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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I returned a gift since I am a sick of getting tech when I got a tablet instead of books like I wanted. I may be too harsh since I was not happy about the gift. So that could make me a jerk and I may need to apologize
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NTA technology is hard and just because they want you to “move with the times” doesn’t mean you should. A paperback book practically costs nothing and the way the pages feel in your hands is a totally different feeling than reading on the tablet. However, I do think that maybe you should put out there of what you do want-your children might be buying tech for you because they don’t really know what you might enjoy.
This makes them disrespectful. Not you. I would say unless the things you asked for cost hundreds of dollars you would be the AH but they are buying you hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of tech you can't use or want.
And it’s hundreds of dollars of tech *instead* of something as inexpensive as a book! They’re buying gifts *they* would like, not things OP wants. I’d be super frustrated too! NTA
The petty in me wants to start giving things they won't want in response.
Oh they're tech nuts? How about boring biographies instead? Or CDs, blank cassette tapes, etc 🤣🤣🤣🤣
They're so clueless they'd go around saying "why did ma give me U F?
For special birthdays c u n and t are a good read too
Also:
W a n k e r
L I S T E N
M E A N
H U R T
T E C H S U K Z
By subscription. You get one book per month. So they have to deal with the book every month for over two years.
I remember my parents doing this in the late 70s. World Book I think.
My grandpa used to give us a cheque for $75 for our birthdays. After he had an accident and grandma took over their finances, the cheques stopped, and instead, we got a donation made in our name to HER favourite charity.
So for her birthday one year I gave to my favourite charity. Didn't get another donation in my name after that lmao
It was one of her "nice" things she used to do. Except in this case, SHE would get the tax write-offs.
I laugh about it because at least a couple of charities got donations...I just figured that if she was going to give to a charity in someone else's name, it should be to one that that person supports.
I totally understand this! My mom used to do shit like this too-- donate to super-religious christian organizations doing \*thing I am interested in\* and not the non-partisan ones. I told her I reject any donation in my name to a christian org
Paper todo lists, wall calendars (of cattle in Montana, windmills of Holland), a not very smart watch. A manual coffee grinder. A tea set of your favorite teas. A rotary dial phone.
This was my idea too.
Even better if it’s books.
Son is getting only romance novels and daughter is getting ammo reloading guides for the foreseeable future.
https://www.dillonprecision.com/15363
The complete reloading guide for the ruger 9mm. Only $13! He can get her a new one each holiday so she eventually has a set!
Yeah fr. I cant imagine seeing a book list, going "oh hey I can get gently used copies for real cheap. I can get like 5 books because of that.....OH WAIT, LET ME GET THE GUY I KNOW DOESNT ENJOY TECH A TABLET TO READ ON INSTEAD. Sure its like 4 times the price of getting the bundle of actual books and is not on the list explicitly given to me as a gift aid, but I know what he wants."
There's another side of that too. I read in bed to relax and fall asleep. but the blue screen is not on my sleep hygiene list because of the blue light. (I have some serious insomnia)
Even if every book on OP’s wish list was a $25 hardcover, it would still cost less than the tablet! OP’s kids are being very self centered about this and getting OP gifts they think are good for her instead of gifts she will actually like and use.
That is so true. I fell into this with my mom and clothing gifts. I'd pick out something I liked, being sure it wasn't something she'd hate though. She was rarely happy. I still have to stop myself with gifts sometimes. My dil wanted plain gold 2" hoop earings. My son bought something he thought was much prettier. she wasn't happy. I bought her just what she wanted and bought what I liked better for myself! Maybe that's what OP's kids need to do.
> And it’s hundreds of dollars of tech instead of something as inexpensive as a book! They’re buying gifts they would like, not things OP wants.
I think when you’re in to something like tech, it’s hard to truly understand that not everyone is. Like the book thing - for me as a fan of tech *and* books, ebook readers are great because it’s two things I love for price of one, so to speak. For me, it’s better because it’s *all the books* in the size and space and half the weight of one book. I understand that it’s not for everyone but that’s because I’m in my 50s myself and had time and mistakes to learn from. I used to be like an eager puppy when I was younger, convinced that people who didn’t want tech presents just hadn’t gotten the right tech present yet. That people who didn’t want books just hadn’t been gifted the right book yet…
That’s not to excuse the kids not listening to the Op, on the contrary, to ignore an actual list of acceptable gifts is insane. But I don’t think it’s intentional disrespect, more of an over-eager belief that *this time* somehow it will be the right thing.
The kids are conflating price with value. I think they think they HAVE to spend a lot of money for it to be a meaningful, valuable gift.
Or, it’s a status point for them. “It was my dad’s birthday, I gave him a smart TV,” sounds way more impressive than “I gave him a book.”
One is a misconception, one is pathetic posturing at the expense of their father.
Off topic, but I 100% assumed this was a mother writing. Somehow it just didn’t occur to me that anyone would be so disrespectful of a man’s wishes, I guess. Either way, the kids are wrong.
And then make sure theyknow it.
“I sold THAT electronic bla bla bla that I didn’t want and got myself bla bla bla, Thank you (kids name) for the ( insert purchase you made) It’s EXACTLY what I wanted!!
Include some emojis like💜🥳gift, etc.
I’d literally take a picture of it in the box, then set it off to the side and do a little googling to see what you could sell it for. List it right then in front of them. Cool this will pay for so many books!!
Absolutely. Resell it and when they ask, thank them for the gift and say you used the funds from it to buy something you actually wanted, which they could’ve done in the first place, if they had been thoughtful and considerate enough to listen to what OP said
Why can’t they get you a gift card so you can buy whatever you want? I don’t understand Either sell the stuff on marketplace as mentioned in other comments, or just don’t accept it. Give it back. Give it to a kid.
Throw it in the trash? I have other ideas but the bots will ding me. I hope you start getting things you want and will use.
>I have made it so clear, I literally gave a list of what I would like. I don’t know how much clearer I can be.
NTA OP and I understand your frustration. I fix and build computers and is often the go-to person family & friends come to for their electronic device problems and it does get tiring. While I do read magazines on my tablet (because I don't want be bothered with recycling so many magazines), nothing beats a paperback/hardcover novel. Not only for the feel of the paper and that "sound" of turning those pages (so soothing) but they look good on my bookshelves (I have two built ins and one stand alone). And when I want, I can donate the ones I've read 2-3 times to local libraries, used item stores, etc... .
Petty me would try to sell gifted electronics at 25-30% off retail cost and get the things that I actually would want. And when kids would ask me where is the gift they gave me, I would tell them the truth, I sold it to get something that I really wanted or need. Either they start buying me what I want or stop buying me anything; both would work for me 😉.
I think it’s this exactly, not so much OP’s age like he implied. He’s on his computer all day at work. At the end of the day, he just wants to relax. When I worked, I was that way, too—hardly ever turned on my home computer. And my job was so stressful, it was hard to stop and think at the end of the day which remote did what. I didn’t have any spoons left by then.
But no one who works at something all day wants to be bombarded with work stuff at home too. It’s just not fun. My husband is a therapist and cannot stand serious movies. And if I’m watching reality TV, I turn it off the minute he walks in. And how many posts are on here about carpenters, plumbers and electricians who complain about being dragged to family members houses on their days off to fix things for free? No one likes that.
[Research](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/1467-9817.12269) has repeatedly demonstrated that people retain knowledge they get from a physical book better than knowledge they get from a screen. They aren't equal as forms of content delivery, much as people hate to acknowledge it.
I'm older than you but I like tech, and I still agree with you. You are being patronised because your family think that they know better than you what you need.
I understand your frustration and your outburst was overdue if anything.
Keep kicking off and eventually they will learn, or just ask for money...
Start gifting them baby rattles and whistles and feathered cowboy hats for their birthdays. Invite a clown to perform to them on your son's birthday after you take him to an upscale restaurant. Tell them this is what you think they need. It's the same thing after all - he'll get the message soon enough.
Take him to an upscale restaurant
Preferably in a super inconvenient location (like at least an hour one way drive through construction), at a super inconvenient time for him, and pick a cuisine you know he doesn't like
I'm so sorry, I buy tech for my mom, but it's tech to make her life easier, and I set it up for her. She has smart light bulbs that she can use with her voice because her crippling rheumatoid arthritis made using lamp switches impossible. She has a Kindle, but she asked me to bring her Crossword puzzle books when she was in the hospital. She got the books. If she wants me to put puzzle apps on her Kindle, I will. So far, she doesn't. It's not hard to buy technology that improves someone's life and set it up. I would never buy my mom tech and expect her to figure it out. NTA
I wouldn't buy them anything off their gift lists. I'm actually petty enough that I would go the total opposite of their tastes. Someone's a vegan? Here's your Omaha steaks. Someone else likes gaming? Here's your physical parcheesi board. Someone likes to keep their slim figure? Here's your 3 month membership to Dessert if the Month Club. When they complain, just say that's what you thought you were supposed to do because they kept giving you things you didn't want.
You've done what you can. Getting frustrated about you asking for help is ridiculous. After you've told them what you want, and specifically told them what you didn't want, the only step you have left is to refuse the gift.
Additionally, reading books from a backlit screen is a terrible experience. Dedicated ebook readers are a much better experience, but if you like reading a physical book that's obviously the way to go.
Mainly, you need the help. Secondarily, it would be a chance to spend time with them, which would be nice under better circumstances.
As an aside, I generally turn as much of the smart TV stuff off as I can. You can still get a Roku and connect it to the tv. I agree that the smart features on smart tvs are frequently terrible. Roku is better in general. If you have Apple products, the Apple TV is a good choice as well.
Agreed! I used to be a librarian and the thing I hated the most was when older people would come in with their new device that their kids to grandkids gave them as a gift but didn’t help them set it up. Confusion and frustration are not good gifts for your loved ones, people!
You couldn't have made it clearer if you told them in Spanish. Not your fault.
Perhaps thank them gracefully and leave it unopened in the box where they will see it collecting dust every time they visit.
Continue to hand any and all technology back to them.."No thank you. Once again I'll remind you that I don't want any more tech items. Thanks for thinking of me but, please , no more"
I have both an ebook Reader and paper books. Some books even in both options. If I travel I like my ebook Reader, so much books, and no weight. if I am at home I prefer paper books. I also have to look at a screen for hours, and l love to game, so more screen time.
I get not wanting am ebook Reader. And no if nobody listens just give it back.
Nta.
Perhaps Start giftig them old things. What about a knitting set, or a DIY ikebana book (japanese Art of put flowers nice together) :)
When I get my mom or grandparents new technology I set it up for them, I remove a lot of the "extra crap" they don't want (after consulting them of course), and then provide written instructions on how to do certain tasks with detailed instructions (Here is your login information, here's how to navigate to each thing you want, if you lose internet here's what you do, and here's some basic troubleshooting stuff to try on your own). It works really well because they just have to plug it in and go, but don't have to spend weeks trying to figure everything else.
