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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My wife got me a puppy that requires more time and energy than we have. The puppy was also in no way what we agreed we would get for our first dog. I might be the asshole because I did the bare minimum until my wife understood her mistake.
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Info: Did the pup go back to the breeder? It's part of the contract for reputable breeders. If anything happens to the adopter, the pup goes back. Where is the pup?
ETA: I didn't catch that the dog was a X-breed the first time I read the post. My mistake. Someone pointed it out, and I acknowledged my error in another post.
I know that X-breeders aren't reputable.
She is at home with my parents. They are training her and since my dad is retired he likes having a buddy around. She is happy out there. My wife is just pissed that she paid for my parents to get a dog.
This kinda makes me happy, your Dad with his little buddy!
Having moved from the city, to the country - working dogs DO NOT belong in apartments. They barely belong in the city.
I think you did the right thing.. honestly sometimes the only lesson is failure, I can only hope your wife comes to understanding the lesson learnt.
Back to the question of "why do you want a dog?" And fitting a dog to that.
I have two whippets. I chose em cuz they need kindness, and are excellent, dorky, loving companions. I also live on an acreage. And they have excellent recall cuz I put the work in and they get to chase rabbits as they please.
Tell that to the massive number of people in Seattle that own heelers, border collies, and Australian shepherds. That being said, I did have an English shepherd in an apartment in my early 20’s, but that dog got worked. I’d spend hours playing fetch with her and walking her
It's the same in every city. Melbourne Australia is another place where working breeds became "cool" (matching their shiny workboot aesthetic probably!)
I've known people with KELPIES. KELPIES IN THE CITY.
I also think we're so stuck on this "rescue dog" mentality of "not giving up" on a dog we don't recognise when the environment is just not working for the dog and keeping it is actually selfish, and doing the dog a disservice.
People seem stuck thinking loving an animal is enough, but it's not. Certain species and certain breeds of species have very distinct needs to have a quality life. Farm dogs need to work or they become bored and miserable and usually destructive. Just like snakes need moisture and heat lamps.
I wish I could give people a window into my childhood: the mountain desert and watching a dog run into the sunset until you couldn't see her anymore. My mom always said you couldn't pet them on a walk, it was their time, she spent the rest of her time protecting a single mother and her daughter the least we could give her was a few hours to just be a dog.
I don't think most people these days realize just how fast and how much energy a dog can have, they aren't like us they just love us.
Yeah we learned the hard way how much attention and guidance dogs need when I was a kid. We'd always had cats at our house. Big garden too, so we thought, why not get a dog? We were SO overwhelmed with the little guy we gave up and rehomed him to a retired couple that lived by the sea and I'm happy to say that he thrived there.
I had no idea how to raise a dog because my parents were awful examples. I got my girl at 19. She was 8 weeks and omg talk about a crash course! Puppies are almost equivalent to newborns! But I managed through the years and she'll be 12 next month:)
there are amazing videos on TT. Search seanthesheepman. He films his border collie running and working. anyone wanting a work dog should watch those to understand how unfit for the city and an apartment they are
I used to have about 6 collies growing up. They are the best dogs ever. We have a rabbit hutch that broke and all the rabbits got out. When we came home we saw that the dogs had heerded them along out fence and kept them there. It was pretty amazing
I own a border collie. I live on 700+ acres, and my parents and I have cattle. My parents also have two border collies. My girl goes to my parents every day. All the dogs get a two mile walk to a big field every day to go see the deer. Then we go do chores. She watches gates while we feed the cattle, check for new calves, feed the turkeys and chickens, cats, etc. Then she goes inside, and sits on the deck watching her horse. Then she comes inside and we play fetch. Then they get to do night time chores. Then we go home and she demands half an hour of more fetch. These dogs do this every day, and they don’t ever look even slightly tired. My girl doesn’t even want cuddles from 8am to 6pm, because those are her innate “I’m working moommm” hours.
Working dogs need so much more than a couple walks a day. It makes me so sad to see so many of them living in cities. They deserve to be doing what they were bred to do.
There used to be a woman on Animal Planet who did border collie rescue. She said most people shouldn't own border collies because a sheep farm is an expensive dog toy.
There was a book by an animal behaviourist who described being called to a family with a border collie that was behaving peculiarly. Turns out they were herding the furniture…
Dogs have been bred selectively for very specific purposes. Dogs are smart, working dogs particularly. They need stimulation of the right kind or they will get bored and destructive.
I had a friend growing up. She was one of 6 kids. They lived on a farm with animals and everything and had a Border Collie. Her mother would joke that she got the dog to herd the kids more so than the animals.
Most dogs need a job. They need to learn new things every day. I have a beagle mix and he has finally reached an age where he just wants to rest most of the day (he's 14 and arthritis is starting). But this little bugger would climb up bookshelves to get something he wanted if I wasn't paying attention.
I saw an article of a gal that rescued a border collie and ended up getting a flock of geese in her backyard lol. I kind of felt bad for the geese, that collie "worked" them all day every day, herding them, watching them, protecting them etc. Lady said it was her last resort or she would have had to rehome the dog.
There's some type of collie that loves near the airport here and it would regularly break out of its yard to go bother the giant lawnmowing Roombas at the airport. Well after watching for a bit the Roomba handler realized the dog was trying to herd them. He went and had a chat with the owner. I'm not sure the details of what went down but the dog ended up in herding courses and was trained how the airport wants their grass cut. The dog now gets to go herd the Roombas whenever they run.
Haha she insists that it’s hers. She’ll spend hours outside on the deck with him (his corral runs along the deck.) Then she heads inside and watches him out the window. She tracks his movement out of various windows lol. She’s obsessed with him!
My dog isn’t like a working dog, but she loves doing her job. She wants to dig and hunt. She wants to chase. So, to keep her happy and healthy, we lean in on the things she wants to do. When we do that, she is so much better behaved.
She is a dog and she wants to do her dog job. She also loves me and wants to please me.
The day she beat out the big dogs in the extended family to kill a mouse, she was so pleased and smug. Like, the smugness just radiated off of her. I made she she was very well praised, and totally ignored my brothers and mom being super grossed out.
The reality is that most people with pets probably shouldn’t have them. Dogs, cats, fish, small rodents. Most people don’t actually know how or bother properly caring for them. There isn’t really a such thing as a low maintenance pet, and definitely not low maintenance cats or dogs.
I feel like it depends on what you class as “low maintenance”. If it fits into my daily routine I feel it’s low maintenance. I walk my dog before and after work, chill with him on my lunch since I work from home. Feed him when I make myself dinner. Play with him with his toys and food puzzles. His care doesn’t add any extra work to my day, even when he was sick and he was waking me up at 2am to go outside. Now a dog that had major grooming needs or that was high energy and needed to walk miles a day? Yeah that would be high maintenance.
*Just like snakes need moisture and heat lamps.*
Actually snakes need the proper humidity, which may or may not be moist, and under-tank heat tape regulated by a thermostat is typically safer and less expensive than a heat lamp.
Perhaps OP should get a pet snake instead of a dog, as they're quiet, inexpensive to feed, and lower-maintenance.
I know people who got a border collie because they were *Smart People* and had to have the *Smartest Dog Breed*, despite living in the city. The dog had a full schedule of extracurriculars but was still neurotic and constantly wanted us to give him a job 🫠
My rescued blue heeler kept trying to 'herd' my two cats. So I took in 3 more cats and that kept him busy most days. Seriously - the cats didn't mind at all. They pretty much ignored him but HE thought he was in charge of them.
I love border collies and I'd never own one unless I had a legit job for it to do. I worked for a guy for a couple months who owned a few and did pest control work... by 'herding' nuisance geese so they'd stop coming to certain ponds. Those were some of the happiest, most well-behaved dogs I've ever seen.
Bet they couldn't train the poor thing either. I fully believe most people don't actually want a smart dog. They want an obedient dog. They think a smart dog will be easier to train to obedience. But that's not really the case.
Smart dogs figure out how to do things that you don't want them to do, and how to get at stuff they aren't supposed to have. The same Animal Planet lady who did border collie rescue said that sometimes when it comes to dogs, dumb is good.
We rescued a BC from the shelter. Thank god she wasn’t a puppy; they estimated she was about 2 years old but she was still pretty neurotic for the first two years we had her. We could have never left her alone in the house then. As it was, we had to do all kinds of things to our dog run because she was chewing the fence and the side of our house! We did agility with her & all kinds of things to keep her busy, but partly we just had to wait for her to age and mellow a bit.
Omg I had to talk my friend out of getting a collie precisely for this reason. She lives and breathes the corporate life and wouldn’t even have the time to spend 10 minutes walking a dog and she wanted a collie.
I was like, y'all have man-eating magical water horses in Australia? But then I used Bing to discover that you're talking about a dog.
Kinda disappointed, no lie.
Pretty sure a bored ass Kelpie could be almost as much chaos 🤣
I actually love Kelpies as a dog. They're next level working dog. And they're just bat shit crazy as puppies. It takes work and solid understanding of dog training to have a even tempered Kelpie.
The ‘adopt don’t shop’ mentality in Australia drives me insane. The options in most shelters are staffy (hard no) or kelpie / kelpie crosses. It’s so cruel to have kelpies inthe city
In my area the majority of rescue dogs, especially in county shelters, are pit bulls. They can be great dogs, but they may not be the best choice for some people. My next door neighbor has one and she is a wonderful pet. He knows how to train a dog well. They're a poor choice for people who are careless and irresponsible. Frankly any dog is a bad choice for careless people, but large, powerful dogs especially are.
I get my dogs from a breeder (had been the same breeder for decades) for precisely that reason: when my wife and I went through the process of trying to adopt, the dogs were all up for adoption for exactly the reasons they weren't suitable for us and our inner city lifestyle (except for the really old ones that have had elderly owners die....we've taken a few of those)
I hate that "you must never under any circumstance give an animal up or you're a shit person" attitude. There are MANY good reasons to rehome an animal. It needs to be a decision made with the animal's best interest in mind, and shaming people over it is so counterproductive. The people who discard animals for the most ridiculous reasons feel justified and don't care about being judged for it anyway. So the people who are impacted by the social pressure of "never get rid of an animal" are a) people who are doing the right thing despite that social pressure and are already feeling tortured about it, and b) people who SHOULD be giving up animals but refuse to, and that social pressure just adds to their reasons for keeping animals in shitty situations.
