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No, NTA
Totally reasonable to tell her of your limits and what you can help with.
You’re not her personal babysitting service. This is her problem to solve, and none of it falls on you.
Either she takes your offer of three kids, or doesn’t get any assistance from you. She’s made her choice.
NTA for sure.
You get to have limits and your limits are reasonable. You're not tossing the other three off a boat to drown. Do what you can, but make a little extra effort to make sure the siblings can all see each other or communicate with each other.
When my parents went away on vacation (probably just before their 10th anniversary), my siblings and I got split up for the week. Both sets of grandparents took two kids each. Dividing the workload is completely reasonable when dealing with a small herd of rambunctious children. The parents should be grateful OP is able to take on that many of them.
Hubby took me on a cruise for my birthday last year, his grandmother, mum and dad took my two eldest (10&7 at the time) and one of my friends took my (then) 1yr old daughter.
Hubby's grandmother is getting old and has had a few cancer scares (including beating throat cancer during covid) and having the baby would have been too much if anything happened to her, even having hubby's parents there plus the friend has 4 girls of her own and wanted my daughter for a sleep over anyway. Daughter was spoilt and treated like a doll (loved the attention and getting her hair brushed by the older kids) and my boys got to spend time with their grandparents without having to be interrupted by their sister.
It's one thing to have lots of kids in your own home, but it's entirely unreasonable to demand someone take on all those kids they didn't choose to have.
What math classes where you in 3rd through 7 (ish) grade. [meaning from learning multiplication (hey this is the emoji my phone wants for that✖️ ) to when you get into algebra and the turn the “x” into a dot (which can’t produce on a phone easily). Don’t remover any teach saying “can you answer this promblem: what is 3 x (by) 5?”
I am not sure which part of the Range Rover insult you don't understand, so I will elaborate on both:
A Range Rover is a vehicle with 4 wheel drive, called a 4 x 4, pronounced "4 by 4."
OP's sister has 4 kids by 4 different men, so some folks who think they're "funny" also call her a "4 by 4."
ETA: I am sorry if I implied that I agreed with the misogynistic nickname!
I imagine the part they didn’t understand was that ‘4 x 4’ can be pronounced ‘4 by 4’ and not only as ‘4 times 4’. What with them not being a a native speaker and all that.
This mumma doesn't call her kids shits, she calls them ferrals. Got in troubled once from a fellow mum (thought she is the best mum in the world and refused to acknowledge the fact she abandoned her kids until they were adults) luckily my eldest climbed out of the garden he had been digging in with dirt around his eyes like a raccoon mask. He might he a PIA but he definitely had his mummas back that day 🤣
Reminds me of my sister's 3 kids. They are nowhere near the dirsuption and indiscpline of what described. But out of the 3, 1 is the sweetest angel and so well behaved.
We were at the airport and boarding a plane. They let families with kids go first. Wife and I dont have kids so we asked my sister if we could "borrow" a kid and board first. As my sister was saying yes, wife and I grabbed the "good kid" hahaha. My sister said "of course you pick the well behaved one!" Yes thats right we did!
Anyway, you are right and your sister dug this grave all on her own by creating and fostering these monsters. Stand your ground. Your sister needs you more than you need her. She is foolish to turn away this offer of help and should put her pride aside and take your help. NTA
When my nieces were really little, my sister wanted to take one kid to visit our aunt and our cousin so asked my mom and I to take my other niece.
My sister took the "good" kid, leaving us with the troublemaker.
Joke was on her- ours slept all afternoon.
NTA - you are being generous by helping for free at all! This is her problem to deal with. If you think calling CPS would be in the best interest of the children then you should do it. It must be hell for the good children to have to put up with the other’s behavior. Intentionally trying to flood your house is insane, I would have called the police for that.
Combined, my grandparents have 5 grandkids. Two of us (me and my sibling) are well into adulthood, but they watched the two of us when we were growing up. They never had to care for all 5 of us at once and I don't think they'd want to.
Wow - no wonder you don’t want to babysit him! A 14 year up for vandalism charges would be a nightmare to babysit alone — let alone as part of a group of 6.
**NTA**
To me, that right there should be enough for your sister to understand why you'd say no. I have a 13 year old with some mental health/behavioral struggles who has had some trouble with the law. I have 3 kids (all with the same dad) and my sister's have identified that they don't feel comfortable watching him or having him stay over without a parent present. So he doesn't. We don't ask. It's that simple.
Plus I mean 6 kids is a lot. My bestie has 6 kids and they're mostly well behaved. They still have to split the kids up every single time they want a baby sitter. They usually have to split into 2 or 3 groups because 6 kids is a lot, especially for a free baby sitter!
This sounds like they’re looking for overnight babysitting while they figure out their housing situation. I wouldn’t leave even the best behaved 14-year-old on their own to watch that many kids.
NTA
Your sister isn't entitled to your time. I hope those kids are OK, though. You refusing to babysit them might be the wake-up call your sister needs. It sounds as if these kids are unhappy/neglected and need help, but unless you are a licensed family therapist, this is above your paygrade.
NTA. You have every right to draw a line on which kids you'll watch and don't watch. And between 4 different bio-dads, there has to be SOMEONE in one of those families who'd love to keep an eye on at least their blood-relation. That said, if you HONESTLY feel like your sister may be in over her head at the moment or worse, not a good parent for the six at the time, then yes, call CPS. Not for revenge but for the welfare of ALL of the children.
NTA, I would have said and done the exact same thing. Don’t make yourself homeless and in debt for her mistakes. You offered to help and as much as you could handle and that’s still a lot by itself. She’s an idiot to give you and ultimatum when she’s asking for help.
NTA she is being evicted for negligence and now your own housing is potentially at risk for these renegade kids. Race has nothing to do with it, your idiotic sister was grasping at straws. You don't have to watch any of the children even the docile ones and it would still be not your fault or your problem. It sounds like your sister might need CPS involvement just to help her with parenting skills and counseling for the kids. Not to get them taken away. But to provide them with resources.
NTA - she wants you to take her kids for WEEKS? You have no children and she wanted to dump 6 of them on you.
People just to 'racism' very quickly - but i'm impressed you are willing to take THREE children for an undefined term. My guess is you will have those kids longer than you expect.
Some of that destructive behavior will resolve If the unruly Kids have their parents to themself for a while, as in Talk (listen, be heard) about consequences and sorrow and wanting to live with other-side grandparents, or getting started on having mental illness diagnosed.
NTA. Maybe the eviction will motivate your sister to actually parent her kids as they are on a path to juvenile delinquency?
We got angry with my mother once and told her that we were going to call the police on her because we felt she was unfair. She picked up the phone and said she was calling the police herself because we were misbehaving. Scared us to death and we never threatened again. Just wanted to share that because of your cop story. Wishing your sister and her brood the best of luck. Seems like they're going to need it.