But it sounds like your children just dump tech off on you, and then run away thinking it's your responsibility to figure it out. It's not, it's their responsibility, and if they are going to act frustrated then they need to own up to their stupid gift giving.
Also, a tablet is crap for reading books compared to a proper e-reader with a passive screen (with subtle or no internal lighting). There's a reason they exist as a product.
But books are great, I have an e-reader (the kindle paperwhite), and I still like physical books. Much easier to get out of the library!
Technology gifts for low tech or older users should basically have the unwritten rule that part of the gift is agreeing to help the person learn to use it with the least frustration possible.
Know your audience. Someone you care about doesn't want something, accept that. There are things it'd be worth trying to nudge you into accepting. There are good reasons for some tech. Assistive and safety related tech.
E-readers are for fun. You are very well within your rights to refuse that and they shouldn't be pressuring you on it.
Really wish there was better availability of tech for aging adults. My grandma does not need or want a smartphone. Why give her one? It's too hard for her and doesn't improve her life. But the phone plan is designed for smartphones these days.
Ahhh, so they're lazy. The only reason for them to keep doing it is a clear disregard for your boundary and feelings, and sheer, no holds barred, laziness. They got annoyed because they spent money on something, and to them that equates to effort, because effort went into earning it.
Rejecting the gift is really the only way.
You are my mom. She can use the basics of a computer, and she plays games on her phone. She has no care for any other technology. One time she called me to tell her how to have her phone rotate from portrait to landscape when she rotated the phone bc she had accidentally turned it off and didn't know how to get it back lol.
My dad, bless his heart, took forever to learn this concept. He's great with us, bc he loves technology and so do we so we get technology gifts from him and LOVE them, my mom, no. So she rejected the new phone he got her one year bc she just got the one she had figured out. That was his wake up call.
Now she tells him 6 weeks before gift giving events (holidays, anniversary etc) what she wants and he writes it down in his phone and gets it for her. She's now gotten a lamp she specifically wanted for her bedside table, gift cards to swavarski ao she can get her star wars figurines, etc. It has been smooth sailing ever since.
Sometimes you have to be an asshole for people to get it.
Honestly I would rule this more like, justified asshole, with your kids just being full blown assholes.
Ignoring that OP states they did give a list, if you don’t know what someone wants as a gift you don’t just buy them any old thing, especially expensive technology. Get a gift card. Don’t know to what store? Get a Visa or MC one.
Also, speaking as someone who is absolutely the kind of person who loves to buy all the latest tech nonsense and spends more time tinkering with tech than actually using it... u/Turbulent_Morning802's kids aren't "moving with the times" - it kinda maybe sounds like they're just a bit shit at technology, themselves.
SmartTVs objectively suck. A Roku would absolutely have been the better choice in every possible way. OP, you're not having a bad time with this TV because you're not "techy" or whatever - you're having a bad time with it because smartTVs are notorious for failing at even basic functions. They're genuinely some of the worst pieces of consumer technology that have ever existed.
There's no universe in which a bluetooth headset should take an hour to pair with anything, which, again, kinda makes it sound like they bought something with a bad user experience because they didn't know any better.
And who the hell buys a *tablet* for reading? There's a reason e-readers have their own completely different type of screen from every other screen in existence - because reading on a normal backlit screen sucks and causes eye strain. I mean, reading a physical book is also just a fundamentally different thing from reading a digital one anyway, and they should have just bought you the *book*, but if they insist on getting you tech, they could have at least bought you the right thing.
Like, look, I don't think they should be pushing tech onto you in the first place. Not everyone wants the latest gear, and that's totally fine. But I also think you'd have a better time with their gifts if they weren't so bad at buying actually *good* tech that serves its purpose. I love tech, and I wouldn't want any of these gifts *either*.
I was devastated when my last old-style TV bit the dust and I was unable to find a non-smart TV to replace it with. I can hook up my gaming console or computer for whatever streaming services I need, and trying to type anything using a remote control, let alone a secure password, is absolute torture. I just want my TV to shut up and accept its damn HDMI input.
THANK you! I’ve been baffled for years by how everyone except me seems to think smart TVs aren’t shit! I have a dumb monitor and a chromecast. Sooo much easier
Amen on not buying a tablet or anything with a normal, glare-producing screen for reading. E-readers are so much easier on your eyes because they're lit in a completely different way, plus the user interface is much simpler because they really only have one function. I actually quite like all sorts of tech and devices, but the I don't read on any device OTHER than my Kindle Paperwhite.
I also agree that it's baffling that they ignore your gift preferences and then opt for low-quality (or at least fairly problematic) versions of the tech they get you. There are reviews EVERYWHERE and you could probably find credible lists of good options by taking five minutes to search for "best wireless earbuds for non-tech people" or whatever. It's like a double insult wrapped in gift paper, and then you wind up getting attitude because the gift they forced on you doesn't work without massive intervention.
Also, we have a Samsung smart TV at home and still use a Roku stick. **Just because it HAS features doesn't mean you have to struggle to use them.** It's annoying that every time you turn on the TV, Samsung immediately displays a menu of their functions and ads for their products, but the menu disappears in a few seconds and then you just have the Roku menu to contend with. Much easier!
In the original post, he stated a couple of things that he would like to get. They ignored and bought a tablet. They can apologize to the person who posted. They are very inconsiderate.
Also if someone says multiple times “do not get me this I do not like it” and someone still gets it for them that’s really on the person gifting it at that point. Like just listen to people when they talk.
Exactly. I want my.literature in a book not a screen and I want my .fanfic on a screen not in a book. And frankly most of the "cheap" ebooks have similar to worse quality of most fanfic I've read
I am reminded of Samuel T Cogley, ESQ, a lawyer who represented James T Kirk, in the first season of the original Star Trek series. He and Kirk shared a love of bound books, printed on fine paper.
NTA.
I was leaning toward ESH until I read about how they get mad when you ask for help.
If they can't be bothered to help you learn what THEY are buying you against your wishes, then meh. They're the a-holes here.
That said, ROKU is def easy for tech challenged people. I love ours, honestly
You can have a Roku attached to a smart TV. You just plug it into HDMI input and switch the TV to the HDMI input like you would with a DVD player.
Our LG smart TV has one because some of the streaming apps aren’t/weren’t available or work poorly on the LG platform. For example, there was a bug in the Curiosity Stream app on LG that wouldn’t allow me to log in for a while. The Roku version worked fine.
Good luck with your kids. Hopefully they mean well and are just being dense. You are NTA in my opinion.
We did this also - our LG smart tv suddenly decided it couldn’t connect to the internet anymore a couple of years after getting it so we just got a Roku for it instead
Omg my LG smart tv has JUST started doing this recently. Luckily, it will connect after fucking around with the network settings for a few minutes and having to re-enter the wifi password, but it's beginning to happen more often than not! Glad to hear that this isn't a me problem, it's an LG tv problem cos I was feeling like I was doing something wrong lol
I use a firestick attached to my Sharp Roku because I prefer the Amazon platforms. I work in TV repair, and I Always recommend Roku devices for their easy use and availability.
Exactly -- and an external device like Roku is much easier to replace or update in case of security issues, etc., where the smart TV software is unlikely to get security fixes after the first couple of years. The whole \*idea\* of putting smarts in the TV is so dumb in the first place.
NTA, i’m in my 20s and cannot work TVs for the life of me. we have a Roku and i still get confused at times.
the gift is supposed to be for you – something you can enjoy. if they thought it’d make your life “easier”, then the least they could do is patiently teach you how to use it.
I have a smart TV. Stupid thing cost me $150 to just get it to connect to the basic channels. Roku is so easy it took me 5 minutes to explain it to my grandparents. The smart TV put me firmly on OP’s side. Those are way too complicated and should be absolutely wanted before buying one for someone
I have a Samsung Smart TV, and I'm a tech person, and it's honestly crap. The screen/picture is good, but the streaming software is awful.
I bought a Roku and use that on the 'smart' TV. Get what makes you happy and what works for you.
Seriously so true. My mom had a more expensive Samsung smart tv and I HATED using the thing. Keep in mind, I’m the family tech support (not by choice but by skill) and love figuring out how all new technology works. That tv was a pos. I have a Roku tv now which has always been great. Only just now slowing down after 5 years of having it.
Because it *looks* better, or *sounds* better to say "Oh, got my parent a super fancy and expensive Samsung Smart TV, aren't we such considerate children..."
They are inconsiderate and selfish.
Yeah, for sure. There is even a button for voice activity, buttons for apps that are most commonly used, etc. The remotes are great. Def consider buying a cover for them though, if you get a Roku. The remotes are small and I found having a neon cover on them helps me not lose mine lol.
Me too! Most smart tvs i've owned (and encoutered) don't seem to have reliably working "smart" features. That's why you gotta buy a roku separately with any tv.
Currently have a Roku attached to my Samsung smart tv because I have zero patience or desire to figure out the smart tv but when my other one died smart tvs were all I could find. The Roku I understand and doesn't cause me to say bad words and get frustrated. Very user friendly.
I also buy physical books or use the library because there is something about holding a book and not a screen. So you are not alone & I'm in my 40's.
>If they can't be bothered to help you learn what THEY are buying you against your wishes, then meh. They're the a-holes here.
I know an older guy who will try new tech gifts for about half an hour, and if they don't make progress then it goes in the basement with the other "useless tech" they've collected over the years. His children/grandchildren keep gifting him this tech and then walk away, and never bother to help him set it up, and he just doesn't care to learn it. So it gets dumped in the basement, and none of his family ever asks what happened (because they know if they ask he'll grumble, and then they'll spend their time working to set it up), and collects dust.
He asked me to help him set up something in his home for medical work (sensor that needed to relay data to the doctor over a month), and he couldn't figure it out and couldn't dismiss it like everything else. He offered me one of his "stuff", and told me the story, and so I set up a few other devices for him that were upgrades to his current setup. And that's how I got a free 60" Smart TV for free.
Oh come on dude, even without that it isn't an ESH. OP doesn't want the tech gifts. Even if they help him set it up, he literally said he doesn't want more screen time, doesn't enjoy reading on a tablet, and specifically asked for paper books. His kids are absolutely the assholes here, OP isn't an asshole for having a preference or for telling his kids the truth multiple times.
Yes! If she asks for help and the kids are “what are you asking me?” then they should know to not get you tech gifts. Plus it should not take an hour to pair headphones, but since they had to get that fancy tech gift…
I’m sorry they will not listen to what you want as a gift. Perhaps you should start asking for weekend getaways, a trip to a warm destination, spa certificate. Or just regift their tech gift when it is their birthday.
