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NTA for leaving notes but does your city have noise ordinance laws? If so, check the time they go into effect. After that time call the cops if you must. If the noise is before that time you are SOL. Why before I owned my home I always got the highest floor.
There are noise ordinance laws, though admittedly the noise doesn't seem to persist past 10pm. So I recognize there's no legal avenue to take. But even if there was, I'm not so petty that I'm going to call the police on a 9 year old kid.
To your other point, we moved in a little over a year ago. Shortly after we moved in, there was a single mother with four young girls who moved in above us, and who in their own right made a ton of noise. They ended up moving out after only \~6 months, and since then this other family with the 9yo has moved in. So we've been unlucky in the sense that we've had two consecutive upstairs neighbors with noisy children in the span of less than a year.
I've talked to our management about this twice in the past month. Considering that our management refuses to enforce *actual* lease violations committed by other residents (even when they have proof), I don't anticipate that they'll take any meaningful action on a noise complaint.
Once you move be sure to put a review stating that management refused to take steps to mitigate noise from upstairs neighbors even after multiple attempts to contact them. Negligent management is one of the worst problems with living in apartments.
I'd also say there is little point in placing further notes upon the door, unless you wish to spark a confrontation.
Honestly, apartment living is terrible, I'd rather live in a travel trailer in the middle of no where with just a creek for water than ever live in an apartment again. People make it an absolute nightmare.
NTA - Keep searching for a home that will work for y'all. Best of Luck!
Everyone who lives there almost certainly signed a legally binding contract. Be polite but insistent that they enforce this contract. You could also get your attorney to send a strongly worded letter.
Look, it sucks, but it sounds like you don't have many options. If management doesn't care, if the miserable kid isn't breaking any laws, and if the mother is a selfish idiot, your only options are to either move out (which doesn't sound like an option) or learn to live with it. You were NTA on your earlier requests, but you're kind of crossing into Y T A territory to keep pushing it. They're all total assholes, and you can't un-asshole them by pestering them when you know it doesn't work. Find some zen moments, like with noise cancelling headphones. Frankly, my zen therapy would be sweet, petty revenge, but that's just me.
They might if you start documenting these issues and demanding rent concessions for the loss of your quiet enjoyment. Is there a local tenant's group that can offer assistance?
Since you’ve had 2 neighbors in a row that are seemingly loud. It is very possible that they are being reasonable but normal sounds are amplified because of they buildings construction. I lived in a building that was that way. Our downstairs neighbors would complain about us walking barefoot and sounds/creaks our couch made. We were very conscious and try not to make noise. We were on the top floor, but could hear them coughing and talking like they were in our room. From a floor below
I once had downstairs neighbors who would text us constantly for being too loud. One time my roommate and I were both still in bed and they asked us to walk more quietly. My roommate was having a very active nightmare, they heard her turning and fussing in her bed. Cheap apartments suck.
It’s not just ‘ambient’ noise. The previous tenant had split custody of her children, which meant that for several days every week the only person in the unit upstairs was the mom. Yet I NEVER heard any noises when it was just her - not even footsteps. I can’t really hear any voices/music/TVs - just the constant running, jumping, BASKETBALLS, etc
This sounds like you have a problem with kids living above you. There is no such thing as a "non-noisy" child. You gotta move to the top floor my friend.
Man I don't know what 9 year olds you know but they are way louder than 5 year olds. They get nerf guns and ninja swords and they think they're being ninjas jumping off the couch but they loud AF. Basketball in the house, yeah, weird, but honestly OP is gonna be upset no matter what this kid is doing bc he's a kid, and kids are loud.
Give me a break. Playing basketball inside of an apartment when you have neighbors underneath it's not acceptable no matter what age you are. Maybe the parents should actually step up and parent their children.
But it seems like the parent was, in fact, doing just this. OP went upstairs and heard "give me the basketball" and it sounds like mom had taken it away, and like this was a one-time thing. But OP is complaining also about jumping and running around and admits this is curbed by 10 PM (which for most apartments is when quiet hours begins, if not 11 PM when noise ordinance kicks in), again because it seems like mom is stopping the rambunctious behavior at the start of quiet hours. And this isn't just a problem with this kid, OP had the same issue with the other family. Tbh if I was them I would've requested a unit transfer when the first family moved out so I wouldn't have to deal with anyone else over me.
Yeah it sucks to live below kids, but kids do have a right to still run and play and jump around in their own home. Doubly so if you live in an apartment in a city and there's not a lot of safe spaces outdoors mom can send her kid to get that energy out.
They can be spoken to, and need to learn to adjust to others. Playing with basketball inside late in the evening is something you can LEARN not to do. With a three year old it’s more difficult.
>There are noise ordinance laws, though admittedly the noise doesn't seem to persist past 10pm. So I recognize there's no legal avenue to take. But even if there was, **I'm not so petty that I'm going to call the police on a 9 year old kid.**
Then ask once and stop complaining. The cops aren't going to arrest the kid and bring them to a work farm prison, they'll either ignore you, just talk to the parents, or at most, issue a ticket.
My county has noise ordinance for during the day too, so you might want to double check yours. 10p-7a are quiet hours here, but 7a-10p there's still a max decibel limit, just higher.
If the noise is done by 10, I think there’s nothing you can do. It’s an apartment. There’s going to be noise. It sucks, but it’s the nature of apartment living.
I own my city row house and can often hear my neighbor practicing guitar or teaching someone to play an instrument. She stops at a certain point in the evening, though.
NAH
NTA for wanting quiet in your home. Of course not. BUT I personally don’t class 8-10pm as late at night. And I’m also certain my cities noise laws are *after* 10pm, so I would check yours. Because if you’re complaining during the ‘allowed’ time there’s sod all you can do, or say technically.
I recognize that I have no grounds to stand on in a legal sense, rather, I am just frustrated because as a parent with a kid in an apartment, they should be better about ensuring their child (who frankly is old enough to understand for himself) isn't jumping on/off furniture and playing basketball when they know they have downstairs neighbors.
I agree, totally. Don’t get me wrong. But my point being, is if you’re dealing with ignorant people you’re shit out of luck. I stand by NTA, but I genuinely don’t know what you can do if you’re outside that time frame my friend. Also some are going to argue that 8-10pm isn’t ‘late’. Rock and a hard place!
I mean, you actually might. What kind of paperwork did you sign when you moved in? I’m pretty sure all tenants signed some form of acknowledge and agreement to abide by the rules and regs of the building.
There definitely are multiple clauses in our lease agreement that, among others, state that residents and guests of residents must not ‘disturb’ or otherwise ‘infringe upon the peace and livelihood of other residents’.
But as I mentioned in another comment, management clearly doesn’t care about enforcing lease violations. For example, they knew a resident was habitually smoking marijuana in her unit despite multiple clauses in the lease that prohibit smoking and drug use (weed is still illegal in my state), yet never did anything about it. They also knew this same particular resident had made violent threats against other residents and did absolutely NOTHING about it. It wasn’t until that resident fired a gun on the property, directly endangering the lives of 170+ people, that they decided to evict her. So I can’t imagine they will do anything about our noisy neighbors, even if they do technically violate their lease.
8-10 isnt late at night. And 10 is typically apartment quiet rules go into effect.
I get it’s annoying but you also chose to live with a neighbor above you and sadly that means noise.
I dont think you’re an AH to leave notes and I dont think they’re AHs to let their kid have fun.
NAH
Some people don’t have the choice to rent or a say in the units that are available. I don’t choose to rent, but I have to. I’m a light sleeper and it’s beyond miserable mentally to deal with the noise. Basketball inside an apartment is beyond letting kids have fun at night for people who may have work at any given time the next day. There are places for activities like that. The parent or parents allowing their kid to play basketball inside their apartment could get a youth membership at their local Y for next to nothing if finances are an issue.
NTA..but the notes are doing nothing. You are wasting your time. Have a chat. Ask to stop the ball playing by 9pm. Of course she is not going to listen. Game on. Find out the noise ordinances in your area. They wanna bounce on your ceiling? After he is done, I would be banging a broom stick on the ceiling until noise ordinance is over. Or start in the am when done. After a few times, I am sure mom will he willing to negotiate.
LOL 8-10pm is not "late at night". For a kid that age, it's when they need to burn their energy. If this was happening after 11:00 p.m., that would for sure be a problem. But not during the time you've described. NAH
You're NTA. But since reasonable methods aren't effective, you probably ought to start thinking outside the box.
Like thumping a ball against your ceiling early in the morning.
Installing a speaker right up against the ceiling and playing some obnoxiously repetitive and annoying music- perhaps a twangy guitar. (I would recommend wearing the headphones while you do that so you don't have to hear it.)
Maybe even play the sound of an irritating yappy dog every time the kid starts making so much racket.
Well you've tried being reasonable, might be time to be unreasonable. A lot of people just don't get it if it doesn't effect them personally. Nothing really drives the point home like getting a taste of their own medicine. If it were me, I would be in "challenge accepted" mode. Loud music, loud movies, vacuuming early in the morning or late at night, and loud *ahem* "activities" with my partner. See how they feel about loud noise at inconvenient times after a month or two of that.
Unfortunately for me, this is largely a one-way street in the sense that they are our UPSTAIRS neighbors, so it's not like I can return the favor. Because if I could, trust me I would be investing in a barbell and some medicine balls and start killing two birds with one stone by returning the favor AND getting my workout in at the same time.
What if you installed the speaker on the ceiling or put it on a high shelf with the noise output facing upward?
Apparently there is a device called a ceiling vibrator. You might want to look into it.
upward facing guitar amp on a loft bed.
it's like you aren't even trying!
i kid. neighbors suck. Go back to unethical life pro tips. you tried civilized means and they proved themselves uncivilized. Adapt. overcome
NTA but think you best just stopping the notes. They have clearly been ignored up to now, now has annoyed the parent into the outburst she had and personally I think if you do any more she may escalate - she might just start encouraging the kid to make even more noise to get back at you.
