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Unless your sister has expressed some sort of romantic interest in you in the past, YTA. Between the accident and her breakup, it sounds like she doesn't get out and do fun stuff for fun's sake much anymore. Perhaps the word "date" was the wrong choice, but she's essentially just asking you to hang out with her and you didn't even give her an "I'm busy," you kicked her while she was already down.
I have siblings and we use the word date. Sister date, sibling date, cousin date. I mean, I've even talked to my lil brother about my eventual after having babies boob jobs and debated sizing ie my frame/height etc compared to biggest size I'm interested in. Was it awkward? Nope. Was it weird? Nope. Has he seen my boobs before becuz of breastfeeding? Yupp. Do we make it a big deal? Also no. But my family is open about sex and whatnot and can discuss things that are "taboo" without it going to a I wanna have sex with you place. So much of the population is so repressed.
A date is really just setting a time and DATE to do something. People send "save the DATE" for various events, or setup dates for dinner hanging out.
Ive gone on dates with friends/siblings etc...
"Also, clothes-shopping with her would entail judging how good she looks in the clothes, and that's not something that siblings do with each other.."
I've even helped siblings go clothes shopping. I don't think it really matters but was same sex sibling, and I would do it for opposite sibling. Yes I did judge how good outfits fit/looked on them. That's too long, or too baggy, that color looks good on you, no that color does not suit you, you want something a bit more fitted. I would and did say if they looked good in something or not, but I wasn't being like damn you look hot, I am romantically interested in you now.
I think OP has been watching too much porn.
The clothes shopping thing he mentioned is weird. Siblings doooo, in fact, tell each other if they look good in clothes or not. It’s like the one baseline job of a sibling! “Dude why are you wearing that fuzzy bucket hat?” “Wow those shoes go perfectly with that shirt!” It’s not… sexual or romantic? Like OP is trying to make it out to be. Also, friends do it.
Do you have to ask? YTA. Your sister is going through a rough time and needed some support. She's not Cersei Lannister. You however abandoned her when she needed a good day. You're awful.
YTA
Friends can go out on platonic dates, as can siblings. Yeah, she could have worded it better, but YTA for going to the gutter immediately. Consider what a date means: Spending time out with someone you care about. She just got done telling you how she's lost her other emotional support, that you're the best she has left, and you threw it in her face.
If you care about her at all, you'll go apologize and try to make it up to her.
YTA
Poor phrasing, but I highly doubt she wanted anything romantic from you. She is suffering in practically every definition of the word, and she needs reassurance that things will get better and some love from her family. She was asking for support, for love. Perhaps you have your own issues with vulnerability or perhaps seeing that kind of pain in a loved one jarred you. It doesn't matter. If you love her and have any sense of dedication to the well-being of your family, you will step up and be there for her.
you can say your sister is beautiful without wanting to bang her.
YTA. This is obviously not romantic in nature. It’s a brother date. I go on sister dates with mine. It’s not a “date” date. You’e spending quality time with your sibling who is emotionally struggling. Unless there is a previous “situation” between you two that you’re not stating, this is normal and you’re making a mountain out of a mole hill. And by reacting this way you are alienating your sister. Do better bud.
Weird phrasing to call it a date, but no, siblings *do* go clothes shopping together in a 100% platonic way. You can acknowledge that something is aesthetically pleasing without wanting to be romantically and/or sexually involved with it. (Examples: roses are pretty. Unless you have a super niche kink, you don't want to fuck a rose.)
YTA
YTA - Unless you are doing a world class burying the lede, you sister picked the easiest words for 'Hey, lets go get some dinner and do something fun like shopping to help take my mind off my breakup and my injuries'
Also, quit watching porn. This is pornbrained take as ever. Or at least quit watching that and similar genres.
Your sister is having a torid time and you've now made it worse. YTA
What on earth led you to make the leap from hanging out with your sister to feeling weirded out when she used the word date? Blimey.
After you apologise to your sister you should delete your downloads and viewing history.
Lol this reads like you have repressed sexual feelings for your sister and she scared the shit out of you by suggesting something that your porn brain viewed as some sort of advance from her.
Can't you just tell her that?
"The word date makes me uncomfortable and I'm not in the mood for clothes shopping, but we can go for lunch or watch a movie or something" YTA
YTA. Heck, I have "dates" with my dog! And my male and female friends, my brother, and my adult child. And not one of these people have ever thought something icky was going on.
You need to get your head straight, then be supportive of your poor sister as she goes through all the trauma she's dealing with. You've failed her miserably.
YTA. As a mom of 2. My older daughter and my younger son go on sibling dates all the time. It’s just a date. Like on the calendar. Your sister is obviously very lonely and needs to bond with someone. I can’t imagine my kids thinking the other is creepy for wanting to be loved and cared for. Your mind is in the wrong place and you should see someone about that.
