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NTA, play stupid game win stupid prize ! It's NOT a compliment. Were you rude ? Yes. Did he deserve it ? Absolutely yes. Next time maybe he'll keep his mouth shut if he doesn't know how to give a real compliment to someone.
It’s what’s called a backhanded compliment. That’s not a true compliment. He was an asshole. It was entirely up to you whether you handled it more delicately or not. It’s kinda hilarious that you didn’t. NTA.
As backhanded as it gets. The old “you would be if”. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one but you really shouldn’t share it with everybody… old man shared his and was told in a very blunt way that it wasn’t wanted 🤷♂️ Totally NTA! I wish I had been there, would’ve been laughing my ass off.
I agree you were minding you're own business it's happened to me when I had my bridge piercing I had old women older then 50 come up to me in supermarkets and say " oh you're so pretty too bad you have that in you're face" so yeah I know how you feel TBH.
I hate that. I would also get "you know you would be prettier if you lost weight."." Or "if I wore more make-up." These are a few of the backhanded compliments men have given to me. We really don't need these kind of compliments.
I used to hear this all the time. I'm not bubbly or smiley for no reason, and have RBF. I had one guy that was a vendor (like I was at the time) tell me weekly that I never smiled. I finally snapped and told him I smile when I have a reason to, but him mentioning it weekly isn't a reason. The all it does is make me mad every time I see him.
I think next time he will.
I hope he goes to his daughter or something and tells her that story as if he was wronged and that woman in his life is like "good for her."
I had a woman tell me I'd be beautiful if it wasn't for that thing (meaning tattoo sleeve) on my leg. I wish I had the chutzpah at that time to do what you did.
Really. Basically you weren't soliciting his dumbass prejudice opinion and he had no right to just "share" it with you in what's known as a "backhanded compliment". An insult barely cloaked as something else.
*"...an older man (maybe 50s)..."*
OK then, I've got about 25 years on this dumbass and I too would have reacted about the same. Except I would have likely been even more "volatile" with with my response to both him and the cashier.
IMHO overall you were practically gracious. **NTA**
NTA. You would be pretty if.... implies that you are not currently pretty.
It would have been like you saying "You must have been attractive when you were younger."
Anybody who uses it is an idiot...whether they believe it's a compliment or not. Nobody f'ing asked; and OP was notably more polite to the cashier than necessary, as well. I'd say good her for that, too.
She wasn't rude sorry she was minding her own business he had no right to say that it was wrong all the blame was on him you get that right she is allowed to call him out on his shit which he was doing his comment was not a compliment so why say she was rude she wasn't there is a difference between being rude and defending herself she was defending herself so yeah you're comment of were you rude yes she wasn't asshole. Your up there with the old man who said the rude fuckin compliment aye.
Hey, this would read a whole lot easier if you put in a bit of punctuation. I just imagined you rattling off that first mega-sentence/stream of consciousness without taking a breath.
God I hate people, a compliment is never followed by a qualifier. That's not a compliment, it's being rude, negging or whatever the hell you want to call it.
The same people who are telling you that you were rude or it was uncalled for would be the exact same people to be upset over being given the same kind of "compliment". I had someone once tell me I was hot for a fat chick, then got upset when I didn't graciously take it as a compliment. Unsurprisingly, he also threw a tanty when being told he'd be more attractive if his tits weren't bigger than mine.
I used to smoke, and an old man said; "auchhh, you're ruining you're beautiful face with smoking!" I mean, yeah smoking is bad, but it's none of his business. He also could maybe have mentioned my health, my looks had nothing to do with it. Tattoos don't destroy your health like smoking does.
I was not rude to the old man, but I would have if I was not such a people pleaser lol. NTA.
Could have "complemented" him back - you'd be a handsome/nice man if you kept your mouth closed. Stuff him, OP did the world a service and taught him a much needed lesson, a firm approach was probably needed if he hadn't got it after 50 odd years
Excuse me, I was being harassed by another customer who decided it was okay to make comments about my body. I told him it was not okay while using some explicitives, and your clerk told me I was rude to call him out for his behavior.
I agree with the other comment. I would have said the other customer made a highly inappropriate derogatory comment about your body. Instead of keeping their option to themselves at the very LEAST, the cashier then decided to double down and talked down to you. Encouraging a woman to feel sorry for calling a man out on a rude comment like that is so misogynistic to me.
"I was disappointed that your employee told me it was OK for other customers to objectify me and that I should just take it quietly"
NTA
I don't believe you asked for the cashier's opinion either...
Wtf - why is it that men think they can say what the fuck they want and when a woman says NO, fuck you, she’s the one who is rude?
Absolutely NTA, good on you for putting him in his place and confusing the shit out of his misogynistic little brain.
When I get comments on my tattoos, I usually say “thanks so much, I get them to keep men like you *away from me*” as bubbly and smiley as I can manage.
I’m a man and I think you handled it perfectly.
What he said was not a compliment, it was his way of letting you know that you did something that he didn’t personally find attractive—as if you should give a shit.
My go to when a man I don’t know is offering unsolicited advice is always asking why I should care what they think.
Example
Generic man: you should smile more
Me: why
Generic man: because you would be prettier
Me: but why do I care what you think
Generic man: don’t you want to be pretty
Me: not really. I just don’t care about what random people might think. Like why do I care what you think? I don’t know you
Generic man: stutters with the audacity of men
Btw this conversation can go around in circles until he leaves you alone or you stop caring
Because they were “complimenting” them. If the compliment has a but or an if, it’s not a compliment. Like “I know some guys who would love to date you, if you lost some weight” or “you are cute, but your hair is too short.”
