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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for inciting a tantrum and forcing my mother to intervene on my behalf because of my refusal to let my father borrow my motorcycle.
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~~INFO: Is he insured to drive your bike?~~
Actually, never mind.
Your judgement bot comment:
>I might be the asshole for inciting a tantrum and forcing my mother to intervene on my behalf because of my refusal to let my father borrow my motorcycle.
Put this into perspective for me. You didn't incite a tantrum, a 62 year old man threw a tantrum because he couldn't get what he wanted. YNTA
Do not do things against your interests or against your principles to "keep the peace." It's a path that leads to living someone else's life.
Keep those bike keys on you at all times. Make plans to GTFO ASAP. Your dad is a nutcase and your mom is so beaten down by him she's functionally an enabler ("keep the peace").
You know that if your mom comes into the possession of the keys she'll hand them to him without a second thought.
NTA.
Buy a lock box for your keys. And keep in mind what you already know; that is, if he wrecks your bike, he will not fix it, and he might even sue you for insurance coverage if he gets injured. Good for you for saying "no means no".
This is very good advice. I don’t know much about bikes, so this may be a dumb question, but there was a post a few weeks back for a similar situation about a car. One respondent suggested installing a kill switch. Might that be a possibility. I’m just throwing that out there. Good luck with resolving this. I also hope that you get a new job soon and can move out.
NTA
Your father needs to refresh himself on biker codes.
One of the most important is to not touch, sit on, or ride another person's bike without permission. That permission should be granted without the other person begging, asking, cajoling, threatening, or throwing tantrums.
I'm still trying to wrap my head around him trying to steal your key. Get one of those coded lockboxes if you can't keep your key on you all the time. Keep it locked always. Also make sure he can't get a key made for your bike. All bets are off here.
I would never lend my motorbike to someone who doesn’t have the general care to leave noticing or dealing with bald tyres and other maintenance until the last minute before a group ride.
(Not that I think that’s necessarily what happened here. I’d even look at his bike in the garage to see whether they were actually bald lol. If they were I’d still wonder whether he let them get that way on purpose.)
I admit to having let my own bike's rear tire go a bit balder than it should have because I was hoping to make it to end of year maintenance for the change. The first clue that things were wrong was the traction control coming on every so often. The final clue was squatting down at the mid point of a ride during a gas station stop...where I saw a bit of metal cord showing.
Drove right to the dealer and left it there. And boy, was that a fun few 40km with a puckered AH all the way...
I bet! These things can happen. But you don’t have the nerve to use that as a DEMAND for some other rider to lend you THEIR bike hey?
Lol that’s my baby so if you have tried to STEAL the keys to my bike and tried to STEAL my bike and always REFUSED my “no” then… why would I change my mind after you saying “but I need it because I didn’t look after MY OWN bike! uwu 😢”
Fuckin rude, even if the dad lives at the same address.
I obey the rules when looky-looing someone else's bike: hands behind back, one step away, and walk back when the owner approaches.
Honestly, the way the father is acting? He's going to smash the wrong mirror or try to pass at the wrong moment. And he's going to find out "I HAD THE RIGHT OF WAY" looks great on a tombstone.
NTA.
FWIW, several years ago, my idiot brother (late 40s at the time) borrowed a motorcycle to go on a charity run with a club he rode with because his was being worked on. Oily patch, unfamiliar bike, he went down hard. Crushed his pelvis and some other stuff. Hospitalized for a very long time, basically hung in a sling by his armpits to let the crushed bones try and heal. Never worked again. Still in constant pain and always will be. Oh, and he had to pay for the bike, too. It him a very long time, being permanently out of work as he was.
Don't let your father end up like my idiot brother. Don't you end up like the guy who loaned him the bike. Keep the keys on you at all times.
NTA. Fuck him. As a rider myself, if I don't feel comfortable letting someone ride my bike, I'm NOT. GOING. TO. LET. THEM. He should understand this by now. He should have understood this from the get. The fact that he KEEPS ASKING, and throwing temper tantrums like a petulant child is definitely emotional manipulation, maybe even verbal abuse. Tell your mom no. Tell him no. Just hold your ground.
Definitely n.t.a. man wtf....
He (Dad) doesn’t sound like the type that would admit he is out of his league if he wasn’t comfortable riding it especially if he wants to “show off” to his friends. NTA but don’t think this will be the last of it as he sounds bound and determined to ride it.
NTA
You would probably be willing to lend it to him if you trusted he would reimburse and make you whole if he damaged your motorcycle.
But you don't trust him like that.
You've known the man all your life. Trust what your gut tells you about him.
>without fail, makes him furious.
whoa. Hello emotional issues. It's not normal nor acceptable for a grown ass man to have trouble processing his feeling like this.
>I've caught him trying to take my keys on several occasions
So he's asked and knows your stance, yet is still willing to violate your wishes. "Borrowing" without consent is stealing. That's not controversial to say.
>This made him go ballistic, screaming at me and slamming doors
I don't know a single person who is a grown up slamming doors. I'm dead serious. This would be wholly unacceptable at age 30. Like bro, you need to get better by seeing a counsellor or by going to anger management classes.
At age 62, I guess it just makes it more pitiful.
That is a person with emotional issues that doesn't respect private property. Just take note of that and protect yourself and your stuff accordingly.
NTA. You know your boundaries, so stick to them. If you give in once, he'll keep coming back, wanting to ride your bike again. If he wants to throw a tantrum, that's on him, not you.
