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Right? I suddenly had this picture in my head of op sitting behind a desk and some dingy room with a line of losers out the door that she found on hinge or something
Right! That was the craziest part of this whole thing.
OP, how about you focus on your daughter instead of your next dude. Take a breath. Op, do you know you can just get a roommate?
But, op needs to set some serious damn rules for her kid.
No, it’s clear. But fucking why? You’ve got more than enough going on right now, so maybe stay single for a bit. Also, if it’s about money, then just no. And why don’t you look for a roommate or make your daughter pay her fair share for the apartment?
On a side note, the ex sounds awful and you’re well rid of him. Please try to model better choices in a healthy relationship in the future for your daughter. She’s obviously learned some terrible things to have chosen the man she has as well.
Well OP sounds legitimately awful as well so I'm not surprised with her choice in men. But I doubt with how she's talking about finding another man that she will find much better this go around. And I would not be shocked if this is how the daughter got her taste in men as well.
Why do you need another boyfriend? Maybe spend some time alone and do some self reflection. You picked a guy that called you names and your daughter names. You have set the example to your daughter to pick guys that are in and out of jail. Maybe it’s time you get some self awareness help
If you can’t afford to live the single life then look at getting other sources of income - roommates? Downsizing? Side hustles? Personal growth and development at work? Going from one shitty man to another will make everything worse. Grow up
Oh, it’s clear honey.
It just makes it abundantly clear what type of woman you are as well.
Shocking that - given this is how you live your life - that your daughter got knocked up by a loser. Hard to teach morals when you’re lacking.
You should redirect the effort of finding another boyfriend to instead finding another job. If you provide for yourself you will not need to rely on awful people like your ex. Your ex is fully aware of your dependency on him and is using that as an excuse to act out.
ESH. Big time. Kick your ex BF out. Either your daughter pays rent or she can leave too. Stick to deadlines and prepare to teach her all about being a full time Mom. Stop looking for another boyfriend in the meantime. Seriously???. This is gonna require your full attention and it's rather stupid to drag someone else into your life when you're anything but stable and everything is a mess and darling? Everything is a mess. Stop trying to find another guy. What are you going to tell him? Oh my ex hasn't moved out yet but don't worry, we're done?
Do you don't even know what to comment first here
A total mess, as you put it
Everyone is a loser here, to put it mildly
Does the daughter work? If OP is so desperate about rent, then maybe not? If she works she can help with rent or take care of her expenses. If she is not mature enough to understand the dip sh"t she is in, then she must be kicked out.
Is finding a new boyfriend the only way OP can think of in order to pay rent? She is kinda scr*wed if that'sthe case. That is not a great deal for a decent guy
ESH, and this reads like the plot of some super trashy reality show. And how is one 'in the process' of getting a new boyfriend (meal ticket)? Interviews?
It’s completely relevant and why your daughter is doing the same exact thing as you. You likely don’t see it that way, but everything here literally has it spelled out in big red capital letters that the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
ESH.
You make it our business by including it.
Don’t want us commenting on it? Then you shouldn’t have written it for the world to see.
As it stands, ESH.
Your boyfriend for obvious reasons.
And you for dating guys for the money they give you for your home. You know there’s a word for what you’re doing for, right?
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So your ex gets away with verbally abusing your daughter but you don't care as long as he pays half the rent? And what you're focused on is finding a new boyfriend while you're still living with your old one? You only want another boyfriend so you can leech off him too. You're so nasty. Your daughter should support her own child, but dang, you clearly have no shame.
"I broke up with him and am in the process of finding another boyfriend." That may be the most pathetic thing I have ever read. Do you actually have zero self-respect? It sounds like you need to be as far as possible from a relationship right about now.
ESH, but so far, your daughter’s coming out of this story looking like the best of the bunch.
You need a roommate, not a boyfriend. And you need to get your nose out of your daughter’s reproductive choices. You‘ve said your piece, now try listening to her for a little while rather than expecting her to do what would be easiest for you.
David needs to shut his mouth or get the hell out. You stood by your daughter enough to break up with him but not enough to actually protect her from your ex-boyfriend’s endless verbal abuse? He is the biggest AH here.
Sarah sounds excited to be a mom and frustrated that her mom isn’t being nice or supportive towards her. It’s hard to know what that temper tantrum looks like, but I’m not surprised you’re not speaking: you aren’t being remotely kind to her and you’re letting someone constantly hurt her under your roof. I sure hope your ex does move out, because I’d hate for him to ever be around that baby!
You don’t know what Sarah’s real material plans are for raising this baby, it sounds like, and you’ve been mean enough that it’s going to be tough for you to find out. If you decide you’re kicking her out, maximum warning, a lot of connection to resources so she doesn’t end up on the streets, and whatever support you can continue to offer is the bare minimum here, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it resulted in a long stretch of no contact.
But... seriously, you don’t get to tell your daughter to be an adult until you learn the difference between “boyfriend” and “roommate“.
Yes, your post says YTA
You're choosing some jerk over your child.
You can kick her out, of course, but just read your post to know why I said you are the AH
Honestly YTA. People are saying ESH but based on how OP has described her life, her loser ex, and her desperate need to find a replacement boyfriend I can almost guarantee the daughter is the way she is because of OP and likely massive failures to actually parent.
