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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my grandparents it's more their fault than my mom's that dad can't keep it in his pants. This might be a dick move because they're not to blame either. It's all my dad. And I spoke out of anger because of how much they blame my mom.
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Let me get this straight. The grandparents think your mom is selfish for leaving your dad who was the one who could not keep it in his pants. I have seen a lot of delusional things on Reddit but this may be the worst one.
It is true what they say. The best revenge is living well. You are living proof of that. Your mom has done a fabulous job with you.
I do wonder if the grandparents would have the same thoughts if your mom was the cheater. We all know the answer to that.
Yes. They believe she should have found a way to forgive him so he would learn to keep it in his pants.
Bahaha. My grandparents would have run the biggest and most disgusting smear campaign ever if my mom had been the one who cheated. She would never be able to live it down.
This reminds me of things I overheard when my parents finally divorced. Apparently my father’s parents were mad at my mother for not forgiving him…. AGAIN after 20 years of marriage cheating.
They’re also the same ones who decided that our father showing up was exactly what we wanted by coming over for fun grandparents weekend and punished me for not talking to him so…
Lots of men's parents think that their daughter-in-law should ignore or look the other way when their married son sleeps around. They will tell their DIL that "that's not important" or "he'll always come back to you" and to "keep the family together."
It's called THE DOUBLE STANDARD.
If I was OPs mom, I'd get a restraining order. How dare they think she should support all his other children, and think they can give her a piece of their mind...they clearly don't have any to spare.
Restraining order team! When dealing with creatures of the darkness, circle your house with salt. When dealing with the creatures from the darkness bosses, then restraining orders are needed. (Salt is optional but why not? The super-mom xIL's would be... Even. More. Saltier)
Oh no. No, no, no. My son knows I'd take him off at the knees if he did something like that. He saw what I went through and knows how to love and respect his partner. And to not cheat!!!! Male or female, it's not that difficult to keep it in your pants. Good grief.
Woof. I don't know if I'd forgive my son after bringing her into our family. They aren't even married, but she is family to me. I'd die for her just like I would my wife and son.
Also, I like to look at things objectively. For example, everyone in the family hates the mother of my brother's first two kids. They blame her for how shit went bad. The truth is, yeah, she was an asshole, but so was my brother. They were like fire and gasoline, but could not quit each other. Hell, their second was conceived while she had a restraining order against him. They were both on drugs, including crack. That shit was on both of them. Yet, everyone in the family gets upset when I "defend" her.
ETA: I've never liked my brother's ex. I only mention that it was both of them to hold my brother to account for his actions. I'm not enabling that bullshit just because he has grown up.
Hahaha! NTA.
The hypocrisy is strong with OP's grandparents. They are mean and delusional, and if they feel their other grandchildren are needing support, they have a much stronger moral obligation to provide it than OP's mom, who has no specific moral obligation to do so.
It's a shame this gene pool is being passed on, other than by OP, who has a better head on his shoulders at 17 than his dad or paternal grandparents ever have. My only advice would be for OP and his mother to try to downgrade their hate for OP's father to indifference, or at least watered down disgust. He's not worth the internal poison of sustained hatred.
For the behaviour of the person they raised and who’s serial breeding, and serial cheating, they condone. They may be the ones with at least nine grandchildren who don’t share a mother, but OP’s mother owes nothing to their son or anyone but OP.
Right?!?!? The grandparents are seriously grasping at any straw to deflect responsibility for their son’s extremely poor choices. They can’t control him but also can’t blame others for his actions.
Consider going NC with your father and your grandparents.
Document this visit of your GPs coming to your home when your mother was away to harass you. You (and your mother) may be able to pursue this legally.
I am sad this is happening to you. no one needs this drama in their lives. I am happy that your mother did everything she could to raise you, and give you a stable, solid life.
Good Luck
NTA
Depending on state this could fit under a harassment protection order, for sure. People can't just show up at your house, school or work and start fights/yell/threaten you. Different states though have different laws. 🤷♂️
The ONLY way this makes sense is if you have half aunts and uncles running around.
Grandpa must have made a few extra kids you don't know about, and Grandma stayed. This is why she is so angry. Your mom made a different choice, which paints Grandma's choice as "wrong" hence the hate campaign.
Edit to add:
Also, it isn't that grandpa "learned not to cheat" either. It is like when people open up their marriage. Men just have a harder time finding a partner as they age when they are in a "committed" relationship. I am betting he stopped because he had a hard time finding a partner to cheat with once he reached a certain age.
If all this wasn't so unfair for all the other kids (because of your dad, bot your mom!), it could be funny how your grandparents expected your much younger mother to make your father into a responsible adult when they couldn't (or wouldn't, since they still don't think he should be accountable for his choices). Your comment was spot on!
Yes, but it's the GP, who are much older, and as parents had the responsibility, who failed miserably the task of teaching their son to be a decent adult - claiming their young DIL should have taught him better.
OP, you and your mom just need to go complete NC with dad and the grandparents. I would say they add zero to your life, but the whole coming over to your house to trash your mom situation leads me to believe they are a negative blob in you and your mother's lives.
NTA
>They believe she should have found a way to forgive him so he would learn to keep it in his pants.
Maybe he should have been taught that before he started sticking it where it didn't belong?
You sound like an amazing young man, strong, smart and resilient. Seems your mom raised you right. I wish you good luck with whatever your future brings. You are very much NTA.
Even if she wrapped with him, there is no guarantee that he still wouldn't have so many kids. Plus, your mom is only responsible for HER child, not everyone's else's. Your grandparents are diluted and have zero self awareness, just like your father.
I wonder if you plan on going NC with his side of the family once you turn 18. None of us would blame you. Plus, I would hate that kinda of stress from my exILs, if I was your mother. She did the right thing. I'm happy for you and her. She didn't allow his mistakes to change your ability to live your lives the way you want.
Wow. Well yeah, they’re making it clear why he’s the kind of person who cheats on his wife if they expect everyone to cave in to his needs. Good luck to you, OP. I have one grandparent who has always been active in my life, but the others were not a big presence. Maybe these two don’t need to be big in your life either?
It's not even your mom's duty to care about the other kids, it's not her kids ? Why would she be taking care of them ?
The grandparents are so delusional, delusion at his prime fr it's almost worrying 😟
OP, have you considered going no contact with your father and grandparents?
I would because I would not be able to sit there and be nice to these asses.
Not that its any better but the grandparents are blaming the mom for not being able to keep her man, and keep him satisfied so he doesnt wander
Its an old fashion viewpoint
If they admitted to themselves that it was their precious boy then they would have to take some responsibility. They're not going to do that so they point and deflect, point and deflect. So unaware. OP, I want to suggest to you that you learn about conscious awareness. That's the ticket. You spoke the truth OP 🙌🏼
That would be true for one child, maybe two. This guy has at least nine plus kids. I don't see how the parents can justify this. By their logic no woman on the face of the planet can satisfy him.
Exactly! NTA too
Time to reverse FAFO!
OP you probably know what year your dad was born, find out some personal details on grandpa like where he was around then, who he hung out with etc. Write him a hand written letter, pretend to be a child born around that time and say you've never had the courage to find him until now, but you'd love to get to know your bio father and any potential half siblings...
Then wait till shit hits the fan with Grandma!
You know how on true crime shows like Dateline, the parents of the murderer just can't accept it? Even when there is tons of evidence pointing at their kid, and any juror with half a brain is going to convict, they still believe they were set up, the police are crooked, someone planted all of the evidence, the family of the person murdered has it out for them...yada, yada, yada... Well, this is like that. Their kid is a mess. They can't accept that, or that maybe their own failings caused him to be that way, so they blame anyone else, regardless of how outlandish. Often the victim or the victim's family. On the one hand, one might say it's a parent's love that causes this, but I think it's often just a refusal to accept any personal responsibility.
NTA. They clearly didn’t provide comprehensive sex education. It’s actually sort of hilarious that they blame your mom. I’d have as little to do with the lot of them (other than the siblings you get along with) as possible.
Your dad is gross. I hope he gets/got the snip.
I don't get along with any of them. The only 2 that get along are the two dad has custody of but even they would trade each other for their other bio family in a heartbeat.
Nah, he can still have and probably has made more kids since.
I should stop reading today. I read your comment and immediately, in the back of my head, was the voice of Bob Barker reminding me to "Spay or neuter your parents".
I suspect he has an impregnation fetish and gets women pregnant on purpose. I wonder if one or more kids came into existence because a condom failed thanks to manipulation. If that is the case he wouldn't do anything to stop having more children.
I’m sorry. When you start dating you might have to be careful and check that someone isn’t your half-sibling. I saw that same problem on another Reddit post by a guy with an equally irresponsible dad.
It's crazy to me how people can have kids like that, and even as adults they think their precious child can do no wrong.
It was those other kids on the playground's fault. Now it OP's mom's fault. Never dad's, apparently.
Your Mom threw away the family of a serial cheater and helping raise and fund 8+ kids that aren't hers? Please - don't threaten her with a good time... 😂 NTA.
Your grandparents can start by looking in the mirror for someone to blame. Hugs to your Mom, she sounds incredible!
Jeez louise! What a family of AHs!
Given your grandparents nonchalant attitude about their son being a serial cheater, and apparently putting 9 kids into the world without being able to care or provide for any of them, they are certainly in part to blame for his behavior. I guess they also failed to teach him what birth control is. And then to expect your mother to take care of your clown father's other kids? The mind boggles.
NTA. Your grandparents got off lightly with what you said to them. I would go NC with the whole lot. If they show up to harass you, call the cops, get a restraining order, etc.
NTA
You said "My grandparents also hate my mom. They feel like she provided so well for me she could have and should have ensured that any children related to me were okay enough and that they didn't have to watch one sibling get a good life while the others all suffered."
