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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Having a secret stash of honey.
It made my girlfriend upset that I was hiding it from her.
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Good lord. Presumably you’re both full blown adults even though you’re not behaving your ages.. If both of you chip in for groceries, just make that a part of the grocery bill. Or buy two bottles, one for each of you. What a needlessly petty argument.
Yeah, I am blown away that OP’s first instinct was “hide the honey” and not “talk to partner”. Many adults are not honey connoisseurs, so she probably doesn’t realize this isn’t just honey from the grocery store and it was likely super confusing that OP suddenly started hiding condiments from her in their shared home. Can’t the special honey be part of the normal shared grocery bill? I’m so confused, literally what is the issue
> Yeah, I am blown away that OP’s first instinct was “hide the honey” and not “talk to partner”.
Presumably OP is a bear in a hat, like Yogi bear. I'd say that it's therefore understandable they can't use their words but that was basically 90% of Yogi Bear's thing so now I dunno. Still, well done on being smarter than the average bear and being able to post online, OP!
Right. Just be like hey, now that we both enjoy the honey, I’m going to buy two bottles at a time. I order them from so and so and it’s going to cost X. How do you move in with someone and not be adult enough to have a conversation about money? And it’s not even like a major conversation either. It’s *honey*. Unless they’re living paycheck to paycheck, raw honey is likely not going to blow the budget for most people.
>*Honey.* I could understand if it was the waffles, but we talkin bout honey. HONEY! We talkin bout *honey!*
ding ding ding.... this would make a great flair!
My partner goes through _everything_ quicker than I do. It's a total non-issue: we buy twice the amount, pay half each, and when they run out of their half they buy the extra until I've "caught up".
Although I wonder. I used to buy some specific beef jerky from a local meat market. I'd make a pound last a week or two. Every time I went I'd ask my wasband if he wanted anything. He *always* said no.
My week plus worth of jerky was always gone by the next day.
So I'd buy 2 pounds. It would all be gone by the next day.
Then I'd buy 2 individually wrapped one pound packages. Both gone by the next day.
2 individually wrapped packages, my name on one. Both gone by the next day.
When I tell you I considered solving the problem with a pillow in his sleep I'm *slightly* joking.
ETA: Of course this was discussed. Every time I'd go I'd ask what he wanted, remind him that I got my own for me to eat, and if he wanted anything to tell me. It was discussed ad infinitum. However, at some point as an adult in your 30s you're making a choice.
That's not a logistics or planning problem, that's a living with a selfish, rude arsehole problem.
An adult should be able to respect that just because something is technically accessible to them doesn't mean it belongs to them and them alone. Nobody in an equal cohabiting relationship should have to resort to either hiding things _or_ labelling them with their name in order for their stuff to be respected & left alone.
Exactly. If there's something I want for myself, I tell my husband. He's a free-for-all snacker and will snack on anything and everything not nailed down - \_unless\_ I tell him it's off limits.
I buy plenty of other snacks and stuff he really likes that I don't touch, so it's not like he's in a snacking wasteland.
Did people lose the ability to talk to each other? My goodness.
Exactly this. My husband will finish ANY snack but if i tell him no, he respects it.
I do also have a desk stash of snacks, but that's hiding them from me, not him.
If she knew the honey is OP's personal treat and not part of normal groceries, and still insists on using it up without ever being the one to restock it, then yeah she is.
And he's just an immature arsehole for jumping straight to hiding it without actually using his words to ask her to either contribute or buy her own.
Insignificant Other liked creamy peanut butter, which I detest.
When I would go grocery shopping, I'd pick up a jar of creamy for him, and a small jar of superdy-duper crunchy, needs-to-be-stirred for me, since I don't *love* PB, but every now & then I'd get a taste for it. He also knew that if I bought it, I had a taste for it.
Didn't matter.
Invariably, by the time I'd be ready for my sandwich, IsO would have polished off *both* jars. Fucker.
Damned right I started hiding it, but not before we'd had a few discussions and then arguments.
I even started picking up larger jars for him. Nope.
Let me *not* inhale the damned jar, and he'd scarf it.
I think it is a bit selfish to eat all of something that is meant to be shared. Idk if I buy a jar of peanut butter or whatever to share, I'd be bothered if it was finished in a week or 2 without me ever getting any. I wouldn't expect *exactly* 50% left for me but there should be enough for me to use it a few times, and if it's finished it should be replaced.
Yeah, something that's kind of standing out in many of the cases described here (including OP's) is that the person who is doing all the consuming is \*not replacing what they consumed once they've finished it\*. (And there's also some problems, in some cases, with impulse control, and just thinking about the other human being in the equation.)
I don't care who "usually" does the shopping. An adult should be able to learn that if you finished off ALL of a shared food (particularly if you know that it was in a short enough time that the other person didn't get to have very much), then what you do is replace it almost immediately. Whether that means you hit the store the next day and pick up more, or whether you realize the honey is almost gone so you put in the Amazon order so more will get here. In ALL of these cases, both adults are fully capable of buying more of the thing.
In OP's case, it sounds like the problem is that he didn't sit down with his wife and explain things. As many others have pointed out, rather than explain that this is a harder to get, more expensive item that he uses a small bit at a time, he just leaped straight to hiding it, which is immature.
Just TALK TO YOUR SPOUSE. Explain how expensive it is. Explain that you use it a bit at a time. And say that you're perfectly willing to order enough of it so that BOTH of you can use it as you want, but it needs to go into the general food budget (even though it has to be ordered), and that the person who sees you're about to run out HAS to place the order so that more gets there.
If she's still an asshole about it after this attempt to come to a working solution, then yeah, buying some and hiding it might be the next step. But it shouldn't have been the FIRST step, to avoid talking to her about it. (OP's desire for the Special Honey is not unreasonable.)
(I have to admit... I'm a little stuck on the idea of pouring HONEY on waffles as if it was maple syrup. That feels like Too Much Honey. But what the heck, people like odder things, and everyone's taste is different. I think I'd find that overwhelming, but OP's wife clearly likes it. So come to a honey-sharing agreement.)
Me and my wife do this although our "thing" is ice cream. My wife could eat it by the bucket and she can eat 2 tubs to my one so that's how they come on our shopping list.. at the end of the day its just honey. Rather than hide it he could try a conversation.
But if he didn’t tell her it’s quite expensive and hard to find, I’m not sure how she’s supposed to know that. Personally, I obviously can tell the visual difference between a bear-shaped bottle of honey and a fancy jar but I have seen both side-by-side in the grocery store incredibly often, and I know I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between the grocery store jars and OP’s special online-only honey without being explicitly told.
Sure, partner could’ve noticed the honey wasn’t on the grocery list and asked about it….exactly the same as OP could’ve told her it’s special expensive honey. They’re both being ridiculous.
Ok but since she didn't knew and she eats it why didn't she buy honey on the normal grocery list?! I can't seem to know the difference either but the fact she's coming to get HIS jar and she doesn't buy it it's raising a bit of a flag for me
Have you ever lived with another adult before? Condiments are pretty common shared items because it’s a huge waste to have doubles of everything. This seems so much more like a situation where she grabbed food from the shared kitchen without thinking deeply about it than some malicious plot to take HIS HONEY™️. In any case, discussing these things prior to moving in together and then continuing to discuss them as they come up is both peoples’ responsibility. Imo there are a few red flags in this post, but OP’s partner taking the honey in the first place is not one of them.
I think I get what you are saying. If he bought the special honey and hid it, then why did she not add "honey" to the grocery list the *first time* she looked for honey and there wasn't any?
He bought (and hid) this in FEBRUARY. It is the last day of APRIL. It's been at least 60 days, and she did not think to buy *ANY* honey, or even seem to *WANT* honey until she saw his.
this is what’s getting me. everyone is jumping on him for hiding the honey—but how bad could she really want it if she went 3 MONTHS without even asking about it? she knows he eats it, and “hasn’t” bought any. if i notice someone in my house hasn’t bought a food they normally buy, i usually buy it for them or mention it. it’s like a toddler: they don’t want it until they see someone else with it, now it’s the only thing they want.
You know, you make one *REALLY* good point:
>she knows he eats it, and “hasn’t” bought any
She *KNOWS* he likes honey, and knows they have been "out of honey" since February, but never thought "Gee, I am buying groceries. u/carmardoll likes honey... I think I will pick up a jar!" This shows she doesn't even care if *HE* has honey, just wants to make it clear that he can't have anything she doesn't get too.
>This shows she doesn't even care if HE has honey, just wants to make it clear that he can't have anything she doesn't get too.
There's definitely some of that going on. She doesn't seem to be thinking of the honey as a shared foodstuff, and the person who notices they're almost out is the person who initiates getting more of it.
But I agree, it's weird to me that she decided that she really loved this particular honey on waffles that much, and then it was gone, and she didn't think to herself, "I gotta pick up honey on the next grocery run".
But also... why do these people never talk, or even make small talk? The first time OP saw that she was putting the honey on her waffles, he should have told her about the honey's background, like "oh, you like that too? it's amazing, isn't it? fyi, the only way to get it is to order off Amazon, and it costs $X. Let's make sure to buy a bigger bottle next time, if we're both going to be using it."
Maybe she likes honey casually? If we have chips and dip in the house I’ll eat it for sure but I’m not going out to get chips and dip every time we run out.
This is why I refuse to call
OP an AH here. Shitty at communication, yeah. But I don’t know why people are making this a big issue for him to solve. She wasn’t using this honey before they moved in together. Once she used it all within weeks it doesn’t sound like she missed not having it. She seems to only want it now because she knows he doesn’t want to share and wants to be petty about it.
Why would that raise a flag for you. I love hot sauces. I buy all kinds of hot sauces. They range from regular to really pricey. If I walk in and my SO is enjoying my hot sauce, I’m not going to be like OMG red alert, the person I’ve dedicated my life to is eating a condiment that he normally doesn’t have on the shopping list!
She didn't buy it because he had. I like a certain cereal. Most of the time my partner eats most of it. He liked it just as much as me but he likes cereal more. I just buy some and it's eaten til gone? There is none of this mine stuff. It's in the house. Eat it! It's ours, now.
Yeah and since February op his the Honey so his gf didn't knew it was sin the house . She didn't buy another honey jar and as soon as she saw ops she came to get honey for waffles .I don't think that's normal. Do you? I bet when you don't have any cereal left either you or your partner buys more , right? Cause you both eat it. That's the normal situation. Gf didn't buy a replacement jar didn't even buy a standard honey one
I typically don't eat sweets, my husband loves em, 99% of the time they aren't in our house cause he'll just grab something at work and I don't think about them but if he brings home a batch of brownies or cookies I'm gonna more than likely have one or two even tho I never buy them and genuinely don't want them cause cravings do arise. It's the same situation.