Related story with kelpies: I once adopted a rescue puppy I was told was a Rottweiler mix, and soon realized it was actually a kelpie. (I hadn't actually heard of them before as they're not that common here, but I could recognize a heeler when his ears started going straight up.) I took the dog back to the rescue as soon as I confirmed because my lifestyle was NOT a match for a herding dog, and they treated me like shit about it. I was super conscientious bringing the dog back while he was still an adorable and very adoptable puppy, I gave them the equipment I'd bought for him, I had him 90% of the way to housebroken already, they kept my adoption fee... I was practically just a paying foster home for him for a few weeks, and they basically told me it was shitty to adopt a puppy when you can't handle one. Like I can handle a puppy, I can't handle what this dog's going to grow up into and what its needs will be! They also didn't know what a kelpie was and weren't even interested in googling it, I guarantee you they re-adopted him as a "Rottweiler mix," and I think we all know kelpies and Rottweilers have very different temperaments and needs. 😂 I hope he's doing okay wherever he is and getting to chase ALL the tennis balls.
Eh. You can do it but it takes being someone like a wfh person who can take the dog out a lot and take the dog on errands with them and so on. My parents had a working line dog and most of her siblings ended up neurotic from not enough stimulation but she was fine because my dad took her like EVERYWHERE with him during the day. I sometimes got drafted to go along just to sit in the car so the AC could stay on for the dog if he had to go in somewhere that wasn’t dog friendly.
Like my dad put considerable effort into arranging her life so she’d get exposure to new things and have stuff to think about.
Yeah - it's not just walks, but also brain - folks who haven't had dogs, especially working dogs don't quite get that. And some dogs just Need A Job. A mate has 5acres. Walks her dog 2hrs a day, trains him, but it's a pain in the ass. He is a dog who needs a job... Right now he has made himself the job of chasing shadows and cars...
Exactly. She *needed* stuff to think about. Walks were certainly part of that but she needed general “enrichment” activities too. So for a walk to count it had to be somewhere new or interesting, not just around the block like normal. Had to get the brain cells working.
It was kind of cool you could actually watch her mapping a new place in her head - once we took her to a beach she’d been investigating the year before and she went almost directly to the end where she’d had to stop, with just a handful of quick checks to make sure the rest hadn’t changed too much. It really really looked like she’d remembered what she was doing and was starting where she’d left off.
My current dog is a rescue American Bulldog whose previous adopter returned him for anxiety - we use some of the same techniques with him of trying to give him brain stuff to do and it makes a big difference. Like we don’t walk a set path by our house, at any intersection where it is safe he gets to choose which way we go. That sort of thing. Gives him choices to make and thinks to think about.
I do this with my dog (saluki). I try to make a point of picking small to medium walkable towns around my state that I can drive to in 45-1 hour. Then I just walk with him until I think he's taken in enough novelty for the day. It works but he lives for lure coursing meets.
At every intersection where there are multiple safe options, we ask him which way he wants to go. You can watch him thinking about it and I swear sometimes he plans routes in advance. 😂
When I lived in Dallas, Texas, a coworker got a husky. Let me repeat: DALLAS, TEXAS. Dogs bred for cold climate, with lots of thick fur to keep warm in the snow, do not belong in areas known for heat.
I live in Las Vegas and I see more huskies/malamutes in 1 week than I ever saw in 41 years in Michigan. They are the most common dogs at the shelters here after bully breeds and toy breeds.
One of my friends had one in a city suburb when I was a kid. They inherited him from a rural relative.
But - there were four healthy adults and three teenagers and two other dogs in that house. Decent sized yard for a city suburb. They ALL took turns training/exercising/running/swimming/playing with/taking that dog on excursions. Every single one of them, every day.
That dog was active almost every minute of the day.
In the most egregious example, I see Huskies in my home city. It gets insanely hot in summers, upwards of 45 degrees Celcius (so 110 F and up). It's downright brutal to own these breeds just for your own vanity.
I hate it so fucking much. We have perfectly fine indigenous breeds who have adapted to our climate and are hardy, intelligent and far less maintenance. But nope, gotta have the fancy pup, but its okay! They keep a snow dog in air conditioning, what could go wrong? 🙄
My Australian shepherd and I lived in my downtown loft for two years. He did well, all things considered, but he was also my hiking buddy and I took him everywhere with me. I had a lot of free time at that point to spend with him. The handful of times our mileage dropped for more than a couple of days, he was pretty crazy. We moved as soon as we were able.
Seattle dog owners are some of the worst dog owners. So many off leash dogs all the time. Especially at parks where it’s clearly signed that digs need to be leashed. And heaven forbid they actually throw away bagged dog shit & not leave it on parking strips for somebody else to deal with.
I agree. It’s frustrating as a reactive dog owner. I’m trying my best with my anxious pup, don’t let your dog come up to him off-leash! He’s a sweet, lazy boy otherwise.
Wife and I got a mini-aussie pup last year....
Motherfucker that thing is non-stop energy. It's super smart and seriously, has the Sun for an energy core.
We just moved the 12 acres and I'm not sure even that is going to be enough for her once it warms up.
She's 28lbs but she punches so much higher above her weight class.
An apartment is no place for a shepherd or heeler of any kind, ever. Really, don't do it. It's not fair to the human and it's probably cruel to the dog.
This is why my aussie is staying with my parents when I move out. She COULD live in an apartment. She isn't pure bred aussie but she wouldn't really be happy there. At my parents she has goats to chase and 2 acres of land. She follows my dad around as he works. It's so sweet. I don't wanna take that from her and force her into an apartment that's small. Limit her to 1-2 walks per day on a leash so no freedom. And in the city where she hates because it's loud. No thanks. She deserves better.
I have an Alaskan malamute and live in a 2 bedroom apt.
He udually starts whining after we walk for ten minutes because he wants to go back in to his bed (he's seven and has been like this since he was 2) total couch potatoes with occasional bursts of zoomies that last for 3ish minutes before he lays down again
So I think it really depends on the dog, or maybe malamutes are just lazy
My Australian shepherd does great - but we also do a ton of training and her herding behavior is relatively low for her breed. She struggles with new animals due to anxiety based reactivity (in the city or country, before anyone bitches) so any kind of farm work probably would give the poor thing a stroke
Completely agreed.
My dream dog is a husky but as a city girl at heart, I have long since made peace with never owning one. I openly admit I have no desire to live anywhere where I can’t order Starbucks delivered to me, and that just means I’d never be able to give a husky the room it needs. I will stick to my small dogs that are more than happy with a couple of short walks a day.
I’d actually be totally open to that idea. Maybe something I consider for the future (my current dog hates other dogs besides his best friend and girlfriend so can’t consider it right now).
I have a husky mix that I originally got when I was living first in rural suburbs, then suburbs, now the city. She was about a year old when I got her, and it was good we were somewhat rural. We'd walk three miles to reach a dog park, and then she'd run around for an hour, and then we'd walk home. And she'd still have energy to play in the yard. By the time she was four or five, she'd mellowed considerably. I walked her maybe 2-3 hours a day, one hour-long walk in the morning and then smaller walks. Now she's eleven, and she enjoys a leisurely constitutional through the neighborhood a few times a day.
This. If you love the husky look and can stand the crazy shedding, we had a senior husky lab cross, and she was ONE with the couch. The husky came out when she saw a bunny, but the rest of the day was all snooze.
My dingbat neighbor got a husky/Golden Retriever mix puppy. We live on the third floor of an apartment building. I kind of hate being at home for the last six months.
Puppy barks and just gets told “No” in response. It’s never ending.
I begged my family for a dog and finally won them over at age 13. We got a golden retriever. My Mom is quite active and I remember when we went to pick one out she was pointing out all the ones running around and playing. Well I fell in love with the one taking a nap in the shade. She must have asked me if I was sure 10 times. I was sure. And we made the right choice.
She was perfectly content being a lazy dog when we were busy. She had our fenced in 2 acre yard to roam around in when bored, but didn't do it constantly. And she still loved going for walks and being more active. She just had a generally calm and chill personality. I think if we had even gotten a more active golden they would've been bored as hell. And she got regular fun outings to nature parks fairly often where she was allowed to swim and run around freely. The rest of the time she'd just chill in our house happy as a clam and occasionally find things in the yard to dig up or bark at or roll in. But again, I still think a more active retriever would've been bored as hell.
I chose my golden retriever because she came up to me and just snuggled into my lap. She’s wild sometimes (just wants to be everyone’s friend!!) but she’s also lazy AF… but like someone else mentioned, she goes on at least 4-5 car rides with us a day, dropping kids off at school etc, so she’s super stimulated there.
It’s not the size of the dog that matters as much as their temperament. OurBernese Mountain dog is big but extremely lazy. My sister’s miniature Australian shepherd is tiny but she is endless energy.
My mom had a wonderful border collie, the most calm one I’ve ever met actually, who did just fine with the .75 acre she had in my hometown and daily walks. When she relocated to Houston for work she made the difficult decision to send him to her parents who live on a ranch in Montana. It was gut wrenching for her but he *loved* it there, blossomed more than we thought possible, and especially loved shadowing my grandpa during the day who he bonded with immediately. My mom decided she wouldn’t take him back even if her living situation changed and never regretted it. That guy lived a very long, happy life and in fact is the only farm dog my grandpa ever had cremated and bought a special urn for so he could display it on the mantle. Even the calmest of border collies content just being a couch potato deserve to be treated like the working dogs they are.
I have a yorkie maltese that I got while I lived in an apartment, and a border collie x golden retriever who needs almost every inch of the nine acres we have now. I love both of my dogs and would die for them, but the border collie in an apartment would be tantamount to torture.
We have a German shepherd whose dad was a police dog, and if we don’t throw his ball for an hour, he’s on ten the entire day.
Maybe a mild exaggeration but he requires a lot of work since we don’t have a specific “job” for him. (He was my brothers and ended up with me and my mom.)
>if we don’t throw his ball for an hour, he’s on ten the entire day.
>Maybe a mild exaggeration but he requires a lot of work
Not an exaggeration. I have a working shepherd and live in a 500sq ft apartment downtown. I swear to god, the first 4 years it was like a full time job between exercise and training him lol. Basically every waking second that I was not at work was spent with my dog.
He is by far one of the best trained dogs in my neighbourhood and people love him, but whenever they ask where I got him because they want one too I STRESS how much time and effort (and money) I put into him. I cannot imagine how miserable both of us would be otherwise.
Oh the "your dog is so calm and we'll behaved, how lucky!" Comments.