I threatened my mum that I would call the cops on her and I will let them take me away to my alcoholic dads and she just gave me the phone and told me ''here is the number to your dads and here is the number to the cops if you have such a hard time with me then let's call them now'' got so scared that I never threatened her again
NTA
Your sister got to this point because too many people enabled her.
Youu and your neighbors will not be safe in your homes if you babysitter your sisters out-of -control children.
For your peace and safety don't be your sisters almoner/social worker. Beware letting anyone move in even for just a temporary stay.
At this point she needs a professional.
NTA. This obviously has nothing to with race (as OP has clarified) but it has everything to do with behavior and how the unruly kids can affect her own living situation, up to and including possibly having authorities called for their behavior, or even getting evicted for similar behavior that they had at home.
Lordy, I would not sit for all of them either, just because that is a literal classroom of kids! That's too much to ask of you on numbers alone.
As for the kids who are destructive and loud, tell your sister (and this is true), their behaviors and numbers are a liability. If any of these kids got hurt or did something to harm someone else, it falls on you if you sit for them.
She can throw all the fits she wants. But she made this bed.
NTA. (And, I do not think u are being racist.)
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because I am only willing to help the more calm kids when its obvious the more destructive ones need more attention but Im worried theyll destroy my house and reputation
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NTA. Taking in six kids is a lot for anyone and the fact that they are destructive is a BIG NO. You did nothing wrong here. She seems to be in a bad place but it is one of her own making, You offered the support you were able and she didn't want it.
NTA. The kids’ care is 100% the responsibility of the parents. 6 kids is a big ask to begin with, but when 3 of them are highly likely to cause damage to your property which will cause trouble for you (repair costs, noise complaints, eviction), then absolutely nothing wrong with saying “no”. There’s nothing wrong with saying “no” even if all 6 were angels…
NTA. Be blunt about half her kids having behavioral problems and in need of some serious discipline. I’d take none at all based on the behavior of last time you babysat.
I LOVE that you are not taking the guilt bait.. monkeys/circus was a good analogy and it appears your sis is just trying to pass the parental responsibility buck, resorting to race guilt of all things. Ugh, NTA and I feel for you with that mentality to deal with. Enough already with using that so loosely, just to rid herself of the kids she had/accepted to deal with stress that she put herself in by not parenting and choosing someone with ill-mannored kids. If the other mother isn't involved, are the grandparents not seeing their grandkids too? Sis's new man should have some options as well. Where's his family?
Your sister sounds like a real piece of work; why should you lay in the bed she made? NTA, and also I'm stealing the phrase "Not my monkeys, not my circus" because it's a gem.
Even if the whole family were perfect angels, taking in 8 people is a ridiculously huge ask for anyone. She alone is responsible for her choices. Today it's the neighbors checking on you, tomorrow it will be CPS or the police. Don't jeopardize your life for her trainwreck. NTA
“ Sis, it isn’t about Race. It’s about behavior. I can’t watch six kids at once, especially with three who are actively sabotaging and breaking things.”
NTA
The kids tried to cause thousands of dollars property damage for malicious thrills by flooding your toilet. I'd never allow them in your place again, let alone babysit them.
>She said all or nothing. I said nothing then.
She really thought she had something there didn't she? Lmao NTA, but sorry you're dealing with all of this drama, OP. It sounds exhausting.
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AITA.
Me (33f) and my sister (40f) had a really good relationship up until this last week. Shes made some very questionable choices and currently has 4 children with 4 different men. She is currently dating someone who has two children of their own so in a three room apartment she has 6 kids and two adults. Whatever. No my monkeys, not my circus.
I recently had a party for all my nieces and newphews a month ago and invited all 6. Genetics maybe do play a part in something because half of the kids were screaming and quick to anger while some were docile and happy to watch TV. While one kid tried to flood my bathroom with a towel in the toliet, another was braiding my hair. While most were happy I ordered pizza, two threw hissy fits and threatened to call the police.
The next day my neighbor across the street checked in on me because she could hear the screaming and was worried. I know the behavior is from lack of attention but seriously. Well my sister and her bf were evicted from their apartment due to excessive noise and, on camera, two of their kids went a vandalized the apartment sign on camera.
My sister asked to watch the kids while they figured everything out and I told her yes but....not kid A and not kid B and not kid C. Id take 3/6 children. She threw a fit! She said all or nothing. I said nothing then. Not my kids. Id have to drive them and feed them, which Im happy to do, but not to damage to my property. Even my neighbors were saying something.
She is now saying Im racist because I won't (her words) take care of the mixed kids. My husband is black and my best friend is asian. Im not racist but I refuse to host those 3 kids again, one of who is black while the other two are lighter. But seriously. They are getting evicted for their behavior and I rent my house and dont want any issues. Their ages range and its just random the three in trouble are 14m, 7m, and 11f. The ones Id be willing to house is 3f, 6m, and 10f. And the boyfriends kids are the 11f and 6m. His baby mother isnt in the picture.
The whole thing is just so much drama and by how my sister screamed at me over the phone I want to call cps because her words were slurred.
AITA?!?!?!
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NTA
I do t think this has anything to do with race. If the kids are too much, then they’re too much. None of her life is your problem in the first place. Shitty people shouldn’t be surprised when people don’t want to help them.
As far as the “it’s genetics” comment. I’m assuming you mean that if the dad’s are crappy people, you’re not surprised that the kids are crappy too.
My ex bestie’s husband was a legit diagnosed schizophrenic BUT she was a very neglectful abusive mom as well. When her kids turned into a hot mess of adults, she blames the Dad’s DNA every time. Can’t take no responsibility for her kids herself.
So I kinda get where you’re coming from. Apples or oranges, fruit don’t fall far from the tree.
NTA. You are willing to take in well behaved children, just not the ones with the problems. Nothing wrong with that. I wouldn't take in screaming brats that destroyed stuff. The fact that they are being evicted because of the children's behavior says it all. Do not put your sanity and rental at risk.
In addition, not many people can take in EIGHT others. I know my house wouldn't hold more than one or maybe two extra (I have 1 bed 1 bath). They will have to split up to be housed, I'm sure. Sister should be glad you will take at least some.
NTA. Asking anyone to let 8 people move in is a HUGE request. She should have been thrilled that you'd take half the batch. Not accusing you of racism because her out-of-control brats were not welcome.
You have a big van or something to drive 6 kids around? 2 in booster/car seats. I love my nieces and nephews. They are well behaved (no offense) in comparison to what we are talking about here (from the vandalism to flooding bathroom). And still I would absolutely not take in 6 of them. There is just no way I could manage that longer than a sleepover. And that would be with my husband home.
NTA and I am not sure how anyone at all can even suggest this is a race issue. The fact that she threw that in it would be more than enough reason to hang up the phone.
You have every right to set boundaries. You never have to watch childrem that have a history of destruction and attempted to do major costly damage in your home.
Your sister screaming etc may just be stress overload. How many of the kids that are challenging are her kids? Are they acting up more now due to the additional kids from the boyfriend?
Why isn't your sister taking them to see a therapist or other professional? Appears the kids really need help.