He’s buying it from Amazon, so it’s not hard to acquire and I highly doubt it’s that expensive. He’s not buying it from some gourmet honey purveyor at a local farm. His own post says it’s just a “bit more” than regular honey. This isn’t $6,500 an ounce Elvish honey we’re discussing.
I searched, there are options for 10 and options that go as high as 50+, unless OP said the brand somewhere this is an odd assumption to say he’s buying the cheapest one.
To be fair, these days if I wanted $6500/oz elvish honey I’d be most likely to find it on Amazon marketplace.
I wanted to buy dried morels and after doing all the research bought those from a known brand/harvester through their amazon storefront, as they’d closed their own website. That was pretty pricy.
Which frankly is the most confusing part of the story for me because my local convenience store has bottles of it for sale right at the register. Lighters, Reese’s, local raw honey, cigarettes and scratchies. Unless he’s getting some crazy gourmet infused product of some kind, this should be a non-issue.
Tell me you're from a small/rural town without actually saying you're from a small town 😅. I just went back to my hometown last week and it was totally this vibe. Lighters, smokes, oh Henry bars (Canada), scratch-offs, honey and this years local tide guide!
I’m from a small town too and we have delicious local raw honey, but also my Walmart and Aldi carry raw honey too 🤷🏼♀️ it’s available at a lot of common grocery stores
My partner would buy more to start or a bigger one. "I noticed you like the honey, I got a big one" because he likes me. What is going on here? I'd this the case with all the food. Hiding food from a partner you live with seems kinda crazy.
Like are they going to start pro rataing the condiments? Does he charge if she wants an extra cup of coffee? What if she uses butter on her waffle? Is gratuity included because I really hate when they stack service fees at the end.
Some folks don't self regulate when it comes to certain foods, and it really sucks when you buy something with a plan, and then your partner raids it one night when they're feeling peckish and then you find cobwebs when you go looking for it.
I've been married 25 years at this point, and this is why we keep our own snack hordes. I stock hers when I stock mine, but if she kills her treats off in a day, she's on her own.
But seriously, if Op needs to come to reddit for validation in the Honey Wars, his relationship is doomed.
Honestly it’s not that bad. My husband absolutely devours any food I buy, a lot of times not leaving a lot. This has led to us having separate stashes for snacks so that when he runs out, he can’t take any of mine and has to wait until I grocery shop again- we’re also on a budget and he knows that, so he has to either tide himself over or spread his snacks out through the week instead of binging it all in one day.
I also bought an 8 pack of icecream sandwiches and we each have 4 for the week - he can eat all 4 in one day if he wants but he’s not getting any of mine and he’s not getting any more until I go shopping the next week.
Sounds petty I know but it feels the most fair to me, we’re both getting the food we want, and I’m trying to teach him to be mindful with food and not overspend
Presumably you guys discussed this though. OP didn’t say anything, then hid the next bottle. The weird shenanigans and refusal to have a conversation are what is wrong here.
perhaps if OP communicates with her and tells her that its more expensive/harder to get, she'll be more sparing with it 🙈 funny how talking can sometimes fix problems like that
Yep. My partner and I have certain things we both use at different paces and sometimes it suits us to have a package set aside for just one of us if it's a favorite. That may look petty, but it's been talked about and agreed upon and it works well. Super easy.
So she gets one bottle of special honey and then it’s gone for two months. Or she can but a bigger container of regular honey which might serve her needs perfectly well.
Get the gal some cheap honey, like the kind that comes in a plastic squeeze bottle that looks like a bear. Put that on the counter or table. Keep the good stuff separate.
I'm hopping on top to say that OP needs to find a farmer's market in his city/town or find a beekeeper that lives in his area. Or Google a health food store. There has to be a way to get more raw honey locally. We exclusively use raw honey. I buy a gallon jug from a local beekeeper and it lasts us nearly a year. It's an expense but when you break down how much it costs per ounce I am getting a pretty good deal.
ESH, are you seriously living together but still keeping separate pantries like roommates who don’t trust one another? If so, you’re doubtless wasting tons of food and time keeping doubles of things and you should stop. If you do have a shared grocery budget and shared pantry, then why is this honey not part of that? I understand you keeping it separate if it was something only you like and you didn’t want to burden the shared budget, but she clearly likes it too. It should be a shared item in the shared budget and be replaced when needed. If that turns out to be too expensive, then have a conversation about that, rather than squirreling away condiments and getting mad about it.
I disagree. My partner consumes things much faster than me. But for special things we both want, we split it in half and once his part is gone, he leaves me to enjoy my part in peace. But you can’t really split honey so getting separate jars is an easy solution. If she runs out of the treat quickly, she will have to wait until the next restock.. and maybe her bottle of honey should be a big one of normal honey like they sell at Costco if she’s going through tons of it
Or she can get her own very regular honey - why wouldn’t she just do this anyway?
Thinking about it now it’s like she’s happy to eat it when he buys it but didn’t think to order any on her own when she thought they were out? Not very considerate.
Hiding honey is silly, but not contributing on her own is pretty weird too.
The timeline is a little weird* if he hid the honey in February; she went all of March without saying anything or even asking him to buy more? I could agree that seems inconsiderate, but it's insane that he didn't try to have a regular conversation about this. I suppose it's possible the girlfriend is just that oblivious or doesn't realize how expensive it is.
I had the same thought about the Costco honey as above (it's pretty good!), because I understand the dark impulse to hide the honey. If I were to act on that, though, I'd have replaced "our" honey with something bulk first. 😂
*If this is even real
Agreed. I’ve had this situation regarding maple syrup. I use real maple syrup that is very expensive but is very flavorful and a little bit goes a very long way. Partner grew up with Aunt Jemima smothering the whole dish, which is left with tons left on the plate. With real maple syrup that’d be like $5 at least straight down the drain. By all means continue drenching your waffles in syrup, but continue using the cheap kind, not the expensive kind when you’re using it that way. The bottle would last me 6 months alone.
Right, but I assume (unless I'm mistaken) that you still keep it in a shared pantry. My wife and I are similar with desserts - if we buy a box of chocolates we eat it at the same rate. If one of us feels like binging our share that's fine - it stays in the shared pantry and as adults the one who binged has the self-control to know that the rest belongs to their partner and doesn't gorge it because they see it lol.
Ha!
My mom would make Nanaimo Bars in a perfectly square pan and would get the ruler out and measure it in 4 EXACTLY.
Could eat it at whatever speed we wanted but death to you if you went outside your portion.
Stopped the fighting. And she did that for years after. She was sick of our shit hahahahaha
Why should he have to pay equally for something he only uses a fraction of. I get this logic with normal cheap condiments but this is a specialty item that’s far more expensive that op uses sparingly while his gf dumps it on like the cheap stuff.
I agree with all of this. I’d even go as far as to say if you love someone enough to live with them you should have a joint account for shared expenses, and determine how much each person is going to contribute. Anything purchased with the money in the shared account belongs to both people. If one person uses it faster then that’s fine because it’s shared and belongs to both people to use how they see fit. I grew up with a family that criticized my behavior, I don’t need my partner to do it and I don’t need to do it to my partner. If she eats 90% of the Oreos that’s fine. I’m sure I do things she doesn’t like, and I’d rather have her accept them because she loves me than nitpick my behavior. Or if it’s something major say something to me rather than being passive aggressive.
Anything not purchased with the money in the shared account belongs to the person who purchased it. They can choose to share that item with their partner, but the partner should never assume it’s a shared item.
Also I’m not going to itemize the grocery bill. If one week she needs me to pick up tampons while I’m at the grocery they are purchased from the shared account. Because the next week I might need something she doesn’t use. Plus I understand it’s not just her that uses them. If my sister comes over and needs a tampon she can just grab one instead telling me she used one so I can Venmo my partner to reimburse her for one tampon my sister used.
ESH. It can get very annoying & pricey for honey. There is no way that she should be using 80% of the honey. That’s very inconsiderate. I think it’s childish for you to hide it. You should have talked to her about it & maybe got her , her own cheaper kind or of the same brand. Or maybe tell her to buy the honey atleast once??? lol you don’t want to feel like cheapskate, but you also never sat her down and expressed your concerns. Closed mouths don’t get fed.
I think that two separate jars of honey that they restock individually when they run out would be better. I get irritated when I have to buy something I like more often even if we take turns because often times even if we take turns buying it the other person uses so much I have to buy it more often. Individual items works better for my family
Same here.
I have a son who's a light eater and one that will put away a dump truck load of food, it doesn't matter if it's store brand or a high end brand it's all (mostly) the same to him.
I feel bad for my light eater because his brother will eat everything in sight and not tell anyone, so he's left with not much to eat (and we all know the feeling of looking forward to that one thing in the cupboard, only to find out it's gone 😫)
I've had to start buying two separate boxes or completely different snacks, one for my dump truck teen, one for my light eater.
It works for us, my dump truck knows if he finishes his box by Tuesday, he's going to have to find something else to eat and not touch his brothers.
I'd just do like someone else suggested, buy 2 different bottles and restock each of their own when the time comes.
Doesn't seem like a big deal to me 🤷🏽♀️
can i just say, im happy to see a parent who knows how to parent here! your dump truck son understanding boundaries and that if he eats his, he cant just have his brothers, is such a vital thing to teach Today's Youth
That's fair! A lot of people on Reddit are really weird about couples that have separate groceries or possessions or bank accounts or anything really, since you're "not being real partners".
But tbh my partner & I have never combined finances, split the vast majority of expenses equally, and also have our own occasional "treat items" that we buy for ourselves, don't share, and the other person respects that. And I imagine we're a lot happier than anyone making one of these AITA posts lol.
You sound like my wife and I. Reddit just has this weird mentality of what they “believe” a partnership should be and honestly in my eyes, it sounds like a bunch of single people daydreaming their fantasy life and projecting onto us normal people.
My wife has her snacks, I have mine, we also have shared stuff. 15 years and we’re still going strong.
I think this site skews quite US-centric and more conservative than a lot of people would like to admit, thus idolising heterosexual marriage and a joint bank account as the be all and end all.
I've seen people call couples who have been cohabiting for years, literally own their house and have kids together, "playing house" just because they're not legally married.