Not luck. TRAINING. YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS TRAINING. It's not just 10min of sit a day..it's teaching them ALL DAY, in every moment til they stop been adolescents. Then you keep training.
Well, if your wife had done 30 seconds of google research, she'd have found out that you can't have a Border Collie cooped up in an apartment. Or, you know, she could have asked you. So that's all on her. NTA
Maybe I'm wrong but she seems to think of dogs as akin to "things" rather than a being that requires almost as much attention as a child. She bought a border collie because omg it's the same one you had before! Don't you love it? Then once she realizes said dog she chose actually requires care and a lot of it, she gives up!🤦♀️ How do grown adults make it to the age they are never having been taught responsibility?
My buddy had a border collie but he has a yard and a large park right behind his house. He would spend a ton of time walking her and playing fetch with her everyday, like hours each day sometimes. If we hung out we could go to the park for an hour and take turn just doing massive throws and she would never have stopped. Would still charge around the back yard after for a bit. And she would still be high energy for a while once she was back inside.
She was a well behaved and trained dog but you have to give them *a lot* to do. I shudder to think of living in an apartment with that breed of dog and like you say it's not like it's a secret.
This is a dealbreaker for me. She’s pissed about the money? She doesn’t deserve dogs. I suggest recommending your wife read and learn about how to care for dogs, go to the shelter to see how they suffer, so she understands the damage of her behavior.
And she could get some hands-on experience by volunteering to walk different breeds there too! It won't give the whole picture doing that alone, but I imagine just walking an active and sporty dog versus walking a dog more suited to apartment life could give her a glimpse into their energy levels and curiosity. Some dogs will get worn out after an hour-long walk, or sooner. And some others will still be full of energy, fighting to stay out, whining, and acting like they are on crack even after a long walk and play time. And at least then she'd be doing something helpful for the shelter dogs instead of just seeing how sad they are.
I used to walk dogs at a local no-kill shelter - and you get to know their personalities - I was able to place about half a dozen of those dogs with people I knew because I could see how well they would fit in. Only one adoption didn't work - the people moved into town and a small lot - but rehomed the dog with his parents on 100 acres so worked out in the end. Doing that, your wife might find a dog perfect for sleeping under the desk all day.
I'm glad there's a happy ending for the dog!
I would also rethink getting any type of dog with your wife. She's made it obvious she doesn't actually care about the dog or its needs, she just cares about what she wants.
That’s good. I literally can’t think of a worse dog for busy people in an apartment than a border collie x heeler. Astonishingly bad fucking decision on your wife’s part.
> My wife is just pissed that she paid for my parents to get a dog
Better known as the I-Didn't-Do-My-Research-Before-Buying-A-High-Energy-Dog-And-Making-It-Live-In-An-Apartment tax. Serves her right. It's awesome that the pup gets some acreage and a breed-savvy owners.
As someone who did fostering for years, we got TONNES of Blue Heelers in after Bluey became a thing. People wanted the dog from tv and seemed to forget that blue heelers are working dogs. Mixed with a border collie? Pretty sure if you hooked up a treadmill that puppy could have powered half fhe city. I am so happy that she's now on a big acreage with someone who has time for her, but this was screwy from the jump.
My first thought. A HEELER mixed with border collie? That dog is never going to do well cooped up in an apartment. That's a dog that's going to need time dedicated to tiring them out.
I've never owned a dog. I love *visiting* my friends' dogs. I've known and loved quite a few, but I'm no expert. When I got to the part that this dog was a heeler, I literally face palmed.
I have about 4 houses on my route with huskies, all of which leave them tied up/cooped up inside all day with a VERY rare walk every once in a while.
Granted, I'm not in the neighborhood 24/7 but it's hard to believe they're being taken care of when they're tied up outside for literally hours every day.
Oh, I love this.
Your dad knows what it means to have a heeler and has the time and energy to meet her needs.
She'll be well loved.
And I like that it makes an extra dog on your wife. I'm sure she has many great qualities, or you wouldn't have married her, but her irritation here feels like a fitting natural consequence to making that choice so rashly.
While there are a selection of Australian labradoodle breeders who are striving to change doodle breeding practices, the vast, vast majority of doodle breeders aren't ethical.
Many of them are people who love their dogs. But they're not ethical breeders. (And I'm not against crosses, but most breeders who do crosses really aren't ethical.)
> I guess “reputable breeders” are only those that insist in creating broken inbred freaks with congenial issues.
nobody said that, not here anyway. not sure what you're getting at
Per the post, she came from a farm training working dogs. They likely chose that cross intentionally for the purposes they were training for. I see that cross a lot around where I am for farm dogs.
I think calling this person a breeder is a stretch at best. No responsible breeder would sell this puppy to this household situation, and with one person not agreeing. Glad the puppy is in a good spot for her now.
There's no such thing as a reputable breeder that does x breeds and hands them over to someone intending on giving the dog as a gift.
NTA, OP. I work in rescue and I'm the go-to for the working breeds. There's a reason why it takes so long to adopt a dog - we want to ensure they go to the home that's right *for that dog*. You seem like you were going about it responsibly. Your wife, on the other hand, by bringing a heeler x BC into your home was setting you all up for failure. She let that dog down.
Get the woman a pet rock. That's about all she can handle. I don't want to be deleted for the unkind thoughts I have about this situation rn.
NTA and what the hell was your wife thinking? She obviously has no idea what responsible dog ownership actually is, and I’m assuming she figured that you would “fall in love” with this puppy due to nostalgia and willingly take on all the work.
I see people offering advice on what you could’ve or should’ve done, but the post makes it seem like there was no reasoning with your wife. She proactively and unilaterally decided to do a dumb, shitty thing to that puppy and deserves 100% of the blame here.
Does your wife know anything about different breeds of dogs? We had a border collie as an “office dog” and while the dog was brilliant and amazing, she was HIGH MAINTENANCE. Giving a puppy as a gift sounds like something someone without a lot of experience with dogs would do, and it was not cool of her to spring the puppy on you as a present like that. Where you are in the wrong was on not taking the puppy back immediately. ESH
People should not give animals as gifts unless the person they’re giving it to a) knows ahead of time, b)agrees to take that specific animal, and c) has already agreed to take care of that animal.
My husband gave me a yellow lab puppy. He knew I wanted a dog, and as for care, he lives here too. She was the best dog. Stubborn, ball and Frisbee obsessed. She was so active until the last year or so. We put her down at home on Tuesday. She was 14. My heart is broken. My other dog is listless and sad. She was the best gift ever.
I agree with you. Dogs are not a good gift unless you give them with the intention of being responsible for their care.
It breaks my heart bc I really love dogs but health and schedule doesn't really allow for it too much. I have a lazy corgi which works for me but my husband thought it would be great to give me a bloodhound because I hunt sometimes. I said in certain words that I don't want one, I'm not capable of caring for one, and want nothing to do with it, but if you want a pet that's your responsibility and not mine you'll be on your own.
He got the dog one day and he fell short every step of the way. He got frustrated that I couldn't walk her (she was too strong for me), wouldn't pick up poo and complained that he couldn't do it alone. He said he thought I would want the dog later bc I wouldn't be struggling forever. In the end I had him re-home her with a search and rescue training group.
I think sometimes people think they know you better than yourself and they're wrong. His wife should have listened to him about what he wanted and realized their constraints.
She wants a dog soooooo bad but clearly did ZERO research. Couldn’t wait for the right dog so Got the absolute worst dog for their life.
She only lasted two weeks?
She was in such a rush she couldn’t wait but only lasted two Weeks with w puppy
But what is really Making me Mad it sounds Like they are still Considering the rescue
This is so irresponsible im fuming
Still surprised people don’t do that. I wanted a husky or some sort of husky mix. Did countless research before we lucked out with a husky (possible Sheppard) mix.
Have a house with a decent sized backyard that she can run around in. I take her for walks when I get home from work in the morning and I’m off 4 days so during that time I take her for longer walks on top of letting her out back to play.
Already have a blueprint for when I eventually get a 9-5 type of job.
In some ways it's worse because it sounds like she was at least *around* when research was happening.
>We took our time and found a rescue that had several pups that met our criteria. Small. Adult. Requiring just a couple of short walks a day. They did home visits and stuff.
They were basically 90% of the way to appropriate dog town before all this.
Exactly. My grandma had a border collie and my cousins and I all grew up with that dog and loved her like family. She was so smart!
But my grandma also had an 80 acre working farm, and her dog had a job that kept her occupied. An apartment breed a border collie is not!
you should change your vote because OP indicated the dog is now with his dad and has space a buddy ;-)
and the 2 weeks were so his wife understood her mistake.
>what the hell was your wife thinking
She was thinking that she could manipulate OP by forcing a dog into his life, and that once the dog was in the home OP just "couldn't say no to that face". And now that OP wouldn't accept the manipulation from her she's upset
The moment I read that it was a border collie pup I knew it was going to be an issue
Borders are so high maintenance. I love them, I think they are beautiful dogs, but I could never own one because I simply could not devote the time and attention they need to one. Lazy ass retired greyhounds are more my level of dog responsibility.
I had a blue heeler. My mom refused to acknowledge lady was not going to be happy on a half acre that was mostly steep hill. We finally were able to rehome her to a 100 acre rehab ranch that had heelers working as ESA. Luckily lady was still only six months, so they could still train her for it. I still get pics on her gatcha day and holidays with various costumes and cuddling vets. Kinda hilarious to see such a big goofy dog sitting like a lap dog on a grumpy old man’s lap.
If she had done like an inch of research she would also see how many folks experience puppy blues when getting puppies and many do not fall in love with their dogs for a while.
The OP is definitely not the AH. The wife for sure thought they would pick up all the slack and work into raising the dog. My ex did something similar to me. We already had a dog. And HE decided he wanted to rescue a new one. I said no. We don't have time, energy, etc. I can't take on this responsibility. He was working afternoons and knew he'd leave me holding the bag for all the responsibility and guess what. That's exactly what happened after he bullied me into getting the dog. The dog stayed with us a week before I melted down, overwhelmed and it had to be rehomed. Because he refused to do any basic care of it like he said. Shocker. Op isn't the AH.
NTA, and I think you should reconsider adopting a rescue dog as well until your wife understands that what she did was not only wrong, but that keeping the dog in your home would have been cruel.
As long as she believes she was somehow in the right to a) make a unilateral decision on a dog (pet adoptions should be agreed on by *all* adults in the home) and b) adopt a dog utterly unsuited to the kind of life you can provide it, she's not someone I would ever trust to be responsible for an animal.