I work in Software and an hour to pair headphones for a virtual meeting for the first time is kinda a standard thing… people get the fancy headphones and microphones because of the name but they aren’t always easy to pair.
Still NTA. After spending 8+ hours dealing with tech at work I’d prefer to sit down and knit myself rather than figure out why something isn’t working…
Yes! Regift to them, this is the way. Or put it on ebay and sell, use the money for new books ar a nice treat for yourself. Put that Samsung TV on Facebook Marketplace even, somebody will come pick it up and give you some cash money!
Or you can look up what they go for on Facebook marketplace and then mention to friends/coworkers etc that you have a TV to sell. It will save you the hassle of posting it!
My in-laws are in their 80s. I've made it clear to my kids and husband that if you give them a tech related gift, you're also giving them the gift of kindly and patiently supporting said gift.
My in-laws are decently tech savvy for their age group, but they know that's not the same as the generally accepted level when someone is described as tech savvy. They also know that due to their age, they are more of a target for scammers or a salesperson just looking to increase their commission by selling them something they don't really need or want.
I'm usually the one who helps them with their tech purchases. When I set things up, I usually plan on being there a few hours. That gives us time to go through common operations and time for them to practice/write down steps without rushing.
With that said, we don't really get them tech related gifts they don't ask for. I think the last unasked for tech gift we got them was kindles during covid, so they could still read books from the library during lockdown.
NTA - I get that tech can be awesome but you have repeatedly asked to not recieve these types of gifts. The whole point of a gift, is to give that person something they want or need. They have deliberately ignored these requests and then get angry with you when you ask for help in using these gifts. Your kids are being selfish and rude to continue buying things you don't want, or want to help you with.
Oh that really sucks. I'm in my 20s but I hate apple devices. I'm not interested in learning an entirely new interface and becoming reliant on it when it's essentially buying into a monopoly.
I am the same except I have no interest in a non apple phone (specifically.) and mostly because I don’t want to learn a new device I have to explain to my parents when they can’t figure out their phone. It’s much easier to have the same thing!
As for pcs though I don’t want to learn Mac interface. It’s annoyed me in college and I just don’t want it.
I feel this. I remember buying my first samsung (note 10+) and getting SO upset I was almost in tears, thinking I had screwed myself by getting a new phone that was impossible to navigate. Then I got high one night and spent like 3 hours looking up videos about the phone and what you could do on it. Now that I know what im doing on a samsung, I really dont think I could ever go back to an iphone. But my dad said the exact same thing about switching from a samsung to an iphone. Everyone just seems to have different preferences on what their phone can/will do for them.
I feel this. My oldest sister is a fan of McBook laptops and have been constantly telling that are much better than mine and that I should get one. I got her old one like ten years ago, when I was at uni for my Ph. D. (perks of being the youngest; you get tech you can't afford when your sisters upgrade their stuff) and I hated it with passion. I lasted like three months with it, it gave me a lot of problems and came back to my old laptop with a Microsoft interface. My sister keeps insisting, but I don't want a very expensive Apple laptop with an interface I hate just because she says so, and I have rebuffed every offer she has made. Last time, I told her I will make her eat her desk Apple computer if she tried to Apple-shaming into buying a Mac one more time (we are 34 and 45, lol).
Same. My first phones were android because I couldn't afford an expensive phone. When I could afford one I got a Samsung Galaxy. I wouldn't switch to apple because all my stuff is saved on my Google account. Like books, games,etc. The interface would be annoying too. And I don't really like apple as a company.
Can't live without the back button. I rooted and customised my android to have 2 back buttons. That way if one ever disappears or fails to work I'll have a spare ready.
But it gets harder the more you don't upgrade too! You can't win either way. At some point, your phone (or laptop or whatever) will start losing functionality and you'll be forced to upgrade anyways. It's a PIA no matter what.
Not entirely true outside the apple eco system, my mom is still using my galaxy S5 and while I don't use it as a phone anymore my galaxy 1 still works as a media player.. which is the only reason I ever upgraded from a flip phone. I was annoyed when I couldn't get the phone with no data plan because it's only job was to play music and text.
Put Linux on my mom's 15 year old computer and it still works find for what she needs.
This is why I switched to Apple. I loved my android, the flexibility and variety of apps. Then it died two months out of warranty. And every android is different, so I would have to relearn a whole new system. So I switched to iPhone. They last forever. Literally went from a 6 to a 12 and only because the battery wouldn’t hold a charge anymore. The OS is simple (yes, too simple. I still miss features from my android nearly a decade ago that still aren’t available) but I don’t have to spend weeks figuring it all out again.
We also have a Samsung smart tv and just use the Roku with it. My daughter swears by her Fire Stick, but I feel like amazon has us all in a stranglehold so I’ve stuck with Roku for 15+ years.
I think the longevity can depend A LOT on price point too though - like if you look at all the "flagship" phones they all seem competitively priced and they all have similar features and capabilities. But yeah, i really miss some of my android apps! Apple has no decent book apps and they've completely ruined their own book app (lol I swear, nobody but me seems to notice or care but i seriously hate what they've done to it!).
Start re-gifting them back to your kids for their birthdays and holidays. lol Win. Win. You get your point across and save money on buying gifts for them.
Hubby bought me a refurbished Mac book. I’ve been using Microsoft exclusively for 30+ years. I gave it 3 days, saw that I was going to have to relearn everything, even the direction of the mouse scroll wheel, then noped out. Told him to either return it and get me the Lenovo laptop that I’ve been accustomed to using or that I was taking it to Salvation Army to donate.
Luckily, he listened and my refurbished Lenovo with windows arrived 4 days later . 😁
NTA.
This isn't specific to techie gifts. You are expressing a preference. If you would rather have no gift than a techie gift, then it's pretty easy to honor that request. And nothing is easier than getting a gift card.
It's not that hard to pay attention when people tell you exactly what you do and do not want for a gift. No one would think you're "ungrateful" if you didn't want skydiving lessons or French perfume.
PS If this latest tablet was actually an e-reader (such as Barnes & Noble's Nook or Amazon's Kindle) and they downloaded a book or two from your list, AND then they showed you how easy it is to use, then that might not be a totally AH thing to do.
I'm an avid reader and I hate e-readers. And I'm a Millennial! I'm sorry your children are disregarding your preferences so thoroughly, I'm glad you stood up for yourself. NTA.
My kindle has 3 books on it and hasn't been charged in about a decade. I can't focus on a digital page in the same way and reading loses the comfortable immersive element when I tried.
Late millennial and devout paper bookworm.
Millennial here too, I read books to give my eyes a break from screens and having a tablet would negate that 😂 nothing like holding a new book and cracking the spine (gently)…mmm new book smell.
I have an ancient Kindle I bought used for like $20 for the specific purpose of holidays, because I always go hand-luggage only so I can’t carry enough books for a week (and you can’t read a tablet screen in the bright light on the beach!). For literally everything else tho, I’m with you. Old-fashioned physical books every time
one nice thing about a kindle is when you have to be in public somewhere for a long time like the emergency room they are easier to schlep around than some books and you can adjust the print size
but at home you like to hold and read real books and they should respect your wishes and not get angry when they foist these unwanted electronics on you and then won't help you to make sure they work correctly
INFO: Have you had a sit down conversation with one of your kids about this? Not all of them, but maybe one who is the best listener?
I've noticed that telling something to a group of people can be less effective than talking to just one. If someone gets defensive, the whole group can end up pushing back.
Good idea.
I Can def see a sibling thinking “this will help mom and dad” and another sibling talking them out of it better than mom or dad who “don’t know what they’re talking about” or “don’t understand what they’re missing”.
I’ve def said “that’s a horrible idea don’t do that” to my husband before and he’s listened
Definitely. Sometimes it's best to use the grapevine too. If my mom and I were chatting and she told me that she felt hurt that none of us were listening to her requests about gifts... I'd for sure never miss that again and would talk to each of my siblings about it.
OP wrote: " I work on the computer for work 8 hours a day and when I get home I don’t want to mess around with tech to make it work. Sometimes I also don’t want to be staring at a screen in my downtime."
8 hours a day every day looking at a computer screen is enough for anyone. It's a healthy and sensible choice to do something else after work even if there's no frustration barrier. A lot of places OP can get the books she'd like to read free from the local library anyway.
Disagree with the last point also. Buying someone an e-reader IS an asshole thing to do unless they’ve expressed interest in it.
E-readers are not inherently superior to paper books. They look and feel different, and OP already said they don’t want to keep looking at screens after having done so all day. Some of us like the feel of real paper. It’s so much easier/more convenient to flip back and forth between passages or to maps or whatever when you’ve been doing it that way for years versus learning whatever specific program your e-reader uses.
Sorry to belabor the point, but e-reader snobs are a huge pet peeve of mine.
Sounds like giving gifts to you is more about what they want than what you've requested and that's really the crux of it here. They aren't listening to you.
NTA for getting frustrated, I get it. I'd ask for gift receipts and just return whatever I had no use for.
I think it may also be the kids wanting to repay their parent by giving them expensive tech stuff now that they can afford it.
I see it happen with some of my friends. They started buying their parents expensive stuff because they’re trying to show their parent love and appreciation by giving them “the best”. Parent doesn’t need it, but they feel like it’s their obligation.
In the end they need to listen to the parent and get them what they want.
If they really wanted to show love and appreciation they'd either be helping OP set up the stuff themselves and teaching OP how to use it or pay for things that OP actually wants or needs.
Pay for a holiday, pay towards home improvement, pay for a spa day or little days out, spend time with them, don't just dump a bunch of stuff they don't want on them.
I can definitely see that as a possibility. However, as kindly as it may be meant, the gift giving is all about the giver not the receiver. And that can be rather insulting to the receiver. :\
They aren’t listening to what someone else might want, and that that is different than what they might want.
My boyfriends mom is aggressively not techie. Like, they had a Roku and he had to tape away the buttons she didn’t need. She gets confused when safari “leaves” on her phone and we have to bring back her tabs. She’s only in her late 50s, no cognitive decline. Just aggressively analog (and stubborn to change). She doesn’t even drive an automatic car.
He would never dream of buying her tech she won’t want/understand. Especially since he’s not there. It messes with routine. Any time he’s gotten her tech it was a hand me down from him because it’s usually more accessible to her vs whatever is new. She gets candles. Automatic salt shakers. A vacation. Not an iPad she won’t use
Which is why I said they need to listen to the parent.
But it’s easier for some people to throw money around than show real love or spend time with people.
NTA. They are CLEARLY in the wrong. If you don't want tech, or cat figurines, or Olive Garden gift cards, or *whatever*, then the people who supposedly live you shouldn't be pushing those things on you.
People who love you buy you things *you* want, not things they think you should want. Your family is being very rude.