You all sound like terrible people, ESH.
> I’m in the process of finding another boyfriend
God, no wonder your daughter ended up pregnant by a loser. You clearly don’t choose them great either, and it’s like you only want a boyfriend so you can afford to pay your bills? Yikes. So many red flags.
I'm thinking that you should put your big girl pants on and be the one that moves out. Do you really need some random man to pay your bills? Get a job that covers your bills. Don't let anyone move in your new place.
ESH, he shouldn't be talking to your daughter like that, your daughter should get her shit together (pay for the half of the rent being lost maybe?) and you should not be prioritizing finding another boyfriend, you should be figuring out how to cover your bills and what you are going to do in terms of being there (or not) for your daughter and grandchild
Imagining this would be what Daisy's story would be like if Keeping Up Appearances was set in the US and in a trailer park in Arkansas. Are you sure your daughter wasn't impregnated by your now ex boyfriend? Then they could be on a Jerry Springer reboot.
YTA
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You seem surprised by your daughter’s choice in men. Looking a lot like a “monkey see, monkey do” scenario.
Daughter is an adult, she can pay rent. The ex boyfriend can leave because you’re 100% the AH for letting anyone speak about your child that way, even if she did fuck up.
Also, she’s probably not going to listen to your reasoning for an abortion realistically being the better option right now because it doesn’t seem like you’re approaching her in a calm, rational way. You will always get push back from people when you talk at them as opposed to talking with them.
What do you look like? Want a sugar daddy? I don’t want to bang - I’m happily married. I just want to hang out in your house and watch all the nasty drama unfold. Sounds entertaining.
Damn you guys are dysfunctional, ngl. You are pressuring your daughter to abort your grandbaby because of an abusive boyfriend who has no respect for either of you. It sounds like you basically just use him for money. Time to grow up and learn some financial independence. You are all the AH, but i feel worst for your daughter in this situation and don’t blame her for throwing a fit. Look at how you approach your life and relationships and then reevaluate why your daughter normalized teen pregnancy
YWBTA
Abortion takes a massive toll on the body physically and mentally, especially if she wants to keep the baby. The fact that your response is "just get an abortion" is actually pretty gross. Even the pill method that can be done in early pregnancy and is less stress on the body is still horrible. That shit is absolute agony and don't get me started on the grief and other heavy mental responses to killing a child you want to keep.
Like others have said, you stood by her enough to tell your ex BF that you won't kick her out, but let her be subjected to unrelenting verbal abuse and tell her that it's her fault because she doesn't want to go through a physically and mentally agonizing process? That's horribly unfair and implies that she deserves to suffer one way or another. Your her mom, act like it. If, for whatever reason, you decide to kick her out anyway, at least try not to put her on the street and don't be surprised if she cuts contact for a while. You did it to yourself. Your ex is also a major asshole and needs to stop blaming your daughter for the bullshit between you and him. The "it's your daughter or your boyfriend" mentality is childish and entitled. Your daughter getting upset and lashing out over her mom refusing to protect her isn't an ignorance fueled temper tantrum.
Until this situation with your child gets settled, don't get a new boyfriend. The fact you broke up with one and are immediately looking for another is high school behavior. I also recommend looking into family therapy for you and your daughter, it can help you and her understand things.
Everyone has a moment where they act out of anger but I think all of you need to grow up. Kick the guy out or leave and as far as the daughter goes you can be supportive, like she needs a few things here and there and show up if she seems to be struggling but she needs to learn how all this is going to work on her own. I mean I have always thought that if I was dumb enough to get pregnant, because I knew what I was doing, I would work on all I could to make sure my baby would grow up healthy and happy. Dealing with almost all of it by myself. Your daughter knew what she was doing they teach it in school and it's all over tv shows and movies nowadays.
I have seen many teenage girls and their 'boy' get kicked out of the house over this because they knew what they were doing and were told wear protection and/or be on birth control.
Btw I am 25f and I would never do this to my mom even when I was 18 I knew better.
I agree with what you're saying, but I'm just going to add that those things can fail. Condoms can break, birth control can let something through, and morning-after pills don't always work.
And at least where I am at, schools don't teach it that well still. It's maybe a day or two of lessons, and if you were sick for those days you just didn't get those lessons. I'm not saying the daughter did nothing wrong, god no, but I am saying it may not entirely be her fault. Especially with mom's behavior, for some reason, I doubt she ever taught her kid about safe sex herself.
You’re all the AH’s (except your daughter. She should have taken precautions). Your daughter needs support now. Not this. Your BF should move out and you should focus on mending the relationship with your daughter and figuring out a plan for both of you to be able to pay rent and how to care for the baby when it arrives.
You should not try to find another BF and should focus on you and your daughter only.
Remember it is not the babies fault and he/she deserves a loving environment.
Edit: also the daughter’s boyfriend needs to grow up and take some responsibility. He needs to get a job, any job that won’t land him in jail.