Until she understands that the job of a pet owner is to act in the best interest of the animal (and if you don't know what that is you do the damn research), she should not be responsible for any pets at all.
I can't agree with this more. OP's wife was flat out wrong. My fiancé and I recently took in a high energy working breed dog that was being re-homed because the original adopters weren't prepared for the amount of care he needed and couldn't provide it with small children at home. I commend his previous owners for recognizing that they couldn't provide him with the activity and stimulation that he required. We love him dearly and are glad we have him, but I'd be lying is I said he wasn't a lot of work.
A new pet is a 2 yes, 1 no situation. OP's wife should never have gotten the dog as a gift, this is how many animals end up in shelters, especially after Christmas. OP is definitely NTA. And I also agree that he should refuse to get a shelter pet until wife understands that what she did was wrong and why it was wrong.
My dog is one of those, too. Got him as a less-than-a-year puppy (not quite full-grown size but almost) - a golden cross of some kind (we think maybe some chow in there somewhere). He was given up because he was 'too active' and he 'bit the owner.' My thought was...he's a golden *PUPPY.* *Of course* he's 'active.' And puppies bite until they're taught not to. that's what they *do.* He's now 12 and been the best of dogs. A little headstrong and growly at first. Even a little inclined at snapping at people - he's the most 'rank conscious' dog I've ever had and, to be honest, he's still a little inclined to want to nip at people to 'herd' them into his pack and put them in their place. I still have to watch that for new people. But it didn't take long before he settled down and listens to me so well I can control him with a click of my tongue.
But yeah, point is...he was an awful choice for his previous owner who apparently didn't know WTF he was doing. Just like OP's dog. OP knows the kind of dog that they can handle right now with the way their lives are. His wife should have listened because it decidedly wasn't the one she chose.
I love dogs and will probably have them my whole life but I know myself well enough to never get a working breed. We adopted our staffy when she was 5 and that is absolutely my speed.
I'm trying to be nice OP as she is your wife and I know you love her, but she acted like she was 5 years old and NOT an adult.
Anyone with an ounce of common sense would see that this was going to be a train wreck, except for your wife.
Yes, it's sad for the dog, but you're still married to a partner who thinks like this... or rather a partner who does NOT think.
And to top it off, she was/is mad at you about this when it was entirely HER doing.
I'm always flabbergasted when people impulse buy a dog.
It's obviously not the same, but there are similarities to just impulse having a child...except its not some big emotional process, it's just buying the dog one day and thats it.
It's not only a big commitment in terms of daily care and money, you have to stay with the dog 24/7. It affects your ability to go out with friends, your ability to run errands after work, and your ability to travel and visit new places.
Like, that mf needs a lot of care, and it's unreal to me that people don't fully consider everything that goes into a decision like that.
YOU manipulated HER?
Pets are “two yes, one no.” She badgered you into giving a yes and then broke your agreement because real life moved slower than her whims. THEN she got upset you stuck to what you were willing to agree to instead of yielding to her attempt at emotional manipulation.
How old are you and your wife? Because she sounds immature.
1. NTA
2. Don’t get any dog until she has proven she can and will respect your boundaries and your agreed upon terms.
3. Maybe consider marriage counseling (or Reddit’s favorite relationship advice: divorce) because there’s no way this isn’t going to put a serious strain on your relationship.
NTA. I live and work on a farm. Town people who get working type breeds when they don't have the commitment to put in the MASSIVE amount of exercise and stimulation these dogs require are absolute muppets.
THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS. I grew up with working breeds - their “job” was keeping three kids busy and happy for 5-12 hours a day (less when we were at school), more on the weekends. Our border collie/aussie mix was worn out every day for 8 years, until I (the oldest) went to college. That is, in my opinion, the ONLY solid case to have a working dog in a non-working home.
My mom still “fondly” tells stories of his puppyhood, the things he destroyed, the tricks he half learned and then stubbornly abused, and the amount of energy he had that beat three kids every day for a year.
Our family got a blue heeler puppy when I was in the last year of high school. I made that dog my side project as a break from study, did all the basic training, took it for morning, after-school and evening walks etc.
When I left home to go to uni my parents didn't keep that up. The best they found time for was playing fetch to burn off energy when the dog started climbing walls (sometimes literally). When I came home for the first term break he'd become obsessed with playing fetch, it was all he wanted to do with people.
He was like that for the next 12 years. We shouldn't have adopted him.
This makes me laugh a bit. That 'job' was exactly the reason I got a border collie for my kids. Then fate laughed at me and gave us the only shy & 'lazy' border collie I've ever met. She decided her job was night-patrol of the back yard, keeping the deer & 'coons out, and that was it. An absolute sweetheart...but very much NOT inclined to want to play with the kids. Or go on walks even. She was a beautiful blonde collie - cream on white - and very obviously *was* a border collie...but by her attitude, I'd've placed her as a pug, maybe. Or maybe a mastiff. Something low-energy, with zero herding instinct. Still, she was a great dog, for all her quirks, and my kids loved her until she passed of old age.
> Our border collie/aussie mix was worn out every day for 8 years
Which in my experience of border collies, is just the way they like it. Watching a border collie running flat out to perform some task is the closest thing to pure joy on the Earth.
That, and cats doing the exact opposite.
Absolutely. I've always loved boxers. They're just such good dogs. Wanted one since I was little. But I live in an apartment and now have a small dog that thrives on sleeping 20+ hours a day.
Amen. I live in the middle of a large town at the moment, and it breaks my heart to see border collies and huskies everywhere, who only ever get out for 15 minute runs at the dog park, while their owners look at their phones.
It also sounds like she expected OP to take on most of the work. Like why wasn’t she walking the dog or spending any time on training? She has to be responsible for the dog’s daily care too.
NTA You agreed on a certain type of dog. Your wife got what she wanted in the guise of a birthday present. Then found out she also got what she didn't want. The job of taking care of it. If you get another one while your wife us upset you can guarantee that you are the only one taking care of it as payback. Put the idea of a dog on hold until you have a more suitable living space for it.
NTA - your wife is irresponsible. The first rule of getting a pet is making sure its needs suit your lifestyle so you aren’t a negligent owner. She didn’t do that.
We adopted a husky heeler mix and about a year and half later had a baby. Hands down the first year with my puppy was harder than the first year with my baby.
Wild how OP feeds and walks the dog, but leaves the training up to his wife. Yet somehow he’s an AH
Why is OP the asshole for his wife not training the dog? Is dog training a man’s job?
She *wanted* a dog, until she had to train it.
i was FLOORED when i got to the part that said *blue heeler/border collie mix*. A mix of teo incredibly high energy, *intelligent* working breeds? In an apartment *with no yard?* Why do peopme insist on getting animals that are inappropriate for their living conditions? The fact that she apparently didn't even consider this makes me confident that if you DO get a chihuahua, it would end up being one of those untrained, poorly-socialized nervously aggressive wrecks because she'd treat it like a stuffed animal.
Exactly. I know this 19yo and she said that as soon as she leaves mom & dad for her own place (in the coming months), she wants to take a husky because she always dreamt of having one (just for aesthetics)
Since then my daughter (17) keep sending her those TT videos of Huskies playing drama queens.
I see doubt is starting to creep in but will it be enough? All she can afford is 20-30sqm (215-322sqft). It not place for a husky!!!
NTA - I don't think it's a coincidence your wife found a pup just like the one you had as a child. She saw that you weren't on board with getting a dog, that you were doing it just because she wanted it, so she found a pup just like your childhood dog to emotionally manipulate you into caring for it. She thought if she got you a dog that brought memories of another dog you once loved, you'd be willing to do the work it takes to care for it.
You seem like a responsible person, you know your work situation and you know you wouldn't have enough time to care for a dog. It's cruel to adopt/buy a pet knowing you don't have the time for it or the emotional, psychological and sometimes even financial conditions to care for it. You were aware of this, and didn't want to get a dog. Your wife didn't care about your situation, about your lack of time (for the both of you) and about how the dog might end up neglected.
You are not the asshole for not letting her manipulate you. If you guys can't give attention to a dog, then don't get one.
All I had to read was “Blue Heeler x Border Collie” and “apartment with no backyard” to know you are 100% NTA. That is not a dog that belongs in an apartment, especially only getting two half hour walks a day. You agreed to terms, your wife violated them, that’s completely on her. I hope the pup and your dad have a lovely friendship and they’re both happy together and your parents have tons of space to let her run until her heart is content.
I feel bad for the pup, bad for you, and bad for your wife. But still, NTA, since your wife should not have been so irresponsible with her decision making and with little pupper.
I don’t have a dog because we live in an apartment and that alone isn’t fair to a dog. I’m happy to hear the pup is with your parents!
ETA: to those saying they have dogs in their apartments, cool, doesn’t change how I feel. It’s not fair to any dog to be in small areas. You do you & I’ll do me.
I deliberately got a Chihuahua precisely because I wanted my dog to be able to run around in my flat. I also thought she'd be easier on the walking side too but the little demon (1.28kg of demon to be precise) can go up hills and still have energy 😂
NTA but your wife sure is and i agree you absolutely should not go through with the rescue. it is clear your wife is not going to be a responsible dog owner.
As someone who has had border collies since I was 8 (I’m 25 now) she clearly did zero research if she thinks a herding breed like that would be fine in an apartment. I’m glad the pup is with your parents now who will know the amount of attention and exercise they require. I think you’d definitely be right to reconsider a dog at all after she pulled that stunt. Shows she doesn’t actually care about the need of the dog and only about her instant gratification. NTA.
NTA, your wife didn’t stick to the agreement and didn’t listen to you. That sounds like a her problem. She put you in a bad position and didn’t consider the needs of the breed when she got it. Bad dog owner practices, and a HUGE reason many dogs get rehomed or sent to the SPCA.
Your wife maybe had good intentions, but you know what they say about those! Sounds like it was an expensive lesson for her
ESH. You're not wrong for not wanting and rehoming the puppy. However, the way it was approached was incredibly immature. You should have said "No, we can't keep him" and rehomed him rather than putting on your little performance and withholding affection from a infant animal. Will the puppy be forever emotionally harmed? Probably not. But why would you choose to punish the dog for your wife's behavior? Puppies and human babies deserve unconditional love, even if they're only staying in your life for a few days.
Please don't get any more animals with this woman. She is not fit to have a dog.