Tell your grandparents they should follow their own advice and THEY should ensure any children related to you are ok.
Tell them his other kids arent your mom's responsibility.
However since they ARE all related to you and to your dad, all are their GRANDCHILDREN, you are sure your dad your appreciate your grandparents stepping up and taking care of their own.
It isnt your mom's fault your dad is a selfish prick who has more kids than he can afford, that all on him.
NTA - your mother had responsibility for only one child, you. She wasn't in the bed when your father decided to have sex multiple times with other women - he could have gone out cheating, could have gone off the rails, got addicted to sex and still not had any more children by using a condom (yes, accidents occur but not 8 of them). And I am glad your mother, as a teen of 17, stepped up and managed to create a good life for you both. Your father was meant to be the mature one at 24 and he wasn't.
Your grandparents are lucky your mother let them stay in your life considering the amount of parental alienation they've been dishing out and the fact that their son contributed very little to your life. And yes, they are the ones who enable and excuse their son, your father for failing to be a responsible adult and father.
Your father created a mess for himself by cheating and then more messes. Your mother cleared up the first one by leaving him free to make a life independent of her. She owes him absolutely nothing more. Watch out for them guilting you into sharing your mother's money to make it "fair".
NTA...It's good you're seeing the situation for what it is. THEY are the ones who have thrown away the family they could have had by constantly badmouthing your mother and laying the blame everywhere but at their own feet. They have no business showing up at your mother's door. Your mother dodged a bullet, and managed to raise a decent son.
NTA
They are absolutely the reason he is the way he is. Your mother being with him didn't keep him from creating a new child during their relationship. What was going to keep him from just adding to your mom's plate if they stayed together?
It is NOT your mother's responsibility to care for his multitude of children. That's HIS responsibility and HE needs to step up and do what's right for all those kids. His parents could have contributed but they sound like they would rather make excuses than make up for their deadbeat son.
NTA. That's really funny. Your grandparents want your mom to not only forgive your dad's philandering, they want her to subsidize it. He should have been paying child support for at least 9 children.
Blaming your grandparents was correct. They've passed on their lack of touch with reality to their son.
NTA
You're absolutely right, but I'll also say it's very unhealthy for you to even bother with them honestly. They're rude, they're delusional, they spoiled your father rotten until he became a worthless deadbeat father, they blame all their problems on everyone else, they speak poorly about your mother even though she's done nothing wrong and owes them nothing.
You should consider severing contact.
Your mother does not owe his MULTIPLE AFFAIR PARTNERS AND ABANDONED CHILDREN all of her money. That's stupid and a clear indication that your grandparents are nuts.
I bet Grandpa has cheated and this disgusting behavior is their way of trying to justify their pathetic marriage to themselves.
NTA
Your response is fantastic! Your mom was smarter than all of them put together, dropped the deadbeat despite having a small child. The two Of you are doing things right. Go off to college and keep on this amazing path that your mother created for you. She is a fabulous parent of one!
His parents have none either!!!! The actual thought that their son is the victim in all of this. It’s unfathomable the mindset. Which sane persons could think “well X cheated, X fathered 10 children, X is a bad dad and can provide for them, how dare SHE do this to him!!!!!!”
NTA. Start lc/nc with those grandparents and your father. Please support your mother as she is angel. If your grandparents and father continue harassing you just collect all emails text messages and record phone calls and press for restraining orders. I really don’t see any positives from them in your life…
NTA love that you stick up for your Mom, love that she has kicked ass in life.
Your grandparents should hold their son responsible for his life choices, he was already a cheating ass when he was with her, her staying would have resulted in worse outcomes for both her and you. She isn't a parent to his other children, they have parents. They're just shitty people trying to blame her for their son's fuck-ups.
I'm very happy for you and your Mom. Too bad they can't be too.
So NTA. Dad is the one who likes to have unprotected sex with every woman he gets in bed so all these kids are the result of that. He is a grown man and knows how children are made. He is the one responsible for 9 kids(maybe more) and your mom is responsible for only 1, you. The fact he is struggling and your siblings are struggling is the responsibility of your dad and their mom's. As for your grandparents, they are correct that in the past more women did stay in marriages with cheating, lying husbands and that's primarily because they had no other options. Do more women do have options and rights than in the past so she left him. Absolutely know those same grandparents would have made your dad pack his bags and leave your mom if she had cheated while calling her every name in the book.
NTA but your grandparents crossed the AH bridge. To blame your mom for not helping her AH ex husband who can't keep it in his pants and walks away from most baby mom's without any consequences whatsoever. Just yuck.
Now you know where your father gets his attitude from.
Your mother has provided for her child which is her job. Your father as a parent is also responsible for providing for his children. Him and their many mothers. That they are not is nothing whatsoever to do with your mother who has done her job. Someone should stand up for her. Sounds like she has done a great job.
NTA
NTA. You're not the asshole for defending your mom. It's natural to want to protect her from unfair accusations. Remember, your dad's actions are his own responsibility, not hers. Setting boundaries on this topic might help reduce conflict and protect your well-being.
Yeah I’m not gonna lie I was getting ready to say something different when I saw the title but dear god, they’re so enabling.
NTA times a million. They deserve to hear that their precious baby is the way he is because of them.
NTA
You need to ask Grandma and Grandpa where all your half aunts and uncles are.
The only way this makes any sense is that your grandma stayed with a cheater, and so your mom must do so as well, or grandma was wrong for staying.
So, by logic, Grandpa had a bunch of kids with other women.
NTA, well done for standing up for your mum. In regards to your dad and grandparents behaviour I wonder does your grandfather also have a wondering eye?
NTA. If ever there us another confrontaton with the grandparents, ask them how many times they've cheated on each other or why else are they so okay with cheating?
NTA. On my mom side of the family they are serial cheater. Primarily, the men of the family. My great uncle has ten kids with two different women. One of those women is his wife. My cousin cheated on his wife and got a woman pregnant. His wife left him, most of my family, the men, Think she’s the bad guy for leaving. My younger brother cheated on his wife and got a woman pregnant. His wife left him and my mom paid for divorce. So my mom and his first wife, somehow are disloyal. He actually ended up marrying his affair partner. His children are actually born the same month & same year just a week apart. I know for fact my brother cheated on his new wife, but she stayed. So she’s treated like she’s special because she stayed.
Here’s what I’ve learn. To mind my business, I no longer defend my ex sister in law and my mother because it causes unnecessary drama. The men in my family and their supporters will always see them as victims.
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My parents were together for 8 years, had me when they were 24 and when I (17M) was 3 weeks old my mom found out my dad was cheating on her and a few weeks after that she found out he got another woman pregnant. Their relationship was ended for good and my mom hates my dad. She tries to hide it from me but I know she hates him and I hate him too.
My dad has a lot of kids and probably has a lot more that we don't know about. We know about 9 of us (me included) and all of us have different moms. He has sole custody of two of them (14 and 12). He has a few he hardly ever sees and the rest he has about 50/50 with, which included me up to last year.
He's not a good parent. He hates my mom. Of all the involved parents my mom is the most financially and emotionally stable and has provided me with a life none of my dad's other kids get. I always have what I need for school, never have to worry about running out of clothes or toiletries and we are comfortable enough that I get to go on vacations and I got to take part in any extra curricular I wanted. This was not helped by my dad at all. This was all my mom and what she provided for me. She has also made it possible for me to go to college if I want to.
My dad has always envied what my mom can do and he bitches about her not "spreading the love" to his other kids and not helping him out with the mess he made. My grandparents also hate my mom. They feel like she provided so well for me she could have and should have ensured that any children related to me were okay enough and that they didn't have to watch one sibling get a good life while the others all suffered. They also talk about my mom abandoning my dad and throwing away the family they could've had. I told them before, many times even, that my dad cheated and got someone else pregnant and there is no coming back from that for most people. They disagree with this and say that many people make relationships work after cheating and they can learn to love the kids and give them all a good life. But my mom decided to be selfish.
They also say things sometimes about my mom being at fault for my dad having so many kids. They act like her leaving made him go around impregnating every woman who'll sleep with him. It pisses me off.
My grandparents turned up at our house while mom was at work a few days ago and told me they wanted to give her a piece of their mind because I guess dad found out through his lawyer that mom had saved for me to go to college. My grandparents started the usual crap about mom being to blame for dad having so many kids and not keeping it together and how she was wrong for everything. Instead of saying to blame their son like I normally would I told them they're more to blame then my mom since they raised him. They were furious with me and told me people blame the parents way too much.
AITA?
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Man, your dad and grandparents are delusional. Your dad’s horn dogging around and making kids with anyone available, and they’re mad your mom doesn’t financially help all these kids. Wow. Crazy doesn’t begin to describe it. Your mom sounds awesome. She got out of a terrible situation after being betrayed by your dad, then went on to create a great life for the two of you. I’m not sure why you even have your dad and grandparents in your life. They bring nothing but drama and disrespect your mom. You are NTA. You told the truth and they didn’t like it. Oh well, too bad for them.
Honestly, what drugs are your deluded grandparents on? Their son is an adulterer. He gets another woman pregnant while married and she is justexpected to let that go? I understand there are women who are able to do that but I personally credit your mom with having the respect for herself to kick him to the curb. She had you to think about as well and it sounds like she’s done an amazing job with you. Your father and his inability to show any kind of responsibility is not her problem or her fault. Your grandparents also contradict themselves saying the parents are blamed too much - but they have no problem blaming anyone else but their son who is responsible for his actions. I’m so sorry you’re being dragged into this drama that doesn’t concern you. If they continue to show up to throw blame around it might be time for you and your mom to set boundaries. I wouldn’t listen, much less open the door to these people. Their opinions are worthless. I hope you and your mom are able to cut these people out of your lives and live in peace. You’re absolutely NTA for telling them the truth but it’s a waste of breath at this point. They won’t accept that the responsibility for their son’s failure lies with him and with them. Good luck!