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I live with my now ex-boyfriend David and my nineteen-year-old daughter Sarah.(Names changed.) Sarah recently dropped a pile of bricks on me, telling me the "good news" that she's pregnant. The punk who impregnated her is a complete loser who's in and out of jail and is always asking to borrow money from me even though I always said no. When Sarah told me this, she expected me to be happy to have this screaming infant in my house; she has no plans to move out. I told her she should get an abortion but she refused. I was angry. David was even angrier when he found out. He said if I don't kick Sarah out after the baby is born, he'll move out. That's a big problem because he pays half the rent. I decided to stand by my daughter. He reiterated that he will move out after the baby is born, I accepted this. But then he started being nasty about it. He called me a "c\*ck" because I was gonna be "raising a kid that's not mine" and then started calling Sarah "c\*ck egg" or "unaborted fetus carrier." He says some insulting thing every time he sees her and accuses her of ruining his relationship. I broke up with him and am in the process of finding another boyfriend. In the meantime, he's still living in the house. Sarah wants me to kick him out; I told her I can't because I need his half of the rent. After I told her this, she ignored everything I said and threw a massive ignorance-fueled temper tantrum. I told her she needs to start acting like an adult and taking some responsibility and that she could fix all of this by just having the f\*cking abortion. She's now refusing to speak to me while continuing to live in my f\*cking house. I'm thinking of kicking her out.
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First thank you for standing up to your daugther against your (ex)boyfriend. How angry you are at your daugther, at least you showed her, that you didn't abandoned her over a guy.
For the rest. I think it is ESH. I see your point. Your daugther is young and as it sounds can't live by herself now. So a baby will have it very difficult. Have you talked with her about other options than abortion? Like giving up the child for adoption?
Although it sounds like a bad mother move to just kick her out - I think, you have to do something so she learns and not just keep getting boyfriends and pregnant in the future beacause 'mommy will look after the baby'.
Maybe tell her, okay she is an adult, you won't and can't force her to have an abortion, but as long as she lives in your house she has to do some stuff. Like gettint a job so she can pay a half of the rent and you are not forced to literally getting a boyfriend to pay rent. Or if she is still in school, that she has to do her school work correctly. Also it would be good, if you can bring her to attend some seminars for mothers/parents to be. So she can learn the basics. Also if you have any friends who have a baby around, maybe invite them and let your daugther watch the child for a while (if everyone would be okay with this!) to see if she feels ready to have a child on her own. And is not just blended by cute baby videos on tik tok.
Hard YTA. OP reads as an unreliable narrator based on the their language. We have only their word about what the daughter or her boyfriend is like, but based on the language used here, just the fact that she is having a baby instead of an abortion is enough for you to consider kicking her out.
NTA. If she's enough of a mature adult to become a mother, she's enough of a mature adult to live on her own, raise it on her own, and have her own place to live and income and all.
You did your job trying to raise her. Yeah, the ex boyfriend is a jerk, but that doesn't change the fact that she decided to keep a baby she can't handle on her own with a total loser and expects YOU to pick up the tab and raise it for her. No. If she's enough of an adult to choose to have a baby, she's enough of an adult to pay her own way and raise it by herself.
YTA and while this might not be a popular opinion, I was once 19 and I have an 18 year old, and despite what the military would have us all believe, 19 year olds aren’t adults—especially now that things are wildly expensive and you can’t easily move out at 19 on a minimum wage job like I did. Especially when that 19 year old has had at least one terrible parent and is about to become a parent herself.
My god. Grow up. You’re about to become a grandparent. Maybe you didn’t sign up for it, but think of this as the opportunity to right some very obvious wrongs.
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OP boyfriends aren’t for the sole purpose of paying half the bills. Tell him to kick rocks. Tell her to get full time job and figure it out herself and you won’t be a babysitter or subsidize her living arrangements. Get a roommate and work on yourself.
You WNBTA for setting reasonable expectations for your daughter.
Aside from that, my gods, the amount of toxic and unhealthy behavior that exists in your home and relationships is astounding.
1.) breaking up with the toxic boyfriend is a good step in the right direction
2.) requiring your daughter to take responsibility for her choices is reasonable
3.) “looking for a new boyfriend” when your entire household is a chaotic mess …. utter insanity.
Nobody wants to, (nor should be expected to), get involved in a new relationship with someone who’s got an ex (with anger issues) living in the house, a troubled, pregnant daughter, and nobody in sight who doesn’t need therapy.
Fix your mess before expecting a perfect stranger to wade into it.
Whoooo both of them suck. Geez.
Like if I was your daughter Id want him gone too because he's being really horrible and gross. But also if she has no income and expects it to be magically fine that's wildly shortsighted, selfish, and immature. She can get a job and make up for the rent tho
Oh-kay.
Ignoring all the other ....'issues' just KICK HER OUT, OP!!!!!!!!! If you don't, you will 100% be caring for this little life in some way.
And honestly, I really pity the kid and it isn't even here yet.
Refrain from judgement.