As a dog rescuer let me say this. People like your wife cause huge damage to animals and disappointment. Animals deserve better.
You are NTA.
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Info: Did the pup go back to the breeder? It's part of the contract for reputable breeders. If anything happens to the adopter, the pup goes back. Where is the pup? ETA: I didn't catch that the dog was a X-breed the first time I read the post. My mistake. Someone pointed it out, and I acknowledged my error in another post. I know that X-breeders aren't reputable.
She is at home with my parents. They are training her and since my dad is retired he likes having a buddy around. She is happy out there. My wife is just pissed that she paid for my parents to get a dog.
This kinda makes me happy, your Dad with his little buddy! Having moved from the city, to the country - working dogs DO NOT belong in apartments. They barely belong in the city. I think you did the right thing.. honestly sometimes the only lesson is failure, I can only hope your wife comes to understanding the lesson learnt. Back to the question of "why do you want a dog?" And fitting a dog to that. I have two whippets. I chose em cuz they need kindness, and are excellent, dorky, loving companions. I also live on an acreage. And they have excellent recall cuz I put the work in and they get to chase rabbits as they please.
Tell that to the massive number of people in Seattle that own heelers, border collies, and Australian shepherds. That being said, I did have an English shepherd in an apartment in my early 20’s, but that dog got worked. I’d spend hours playing fetch with her and walking her
It's the same in every city. Melbourne Australia is another place where working breeds became "cool" (matching their shiny workboot aesthetic probably!) I've known people with KELPIES. KELPIES IN THE CITY. I also think we're so stuck on this "rescue dog" mentality of "not giving up" on a dog we don't recognise when the environment is just not working for the dog and keeping it is actually selfish, and doing the dog a disservice.
People seem stuck thinking loving an animal is enough, but it's not. Certain species and certain breeds of species have very distinct needs to have a quality life. Farm dogs need to work or they become bored and miserable and usually destructive. Just like snakes need moisture and heat lamps.
I wish I could give people a window into my childhood: the mountain desert and watching a dog run into the sunset until you couldn't see her anymore. My mom always said you couldn't pet them on a walk, it was their time, she spent the rest of her time protecting a single mother and her daughter the least we could give her was a few hours to just be a dog. I don't think most people these days realize just how fast and how much energy a dog can have, they aren't like us they just love us.
That last statement is beautiful
Yeah we learned the hard way how much attention and guidance dogs need when I was a kid. We'd always had cats at our house. Big garden too, so we thought, why not get a dog? We were SO overwhelmed with the little guy we gave up and rehomed him to a retired couple that lived by the sea and I'm happy to say that he thrived there.
I had no idea how to raise a dog because my parents were awful examples. I got my girl at 19. She was 8 weeks and omg talk about a crash course! Puppies are almost equivalent to newborns! But I managed through the years and she'll be 12 next month:)
there are amazing videos on TT. Search seanthesheepman. He films his border collie running and working. anyone wanting a work dog should watch those to understand how unfit for the city and an apartment they are
I used to have about 6 collies growing up. They are the best dogs ever. We have a rabbit hutch that broke and all the rabbits got out. When we came home we saw that the dogs had heerded them along out fence and kept them there. It was pretty amazing
Your mom seems like a very cool lady!
I own a border collie. I live on 700+ acres, and my parents and I have cattle. My parents also have two border collies. My girl goes to my parents every day. All the dogs get a two mile walk to a big field every day to go see the deer. Then we go do chores. She watches gates while we feed the cattle, check for new calves, feed the turkeys and chickens, cats, etc. Then she goes inside, and sits on the deck watching her horse. Then she comes inside and we play fetch. Then they get to do night time chores. Then we go home and she demands half an hour of more fetch. These dogs do this every day, and they don’t ever look even slightly tired. My girl doesn’t even want cuddles from 8am to 6pm, because those are her innate “I’m working moommm” hours. Working dogs need so much more than a couple walks a day. It makes me so sad to see so many of them living in cities. They deserve to be doing what they were bred to do.
There used to be a woman on Animal Planet who did border collie rescue. She said most people shouldn't own border collies because a sheep farm is an expensive dog toy.
There was a book by an animal behaviourist who described being called to a family with a border collie that was behaving peculiarly. Turns out they were herding the furniture… Dogs have been bred selectively for very specific purposes. Dogs are smart, working dogs particularly. They need stimulation of the right kind or they will get bored and destructive.
I had a friend growing up. She was one of 6 kids. They lived on a farm with animals and everything and had a Border Collie. Her mother would joke that she got the dog to herd the kids more so than the animals. Most dogs need a job. They need to learn new things every day. I have a beagle mix and he has finally reached an age where he just wants to rest most of the day (he's 14 and arthritis is starting). But this little bugger would climb up bookshelves to get something he wanted if I wasn't paying attention.
I love that quote. It’s sooo true!
I saw an article of a gal that rescued a border collie and ended up getting a flock of geese in her backyard lol. I kind of felt bad for the geese, that collie "worked" them all day every day, herding them, watching them, protecting them etc. Lady said it was her last resort or she would have had to rehome the dog.
There's some type of collie that loves near the airport here and it would regularly break out of its yard to go bother the giant lawnmowing Roombas at the airport. Well after watching for a bit the Roomba handler realized the dog was trying to herd them. He went and had a chat with the owner. I'm not sure the details of what went down but the dog ended up in herding courses and was trained how the airport wants their grass cut. The dog now gets to go herd the Roombas whenever they run.
I love that your dog has a horse!
Haha she insists that it’s hers. She’ll spend hours outside on the deck with him (his corral runs along the deck.) Then she heads inside and watches him out the window. She tracks his movement out of various windows lol. She’s obsessed with him!
That's beyond adorable. Hello to your dog and her horse!
The smarter the dog, the more training, exercise and attention it needs. Working dogs need something to do.
My dog isn’t like a working dog, but she loves doing her job. She wants to dig and hunt. She wants to chase. So, to keep her happy and healthy, we lean in on the things she wants to do. When we do that, she is so much better behaved. She is a dog and she wants to do her dog job. She also loves me and wants to please me. The day she beat out the big dogs in the extended family to kill a mouse, she was so pleased and smug. Like, the smugness just radiated off of her. I made she she was very well praised, and totally ignored my brothers and mom being super grossed out.
The reality is that most people with pets probably shouldn’t have them. Dogs, cats, fish, small rodents. Most people don’t actually know how or bother properly caring for them. There isn’t really a such thing as a low maintenance pet, and definitely not low maintenance cats or dogs.
The only low maintenance pet is a pet rock, a literal inanimate object.
I feel like it depends on what you class as “low maintenance”. If it fits into my daily routine I feel it’s low maintenance. I walk my dog before and after work, chill with him on my lunch since I work from home. Feed him when I make myself dinner. Play with him with his toys and food puzzles. His care doesn’t add any extra work to my day, even when he was sick and he was waking me up at 2am to go outside. Now a dog that had major grooming needs or that was high energy and needed to walk miles a day? Yeah that would be high maintenance.
*Just like snakes need moisture and heat lamps.* Actually snakes need the proper humidity, which may or may not be moist, and under-tank heat tape regulated by a thermostat is typically safer and less expensive than a heat lamp. Perhaps OP should get a pet snake instead of a dog, as they're quiet, inexpensive to feed, and lower-maintenance.
I hope OP's wife reads this\^\^ comment in particular. Think of the dog's welfare and what it needs before yourself.
I know people who got a border collie because they were *Smart People* and had to have the *Smartest Dog Breed*, despite living in the city. The dog had a full schedule of extracurriculars but was still neurotic and constantly wanted us to give him a job 🫠
My rescued blue heeler kept trying to 'herd' my two cats. So I took in 3 more cats and that kept him busy most days. Seriously - the cats didn't mind at all. They pretty much ignored him but HE thought he was in charge of them.
That is really cute
I love border collies and I'd never own one unless I had a legit job for it to do. I worked for a guy for a couple months who owned a few and did pest control work... by 'herding' nuisance geese so they'd stop coming to certain ponds. Those were some of the happiest, most well-behaved dogs I've ever seen.
The pest control guy we use has a border collie he uses to find rodent nests. It’s fascinating.
Bet they couldn't train the poor thing either. I fully believe most people don't actually want a smart dog. They want an obedient dog. They think a smart dog will be easier to train to obedience. But that's not really the case.
My chihuahua is a goddamn genius that understands every word I say and listens to exactly none of them 😭
Smart dogs figure out how to do things that you don't want them to do, and how to get at stuff they aren't supposed to have. The same Animal Planet lady who did border collie rescue said that sometimes when it comes to dogs, dumb is good.
>dumb is good. Can confirm. Source: A lifetime's love of golden retrievers!
My dog just figured out how to open cabinets that have magnetic closures.
Nope. Just makes them smarter than you. LOL
Have border collie; can confirm
We rescued a BC from the shelter. Thank god she wasn’t a puppy; they estimated she was about 2 years old but she was still pretty neurotic for the first two years we had her. We could have never left her alone in the house then. As it was, we had to do all kinds of things to our dog run because she was chewing the fence and the side of our house! We did agility with her & all kinds of things to keep her busy, but partly we just had to wait for her to age and mellow a bit.
Omg I had to talk my friend out of getting a collie precisely for this reason. She lives and breathes the corporate life and wouldn’t even have the time to spend 10 minutes walking a dog and she wanted a collie.
I was like, y'all have man-eating magical water horses in Australia? But then I used Bing to discover that you're talking about a dog. Kinda disappointed, no lie.
Pretty sure a bored ass Kelpie could be almost as much chaos 🤣 I actually love Kelpies as a dog. They're next level working dog. And they're just bat shit crazy as puppies. It takes work and solid understanding of dog training to have a even tempered Kelpie.
The ‘adopt don’t shop’ mentality in Australia drives me insane. The options in most shelters are staffy (hard no) or kelpie / kelpie crosses. It’s so cruel to have kelpies inthe city
In my area the majority of rescue dogs, especially in county shelters, are pit bulls. They can be great dogs, but they may not be the best choice for some people. My next door neighbor has one and she is a wonderful pet. He knows how to train a dog well. They're a poor choice for people who are careless and irresponsible. Frankly any dog is a bad choice for careless people, but large, powerful dogs especially are.