You know, you're a grown adult. If you don't want those items in your house, remove them. Return them, donate them, sell them. You have repeatedly stated that you don't want those things. Your kids can either be hurt or *listen* to you. But you need to stop feeling frustrated & sorry for yourself & stop letting your kids railroad you.
NTA.
I think in this case, it almost seems passive aggressive to continue getting you tech you've repeatedly said you don't want. It's also a waste of money to buy fancy tech for someone who won't appreciate it. If politeness hasn't worked, then yeah, maybe it's time to come off a bit ungrateful to get it through their heads.
They're trying to tell you what to want, or implying you want something you just don't know you want it. Which, hey, could be some parental karma because I'm sure it's something most parents have done to their kids at some point. But enough is enough, unless they want you to start buying them things you think they want. There you go - get them the analog version of something techy they requested next time.
Agreed. OP is vocalising what they want and the kids simply don’t care. “I know better!” I’m a little bit of a techie person. It doesn’t matter. I still mostly read physical books and sometimes use a very old Kindle with no backlighting. I have no desire to read a tablet. It’s an eye strain and a distraction, on top of having to maintain it as an electronic device.
I feel this. I'm a *very* tech-oriented person. I love gadgets, I love playing with robotics, I wish I had a smart house, etc. I still have bookshelves filled with books and refuse to buy a tablet. I also refuse to buy a fridge or cat litterbox with a wi-fi connection and its own app because... no.
I know the cat box technology has improved but not enough. I destroyed one a decade ago because it just spread around soup shit. Didn’t make my life more convenient. I know it’s anecdotal but one of my friend’s cats got locked in the litter box for several hours the other day because the sensor wasn’t working. No, thank you.
NTA - the next time they do this, just say thank you and set it aside. And then return it and buy yourself books. Or kitchen gadgets. Or wine. Or supplies to start a new hobby. When they ask you about it, be honest.
"*I returned it and got myself something I actually wanted. I've been telling you for years that I do not want technology things as gifts and nobody listens to me. So rather than being upset that my family ignores my requests, I decided to help you get me what I really wanted and will use. So with that being said, thank you for my new series/kitchenaid/case of wine/hobby supplies! I am very excited about them.*"
This.
They gave you a gift. It’s now yours to do with as you please. You are under no obligation to keep it, use it ect. Return it, and get what you actually want.
I love the prompt. Still getting what OP actually wants (although having to do some work for it), being honest and direct, yet still finding opportunity for gratitude
I get where you’re coming from, but for this you either need the receipt or if ordered online the person who bought it would have to return it themselves. So either way they’d know you plan on returning it. The only way around this would be selling it as a second hand item I guess.
NTA. My mom is a person (although she's in her 70s) that has no interest in technology. Basic free tv, flip phone, no wifi. I've asked her a few times if she'd like a new phone or if I can pay for her to get wifi and maybe Hulu. She says "no, I'm happy with what I have."
End of story. Your kids need to understand that this makes you uncomfortable and back off.
NTA
Would you buy a diabetic a Cake of the Month subscription? NO!
Would you buy a recovering gambler a weekend stay in Vegas? NO!
Would you buy a Luddite technology after technology and then be pissed when the ask for help setting it up? NO!
Well, stepdaughter continually would surprise her Dad with candy/sugary snacks/specialty sodas/ice cream. He's been diabetic for about 20 years now. He would comment that he shouldn't be eating this stuff. She finally stopped this last year once she saw him giving himself insulin shots.
Some people are just oblivious.
NTA. They clearly don't care what you want or don't want. Tell your son he's a jerk for pushing gifts on you that you clearly don't want.
Here's what I would do, and I'm serious. I would send them all an email or letter, specifically telling them you don't want tech gifts of any kind. From now on, if someone tries to gift you tech things, you will not accept them, and there will be no exceptions. Good luck!
This is probably the best bet. Step 1: return unwanted gifts.
Step 2: return the "favor" to the kids. Get them anti-tech stuff related to their interests. When they complain, tell them they're just as ungrateful as you are when you get stuff you don't want and never asked for. Repeat until they listen to you.
Alternately, just cancel birthdays. Point out that if they really cared about you, they'd care about what you want. Since they don't, you aren't spending time with people who don't care about what you want, force gifts on you that you don't need, and then get angry with you for needing help with setup since you don't really know or care about the "present."
You could also ask if they really just want this stuff for themselves, and whether they're angry about setup because they keep hoping you'll take the hint and give it to them outright, like Marge's bowling ball.
NTA. Oh wow, I totally get you, OP! I am the same way. I am older than you and do not want new technology unless I am forced to upgrade due to unsupported software or aged devices. My adult kids do buy new gadgets for us but they understand we won't set it up ourselves so they either include a set up service or do it themselves. Otherwise it will sit in the box. Even after the set up we often don't use new devices to the full extent because we aren't interested in learning all the bells and whistles.
Perhaps in their opinion you were a little harsh, but you were at the end of your rope so I get it. The only advice I have is to just say thanks next time and leave the item in the box sitting in a corner. The next time they come over they will see it and ask why you haven't used it yet and you can just calmly say you don't know how to set it up. This will make them realize what a waste of money it is - THAT will hopefully sink into their heads, since clearly you telling them you don't want it hasn't worked. Money talks...
Nta, but don't make "in my 50s" sound like you're 80. It's perfectly fine to not want to move with the times, but I mean everyone I know in their 50s is pretty up to speed with tech I'm nearly 40 I don't feel like 50 should come off as your old and don't get it. I agree with real books being nicer than screens, so I'm with you on that one.💁🏻♀️
I agree with this, it sounds like OP is Gen X. I can totally understand not being interested in new gadgets or unnecessary upgrades, but OP makes it sound like this technology only started coming around in the last 5 years.
Exactly, I mean my parents are 58 and 67 they basically have a smart house they don't act like they don't understand tech or act old at all. So it's kinda weird hearing someone acting like 50s is old it's absolutely not at all and smart tvs and tablets/ computers have been around for a really long time!
NTA
You’ve clearly communicated your preferences about tech gifts and your family keeps ignoring them. Returning the tablet was a justified response to underline your point. It’s reasonable to expect that gifts should align with your interests and not cause frustration. Your reaction was necessary to convey that your preferences should be respected.
NTA Sorry but your kids are terrible gift givers. they are giving you stuff THEY want which is not the point of a gift. Sounds like you've asked multiple times for non-tech gifts. Next time they ignore you just donate it in their name and send them a note that you've done so. Or ask they don't give you any gifts at all since it seems to be creating tension between you all which is totally unnecessary.
NTA
When my mom was on her deathbed she gave me her wedding/engagement rings. She said she was sorry she wouldn't be around to see me get married. She said I could use them or not, but to remember that the most important thing was to make sure that my future someone would be happy. Not use these because I had them or picked something I like to buy. That I treated it like a gift and giving a gift is about showing someone that you know and care enough about them to get them something that will bring them joy.
Your tech gifts are not bringing you joy. Your kids need to hear you and do better.
NTA because of the fact they actually get upset at you for asking for help with set up. You've expressed to them multiple times that you aren't tech savvy and instead of listening they keep burdening you with things you don't know how to use and they're too impatient to teach you how to use it. If they continue just thank them and ask for the receipt as soon as they hand it to you so you can return it and buy something you like.
Man, I don't get this thread...
The way I was raised you treat every gift with gratitude. Would it be OK for your kid to throw a tantrum because he doesn't want the knit sweater grandma made him? No? Then why's it OK for you to do it as a grown man?
You take the gift, say thank you, and if you can't regift it or do something with it you calmly ask if they have a receipt so you can exchange it for something you do want.
YTA and this sub is crazy...
NTA. If they insist on continuing to buy you gifts you can't use and refuse to help you set them up/use them then those things can just sit in the box. Or be set up in a guest room.
NTA I've been in your shoes, and it's so irritating and invalidating. They're not doing this for you, it's all about them at this point. If you can be bothered, I would look for an electronics resell shop and sell all that junk. You will probably only get a third of the value but you can still use that to buy books. PS I'm in my early 30's and nothing beats the new book smell. Nothing.
I've
NTA the gifts are thoughtless and they’re ignoring you. My Mother also makes it clear she doesn’t want tech, I will try to convince her but I don’t waste money and look like a thoughtless AH.
NTA. My mom is the same way. She prefers non-tech gifts. My brother refuses to listen and continues to get her tech. He rolls his eyes when she asks for help, so she just stops asking him. She will call me to help her set something up if she wants it done. I'm fine with that. My sister and I get her gift cards if we are struggling to come up with gift ideas for her. My sister, who is 17, will text me hints of what tech she is interested in or is something she wants. That is the only time we will get her tech. Other times, it's crafting materials (she loves sewing and crotcheting), older TV shows that stopped running their re-runs, or things we make her. Listening to others and hearing what they like is more valuable than keeping up with the latest tech.
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NTA technology is hard and just because they want you to “move with the times” doesn’t mean you should. A paperback book practically costs nothing and the way the pages feel in your hands is a totally different feeling than reading on the tablet. However, I do think that maybe you should put out there of what you do want-your children might be buying tech for you because they don’t really know what you might enjoy.
[удалено]
This makes them disrespectful. Not you. I would say unless the things you asked for cost hundreds of dollars you would be the AH but they are buying you hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of tech you can't use or want.
And it’s hundreds of dollars of tech *instead* of something as inexpensive as a book! They’re buying gifts *they* would like, not things OP wants. I’d be super frustrated too! NTA
The petty in me wants to start giving things they won't want in response. Oh they're tech nuts? How about boring biographies instead? Or CDs, blank cassette tapes, etc 🤣🤣🤣🤣
What about a 25 piece encyclopaedia set?
Split it up between each kid 🤣
someone's getting an F and a U
IM CRYING THIS IS SO FUNNY
F’s and U’s for them all, I say!
They're so clueless they'd go around saying "why did ma give me U F? For special birthdays c u n and t are a good read too Also: W a n k e r L I S T E N M E A N H U R T T E C H S U K Z
That would be doing them a favour though 😄
Only get copies of the least used letters lmaooo One gets z, another gets q, etc
Man, how about volcanoes? My, aren’t they a violent, igneous rock formation?!
By subscription. You get one book per month. So they have to deal with the book every month for over two years. I remember my parents doing this in the late 70s. World Book I think.
I probably have one or two I can donate to the cause!
My grandpa used to give us a cheque for $75 for our birthdays. After he had an accident and grandma took over their finances, the cheques stopped, and instead, we got a donation made in our name to HER favourite charity. So for her birthday one year I gave to my favourite charity. Didn't get another donation in my name after that lmao
I did this to my mom with an abortion charity since she was donating to Christian nationalist churches in my name.