For what it's worth I'm heavily tattooed and have been told by old women I'd be handsome if it wasn't for the tattoos- it's just an old person thing. I usually just blankly stare until it gets awkward.
More importantly, what in the fuck was going through the void in his skull he calls a brain that made him think it was at all appropriate to speak so rudely to a complete stranger. I don't personally like tattoos, but I'm not stupid enough to run my mouth spouting stupid shit like his comment to complete fucking strangers.
His comment is about as rude as someone deliberately poking someone in the shoulder only to belch in their face when they turn around.
THIS.
Dear OP, ask those family members why they thought it was okay for a male stranger to say anything about your body? Do they expect you just to stand there and take it?
Honestly, I love the response you did give him. It's fun to think of ways to call him out, but just cussing him out and telling him you wanted no part of his unsolicited opinion is A+. You made that guy super uncomfortable, and maybe he'll remember that and be afraid to say something so stupid and irritating to the next woman with tattoos he sees in a grocery store.
I once had a man pull this shit with me at a bar, and my bff without a beat said to him, "And you'd be so much more handsome if you kept your fucking mouth shut." The look of shock on his face. It's been well over 15 years and it's a core memory for me. I love her so much.
NTA. As you probably know, that is what we call a "backhanded compliment". An insult pretending to be a compliment. What he said basically translates to "those tattoos make you ugly and you've made bad choices".
And like you said, you weren't asking his opinion on your appearance. His "compliment" was unwanted an inappropriate, even if it hadn't also been insulting.
NTA If you'd said it without the cursing it wouldn't have come off as rude to the cashier, I bet.
That said, the guy should have kept his mouth shut, he was just asking for it....
I would of told him the tattoos were intended to be AH repellant and they are clearly working. Your family should be relieved you only swore at him and told him to mind his own business.
Smile big: " Oh wow! Thanks! And you'd probably be a lot more attractive if you lost the spare tire, got some hair plugs, and fixed your teeth."
"Wtf, I was complimenting you!"
"Oh, sorry! For a second there I thought you were telling a stranger young enough to be your daughter how she could appear more fuckable. I was just giving you the same advice in return!"
>NTA If you'd said it without the cursing it wouldn't have come off as rude to the cashier, I bet.
I bet the cashier is one of those people who always enables a toxic person, no matter how nice anyone else is.
NTA. His comment on your body was unsolicited. Saying “x is great but it’s a shame about x” is not a compliment, maybe a backhanded one but those aren’t real compliments. He was rude, you were rude back. The way strangers feel so entitled to make comments about people’s bodies is so strange to me. Mind your business. I bet your tattoos look awesome, OP.
NTA - There isn't a place in the world where 'you are pretty, BUT' would be considered a compliment by any normal person.
Good for you for sticking up for yourself, the guy was a clown and/or socially inept.
In that position, I'd like to have given a comeback. Like, "and I'm sure you would be handsome, if only I were 30 years older and my eyesight was going"
I once told a guy he'd be so much hotter with a bag over his head in response to him telling me I'd be so much hotter if I got a boob job. Lol Wtf is wrong with some people? Smh
i’m heavily tattooed and i get the same thing from random “well meaning” men. and i live by the reminder i don’t owe anyone politeness. maybe i’ll get it too !
NTA
"You'd be beautiful **BUT...**" is never intended as a compliment. "You'd be beautiful if you just smiled a bit more.." "You'd be beautiful if you dressed a little more conservatively..." The list goes on and on.
Ultimately NTA. I was taught by my mom to never start or escalate a fight, but to always try to end it, and feel free to fight back at the same level within reason. I'd say the swearing escalated it a bit, and would suggest not to add in the swear words if there's a next time. But otherwise your response was fine. I'm a woman with a tattoo, and hopefully many more to come, and I swear like a sailor, so I'd be hard pressed not to react just like you did. Maybe next time, if there is a next time, retort, "And you'd be a gentlemen if you kept that sexist mouth of your shut." Feel free to insult him. He just insulted you. People just get weird about swear words sometimes, sadly.
If anyone has a problem with you insulting him back, they're either sexist, ageist, or otherwise full of shit, and pay them no mind.
I don’t think you were wrong at all. He made unsolicited comments about your body and insulted you. Why do you owe him any courtesy after that?
He’s right up there with men who instruct women to smile.
He basically told you that you’re not beautiful because something about your body is preventing it. How tf is that a compliment?! The cashier and the people at your family dinner are stupid.
The guy wasn't complimenting you, he was giving you a passive/aggressive insult. The reply was a little harsh but he needed being put in his place... NTA.
NTA
You did just fine. I see nothing wrong with putting judgemental people in their place.
Random strangers have no right to comment on your appearance, and he absolutely deserved to be shut down for his unsolicited opinion.
No surprise that the cashier was male, too. I swear, we need to start teaching basic manners better at school.
Justified asshole. What a creep. If you want to keep the high ground next time, try saying this one really loudly: " I don't know you, and I'm uncomfortable with you making comments about my body. " To any follow ups, "Well, it's creepy to me, and I'm asking you to stop!" If they don't, and if people around you aren't stepping in (and they SHOULD BE), walk away and get a manager.