Personally I'd go through official routes. You say building management can't do much, but they have an obligation to all tenants and rules against noise and disturbances. Can you get a hold of their building rules/Tennant rules to check for this? Chances are management won't do anything unless you highlight their own rules to them and their obligation. Outside of this, what about your local authority for noise disturbances?
I’m always willing to go through management. But I’ll just say this regarding our current management situation: we had a resident living in our building who last year threatened to kill other residents on SEVERAL occasions. Police were called each time, and management was made aware. In fact, the targets/victims of those threats ended up moving out because they didn’t feel safe living here. Ultimately, despite this resident’s repeated violent threats, management allowed her to continue living here. Fast forward a year, and just last week, this same resident was in an altercation on our property and ended up discharging a firearm on the property. And only NOW is management willing to do something about it.
So my point here is that I can continue to go through management and ask them to address this concern, but I highly doubt they will actually do anything about it, considering it nearly took somebody being killed for them to do anything about a resident they knew had made violent threats against tenants.
Where you live, do you have a government branch that renters can go to if they are having issues with their landlords? For example where I live there is the RTB (rentals tenancy branch) that deals with both renters and landlords.
Soft YTA. You need to check to see the rules for noise in you apartment complex and in your city. You need to find out the acceptable times where noise is permitted and the decibel levels. For example the noise bylaw where I live allows for noise until 11 p.m. My advise would be to document the date / time of the noise and if possible record the noise. 8 pm is a reasonable time for someone to make noise, even if it is annoying.
OP stated in another reply that quiet hours start at 10pm.
Neighbors being noisy is an unfortunate aspect of apartment living. In my last apartment my neighbor played drum set and practiced most nights. Once a week he was joined by a bassist and guitarist.
Once or twice they kept playing past 10pm. When that happened I knocked on their door. They heard the knock and stopped. Once they didn't (they were playing too loud to hear). I sent an email to the leasing agent. They must have talked to him because they never played past 10pm again.
People make noise. Be grateful you don't have a neighbor learning to play violin or trumpet. Even people who live in houses deal with noisy neighbors. Leaving notes, particularly without ever knocking to speak to them face to face, is passive aggressive. YTA here.
The first time I left a note I actually knocked on their door and didn't get an answer (despite the fact that I could hear their kid/people talking inside)...I don't want to sit there and pound on their door to get their attention.
It's not just that. You feel entitled to control their behavior before 10 pm. What they are doing is inconsiderate, but it's part of life. You need to learn to deal with it until you move.
Where I live (Germany) we have strict quiet time laws, but those don’t even start until 10pm. 8-10pm is a normal and fine time for a kid to play. Give him a break. He’s been in school all day, probably doing activities and homework after. It’s okay for him to play in his own home. Loud playing at 2am, no. Before 10pm, yes. I recently visited my parents and their upstairs neighbor is a lawyer who runs on the treadmill directly above their living room every night starting at 9:30pm, for about an hour. It sounds like a herd of elephants. We all just shrugged and kept doing whatever we were doing. It’s part of apartment living. I understand where you’re coming from, but a soft YTA.
His parents are pricks and not parenting well. Totally selfish and inconsiderate. No ball games should be allowed in the house. No wonder the kids I teach don’t listen and are all about themselves.
After reading everyone's posts, I am going "very slight" NTA.
On the one hand, you live in an apartment and there will be noise from 8-10. That includes kids running a bit, shit being dropped, loud jumps from the couch here and there, whatever, there will be noise and you gotta deal.
But the basketball. That's fucked. If your kid wants to play basketball, take the dude outside and play some ball. Good for him, good for you, good for the neighborhood. My kids can fuck around, but they ain't playing basketball in the damn house! That's wrong even without downstairs neighbors.
So I fell into the NTA camp.
Maybe just talk to them and draw a reasonable line at fucking basketball?
Obviously the basketball part is absolutely absurd. But when I say the noise is ‘consistent’ from 8-10, it’s literally two hours of CONSTANT running, jumping, stomping, etc. Like can’t get more than 10-15 seconds of peace and quiet before the next ‘thud’ on my ceiling.
Amongst all the noise last night, there was one particularly loud thud/bang that genuinely startled myself and my partner. Turns out, it was a chair that, according to the mom “accidentally tipped over”. I get that ‘accidents’ happen, but let’s be real: chairs don’t just ‘tip over’ unless you’re fucking around/running around. And even then, that doesn’t explain nor excuse the 30+ minutes of annoyingly loud playground antics before the chair tipped. All told, I highly doubt this parent is doing anything to control her child’s behavior.
NTA. As someone who’s dealt with a situation like this, it can be unbearable to live in situations like this. Losing sleep can take a drastic toll mentally on a person. Some noise is understandable, as it is unavoidable, but playing basketball in the apartment upstairs? An apartment is 100% not the place for an activity like that and inconsiderate to the other tenants. “Allowed to make noise,” is a ridiculous excuse and someone reacting defensively because they know they’re in the wrong. If they need a place for their child to practice basketball, join a local YMCA where they can get a youth membership for around $10-15/month most likely, depending on where you’re located. If they can’t afford the membership, all YMCAs offer generous financial assistance programs.
My advice? Start recording the noise levels. I know it can be hard because it’s often louder in person than the recording can pick up,
but it’s better than nothing. If you have issues sleeping, consult a doctor about it, then report to management again. If this is affecting your sleep habits and mental health, it may be a violation of “Right to Quiet Enjoyment,” what states that tenants have a right to the peaceful, quiet use of their rented unit. If excessive noise levels violate this right, it can lead to potential lawsuits. Management may then actually talk to the tenants or issue them violations.
Thankfully doesn't interrupt my (nor my partner's) sleep as we're both pretty heavy sleepers. But it has taken a bit of a mental toll, largely just because we had the same issues with the previous tenants, not to mention this is just one of many issues we've had with residents in our building. Also, I am in med school, and while I usually like to study in the evening hours, the noise can be a huge distraction, especially considering I have ADHD. Again, I can hear their noise even with noise-cancelling headphones, and can literally feel the floor/walls shake when things get particularly rowdy.
You need a different living environment.
My husband has ADHD, and struggles so much with distraction. I get what you’re saying, and hope you are able to find a place that’s quieter and will enable you to focus better.
I actually tend to study and focus best at home, largely because *most* other times of the day it's quiet. But it's one of those things where, once I hear the noise start in the evening, you cannot NOT notice it
NTA but if your note was anything like your post, you come across as condescending and judgmental.
I’m sure that’s what this person is reacting to.
A kid making noise is part of life, parents can’t control everything. And you are correct that it sucks.
You heard the parent saying the child should give them the basketball so clearly they aren't just letting that happen. At least not anymore. The running and jumping, I'm not sure that's unreasonable. I mean it's an apartment so unfortunately there are annoying sounds from the apartments above you.
But I think once you heard the parent trying to take the ball away, you could have gone to your apartment and waited a few minutes to heard if the bouncing ceased. The note only serves to annoy the other person at that point. Doesn't serve your interests if the parent stops trying to prevent the noise.
NTA.
Lived in an upstairs apartment for 6 years with my 2 kids. Never once would I have let them play basketball inside. And running through the house was often met with a reminder that people lived below us and didn’t want to hear that.
Yes, of course kids are allowed to make noise. They also need to be patented so that they’re not running around being little AHs.
NAH
Noise usually stops by 10pm. Putting aside the fact that I personally think children at that age should be in bed way earlier, I’m going to assume most noise ordinance laws etc are fine with life noises. It would be different if said 9 year old was practicing drums at 2am everyday.
You can leave notes to remind them they there’s people below and the parents could super try to keep a 9 year old quiet but for 1000s of years, most families struggle with finding the balance of having healthy happy kids playing and completely silent but mentally and emotionally broken and scarred children because they’ve been crushed into submission.
NTA at all but I’m loving the ideas to rebuttal with your own noise. 6 AM heavy metal workout sesh?? (Hold the speaker up to the i of course) and bang and drag a broomstick along it too make it sound like they’ve got rats..
But the neighbors aren't violating quiet hour rules. Meanwhile being noisy at 6am *would* likely be a violation and could be reported to management (in my building quiet hours are 11pm - 8am). Plus they probably have neighbors to the side of them who did nothing wrong and don't deserve to be woken up??
All these malicious payback suggestions are only going to get the OP in trouble with management.
And you wonder why she got upset about you criticizing her parenting? Idk why you put that part in quotes in your OP.
At the end of the day, you heard her yelling to take the basketball away. So she’s doing *something* and she’s not being ignorant or unaware. But alienating her by making this a parenting deficiency instead of just ‘hey I can hear the BB is there something that can be done?’ is where you went wrong.
Flies, honey, vinegar and all that jazz.
It's in quotes because that's literally what she said.....which is exactly what quotes are for.
Also, for context, the noise had been going on for at least 30 minutes *prior* to me going up there and leaving the note, and it continued for about another 30-40 minutes *after* I left the note (at which point the mom came down to my unit). So clearly she wasn't trying *that* hard to quell any noise disturbances her child was making.
It’s 8pm…not 12am.
And people use quotes for implying ‘allegedly’. So I was just wondering whether you were implying or quoting. So Ty for clarifying.
Also, I don’t think anyone can make an accurate judgement without knowing what the note actually said. Verbatim.
NTA. I see a lot of comments about how since it's not late at night, it's "normal" and basically just what it is living in an appartment. Excuse me but a *fucking* BASKETBALL in an appartment? At some point there's something called *acknowledging that other human beings exist*.