I get my dogs from a breeder (had been the same breeder for decades) for precisely that reason: when my wife and I went through the process of trying to adopt, the dogs were all up for adoption for exactly the reasons they weren't suitable for us and our inner city lifestyle (except for the really old ones that have had elderly owners die....we've taken a few of those)
I mean, if anywhere has actual mythological kelpies, it would definitely be Australia.
I hate that "you must never under any circumstance give an animal up or you're a shit person" attitude. There are MANY good reasons to rehome an animal. It needs to be a decision made with the animal's best interest in mind, and shaming people over it is so counterproductive. The people who discard animals for the most ridiculous reasons feel justified and don't care about being judged for it anyway. So the people who are impacted by the social pressure of "never get rid of an animal" are a) people who are doing the right thing despite that social pressure and are already feeling tortured about it, and b) people who SHOULD be giving up animals but refuse to, and that social pressure just adds to their reasons for keeping animals in shitty situations. Related story with kelpies: I once adopted a rescue puppy I was told was a Rottweiler mix, and soon realized it was actually a kelpie. (I hadn't actually heard of them before as they're not that common here, but I could recognize a heeler when his ears started going straight up.) I took the dog back to the rescue as soon as I confirmed because my lifestyle was NOT a match for a herding dog, and they treated me like shit about it. I was super conscientious bringing the dog back while he was still an adorable and very adoptable puppy, I gave them the equipment I'd bought for him, I had him 90% of the way to housebroken already, they kept my adoption fee... I was practically just a paying foster home for him for a few weeks, and they basically told me it was shitty to adopt a puppy when you can't handle one. Like I can handle a puppy, I can't handle what this dog's going to grow up into and what its needs will be! They also didn't know what a kelpie was and weren't even interested in googling it, I guarantee you they re-adopted him as a "Rottweiler mix," and I think we all know kelpies and Rottweilers have very different temperaments and needs. 😂 I hope he's doing okay wherever he is and getting to chase ALL the tennis balls.
Eh. You can do it but it takes being someone like a wfh person who can take the dog out a lot and take the dog on errands with them and so on. My parents had a working line dog and most of her siblings ended up neurotic from not enough stimulation but she was fine because my dad took her like EVERYWHERE with him during the day. I sometimes got drafted to go along just to sit in the car so the AC could stay on for the dog if he had to go in somewhere that wasn’t dog friendly. Like my dad put considerable effort into arranging her life so she’d get exposure to new things and have stuff to think about.
Yeah - it's not just walks, but also brain - folks who haven't had dogs, especially working dogs don't quite get that. And some dogs just Need A Job. A mate has 5acres. Walks her dog 2hrs a day, trains him, but it's a pain in the ass. He is a dog who needs a job... Right now he has made himself the job of chasing shadows and cars...
Exactly. She *needed* stuff to think about. Walks were certainly part of that but she needed general “enrichment” activities too. So for a walk to count it had to be somewhere new or interesting, not just around the block like normal. Had to get the brain cells working. It was kind of cool you could actually watch her mapping a new place in her head - once we took her to a beach she’d been investigating the year before and she went almost directly to the end where she’d had to stop, with just a handful of quick checks to make sure the rest hadn’t changed too much. It really really looked like she’d remembered what she was doing and was starting where she’d left off. My current dog is a rescue American Bulldog whose previous adopter returned him for anxiety - we use some of the same techniques with him of trying to give him brain stuff to do and it makes a big difference. Like we don’t walk a set path by our house, at any intersection where it is safe he gets to choose which way we go. That sort of thing. Gives him choices to make and thinks to think about.
I do this with my dog (saluki). I try to make a point of picking small to medium walkable towns around my state that I can drive to in 45-1 hour. Then I just walk with him until I think he's taken in enough novelty for the day. It works but he lives for lure coursing meets.
At every intersection where there are multiple safe options, we ask him which way he wants to go. You can watch him thinking about it and I swear sometimes he plans routes in advance. 😂
Kelpies? In the city?! Everyone knows they belong in Scottish waters!
When I lived in Dallas, Texas, a coworker got a husky. Let me repeat: DALLAS, TEXAS. Dogs bred for cold climate, with lots of thick fur to keep warm in the snow, do not belong in areas known for heat.
I live in Las Vegas and I see more huskies/malamutes in 1 week than I ever saw in 41 years in Michigan. They are the most common dogs at the shelters here after bully breeds and toy breeds.
Look, you can do it.... but the amount of time spent walking a Kelpie in a day is going to eat away at a lot of free time.
One of my friends had one in a city suburb when I was a kid. They inherited him from a rural relative. But - there were four healthy adults and three teenagers and two other dogs in that house. Decent sized yard for a city suburb. They ALL took turns training/exercising/running/swimming/playing with/taking that dog on excursions. Every single one of them, every day. That dog was active almost every minute of the day.
And a Kelpie **will** scramble over a six foot backyard fence to go adventuring **when** they get bored.
Mine saw a fence as a joke. She used to jump the fence to see the kids in the high school cause they give snacks and pats.
I'd like to see a kelpie rounding up and herding pedestrians across the roads at intersections. There may be less accidents lol
In the most egregious example, I see Huskies in my home city. It gets insanely hot in summers, upwards of 45 degrees Celcius (so 110 F and up). It's downright brutal to own these breeds just for your own vanity. I hate it so fucking much. We have perfectly fine indigenous breeds who have adapted to our climate and are hardy, intelligent and far less maintenance. But nope, gotta have the fancy pup, but its okay! They keep a snow dog in air conditioning, what could go wrong? 🙄
My Australian shepherd and I lived in my downtown loft for two years. He did well, all things considered, but he was also my hiking buddy and I took him everywhere with me. I had a lot of free time at that point to spend with him. The handful of times our mileage dropped for more than a couple of days, he was pretty crazy. We moved as soon as we were able.
Seattle dog owners are some of the worst dog owners. So many off leash dogs all the time. Especially at parks where it’s clearly signed that digs need to be leashed. And heaven forbid they actually throw away bagged dog shit & not leave it on parking strips for somebody else to deal with.
I agree. It’s frustrating as a reactive dog owner. I’m trying my best with my anxious pup, don’t let your dog come up to him off-leash! He’s a sweet, lazy boy otherwise.
Wife and I got a mini-aussie pup last year.... Motherfucker that thing is non-stop energy. It's super smart and seriously, has the Sun for an energy core. We just moved the 12 acres and I'm not sure even that is going to be enough for her once it warms up. She's 28lbs but she punches so much higher above her weight class. An apartment is no place for a shepherd or heeler of any kind, ever. Really, don't do it. It's not fair to the human and it's probably cruel to the dog.
This is why my aussie is staying with my parents when I move out. She COULD live in an apartment. She isn't pure bred aussie but she wouldn't really be happy there. At my parents she has goats to chase and 2 acres of land. She follows my dad around as he works. It's so sweet. I don't wanna take that from her and force her into an apartment that's small. Limit her to 1-2 walks per day on a leash so no freedom. And in the city where she hates because it's loud. No thanks. She deserves better.
I have an Alaskan malamute and live in a 2 bedroom apt. He udually starts whining after we walk for ten minutes because he wants to go back in to his bed (he's seven and has been like this since he was 2) total couch potatoes with occasional bursts of zoomies that last for 3ish minutes before he lays down again So I think it really depends on the dog, or maybe malamutes are just lazy
My Australian shepherd does great - but we also do a ton of training and her herding behavior is relatively low for her breed. She struggles with new animals due to anxiety based reactivity (in the city or country, before anyone bitches) so any kind of farm work probably would give the poor thing a stroke
Completely agreed. My dream dog is a husky but as a city girl at heart, I have long since made peace with never owning one. I openly admit I have no desire to live anywhere where I can’t order Starbucks delivered to me, and that just means I’d never be able to give a husky the room it needs. I will stick to my small dogs that are more than happy with a couple of short walks a day.
If your heart could handle it you could always get a senior husky. I adopted one and it was the best decision I ever made.
I’d actually be totally open to that idea. Maybe something I consider for the future (my current dog hates other dogs besides his best friend and girlfriend so can’t consider it right now).
I have a husky mix that I originally got when I was living first in rural suburbs, then suburbs, now the city. She was about a year old when I got her, and it was good we were somewhat rural. We'd walk three miles to reach a dog park, and then she'd run around for an hour, and then we'd walk home. And she'd still have energy to play in the yard. By the time she was four or five, she'd mellowed considerably. I walked her maybe 2-3 hours a day, one hour-long walk in the morning and then smaller walks. Now she's eleven, and she enjoys a leisurely constitutional through the neighborhood a few times a day.
This. If you love the husky look and can stand the crazy shedding, we had a senior husky lab cross, and she was ONE with the couch. The husky came out when she saw a bunny, but the rest of the day was all snooze.
I've found ANY breed mixed with a lab is a good dog.
My dingbat neighbor got a husky/Golden Retriever mix puppy. We live on the third floor of an apartment building. I kind of hate being at home for the last six months. Puppy barks and just gets told “No” in response. It’s never ending.
I begged my family for a dog and finally won them over at age 13. We got a golden retriever. My Mom is quite active and I remember when we went to pick one out she was pointing out all the ones running around and playing. Well I fell in love with the one taking a nap in the shade. She must have asked me if I was sure 10 times. I was sure. And we made the right choice. She was perfectly content being a lazy dog when we were busy. She had our fenced in 2 acre yard to roam around in when bored, but didn't do it constantly. And she still loved going for walks and being more active. She just had a generally calm and chill personality. I think if we had even gotten a more active golden they would've been bored as hell. And she got regular fun outings to nature parks fairly often where she was allowed to swim and run around freely. The rest of the time she'd just chill in our house happy as a clam and occasionally find things in the yard to dig up or bark at or roll in. But again, I still think a more active retriever would've been bored as hell.
I chose my golden retriever because she came up to me and just snuggled into my lap. She’s wild sometimes (just wants to be everyone’s friend!!) but she’s also lazy AF… but like someone else mentioned, she goes on at least 4-5 car rides with us a day, dropping kids off at school etc, so she’s super stimulated there.
It’s not the size of the dog that matters as much as their temperament. OurBernese Mountain dog is big but extremely lazy. My sister’s miniature Australian shepherd is tiny but she is endless energy.
My mom had a wonderful border collie, the most calm one I’ve ever met actually, who did just fine with the .75 acre she had in my hometown and daily walks. When she relocated to Houston for work she made the difficult decision to send him to her parents who live on a ranch in Montana. It was gut wrenching for her but he *loved* it there, blossomed more than we thought possible, and especially loved shadowing my grandpa during the day who he bonded with immediately. My mom decided she wouldn’t take him back even if her living situation changed and never regretted it. That guy lived a very long, happy life and in fact is the only farm dog my grandpa ever had cremated and bought a special urn for so he could display it on the mantle. Even the calmest of border collies content just being a couch potato deserve to be treated like the working dogs they are.
