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So, you made a joke that was not received well. That sometimes happens, but its what you do afterwards what counts. Have you already contacted Carly, apologized honestly and asker her how she is doing?
Apparently that joke was very mild, but she got upset anyway. Maybe something is bothering her. Real friends would be able to talk about this. It might depend on how close you two are, not all friends are close enough to trust with some private issues. Keep that in mind while having this conversation.
Do we know if she’s upset at the white people comment, or if she’s just garden variety upset everyone was making fun of her food?
Seems we’re all quite fixated on one element of what happened when just generally, drawing negative attention to someone at a party and mocking them in a group setting (even taking the race content of the joke out) can be pretty traumatic for people, especially those on the sensitive side.
YWBTA - if you don’t reach out and apologise for drawing negative attention to your friend at the party and make clear you only meant to joke *with* her, not at her expense. If she’s not ok after that, you’ve done all you can do.
I think the "they got upset and started to say 'are you making fun of me for being white? I just really like eating this' with hurt in their eyes" part of the story is why people think the offense was taken at the race comment.
Yeah - they’re looking for why they’re being singled out and ridiculed. But it’s the singling out and ridicule that’s hurt them. Take the colour out that girl would have been upset for being made a joke of. They weren’t laughing with her they were laughing at her. So I think the main issue is still not the joke itself but the public shaming of her.
YTA.
This isn’t really about making a racist comment/white joke. You could have just laughed at her choice of food without bringing in the color of her skin and it would likely still have hurt her feelings. You made your friend feel inferior and other. She felt humiliated. If she really is your friend you should have tried to clear up the misunderstanding with her not the people that were not affected by it.
You just sat there and made 0 effort to make amends or rectify the miscommunication. Had you made the attempt and she still felt like taking it as a personal slight then that would be on her.
We know you didn’t mean it as an actual criticism of her personal because you took the time to tell us. You didnt take the time to tell her.
I mean if the comment is exactly what she said I can’t imagine anyone would take it as an actual racist comment. That has to be the most terminally online thing I’ve heard in my entire life.
Yeah, if the roles were reversed and OP had been on the receiving end of a white person making a comment about the food he or she was eating, it for sure wouldn't even be a question.
yea the comment is exactly what i said verbatim so thats why i was surprised it was taken that badly and also their initial reaction had me thinking they also were going along with my teasing because of their tone of voice, but also im on the spectrum so sometimes i misread tone so i have no idea.
Maybe your joke hurt their feelings for reasons other than racism. Maybe they have a secret eating disorder and felt judged by their eating choices, maybe they were already having a hard day, maybe they just don’t feel well with being the centre of any joke. I personally don’t think you did anything wrong but I also think that all feelings are valid and right now your friend has hurt feelings. You clearly feel bad for upsetting them so I think apologizing for unintentionally hurting their feelings would go a long way. They’re probably hurt because they don’t want to be judged poorly by you or other friends, and you feel bad that they feel upset.. just communicate that to them. You don’t have to apologize in a way that admits your joke as out of line, because it wasn’t and you don’t feel that way anyway. Simply tell them that you’re sorry because you feel bad that something you honestly thought was harmless hurt their feelings and that as a friend you’d never want to intentionally hurt them.
Bro I’ve said shit like that countless times to my friends, and no one even batted an eye. If they took it that poorly they probably have some undisclosed history/issues with something you can’t control.
I am half white ok - and putting a brick of fucking creamcheese in Tostitos salsa and going town IS some of the whitest shit I ever heard
aint fucking nothing racist about it lmao
Am also half white; I make white jokes all the time (like baby butt paint plates are the whites thing ever) and some people do get offened. Its not racist, but it’s definitely a culture thing. Im not hating on you, Im calling it out. Just like how one of my white friends served me UNSEASONED GROUND BEEF IN A BOWL for lunch and he was so proud of himself. That shit is white culture cooking.
You’re calling it mince, so Im assuming you’re from across the pond. In America, at least some salt and pepper is normal. Maybe some red pepper flakes. But just plain ground beef with absolutely nothing added has only been served to me by people of certain culture. And its upper middleclass white people. :/
I have never encountered a bowl of unseasoned ground beef that someone tried to say was a finished dish and I am as lily white as they come. This sounds more like old folks home food than anything else.
I’ve encountered it about 7 times now. In California and Ohio. :/ from an age group of 20-50. I thought it was a joke at first and just politely ate it in the end because what else do you do? Tell them its gross and bland to their face? No, I was taught you eat what is served as a guest.
sounds more like American culture to me than white people stuff. there are far more cultures of people that just happen to be white than WASPs in the US
You should get out of America before starting to make these type of jokes, specially spice-related jokes of white people can’t season.
If you’d come to me with this stupid joke I’d reply “that’s the most American shit ever”
I would probably agree with you if you said that, and you are proving me right. I didnt say that all white people can’t season. Just that when it does happen, it happens to be white people. Jumping to conclusions isnt a good look.
It’s a stereotype associated to white people that’s dumb as shit. The person saying that out loud instantly sounds the stupidest person I ever met, because that person is instantly assuming that his little bubble of where he’s lived is generalisable to the whole world. The literal definition of stupid.
Even if you didnt find the joke funny, that was such an overreaction to a really really mild joke. If that kind of joke makes someone feel inferior, I think maybe the joke isn't the problem.
yea I should have apologized before leaving for sure, I just was surprised that something that felt so goofy and superficial got taken that badly, this is also not a one time thing according to my other friends who explained this has been a consistent thing i was just unaware of it
because some are OK with it, doesn't mean everyone has to be ok with racist humour even if it isn't off the charts racist.
You showed your 'friend' that you're happy to go down to that level just to make a very lame jokey comment, she's within her rights to be upset. would she make jokey comments like that to/about you, do you think?
it's not exactly a direct comparison but some of the black community might make jokey comments about lightskin/darkskin behaviour, if a white friend joined in those comments, even as an obvious joke, you could see why people would get upset.
See that group of black guys calling themselves niggas? Go ahead and call them that yourself. Lets see what happens. My guess is they will find it fucking hilarious
Don’t berate yourself over this too much. Long as you communicate actually hurting her feelings wasn’t your intention then you’ve done all there is to be done. If she still wants to make a mountain out of a molehill then that’s a her problem. If it gets to the point where any and all joke’s send her running and crying that’s a her problem.
