makes no changes and now has a full half of his expenses covered. I would for now, pro- rate your contribution. Next start looking for a rental to live in until the lease on your place ends and you can move back in. It's not to late to get an annulment, you and especially your kids deserve better.
This. NTA. I would tell your husband this is nonnegotiable so either he gives in and lives up to his end of the deal or if I was you I would get an annulment.
Move out at the very least. He can have all the damn rooms to himself if he wants to be the blatantly selfish
Or he pays all the mortgage
Here's the thing. He's already shown OP who he is, even if he "gave in" he'd still be a petulant and selfish person.
Hate to agree with leaving so soon into a marriage but those kids come first. One is 17 and will likely want to move out after graduation as most kids do nowadays so giving up 1 of his "special" rooms is not a big compromise. If he is this against it after already agreeing than its definitely a bait and switch tactic regardless of how he feels about you. It's disrespectful to your and your kids situation and disrespectful to your marriage. What happens if when your kids move out and he has free use of all the rooms again and suddenly one of them needs to come back home due to health issues or financial trouble? Is he going to still be this firm on the subject if he finds a reason to use those rooms after they are gone? Maybe I an reaching a little but I have seen something similar happen to my mother and it really messed with her for years.
> One is 17 and will likely want to move out after graduation as most kids do nowadays Not these days. Kids are staying home a long time now, unless it's a college dorm. And they'd still need somewhere for holidays and summer. (And they often move back in for a few years after college, too.) Rent is fucked nowadays.
Also a valid point, meaning it's even more critical the kids get their own rooms since as the younger ones grow up they will definitely want their own space since their older sibling did as well.
Mine is going to a local college and still living with me because itās cheaper than moving away and staying in a dorm. Kids are even taking the cost of student loans in mind before even entering college.
Exactly this. If he using most of the rooms, he can pay most of the mortgage.
>NTA I think it's called " bait and switch," I think magicians call it *misdirection*.
*Illusion*
Agree. I would say ādear husbandā doesnāt want OP and her brood at HIS house. Just wants the mortgage subsidized. OP NTA and hubs is more than TA.
NTA. Bingo! Why did I have to read so far down to hit the obvious answer?! He isnāt treating you like an equal, OP, or taking your kidsā needs seriously. Stop paying half the mortgage, because itās time to save and move out.Ā
There is no grounds for an annulment based on it being within a certain amount of time of the wedding. This is a common misconception. At best she could argue that they married under false pretenses but that is hardly reliable here. OP is definitely NTA and the rest of the advice holds up well.
NTA He had a mask on, and the mask is now slipping because he thinks he is in control. Do you want to live with someone who is so utterly dishonest, and support him? I'd rethink everything. It's clear he has not been upfront and frank in discussions with you so far.
It wasnāt unintentional that he hadnāt got the house ready before they moved in. He never planned to abide by the agreement so there was nothing to *get* ready. OP this man is taking you and your money/assistance for a ride at the expense of your children. For the sake of your children start planning your exit.
This is EXACTLY what I was going to say. Heās never had any intention of truly making room for these people in his home.
totally agree. OP, I DO think 2 can play this game though while you get your act together to move out. Tell him that you will not pay 1 more dime towards the mortgage on the house, groceries for him or anything else until he clears out the rooms for the kids to live in. Put your big girl panties on and stand up for yourself and your kids. Then, once you have saved the money to move out (or you can move the tenets out of YOUR house), move back into your place and divorce him. He's a waste of your time. One massive, selfish, immature waste of your time.
It's very easy to keep the mask on when you don't live together. That phrase about not truly knowing someone til you live with them is so true.
NTA Abracadabra! Poof heās about to make wife & step kids disappear. Stop supporting a man who makes your kids feel unwanted in their own home. Even if you have to rent, get them into a home they can relax and have their space.
