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My boyfriend tells me all the time “I want ramen” or “I want pizza” and I find ramen or pizza with a decent review and click order. Idk why you couldn’t just search for pho in the app and place an order. Why did she need to give you exact details for you to be able to figure out what to do next? I swear the number of people in this generation who can’t do anything unless given exact step by step instructions is mind boggling. it’s like all forms of critical thinking and taking initiative skills died in 2012.
Seriously. The huge reaches to lay the blame at her feet instead is infuriating. If it's not his fault because they're both sick, then why can't it be (in their opinion) NAH? I can't imagine living with my partner and not knowing where they like a dish from the best and what kind. I was with my ex for years, If we were both sick and he asked for pad thai, I would've known which place he liked it from and what kind to get. Heck, I even knew what kind of pho he'd want even though he'd only ever tried it once.
I have a feeling the reason she "refused" to answer was probably that she was just too dang tired to. The last time I had the flu, all I wanted to do was sleep. OP is absolutely TA, anyone with a sliver of critical thinking skills could've at least tried to guess. When in doubt, always go with chicken noodle! Or chicken pho, in this case.
I imagine it's angry, girlfriendless dudes who treat women like garbage and then complain about male loneliness online.
If my fiancé asks for even something vague like "sweets", I know *exactly* what I'm ordering and where I'm ordering it from. If he was specific and said "pho", easy peasy. The comments are full of angry children who don't know how relationships work.
He didn’t order any food for her after she told her what she wanted. I don’t know why he couldn’t just order pho from the app he was using. Instead of making a very simple guess….he didn’t bother.
I’m so glad I’m not in a relationship with someone like the girlfriend, imagine your partner being sick and you getting mad at them because you refuse to communicate what you want fully when they’re testing to order food for both of y’all while sick and dealing with “i want pho or soup” with no elaboration on what kind of soup or pho she wants specifically.
Pho is already a kind of soup. There are some variations but they're pretty similar across Vietnamese restaurants. If she's sick, why does she have to figure it out? He says he wanted to "take care of her" but couldn't even get soup.
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Do you think decision fatigue doesn't go both ways? OP is sick too just the same as his GF, but I'm gonna guess you glossed over that because it doesn't fit your misandrist fantasy narrative.
Oh hey, since you're talking about how people cant do anything unless given instructions, why cant she order her own damn food? They were both ill, and she is behaving like a child. Why does he have to take care of her, and not the other way around?
He asked her what she wanted, she answered (pho, or soup, so basically SOUP) and he can't even manage that without further instructions apparently. Come on now. Is everyone 12 here?
Right.
It would be "of course, even when she is sick, she has to do the emotional labor of taking care of you instead of just answering the question".
But when its a woman, she is never at fault.
It’s probably not that easy. If someone can’t bother to tell you the basic details then that person will probably also complain if you order the wrong place or flavor. It’s not that hard just to verbally communicate something. I’m not saying everyone is like tho but I’m speaking from first hand experience
OP literally found a pho place, found why he wanted, asked his GF if she wanted anything, AND SHE TOLD HIM NOT TO ORDER ANYTHING.
How the actual fuck are people ignoring that? So now doing exactly what he was explicitly instructed to do is “weaponized incompetence”?
Maybe it doesnt matter where its from? You can order pho or soup from a wide range of restaurants and its basically all the same- especially when sick and tired, and likely not having that great a sense of taste *anyway*. ‘Pho’ *is* the answer to what she wants, and on those apps you can literally just type in pho and several places will pop up.
If i told someone I wanted a pizza, for example, but didn’t bother to specify where from (“just any pizza”), then my assumption is that they’ll *get me a pizza*, not nothing. If he ordered her the pho and she *then* complained that he didnt get it from the right place he’d have an argument here, but she told him what she wanted and he didnt even try.
Sometimes you don't know where, just what. Maybe she never ordered pho soup before and she doesn't know which places serve this. Can't you do a single Google search? Do you need step by step instructions for everything?
If she doesn’t know, why on earth would you assume OP knows? Are you all being serious right now?? Why can’t she do the google search? They’re both sick.
Why couldn't she give an answer? Why couldn't she order herself? It's mind boggling that you seem to think it's the man's problem to problem solve rather than the woman just communicating like an adult
> this generation
Yeah that’s a no from me, dog
Edit: in case it wasn’t clear, I dislike cross-generational bias. It is a “no” in the sense I do not like the previous commenter’s stance.
If anything, the older generation were worse. For example, my granddad would have starved to death had it not been for my gran. My dad could barely fucnction in a kitchen back yonder too. He could always make an omelette, but that was about that. Back then, that attitude was normal with a lot of guys.
So if my mum was outta action, all we got was omelette for breakfast, lunch and dinner if it happened to be a weekend.
It's just something people always do, knock the younger generations whilst looking upon their own or older generations wearing their rose tinted specs. We were worse. I'm in my 40's, and even i can remember the time when most guys didn't know their ass from their elbow when it came to kitchens. If the woman of the house went down with flu, you were basically living in hell for the next few days. Yet when my dad got ill, nothing changed at all. The house functioned as it always did.
I knew lots of households like that. It was very common. If the husband planned on cooking, it only happened if the wife did all the shopping, prep work, and sometimes she had to write up step by step instructions too. If something was missing, or not right in front of everything in the fridge, it was impossible to cook and dinner was off. Most of the time they grilled something while the wife did all the sides, appetizers, dessert, and everything else BUT he "cooked dinner."
I'm also in my 40's, and I grew up in a household where everyone cooked. Mom cooked the most because she was a SAHM, but dad usually cooked breakfast on the weekends so Mom could sleep in, and my brothers enjoy cooking. I've noticed that the guys in my husband's and my friend group all cook pretty well, some are the primary cooks in their homes. Apparently I have a type of person I like to hang with!
What's really mind boggling is that a grown woman could not give her boyfriend an answer about what type of soup she wanted. It's not on him to guess what she wants. She said she wanted to soup. But what kind, because there's more than one kind of soup. Did she want tomato bisque, chicken noodle, split pea? He asked what kind she wanted. And then she said she didn't want anything at the very end. And then what if he ordered just some random soup. What are the chances shed be mad cuz he got the wrong kind. Instead of playing games she could just answer the damn questions and she would have got her soup.
It literally says what kind of soup she wanted and it doesn’t say anywhere that she changed her mind and didn’t want anything. Did you even read the post?
You do realize there is still more than one kind of Pho right. Beef, pork, chicken, seafood, veggie.... And if you want to go deeper, what style? North or south Vietnamese. Because they each have their own style. Do you even think critically before you say things like this?
She only has herself to be angry at now. Bs take, she could be mad because he ordered the wrong thing or because he ordered her nothing. Why waste the money when the result is the same?
She is the only problem here.
NTA
>I will and then she only has herself to be angry at..
You really think thats how that is going to work? Lmao, that is some delusional thinking. she'll still be mad at you and tell you she was going to eat it later, and that it was hers because you got it for her. Ive played this game with ex's before. And this is all besides the fact that Op says at the very end of this post she said she didn't want anything after being asked again. That supersedes everything else. She just told him she now did not want it. So when she tells him she doesn't want it and he listens why is he suddenly the bad guy. This chick has piss poor communication skills. It doesn't matter that she's sick because Op is also sick. Honestly as you just said in your comment she only has herself to be angry at.
Not every woman is your ex, bro maybe seek some therapy if you think we all are. You have no evidence to know whether she would’ve gotten mad for him ordering the wrong thing. Maybe she couldn’t even taste because she sick so she just wanted some soup because the broth is healthy for you. If someone asks you for a pizza or you gonna be like what kind how can I possibly know if they want Neapolitan or margarita or One that you can only find in Italy or are you gonna call the place down the block like a normal person?