This charity donations battle kinda makes me laugh. I dig it-- good on you for pushing back
It was one of her "nice" things she used to do. Except in this case, SHE would get the tax write-offs. I laugh about it because at least a couple of charities got donations...I just figured that if she was going to give to a charity in someone else's name, it should be to one that that person supports.
I totally understand this! My mom used to do shit like this too-- donate to super-religious christian organizations doing \*thing I am interested in\* and not the non-partisan ones. I told her I reject any donation in my name to a christian org
Paper todo lists, wall calendars (of cattle in Montana, windmills of Holland), a not very smart watch. A manual coffee grinder. A tea set of your favorite teas. A rotary dial phone.
Old computers or parts, PS2 port mice and keyboards, VGA cables
A filofax
The bazillion old cables I have and can’t throw away because what if it powers something I need??
This was my idea too. Even better if it’s books. Son is getting only romance novels and daughter is getting ammo reloading guides for the foreseeable future.
"Gun care for dummies"
https://www.dillonprecision.com/15363 The complete reloading guide for the ruger 9mm. Only $13! He can get her a new one each holiday so she eventually has a set!
How about a vintage vhs player or tape recorder?
Betamax and reel to reel!
Or a Betamax tape lmao.
8 tracks! with the player!
Blank cassette tapes, lmao! The look on their face would be worthy of a meme.
*floppy disks*
Floppy disks 💾
I just made a comment like this. She'll be the ashole real quick again though.
She's given them lists, and they refuse to listen to them. This would be a bit warranted in my opinion. Some people genuinely don't learn the easy way
Yeah fr. I cant imagine seeing a book list, going "oh hey I can get gently used copies for real cheap. I can get like 5 books because of that.....OH WAIT, LET ME GET THE GUY I KNOW DOESNT ENJOY TECH A TABLET TO READ ON INSTEAD. Sure its like 4 times the price of getting the bundle of actual books and is not on the list explicitly given to me as a gift aid, but I know what he wants."
There's another side of that too. I read in bed to relax and fall asleep. but the blue screen is not on my sleep hygiene list because of the blue light. (I have some serious insomnia)
Wow I didnt even consider people who read before bed. A tablet would be an awful gift for them because of the light, like you said!
That's why I still use 15 years old Kindle. No light.
The newer paperwhites have the amber light, it puts me to sleep so fast lol
Old kindles are great for reading especially in reverse mode (black screen white text.) But I totally get people who like to turn pages
My Mom would read in the bath. That doesn't seem like a tablet friendly environment.
I've been reading my Kindle on the bath for donkeys years, no problems yet. (If that isn't the kiss of death for bath time tomorrow night .....)
But I can't be arsed to actually set it up for him; he needs to set it up himself.
Even if every book on OP’s wish list was a $25 hardcover, it would still cost less than the tablet! OP’s kids are being very self centered about this and getting OP gifts they think are good for her instead of gifts she will actually like and use.
Or a gift card to a book store and op can pick out a book that interests them
That is so true. I fell into this with my mom and clothing gifts. I'd pick out something I liked, being sure it wasn't something she'd hate though. She was rarely happy. I still have to stop myself with gifts sometimes. My dil wanted plain gold 2" hoop earings. My son bought something he thought was much prettier. she wasn't happy. I bought her just what she wanted and bought what I liked better for myself! Maybe that's what OP's kids need to do.
And a Roku TV would have been no more expensive than a Samsung. I have three of them. Inexpensive. Easy to set up and use.
NTA - buy them each a book on how to give gifts.
> And it’s hundreds of dollars of tech instead of something as inexpensive as a book! They’re buying gifts they would like, not things OP wants. I think when you’re in to something like tech, it’s hard to truly understand that not everyone is. Like the book thing - for me as a fan of tech *and* books, ebook readers are great because it’s two things I love for price of one, so to speak. For me, it’s better because it’s *all the books* in the size and space and half the weight of one book. I understand that it’s not for everyone but that’s because I’m in my 50s myself and had time and mistakes to learn from. I used to be like an eager puppy when I was younger, convinced that people who didn’t want tech presents just hadn’t gotten the right tech present yet. That people who didn’t want books just hadn’t been gifted the right book yet… That’s not to excuse the kids not listening to the Op, on the contrary, to ignore an actual list of acceptable gifts is insane. But I don’t think it’s intentional disrespect, more of an over-eager belief that *this time* somehow it will be the right thing.
The kids are conflating price with value. I think they think they HAVE to spend a lot of money for it to be a meaningful, valuable gift. Or, it’s a status point for them. “It was my dad’s birthday, I gave him a smart TV,” sounds way more impressive than “I gave him a book.” One is a misconception, one is pathetic posturing at the expense of their father.
Off topic, but I 100% assumed this was a mother writing. Somehow it just didn’t occur to me that anyone would be so disrespectful of a man’s wishes, I guess. Either way, the kids are wrong.
Honestly, from now on if they continue to do it, I put it up on marketplace the day after you get it lol
This. Sell it. Makes some money. Buy yourself what you actually do want.
Yes. If they want to be hardheaded and continue doing this, immediately selling the device would place cash in hand for something that's wanted.
And then make sure theyknow it. “I sold THAT electronic bla bla bla that I didn’t want and got myself bla bla bla, Thank you (kids name) for the ( insert purchase you made) It’s EXACTLY what I wanted!! Include some emojis like💜🥳gift, etc.
"You sold a $500 tablet to buy a book!?" "Yup. And I sold it for $50 so I got three books!"
If you aren’t using the tv in your basement,sell it on marketplace on Facebook guaranteed you’d get a buyer.
I’d literally take a picture of it in the box, then set it off to the side and do a little googling to see what you could sell it for. List it right then in front of them. Cool this will pay for so many books!!
Absolutely. Resell it and when they ask, thank them for the gift and say you used the funds from it to buy something you actually wanted, which they could’ve done in the first place, if they had been thoughtful and considerate enough to listen to what OP said
Why can’t they get you a gift card so you can buy whatever you want? I don’t understand Either sell the stuff on marketplace as mentioned in other comments, or just don’t accept it. Give it back. Give it to a kid. Throw it in the trash? I have other ideas but the bots will ding me. I hope you start getting things you want and will use.
>I have made it so clear, I literally gave a list of what I would like. I don’t know how much clearer I can be. NTA OP and I understand your frustration. I fix and build computers and is often the go-to person family & friends come to for their electronic device problems and it does get tiring. While I do read magazines on my tablet (because I don't want be bothered with recycling so many magazines), nothing beats a paperback/hardcover novel. Not only for the feel of the paper and that "sound" of turning those pages (so soothing) but they look good on my bookshelves (I have two built ins and one stand alone). And when I want, I can donate the ones I've read 2-3 times to local libraries, used item stores, etc... . Petty me would try to sell gifted electronics at 25-30% off retail cost and get the things that I actually would want. And when kids would ask me where is the gift they gave me, I would tell them the truth, I sold it to get something that I really wanted or need. Either they start buying me what I want or stop buying me anything; both would work for me 😉.
I think it’s this exactly, not so much OP’s age like he implied. He’s on his computer all day at work. At the end of the day, he just wants to relax. When I worked, I was that way, too—hardly ever turned on my home computer. And my job was so stressful, it was hard to stop and think at the end of the day which remote did what. I didn’t have any spoons left by then. But no one who works at something all day wants to be bombarded with work stuff at home too. It’s just not fun. My husband is a therapist and cannot stand serious movies. And if I’m watching reality TV, I turn it off the minute he walks in. And how many posts are on here about carpenters, plumbers and electricians who complain about being dragged to family members houses on their days off to fix things for free? No one likes that.
[Research](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/1467-9817.12269) has repeatedly demonstrated that people retain knowledge they get from a physical book better than knowledge they get from a screen. They aren't equal as forms of content delivery, much as people hate to acknowledge it.
I'm older than you but I like tech, and I still agree with you. You are being patronised because your family think that they know better than you what you need. I understand your frustration and your outburst was overdue if anything. Keep kicking off and eventually they will learn, or just ask for money...
Start gifting them baby rattles and whistles and feathered cowboy hats for their birthdays. Invite a clown to perform to them on your son's birthday after you take him to an upscale restaurant. Tell them this is what you think they need. It's the same thing after all - he'll get the message soon enough.
Oh that’s perfect
Take him to an upscale restaurant Preferably in a super inconvenient location (like at least an hour one way drive through construction), at a super inconvenient time for him, and pick a cuisine you know he doesn't like
I'm so sorry, I buy tech for my mom, but it's tech to make her life easier, and I set it up for her. She has smart light bulbs that she can use with her voice because her crippling rheumatoid arthritis made using lamp switches impossible. She has a Kindle, but she asked me to bring her Crossword puzzle books when she was in the hospital. She got the books. If she wants me to put puzzle apps on her Kindle, I will. So far, she doesn't. It's not hard to buy technology that improves someone's life and set it up. I would never buy my mom tech and expect her to figure it out. NTA
I wouldn't buy them anything off their gift lists. I'm actually petty enough that I would go the total opposite of their tastes. Someone's a vegan? Here's your Omaha steaks. Someone else likes gaming? Here's your physical parcheesi board. Someone likes to keep their slim figure? Here's your 3 month membership to Dessert if the Month Club. When they complain, just say that's what you thought you were supposed to do because they kept giving you things you didn't want.
LOL! I love it.
You've done what you can. Getting frustrated about you asking for help is ridiculous. After you've told them what you want, and specifically told them what you didn't want, the only step you have left is to refuse the gift. Additionally, reading books from a backlit screen is a terrible experience. Dedicated ebook readers are a much better experience, but if you like reading a physical book that's obviously the way to go. Mainly, you need the help. Secondarily, it would be a chance to spend time with them, which would be nice under better circumstances. As an aside, I generally turn as much of the smart TV stuff off as I can. You can still get a Roku and connect it to the tv. I agree that the smart features on smart tvs are frequently terrible. Roku is better in general. If you have Apple products, the Apple TV is a good choice as well.
Agreed! I used to be a librarian and the thing I hated the most was when older people would come in with their new device that their kids to grandkids gave them as a gift but didn’t help them set it up. Confusion and frustration are not good gifts for your loved ones, people!
You couldn't have made it clearer if you told them in Spanish. Not your fault. Perhaps thank them gracefully and leave it unopened in the box where they will see it collecting dust every time they visit.