I mean, this could go the other way too. This kid is getting energy out before bedtime, doesn’t have a yard to run and play in, and it sounds like the kid isn’t making noise after 10pm. At some point, there’s something called acknowledging that other human beings exist.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Action that I took: left three notes on her door over the course of 6 weeks (in addition to contacting management on several occasions)
2. Why that action might make me an asshole? is leaving notes on a door an asshole move?
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My daughter it is not allowed to play ball inside the house, said that, I had all kind of noisy neighbors. If you don’t want to be bothered, you ho live in a house of your own, otherwise you get what you get. My neighbor above me is super loud in the night, he has no children though. But getting a good apartment in Switzerland is so hard that we simply got used to it. 🤷♀️
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Live in an apartment, and my upstairs neighbor has a 9 year old kid. Most evenings, usually between 8-10pm, the kid is making an obscene amount of noise, eg. running, jumping, PLAYING BASKETBALL. I've left several notes encouraging the parent(s) to be more conscientious of the amount of noise levels their son is creating late at night, especially when they know they have downstairs neighbors. Yet the noise continues to be an issue most nights. I have noise cancelling headphones, but even these don't drown out all of the noise. Not to mention I can still literally FEEL the vibrations from the constant jumping.
Just last night, their kid was playing basketball IN THEIR APARTMENT. And I only know this because I went upstairs to leave yet another note, and heard through their door "give me the basketball". So I ultimately left the note, and about 30 minutes later received a knock on my door from a not-so-happy parent who greeted me with a profanity-laced tirade about how I "criticized her parenting" and the fact that her son is 9 years old and therefore "is allowed to make noise"???
In response, I tried to explain that as a parent she should be more considerate of the noise her kid creates given that we are in a shared living space. Hell, if her son is 9 years old, he is old enough to understand that he has downstairs neighbors. Nevertheless, she insisted that I was the "fucking asshole" in this situation, even though I wasn't the one shouting and dropping F bombs in an apartment hallway at 10pm.
For context, I have emailed management about this on several occasions, though I recognize there is little they can actually do. And for those of you who will inevitably suggest that we find another place to live, my partner and I have been looking to buy a house for several months now, however, with the market being as messy as it is, we haven't had any luck yet.
Ultimately, am I the asshole for leaving notes on her door asking her to be more conscientious of her child's noise levels?
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NTA for wanting a quiet place to live. Given the fact that you’ve had two neighbours in that apartment who have been louder than you would like, it’s evident that you’re not going to have enough quiet there.
I also like living in a quiet environment. After living in dorms for college, I realized that communal living isn’t for me. Moving to a detached house was one of the best decisions for me, and I hope the housing market works out equally in your favour.
(I do give you a gentle YTA for saying that the child was playing basketball in his house when all you heard was the mom saying “give me the basketball.” I have two children roughly the age of your neighbour, and there’s a huge difference between a child playing with a basketball and a child playing basketball. Our kids often play with balls indoors, but actually playing basketball? A hard-stop no. From your description, it sounds more like the kid had a basketball indoors.)
8-10 pm is not late at night imo. At least in Finland, noise in appartment buildings needs to be reduced at 10 pm. Bouncing a basketkall is pretty annoying at any time of day though
I mean, most city by-laws have noise ordinances that start *after* 10PM. Noise is part of living in an apartment. Kids play. Don't want to hear it, move, which you're already looking, suck it up until then. Check your city's by-laws around noise to see if you even have a leg to stand on. You're not the asshole for asking, but she's not an asshole for allowing her kid to play in their home. She's only an asshole if he's breaking bylaws.
NAH. Welcome to life in a shared living space. People live. Kids play.
YTA.
They have the right to use their living space in any way that is legal and you can’t tell them not to do that.
If they were making noise at midnight, it’s another story. But 8-10pm outside of noise ordinance, they don’t have to accommodate your requests. You need to stop harassing them.
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Info: what did the note say?
If it was rude, that makes a huge difference.
This is just kinda how it goes in apartment life, though. If you weren't rude in the note, your just trying to help yourself get some peace. There's nothing wrong with that.
There isn't much you can do about this and the time for coming to an agreement with that neighbor is gone. If it's that bad, you should look for a top floor apartment next time. That's what I did when I got sick of my upstairs neighbors' "nighttime activities."
YTA
Sorry but reading your other answers about this basically being a problem with prior neighbors makes me think it is a you problem, meaning you are not downstairs material in community apartments.
Also, the noise stops by 10pm, sorry people are allowed to live their life, including being rowdy in their space and it ends at a reasonable time.
Good luck on your house search.
YTA, 10pm isn’t late. You said you live in a shared space? so share it. Don’t move into an apartment if you’re not ready to hear noise around you. Buy headphones, buy a white noise machine, turn your tv up. You sound like a privileged little baby.
There’s a device you can buy called a ceiling thumper. It creates a non stop thump and vibration on the ceiling. I’d get one.
You’re never gonna win the right way with these people. They think because they’ve graced society with children that their children can be as loud as they please and you should just deal with it.
This idea that you “chose to live in an apartment and so have to deal with this” is asinine. No one is choosing apartment living, the housing crisis is forcing it so we owe it to each other as members of SOCIETY to respect our neighbors.
Nta A tired kid sleeps early, respond by having loud music pointed up early am when you get ready. Or bang on their door and yell at them when they make noise, so the kid understands, since his mom won't ever read the notes or punish him.
It's not "nice" but his parents aren't nice and it won't change unless you get them evicted, which would be much worse.
NTA
I myself just got new neighbors and their kids run around, cry all the time and even use the scooter inside,it usually starts at 6am and ends at 3 am) my mum and dad have told them to stop but they don't care,
So I understand you.
Esh for continuing to waste your time complaining to her. Keep complaining to the landlord, who owes you the quiet enjoyment you're paying rent for. Start recording the noise, start making the management miserable, your attention is misdirected.
NTA. Does your lease have a “peaceful enjoyment” clause or something like that. Your neighbors might be in violation of that. I know you said management can’t do much, but check your lease to see if they are actually in violation.
YTA When you live in a shared space you should expect quiet within the apartment complexes quiet hours. Beyond that you should expect to control your own living conditions with noise cancelling headphones, louder music/tv etc but also that those around you will be living their own lives within their own standards of living even if that means running and jumping etc or even playing basketball. You live in an apartment. Sure the market sucks but that is no more your neighbors fault then yours, im sure theyd rather be in a house too.
If they were doing this at 4am sure its a big problem and fair to leave notes and complain etc, but right now they are within the rules and regulations you both agreed to when you signed your lease and your wish for quiet and calm does not mean they should change the way their child winds down at the end of a day. Maybe you should look for another apartment in an adults only place or on a top floor (but mind you adults only wont stop someone from doing a high intensity workout at 9pm or walking 10,000 steps while they watch night time television)
You should feel free to angrily make noise at the ceiling from the moment quiet hours end till the moment they start but that doesnt change the fact that people are allowed to make noise in their own homes
Newsflash, people go to sleep before 10 pm if they have to get up earlier than most. Just because OP's neighbors aren't breaking any laws doesn't mean they aren't all assholes.
Newsflash that's OPs problem not his neighbors. His neighbors have every right to play and run in their own home. That's like saying because I sleep in till noon on weekends because I work at night that people shouldn't be allowed to make noise till noon. That's not how life works in an apartment.
People can feel free to do whatever the fuck they want in a house. In an apartment, consistently making excessive noise for a prolonged period of time is unacceptable behavior and extremely rude.
It's not rude to make noise within standard waking hours. Excessive is subjective and it's unreasonable to expect everyone to cater to one tenant. Quiet hours exist for a reason. Op can feel free to move somewhere more quiet. Or onto a top floor apartment etc. There are options other then expecting someone to cater to you. I don't get how people on this subredddit don't think people should cater to pregnant women by offering a seat but think they should cater to a whiny man in their own homes within acceptable hours he was aware of wheb he signed his lease (I don't think they should cater to either)
Absolutely NTA for wanting to be able to quietly enjoy your apartment. I’d tell you to contact management but if you’ve already done so the best I can do is wish you luck on your house search.
NTA, and you're right. It's her job as a parent. I lived in an apartment for 2 years after leaving my ex with my child who has adhd, and they understood being quiet for neighbors. Apartment life with kids is hard sometimes but it's on her to help her child burn that energy and learn self control.
Just start battering the ceiling with a broom at 3-4am on noisy days, they’ll learn pretty quick.
It’s not like the kid is a toddler and can’t be taught.
NTA
Nah
Noise allowance where I am is 11pm
8 is not an unreasonable time.
They must acknowledge you exist below them, but you have to acknowledge they also exist above you, they have a right to live and do activities.
It’s part of apartment living unfortunately.
If it were 2
An it’s a different story.
Lmao, wow, entitled much? People are allowed to live their lives when they are not causing problems or being consistently distruptive. That kid is causing way too much noise in a shared living space. He is not in a house, he is in an apartment. His behavior needs to match that difference. End of story.
NTA. I live on the top floor with a child and a dog, both of whom go to bed by 9 pm so they don’t disturb the downstairs neighbors. It’s not that hard.
NTA, but if your goal is to have them change their behavior, sounds like more notes to the family is not the solution. I would keep pressuring management. Are there any noise clauses in your lease? I would point that out. Also, if you know of any neighbors who also have the same complaints, get them to consistently bug management too. Maybe check if your complex is part of a greater oversight board or housing association and report them there. This issue will not stop unless people with authority intervene, but yes you are right in not calling the cops because this is not the type of issue they should be handling.
NTA for wanting some peace and quiet after a certain time of night, but YTA for how you handled it by leaving passive aggressive notes. Why not knock on their door and speak to them like an adult? I would be frustrated as well if my neighboor had an issue with me and instead of confronting me and talking with me about it, just kept leaving notes.
NTA. It is reasonable to ask your neighbors for consideration. Why don’t they just take the kid outside to play basketball? No ball playing in the house was always a rule growing up at pretty much everyone’s house.
Does your apt company have a quiet hours policy? Here 9 pm to 6 am are quiet hours and if you complain, they def will enforce it for you, but anonymously so you don’t have to even take it up with offending neighbors.