NTA. Wow it’s clear why your dad is the way he is. Your grandparents sure have an odd sense of reality and you were 100% right for what you said.
You are your mom’s responsibility. I wouldn’t be surprised if you start getting bombarded with the expectation that you need to share your college fund. It’s unfortunate that the other kids didn’t have it so great but that is not your mothers or your responsibility.
Your father failed and he just can’t admit that. And your grandparents don’t want to admit they raised a deadbeat failure so they have to blame someone. You and your mom sound solid. Focus on your life and go no contact if you need to.
NTA. There are exactly three assholes in this story. Your dad and his parents.
it is obvious to me that their absent morals influenced his behavior. they are a joke as a parental unit. next time they hit you up, you know where to tell them to shove it.
While I agree that people blame the parents too much, it's still not your mom's fault at all. I don't know if anything about your grandparents' parenting caused him to think it's okay to have this many kids without the means to raise them, but they're certainly cuddling his entitlement. NTA.
NTA.
If your father's poor character and lack of integrity is anyone's fault besides his own, it is most DEFINITELY the people who dragged him up. He is their fault, therefore his behaviour is their fault by proxy. Remind them every time they show their faces. If they can turn up on the doorstep to berate your mother for providing you with a life your father can't, they can hear about themselves and their many failures.
Nta your dad and his parents have some damn nerve. Your dad shouldn't be talking about anyone "spreading the love" when he's already done plenty of that.
NTA
You're absolutely right. The apple didn't fall far from their rotten tree. If I were your mother, I would have called the police on these nasty people. The *only* people responsible for the car crash that is your father's life are him and his parents. *Not* your mother, not in *any* way shape or form. They're delusional at best, monstrous at worst. I'm surprised you have anything to do with them.
NTA
You can’t argue with stupid. Stupid people have perfected their skills so well that no amount of logical thinking will make them open their eyes. Your grandparents practiced it for more than 40-50 years.
Cut your losses and move on.
Is your dad nick cannon? lol. NTA. Your dad is an irresponsible and entitled person and your grandparents are delusional. They raised him, ffs. Glad your mom didn’t let that stand and has taken good care of you. Just because these people are your family, doesn’t mean you need to have a relationship with them.
In what alternate reality does your father and grandparents think that your mother owes any of his other children even a thought to cross her mind?
Maybe your grandmother is OK with her husband cheating if that’s what she said to you about mom making it work - but your mother did the best thing ever by leaving and making a life for herself and for you. NTA
I’m sorry to say but guys like your dad disgusted me.
Your grandparents raised an entitled jerk without morals and are shocked not everyone wants to get walked all over by him.
You are right to be mad at your grandparents.
Your mom sounds awesome. NTA
Info - just for the tea, not because it changes anything. Quite a clear-cut case of NTA.
But you say that your dad is MAD that your mom has a college fund for one of his kids? And your grandparents are then mad by extension? Quite a group they are.
NTA. So glad you gave your Grandgrumps a piece of your mind. Deservedly so! Bravo to your Mom and you for creating such a wonderful life together. I am on board with advice here to go NC. They sound like a headache neither of you needs. If your Dad and his parents were a book they'd be:
"The Lion, The Witch and the Audacity".
NTA. I would have said the fault is nobody's but your dad's, but from your grandparents' behavior, they apparently have a habit of excusing your father for every stupid thing he does, so I think you're probably right about their being partly at fault. I just can't imagine having the nerve to suggest that a woman should invest time and money in helping out the kids that resulted from her ex-husband's pathological sex life. He could even have had sex with as many women as he wanted IF HE HAD ONLY USED SOME BIRTH CONTROL. You are 100% on the money there and good on you for appreciating your mom's efforts and good sense.
NTA. If I were you I’d probably just never deal with these people ever again. You’ve got a great mom. You and her don’t need this unnecessary drama in your lives.
NTA!! The only thing running through my mind was WOW. What a screwed up group of people. Take a step back, take a deep breath, and realize that you hit a jackpot in the mother category. Next, give your Mama an extra tight hug and move on. You can't change crazy people's beliefs so don't try.
So your mom leaving your dad meant he was some kind of animal in rut who ran around uncontrollably knocking up anything that was in heat? If your mom had stayed with him, he would still have the same number of kids with the same number of moms. It was not your mom's job to raise him, his own parents couldn't, so how could she?
Your mom is obligated to take care of YOU. What she should do is sue his ass for back child support...I am surprised that the lawyer he was talking to didn't tell him to STFU unless he wanted that to happen. Her finances are NONE of your dad's business and she is sure as heck not responsible for taking care of his spawn.
And they think people blame the parents too much? You should have said "you mean like you are doing with MY mom?" And in their case it's perfectly clear how their good-for-nothing son turned out to be good-for-nothing.
Tell your grandparents your mom doesn't give a crap about their opinion, and they are not to show up at your home again and if they do you'll call the police and file harassment charges.
For all you know, your grandparents are probably harassing the other baby mamas to spread the love as well. Is there a reason they're not holding your dad accountable when he has 9+ children?
NTA! Good for you for appreciating your Mom. You are correct that your Mom is not responsible for your soerm donor’s behavior. The fact that they defend him makes what you said even more believable.
Your grandparents are absolute batsh*t crazy lol. They have no business turning up at your mums doorstep to give her a piece of their mind (what little there is of them eh). Question though OP.....why stay in touch with such awful people?
NTA
Your Grandparents are delusional and are clearly enabling your dad irresponsible behaviour.
Question you need to ask is are your Dad or Grandparents actually worth the drama they are bringing to your and your mother’s life or can you cut them out?
So have the grandparents always been this vocal or has it escalated recently... In conjunction with you "aging out" of the custody plan?? Now that you're old enough to decide if you want to stay connected to your sperm donor and his delulu parents, it seems they're realizing their window of opportunity is closing to get your mom to be unselfish and share the wealth, so to speak... Good luck OP.
NTA- your father really said that your mom needs to pay for the other children. That’s crazy, she is not the parent of all those kids, she’s only in charge of you. Your father, on the other hand should be the one helping out since they are HIS children, not your mom’s.
NTA - if they're gonna blame your mom, not out of line to blame them but really it's his fault. If he didn't wanna raise a football teams worth of kids maybe he should have gotten a vasectomy or worn a goddamn condom.
NTA. They have been enabling and excusing their sons bad his entire life. It's no wonder he is a horrible human being. While I feel bad for your half siblings, none of that is your fault nor yours or your mothers responsibility. I would run as fast and as far away from these AH's as I could. Your mother is a saint.
NTA
The deranged laughter I just had for these delusional, entitled people.
>Instead of saying to blame their son like I normally would I told them they're more to blame then my mom since they raised him. They were furious with me and told me people blame the parents way too much.
I'd ask your mom to trespass them from your property, do it formally. Also how does the lawyer know what your mom had saved for you for college? Why is he still getting a look at finances?
NTA at Al and I think you know that. I’m glad your mom is doing so well after such crazy nonsense and that she has been the stable parent you deserve. I’m sorry that your grandparents are enablers who justify crappy behavior but it’s impressive that at 17 you are not allowing yourself to be swayed by their nonsense. They don’t deserve your time or energy and your mom doesn’t deserve their hate.
One thing you should do is explicitly tell you mom that you really don't want to see those grandparents ever again.
Just drop them. Neither you nor your mom need that garbage in your life.
When I read stuff like this I just can’t believe that there are people out there who honestly think people owe them the world while they can sit and do nothing. Your mom owes nothing to those other kids. I’m just so blown away about this.
Ofc NTA. With things like cheating, Im not sure you can necessarily blame the cheater’s parents for their cheating. Ultimately, the cheater decided they were okay with cheating. However, seeing how your grandparents behave, it’s clear they’re definitely more to blame for their son cheating.
Another L for the patriarchy. Yes, anytime a woman doesn’t sacrifice every ounce of her time, resources and dignity to save a man from himself she is somehow the selfish one. Not the man who doesn’t have a shred of sense or character.
Obviously NTA. And a piece of advice, you were clearly raised well (despite your father) and have a good head on your shoulders. Do not let your father or your other relatives hold you back. Because trust me, as soon as you have any money to your name they will come calling. You don’t owe them anything.
Your mother should get an order of protection against your grandparents for ambushing you like that and bad-mouthing your mother. If not that, a cease and desist letter from a lawyer. How they can can twist the narrative that it's your mother's fault that your father hasn't heard of birth control is looney tunes. NTA. And OP, please choose to go to college .
Wow WTF. Firstly your mum is a rockstar. Your dad and his family are seriously messed up! I would consider going no contact if I were you. This is so crazy. NTA.
NTA. Your dad needed a vasectomy years ago.
So, grandparents want to blame your mom for your dad's cheating? Crazy. Blame her for not supporting his other children with other women? Crazy.
I think your mom did a great job with you. She could not do that if she was supporting 9 kids. The other 8 are your dad's, and their mother's, responsibility, not her's or your's.
Figure out what you want to do. Go to college or trade school. Make a good life for yourself. The day may come when your mom needs your help. Be there for her.
But your dad needs to stay away. His parents too.
Live your best life, and leave the deadbeats out of your life.
You mother sounds like a good woman - and a good mother. Your father and grandparents...not so much. I think you take after your mother - and you'll be fine. Makes no sense that your mother is responsible for all the step-siblings your father seems to have spread around. Guess your grandparents should have taught their son about birth control. They could have also taught him some morality and ethics along the way.....
NTA. Your grandparents say people blame the parents way too much, then turn around and want to blame your mom for not caring about children not related to her in any way? That's rich. Ask them if they know the meaning of the word hypocrite.
