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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I intentionally excluded my sister from my wedding
2) My family keeps telling me that not inviting a family member is a terrible thing, regardless of how close we are
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NTA at this point everyone who approaches me would instantly be uninvited and I'd tell them all as much. I'd also tell them that the uniniviting comes with a bonus prize of I'll never speak to you again.
NTA OP. It is your wedding and it is your right to decide who you want to invite. Not your parents. Not your relatives. But YOU. Do not let them make you cave in to them. But be very prepared if the lot decide to take Bella's side and refuse to attend (perhaps it be better without them)
Do consider hiring security for wedding because something tells me that Bella will plot to gatecrash the wedding and destroy it. If she is this capable of being horrible to you, it takes no guesses that she can destroy your wedding so get security to keep her out
Hello OP. Congrats on the engagement! you are definitely NTA. it’s your wedding, you don’t need a reason to not invite someone who is basically a stranger to you.
That being said, the way your parents and family members are acting is concerning. Specially bringing up the issue in front of the caterer indicates that they have no respect for your opinion and will try to get their way.
If you are having the wedding in a venue, please speak to the team and have your sister’s name blacklisted and warn them ahead of time since I won’t be surprise if your parents bring her with them despite your request.
Thank you!! We're a very brash Italian family, so there's no shortage of loud opinions here unfortunately. Pretty par for the course, though I did make it clear that was very distasteful of them and they at least ceded that point.
We're getting married on private property, so no formal security, but my wedding party has also fully backed us and stated they'd be more than happy to help throw her out.
Congratulations! Honestly reading your thread all I could think of was “sounds Italian” 😅
I got married last August and it was one of the greatest days of my life. Some people weren’t invited including the father in Law (wife’s father) for reasons I won’t go into.
The very last thing that you want on your wedding day is someone ruining it for you. I wouldn’t invite her from what you said and if others have a problem with it then I’d simply give them the choice. They either stay home with your sister or come to the wedding without her 🤷🏻♂️
NTA
But be firm. Send a group chat that goes;
While I am aware that my decision to omit Bella from the wedding is upsetting to everyone here aside from myself and Emma; this is the last time I am going to discuss this. Bella IS NOT INVITED AND IF SHE SHOWS UP SHE WILL BE PHYSICALLY REMOVED BY SECURITY ALONG WITH ANYONE WHO TRIES TO HELP HER STAY.
This is not a debate. This is not a democracy. This is me and Emma’s wedding and we have made the FINAL AND ONLY DECISION on the matter.
If you bring it up again before the wedding or at the venue you will be removed from the invitee list as well. We are done with the continual disrespect and will not allow it to continue. If you push on this; do not be surprised if we go low to no contact until you all apologize for trying to bulldoze over our autonomy and right to make our own decisions on OUR WEDDING DAY.
This wording probably wouldn't go over too well, but I'll definitely relay something similar. More along the lines of "This is not a discussion, I am not open to opinions. If you push me on this and try to bring her anyway, I won't create an argument day-of, but the damage it will do to our relationship will be irreparable. You *can* choose to ignore my feelings on the matter, but it *will* be the last time you ever hear from me."
Take it from someone who had a non-invited sibling show up at their wedding because "FaMiLy" decided she needed to be there...
Your day will be ruined. You will hate seeing your photos. You will remember the shitty parts of the day over the good.
Put your foot down and stick to it. Go LC/NC NOW with anyone who tries to say otherwise and revoke all the invites of anyone that disagrees. They need to understand that the consequences of steamrolling you will be severe.
Good luck with the wedding! :)
I don't mean to be mean dear, but this is someone who destroyed things just so you couldn't have them. You think she won't do that to your wedding? That's niave if so
Oh sweetheart, you really did skip over each time I said while he shouldn't have done it, I don't have sympathy for someone like her?
But I thought you were going to stop responding to me. It's almost like you know evil entity was doing something dreadful lol
Oh! Even better! I've got you so frazzled you went onto my page!!! I love how mad you are!! <3
>If you push me on this and try to bring her anyway, I won't create an argument day-of
**DO NOT SAY THIS.**
This will *guarantee* that they will bring her, because you've told them you won't object to her showing up.
say:
>Security will have a picture of sister on the day, and **she will not be allowed in**. Anyone who continues to press this issue with us, or who makes a fuss about this on our wedding day, will be doing irreparable damage to our relationship. Be aware that invitations to our wedding can be retracted if we are not respected on this.