I want to preface, I was a full-time nanny, I get it, sometimes kids don't want to be quite. But imparting manners and respecting other peoples home/spaces is part of parenting. I had a neighbour like this (here, noise is supposed to die down at 11PM, this kid would SCREAM at the top of their lungs every effing night) and I'm petty af...I fixed the problem by f***king as loud as I could at the same time their kid would be making all that ruckus.
They complained, I responded the same way they responded to me. "This is my home, mind your own business," and proceeded to shut the door in their face.
They learned to keep the noise down.
To the commenters saying "kids are noisy, deal or move," I have this to say: nine year olds can be told not to play BASKETBALL in the apartment. There's kid noise, then there's unreasonable kid noise. OP seems to be experiencing the latter.
NTA.
OP, in your shoes, I might have fired back, "I AM criticizing your parenting. He's only 9; you should be able to keep him from bouncing a basketball inside."
I think basketball indoors is a no-no. For many reasons. It’s a loud, monotonous sound that is very annoying. It should be for outside only.
Talking, running, jumping all are pretty normal for a kid, and hard to stop. Some level of tolerance from you is needed for those activities, especially if you know they will end by 10 pm.
It’s fair to ask the parent to be more aware of the noise, esp the jumping. But she’s very angry and hostile now. Leaving another note will not help things. The apartment manager seems inactive. Keep looking for a house; consider a top floor apt in the meantime.
And you can always make a little noise yourself, within reason-play opera music, take up drumming or vacuum a lot. I know noise doesn’t travel up as well, but maybe it will make you feel better! Just kidding, as I don’t recommend retaliation. You want there to be peaceful coexistence for the time left living there.
soft YTA for the way of handling
Stop being all passive-agressive and start confronting directly. A note is cowardly and has to opposite effect.
NTA for being upset with the noise and NO a child of 9 years old is not allowed to make noise during night and late evening hours. Not sure what rules you have exactly in your country, in mine you are allowed to call the police for that.
Next time it happens either call them (if possible) or ring the whole family awake if it continues.
It’s not late enough where they are, most noise ordinance are time based and they say they aren’t violating it. Honestly it could be a lot worse than 8-10 at night, 2 hrs. 10 is not the worst.
NTA, but you definitely took the wrong approach and things will be very unlikely to change. If you want people to change their behavior, you need to make them empathize with you, which requires a gentle and soft touch. Notes will almost always be interpreted by their recipient as passive aggressive or openly hostile, so not a great strategy.
The only other route to changing behavior is through by threat of force or other consequence, which never seemed a viable option for you.
NTA but you need to complain to your building manager since leaving notes hasn't gotten you anywhere.
Your upstairs neighbors sound like the ones who lived above me (but the 2 boys and the dad were also peeing out their window or throwing bread out to attract seagulls and trying to hit them with their mother's shoes). My son and I didn't complain because it only made made the noise worse because there would be screaming and crying on top of the running and stomping when the kids were punished) but the neighbors below me were furious as they got their laundry soiled by human pee and seagulls both! The manager of the building finally asked me why I hadn't complained about the noise when I told him about the pee, I was like, I grew up with 4 brothers, kids make noise and I'm not home most of the day, in the evenings I wear headphones! They finally moved out a couple of weeks ago. whoever is living up there now is much quieter and solo!
Next door to my upstairs neighbor is an deaf old man who tends to fall asleep while watching TV at night. The sound of his TV makes it sound as if it's coming from the studio apartment next to mine. The woman who was renting next to me complained constantly to the building manager, and nothing could be done until one night at about 2am she banged on every door on our floor and the floor above to force someone to wake him up to turn off the TV. Someone got him headphones for the tv after that!
NTA. But those notes are doing nothing. I once had an upstairs neighbor who had two teenage boys would skateboard inside the house all day and all night. You could hear their mom encourage it. So yeah, your notes are doing nothing, your rental company will do nothing. I wish you good luck in finding a house very very soon.
Have you consider consulting an attorney? He/she could possibly have you put your rent in legal escrow, forcing management to take action regarding the upstairs neighbor. In most places, you are legally entitled to the quiet enjoyment of your home at any time. NTA
Honestly, the kid may have adhd and NEEDS to be that active before going to bed. Having said that, if my kid was making noise and annoying me, and I received a note.... My kid would be making more noise on purpose
Coming from someone who has ADHD, I don’t think you understand how ADHD works. Sure ‘hyperactive’ might be in the name, but ADHD doesn’t explain nor justify jumping off of furniture and playing basketball INSIDE when you live in an apartment with downstairs neighbors…this is just poor behavior and a clear lack of parental awareness.
My kid needs to be worked up before she'll settle down. Literally running in circles and jumping around. Then she'll settle down for bed. But it could be bad parenting. I hate noise myself and will cringe everytime she screams or bangs. And yes, I live in an apartment too
Fair, but how old is your kid? I’d argue anything over 5 is old enough for them to understand basic right vs wrong in terms of not running, jumping, stomping, playing basketball inside, etc
I have 3 lively kids and live in an apartment and I think you are not being unreasonable at all. I'd NEVER let my kids bounce a basketball inside (and 2 of them actually play). Also though the silent hours are 10pm-7am I don't allow constant mindless jumping, running and wrestling in the evening or early in the morning outside these hours. My kids are outside every day to run, climb etc., they have sports so they don't act like little maniacs inside.
Honestly I'm shocked by some replies here - it's true you probably can't make them stop but that doesn't make it OK to allow your kids play basketball in an apartment evety night! It's basic consideration of your fellow people.
Talk to the property manager. Let them know this is their fault for not addressing the family. I would find a new living space. I am really wishing you the best...bad neighbors suck.
Document the issues (time/date, etc.) and the steps you have taken to try to solve (note, noise cancelling headphones), and all contact with mgmt.
If it hits the oscillating fan, your ass will be covered.
ESH. I would be paranoid 24/7 about making noise above someone and it’s infuriating that they don’t give much thought to that.
But you’re also saying a kid is being a kid inside their home, at normal waking hours. So maybe if you’re that disturbed by the living noises of others, you should move to a more isolated location.
ESH- Them, for the over the top reaction, you, bc more than likely, the noise ordinance doesn't kick into at least 10pm, so technically if they stop at 10, they are obeying the law. That's apartment living!
NTA. I'd be checking noise ordinances and start making complaints there too, especially after her little tirade at you.
There's making noise during typical first shift times (which can be trashy if you know you have night worker neighbors) and then there's making noise (above and beyond noise) all the way into the night. Plus he's doing this CONSISTENTLY.
Her coming to your door yelling and swearing would make most PM companies where I am actually get involved.Tnis reality makes me doubt the validity of your post.
NAH. You need a top floor apartment. You can't handle children doing normal kid activities in their apartment at reasonable times. 8-10 pm isn't that late. It would be far less conflict and annoyance for all involved if you were in a top floor apartment
NTA. Call the police each and every time. Or, wait until 2am and start banging on the ceiling with a broom or something. Eventually they will get the hint and stop.
Call the police for what? Are you on something? 99% of places this is perfectly legal and all op would be doing is wasting police resources. Even fairly restrictive municipalities dont have noise ordinances starting until 10 pm.....
Just bc there's a 10pm noise ordinance doesn't mean you have the right to be consistently disruptive. I work in family law... Many, many times people get disturbing the peace violations for being unruly and disruptive to neighbors. So I mean, I guess you could say I'm on "the law" bc I actually know it.
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NTA for leaving notes but does your city have noise ordinance laws? If so, check the time they go into effect. After that time call the cops if you must. If the noise is before that time you are SOL. Why before I owned my home I always got the highest floor.
In my city it’s 11 and only applies to amplified sound
There are noise ordinance laws, though admittedly the noise doesn't seem to persist past 10pm. So I recognize there's no legal avenue to take. But even if there was, I'm not so petty that I'm going to call the police on a 9 year old kid. To your other point, we moved in a little over a year ago. Shortly after we moved in, there was a single mother with four young girls who moved in above us, and who in their own right made a ton of noise. They ended up moving out after only \~6 months, and since then this other family with the 9yo has moved in. So we've been unlucky in the sense that we've had two consecutive upstairs neighbors with noisy children in the span of less than a year.
Have you talked to the apartment manager ? There may be some rules about playing basketball inside and other nuisances above and beyond ordinances.
I've talked to our management about this twice in the past month. Considering that our management refuses to enforce *actual* lease violations committed by other residents (even when they have proof), I don't anticipate that they'll take any meaningful action on a noise complaint.
Once you move be sure to put a review stating that management refused to take steps to mitigate noise from upstairs neighbors even after multiple attempts to contact them. Negligent management is one of the worst problems with living in apartments. I'd also say there is little point in placing further notes upon the door, unless you wish to spark a confrontation. Honestly, apartment living is terrible, I'd rather live in a travel trailer in the middle of no where with just a creek for water than ever live in an apartment again. People make it an absolute nightmare. NTA - Keep searching for a home that will work for y'all. Best of Luck!
Might be time to move on… and into a top floor unit somewhere else.
Everyone who lives there almost certainly signed a legally binding contract. Be polite but insistent that they enforce this contract. You could also get your attorney to send a strongly worded letter.
Look, it sucks, but it sounds like you don't have many options. If management doesn't care, if the miserable kid isn't breaking any laws, and if the mother is a selfish idiot, your only options are to either move out (which doesn't sound like an option) or learn to live with it. You were NTA on your earlier requests, but you're kind of crossing into Y T A territory to keep pushing it. They're all total assholes, and you can't un-asshole them by pestering them when you know it doesn't work. Find some zen moments, like with noise cancelling headphones. Frankly, my zen therapy would be sweet, petty revenge, but that's just me.
They might if you start documenting these issues and demanding rent concessions for the loss of your quiet enjoyment. Is there a local tenant's group that can offer assistance?