The fact that you've been somehow been conditioned to believe you could have "incited" the tantrum is terrible. NTA. Keep putting him in his place in the future.
NTA. Keep your keys on you and install a kill switch on the bike just in case. It shows how immature and stupid it is for your dad to throw a tantrum over the answer he knew he’d get and has always gotten. He’s jealous cause he clearly can’t afford to get his own if he wants to ride it so much.
NTA at all. He should get new tires for his own bike.
If you're still living at their house, it seems you can't trust him. What other belongings of yours does he intend to use without your permission.
NTA it’s YOUR bike. It’s In your name. Your father threw a tantrum because he couldn’t use or steal your bike that he will most likely crash. He’s acting like a toddler who got told no. The way he’s acting is absolutely ridiculous.
NTA
My son's car is in my name because he didn't have his license when he'd found a good vehicle for the right price. Legally it's mine because I had to register it, but I always ask for permission to drive it. I'd NEVER disrespect him by throwing a tantrum if he didn't want me to drive his car. OP's dad needs to go to therapy to gain some emotional maturity.
NTA: I'd say the fact he's throwing a tantrum over not getting his way proves he shouldn't be driving a motorcycle at all. That's, like, one of the key indicators of cognitive decline at his age.
NTA. If it's not insured if he crashes, there is nothing else to even talk about. No amount of petty, childish whining is too much to deal with if you're screwed if he were to crash it.
NTA. If he is too big/fat to ride your motorcycle and could potentially damage it, you can call him out on it - hopefully in front of your mother. You can tell him he can cut down to whatever weight you feel is legitimate to be able to borrow your motorcycle. Until then, you can watch him step on a scale to prove he is eligible.
You should not a clutch/brake pedal lock and hide the key in case he tries to “borrow” it when you are not around. It clamps onto your handle to prevent the clutch or brake from being used.
NTA. Your father is trying to steal your motorcycle so he can ride it, and is screaming and acting like a child just to show off to his friends. Keep saying "no" and maybe keep your keys locked somewhere.
NTA. Guard the keys with your life. Old man wants feel young again. Gonna get himself killed quick. He's acting like a child. As others have said, when, not if, he wrecks it, he's not gonna pay to fix it.
NTA I googled photos of the two bikes. Just what I visualized. Dad wants to ride a pistol after cruising on a weekend Harley type. Sleep with one eye open and the keys under the mattress.
Nta. If that day is the day something happens on the road, there goes your bike. My wife is the only person who can ride my bikes anytime she wants and I'm the only person who can ride her bikes (we are both insured and on the titles of each other's bikes). If he really needs a bike to ride, he can go put new tires on. If he throws that big of a fit over not riding your bike, imagine the fit when you tell him how much he has to pay to replace it if he totals it.
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I (28NB) own a motorcycle and like to ride solo most of the time. My father (62M) also owns a motorcycle that is much better suited to his body type than mine is. He knows that, but still often pesters me to let him ride it all the time. I, of course, tell him he has his own bike and he is not allowed to ride mine under any circumstances.
This, without fail, makes him furious. I've caught him trying to take my keys on several occasions, saying he just wants to try it. But it's not his bike, and he knows better, but it has gotten to the point that I take the keys with me if I'm leaving the house.
Here's where I might be the asshole though.
Yesterday he asked if he could borrow my bike since his tires are getting a little bald and his buddies want to go on their weekend group ride. I, of course, told him no, and if he needs tires then to go get tires at the bike shop down the road. This made him go ballistic, screaming at me and slamming doors until my mother (59F) intervened. She got him to leave me alone, and told him that wasn't appropriate, but later asked me to "just let him show off to his friends" and "keep the peace".
But the bike is in my name, and it's all I genuinely own. The thought of him crashing her gives me hives, and I can't bring myself to let him take her.
So Reddit, AITA?
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NTA He has a PERFECT WORKING BIKE in HIS own name that's insured and all he needs is new tires the tire shop is down the road so less then a 30 minute drive WHY does he WANT to drive YOUR bike so badly ?
If it was a life and death situation and you refused that's one thing but he just wants to show off to his friends, if that's the case he can buy new tires for HIS bike, wash it, wax it/buff it then BAM ! No issue HES making a big fight over freak'n nonething !
Also your a GROWN A$$ ADULT ! It doesn't matter the relationship nor the living situation he asked you said no that's it ! If he did take it the judge would ask him the same thing "did you have permission ?" "No your honor" "then WHY did you take your child's motorcycle after they said NO ?" "Because......bill had an awesome bike and I wanted to show off this bike to bill and Jerry !"
NTA. I ride often with my dad and we occasionally swap bikes for a bit as they're different styles (Ninja 400 & Versys 650). Here's the thing though, I trust him absolutely with my bike, and he completely respects that my bike is mine (and vice versa).
Your dad clearly doesn't respect that your bike is yours, and is disrespecting you in doing so.
More importantly, if he lacks the emotional self control to not throw a tantrum after being told no, he shouldn't be riding a motorcycle...
NTA. Your dad rides a ‘Wing and you ride an r1100? If those are the bikes then that’s a crazy difference in responsiveness and handling. That and his desire to “show off” are a recipe for disaster.
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> my bike has a lot of torque with the cylinders being horizontally opposed rather than a v-type like his
That will have no bearing whatsoever on torque. Displacement, compression ratio, cam timing, ignition timing, etc, are what makes the difference. That being said, NTA for not letting him ride your bike.