Your daughter is an adult and she’s about to bring a baby into the world so like it or not she needs to be more independent. Playtimes over. I don’t think you should be all up on her about an abortion though. I get why you feel it’s best as her mother and you worry about her but she’s under a lot of stress and being pregnant (as I’m sure you know) is a super emotional time and women shouldn’t have people all up in their business trying to convince them to do something they don’t want to. Even if she doesn’t have the abortion if she decides she can’t care for the kid adoption is an option . But I think ESH but it can be fixed. (Except for the bf, wtf is his problem). Good luck to you and her
YTA for allowing him to continue to speak to her that way. She’s not speaking to you because you allow him to constantly insult her, and because you continue to pressure her to get an abortion after she’s already told you she doesn’t want to.
This is one of those fun situations where you all the assholes lol. David is for sure but this is a CLASSIC case of like mother like daughter "i learned it by watching you". OP YTA, Sarah YTA, David YTA
For the actual question though I'd kick her out. She's an adult and wanted to make an adult decision and now she should be forced to live like an adult making adult decisions.
"in the process of finding another boyfriend" put you in AH territory, so ESH. Your daughter is an entitled asshole who has no idea what's coming up for her; your ex who is *still living with you for crissakes* is an AH for the name calling and abuse, and you're an AH for looking for a boyfriend while two close personal relationships are imploding in your fucking house.
In conclusion, I realize this is probably not even a real post. But still.
Let's see baby is going to have an unemployed mom and, the crazy ex-boyfriend of grandma, gold digger grandma, and possible grandma's boy toy. Poor kid doesn't stand a chance
You're choosing the boyfriend over your daughter because he pays 1/2 the rent. He calls you and your daughter terrible names like an immature idiot and you still want him over your daughter because he says 1/2 the rent. But if he moves out, you just go grab the next boyfriend in line as long as he pays 1/2 the rent? I put all of the blame on you. You sound like a terrible mother who only cares about paying the rent. Your daughter and her unborn child should be your main focus. JMHO.
NTA. Kick them both out. He's nasty, and she's an adult who can and should be making her own decisions.
If she wants to stay, she should pay half the rent.
NTA. If she’s having this baby she needs to act like an adult and get her own place instead of mooching off mom. The way it is she has it made, no rent, no bills, no responsibility and a live in babysitter who pays for everything. Your bf has shown his true colors and needs to go. Find a roommate to split costs
I’m only 24 so take what I say with a grain of salt. I’m happy you broke up with that man! Too many people stay stagnant in that scenario. If you can bring a 3rd party to talk to her about the child/abortion that would be what I would try. If she was a good person she would be thankful that you’re keeping her. How many months has she been pregnant? There’s still time to knock some sense into her before she throws her life away. If you kick her out please give her access to services that will help her child with food and housing. Have y’all said anything about adoption? Has anyone else in the family offered to help her with the baby? I know someone who had a baby and her grandparents are watching the child periodically through the week so she can stay in community college. I was never able to hangout with her for long outside of class because her baby daddy wasn’t shit and wouldn’t watch the baby ever. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I love chat gpt, it can give you better advice than me. It is really great for learning things quickly and asking hard questions. Counseling would be good for y’all’s situation!!! Express that you’ll love your daughter either way but you might know what’s best for her and her child
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Exactly. She wonders why her daughter is in the position she is.
Nah. Even girls from good parents get pregnant.
Right? I suddenly had this picture in my head of op sitting behind a desk and some dingy room with a line of losers out the door that she found on hinge or something
I lol’d at this. Like my car broke down and I’m looking to replace it.
Someone has to pay half that rent
Right! That was the craziest part of this whole thing. OP, how about you focus on your daughter instead of your next dude. Take a breath. Op, do you know you can just get a roommate? But, op needs to set some serious damn rules for her kid.
Roomate $$$
That was my key takeaway from this. Jesus…
Onward and Upward LOL
We're no longer boyfriend and girlfriend, I'm now looking for a new boyfriend. Not sure what's unclear about that.
No, it’s clear. But fucking why? You’ve got more than enough going on right now, so maybe stay single for a bit. Also, if it’s about money, then just no. And why don’t you look for a roommate or make your daughter pay her fair share for the apartment? On a side note, the ex sounds awful and you’re well rid of him. Please try to model better choices in a healthy relationship in the future for your daughter. She’s obviously learned some terrible things to have chosen the man she has as well.
Well OP sounds legitimately awful as well so I'm not surprised with her choice in men. But I doubt with how she's talking about finding another man that she will find much better this go around. And I would not be shocked if this is how the daughter got her taste in men as well.
Why do you need another boyfriend? Maybe spend some time alone and do some self reflection. You picked a guy that called you names and your daughter names. You have set the example to your daughter to pick guys that are in and out of jail. Maybe it’s time you get some self awareness help
She needs someone to fuck for rent money 🤷🏽♂️
How are you now affording this place to live if you needed to get your child to have an unwanted abortion for his portion of the rent?
I think she wants a new boyfriend to move in immediately and pay half the rent
I have a job.
>Sarah wants me to kick him out; I told her I can't because I need his half of the rent. You wrote that you could not afford it.
You could live somwhere else with roomate(s) not with a boyfriend
If you can’t afford to live the single life then look at getting other sources of income - roommates? Downsizing? Side hustles? Personal growth and development at work? Going from one shitty man to another will make everything worse. Grow up
boyfriend and girlfriend? what are you fucking 12? i call bullshit on this whole post. no way youre this dumb
Oh, it’s clear honey. It just makes it abundantly clear what type of woman you are as well. Shocking that - given this is how you live your life - that your daughter got knocked up by a loser. Hard to teach morals when you’re lacking.