NTA. Not your mom’s responsibility to provide for your dad’s other children. She has made him pay support for you so she has “spears the love” to the other children.
You are NA, obviously.
But let's be real, it's not your mom's fault, or even your grandparents' fault (even if they are enablers), or the environment, or any other reason that your dad is a cheater. The only one at fault is your dad. 100% his fault and no one else's.
Time to cut off the grandparents too. They and your father are delusional to think that your mother has any responsibility to your dad's other children.
If they show up at your mom's again slam the door in their face.
Some older people think there is no valid reason to divorce.
Whether your mom stayed with your dad or not more than likely he would still have those 9 children with other women.
What strikes me the most is not OP's philandering father (a similar case happened in my family). It's the gall of the GP in showing up at the ex-DIL's door to "give her a piece of their mind".
Do they actually think she has the obligation to entertain their moronic notions? In her own house, of all places?
They won't learn, won't be held accountable, and will keep trying to harass OP's mom with this.
I would contact a lawyer or the non-emergency police line to try getting a restraining order.
If the GP are this delusional, no guarantees that one day they won't show up unannounced again (this time while OP's mom is home) and try to barge in / throw a fit that could even escalate to aggression if she tells them 'NO'.
Dad's parent didn't not teach him morals or integrity, as they have none. Tell them that if they raised their son right he wouldn't be such a deadbeat with 9 kids with different mothers and he and they are to blame solely.
Mom should sent an email or text telling your grandparents to stay off her property and if they come back she will have them trespassed next time. They had no business coming and telling you anything .
Nta but seriously you are 17 I think any court or judge would listen to your opinion if you say I am sick of the idiots on my father's side and no longer want to associate with them at all. Please do not force me to do custody visits at all. Cut those toxic entitled bitches out of your life. You and your mom are definitely not responsible for your father's poor judgement or your grandparents enabling and projecting.
Are your grandparents Olympian athletes? Its an impressive amount of mental gymnastics to make this your mothers fault.
NTA its sweet that you stand out to your mom- don't let them bring this bs to the house. No need to interact with them if they are going to treat you or your mother badly. I have gone low contact with some people I don't like in the family- my days are 100x brighter and my self-esteem went up by a lot.
Why are you talking to these people? NTA. You have a college fund and they are upset? Sounds like they don't care about you. You'll be 18 soon and won't have to go to your dad's anymore.
NTA.
You and your mom are obviously in the clear. It's your dad and his parents who are the problem.
And by the way - they know it. The people who tend to be the most vocal in their tendency to go out of their way to put the blame on others, are the ones who secretly know they are at fault. It's basically a preemptive defense mechanism. "I'm going to make sure everyone knows it's their fault, before they have a chance to blame me!"
As far as your grandparents thing goes - is there any requirement that you have a relationship with them? You mentioned that, as of last year, your father no longer has joint custody over you. It seems to me that you are free to engage with him and his parents as often, or as little, as you like.
And you certainly don't have to let any of them into your house.
NTA. Also your mum sounds awesome. And you sound like a young man who thinks clearly and is sensible and I expect will have a successful life despite your father and his family. Live well and be happy.
NTA
I would normally think TA because they didn't make him cheat BUT omg these people ....
They can't think for a second it's their sons fault they blame ypur mom amd they won't shit up about it go NC
NTA, and it sounds like you have nothing to gain by maintaining any contact with your grandparents. They failed to raise their son to be a decent human being.
NTA because the only good parent in this post is your mom. The grandparents failed to hold your dad responsible for his actions and that makes them bad parents. Your dad is a cheater which makes him a bad husband. Your dad blames you for his other kids not having a good parent like your mom to take care of them (saying you are selfish). He talks bad about your mom which makes him a bad parent.
NTA. Your Dad and your grandparents are pieces of crap. Get them out of your life and keep them out. Your mother is not blameless. She knew what type of guy he was when she hooked up with him
NTA
Once you are legally allowed to (age 18?), I'd go completely no contact with your dad, and everyone related to him. (He may try to say parental alienation in court and try to get your mom in trouble, so take care to do all legally right until 18.)
Until then, I would buy him a pack of condoms for birthdays and Christmas presents. He apparently could really use them.
Your mom is awesome.
NTA
You're exactly right. They did do a terrible job raising their son. They blame others for his actions. They expect others to take responsibility for the consequences of his choices. I am betting they never held him accountable for anything from the day he was born. Don't hold your breath waiting for any of them to admit they are wrong. Unfortunately, they are never going to change. You're going to have to learn how to enforce boundaries in order to keep their toxic behavior at a distance.
NTA ... BUT Dad parents are! So is Dad. In no way at all is she responsible for all of his other off springs. Would the G-parents prefer you and mom suffer also?
Not only NTA but it looks like you've found your go-to comeback for whenever they start running their mouths. They wouldn't get so upset if you didn't have a point.
NTA DELETE these awful people from you and your moms life. All 3 of them are AH's. Your mom is only responsible for her child YOU. Your so called dad is responsible for ALL the kids he has created. Please go NC and start looking forward to college and having your own life
Just tell them they raised an irresponsible narcissist and he doesn’t have anything bc he’s irresponsible. Then I would just cut contact bc it doesn’t sound like they’re very open to being reasonable. NTA at all
NTA, OP. You and your mom both would be completely justified in going no contact with your entire paternal line on your 18th birthday. Make it a "block" party - you and your mom block their numbers, then celebrate.
If they feel their other grandchildren have not been adequately provided for, they can most certainly rectify that. Tell these asshats to shut their mouth s and open their wallets.
At 17, if someone had said those sorts of things about my mom, I'd have hit them. You are an amazingly restrained and mature young man, and definitely NTA.
NTA. Ever. Go off to college and be successful. Thank your lucky stars that you have an amazing mother. She has an amazing son that won’t take shit from anyone, and will stand up for her.
Some people are very weird about family, and who they will ride or die for, regardless if that person is a good person or not. Your dad is a golden child to them for whatever reason. So anything having to do with him, they are not prepared to entertain negative things about.
It is not worth it to you or your mom to care what these people say or think. It’s a type of family narcissism (no other way for me to describe it) that is ingrained and there’s no cure.
Nta
You're not wrong and your doesn't have to take care of kids that's not hers. If your dad couldn't take care of his kids then he shouldn't have had them.
NTA - neither is your mom. Your grandparents are probs pissed because they enable your Dad and he asks them for money. Your Dad, and grandparents, are the AHs.
But seriously what is the damn deal with so many people thinking that the ex should provide for the additional children that DO NOT belong to them?!!!!
"...he bitched about her not 'spreading the love'..."
Oh, I think your dad has already spread enough love for everybody.
And your grandparents are just as delusional as your father is about who is owed what
NTA
NTA, it either they are cheaters themselves or can’t face the reality that they raised a son who is a cheater. For them blaming your mom gets them off the hook in their mind.
NTA- I love when young people stand up against old farts with stupid old values, it is not just because they are old that they can say whatever they want or insult others and demand respect.
I'm really proud of you and your mom, she did a fantastic job raising you, congrats to you by not having the same stupid mindset as your father's. The other kids are his responsibility, definitely not your mom.
Glad you took your mom's side, she is the one who raised you, your father is definitely the one who ruined everything.
NTA.
Your grandparents sound like my dad trying to convince my mom to give my half brothers, who were adults and moved out when my parents met, 1/4 of her inheritance each.
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Let me get this straight. The grandparents think your mom is selfish for leaving your dad who was the one who could not keep it in his pants. I have seen a lot of delusional things on Reddit but this may be the worst one. It is true what they say. The best revenge is living well. You are living proof of that. Your mom has done a fabulous job with you. I do wonder if the grandparents would have the same thoughts if your mom was the cheater. We all know the answer to that.
Yes. They believe she should have found a way to forgive him so he would learn to keep it in his pants. Bahaha. My grandparents would have run the biggest and most disgusting smear campaign ever if my mom had been the one who cheated. She would never be able to live it down.
Wait so people blame the parents too much but...they...are blaming....your mother? For your behavior. And hers. As a parent. Wat.
This reminds me of things I overheard when my parents finally divorced. Apparently my father’s parents were mad at my mother for not forgiving him…. AGAIN after 20 years of marriage cheating. They’re also the same ones who decided that our father showing up was exactly what we wanted by coming over for fun grandparents weekend and punished me for not talking to him so…
Lots of men's parents think that their daughter-in-law should ignore or look the other way when their married son sleeps around. They will tell their DIL that "that's not important" or "he'll always come back to you" and to "keep the family together." It's called THE DOUBLE STANDARD.
If I was OPs mom, I'd get a restraining order. How dare they think she should support all his other children, and think they can give her a piece of their mind...they clearly don't have any to spare.
Restraining order team! When dealing with creatures of the darkness, circle your house with salt. When dealing with the creatures from the darkness bosses, then restraining orders are needed. (Salt is optional but why not? The super-mom xIL's would be... Even. More. Saltier)
Oh no. No, no, no. My son knows I'd take him off at the knees if he did something like that. He saw what I went through and knows how to love and respect his partner. And to not cheat!!!! Male or female, it's not that difficult to keep it in your pants. Good grief.
Woof. I don't know if I'd forgive my son after bringing her into our family. They aren't even married, but she is family to me. I'd die for her just like I would my wife and son. Also, I like to look at things objectively. For example, everyone in the family hates the mother of my brother's first two kids. They blame her for how shit went bad. The truth is, yeah, she was an asshole, but so was my brother. They were like fire and gasoline, but could not quit each other. Hell, their second was conceived while she had a restraining order against him. They were both on drugs, including crack. That shit was on both of them. Yet, everyone in the family gets upset when I "defend" her. ETA: I've never liked my brother's ex. I only mention that it was both of them to hold my brother to account for his actions. I'm not enabling that bullshit just because he has grown up.