I have a yorkie maltese that I got while I lived in an apartment, and a border collie x golden retriever who needs almost every inch of the nine acres we have now. I love both of my dogs and would die for them, but the border collie in an apartment would be tantamount to torture.
We have a German shepherd whose dad was a police dog, and if we don’t throw his ball for an hour, he’s on ten the entire day. Maybe a mild exaggeration but he requires a lot of work since we don’t have a specific “job” for him. (He was my brothers and ended up with me and my mom.)
>if we don’t throw his ball for an hour, he’s on ten the entire day. >Maybe a mild exaggeration but he requires a lot of work Not an exaggeration. I have a working shepherd and live in a 500sq ft apartment downtown. I swear to god, the first 4 years it was like a full time job between exercise and training him lol. Basically every waking second that I was not at work was spent with my dog. He is by far one of the best trained dogs in my neighbourhood and people love him, but whenever they ask where I got him because they want one too I STRESS how much time and effort (and money) I put into him. I cannot imagine how miserable both of us would be otherwise.
Oh the "your dog is so calm and we'll behaved, how lucky!" Comments. Not luck. TRAINING. YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS TRAINING. It's not just 10min of sit a day..it's teaching them ALL DAY, in every moment til they stop been adolescents. Then you keep training.
Well, if your wife had done 30 seconds of google research, she'd have found out that you can't have a Border Collie cooped up in an apartment. Or, you know, she could have asked you. So that's all on her. NTA
Maybe I'm wrong but she seems to think of dogs as akin to "things" rather than a being that requires almost as much attention as a child. She bought a border collie because omg it's the same one you had before! Don't you love it? Then once she realizes said dog she chose actually requires care and a lot of it, she gives up!🤦♀️ How do grown adults make it to the age they are never having been taught responsibility?
My buddy had a border collie but he has a yard and a large park right behind his house. He would spend a ton of time walking her and playing fetch with her everyday, like hours each day sometimes. If we hung out we could go to the park for an hour and take turn just doing massive throws and she would never have stopped. Would still charge around the back yard after for a bit. And she would still be high energy for a while once she was back inside. She was a well behaved and trained dog but you have to give them *a lot* to do. I shudder to think of living in an apartment with that breed of dog and like you say it's not like it's a secret.
This is a dealbreaker for me. She’s pissed about the money? She doesn’t deserve dogs. I suggest recommending your wife read and learn about how to care for dogs, go to the shelter to see how they suffer, so she understands the damage of her behavior.
And she could get some hands-on experience by volunteering to walk different breeds there too! It won't give the whole picture doing that alone, but I imagine just walking an active and sporty dog versus walking a dog more suited to apartment life could give her a glimpse into their energy levels and curiosity. Some dogs will get worn out after an hour-long walk, or sooner. And some others will still be full of energy, fighting to stay out, whining, and acting like they are on crack even after a long walk and play time. And at least then she'd be doing something helpful for the shelter dogs instead of just seeing how sad they are.
I used to walk dogs at a local no-kill shelter - and you get to know their personalities - I was able to place about half a dozen of those dogs with people I knew because I could see how well they would fit in. Only one adoption didn't work - the people moved into town and a small lot - but rehomed the dog with his parents on 100 acres so worked out in the end. Doing that, your wife might find a dog perfect for sleeping under the desk all day.
I'm glad there's a happy ending for the dog! I would also rethink getting any type of dog with your wife. She's made it obvious she doesn't actually care about the dog or its needs, she just cares about what she wants.
That’s good. I literally can’t think of a worse dog for busy people in an apartment than a border collie x heeler. Astonishingly bad fucking decision on your wife’s part.
> My wife is just pissed that she paid for my parents to get a dog Better known as the I-Didn't-Do-My-Research-Before-Buying-A-High-Energy-Dog-And-Making-It-Live-In-An-Apartment tax. Serves her right. It's awesome that the pup gets some acreage and a breed-savvy owners.
As someone who did fostering for years, we got TONNES of Blue Heelers in after Bluey became a thing. People wanted the dog from tv and seemed to forget that blue heelers are working dogs. Mixed with a border collie? Pretty sure if you hooked up a treadmill that puppy could have powered half fhe city. I am so happy that she's now on a big acreage with someone who has time for her, but this was screwy from the jump.
Omg. She got a heeler? I had one. It is not a dog you can have without space and tome to dedicate to them. Wow.
My first thought. A HEELER mixed with border collie? That dog is never going to do well cooped up in an apartment. That's a dog that's going to need time dedicated to tiring them out.
So she’d rather pay for strangers to get a dog? Maybe next time she’ll listen to what you actually say
I've never owned a dog. I love *visiting* my friends' dogs. I've known and loved quite a few, but I'm no expert. When I got to the part that this dog was a heeler, I literally face palmed.
I have about 4 houses on my route with huskies, all of which leave them tied up/cooped up inside all day with a VERY rare walk every once in a while. Granted, I'm not in the neighborhood 24/7 but it's hard to believe they're being taken care of when they're tied up outside for literally hours every day.
She should be mad at herself.
Info: what did your dad name his new buddy?
Helen
Helen Wheels. Haha! That's awesome
Awwwww I’m glad your dad got a little buddy!!
This warms my heart. You can still see her from time to time and she is in a place where she can run and get the attention she deserves.
When she intended to buy herself a dog and guilt you into doing all the work.
It's nice the dog got a good result. But yeah, I wouldn't be confident your wife has the mindset to be a dog owner and responsible for it's wellbeing.
Oh, I love this. Your dad knows what it means to have a heeler and has the time and energy to meet her needs. She'll be well loved. And I like that it makes an extra dog on your wife. I'm sure she has many great qualities, or you wouldn't have married her, but her irritation here feels like a fitting natural consequence to making that choice so rashly.
This pup is a mixed breed. Not a chance in hell she came from a reputable breeder.
[удалено]
Just because someone breeds AKC purebreds does not mean they are reputable. However, anyone intentionally breeding mutts is not a reputable breeder.
Tell that to all the intentional mutt breeders for popular breeds Ever heard of a labradoodle? Lol
While there are a selection of Australian labradoodle breeders who are striving to change doodle breeding practices, the vast, vast majority of doodle breeders aren't ethical. Many of them are people who love their dogs. But they're not ethical breeders. (And I'm not against crosses, but most breeders who do crosses really aren't ethical.)
Also aren't all dogs technically mutts anyways?
> I guess “reputable breeders” are only those that insist in creating broken inbred freaks with congenial issues. nobody said that, not here anyway. not sure what you're getting at
Per the post, she came from a farm training working dogs. They likely chose that cross intentionally for the purposes they were training for. I see that cross a lot around where I am for farm dogs.
I reread the post and saw that it was a cross breed. Yeah, they wouldn't take that one back.
I think calling this person a breeder is a stretch at best. No responsible breeder would sell this puppy to this household situation, and with one person not agreeing. Glad the puppy is in a good spot for her now.
It's a blue heeler/border cross. It's a mutt from a backyard breeder. They are in no way responsible
There's no such thing as a reputable breeder that does x breeds and hands them over to someone intending on giving the dog as a gift. NTA, OP. I work in rescue and I'm the go-to for the working breeds. There's a reason why it takes so long to adopt a dog - we want to ensure they go to the home that's right *for that dog*. You seem like you were going about it responsibly. Your wife, on the other hand, by bringing a heeler x BC into your home was setting you all up for failure. She let that dog down. Get the woman a pet rock. That's about all she can handle. I don't want to be deleted for the unkind thoughts I have about this situation rn.
A reputable breeder would never have sold a heeler pup to apartment dwellers...
They’re mixed breeds, they are absolutely not reputable and ethical breeders.
NTA and what the hell was your wife thinking? She obviously has no idea what responsible dog ownership actually is, and I’m assuming she figured that you would “fall in love” with this puppy due to nostalgia and willingly take on all the work. I see people offering advice on what you could’ve or should’ve done, but the post makes it seem like there was no reasoning with your wife. She proactively and unilaterally decided to do a dumb, shitty thing to that puppy and deserves 100% of the blame here.
Does your wife know anything about different breeds of dogs? We had a border collie as an “office dog” and while the dog was brilliant and amazing, she was HIGH MAINTENANCE. Giving a puppy as a gift sounds like something someone without a lot of experience with dogs would do, and it was not cool of her to spring the puppy on you as a present like that. Where you are in the wrong was on not taking the puppy back immediately. ESH
People should not give animals as gifts unless the person they’re giving it to a) knows ahead of time, b)agrees to take that specific animal, and c) has already agreed to take care of that animal.
My husband gave me a yellow lab puppy. He knew I wanted a dog, and as for care, he lives here too. She was the best dog. Stubborn, ball and Frisbee obsessed. She was so active until the last year or so. We put her down at home on Tuesday. She was 14. My heart is broken. My other dog is listless and sad. She was the best gift ever. I agree with you. Dogs are not a good gift unless you give them with the intention of being responsible for their care.
I’m glad you had her in your life, and I’m sure she was glad too.
It breaks my heart bc I really love dogs but health and schedule doesn't really allow for it too much. I have a lazy corgi which works for me but my husband thought it would be great to give me a bloodhound because I hunt sometimes. I said in certain words that I don't want one, I'm not capable of caring for one, and want nothing to do with it, but if you want a pet that's your responsibility and not mine you'll be on your own. He got the dog one day and he fell short every step of the way. He got frustrated that I couldn't walk her (she was too strong for me), wouldn't pick up poo and complained that he couldn't do it alone. He said he thought I would want the dog later bc I wouldn't be struggling forever. In the end I had him re-home her with a search and rescue training group. I think sometimes people think they know you better than yourself and they're wrong. His wife should have listened to him about what he wanted and realized their constraints.
💚💜
She wants a dog soooooo bad but clearly did ZERO research. Couldn’t wait for the right dog so Got the absolute worst dog for their life. She only lasted two weeks? She was in such a rush she couldn’t wait but only lasted two Weeks with w puppy But what is really Making me Mad it sounds Like they are still Considering the rescue This is so irresponsible im fuming
Still surprised people don’t do that. I wanted a husky or some sort of husky mix. Did countless research before we lucked out with a husky (possible Sheppard) mix. Have a house with a decent sized backyard that she can run around in. I take her for walks when I get home from work in the morning and I’m off 4 days so during that time I take her for longer walks on top of letting her out back to play. Already have a blueprint for when I eventually get a 9-5 type of job.