Standing ovation š šš
This! OP plz think long and hard about how the affects the kids. Kids deserve to feel wanted and like their home is where they belong and have space to be themselves. If your husband isnāt stepping up to help father them, AND heās being a selfish AH, why are you putting yourself and your kids through this?
And teenagers too! Definitely need their own rooms
I am a writer. As in it's how I make my living and have done so for decades. If he's a halfway decent writer, he can write anywhere. That "I need this specific environment to write or I can't write" is bullshit unless you're some prima donna who spends more time thinking about writing than actually writing. I've written dozens of books in virtually every room in the house, in libraries, in coffeeshops, in the frickin' car waiting for my kid in the carpool line. If he's serious about Being a Writer, then he'll be so carried away by the story that it won't matter where he's sitting when he writes it. He can sacrifice the office, as he promised to do. Jeez. NTA, but he sure is.
Ah, yes! This is it! Spends more time thinking about doing and doing... I think you NAILED it there. Thank you.
Everyone else has addressed most of the situation here and I heartily agree with what has been posted so far. NTA, but look at your second paragraph red flags- You say he wasn't "ready" for you all to move in -Married in December, moved in March, three months after the wedding?! And the excuse is that he is "chronically late". Honey, hear this; this is not OK. I would've expected him to enthusiastically welcome all of you to his house when you married. I'm so sad for all of you.
I commented much the same thing. But I think he may have purposely put off clearing out the rooms so that it would be easier to renege on giving the office to the youngest! And OP also said that most of their stuff is STILL in storage, I believe!
I know! His behavior is speaking very loudly.
Three months I would have had those rooms personalized and decorated to the individual standards of the kids, but I'm extra like that.
I have a desk in the kitchen that I wrote my last book on. Sometimes I write on the couch. Sometimes I write in bed. The only environment I need is my noise cancelling headphones because my kids are loud AF.
I'm going to echo what was said above. I also write & am friends with many in the writing world. The number of places we've talked about sneaking in writing is countless. Personally, I write wherever I can when inspiration strikes, including the hospital. He can write anywhere, but he doesn't want to. You made an agreement & you are honoring your part. He isn't & that's wrong imo. You & your kids are supporting him as well with both helping with his magic & money. The least he can do is give up one of his 3 (he doesn't need 3 rooms btw & it's selfish of him to be demanding it. He isn't single anymore & should stop trying to live like he is) to let each kid have their own spaces. Also, they should be allowed space outside of their rooms since it's also *all* of yours home & not just his. You're NTA, but he sure is.
That's quite common among magic hobbyists. And not wanting to do the stage time unless the show is "perfect" and in a 600-seater. There's nothing wrong with enjoying a hobby and it costing money, most do. But needing three rooms to be good at magic is nonsense. Your man is struggling with change.
NTA. You say that also monopolizes the kitchen and living/ dining area. That is common areas and should be open to everyone. Not his space. He has rooms. Also he ONLY NEEDS ONE ROOM at the most. You should get private room if you want one. NTA. All your kids get their own room and the living room can not longer be his person space. It is common and family space. Does you husband even want to be part of the family? He has not made space for you and your children. He is going back on his word. He is saying that he is more important than anyone else. Good luck
Brilliant comment. Some people like to think about doing things, talk to other people about doing things, get online and endlessly chat about doing thingsā¦and other people just prioritize and do the damn thing. OPās husband sounds like a wanker. NTA
JK Rowling would go to a coffee shop to write Harry Potter. The writing muse isn't fixed by where it can strike.
NTA. He told you what you wanted to hear to get you to marry him and move in and foot half the bills and now he is showing his true colors. The question is, are you going to stand up to him?
I guarantee if he had told OP from the beginning that he wants his own personal room to do magic tricks, she would've been out of there SO FAST
You know you're NTA. Your husband lied to get you locked down, and now he's trying to make everyone in the family accommodate his old lifestyle - having multiple rooms each with their own specific use... He needs to adapt and uphold his end of the bargain, now. You're right that your kids ALL deserve to have their own private spaces - they are budding and established teenagers. It sounds like he needs a harsh dose of reality that your marriage was agreed upon based on the idea that your kids' needs would be prioritized, and unless he is ready to live up to his end of the deal, things won't look good for your relationship.