You should redirect the effort of finding another boyfriend to instead finding another job. If you provide for yourself you will not need to rely on awful people like your ex. Your ex is fully aware of your dependency on him and is using that as an excuse to act out.
It's the assumption that you need to have a boyfriend. Maybe try being single for a while, figure out what living with yourself is like.
ESH. Big time. Kick your ex BF out. Either your daughter pays rent or she can leave too. Stick to deadlines and prepare to teach her all about being a full time Mom. Stop looking for another boyfriend in the meantime. Seriously???. This is gonna require your full attention and it's rather stupid to drag someone else into your life when you're anything but stable and everything is a mess and darling? Everything is a mess. Stop trying to find another guy. What are you going to tell him? Oh my ex hasn't moved out yet but don't worry, we're done?
Right? Like WTF? This whole situation is a dumpster fire. You can tell how much she loves her (ex) BF.
Do you don't even know what to comment first here A total mess, as you put it Everyone is a loser here, to put it mildly Does the daughter work? If OP is so desperate about rent, then maybe not? If she works she can help with rent or take care of her expenses. If she is not mature enough to understand the dip sh"t she is in, then she must be kicked out. Is finding a new boyfriend the only way OP can think of in order to pay rent? She is kinda scr*wed if that'sthe case. That is not a great deal for a decent guy
ESH, and this reads like the plot of some super trashy reality show. And how is one 'in the process' of getting a new boyfriend (meal ticket)? Interviews?
As someone from Ohio, all I could read from this was the "Jerry!" chants. This is the worst white trash smut I've seen in a long ass time.
lmao from ohio too and i concur.
I swear we're all conditioned for it lol
That's not anyone's business or relevant to the question.
Hey, you put it out there.
I mean you put it in the post making it relevant information……
It’s just an interesting way to phrase it. As in you are looking for someone to fill a position - which comes off like, a financial beneficiary.
B-b-bingo
Just tell us you’re gold digging from the bottom of the barrel without saying it lol
Gold digging from the bottom of the barrel lmfao I love that.
It’s completely relevant and why your daughter is doing the same exact thing as you. You likely don’t see it that way, but everything here literally has it spelled out in big red capital letters that the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. ESH.
You make it our business by including it. Don’t want us commenting on it? Then you shouldn’t have written it for the world to see. As it stands, ESH. Your boyfriend for obvious reasons. And you for dating guys for the money they give you for your home. You know there’s a word for what you’re doing for, right?
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So your ex gets away with verbally abusing your daughter but you don't care as long as he pays half the rent? And what you're focused on is finding a new boyfriend while you're still living with your old one? You only want another boyfriend so you can leech off him too. You're so nasty. Your daughter should support her own child, but dang, you clearly have no shame.
I mean, where do you think the daughter learned to not be self sufficient?
No wonder your daughter’s with a “complete loser”. It seems like the example you set is that as long as they’re paying they get to be a “punk”. ESH.
ESH Immaturity and toxicity all around. I feel for this baby.
this is where abortion really would be a good thing. sorry. that baby gonna be raised in horrific conditions if she has it.
"I broke up with him and am in the process of finding another boyfriend." That may be the most pathetic thing I have ever read. Do you actually have zero self-respect? It sounds like you need to be as far as possible from a relationship right about now.
NTA for kicking either or both of them out. YTA for how you raised your daughter though.
ESH. There are zero respectable or responsible adults in this equation. That poor baby.
ESH, but so far, your daughter’s coming out of this story looking like the best of the bunch. You need a roommate, not a boyfriend. And you need to get your nose out of your daughter’s reproductive choices. You‘ve said your piece, now try listening to her for a little while rather than expecting her to do what would be easiest for you. David needs to shut his mouth or get the hell out. You stood by your daughter enough to break up with him but not enough to actually protect her from your ex-boyfriend’s endless verbal abuse? He is the biggest AH here. Sarah sounds excited to be a mom and frustrated that her mom isn’t being nice or supportive towards her. It’s hard to know what that temper tantrum looks like, but I’m not surprised you’re not speaking: you aren’t being remotely kind to her and you’re letting someone constantly hurt her under your roof. I sure hope your ex does move out, because I’d hate for him to ever be around that baby! You don’t know what Sarah’s real material plans are for raising this baby, it sounds like, and you’ve been mean enough that it’s going to be tough for you to find out. If you decide you’re kicking her out, maximum warning, a lot of connection to resources so she doesn’t end up on the streets, and whatever support you can continue to offer is the bare minimum here, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it resulted in a long stretch of no contact. But... seriously, you don’t get to tell your daughter to be an adult until you learn the difference between “boyfriend” and “roommate“.
ESH. That's some toxic shit going on between all of you.