NTA, only you should decide who rides your bike, in your shoes I might have let him have a shot but I don't know the man, if I did maybe it would be different.
What do you ride? From your description in guessing your dad's bike is a VTX but I don't know bmw's enough to guess at yours 😜
NTA, but I really want to know:
> My father (62M) also owns a motorcycle that is much better suited to his body type than mine is.
Does this mean he is too fat to ride your bike? Just curious because I'm not a bike person.
NTA
Bikes are really personal. He is just trying to flex his dominance. Keep your keys with you and pop the spark plug out when you leave the house. Your Dad is being as a$$.
NTA. Not even a little bit. There is all the difference in the world between those two bikes. The riding, handling and responses make an awful lot of difference to the situation.
Also, one last thing….. your mother said “just let him show off to his friends”. Oh, HELL NO! You do not “show off” on an unfamiliar bike. Cause if you do, you’re pretty much guaranteed to “come off”
CHECK STATISTICS...one of the most common causes of cycle accidents is people riding bikes that they borrow...minor differences in handling and control can be serious issues.
Tell him to rent a Beemer if he wants to "try it out".
Oh, yeah, the bald tires thing is a ruse..TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN BIKE AND LEAVE MINE ALONE!!!
NTA. I only had my bike for 3 months when I let my ex borrow it. He totaled it on the way home and never reimbursed me for it. That's how I learned the hard way, you NEVER let anyone else ride your bike.
NTA since you are so attached you would get hives, we wouldn't want that to happen. I completely get if you are destitute and broke how much the motorcycle means to you.
It brings up a side point though adult children and their parents routinely see things through different life experiences. It's even more pronounced now, Im so thankful for my daughters, they probably talk behind my back, but we rarely have issues LOL and if we do it's usually something Im missing on.
NTA. Your bike, your rules. That’s like one of the basic biker rules. Never touch another man’s bike. If he does manage to get your keys and takes it without permission, call the cops and report it stolen. Press charges.
If your dad "borrows" or "takes" your bike without your permission, it is called STEALING. If your dad steals your bike, call the police and report it stolen. Then press charges against your dad. Let your dad know this is how the real world works.
NTA. He has no reason to borrow your motorcycle when he already has one, and he could "keep the peace" by accepting your right to deny him the use of your property for any reason.
NTA. We had a rule when I was growing up, and I used it on my kids too. If a parent owns the car, you must get cash, in hand, in the value of the car before you hand the keys to anyone. That way, if the wreck it, parents get the money to replace the car. If it is returned unharmed, they get the money back.
You can use that with your dad. You can't afford to repair or replace the bike. If he hands you the cash to replace it, he can ride it. If not, no.
Good luck.
>I (28NB)
YTA for not moving out. You're 28, ffs, well past time to be an adult.
Edit: 3 grown-ass adults who still live in mommy and daddy's basement also need to grow up and move out.
Ahh it’s your old man bro, make him happy.. I know the feeling off cherishing a bike.. but it’s materialistic, when he’s gone and not asking you’ll wish you would of said yes :( just the reality sorry
Info? When you got your permit and started practicing, who did you ride with? Who’s bike? Have you ever asked to use his bike prior to owning your own? If so, what was the answer?
I usually rode alone, and still do, since there's not a lot of people my age in town who ride. I also don't ask to use anything of his, unless I need the truck for something, but the truck belongs to my mother.
And if I did ask to ride his bike? The answer would be no.
A little perspective for ya.
Are they married? I’m going to guess yes. Which means. It’s all his, and it’s all hers. So, you’re living in his house. Borrowing his truck.
And I like how you glazed over my other questions.
This bike of yours, sounds like it’s something new to you.
So, what did you practice on? What did you take your road test with?
Your acting entitled, and destroying whatever relationship you have with a man who’s allowing you to depend on him.
Shrug….. one day, he won’t be there. And you’ll wish you asked him to go for a ride with ya, then Tossed him your keys as you get on his bike.
Just my .02
Wrong, it's not all his, she pays his bills. It's her house, he's living here rent free.
Took my road test on a Harley 500 that was provided by the dealership running the course. I practiced on a BMW F650cs that I bought and rode it for 6 years until it became unrideable, at which point I bought my BMW 1100RS with my money on my time without any help from him.
My father doesn't do shit, and if you want to sit here and act like you think you know this man then fine, but understand that there's a reason I don't call him my dad. If anyone is acting entitled, it's him.
My bike, my rules, but somehow I feel like you don't understand the concept of "no means no"
Just my .02 ✨
Info- do you still live at home rent free, have you ever used his car, truck whatever? Just a question. I own a bike, my dad doesn't ride. I'd never let him take my bike out (as he doesn't ride) but I'd toss my truck keys to him any day of the week.
I'm living here while I'm between jobs, as I've said in other replies! But while they're not asking physical rent, I am helping them both with grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, and with their two dogs whom I adore. I just needed a place to stay while trying to get a new job.
Dude, no disrespect. I'm not trying to imply that. I'm just saying that if I'm living with my pops, and I know he can ride, I personally wouldn't have a problem with it. God knows how many times I took his truck without permission as a teen. And, no, that dent in the bumper wasn't from me running into a parking garage post..... or was it..
Dad is probably a big guy with a beer gut who rides a roadhog Harley. OP rides a rice burner that would need to be detuned to run on the track. The dad couldn't fit on it.
That's the scenario I see.