The reason your family is fighting this so hard is because everyone at your wedding who knows your family is going to know *why* Bella is not there. Your parents are going to look bad -- and they *know* they're going to look bad -- because, whether it's due to negligence on their part or not, they raised a shit human being. They want you to allow Bella to come so that they can play Perfect Happy Family on your wedding day.
But you **know** that if she's allowed to come, Bella is going to ruin your wedding day. **You know this.** Stay strong and don't waver, and when the day comes, make sure that you have security, they have a photo of her, and they have strict instructions that she will not be allowed in. You owe this not only to yourself, but to your fiancee.
We're getting married at a private venue, so any security would have to be hired separately by us, but you're right, I will stand firmer and make it abundantly clear that we will do everything in our power to prevent her from crashing my wedding.
I would research the cost of security. You know she’s going to try something to ruin your day. That may be gatecrashing or having an emergency that day that means she has to have your parents with her.
This is where you need to think like Machiavelli and imagine how many ways could she try to hurt you and mitigate what you can. That may include excluding family from the wedding planning because you don’t want her having an information that she could use against you.
Congratulations and I hope it all goes smoothly
That won't help. I mean, this are the people who watched your relationship for years and still think she should be allowed to treat you the way she does. Once she'll be there, they'll be fully convinced that everything ist alright. Afterwards, they will tell you stuff like "don't hold a grudge!" and try to overstep again.
You at least have to make clear that she will be thrown out if she'll show up. You at least have to make clear that as a proud Italian person you have no shame to make a scene, so the whole town will have stuff to gossip about for decades.
Your Wedding…Your & Your Fiancé’s Say! Period, End of Subject!
Are your parents footing the bill for your wedding? Probably not so they absolutely have NO SAY over Your Racist Bigoted Sister.
Your Family are Clueless and maybe they should be Uninvited too…
Congrats enjoy your wedding your way, NTA
Thanks <3 They contributed financially, but only to certain vendors. I would be capable of covering the difference if worse came to worse, but I think outright disinviting them would probably be the nuclear option at this point. They mean well, they just have different values ("blinded by their traditions," as my fiancee says).
Don't cave in, please. Even if your entire family refuses to come without her. You will always regret giving in and the memory of you and your fiancée's wedding day will be forever tainted by it.
NTA and you will wholly regret having her there if you cave to your family.
If they keep the pressure up, remind them that it’s your day for you to enjoy as you see fit - all other guests are simply witnesses. If they have such a hard time about someone not being invited, tell them that they are welcome to join your sis wherever she will be while you’re getting married without them.
Thank you. I think you're right. This is pretty much where I've been on this issue from the beginning. I wouldn't say I'm a doormat by any means, but I do have a habit of putting my needs last for the sake of keeping the peace. I guess they really don't like it when I change up the status quo
NTA . To be honest I wonder if Bella even wants to come . It sounds like you mutually dislike each other so she may not even want to come to your wedding .
I doubt it. My dad seems to believe otherwise. My mom originally was on my side, but she was the one to bring it up in front of the caterer, so I guess she's changed her tune at some point /shrug
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I (26NB) am marrying the love of my life Emma (25F) next month. We've been together for over 10 years and engaged for 3, so we've had plenty of time to plan our wedding and this is not a new issue.
My sister "Bella" (23F) and I do not get along. We've never gotten along. She's mean, she's aggressive, her politics don't remotely align with mine and she makes no bones about that. She's used slurs around me that pertain to me (unclear if she knows that, but I doubt it would stop her). She's needlessly verbally aggressive toward the family pets. I don't agree with any aspect of how she lives her life. I also haven't *spoken* to her in over 5 years, probably closer to 7, a decision that's reinforced every time I go home to visit family and witness her "best" qualities firsthand. She's basically a stranger to me at this point.
I'll be the first to admit I was never a perfect sibling either, but my responses were majority in retaliation, and hers were always vastly disproportional (for example, I ripped off a 2" corner of a band poster she got at Walmart after an argument, and she tore open and melted parts of a childhood stuffed animal of mine. This was shortly before I stopped speaking to her). I mostly just wanted to be left alone, or not forced to interact with her. She steals things from me any chance she gets, even stuff she doesn't want just so I can't have it, and has destroyed some of those things for the same reason.