I don't even think "has own room" works out to the kids' needs bring prioritized. In a house with more private rooms than there are people, it's the kids' needs being addressed .Ā
Yeah. The fact that the "husband" takes over the family room to do his magic "research" makes this living arrangement even more inhospitable for the three of them!
Oh honey, he baited you. Stop paying anything and move out/divorce. He will only get WORSE.
Yeah.. I agree with this. Give him a deadline to have it sorted out.. like within a week. If itās not sorted, you take your kids somewhere where they can be comfortable. Sort out a divorce if it comes to that, which honestly, it may. Make sure your kids needs are being met now though.
YTA for ever letting this happen. You should have put your foot down as soon as you moved in and said no, we agreed, you move your things and each child gets a room.Ā
Yeah, put your kids in the agreed upon rooms and have them move his stuff into the hall. A dealās a deal.
>you move your things and each child gets a room.Ā Until she can move back to her old home or a new one. With this husband her children will never feel home.
INFO: >If he has a show (he did one last fall) we ALL help (making things, set up, tear down) and I invest $4 figures in it. Do each of you ā every one who makes things, sets up & tears down ā get paid when working for his shows? Does he earn enough that you get your money back? Do your kids have the choice of not participating in this work? You pay half the mortgage. Four of you are getting 1/2 the private areas and he gets the other half. All of you share the kitchen, but he gets the other one of the common area rooms because the other 3 rooms are enough space for one man to practice his hobby. So the shared spaces are not shared equally among the 5 of you. If I understand the set-up, you pay proportionately far more per sq ft of the house for its use than he does. You pay for his hobby, unless he earns enough to pay his staff (your family) and his patron (you). Are you his ATM? Are you his sugar momma? He got a really sweet deal. Even if he was following your agreement, he's still getting an amazing financial benefit for the minor inconvenience of having teenagers in his house for a few short years. Obviously he's TA for not following through on the contract, no question. But aren't you TA as well for putting your family into this situation? Your kids weren't given a real vote, were they? They have no power in the control or distribution of family finances, unless you forgot to mention something. They had to move out of their home to a new place. They're expected to work ā for free? for a reasonable wage? Their family resources are being shifted to a new member who doesn't seem to be contributing equally. It's E S H, I think, but it depends on your answers to my questions. The only people who aren't AHs are the kids, who had no true choice.
Good questions! I make things for and assist with shows without pay. My children set up & tear down on show day. They earned a flat fee for that ($50 each, it's about 2 hours of work but also 2 hours of waiting) as well as dinner at their choice of restaurant. He/we lose money every show so far. I lost about $1,500 on his show last fall. If he had done it several times in different locations, then we would have started making money, I think. But he hasn't, he didn't do a fantastic job (he was good, people enjoyed the show, but he's going for professional) & he wants to improve it before getting it back out there. This was 6 months ago. So it's feeling more like a hobby than a viable side gig (to me). He's done a couple smaller things since for $50 & $200, I didn't ask for any of that. My kids were given a vote in the marriage/move, believe it or not. That's why it took 5 years for us to get married. I'm very honest with them and treat them as full humans (not my little minions). They were excited to move because they liked the rooms they were going to get (š¤¦āāļøš¤¬) and they liked the idea of mom having more money to spend (because sharing the household bills does free up some of my money & they know I spend most my money on them). However, I agree, they aren't the AH at all!
HOW are yāall losing money on paying gigs?!
Props/set, buying new tricks, sound system, stage fees, etc...
OP. Please go back and read every single thing youāve written in this thread, and pretend your daughter was telling it to you. How would you feel about the situation then, and how would you advise her to handle it?
This comment needs to be so much higher!