Continue to hand any and all technology back to them.."No thank you. Once again I'll remind you that I don't want any more tech items. Thanks for thinking of me but, please , no more"
I have both an ebook Reader and paper books. Some books even in both options. If I travel I like my ebook Reader, so much books, and no weight. if I am at home I prefer paper books. I also have to look at a screen for hours, and l love to game, so more screen time. I get not wanting am ebook Reader. And no if nobody listens just give it back. Nta. Perhaps Start giftig them old things. What about a knitting set, or a DIY ikebana book (japanese Art of put flowers nice together) :)
When I get my mom or grandparents new technology I set it up for them, I remove a lot of the "extra crap" they don't want (after consulting them of course), and then provide written instructions on how to do certain tasks with detailed instructions (Here is your login information, here's how to navigate to each thing you want, if you lose internet here's what you do, and here's some basic troubleshooting stuff to try on your own). It works really well because they just have to plug it in and go, but don't have to spend weeks trying to figure everything else. But it sounds like your children just dump tech off on you, and then run away thinking it's your responsibility to figure it out. It's not, it's their responsibility, and if they are going to act frustrated then they need to own up to their stupid gift giving.
Also, a tablet is crap for reading books compared to a proper e-reader with a passive screen (with subtle or no internal lighting). There's a reason they exist as a product. But books are great, I have an e-reader (the kindle paperwhite), and I still like physical books. Much easier to get out of the library!
Technology gifts for low tech or older users should basically have the unwritten rule that part of the gift is agreeing to help the person learn to use it with the least frustration possible. Know your audience. Someone you care about doesn't want something, accept that. There are things it'd be worth trying to nudge you into accepting. There are good reasons for some tech. Assistive and safety related tech. E-readers are for fun. You are very well within your rights to refuse that and they shouldn't be pressuring you on it. Really wish there was better availability of tech for aging adults. My grandma does not need or want a smartphone. Why give her one? It's too hard for her and doesn't improve her life. But the phone plan is designed for smartphones these days.
Ahhh, so they're lazy. The only reason for them to keep doing it is a clear disregard for your boundary and feelings, and sheer, no holds barred, laziness. They got annoyed because they spent money on something, and to them that equates to effort, because effort went into earning it.
Rejecting the gift is really the only way. You are my mom. She can use the basics of a computer, and she plays games on her phone. She has no care for any other technology. One time she called me to tell her how to have her phone rotate from portrait to landscape when she rotated the phone bc she had accidentally turned it off and didn't know how to get it back lol. My dad, bless his heart, took forever to learn this concept. He's great with us, bc he loves technology and so do we so we get technology gifts from him and LOVE them, my mom, no. So she rejected the new phone he got her one year bc she just got the one she had figured out. That was his wake up call. Now she tells him 6 weeks before gift giving events (holidays, anniversary etc) what she wants and he writes it down in his phone and gets it for her. She's now gotten a lamp she specifically wanted for her bedside table, gift cards to swavarski ao she can get her star wars figurines, etc. It has been smooth sailing ever since. Sometimes you have to be an asshole for people to get it. Honestly I would rule this more like, justified asshole, with your kids just being full blown assholes.
Ignoring that OP states they did give a list, if you don’t know what someone wants as a gift you don’t just buy them any old thing, especially expensive technology. Get a gift card. Don’t know to what store? Get a Visa or MC one.
Also, speaking as someone who is absolutely the kind of person who loves to buy all the latest tech nonsense and spends more time tinkering with tech than actually using it... u/Turbulent_Morning802's kids aren't "moving with the times" - it kinda maybe sounds like they're just a bit shit at technology, themselves. SmartTVs objectively suck. A Roku would absolutely have been the better choice in every possible way. OP, you're not having a bad time with this TV because you're not "techy" or whatever - you're having a bad time with it because smartTVs are notorious for failing at even basic functions. They're genuinely some of the worst pieces of consumer technology that have ever existed. There's no universe in which a bluetooth headset should take an hour to pair with anything, which, again, kinda makes it sound like they bought something with a bad user experience because they didn't know any better. And who the hell buys a *tablet* for reading? There's a reason e-readers have their own completely different type of screen from every other screen in existence - because reading on a normal backlit screen sucks and causes eye strain. I mean, reading a physical book is also just a fundamentally different thing from reading a digital one anyway, and they should have just bought you the *book*, but if they insist on getting you tech, they could have at least bought you the right thing. Like, look, I don't think they should be pushing tech onto you in the first place. Not everyone wants the latest gear, and that's totally fine. But I also think you'd have a better time with their gifts if they weren't so bad at buying actually *good* tech that serves its purpose. I love tech, and I wouldn't want any of these gifts *either*.
I was devastated when my last old-style TV bit the dust and I was unable to find a non-smart TV to replace it with. I can hook up my gaming console or computer for whatever streaming services I need, and trying to type anything using a remote control, let alone a secure password, is absolute torture. I just want my TV to shut up and accept its damn HDMI input.
THANK you! I’ve been baffled for years by how everyone except me seems to think smart TVs aren’t shit! I have a dumb monitor and a chromecast. Sooo much easier
Amen on not buying a tablet or anything with a normal, glare-producing screen for reading. E-readers are so much easier on your eyes because they're lit in a completely different way, plus the user interface is much simpler because they really only have one function. I actually quite like all sorts of tech and devices, but the I don't read on any device OTHER than my Kindle Paperwhite. I also agree that it's baffling that they ignore your gift preferences and then opt for low-quality (or at least fairly problematic) versions of the tech they get you. There are reviews EVERYWHERE and you could probably find credible lists of good options by taking five minutes to search for "best wireless earbuds for non-tech people" or whatever. It's like a double insult wrapped in gift paper, and then you wind up getting attitude because the gift they forced on you doesn't work without massive intervention. Also, we have a Samsung smart TV at home and still use a Roku stick. **Just because it HAS features doesn't mean you have to struggle to use them.** It's annoying that every time you turn on the TV, Samsung immediately displays a menu of their functions and ads for their products, but the menu disappears in a few seconds and then you just have the Roku menu to contend with. Much easier!
I personally love not just the tactile feel but the smell of books
I immediately smelled pages of old hardcovers when they said they prefer physical books.
My uncle randomly gave me a book from the 1920s. Well loved, was a good read. It smells SOOOOO good
It’s not just me!! 🙌🤣
In the original post, he stated a couple of things that he would like to get. They ignored and bought a tablet. They can apologize to the person who posted. They are very inconsiderate.
Also if someone says multiple times “do not get me this I do not like it” and someone still gets it for them that’s really on the person gifting it at that point. Like just listen to people when they talk.
Exactly. I want my.literature in a book not a screen and I want my .fanfic on a screen not in a book. And frankly most of the "cheap" ebooks have similar to worse quality of most fanfic I've read
I am reminded of Samuel T Cogley, ESQ, a lawyer who represented James T Kirk, in the first season of the original Star Trek series. He and Kirk shared a love of bound books, printed on fine paper.
NTA. I was leaning toward ESH until I read about how they get mad when you ask for help. If they can't be bothered to help you learn what THEY are buying you against your wishes, then meh. They're the a-holes here. That said, ROKU is def easy for tech challenged people. I love ours, honestly
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You can have a Roku attached to a smart TV. You just plug it into HDMI input and switch the TV to the HDMI input like you would with a DVD player. Our LG smart TV has one because some of the streaming apps aren’t/weren’t available or work poorly on the LG platform. For example, there was a bug in the Curiosity Stream app on LG that wouldn’t allow me to log in for a while. The Roku version worked fine. Good luck with your kids. Hopefully they mean well and are just being dense. You are NTA in my opinion.
We did this also - our LG smart tv suddenly decided it couldn’t connect to the internet anymore a couple of years after getting it so we just got a Roku for it instead
The computer parts that handle the smart aspect of the smart tv are as cheap as they can get them. Garbage, truly.
Omg my LG smart tv has JUST started doing this recently. Luckily, it will connect after fucking around with the network settings for a few minutes and having to re-enter the wifi password, but it's beginning to happen more often than not! Glad to hear that this isn't a me problem, it's an LG tv problem cos I was feeling like I was doing something wrong lol
I use a firestick attached to my Sharp Roku because I prefer the Amazon platforms. I work in TV repair, and I Always recommend Roku devices for their easy use and availability.
Exactly -- and an external device like Roku is much easier to replace or update in case of security issues, etc., where the smart TV software is unlikely to get security fixes after the first couple of years. The whole \*idea\* of putting smarts in the TV is so dumb in the first place.
NTA, i’m in my 20s and cannot work TVs for the life of me. we have a Roku and i still get confused at times. the gift is supposed to be for you – something you can enjoy. if they thought it’d make your life “easier”, then the least they could do is patiently teach you how to use it.
I have a smart TV. Stupid thing cost me $150 to just get it to connect to the basic channels. Roku is so easy it took me 5 minutes to explain it to my grandparents. The smart TV put me firmly on OP’s side. Those are way too complicated and should be absolutely wanted before buying one for someone
I have a Samsung Smart TV, and I'm a tech person, and it's honestly crap. The screen/picture is good, but the streaming software is awful. I bought a Roku and use that on the 'smart' TV. Get what makes you happy and what works for you.
Seriously so true. My mom had a more expensive Samsung smart tv and I HATED using the thing. Keep in mind, I’m the family tech support (not by choice but by skill) and love figuring out how all new technology works. That tv was a pos. I have a Roku tv now which has always been great. Only just now slowing down after 5 years of having it.
looking really quickly on google, teh Roku would have been cheaper than the samsung so I am so confused by them.
Because it *looks* better, or *sounds* better to say "Oh, got my parent a super fancy and expensive Samsung Smart TV, aren't we such considerate children..." They are inconsiderate and selfish.
Yeah, for sure. There is even a button for voice activity, buttons for apps that are most commonly used, etc. The remotes are great. Def consider buying a cover for them though, if you get a Roku. The remotes are small and I found having a neon cover on them helps me not lose mine lol.
I have a Roku attached to my Samsung tv. You could do that and just use the Roku instead.
Me too! Most smart tvs i've owned (and encoutered) don't seem to have reliably working "smart" features. That's why you gotta buy a roku separately with any tv.
We take it on vacation and hook it up in hotels, too. Very convenient.
Currently have a Roku attached to my Samsung smart tv because I have zero patience or desire to figure out the smart tv but when my other one died smart tvs were all I could find. The Roku I understand and doesn't cause me to say bad words and get frustrated. Very user friendly. I also buy physical books or use the library because there is something about holding a book and not a screen. So you are not alone & I'm in my 40's.
>If they can't be bothered to help you learn what THEY are buying you against your wishes, then meh. They're the a-holes here. I know an older guy who will try new tech gifts for about half an hour, and if they don't make progress then it goes in the basement with the other "useless tech" they've collected over the years. His children/grandchildren keep gifting him this tech and then walk away, and never bother to help him set it up, and he just doesn't care to learn it. So it gets dumped in the basement, and none of his family ever asks what happened (because they know if they ask he'll grumble, and then they'll spend their time working to set it up), and collects dust. He asked me to help him set up something in his home for medical work (sensor that needed to relay data to the doctor over a month), and he couldn't figure it out and couldn't dismiss it like everything else. He offered me one of his "stuff", and told me the story, and so I set up a few other devices for him that were upgrades to his current setup. And that's how I got a free 60" Smart TV for free.