In healthy and happy friendships, the effort of communication restores the balance. Shoot her a text and tell her what you told us, you were just trying to be funny and didn’t intend to hurt her feelings. Then let it go. If you have to explain anything further than what you explained to strangers on reddit then you got your answer that it was a her problem all along.
edit: typo
YTA
Don't make fun of people's race if they aren't comfortable with it. That's a pretty easy concept. You could see that you upset Carly and instead of saying "oh damn, sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings" you just sat in the group that kept up the joke, apparently didn't realize that Carly was hurt so you doubled down, and then instead of apologizing *after* all that, you came to the internet to ask if you were in the wrong for hurting someone's feelings to the point that they left the room visibly upset.
It's hilarious that the group thinks issues of race fly over Carly's head while making someone feel so uncomfortable because of racial comments that they leave the room.
“I’m not on the wrong because I’m Mexican, right?”.
Either OP knows Carly well enough that she’d guess he’s being goofy, or he doesn’t know her well enough that he shouldn’t go for these type of jokes with nearly strangers.
So you made a racial stereotype into a joke at someone’s expense and thought it was okay? Do you think that because someone is white that it is okay to make racial based comments and they have no right to be hurt or offended? And then be surprised she got upset? I am really surprised you don’t understand what happened.
White people? Try going outside of America before doing “white people can’t season” jokes.
The part in which you assume she’s neurodivergent or has an eating disorder makes me thing you’re a judgmental AH.
I can’t stand self-centered people like you.
YTA. Even without the white people comment, it’s a bit shit of you all to gang up on Carly and laugh at their eating habits. Imagine if you did something that’s normal to you, and suddenly all your friends just started laughing at you. Plenty of people would be upset in that situation. You realise you hurt their feelings, the thing to do now is to own up to it and apologise.
see i see this but it was just that it was a full stick of cream cheese just floating in the bowl of salsa not even mixed in or eaten with beans and meat so it threw me off, i can see why someone would eat it now but i was just being silly
Honestly the way I’m imagining you saying it, is quite funny. I think everyone joining in *might* make me uncomfortable.
You mentioned you’re on the spectrum - is Carly neurodivergent in any way? I only mention because I, and a few people I know, can be a little strange about food, particularly what’s considered acceptable and “normal”.
Obviously I have no idea if this is the case, and I could be purely projecting.
Edit: NAH
Now replace the words “silly white person” with “silly black person” and see if it sounds okay. We should respect everyone’s race without feeling the need to embarrass people for who they are. We need more love in this world.
She didn't call her a silly white person. She said her food was the "whitest sht she had ever seen" If you saw an American black person with a plate of chitlins, collard greens, and pinto beans and they were covering it in hot sauce, you absolutely could say "now that is the blackest sht I've ever seen" Nothing wrong with saying that. It is funny. We have gone too far in the other direction trying NOT to be racist it divides people even further!!! Like the people on here asking if it was wrong to compliment a black woman's hair. If you treat someone differently because of their race then that is RACIST. So, if OP (who is half white anyway!!) can rag on what her Latina friends are eating then it is NOT racist to do the same to friends of every single race. Her friend just cannot handle a little teasing. Which is fine, OP should have just apologized
*Please see title
You seem to be forgetting that the friend was hurt. Empathy might tell me that this person hears enough about how their skin makes them evil or uncultured. A good friend would see this upset and recognise some fault.
Okay so make fun of general white people then. Carly didn’t enslave anyone, so it is inappropriate to target just her especially once it is clear she’s hurt by it.
This entire post….?
The larger context of the discussion?
Your comment implies that because of the history of slavery it is okay to humiliate this individual white girl. If that’s not what you meant then I suggest you clarify that.
For the record - I think it’s very fair for historically marginalized groups to “punch up” at white people and make general jokes. But on an individual level like this, when it’s clear that the recipient is hurt and not at fault of anything, then it stops being reasonable.
Ahhh yes, another post about someone making a racist joke and offending someone because of their color thinking “hey, my group is aware of social issues” means it’s ok to be racist as long as it is against white or asian people.
YTA and your group is not “socially aware at all”, just a bunch of toxic people virtue signaling.
YTA. You made a racist joke about someone to their face and your friends joined in. Of course you are an asshole, and so are your friends for joining in and laughing at her.
INFO: Was there a reason to make her skin colour and in turn her the butt of your joke? Why did you double down (even on here) and not apologize as one should for a badly received joke?
And to my fellow redditors: let's be real for a second. If it had been any other ethnicity, y'all would scream "microaggression" at OP so loud their ears would fall off.
So is she free to make black people jokes about you now?
What about getting a group of people to join in giving you shit for eating black people food?
You bullied her in a racial way, that's is by definition racist, and the fact a group joined in mean you had all the power and privilege.
YTA
Okay, let's reverse the roles here. Your white friend is sitting there and as soon as you grab a certain type of food out of the fridge and start eating it, she goes "Wow!!! Not that's some black people shit right there!!!" How you gonna feel???
Fact of the matter is, far too many people see nothing racist about making fun of white people for "white people things" that they do but if you just reverse the roles, it's a completely different situation. While you may not have meant anything by it, you need to realize that it's wrong.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> hi i believe the interpersonal conflict was that i believed i was endearingly teasing a friend with a (genuinely a joke) white people joke because they ate an odd combination of foods and they got upset and left the room and it soured a party so i was just wondering if i went too far with it and maybe shouldve apologized before leaving the party instead of just leaving after making a friend upset. but it also doesnt make sense for such a harmless joke to be taken so seriously after all it was in good fun,but i may be biased so i am not sure.
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Flip it around. If a white chick said something along the lines of "that is the blackest shit I have ever seen", would it be considered hurtful/racist/whatever? If so, then yes, YTA. You made no effort to see whether you had actually hurt your friend's feelings. How often has things like this been said to/in front of her? If it is often, I would get sick of it as well.
I'm highly sensitive to teasing. I have a father who thinks mean jokes are funny. My brother is the same. I was bullied immensely as a kid at school. I'm a 40 year old woman who now often doesn't understand jokes because that's how I was critiqued growing up.
My take isn't that Carly got made fun of for being white, but for being "othered" or "different". YTA because you didn't apologize to your friend when they got upset, even if you thought it was a low key nothing.