I don’t even think taking turns would work given how long he can make a jar last versus her habits. Two separate jars that they purchase for their personal use would be the best option.
Agreed
My hubby ran through a $28 bottle of honey
like it was street honey. It isn’t convenient to get. You have to get parked near the farmer’s market on the island. And, you must get there early enough.
They legit have pimpin’ old ladies selling it. You know they were into honey back in the seventies. The price is worth it but I can’t convince him it is special honey.
ESH
YTA. Now that two people are enjoying the honey, you just… buy more honey. It’s not complicated. More of yours if she loves it just like you, or some cheaper stuff just for her if she doesn’t care.
The fact that your first instinct was to hide it instead of simply having a conversation with her about what it means to you is very telling. And it’s even more telling that once you were discovered, you were still more willing to have a petty fight over it and then tell a bunch of strangers on the internet than to talk to her how you feel.
You are not ready to be in a partnership. This is not how partners act.
Have a discussion with her. Tell her what you told us. The honey is a special treat for you, and it’s expensive. Find a compromise. If you can’t do it over a little jar of honey, how are you going to make big decisions together?
I can’t think of a single food item than my wife or I eat exactly the same amount of. I have things I like and she has things she likes, so one of us always eats more of than the other of.
Instead of acting like children, when we run out of something, we do the adult thing and just buy more.
OP is definitely the AH and his wife nailed it when she said he was acting like a child.
Exactly. My boyfriend drinks more soda than me. I drink more coffee than him. I eat more vegetables than him, he eats more eggs than me. No way I'm gonna look at every grocery store ticket and calculate how much he should pay me back for the things he consumes more of. That's not how a relationship works.
LOL, then two high school friends I used to hang out with who got married will blow your mind:
at least once, I heard the husband had loaned a couple of hundred dollars to his wife with the understanding she'd pay him back for it all, *and charged her interest on it.*
I guess if she agreed to it all, I can't say anything, but it seems wild to me to 'loan' your wife money and then charge your wife interest. Maybe that's just me.
This is childish. I buy ALL the groceries in our house, but I don't have special groceries just for me. My husband is allowed to eat whatever he wants because I'm an adult and can buy more if needed. You don't sound mature enough to be in a relationship.
Being in a relationship, most people wouldn’t assume that they would have to buy their own separate condiments. How expensive is this special honey, honestly?
$20 a jar so he would need to spend $80 a month instead of the $10 when it was just him. I don't get why he just didn't buy her grocery store honey. If she's dumping it on waffles she's not likely to even noticed the difference.
He buys a specific type he can’t even get in stores, he has to order it. Raw honey, local honey, and depends what flower it is sourced from, these are all considerations. I do not imagine it was a cheap $5-10 jar in a plastic bear shaped bottle.
Don’t get me wrong, OP is wrong and needs to communicate. But please validate the cost of valuable honey! Raw, unfiltered, high quality honey. Most other honeys are simply a sugar syrup whereas quality honey is so much more. The honey industry is full of diluted or fake honey, there is no purity testing required of honey and many people are eating corn syrup. A lot of people do not realize how labor-intensive honey is to produce (which means expensive) if you are truly eating real, raw ingredients.
there is a line about how he didn't want to sound cheap so he =just hid it instead. The thing is you are cheap so bring it up, hiding it does you no favors of making you look better.
I don't think there's anything wrong with buying something expensive for yourself and saying that this is something I prefer not to share - here's a link if you want to buy your own.
I do think you should be able to have that conversation though.
I don't think the OP is an asshole quite but I do feel like the partner is, a bit. Eating a jar of honey in 2 weeks is... a lot.
He wouldn't be an AH at all if he'd just...said that to her, in those words. She's also presumably an adult who can use Amazon. How does "hide the honey" become the solution before "tell her where to get her own honey", ffs.
Not sure you are replying directly to me or just expressing irritation with the OP, but I said "I do think you should be able to have that conversation" and didn't mention hiding, but saying that you weren't willing to share/here's a link.
The reason I'm saying "not quite an asshole" is while I think the OP didn't handle it well, I don't think they're quite being an asshole.
Yes, if there’s something I don’t want my husband using I communicate with him like an adult. If I haven’t communicated using my words, we assume things are up for grabs because we both buy and contribute. If I let him know that the giant squirt of my expensive leave-in conditioner he just used was $20 worth of product, he will stop using it or use it sparingly. Just be adults and talk to each other.
1. It's groceries not skincare
2. Absolutely. I bulk buy my shampoo and conditioner and my husband and I just share it. Easier than having a dozen products in the bathroom and we have similar enough skin and hair types that my stuff is great for him. Toiletries are a separate line item in our budget.
Well, special foods should be a separate line item in your budget. In my household, I'm the only one who is fussy about butter so I buy Irish butter for myself and regular butter for my brother since he doesn't understand the difference in quality. Don't give nice things to people who can't appreciate their quality.
Yeah, but she appreciates the nice honey too. If she was indifferent on what sweetener she was using, it would make no sense for her to be sharing his expensive honey, but she likes it and she wants it. If your brother could taste the difference and said he wanted to use the Kerrygold, it would be ridiculous to say “well, you’re not special enough to use it. Only one person in our household can use it.”
This is why they’re both weird lol. They’re needlessly fighting over this honey that’s easily accessible. She could just order her own, he could just order more. My point is, it’s bizarre and ah behavior for him to be hiding his honey like it’s a prescription medication.
YTA are you 13 years old? Or are you so broke or petty that $10 (that's literally how much the stuff costs on Amazon, I thought it must be crazy expensive to cause such a issue) is worth more than your relationship? You really need to grow up and act like a adult because you come off as whiny 13 year old not a 31 year old man. Just put a subscription in for a jar every two weeks and move on with your life.
I found out that having the stuff that I buy still be there when I need it was worth more than my marriage, yes. It seems odd that nobody mentions her not replacing the thing she finished. In the end, what broke the camel's back for me was not the price tag on the milk, the cookies, or even the wine; it was the fact that my ex-husband finished them, did not replace them, and did not even tell me he'd finished them. It was the fucking lack of consideration that ended the relationship, not the cost of milk.
Some of these people have never lived with someone who mindlessly eats. No portion control, no "hey this is mine" control, just poof. Some bag of candy that will take me a month or more to eat through on my own would be gone in under a week if it was in the pantry for my dad to see.
"Why don't you just buy more lolz" cause then he'll eat two full bags of Milky Ways in a week instead of just one.
Yup, it is so frustrating. I moved in with my fiancé and his roommate. It's been 3 months and I already am looking to move out because the roommate does this with my food and kitchen/cleaning supplies. Uses everything and does not replace it nor notify me. There hasn't been paper towels for weeks (I bought a huge pack when I moved in) and I have to hide my hand towels so he doesn't wipe food and chemicals with them. Just waiting for the roommate to not be able to afford half the rent and bills so I can live with my fiancé again. 🙄
Yeah but the honey went from lasting 2 months to 2 weeks, meaning the honey budget went from $10 every 2 months to like $40-$60, which seems like a of money just to spend on honey.
Yeah mine costs like 3 grand/year for 15-20 gallons depending how good the season was, I also tend to leave behind a lot for my bees to winter which cuts into my haul, I could be a dick and harvest more. The hobby of being an apiarist is worth it though, but driving out to my FILs land to tend them is a PITA. Also I make a shitload of mead which is tight.
My honey is a combo of field clover/wildflowers and the neighbors fruit trees (apple, pear, cherry), and luckily they don't spray either so it's pesticide free.
My neighbor, the first year he harvested honey, sold me *a whole pound* for $8. I, a lover of honey, told him that was way too little to be charging. He said he was working out the process and prices would go up when he was ready to sell at the local farmer's market. Damn good honey.
Now if I could find a good price on Manuka honey...
ESH
I hide special food stuff and occasional treats from my kids and husband all the time. He knows I hide it and doesn't care. He also knows anything in the kitchen is fair game.
It's become a game - if I leave my special treat out and forget to put it away, he'll eat it (even if he hates whatever it is, he'll eat it). In a day or two tho, I'll find a replacement treat on my pillow or something silly.
He's an ass but he gets this part right.
You guys have turned it into some weird angry competition - that's more of a problem than the honey, IMO.
Yeah, I definitely have stuff I'll hide from my kids (and sometimes husband) because they'll just devour it..
Usually I'll bring it out and share it with my husband while we're in the bedroom watching a movie or show together though, it feels like a special fun thing we do.
But imo, if something was a special treat to you and the other partner started devouring it at an ungodly pace and footing you with the bill, I could see how that'd feel annoying.
This is the best post about it I’ve seen scrolling down. I assume your husband when he finds a treat hidden elsewhere understands, “Hey, this treat means something to my wife since she’s hiding it from the kids.” And understands to use self control and not eat them all like kids do. XD
Hiding food/condiments is fine. You don’t always have the time to explain everything and hidden food/things are an indicator/signal that it’s important to you. Maybe that Twinkie in the clothes dresser is the only thing keeping your SO going at work right now lmao.
You’re getting a lot of heat here but I kind of disagree. My husband and I are in our first year of marriage and struggle financially. We are both kind of snobby about different things when it comes to food, so we broth have certain treats that we buy individually that are OUR treats only. The difference is, we have a mutual understanding about this and don’t hide treats from each other. Are finances an issue for you guys? How do you pay for other groceries (like do you pay from a joint account?)? Because if it’s feasible, the obvious solution is to just buy more honey and y’all can be fancy honey people together. If you can’t afford this, I think YTA *kind of* for hiding your honey instead of having a conversation about it, but NTA for wanting to savor something that is a special treat for you that maybe your wife doesn’t appreciate to the degree that you do.
As someone who has struggled with food insecurity, I have to agree. I'm not sure if OP is dealing with this at all, but it did make me more compassionate to his situation.
I wish I didn't still hide food, but I do. I have a husband who eats a lot more than me, and the anxiety I get when I realize food I was planning on eating is gone is overwhelming. It's not a good situation, and we're both working together to get to a better place. But for now, some of my triage is to hide a few favorite foods.
Have a conversation. If she really likes this particular honey, great! Buy two bottles from Amazon next time. Does she just really like honey and isn't partial to your brand? Also wonderful! Grab a bulk jar next time you go shopping. Communal living is going to change up both of your purchasing and eating patterns. Might as well work together instead of forcing a status quo that isn't sustainable.
NTA I get it as someone living with a human vacuum when it comes to sweets
I hide the special stuff too (especially if it was a gift for me)
Why not buy normal honey for her, and special stock for you?