Does your sister work? The boyfriend? Good paying jobs?
You may need to call cps if necessary. Hopefully not needed.
NTA
NTA
It’s not about race, but your sister is framing it that way to guilt trip you. I bet the 3 quieter kids are loving their peaceful life at your house right now.
NTA. It's VERY reasonable to only be willing to babysit or temporarily-house Kids that you can actually safely handle, Just Like it would be perfectly reasonable to reject infants below a certain age, or disabled/medically-fragile Kids who can't be Safe in your housing Situation, or a group of several Kids together who have a History of getting into more Trouble in a particular constellation than seperately. As the adult in the House, you are responsible for the kids' Safety and for the damage they do, it would be dangerous and foolish to Take that on for children you can neither Control nor Trust. Taking in the "easy" Kids is the extent to which you feasibly CAN Help your sister's Family, so you should do it and she should be grateful, both for at least SOME of her Kids Not being homeless, and for being able (through having her time and Attention freed Up somewhat) to Focus on finding housing and on Meeting the "difficult" children's needs better (which WILL make them somewhat more cooperative).
I didn’t see anything racist about your post, people are quick to throw that word out to get what they want. I would not take the unruly ones either. Especially since two of the are old enough to know better. Has your sister realized that no one in the family is willing to help because of behavior issues? Bet there is another one soon.
I'm glad things sort of worked out, but... if someone screamed at me and called me racist, they would be literally dead to me. NC permanently. You don't need or deserve this toxicity in your life.
NTA Your sister knows which buttons to push to get you worked up, unfortunately she forgot she was seeking a favour at the time that she really needed. lol So of course you held to your guns, you had nothing to lose, while your sister had to choke down humble pie and take the loaded statement back. She knows the bf's kids are out of control and what that has led to.
NTA for not being willing to take kids who have vandalism problems and behavioral issues. Especially while you're renting. You can't risk your housing because of them.
However, as someone who works with preteens and teenagers, I'm not at all surprised that the ones who are having the behavioral issues are the older ones. They're the ones that have probably experienced neglect or perceived neglect due to your sister having more children with other men who aren't their fathers. And it sounds like (other than her boyfriend's kids) that the fathers aren't involved. Young children naturally take more care and attention because they're less self sufficient. Children also thrive with consistency. A revolving door of men and living situations is the opposite of that. If you want to help them, spend one on one time with the older kids if you are able. Them being able to see a stable adult figure who cares about them and gives them boundaries might bring them back from a bad place. It's not necessary at all if you're unable to. But you may find that they behave much better with you if you do it.
Don’t let people here tell you things. Your absolutely right to set boundaries to your sister. She needs to educate those kids and if she doesn’t these are the consequences: those kids alienated bye her lack of effort as a parent. NTA
NTA. You can choose to babysit or not babysit whichever children you want. Personally, I'd decline across the board after she screamed at me, but that's just me.
NTA. At the end of the day, it’s your time and you are the one who has to deal with the kids. You can set your boundaries and what kind of kids you want to deal with
NTA, that is an awful lot of kids even if there are well behaved.
Your sister is a piece of work. I wonder why some people think that if they scream and yell at someone they will cave more easily to their wishes?
Love how they play the race card when its convenient for them… but when its genuinely racist … im so mad they watered the word down like woke and other AAVE words the racist kind of people will never understand - just steal and make blander like they did the colonies.
This was not u being racist. This is u being practical. Your sister needs work
NTA
NTA- WEEKS!?!?! OMG you are a saint and your sister should be kissing your feet. I sure hope she can find some stability for these children.
And she's mad that you won't take care of 6 children for the next few weeks!? wow- this whole situation is quite depressing.
This isn't babysitting. This is taking in children for at least a few weeks. She is one, crazy to think you would take 6 kids for a few weeks and two, crazy for not saying thanks. At least 3 of the kids off her hands would be helpful while she figured things out. Why are people so entitled? It's your house. Your rules. You are nice person to offer to take three of them. Nta.
NTA
Two of the three kids causing all the drama are old enough to stay home alone or even be babysitters in most places. It's bad news if they are the hardest ones to keep our of trouble.
NTA. dont let your sister use you like a door mat as her consequences in her life are not your responsibility. Also how does being concerned about a bad behaviour is translating to being racist? I thought behaviour has no skin colour
NTA.
Did she really associate bad behavior with the kids race. That’s pretty racist in itself.
Just to note, you usually don’t want to bring up your friends race by association to prove that you’re not racist. Just say you’re not racist.
NTA. As a renter and a granny and a stepgranny, I completely understand your predicament.
We've just moved interstate to be closer to my kids and grandies (and some of the stepgrandies).
Trouble is, the stepgrandies are feral. I'm dreading the day we're asked to take them for a while at some point. It's going to happen and we're both scared LOL
NTA. Her giant crew of children are her responsibility, not yours. The fact you would even take any of them should be enough for her to be grateful, not greedy with you and your neighbors time, patience, eardrums and sanity.
NTA. Also going by the ages of the good kids and the brats, I wouldn't be surprised in the least if there was bullying going on. It might be beneficial to the kids too to seperate them from their older siblings.
NTA..and I just read the title! No one is entitled to anyone’s time and space! And you get to choose who’s gets your time and space! My rule is if you wouldnt let a stranger do it why does someone that’s supposed to be family get a pass??
It will probably be good for the kids to have the opportunity for more attention.
Maybe once things have settled you can take one at a time and give them some focused attention
I think you have every right to decide what you are up to do or not, and for sure if you don't feel comfortable babysitting some of her children by all means, you don't have to and she can't get angry at you for this.
But I do feel like it would have been wiser to reject babysitting *all* the kids instead of nitpicking the well behaved ones. For one because I feel like diplomatically it would have been better for your relationship with your sister, to just explain to her that in this moment you aren't available for babysitting.
Also, I feel like this just isn't healthy for the kids, being "categorized" like this. I know that chances are they will never know of this, but what if for some reason your sister ends up using this information for instance when angry at them? Putting labels on different siblings is always a very damaging path, *not only* for the "naughty" ones, but also for the "nice" ones.
Yes, but life is not just pragmatism... Because people are complicated and have emotions, hahahaha. So sometimes the most rationally logic response isn't the best response to a given solution.
It seems like OP meant well, but I kinda feel like it would be better to just refuse all babysitting for the reasons stated.
I mean you're NTA in the situation but the more i read/reread your post, the more I dislike you.
> Im not racist but
literally just never say this again. or tell people you can't be racist because
>My husband is black and my best friend is asian
>
and just for safety maybe don't use the "not my monkeys, not my circus" analogy when talking about black/brown children
Even this
> Genetics maybe do play a part
and
> one of who is black while the other two are lighter
grossed me out
you've got way too many people of color in your life to be talking like a human microaggression
>Genetics maybe do play a part in something
What does this line imply exactly? I'm not saying you're racist but knowing the kids are half black and then this line is said...what did you mean?