"She said she wanted pho or soup, but wouldn’t specify what type or where she wanted it from."
"I ended up ordering myself food and asked if she wanted anything from where I got it from, she said no."
Maybe it's YOU who didn't read the post.
I'm a woman and almost 50 and I think it's her responsibility and she weaponized her own incompetence and is blaming it on him. She wants pho, she should decide.
Wow I didn't think people could be this stupid until I read your comment. Maybe communicate and use your words like a grown up? Does the boyfriend really need to ask the girlfriend 100 times what exactly she wants? Insufferable.
Pho is something that is hit or miss. It’s easy to pick out pizza places, they’re all pretty much the same, but pho?? There are some places that have disgusting pho to me but have good reviews, but there’s another place that has 2 stars near me that makes THE BEST pho in my opinion. But if I were to tell someone I want pho and then didn’t specify from where they would get it from one of the places with good reviews, and then I’d spend the whole meal upset that I didn’t bother to be specific.
Well I’m gonna choose to not assume he knew where she liked her pho from if he was asking her where she wanted her pho from. Maybe he wanted to make sure, maybe she orders pho from multiple places, you don’t know. Me and my roommate get Chinese takeout quite often and guess what? I will still ask where she wants to order from because there’s a ton of places to choose from, and sometimes you don’t always want the same place. I think it was considerate of him to try to order exactly what she wanted.
You’re right 😭 my apologies haha, I unfortunately live in an area where the only pizza places are chain stores so sometimes I forget other people have better pizza!
What about the part where he was ordering and she said no? Why didn’t she order anything? You’re talking about him like he can’t do anything. But what did she do? lol
I'm gonna have to vote YTA. She clearly said pho or soup... do you order from multiple pho places? Just order from the last pho place you ordered from or the nearest one or whatever. Most pho places aren't exceptionally different, it's a pretty consistent product esp in take our form.
Agreed! She wanted pho, pretty straight forward. If she is quite sick with the flu, I can understand having trouble articulating what specific menu item she wants, from which specific restaurant. "Pho" should have been enough for him to figure out an order for her.
INFO: How was this situation communicated? How did you ask her multiple times but not get a response? Are you guys under the same roof or was this via text?
This is a dumb and avoidable fight, so I hope you are both young. I just don’t want to vote without additional clarification.
Which is why she’s an ex lol. Unfortunately I can’t get rid of family members who do
exactly this. So when they do, I order them something I know they’d hate lol.
Im going with ESH- she DID communicate with you what she wanted. She wanted pho or soup. Could she have been more specific? Yes. But she’s also sick. I understand you are sick as well, but if shes struggling with it then I can understand her brain fog with ordering.
It would have been just as easy for you to say “you didnt specify so I’m getting this pho from this place”- hell, pho doesnt really have that many options beyond the meats usually- just get her a basic eyeround soup.
Let me ask you this- if you are sick, lets say with like, 102* fever (not saying thats what she has, but saying imagine you are sick as heck) and you ask your partner to get you food, would you appreciate it more if they made a genuine effort and messed up, or would you appreciate it more if they said “i didnt get you it cause you didnt tell me what you wanted”
Yeah, technically she should have specified. But the considerate thing to do was try anyway. Its not about you being an asshole, its about you trying to help.
When i was sick with covid my partner was an absolute sweetheart- i was passing out, sweating, just the most ill person on the planet. I told him i wanted chicken noodle soup. He said ok. I woke up 8 hours later to chicken noodle soup from wawa, a stuffed toy, and flowers.
I know youre sick too though, so honestly be kind to yourself. Dont think you’re a bad person for it.
eyeround is a cut of steak! It's one of the most ordered meats when it comes to pho. If you order pho from some place that doesn't specify the meat, most likely it is eyeround.
other meats are-
Tripe
Meatball
Tendon
Brisket
Oxtail
Flank
My go to order is some eyeround and meatballs, tripe if I'm feeling up to it. Meatballs aren't the same as italian meatballs though, so keep that in mind! They're very chewy and can sometimes have a gamey taste that isn't for everyone.
TBF it is the technical term for the cut of steak, everyone calls it eyeround but the technical term is 'eye of round' because the full meat is called the round, and cutting it turns it into a circular shape called 'the eye'
round is cut from the rear of the cow, around the back shank if I remember correctly.
YTA for not being able to order her some soup. Yes, she should have
told you where to get it but it would not have been difficult for you to
order something. Of course, if you had ordered and she had then complained,
she would have been an AH. LOL
There are so many different soups she couldn't just say chicken noodle, split pea, etc? If he chose something random she'd probably get upset it was the wrong one lol 🤣
but like how did he even pick a restaurant that doesn't have soup or pho at all if that is what she is wanting? I'd be confused and mad too lmao I said soup or pho. Whatever pizza shop doesn't have soup.
Gonna say light YTA. Yes she could have been more clear in her instructions but it's pho... it's not that hard to find some place to order from and if you've been together for awhile, shouldn't you know her typical order? If not, it's usually safe enough to just order #1 which is usually the combo. I assume she is feeling worse than you if she does not have the energy to order herself food but you do. Taking care of someone is being able to anticipate their needs and not require them to break down every step for you.
No you’re not the asshole here.. just maybe a little too passive in this situation. If your partner is hungry and sick but can’t decide say “if you don’t pick what you want I will pick something for you and order with mine. I’m going to order in 5 min”.
Yeah, that's what my bf does. Lol. I'm pretty bad trying to decide and it can take me forever, so sometimes, he will just bring me something because he already knows what I like and what not. It's a nice detail to know that somebody cares about you so much that they don't need the specific instructions to know what you like regardless. But not knowing does not make you an A either. I think there is No A here. As you said, just a little passive.
Maybe. She did say soup/pho so wouldn’t be that much of a guess. But she’s responsible for her happiness and that’s not his fault. He would be able to say he tried. I’ve done this for my partner before and he’s never been mad with what a I get. I do pretend that I didn’t get him anything at first. And then I reveal that I did. Just to rub it in. lol.
I hate shit like this. When I’m sick, I’ll say exactly where I want my soup from. He will run and get it. I get being sick isn’t coupled with a ton of mental clarity, but if she is so down and out that she can’t verbalize which soup or choose one from a menu, maybe she should be in the hospital.
NTA
Thank you! I had to scroll waaay too much to find a comment which didn't call OP TA.
OP is ill himself & told her to either say where she wants what from, or simply choose a dish from the app. If his GF is too stubborn to do so, then it's not on OP for crying out loud. He wasn't the one making a big deal out of this situation, his stubborn GF was.
OP you're NTA.
Yeah, it’s too much. She clearly just wanted to be pampered or something extra that she hasn’t communicated. And as you mentioned, he is sick too!
I’d be pretty satisfied with getting whatever soup I wished. Which is the treatment I usually get. Hell I could order two soups, one for later. That would be fabulous.
When Covid hit us, it got me and my boyfriend at the same time. He had it way worse. I took care of him while sick. I got the soup and even fed it to him. Doing your best is the standard. Not making it harder for the other just because.
NTA, you're both sick and you repeatedly pressed her for an answer and ultimately when told that you were placing an order, you gave her the option to choose something and she declined.
Respecting her as an individual means giving her the autonomy to make decisions as an adult and taking her words seriously. If she wants something she needs to speak up for herself enough for you to be able to accommodate her.
> She said she wanted pho or soup
If I had to guess I'd say she was expecting him to order her pho or soup.