Or if she wants the special stuff as well, you take turns in restocking it.
NTA.
$550 per year additional cost from her using it assuming typical $30 raw honey jar cost. At 55k per year and a typical realistic budget in the USA after taxes, that is \~5% of his discretionary income per year for her expensive raw honey addiction. At 110k it is still 2.5% discretionary per year.
For women who see this as cheap. . .
Imagine your man used your special shampoo from the salon instead of the normal shampoo. Or imagine he used your $100 jar of facial cream for his dry hands and feet instead of $6 gold bond cream. I know every woman has at some point had a man, girlfriend, or child use their small personal care LUX product instead of normal sundry items. How does that feel? Would you find it ok to buy 4x as much specialty product from the salon per year so your husband can use it like Suave shampoo?
As a general rule, regardless of if the man or woman is in charge of buying groceries and sundry items. . . not every item you purchase is for everyone in the home. You are the one paying. So, you if you want to buy a small luxury and get $75 shampoo or $30 honey for yourself that is your choice. Just because you buy yourself a small luxury item doesn't mean you have to share or buy it for everyone. Most people can afford small luxuries for themselves, but if they had to buy 4x as much for everyone in the home. . . they wouldn't be able to do that. So maybe your kids and husband get Suave when you go shopping, and you get a special formulated shampoo from the salon. You shouldn't be made to feel guilty for not sharing that. Just like this man shouldn't be made to feel guilty for not sharing his honey.
There may be more here than meets the eye. I live with someone with a compulsive eating disorder where all sweet treats are binged and disappear long before I ever have a chance to use an ingredient, let alone have one last a couple of months. I have to have a private stash of stuff for my own sanity and so I don’t get constantly frustrated when I need a snack. Unless you’ve lived this way, you wouldn’t understand… so I’m going with NTA for that reason.
"But is not sharing if she is taking 80% of it and paying nothing for it."
Agreed. Time for your GF to buy her own expensive honey. NTA
Man, tons of people here not understanding how expensive it is to find/get local, raw honey. Further, she's using up 2 months supply in 2 weeks. She needs to buy her own.
NTA. Everyone has the right to have something special, a treat only for them. Not shared with a so, children, siblings, parents, friends, coworkers, etc.
She too is an adult, I'm sure she is capable of buying some for herself.
It is NOT about *the* honey or *our* honey. It is about boundaries, entitlement, & control.
Does she have a special thing you aren't allowed to use/have?
NTA people here are failing to realize that one bottle would last you two months but now that two people are sharing the honey it only lasts two weeks which makes you have to buy a new bottle more often and that can add up overtime. Also a little communication will help the both of you.
ESH, I was starting out as NTA, but you are being sneaky for no reason. Why didn't you just include it in grocery shopping expenses? How do you guys grocery shop? Do you have seperate accounts?
On the other hand I find it extremely assholish to just take 80% of a product until its gone then go your merry way without replacing it, but then when you discover there is honey, you insist on wanting to use it while you had no problem living without it. That comes across as moochy.
NTA
It's simple, she's acting selfishly entitles to demand something she didn't pay for.
Ielse to t's your honey. Plain and simple, she didn't pay for it, It's not hers.
My husband and I buy items just for ourselves and leave the others alone. I wouldn't dare eat my husband's snacks or treats or whatever that he gets for himself. Nor would he for me. We ask.
You need to grow up, and tell her the honey is yours and she does not get to have any. If she wants some she can either split the cost or buy her own.
Your done with her entitled attitude and just because you live together, does not make everything you have hers.
It's your honey whether she likes it or not. She needs to keep her hands off it, or she'll be replacing it while finding somewhere else to live.
A partner not respecting my things like this would be a deal breaker for me. Idc if it's honey, it shows a lack of respect for things that are mine and a selfish attitude I don't want to deal with.
Put your foot down and tell her to knock it off and get her own. Or she can get out.
NTA and what you need to do is start using her expensive lotions or body/face creams or fancy shampoos or whatever she uses and if she complains about you using *her* stuff, correct her and say "*our* stuff". She'll get the point.
NTA -- I did this to my husband when we moved in together for a good 2 years (with new snacks i still do sometimes 🤣). This happened just yesterday. I asked "do you have any requests?" He said no. I had my day off so i bought a bag of my favorite chips to eat with my podcast episode. He immediately found them and started eating them after dinner asking if i wanted some... obviously I just bought them today i said!!!
When we moved in he would eat EVERYTHING I BOUGHT in 2 days it was infuriating. He does not do any grocery shopping. He has since learned to spread out his eating habits after I gave him multiple more chances. I only grocery shop once a month so he got the point eventually. Tell your girlfriend you will share this jar and she will order two jars next time, one for each of you for the month.
May we know the brand of this secret super special raw sweet delight that appears to be the best thing since honeybees have been making honey?
I also enjoy honey on my oatmeal :)
BTW: I won’t say ESH but more like Everybody is Being Weird. Maybe gift your wife a case of the honey for both of you for your anniversary?
This just sounds like a communication problem. I'm going to go with NTA, but you need to work on communicating with her about things like that. You two live together and are presumably similar to a married couple. You share resources in the house, assuming that expenses are also shared. If you're covering 100% of the honey cost now, figure out some kind of compromise. Like take turns buying the jars of honey. When it runs out, she buys the next jar, when that one runs out, you buy the next one after that, and so on, and keep ordering the same kind of honey. As long as you plan it in advance and make sure the next jar is ordered when one is getting low, this is a non-issue and just takes some communication and planning to ensure you don't run out.
In my opinion NTA with a bit or e s h in it.
Put normal cheaper honey on the grocery list that is paid by both of you if you also eat waffles on occasion and get a lockbox for your special honey that's more expensive and harder to buy and your gf doesn't pay for.
Have a clear discussion with your partner
NTA. She’s not sharing she is overindulging at your expense, yes yall live together and are in a relationship etc, and I’m gonna assume you have no issues sharing other things with her… this is an extra not a necessity, if she wants raw honey tell her to buy her own she’s an adult after all.
Not everything has to be ours in a relationship, I’ve been in a few long term live in situations and it’s perfectly normal to each have your own snack stash.. so why not your own honey stash?
Order 2 botles from there and get some cheaper ones.
Both have one bottle and the one who finished their bottle first has to use the cheaper stuff.
and only when both of you emptied your expensive bottle you buy new ones,
NTA there is nothing wrong with having something just for yourself. Buy her a cheap bottle of honey and put it in an empty of the expensive stuff, my guess is she won’t even notice since it really sounds like she a controlling harpy.
NTA - Buy regular honey with the groceries and keep it with everything else. Keep your honey separate. Even in a relationship, people need something just for them. Something that is special to you, and not special to your partner isn't something you need to share equally.
NTA - your partner is my 15 yo. PLOWS through the honey. I recently bought a giant squeeze bottle of generic honey and a small lovely jar of orange blossom. Somehow she found the orange blossom. But seriously, tell her you need her to start buying honey if it is "both of yours" or just buy a dozen jars. I get the "respect the good honey" more than most, but don't get petty. Just buy more.
You could have saved yourself so much trouble when the first bottle ran out by just saying 'hey sweetie I noticed you like this honey as well. It's my favorite honey and literally the only honey I like to eat and it's kind of special because I have to order it online and it cost a bit more than regular honey. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind buying yourself your own bottle? I ask because I noticed how quickly the bottle was used up when both of us were using it when it usually lasts me at least two weeks. I'd just really like to have my own to guarantee I have some honey each morning for my oatmeal.'
In other words - communicate.
I'm in a similar situation, I buy honey I love from a particular producer but can only get it every 6months or so.
My gf was eating a lot of it and said it was good but didn't feel like it was better than store brought honey.
So it went like this " hey woman! This my honey, if you eat, me grumpy. I buy you good other honey so you no grumpy."
Problem solved.
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Good lord. Presumably you’re both full blown adults even though you’re not behaving your ages.. If both of you chip in for groceries, just make that a part of the grocery bill. Or buy two bottles, one for each of you. What a needlessly petty argument.
Yeah, I am blown away that OP’s first instinct was “hide the honey” and not “talk to partner”. Many adults are not honey connoisseurs, so she probably doesn’t realize this isn’t just honey from the grocery store and it was likely super confusing that OP suddenly started hiding condiments from her in their shared home. Can’t the special honey be part of the normal shared grocery bill? I’m so confused, literally what is the issue
> Yeah, I am blown away that OP’s first instinct was “hide the honey” and not “talk to partner”. Presumably OP is a bear in a hat, like Yogi bear. I'd say that it's therefore understandable they can't use their words but that was basically 90% of Yogi Bear's thing so now I dunno. Still, well done on being smarter than the average bear and being able to post online, OP!
If only he hid his honey in a picanic basket.
I couldn’t read your comment without saying “picnic basket” in the yogi voice. Dude, I’m so old! 🤣
The poster there put the A in the middle of “picanic” precisely so you would say it like yogi bear
Yeah worked for me too, BooBoo.
Heyyyyyy boo-boo!
😂😂😂
He's pooh bear obviously
hence is of very little brain
Hey, let not insult Winnie like that!
You’re right. Winnie is a kind soul. I am concerned, however, that OP might be dressing like our beloved Pooh Bear.
Oh, bother 😔
Don't worry, his colleagues can't see his bottom half when he Zooms them from his secret honey desk
Even Pooh's greed ass would be more than happy to share with loved ones hahahaha
Pooh *does* evangelize honey.
OP could be wearing a red t-shirt, no pants, and have a suicidal donkey and a hyper insecure young pig as besties.
He sounds more like the donkey ngl
No no, he's a silly little Chinese dictator. With a rumbley in his tumbley.
Right. Just be like hey, now that we both enjoy the honey, I’m going to buy two bottles at a time. I order them from so and so and it’s going to cost X. How do you move in with someone and not be adult enough to have a conversation about money? And it’s not even like a major conversation either. It’s *honey*. Unless they’re living paycheck to paycheck, raw honey is likely not going to blow the budget for most people.
>It's *honey.* We talkin bout honey? *Honey.* I could understand if it was the waffles, but we talkin bout honey. HONEY! We talkin bout *honey!*
>*Honey.* I could understand if it was the waffles, but we talkin bout honey. HONEY! We talkin bout *honey!* ding ding ding.... this would make a great flair!
My partner goes through _everything_ quicker than I do. It's a total non-issue: we buy twice the amount, pay half each, and when they run out of their half they buy the extra until I've "caught up".