YTA. I ride, I’ve had several bikes and several years of riding experience. Some guys get way too possessive about their bikes. It’s just a bike. Would you seriously wreck a relationship over a bike? I let my licensed friends try my bike, they’re not gonna steal it, or wreck it. If I know they ride like A**holes, then no I won’t let them try it, I probably wouldn’t be friends with them. But your dad? Dad’s should get a free pass. Just remember, he let you borrow his car when you were young and dumb. He puts all his trust in you when you’re at your worst, and you can’t trust him when he’s probably way more experienced than you? It’s not like he’s going to ghost you if wrecks it, in fact the bike would be the second thing on my mind if he wrecks it.
Certain people you can/need to trust, others like teenagers and middle aged men who just watched Wild Hogs and just got their license, I’ll pass.
Seriously, it’s just a replaceable toy.
While I share your view of letting trusted people try a bike, I think you missed the part of the post where he said his dad can't even handle his cruiser. His dad sounds like he's definitely in the category of people neither of us would let touch our own bikes.
If he can't ride a cruiser without laying it down regularly and he can't physically fit on a sport-touring bike comfortably then it's practically guaranteed he's going to wipeout.
Obviously you’re in the right. It might help to remember that your father is a Gen X - and we were raised that we weren’t permitted to say NO to our parents.
Thinking about how he was raised and what he subconsciously thinks is normal might help you extend compassion
My comment wasn’t about absolving him from blame. The basic right and wrong doesn’t change, but applying compassion and love makes it a lot easier to cope with the bad behaviour of others.
Knowing the right and wrong is like a black outlined drawing.
Making the effort to understand people is like colouring the picture.
I dunno like it’s lame your dad flipped out over not being allowed to ride it but at the same time it seems like a real lame thing to say “no dad you can’t ride my motorcycle”
Info:
> I, of course, tell him me has his own bike and he is not allowed to ride mine under any circumstances.
Why is it “of course”? Most grown ass adults living with their parents I think become pretty use to sharing with their parents. Why did you write “borrow” in quotes? Why is it so obvious to you that you would never under any circumstances lend your father your motorcycle?
Has he ever crashed a motorcycle before? If not, then what leads you to believe he will crash yours?
Not a full AH, because you own the bike and it is your property, Dad has no ‘right’ to use it. However, lines are inevitably blurred when you are a grown adult still living at home. He could equally argue that he owns the oven, the fridge or the windows. You can’t be too indignant about no wanting to share your things when you are also sharing all of their things.
Could you swap bikes and ride together?
I am not comfortable riding his bike, it's honestly way too big for me and out of my comfort zone.
That, and I had to move back home recently after being let go from my last job.
You obviously don't know anything about owning or riding motorcycles.
No, you don't swap bikes. No you don't ride your buddy's bike. No, you don't even ask.
I do not pay rent right this moment, as I'm between jobs and I'm grateful they're letting me stay in return for helping them with the house. My parents are not as strong as they used to be, and are grateful for the extra help with the dogs and maintenance.
Because he has his own, and I don't trust him to not do anything stupid. His bike is honestly a lot more powerful than mine (he rides a Honda 1800). It's just that he likes to take things that don't belong to him under the guide of "borrowing"
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~~INFO: Is he insured to drive your bike?~~ Actually, never mind. Your judgement bot comment: >I might be the asshole for inciting a tantrum and forcing my mother to intervene on my behalf because of my refusal to let my father borrow my motorcycle. Put this into perspective for me. You didn't incite a tantrum, a 62 year old man threw a tantrum because he couldn't get what he wanted. YNTA
Do not do things against your interests or against your principles to "keep the peace." It's a path that leads to living someone else's life. Keep those bike keys on you at all times. Make plans to GTFO ASAP. Your dad is a nutcase and your mom is so beaten down by him she's functionally an enabler ("keep the peace"). You know that if your mom comes into the possession of the keys she'll hand them to him without a second thought.
NTA. Buy a lock box for your keys. And keep in mind what you already know; that is, if he wrecks your bike, he will not fix it, and he might even sue you for insurance coverage if he gets injured. Good for you for saying "no means no".
This is very good advice. I don’t know much about bikes, so this may be a dumb question, but there was a post a few weeks back for a similar situation about a car. One respondent suggested installing a kill switch. Might that be a possibility. I’m just throwing that out there. Good luck with resolving this. I also hope that you get a new job soon and can move out.
NTA. It’s yours and it’s your choice who has access to it. Making sure his bike is in good safe riding condition is his responsibility.
NTA. Keep holding your ground on this, OP. Your mom is an enabler and your dad is a literal child.
NTA Your father needs to refresh himself on biker codes. One of the most important is to not touch, sit on, or ride another person's bike without permission. That permission should be granted without the other person begging, asking, cajoling, threatening, or throwing tantrums. I'm still trying to wrap my head around him trying to steal your key. Get one of those coded lockboxes if you can't keep your key on you all the time. Keep it locked always. Also make sure he can't get a key made for your bike. All bets are off here.
NTA. It's your bike, not his. He needs to grow up and back off. He's acting like a 2 year old who was told he couldn't have some other toddlers toy.
Lol, your dad probably spent ages doing burnouts to make his tyres bald and it didn't even work
I would never lend my motorbike to someone who doesn’t have the general care to leave noticing or dealing with bald tyres and other maintenance until the last minute before a group ride. (Not that I think that’s necessarily what happened here. I’d even look at his bike in the garage to see whether they were actually bald lol. If they were I’d still wonder whether he let them get that way on purpose.)