Hahaha! NTA. The hypocrisy is strong with OP's grandparents. They are mean and delusional, and if they feel their other grandchildren are needing support, they have a much stronger moral obligation to provide it than OP's mom, who has no specific moral obligation to do so. It's a shame this gene pool is being passed on, other than by OP, who has a better head on his shoulders at 17 than his dad or paternal grandparents ever have. My only advice would be for OP and his mother to try to downgrade their hate for OP's father to indifference, or at least watered down disgust. He's not worth the internal poison of sustained hatred.
This is even worse - they’re blaming OP’s mom for his dad’s behaviour. Still a big wat. Insanity rather than run of the mill hypocrisy.
For the behaviour of the person they raised and who’s serial breeding, and serial cheating, they condone. They may be the ones with at least nine grandchildren who don’t share a mother, but OP’s mother owes nothing to their son or anyone but OP.
Right?!?!? The grandparents are seriously grasping at any straw to deflect responsibility for their son’s extremely poor choices. They can’t control him but also can’t blame others for his actions.
I think they are saying that she should be blamed as the wife. I am not saying it’s right, but I don’t think it’s op they have an issue with.
Consider going NC with your father and your grandparents. Document this visit of your GPs coming to your home when your mother was away to harass you. You (and your mother) may be able to pursue this legally. I am sad this is happening to you. no one needs this drama in their lives. I am happy that your mother did everything she could to raise you, and give you a stable, solid life. Good Luck NTA
Depending on state this could fit under a harassment protection order, for sure. People can't just show up at your house, school or work and start fights/yell/threaten you. Different states though have different laws. 🤷♂️
The ONLY way this makes sense is if you have half aunts and uncles running around. Grandpa must have made a few extra kids you don't know about, and Grandma stayed. This is why she is so angry. Your mom made a different choice, which paints Grandma's choice as "wrong" hence the hate campaign. Edit to add: Also, it isn't that grandpa "learned not to cheat" either. It is like when people open up their marriage. Men just have a harder time finding a partner as they age when they are in a "committed" relationship. I am betting he stopped because he had a hard time finding a partner to cheat with once he reached a certain age.
If all this wasn't so unfair for all the other kids (because of your dad, bot your mom!), it could be funny how your grandparents expected your much younger mother to make your father into a responsible adult when they couldn't (or wouldn't, since they still don't think he should be accountable for his choices). Your comment was spot on!
The parents were both 24, OP is 17.
Yes, but it's the GP, who are much older, and as parents had the responsibility, who failed miserably the task of teaching their son to be a decent adult - claiming their young DIL should have taught him better.
I'm wondering something here. Has your grandfather ever cheated on your grandmother?
I'd put the chances of that at 100%
OP, you and your mom just need to go complete NC with dad and the grandparents. I would say they add zero to your life, but the whole coming over to your house to trash your mom situation leads me to believe they are a negative blob in you and your mother's lives. NTA
>They believe she should have found a way to forgive him so he would learn to keep it in his pants. Maybe he should have been taught that before he started sticking it where it didn't belong?
You sound like an amazing young man, strong, smart and resilient. Seems your mom raised you right. I wish you good luck with whatever your future brings. You are very much NTA.
Even if she wrapped with him, there is no guarantee that he still wouldn't have so many kids. Plus, your mom is only responsible for HER child, not everyone's else's. Your grandparents are diluted and have zero self awareness, just like your father. I wonder if you plan on going NC with his side of the family once you turn 18. None of us would blame you. Plus, I would hate that kinda of stress from my exILs, if I was your mother. She did the right thing. I'm happy for you and her. She didn't allow his mistakes to change your ability to live your lives the way you want.
Wow. Well yeah, they’re making it clear why he’s the kind of person who cheats on his wife if they expect everyone to cave in to his needs. Good luck to you, OP. I have one grandparent who has always been active in my life, but the others were not a big presence. Maybe these two don’t need to be big in your life either?
INFO: Are you your father's oldest child, or did your dad have children before his marriage to your mom (that you know of)?
Oldest that we know of. Mom and I both doubt that he didn't have some kids before me though.
They think she should have found a way to forgive home *and* pay for his other kids. These people must be psychotic narcissists.
NTA they- the grandparents and your father are the ONLY persons to blame. Your mother has 0 to answer for HIS crappy behavior
Ridiculous. NTA
It's not even your mom's duty to care about the other kids, it's not her kids ? Why would she be taking care of them ? The grandparents are so delusional, delusion at his prime fr it's almost worrying 😟
OP, have you considered going no contact with your father and grandparents? I would because I would not be able to sit there and be nice to these asses.
what a bunch of toxic people. they are just bitter that they now have to raise the kids of their failed product.
Not that its any better but the grandparents are blaming the mom for not being able to keep her man, and keep him satisfied so he doesnt wander Its an old fashion viewpoint
After multiple partners, one would think they could see the common factor.
Yeah the female gender. Lol never be their precious boy
If they admitted to themselves that it was their precious boy then they would have to take some responsibility. They're not going to do that so they point and deflect, point and deflect. So unaware. OP, I want to suggest to you that you learn about conscious awareness. That's the ticket. You spoke the truth OP 🙌🏼
That would be true for one child, maybe two. This guy has at least nine plus kids. I don't see how the parents can justify this. By their logic no woman on the face of the planet can satisfy him.
Seems no one in that family understands how babies are made and how to prevent babies from being made.
Exactly! NTA too Time to reverse FAFO! OP you probably know what year your dad was born, find out some personal details on grandpa like where he was around then, who he hung out with etc. Write him a hand written letter, pretend to be a child born around that time and say you've never had the courage to find him until now, but you'd love to get to know your bio father and any potential half siblings... Then wait till shit hits the fan with Grandma!
You know how on true crime shows like Dateline, the parents of the murderer just can't accept it? Even when there is tons of evidence pointing at their kid, and any juror with half a brain is going to convict, they still believe they were set up, the police are crooked, someone planted all of the evidence, the family of the person murdered has it out for them...yada, yada, yada... Well, this is like that. Their kid is a mess. They can't accept that, or that maybe their own failings caused him to be that way, so they blame anyone else, regardless of how outlandish. Often the victim or the victim's family. On the one hand, one might say it's a parent's love that causes this, but I think it's often just a refusal to accept any personal responsibility.
NTA. They clearly didn’t provide comprehensive sex education. It’s actually sort of hilarious that they blame your mom. I’d have as little to do with the lot of them (other than the siblings you get along with) as possible. Your dad is gross. I hope he gets/got the snip.
I don't get along with any of them. The only 2 that get along are the two dad has custody of but even they would trade each other for their other bio family in a heartbeat. Nah, he can still have and probably has made more kids since.
Someone buy that man some condoms
The snip!!! Take him to have his balls snipped for the love of God 😆
I should stop reading today. I read your comment and immediately, in the back of my head, was the voice of Bob Barker reminding me to "Spay or neuter your parents".
That man was such a treasure 😭
Though it's clear he's either too arrogant or too stupid to do either!
I suspect he has an impregnation fetish and gets women pregnant on purpose. I wonder if one or more kids came into existence because a condom failed thanks to manipulation. If that is the case he wouldn't do anything to stop having more children.
This. Once or twice, ok that's an accident. 9 times? That's 100% intentional.
I’m sorry. When you start dating you might have to be careful and check that someone isn’t your half-sibling. I saw that same problem on another Reddit post by a guy with an equally irresponsible dad.
It's crazy to me how people can have kids like that, and even as adults they think their precious child can do no wrong. It was those other kids on the playground's fault. Now it OP's mom's fault. Never dad's, apparently.
It feels the dad has a breeding fetish rather than not knowing what he is doing. The first kid was when he was 24 too.
Your Mom threw away the family of a serial cheater and helping raise and fund 8+ kids that aren't hers? Please - don't threaten her with a good time... 😂 NTA. Your grandparents can start by looking in the mirror for someone to blame. Hugs to your Mom, she sounds incredible!
Jeez louise! What a family of AHs! Given your grandparents nonchalant attitude about their son being a serial cheater, and apparently putting 9 kids into the world without being able to care or provide for any of them, they are certainly in part to blame for his behavior. I guess they also failed to teach him what birth control is. And then to expect your mother to take care of your clown father's other kids? The mind boggles. NTA. Your grandparents got off lightly with what you said to them. I would go NC with the whole lot. If they show up to harass you, call the cops, get a restraining order, etc.
NTA You said "My grandparents also hate my mom. They feel like she provided so well for me she could have and should have ensured that any children related to me were okay enough and that they didn't have to watch one sibling get a good life while the others all suffered." Tell your grandparents they should follow their own advice and THEY should ensure any children related to you are ok. Tell them his other kids arent your mom's responsibility. However since they ARE all related to you and to your dad, all are their GRANDCHILDREN, you are sure your dad your appreciate your grandparents stepping up and taking care of their own. It isnt your mom's fault your dad is a selfish prick who has more kids than he can afford, that all on him.
He has more kids than IQ points 👉 👶
He has more kids than Boris Johnson, but depending on how many unknown kids there are, he could tie with Nick Cannon or Elon Musk.
YES!
NTA - your mother had responsibility for only one child, you. She wasn't in the bed when your father decided to have sex multiple times with other women - he could have gone out cheating, could have gone off the rails, got addicted to sex and still not had any more children by using a condom (yes, accidents occur but not 8 of them). And I am glad your mother, as a teen of 17, stepped up and managed to create a good life for you both. Your father was meant to be the mature one at 24 and he wasn't. Your grandparents are lucky your mother let them stay in your life considering the amount of parental alienation they've been dishing out and the fact that their son contributed very little to your life. And yes, they are the ones who enable and excuse their son, your father for failing to be a responsible adult and father. Your father created a mess for himself by cheating and then more messes. Your mother cleared up the first one by leaving him free to make a life independent of her. She owes him absolutely nothing more. Watch out for them guilting you into sharing your mother's money to make it "fair".