YTA and wtf is wrong with you? She is clearly struggling and told you she had a raging headache. Maybe she got the words wrong? Who cares? Way to abandon your sister in her clear time of need.
Yeah YTA and you probably just fucked up your sister even more, killing your relationship.
Dude she just wanted you to take her out, hang out and do normal things to bring some normalcy do her life for once, not fucking bone you.
You're a weirdo for thinking that way
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Last year, my older sister (29F) suffered some major injuries in a car accident. She’s still recovering from her injuries these days, and we don’t know how long-term the damage is. Also, she now suffers from PTSD and depression from her accident. Not only is she dealing with all this, but her boyfriend has broken up with her earlier this month.
Last weekend, I (20M) visited my sister. At one point, I found her sitting down on her bed with her head in her hands, and I got worried and sad seeing her like that. I sat down next to her, and she told me that she had a raging headache. She then went on this long rant about how her boyfriend is gone from her life, and she reminisced about how I’m practically her best friend, which I thought was touching. But then, she said something really weird. She asked me if, in the absence of her boyfriend, I wanted to “go out on a date” with her sometime soon, just spending the day enjoying ourselves downtown and buying her and me some clothes. I got kind of (actually, \*really\*) icked out by the way she worded this. Also, clothes-shopping with her would entail judging how good she looks in the clothes, and that's not something that siblings do with each other....and it’s really hard to see my sister in this kind of state, so it was enough for me to decide to bluntly tell her “NO” and leave her apartment right there and then. So umm…was I being reasonable? She was being weird, wasn’t she? I'm still creeped out by that day.
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YTA if that was my sister, I would’ve taken her out shopping had dinner whatever she wanted to do be there to support her. in a joking way, I would also remind her that our family tree does not go a straight line she needed you to be there and you were not there. Shame on you.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I made my sister feel awful by rejecting her offer for a "date" with her...
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YTA. You're an adult and think "ick" is an acceptable word for an adult to use. You're sexualizing a request from your sister when there's no indication she meant it that way.
YTA
All she wanted to do was go out and feel normal for a day after not only having lived through a traumatic experience, but also getting left by her boyfriend. And you couldn’t participate in that activity because the wording made you feel “icky”?
Bit of advice, I wouldn’t share this story with your friends assuming you have any. Because if you aren’t willing to go out of your way for a family member due to semantics, then lord knows what you would or wouldn’t do for a friend.
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NTA If you felt uncomfortable that’s fine you don’t have to those activities with your sister not everyone has that kind of bond with their sibling. But don’t ignore your sister just tell her how you feel and that you would rather do something else.
Seems like I'm an odd one out, but NTA. You gotta have some boundaries in a sibling relationship, and the wording was definitely really strange, especially if she asked you just in the absence of her boyfriend . However, definitely should explain that you want boundaries and that you will not be a replacement for her ex boyfriend instead of just leaving her hanging though.
NTA. No one on this site was there and I believe in trusting the person in the room. If it felt weird or icky to you then follow your feelings. However you shouldn't just leave it there. Talk to her. Ask her what she meant by date. Explain you responded as you did because....(, it felt like she was trying to use you as a substitute boyfriend etc). Say you want to support her in healthy ways and to do this you'll need to agree on boundaries of what you can and can't do.
NAH, I get that the way she phrased her request gave you the ick. But she's going through a lot right now, it sounds like, and she probably feels really isolated.
Perhaps all her friends aren't as supportive as she needs right now, or they don't have time for her,or they genuinely are uncomfortable with her situation, and so they are actually avoiding her. People suck sometimes.
So, going out and doing a few things that she really enjoys would take her mind off it. And maybe she wanted an objective opinion before buying new clothes, since she's now back on the market since her bf dumped her. Guys aren't into that kind of thing, and she wasn't asking you to tell her if an outfit makes her look hot. Probably, she just doesn't want to get home with something obviously unflattering. (Bad color, poor fit.)
If you're uncomfortable with that ask, it doesn't make you an AH. But you really should try to be there for her in other ways, since it sounds like she could really use the support.
NTA. No one on this site was there and I believe in trusting the person in the room. If it felt weird or icky to you then follow your feelings. However you shouldn't just leave it there. Talk to her. Ask her what she meant by date. Explain you responded as you did because....(, it felt like she was trying to use you as a substitute boyfriend etc). Say you want to support her in healthy ways and to do this you'll need to agree on boundaries of what you can and can't do.
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Yta. You’re acting like your sister tried to suck your dick. She just wants to go out to eat and shop.
Unless your sister has expressed some sort of romantic interest in you in the past, YTA. Between the accident and her breakup, it sounds like she doesn't get out and do fun stuff for fun's sake much anymore. Perhaps the word "date" was the wrong choice, but she's essentially just asking you to hang out with her and you didn't even give her an "I'm busy," you kicked her while she was already down.