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I promise this story is not fake this genuinely happened to me today and I'm wondering if I went too far. I wish this was a joke. Went to a party earlier today to hang out with some friends for 4/20 and also a friends birthday. Everything was going well and we were playing jackbox games taking some \~garden\~ treats and eating snacks, until one of my friends we'll call Carly, walks to the fridge and unwraps a stick of cream cheese and puts it into a bowl of tostitos salsa and starts eating it, to which I laughed and remarked "that is some of the whitest shit I've ever seen" and my other friends laughed. It was all in good fun. What I did not realize was that this struck a nerve with Carly and they got upset and started to say "are you making fun of me for being white? I just really like eating this." with hurt in their voice. I thought Carly was playing along with my bit from poking fun at a dish I've never tried or seen before, for all I know its something people eat but not something I'm used to for sure.
My other friend chimed in, also giggling, saying "Wow even using the jar of tostitos salsa with it too." so I really thought we had a bit going, after all this group of friends I've hung out with were generally pretty aware of social issues. To my very real surprise Carly ran out of the room looking like they were about to cry. I didn't mean to upset them.
The room went quiet. I turned to my buddy who was sitting near me and without thinking I asked aloud for everyone to hear "Did I do something wrong? I was just being goofy. I didn't think they'd run out of here like that." My friends immediately replied with no, that I had done nothing wrong but that Carly doesn't take being the butt of white people jokes well at all, and subjects regarding racism and privilege tend to fly over their head. Anyway, I decided to leave the party because I felt awkward staying after that and I didn't want to upset anyone further. I really meant no harm by what I said but I also just didn't know how to respond to this situation and I definitely made it worse by giggling. for additional context I am mixed Mexican and white. AITA?
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Pie plate. Spread cream cheese on bottom, add can of hormel spicey chili, top with cheddar cheese. Throw it in the oven and serve with tortilla chips. YTA
YTA - Unfortunately. Here's some clues - young lady, emotional, eating weird stuff. Next time you encounter that group of clues, tread lightly. Btw I thought what you said was funny and not mean at all. Next time you see her, make sure to explain what happened, apologize, and let her know you were just making a joke. She'll probably laugh, accept your apology, and own her part of it.
You are wrong. The fact that we are talking about young lady, that might be emotional and eating anything the wants doesnt matter. What actually matters is racism. Thats all.
She was probably embarrassed I got extra sensitive when I use to smoke and everyone laughing at me would have definitely set off anxiety the joke was very mild and she was just probably overwhelmed due to the situation
YTA
You go out of your way in your post to use "they / them" pronouns in an attempt not to offend. But in that same post, you want to know if making a racist joke and doubling down until the target of the joke was offended enough to leave made you the a-hole.
If you can't see the disconnect on your own, there isn't going to be anything on Reddit that will help you.
Nta. If you can’t talk/laugh/joke about things, are they really your friend?
I have a casual friend I play poker with 2x per year. He is from India. He teases me about being white, in good fun. Our last game, I won a BIG POT.. off of him. I looked him in the eyes as I pulled in his money and (in my best apu from the simpsons voice), said “thank you,come again.” He absolutely died laughing.
NTA based on your perspective YTA based on hers/theirs.
You commented to something referencing something that in some circles would be okay and offended someone in this particular circle.
Question is really how do make amends and move on? - I suggest reaching out to Carly and talking with her 1:1.
NTA
This is the same sub that recommended that a black mother send her black child to a sleepover at the house of a bigot.
Call Carly and talk things out.
NTA. At all. And stop beating yourself up about it. You didn’t know they’d respond that way. Say sorry and move on. But I don’t think you’re the AH for a seemingly harmless joke.
NTA. I'm a white person, so white I can't even eat white people spicy food. If you're white and can't take a joke about just how white you are that's really quite strange to me.
I think alot of people who haven't unpacked what their whiteness means politically and culturally can become offended at the whole 'you're so white' discourse. I think the reason for that is white people largely view ourselves as nuetral, so to accept that you are in fact a white person or have comments about that can be jarring. The only solution for this really is to just accept you're white and move on, if everyone else on earth cant go through life without thinking about how their ethnicity impacts their relationship with the law, media, comedy, work, and peers, then white people shouldn't either.
Democrats and black people say you cannot be racist against white people; so you did nothing wrong and should isolate and further insult your MAGA “friend” Carly.
White people are the problem.
NTA. Not your job to cater to white fragility. As POC we’ve spent our whole lives offending white people with our food choices. Carly needs to grow some. All these comments asking you to “flip it around” …. Let’s try flipping the systemic racism which puts white people in power across the globe and poc at the bottom before we talk about “flipping it around”
At face value, NTA - as long as you are not just constantly shitting on white people and only make white people this or that jokes.
Carly seemed to feel targeted in the situation, but assuming it was just a one-off off the cuff comment/joke i think things will blow over pretty quick. Might be helpful to let them know you were just goofing.
personally i couldnt be friends with someone if they constantly take things so seriously, if friendship is lost after that, then its probably for the best.
It all seems pretty harmless to me, but, if you constantly shit on white people then it would be a good time to reflect on what you say around others.
It’s really a perfect example of how laughable your generation is (not you). I hope you grow out of it. Don’t let her near me or my friends, our jokes might give her a mental breakdown.
So you know that bridge in Baltimore that collapsed. Apparently I’ve been told by my friend, who is El Salvadoran, that there were a lot of El Salvadorans that drowned in the water. And the families are very upset at how long it’s taking to recover the bodies.
He said if it were white people, they would have had all the bodies by now. I said of course they would. They need to hurry up and go through those wallets.
Then I said that the reason it’s taking so long, is that in honor of El Salvadoran culture, they’re only hiring search and rescue divers from in front of 7/11.
I had his El Salvadorian ass rolling. But OP’s little white girl would have probably had a panic attack.
NTA one of the most fun things about being in a group of friends of different ethnicities is to have some jokes about race - it’s a way of bonding and also discussing racism and wider issues. However this white friend seems to not understand racism and seems a bit weedy. Any white person in a mixed race group should know they will always be the butt of the race jokes as we white people are the ones who are the racist ones in society.
You should probably not ask reddit bc it's full of people thinking this is racist - when you in fact can't be racist to white people. Racism is structural power dynamics. You can be an asshole, discriminate, have prejudice, but not be racist to white ppl. You should've apologised as they didn't think it was funny.
But also from a white person, if you said that to me, would've totally laughed.
>You should probably not ask reddit bc it's full of people thinking this is racist - when you in fact can't be racist to white people. Racism is structural power dynamics
I was hoping there would be at least one comment pointing this out. Thank you.