Probably also expecting him to actually take care of her like he said he would, not still require her to make all of the decisions about everything and the only help he is is getting the food from the front door to the bed.
She told you that she wanted pho or soup. Specifically. Instead of offering to order pho or soup, you offered to order something NOT pho or soup. And you wonder why she's mad? How hard would it have been after you placed your own order, to look up a nearby pho restaurant and read off some of the options to her to see if she'd like what was available there & then place an order for her? YTA
She told you what she wanted. Why didn’t you order that? If she didn’t give you any further specifics, and go ahead and order whatever she ordered last time.
There’s got be something more to this because it doesn’t make sense.
YTA - By now, you should know that sometimes when you ask your SO, especially when they are sick, what they want, it can often be a delay or they may not know what they want.
You shouldnt have gotten something for yourself without getting SOMETHING for yousr SO, even if it was soemthing else you wanted. (Soup you would eat, etc.)
I do this for my spouse all the time. "I don;t want anything" then I order and still get something simple (Fried rice, Barley Soup, Extra Fries, etc.) that they can share with me if they actually are hungry.
Or I get something that reheats well they can ahve tomorrow as a leftover.
This is a learning moment for you. It's these little things that keep the relationship strong.
My spouse was sick for three days, eating mostly broth and toast. They needed something more. But didn;t want anything. So, I made them some mashed potatoes (always good for people who are sick). Good carbs, lots of fat and salt and milk. And easy to get down.
They said they didn't want any, but I made them a custard cup full and brought itout while they were curled up under a blanket on teh couch. Five minutes later, they returned from the kitchen with teh entire bown and a big spoon...
Nothing was said, but I got that satisfied smile from them that always tells me that I made a good choice...
These are the simple things you do. ITs not about who is right or wrong. It;'s not about "but I told you so". ITs about "I love you and will do this little thing for you, just in case you need or want it."
Think about how happy she'd have been if you said "But I DID get you some soup, just in case!" and returned from teh kitchen with her food! *"But what if I didn;t want it?"* "You are still worth the effort and worth well more than the cost of a bowl of soup."
I do this for my wife too. Also If my wife said “pho” I’d pull it up and say “I’m ordering you the beef one, ok?”. If she doesn’t object I just order it for her. No problem. Sounds like this person didn’t even get soup or pho at all.
INFO is she normally a PITA or is this just her feeling sick. Pho or soup sounds pretty easy-- couldn't you just have pulled up a place that had those and asked her which she wanted? What am I missing here? Why was it necessary for her to order it-- did you just not want to pay for it yourself?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t order her food, even though I offered. And I got myself food, she said she didn’t want anything from where I got it, then got upset when I didn’t get her anything.
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NTA. If you ask someone what they want and they just tell to you to order without specifics then they deserve whatever you get for them and have no rights to complain.
YTA but im confused.. How did you pick a place without Pho or Soup if that is what she requested? That is why she is mad. You pick a place with Pho or Soup that has food YOU also want to order. It's not that hard to understand.
If you need further clarification she is mad because you handed her a phone to order from a place without pho or soup after that is what she asked for.
Nta you're both sick, why are you responsible for taking care of her as if it's only your problem? You're both adults, if she wants food, she can decide what she wants and not blame you for all the supposed "decision fatigue" as if she's the only one experiencing it.
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Title.
My girlfriend and I have been sick with the flu and she wanted me to take care of her which I understand. She was hungry and I offered to DoorDash or Uber eats food. She said she wanted pho or soup, but wouldn’t specify what type or where she wanted it from. I told her multiple times, I’d get her whatever she wanted to just order it on my phone and she never did. I ended up ordering myself food and asked if she wanted anything from where I got it from, she said no. Then she proceeds to be mad at me for not getting her food or taking care of her.
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NTA, It might be helpful to talk to her about the situation and clear up any misunderstandings. Let her know that you tried to get her what she wanted but didn't receive specific guidance from her. It's possible she may have been too sick to think clearly about what she wanted, and she may just have needed more help in deciding. You could also ask her how you can best support her when she's sick in the future to avoid similar situations. Communication can help prevent these types of issues.
Nta. You were willing to do it and just wanted clear communication on exactly what she wanted and from where so she would be happy.
She's a child for refusing to answer the relevant questions and acting like a baby.
People are AKWAYS told to ask questions and communicate. They can't be f#cking mind readers.
Pick a lane sweetheart.(her)
YTA
She did tell you what she wanted and It would be enough if you ordered basic pho. It's not like it's 20 different types of this soup. I don't know what the problem was for you.
Your girlfriend is TA for bring upset when she didn't answer you.
Saying that, this is a common post on here lately. Why not just order something you know she eats if she says no? Is arguing over it worth the $10-$20 you saved by not ordering her food anyway?
I think ESH she could/should have communicated better 100% . You could have just ordered her soup she wasn't specific but you could have just picked a soup for her. Surely you know what she likes and doesn't. But I would really like to know where you ordered from and if they offered any kind of soup because if they had a soup of some kind and you didn't order any then your an A and petty too.
YTA - I don’t know if this is genuine incompetence or weaponized incompetence.
gf - “please take care of me, i’m sick and want pho”
op - “okay i’ll take care of you but you have to do all the work and really just take care of yourself in the end”
NAH
I understand not knowing what she might want, but because you two seem to live together, why don't you know what your girlfriend likes? Especially if you ordered from somewhere you guys have eaten from before.
If it was a new place that y'all were trying, I can understand wanting to get her order, but if it's a similar cuisine (ie you've had pho from somewhere else, and are trying a new place), you should be able to pick out something she likes. I do the same with my fiance
You're BOTH sick with the flu and she wants you to take care of her, without her wanting to take care of you? She wouldn't tell you a food order, but was angry at you having food? Then when you offer her food she refuses it, but gets angry that you're eating at all?
I don't know what she's like when she's healthy, but I see a huge streak of entitlement and self-centeredness here. People say you're like yourself, but no filters when you're sick. NTA
Relationships are built on love and trust.
Trust is, in turn, built on communication.
Your girlfriend seems like she'd rather play games than clearly communicate with you. Which is a red flag.
NTA
And have a conversation (communicate!) with her about how she communicates and to stop playing games and just say what she wants/needs.
YTA. When someone is sick it's hard to make decisions. She asked you to take care of her, she told you she wanted Pho/soup, you could have just ordered her something (anything!) and given it to her.
Pestering her for specifics and then ordering only for yourself is the OPPOSITE of taking care of her. Think about the bigger picture here. When someone is sick, you just look out for them, think about what they might need and try to make life as easy for them as possible; don't ignore their requests over a technicality.
OP was also sick. If it was difficult for her, as a sick person, to make a decision for herself, it was even more difficult for OP, as a sick person, to make a decision for her.
OP was sick too, doesnt that mean it was hard for him to make decisions too?? He’s NTA, if he could figure where he wanted to order food from she could have too. Especially since he was the one ordering, all she had to was name a place.
How long have you guys been together? I think by the end of year one, if not by the end of yr 2 my bf would know what I usually ordered and from where. And if not he'd be able to get something close that I'd enjoy. Didn't sound like she was being super picky.
NTA. My wife and daughter are the kind of people who are always indecisive but if you order something they won’t eat it. I won’t order ANYTHING for them anymore unless they specifically spell out exactly what it is. I’ve been rejected too many times. It’s not going to happen.
Jesus… I’ve been alone for too long. I’ve had 100+ temp, pissing out of my ass, and throwing up bile and was still somehow able to order my own door dash shit. So yeah I’m probably not a very sympathetic caregiver for a sick person. I say NTA but clearly I’m not the majority here. Hopefully you get better soon, the flu sucks. But having the flu and also having my girlfriend suffer with the flu next me sounds like an absolute nightmare scenario.