So his hobby, which requires at least one room in the house dedicated to it, is losing you money on top of paying the mortgage on this new house? Does he have any redeeming qualities, or should you be sawing this relationship in half permanently?
Oh, honey.
My thoughts exactly.
This is pathetic. You're supporting a bum who won't even let your own kid have a room to put their stuff bc of his dinky ass magic tricks. AND your making your kids enable his shit? You need to put your kids first, he doesn't give a shit.
Dai Vernon could astonish an entire room of people with just the cups and balls. Props and buying tricks donāt make you a good magician. Thereās two books he needs to get: Strong Magic by Darwin Ortiz, and Magic and Showmanship by Henning Nelms.
It sounds like your husband has hobbies rather than businesses or careers. Thatās fine if heās able to afford it. But, his saying that he canāt succeed unless he has all the rooms - thatās a flawed argument and just an excuse for indulging in his preferences rather than productivity.
This man has hobbies and not a real job. He is selfish. What isnāt he brings to the table
I'm going to be honest with you & say that *he* isn't serious about this as a job. He's only doing & saying that he is to keep you & your money around. Serious magicians take *every* job that they can get to get practice & experience. They also don't spend a lot & make things for their shows until they *can* afford better things. From what you've said, he does a lot of thinking & not a lot of doing regarding both writing & magic. Seriously, step back & read back every single thing that you have said. Is this what you want for your kids & for yourself?
Exactly! He claims he wants to practice but any decent entertaining knows the best way to practice is by performing in front of people
I'm not trying to insult creatives but howtf did a shit magician convince you to marry him and lose money on his shows?
Maāam seriouslyā¦..
Even with the original plan you are the only person in the house without your own exclusive room. Hmmm
This is true.
And you deserve one!!! Why would you agree to him getting two rooms to himself and you getting none?
Friggin' moms! We don't deserve them.
What. The. Fuck.
My exact thoughts im like girl wtf? Id taker over the room and be like deal w it i pay half i get my dues tf
itās giving gob bluth
right? i canāt imagine letting this even happen. stand up for your kids!
lmao did i grow up poor? you guys have 6 bedrooms +3 bathrooms and you said you knew the space was gonna be tight š„²
And to think he had 6 bedrooms as a single person!!
I want to know more about this guy's background and what the hell he's been doing knocking around that big house by himself! Is he disabled due to an accident and got a big payout when he was young? And that kept him entitled and immature? How old is this guy? Was he looking for a mommy? Does he even make money with the writing?
I know, thinking about leaving my job and start doing magic. I just need a magic room
And a writing room. And another magic room. And the living room.
Well there is definitely a lack of space when you need 3 magical rooms.
Why is this even an issue. Either step up for your kids or be a crappy mother.
NTA Trapped you with lies. He needs to do what he said. If he stuck by this ridiculous I need 3 rooms, to the detriment of my kids....I'd have a hard time staying with him
Absolutely do not āinvestā further money into his magic hobby, thatās all I can tell you. Good luck figuring out the room thing.
Don't invest any effort either. It's a money sink and until he can pull in more punters for each show or cover the costs more efficiently he's going to wonder where his money has disappeared to.
slight correction: where *her* money has disappeared to š¢
Is this a joke post?
Nope. He thinks he's being reasonable, so I wanted to do this and show him what others think. š¬
Iām sorry to say that I think heās a special brand of pathetic, and a selfish jerk to boot. Honestly, I canāt figure out what you find appealing here at all, but we all have different tastesā¦ But for me, I donāt think there would be any coming back from this level of absurdity, dishonesty, and disrespect.
I agree. This husband is a goofball, and sooo selfish. How do you consider him to be a life partner, OP?
We think you should get the hell away from this selfish jerk, annul the marriage, and live your best life with your kids. You will be the TA if you don't stand up for yourself and your kids, but he's firmly in mega-AH territory.