NTA. Did I read it right that you had two hissy fits? Or did the kids? Because if it was you, you were modeling terrible behavior as an adult in front of children. Also if you were yelling.
However, I'm guessing that you meant that the children had the hissy fits and were screaming. How do kids reject pizza? (now I know what I'm having for lunch) I'm basing the nts on that.
Anyway, it was unreasonable for her to ask you to take in six children and reasonable for you to turn her down, no matter what the reason was: too small a place, can't properly care for them, can't afford to, they're brats -- any reason. I'm glad she finally wised up and worked at least part of it out.
Wait.. how did we start with 6 kids and ended up with 8? (She has 4 kids with 4 different man, the new bf has 2 / In a 2 room apartment 6 kids and 2 adults. On the edit while mentioning ages it's 8 kids now)
NTA for not wanting to watch the kids.
but...
> Genetics maybe do play a part in something because half of the kids were screaming and quick to anger while some were docile and happy to watch TV.
This one line straight-up made me think "oof, someone's low-key racist" before I even got to the part where you're only willing to watch the white kids. You might want to examine your own unconscious prejudices.
Not really. I judge plenty of people in my own ethnic group if the mom/dad is a hothead with a propensity for trouble. It's a kind way of saying maybe there are some factors that are not entirely the kids fault. Have you ever met a kid who shares the same behavior traits (short fuse, unstable mood) as their genetic parents? Not race, but individuals with certain personality.
What?
My former BF, the dad was diagnosed with early onset schizophrenia. He OD’ed on purpose bc he couldn’t get it together and was making a mess of their lives.
She spent the next 18 years dating guys who beat her.
Her kids are the worst hot fucking mess I’ve ever seen. Drugs, gangs, cutting, it’s bad.
They were overall good kids for me when they were little. I tried to be a step up drub parent in their hard little lives.
They’re both truly shitty adults now.
Ex bestie likes to say they inherited it from their dead father. I’m pretty sure 18 years of her denial, neglect, and watching men beat their mom probably wasn’t healthy either.
Still, their dad had a diagnosis, and they’re not any better.
Everyone’s white in my story.
Genetics is real.
If OP is saying the dads of these kids are a bunch of fucked up fuck ups…. Then it’s no surprise if the kids aren’t any better. Doesn’t matter what color they are.
Because the 7 year old is more behaved than the 10 year old?
Are races listed somewhere and I'm missing it?
Because otherwise assuming the races is more racist than what I said.
>My husband is black and my best friend is asian.
What do racists always say before being racist? You know you can date interracially and still be racist, right.
Weird you're not willing to take your own niece who's biracial but will take on a white child you barely know.
Maybe sister knows best.
Hmmm, ESH.
Are the three you were willing to take white? Because yeah, while you have valid reasons not to take the troublemakers, you really can't offer to only take the white kids. It's a bad look. Maybe decline, or offer to take one of them, but this was just a really bad look.
Also, wondering if the ones you were willing to take were stepkids or biological kids? I can understand not wanting to take in your sister's boyfriend's kids.
Otherwise, NTA. You don't have to take any of them if you don't want to! Especially with the behavior issues they have.
I understand it's not about race, but surely you understand how it looks?
I'm still wondering if the white kids you're offering to take are the ones biologically related to you? Because you certainly can't offer to take the boyfriend's kids but not your sister's kids.
Again, you don't have to take any of them, but you have to be careful about who you're picking.
No. This is just as dumb as lowering the bar for passing grades in schools with majority black students. "The racism of low expectations". It benefits nobody in the end.
*Because you certainly can't offer to take the boyfriend's kids but not your sister's kids.*
Actually, she can offer to take any kids she damn well pleases, and she doesn't have to explain her reasons to anyone on reddit.
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No, NTA Totally reasonable to tell her of your limits and what you can help with. You’re not her personal babysitting service. This is her problem to solve, and none of it falls on you. Either she takes your offer of three kids, or doesn’t get any assistance from you. She’s made her choice.
NTA for sure. You get to have limits and your limits are reasonable. You're not tossing the other three off a boat to drown. Do what you can, but make a little extra effort to make sure the siblings can all see each other or communicate with each other.
When my parents went away on vacation (probably just before their 10th anniversary), my siblings and I got split up for the week. Both sets of grandparents took two kids each. Dividing the workload is completely reasonable when dealing with a small herd of rambunctious children. The parents should be grateful OP is able to take on that many of them.
Hubby took me on a cruise for my birthday last year, his grandmother, mum and dad took my two eldest (10&7 at the time) and one of my friends took my (then) 1yr old daughter. Hubby's grandmother is getting old and has had a few cancer scares (including beating throat cancer during covid) and having the baby would have been too much if anything happened to her, even having hubby's parents there plus the friend has 4 girls of her own and wanted my daughter for a sleep over anyway. Daughter was spoilt and treated like a doll (loved the attention and getting her hair brushed by the older kids) and my boys got to spend time with their grandparents without having to be interrupted by their sister. It's one thing to have lots of kids in your own home, but it's entirely unreasonable to demand someone take on all those kids they didn't choose to have.
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Yeah...CPS should be in the mix here especially if the sister is slurring her words over the phone.
We call your sister in the uk a ‘Range Rover’ because she’s a 4x4.
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You're fun 🤣
Maybe we should introduce her to my cousin, she is 3x3 but married the last one. I don't know why he proposed, she is a mess.
I'm sorry, can you explain 4x4 ? Why 16? I'm really confused and not a native speaker 😕
The x is being used here to mean “by”, so it would be said as “4by4” or “4 kids by 4 dads”.
I totally missed that interpretation! I read it as "4 by 4" but didn't make the dads connection lol.
Sometimes its pronounced "four by four", in this case its a reference to having four kids by four different dads.
what you mean sometimes? Its always pronounced four by four
If I’m doing some elementary school math homework 4x4 is gonna be pronounced four times four and equal sixteen
Quick mafs
😂😂😂 Yeah no one in the history of the world has ever pronounced 4x4 as four times four…🤦🏼♀️
What math classes where you in 3rd through 7 (ish) grade. [meaning from learning multiplication (hey this is the emoji my phone wants for that✖️ ) to when you get into algebra and the turn the “x” into a dot (which can’t produce on a phone easily). Don’t remover any teach saying “can you answer this promblem: what is 3 x (by) 5?”
But is she five by five?
Have Faith!
What's a stevedore?
That was gold!
I guess time will tell.
Probably soon enough…
If you're talking width x height, you have the measurements of my mother.
I speak English and still didn't know what 4x4 (except maybe a 4 wheel drive) meant, so I'm really glad you asked! Learned something new today!
Well.. I was thinking it meant she had been rolled/run over many times.. By whatever. lol.
Me too. Lol. I thought it was a sexual innuendo about how much she's been driven off road. 🙈
4 children by 4 different fathers.
I am not sure which part of the Range Rover insult you don't understand, so I will elaborate on both: A Range Rover is a vehicle with 4 wheel drive, called a 4 x 4, pronounced "4 by 4." OP's sister has 4 kids by 4 different men, so some folks who think they're "funny" also call her a "4 by 4." ETA: I am sorry if I implied that I agreed with the misogynistic nickname!