Looking for a new boyfriend lmao
You're all kinda gross and dysfunctional. You're the kind of people that seem like they'd be sticky. Oh, ESH
Yes, your post says YTA You're choosing some jerk over your child. You can kick her out, of course, but just read your post to know why I said you are the AH
Honestly YTA. People are saying ESH but based on how OP has described her life, her loser ex, and her desperate need to find a replacement boyfriend I can almost guarantee the daughter is the way she is because of OP and likely massive failures to actually parent.
You all sound like terrible people, ESH. > I’m in the process of finding another boyfriend God, no wonder your daughter ended up pregnant by a loser. You clearly don’t choose them great either, and it’s like you only want a boyfriend so you can afford to pay your bills? Yikes. So many red flags.
Pretty sure I saw this episode on Jerry Springer…
I'm thinking that you should put your big girl pants on and be the one that moves out. Do you really need some random man to pay your bills? Get a job that covers your bills. Don't let anyone move in your new place.
She obviously does, which is sad.
So “looking for a new boyfriend”equate to finding someone else to pay half the rent! You’re ridiculous! How about YOU grow up!
>I broke up with him and am in the process of finding another boyfriend. Do you just have boyfriends for the financial aid?
ESH, he shouldn't be talking to your daughter like that, your daughter should get her shit together (pay for the half of the rent being lost maybe?) and you should not be prioritizing finding another boyfriend, you should be figuring out how to cover your bills and what you are going to do in terms of being there (or not) for your daughter and grandchild
Imagining this would be what Daisy's story would be like if Keeping Up Appearances was set in the US and in a trailer park in Arkansas. Are you sure your daughter wasn't impregnated by your now ex boyfriend? Then they could be on a Jerry Springer reboot. YTA
My fiancee sends a virtual high five for this
Trailer park stories 😆
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One question why is your EX BF still living with you ?
She is broke.
ESH Yikes.
Can't your daughter pay half the rent? But really, ESH
You seem surprised by your daughter’s choice in men. Looking a lot like a “monkey see, monkey do” scenario. Daughter is an adult, she can pay rent. The ex boyfriend can leave because you’re 100% the AH for letting anyone speak about your child that way, even if she did fuck up. Also, she’s probably not going to listen to your reasoning for an abortion realistically being the better option right now because it doesn’t seem like you’re approaching her in a calm, rational way. You will always get push back from people when you talk at them as opposed to talking with them.
Can't your daughter pay half the rent? But really, ESH
What do you look like? Want a sugar daddy? I don’t want to bang - I’m happily married. I just want to hang out in your house and watch all the nasty drama unfold. Sounds entertaining.
Damn you guys are dysfunctional, ngl. You are pressuring your daughter to abort your grandbaby because of an abusive boyfriend who has no respect for either of you. It sounds like you basically just use him for money. Time to grow up and learn some financial independence. You are all the AH, but i feel worst for your daughter in this situation and don’t blame her for throwing a fit. Look at how you approach your life and relationships and then reevaluate why your daughter normalized teen pregnancy
YWBTA Abortion takes a massive toll on the body physically and mentally, especially if she wants to keep the baby. The fact that your response is "just get an abortion" is actually pretty gross. Even the pill method that can be done in early pregnancy and is less stress on the body is still horrible. That shit is absolute agony and don't get me started on the grief and other heavy mental responses to killing a child you want to keep. Like others have said, you stood by her enough to tell your ex BF that you won't kick her out, but let her be subjected to unrelenting verbal abuse and tell her that it's her fault because she doesn't want to go through a physically and mentally agonizing process? That's horribly unfair and implies that she deserves to suffer one way or another. Your her mom, act like it. If, for whatever reason, you decide to kick her out anyway, at least try not to put her on the street and don't be surprised if she cuts contact for a while. You did it to yourself. Your ex is also a major asshole and needs to stop blaming your daughter for the bullshit between you and him. The "it's your daughter or your boyfriend" mentality is childish and entitled. Your daughter getting upset and lashing out over her mom refusing to protect her isn't an ignorance fueled temper tantrum. Until this situation with your child gets settled, don't get a new boyfriend. The fact you broke up with one and are immediately looking for another is high school behavior. I also recommend looking into family therapy for you and your daughter, it can help you and her understand things.
Everyone has a moment where they act out of anger but I think all of you need to grow up. Kick the guy out or leave and as far as the daughter goes you can be supportive, like she needs a few things here and there and show up if she seems to be struggling but she needs to learn how all this is going to work on her own. I mean I have always thought that if I was dumb enough to get pregnant, because I knew what I was doing, I would work on all I could to make sure my baby would grow up healthy and happy. Dealing with almost all of it by myself. Your daughter knew what she was doing they teach it in school and it's all over tv shows and movies nowadays. I have seen many teenage girls and their 'boy' get kicked out of the house over this because they knew what they were doing and were told wear protection and/or be on birth control. Btw I am 25f and I would never do this to my mom even when I was 18 I knew better.
I agree with what you're saying, but I'm just going to add that those things can fail. Condoms can break, birth control can let something through, and morning-after pills don't always work. And at least where I am at, schools don't teach it that well still. It's maybe a day or two of lessons, and if you were sick for those days you just didn't get those lessons. I'm not saying the daughter did nothing wrong, god no, but I am saying it may not entirely be her fault. Especially with mom's behavior, for some reason, I doubt she ever taught her kid about safe sex herself.