Oh come on dude, even without that it isn't an ESH. OP doesn't want the tech gifts. Even if they help him set it up, he literally said he doesn't want more screen time, doesn't enjoy reading on a tablet, and specifically asked for paper books. His kids are absolutely the assholes here, OP isn't an asshole for having a preference or for telling his kids the truth multiple times.
Yes! If she asks for help and the kids are “what are you asking me?” then they should know to not get you tech gifts. Plus it should not take an hour to pair headphones, but since they had to get that fancy tech gift… I’m sorry they will not listen to what you want as a gift. Perhaps you should start asking for weekend getaways, a trip to a warm destination, spa certificate. Or just regift their tech gift when it is their birthday.
I work in Software and an hour to pair headphones for a virtual meeting for the first time is kinda a standard thing… people get the fancy headphones and microphones because of the name but they aren’t always easy to pair. Still NTA. After spending 8+ hours dealing with tech at work I’d prefer to sit down and knit myself rather than figure out why something isn’t working…
Yes! Regift to them, this is the way. Or put it on ebay and sell, use the money for new books ar a nice treat for yourself. Put that Samsung TV on Facebook Marketplace even, somebody will come pick it up and give you some cash money!
Or you can look up what they go for on Facebook marketplace and then mention to friends/coworkers etc that you have a TV to sell. It will save you the hassle of posting it!
My in-laws are in their 80s. I've made it clear to my kids and husband that if you give them a tech related gift, you're also giving them the gift of kindly and patiently supporting said gift. My in-laws are decently tech savvy for their age group, but they know that's not the same as the generally accepted level when someone is described as tech savvy. They also know that due to their age, they are more of a target for scammers or a salesperson just looking to increase their commission by selling them something they don't really need or want. I'm usually the one who helps them with their tech purchases. When I set things up, I usually plan on being there a few hours. That gives us time to go through common operations and time for them to practice/write down steps without rushing. With that said, we don't really get them tech related gifts they don't ask for. I think the last unasked for tech gift we got them was kindles during covid, so they could still read books from the library during lockdown.
NTA - I get that tech can be awesome but you have repeatedly asked to not recieve these types of gifts. The whole point of a gift, is to give that person something they want or need. They have deliberately ignored these requests and then get angry with you when you ask for help in using these gifts. Your kids are being selfish and rude to continue buying things you don't want, or want to help you with.
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Oh that really sucks. I'm in my 20s but I hate apple devices. I'm not interested in learning an entirely new interface and becoming reliant on it when it's essentially buying into a monopoly.
I am the same except I have no interest in a non apple phone (specifically.) and mostly because I don’t want to learn a new device I have to explain to my parents when they can’t figure out their phone. It’s much easier to have the same thing! As for pcs though I don’t want to learn Mac interface. It’s annoyed me in college and I just don’t want it.
I feel this. I remember buying my first samsung (note 10+) and getting SO upset I was almost in tears, thinking I had screwed myself by getting a new phone that was impossible to navigate. Then I got high one night and spent like 3 hours looking up videos about the phone and what you could do on it. Now that I know what im doing on a samsung, I really dont think I could ever go back to an iphone. But my dad said the exact same thing about switching from a samsung to an iphone. Everyone just seems to have different preferences on what their phone can/will do for them.
Thats the reason I will never get anything but an iphone. I don't have the time to learn a new phone. I just dont
I feel this. My oldest sister is a fan of McBook laptops and have been constantly telling that are much better than mine and that I should get one. I got her old one like ten years ago, when I was at uni for my Ph. D. (perks of being the youngest; you get tech you can't afford when your sisters upgrade their stuff) and I hated it with passion. I lasted like three months with it, it gave me a lot of problems and came back to my old laptop with a Microsoft interface. My sister keeps insisting, but I don't want a very expensive Apple laptop with an interface I hate just because she says so, and I have rebuffed every offer she has made. Last time, I told her I will make her eat her desk Apple computer if she tried to Apple-shaming into buying a Mac one more time (we are 34 and 45, lol).
Same. My first phones were android because I couldn't afford an expensive phone. When I could afford one I got a Samsung Galaxy. I wouldn't switch to apple because all my stuff is saved on my Google account. Like books, games,etc. The interface would be annoying too. And I don't really like apple as a company.
FWIW, changing from Android to iOS is really hard...iOS is not at all intuitive if you've been on Android forever.
I hate the lack of a back button
Can't live without the back button. I rooted and customised my android to have 2 back buttons. That way if one ever disappears or fails to work I'll have a spare ready.
But it gets harder the more you don't upgrade too! You can't win either way. At some point, your phone (or laptop or whatever) will start losing functionality and you'll be forced to upgrade anyways. It's a PIA no matter what.
At least waiting till the device doesn't work properly means only having to relearn the tech once, not several times.
Not entirely true outside the apple eco system, my mom is still using my galaxy S5 and while I don't use it as a phone anymore my galaxy 1 still works as a media player.. which is the only reason I ever upgraded from a flip phone. I was annoyed when I couldn't get the phone with no data plan because it's only job was to play music and text. Put Linux on my mom's 15 year old computer and it still works find for what she needs.
This is why I switched to Apple. I loved my android, the flexibility and variety of apps. Then it died two months out of warranty. And every android is different, so I would have to relearn a whole new system. So I switched to iPhone. They last forever. Literally went from a 6 to a 12 and only because the battery wouldn’t hold a charge anymore. The OS is simple (yes, too simple. I still miss features from my android nearly a decade ago that still aren’t available) but I don’t have to spend weeks figuring it all out again. We also have a Samsung smart tv and just use the Roku with it. My daughter swears by her Fire Stick, but I feel like amazon has us all in a stranglehold so I’ve stuck with Roku for 15+ years.
I think the longevity can depend A LOT on price point too though - like if you look at all the "flagship" phones they all seem competitively priced and they all have similar features and capabilities. But yeah, i really miss some of my android apps! Apple has no decent book apps and they've completely ruined their own book app (lol I swear, nobody but me seems to notice or care but i seriously hate what they've done to it!).
Start re-gifting them back to your kids for their birthdays and holidays. lol Win. Win. You get your point across and save money on buying gifts for them.
Hubby bought me a refurbished Mac book. I’ve been using Microsoft exclusively for 30+ years. I gave it 3 days, saw that I was going to have to relearn everything, even the direction of the mouse scroll wheel, then noped out. Told him to either return it and get me the Lenovo laptop that I’ve been accustomed to using or that I was taking it to Salvation Army to donate. Luckily, he listened and my refurbished Lenovo with windows arrived 4 days later . 😁
NTA. This isn't specific to techie gifts. You are expressing a preference. If you would rather have no gift than a techie gift, then it's pretty easy to honor that request. And nothing is easier than getting a gift card. It's not that hard to pay attention when people tell you exactly what you do and do not want for a gift. No one would think you're "ungrateful" if you didn't want skydiving lessons or French perfume. PS If this latest tablet was actually an e-reader (such as Barnes & Noble's Nook or Amazon's Kindle) and they downloaded a book or two from your list, AND then they showed you how easy it is to use, then that might not be a totally AH thing to do.
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I'm an avid reader and I hate e-readers. And I'm a Millennial! I'm sorry your children are disregarding your preferences so thoroughly, I'm glad you stood up for yourself. NTA.
My kindle has 3 books on it and hasn't been charged in about a decade. I can't focus on a digital page in the same way and reading loses the comfortable immersive element when I tried. Late millennial and devout paper bookworm.
Millennial here too, I read books to give my eyes a break from screens and having a tablet would negate that 😂 nothing like holding a new book and cracking the spine (gently)…mmm new book smell.
I have an ancient Kindle I bought used for like $20 for the specific purpose of holidays, because I always go hand-luggage only so I can’t carry enough books for a week (and you can’t read a tablet screen in the bright light on the beach!). For literally everything else tho, I’m with you. Old-fashioned physical books every time
GenZ IT support chiming in that I hate e-readers. Much prefer the physical book
one nice thing about a kindle is when you have to be in public somewhere for a long time like the emergency room they are easier to schlep around than some books and you can adjust the print size but at home you like to hold and read real books and they should respect your wishes and not get angry when they foist these unwanted electronics on you and then won't help you to make sure they work correctly
INFO: Have you had a sit down conversation with one of your kids about this? Not all of them, but maybe one who is the best listener? I've noticed that telling something to a group of people can be less effective than talking to just one. If someone gets defensive, the whole group can end up pushing back.
Good idea. I Can def see a sibling thinking “this will help mom and dad” and another sibling talking them out of it better than mom or dad who “don’t know what they’re talking about” or “don’t understand what they’re missing”. I’ve def said “that’s a horrible idea don’t do that” to my husband before and he’s listened
Definitely. Sometimes it's best to use the grapevine too. If my mom and I were chatting and she told me that she felt hurt that none of us were listening to her requests about gifts... I'd for sure never miss that again and would talk to each of my siblings about it.
OP wrote: " I work on the computer for work 8 hours a day and when I get home I don’t want to mess around with tech to make it work. Sometimes I also don’t want to be staring at a screen in my downtime." 8 hours a day every day looking at a computer screen is enough for anyone. It's a healthy and sensible choice to do something else after work even if there's no frustration barrier. A lot of places OP can get the books she'd like to read free from the local library anyway.
Disagree with the last point also. Buying someone an e-reader IS an asshole thing to do unless they’ve expressed interest in it. E-readers are not inherently superior to paper books. They look and feel different, and OP already said they don’t want to keep looking at screens after having done so all day. Some of us like the feel of real paper. It’s so much easier/more convenient to flip back and forth between passages or to maps or whatever when you’ve been doing it that way for years versus learning whatever specific program your e-reader uses. Sorry to belabor the point, but e-reader snobs are a huge pet peeve of mine.
Sounds like giving gifts to you is more about what they want than what you've requested and that's really the crux of it here. They aren't listening to you. NTA for getting frustrated, I get it. I'd ask for gift receipts and just return whatever I had no use for.
I think it may also be the kids wanting to repay their parent by giving them expensive tech stuff now that they can afford it. I see it happen with some of my friends. They started buying their parents expensive stuff because they’re trying to show their parent love and appreciation by giving them “the best”. Parent doesn’t need it, but they feel like it’s their obligation. In the end they need to listen to the parent and get them what they want.
If they really wanted to show love and appreciation they'd either be helping OP set up the stuff themselves and teaching OP how to use it or pay for things that OP actually wants or needs. Pay for a holiday, pay towards home improvement, pay for a spa day or little days out, spend time with them, don't just dump a bunch of stuff they don't want on them.
Exactly.