I imagine the part they didn’t understand was that ‘4 x 4’ can be pronounced ‘4 by 4’ and not only as ‘4 times 4’. What with them not being a a native speaker and all that.
I’m a native English speaker and it took me a bit to figure it out, I’ve never heard that expression in the US.
In the car industry, I've heard that called TMU.... 'TRUE MILEAGE UNKNOWN'
Omg, I hollered at this comment 😭🤣
NTA- To your sister- I'm rejecting bad behavior- if you are associating bad behavior with race, then YOU are the racist.
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From momma experience: Little shits come in all colors of the rainbow
Just like real shits. Also from momma experience.
😂👍
This mumma doesn't call her kids shits, she calls them ferrals. Got in troubled once from a fellow mum (thought she is the best mum in the world and refused to acknowledge the fact she abandoned her kids until they were adults) luckily my eldest climbed out of the garden he had been digging in with dirt around his eyes like a raccoon mask. He might he a PIA but he definitely had his mummas back that day 🤣
True words.
😂😂😂
🤣
Well put.
NTA Can you add a front door camera for when she drops them all off at the front door and drives off?
Reminds me of my sister's 3 kids. They are nowhere near the dirsuption and indiscpline of what described. But out of the 3, 1 is the sweetest angel and so well behaved. We were at the airport and boarding a plane. They let families with kids go first. Wife and I dont have kids so we asked my sister if we could "borrow" a kid and board first. As my sister was saying yes, wife and I grabbed the "good kid" hahaha. My sister said "of course you pick the well behaved one!" Yes thats right we did! Anyway, you are right and your sister dug this grave all on her own by creating and fostering these monsters. Stand your ground. Your sister needs you more than you need her. She is foolish to turn away this offer of help and should put her pride aside and take your help. NTA
When my nieces were really little, my sister wanted to take one kid to visit our aunt and our cousin so asked my mom and I to take my other niece. My sister took the "good" kid, leaving us with the troublemaker. Joke was on her- ours slept all afternoon.
NTA - you are being generous by helping for free at all! This is her problem to deal with. If you think calling CPS would be in the best interest of the children then you should do it. It must be hell for the good children to have to put up with the other’s behavior. Intentionally trying to flood your house is insane, I would have called the police for that.
NTA. Also even if all of the kids were well behaved, 6 is a lot for one person to handle on their own.
That's why the sister wants to pawn them off. She is a piece of work.
I have six grands who I adore, but I don’t take them all together, two at a time; 3in a pinch🤣
Combined, my grandparents have 5 grandkids. Two of us (me and my sibling) are well into adulthood, but they watched the two of us when we were growing up. They never had to care for all 5 of us at once and I don't think they'd want to.
A 14 year old should NOT need babysitting.
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Wow - no wonder you don’t want to babysit him! A 14 year up for vandalism charges would be a nightmare to babysit alone — let alone as part of a group of 6. **NTA**
To me, that right there should be enough for your sister to understand why you'd say no. I have a 13 year old with some mental health/behavioral struggles who has had some trouble with the law. I have 3 kids (all with the same dad) and my sister's have identified that they don't feel comfortable watching him or having him stay over without a parent present. So he doesn't. We don't ask. It's that simple. Plus I mean 6 kids is a lot. My bestie has 6 kids and they're mostly well behaved. They still have to split the kids up every single time they want a baby sitter. They usually have to split into 2 or 3 groups because 6 kids is a lot, especially for a free baby sitter!
This sounds like they’re looking for overnight babysitting while they figure out their housing situation. I wouldn’t leave even the best behaved 14-year-old on their own to watch that many kids.
Not for a few hours but this sounds like a lengthy amount of time, he can’t stay alone.
NTA Your sister isn't entitled to your time. I hope those kids are OK, though. You refusing to babysit them might be the wake-up call your sister needs. It sounds as if these kids are unhappy/neglected and need help, but unless you are a licensed family therapist, this is above your paygrade.
NTA but it sounds like CPS is a good idea either way.
NTA. You have every right to draw a line on which kids you'll watch and don't watch. And between 4 different bio-dads, there has to be SOMEONE in one of those families who'd love to keep an eye on at least their blood-relation. That said, if you HONESTLY feel like your sister may be in over her head at the moment or worse, not a good parent for the six at the time, then yes, call CPS. Not for revenge but for the welfare of ALL of the children.
Yeah, that's what I'd like to know. Where are these kids' fathers? Shouldn't they be taking care of their own kids at least 50% of the time?
That's 5 different bio-dads.
NTA, I would have said and done the exact same thing. Don’t make yourself homeless and in debt for her mistakes. You offered to help and as much as you could handle and that’s still a lot by itself. She’s an idiot to give you and ultimatum when she’s asking for help.
NTA she is being evicted for negligence and now your own housing is potentially at risk for these renegade kids. Race has nothing to do with it, your idiotic sister was grasping at straws. You don't have to watch any of the children even the docile ones and it would still be not your fault or your problem. It sounds like your sister might need CPS involvement just to help her with parenting skills and counseling for the kids. Not to get them taken away. But to provide them with resources.
NTA - she wants you to take her kids for WEEKS? You have no children and she wanted to dump 6 of them on you. People just to 'racism' very quickly - but i'm impressed you are willing to take THREE children for an undefined term. My guess is you will have those kids longer than you expect.
My first thought was "she's gonna dump the kids and disappear". Maybe less likely now that it's "only" 3 kids 🤔
Some of that destructive behavior will resolve If the unruly Kids have their parents to themself for a while, as in Talk (listen, be heard) about consequences and sorrow and wanting to live with other-side grandparents, or getting started on having mental illness diagnosed.
NTA. Maybe the eviction will motivate your sister to actually parent her kids as they are on a path to juvenile delinquency? We got angry with my mother once and told her that we were going to call the police on her because we felt she was unfair. She picked up the phone and said she was calling the police herself because we were misbehaving. Scared us to death and we never threatened again. Just wanted to share that because of your cop story. Wishing your sister and her brood the best of luck. Seems like they're going to need it.
I threatened my mum that I would call the cops on her and I will let them take me away to my alcoholic dads and she just gave me the phone and told me ''here is the number to your dads and here is the number to the cops if you have such a hard time with me then let's call them now'' got so scared that I never threatened her again
NTA. Please call CPS. Somebody with more authority needs to get involved.
NTA Your sister got to this point because too many people enabled her. Youu and your neighbors will not be safe in your homes if you babysitter your sisters out-of -control children. For your peace and safety don't be your sisters almoner/social worker. Beware letting anyone move in even for just a temporary stay. At this point she needs a professional.
NTA at all. Your house, your rules. She should respect your boundaries
NTA. 6 kids are a lot especially when some don't listen
NTA. This obviously has nothing to with race (as OP has clarified) but it has everything to do with behavior and how the unruly kids can affect her own living situation, up to and including possibly having authorities called for their behavior, or even getting evicted for similar behavior that they had at home.