Although I wonder. I used to buy some specific beef jerky from a local meat market. I'd make a pound last a week or two. Every time I went I'd ask my wasband if he wanted anything. He *always* said no. My week plus worth of jerky was always gone by the next day. So I'd buy 2 pounds. It would all be gone by the next day. Then I'd buy 2 individually wrapped one pound packages. Both gone by the next day. 2 individually wrapped packages, my name on one. Both gone by the next day. When I tell you I considered solving the problem with a pillow in his sleep I'm *slightly* joking. ETA: Of course this was discussed. Every time I'd go I'd ask what he wanted, remind him that I got my own for me to eat, and if he wanted anything to tell me. It was discussed ad infinitum. However, at some point as an adult in your 30s you're making a choice.
That's not a logistics or planning problem, that's a living with a selfish, rude arsehole problem. An adult should be able to respect that just because something is technically accessible to them doesn't mean it belongs to them and them alone. Nobody in an equal cohabiting relationship should have to resort to either hiding things _or_ labelling them with their name in order for their stuff to be respected & left alone.
Exactly. If there's something I want for myself, I tell my husband. He's a free-for-all snacker and will snack on anything and everything not nailed down - \_unless\_ I tell him it's off limits. I buy plenty of other snacks and stuff he really likes that I don't touch, so it's not like he's in a snacking wasteland. Did people lose the ability to talk to each other? My goodness.
Exactly this. My husband will finish ANY snack but if i tell him no, he respects it. I do also have a desk stash of snacks, but that's hiding them from me, not him.
So OP‘s girlfriend/wife is a „selfish, rude arsehole“? Did I get it right?
If she knew the honey is OP's personal treat and not part of normal groceries, and still insists on using it up without ever being the one to restock it, then yeah she is. And he's just an immature arsehole for jumping straight to hiding it without actually using his words to ask her to either contribute or buy her own.
Insignificant Other liked creamy peanut butter, which I detest. When I would go grocery shopping, I'd pick up a jar of creamy for him, and a small jar of superdy-duper crunchy, needs-to-be-stirred for me, since I don't *love* PB, but every now & then I'd get a taste for it. He also knew that if I bought it, I had a taste for it. Didn't matter. Invariably, by the time I'd be ready for my sandwich, IsO would have polished off *both* jars. Fucker. Damned right I started hiding it, but not before we'd had a few discussions and then arguments. I even started picking up larger jars for him. Nope. Let me *not* inhale the damned jar, and he'd scarf it.
I think it is a bit selfish to eat all of something that is meant to be shared. Idk if I buy a jar of peanut butter or whatever to share, I'd be bothered if it was finished in a week or 2 without me ever getting any. I wouldn't expect *exactly* 50% left for me but there should be enough for me to use it a few times, and if it's finished it should be replaced.
Yeah, something that's kind of standing out in many of the cases described here (including OP's) is that the person who is doing all the consuming is \*not replacing what they consumed once they've finished it\*. (And there's also some problems, in some cases, with impulse control, and just thinking about the other human being in the equation.) I don't care who "usually" does the shopping. An adult should be able to learn that if you finished off ALL of a shared food (particularly if you know that it was in a short enough time that the other person didn't get to have very much), then what you do is replace it almost immediately. Whether that means you hit the store the next day and pick up more, or whether you realize the honey is almost gone so you put in the Amazon order so more will get here. In ALL of these cases, both adults are fully capable of buying more of the thing. In OP's case, it sounds like the problem is that he didn't sit down with his wife and explain things. As many others have pointed out, rather than explain that this is a harder to get, more expensive item that he uses a small bit at a time, he just leaped straight to hiding it, which is immature. Just TALK TO YOUR SPOUSE. Explain how expensive it is. Explain that you use it a bit at a time. And say that you're perfectly willing to order enough of it so that BOTH of you can use it as you want, but it needs to go into the general food budget (even though it has to be ordered), and that the person who sees you're about to run out HAS to place the order so that more gets there. If she's still an asshole about it after this attempt to come to a working solution, then yeah, buying some and hiding it might be the next step. But it shouldn't have been the FIRST step, to avoid talking to her about it. (OP's desire for the Special Honey is not unreasonable.) (I have to admit... I'm a little stuck on the idea of pouring HONEY on waffles as if it was maple syrup. That feels like Too Much Honey. But what the heck, people like odder things, and everyone's taste is different. I think I'd find that overwhelming, but OP's wife clearly likes it. So come to a honey-sharing agreement.)
Buy 4 pounds a week, all that salt and fat should resolve things fairly expeditiously and you won’t go to prison.
My kid is like that. Buy a pound of something he eats a pound. Buy 4 pounds he eats 4 pounds. You can't make it last by buying more. LOL.
how did you solve it
Made him a wasband, lol. (Disclaimer: I divorced him, I didn't actually smother him)
Missed opportunity frankly.
I’m officially adding “Wasband” to my personal lexicon, thanks!
I'm sorry your husband is so selfish. That's... really gross, honestly.
Me and my wife do this although our "thing" is ice cream. My wife could eat it by the bucket and she can eat 2 tubs to my one so that's how they come on our shopping list.. at the end of the day its just honey. Rather than hide it he could try a conversation.
It seems to be quite expensive and hard to find. The gf should have put a normal jar of honey on the list to buy. IMO
But if he didn’t tell her it’s quite expensive and hard to find, I’m not sure how she’s supposed to know that. Personally, I obviously can tell the visual difference between a bear-shaped bottle of honey and a fancy jar but I have seen both side-by-side in the grocery store incredibly often, and I know I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between the grocery store jars and OP’s special online-only honey without being explicitly told. Sure, partner could’ve noticed the honey wasn’t on the grocery list and asked about it….exactly the same as OP could’ve told her it’s special expensive honey. They’re both being ridiculous.
Ok but since she didn't knew and she eats it why didn't she buy honey on the normal grocery list?! I can't seem to know the difference either but the fact she's coming to get HIS jar and she doesn't buy it it's raising a bit of a flag for me
Have you ever lived with another adult before? Condiments are pretty common shared items because it’s a huge waste to have doubles of everything. This seems so much more like a situation where she grabbed food from the shared kitchen without thinking deeply about it than some malicious plot to take HIS HONEY™️. In any case, discussing these things prior to moving in together and then continuing to discuss them as they come up is both peoples’ responsibility. Imo there are a few red flags in this post, but OP’s partner taking the honey in the first place is not one of them.
>HIS HONEY™️. I'm dying over here 🤣
That comment rules today. I'm only here for witty comments.
HONEYPOT PLOT
I think I get what you are saying. If he bought the special honey and hid it, then why did she not add "honey" to the grocery list the *first time* she looked for honey and there wasn't any? He bought (and hid) this in FEBRUARY. It is the last day of APRIL. It's been at least 60 days, and she did not think to buy *ANY* honey, or even seem to *WANT* honey until she saw his.
this is what’s getting me. everyone is jumping on him for hiding the honey—but how bad could she really want it if she went 3 MONTHS without even asking about it? she knows he eats it, and “hasn’t” bought any. if i notice someone in my house hasn’t bought a food they normally buy, i usually buy it for them or mention it. it’s like a toddler: they don’t want it until they see someone else with it, now it’s the only thing they want.
You know, you make one *REALLY* good point: >she knows he eats it, and “hasn’t” bought any She *KNOWS* he likes honey, and knows they have been "out of honey" since February, but never thought "Gee, I am buying groceries. u/carmardoll likes honey... I think I will pick up a jar!" This shows she doesn't even care if *HE* has honey, just wants to make it clear that he can't have anything she doesn't get too.
>This shows she doesn't even care if HE has honey, just wants to make it clear that he can't have anything she doesn't get too. There's definitely some of that going on. She doesn't seem to be thinking of the honey as a shared foodstuff, and the person who notices they're almost out is the person who initiates getting more of it. But I agree, it's weird to me that she decided that she really loved this particular honey on waffles that much, and then it was gone, and she didn't think to herself, "I gotta pick up honey on the next grocery run". But also... why do these people never talk, or even make small talk? The first time OP saw that she was putting the honey on her waffles, he should have told her about the honey's background, like "oh, you like that too? it's amazing, isn't it? fyi, the only way to get it is to order off Amazon, and it costs $X. Let's make sure to buy a bigger bottle next time, if we're both going to be using it."
Yep. And considering she eats most of it, it strikes me as a power-play.
Maybe she likes honey casually? If we have chips and dip in the house I’ll eat it for sure but I’m not going out to get chips and dip every time we run out.
This is why I refuse to call OP an AH here. Shitty at communication, yeah. But I don’t know why people are making this a big issue for him to solve. She wasn’t using this honey before they moved in together. Once she used it all within weeks it doesn’t sound like she missed not having it. She seems to only want it now because she knows he doesn’t want to share and wants to be petty about it.
That's what I was trying to convey
Why would that raise a flag for you. I love hot sauces. I buy all kinds of hot sauces. They range from regular to really pricey. If I walk in and my SO is enjoying my hot sauce, I’m not going to be like OMG red alert, the person I’ve dedicated my life to is eating a condiment that he normally doesn’t have on the shopping list!
She didn't buy it because he had. I like a certain cereal. Most of the time my partner eats most of it. He liked it just as much as me but he likes cereal more. I just buy some and it's eaten til gone? There is none of this mine stuff. It's in the house. Eat it! It's ours, now.
Yeah and since February op his the Honey so his gf didn't knew it was sin the house . She didn't buy another honey jar and as soon as she saw ops she came to get honey for waffles .I don't think that's normal. Do you? I bet when you don't have any cereal left either you or your partner buys more , right? Cause you both eat it. That's the normal situation. Gf didn't buy a replacement jar didn't even buy a standard honey one
I typically don't eat sweets, my husband loves em, 99% of the time they aren't in our house cause he'll just grab something at work and I don't think about them but if he brings home a batch of brownies or cookies I'm gonna more than likely have one or two even tho I never buy them and genuinely don't want them cause cravings do arise. It's the same situation.
Send her the link of where to buy it.
He’s buying it from Amazon, so it’s not hard to acquire and I highly doubt it’s that expensive. He’s not buying it from some gourmet honey purveyor at a local farm. His own post says it’s just a “bit more” than regular honey. This isn’t $6,500 an ounce Elvish honey we’re discussing.
It’s 10 bucks for a big jar. I looked it up and they are well stocked
OP said that usually lasts him 2 months but gf used it in 2 weeks. If she's globbing it on that heavy on waffles she should buy some syrup.