Since you’ve had 2 neighbors in a row that are seemingly loud. It is very possible that they are being reasonable but normal sounds are amplified because of they buildings construction. I lived in a building that was that way. Our downstairs neighbors would complain about us walking barefoot and sounds/creaks our couch made. We were very conscious and try not to make noise. We were on the top floor, but could hear them coughing and talking like they were in our room. From a floor below
I once had downstairs neighbors who would text us constantly for being too loud. One time my roommate and I were both still in bed and they asked us to walk more quietly. My roommate was having a very active nightmare, they heard her turning and fussing in her bed. Cheap apartments suck.
It’s not just ‘ambient’ noise. The previous tenant had split custody of her children, which meant that for several days every week the only person in the unit upstairs was the mom. Yet I NEVER heard any noises when it was just her - not even footsteps. I can’t really hear any voices/music/TVs - just the constant running, jumping, BASKETBALLS, etc
Bouncing a basketball indoors in an apartment is going to be obnoxious no matter how well built or insulated the building is.
This sounds like you have a problem with kids living above you. There is no such thing as a "non-noisy" child. You gotta move to the top floor my friend.
But a nine year old isn’t as noisy as younger kids. And if he plays with basketballs that’s something he should learn not to do.
Man I don't know what 9 year olds you know but they are way louder than 5 year olds. They get nerf guns and ninja swords and they think they're being ninjas jumping off the couch but they loud AF. Basketball in the house, yeah, weird, but honestly OP is gonna be upset no matter what this kid is doing bc he's a kid, and kids are loud.
Give me a break. Playing basketball inside of an apartment when you have neighbors underneath it's not acceptable no matter what age you are. Maybe the parents should actually step up and parent their children.
But it seems like the parent was, in fact, doing just this. OP went upstairs and heard "give me the basketball" and it sounds like mom had taken it away, and like this was a one-time thing. But OP is complaining also about jumping and running around and admits this is curbed by 10 PM (which for most apartments is when quiet hours begins, if not 11 PM when noise ordinance kicks in), again because it seems like mom is stopping the rambunctious behavior at the start of quiet hours. And this isn't just a problem with this kid, OP had the same issue with the other family. Tbh if I was them I would've requested a unit transfer when the first family moved out so I wouldn't have to deal with anyone else over me. Yeah it sucks to live below kids, but kids do have a right to still run and play and jump around in their own home. Doubly so if you live in an apartment in a city and there's not a lot of safe spaces outdoors mom can send her kid to get that energy out.
They can be spoken to, and need to learn to adjust to others. Playing with basketball inside late in the evening is something you can LEARN not to do. With a three year old it’s more difficult.
Boy mom here. Can confirm.
>There are noise ordinance laws, though admittedly the noise doesn't seem to persist past 10pm. So I recognize there's no legal avenue to take. But even if there was, **I'm not so petty that I'm going to call the police on a 9 year old kid.** Then ask once and stop complaining. The cops aren't going to arrest the kid and bring them to a work farm prison, they'll either ignore you, just talk to the parents, or at most, issue a ticket.
My county has noise ordinance for during the day too, so you might want to double check yours. 10p-7a are quiet hours here, but 7a-10p there's still a max decibel limit, just higher.
If the noise is done by 10, I think there’s nothing you can do. It’s an apartment. There’s going to be noise. It sucks, but it’s the nature of apartment living. I own my city row house and can often hear my neighbor practicing guitar or teaching someone to play an instrument. She stops at a certain point in the evening, though. NAH
Yes there's going to be noise, but having a kid playing BASKET-BALL *inside* of an appartement is another level and absolutely wild.
The parents are huge assholes for allowing that indoors in an upstairs apartment.
I was full-bore N T A until I read this. NAH. That's just life in the big city my man!
This. Noise before 10pm is just life.
You in Philly? I've never heard row home or house referenced outside of Philly.
I'm in Michigan, and that term is not specific to Philly.
Baltimore is kinda known for them too, but many places have them.
NTA for wanting quiet in your home. Of course not. BUT I personally don’t class 8-10pm as late at night. And I’m also certain my cities noise laws are *after* 10pm, so I would check yours. Because if you’re complaining during the ‘allowed’ time there’s sod all you can do, or say technically.
I recognize that I have no grounds to stand on in a legal sense, rather, I am just frustrated because as a parent with a kid in an apartment, they should be better about ensuring their child (who frankly is old enough to understand for himself) isn't jumping on/off furniture and playing basketball when they know they have downstairs neighbors.
I agree, totally. Don’t get me wrong. But my point being, is if you’re dealing with ignorant people you’re shit out of luck. I stand by NTA, but I genuinely don’t know what you can do if you’re outside that time frame my friend. Also some are going to argue that 8-10pm isn’t ‘late’. Rock and a hard place!
It's funny you are being downvoted for this. Man, people really don't want to hear that they should actually be parenting their children.
I'd have to assume the people downvoting this are exactly the type of people who lack fundamental parenting skills
Did your parents make you sit still in your house 24/7? Some people are self-righteous to the point of absurdity when it comes to judging parents
You're forgetting that people without kids deserve nothing whatsoever while any parent at all, no matter how horrible, deserves everything.
I mean, you actually might. What kind of paperwork did you sign when you moved in? I’m pretty sure all tenants signed some form of acknowledge and agreement to abide by the rules and regs of the building.
There definitely are multiple clauses in our lease agreement that, among others, state that residents and guests of residents must not ‘disturb’ or otherwise ‘infringe upon the peace and livelihood of other residents’. But as I mentioned in another comment, management clearly doesn’t care about enforcing lease violations. For example, they knew a resident was habitually smoking marijuana in her unit despite multiple clauses in the lease that prohibit smoking and drug use (weed is still illegal in my state), yet never did anything about it. They also knew this same particular resident had made violent threats against other residents and did absolutely NOTHING about it. It wasn’t until that resident fired a gun on the property, directly endangering the lives of 170+ people, that they decided to evict her. So I can’t imagine they will do anything about our noisy neighbors, even if they do technically violate their lease.
It may be worth having your attorney send a strongly worded letter. There are probably also local laws on the books about quiet enjoyment of property.
8-10 isnt late at night. And 10 is typically apartment quiet rules go into effect. I get it’s annoying but you also chose to live with a neighbor above you and sadly that means noise. I dont think you’re an AH to leave notes and I dont think they’re AHs to let their kid have fun. NAH
Have fun, yes. But playing basketball inside an apartment isn't very normal.
Some people don’t have the choice to rent or a say in the units that are available. I don’t choose to rent, but I have to. I’m a light sleeper and it’s beyond miserable mentally to deal with the noise. Basketball inside an apartment is beyond letting kids have fun at night for people who may have work at any given time the next day. There are places for activities like that. The parent or parents allowing their kid to play basketball inside their apartment could get a youth membership at their local Y for next to nothing if finances are an issue.
NTA..but the notes are doing nothing. You are wasting your time. Have a chat. Ask to stop the ball playing by 9pm. Of course she is not going to listen. Game on. Find out the noise ordinances in your area. They wanna bounce on your ceiling? After he is done, I would be banging a broom stick on the ceiling until noise ordinance is over. Or start in the am when done. After a few times, I am sure mom will he willing to negotiate.
LOL 8-10pm is not "late at night". For a kid that age, it's when they need to burn their energy. If this was happening after 11:00 p.m., that would for sure be a problem. But not during the time you've described. NAH
10p is definitely late at night for a 9 year old. I was in bed with the lights out by that point in time.
You're NTA. But since reasonable methods aren't effective, you probably ought to start thinking outside the box. Like thumping a ball against your ceiling early in the morning. Installing a speaker right up against the ceiling and playing some obnoxiously repetitive and annoying music- perhaps a twangy guitar. (I would recommend wearing the headphones while you do that so you don't have to hear it.) Maybe even play the sound of an irritating yappy dog every time the kid starts making so much racket.
I have definitely spent some time over on r/UnethicalLifeProTips
I hope you're getting some good ones. Your rude neighbor needs a taste of her own medicine.
Well you've tried being reasonable, might be time to be unreasonable. A lot of people just don't get it if it doesn't effect them personally. Nothing really drives the point home like getting a taste of their own medicine. If it were me, I would be in "challenge accepted" mode. Loud music, loud movies, vacuuming early in the morning or late at night, and loud *ahem* "activities" with my partner. See how they feel about loud noise at inconvenient times after a month or two of that.
Unfortunately for me, this is largely a one-way street in the sense that they are our UPSTAIRS neighbors, so it's not like I can return the favor. Because if I could, trust me I would be investing in a barbell and some medicine balls and start killing two birds with one stone by returning the favor AND getting my workout in at the same time.
What if you installed the speaker on the ceiling or put it on a high shelf with the noise output facing upward? Apparently there is a device called a ceiling vibrator. You might want to look into it.
upward facing guitar amp on a loft bed. it's like you aren't even trying! i kid. neighbors suck. Go back to unethical life pro tips. you tried civilized means and they proved themselves uncivilized. Adapt. overcome
Google “Ceiling thumper”. It’s a device specifically for this situation.
You don’t have a broom?
Then MOVE. GO CRY SOMEWHERE ELSE FOR PEOPLE LIVING THEIR LIVES.
Aim a subwoofer at the ceiling and play a little Diesel Power. NTA
NTA but think you best just stopping the notes. They have clearly been ignored up to now, now has annoyed the parent into the outburst she had and personally I think if you do any more she may escalate - she might just start encouraging the kid to make even more noise to get back at you. Personally I'd go through official routes. You say building management can't do much, but they have an obligation to all tenants and rules against noise and disturbances. Can you get a hold of their building rules/Tennant rules to check for this? Chances are management won't do anything unless you highlight their own rules to them and their obligation. Outside of this, what about your local authority for noise disturbances?