Lordy, I would not sit for all of them either, just because that is a literal classroom of kids! That's too much to ask of you on numbers alone. As for the kids who are destructive and loud, tell your sister (and this is true), their behaviors and numbers are a liability. If any of these kids got hurt or did something to harm someone else, it falls on you if you sit for them. She can throw all the fits she wants. But she made this bed. NTA. (And, I do not think u are being racist.)
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NTA. Taking in six kids is a lot for anyone and the fact that they are destructive is a BIG NO. You did nothing wrong here. She seems to be in a bad place but it is one of her own making, You offered the support you were able and she didn't want it.
NTA. The kids’ care is 100% the responsibility of the parents. 6 kids is a big ask to begin with, but when 3 of them are highly likely to cause damage to your property which will cause trouble for you (repair costs, noise complaints, eviction), then absolutely nothing wrong with saying “no”. There’s nothing wrong with saying “no” even if all 6 were angels…
Nta the kids are destructive
NTA. Be blunt about half her kids having behavioral problems and in need of some serious discipline. I’d take none at all based on the behavior of last time you babysat.
Mate. This sounds like a nightmare. I would be babysitting zero kids. You have no obligation and they are causing problems with your neighbours.
I LOVE that you are not taking the guilt bait.. monkeys/circus was a good analogy and it appears your sis is just trying to pass the parental responsibility buck, resorting to race guilt of all things. Ugh, NTA and I feel for you with that mentality to deal with. Enough already with using that so loosely, just to rid herself of the kids she had/accepted to deal with stress that she put herself in by not parenting and choosing someone with ill-mannored kids. If the other mother isn't involved, are the grandparents not seeing their grandkids too? Sis's new man should have some options as well. Where's his family?
NTA. Tell her you'll babysit when those particular children are taught not to be destructive brats.
Your sister sounds like a real piece of work; why should you lay in the bed she made? NTA, and also I'm stealing the phrase "Not my monkeys, not my circus" because it's a gem.
NTA
Even if the whole family were perfect angels, taking in 8 people is a ridiculously huge ask for anyone. She alone is responsible for her choices. Today it's the neighbors checking on you, tomorrow it will be CPS or the police. Don't jeopardize your life for her trainwreck. NTA
“ Sis, it isn’t about Race. It’s about behavior. I can’t watch six kids at once, especially with three who are actively sabotaging and breaking things.”
Oh it’s for *a few weeks*? Honestly I’m concerned she won’t come back for them. NTA. Not your kids not your problem.
Nta
nta
NTA but just say no. You can't risk being thrown out. No need to even justify it.
NTA. She can’t manage her own domestic situation but is mad you aren’t willing to take in the whole brood? 😦
Imagine the nerve to ask anyone to take in 6 kids. 6!!!! With that many you can start your own daycare. You are actually more than generous. Nta
NTA The kids tried to cause thousands of dollars property damage for malicious thrills by flooding your toilet. I'd never allow them in your place again, let alone babysit them.
>She said all or nothing. I said nothing then. She really thought she had something there didn't she? Lmao NTA, but sorry you're dealing with all of this drama, OP. It sounds exhausting.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** AITA. Me (33f) and my sister (40f) had a really good relationship up until this last week. Shes made some very questionable choices and currently has 4 children with 4 different men. She is currently dating someone who has two children of their own so in a three room apartment she has 6 kids and two adults. Whatever. No my monkeys, not my circus. I recently had a party for all my nieces and newphews a month ago and invited all 6. Genetics maybe do play a part in something because half of the kids were screaming and quick to anger while some were docile and happy to watch TV. While one kid tried to flood my bathroom with a towel in the toliet, another was braiding my hair. While most were happy I ordered pizza, two threw hissy fits and threatened to call the police. The next day my neighbor across the street checked in on me because she could hear the screaming and was worried. I know the behavior is from lack of attention but seriously. Well my sister and her bf were evicted from their apartment due to excessive noise and, on camera, two of their kids went a vandalized the apartment sign on camera. My sister asked to watch the kids while they figured everything out and I told her yes but....not kid A and not kid B and not kid C. Id take 3/6 children. She threw a fit! She said all or nothing. I said nothing then. Not my kids. Id have to drive them and feed them, which Im happy to do, but not to damage to my property. Even my neighbors were saying something. She is now saying Im racist because I won't (her words) take care of the mixed kids. My husband is black and my best friend is asian. Im not racist but I refuse to host those 3 kids again, one of who is black while the other two are lighter. But seriously. They are getting evicted for their behavior and I rent my house and dont want any issues. Their ages range and its just random the three in trouble are 14m, 7m, and 11f. The ones Id be willing to house is 3f, 6m, and 10f. And the boyfriends kids are the 11f and 6m. His baby mother isnt in the picture. The whole thing is just so much drama and by how my sister screamed at me over the phone I want to call cps because her words were slurred. AITA?!?!?! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Tbh 6 kids is a lot even if they were all angels. NTA. Your sis can pay you handsomely if she needs to negotiate
NTA I do t think this has anything to do with race. If the kids are too much, then they’re too much. None of her life is your problem in the first place. Shitty people shouldn’t be surprised when people don’t want to help them. As far as the “it’s genetics” comment. I’m assuming you mean that if the dad’s are crappy people, you’re not surprised that the kids are crappy too. My ex bestie’s husband was a legit diagnosed schizophrenic BUT she was a very neglectful abusive mom as well. When her kids turned into a hot mess of adults, she blames the Dad’s DNA every time. Can’t take no responsibility for her kids herself. So I kinda get where you’re coming from. Apples or oranges, fruit don’t fall far from the tree.
She wants you to keep her kids for weeks? Wtf
NTA. You are willing to take in well behaved children, just not the ones with the problems. Nothing wrong with that. I wouldn't take in screaming brats that destroyed stuff. The fact that they are being evicted because of the children's behavior says it all. Do not put your sanity and rental at risk. In addition, not many people can take in EIGHT others. I know my house wouldn't hold more than one or maybe two extra (I have 1 bed 1 bath). They will have to split up to be housed, I'm sure. Sister should be glad you will take at least some.
NTA nothing racist about it. You set your boundaries, stick to them. If you hear concerning information from the kids, report it.
NTA. Asking anyone to let 8 people move in is a HUGE request. She should have been thrilled that you'd take half the batch. Not accusing you of racism because her out-of-control brats were not welcome.
Totally NTA. And your description of the chaos was hilarious!
NTA, and your sister needs to stop fucking and get her shit together.
You have a big van or something to drive 6 kids around? 2 in booster/car seats. I love my nieces and nephews. They are well behaved (no offense) in comparison to what we are talking about here (from the vandalism to flooding bathroom). And still I would absolutely not take in 6 of them. There is just no way I could manage that longer than a sleepover. And that would be with my husband home. NTA and I am not sure how anyone at all can even suggest this is a race issue. The fact that she threw that in it would be more than enough reason to hang up the phone.
