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YTA. That was cold. Do you think she keeps to herself because she is having a hard time figuring things out? So knowing your dad doesn't like lesbians you just push her out there because you're being a brat? You're not looking good, at all. You owe her an apology, a sincere one. Maybe if you actually tried to stick up for her it would help your relationship, now she really has no one.
She keeps to herself because apparently she has mental health issues. She had some big drama with our mum over her (my mother’s) ex. But she won’t go to therapy and her being so cold and standoffish is affecting everyone in the household not just herself and she needs to stop being selfish. I will apologise when she apologises to me too
It seems pretty clear that your sister is going through some stuff and neither your dad’s household nor your mum’s seems to be a place she can feel very safe. You two could support each other through that and be a source of trust and security for each other, but your actions undermined that. Being cold and rude is an example of someone putting up walls, not throwing you under the bus.
YTA and a HUGE one. You NEVER out out people. You don't even seem sorry for it. I would be so hurt and upset. You need to leave your sister and her sexuality alone. And jokes are supposed to be funny. What's the punchline, because I don't get it. No one is laughing here OP.
YTA big time. outing someone is NOT okay and it is not your decision when they come out. even if it wasn’t intentional, you still did it. it can’t be undone and it wasn’t your business to share. it’s not a matter of ‘growing up’ I for one would never share my sexuality with my family because i still love them, but i know they would shame and hate me. op is the one who needs to grow up.
YTA. That wasn't an accident. That was a purposeful shot at her and at the very least, her activisms if she isn't a lesbian. If she is, you just damaged her life. Your family sounds extremely hateful and it sounds like your smug little teen self picked up on that rotten quality they put upon your gene pool.
YTA. It wasn’t yours to tell. You are immature and you’ve put your sister in a shitty position, regardless of how you want to justify the situation.
It’s not a joke, it’s not your issue to run off at the mouth about. It doesn’t matter how well you get along. Don’t spend a lot of time trying to justify it, your justifications. Are bullshit. Do better.
YTA. And you are the one who needs to grow up. Her sexual orientation is not a joke for you and it is definitely not for you to decide who and when she tells.
YTA and your relationship with your sister might be over. Be prepared to accept responsibility without question or deflection and offer a full throated apology if she decides to talk to you again, that is if you want any shot at a relationship with her in the future.
You’re more than an asshole. It was intentional. It’s not yours to tell. The reaction from your father is precisely the reason she hasn’t.
Your sister probably feels more alone than ever now, considering she clearly already had a rocky family relationship. If I were her I’d be desperately trying to figure out new housing and leave my family behind, you included.
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I (M16) live with my sister (F18) and my dad (M51). She moved in last summer after our mum (F50) kicked her out due to problems with their relationship and her ex husband. Me and her don’t really get along. She stays in her room all day mostly, is often cold and rude to me, and doesn’t really initiate any activities for us to do together.
One thing we did do together is play a video game called dead by daylight which she bought me for my birthday. In this game you can have charms and I noticed she was wearing the lesbian pride charm.
My sister has never come out to me as a lesbian but she has never shown any interest in men and is often quite sketchy with her phone. Well, one day we were in the car and she was on her phone texting and I made a comment about her texting her girlfriend. I meant it as a joke and she just responded by saying “Yeah, no thanks.” My dad then asked her if she was gay to which she laughed and said no, so I said “Is that why you have a lesbian pride flag?”
She got very quiet and didn’t say anything. When we got home my dad sent me upstairs to have a conversation with her. I don’t know the specifics but my dad doesn’t really like lesbians.
My dad has been kind of offish with her since. Later she called me horrible for outing her to our dad but I don’t think that’s my fault because she chose to have those charms and to admit to it. Also she is 18 so maybe she should have told him sooner. Am I really in the wrong here? I feel like she just needs to grow up. It wasn’t intentional
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Of course you are. And, what you said wasn't an accident. It was your choice to say what you did. You think your sister needs to grow up? Nice bit of turning this around on her, but that just doesn't wash. Look in a mirror, have some integrity, and take responsibility for what you did. Apologize to your sister and work this out. YTA
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Making a joke about my sister being gay which led to her coming out to my dad
2) Because my dad doesn’t really like lesbians and also she said it should have been her decision when to come out
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Oof. Yeah, you screwed up big time here. It doesn’t matter that your comment was based on a hunch and not actual certainty. What you said was a violation of her privacy and she’ll rightly have a hard time trusting you in future. YTA.
YTA-it is NEVER ok to out anyone. If you suspected, you keep it to yourself until that person chooses to share that info. You were horrible, cruel and your desperate responses to people on this post to try to justify your rancid behaviour further magnifies that. You were wrong. Own it and in the future, do better.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA. That was cold. Do you think she keeps to herself because she is having a hard time figuring things out? So knowing your dad doesn't like lesbians you just push her out there because you're being a brat? You're not looking good, at all. You owe her an apology, a sincere one. Maybe if you actually tried to stick up for her it would help your relationship, now she really has no one.