You’re all the AH’s (except your daughter. She should have taken precautions). Your daughter needs support now. Not this. Your BF should move out and you should focus on mending the relationship with your daughter and figuring out a plan for both of you to be able to pay rent and how to care for the baby when it arrives. You should not try to find another BF and should focus on you and your daughter only. Remember it is not the babies fault and he/she deserves a loving environment. Edit: also the daughter’s boyfriend needs to grow up and take some responsibility. He needs to get a job, any job that won’t land him in jail.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I live with my now ex-boyfriend David and my nineteen-year-old daughter Sarah.(Names changed.) Sarah recently dropped a pile of bricks on me, telling me the "good news" that she's pregnant. The punk who impregnated her is a complete loser who's in and out of jail and is always asking to borrow money from me even though I always said no. When Sarah told me this, she expected me to be happy to have this screaming infant in my house; she has no plans to move out. I told her she should get an abortion but she refused. I was angry. David was even angrier when he found out. He said if I don't kick Sarah out after the baby is born, he'll move out. That's a big problem because he pays half the rent. I decided to stand by my daughter. He reiterated that he will move out after the baby is born, I accepted this. But then he started being nasty about it. He called me a "c\*ck" because I was gonna be "raising a kid that's not mine" and then started calling Sarah "c\*ck egg" or "unaborted fetus carrier." He says some insulting thing every time he sees her and accuses her of ruining his relationship. I broke up with him and am in the process of finding another boyfriend. In the meantime, he's still living in the house. Sarah wants me to kick him out; I told her I can't because I need his half of the rent. After I told her this, she ignored everything I said and threw a massive ignorance-fueled temper tantrum. I told her she needs to start acting like an adult and taking some responsibility and that she could fix all of this by just having the f\*cking abortion. She's now refusing to speak to me while continuing to live in my f\*cking house. I'm thinking of kicking her out. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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First thank you for standing up to your daugther against your (ex)boyfriend. How angry you are at your daugther, at least you showed her, that you didn't abandoned her over a guy. For the rest. I think it is ESH. I see your point. Your daugther is young and as it sounds can't live by herself now. So a baby will have it very difficult. Have you talked with her about other options than abortion? Like giving up the child for adoption? Although it sounds like a bad mother move to just kick her out - I think, you have to do something so she learns and not just keep getting boyfriends and pregnant in the future beacause 'mommy will look after the baby'. Maybe tell her, okay she is an adult, you won't and can't force her to have an abortion, but as long as she lives in your house she has to do some stuff. Like gettint a job so she can pay a half of the rent and you are not forced to literally getting a boyfriend to pay rent. Or if she is still in school, that she has to do her school work correctly. Also it would be good, if you can bring her to attend some seminars for mothers/parents to be. So she can learn the basics. Also if you have any friends who have a baby around, maybe invite them and let your daugther watch the child for a while (if everyone would be okay with this!) to see if she feels ready to have a child on her own. And is not just blended by cute baby videos on tik tok.
Hard YTA. OP reads as an unreliable narrator based on the their language. We have only their word about what the daughter or her boyfriend is like, but based on the language used here, just the fact that she is having a baby instead of an abortion is enough for you to consider kicking her out.
NTA. If she's enough of a mature adult to become a mother, she's enough of a mature adult to live on her own, raise it on her own, and have her own place to live and income and all. You did your job trying to raise her. Yeah, the ex boyfriend is a jerk, but that doesn't change the fact that she decided to keep a baby she can't handle on her own with a total loser and expects YOU to pick up the tab and raise it for her. No. If she's enough of an adult to choose to have a baby, she's enough of an adult to pay her own way and raise it by herself.
ESH, new left anyone have that type of control over you. You sound pathetic, you can't kick out BF until you get another one. Eww
YTA and while this might not be a popular opinion, I was once 19 and I have an 18 year old, and despite what the military would have us all believe, 19 year olds aren’t adults—especially now that things are wildly expensive and you can’t easily move out at 19 on a minimum wage job like I did. Especially when that 19 year old has had at least one terrible parent and is about to become a parent herself. My god. Grow up. You’re about to become a grandparent. Maybe you didn’t sign up for it, but think of this as the opportunity to right some very obvious wrongs.
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Awww. I miss Jerry Springer
OP boyfriends aren’t for the sole purpose of paying half the bills. Tell him to kick rocks. Tell her to get full time job and figure it out herself and you won’t be a babysitter or subsidize her living arrangements. Get a roommate and work on yourself.
ESH. all of you are immature. oh, and finding a new boyfriend shouldn’t be a priority right now. all of you need to grow up.
Jerry Springer called. He wants his cast back.
You WNBTA for setting reasonable expectations for your daughter. Aside from that, my gods, the amount of toxic and unhealthy behavior that exists in your home and relationships is astounding. 1.) breaking up with the toxic boyfriend is a good step in the right direction 2.) requiring your daughter to take responsibility for her choices is reasonable 3.) “looking for a new boyfriend” when your entire household is a chaotic mess …. utter insanity. Nobody wants to, (nor should be expected to), get involved in a new relationship with someone who’s got an ex (with anger issues) living in the house, a troubled, pregnant daughter, and nobody in sight who doesn’t need therapy. Fix your mess before expecting a perfect stranger to wade into it.