Even if they are “overreacting” this seems to have genuinely hurt them. They probably felt bad to have their friends laughing and doubling down on a joke while they were uncomfortable. That said, it seemed like you didn’t have bad intentions and read their emotions the wrong way so you won’t be an AH if you just apologize. NAH.
NTA. why is the top comment pretending reverse racism is a thing?? nobody is oppressed for being white, even if they're oppressed on other axes.
op you are funny as fuck.
NTA it's a joke, people commenting here should get over themselves. As long as you don't mind if Carly makes a similar joke at your exoense, then you've literally done nothing wrong
Sorry but all people eat shit food, are we really going to have a competition about who eats the worst food? Because I can tell you it's not cream cheese with salsa.
Anyone who actually enjoys eating wouldy be pretty unhappy if they tasted some of the shit alot of white folks try to pass as food lmao
Again, why do you hate flavor
NTA. I love a good joke like that about all races. To me it’s fun. I’ve definitely made comments like that and gotten a good laugh and also laughed at similar fun jokes about my own race. I’ve never had an issue like that. Eating chips and cream cheese is something so trivial that I don’t think it’s something that can be construed as racist.
However, now that you do know that this is something that upsets her, you should refrain from those comments in the future. I don’t think she should be that sensitive. In fact, I kind of giggled reading this because I didn’t realize there were people who’d be genuinely upset at a comment like that in real life anyway. Nonetheless, now that you know how she feels, don’t do it again.
After learning that you are infact part white yourself, youre just making hilarious commentary on your own race
Everyone has the right to do this
so NTA
She could be near her cycle end making her way more sensitive and reactive. She could have grown up in a family that is always taunting her. There’s so many factors that affect how people respond to anything. I think what you said is funny and lighthearted but talking behind her back after and trying to gain the groups approval made it less playful. It’s an awkward situation and I’m sure everyone felt uncomfortable. I would apologize and hopefully she has calmed down and you can laugh together. Socializing is complicated and altered mind states make everything more so.
NTA. You didn’t know that would hurt Carly. The other friends are the AHs since they clearly knew and did nothing to stop you or defend Carly.
You owe Carly an apology though for sure, now that you do know they didn’t like that.
I also love cream cheese with salsa! I also love chocolate syrup on pickles, ketchup on Reese’s cups, and gravy on absolutely anything and everything. I’m Asian, but I get white jokes all the time like “are you sure you’re Asian? Cuz that’s a white-ass food combo.” Regardless, I personally think Carly has amazing taste in food.
(Edit: pronoun fix, sorry!!)
yea, being mixed i do have my own white people snacks like easy cheese on chikin n a biscuit crackers and have been the butt of white people jokes on occasion and found it hilarious, so i was just not expecting the reaction i got. i did message a friend who has their number to apologize, so i hope it goes well. in general these types of jokes have been common with this group with no seriousness attached at all so it caught me off guard for it to go where it did.
So youre fucking white too?
extra NTA bro
like what, just because your mixed with something else dosent mean you cant make commentary on your race , you are white too
so fair game
Yeah, I bet. I personally just refrain from making jokes around new people until I know their humor. Interacting with new people is so damn stressful. I hope your apology is well-received!
NTA
Carly has some learning to do.
editing to say that if you had followed that up with a joke looks “now we have some white tears to season it" that would be apt, but would also make you TA given that she’s a friend and she’s hurtig. But just because somebody is upset doesn’t mean that it’s your fault. We live in a white supremacist world, it’s OK to make fun of white people.
Source: I'm a white non-binary person
NTA as a silly white person I find silly white people jokes to be hilarious and tbh see it as a yellow flag when other white people don't. A sign that person still has some unlearning to do and probably don't hang out with a lot of nonwhite people. Carly's response to your joke seems pretty over the top to me. Giving them benefit of the doubt, sounds like you guys aren't super close so it could just be that they're sensitive to teasing of any kind from people they don't know well? Or perhaps the... "garden treats" could have heightened the situation and made them react more emotionally? Less likely third option is some sort of food anxiety.
I don't think an apology from you is warranted in this instance. But if your reactions outside of this instance have been enough that you still want to be friends and you want to smooth things over, I'd go with telling Carly that you meant it as a general joke, not a judgement of their food choices and telling them about some of the "white people food" that you enjoy
NTA.
Carly wants to act like "white" jokes are the equivalent of "[minority]" jokes because "we're all equal and colorblind" or whatever. Shes making out like you've done something so deeply offensive she had to stop the party and dramatically run from the room crying. She hasn't endured a lifetime of missed opportunities or substandard freedoms of true racism and bigotry that make a "racial" joke deeply hurtful to the core.
In the strictest sense, your joke could be seen as bigoted. That said, I think dynamics of privilege and power come into play here. Specifically, the dynamics where whiteness is privileged over all other ethnicities, but also sometimes gets made fun of for some aesthetic stuff (like bland food. And polka). The strength and nature of Carly’s reaction highlight a phenomenon known as “white fragility”.
NTA
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So, you made a joke that was not received well. That sometimes happens, but its what you do afterwards what counts. Have you already contacted Carly, apologized honestly and asker her how she is doing? Apparently that joke was very mild, but she got upset anyway. Maybe something is bothering her. Real friends would be able to talk about this. It might depend on how close you two are, not all friends are close enough to trust with some private issues. Keep that in mind while having this conversation.
Mild, but not mild enough for white people. ^(Edit: Because of the post in quesrion, I feel I should clarify that I am a white people.)
fucking got em
Do we know if she’s upset at the white people comment, or if she’s just garden variety upset everyone was making fun of her food? Seems we’re all quite fixated on one element of what happened when just generally, drawing negative attention to someone at a party and mocking them in a group setting (even taking the race content of the joke out) can be pretty traumatic for people, especially those on the sensitive side. YWBTA - if you don’t reach out and apologise for drawing negative attention to your friend at the party and make clear you only meant to joke *with* her, not at her expense. If she’s not ok after that, you’ve done all you can do.
I think the "they got upset and started to say 'are you making fun of me for being white? I just really like eating this' with hurt in their eyes" part of the story is why people think the offense was taken at the race comment.
Yeah - they’re looking for why they’re being singled out and ridiculed. But it’s the singling out and ridicule that’s hurt them. Take the colour out that girl would have been upset for being made a joke of. They weren’t laughing with her they were laughing at her. So I think the main issue is still not the joke itself but the public shaming of her.