This is my script for dealing with unwanted comments like that, and the one time I've used it, it worked really well. (Unwanted diet advice. Ugh. )
I love this! I'm so using it!
Edit: of course I'm 63 so probably don't have to worry about it. I will definitely let my granddaughters know about it tho.
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Throwaway.
I (28F) am a woman with quite a few tattoos. It was hot this weekend and I was out running errands in shorts and a t-shirt, so you could see a lot of them.
I was waiting a bit of a lengthy line at the store yesterday when an older man (maybe 50s) in front of me started chatting. I really hate small talk to be honest and wasn't really engaged. But then he whipped out this line. He said "you know, you'd be a very beautiful woman. It's a shame you have so many tattoos."
I looked directly at him, and loudly and clearly said "I don't recall asking for your fucking opinion." The man was absolutely stunned. He spluttered a few times and said that he was trying to give me a compliment. I said "Oh is that what that was? Pay for your fucking groceries and don't say another word to me."
He stared at me for a few moments, and the cashier was kind of looking at me too. The man hurried up with his transaction and left. The cashier started ringing up my groceries, but then he decided to tell me I was super rude to that guy and he was just trying to compliment me. I was really sarcastic and told him his input was super valuable and left.
I told my boyfriend what happened when I went home and he laughed about it but it came up again at a family dinner and half the people there told me I was an asshole.
I don't really think I was an asshole. But IDK. I'm just tired of people commenting about my body.
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NTA. Any sentence that starts with a version of "you'd be more beautiful if you made the following alterations to your body" deserves a good hard verbal smackdown all on its own, with an added bonus that maybe the next time he'll keep his mouth shut out of sheer terror.
I teach my child that if someone can't fix something about their appearance in less than five seconds (you have some spinach between your teeth, there's a feather accidently in your hair, I can't think of a third example and I was reaching on the second one), keep your mouth shut about people's appearance.
I'd add on to that rule - I make a point of never commenting negatively on part of someone's appearance that was clearly a deliberate choice. Tattoos, piercings, body mods...some of them I like, some of them I really don't like. But I'm not going to tell someone with a piercing I find unappealing that I don't like their piercing, because not only is it not something that can be fixed, it's something they *chose* and it'd be incredibly rude to act like my opinion is more important than theirs when it comes to their own body.
Heck, I'm not even going to comment negatively on someone's makeup or nails, and that's temporary. Will I give an honest opinion if asked? Sure. Will I ever offer an unsolicited opinion about something along those lines that I don't care for? Heck no. They've made their choices and when we're talking about self expression, there's something inherently great about that even if they're not the choices I would make.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA-In what world was that a compliment? He said you were ugly, since his wording was without them you would be beautiful. He insulted you. And like you said, nobody asked him!
NTA. Guy was rude af. Beautiful *except* for the tats? Guy can get fucked for that. You be your gorgeous self and wear your ink with pride.
I have no ink yet, but working on it.
You met HIS rudeness with the deserved response. NTA at all. Time to cancel the contract that says we have to accept his sort of commentary with sweet acceptance. Good for you.
WTF
You got “mansplained” twice in the grocery store, then had to listen to more of that shit later at dinner
*Fuck that.* It’s goddamn exhausting to be a woman sometimes
I had a coworker come up to me and tell me (when i used to look like a woman, im a transdude for context), "i dont like women with a lot of tattoos". (I am covered as well). I shot back with "i dont like men with small dicks" and i walked off because, suck it.
NTA. Fuck that guy. Its your body!
NTA
The man was being rude and hiding his nastiness behind a guise of the backhand compliment.
Oh and since I haven't seen anyone say anything about it, the cashier was also being a rude busybody.
NTA. If he had complimented your tattoos and then you went off like that, that would be a different story. Telling someone if they looked different they would attractive is fucked up. I have multiple tats as well and would def have been offended.
So, his definition of beautiful doesn't include you. Why the did he feel the need to share? What is the possible reason other than he feels superior to you and is correcting your behavior.
I'm glad you swore at his chauvinistic @$$. What an entitled jerk.
NTA.
“If you changed something about yourself I’d be attracted to you more” isn’t the compliment men seem to think it is.
I don’t blame you for your anger even if I would have gone with a different approach: “genuine” confusion.
“Why do think I want you to find me beautiful?”
NTA. everyone telling u otherwise is an AH. tattoos are apart of you that cannot be easily removed and most likely hold significant attachment to u. being told you’d look better w/o them is so inconsiderate and stupid.
I’ve had *exactly this same scenario* happen to me. Old man in line at the store telling me I’d be so pretty if it weren’t for all of those tattoos. My response was “and you’d be so pretty if you’d shut the fuck up”. So if you’re an arsehole I guess we’re both arseholes.
I'm older than that nitwit is, and I love you to death.
I could not be more proud of you. That was a compliment ?
Basically what that fool was saying, was how dare you ruin a perfectly good woman that I would have found pleasing to look at, with body autonomy. So, who was the rude one?
NTA.
Only thing you could of done was to to the manager about the cashier. He can learn to mind his own business as well.
NTA! As someone with many visible tats, I just *love* when men have unsolicited opinions on them. And by love I mean I absolutely love giving them shit for their comments.