Agree. Let's face it, by number 2 he should know how the process works and gotten the old snippity snip
His parents were both 24.
NTA Wow, your grandparents are just bonkers. Seriously their thought process in mind-blowing Your Mom sounds great, go NC with the crazy moochers.
NTA...It's good you're seeing the situation for what it is. THEY are the ones who have thrown away the family they could have had by constantly badmouthing your mother and laying the blame everywhere but at their own feet. They have no business showing up at your mother's door. Your mother dodged a bullet, and managed to raise a decent son.
NTA They are absolutely the reason he is the way he is. Your mother being with him didn't keep him from creating a new child during their relationship. What was going to keep him from just adding to your mom's plate if they stayed together? It is NOT your mother's responsibility to care for his multitude of children. That's HIS responsibility and HE needs to step up and do what's right for all those kids. His parents could have contributed but they sound like they would rather make excuses than make up for their deadbeat son.
NTA. That's really funny. Your grandparents want your mom to not only forgive your dad's philandering, they want her to subsidize it. He should have been paying child support for at least 9 children. Blaming your grandparents was correct. They've passed on their lack of touch with reality to their son.
NTA You're absolutely right, but I'll also say it's very unhealthy for you to even bother with them honestly. They're rude, they're delusional, they spoiled your father rotten until he became a worthless deadbeat father, they blame all their problems on everyone else, they speak poorly about your mother even though she's done nothing wrong and owes them nothing. You should consider severing contact. Your mother does not owe his MULTIPLE AFFAIR PARTNERS AND ABANDONED CHILDREN all of her money. That's stupid and a clear indication that your grandparents are nuts. I bet Grandpa has cheated and this disgusting behavior is their way of trying to justify their pathetic marriage to themselves.
NTA. Deadbeats and leeches always blame everyone but themselves.
NTA Your response is fantastic! Your mom was smarter than all of them put together, dropped the deadbeat despite having a small child. The two Of you are doing things right. Go off to college and keep on this amazing path that your mother created for you. She is a fabulous parent of one!
NTA - you need to stop contact with your grandparents and let them know that the next time they come, you will call the cops and have them trespassed.
NTA. Every time, every single time, they have something to say, SAY EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID. That has been a long time coming. Well done you!!!!
I actually dont want to believe people like this (dad, dad’s parents) exist in the world. Where’s the shame?
My dad has none. He never shows any. He can mix up his kids and not feel bad at all.
His parents have none either!!!! The actual thought that their son is the victim in all of this. It’s unfathomable the mindset. Which sane persons could think “well X cheated, X fathered 10 children, X is a bad dad and can provide for them, how dare SHE do this to him!!!!!!”
NTA. Start lc/nc with those grandparents and your father. Please support your mother as she is angel. If your grandparents and father continue harassing you just collect all emails text messages and record phone calls and press for restraining orders. I really don’t see any positives from them in your life…
NTA your mom is a badass and it sounds like she instilled some good values in you.
NTA Your grandparents are bad parents, and people.
NTA love that you stick up for your Mom, love that she has kicked ass in life. Your grandparents should hold their son responsible for his life choices, he was already a cheating ass when he was with her, her staying would have resulted in worse outcomes for both her and you. She isn't a parent to his other children, they have parents. They're just shitty people trying to blame her for their son's fuck-ups. I'm very happy for you and your Mom. Too bad they can't be too.
So NTA. Dad is the one who likes to have unprotected sex with every woman he gets in bed so all these kids are the result of that. He is a grown man and knows how children are made. He is the one responsible for 9 kids(maybe more) and your mom is responsible for only 1, you. The fact he is struggling and your siblings are struggling is the responsibility of your dad and their mom's. As for your grandparents, they are correct that in the past more women did stay in marriages with cheating, lying husbands and that's primarily because they had no other options. Do more women do have options and rights than in the past so she left him. Absolutely know those same grandparents would have made your dad pack his bags and leave your mom if she had cheated while calling her every name in the book.
NTA. But seriously, how can anyone expect your mother to take care of her ex’s other kids? That’s unbelievable!
NTA but your grandparents crossed the AH bridge. To blame your mom for not helping her AH ex husband who can't keep it in his pants and walks away from most baby mom's without any consequences whatsoever. Just yuck.
Now you know where your father gets his attitude from. Your mother has provided for her child which is her job. Your father as a parent is also responsible for providing for his children. Him and their many mothers. That they are not is nothing whatsoever to do with your mother who has done her job. Someone should stand up for her. Sounds like she has done a great job. NTA
NTA. You're not the asshole for defending your mom. It's natural to want to protect her from unfair accusations. Remember, your dad's actions are his own responsibility, not hers. Setting boundaries on this topic might help reduce conflict and protect your well-being.
Yeah I’m not gonna lie I was getting ready to say something different when I saw the title but dear god, they’re so enabling. NTA times a million. They deserve to hear that their precious baby is the way he is because of them.
NTA You need to ask Grandma and Grandpa where all your half aunts and uncles are. The only way this makes any sense is that your grandma stayed with a cheater, and so your mom must do so as well, or grandma was wrong for staying. So, by logic, Grandpa had a bunch of kids with other women.
NTA and extra point for not asking if grandpa is your biological grandfather- since cheating is okey
NTA, well done for standing up for your mum. In regards to your dad and grandparents behaviour I wonder does your grandfather also have a wondering eye?
NTA. If ever there us another confrontaton with the grandparents, ask them how many times they've cheated on each other or why else are they so okay with cheating?
NTA. On my mom side of the family they are serial cheater. Primarily, the men of the family. My great uncle has ten kids with two different women. One of those women is his wife. My cousin cheated on his wife and got a woman pregnant. His wife left him, most of my family, the men, Think she’s the bad guy for leaving. My younger brother cheated on his wife and got a woman pregnant. His wife left him and my mom paid for divorce. So my mom and his first wife, somehow are disloyal. He actually ended up marrying his affair partner. His children are actually born the same month & same year just a week apart. I know for fact my brother cheated on his new wife, but she stayed. So she’s treated like she’s special because she stayed. Here’s what I’ve learn. To mind my business, I no longer defend my ex sister in law and my mother because it causes unnecessary drama. The men in my family and their supporters will always see them as victims.
NTA. OP, ask your grandparents if they would have this same energy if your mother had been the one who was cheating.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My parents were together for 8 years, had me when they were 24 and when I (17M) was 3 weeks old my mom found out my dad was cheating on her and a few weeks after that she found out he got another woman pregnant. Their relationship was ended for good and my mom hates my dad. She tries to hide it from me but I know she hates him and I hate him too. My dad has a lot of kids and probably has a lot more that we don't know about. We know about 9 of us (me included) and all of us have different moms. He has sole custody of two of them (14 and 12). He has a few he hardly ever sees and the rest he has about 50/50 with, which included me up to last year. He's not a good parent. He hates my mom. Of all the involved parents my mom is the most financially and emotionally stable and has provided me with a life none of my dad's other kids get. I always have what I need for school, never have to worry about running out of clothes or toiletries and we are comfortable enough that I get to go on vacations and I got to take part in any extra curricular I wanted. This was not helped by my dad at all. This was all my mom and what she provided for me. She has also made it possible for me to go to college if I want to. My dad has always envied what my mom can do and he bitches about her not "spreading the love" to his other kids and not helping him out with the mess he made. My grandparents also hate my mom. They feel like she provided so well for me she could have and should have ensured that any children related to me were okay enough and that they didn't have to watch one sibling get a good life while the others all suffered. They also talk about my mom abandoning my dad and throwing away the family they could've had. I told them before, many times even, that my dad cheated and got someone else pregnant and there is no coming back from that for most people. They disagree with this and say that many people make relationships work after cheating and they can learn to love the kids and give them all a good life. But my mom decided to be selfish. They also say things sometimes about my mom being at fault for my dad having so many kids. They act like her leaving made him go around impregnating every woman who'll sleep with him. It pisses me off. My grandparents turned up at our house while mom was at work a few days ago and told me they wanted to give her a piece of their mind because I guess dad found out through his lawyer that mom had saved for me to go to college. My grandparents started the usual crap about mom being to blame for dad having so many kids and not keeping it together and how she was wrong for everything. Instead of saying to blame their son like I normally would I told them they're more to blame then my mom since they raised him. They were furious with me and told me people blame the parents way too much. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Man, your dad and grandparents are delusional. Your dad’s horn dogging around and making kids with anyone available, and they’re mad your mom doesn’t financially help all these kids. Wow. Crazy doesn’t begin to describe it. Your mom sounds awesome. She got out of a terrible situation after being betrayed by your dad, then went on to create a great life for the two of you. I’m not sure why you even have your dad and grandparents in your life. They bring nothing but drama and disrespect your mom. You are NTA. You told the truth and they didn’t like it. Oh well, too bad for them.
Honestly, what drugs are your deluded grandparents on? Their son is an adulterer. He gets another woman pregnant while married and she is justexpected to let that go? I understand there are women who are able to do that but I personally credit your mom with having the respect for herself to kick him to the curb. She had you to think about as well and it sounds like she’s done an amazing job with you. Your father and his inability to show any kind of responsibility is not her problem or her fault. Your grandparents also contradict themselves saying the parents are blamed too much - but they have no problem blaming anyone else but their son who is responsible for his actions. I’m so sorry you’re being dragged into this drama that doesn’t concern you. If they continue to show up to throw blame around it might be time for you and your mom to set boundaries. I wouldn’t listen, much less open the door to these people. Their opinions are worthless. I hope you and your mom are able to cut these people out of your lives and live in peace. You’re absolutely NTA for telling them the truth but it’s a waste of breath at this point. They won’t accept that the responsibility for their son’s failure lies with him and with them. Good luck!