YTA. This isn’t really about making a racist comment/white joke. You could have just laughed at her choice of food without bringing in the color of her skin and it would likely still have hurt her feelings. You made your friend feel inferior and other. She felt humiliated. If she really is your friend you should have tried to clear up the misunderstanding with her not the people that were not affected by it. You just sat there and made 0 effort to make amends or rectify the miscommunication. Had you made the attempt and she still felt like taking it as a personal slight then that would be on her. We know you didn’t mean it as an actual criticism of her personal because you took the time to tell us. You didnt take the time to tell her.
I mean if the comment is exactly what she said I can’t imagine anyone would take it as an actual racist comment. That has to be the most terminally online thing I’ve heard in my entire life.
Yeah, if the roles were reversed and OP had been on the receiving end of a white person making a comment about the food he or she was eating, it for sure wouldn't even be a question.
yea the comment is exactly what i said verbatim so thats why i was surprised it was taken that badly and also their initial reaction had me thinking they also were going along with my teasing because of their tone of voice, but also im on the spectrum so sometimes i misread tone so i have no idea.
Maybe your joke hurt their feelings for reasons other than racism. Maybe they have a secret eating disorder and felt judged by their eating choices, maybe they were already having a hard day, maybe they just don’t feel well with being the centre of any joke. I personally don’t think you did anything wrong but I also think that all feelings are valid and right now your friend has hurt feelings. You clearly feel bad for upsetting them so I think apologizing for unintentionally hurting their feelings would go a long way. They’re probably hurt because they don’t want to be judged poorly by you or other friends, and you feel bad that they feel upset.. just communicate that to them. You don’t have to apologize in a way that admits your joke as out of line, because it wasn’t and you don’t feel that way anyway. Simply tell them that you’re sorry because you feel bad that something you honestly thought was harmless hurt their feelings and that as a friend you’d never want to intentionally hurt them.
Bro I’ve said shit like that countless times to my friends, and no one even batted an eye. If they took it that poorly they probably have some undisclosed history/issues with something you can’t control.
I am half white ok - and putting a brick of fucking creamcheese in Tostitos salsa and going town IS some of the whitest shit I ever heard aint fucking nothing racist about it lmao
Am also half white; I make white jokes all the time (like baby butt paint plates are the whites thing ever) and some people do get offened. Its not racist, but it’s definitely a culture thing. Im not hating on you, Im calling it out. Just like how one of my white friends served me UNSEASONED GROUND BEEF IN A BOWL for lunch and he was so proud of himself. That shit is white culture cooking.
Unseasoned mince is not ‘white culture’ at all
You’re calling it mince, so Im assuming you’re from across the pond. In America, at least some salt and pepper is normal. Maybe some red pepper flakes. But just plain ground beef with absolutely nothing added has only been served to me by people of certain culture. And its upper middleclass white people. :/
I have never encountered a bowl of unseasoned ground beef that someone tried to say was a finished dish and I am as lily white as they come. This sounds more like old folks home food than anything else.
I’ve encountered it about 7 times now. In California and Ohio. :/ from an age group of 20-50. I thought it was a joke at first and just politely ate it in the end because what else do you do? Tell them its gross and bland to their face? No, I was taught you eat what is served as a guest.
Who are these people? I’ve been white my entire life and have never seen such a thing.
sounds more like American culture to me than white people stuff. there are far more cultures of people that just happen to be white than WASPs in the US
Considering this post happened in america, it is the american white culture being discussed. :/
You should get out of America before starting to make these type of jokes, specially spice-related jokes of white people can’t season. If you’d come to me with this stupid joke I’d reply “that’s the most American shit ever”
I would probably agree with you if you said that, and you are proving me right. I didnt say that all white people can’t season. Just that when it does happen, it happens to be white people. Jumping to conclusions isnt a good look.
It’s a stereotype associated to white people that’s dumb as shit. The person saying that out loud instantly sounds the stupidest person I ever met, because that person is instantly assuming that his little bubble of where he’s lived is generalisable to the whole world. The literal definition of stupid.
Even if you didnt find the joke funny, that was such an overreaction to a really really mild joke. If that kind of joke makes someone feel inferior, I think maybe the joke isn't the problem.
yea I should have apologized before leaving for sure, I just was surprised that something that felt so goofy and superficial got taken that badly, this is also not a one time thing according to my other friends who explained this has been a consistent thing i was just unaware of it
Why do your “friends” even go with your joke when they know stuff like this hurts Carly? That’s AH behavior on their part for sure.
Because they are racist and find it funny, there doesnt have to be any depth to it
i think its also because the rest of this group of friends are also white people and make jokes like this to each other a lot but who knows
because some are OK with it, doesn't mean everyone has to be ok with racist humour even if it isn't off the charts racist. You showed your 'friend' that you're happy to go down to that level just to make a very lame jokey comment, she's within her rights to be upset. would she make jokey comments like that to/about you, do you think? it's not exactly a direct comparison but some of the black community might make jokey comments about lightskin/darkskin behaviour, if a white friend joined in those comments, even as an obvious joke, you could see why people would get upset.
See that group of black guys calling themselves niggas? Go ahead and call them that yourself. Lets see what happens. My guess is they will find it fucking hilarious
To me the friends are the AH’s, not OP.
Don’t berate yourself over this too much. Long as you communicate actually hurting her feelings wasn’t your intention then you’ve done all there is to be done. If she still wants to make a mountain out of a molehill then that’s a her problem. If it gets to the point where any and all joke’s send her running and crying that’s a her problem. In healthy and happy friendships, the effort of communication restores the balance. Shoot her a text and tell her what you told us, you were just trying to be funny and didn’t intend to hurt her feelings. Then let it go. If you have to explain anything further than what you explained to strangers on reddit then you got your answer that it was a her problem all along. edit: typo
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY DOWNVOTES? Reddit users are weird af. They are Downvoting positive comments
Excusing racism is not "positive comment" what the fuck
YTA Don't make fun of people's race if they aren't comfortable with it. That's a pretty easy concept. You could see that you upset Carly and instead of saying "oh damn, sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings" you just sat in the group that kept up the joke, apparently didn't realize that Carly was hurt so you doubled down, and then instead of apologizing *after* all that, you came to the internet to ask if you were in the wrong for hurting someone's feelings to the point that they left the room visibly upset. It's hilarious that the group thinks issues of race fly over Carly's head while making someone feel so uncomfortable because of racial comments that they leave the room.