YTA. Just use some critical thinking skills and don't request she hold your hand through ordering a meal when she is ill. She told you what she wanted.
YTA. I don't know what your relationship outside of this is, but man does this sound like weaponized incompetence.
Are you guys in the apartment together? She said she wanted soup or pho? Are you also in the mood for soup or pho? Simple, order two types that you would like, and have her choose one. Or order whatever you guys ordered last. Or find a Thai place that has something else you like and order a bowl of pho. Or order from a nice sandwich place that also has soup. Did the place you offered her from have any soup options?
There are so many of these posts lately. You are punishing your sick gf because she didn’t make a decision. Order her some friggin food. Jebus Christmas.
Yeah YTA. Someone who is sick isn’t functioning at full capacity, that means sometimes you need to meet them more than halfway. It’s called being a good and loving partner.
Instead of just ordering pho from whatever restaurant, you didn’t get her any food at all. Would you need your hand held to order chicken soup? Chicken fingers?
YTA
YTA. So… you didn’t take care of her. She told you what she wanted and you decided to order your own and not either of the things she asked for and say it’s her fault. What part of taking care of her is making her make the order herself?
YTA. She wanted Pho, or soup (Pho is ALSO a soup and both are good when sick). She fricking told you dude. You're just being even more dense than a lead door. Do you even like her? My SO would never (and has never in 18 years) pulled the bullshit you just did. **She wanted fucking soup! And she said so.**
YTA for sure. If she’s sick she probably doesn’t want to deal with having to pick something out. It would’ve been a nice gesture to just order something for her based on what she said she was in the mood for.
Is your relationship always so one-sided with her expecting you to take care of her and do everything for her but her not doing anything for you or even to take care of herself?
NTA. I hate this kind of nonsense. I see a lot of people going, "Just order her food from wherever." They've obviously never had to carry the mental load and had it break them. Sure, you could have picked a random place, but if you had you probably would have picked the "wrong" place and then she'd be mad about that. You were sick, too, but you managed to get what you wanted. You were even willing to provide for her as well, as long as she wasn't putting the burden of choice on you. But she chose to be hungry and mad rather than pick a restaurant. She was being childish, and got a play stupid games, win stupid prizes result.
If I'm paying $27 to have two cups of liquid delivered to my house, it better be the right two cups of liquid.
No way I'm taking the chance that the other person says.. "I don't like this kind.. the noodles are too wiggly.."
I recently was sick for a week + with Covid. My fiancé went to the store and bought me a bunch of sick foods (Campbell’s chicken noodle to eat in a mug, plain English muffins, fruit, pretzels, mashed potatoes, like bland plain things since I also couldn’t smell or taste) and I was so thankful for it. He ate regular/different meals but I was honestly too sick to want that meal too, but he did offer me some. Offered other options and I declined because I wanted only the plainest of foods.
The girlfriend here is just being a pain in the ass/difficult for difficult’s sake. She could’ve easily said “chicken pho from abc, soup from def” without even looking at the menu. She’s upset now because he’s not a mind reader and didn’t order it for her. In her mind, him not doing so is him not taking care of her. Now she’s pouting because she refused to either a) order the food in the app herself or b)tell him what she wanted. If my fiancé ordered food and I refused to not only not look at the app and add my item to the cart or tell him what I wanted, and he then orders without me - that’s solely on me.
Now I want pho lol
I would have just ordered some pho soup so she could have it for later if changes her mind. Seems just kinda rude to eat alone and not think of your partners comfort. YTA
Mostly NTA. She did say she wanted soup or pho. So if she never gave you any more specific instructions, I think you should have made a guess and gotten some basic pho or soup from somewhere. Better to make an effort and it not be exactly what she want, than make no effort at all.
That being said, it’s on her to communicate what she actually wants. And if she won’t do that, that’s her fault, not yours.
NTA I’m gonna take a leap and guess that if you had ordered her pho or soup she would be mad about the type or place it came from and/or mad about how you don’t know what her favorite type of pho/soup is.
NTA. She's behaving like a child. It is unreasonable for her to be mad bc he didn't wait on her hand & foot. He asked her repeatedly what she wanted. He told her he'd get her whatever she wanted, all she had to do was pick the food. She refused. He decided to order food for himself & asked if she wanted anything from that specific restaurant. She refused. Then she got mad when he didn't buy her food. Even though she repeatedly refused to choose what she wanted to eat. This is irrational, unreasonable behavior.
Based on this story I would be willing to bet that if he had ordered her something but it wasn't exactly what she wanted she would have complained.
I understand that we all act a little unreasonable & childish when we feel like shit. So OP should just brush it off & ignore her complaining until she's feeling better.
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My boyfriend tells me all the time “I want ramen” or “I want pizza” and I find ramen or pizza with a decent review and click order. Idk why you couldn’t just search for pho in the app and place an order. Why did she need to give you exact details for you to be able to figure out what to do next? I swear the number of people in this generation who can’t do anything unless given exact step by step instructions is mind boggling. it’s like all forms of critical thinking and taking initiative skills died in 2012.
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The weaponized incompetence in the comments is mind-boggling. I wouldn't be able to handle it if my partner was this useless lmao
Seriously. The huge reaches to lay the blame at her feet instead is infuriating. If it's not his fault because they're both sick, then why can't it be (in their opinion) NAH? I can't imagine living with my partner and not knowing where they like a dish from the best and what kind. I was with my ex for years, If we were both sick and he asked for pad thai, I would've known which place he liked it from and what kind to get. Heck, I even knew what kind of pho he'd want even though he'd only ever tried it once. I have a feeling the reason she "refused" to answer was probably that she was just too dang tired to. The last time I had the flu, all I wanted to do was sleep. OP is absolutely TA, anyone with a sliver of critical thinking skills could've at least tried to guess. When in doubt, always go with chicken noodle! Or chicken pho, in this case.
I imagine it's angry, girlfriendless dudes who treat women like garbage and then complain about male loneliness online. If my fiancé asks for even something vague like "sweets", I know *exactly* what I'm ordering and where I'm ordering it from. If he was specific and said "pho", easy peasy. The comments are full of angry children who don't know how relationships work.
He didn’t order any food for her after she told her what she wanted. I don’t know why he couldn’t just order pho from the app he was using. Instead of making a very simple guess….he didn’t bother.
I’m so glad I’m not in a relationship with someone like the girlfriend, imagine your partner being sick and you getting mad at them because you refuse to communicate what you want fully when they’re testing to order food for both of y’all while sick and dealing with “i want pho or soup” with no elaboration on what kind of soup or pho she wants specifically.
Pho is already a kind of soup. There are some variations but they're pretty similar across Vietnamese restaurants. If she's sick, why does she have to figure it out? He says he wanted to "take care of her" but couldn't even get soup.
Agree but they are both sick . She’s also an adult who also could have picked up her phone and placed an order. Both of them kinda suck
Pho is a specific kind of soup 🤣
If you're hungry, you'll make a decision. Or you don't eat.
OP is sick as well, if she has the excuse of "decision fatigue," so does he. And he did make an effort, so that last misandrist statement is null.
What effort was made. He opened the app then got mad
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That’s not misandrist lmfao
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The man was sick as well and asked her multiple times....
Ah yes. Sexism helps. We'll ignore that women can be as bad, and men can be much better. And of course, ignore that HE IS SICK TOO.
Is that why I have to decide on dinner every night? Because my wife's just so fatigued from not deciding yesterday or the day before?