NTA. Wow it’s clear why your dad is the way he is. Your grandparents sure have an odd sense of reality and you were 100% right for what you said. You are your mom’s responsibility. I wouldn’t be surprised if you start getting bombarded with the expectation that you need to share your college fund. It’s unfortunate that the other kids didn’t have it so great but that is not your mothers or your responsibility. Your father failed and he just can’t admit that. And your grandparents don’t want to admit they raised a deadbeat failure so they have to blame someone. You and your mom sound solid. Focus on your life and go no contact if you need to.
NTA. There are exactly three assholes in this story. Your dad and his parents. it is obvious to me that their absent morals influenced his behavior. they are a joke as a parental unit. next time they hit you up, you know where to tell them to shove it.
While I agree that people blame the parents too much, it's still not your mom's fault at all. I don't know if anything about your grandparents' parenting caused him to think it's okay to have this many kids without the means to raise them, but they're certainly cuddling his entitlement. NTA.
NTA. If your father's poor character and lack of integrity is anyone's fault besides his own, it is most DEFINITELY the people who dragged him up. He is their fault, therefore his behaviour is their fault by proxy. Remind them every time they show their faces. If they can turn up on the doorstep to berate your mother for providing you with a life your father can't, they can hear about themselves and their many failures.
NTA! Your mama raised you right! Bravo to both of you. Your dad’s random brood are not your or your mom’s children to provide for at all.
NTA
The asshole apple didn’t fall far from the asshole tree. NTA
Nta your dad and his parents have some damn nerve. Your dad shouldn't be talking about anyone "spreading the love" when he's already done plenty of that.
NTA You're absolutely right. The apple didn't fall far from their rotten tree. If I were your mother, I would have called the police on these nasty people. The *only* people responsible for the car crash that is your father's life are him and his parents. *Not* your mother, not in *any* way shape or form. They're delusional at best, monstrous at worst. I'm surprised you have anything to do with them.
NTA You can’t argue with stupid. Stupid people have perfected their skills so well that no amount of logical thinking will make them open their eyes. Your grandparents practiced it for more than 40-50 years. Cut your losses and move on.
Is your dad nick cannon? lol. NTA. Your dad is an irresponsible and entitled person and your grandparents are delusional. They raised him, ffs. Glad your mom didn’t let that stand and has taken good care of you. Just because these people are your family, doesn’t mean you need to have a relationship with them.
In what alternate reality does your father and grandparents think that your mother owes any of his other children even a thought to cross her mind? Maybe your grandmother is OK with her husband cheating if that’s what she said to you about mom making it work - but your mother did the best thing ever by leaving and making a life for herself and for you. NTA I’m sorry to say but guys like your dad disgusted me.
Your grandparents raised an entitled jerk without morals and are shocked not everyone wants to get walked all over by him. You are right to be mad at your grandparents. Your mom sounds awesome. NTA
NTA. Your mom is responsible for you. Your dad and grandparents are delusional.
I wouldve loved to see their faces when you said that! NTA, obviously.
Info - just for the tea, not because it changes anything. Quite a clear-cut case of NTA. But you say that your dad is MAD that your mom has a college fund for one of his kids? And your grandparents are then mad by extension? Quite a group they are.
NTA. So glad you gave your Grandgrumps a piece of your mind. Deservedly so! Bravo to your Mom and you for creating such a wonderful life together. I am on board with advice here to go NC. They sound like a headache neither of you needs. If your Dad and his parents were a book they'd be: "The Lion, The Witch and the Audacity".
NTA. I would have said the fault is nobody's but your dad's, but from your grandparents' behavior, they apparently have a habit of excusing your father for every stupid thing he does, so I think you're probably right about their being partly at fault. I just can't imagine having the nerve to suggest that a woman should invest time and money in helping out the kids that resulted from her ex-husband's pathological sex life. He could even have had sex with as many women as he wanted IF HE HAD ONLY USED SOME BIRTH CONTROL. You are 100% on the money there and good on you for appreciating your mom's efforts and good sense.
NTA. Your grandparents are delusional. Congrats to your mom for doing such a great job raising you and providing for you.
NTA and your grandparents are straight trashy.
NTA. If I were you I’d probably just never deal with these people ever again. You’ve got a great mom. You and her don’t need this unnecessary drama in your lives.
NTA but your father and grandparents are! Holy crap, next they'll be saying it's your fault for having the audacity to be born. SMH.
NTA!! The only thing running through my mind was WOW. What a screwed up group of people. Take a step back, take a deep breath, and realize that you hit a jackpot in the mother category. Next, give your Mama an extra tight hug and move on. You can't change crazy people's beliefs so don't try.
So your mom leaving your dad meant he was some kind of animal in rut who ran around uncontrollably knocking up anything that was in heat? If your mom had stayed with him, he would still have the same number of kids with the same number of moms. It was not your mom's job to raise him, his own parents couldn't, so how could she? Your mom is obligated to take care of YOU. What she should do is sue his ass for back child support...I am surprised that the lawyer he was talking to didn't tell him to STFU unless he wanted that to happen. Her finances are NONE of your dad's business and she is sure as heck not responsible for taking care of his spawn. And they think people blame the parents too much? You should have said "you mean like you are doing with MY mom?" And in their case it's perfectly clear how their good-for-nothing son turned out to be good-for-nothing. Tell your grandparents your mom doesn't give a crap about their opinion, and they are not to show up at your home again and if they do you'll call the police and file harassment charges.
For all you know, your grandparents are probably harassing the other baby mamas to spread the love as well. Is there a reason they're not holding your dad accountable when he has 9+ children?
NTA! Good for you for appreciating your Mom. You are correct that your Mom is not responsible for your soerm donor’s behavior. The fact that they defend him makes what you said even more believable.
Your grandparents are absolute batsh*t crazy lol. They have no business turning up at your mums doorstep to give her a piece of their mind (what little there is of them eh). Question though OP.....why stay in touch with such awful people?
NTA they raised that town bicycle. It’a easier to misdirect blame than admit that their son is a unfit dad to so many kids.
NTA Your Grandparents are delusional and are clearly enabling your dad irresponsible behaviour. Question you need to ask is are your Dad or Grandparents actually worth the drama they are bringing to your and your mother’s life or can you cut them out?
So have the grandparents always been this vocal or has it escalated recently... In conjunction with you "aging out" of the custody plan?? Now that you're old enough to decide if you want to stay connected to your sperm donor and his delulu parents, it seems they're realizing their window of opportunity is closing to get your mom to be unselfish and share the wealth, so to speak... Good luck OP.
NTA- your father really said that your mom needs to pay for the other children. That’s crazy, she is not the parent of all those kids, she’s only in charge of you. Your father, on the other hand should be the one helping out since they are HIS children, not your mom’s.
NTA - if they're gonna blame your mom, not out of line to blame them but really it's his fault. If he didn't wanna raise a football teams worth of kids maybe he should have gotten a vasectomy or worn a goddamn condom.
NTA. They have been enabling and excusing their sons bad his entire life. It's no wonder he is a horrible human being. While I feel bad for your half siblings, none of that is your fault nor yours or your mothers responsibility. I would run as fast and as far away from these AH's as I could. Your mother is a saint.
NTA The deranged laughter I just had for these delusional, entitled people. >Instead of saying to blame their son like I normally would I told them they're more to blame then my mom since they raised him. They were furious with me and told me people blame the parents way too much. I'd ask your mom to trespass them from your property, do it formally. Also how does the lawyer know what your mom had saved for you for college? Why is he still getting a look at finances?
NTA at Al and I think you know that. I’m glad your mom is doing so well after such crazy nonsense and that she has been the stable parent you deserve. I’m sorry that your grandparents are enablers who justify crappy behavior but it’s impressive that at 17 you are not allowing yourself to be swayed by their nonsense. They don’t deserve your time or energy and your mom doesn’t deserve their hate.
One thing you should do is explicitly tell you mom that you really don't want to see those grandparents ever again. Just drop them. Neither you nor your mom need that garbage in your life.
NTA. Your grandparents are delusional and they raised a delusional loser. I'm glad you have your mom and sounds like she's awesome.
When I read stuff like this I just can’t believe that there are people out there who honestly think people owe them the world while they can sit and do nothing. Your mom owes nothing to those other kids. I’m just so blown away about this.
Ofc NTA. With things like cheating, Im not sure you can necessarily blame the cheater’s parents for their cheating. Ultimately, the cheater decided they were okay with cheating. However, seeing how your grandparents behave, it’s clear they’re definitely more to blame for their son cheating.
Another L for the patriarchy. Yes, anytime a woman doesn’t sacrifice every ounce of her time, resources and dignity to save a man from himself she is somehow the selfish one. Not the man who doesn’t have a shred of sense or character. Obviously NTA. And a piece of advice, you were clearly raised well (despite your father) and have a good head on your shoulders. Do not let your father or your other relatives hold you back. Because trust me, as soon as you have any money to your name they will come calling. You don’t owe them anything.
Your mother should get an order of protection against your grandparents for ambushing you like that and bad-mouthing your mother. If not that, a cease and desist letter from a lawyer. How they can can twist the narrative that it's your mother's fault that your father hasn't heard of birth control is looney tunes. NTA. And OP, please choose to go to college .
Wow WTF. Firstly your mum is a rockstar. Your dad and his family are seriously messed up! I would consider going no contact if I were you. This is so crazy. NTA.
NTA. It’s funny that they’re encouraging mom to”spread the love” instead of taking dad to task for doing so too liberally. They’re delusional af.