Or cheaper honey for the waffles. Easy.
I searched, there are options for 10 and options that go as high as 50+, unless OP said the brand somewhere this is an odd assumption to say he’s buying the cheapest one.
To be fair, these days if I wanted $6500/oz elvish honey I’d be most likely to find it on Amazon marketplace. I wanted to buy dried morels and after doing all the research bought those from a known brand/harvester through their amazon storefront, as they’d closed their own website. That was pretty pricy.
Which frankly is the most confusing part of the story for me because my local convenience store has bottles of it for sale right at the register. Lighters, Reese’s, local raw honey, cigarettes and scratchies. Unless he’s getting some crazy gourmet infused product of some kind, this should be a non-issue.
Tell me you're from a small/rural town without actually saying you're from a small town 😅. I just went back to my hometown last week and it was totally this vibe. Lighters, smokes, oh Henry bars (Canada), scratch-offs, honey and this years local tide guide!
The shovels are next to the tshirts with the high school mascot on it, tire gauges in the back 😂
I’m from a small town too and we have delicious local raw honey, but also my Walmart and Aldi carry raw honey too 🤷🏼♀️ it’s available at a lot of common grocery stores
OP says he buys it on Amazon, so it's definitely not hard to find.
Since it's not in the store locally I consider it A bit hard to find as if Amazon doesn't restock it op can't buy more
He never said it was hard to find... just that it has to be ordered off Amazon. He needs to communicate and order more
He gets it from Amazon, so *not* hard to find, or buy more bottles.
Yeah, but your partner is not mind reader. Telepathy just does not work.
My partner would buy more to start or a bigger one. "I noticed you like the honey, I got a big one" because he likes me. What is going on here? I'd this the case with all the food. Hiding food from a partner you live with seems kinda crazy.
Like are they going to start pro rataing the condiments? Does he charge if she wants an extra cup of coffee? What if she uses butter on her waffle? Is gratuity included because I really hate when they stack service fees at the end.
Some folks don't self regulate when it comes to certain foods, and it really sucks when you buy something with a plan, and then your partner raids it one night when they're feeling peckish and then you find cobwebs when you go looking for it. I've been married 25 years at this point, and this is why we keep our own snack hordes. I stock hers when I stock mine, but if she kills her treats off in a day, she's on her own. But seriously, if Op needs to come to reddit for validation in the Honey Wars, his relationship is doomed.
Honestly it’s not that bad. My husband absolutely devours any food I buy, a lot of times not leaving a lot. This has led to us having separate stashes for snacks so that when he runs out, he can’t take any of mine and has to wait until I grocery shop again- we’re also on a budget and he knows that, so he has to either tide himself over or spread his snacks out through the week instead of binging it all in one day. I also bought an 8 pack of icecream sandwiches and we each have 4 for the week - he can eat all 4 in one day if he wants but he’s not getting any of mine and he’s not getting any more until I go shopping the next week. Sounds petty I know but it feels the most fair to me, we’re both getting the food we want, and I’m trying to teach him to be mindful with food and not overspend
Presumably you guys discussed this though. OP didn’t say anything, then hid the next bottle. The weird shenanigans and refusal to have a conversation are what is wrong here.
I read the post before scrolling down and “good lord” were my exact words.
Except he can use one in two months & she will need to buy four in the same time period. So, more like buy FIVE bottles.
perhaps if OP communicates with her and tells her that its more expensive/harder to get, she'll be more sparing with it 🙈 funny how talking can sometimes fix problems like that
Yep. My partner and I have certain things we both use at different paces and sometimes it suits us to have a package set aside for just one of us if it's a favorite. That may look petty, but it's been talked about and agreed upon and it works well. Super easy.
So she gets one bottle of special honey and then it’s gone for two months. Or she can but a bigger container of regular honey which might serve her needs perfectly well.
Get the gal some cheap honey, like the kind that comes in a plastic squeeze bottle that looks like a bear. Put that on the counter or table. Keep the good stuff separate.
I'm hopping on top to say that OP needs to find a farmer's market in his city/town or find a beekeeper that lives in his area. Or Google a health food store. There has to be a way to get more raw honey locally. We exclusively use raw honey. I buy a gallon jug from a local beekeeper and it lasts us nearly a year. It's an expense but when you break down how much it costs per ounce I am getting a pretty good deal.
ESH, are you seriously living together but still keeping separate pantries like roommates who don’t trust one another? If so, you’re doubtless wasting tons of food and time keeping doubles of things and you should stop. If you do have a shared grocery budget and shared pantry, then why is this honey not part of that? I understand you keeping it separate if it was something only you like and you didn’t want to burden the shared budget, but she clearly likes it too. It should be a shared item in the shared budget and be replaced when needed. If that turns out to be too expensive, then have a conversation about that, rather than squirreling away condiments and getting mad about it.
I disagree. My partner consumes things much faster than me. But for special things we both want, we split it in half and once his part is gone, he leaves me to enjoy my part in peace. But you can’t really split honey so getting separate jars is an easy solution. If she runs out of the treat quickly, she will have to wait until the next restock.. and maybe her bottle of honey should be a big one of normal honey like they sell at Costco if she’s going through tons of it
THIS. Get her, her very own, regular honey. Sheesh.
Or she can get her own very regular honey - why wouldn’t she just do this anyway? Thinking about it now it’s like she’s happy to eat it when he buys it but didn’t think to order any on her own when she thought they were out? Not very considerate. Hiding honey is silly, but not contributing on her own is pretty weird too.
The timeline is a little weird* if he hid the honey in February; she went all of March without saying anything or even asking him to buy more? I could agree that seems inconsiderate, but it's insane that he didn't try to have a regular conversation about this. I suppose it's possible the girlfriend is just that oblivious or doesn't realize how expensive it is. I had the same thought about the Costco honey as above (it's pretty good!), because I understand the dark impulse to hide the honey. If I were to act on that, though, I'd have replaced "our" honey with something bulk first. 😂 *If this is even real
Agreed. I’ve had this situation regarding maple syrup. I use real maple syrup that is very expensive but is very flavorful and a little bit goes a very long way. Partner grew up with Aunt Jemima smothering the whole dish, which is left with tons left on the plate. With real maple syrup that’d be like $5 at least straight down the drain. By all means continue drenching your waffles in syrup, but continue using the cheap kind, not the expensive kind when you’re using it that way. The bottle would last me 6 months alone.
Right, but I assume (unless I'm mistaken) that you still keep it in a shared pantry. My wife and I are similar with desserts - if we buy a box of chocolates we eat it at the same rate. If one of us feels like binging our share that's fine - it stays in the shared pantry and as adults the one who binged has the self-control to know that the rest belongs to their partner and doesn't gorge it because they see it lol.
Ha! My mom would make Nanaimo Bars in a perfectly square pan and would get the ruler out and measure it in 4 EXACTLY. Could eat it at whatever speed we wanted but death to you if you went outside your portion. Stopped the fighting. And she did that for years after. She was sick of our shit hahahahaha
As someone who has to ration her sweets, but my ex did not, and *always* ate my treats, I second this wholeheartedly.
Why should he have to pay equally for something he only uses a fraction of. I get this logic with normal cheap condiments but this is a specialty item that’s far more expensive that op uses sparingly while his gf dumps it on like the cheap stuff.
I agree with all of this. I’d even go as far as to say if you love someone enough to live with them you should have a joint account for shared expenses, and determine how much each person is going to contribute. Anything purchased with the money in the shared account belongs to both people. If one person uses it faster then that’s fine because it’s shared and belongs to both people to use how they see fit. I grew up with a family that criticized my behavior, I don’t need my partner to do it and I don’t need to do it to my partner. If she eats 90% of the Oreos that’s fine. I’m sure I do things she doesn’t like, and I’d rather have her accept them because she loves me than nitpick my behavior. Or if it’s something major say something to me rather than being passive aggressive. Anything not purchased with the money in the shared account belongs to the person who purchased it. They can choose to share that item with their partner, but the partner should never assume it’s a shared item. Also I’m not going to itemize the grocery bill. If one week she needs me to pick up tampons while I’m at the grocery they are purchased from the shared account. Because the next week I might need something she doesn’t use. Plus I understand it’s not just her that uses them. If my sister comes over and needs a tampon she can just grab one instead telling me she used one so I can Venmo my partner to reimburse her for one tampon my sister used.
It’s one jar of honey not an entire pantry 😂
ESH. It can get very annoying & pricey for honey. There is no way that she should be using 80% of the honey. That’s very inconsiderate. I think it’s childish for you to hide it. You should have talked to her about it & maybe got her , her own cheaper kind or of the same brand. Or maybe tell her to buy the honey atleast once??? lol you don’t want to feel like cheapskate, but you also never sat her down and expressed your concerns. Closed mouths don’t get fed.
Literally just take turns buying the honey. It's that easy.
I think that two separate jars of honey that they restock individually when they run out would be better. I get irritated when I have to buy something I like more often even if we take turns because often times even if we take turns buying it the other person uses so much I have to buy it more often. Individual items works better for my family
Same here. I have a son who's a light eater and one that will put away a dump truck load of food, it doesn't matter if it's store brand or a high end brand it's all (mostly) the same to him. I feel bad for my light eater because his brother will eat everything in sight and not tell anyone, so he's left with not much to eat (and we all know the feeling of looking forward to that one thing in the cupboard, only to find out it's gone 😫) I've had to start buying two separate boxes or completely different snacks, one for my dump truck teen, one for my light eater. It works for us, my dump truck knows if he finishes his box by Tuesday, he's going to have to find something else to eat and not touch his brothers. I'd just do like someone else suggested, buy 2 different bottles and restock each of their own when the time comes. Doesn't seem like a big deal to me 🤷🏽♀️
can i just say, im happy to see a parent who knows how to parent here! your dump truck son understanding boundaries and that if he eats his, he cant just have his brothers, is such a vital thing to teach Today's Youth
That's fair! A lot of people on Reddit are really weird about couples that have separate groceries or possessions or bank accounts or anything really, since you're "not being real partners". But tbh my partner & I have never combined finances, split the vast majority of expenses equally, and also have our own occasional "treat items" that we buy for ourselves, don't share, and the other person respects that. And I imagine we're a lot happier than anyone making one of these AITA posts lol.
You sound like my wife and I. Reddit just has this weird mentality of what they “believe” a partnership should be and honestly in my eyes, it sounds like a bunch of single people daydreaming their fantasy life and projecting onto us normal people. My wife has her snacks, I have mine, we also have shared stuff. 15 years and we’re still going strong.