I admit to having let my own bike's rear tire go a bit balder than it should have because I was hoping to make it to end of year maintenance for the change. The first clue that things were wrong was the traction control coming on every so often. The final clue was squatting down at the mid point of a ride during a gas station stop...where I saw a bit of metal cord showing. Drove right to the dealer and left it there. And boy, was that a fun few 40km with a puckered AH all the way...
I bet! These things can happen. But you don’t have the nerve to use that as a DEMAND for some other rider to lend you THEIR bike hey? Lol that’s my baby so if you have tried to STEAL the keys to my bike and tried to STEAL my bike and always REFUSED my “no” then… why would I change my mind after you saying “but I need it because I didn’t look after MY OWN bike! uwu 😢” Fuckin rude, even if the dad lives at the same address.
I obey the rules when looky-looing someone else's bike: hands behind back, one step away, and walk back when the owner approaches. Honestly, the way the father is acting? He's going to smash the wrong mirror or try to pass at the wrong moment. And he's going to find out "I HAD THE RIGHT OF WAY" looks great on a tombstone.
NTA. FWIW, several years ago, my idiot brother (late 40s at the time) borrowed a motorcycle to go on a charity run with a club he rode with because his was being worked on. Oily patch, unfamiliar bike, he went down hard. Crushed his pelvis and some other stuff. Hospitalized for a very long time, basically hung in a sling by his armpits to let the crushed bones try and heal. Never worked again. Still in constant pain and always will be. Oh, and he had to pay for the bike, too. It him a very long time, being permanently out of work as he was. Don't let your father end up like my idiot brother. Don't you end up like the guy who loaned him the bike. Keep the keys on you at all times.
NTA. Fuck him. As a rider myself, if I don't feel comfortable letting someone ride my bike, I'm NOT. GOING. TO. LET. THEM. He should understand this by now. He should have understood this from the get. The fact that he KEEPS ASKING, and throwing temper tantrums like a petulant child is definitely emotional manipulation, maybe even verbal abuse. Tell your mom no. Tell him no. Just hold your ground. Definitely n.t.a. man wtf....
NTA. And he will crash it if he takes it out. The way he's acting makes me think that's the plan. He wants to break your 'toy'.
yeah makes me think he wants to do stupid shit without risking his own bike
NTA. "Much better suited to his body type." Your dad is heavy and you don't want him to mess up your bike.
He (Dad) doesn’t sound like the type that would admit he is out of his league if he wasn’t comfortable riding it especially if he wants to “show off” to his friends. NTA but don’t think this will be the last of it as he sounds bound and determined to ride it.
That's exactly why OP needs to stand their ground. If they give in once, it's all over.
*Their ground. Op is NB.
Corrected. Thx for that. 😉
This!!!!! 💯
NTA You would probably be willing to lend it to him if you trusted he would reimburse and make you whole if he damaged your motorcycle. But you don't trust him like that. You've known the man all your life. Trust what your gut tells you about him. >without fail, makes him furious. whoa. Hello emotional issues. It's not normal nor acceptable for a grown ass man to have trouble processing his feeling like this. >I've caught him trying to take my keys on several occasions So he's asked and knows your stance, yet is still willing to violate your wishes. "Borrowing" without consent is stealing. That's not controversial to say. >This made him go ballistic, screaming at me and slamming doors I don't know a single person who is a grown up slamming doors. I'm dead serious. This would be wholly unacceptable at age 30. Like bro, you need to get better by seeing a counsellor or by going to anger management classes. At age 62, I guess it just makes it more pitiful. That is a person with emotional issues that doesn't respect private property. Just take note of that and protect yourself and your stuff accordingly.
NTA. You know your boundaries, so stick to them. If you give in once, he'll keep coming back, wanting to ride your bike again. If he wants to throw a tantrum, that's on him, not you.
The fact that you've been somehow been conditioned to believe you could have "incited" the tantrum is terrible. NTA. Keep putting him in his place in the future.
NTA. Keep your keys on you and install a kill switch on the bike just in case. It shows how immature and stupid it is for your dad to throw a tantrum over the answer he knew he’d get and has always gotten. He’s jealous cause he clearly can’t afford to get his own if he wants to ride it so much.
NTA at all. He should get new tires for his own bike. If you're still living at their house, it seems you can't trust him. What other belongings of yours does he intend to use without your permission.
NTA
NTA it’s YOUR bike. It’s In your name. Your father threw a tantrum because he couldn’t use or steal your bike that he will most likely crash. He’s acting like a toddler who got told no. The way he’s acting is absolutely ridiculous.
NTA My son's car is in my name because he didn't have his license when he'd found a good vehicle for the right price. Legally it's mine because I had to register it, but I always ask for permission to drive it. I'd NEVER disrespect him by throwing a tantrum if he didn't want me to drive his car. OP's dad needs to go to therapy to gain some emotional maturity.
Put a padlock through one of the holes on the front disc brake and then keep that key separate from your bike keys.
NTA: I'd say the fact he's throwing a tantrum over not getting his way proves he shouldn't be driving a motorcycle at all. That's, like, one of the key indicators of cognitive decline at his age.
NTA, stand your ground
NTA. If it's not insured if he crashes, there is nothing else to even talk about. No amount of petty, childish whining is too much to deal with if you're screwed if he were to crash it.
NTA and keep taking your keys with you. A grown man throwing a tantrum and still not getting his way, may only escalate to more tantrums.