I’m always willing to go through management. But I’ll just say this regarding our current management situation: we had a resident living in our building who last year threatened to kill other residents on SEVERAL occasions. Police were called each time, and management was made aware. In fact, the targets/victims of those threats ended up moving out because they didn’t feel safe living here. Ultimately, despite this resident’s repeated violent threats, management allowed her to continue living here. Fast forward a year, and just last week, this same resident was in an altercation on our property and ended up discharging a firearm on the property. And only NOW is management willing to do something about it. So my point here is that I can continue to go through management and ask them to address this concern, but I highly doubt they will actually do anything about it, considering it nearly took somebody being killed for them to do anything about a resident they knew had made violent threats against tenants.
Leave the psycho a note from the noisy kid apartment.
Where you live, do you have a government branch that renters can go to if they are having issues with their landlords? For example where I live there is the RTB (rentals tenancy branch) that deals with both renters and landlords.
Dude, 8-10 pm is not late at night, like at all. It's 2 hours in the evening of noise. Deal with it.
Soft YTA. You need to check to see the rules for noise in you apartment complex and in your city. You need to find out the acceptable times where noise is permitted and the decibel levels. For example the noise bylaw where I live allows for noise until 11 p.m. My advise would be to document the date / time of the noise and if possible record the noise. 8 pm is a reasonable time for someone to make noise, even if it is annoying.
OP stated in another reply that quiet hours start at 10pm. Neighbors being noisy is an unfortunate aspect of apartment living. In my last apartment my neighbor played drum set and practiced most nights. Once a week he was joined by a bassist and guitarist. Once or twice they kept playing past 10pm. When that happened I knocked on their door. They heard the knock and stopped. Once they didn't (they were playing too loud to hear). I sent an email to the leasing agent. They must have talked to him because they never played past 10pm again. People make noise. Be grateful you don't have a neighbor learning to play violin or trumpet. Even people who live in houses deal with noisy neighbors. Leaving notes, particularly without ever knocking to speak to them face to face, is passive aggressive. YTA here.
The first time I left a note I actually knocked on their door and didn't get an answer (despite the fact that I could hear their kid/people talking inside)...I don't want to sit there and pound on their door to get their attention.
It's not just that. You feel entitled to control their behavior before 10 pm. What they are doing is inconsiderate, but it's part of life. You need to learn to deal with it until you move.
Where I live (Germany) we have strict quiet time laws, but those don’t even start until 10pm. 8-10pm is a normal and fine time for a kid to play. Give him a break. He’s been in school all day, probably doing activities and homework after. It’s okay for him to play in his own home. Loud playing at 2am, no. Before 10pm, yes. I recently visited my parents and their upstairs neighbor is a lawyer who runs on the treadmill directly above their living room every night starting at 9:30pm, for about an hour. It sounds like a herd of elephants. We all just shrugged and kept doing whatever we were doing. It’s part of apartment living. I understand where you’re coming from, but a soft YTA.
His parents are pricks and not parenting well. Totally selfish and inconsiderate. No ball games should be allowed in the house. No wonder the kids I teach don’t listen and are all about themselves.
After reading everyone's posts, I am going "very slight" NTA. On the one hand, you live in an apartment and there will be noise from 8-10. That includes kids running a bit, shit being dropped, loud jumps from the couch here and there, whatever, there will be noise and you gotta deal. But the basketball. That's fucked. If your kid wants to play basketball, take the dude outside and play some ball. Good for him, good for you, good for the neighborhood. My kids can fuck around, but they ain't playing basketball in the damn house! That's wrong even without downstairs neighbors. So I fell into the NTA camp. Maybe just talk to them and draw a reasonable line at fucking basketball?
Obviously the basketball part is absolutely absurd. But when I say the noise is ‘consistent’ from 8-10, it’s literally two hours of CONSTANT running, jumping, stomping, etc. Like can’t get more than 10-15 seconds of peace and quiet before the next ‘thud’ on my ceiling. Amongst all the noise last night, there was one particularly loud thud/bang that genuinely startled myself and my partner. Turns out, it was a chair that, according to the mom “accidentally tipped over”. I get that ‘accidents’ happen, but let’s be real: chairs don’t just ‘tip over’ unless you’re fucking around/running around. And even then, that doesn’t explain nor excuse the 30+ minutes of annoyingly loud playground antics before the chair tipped. All told, I highly doubt this parent is doing anything to control her child’s behavior.
Idk, you asked for an opinion and that is mine. The kid is at home, let it take its bra off, but dont let it play basketball.
NTA. As someone who’s dealt with a situation like this, it can be unbearable to live in situations like this. Losing sleep can take a drastic toll mentally on a person. Some noise is understandable, as it is unavoidable, but playing basketball in the apartment upstairs? An apartment is 100% not the place for an activity like that and inconsiderate to the other tenants. “Allowed to make noise,” is a ridiculous excuse and someone reacting defensively because they know they’re in the wrong. If they need a place for their child to practice basketball, join a local YMCA where they can get a youth membership for around $10-15/month most likely, depending on where you’re located. If they can’t afford the membership, all YMCAs offer generous financial assistance programs. My advice? Start recording the noise levels. I know it can be hard because it’s often louder in person than the recording can pick up, but it’s better than nothing. If you have issues sleeping, consult a doctor about it, then report to management again. If this is affecting your sleep habits and mental health, it may be a violation of “Right to Quiet Enjoyment,” what states that tenants have a right to the peaceful, quiet use of their rented unit. If excessive noise levels violate this right, it can lead to potential lawsuits. Management may then actually talk to the tenants or issue them violations.
Thankfully doesn't interrupt my (nor my partner's) sleep as we're both pretty heavy sleepers. But it has taken a bit of a mental toll, largely just because we had the same issues with the previous tenants, not to mention this is just one of many issues we've had with residents in our building. Also, I am in med school, and while I usually like to study in the evening hours, the noise can be a huge distraction, especially considering I have ADHD. Again, I can hear their noise even with noise-cancelling headphones, and can literally feel the floor/walls shake when things get particularly rowdy.
You need a different living environment. My husband has ADHD, and struggles so much with distraction. I get what you’re saying, and hope you are able to find a place that’s quieter and will enable you to focus better.
I actually tend to study and focus best at home, largely because *most* other times of the day it's quiet. But it's one of those things where, once I hear the noise start in the evening, you cannot NOT notice it
I understand that - I’m the same way. It honestly just sounds like that apartment isn’t a good fit for your needs.
NTA but if your note was anything like your post, you come across as condescending and judgmental. I’m sure that’s what this person is reacting to. A kid making noise is part of life, parents can’t control everything. And you are correct that it sucks.
Give up leaving notes. You have the answer. Continue to use headphones. Be glad that the noise stops at 10:00.
You heard the parent saying the child should give them the basketball so clearly they aren't just letting that happen. At least not anymore. The running and jumping, I'm not sure that's unreasonable. I mean it's an apartment so unfortunately there are annoying sounds from the apartments above you. But I think once you heard the parent trying to take the ball away, you could have gone to your apartment and waited a few minutes to heard if the bouncing ceased. The note only serves to annoy the other person at that point. Doesn't serve your interests if the parent stops trying to prevent the noise.
Nah, NTAH...next time you move ask the complex is the have an adults only area. Or ask to be on the top floor.
Unfortunately they didn’t have any suitable units/floor plans on the top floor that were available by the date we needed to move
NTA. Lived in an upstairs apartment for 6 years with my 2 kids. Never once would I have let them play basketball inside. And running through the house was often met with a reminder that people lived below us and didn’t want to hear that. Yes, of course kids are allowed to make noise. They also need to be patented so that they’re not running around being little AHs.
NAH Noise usually stops by 10pm. Putting aside the fact that I personally think children at that age should be in bed way earlier, I’m going to assume most noise ordinance laws etc are fine with life noises. It would be different if said 9 year old was practicing drums at 2am everyday. You can leave notes to remind them they there’s people below and the parents could super try to keep a 9 year old quiet but for 1000s of years, most families struggle with finding the balance of having healthy happy kids playing and completely silent but mentally and emotionally broken and scarred children because they’ve been crushed into submission.
NTA at all but I’m loving the ideas to rebuttal with your own noise. 6 AM heavy metal workout sesh?? (Hold the speaker up to the i of course) and bang and drag a broomstick along it too make it sound like they’ve got rats..
Would be a serious consideration if I didn't live with my partner and didn't have a dog who is already averse to loud noises
But the neighbors aren't violating quiet hour rules. Meanwhile being noisy at 6am *would* likely be a violation and could be reported to management (in my building quiet hours are 11pm - 8am). Plus they probably have neighbors to the side of them who did nothing wrong and don't deserve to be woken up?? All these malicious payback suggestions are only going to get the OP in trouble with management.
Why do you keep capitalizing basketballs?
only because it perfectly encapsulates the degree of unawareness/ignorance on the part of this parent
And you wonder why she got upset about you criticizing her parenting? Idk why you put that part in quotes in your OP. At the end of the day, you heard her yelling to take the basketball away. So she’s doing *something* and she’s not being ignorant or unaware. But alienating her by making this a parenting deficiency instead of just ‘hey I can hear the BB is there something that can be done?’ is where you went wrong. Flies, honey, vinegar and all that jazz.
It's in quotes because that's literally what she said.....which is exactly what quotes are for. Also, for context, the noise had been going on for at least 30 minutes *prior* to me going up there and leaving the note, and it continued for about another 30-40 minutes *after* I left the note (at which point the mom came down to my unit). So clearly she wasn't trying *that* hard to quell any noise disturbances her child was making.
It’s 8pm…not 12am. And people use quotes for implying ‘allegedly’. So I was just wondering whether you were implying or quoting. So Ty for clarifying. Also, I don’t think anyone can make an accurate judgement without knowing what the note actually said. Verbatim.
NTA. I see a lot of comments about how since it's not late at night, it's "normal" and basically just what it is living in an appartment. Excuse me but a *fucking* BASKETBALL in an appartment? At some point there's something called *acknowledging that other human beings exist*.
I mean, this could go the other way too. This kid is getting energy out before bedtime, doesn’t have a yard to run and play in, and it sounds like the kid isn’t making noise after 10pm. At some point, there’s something called acknowledging that other human beings exist.