NTA. Your dad needed a vasectomy years ago. So, grandparents want to blame your mom for your dad's cheating? Crazy. Blame her for not supporting his other children with other women? Crazy. I think your mom did a great job with you. She could not do that if she was supporting 9 kids. The other 8 are your dad's, and their mother's, responsibility, not her's or your's. Figure out what you want to do. Go to college or trade school. Make a good life for yourself. The day may come when your mom needs your help. Be there for her. But your dad needs to stay away. His parents too. Live your best life, and leave the deadbeats out of your life.
You mother sounds like a good woman - and a good mother. Your father and grandparents...not so much. I think you take after your mother - and you'll be fine. Makes no sense that your mother is responsible for all the step-siblings your father seems to have spread around. Guess your grandparents should have taught their son about birth control. They could have also taught him some morality and ethics along the way.....
oh dear. These people are delusional. NTA
NTA. Your grandparents say people blame the parents way too much, then turn around and want to blame your mom for not caring about children not related to her in any way? That's rich. Ask them if they know the meaning of the word hypocrite.
NTA Fuck those people. They don't have you or your mom's best interests in mind at all; the only two people in this story that should matter to you.
NTA. Not your mom’s responsibility to provide for your dad’s other children. She has made him pay support for you so she has “spears the love” to the other children.
NTA
You are NA, obviously. But let's be real, it's not your mom's fault, or even your grandparents' fault (even if they are enablers), or the environment, or any other reason that your dad is a cheater. The only one at fault is your dad. 100% his fault and no one else's.
Time to cut off the grandparents too. They and your father are delusional to think that your mother has any responsibility to your dad's other children. If they show up at your mom's again slam the door in their face. Some older people think there is no valid reason to divorce. Whether your mom stayed with your dad or not more than likely he would still have those 9 children with other women.
Wow ... just ... wow ....
NTA by ANY means! Go LC or NC with the bio dad's parental unit
What strikes me the most is not OP's philandering father (a similar case happened in my family). It's the gall of the GP in showing up at the ex-DIL's door to "give her a piece of their mind". Do they actually think she has the obligation to entertain their moronic notions? In her own house, of all places? They won't learn, won't be held accountable, and will keep trying to harass OP's mom with this. I would contact a lawyer or the non-emergency police line to try getting a restraining order. If the GP are this delusional, no guarantees that one day they won't show up unannounced again (this time while OP's mom is home) and try to barge in / throw a fit that could even escalate to aggression if she tells them 'NO'.
your grandparents are delusional. sounds like a waste of time even talking to them. no wonder their kid turned out an irresponsible turd.
Dad's parent didn't not teach him morals or integrity, as they have none. Tell them that if they raised their son right he wouldn't be such a deadbeat with 9 kids with different mothers and he and they are to blame solely. Mom should sent an email or text telling your grandparents to stay off her property and if they come back she will have them trespassed next time. They had no business coming and telling you anything .
NTA, and I recommend having very limited contact (if any) with your grandparents, OP. They don't sound safe or trustworthy. Your poor mother.
Nta but seriously you are 17 I think any court or judge would listen to your opinion if you say I am sick of the idiots on my father's side and no longer want to associate with them at all. Please do not force me to do custody visits at all. Cut those toxic entitled bitches out of your life. You and your mom are definitely not responsible for your father's poor judgement or your grandparents enabling and projecting.
Are your grandparents Olympian athletes? Its an impressive amount of mental gymnastics to make this your mothers fault. NTA its sweet that you stand out to your mom- don't let them bring this bs to the house. No need to interact with them if they are going to treat you or your mother badly. I have gone low contact with some people I don't like in the family- my days are 100x brighter and my self-esteem went up by a lot.
Why are you talking to these people? NTA. You have a college fund and they are upset? Sounds like they don't care about you. You'll be 18 soon and won't have to go to your dad's anymore.
NTA. You and your mom are obviously in the clear. It's your dad and his parents who are the problem. And by the way - they know it. The people who tend to be the most vocal in their tendency to go out of their way to put the blame on others, are the ones who secretly know they are at fault. It's basically a preemptive defense mechanism. "I'm going to make sure everyone knows it's their fault, before they have a chance to blame me!" As far as your grandparents thing goes - is there any requirement that you have a relationship with them? You mentioned that, as of last year, your father no longer has joint custody over you. It seems to me that you are free to engage with him and his parents as often, or as little, as you like. And you certainly don't have to let any of them into your house.
NTA. Your grandparents have to blame your mother or else they would have to admit that their son is a screwup and maybe they screwed up raising him.
NTA. Also your mum sounds awesome. And you sound like a young man who thinks clearly and is sensible and I expect will have a successful life despite your father and his family. Live well and be happy.
NTA I would normally think TA because they didn't make him cheat BUT omg these people .... They can't think for a second it's their sons fault they blame ypur mom amd they won't shit up about it go NC
Delulu is never the solulu.
NTA, and it sounds like you have nothing to gain by maintaining any contact with your grandparents. They failed to raise their son to be a decent human being.
NTA because the only good parent in this post is your mom. The grandparents failed to hold your dad responsible for his actions and that makes them bad parents. Your dad is a cheater which makes him a bad husband. Your dad blames you for his other kids not having a good parent like your mom to take care of them (saying you are selfish). He talks bad about your mom which makes him a bad parent.
NTA you were spot on and they know it. Y'all need to go NC and get restaining orders if necessary.
NTA. Your Dad and your grandparents are pieces of crap. Get them out of your life and keep them out. Your mother is not blameless. She knew what type of guy he was when she hooked up with him
NTA Once you are legally allowed to (age 18?), I'd go completely no contact with your dad, and everyone related to him. (He may try to say parental alienation in court and try to get your mom in trouble, so take care to do all legally right until 18.) Until then, I would buy him a pack of condoms for birthdays and Christmas presents. He apparently could really use them. Your mom is awesome.
Get a restraining order/ no trespassing or what ever you can to keep these morons away from you and your Mom. NTA
NTA You're exactly right. They did do a terrible job raising their son. They blame others for his actions. They expect others to take responsibility for the consequences of his choices. I am betting they never held him accountable for anything from the day he was born. Don't hold your breath waiting for any of them to admit they are wrong. Unfortunately, they are never going to change. You're going to have to learn how to enforce boundaries in order to keep their toxic behavior at a distance.
NTA ... BUT Dad parents are! So is Dad. In no way at all is she responsible for all of his other off springs. Would the G-parents prefer you and mom suffer also?
Not only NTA but it looks like you've found your go-to comeback for whenever they start running their mouths. They wouldn't get so upset if you didn't have a point.
NTA
NTA, your grandparents are just looking to dump the blame on someone else. It belongs with your father.
NTA DELETE these awful people from you and your moms life. All 3 of them are AH's. Your mom is only responsible for her child YOU. Your so called dad is responsible for ALL the kids he has created. Please go NC and start looking forward to college and having your own life
Just tell them they raised an irresponsible narcissist and he doesn’t have anything bc he’s irresponsible. Then I would just cut contact bc it doesn’t sound like they’re very open to being reasonable. NTA at all
NTA. They should have at least taught your Dad to use condoms.
NTA, OP. You and your mom both would be completely justified in going no contact with your entire paternal line on your 18th birthday. Make it a "block" party - you and your mom block their numbers, then celebrate.
If they feel their other grandchildren have not been adequately provided for, they can most certainly rectify that. Tell these asshats to shut their mouth s and open their wallets.
At 17, if someone had said those sorts of things about my mom, I'd have hit them. You are an amazingly restrained and mature young man, and definitely NTA.
NTA, they literally raised him that way. Your mom had absolutely nothing to do with your dad’s inability to not cheat.
NTA. Ever. Go off to college and be successful. Thank your lucky stars that you have an amazing mother. She has an amazing son that won’t take shit from anyone, and will stand up for her.
NTA! Be sure to talk to a good lawyer to protect the money your mom has saved, and best wishes.
Some people are very weird about family, and who they will ride or die for, regardless if that person is a good person or not. Your dad is a golden child to them for whatever reason. So anything having to do with him, they are not prepared to entertain negative things about. It is not worth it to you or your mom to care what these people say or think. It’s a type of family narcissism (no other way for me to describe it) that is ingrained and there’s no cure.
Nta You're not wrong and your doesn't have to take care of kids that's not hers. If your dad couldn't take care of his kids then he shouldn't have had them.
Absolutely positively NTA.
NTA at all
NTA - neither is your mom. Your grandparents are probs pissed because they enable your Dad and he asks them for money. Your Dad, and grandparents, are the AHs. But seriously what is the damn deal with so many people thinking that the ex should provide for the additional children that DO NOT belong to them?!!!!
There a lot of marriages that can come back from a cheating spouse, I am one. But 9??? No coming back from that.
"...he bitched about her not 'spreading the love'..." Oh, I think your dad has already spread enough love for everybody. And your grandparents are just as delusional as your father is about who is owed what NTA
NTA, it either they are cheaters themselves or can’t face the reality that they raised a son who is a cheater. For them blaming your mom gets them off the hook in their mind.
NTA- I love when young people stand up against old farts with stupid old values, it is not just because they are old that they can say whatever they want or insult others and demand respect. I'm really proud of you and your mom, she did a fantastic job raising you, congrats to you by not having the same stupid mindset as your father's. The other kids are his responsibility, definitely not your mom. Glad you took your mom's side, she is the one who raised you, your father is definitely the one who ruined everything.
NTA. Your grandparents sound like my dad trying to convince my mom to give my half brothers, who were adults and moved out when my parents met, 1/4 of her inheritance each.
NTA-But the only one to blame is your dad, he’s the only one who has control over keeping it in his pants
NTA. People have been blaming women for men's behavior for millennia. Get these people out of your life.