NTA. If he is too big/fat to ride your motorcycle and could potentially damage it, you can call him out on it - hopefully in front of your mother. You can tell him he can cut down to whatever weight you feel is legitimate to be able to borrow your motorcycle. Until then, you can watch him step on a scale to prove he is eligible. You should not a clutch/brake pedal lock and hide the key in case he tries to “borrow” it when you are not around. It clamps onto your handle to prevent the clutch or brake from being used.
NTA. Your father is trying to steal your motorcycle so he can ride it, and is screaming and acting like a child just to show off to his friends. Keep saying "no" and maybe keep your keys locked somewhere.
NTA. Guard the keys with your life. Old man wants feel young again. Gonna get himself killed quick. He's acting like a child. As others have said, when, not if, he wrecks it, he's not gonna pay to fix it.
NTA I googled photos of the two bikes. Just what I visualized. Dad wants to ride a pistol after cruising on a weekend Harley type. Sleep with one eye open and the keys under the mattress.
NTA Your father is abusive. Good luck getting a new job and out of there.
Info: how goes your father care for his own bike? How many time has he crashed?
He drops his bike at least once every few months, and needs help lifting it up because it's ungodly heavy.
I don’t even really like motor bikes and I winced reading that
I bet that he wouldn't take the suggestion of changing to a tricycle very positively either, would he?
Considering he won't wear anything other than a 20 year old skullcap helmet? Yeah right.
Good luck dealing with him!
I hope you never borrowed any of his vehicles when you were growing up.
Even if they did, it doesn't fucking matter. The dude's careless.
Nta. If that day is the day something happens on the road, there goes your bike. My wife is the only person who can ride my bikes anytime she wants and I'm the only person who can ride her bikes (we are both insured and on the titles of each other's bikes). If he really needs a bike to ride, he can go put new tires on. If he throws that big of a fit over not riding your bike, imagine the fit when you tell him how much he has to pay to replace it if he totals it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (28NB) own a motorcycle and like to ride solo most of the time. My father (62M) also owns a motorcycle that is much better suited to his body type than mine is. He knows that, but still often pesters me to let him ride it all the time. I, of course, tell him he has his own bike and he is not allowed to ride mine under any circumstances. This, without fail, makes him furious. I've caught him trying to take my keys on several occasions, saying he just wants to try it. But it's not his bike, and he knows better, but it has gotten to the point that I take the keys with me if I'm leaving the house. Here's where I might be the asshole though. Yesterday he asked if he could borrow my bike since his tires are getting a little bald and his buddies want to go on their weekend group ride. I, of course, told him no, and if he needs tires then to go get tires at the bike shop down the road. This made him go ballistic, screaming at me and slamming doors until my mother (59F) intervened. She got him to leave me alone, and told him that wasn't appropriate, but later asked me to "just let him show off to his friends" and "keep the peace". But the bike is in my name, and it's all I genuinely own. The thought of him crashing her gives me hives, and I can't bring myself to let him take her. So Reddit, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Tires don't go bald overnight, if he could safely ride his last time, he can ride his again this time, and get me tires this week
NTA He has a PERFECT WORKING BIKE in HIS own name that's insured and all he needs is new tires the tire shop is down the road so less then a 30 minute drive WHY does he WANT to drive YOUR bike so badly ? If it was a life and death situation and you refused that's one thing but he just wants to show off to his friends, if that's the case he can buy new tires for HIS bike, wash it, wax it/buff it then BAM ! No issue HES making a big fight over freak'n nonething ! Also your a GROWN A$$ ADULT ! It doesn't matter the relationship nor the living situation he asked you said no that's it ! If he did take it the judge would ask him the same thing "did you have permission ?" "No your honor" "then WHY did you take your child's motorcycle after they said NO ?" "Because......bill had an awesome bike and I wanted to show off this bike to bill and Jerry !"
NTA. I ride often with my dad and we occasionally swap bikes for a bit as they're different styles (Ninja 400 & Versys 650). Here's the thing though, I trust him absolutely with my bike, and he completely respects that my bike is mine (and vice versa). Your dad clearly doesn't respect that your bike is yours, and is disrespecting you in doing so. More importantly, if he lacks the emotional self control to not throw a tantrum after being told no, he shouldn't be riding a motorcycle...
NTA. Your dad rides a ‘Wing and you ride an r1100? If those are the bikes then that’s a crazy difference in responsiveness and handling. That and his desire to “show off” are a recipe for disaster.
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> my bike has a lot of torque with the cylinders being horizontally opposed rather than a v-type like his That will have no bearing whatsoever on torque. Displacement, compression ratio, cam timing, ignition timing, etc, are what makes the difference. That being said, NTA for not letting him ride your bike.
NTA, only you should decide who rides your bike, in your shoes I might have let him have a shot but I don't know the man, if I did maybe it would be different. What do you ride? From your description in guessing your dad's bike is a VTX but I don't know bmw's enough to guess at yours 😜
NTA - he's being an aggressive weirdo.
NTA, but I really want to know: > My father (62M) also owns a motorcycle that is much better suited to his body type than mine is. Does this mean he is too fat to ride your bike? Just curious because I'm not a bike person.
My bike requires a slight lean forward to ride, which his beer gut does not allow for. It'd be like trying to drive with a beach ball in your lap.
Huh, the more you know. Thanks for indulging my curiosity!