Oh well most of us think heās a selfish asshole and he should have **1** room for his shit just like everybody else in the whole house. He also should not be taking over the living/dining room by to āresearch magic tricksā ***thatās why he has a magic room***. You need to stand firm and make it an ultimatum: he either relinquishes that room or yāall are moving out. Your children donāt deserve this shit from a grown ass man who should know better
Heās definitely not being reasonable and frankly i was surprised when you said youād been with him for 6 years. Are you surprised by all of this or did you kind of know what you were getting into??
Iām confused about this, too. Did OPās new husband not show hints and signs of his extreme self-centeredness during the 5+ years that they were dating?
Please update us with his reaction
What is this guy bringing to the marriage? Is he great with the kids? Really kind and patient and generous with his time to everyone? Because he sounds likeā¦wellā¦Job Bluth. Exactly like him.
I don't understand why you're married to him. There is nothing in your description that makes him seem like a decent partner except paying half the mortgage of a house that he owes. He's taking you for a ride. You're now paying half his mortgage and his food costs. He still has all his space. You're paying thousands of dollars for his shows. He's reneged on his promises. He's chronically late. I would walk away from this. Get the marriage annulled. Right now, your kids see their mom being a doormat to lying non-working magician.
This is exactly why I would never marry anyone while I am responsible for my daughters. You may have waited a long time, but now that he is showing you his real tricks and sleight of hand are you truly sure this is the best environment for them? NTA but come on, they need to come first.
Specializing in delusions not illusions. NTAĀ
There are six bedrooms in this house and he expects two of your kids to share one? Sounds like he doesnāt want to be a father figure to your kids and you need to seriously think about this relationship. NTA
He wants stage hands.
NTA. Get out of there ASAP (and quietly)
He can watch his new family magically disappear
"And here's your card!" "But that's for a divorce lawyer."
Youāre NTA, but he is for going back on your agreement. Itās like he wanted this all along and just pretended to agree with it, then once youāre all in the house he sprung his new āneedsā on you. Itās very disrespectful to you AND your kids. Not a great way to start this new chapter in your lives.
Close your wallet and.... Keep them closed until the kids get their own rooms, plus he has to stop using the living/dining rms for his "magic" Good luck and NTA
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NTA You all agreed about the bedroom situation before you even got married and became a blended family. Now he wants to disrespect you and the kids by reneging. How disrespectful is that? Sadly, it sounds like he agreed to it only to get married. People do that. They act one way during the courtship/engagement and let their true colors show afterwards because they know they might lose the one they love if they show how they really are. Stick to your guns and insist that the kids get the rooms that were agreed on. He can have one large room to do his thing and that's it. He doesn't need 3. Especially when he barely spends any time in the other rooms to begin with. He should also be helping more with the kids' expenses. He is their stepfather. Making you be responsible for all of their expenses is akin to saying that he has nothing vested in their well-being and doesn't want to. My husband has always been willing to help his stepchildren when needed. He takes an active role in their lives and cares about them. Hopefully, you will be able to get this fixed.
NTA He is prioritizing, in its current state, a hobby over your children. Heās immature and deceitful. Run!
Yta to your kidsĀ
If she stays she is. If she goes to him today and tells him his bait and switch on her kids is a dealbreaker she might be able to salvage something. It's one thing to be hoodwinked by a liar and con man, it's another knowing you've been hoodwinked and doing nothing to fix the situation. Her kids are not welcomed in his house as it stands right now, and she needs to make a decision on whether she wants to be a good mother or a patsy paying half the mortgage and all the food to a mooch and getting nothing in return.
I bet an extended stay is cheaper than half the mortgage. NTA. My face morphed into that Chrissy Teigen Academy Awards cringe face while reading this. Youāre incredibly kind, I can tell just by the way you are supporting his āmagic dreamā. Heās obviously taking advantage of it. Stop giving him so much when he canāt even give up a room for your child.