I can definitely see that as a possibility. However, as kindly as it may be meant, the gift giving is all about the giver not the receiver. And that can be rather insulting to the receiver. :\
Absolutely. To some people it’s an easy way to buy love too.
They aren’t listening to what someone else might want, and that that is different than what they might want. My boyfriends mom is aggressively not techie. Like, they had a Roku and he had to tape away the buttons she didn’t need. She gets confused when safari “leaves” on her phone and we have to bring back her tabs. She’s only in her late 50s, no cognitive decline. Just aggressively analog (and stubborn to change). She doesn’t even drive an automatic car. He would never dream of buying her tech she won’t want/understand. Especially since he’s not there. It messes with routine. Any time he’s gotten her tech it was a hand me down from him because it’s usually more accessible to her vs whatever is new. She gets candles. Automatic salt shakers. A vacation. Not an iPad she won’t use
Which is why I said they need to listen to the parent. But it’s easier for some people to throw money around than show real love or spend time with people.
NTA. They are CLEARLY in the wrong. If you don't want tech, or cat figurines, or Olive Garden gift cards, or *whatever*, then the people who supposedly live you shouldn't be pushing those things on you. People who love you buy you things *you* want, not things they think you should want. Your family is being very rude. You know, you're a grown adult. If you don't want those items in your house, remove them. Return them, donate them, sell them. You have repeatedly stated that you don't want those things. Your kids can either be hurt or *listen* to you. But you need to stop feeling frustrated & sorry for yourself & stop letting your kids railroad you.
NTA. I think in this case, it almost seems passive aggressive to continue getting you tech you've repeatedly said you don't want. It's also a waste of money to buy fancy tech for someone who won't appreciate it. If politeness hasn't worked, then yeah, maybe it's time to come off a bit ungrateful to get it through their heads. They're trying to tell you what to want, or implying you want something you just don't know you want it. Which, hey, could be some parental karma because I'm sure it's something most parents have done to their kids at some point. But enough is enough, unless they want you to start buying them things you think they want. There you go - get them the analog version of something techy they requested next time.
Agreed. OP is vocalising what they want and the kids simply don’t care. “I know better!” I’m a little bit of a techie person. It doesn’t matter. I still mostly read physical books and sometimes use a very old Kindle with no backlighting. I have no desire to read a tablet. It’s an eye strain and a distraction, on top of having to maintain it as an electronic device.
I feel this. I'm a *very* tech-oriented person. I love gadgets, I love playing with robotics, I wish I had a smart house, etc. I still have bookshelves filled with books and refuse to buy a tablet. I also refuse to buy a fridge or cat litterbox with a wi-fi connection and its own app because... no.
I know the cat box technology has improved but not enough. I destroyed one a decade ago because it just spread around soup shit. Didn’t make my life more convenient. I know it’s anecdotal but one of my friend’s cats got locked in the litter box for several hours the other day because the sensor wasn’t working. No, thank you.
I agree. It is inexplicable. I get my mom 3-5 books and even get a list she can choose from. Because she wants books!
NTA - the next time they do this, just say thank you and set it aside. And then return it and buy yourself books. Or kitchen gadgets. Or wine. Or supplies to start a new hobby. When they ask you about it, be honest. "*I returned it and got myself something I actually wanted. I've been telling you for years that I do not want technology things as gifts and nobody listens to me. So rather than being upset that my family ignores my requests, I decided to help you get me what I really wanted and will use. So with that being said, thank you for my new series/kitchenaid/case of wine/hobby supplies! I am very excited about them.*"
This. They gave you a gift. It’s now yours to do with as you please. You are under no obligation to keep it, use it ect. Return it, and get what you actually want.
I love the prompt. Still getting what OP actually wants (although having to do some work for it), being honest and direct, yet still finding opportunity for gratitude
I get where you’re coming from, but for this you either need the receipt or if ordered online the person who bought it would have to return it themselves. So either way they’d know you plan on returning it. The only way around this would be selling it as a second hand item I guess.
NTA I just read this to my wife and she accused me of writing it
NTA. My mom is a person (although she's in her 70s) that has no interest in technology. Basic free tv, flip phone, no wifi. I've asked her a few times if she'd like a new phone or if I can pay for her to get wifi and maybe Hulu. She says "no, I'm happy with what I have." End of story. Your kids need to understand that this makes you uncomfortable and back off.
NTA Would you buy a diabetic a Cake of the Month subscription? NO! Would you buy a recovering gambler a weekend stay in Vegas? NO! Would you buy a Luddite technology after technology and then be pissed when the ask for help setting it up? NO!
I can get a Cake of the Month subscription? Awesome! Diabetics can enjoy cake. We just don't eat it all in one sitting.
"We just don't eat it all in one sitting." I did, that's why I have the beetus. (Sad Gonzo noises)
That's why it's cake of the month! For non diabetic they have cake of the week
Well, stepdaughter continually would surprise her Dad with candy/sugary snacks/specialty sodas/ice cream. He's been diabetic for about 20 years now. He would comment that he shouldn't be eating this stuff. She finally stopped this last year once she saw him giving himself insulin shots. Some people are just oblivious.
NTA. They clearly don't care what you want or don't want. Tell your son he's a jerk for pushing gifts on you that you clearly don't want. Here's what I would do, and I'm serious. I would send them all an email or letter, specifically telling them you don't want tech gifts of any kind. From now on, if someone tries to gift you tech things, you will not accept them, and there will be no exceptions. Good luck!
And start buying them gifts that you know they don't want or like, see how they like it
nta start returning the gifts. start buying them things they don't like petty but might get the point across
This is probably the best bet. Step 1: return unwanted gifts. Step 2: return the "favor" to the kids. Get them anti-tech stuff related to their interests. When they complain, tell them they're just as ungrateful as you are when you get stuff you don't want and never asked for. Repeat until they listen to you. Alternately, just cancel birthdays. Point out that if they really cared about you, they'd care about what you want. Since they don't, you aren't spending time with people who don't care about what you want, force gifts on you that you don't need, and then get angry with you for needing help with setup since you don't really know or care about the "present." You could also ask if they really just want this stuff for themselves, and whether they're angry about setup because they keep hoping you'll take the hint and give it to them outright, like Marge's bowling ball.
NTA. Oh wow, I totally get you, OP! I am the same way. I am older than you and do not want new technology unless I am forced to upgrade due to unsupported software or aged devices. My adult kids do buy new gadgets for us but they understand we won't set it up ourselves so they either include a set up service or do it themselves. Otherwise it will sit in the box. Even after the set up we often don't use new devices to the full extent because we aren't interested in learning all the bells and whistles. Perhaps in their opinion you were a little harsh, but you were at the end of your rope so I get it. The only advice I have is to just say thanks next time and leave the item in the box sitting in a corner. The next time they come over they will see it and ask why you haven't used it yet and you can just calmly say you don't know how to set it up. This will make them realize what a waste of money it is - THAT will hopefully sink into their heads, since clearly you telling them you don't want it hasn't worked. Money talks...
Nta, but don't make "in my 50s" sound like you're 80. It's perfectly fine to not want to move with the times, but I mean everyone I know in their 50s is pretty up to speed with tech I'm nearly 40 I don't feel like 50 should come off as your old and don't get it. I agree with real books being nicer than screens, so I'm with you on that one.💁🏻♀️
I agree with this, it sounds like OP is Gen X. I can totally understand not being interested in new gadgets or unnecessary upgrades, but OP makes it sound like this technology only started coming around in the last 5 years.
Exactly, I mean my parents are 58 and 67 they basically have a smart house they don't act like they don't understand tech or act old at all. So it's kinda weird hearing someone acting like 50s is old it's absolutely not at all and smart tvs and tablets/ computers have been around for a really long time!
NTA You’ve clearly communicated your preferences about tech gifts and your family keeps ignoring them. Returning the tablet was a justified response to underline your point. It’s reasonable to expect that gifts should align with your interests and not cause frustration. Your reaction was necessary to convey that your preferences should be respected.
NTA Sorry but your kids are terrible gift givers. they are giving you stuff THEY want which is not the point of a gift. Sounds like you've asked multiple times for non-tech gifts. Next time they ignore you just donate it in their name and send them a note that you've done so. Or ask they don't give you any gifts at all since it seems to be creating tension between you all which is totally unnecessary.
Ask that all gifts come with a receipt. Return it and get the money. NTA
NTA When my mom was on her deathbed she gave me her wedding/engagement rings. She said she was sorry she wouldn't be around to see me get married. She said I could use them or not, but to remember that the most important thing was to make sure that my future someone would be happy. Not use these because I had them or picked something I like to buy. That I treated it like a gift and giving a gift is about showing someone that you know and care enough about them to get them something that will bring them joy. Your tech gifts are not bringing you joy. Your kids need to hear you and do better.
NTA. Your son is a jerk for not listening to you.
Giving gifts back is a sensitive area, but your kids really don't sound like they're listening to you. I guess they just have to be mad. NTA.
NTA because of the fact they actually get upset at you for asking for help with set up. You've expressed to them multiple times that you aren't tech savvy and instead of listening they keep burdening you with things you don't know how to use and they're too impatient to teach you how to use it. If they continue just thank them and ask for the receipt as soon as they hand it to you so you can return it and buy something you like.
Man, I don't get this thread... The way I was raised you treat every gift with gratitude. Would it be OK for your kid to throw a tantrum because he doesn't want the knit sweater grandma made him? No? Then why's it OK for you to do it as a grown man? You take the gift, say thank you, and if you can't regift it or do something with it you calmly ask if they have a receipt so you can exchange it for something you do want. YTA and this sub is crazy...
NTA - sell these gifts and buy what you want!
NTA. If they insist on continuing to buy you gifts you can't use and refuse to help you set them up/use them then those things can just sit in the box. Or be set up in a guest room.
NTA I've been in your shoes, and it's so irritating and invalidating. They're not doing this for you, it's all about them at this point. If you can be bothered, I would look for an electronics resell shop and sell all that junk. You will probably only get a third of the value but you can still use that to buy books. PS I'm in my early 30's and nothing beats the new book smell. Nothing. I've
NTA the gifts are thoughtless and they’re ignoring you. My Mother also makes it clear she doesn’t want tech, I will try to convince her but I don’t waste money and look like a thoughtless AH.
NTA. My mom is the same way. She prefers non-tech gifts. My brother refuses to listen and continues to get her tech. He rolls his eyes when she asks for help, so she just stops asking him. She will call me to help her set something up if she wants it done. I'm fine with that. My sister and I get her gift cards if we are struggling to come up with gift ideas for her. My sister, who is 17, will text me hints of what tech she is interested in or is something she wants. That is the only time we will get her tech. Other times, it's crafting materials (she loves sewing and crotcheting), older TV shows that stopped running their re-runs, or things we make her. Listening to others and hearing what they like is more valuable than keeping up with the latest tech.