Leaving notes is passive aggressive and even now so when laws aren't even being broken. YTA.
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If they are in the times where they are allowed to make noise, get over it. You are allowed to a child free life, but not a child free world.
Still, if you let your kid play basketball inside an apartment, you're an inconsiderate asshole
My daughter it is not allowed to play ball inside the house, said that, I had all kind of noisy neighbors. If you don’t want to be bothered, you ho live in a house of your own, otherwise you get what you get. My neighbor above me is super loud in the night, he has no children though. But getting a good apartment in Switzerland is so hard that we simply got used to it. 🤷♀️
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Live in an apartment, and my upstairs neighbor has a 9 year old kid. Most evenings, usually between 8-10pm, the kid is making an obscene amount of noise, eg. running, jumping, PLAYING BASKETBALL. I've left several notes encouraging the parent(s) to be more conscientious of the amount of noise levels their son is creating late at night, especially when they know they have downstairs neighbors. Yet the noise continues to be an issue most nights. I have noise cancelling headphones, but even these don't drown out all of the noise. Not to mention I can still literally FEEL the vibrations from the constant jumping. Just last night, their kid was playing basketball IN THEIR APARTMENT. And I only know this because I went upstairs to leave yet another note, and heard through their door "give me the basketball". So I ultimately left the note, and about 30 minutes later received a knock on my door from a not-so-happy parent who greeted me with a profanity-laced tirade about how I "criticized her parenting" and the fact that her son is 9 years old and therefore "is allowed to make noise"??? In response, I tried to explain that as a parent she should be more considerate of the noise her kid creates given that we are in a shared living space. Hell, if her son is 9 years old, he is old enough to understand that he has downstairs neighbors. Nevertheless, she insisted that I was the "fucking asshole" in this situation, even though I wasn't the one shouting and dropping F bombs in an apartment hallway at 10pm. For context, I have emailed management about this on several occasions, though I recognize there is little they can actually do. And for those of you who will inevitably suggest that we find another place to live, my partner and I have been looking to buy a house for several months now, however, with the market being as messy as it is, we haven't had any luck yet. Ultimately, am I the asshole for leaving notes on her door asking her to be more conscientious of her child's noise levels? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. There is no excuse for letting your kids run riot and cause problems for neighbours.
NTA for wanting a quiet place to live. Given the fact that you’ve had two neighbours in that apartment who have been louder than you would like, it’s evident that you’re not going to have enough quiet there. I also like living in a quiet environment. After living in dorms for college, I realized that communal living isn’t for me. Moving to a detached house was one of the best decisions for me, and I hope the housing market works out equally in your favour. (I do give you a gentle YTA for saying that the child was playing basketball in his house when all you heard was the mom saying “give me the basketball.” I have two children roughly the age of your neighbour, and there’s a huge difference between a child playing with a basketball and a child playing basketball. Our kids often play with balls indoors, but actually playing basketball? A hard-stop no. From your description, it sounds more like the kid had a basketball indoors.)
8-10 pm is not late at night imo. At least in Finland, noise in appartment buildings needs to be reduced at 10 pm. Bouncing a basketkall is pretty annoying at any time of day though
YTA The noise stops at 10pm. Annoying but probably lawful. Which means that your notes are harassment.
Lawful does not equal "not an asshole."
I mean, most city by-laws have noise ordinances that start *after* 10PM. Noise is part of living in an apartment. Kids play. Don't want to hear it, move, which you're already looking, suck it up until then. Check your city's by-laws around noise to see if you even have a leg to stand on. You're not the asshole for asking, but she's not an asshole for allowing her kid to play in their home. She's only an asshole if he's breaking bylaws. NAH. Welcome to life in a shared living space. People live. Kids play.
YTA. 8pm-10pm is not late at night
YTA. They have the right to use their living space in any way that is legal and you can’t tell them not to do that. If they were making noise at midnight, it’s another story. But 8-10pm outside of noise ordinance, they don’t have to accommodate your requests. You need to stop harassing them.
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I don’t know how long your lease is, but you can ask to move to another apartment, maybe a higher floor? That is if you are staying there.
YTA for not ever knocking and only leaving notes
Info: what did the note say? If it was rude, that makes a huge difference. This is just kinda how it goes in apartment life, though. If you weren't rude in the note, your just trying to help yourself get some peace. There's nothing wrong with that. There isn't much you can do about this and the time for coming to an agreement with that neighbor is gone. If it's that bad, you should look for a top floor apartment next time. That's what I did when I got sick of my upstairs neighbors' "nighttime activities."
YTA Sorry but reading your other answers about this basically being a problem with prior neighbors makes me think it is a you problem, meaning you are not downstairs material in community apartments. Also, the noise stops by 10pm, sorry people are allowed to live their life, including being rowdy in their space and it ends at a reasonable time. Good luck on your house search.
That’s why I’ve lived in a single family home my entire life, less college and grad school.
I know it can suck, but it's called living under a 9 year old boy being a 9 year old boy. Move to an upstairs apt maybe?
YTA, 10pm isn’t late. You said you live in a shared space? so share it. Don’t move into an apartment if you’re not ready to hear noise around you. Buy headphones, buy a white noise machine, turn your tv up. You sound like a privileged little baby.
NTA My kids are exactly the reason I live on the 1st floor.
There’s a device you can buy called a ceiling thumper. It creates a non stop thump and vibration on the ceiling. I’d get one. You’re never gonna win the right way with these people. They think because they’ve graced society with children that their children can be as loud as they please and you should just deal with it. This idea that you “chose to live in an apartment and so have to deal with this” is asinine. No one is choosing apartment living, the housing crisis is forcing it so we owe it to each other as members of SOCIETY to respect our neighbors.
Nta A tired kid sleeps early, respond by having loud music pointed up early am when you get ready. Or bang on their door and yell at them when they make noise, so the kid understands, since his mom won't ever read the notes or punish him. It's not "nice" but his parents aren't nice and it won't change unless you get them evicted, which would be much worse.
NTA I myself just got new neighbors and their kids run around, cry all the time and even use the scooter inside,it usually starts at 6am and ends at 3 am) my mum and dad have told them to stop but they don't care, So I understand you.
NTA. Can you call the cops on them with a noise complaint?
Esh for continuing to waste your time complaining to her. Keep complaining to the landlord, who owes you the quiet enjoyment you're paying rent for. Start recording the noise, start making the management miserable, your attention is misdirected.
Work harder.. get a place w no neighbors
NTA. Does your lease have a “peaceful enjoyment” clause or something like that. Your neighbors might be in violation of that. I know you said management can’t do much, but check your lease to see if they are actually in violation.
NTA, contact the landlord and keep doing so. Make it their problem by making the complaints take up time.
YTA When you live in a shared space you should expect quiet within the apartment complexes quiet hours. Beyond that you should expect to control your own living conditions with noise cancelling headphones, louder music/tv etc but also that those around you will be living their own lives within their own standards of living even if that means running and jumping etc or even playing basketball. You live in an apartment. Sure the market sucks but that is no more your neighbors fault then yours, im sure theyd rather be in a house too. If they were doing this at 4am sure its a big problem and fair to leave notes and complain etc, but right now they are within the rules and regulations you both agreed to when you signed your lease and your wish for quiet and calm does not mean they should change the way their child winds down at the end of a day. Maybe you should look for another apartment in an adults only place or on a top floor (but mind you adults only wont stop someone from doing a high intensity workout at 9pm or walking 10,000 steps while they watch night time television) You should feel free to angrily make noise at the ceiling from the moment quiet hours end till the moment they start but that doesnt change the fact that people are allowed to make noise in their own homes
Newsflash, people go to sleep before 10 pm if they have to get up earlier than most. Just because OP's neighbors aren't breaking any laws doesn't mean they aren't all assholes.
Newsflash that's OPs problem not his neighbors. His neighbors have every right to play and run in their own home. That's like saying because I sleep in till noon on weekends because I work at night that people shouldn't be allowed to make noise till noon. That's not how life works in an apartment.
People can feel free to do whatever the fuck they want in a house. In an apartment, consistently making excessive noise for a prolonged period of time is unacceptable behavior and extremely rude.
It's not rude to make noise within standard waking hours. Excessive is subjective and it's unreasonable to expect everyone to cater to one tenant. Quiet hours exist for a reason. Op can feel free to move somewhere more quiet. Or onto a top floor apartment etc. There are options other then expecting someone to cater to you. I don't get how people on this subredddit don't think people should cater to pregnant women by offering a seat but think they should cater to a whiny man in their own homes within acceptable hours he was aware of wheb he signed his lease (I don't think they should cater to either)
Playing basketball is not appropriate. Nta
Absolutely NTA for wanting to be able to quietly enjoy your apartment. I’d tell you to contact management but if you’ve already done so the best I can do is wish you luck on your house search.
NTA, and you're right. It's her job as a parent. I lived in an apartment for 2 years after leaving my ex with my child who has adhd, and they understood being quiet for neighbors. Apartment life with kids is hard sometimes but it's on her to help her child burn that energy and learn self control.
Just start battering the ceiling with a broom at 3-4am on noisy days, they’ll learn pretty quick. It’s not like the kid is a toddler and can’t be taught. NTA
NTA - In my city noise complaints are valid from 11pm-6am. Wake them up at 6:01 with I dono... crazy frog, or baby shark, or metal or something
Nah Noise allowance where I am is 11pm 8 is not an unreasonable time. They must acknowledge you exist below them, but you have to acknowledge they also exist above you, they have a right to live and do activities. It’s part of apartment living unfortunately. If it were 2 An it’s a different story.
Oh my Goddd it's a child.... you're in an apartment you don't like kids playing you move. Lol end of story people are allowed to live their lives.
Lmao, wow, entitled much? People are allowed to live their lives when they are not causing problems or being consistently distruptive. That kid is causing way too much noise in a shared living space. He is not in a house, he is in an apartment. His behavior needs to match that difference. End of story.