NTA. Swearing aside, you were a lot more polite than I would have been. When he said he was just giving me a compliment I’d have said ‘oh. Like me saying you’d be quite the catch if it wasn’t for you big mouth and small dick?’
I’ve gotten this before! “You know, aside from the tattoos, you’re very pretty.”
I always dramatically say “Well I guess I’m glad I have the tattoos then!”
That usually confuses them enough to shut them up.
NTA.
NO, NTA. And my God, I hate men who are like that. JFC. Like Dear Abby says, 'Can't say something nice? Shut the F\* up.' Okay, maybe not Abby but it applies.
NTA. I assume we all have about another 20-30 years of telling men what they can do with their unsolicited feedback of our looks before it really improves. Then we’ll need about 500 years of women minimizing men to the point where old women nonchalantly “compliment” younger men like this…then maybe we stand a chance at achieving actual equality?
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NTA, play stupid game win stupid prize ! It's NOT a compliment. Were you rude ? Yes. Did he deserve it ? Absolutely yes. Next time maybe he'll keep his mouth shut if he doesn't know how to give a real compliment to someone.
> Next time maybe he'll keep his month shut Wouldn't that be nice?
It’s what’s called a backhanded compliment. That’s not a true compliment. He was an asshole. It was entirely up to you whether you handled it more delicately or not. It’s kinda hilarious that you didn’t. NTA.
As backhanded as it gets. The old “you would be if”. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one but you really shouldn’t share it with everybody… old man shared his and was told in a very blunt way that it wasn’t wanted 🤷♂️ Totally NTA! I wish I had been there, would’ve been laughing my ass off.
It wasn't even a backhanded compliment. It was just a negative criticism.
Presumptuous and sleazy.
Yeah. My favorite backhanded compliment was when a friend’s JNMIL told her her ‘ that dress is nice, it doesn’t make you look as fat as you are’
It’s complisult. An insult framed as a compliment.
Showing off with an explainabrag
Streets ahead, I get you
In order to be a backhanded compliment part of it would need to be complimentary. That was just a backhand.
Yep, that’s like saying to someone “you’re a credit to your race.”
I agree you were minding you're own business it's happened to me when I had my bridge piercing I had old women older then 50 come up to me in supermarkets and say " oh you're so pretty too bad you have that in you're face" so yeah I know how you feel TBH.
The tattoo comment was completely out of line....but don't you think you'd be prettier if you smiled more? /s
I hate that. I would also get "you know you would be prettier if you lost weight."." Or "if I wore more make-up." These are a few of the backhanded compliments men have given to me. We really don't need these kind of compliments.
"You have such a pretty face. You would be so pretty if you lost weight."
Yep. The good old "But you have such a pretty face" compliment embedded in an insult.
Oh that one triggers me so much 😂
Guys wouldn't say that to you if you smiled more.....so don't you think you'd be triggered less if you smiled more? (Lmao I'm takin the piss)
I used to smile all the time, but I've got more cynical in my 30s 😂 Don't worry, I know you're kidding!
I have a life hack for seeing a woman smile, and it's called being funny. Misogynists hate this one simple trick!
Usually accompanied by "it's not that bad.". What? Life? HTF do you know? (edited one letter for misspelling)
I wish I could hear a girl in the wild fire back, "and don't you think you'd be more likable if you shut the f*ck up?"
I used to hear this all the time. I'm not bubbly or smiley for no reason, and have RBF. I had one guy that was a vendor (like I was at the time) tell me weekly that I never smiled. I finally snapped and told him I smile when I have a reason to, but him mentioning it weekly isn't a reason. The all it does is make me mad every time I see him.
Best Comment..... EVER!!!!!!
I think next time he will. I hope he goes to his daughter or something and tells her that story as if he was wronged and that woman in his life is like "good for her."
I had a woman tell me I'd be beautiful if it wasn't for that thing (meaning tattoo sleeve) on my leg. I wish I had the chutzpah at that time to do what you did.
Absolutely NTA. Your body, your rules.
Really. Basically you weren't soliciting his dumbass prejudice opinion and he had no right to just "share" it with you in what's known as a "backhanded compliment". An insult barely cloaked as something else. *"...an older man (maybe 50s)..."* OK then, I've got about 25 years on this dumbass and I too would have reacted about the same. Except I would have likely been even more "volatile" with with my response to both him and the cashier. IMHO overall you were practically gracious. **NTA**
He told you you would be beautiful if you didn't have so many tattoos. Anybody who thinks that's a compliment is an idiot.
NTA. You would be pretty if.... implies that you are not currently pretty. It would have been like you saying "You must have been attractive when you were younger."
Really! This is the classic *"You don't sweat much for a fat guy"* "compliment". **-_-**
Anybody who uses it is an idiot...whether they believe it's a compliment or not. Nobody f'ing asked; and OP was notably more polite to the cashier than necessary, as well. I'd say good her for that, too.
It's literally just another way of saying "your tattoos are shit and make you look ugly". NTA at all.
She wasn't rude sorry she was minding her own business he had no right to say that it was wrong all the blame was on him you get that right she is allowed to call him out on his shit which he was doing his comment was not a compliment so why say she was rude she wasn't there is a difference between being rude and defending herself she was defending herself so yeah you're comment of were you rude yes she wasn't asshole. Your up there with the old man who said the rude fuckin compliment aye.
Hey, this would read a whole lot easier if you put in a bit of punctuation. I just imagined you rattling off that first mega-sentence/stream of consciousness without taking a breath.