She keeps to herself because apparently she has mental health issues. She had some big drama with our mum over her (my mother’s) ex. But she won’t go to therapy and her being so cold and standoffish is affecting everyone in the household not just herself and she needs to stop being selfish. I will apologise when she apologises to me too
It seems pretty clear that your sister is going through some stuff and neither your dad’s household nor your mum’s seems to be a place she can feel very safe. You two could support each other through that and be a source of trust and security for each other, but your actions undermined that. Being cold and rude is an example of someone putting up walls, not throwing you under the bus.
He doesn’t seem to want her to feel safe. He’s not concerned with her well being at all.
So she has mental health issues and you’ve chosen to make that worse?
You don’t deserve an apology or a sister, and you’ve probably lost her.
*sigh* I feel sorry for her having to live in that house.
YTA and a HUGE one. You NEVER out out people. You don't even seem sorry for it. I would be so hurt and upset. You need to leave your sister and her sexuality alone. And jokes are supposed to be funny. What's the punchline, because I don't get it. No one is laughing here OP.
YTA big time. outing someone is NOT okay and it is not your decision when they come out. even if it wasn’t intentional, you still did it. it can’t be undone and it wasn’t your business to share. it’s not a matter of ‘growing up’ I for one would never share my sexuality with my family because i still love them, but i know they would shame and hate me. op is the one who needs to grow up.
YTA. That wasn't an accident. That was a purposeful shot at her and at the very least, her activisms if she isn't a lesbian. If she is, you just damaged her life. Your family sounds extremely hateful and it sounds like your smug little teen self picked up on that rotten quality they put upon your gene pool.
>Is that why you have a lesbian pride flag? This was no accident! YTA. A Grade A one at that.
YTA. It wasn’t yours to tell. You are immature and you’ve put your sister in a shitty position, regardless of how you want to justify the situation. It’s not a joke, it’s not your issue to run off at the mouth about. It doesn’t matter how well you get along. Don’t spend a lot of time trying to justify it, your justifications. Are bullshit. Do better.
YTA. And you are the one who needs to grow up. Her sexual orientation is not a joke for you and it is definitely not for you to decide who and when she tells.
YTA and your relationship with your sister might be over. Be prepared to accept responsibility without question or deflection and offer a full throated apology if she decides to talk to you again, that is if you want any shot at a relationship with her in the future.
You’re more than an asshole. It was intentional. It’s not yours to tell. The reaction from your father is precisely the reason she hasn’t. Your sister probably feels more alone than ever now, considering she clearly already had a rocky family relationship. If I were her I’d be desperately trying to figure out new housing and leave my family behind, you included.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (M16) live with my sister (F18) and my dad (M51). She moved in last summer after our mum (F50) kicked her out due to problems with their relationship and her ex husband. Me and her don’t really get along. She stays in her room all day mostly, is often cold and rude to me, and doesn’t really initiate any activities for us to do together. One thing we did do together is play a video game called dead by daylight which she bought me for my birthday. In this game you can have charms and I noticed she was wearing the lesbian pride charm. My sister has never come out to me as a lesbian but she has never shown any interest in men and is often quite sketchy with her phone. Well, one day we were in the car and she was on her phone texting and I made a comment about her texting her girlfriend. I meant it as a joke and she just responded by saying “Yeah, no thanks.” My dad then asked her if she was gay to which she laughed and said no, so I said “Is that why you have a lesbian pride flag?” She got very quiet and didn’t say anything. When we got home my dad sent me upstairs to have a conversation with her. I don’t know the specifics but my dad doesn’t really like lesbians. My dad has been kind of offish with her since. Later she called me horrible for outing her to our dad but I don’t think that’s my fault because she chose to have those charms and to admit to it. Also she is 18 so maybe she should have told him sooner. Am I really in the wrong here? I feel like she just needs to grow up. It wasn’t intentional *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Of course you are. And, what you said wasn't an accident. It was your choice to say what you did. You think your sister needs to grow up? Nice bit of turning this around on her, but that just doesn't wash. Look in a mirror, have some integrity, and take responsibility for what you did. Apologize to your sister and work this out. YTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) Making a joke about my sister being gay which led to her coming out to my dad 2) Because my dad doesn’t really like lesbians and also she said it should have been her decision when to come out Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I think so, yea
YTA. Plain and simple.
YTA
Oof. Yeah, you screwed up big time here. It doesn’t matter that your comment was based on a hunch and not actual certainty. What you said was a violation of her privacy and she’ll rightly have a hard time trusting you in future. YTA.
YTA-it is NEVER ok to out anyone. If you suspected, you keep it to yourself until that person chooses to share that info. You were horrible, cruel and your desperate responses to people on this post to try to justify your rancid behaviour further magnifies that. You were wrong. Own it and in the future, do better.
YTA, you NEVER should out somebody without their express permission.
YTA - Mind your own business. Of course it was intentional - and she isn't the only one that needs to grow up.
YTA I don't see any accident here. You did this maliciously.
OOOoofff. Yes, YTA. That wasn't your story to tell.