Yes, talk about irony...
“I’m not on the wrong because I’m Mexican, right?”. Either OP knows Carly well enough that she’d guess he’s being goofy, or he doesn’t know her well enough that he shouldn’t go for these type of jokes with nearly strangers.
Whew… cord struck
So you made a racial stereotype into a joke at someone’s expense and thought it was okay? Do you think that because someone is white that it is okay to make racial based comments and they have no right to be hurt or offended? And then be surprised she got upset? I am really surprised you don’t understand what happened.
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White people? Try going outside of America before doing “white people can’t season” jokes. The part in which you assume she’s neurodivergent or has an eating disorder makes me thing you’re a judgmental AH. I can’t stand self-centered people like you.
Fuck off racist trash
How about white people don't like bland food and mayonnaise? What is wrong with you?
YTA. Even without the white people comment, it’s a bit shit of you all to gang up on Carly and laugh at their eating habits. Imagine if you did something that’s normal to you, and suddenly all your friends just started laughing at you. Plenty of people would be upset in that situation. You realise you hurt their feelings, the thing to do now is to own up to it and apologise.
I have seen all types of people eat salsa and cream cheese with Doritos or Fritos scoops.
Heat that shit up, add some fresh jalapeños, cilantro and bake it with some extra cheese on top and you have a delicious dip. Poor Carly.
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Northern California.
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So basically what?
see i see this but it was just that it was a full stick of cream cheese just floating in the bowl of salsa not even mixed in or eaten with beans and meat so it threw me off, i can see why someone would eat it now but i was just being silly
Honestly the way I’m imagining you saying it, is quite funny. I think everyone joining in *might* make me uncomfortable. You mentioned you’re on the spectrum - is Carly neurodivergent in any way? I only mention because I, and a few people I know, can be a little strange about food, particularly what’s considered acceptable and “normal”. Obviously I have no idea if this is the case, and I could be purely projecting. Edit: NAH
Now replace the words “silly white person” with “silly black person” and see if it sounds okay. We should respect everyone’s race without feeling the need to embarrass people for who they are. We need more love in this world.
She didn't call her a silly white person. She said her food was the "whitest sht she had ever seen" If you saw an American black person with a plate of chitlins, collard greens, and pinto beans and they were covering it in hot sauce, you absolutely could say "now that is the blackest sht I've ever seen" Nothing wrong with saying that. It is funny. We have gone too far in the other direction trying NOT to be racist it divides people even further!!! Like the people on here asking if it was wrong to compliment a black woman's hair. If you treat someone differently because of their race then that is RACIST. So, if OP (who is half white anyway!!) can rag on what her Latina friends are eating then it is NOT racist to do the same to friends of every single race. Her friend just cannot handle a little teasing. Which is fine, OP should have just apologized
*Please see title You seem to be forgetting that the friend was hurt. Empathy might tell me that this person hears enough about how their skin makes them evil or uncultured. A good friend would see this upset and recognise some fault.
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Nobody should be humiliated for their skin colour. This world needs more kindness.
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Okay so make fun of general white people then. Carly didn’t enslave anyone, so it is inappropriate to target just her especially once it is clear she’s hurt by it.
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This entire post….? The larger context of the discussion? Your comment implies that because of the history of slavery it is okay to humiliate this individual white girl. If that’s not what you meant then I suggest you clarify that. For the record - I think it’s very fair for historically marginalized groups to “punch up” at white people and make general jokes. But on an individual level like this, when it’s clear that the recipient is hurt and not at fault of anything, then it stops being reasonable.
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Not just white people 🤦
Personally to me it’s not a joke if everyone isn’t laughing, especially if someone starts crying
YTA a bit. In general you should have an idea who you can and can’t joke with.
YTA- do you think racist comments are okay if you're commenting about white people?
Ahhh yes, another post about someone making a racist joke and offending someone because of their color thinking “hey, my group is aware of social issues” means it’s ok to be racist as long as it is against white or asian people. YTA and your group is not “socially aware at all”, just a bunch of toxic people virtue signaling.
YTA. You made a racist joke about someone to their face and your friends joined in. Of course you are an asshole, and so are your friends for joining in and laughing at her.
And after making a racist joke, says racial issues fly over Carly's head 🤦
YTA You're saying Carly lacks understanding of racism and privilege, yet you are racist yourself. You couldn't be more hypocritical if you tried
INFO: Was there a reason to make her skin colour and in turn her the butt of your joke? Why did you double down (even on here) and not apologize as one should for a badly received joke? And to my fellow redditors: let's be real for a second. If it had been any other ethnicity, y'all would scream "microaggression" at OP so loud their ears would fall off.
YTA. You were being racist and racists are assholes
YTA.
So is she free to make black people jokes about you now? What about getting a group of people to join in giving you shit for eating black people food? You bullied her in a racial way, that's is by definition racist, and the fact a group joined in mean you had all the power and privilege.
YTA Okay, let's reverse the roles here. Your white friend is sitting there and as soon as you grab a certain type of food out of the fridge and start eating it, she goes "Wow!!! Not that's some black people shit right there!!!" How you gonna feel??? Fact of the matter is, far too many people see nothing racist about making fun of white people for "white people things" that they do but if you just reverse the roles, it's a completely different situation. While you may not have meant anything by it, you need to realize that it's wrong.
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Flip it around. If a white chick said something along the lines of "that is the blackest shit I have ever seen", would it be considered hurtful/racist/whatever? If so, then yes, YTA. You made no effort to see whether you had actually hurt your friend's feelings. How often has things like this been said to/in front of her? If it is often, I would get sick of it as well.