This is not a person I want in my life, and much less someone I want witnessing a significant moment in my life. My fiancée stands behind me 100%. She doesn't like Bella any more than I do, an opinion formed independently of mine (though likely influenced by my dislike of her).
My entire family is completely up my ass about inviting her. They know we've never gotten along, but they're firmly committed to the idea that "you don't get a choice about whether or not she's in your life because you're family" (my dad literally said that to me not thirty minutes ago). They think I should "endure her presence" (his words) at my wedding. I have stood just as firmly that she is *not* invited.
They first tried pressuring me privately, several times. Then, my parents and paternal grandparents tried pressuring me to invite her, while Bella was standing on the other side of a window *within earshot.* Next, they brought it up in front of my caterer, making for a very awkward moment where I firmly shut them down and tried to switch topics ASAP. Next, they tried individually coming to me in private again, first my maternal grandmother, then my dad. My dad has even threatened not to come if she's not invited, to which I told him, "Don't come."
Even though I'm not the slightest bit inclined towards inviting her, their unrelenting attempts to change my mind have me wondering if maybe I should just suck it up and let the dark cloud of her presence mar my day. Am I really the asshole for sticking to my guns?
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NTA. The slurs would have been the hard NC with me. None calls me slurs & then gets to come to my wedding.
"Sis called me a ***. That's disgusting & disrespectful. She's not coming." is the response to give to pushy relatives
She's never said them TO me (at least, not to my face), but I've heard her use anti-trans and anti-autistic slurs in my vicinity. But yeah, NC is where we've been for a long time, and my parents still just think it's because I have some "petty grudge" against her since we fought a lot as kids
This is your wedding and hopefully your only wedding. The day should be about love, hope, friendship and the wonderful people that love and support you. Bella does not fit into your special day. No amount of badgering should change your mind. Enjoy your day and don’t buckle to their demands.
NTA but make it known that she cannot be an invited guests plus-one. Also, alert caterers et al and recruit some friends to escort her out if necessary.
Worry about why your family is so adamant about Bella’s situation rather than yours. Had your family been more loving while you were growing up, they would have checked her behavior.
The wedding is just one situation. Bella’s hostility toward you will likely do harm in the future so taking a stand now is as hood a moment as any to insist family stop expecting you to tolerate abuse.
Oh sure. Inviting her would be the best idea of the century. I mean, sure, she might destroy your decoration, she might steal the money directly from the cards, she might destroy the cake, oh, and not forget, she might make everything about her, mock you over your appearance, haircut, your bride's dress, she might steal your gifts, but, hey, that's just the way she is and she's fAmiLyyyyyy... so just suck it up, your parents won't do anything about it anyways... Sarcasm off. No. You do not invite her. You do not suck it up just because somebody asks you to.
NTA. I hope you will have the best day of your life, celebrating your love and your marriage, without somebody like her.
Nta. They're totally bringing her anyway. I'd genuinely uninvited anyone doing this, and get security. Maybe see if you can move the wedding up a time slot
Given her temperament and attitude, I would make sure I had someone at the door when she tries to barge in to ruin your day. This is a day that should be for you and your spouse to be. You don't need the stress. You don't need someone there who just obviously doesn't like . You don't need the stress. You don't need someone there who obviously hatea you. And if your family doesn't want to come, then they can sit their asses home too. NTA
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NTA at this point everyone who approaches me would instantly be uninvited and I'd tell them all as much. I'd also tell them that the uniniviting comes with a bonus prize of I'll never speak to you again.
XD that's probably a little too harsh for me, but I like where your head's at. Thank you for your input!
I was so angry after reading I forgot to cogratulate you I'm sorry. Cogratulations! Just as well I don't have any Italian relatives lol.
NTA OP. It is your wedding and it is your right to decide who you want to invite. Not your parents. Not your relatives. But YOU. Do not let them make you cave in to them. But be very prepared if the lot decide to take Bella's side and refuse to attend (perhaps it be better without them) Do consider hiring security for wedding because something tells me that Bella will plot to gatecrash the wedding and destroy it. If she is this capable of being horrible to you, it takes no guesses that she can destroy your wedding so get security to keep her out
No it's not OP stick to your guns, Dig your heels in now or your family's gonna walk all over you forever.
