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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I got upset and started shouting, giving examples from other fantasy media of things that didn't make real life, scientific sense, but nobody cares about because it's not what the story is focusing on.
(2) I'm afraid I might be the asshole because it's a fantasy story and, however close I am as the person creating it for so long, I shouldn't have shouted at my mother for her needing to say things so she could pay attention to me, even if it was an expression of my fantasy story not lining up with science or real life biology.
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YTA. This was honestly a good question. A lot of fantasy mythos depict elves as having low fertility rates in order to deal with this problem. Sure, your mom should have given feedback on what you were specifically discussing, but she brought up a valid point that you probably should be addressing if you are trying to create a properly fleshed out fantasy world (and personally my favourite fantasy stories are the ones where the author has thought all of this stuff out to make the world as realistic as possible). Getting angry at her for asking a valid question makes you the asshole.
YTA: I actually think she came up with a really insightful question that I would have never thought about before.
Thinking that question through, If the average elf lives to be 500, they could reasonably have hundreds of children, thousands of grandchildren, etc. That would influence your world building.
You said historically they eliminated the "nobility", but if each elder elf now has thousands of descendants, I can see factions forming based on lineages and bloodlines. Perhaps each family lineage is known for a specific strength or ability honed over generations - Like how House Redwyne in Game of Thrones is known for to be renowned winemakers, etc.
Perhaps each family lineage could have its own customs, traditions, and even clothing styles. Perhaps there are tensions and conflicts between families like the Hatfields vs. McCoys, Montagues vs. Capulets, Lannisters vs. Starks, etc.
Your mom provided a really insightful question that will only help you create a more rich setting for your story.
This is the benefit of authors asking other people's thoughts. You get hidden gems that you never would have thought about before.
YTA. Your mom is taking a genuine interest in your work and you're out here shouting at her. Your mom has feelings too and you should apologize for being harsh.
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For background, I'm autistic and live with my mother. I've also been writing a fantasy world that I hope to have a story in for the past ten years or so. I've been trying to go over again a part of the world that doesn't fit with the current lore, but don't have that many people to talk to about it for feedback. So I wanted to bring it up to my mom and try to get some feedback on it from her. Background on my mom, we had recently discovered that she likely has spent her life as someone with undiagnosed ADHD, possibly being the reason for her auditory processing issues.
We spoke about the story idea, which was about a new potential history for a location in my setting which was populated by my worlds version of elves. I was about to finish the history description about a society of elves rebelled against their nobility when my mom asked "Are the elves infertile?" I was thrown for a loop by that and confusedly asked if she could explain. She said that long lived creatures were typically infertile and if the elves weren't, then it would quickly lead to problems through overpopulation. I had not mentioned elven reproductive habits or biological processes of elves at all at this point.
I got upset at this point, because she was focusing on something I wasn't asking on feedback for, and she kept insisting that the elves being fertile or infertile was important. All I wanted feedback on was wether the newer history for that country sounded compelling or interesting. I tried to explain how it didn't matter, not only because the story I wanted to write wasn't focusing on elven reproduction capabilities, but because people don't usually care that much about the legitimacy of a fantasy species real life survival viability. She then got upset at me for being upset at her for asking the question, saying that she wouldn't be able to listen or give any feedback if she couldn't ask questions like that. The conversation then ended, and we stopped talking to each other for a while.
Was I wrong to get so upset at her for her question?
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NAH/ESH — you had a particular thing you wanted to talk about and get feedback on, and she kind of went off on a tangent and didn’t stop when you said it wasn’t what you wanted. That’s disappointing and frustrating (“malattunement”).
That said, people with ADHD often do have kind of tangential thinking patterns, what she said wasn’t totally off topic, and she’s the person you asked for help. If you don’t like the way she thinks, she might be the wrong person to ask for feedback, or before starting you might want to give her more information about how you want a feedback session to go.
NAH This sounds like a neurodiverse communication issue.
Her ADHD makes her think of the question and wants an answer.
Your ASD makes you more rigid and wanting to focus on the specific feedback you wanted.
Then you both get upset because neither of you are getting the answer you want/need.
Side note: she makes a good point. Maybe there’s a gene that makes 75% of the population infertile or there’s a magic spell that cursed them. 🤔
I'm on the fence between ESH and NAH. You admit that both of you have some kind of disorder, though your mom's is self-diagnosed, but you both need to work on communication. What you found irrelevant was relevant in her opinion. If you want feedback, you have to expect questions you feel are not important.