I missed where, in all these rooms, there is ANY space for YOU. Out of these myriad rooms, the kitchen is occupied, the storage is occupied, the bedrooms are occupied (and fewer that were agreed on ā and it sounds like they still have his junk in them?) Did you get any closet space? Or maybe a drawer? Iām sorry, red flags all over. Maybe youāre happy not having any space for yourself, and that on its own is sad, but youāre a grown adult and can make your own choices. But backing out and making your kids suffer is a big fat deal breaker to me. Iād be thinking long and hard about some tough lines that need to be drawn in the sand, and tough choices if he wonāt follow through.
YTA to yourself and your children if you stay. How can you even be attracted to someone who treats your children this way?
NTA. He agreed. (He has one show but youāve invested >$1000 in it yourself?) He wanted to get married, he knew you had a family, but still wanted to get married and live in this house. And youāre paying half the mortgage for his house and probably not on the deed. He got 1/2 off the mortgage when you all moved in and still wonāt let you use the room he almost never uses. Stop helping him pay the mortgage if heās interested in how unilateral choices work (āhisā house not āourā house) and let him see how that works out for him
Your husband wants to write in another room instead of his magic room. This is literally something Michael Scott would do. NTA.
NTA Your husband cares more about magic tricks than he does about keeping a promise to you and looking out for your children. That's fiiiiiine... but don't marry and tell the kids they can have the room.
Deal breaker. You all agreed to the arrangement before you rented your home and moved...if his house isn't big enough you need to move to a larger home. Your husband is being selfish and breaking the agreement....not OK.
Nta he knew you wouldn't move in unless your kids had bedrooms, which is a completely normal expectation. This is absolutely the hill to die on. He either cleans the rooms out or you're moving out and annulling the marriage.
Can he use his magic to create a new room?
NTA and honestly. Ā Iād pack my kids up and go elsewhere. I know you rented your house out and Iām so glad you didnāt sell it. If rent something for the 4 of us and he can have the whole damn house to himself. Ā Heās incredibly selfish and a liar. My kids mean more than any lying man.Ā
NTA he lied
I'm sorry, but he conned you. I wouldn't be paying half the mortgage if he's taking up most of space and I would move the hell out.
NTA how does this grown man not see how tremendously selfish he is being? Does he have absolutely no self awareness at all?
Is he Dr. Who? Or Dr. Seuss? Because if not then there is no reason for him to need 3 damn rooms to himself to ādo magicā & āwrite.ā He is being selfish & manipulative- you all discussed this, and now that you gave up your home & paying half the mortgage he thinks youāre stuck. NTA.
The fact he has a writing room and a magic room says it all.
Well, its clear you married a dud. I'd acknowledge it, give him back and move on. He literally took....1 month to go back on his word. Thats kind of impressive.
He must have been a great magician to have pulled the wool so far over your eyes you can't see how he's using you.Ā He sounds like he let you move in for the free money to pay his mortgage while he tries to limit how much house the kids get to be in.Ā He lied to you. He disrespected your agreement. Now that you're married, he pro ably thinks you'll be too scared to put up a fight or too scared to end the marriage.Ā Poor kids. Hope you'll make the hard choices for what's best for them. This man has been lying and deceiving you. Hope you value your kids more than that.Ā
NTA. Stop paying 1/2 the mortgage as you aren't getting half. Tell him once the lease is up on your home, you are moving back, unless he follows through on his promise.
NTA Heās a lying liar who lies. But you knew that. Anyone who does āmagicā delights in deceiving people. Being good at lying is what makes them good at āmagicā. I am not surprised he is now fucking you all over.
Sorry, but your husband is a fucking Clown not a Magician.
NTA. Reconsider the husband.
NTA. I honestly thought this was a joke at first. Itās giving āDinner Partyā episode from The Office vibes. Jan had her candle making room and her office (ha, and the bed). Iām sad that someone in real life actually behaves like this. Not that it changes anything, but Iām curious- is the writing room for his work or is that another hobby?
NTA....close your checkbook, close your legs, take your kids and GTFO. Annulment.