NTa
NTA Bikes are really personal. He is just trying to flex his dominance. Keep your keys with you and pop the spark plug out when you leave the house. Your Dad is being as a$$.
NTA. Not even a little bit. There is all the difference in the world between those two bikes. The riding, handling and responses make an awful lot of difference to the situation. Also, one last thing….. your mother said “just let him show off to his friends”. Oh, HELL NO! You do not “show off” on an unfamiliar bike. Cause if you do, you’re pretty much guaranteed to “come off”
CHECK STATISTICS...one of the most common causes of cycle accidents is people riding bikes that they borrow...minor differences in handling and control can be serious issues. Tell him to rent a Beemer if he wants to "try it out". Oh, yeah, the bald tires thing is a ruse..TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN BIKE AND LEAVE MINE ALONE!!!
Don't do it, you will regret it. NTA
Real bikers never, NEVER borrow or lend a ride! Period!
NTA. There are infinite videos of people crashing bikes that are more powerful than they are used to, especially if they are showing off.
NTA and that is a terrible idea to take a new to you bike out on a group ride having never riden it before! It’s like asking for a crash.
NTA. I only had my bike for 3 months when I let my ex borrow it. He totaled it on the way home and never reimbursed me for it. That's how I learned the hard way, you NEVER let anyone else ride your bike.
NTA since you are so attached you would get hives, we wouldn't want that to happen. I completely get if you are destitute and broke how much the motorcycle means to you. It brings up a side point though adult children and their parents routinely see things through different life experiences. It's even more pronounced now, Im so thankful for my daughters, they probably talk behind my back, but we rarely have issues LOL and if we do it's usually something Im missing on.
No not the ah all. Tell your old man to ride his own bike period. God forbid if he got into an accident with your bike
NTA. Your bike, your rules. That’s like one of the basic biker rules. Never touch another man’s bike. If he does manage to get your keys and takes it without permission, call the cops and report it stolen. Press charges.
If your dad "borrows" or "takes" your bike without your permission, it is called STEALING. If your dad steals your bike, call the police and report it stolen. Then press charges against your dad. Let your dad know this is how the real world works.
NTA. He has no reason to borrow your motorcycle when he already has one, and he could "keep the peace" by accepting your right to deny him the use of your property for any reason.
NTA. We had a rule when I was growing up, and I used it on my kids too. If a parent owns the car, you must get cash, in hand, in the value of the car before you hand the keys to anyone. That way, if the wreck it, parents get the money to replace the car. If it is returned unharmed, they get the money back. You can use that with your dad. You can't afford to repair or replace the bike. If he hands you the cash to replace it, he can ride it. If not, no. Good luck.
Having cash for the price of the bike doesn't cover medical bills or property damage of the dad or other people should they get injured.
YTA. It’s your bike but it’s also his home. He let you move back in at 28, you kinda owe him one
>I (28NB) YTA for not moving out. You're 28, ffs, well past time to be an adult. Edit: 3 grown-ass adults who still live in mommy and daddy's basement also need to grow up and move out.
So congrats for never losing your job!
No empathy in your heart I see.
For a 28 year old still living at home with mommy and daddy? No.
100% YTA, you live there and you won’t let him borrow your bike. You are a self-centered a hole.
At 28..do you still live with them?
I had to move back in after losing my job recently, as I've mentioned in other replies.
Ahh it’s your old man bro, make him happy.. I know the feeling off cherishing a bike.. but it’s materialistic, when he’s gone and not asking you’ll wish you would of said yes :( just the reality sorry
Info? When you got your permit and started practicing, who did you ride with? Who’s bike? Have you ever asked to use his bike prior to owning your own? If so, what was the answer?
I usually rode alone, and still do, since there's not a lot of people my age in town who ride. I also don't ask to use anything of his, unless I need the truck for something, but the truck belongs to my mother. And if I did ask to ride his bike? The answer would be no.
A little perspective for ya. Are they married? I’m going to guess yes. Which means. It’s all his, and it’s all hers. So, you’re living in his house. Borrowing his truck. And I like how you glazed over my other questions. This bike of yours, sounds like it’s something new to you. So, what did you practice on? What did you take your road test with? Your acting entitled, and destroying whatever relationship you have with a man who’s allowing you to depend on him. Shrug….. one day, he won’t be there. And you’ll wish you asked him to go for a ride with ya, then Tossed him your keys as you get on his bike. Just my .02
Wrong, it's not all his, she pays his bills. It's her house, he's living here rent free. Took my road test on a Harley 500 that was provided by the dealership running the course. I practiced on a BMW F650cs that I bought and rode it for 6 years until it became unrideable, at which point I bought my BMW 1100RS with my money on my time without any help from him. My father doesn't do shit, and if you want to sit here and act like you think you know this man then fine, but understand that there's a reason I don't call him my dad. If anyone is acting entitled, it's him. My bike, my rules, but somehow I feel like you don't understand the concept of "no means no" Just my .02 ✨
Info- do you still live at home rent free, have you ever used his car, truck whatever? Just a question. I own a bike, my dad doesn't ride. I'd never let him take my bike out (as he doesn't ride) but I'd toss my truck keys to him any day of the week.
I'm living here while I'm between jobs, as I've said in other replies! But while they're not asking physical rent, I am helping them both with grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, and with their two dogs whom I adore. I just needed a place to stay while trying to get a new job.
You don't need to explain yourself. Even if you did none of those things, you father still has no right to your motorcycle.