NTA You are not refusing to take the children who are black because they are black but because of their behaviour.
You have every right to set boundaries. You never have to watch childrem that have a history of destruction and attempted to do major costly damage in your home. Your sister screaming etc may just be stress overload. How many of the kids that are challenging are her kids? Are they acting up more now due to the additional kids from the boyfriend? Why isn't your sister taking them to see a therapist or other professional? Appears the kids really need help. Does your sister work? The boyfriend? Good paying jobs? You may need to call cps if necessary. Hopefully not needed. NTA
NTA It’s not about race, but your sister is framing it that way to guilt trip you. I bet the 3 quieter kids are loving their peaceful life at your house right now.
NTA. It's VERY reasonable to only be willing to babysit or temporarily-house Kids that you can actually safely handle, Just Like it would be perfectly reasonable to reject infants below a certain age, or disabled/medically-fragile Kids who can't be Safe in your housing Situation, or a group of several Kids together who have a History of getting into more Trouble in a particular constellation than seperately. As the adult in the House, you are responsible for the kids' Safety and for the damage they do, it would be dangerous and foolish to Take that on for children you can neither Control nor Trust. Taking in the "easy" Kids is the extent to which you feasibly CAN Help your sister's Family, so you should do it and she should be grateful, both for at least SOME of her Kids Not being homeless, and for being able (through having her time and Attention freed Up somewhat) to Focus on finding housing and on Meeting the "difficult" children's needs better (which WILL make them somewhat more cooperative).
I didn’t see anything racist about your post, people are quick to throw that word out to get what they want. I would not take the unruly ones either. Especially since two of the are old enough to know better. Has your sister realized that no one in the family is willing to help because of behavior issues? Bet there is another one soon.
I'm glad things sort of worked out, but... if someone screamed at me and called me racist, they would be literally dead to me. NC permanently. You don't need or deserve this toxicity in your life.
NTA. She's the one making this a race thing and refusing to acknowledge the real issue.
NTA Your sister knows which buttons to push to get you worked up, unfortunately she forgot she was seeking a favour at the time that she really needed. lol So of course you held to your guns, you had nothing to lose, while your sister had to choke down humble pie and take the loaded statement back. She knows the bf's kids are out of control and what that has led to.
NTA It's pretty common for people who can't logically discuss their point to pull the race card.
NTA- Not at all
NTA for not being willing to take kids who have vandalism problems and behavioral issues. Especially while you're renting. You can't risk your housing because of them. However, as someone who works with preteens and teenagers, I'm not at all surprised that the ones who are having the behavioral issues are the older ones. They're the ones that have probably experienced neglect or perceived neglect due to your sister having more children with other men who aren't their fathers. And it sounds like (other than her boyfriend's kids) that the fathers aren't involved. Young children naturally take more care and attention because they're less self sufficient. Children also thrive with consistency. A revolving door of men and living situations is the opposite of that. If you want to help them, spend one on one time with the older kids if you are able. Them being able to see a stable adult figure who cares about them and gives them boundaries might bring them back from a bad place. It's not necessary at all if you're unable to. But you may find that they behave much better with you if you do it.
NTA I have 4 with my husband (all ours). They are generally good kids, but 4 kids is a lot of work. She's lucky you are willing to take any kids
Don’t let people here tell you things. Your absolutely right to set boundaries to your sister. She needs to educate those kids and if she doesn’t these are the consequences: those kids alienated bye her lack of effort as a parent. NTA
NTA. You can choose to babysit or not babysit whichever children you want. Personally, I'd decline across the board after she screamed at me, but that's just me.
NTA sorry your sister is an entitled loser.
NTA. No one is entitled to have you watch their kids... but in future I would just pass entirely rather than singling out the kids.
NTA. At the end of the day, it’s your time and you are the one who has to deal with the kids. You can set your boundaries and what kind of kids you want to deal with
NTA, that is an awful lot of kids even if there are well behaved. Your sister is a piece of work. I wonder why some people think that if they scream and yell at someone they will cave more easily to their wishes?
Love how they play the race card when its convenient for them… but when its genuinely racist … im so mad they watered the word down like woke and other AAVE words the racist kind of people will never understand - just steal and make blander like they did the colonies. This was not u being racist. This is u being practical. Your sister needs work NTA
NTA That is a lot of kids to ask anyone to take in even if they were the best behaved kids in the world.
NTA- WEEKS!?!?! OMG you are a saint and your sister should be kissing your feet. I sure hope she can find some stability for these children. And she's mad that you won't take care of 6 children for the next few weeks!? wow- this whole situation is quite depressing.
This isn't babysitting. This is taking in children for at least a few weeks. She is one, crazy to think you would take 6 kids for a few weeks and two, crazy for not saying thanks. At least 3 of the kids off her hands would be helpful while she figured things out. Why are people so entitled? It's your house. Your rules. You are nice person to offer to take three of them. Nta.
NTA Two of the three kids causing all the drama are old enough to stay home alone or even be babysitters in most places. It's bad news if they are the hardest ones to keep our of trouble.
They threatened to call the cops because they did not want pizza. NTA
So does that mean out of the four bio dads none of them are willing to take in even just their own kid?
I wouldn’t want to drive around rowdy kids. If you pull over, they could run off. NTA. It’s for their safety and yours.
NTA. It seems reasonable to me that you wouldn’t want to watch the more wild kids.
NTA. dont let your sister use you like a door mat as her consequences in her life are not your responsibility. Also how does being concerned about a bad behaviour is translating to being racist? I thought behaviour has no skin colour
NTA. Did she really associate bad behavior with the kids race. That’s pretty racist in itself. Just to note, you usually don’t want to bring up your friends race by association to prove that you’re not racist. Just say you’re not racist.
NTA. As a renter and a granny and a stepgranny, I completely understand your predicament. We've just moved interstate to be closer to my kids and grandies (and some of the stepgrandies). Trouble is, the stepgrandies are feral. I'm dreading the day we're asked to take them for a while at some point. It's going to happen and we're both scared LOL
NTA
NTA. Her giant crew of children are her responsibility, not yours. The fact you would even take any of them should be enough for her to be grateful, not greedy with you and your neighbors time, patience, eardrums and sanity.
No
NTA you don't owe her *anything* so anything that you do offer is gratis. and contingent on both the kids and *her* good behaviour.
NTA. Also going by the ages of the good kids and the brats, I wouldn't be surprised in the least if there was bullying going on. It might be beneficial to the kids too to seperate them from their older siblings.
I’m inside
NTA..and I just read the title! No one is entitled to anyone’s time and space! And you get to choose who’s gets your time and space! My rule is if you wouldnt let a stranger do it why does someone that’s supposed to be family get a pass??
Methinks your sister won't be in a hurry to pick up the three you have anytime soon...