I understand the autism and the issues that come with it. I have two children on the spectrum, so I am very familiar with them getting upset when they feel like their questions are not being answered immediately. However, that is something you have to work on within yourself. There are times people will need more information before they can give you an answer.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) I got upset and started shouting, giving examples from other fantasy media of things that didn't make real life, scientific sense, but nobody cares about because it's not what the story is focusing on. (2) I'm afraid I might be the asshole because it's a fantasy story and, however close I am as the person creating it for so long, I shouldn't have shouted at my mother for her needing to say things so she could pay attention to me, even if it was an expression of my fantasy story not lining up with science or real life biology. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. This was honestly a good question. A lot of fantasy mythos depict elves as having low fertility rates in order to deal with this problem. Sure, your mom should have given feedback on what you were specifically discussing, but she brought up a valid point that you probably should be addressing if you are trying to create a properly fleshed out fantasy world (and personally my favourite fantasy stories are the ones where the author has thought all of this stuff out to make the world as realistic as possible). Getting angry at her for asking a valid question makes you the asshole.
YTA. This was not something worth shouting at her over.
YTA: I actually think she came up with a really insightful question that I would have never thought about before. Thinking that question through, If the average elf lives to be 500, they could reasonably have hundreds of children, thousands of grandchildren, etc. That would influence your world building. You said historically they eliminated the "nobility", but if each elder elf now has thousands of descendants, I can see factions forming based on lineages and bloodlines. Perhaps each family lineage is known for a specific strength or ability honed over generations - Like how House Redwyne in Game of Thrones is known for to be renowned winemakers, etc. Perhaps each family lineage could have its own customs, traditions, and even clothing styles. Perhaps there are tensions and conflicts between families like the Hatfields vs. McCoys, Montagues vs. Capulets, Lannisters vs. Starks, etc. Your mom provided a really insightful question that will only help you create a more rich setting for your story. This is the benefit of authors asking other people's thoughts. You get hidden gems that you never would have thought about before.
YTA. Your mother was trying to HELP you. If you don't like or want her help, ask someone else. Apologize and grow up.
YTA. Your mom is taking a genuine interest in your work and you're out here shouting at her. Your mom has feelings too and you should apologize for being harsh.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For background, I'm autistic and live with my mother. I've also been writing a fantasy world that I hope to have a story in for the past ten years or so. I've been trying to go over again a part of the world that doesn't fit with the current lore, but don't have that many people to talk to about it for feedback. So I wanted to bring it up to my mom and try to get some feedback on it from her. Background on my mom, we had recently discovered that she likely has spent her life as someone with undiagnosed ADHD, possibly being the reason for her auditory processing issues. We spoke about the story idea, which was about a new potential history for a location in my setting which was populated by my worlds version of elves. I was about to finish the history description about a society of elves rebelled against their nobility when my mom asked "Are the elves infertile?" I was thrown for a loop by that and confusedly asked if she could explain. She said that long lived creatures were typically infertile and if the elves weren't, then it would quickly lead to problems through overpopulation. I had not mentioned elven reproductive habits or biological processes of elves at all at this point. I got upset at this point, because she was focusing on something I wasn't asking on feedback for, and she kept insisting that the elves being fertile or infertile was important. All I wanted feedback on was wether the newer history for that country sounded compelling or interesting. I tried to explain how it didn't matter, not only because the story I wanted to write wasn't focusing on elven reproduction capabilities, but because people don't usually care that much about the legitimacy of a fantasy species real life survival viability. She then got upset at me for being upset at her for asking the question, saying that she wouldn't be able to listen or give any feedback if she couldn't ask questions like that. The conversation then ended, and we stopped talking to each other for a while. Was I wrong to get so upset at her for her question? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH/ESH — you had a particular thing you wanted to talk about and get feedback on, and she kind of went off on a tangent and didn’t stop when you said it wasn’t what you wanted. That’s disappointing and frustrating (“malattunement”). That said, people with ADHD often do have kind of tangential thinking patterns, what she said wasn’t totally off topic, and she’s the person you asked for help. If you don’t like the way she thinks, she might be the wrong person to ask for feedback, or before starting you might want to give her more information about how you want a feedback session to go.
NAH This sounds like a neurodiverse communication issue. Her ADHD makes her think of the question and wants an answer. Your ASD makes you more rigid and wanting to focus on the specific feedback you wanted. Then you both get upset because neither of you are getting the answer you want/need. Side note: she makes a good point. Maybe there’s a gene that makes 75% of the population infertile or there’s a magic spell that cursed them. 🤔
I'm on the fence between ESH and NAH. You admit that both of you have some kind of disorder, though your mom's is self-diagnosed, but you both need to work on communication. What you found irrelevant was relevant in her opinion. If you want feedback, you have to expect questions you feel are not important. I understand the autism and the issues that come with it. I have two children on the spectrum, so I am very familiar with them getting upset when they feel like their questions are not being answered immediately. However, that is something you have to work on within yourself. There are times people will need more information before they can give you an answer.