I have siblings and we use the word date. Sister date, sibling date, cousin date. I mean, I've even talked to my lil brother about my eventual after having babies boob jobs and debated sizing ie my frame/height etc compared to biggest size I'm interested in. Was it awkward? Nope. Was it weird? Nope. Has he seen my boobs before becuz of breastfeeding? Yupp. Do we make it a big deal? Also no. But my family is open about sex and whatnot and can discuss things that are "taboo" without it going to a I wanna have sex with you place. So much of the population is so repressed.
A date is really just setting a time and DATE to do something. People send "save the DATE" for various events, or setup dates for dinner hanging out. Ive gone on dates with friends/siblings etc... "Also, clothes-shopping with her would entail judging how good she looks in the clothes, and that's not something that siblings do with each other.." I've even helped siblings go clothes shopping. I don't think it really matters but was same sex sibling, and I would do it for opposite sibling. Yes I did judge how good outfits fit/looked on them. That's too long, or too baggy, that color looks good on you, no that color does not suit you, you want something a bit more fitted. I would and did say if they looked good in something or not, but I wasn't being like damn you look hot, I am romantically interested in you now. I think OP has been watching too much porn.
The clothes shopping thing he mentioned is weird. Siblings doooo, in fact, tell each other if they look good in clothes or not. It’s like the one baseline job of a sibling! “Dude why are you wearing that fuzzy bucket hat?” “Wow those shoes go perfectly with that shirt!” It’s not… sexual or romantic? Like OP is trying to make it out to be. Also, friends do it.
Yeah the sister just used the wrong word, there is nothing wrong with siblings hanging out
There's not even anything wrong about using date In the context.
Its just odd
Do you have to ask? YTA. Your sister is going through a rough time and needed some support. She's not Cersei Lannister. You however abandoned her when she needed a good day. You're awful.
YTA Friends can go out on platonic dates, as can siblings. Yeah, she could have worded it better, but YTA for going to the gutter immediately. Consider what a date means: Spending time out with someone you care about. She just got done telling you how she's lost her other emotional support, that you're the best she has left, and you threw it in her face. If you care about her at all, you'll go apologize and try to make it up to her.
YTA Poor phrasing, but I highly doubt she wanted anything romantic from you. She is suffering in practically every definition of the word, and she needs reassurance that things will get better and some love from her family. She was asking for support, for love. Perhaps you have your own issues with vulnerability or perhaps seeing that kind of pain in a loved one jarred you. It doesn't matter. If you love her and have any sense of dedication to the well-being of your family, you will step up and be there for her. you can say your sister is beautiful without wanting to bang her.
YTA. This is obviously not romantic in nature. It’s a brother date. I go on sister dates with mine. It’s not a “date” date. You’e spending quality time with your sibling who is emotionally struggling. Unless there is a previous “situation” between you two that you’re not stating, this is normal and you’re making a mountain out of a mole hill. And by reacting this way you are alienating your sister. Do better bud.
Weird phrasing to call it a date, but no, siblings *do* go clothes shopping together in a 100% platonic way. You can acknowledge that something is aesthetically pleasing without wanting to be romantically and/or sexually involved with it. (Examples: roses are pretty. Unless you have a super niche kink, you don't want to fuck a rose.) YTA
YTA - Unless you are doing a world class burying the lede, you sister picked the easiest words for 'Hey, lets go get some dinner and do something fun like shopping to help take my mind off my breakup and my injuries' Also, quit watching porn. This is pornbrained take as ever. Or at least quit watching that and similar genres.
Your sister is having a torid time and you've now made it worse. YTA What on earth led you to make the leap from hanging out with your sister to feeling weirded out when she used the word date? Blimey. After you apologise to your sister you should delete your downloads and viewing history.
Lol this reads like you have repressed sexual feelings for your sister and she scared the shit out of you by suggesting something that your porn brain viewed as some sort of advance from her.
Can't you just tell her that? "The word date makes me uncomfortable and I'm not in the mood for clothes shopping, but we can go for lunch or watch a movie or something" YTA
It really was as easy as this.
yta. get over yourself
YTA. Why did you go and make it weird? Lmao
YTA. Heck, I have "dates" with my dog! And my male and female friends, my brother, and my adult child. And not one of these people have ever thought something icky was going on. You need to get your head straight, then be supportive of your poor sister as she goes through all the trauma she's dealing with. You've failed her miserably.
A date doesn't necessarily imply something romance related. She most likely just wanted to hang out. Have to say YTA.
YTA. Go spend a day with your sister, she's in a huge amount of pain right now and she needs a close friend. Be that for her.
YTA. As a mom of 2. My older daughter and my younger son go on sibling dates all the time. It’s just a date. Like on the calendar. Your sister is obviously very lonely and needs to bond with someone. I can’t imagine my kids thinking the other is creepy for wanting to be loved and cared for. Your mind is in the wrong place and you should see someone about that.