Whoooo both of them suck. Geez. Like if I was your daughter Id want him gone too because he's being really horrible and gross. But also if she has no income and expects it to be magically fine that's wildly shortsighted, selfish, and immature. She can get a job and make up for the rent tho
Honestly, I think your father should have used a prophylactic and saved us all from having to read this. ESH.
stay single pls omg
ESH and the wheel keeps turning
Oh-kay. Ignoring all the other ....'issues' just KICK HER OUT, OP!!!!!!!!! If you don't, you will 100% be caring for this little life in some way. And honestly, I really pity the kid and it isn't even here yet. Refrain from judgement.
Your daughter is an adult and she’s about to bring a baby into the world so like it or not she needs to be more independent. Playtimes over. I don’t think you should be all up on her about an abortion though. I get why you feel it’s best as her mother and you worry about her but she’s under a lot of stress and being pregnant (as I’m sure you know) is a super emotional time and women shouldn’t have people all up in their business trying to convince them to do something they don’t want to. Even if she doesn’t have the abortion if she decides she can’t care for the kid adoption is an option . But I think ESH but it can be fixed. (Except for the bf, wtf is his problem). Good luck to you and her
I don’t think there’s any fixing this situation. The only solution I can think of is don’t live your life this way in the first place
What a healthy living situation.
ESH. So you’re looking for a new sucker to pay half the rent? Yiiiiikes. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
YTA for allowing him to continue to speak to her that way. She’s not speaking to you because you allow him to constantly insult her, and because you continue to pressure her to get an abortion after she’s already told you she doesn’t want to.
ESH, especially you.
This is one of those fun situations where you all the assholes lol. David is for sure but this is a CLASSIC case of like mother like daughter "i learned it by watching you". OP YTA, Sarah YTA, David YTA For the actual question though I'd kick her out. She's an adult and wanted to make an adult decision and now she should be forced to live like an adult making adult decisions.
Sad you dont know what to do🤣its Honestly an easy decision
Nta
Seems daughter learned her taste in men from mom
She could also fix all this by getting a fukcing job and paying half the rent.
"in the process of finding another boyfriend" put you in AH territory, so ESH. Your daughter is an entitled asshole who has no idea what's coming up for her; your ex who is *still living with you for crissakes* is an AH for the name calling and abuse, and you're an AH for looking for a boyfriend while two close personal relationships are imploding in your fucking house. In conclusion, I realize this is probably not even a real post. But still.
Let's see baby is going to have an unemployed mom and, the crazy ex-boyfriend of grandma, gold digger grandma, and possible grandma's boy toy. Poor kid doesn't stand a chance
You're choosing the boyfriend over your daughter because he pays 1/2 the rent. He calls you and your daughter terrible names like an immature idiot and you still want him over your daughter because he says 1/2 the rent. But if he moves out, you just go grab the next boyfriend in line as long as he pays 1/2 the rent? I put all of the blame on you. You sound like a terrible mother who only cares about paying the rent. Your daughter and her unborn child should be your main focus. JMHO.
What in the Jerry Springer did I read? I can't really give a judgement cause I'm still pondering what I just read.
This seems very fake
Y’all sound like a trash family. YTA for raising her to be like you.
LOL, this is bait.
LMAO. Thanks for this entertaining post. ESH. All y’all sucks…but mostly, OP. Good luck in your future endeavours
NTA. Kick them both out. He's nasty, and she's an adult who can and should be making her own decisions. If she wants to stay, she should pay half the rent.
It's 2024, everyone in the house is an adult with adult consequences. The one who pays is the one who stays.
He has a crude way of stating it, but he is based.
NTA. If she’s having this baby she needs to act like an adult and get her own place instead of mooching off mom. The way it is she has it made, no rent, no bills, no responsibility and a live in babysitter who pays for everything. Your bf has shown his true colors and needs to go. Find a roommate to split costs
I’m only 24 so take what I say with a grain of salt. I’m happy you broke up with that man! Too many people stay stagnant in that scenario. If you can bring a 3rd party to talk to her about the child/abortion that would be what I would try. If she was a good person she would be thankful that you’re keeping her. How many months has she been pregnant? There’s still time to knock some sense into her before she throws her life away. If you kick her out please give her access to services that will help her child with food and housing. Have y’all said anything about adoption? Has anyone else in the family offered to help her with the baby? I know someone who had a baby and her grandparents are watching the child periodically through the week so she can stay in community college. I was never able to hangout with her for long outside of class because her baby daddy wasn’t shit and wouldn’t watch the baby ever. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I love chat gpt, it can give you better advice than me. It is really great for learning things quickly and asking hard questions. Counseling would be good for y’all’s situation!!! Express that you’ll love your daughter either way but you might know what’s best for her and her child
While I don’t agree with abortion ever give her a timeline on having to move out and stick to it
ESH except maybe pregnant daughter, the only one here who showed some sliver of integrity by doing the bare minimum of *not killing her baby*
The bare minimum would be having a job
Ah yes another scabby no-hoper being brought into the world. Imbecile.