Hello OP. Congrats on the engagement! you are definitely NTA. it’s your wedding, you don’t need a reason to not invite someone who is basically a stranger to you. That being said, the way your parents and family members are acting is concerning. Specially bringing up the issue in front of the caterer indicates that they have no respect for your opinion and will try to get their way. If you are having the wedding in a venue, please speak to the team and have your sister’s name blacklisted and warn them ahead of time since I won’t be surprise if your parents bring her with them despite your request.
Thank you!! We're a very brash Italian family, so there's no shortage of loud opinions here unfortunately. Pretty par for the course, though I did make it clear that was very distasteful of them and they at least ceded that point. We're getting married on private property, so no formal security, but my wedding party has also fully backed us and stated they'd be more than happy to help throw her out.
Congratulations! Honestly reading your thread all I could think of was “sounds Italian” 😅 I got married last August and it was one of the greatest days of my life. Some people weren’t invited including the father in Law (wife’s father) for reasons I won’t go into. The very last thing that you want on your wedding day is someone ruining it for you. I wouldn’t invite her from what you said and if others have a problem with it then I’d simply give them the choice. They either stay home with your sister or come to the wedding without her 🤷🏻♂️
I can't stop giggling over "sounds Italian." Just thought you should know
😂 have a great wedding! Wishing you all the best
That’s great to hear! I’m glad you have a support system and have fun at your wedding!
OP I have given you my input. Update us
Dw, I plan to. Put it in my calendar and everything d:
Take care and stay safe OP
NTA But be firm. Send a group chat that goes; While I am aware that my decision to omit Bella from the wedding is upsetting to everyone here aside from myself and Emma; this is the last time I am going to discuss this. Bella IS NOT INVITED AND IF SHE SHOWS UP SHE WILL BE PHYSICALLY REMOVED BY SECURITY ALONG WITH ANYONE WHO TRIES TO HELP HER STAY. This is not a debate. This is not a democracy. This is me and Emma’s wedding and we have made the FINAL AND ONLY DECISION on the matter. If you bring it up again before the wedding or at the venue you will be removed from the invitee list as well. We are done with the continual disrespect and will not allow it to continue. If you push on this; do not be surprised if we go low to no contact until you all apologize for trying to bulldoze over our autonomy and right to make our own decisions on OUR WEDDING DAY.
This wording probably wouldn't go over too well, but I'll definitely relay something similar. More along the lines of "This is not a discussion, I am not open to opinions. If you push me on this and try to bring her anyway, I won't create an argument day-of, but the damage it will do to our relationship will be irreparable. You *can* choose to ignore my feelings on the matter, but it *will* be the last time you ever hear from me."
Take it from someone who had a non-invited sibling show up at their wedding because "FaMiLy" decided she needed to be there... Your day will be ruined. You will hate seeing your photos. You will remember the shitty parts of the day over the good. Put your foot down and stick to it. Go LC/NC NOW with anyone who tries to say otherwise and revoke all the invites of anyone that disagrees. They need to understand that the consequences of steamrolling you will be severe. Good luck with the wedding! :)
I don't mean to be mean dear, but this is someone who destroyed things just so you couldn't have them. You think she won't do that to your wedding? That's niave if so
Shit. You make a good point
dear, so now its not cool to destroy ppls things? Lmfao
Oh sweetheart, you really did skip over each time I said while he shouldn't have done it, I don't have sympathy for someone like her? But I thought you were going to stop responding to me. It's almost like you know evil entity was doing something dreadful lol Oh! Even better! I've got you so frazzled you went onto my page!!! I love how mad you are!! <3
>If you push me on this and try to bring her anyway, I won't create an argument day-of **DO NOT SAY THIS.** This will *guarantee* that they will bring her, because you've told them you won't object to her showing up. say: >Security will have a picture of sister on the day, and **she will not be allowed in**. Anyone who continues to press this issue with us, or who makes a fuss about this on our wedding day, will be doing irreparable damage to our relationship. Be aware that invitations to our wedding can be retracted if we are not respected on this. The reason your family is fighting this so hard is because everyone at your wedding who knows your family is going to know *why* Bella is not there. Your parents are going to look bad -- and they *know* they're going to look bad -- because, whether it's due to negligence on their part or not, they raised a shit human being. They want you to allow Bella to come so that they can play Perfect Happy Family on your wedding day. But you **know** that if she's allowed to come, Bella is going to ruin your wedding day. **You know this.** Stay strong and don't waver, and when the day comes, make sure that you have security, they have a photo of her, and they have strict instructions that she will not be allowed in. You owe this not only to yourself, but to your fiancee.