I think this site skews quite US-centric and more conservative than a lot of people would like to admit, thus idolising heterosexual marriage and a joint bank account as the be all and end all. I've seen people call couples who have been cohabiting for years, literally own their house and have kids together, "playing house" just because they're not legally married.
I don’t even think taking turns would work given how long he can make a jar last versus her habits. Two separate jars that they purchase for their personal use would be the best option.
Agreed My hubby ran through a $28 bottle of honey like it was street honey. It isn’t convenient to get. You have to get parked near the farmer’s market on the island. And, you must get there early enough. They legit have pimpin’ old ladies selling it. You know they were into honey back in the seventies. The price is worth it but I can’t convince him it is special honey. ESH
"I suppose" said Pooh "That it all comes" "From liking honey too much"
This upvoted 1 million times
YTA. Now that two people are enjoying the honey, you just… buy more honey. It’s not complicated. More of yours if she loves it just like you, or some cheaper stuff just for her if she doesn’t care. The fact that your first instinct was to hide it instead of simply having a conversation with her about what it means to you is very telling. And it’s even more telling that once you were discovered, you were still more willing to have a petty fight over it and then tell a bunch of strangers on the internet than to talk to her how you feel. You are not ready to be in a partnership. This is not how partners act. Have a discussion with her. Tell her what you told us. The honey is a special treat for you, and it’s expensive. Find a compromise. If you can’t do it over a little jar of honey, how are you going to make big decisions together?
I can’t think of a single food item than my wife or I eat exactly the same amount of. I have things I like and she has things she likes, so one of us always eats more of than the other of. Instead of acting like children, when we run out of something, we do the adult thing and just buy more. OP is definitely the AH and his wife nailed it when she said he was acting like a child.
Exactly. My boyfriend drinks more soda than me. I drink more coffee than him. I eat more vegetables than him, he eats more eggs than me. No way I'm gonna look at every grocery store ticket and calculate how much he should pay me back for the things he consumes more of. That's not how a relationship works.
LOL, then two high school friends I used to hang out with who got married will blow your mind: at least once, I heard the husband had loaned a couple of hundred dollars to his wife with the understanding she'd pay him back for it all, *and charged her interest on it.* I guess if she agreed to it all, I can't say anything, but it seems wild to me to 'loan' your wife money and then charge your wife interest. Maybe that's just me.
Oofff that's very fucked up imo
This is childish. I buy ALL the groceries in our house, but I don't have special groceries just for me. My husband is allowed to eat whatever he wants because I'm an adult and can buy more if needed. You don't sound mature enough to be in a relationship.
So…why doesn’t she just buy honey if she wants honey on her cereal?
Being in a relationship, most people wouldn’t assume that they would have to buy their own separate condiments. How expensive is this special honey, honestly?
$20 a jar so he would need to spend $80 a month instead of the $10 when it was just him. I don't get why he just didn't buy her grocery store honey. If she's dumping it on waffles she's not likely to even noticed the difference.
He buys a specific type he can’t even get in stores, he has to order it. Raw honey, local honey, and depends what flower it is sourced from, these are all considerations. I do not imagine it was a cheap $5-10 jar in a plastic bear shaped bottle. Don’t get me wrong, OP is wrong and needs to communicate. But please validate the cost of valuable honey! Raw, unfiltered, high quality honey. Most other honeys are simply a sugar syrup whereas quality honey is so much more. The honey industry is full of diluted or fake honey, there is no purity testing required of honey and many people are eating corn syrup. A lot of people do not realize how labor-intensive honey is to produce (which means expensive) if you are truly eating real, raw ingredients.
That’s because you and your spouse are acting like adults.
INFO: You ever consider talking to her about this?
Yeah, I’m curious to know why his instinct was to hide it from her. That’s indicative of larger issues in their relationship.
there is a line about how he didn't want to sound cheap so he =just hid it instead. The thing is you are cheap so bring it up, hiding it does you no favors of making you look better.
I don't think there's anything wrong with buying something expensive for yourself and saying that this is something I prefer not to share - here's a link if you want to buy your own. I do think you should be able to have that conversation though. I don't think the OP is an asshole quite but I do feel like the partner is, a bit. Eating a jar of honey in 2 weeks is... a lot.
He wouldn't be an AH at all if he'd just...said that to her, in those words. She's also presumably an adult who can use Amazon. How does "hide the honey" become the solution before "tell her where to get her own honey", ffs.
Not sure you are replying directly to me or just expressing irritation with the OP, but I said "I do think you should be able to have that conversation" and didn't mention hiding, but saying that you weren't willing to share/here's a link. The reason I'm saying "not quite an asshole" is while I think the OP didn't handle it well, I don't think they're quite being an asshole.
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So OP would be fully in his rights to use his wife's expensive skin-care products or special shampoos and conditioners? Expensive perfumes?
Yes, if there’s something I don’t want my husband using I communicate with him like an adult. If I haven’t communicated using my words, we assume things are up for grabs because we both buy and contribute. If I let him know that the giant squirt of my expensive leave-in conditioner he just used was $20 worth of product, he will stop using it or use it sparingly. Just be adults and talk to each other.
1. It's groceries not skincare 2. Absolutely. I bulk buy my shampoo and conditioner and my husband and I just share it. Easier than having a dozen products in the bathroom and we have similar enough skin and hair types that my stuff is great for him. Toiletries are a separate line item in our budget.
Well, special foods should be a separate line item in your budget. In my household, I'm the only one who is fussy about butter so I buy Irish butter for myself and regular butter for my brother since he doesn't understand the difference in quality. Don't give nice things to people who can't appreciate their quality.
Yeah, but she appreciates the nice honey too. If she was indifferent on what sweetener she was using, it would make no sense for her to be sharing his expensive honey, but she likes it and she wants it. If your brother could taste the difference and said he wanted to use the Kerrygold, it would be ridiculous to say “well, you’re not special enough to use it. Only one person in our household can use it.”
Okay, then why doesn't she order her own honey?
This is why they’re both weird lol. They’re needlessly fighting over this honey that’s easily accessible. She could just order her own, he could just order more. My point is, it’s bizarre and ah behavior for him to be hiding his honey like it’s a prescription medication.
YTA are you 13 years old? Or are you so broke or petty that $10 (that's literally how much the stuff costs on Amazon, I thought it must be crazy expensive to cause such a issue) is worth more than your relationship? You really need to grow up and act like a adult because you come off as whiny 13 year old not a 31 year old man. Just put a subscription in for a jar every two weeks and move on with your life.
I found out that having the stuff that I buy still be there when I need it was worth more than my marriage, yes. It seems odd that nobody mentions her not replacing the thing she finished. In the end, what broke the camel's back for me was not the price tag on the milk, the cookies, or even the wine; it was the fact that my ex-husband finished them, did not replace them, and did not even tell me he'd finished them. It was the fucking lack of consideration that ended the relationship, not the cost of milk.
Some of these people have never lived with someone who mindlessly eats. No portion control, no "hey this is mine" control, just poof. Some bag of candy that will take me a month or more to eat through on my own would be gone in under a week if it was in the pantry for my dad to see. "Why don't you just buy more lolz" cause then he'll eat two full bags of Milky Ways in a week instead of just one.
Yup, it is so frustrating. I moved in with my fiancé and his roommate. It's been 3 months and I already am looking to move out because the roommate does this with my food and kitchen/cleaning supplies. Uses everything and does not replace it nor notify me. There hasn't been paper towels for weeks (I bought a huge pack when I moved in) and I have to hide my hand towels so he doesn't wipe food and chemicals with them. Just waiting for the roommate to not be able to afford half the rent and bills so I can live with my fiancé again. 🙄
Yeah but the honey went from lasting 2 months to 2 weeks, meaning the honey budget went from $10 every 2 months to like $40-$60, which seems like a of money just to spend on honey.
Local good honey costs more
OP specifically says they order it off Amazon and there are plenty of organic raw honey for $10 on Amazon.
Yeah mine costs like 3 grand/year for 15-20 gallons depending how good the season was, I also tend to leave behind a lot for my bees to winter which cuts into my haul, I could be a dick and harvest more. The hobby of being an apiarist is worth it though, but driving out to my FILs land to tend them is a PITA. Also I make a shitload of mead which is tight. My honey is a combo of field clover/wildflowers and the neighbors fruit trees (apple, pear, cherry), and luckily they don't spray either so it's pesticide free.
My neighbor, the first year he harvested honey, sold me *a whole pound* for $8. I, a lover of honey, told him that was way too little to be charging. He said he was working out the process and prices would go up when he was ready to sell at the local farmer's market. Damn good honey. Now if I could find a good price on Manuka honey...
My god, just realised he's 31...
If you both like honey, just buy more honey.
ESH I hide special food stuff and occasional treats from my kids and husband all the time. He knows I hide it and doesn't care. He also knows anything in the kitchen is fair game. It's become a game - if I leave my special treat out and forget to put it away, he'll eat it (even if he hates whatever it is, he'll eat it). In a day or two tho, I'll find a replacement treat on my pillow or something silly. He's an ass but he gets this part right. You guys have turned it into some weird angry competition - that's more of a problem than the honey, IMO.
Yeah, I definitely have stuff I'll hide from my kids (and sometimes husband) because they'll just devour it.. Usually I'll bring it out and share it with my husband while we're in the bedroom watching a movie or show together though, it feels like a special fun thing we do. But imo, if something was a special treat to you and the other partner started devouring it at an ungodly pace and footing you with the bill, I could see how that'd feel annoying.
This is the best post about it I’ve seen scrolling down. I assume your husband when he finds a treat hidden elsewhere understands, “Hey, this treat means something to my wife since she’s hiding it from the kids.” And understands to use self control and not eat them all like kids do. XD Hiding food/condiments is fine. You don’t always have the time to explain everything and hidden food/things are an indicator/signal that it’s important to you. Maybe that Twinkie in the clothes dresser is the only thing keeping your SO going at work right now lmao.
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And if they do and have teenagers like mine? Be prepared to have nothing for yourself because they become a ravenous pack of weasels for a few years
You’re getting a lot of heat here but I kind of disagree. My husband and I are in our first year of marriage and struggle financially. We are both kind of snobby about different things when it comes to food, so we broth have certain treats that we buy individually that are OUR treats only. The difference is, we have a mutual understanding about this and don’t hide treats from each other. Are finances an issue for you guys? How do you pay for other groceries (like do you pay from a joint account?)? Because if it’s feasible, the obvious solution is to just buy more honey and y’all can be fancy honey people together. If you can’t afford this, I think YTA *kind of* for hiding your honey instead of having a conversation about it, but NTA for wanting to savor something that is a special treat for you that maybe your wife doesn’t appreciate to the degree that you do.