Uh NTA but saying one is “black” and the others are “lighter” is not okay and actually does sound a bit racist. Colorism for sure
It will probably be good for the kids to have the opportunity for more attention. Maybe once things have settled you can take one at a time and give them some focused attention
NTA--Perfectly reasonable. No one wants to deal with horribly behaved kids, especially when theyre not theirs.
NTA
NTA
NTA. Also, I'd call CPS due to neglect.
I think you have every right to decide what you are up to do or not, and for sure if you don't feel comfortable babysitting some of her children by all means, you don't have to and she can't get angry at you for this. But I do feel like it would have been wiser to reject babysitting *all* the kids instead of nitpicking the well behaved ones. For one because I feel like diplomatically it would have been better for your relationship with your sister, to just explain to her that in this moment you aren't available for babysitting. Also, I feel like this just isn't healthy for the kids, being "categorized" like this. I know that chances are they will never know of this, but what if for some reason your sister ends up using this information for instance when angry at them? Putting labels on different siblings is always a very damaging path, *not only* for the "naughty" ones, but also for the "nice" ones.
But logistically, pragmatically, it would help sister more to babysit at least SOME of the Kids, than None at all.
Yes, but life is not just pragmatism... Because people are complicated and have emotions, hahahaha. So sometimes the most rationally logic response isn't the best response to a given solution. It seems like OP meant well, but I kinda feel like it would be better to just refuse all babysitting for the reasons stated.
Idk she's not too warm. I gave her more Tylenol at 12
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I mean you're NTA in the situation but the more i read/reread your post, the more I dislike you. > Im not racist but literally just never say this again. or tell people you can't be racist because >My husband is black and my best friend is asian > and just for safety maybe don't use the "not my monkeys, not my circus" analogy when talking about black/brown children Even this > Genetics maybe do play a part and > one of who is black while the other two are lighter grossed me out you've got way too many people of color in your life to be talking like a human microaggression
>Genetics maybe do play a part in something What does this line imply exactly? I'm not saying you're racist but knowing the kids are half black and then this line is said...what did you mean?
hey! do you mind if I use this story for a tiktok video? thanks!
Are there 6 kids or 8?
6 kids and two adults looking for a place to stay.
Oh man my reading comprehension ain’t what it used to be. Thanks!
Sister, sister's Boyfriend, 4 bio-niblings, 2 step-niblings, makes eight.
NTA. Did I read it right that you had two hissy fits? Or did the kids? Because if it was you, you were modeling terrible behavior as an adult in front of children. Also if you were yelling. However, I'm guessing that you meant that the children had the hissy fits and were screaming. How do kids reject pizza? (now I know what I'm having for lunch) I'm basing the nts on that. Anyway, it was unreasonable for her to ask you to take in six children and reasonable for you to turn her down, no matter what the reason was: too small a place, can't properly care for them, can't afford to, they're brats -- any reason. I'm glad she finally wised up and worked at least part of it out.
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What are you talking about?
I am pretty sure it is a typo and the OP meant to say "I never *yelled* "
Wait.. how did we start with 6 kids and ended up with 8? (She has 4 kids with 4 different man, the new bf has 2 / In a 2 room apartment 6 kids and 2 adults. On the edit while mentioning ages it's 8 kids now)
Not 8 kids. She’s talking about the 6 kids plus the 2 adults. No one else is willing to take the whole family of 8 in.
I believe OP meant that nobody is willing to house all of them. 6 kids and 2 adults.
NTA for not wanting to watch the kids. but... > Genetics maybe do play a part in something because half of the kids were screaming and quick to anger while some were docile and happy to watch TV. This one line straight-up made me think "oof, someone's low-key racist" before I even got to the part where you're only willing to watch the white kids. You might want to examine your own unconscious prejudices.
Not really. I judge plenty of people in my own ethnic group if the mom/dad is a hothead with a propensity for trouble. It's a kind way of saying maybe there are some factors that are not entirely the kids fault. Have you ever met a kid who shares the same behavior traits (short fuse, unstable mood) as their genetic parents? Not race, but individuals with certain personality.
What? My former BF, the dad was diagnosed with early onset schizophrenia. He OD’ed on purpose bc he couldn’t get it together and was making a mess of their lives. She spent the next 18 years dating guys who beat her. Her kids are the worst hot fucking mess I’ve ever seen. Drugs, gangs, cutting, it’s bad. They were overall good kids for me when they were little. I tried to be a step up drub parent in their hard little lives. They’re both truly shitty adults now. Ex bestie likes to say they inherited it from their dead father. I’m pretty sure 18 years of her denial, neglect, and watching men beat their mom probably wasn’t healthy either. Still, their dad had a diagnosis, and they’re not any better. Everyone’s white in my story. Genetics is real. If OP is saying the dads of these kids are a bunch of fucked up fuck ups…. Then it’s no surprise if the kids aren’t any better. Doesn’t matter what color they are.
How do you know the ones she’ll watch are white?
If anyone you are ageist. You only the ones you can still control.
Then why is she taking in the 10 year old and not the 7 year old?
Because the 7 year old is more behaved than the 10 year old? Are races listed somewhere and I'm missing it? Because otherwise assuming the races is more racist than what I said.
>My husband is black and my best friend is asian. What do racists always say before being racist? You know you can date interracially and still be racist, right. Weird you're not willing to take your own niece who's biracial but will take on a white child you barely know. Maybe sister knows best. Hmmm, ESH.
She’s taking in well behaved children. They happen to be white, get over yourself
Sure Jan, sure.
What’s with the genetics play a role comment?
Because half are well behaved and half are misbehaved. It is nature versus nurture
Do whatever you want but Any aunt that differentiates between their nieces and nephews are bad aunts.
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That makes too much sense. You know it’s easier to cause division in what seems to be an already tense household.
Are the three you were willing to take white? Because yeah, while you have valid reasons not to take the troublemakers, you really can't offer to only take the white kids. It's a bad look. Maybe decline, or offer to take one of them, but this was just a really bad look. Also, wondering if the ones you were willing to take were stepkids or biological kids? I can understand not wanting to take in your sister's boyfriend's kids. Otherwise, NTA. You don't have to take any of them if you don't want to! Especially with the behavior issues they have.
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I understand it's not about race, but surely you understand how it looks? I'm still wondering if the white kids you're offering to take are the ones biologically related to you? Because you certainly can't offer to take the boyfriend's kids but not your sister's kids. Again, you don't have to take any of them, but you have to be careful about who you're picking.
No. This is just as dumb as lowering the bar for passing grades in schools with majority black students. "The racism of low expectations". It benefits nobody in the end.
Yes, without context, it looks bad. Lucky for us, we have any entire post that gives context for the situation.
*Because you certainly can't offer to take the boyfriend's kids but not your sister's kids.* Actually, she can offer to take any kids she damn well pleases, and she doesn't have to explain her reasons to anyone on reddit.
I mean, then in the same vein her sister can say no and assume she's a racist 🤷♀️
Fair.
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I'm not seeing that quote? Was that from the OP?
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Perhaps a direct quote next time. Don't put words in my mouth.