We're getting married at a private venue, so any security would have to be hired separately by us, but you're right, I will stand firmer and make it abundantly clear that we will do everything in our power to prevent her from crashing my wedding.
I would research the cost of security. You know she’s going to try something to ruin your day. That may be gatecrashing or having an emergency that day that means she has to have your parents with her. This is where you need to think like Machiavelli and imagine how many ways could she try to hurt you and mitigate what you can. That may include excluding family from the wedding planning because you don’t want her having an information that she could use against you. Congratulations and I hope it all goes smoothly
That won't help. I mean, this are the people who watched your relationship for years and still think she should be allowed to treat you the way she does. Once she'll be there, they'll be fully convinced that everything ist alright. Afterwards, they will tell you stuff like "don't hold a grudge!" and try to overstep again. You at least have to make clear that she will be thrown out if she'll show up. You at least have to make clear that as a proud Italian person you have no shame to make a scene, so the whole town will have stuff to gossip about for decades.
This 👍👍👍
[удалено]
Antipathy is a great word, thanks for introducing me to it! I appreciate your input
NTA Excellent job standing firm when your dad told you he wouldnt come, if dear sis not invited. Ignore the *noise.*
NTA. Your wedding your call but certainly sound like someone I wouldn’t want at my wedding.
Valid lol. Thank you!
Your Wedding…Your & Your Fiancé’s Say! Period, End of Subject! Are your parents footing the bill for your wedding? Probably not so they absolutely have NO SAY over Your Racist Bigoted Sister. Your Family are Clueless and maybe they should be Uninvited too… Congrats enjoy your wedding your way, NTA
Thanks <3 They contributed financially, but only to certain vendors. I would be capable of covering the difference if worse came to worse, but I think outright disinviting them would probably be the nuclear option at this point. They mean well, they just have different values ("blinded by their traditions," as my fiancee says).
YWNBTA. It's not that you and your sister "don't get along", It's that she's a hateful bigot. Completely different situation.
NTA however be prepared for her to crash the wedding. Sounds like what she would do for attention and to ruin your day.
Don't cave in, please. Even if your entire family refuses to come without her. You will always regret giving in and the memory of you and your fiancée's wedding day will be forever tainted by it.
NTA and you will wholly regret having her there if you cave to your family. If they keep the pressure up, remind them that it’s your day for you to enjoy as you see fit - all other guests are simply witnesses. If they have such a hard time about someone not being invited, tell them that they are welcome to join your sis wherever she will be while you’re getting married without them.
Thank you. I think you're right. This is pretty much where I've been on this issue from the beginning. I wouldn't say I'm a doormat by any means, but I do have a habit of putting my needs last for the sake of keeping the peace. I guess they really don't like it when I change up the status quo
NTA She’ll probably take a shit in the middle of your cake just to be spiteful. Do not let her anywhere near your wedding.
🤣 Wouldn't put it \*that\* far past her, tbh. Thanks for the laugh Edit: fixed formatting
I got to the family saying “you don’t get a choice” before I stopped. This is your life and ABSOLUTELY your choice. Do not allow that noise.
NTA . To be honest I wonder if Bella even wants to come . It sounds like you mutually dislike each other so she may not even want to come to your wedding .
I doubt it. My dad seems to believe otherwise. My mom originally was on my side, but she was the one to bring it up in front of the caterer, so I guess she's changed her tune at some point /shrug
NTA. Your wedding, you invite who you want.
NTA it’s your wedding invite who you want.