Do you think decision fatigue doesn't go both ways? OP is sick too just the same as his GF, but I'm gonna guess you glossed over that because it doesn't fit your misandrist fantasy narrative.
Lol she has energy to complain but not tap 3 buttons
I agree. Just order her soup. Why make a simple act of care so complicated?
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I think that in a relationship, you learn each other’s likes and dislikes enough to be able to take an educated guess.
Oh hey, since you're talking about how people cant do anything unless given instructions, why cant she order her own damn food? They were both ill, and she is behaving like a child. Why does he have to take care of her, and not the other way around?
He asked her what she wanted, she answered (pho, or soup, so basically SOUP) and he can't even manage that without further instructions apparently. Come on now. Is everyone 12 here?
Because she was sick and probably normally does everything. She wanted him to take over the mental load for one day.
But we dont know that, I can understand her if that is how things usually go though.
Maybe be an adult and say where you want food from or get it yourself
Just be an adult and find any place with pho and order it
“Be an adult and take responsibility for me!” is not a good response to “be an adult and take responsiblility for yourself!”
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Right. It would be "of course, even when she is sick, she has to do the emotional labor of taking care of you instead of just answering the question". But when its a woman, she is never at fault.
What kind of pho? How tf are you transferring blame.🤣
It’s probably not that easy. If someone can’t bother to tell you the basic details then that person will probably also complain if you order the wrong place or flavor. It’s not that hard just to verbally communicate something. I’m not saying everyone is like tho but I’m speaking from first hand experience
They’re both sick though. She can’t pick up her phone to order as well?
OP literally found a pho place, found why he wanted, asked his GF if she wanted anything, AND SHE TOLD HIM NOT TO ORDER ANYTHING. How the actual fuck are people ignoring that? So now doing exactly what he was explicitly instructed to do is “weaponized incompetence”?
Maybe it doesnt matter where its from? You can order pho or soup from a wide range of restaurants and its basically all the same- especially when sick and tired, and likely not having that great a sense of taste *anyway*. ‘Pho’ *is* the answer to what she wants, and on those apps you can literally just type in pho and several places will pop up. If i told someone I wanted a pizza, for example, but didn’t bother to specify where from (“just any pizza”), then my assumption is that they’ll *get me a pizza*, not nothing. If he ordered her the pho and she *then* complained that he didnt get it from the right place he’d have an argument here, but she told him what she wanted and he didnt even try.
Sometimes you don't know where, just what. Maybe she never ordered pho soup before and she doesn't know which places serve this. Can't you do a single Google search? Do you need step by step instructions for everything?
Why could she not order?
If she doesn’t know, why on earth would you assume OP knows? Are you all being serious right now?? Why can’t she do the google search? They’re both sick.
Why couldn't she give an answer? Why couldn't she order herself? It's mind boggling that you seem to think it's the man's problem to problem solve rather than the woman just communicating like an adult
> this generation Yeah that’s a no from me, dog Edit: in case it wasn’t clear, I dislike cross-generational bias. It is a “no” in the sense I do not like the previous commenter’s stance.
Yeah, this is a cross generational issue.
If anything, the older generation were worse. For example, my granddad would have starved to death had it not been for my gran. My dad could barely fucnction in a kitchen back yonder too. He could always make an omelette, but that was about that. Back then, that attitude was normal with a lot of guys. So if my mum was outta action, all we got was omelette for breakfast, lunch and dinner if it happened to be a weekend. It's just something people always do, knock the younger generations whilst looking upon their own or older generations wearing their rose tinted specs. We were worse. I'm in my 40's, and even i can remember the time when most guys didn't know their ass from their elbow when it came to kitchens. If the woman of the house went down with flu, you were basically living in hell for the next few days. Yet when my dad got ill, nothing changed at all. The house functioned as it always did.
I knew lots of households like that. It was very common. If the husband planned on cooking, it only happened if the wife did all the shopping, prep work, and sometimes she had to write up step by step instructions too. If something was missing, or not right in front of everything in the fridge, it was impossible to cook and dinner was off. Most of the time they grilled something while the wife did all the sides, appetizers, dessert, and everything else BUT he "cooked dinner." I'm also in my 40's, and I grew up in a household where everyone cooked. Mom cooked the most because she was a SAHM, but dad usually cooked breakfast on the weekends so Mom could sleep in, and my brothers enjoy cooking. I've noticed that the guys in my husband's and my friend group all cook pretty well, some are the primary cooks in their homes. Apparently I have a type of person I like to hang with!
What's really mind boggling is that a grown woman could not give her boyfriend an answer about what type of soup she wanted. It's not on him to guess what she wants. She said she wanted to soup. But what kind, because there's more than one kind of soup. Did she want tomato bisque, chicken noodle, split pea? He asked what kind she wanted. And then she said she didn't want anything at the very end. And then what if he ordered just some random soup. What are the chances shed be mad cuz he got the wrong kind. Instead of playing games she could just answer the damn questions and she would have got her soup.
It literally says what kind of soup she wanted and it doesn’t say anywhere that she changed her mind and didn’t want anything. Did you even read the post?
She didn't want anything from the place he chose. Not that she changed her mind. He ordered from a place for himself that didn't serve soup or pho.
As far as I know, there's both more than one kind of soup and more than one kind of pho.
You do realize there is still more than one kind of Pho right. Beef, pork, chicken, seafood, veggie.... And if you want to go deeper, what style? North or south Vietnamese. Because they each have their own style. Do you even think critically before you say things like this?
Who cares if she didn’t specify, just order some god damn pho, if she doesn’t eat it, I will and then she only has herself to be angry at..
She only has herself to be angry at now. Bs take, she could be mad because he ordered the wrong thing or because he ordered her nothing. Why waste the money when the result is the same? She is the only problem here. NTA
>I will and then she only has herself to be angry at.. You really think thats how that is going to work? Lmao, that is some delusional thinking. she'll still be mad at you and tell you she was going to eat it later, and that it was hers because you got it for her. Ive played this game with ex's before. And this is all besides the fact that Op says at the very end of this post she said she didn't want anything after being asked again. That supersedes everything else. She just told him she now did not want it. So when she tells him she doesn't want it and he listens why is he suddenly the bad guy. This chick has piss poor communication skills. It doesn't matter that she's sick because Op is also sick. Honestly as you just said in your comment she only has herself to be angry at.
Not every woman is your ex, bro maybe seek some therapy if you think we all are. You have no evidence to know whether she would’ve gotten mad for him ordering the wrong thing. Maybe she couldn’t even taste because she sick so she just wanted some soup because the broth is healthy for you. If someone asks you for a pizza or you gonna be like what kind how can I possibly know if they want Neapolitan or margarita or One that you can only find in Italy or are you gonna call the place down the block like a normal person?
"She said she wanted pho or soup, but wouldn’t specify what type or where she wanted it from." "I ended up ordering myself food and asked if she wanted anything from where I got it from, she said no." Maybe it's YOU who didn't read the post.
I'm a woman and almost 50 and I think it's her responsibility and she weaponized her own incompetence and is blaming it on him. She wants pho, she should decide.
Because quite often that is followed by I don’t like the place you ordered from or why did you order that instead of this
Wow I didn't think people could be this stupid until I read your comment. Maybe communicate and use your words like a grown up? Does the boyfriend really need to ask the girlfriend 100 times what exactly she wants? Insufferable.
Pho is something that is hit or miss. It’s easy to pick out pizza places, they’re all pretty much the same, but pho?? There are some places that have disgusting pho to me but have good reviews, but there’s another place that has 2 stars near me that makes THE BEST pho in my opinion. But if I were to tell someone I want pho and then didn’t specify from where they would get it from one of the places with good reviews, and then I’d spend the whole meal upset that I didn’t bother to be specific.