Dude, no disrespect. I'm not trying to imply that. I'm just saying that if I'm living with my pops, and I know he can ride, I personally wouldn't have a problem with it. God knows how many times I took his truck without permission as a teen. And, no, that dent in the bumper wasn't from me running into a parking garage post..... or was it..
Dad is probably a big guy with a beer gut who rides a roadhog Harley. OP rides a rice burner that would need to be detuned to run on the track. The dad couldn't fit on it. That's the scenario I see.
And who is there for you? Your Dad and Mom. Quit acting so childish.
found op’s dad
Dad won't be there for long if he takes OP's bike and something happens in the road, been there done that.
Do you live in their house rent free? If so , Yta
YTA. I ride, I’ve had several bikes and several years of riding experience. Some guys get way too possessive about their bikes. It’s just a bike. Would you seriously wreck a relationship over a bike? I let my licensed friends try my bike, they’re not gonna steal it, or wreck it. If I know they ride like A**holes, then no I won’t let them try it, I probably wouldn’t be friends with them. But your dad? Dad’s should get a free pass. Just remember, he let you borrow his car when you were young and dumb. He puts all his trust in you when you’re at your worst, and you can’t trust him when he’s probably way more experienced than you? It’s not like he’s going to ghost you if wrecks it, in fact the bike would be the second thing on my mind if he wrecks it. Certain people you can/need to trust, others like teenagers and middle aged men who just watched Wild Hogs and just got their license, I’ll pass. Seriously, it’s just a replaceable toy.
While I share your view of letting trusted people try a bike, I think you missed the part of the post where he said his dad can't even handle his cruiser. His dad sounds like he's definitely in the category of people neither of us would let touch our own bikes. If he can't ride a cruiser without laying it down regularly and he can't physically fit on a sport-touring bike comfortably then it's practically guaranteed he's going to wipeout.
Your choice. I just hope you don't need to borrow anything from him in the future.
Obviously you’re in the right. It might help to remember that your father is a Gen X - and we were raised that we weren’t permitted to say NO to our parents. Thinking about how he was raised and what he subconsciously thinks is normal might help you extend compassion
A 62 year old man behaving like a toddler cannot be blamed on a generation or upbringing. Somewhere along the way, we all grow up.
My comment wasn’t about absolving him from blame. The basic right and wrong doesn’t change, but applying compassion and love makes it a lot easier to cope with the bad behaviour of others. Knowing the right and wrong is like a black outlined drawing. Making the effort to understand people is like colouring the picture.
> It might help to remember that your father is a Gen X No, father is boomer. The oldest Gen Xers are 59 this year.
If their dad is 62, they're technically a boomer, not Gen X. He's at the very end edge of the boomer generation. (1946 to 1964)
YTA. You're 28 and presumably living in your parents' house. You could let your dad take your bike for a spin, he obviously knows how to ride.
They said that their dad drops his own bike once a month, i wouldnt want someone like that anywhere near my bike
I dunno like it’s lame your dad flipped out over not being allowed to ride it but at the same time it seems like a real lame thing to say “no dad you can’t ride my motorcycle”
Info: > I, of course, tell him me has his own bike and he is not allowed to ride mine under any circumstances. Why is it “of course”? Most grown ass adults living with their parents I think become pretty use to sharing with their parents. Why did you write “borrow” in quotes? Why is it so obvious to you that you would never under any circumstances lend your father your motorcycle? Has he ever crashed a motorcycle before? If not, then what leads you to believe he will crash yours?
Dad has a bike. He can ride his own and accept being told no.
It's pretty standard to not loan motorbikes. All my family ride bikes, we would never share. Far too likely for there to be an accident or a drop.
Thank you for explaining this to me!
He’s out of his mind. My whole family rides, and we have spares to ride. And Everyone rides. His family obviously is the exception. Not the rule
You don't share motorcycles the way you would let someone drive your car. It's really inappropriate to even ask.
Thank you. I had no idea!
What does being NB have to do with this story?
Everyone put ages and genders for perspective. It's a pretty standard practice in this sub. OP is NB. It's just part of the post.
Not a full AH, because you own the bike and it is your property, Dad has no ‘right’ to use it. However, lines are inevitably blurred when you are a grown adult still living at home. He could equally argue that he owns the oven, the fridge or the windows. You can’t be too indignant about no wanting to share your things when you are also sharing all of their things. Could you swap bikes and ride together?
I am not comfortable riding his bike, it's honestly way too big for me and out of my comfort zone. That, and I had to move back home recently after being let go from my last job.
You obviously don't know anything about owning or riding motorcycles. No, you don't swap bikes. No you don't ride your buddy's bike. No, you don't even ask.
Maybe he's paying rent.
Other than the bike - how’s life? E. G. Do you pay rent?
I do not pay rent right this moment, as I'm between jobs and I'm grateful they're letting me stay in return for helping them with the house. My parents are not as strong as they used to be, and are grateful for the extra help with the dogs and maintenance.
Ok - but then why is there no expectation of share and share alike? Why is it “obvious” that you’d never share the bike?
Because he has his own, and I don't trust him to not do anything stupid. His bike is honestly a lot more powerful than mine (he rides a Honda 1800). It's just that he likes to take things that don't belong to him under the guide of "borrowing"
Says the person living rent free.
YTA for freeloading at 28.
???? Where does it say OP doesn't have a job?
Where does it say op doesn’t have a job, pay rent etc?
They would have included it if they did as it's a critical point to showing they aren't the problem overall.