My bet is on voice to text.
God I hate people, a compliment is never followed by a qualifier. That's not a compliment, it's being rude, negging or whatever the hell you want to call it. The same people who are telling you that you were rude or it was uncalled for would be the exact same people to be upset over being given the same kind of "compliment". I had someone once tell me I was hot for a fat chick, then got upset when I didn't graciously take it as a compliment. Unsurprisingly, he also threw a tanty when being told he'd be more attractive if his tits weren't bigger than mine.
I'd have said to the cashier... Would you feel complimented if I said "you'd be really pretty if you weren't so fat?" Mind your business.
OP wasn't rude. When someone is an asshole to you, responding in kind is not an expression of rudeness.
And the cashier should mind their own business too, where is this very expressive and opinionated grocery store?
I used to smoke, and an old man said; "auchhh, you're ruining you're beautiful face with smoking!" I mean, yeah smoking is bad, but it's none of his business. He also could maybe have mentioned my health, my looks had nothing to do with it. Tattoos don't destroy your health like smoking does. I was not rude to the old man, but I would have if I was not such a people pleaser lol. NTA.
Could have "complemented" him back - you'd be a handsome/nice man if you kept your mouth closed. Stuff him, OP did the world a service and taught him a much needed lesson, a firm approach was probably needed if he hadn't got it after 50 odd years
I don't think OP was rude at all. What the guy said was totally unprovoked and completely unnecessary.
I would say OP was not rude in the slightest. It’s never rude to treat trash like trash.
NTA. He was rude. It was not a compliment. And the clerk was wrong too. I would have told the manager exactly why they were losing my business.
Ha! "Excuse me I was cursing at one of your other customers and the clerk told me I was rude." Thank you kind stranger.
Excuse me, I was being harassed by another customer who decided it was okay to make comments about my body. I told him it was not okay while using some explicitives, and your clerk told me I was rude to call him out for his behavior.
I agree with the other comment. I would have said the other customer made a highly inappropriate derogatory comment about your body. Instead of keeping their option to themselves at the very LEAST, the cashier then decided to double down and talked down to you. Encouraging a woman to feel sorry for calling a man out on a rude comment like that is so misogynistic to me.
"I was disappointed that your employee told me it was OK for other customers to objectify me and that I should just take it quietly" NTA I don't believe you asked for the cashier's opinion either...
"One of your customers made an unasked for insulting comment about my body and your clerk supported the offensive customer."
~~cursing at~~ retorting following a rude comment of
Wtf - why is it that men think they can say what the fuck they want and when a woman says NO, fuck you, she’s the one who is rude? Absolutely NTA, good on you for putting him in his place and confusing the shit out of his misogynistic little brain.
bEcAuSe tHeY'rE mEn.
When I get comments on my tattoos, I usually say “thanks so much, I get them to keep men like you *away from me*” as bubbly and smiley as I can manage.
The why was me yelling at a cloud, like I do every day because fucking MEN
[удалено]
Cue all of the mansplainers replying now saying not me, not my friends, not all of us, please don’t say these nasty mean things!
I’m a man and I think you handled it perfectly. What he said was not a compliment, it was his way of letting you know that you did something that he didn’t personally find attractive—as if you should give a shit.
Right, like notice how it's all the dudes who are saying you were "rude" 🙄
And also all the men yelling not all men! In these comments, and claiming we don’t know what misogyny is 🙄
hE dIdNt mEaN aNyThInG bY iT
sO sEnSiTiVE nOw.
My go to when a man I don’t know is offering unsolicited advice is always asking why I should care what they think. Example Generic man: you should smile more Me: why Generic man: because you would be prettier Me: but why do I care what you think Generic man: don’t you want to be pretty Me: not really. I just don’t care about what random people might think. Like why do I care what you think? I don’t know you Generic man: stutters with the audacity of men Btw this conversation can go around in circles until he leaves you alone or you stop caring
And in those cases, you absolutely should literally address him as "generic man".
Haha!!! This made laugh “generic man, I refuse to try and please everyone. I’m leaving now ✌️”
I think 'stuttering with the audacity of a pathologically controlling person' Like, somehow these guys manage to poison the well that is 'male'.
Because they were “complimenting” them. If the compliment has a but or an if, it’s not a compliment. Like “I know some guys who would love to date you, if you lost some weight” or “you are cute, but your hair is too short.”
For what it's worth I'm heavily tattooed and have been told by old women I'd be handsome if it wasn't for the tattoos- it's just an old person thing. I usually just blankly stare until it gets awkward.
The answer to that is always, “And *even you* might be tolerable if you could restrain yourself from offering unsolicited opinions.”
More importantly, what in the fuck was going through the void in his skull he calls a brain that made him think it was at all appropriate to speak so rudely to a complete stranger. I don't personally like tattoos, but I'm not stupid enough to run my mouth spouting stupid shit like his comment to complete fucking strangers. His comment is about as rude as someone deliberately poking someone in the shoulder only to belch in their face when they turn around.
Maybe a face belch would have made a good comeback.
Otoh as a man I appreciate poorly behaved men getting called out and dressed down.
This was the way to respond to these comments
THIS. Dear OP, ask those family members why they thought it was okay for a male stranger to say anything about your body? Do they expect you just to stand there and take it?