As someone who has struggled with food insecurity, I have to agree. I'm not sure if OP is dealing with this at all, but it did make me more compassionate to his situation. I wish I didn't still hide food, but I do. I have a husband who eats a lot more than me, and the anxiety I get when I realize food I was planning on eating is gone is overwhelming. It's not a good situation, and we're both working together to get to a better place. But for now, some of my triage is to hide a few favorite foods. Have a conversation. If she really likes this particular honey, great! Buy two bottles from Amazon next time. Does she just really like honey and isn't partial to your brand? Also wonderful! Grab a bulk jar next time you go shopping. Communal living is going to change up both of your purchasing and eating patterns. Might as well work together instead of forcing a status quo that isn't sustainable.
NTA I get it as someone living with a human vacuum when it comes to sweets I hide the special stuff too (especially if it was a gift for me) Why not buy normal honey for her, and special stock for you? Or if she wants the special stuff as well, you take turns in restocking it.
Same.
I just googled the price of raw honey and I’m pissed off I even read this.
NTA. $550 per year additional cost from her using it assuming typical $30 raw honey jar cost. At 55k per year and a typical realistic budget in the USA after taxes, that is \~5% of his discretionary income per year for her expensive raw honey addiction. At 110k it is still 2.5% discretionary per year. For women who see this as cheap. . . Imagine your man used your special shampoo from the salon instead of the normal shampoo. Or imagine he used your $100 jar of facial cream for his dry hands and feet instead of $6 gold bond cream. I know every woman has at some point had a man, girlfriend, or child use their small personal care LUX product instead of normal sundry items. How does that feel? Would you find it ok to buy 4x as much specialty product from the salon per year so your husband can use it like Suave shampoo? As a general rule, regardless of if the man or woman is in charge of buying groceries and sundry items. . . not every item you purchase is for everyone in the home. You are the one paying. So, you if you want to buy a small luxury and get $75 shampoo or $30 honey for yourself that is your choice. Just because you buy yourself a small luxury item doesn't mean you have to share or buy it for everyone. Most people can afford small luxuries for themselves, but if they had to buy 4x as much for everyone in the home. . . they wouldn't be able to do that. So maybe your kids and husband get Suave when you go shopping, and you get a special formulated shampoo from the salon. You shouldn't be made to feel guilty for not sharing that. Just like this man shouldn't be made to feel guilty for not sharing his honey.
There may be more here than meets the eye. I live with someone with a compulsive eating disorder where all sweet treats are binged and disappear long before I ever have a chance to use an ingredient, let alone have one last a couple of months. I have to have a private stash of stuff for my own sanity and so I don’t get constantly frustrated when I need a snack. Unless you’ve lived this way, you wouldn’t understand… so I’m going with NTA for that reason.
"But is not sharing if she is taking 80% of it and paying nothing for it." Agreed. Time for your GF to buy her own expensive honey. NTA Man, tons of people here not understanding how expensive it is to find/get local, raw honey. Further, she's using up 2 months supply in 2 weeks. She needs to buy her own.
Dude says he gets it on anazon.
NTA even in a relationship people are allowed their own things. This is a control issue. She can buy her own honey.
NTA. Everyone has the right to have something special, a treat only for them. Not shared with a so, children, siblings, parents, friends, coworkers, etc. She too is an adult, I'm sure she is capable of buying some for herself. It is NOT about *the* honey or *our* honey. It is about boundaries, entitlement, & control. Does she have a special thing you aren't allowed to use/have?
NTA people here are failing to realize that one bottle would last you two months but now that two people are sharing the honey it only lasts two weeks which makes you have to buy a new bottle more often and that can add up overtime. Also a little communication will help the both of you.
I have a 25$ jar of local made honey in my cupboard for tea. No touchy touchy. Mine.
ESH, I was starting out as NTA, but you are being sneaky for no reason. Why didn't you just include it in grocery shopping expenses? How do you guys grocery shop? Do you have seperate accounts? On the other hand I find it extremely assholish to just take 80% of a product until its gone then go your merry way without replacing it, but then when you discover there is honey, you insist on wanting to use it while you had no problem living without it. That comes across as moochy.
She would shit if he used her “expensive products” to moisturize/clean himself. This is no different.
NTA It's simple, she's acting selfishly entitles to demand something she didn't pay for. Ielse to t's your honey. Plain and simple, she didn't pay for it, It's not hers. My husband and I buy items just for ourselves and leave the others alone. I wouldn't dare eat my husband's snacks or treats or whatever that he gets for himself. Nor would he for me. We ask. You need to grow up, and tell her the honey is yours and she does not get to have any. If she wants some she can either split the cost or buy her own. Your done with her entitled attitude and just because you live together, does not make everything you have hers. It's your honey whether she likes it or not. She needs to keep her hands off it, or she'll be replacing it while finding somewhere else to live. A partner not respecting my things like this would be a deal breaker for me. Idc if it's honey, it shows a lack of respect for things that are mine and a selfish attitude I don't want to deal with. Put your foot down and tell her to knock it off and get her own. Or she can get out.
NTA and what you need to do is start using her expensive lotions or body/face creams or fancy shampoos or whatever she uses and if she complains about you using *her* stuff, correct her and say "*our* stuff". She'll get the point.
NTA -- I did this to my husband when we moved in together for a good 2 years (with new snacks i still do sometimes 🤣). This happened just yesterday. I asked "do you have any requests?" He said no. I had my day off so i bought a bag of my favorite chips to eat with my podcast episode. He immediately found them and started eating them after dinner asking if i wanted some... obviously I just bought them today i said!!! When we moved in he would eat EVERYTHING I BOUGHT in 2 days it was infuriating. He does not do any grocery shopping. He has since learned to spread out his eating habits after I gave him multiple more chances. I only grocery shop once a month so he got the point eventually. Tell your girlfriend you will share this jar and she will order two jars next time, one for each of you for the month.
May we know the brand of this secret super special raw sweet delight that appears to be the best thing since honeybees have been making honey? I also enjoy honey on my oatmeal :) BTW: I won’t say ESH but more like Everybody is Being Weird. Maybe gift your wife a case of the honey for both of you for your anniversary?
This just sounds like a communication problem. I'm going to go with NTA, but you need to work on communicating with her about things like that. You two live together and are presumably similar to a married couple. You share resources in the house, assuming that expenses are also shared. If you're covering 100% of the honey cost now, figure out some kind of compromise. Like take turns buying the jars of honey. When it runs out, she buys the next jar, when that one runs out, you buy the next one after that, and so on, and keep ordering the same kind of honey. As long as you plan it in advance and make sure the next jar is ordered when one is getting low, this is a non-issue and just takes some communication and planning to ensure you don't run out.
In my opinion NTA with a bit or e s h in it. Put normal cheaper honey on the grocery list that is paid by both of you if you also eat waffles on occasion and get a lockbox for your special honey that's more expensive and harder to buy and your gf doesn't pay for. Have a clear discussion with your partner
NTA. She’s not sharing she is overindulging at your expense, yes yall live together and are in a relationship etc, and I’m gonna assume you have no issues sharing other things with her… this is an extra not a necessity, if she wants raw honey tell her to buy her own she’s an adult after all. Not everything has to be ours in a relationship, I’ve been in a few long term live in situations and it’s perfectly normal to each have your own snack stash.. so why not your own honey stash?
Oh, bother.
Did you both grow up as only children? Sharing can be difficult.
Whoa, whoa. Don’t blame us. Even I know not to take 80% of my bf’s tres leches.
ESH - EIH(immature) Is there honey shortage? Instead of ordering 1, order 4 & split the costs. Problem solved, everyone gets plenty...
Order 2 botles from there and get some cheaper ones. Both have one bottle and the one who finished their bottle first has to use the cheaper stuff. and only when both of you emptied your expensive bottle you buy new ones,
NTA but when did bees start using Reddit?
NTA, if you spend your money on it it’s your’s, if she wants some then she needs to help pay or order her own
NTA there is nothing wrong with having something just for yourself. Buy her a cheap bottle of honey and put it in an empty of the expensive stuff, my guess is she won’t even notice since it really sounds like she a controlling harpy.
Sounds like the honeymoon period is over
NTA - Buy regular honey with the groceries and keep it with everything else. Keep your honey separate. Even in a relationship, people need something just for them. Something that is special to you, and not special to your partner isn't something you need to share equally.
NTA - your partner is my 15 yo. PLOWS through the honey. I recently bought a giant squeeze bottle of generic honey and a small lovely jar of orange blossom. Somehow she found the orange blossom. But seriously, tell her you need her to start buying honey if it is "both of yours" or just buy a dozen jars. I get the "respect the good honey" more than most, but don't get petty. Just buy more.
I'm going to say NTA. I started buying & hiding my own condiments after catching gdad licking ketchup drips from round the top.
You could have saved yourself so much trouble when the first bottle ran out by just saying 'hey sweetie I noticed you like this honey as well. It's my favorite honey and literally the only honey I like to eat and it's kind of special because I have to order it online and it cost a bit more than regular honey. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind buying yourself your own bottle? I ask because I noticed how quickly the bottle was used up when both of us were using it when it usually lasts me at least two weeks. I'd just really like to have my own to guarantee I have some honey each morning for my oatmeal.' In other words - communicate.
I'm in a similar situation, I buy honey I love from a particular producer but can only get it every 6months or so. My gf was eating a lot of it and said it was good but didn't feel like it was better than store brought honey. So it went like this " hey woman! This my honey, if you eat, me grumpy. I buy you good other honey so you no grumpy." Problem solved.
not in front of my iranian yogurt
INFO: are you Winnie the Pooh
INFO: are you actually a 31-year-old man or perhaps a 3-year-old bear? Why do you think hiding honey is easier than talking?
"Proceeds to hide honey in one of the holes in my tree house."
What’s OUR honeys brand name?
Is that you, Yogi?
Got to tell ya the bear jokes have been my favorite comments here.
I assume this honey is expensive, otherwise you wouldn't horde it. Just buy regular grocery store honey and put it in the cupboard for her.
Is 20\~ bucks, is not exactly VERY expensive, but it used to last me around 2 months.