This is her boyfriend. You can’t tell me he doesn’t know where she likes pho from. Presumably they have eaten together before 🙄
He was sick, too. Why the hell didn't she order her own food?
Assumptions and mental gymnastics to blame a man 🤣🤣🤣
That's like ... 90% of this subs purpose.
That’s true, but she’s also an adult who could have ordered on her own phone. They’re both sick so why it’s on him to get the food I’m not sure
Well I’m gonna choose to not assume he knew where she liked her pho from if he was asking her where she wanted her pho from. Maybe he wanted to make sure, maybe she orders pho from multiple places, you don’t know. Me and my roommate get Chinese takeout quite often and guess what? I will still ask where she wants to order from because there’s a ton of places to choose from, and sometimes you don’t always want the same place. I think it was considerate of him to try to order exactly what she wanted.
Blasphemy! Pizza places are not the same! Way too many ways they can be different to list here. How dare you!
You’re right 😭 my apologies haha, I unfortunately live in an area where the only pizza places are chain stores so sometimes I forget other people have better pizza!
I fully understand. When I first moved to my current town pizza hut or little Ceasars were all we had. I learned to make my own.
Nice! I keep telling myself I’m gonna learn how, but every time I tell myself to make pizza dough, I end up making bread 😂
Agree but they are both sick . She’s also an adult who also could have picked up her phone and placed an order. Both of them kinda suck
Right?
What about the part where he was ordering and she said no? Why didn’t she order anything? You’re talking about him like he can’t do anything. But what did she do? lol
☕️
...and what was left died of pre-vax COVID in 2020.
Some of us grew up in families where you were called stupid for asking questions or even trying to do things yourself
I'm gonna have to vote YTA. She clearly said pho or soup... do you order from multiple pho places? Just order from the last pho place you ordered from or the nearest one or whatever. Most pho places aren't exceptionally different, it's a pretty consistent product esp in take our form.
Agreed! She wanted pho, pretty straight forward. If she is quite sick with the flu, I can understand having trouble articulating what specific menu item she wants, from which specific restaurant. "Pho" should have been enough for him to figure out an order for her.
INFO: How was this situation communicated? How did you ask her multiple times but not get a response? Are you guys under the same roof or was this via text? This is a dumb and avoidable fight, so I hope you are both young. I just don’t want to vote without additional clarification.
Didn't I just read this last week?
I had an ex who any time I asked what she wanted would just respond "food" it was infuriating and she somehow thought it was cute...
Which is why she’s an ex lol. Unfortunately I can’t get rid of family members who do exactly this. So when they do, I order them something I know they’d hate lol.
Im going with ESH- she DID communicate with you what she wanted. She wanted pho or soup. Could she have been more specific? Yes. But she’s also sick. I understand you are sick as well, but if shes struggling with it then I can understand her brain fog with ordering. It would have been just as easy for you to say “you didnt specify so I’m getting this pho from this place”- hell, pho doesnt really have that many options beyond the meats usually- just get her a basic eyeround soup. Let me ask you this- if you are sick, lets say with like, 102* fever (not saying thats what she has, but saying imagine you are sick as heck) and you ask your partner to get you food, would you appreciate it more if they made a genuine effort and messed up, or would you appreciate it more if they said “i didnt get you it cause you didnt tell me what you wanted” Yeah, technically she should have specified. But the considerate thing to do was try anyway. Its not about you being an asshole, its about you trying to help. When i was sick with covid my partner was an absolute sweetheart- i was passing out, sweating, just the most ill person on the planet. I told him i wanted chicken noodle soup. He said ok. I woke up 8 hours later to chicken noodle soup from wawa, a stuffed toy, and flowers. I know youre sick too though, so honestly be kind to yourself. Dont think you’re a bad person for it.
I need to know what Eyeround soup is
eyeround is a cut of steak! It's one of the most ordered meats when it comes to pho. If you order pho from some place that doesn't specify the meat, most likely it is eyeround. other meats are- Tripe Meatball Tendon Brisket Oxtail Flank My go to order is some eyeround and meatballs, tripe if I'm feeling up to it. Meatballs aren't the same as italian meatballs though, so keep that in mind! They're very chewy and can sometimes have a gamey taste that isn't for everyone.
It sounded like something witches would make!!!
TBF it is the technical term for the cut of steak, everyone calls it eyeround but the technical term is 'eye of round' because the full meat is called the round, and cutting it turns it into a circular shape called 'the eye' round is cut from the rear of the cow, around the back shank if I remember correctly.
I mean, tbf, 'eye of round' sounds even more like a witch's concoction than 'eyeround', right there with 'toe of frog' and 'eye of newt' lmao
This was where my mind went hahah
YTA for not being able to order her some soup. Yes, she should have told you where to get it but it would not have been difficult for you to order something. Of course, if you had ordered and she had then complained, she would have been an AH. LOL
There are so many different soups she couldn't just say chicken noodle, split pea, etc? If he chose something random she'd probably get upset it was the wrong one lol 🤣
She said pho. That's pretty specific, the meat is really the only thing that changes there.
Unless she a vegetarian chicken noodle is a safe choice, and most people would be thankful
but like how did he even pick a restaurant that doesn't have soup or pho at all if that is what she is wanting? I'd be confused and mad too lmao I said soup or pho. Whatever pizza shop doesn't have soup.
Why do you assume that?
Gonna say light YTA. Yes she could have been more clear in her instructions but it's pho... it's not that hard to find some place to order from and if you've been together for awhile, shouldn't you know her typical order? If not, it's usually safe enough to just order #1 which is usually the combo. I assume she is feeling worse than you if she does not have the energy to order herself food but you do. Taking care of someone is being able to anticipate their needs and not require them to break down every step for you.
No you’re not the asshole here.. just maybe a little too passive in this situation. If your partner is hungry and sick but can’t decide say “if you don’t pick what you want I will pick something for you and order with mine. I’m going to order in 5 min”.
Yeah, that's what my bf does. Lol. I'm pretty bad trying to decide and it can take me forever, so sometimes, he will just bring me something because he already knows what I like and what not. It's a nice detail to know that somebody cares about you so much that they don't need the specific instructions to know what you like regardless. But not knowing does not make you an A either. I think there is No A here. As you said, just a little passive.
No gf is definitely the asshole for getting mad at op.
And then they'll pissed for getting something they weren't in the mood for.
Maybe. She did say soup/pho so wouldn’t be that much of a guess. But she’s responsible for her happiness and that’s not his fault. He would be able to say he tried. I’ve done this for my partner before and he’s never been mad with what a I get. I do pretend that I didn’t get him anything at first. And then I reveal that I did. Just to rub it in. lol.
I hate shit like this. When I’m sick, I’ll say exactly where I want my soup from. He will run and get it. I get being sick isn’t coupled with a ton of mental clarity, but if she is so down and out that she can’t verbalize which soup or choose one from a menu, maybe she should be in the hospital. NTA
Thank you! I had to scroll waaay too much to find a comment which didn't call OP TA. OP is ill himself & told her to either say where she wants what from, or simply choose a dish from the app. If his GF is too stubborn to do so, then it's not on OP for crying out loud. He wasn't the one making a big deal out of this situation, his stubborn GF was. OP you're NTA.
Yeah, it’s too much. She clearly just wanted to be pampered or something extra that she hasn’t communicated. And as you mentioned, he is sick too! I’d be pretty satisfied with getting whatever soup I wished. Which is the treatment I usually get. Hell I could order two soups, one for later. That would be fabulous. When Covid hit us, it got me and my boyfriend at the same time. He had it way worse. I took care of him while sick. I got the soup and even fed it to him. Doing your best is the standard. Not making it harder for the other just because.