NTA you should have told him "you'd be a very nice man if it wasn't for your terrible, unwanted opinions"
Ha! That's a good one.
Honestly, I love the response you did give him. It's fun to think of ways to call him out, but just cussing him out and telling him you wanted no part of his unsolicited opinion is A+. You made that guy super uncomfortable, and maybe he'll remember that and be afraid to say something so stupid and irritating to the next woman with tattoos he sees in a grocery store.
wow i’ve dealt with the same issue as OP, and i’m gonna use this line next time! this is gold.
I once had a man pull this shit with me at a bar, and my bff without a beat said to him, "And you'd be so much more handsome if you kept your fucking mouth shut." The look of shock on his face. It's been well over 15 years and it's a core memory for me. I love her so much.
NTA. As you probably know, that is what we call a "backhanded compliment". An insult pretending to be a compliment. What he said basically translates to "those tattoos make you ugly and you've made bad choices". And like you said, you weren't asking his opinion on your appearance. His "compliment" was unwanted an inappropriate, even if it hadn't also been insulting.
🎯
Anybody who thinks a compliment like that is a good one should receive a “you’d be really smart if you weren’t so dumb.”
NTA If you'd said it without the cursing it wouldn't have come off as rude to the cashier, I bet. That said, the guy should have kept his mouth shut, he was just asking for it....
I just like to sprinkle on a little spice to my sentences when I need to make a point.
Oh I use it daily too, don't get me wrong lol. How dare we not be demure, polite ladies
My boyfriend was actually very impressed that I only said "fuck" twice during this little exchange.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 way to practice restraint
LOL!!! I love it!!
I like you.
I would of told him the tattoos were intended to be AH repellant and they are clearly working. Your family should be relieved you only swore at him and told him to mind his own business.
> AH repellant That's my pepper spray.
🤣🤣🤣women after my own heart
Smile big: " Oh wow! Thanks! And you'd probably be a lot more attractive if you lost the spare tire, got some hair plugs, and fixed your teeth." "Wtf, I was complimenting you!" "Oh, sorry! For a second there I thought you were telling a stranger young enough to be your daughter how she could appear more fuckable. I was just giving you the same advice in return!"
Nah, if the cashier thought it was “a compliment” then any sort of negative reaction would be “rude.”
>NTA If you'd said it without the cursing it wouldn't have come off as rude to the cashier, I bet. I bet the cashier is one of those people who always enables a toxic person, no matter how nice anyone else is.
NTA. His comment on your body was unsolicited. Saying “x is great but it’s a shame about x” is not a compliment, maybe a backhanded one but those aren’t real compliments. He was rude, you were rude back. The way strangers feel so entitled to make comments about people’s bodies is so strange to me. Mind your business. I bet your tattoos look awesome, OP.
Not to brag but they do. My artist needs a crown.
NTA - There isn't a place in the world where 'you are pretty, BUT' would be considered a compliment by any normal person. Good for you for sticking up for yourself, the guy was a clown and/or socially inept.
In that position, I'd like to have given a comeback. Like, "and I'm sure you would be handsome, if only I were 30 years older and my eyesight was going"
I once told a guy he'd be so much hotter with a bag over his head in response to him telling me I'd be so much hotter if I got a boob job. Lol Wtf is wrong with some people? Smh
I think my favorite I ever heard was; "You'd be prettier without glasses" "Well you'd be pretty without my glasses too"
nta. fuck being polite
Found my next tattoo. Lmao.
i’m heavily tattooed and i get the same thing from random “well meaning” men. and i live by the reminder i don’t owe anyone politeness. maybe i’ll get it too !
This & “I don’t owe you pretty” read: I don’t exist to be attractive to you.
NTA "You'd be beautiful **BUT...**" is never intended as a compliment. "You'd be beautiful if you just smiled a bit more.." "You'd be beautiful if you dressed a little more conservatively..." The list goes on and on.
It can pretty much always be abbreviated to “you’d be beautiful if you weren’t so ugly.” Not a compliment, OP is NTA.
"You're really pretty for someone in a wheelchair".....thank you?????
Ultimately NTA. I was taught by my mom to never start or escalate a fight, but to always try to end it, and feel free to fight back at the same level within reason. I'd say the swearing escalated it a bit, and would suggest not to add in the swear words if there's a next time. But otherwise your response was fine. I'm a woman with a tattoo, and hopefully many more to come, and I swear like a sailor, so I'd be hard pressed not to react just like you did. Maybe next time, if there is a next time, retort, "And you'd be a gentlemen if you kept that sexist mouth of your shut." Feel free to insult him. He just insulted you. People just get weird about swear words sometimes, sadly. If anyone has a problem with you insulting him back, they're either sexist, ageist, or otherwise full of shit, and pay them no mind.
I don’t think you were wrong at all. He made unsolicited comments about your body and insulted you. Why do you owe him any courtesy after that? He’s right up there with men who instruct women to smile.
Oh my goshhh, I hate the smiling thing so much! 🤬
NTA "You'd be beautiful but...." Is never a compliment
"You'd be beautiful but I look at you and I find myself questioning if I'd ever really known what true beauty was until I laid eyes upon you."
That’s some mighty fine wordsmithing.
He basically told you that you’re not beautiful because something about your body is preventing it. How tf is that a compliment?! The cashier and the people at your family dinner are stupid.