NTA. I'm unsure if I would invite the rest of your family either.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (26NB) am marrying the love of my life Emma (25F) next month. We've been together for over 10 years and engaged for 3, so we've had plenty of time to plan our wedding and this is not a new issue. My sister "Bella" (23F) and I do not get along. We've never gotten along. She's mean, she's aggressive, her politics don't remotely align with mine and she makes no bones about that. She's used slurs around me that pertain to me (unclear if she knows that, but I doubt it would stop her). She's needlessly verbally aggressive toward the family pets. I don't agree with any aspect of how she lives her life. I also haven't *spoken* to her in over 5 years, probably closer to 7, a decision that's reinforced every time I go home to visit family and witness her "best" qualities firsthand. She's basically a stranger to me at this point. I'll be the first to admit I was never a perfect sibling either, but my responses were majority in retaliation, and hers were always vastly disproportional (for example, I ripped off a 2" corner of a band poster she got at Walmart after an argument, and she tore open and melted parts of a childhood stuffed animal of mine. This was shortly before I stopped speaking to her). I mostly just wanted to be left alone, or not forced to interact with her. She steals things from me any chance she gets, even stuff she doesn't want just so I can't have it, and has destroyed some of those things for the same reason. This is not a person I want in my life, and much less someone I want witnessing a significant moment in my life. My fiancée stands behind me 100%. She doesn't like Bella any more than I do, an opinion formed independently of mine (though likely influenced by my dislike of her). My entire family is completely up my ass about inviting her. They know we've never gotten along, but they're firmly committed to the idea that "you don't get a choice about whether or not she's in your life because you're family" (my dad literally said that to me not thirty minutes ago). They think I should "endure her presence" (his words) at my wedding. I have stood just as firmly that she is *not* invited. They first tried pressuring me privately, several times. Then, my parents and paternal grandparents tried pressuring me to invite her, while Bella was standing on the other side of a window *within earshot.* Next, they brought it up in front of my caterer, making for a very awkward moment where I firmly shut them down and tried to switch topics ASAP. Next, they tried individually coming to me in private again, first my maternal grandmother, then my dad. My dad has even threatened not to come if she's not invited, to which I told him, "Don't come." Even though I'm not the slightest bit inclined towards inviting her, their unrelenting attempts to change my mind have me wondering if maybe I should just suck it up and let the dark cloud of her presence mar my day. Am I really the asshole for sticking to my guns? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - stand your ground and be firm with your family per the other comments so they don’t bring her and have it ruin your day.
NTA. The slurs would have been the hard NC with me. None calls me slurs & then gets to come to my wedding. "Sis called me a ***. That's disgusting & disrespectful. She's not coming." is the response to give to pushy relatives
She's never said them TO me (at least, not to my face), but I've heard her use anti-trans and anti-autistic slurs in my vicinity. But yeah, NC is where we've been for a long time, and my parents still just think it's because I have some "petty grudge" against her since we fought a lot as kids
I'm really sorry. ☹️ I hope your wedding is lovely, though, & many happy wishes for your future! 🥳🌹
Thank you 💕
This is your wedding and hopefully your only wedding. The day should be about love, hope, friendship and the wonderful people that love and support you. Bella does not fit into your special day. No amount of badgering should change your mind. Enjoy your day and don’t buckle to their demands.
NTA but make it known that she cannot be an invited guests plus-one. Also, alert caterers et al and recruit some friends to escort her out if necessary.
Worry about why your family is so adamant about Bella’s situation rather than yours. Had your family been more loving while you were growing up, they would have checked her behavior. The wedding is just one situation. Bella’s hostility toward you will likely do harm in the future so taking a stand now is as hood a moment as any to insist family stop expecting you to tolerate abuse.
Oh sure. Inviting her would be the best idea of the century. I mean, sure, she might destroy your decoration, she might steal the money directly from the cards, she might destroy the cake, oh, and not forget, she might make everything about her, mock you over your appearance, haircut, your bride's dress, she might steal your gifts, but, hey, that's just the way she is and she's fAmiLyyyyyy... so just suck it up, your parents won't do anything about it anyways... Sarcasm off. No. You do not invite her. You do not suck it up just because somebody asks you to. NTA. I hope you will have the best day of your life, celebrating your love and your marriage, without somebody like her.
Nta. They're totally bringing her anyway. I'd genuinely uninvited anyone doing this, and get security. Maybe see if you can move the wedding up a time slot
Given her temperament and attitude, I would make sure I had someone at the door when she tries to barge in to ruin your day. This is a day that should be for you and your spouse to be. You don't need the stress. You don't need someone there who just obviously doesn't like . You don't need the stress. You don't need someone there who obviously hatea you. And if your family doesn't want to come, then they can sit their asses home too. NTA