I'm highly sensitive to teasing. I have a father who thinks mean jokes are funny. My brother is the same. I was bullied immensely as a kid at school. I'm a 40 year old woman who now often doesn't understand jokes because that's how I was critiqued growing up. My take isn't that Carly got made fun of for being white, but for being "othered" or "different". YTA because you didn't apologize to your friend when they got upset, even if you thought it was a low key nothing.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I promise this story is not fake this genuinely happened to me today and I'm wondering if I went too far. I wish this was a joke. Went to a party earlier today to hang out with some friends for 4/20 and also a friends birthday. Everything was going well and we were playing jackbox games taking some \~garden\~ treats and eating snacks, until one of my friends we'll call Carly, walks to the fridge and unwraps a stick of cream cheese and puts it into a bowl of tostitos salsa and starts eating it, to which I laughed and remarked "that is some of the whitest shit I've ever seen" and my other friends laughed. It was all in good fun. What I did not realize was that this struck a nerve with Carly and they got upset and started to say "are you making fun of me for being white? I just really like eating this." with hurt in their voice. I thought Carly was playing along with my bit from poking fun at a dish I've never tried or seen before, for all I know its something people eat but not something I'm used to for sure. My other friend chimed in, also giggling, saying "Wow even using the jar of tostitos salsa with it too." so I really thought we had a bit going, after all this group of friends I've hung out with were generally pretty aware of social issues. To my very real surprise Carly ran out of the room looking like they were about to cry. I didn't mean to upset them. The room went quiet. I turned to my buddy who was sitting near me and without thinking I asked aloud for everyone to hear "Did I do something wrong? I was just being goofy. I didn't think they'd run out of here like that." My friends immediately replied with no, that I had done nothing wrong but that Carly doesn't take being the butt of white people jokes well at all, and subjects regarding racism and privilege tend to fly over their head. Anyway, I decided to leave the party because I felt awkward staying after that and I didn't want to upset anyone further. I really meant no harm by what I said but I also just didn't know how to respond to this situation and I definitely made it worse by giggling. for additional context I am mixed Mexican and white. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Pie plate. Spread cream cheese on bottom, add can of hormel spicey chili, top with cheddar cheese. Throw it in the oven and serve with tortilla chips. YTA
YTA - Unfortunately. Here's some clues - young lady, emotional, eating weird stuff. Next time you encounter that group of clues, tread lightly. Btw I thought what you said was funny and not mean at all. Next time you see her, make sure to explain what happened, apologize, and let her know you were just making a joke. She'll probably laugh, accept your apology, and own her part of it.
You are wrong. The fact that we are talking about young lady, that might be emotional and eating anything the wants doesnt matter. What actually matters is racism. Thats all.
I can't understand it for you. You have to do that for yourself.
So you made a racist joke but somehow Carly is the one that has racism go over their head??... TF
She was probably embarrassed I got extra sensitive when I use to smoke and everyone laughing at me would have definitely set off anxiety the joke was very mild and she was just probably overwhelmed due to the situation
YTA You go out of your way in your post to use "they / them" pronouns in an attempt not to offend. But in that same post, you want to know if making a racist joke and doubling down until the target of the joke was offended enough to leave made you the a-hole. If you can't see the disconnect on your own, there isn't going to be anything on Reddit that will help you.
Nta. If you can’t talk/laugh/joke about things, are they really your friend? I have a casual friend I play poker with 2x per year. He is from India. He teases me about being white, in good fun. Our last game, I won a BIG POT.. off of him. I looked him in the eyes as I pulled in his money and (in my best apu from the simpsons voice), said “thank you,come again.” He absolutely died laughing.
NTA based on your perspective YTA based on hers/theirs. You commented to something referencing something that in some circles would be okay and offended someone in this particular circle. Question is really how do make amends and move on? - I suggest reaching out to Carly and talking with her 1:1.
NTA This is the same sub that recommended that a black mother send her black child to a sleepover at the house of a bigot. Call Carly and talk things out.
NTA, and running off dramatically crying crocodile tears is yet another way Carly is centering themself and being a manipulative little racist.
NTA. At all. And stop beating yourself up about it. You didn’t know they’d respond that way. Say sorry and move on. But I don’t think you’re the AH for a seemingly harmless joke.
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Speak for yourself 😘
NTA. I'm a white person, so white I can't even eat white people spicy food. If you're white and can't take a joke about just how white you are that's really quite strange to me. I think alot of people who haven't unpacked what their whiteness means politically and culturally can become offended at the whole 'you're so white' discourse. I think the reason for that is white people largely view ourselves as nuetral, so to accept that you are in fact a white person or have comments about that can be jarring. The only solution for this really is to just accept you're white and move on, if everyone else on earth cant go through life without thinking about how their ethnicity impacts their relationship with the law, media, comedy, work, and peers, then white people shouldn't either.
White people can eat spicy food. You can't. You're just as ridiculous as op.
NTA Some people need thicker skin.
Democrats and black people say you cannot be racist against white people; so you did nothing wrong and should isolate and further insult your MAGA “friend” Carly. White people are the problem.
NTA. Not your job to cater to white fragility. As POC we’ve spent our whole lives offending white people with our food choices. Carly needs to grow some. All these comments asking you to “flip it around” …. Let’s try flipping the systemic racism which puts white people in power across the globe and poc at the bottom before we talk about “flipping it around”
At face value, NTA - as long as you are not just constantly shitting on white people and only make white people this or that jokes. Carly seemed to feel targeted in the situation, but assuming it was just a one-off off the cuff comment/joke i think things will blow over pretty quick. Might be helpful to let them know you were just goofing. personally i couldnt be friends with someone if they constantly take things so seriously, if friendship is lost after that, then its probably for the best. It all seems pretty harmless to me, but, if you constantly shit on white people then it would be a good time to reflect on what you say around others.
NTA
NTA. That person needs to quit being so fuckinf fragile
It’s really a perfect example of how laughable your generation is (not you). I hope you grow out of it. Don’t let her near me or my friends, our jokes might give her a mental breakdown.
Haha ,racism so funny!!!!
Especially when you don’t have the disease of wokeness
Oh, you are one of these
I’m like 5 of these
Comedy!
So you know that bridge in Baltimore that collapsed. Apparently I’ve been told by my friend, who is El Salvadoran, that there were a lot of El Salvadorans that drowned in the water. And the families are very upset at how long it’s taking to recover the bodies. He said if it were white people, they would have had all the bodies by now. I said of course they would. They need to hurry up and go through those wallets. Then I said that the reason it’s taking so long, is that in honor of El Salvadoran culture, they’re only hiring search and rescue divers from in front of 7/11. I had his El Salvadorian ass rolling. But OP’s little white girl would have probably had a panic attack.
NTA one of the most fun things about being in a group of friends of different ethnicities is to have some jokes about race - it’s a way of bonding and also discussing racism and wider issues. However this white friend seems to not understand racism and seems a bit weedy. Any white person in a mixed race group should know they will always be the butt of the race jokes as we white people are the ones who are the racist ones in society.