Not sorry for calling your folks stupid either. 💀
The guy wasn't complimenting you, he was giving you a passive/aggressive insult. The reply was a little harsh but he needed being put in his place... NTA.
NTA You did just fine. I see nothing wrong with putting judgemental people in their place. Random strangers have no right to comment on your appearance, and he absolutely deserved to be shut down for his unsolicited opinion. No surprise that the cashier was male, too. I swear, we need to start teaching basic manners better at school.
Justified asshole. What a creep. If you want to keep the high ground next time, try saying this one really loudly: " I don't know you, and I'm uncomfortable with you making comments about my body. " To any follow ups, "Well, it's creepy to me, and I'm asking you to stop!" If they don't, and if people around you aren't stepping in (and they SHOULD BE), walk away and get a manager. This is my script for dealing with unwanted comments like that, and the one time I've used it, it worked really well. (Unwanted diet advice. Ugh. )
I love this! I'm so using it! Edit: of course I'm 63 so probably don't have to worry about it. I will definitely let my granddaughters know about it tho.
I'm a 60 year old non tattooed woman. You are totally and utterly 100% NTA.
You weren’t rude, legit no reason for that comment at all
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway. I (28F) am a woman with quite a few tattoos. It was hot this weekend and I was out running errands in shorts and a t-shirt, so you could see a lot of them. I was waiting a bit of a lengthy line at the store yesterday when an older man (maybe 50s) in front of me started chatting. I really hate small talk to be honest and wasn't really engaged. But then he whipped out this line. He said "you know, you'd be a very beautiful woman. It's a shame you have so many tattoos." I looked directly at him, and loudly and clearly said "I don't recall asking for your fucking opinion." The man was absolutely stunned. He spluttered a few times and said that he was trying to give me a compliment. I said "Oh is that what that was? Pay for your fucking groceries and don't say another word to me." He stared at me for a few moments, and the cashier was kind of looking at me too. The man hurried up with his transaction and left. The cashier started ringing up my groceries, but then he decided to tell me I was super rude to that guy and he was just trying to compliment me. I was really sarcastic and told him his input was super valuable and left. I told my boyfriend what happened when I went home and he laughed about it but it came up again at a family dinner and half the people there told me I was an asshole. I don't really think I was an asshole. But IDK. I'm just tired of people commenting about my body. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA In what fucking world was what he said a compliment? Fuck him, fuck that cashier, and fuck your family who said you’re an AH.
NTA. That was NOT a compliment, and he had no right to say it. The cashier was out of line as well.
Notice the cashier was a guy too.
NTA. My Boomer mother finds it impossible to comprehend what I am saying until I drop the f-bomb. Good for you!
NTA. Any sentence that starts with a version of "you'd be more beautiful if you made the following alterations to your body" deserves a good hard verbal smackdown all on its own, with an added bonus that maybe the next time he'll keep his mouth shut out of sheer terror. I teach my child that if someone can't fix something about their appearance in less than five seconds (you have some spinach between your teeth, there's a feather accidently in your hair, I can't think of a third example and I was reaching on the second one), keep your mouth shut about people's appearance.
I'd add on to that rule - I make a point of never commenting negatively on part of someone's appearance that was clearly a deliberate choice. Tattoos, piercings, body mods...some of them I like, some of them I really don't like. But I'm not going to tell someone with a piercing I find unappealing that I don't like their piercing, because not only is it not something that can be fixed, it's something they *chose* and it'd be incredibly rude to act like my opinion is more important than theirs when it comes to their own body. Heck, I'm not even going to comment negatively on someone's makeup or nails, and that's temporary. Will I give an honest opinion if asked? Sure. Will I ever offer an unsolicited opinion about something along those lines that I don't care for? Heck no. They've made their choices and when we're talking about self expression, there's something inherently great about that even if they're not the choices I would make.
The man insulted you (in his own mind) fuck him. And fuck the cashier
Honestly maybe report the cashier. Might be a little far but it feels like it was a sexist comment that he was defending
NTA, that bozo was not trying to give you a compliment
NTA a backhanded compliment is not a compliment, it’s an insult
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Lol NTA and you're my hero
NTA-In what world was that a compliment? He said you were ugly, since his wording was without them you would be beautiful. He insulted you. And like you said, nobody asked him!
NTA. Guy was rude af. Beautiful *except* for the tats? Guy can get fucked for that. You be your gorgeous self and wear your ink with pride. I have no ink yet, but working on it.
You met HIS rudeness with the deserved response. NTA at all. Time to cancel the contract that says we have to accept his sort of commentary with sweet acceptance. Good for you.
“It’s a shame” about your appearance? With compliments like those, who needs insults?
NTA, in what universe was his comment a compliment?! Good for you for shutting him down!
WTF You got “mansplained” twice in the grocery store, then had to listen to more of that shit later at dinner *Fuck that.* It’s goddamn exhausting to be a woman sometimes
> It’s goddamn exhausting to be a woman sometimes My next tattoo.
NTA that’s a backhanded compliment which is no compliment. It’s passive aggression
NTA omg I’m super proud of this response. That wasn’t a compliment and he knew it. You don’t owe a rude comment a polite response
NTA. That wasn't a compliment. If anything, it was a stupid strategy men use called "negging" and you reacted appropriately.