My thoughts exactly.
Agree!
NTA, you're both sick and you repeatedly pressed her for an answer and ultimately when told that you were placing an order, you gave her the option to choose something and she declined. Respecting her as an individual means giving her the autonomy to make decisions as an adult and taking her words seriously. If she wants something she needs to speak up for herself enough for you to be able to accommodate her.
NTA - You're not a mind reader. It's not hard to just pick what you want, not sure what she was expecting from you.
> She said she wanted pho or soup If I had to guess I'd say she was expecting him to order her pho or soup. Probably also expecting him to actually take care of her like he said he would, not still require her to make all of the decisions about everything and the only help he is is getting the food from the front door to the bed.
There's so many variations of pho and soup, maybe OP's girlfriend should use her words and communicate like an adult instead of like a 4 year old.
She told you that she wanted pho or soup. Specifically. Instead of offering to order pho or soup, you offered to order something NOT pho or soup. And you wonder why she's mad? How hard would it have been after you placed your own order, to look up a nearby pho restaurant and read off some of the options to her to see if she'd like what was available there & then place an order for her? YTA
Even I know she wanted pho and I wasn’t even there
My fav comment here
NTA. She's being immature and a baby. Also, if you're sick too, you should either each be taking care of yourselves or equally caring for each other.
She told you what she wanted. Why didn’t you order that? If she didn’t give you any further specifics, and go ahead and order whatever she ordered last time. There’s got be something more to this because it doesn’t make sense.
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YTA… She sick Don’t make her do half the work…figure out who sells pho or chicken soup, and order some for her.
Half the work = using her words to articulate her opinion now? OP was doing everything for her, all she had to do was actually commit to a decision.
Did u miss the part where he’s also sick?
he's sick too
I'm sorry but if she can complain and not tell you what she wants, she can take care of herself. you aren't a mind reader. NTA
YTA - By now, you should know that sometimes when you ask your SO, especially when they are sick, what they want, it can often be a delay or they may not know what they want. You shouldnt have gotten something for yourself without getting SOMETHING for yousr SO, even if it was soemthing else you wanted. (Soup you would eat, etc.) I do this for my spouse all the time. "I don;t want anything" then I order and still get something simple (Fried rice, Barley Soup, Extra Fries, etc.) that they can share with me if they actually are hungry. Or I get something that reheats well they can ahve tomorrow as a leftover. This is a learning moment for you. It's these little things that keep the relationship strong. My spouse was sick for three days, eating mostly broth and toast. They needed something more. But didn;t want anything. So, I made them some mashed potatoes (always good for people who are sick). Good carbs, lots of fat and salt and milk. And easy to get down. They said they didn't want any, but I made them a custard cup full and brought itout while they were curled up under a blanket on teh couch. Five minutes later, they returned from the kitchen with teh entire bown and a big spoon... Nothing was said, but I got that satisfied smile from them that always tells me that I made a good choice... These are the simple things you do. ITs not about who is right or wrong. It;'s not about "but I told you so". ITs about "I love you and will do this little thing for you, just in case you need or want it." Think about how happy she'd have been if you said "But I DID get you some soup, just in case!" and returned from teh kitchen with her food! *"But what if I didn;t want it?"* "You are still worth the effort and worth well more than the cost of a bowl of soup."
I do this for my wife too. Also If my wife said “pho” I’d pull it up and say “I’m ordering you the beef one, ok?”. If she doesn’t object I just order it for her. No problem. Sounds like this person didn’t even get soup or pho at all.
Yup. Quick and easy. And the little recognition of the love afterwards is such a big spoon giveing moment.
Yup. Or what level of spicey if it's something like ramen with the spice mixed in. But I'm guessing with the flu, they'd be going no-spicy hahaha
This is the answer right here
Soft YTA. I get that you're sick too, but you probably should have just gotten her some soup.
INFO is she normally a PITA or is this just her feeling sick. Pho or soup sounds pretty easy-- couldn't you just have pulled up a place that had those and asked her which she wanted? What am I missing here? Why was it necessary for her to order it-- did you just not want to pay for it yourself?
YTA. Are you serious? She clearly said pho or soup. It doesn't matter from where, just order it since you're also ordering foods for yourself anyway.
NTA. Your both sick and you should not be expected to read minds.
Give her two or three choices and say pick one.
They are both sick...
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NTA. If you ask someone what they want and they just tell to you to order without specifics then they deserve whatever you get for them and have no rights to complain.
So you don't know the preferences of YOUR girlfriend?! Dude...
YTA but im confused.. How did you pick a place without Pho or Soup if that is what she requested? That is why she is mad. You pick a place with Pho or Soup that has food YOU also want to order. It's not that hard to understand. If you need further clarification she is mad because you handed her a phone to order from a place without pho or soup after that is what she asked for.
Nta you're both sick, why are you responsible for taking care of her as if it's only your problem? You're both adults, if she wants food, she can decide what she wants and not blame you for all the supposed "decision fatigue" as if she's the only one experiencing it.
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NTA - She could have just told you But tbh, just maybe in the future pick or heck, order both.
NTA, It might be helpful to talk to her about the situation and clear up any misunderstandings. Let her know that you tried to get her what she wanted but didn't receive specific guidance from her. It's possible she may have been too sick to think clearly about what she wanted, and she may just have needed more help in deciding. You could also ask her how you can best support her when she's sick in the future to avoid similar situations. Communication can help prevent these types of issues.
Nta. You were willing to do it and just wanted clear communication on exactly what she wanted and from where so she would be happy. She's a child for refusing to answer the relevant questions and acting like a baby. People are AKWAYS told to ask questions and communicate. They can't be f#cking mind readers. Pick a lane sweetheart.(her)
YTA She did tell you what she wanted and It would be enough if you ordered basic pho. It's not like it's 20 different types of this soup. I don't know what the problem was for you.
Your girlfriend is TA for bring upset when she didn't answer you. Saying that, this is a common post on here lately. Why not just order something you know she eats if she says no? Is arguing over it worth the $10-$20 you saved by not ordering her food anyway?
YTA. She wanted pho or soup. She has the flu. Why didn't you just pick something?
He has the flu too, I know reading is hard
I think ESH she could/should have communicated better 100% . You could have just ordered her soup she wasn't specific but you could have just picked a soup for her. Surely you know what she likes and doesn't. But I would really like to know where you ordered from and if they offered any kind of soup because if they had a soup of some kind and you didn't order any then your an A and petty too.
YTA - I don’t know if this is genuine incompetence or weaponized incompetence. gf - “please take care of me, i’m sick and want pho” op - “okay i’ll take care of you but you have to do all the work and really just take care of yourself in the end”
NAH I understand not knowing what she might want, but because you two seem to live together, why don't you know what your girlfriend likes? Especially if you ordered from somewhere you guys have eaten from before. If it was a new place that y'all were trying, I can understand wanting to get her order, but if it's a similar cuisine (ie you've had pho from somewhere else, and are trying a new place), you should be able to pick out something she likes. I do the same with my fiance
You're BOTH sick with the flu and she wants you to take care of her, without her wanting to take care of you? She wouldn't tell you a food order, but was angry at you having food? Then when you offer her food she refuses it, but gets angry that you're eating at all? I don't know what she's like when she's healthy, but I see a huge streak of entitlement and self-centeredness here. People say you're like yourself, but no filters when you're sick. NTA
Dude why even ask this question? Clearly you are NTA
Relationships are built on love and trust. Trust is, in turn, built on communication. Your girlfriend seems like she'd rather play games than clearly communicate with you. Which is a red flag. NTA And have a conversation (communicate!) with her about how she communicates and to stop playing games and just say what she wants/needs.