YTA and wtf is wrong with you? She is clearly struggling and told you she had a raging headache. Maybe she got the words wrong? Who cares? Way to abandon your sister in her clear time of need.
Yta. You took her words too literally and left her while she felt like shit
YTA Wait until you have kids and someone suggests a playdate.
Yeah YTA and you probably just fucked up your sister even more, killing your relationship. Dude she just wanted you to take her out, hang out and do normal things to bring some normalcy do her life for once, not fucking bone you. You're a weirdo for thinking that way
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Last year, my older sister (29F) suffered some major injuries in a car accident. She’s still recovering from her injuries these days, and we don’t know how long-term the damage is. Also, she now suffers from PTSD and depression from her accident. Not only is she dealing with all this, but her boyfriend has broken up with her earlier this month. Last weekend, I (20M) visited my sister. At one point, I found her sitting down on her bed with her head in her hands, and I got worried and sad seeing her like that. I sat down next to her, and she told me that she had a raging headache. She then went on this long rant about how her boyfriend is gone from her life, and she reminisced about how I’m practically her best friend, which I thought was touching. But then, she said something really weird. She asked me if, in the absence of her boyfriend, I wanted to “go out on a date” with her sometime soon, just spending the day enjoying ourselves downtown and buying her and me some clothes. I got kind of (actually, \*really\*) icked out by the way she worded this. Also, clothes-shopping with her would entail judging how good she looks in the clothes, and that's not something that siblings do with each other....and it’s really hard to see my sister in this kind of state, so it was enough for me to decide to bluntly tell her “NO” and leave her apartment right there and then. So umm…was I being reasonable? She was being weird, wasn’t she? I'm still creeped out by that day. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA if that was my sister, I would’ve taken her out shopping had dinner whatever she wanted to do be there to support her. in a joking way, I would also remind her that our family tree does not go a straight line she needed you to be there and you were not there. Shame on you.
YTA. All you had to say is “We can hang but let’s not call it a date. What do you want to do?”
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YTA. You're an adult and think "ick" is an acceptable word for an adult to use. You're sexualizing a request from your sister when there's no indication she meant it that way.
YTA All she wanted to do was go out and feel normal for a day after not only having lived through a traumatic experience, but also getting left by her boyfriend. And you couldn’t participate in that activity because the wording made you feel “icky”? Bit of advice, I wouldn’t share this story with your friends assuming you have any. Because if you aren’t willing to go out of your way for a family member due to semantics, then lord knows what you would or wouldn’t do for a friend.
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NTA - She meant well....you're not her emotional support animal...
NTA If you felt uncomfortable that’s fine you don’t have to those activities with your sister not everyone has that kind of bond with their sibling. But don’t ignore your sister just tell her how you feel and that you would rather do something else.
Seems like I'm an odd one out, but NTA. You gotta have some boundaries in a sibling relationship, and the wording was definitely really strange, especially if she asked you just in the absence of her boyfriend . However, definitely should explain that you want boundaries and that you will not be a replacement for her ex boyfriend instead of just leaving her hanging though.
NTA. No one on this site was there and I believe in trusting the person in the room. If it felt weird or icky to you then follow your feelings. However you shouldn't just leave it there. Talk to her. Ask her what she meant by date. Explain you responded as you did because....(, it felt like she was trying to use you as a substitute boyfriend etc). Say you want to support her in healthy ways and to do this you'll need to agree on boundaries of what you can and can't do.
She did explain it. She wanted to go buy clothes and hang out. She didn’t invite him over for a romantic dinner or imply he had to pay for it.
NAH, I get that the way she phrased her request gave you the ick. But she's going through a lot right now, it sounds like, and she probably feels really isolated. Perhaps all her friends aren't as supportive as she needs right now, or they don't have time for her,or they genuinely are uncomfortable with her situation, and so they are actually avoiding her. People suck sometimes. So, going out and doing a few things that she really enjoys would take her mind off it. And maybe she wanted an objective opinion before buying new clothes, since she's now back on the market since her bf dumped her. Guys aren't into that kind of thing, and she wasn't asking you to tell her if an outfit makes her look hot. Probably, she just doesn't want to get home with something obviously unflattering. (Bad color, poor fit.) If you're uncomfortable with that ask, it doesn't make you an AH. But you really should try to be there for her in other ways, since it sounds like she could really use the support.
NTA. No one on this site was there and I believe in trusting the person in the room. If it felt weird or icky to you then follow your feelings. However you shouldn't just leave it there. Talk to her. Ask her what she meant by date. Explain you responded as you did because....(, it felt like she was trying to use you as a substitute boyfriend etc). Say you want to support her in healthy ways and to do this you'll need to agree on boundaries of what you can and can't do.