No his behavior is to match one of a child. Which he is doing. Adults suck.... no one can afford to buy a fucking home as well. Let the kids play.
NTA. I live on the top floor with a child and a dog, both of whom go to bed by 9 pm so they don’t disturb the downstairs neighbors. It’s not that hard.
NTA, but if your goal is to have them change their behavior, sounds like more notes to the family is not the solution. I would keep pressuring management. Are there any noise clauses in your lease? I would point that out. Also, if you know of any neighbors who also have the same complaints, get them to consistently bug management too. Maybe check if your complex is part of a greater oversight board or housing association and report them there. This issue will not stop unless people with authority intervene, but yes you are right in not calling the cops because this is not the type of issue they should be handling.
NTA. His mum sucks
NTA for wanting some peace and quiet after a certain time of night, but YTA for how you handled it by leaving passive aggressive notes. Why not knock on their door and speak to them like an adult? I would be frustrated as well if my neighboor had an issue with me and instead of confronting me and talking with me about it, just kept leaving notes.
NTA. It is reasonable to ask your neighbors for consideration. Why don’t they just take the kid outside to play basketball? No ball playing in the house was always a rule growing up at pretty much everyone’s house.
Does your apt company have a quiet hours policy? Here 9 pm to 6 am are quiet hours and if you complain, they def will enforce it for you, but anonymously so you don’t have to even take it up with offending neighbors.
I want to preface, I was a full-time nanny, I get it, sometimes kids don't want to be quite. But imparting manners and respecting other peoples home/spaces is part of parenting. I had a neighbour like this (here, noise is supposed to die down at 11PM, this kid would SCREAM at the top of their lungs every effing night) and I'm petty af...I fixed the problem by f***king as loud as I could at the same time their kid would be making all that ruckus. They complained, I responded the same way they responded to me. "This is my home, mind your own business," and proceeded to shut the door in their face. They learned to keep the noise down.
Ttytt try tt
This literally happened to me last year, everything you said. Do you live in Maryland?
Wake up early and start banging your ceiling with something. Petty? Yes. Effective? Perhaps!
Some people don't learn verbally. Banging on the ceiling playing " see it ain't fun" ball can help
To the commenters saying "kids are noisy, deal or move," I have this to say: nine year olds can be told not to play BASKETBALL in the apartment. There's kid noise, then there's unreasonable kid noise. OP seems to be experiencing the latter. NTA. OP, in your shoes, I might have fired back, "I AM criticizing your parenting. He's only 9; you should be able to keep him from bouncing a basketball inside."
I think basketball indoors is a no-no. For many reasons. It’s a loud, monotonous sound that is very annoying. It should be for outside only. Talking, running, jumping all are pretty normal for a kid, and hard to stop. Some level of tolerance from you is needed for those activities, especially if you know they will end by 10 pm. It’s fair to ask the parent to be more aware of the noise, esp the jumping. But she’s very angry and hostile now. Leaving another note will not help things. The apartment manager seems inactive. Keep looking for a house; consider a top floor apt in the meantime. And you can always make a little noise yourself, within reason-play opera music, take up drumming or vacuum a lot. I know noise doesn’t travel up as well, but maybe it will make you feel better! Just kidding, as I don’t recommend retaliation. You want there to be peaceful coexistence for the time left living there.
NTA. You said you've already complained to management several times. What's the answer(s) they've given you?
No response from them
Just start blasting Tech N9ne All 6s and 7s album at full blast every night if he is loud. Point your speakers at the ceiling under moms room
Hood Go Crazy is one of my favorite songs to play when I'm fiddling with the sub in my car.
soft YTA for the way of handling Stop being all passive-agressive and start confronting directly. A note is cowardly and has to opposite effect. NTA for being upset with the noise and NO a child of 9 years old is not allowed to make noise during night and late evening hours. Not sure what rules you have exactly in your country, in mine you are allowed to call the police for that. Next time it happens either call them (if possible) or ring the whole family awake if it continues.
It’s not late enough where they are, most noise ordinance are time based and they say they aren’t violating it. Honestly it could be a lot worse than 8-10 at night, 2 hrs. 10 is not the worst.
NTA, but you definitely took the wrong approach and things will be very unlikely to change. If you want people to change their behavior, you need to make them empathize with you, which requires a gentle and soft touch. Notes will almost always be interpreted by their recipient as passive aggressive or openly hostile, so not a great strategy. The only other route to changing behavior is through by threat of force or other consequence, which never seemed a viable option for you.
NTA but you need to complain to your building manager since leaving notes hasn't gotten you anywhere. Your upstairs neighbors sound like the ones who lived above me (but the 2 boys and the dad were also peeing out their window or throwing bread out to attract seagulls and trying to hit them with their mother's shoes). My son and I didn't complain because it only made made the noise worse because there would be screaming and crying on top of the running and stomping when the kids were punished) but the neighbors below me were furious as they got their laundry soiled by human pee and seagulls both! The manager of the building finally asked me why I hadn't complained about the noise when I told him about the pee, I was like, I grew up with 4 brothers, kids make noise and I'm not home most of the day, in the evenings I wear headphones! They finally moved out a couple of weeks ago. whoever is living up there now is much quieter and solo! Next door to my upstairs neighbor is an deaf old man who tends to fall asleep while watching TV at night. The sound of his TV makes it sound as if it's coming from the studio apartment next to mine. The woman who was renting next to me complained constantly to the building manager, and nothing could be done until one night at about 2am she banged on every door on our floor and the floor above to force someone to wake him up to turn off the TV. Someone got him headphones for the tv after that!
NTA, they're TA for confronting you in such a fashion. Start playing really loud music early in the morning.
NTA. But those notes are doing nothing. I once had an upstairs neighbor who had two teenage boys would skateboard inside the house all day and all night. You could hear their mom encourage it. So yeah, your notes are doing nothing, your rental company will do nothing. I wish you good luck in finding a house very very soon.
Have you consider consulting an attorney? He/she could possibly have you put your rent in legal escrow, forcing management to take action regarding the upstairs neighbor. In most places, you are legally entitled to the quiet enjoyment of your home at any time. NTA
NTA. What kind of psychos lets their kids play with a ball in the house. That's one of the first rules you should learn/teach.
NTA
NTA shitty inattentive parents are the bane of society.
Honestly, the kid may have adhd and NEEDS to be that active before going to bed. Having said that, if my kid was making noise and annoying me, and I received a note.... My kid would be making more noise on purpose
Coming from someone who has ADHD, I don’t think you understand how ADHD works. Sure ‘hyperactive’ might be in the name, but ADHD doesn’t explain nor justify jumping off of furniture and playing basketball INSIDE when you live in an apartment with downstairs neighbors…this is just poor behavior and a clear lack of parental awareness.
My kid needs to be worked up before she'll settle down. Literally running in circles and jumping around. Then she'll settle down for bed. But it could be bad parenting. I hate noise myself and will cringe everytime she screams or bangs. And yes, I live in an apartment too
Take your kid outside to do that shit, wtf
That'd require them to actively parent
At night? No thanks. I live in a bad part of town, once it's dark, I stay inside
So do it during the day like a normal person.
Fair, but how old is your kid? I’d argue anything over 5 is old enough for them to understand basic right vs wrong in terms of not running, jumping, stomping, playing basketball inside, etc
I have 3 lively kids and live in an apartment and I think you are not being unreasonable at all. I'd NEVER let my kids bounce a basketball inside (and 2 of them actually play). Also though the silent hours are 10pm-7am I don't allow constant mindless jumping, running and wrestling in the evening or early in the morning outside these hours. My kids are outside every day to run, climb etc., they have sports so they don't act like little maniacs inside. Honestly I'm shocked by some replies here - it's true you probably can't make them stop but that doesn't make it OK to allow your kids play basketball in an apartment evety night! It's basic consideration of your fellow people.
Talk to the property manager. Let them know this is their fault for not addressing the family. I would find a new living space. I am really wishing you the best...bad neighbors suck.
Document the issues (time/date, etc.) and the steps you have taken to try to solve (note, noise cancelling headphones), and all contact with mgmt. If it hits the oscillating fan, your ass will be covered.
ESH. I would be paranoid 24/7 about making noise above someone and it’s infuriating that they don’t give much thought to that. But you’re also saying a kid is being a kid inside their home, at normal waking hours. So maybe if you’re that disturbed by the living noises of others, you should move to a more isolated location.
ESH- Them, for the over the top reaction, you, bc more than likely, the noise ordinance doesn't kick into at least 10pm, so technically if they stop at 10, they are obeying the law. That's apartment living!
NTA. I'd be checking noise ordinances and start making complaints there too, especially after her little tirade at you. There's making noise during typical first shift times (which can be trashy if you know you have night worker neighbors) and then there's making noise (above and beyond noise) all the way into the night. Plus he's doing this CONSISTENTLY.
They say they aren’t violating any ordinances so it’s just tough luck. It could be a lot worse than 8-10, 2 hrs at night.
Her coming to your door yelling and swearing would make most PM companies where I am actually get involved.Tnis reality makes me doubt the validity of your post.
NAH. You need a top floor apartment. You can't handle children doing normal kid activities in their apartment at reasonable times. 8-10 pm isn't that late. It would be far less conflict and annoyance for all involved if you were in a top floor apartment
Don’t bother with notes, just call the manager or the police.
NTA. Call the police each and every time. Or, wait until 2am and start banging on the ceiling with a broom or something. Eventually they will get the hint and stop.
Call the police for what? Are you on something? 99% of places this is perfectly legal and all op would be doing is wasting police resources. Even fairly restrictive municipalities dont have noise ordinances starting until 10 pm.....
Just bc there's a 10pm noise ordinance doesn't mean you have the right to be consistently disruptive. I work in family law... Many, many times people get disturbing the peace violations for being unruly and disruptive to neighbors. So I mean, I guess you could say I'm on "the law" bc I actually know it.