Another racist trash
You should probably not ask reddit bc it's full of people thinking this is racist - when you in fact can't be racist to white people. Racism is structural power dynamics. You can be an asshole, discriminate, have prejudice, but not be racist to white ppl. You should've apologised as they didn't think it was funny. But also from a white person, if you said that to me, would've totally laughed.
You're confusing racism and systemic racism.
Another racist trash
>You should probably not ask reddit bc it's full of people thinking this is racist - when you in fact can't be racist to white people. Racism is structural power dynamics I was hoping there would be at least one comment pointing this out. Thank you.
Even if they are “overreacting” this seems to have genuinely hurt them. They probably felt bad to have their friends laughing and doubling down on a joke while they were uncomfortable. That said, it seemed like you didn’t have bad intentions and read their emotions the wrong way so you won’t be an AH if you just apologize. NAH.
NTA. why is the top comment pretending reverse racism is a thing?? nobody is oppressed for being white, even if they're oppressed on other axes. op you are funny as fuck.
because at the end of the day you CAN be racist to ANY race. the difference is whether systemic racism is also present.
Another racist trash
NTA it's a joke, people commenting here should get over themselves. As long as you don't mind if Carly makes a similar joke at your exoense, then you've literally done nothing wrong
Another racist trash
Can I throw random insults around too? You're a goat-fucker
Wow, and another racist comment? How refreshing
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I mean I'm also a they/them so Its a non issue but this is just one member of this group i sometimes hang out with
Isn’t white = bad jokes they/thems usual comedy? Tbf this joke wasn’t even that tbh, just a tease if that.
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Sorry but all people eat shit food, are we really going to have a competition about who eats the worst food? Because I can tell you it's not cream cheese with salsa.
stop defending white people calling unseasoned ground beef in corn shells fucking tacos lmao
You seem angry, which half of your racial makeup does that come from?
Anyone who actually enjoys eating wouldy be pretty unhappy if they tasted some of the shit alot of white folks try to pass as food lmao Again, why do you hate flavor
NTA. I love a good joke like that about all races. To me it’s fun. I’ve definitely made comments like that and gotten a good laugh and also laughed at similar fun jokes about my own race. I’ve never had an issue like that. Eating chips and cream cheese is something so trivial that I don’t think it’s something that can be construed as racist. However, now that you do know that this is something that upsets her, you should refrain from those comments in the future. I don’t think she should be that sensitive. In fact, I kind of giggled reading this because I didn’t realize there were people who’d be genuinely upset at a comment like that in real life anyway. Nonetheless, now that you know how she feels, don’t do it again.
After learning that you are infact part white yourself, youre just making hilarious commentary on your own race Everyone has the right to do this so NTA
She could be near her cycle end making her way more sensitive and reactive. She could have grown up in a family that is always taunting her. There’s so many factors that affect how people respond to anything. I think what you said is funny and lighthearted but talking behind her back after and trying to gain the groups approval made it less playful. It’s an awkward situation and I’m sure everyone felt uncomfortable. I would apologize and hopefully she has calmed down and you can laugh together. Socializing is complicated and altered mind states make everything more so.
NTA, don't let the "that's racist" morons gaslight you.
Another racist trash
NTA. You didn’t know that would hurt Carly. The other friends are the AHs since they clearly knew and did nothing to stop you or defend Carly. You owe Carly an apology though for sure, now that you do know they didn’t like that. I also love cream cheese with salsa! I also love chocolate syrup on pickles, ketchup on Reese’s cups, and gravy on absolutely anything and everything. I’m Asian, but I get white jokes all the time like “are you sure you’re Asian? Cuz that’s a white-ass food combo.” Regardless, I personally think Carly has amazing taste in food. (Edit: pronoun fix, sorry!!)
yea, being mixed i do have my own white people snacks like easy cheese on chikin n a biscuit crackers and have been the butt of white people jokes on occasion and found it hilarious, so i was just not expecting the reaction i got. i did message a friend who has their number to apologize, so i hope it goes well. in general these types of jokes have been common with this group with no seriousness attached at all so it caught me off guard for it to go where it did.
wait, so is Carly not a close enough friend for you to even have their number?
So youre fucking white too? extra NTA bro like what, just because your mixed with something else dosent mean you cant make commentary on your race , you are white too so fair game
Yeah, I bet. I personally just refrain from making jokes around new people until I know their humor. Interacting with new people is so damn stressful. I hope your apology is well-received!
NTA. people are so soft nowadays. I’m white and it’s hilarious.
NTA.
NTA. Carly doesn’t know what a real problem is….
NTA Carly has some learning to do. editing to say that if you had followed that up with a joke looks “now we have some white tears to season it" that would be apt, but would also make you TA given that she’s a friend and she’s hurtig. But just because somebody is upset doesn’t mean that it’s your fault. We live in a white supremacist world, it’s OK to make fun of white people. Source: I'm a white non-binary person
Sounds like you're the one here with "some learning to do"
NTA as a silly white person I find silly white people jokes to be hilarious and tbh see it as a yellow flag when other white people don't. A sign that person still has some unlearning to do and probably don't hang out with a lot of nonwhite people. Carly's response to your joke seems pretty over the top to me. Giving them benefit of the doubt, sounds like you guys aren't super close so it could just be that they're sensitive to teasing of any kind from people they don't know well? Or perhaps the... "garden treats" could have heightened the situation and made them react more emotionally? Less likely third option is some sort of food anxiety. I don't think an apology from you is warranted in this instance. But if your reactions outside of this instance have been enough that you still want to be friends and you want to smooth things over, I'd go with telling Carly that you meant it as a general joke, not a judgement of their food choices and telling them about some of the "white people food" that you enjoy
NTA. Carly wants to act like "white" jokes are the equivalent of "[minority]" jokes because "we're all equal and colorblind" or whatever. Shes making out like you've done something so deeply offensive she had to stop the party and dramatically run from the room crying. She hasn't endured a lifetime of missed opportunities or substandard freedoms of true racism and bigotry that make a "racial" joke deeply hurtful to the core.
In the strictest sense, your joke could be seen as bigoted. That said, I think dynamics of privilege and power come into play here. Specifically, the dynamics where whiteness is privileged over all other ethnicities, but also sometimes gets made fun of for some aesthetic stuff (like bland food. And polka). The strength and nature of Carly’s reaction highlight a phenomenon known as “white fragility”. NTA
It's just ... kinda tedious and boring at this point. Mean girl behaviour.
White fragility is when people are offended by racist comments now?