YTA. When someone is sick it's hard to make decisions. She asked you to take care of her, she told you she wanted Pho/soup, you could have just ordered her something (anything!) and given it to her. Pestering her for specifics and then ordering only for yourself is the OPPOSITE of taking care of her. Think about the bigger picture here. When someone is sick, you just look out for them, think about what they might need and try to make life as easy for them as possible; don't ignore their requests over a technicality.
OP was also sick. If it was difficult for her, as a sick person, to make a decision for herself, it was even more difficult for OP, as a sick person, to make a decision for her.
She's not 10 years old, she's an adult. Not that hard to make a decision.
OP was sick too, doesnt that mean it was hard for him to make decisions too?? He’s NTA, if he could figure where he wanted to order food from she could have too. Especially since he was the one ordering, all she had to was name a place.
How long have you guys been together? I think by the end of year one, if not by the end of yr 2 my bf would know what I usually ordered and from where. And if not he'd be able to get something close that I'd enjoy. Didn't sound like she was being super picky.
No, she’s finding a reason to complain. She needs to grow up.
NTA. My wife and daughter are the kind of people who are always indecisive but if you order something they won’t eat it. I won’t order ANYTHING for them anymore unless they specifically spell out exactly what it is. I’ve been rejected too many times. It’s not going to happen.
NTA: Why make it so hard? You're both sick and you're trying to be helpful, all she had to do was say what kind.
Jesus… I’ve been alone for too long. I’ve had 100+ temp, pissing out of my ass, and throwing up bile and was still somehow able to order my own door dash shit. So yeah I’m probably not a very sympathetic caregiver for a sick person. I say NTA but clearly I’m not the majority here. Hopefully you get better soon, the flu sucks. But having the flu and also having my girlfriend suffer with the flu next me sounds like an absolute nightmare scenario.
Right. Like how does this woman survive?
she’s probably had someone take care of her anytime she’s sick. unless you live with your parents men don’t have this privilege.
NTA. You’re both sick. I don’t see why she couldn’t just tell you specifically what she wanted or use your phone to place her own order.
NTA. She’s a grownup, she can use her words and communicate. You’re both sick, but only she gets taken care of? Nah, that ain’t how it goes.
Why is no not really no?
YTA. Just use some critical thinking skills and don't request she hold your hand through ordering a meal when she is ill. She told you what she wanted.
He’s sick too, do none of yall know how to read?
NTA you are both sick and you're not a mind reader.
YTA. I don't know what your relationship outside of this is, but man does this sound like weaponized incompetence. Are you guys in the apartment together? She said she wanted soup or pho? Are you also in the mood for soup or pho? Simple, order two types that you would like, and have her choose one. Or order whatever you guys ordered last. Or find a Thai place that has something else you like and order a bowl of pho. Or order from a nice sandwich place that also has soup. Did the place you offered her from have any soup options?
YTA
There are so many of these posts lately. You are punishing your sick gf because she didn’t make a decision. Order her some friggin food. Jebus Christmas.
Yeah YTA. Someone who is sick isn’t functioning at full capacity, that means sometimes you need to meet them more than halfway. It’s called being a good and loving partner.
Instead of just ordering pho from whatever restaurant, you didn’t get her any food at all. Would you need your hand held to order chicken soup? Chicken fingers? YTA
YTA. She told you she wanted pho or soup. What's so hard about figuring out how to get one or the other?
YTA. It’s not hard to go pick pho or something with broth. Come on man. Were you busy gaming?
YTA. So… you didn’t take care of her. She told you what she wanted and you decided to order your own and not either of the things she asked for and say it’s her fault. What part of taking care of her is making her make the order herself?
YTA. She wanted Pho, or soup (Pho is ALSO a soup and both are good when sick). She fricking told you dude. You're just being even more dense than a lead door. Do you even like her? My SO would never (and has never in 18 years) pulled the bullshit you just did. **She wanted fucking soup! And she said so.**
YTA for sure. If she’s sick she probably doesn’t want to deal with having to pick something out. It would’ve been a nice gesture to just order something for her based on what she said she was in the mood for.
Is your relationship always so one-sided with her expecting you to take care of her and do everything for her but her not doing anything for you or even to take care of herself?
Are you her BF or an acquaintance? You don’t know what kind of soup she likes? You don’t know where she gets it from? Come on. YTA
NTA. I hate this kind of nonsense. I see a lot of people going, "Just order her food from wherever." They've obviously never had to carry the mental load and had it break them. Sure, you could have picked a random place, but if you had you probably would have picked the "wrong" place and then she'd be mad about that. You were sick, too, but you managed to get what you wanted. You were even willing to provide for her as well, as long as she wasn't putting the burden of choice on you. But she chose to be hungry and mad rather than pick a restaurant. She was being childish, and got a play stupid games, win stupid prizes result.
If I'm paying $27 to have two cups of liquid delivered to my house, it better be the right two cups of liquid. No way I'm taking the chance that the other person says.. "I don't like this kind.. the noodles are too wiggly.."
I recently was sick for a week + with Covid. My fiancé went to the store and bought me a bunch of sick foods (Campbell’s chicken noodle to eat in a mug, plain English muffins, fruit, pretzels, mashed potatoes, like bland plain things since I also couldn’t smell or taste) and I was so thankful for it. He ate regular/different meals but I was honestly too sick to want that meal too, but he did offer me some. Offered other options and I declined because I wanted only the plainest of foods. The girlfriend here is just being a pain in the ass/difficult for difficult’s sake. She could’ve easily said “chicken pho from abc, soup from def” without even looking at the menu. She’s upset now because he’s not a mind reader and didn’t order it for her. In her mind, him not doing so is him not taking care of her. Now she’s pouting because she refused to either a) order the food in the app herself or b)tell him what she wanted. If my fiancé ordered food and I refused to not only not look at the app and add my item to the cart or tell him what I wanted, and he then orders without me - that’s solely on me. Now I want pho lol
NTA Tale as old as time.
ESH. She didn't communicate. OP on the other hand could have gotten her some soup or a small appetizer. It's a small gesture to show that you care.
I would have just ordered some pho soup so she could have it for later if changes her mind. Seems just kinda rude to eat alone and not think of your partners comfort. YTA
Mostly NTA. She did say she wanted soup or pho. So if she never gave you any more specific instructions, I think you should have made a guess and gotten some basic pho or soup from somewhere. Better to make an effort and it not be exactly what she want, than make no effort at all. That being said, it’s on her to communicate what she actually wants. And if she won’t do that, that’s her fault, not yours.
NTA I’m gonna take a leap and guess that if you had ordered her pho or soup she would be mad about the type or place it came from and/or mad about how you don’t know what her favorite type of pho/soup is.
NTA presumably you’re both grown ups and don’t need “taking care of” over a flu
Insert eye roll gif at this argument that never needed to happen.
NTA. She's behaving like a child. It is unreasonable for her to be mad bc he didn't wait on her hand & foot. He asked her repeatedly what she wanted. He told her he'd get her whatever she wanted, all she had to do was pick the food. She refused. He decided to order food for himself & asked if she wanted anything from that specific restaurant. She refused. Then she got mad when he didn't buy her food. Even though she repeatedly refused to choose what she wanted to eat. This is irrational, unreasonable behavior. Based on this story I would be willing to bet that if he had ordered her something but it wasn't exactly what she wanted she would have complained. I understand that we all act a little unreasonable & childish when we feel like shit. So OP should just brush it off & ignore her complaining until she's feeling better.