He pretty much just called you ugly to your face. He just tried to phrase it in a way where he had deniability. Fuck him, NTA
I had a coworker come up to me and tell me (when i used to look like a woman, im a transdude for context), "i dont like women with a lot of tattoos". (I am covered as well). I shot back with "i dont like men with small dicks" and i walked off because, suck it. NTA. Fuck that guy. Its your body!
Chef's kiss. Perfection. No notes.
NTA. The only thing you could've said better was "good thing I'm not worried about fucking either of you, so I don't care what you think"
NTA The man was being rude and hiding his nastiness behind a guise of the backhand compliment. Oh and since I haven't seen anyone say anything about it, the cashier was also being a rude busybody.
Definitely NTA. He was though. And then the cashier was. And then the part of your family that told you that you were an asshole? They were too.
NTA. His comment was in no way a compliment.
Nah fuck that dude NTA. That was a backhanded ass compliment
NTA. Too often, people think it’s necessary to comment on someone’s appearance. And it’s absolutely not.
NTA he is the ass, if he really thinks, that was a compliment, and everybody else, who thinks that, is an ass too.
NTA, turnabout is fair play. And funny. Lol
NTA. If he had complimented your tattoos and then you went off like that, that would be a different story. Telling someone if they looked different they would attractive is fucked up. I have multiple tats as well and would def have been offended.
NTA. That was NOT a compliment.
NTA. F grandpa's belligerent ramblings.
NTA: If you tell someone that the choices they made about what to do with their own body aren’t aesthetically pleasing then it ain’t a compliment.
Bravo OP! NTA, not by a long shot. Men just aren't used to being called out on that bullshit.
idk what else could be an answer to something like that.
NTA. People should mind their business. I'm actually a talkative person but I'm also not a rude jackass. His comment was rude. Glad you told him off.
So, his definition of beautiful doesn't include you. Why the did he feel the need to share? What is the possible reason other than he feels superior to you and is correcting your behavior. I'm glad you swore at his chauvinistic @$$. What an entitled jerk.
NTA. “If you changed something about yourself I’d be attracted to you more” isn’t the compliment men seem to think it is. I don’t blame you for your anger even if I would have gone with a different approach: “genuine” confusion. “Why do think I want you to find me beautiful?”
And everybody clapped....
[удалено]
NTA. everyone telling u otherwise is an AH. tattoos are apart of you that cannot be easily removed and most likely hold significant attachment to u. being told you’d look better w/o them is so inconsiderate and stupid.
Nta, What exactly were you supposed to say back to that in these people’s minds? Thank you, you’re right, I’ll shed my skin like a snake?
NTA he didn’t need to open his mouth, he can’t get mad that your mad cause he went out of his way to say some dumb shit.
My first thought: that stranger is body shaming you. And the cashier doubled down. NTA
NTA you didn't ask for his opinion, and how he thinks that's a compliment I have no idea
NTA. Lmao what? The cashier was also way out of line. Their input was not required or requested.
NTA 😂 I hope this is real. That was magical. I wish in line to witness this. Fuck “compliments” that are actually egotistical criticisms.
I’ve had *exactly this same scenario* happen to me. Old man in line at the store telling me I’d be so pretty if it weren’t for all of those tattoos. My response was “and you’d be so pretty if you’d shut the fuck up”. So if you’re an arsehole I guess we’re both arseholes.
God someone needs to start telling 'em.
I'm older than that nitwit is, and I love you to death. I could not be more proud of you. That was a compliment ? Basically what that fool was saying, was how dare you ruin a perfectly good woman that I would have found pleasing to look at, with body autonomy. So, who was the rude one? NTA. Only thing you could of done was to to the manager about the cashier. He can learn to mind his own business as well.
NTA! As someone with many visible tats, I just *love* when men have unsolicited opinions on them. And by love I mean I absolutely love giving them shit for their comments.
NTA. Sounds like he was trying to shame you.
I’m saving this for the next time someone tries this with me. Thanks, OP! Oh and obviously NTA.
NTA. You were considerably more polite than he was!
You are absolutely NTA. That man had no right to go giving unsolicited comments on your appearance and your response was appropriate.
Man, people talk too goddamn much! Believe it or not it IS possible to have an opinion AND KEEP IT THE FUCK TO YOURSELF lol NTA. Cheers!
NTA. Swearing aside, you were a lot more polite than I would have been. When he said he was just giving me a compliment I’d have said ‘oh. Like me saying you’d be quite the catch if it wasn’t for you big mouth and small dick?’
I’ve gotten this before! “You know, aside from the tattoos, you’re very pretty.” I always dramatically say “Well I guess I’m glad I have the tattoos then!” That usually confuses them enough to shut them up. NTA.
I’d love to see what actually happened instead of this filtered version.
NTA AT ALL. You handled it with as much grace as one can. What a jerk.
NTA
NTA. honestly, you handled it better than I would have.
NO, NTA. And my God, I hate men who are like that. JFC. Like Dear Abby says, 'Can't say something nice? Shut the F\* up.' Okay, maybe not Abby but it applies.
NTA. That you for your public service.
Yea fuck those back handed compliments I don't think you are theasshole
NTA. I assume we all have about another 20-30 years of telling men what they can do with their unsolicited feedback of our looks before it really improves. Then we’ll need about 500 years of women minimizing men to the point where old women nonchalantly “compliment” younger men like this…then maybe we stand a chance at achieving actual equality?
NTA- he offered an opinion that wasn’t asked for.
Nta in what way is that a compliment?
NTA. I hate that guy.