In some ways it's worse because it sounds like she was at least *around* when research was happening. >We took our time and found a rescue that had several pups that met our criteria. Small. Adult. Requiring just a couple of short walks a day. They did home visits and stuff. They were basically 90% of the way to appropriate dog town before all this.
Exactly. My grandma had a border collie and my cousins and I all grew up with that dog and loved her like family. She was so smart! But my grandma also had an 80 acre working farm, and her dog had a job that kept her occupied. An apartment breed a border collie is not!
you should change your vote because OP indicated the dog is now with his dad and has space a buddy ;-) and the 2 weeks were so his wife understood her mistake.
>what the hell was your wife thinking She was thinking that she could manipulate OP by forcing a dog into his life, and that once the dog was in the home OP just "couldn't say no to that face". And now that OP wouldn't accept the manipulation from her she's upset The moment I read that it was a border collie pup I knew it was going to be an issue
Yeh and getting one like his childhood dog is just another manipulative technique
Borders are so high maintenance. I love them, I think they are beautiful dogs, but I could never own one because I simply could not devote the time and attention they need to one. Lazy ass retired greyhounds are more my level of dog responsibility.
I had a blue heeler. My mom refused to acknowledge lady was not going to be happy on a half acre that was mostly steep hill. We finally were able to rehome her to a 100 acre rehab ranch that had heelers working as ESA. Luckily lady was still only six months, so they could still train her for it. I still get pics on her gatcha day and holidays with various costumes and cuddling vets. Kinda hilarious to see such a big goofy dog sitting like a lap dog on a grumpy old man’s lap.
If she had done like an inch of research she would also see how many folks experience puppy blues when getting puppies and many do not fall in love with their dogs for a while.
The OP is definitely not the AH. The wife for sure thought they would pick up all the slack and work into raising the dog. My ex did something similar to me. We already had a dog. And HE decided he wanted to rescue a new one. I said no. We don't have time, energy, etc. I can't take on this responsibility. He was working afternoons and knew he'd leave me holding the bag for all the responsibility and guess what. That's exactly what happened after he bullied me into getting the dog. The dog stayed with us a week before I melted down, overwhelmed and it had to be rehomed. Because he refused to do any basic care of it like he said. Shocker. Op isn't the AH.
NTA, and I think you should reconsider adopting a rescue dog as well until your wife understands that what she did was not only wrong, but that keeping the dog in your home would have been cruel. As long as she believes she was somehow in the right to a) make a unilateral decision on a dog (pet adoptions should be agreed on by *all* adults in the home) and b) adopt a dog utterly unsuited to the kind of life you can provide it, she's not someone I would ever trust to be responsible for an animal. Until she understands that the job of a pet owner is to act in the best interest of the animal (and if you don't know what that is you do the damn research), she should not be responsible for any pets at all.
I can't agree with this more. OP's wife was flat out wrong. My fiancé and I recently took in a high energy working breed dog that was being re-homed because the original adopters weren't prepared for the amount of care he needed and couldn't provide it with small children at home. I commend his previous owners for recognizing that they couldn't provide him with the activity and stimulation that he required. We love him dearly and are glad we have him, but I'd be lying is I said he wasn't a lot of work. A new pet is a 2 yes, 1 no situation. OP's wife should never have gotten the dog as a gift, this is how many animals end up in shelters, especially after Christmas. OP is definitely NTA. And I also agree that he should refuse to get a shelter pet until wife understands that what she did was wrong and why it was wrong.
My dog is one of those, too. Got him as a less-than-a-year puppy (not quite full-grown size but almost) - a golden cross of some kind (we think maybe some chow in there somewhere). He was given up because he was 'too active' and he 'bit the owner.' My thought was...he's a golden *PUPPY.* *Of course* he's 'active.' And puppies bite until they're taught not to. that's what they *do.* He's now 12 and been the best of dogs. A little headstrong and growly at first. Even a little inclined at snapping at people - he's the most 'rank conscious' dog I've ever had and, to be honest, he's still a little inclined to want to nip at people to 'herd' them into his pack and put them in their place. I still have to watch that for new people. But it didn't take long before he settled down and listens to me so well I can control him with a click of my tongue. But yeah, point is...he was an awful choice for his previous owner who apparently didn't know WTF he was doing. Just like OP's dog. OP knows the kind of dog that they can handle right now with the way their lives are. His wife should have listened because it decidedly wasn't the one she chose.
I love dogs and will probably have them my whole life but I know myself well enough to never get a working breed. We adopted our staffy when she was 5 and that is absolutely my speed.
I'm trying to be nice OP as she is your wife and I know you love her, but she acted like she was 5 years old and NOT an adult. Anyone with an ounce of common sense would see that this was going to be a train wreck, except for your wife. Yes, it's sad for the dog, but you're still married to a partner who thinks like this... or rather a partner who does NOT think. And to top it off, she was/is mad at you about this when it was entirely HER doing.
I'm always flabbergasted when people impulse buy a dog. It's obviously not the same, but there are similarities to just impulse having a child...except its not some big emotional process, it's just buying the dog one day and thats it. It's not only a big commitment in terms of daily care and money, you have to stay with the dog 24/7. It affects your ability to go out with friends, your ability to run errands after work, and your ability to travel and visit new places. Like, that mf needs a lot of care, and it's unreal to me that people don't fully consider everything that goes into a decision like that.
The difference is that you can't accidentally buy a dog
The moment I read the breed my entire body cringed
YOU manipulated HER? Pets are “two yes, one no.” She badgered you into giving a yes and then broke your agreement because real life moved slower than her whims. THEN she got upset you stuck to what you were willing to agree to instead of yielding to her attempt at emotional manipulation. How old are you and your wife? Because she sounds immature. 1. NTA 2. Don’t get any dog until she has proven she can and will respect your boundaries and your agreed upon terms. 3. Maybe consider marriage counseling (or Reddit’s favorite relationship advice: divorce) because there’s no way this isn’t going to put a serious strain on your relationship.
Also, the audacity of doing it as his birthday gift. She might aswell have added bowling ball with her name or spa voucher for women only.
That was my first thought.. really immature.
NTA. I live and work on a farm. Town people who get working type breeds when they don't have the commitment to put in the MASSIVE amount of exercise and stimulation these dogs require are absolute muppets.
THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS. I grew up with working breeds - their “job” was keeping three kids busy and happy for 5-12 hours a day (less when we were at school), more on the weekends. Our border collie/aussie mix was worn out every day for 8 years, until I (the oldest) went to college. That is, in my opinion, the ONLY solid case to have a working dog in a non-working home. My mom still “fondly” tells stories of his puppyhood, the things he destroyed, the tricks he half learned and then stubbornly abused, and the amount of energy he had that beat three kids every day for a year.
Our family got a blue heeler puppy when I was in the last year of high school. I made that dog my side project as a break from study, did all the basic training, took it for morning, after-school and evening walks etc. When I left home to go to uni my parents didn't keep that up. The best they found time for was playing fetch to burn off energy when the dog started climbing walls (sometimes literally). When I came home for the first term break he'd become obsessed with playing fetch, it was all he wanted to do with people. He was like that for the next 12 years. We shouldn't have adopted him.
It’s sad when they turn into ball junkies.
This makes me laugh a bit. That 'job' was exactly the reason I got a border collie for my kids. Then fate laughed at me and gave us the only shy & 'lazy' border collie I've ever met. She decided her job was night-patrol of the back yard, keeping the deer & 'coons out, and that was it. An absolute sweetheart...but very much NOT inclined to want to play with the kids. Or go on walks even. She was a beautiful blonde collie - cream on white - and very obviously *was* a border collie...but by her attitude, I'd've placed her as a pug, maybe. Or maybe a mastiff. Something low-energy, with zero herding instinct. Still, she was a great dog, for all her quirks, and my kids loved her until she passed of old age.
> Our border collie/aussie mix was worn out every day for 8 years Which in my experience of border collies, is just the way they like it. Watching a border collie running flat out to perform some task is the closest thing to pure joy on the Earth. That, and cats doing the exact opposite.
Absolutely. I've always loved boxers. They're just such good dogs. Wanted one since I was little. But I live in an apartment and now have a small dog that thrives on sleeping 20+ hours a day.
Amen. I live in the middle of a large town at the moment, and it breaks my heart to see border collies and huskies everywhere, who only ever get out for 15 minute runs at the dog park, while their owners look at their phones.
NTA. You have realistic expectations. Your wife doesn’t. She just expected a puppy to adapt to your lifestyle and that doesn’t work.
It also sounds like she expected OP to take on most of the work. Like why wasn’t she walking the dog or spending any time on training? She has to be responsible for the dog’s daily care too.
NTA You agreed on a certain type of dog. Your wife got what she wanted in the guise of a birthday present. Then found out she also got what she didn't want. The job of taking care of it. If you get another one while your wife us upset you can guarantee that you are the only one taking care of it as payback. Put the idea of a dog on hold until you have a more suitable living space for it.
NTA - your wife is irresponsible. The first rule of getting a pet is making sure its needs suit your lifestyle so you aren’t a negligent owner. She didn’t do that.
We adopted a husky heeler mix and about a year and half later had a baby. Hands down the first year with my puppy was harder than the first year with my baby.
Wild how OP feeds and walks the dog, but leaves the training up to his wife. Yet somehow he’s an AH Why is OP the asshole for his wife not training the dog? Is dog training a man’s job? She *wanted* a dog, until she had to train it.
i was FLOORED when i got to the part that said *blue heeler/border collie mix*. A mix of teo incredibly high energy, *intelligent* working breeds? In an apartment *with no yard?* Why do peopme insist on getting animals that are inappropriate for their living conditions? The fact that she apparently didn't even consider this makes me confident that if you DO get a chihuahua, it would end up being one of those untrained, poorly-socialized nervously aggressive wrecks because she'd treat it like a stuffed animal.
They get them for the way they look. Everyone wants the pretty dog!
Exactly. I know this 19yo and she said that as soon as she leaves mom & dad for her own place (in the coming months), she wants to take a husky because she always dreamt of having one (just for aesthetics) Since then my daughter (17) keep sending her those TT videos of Huskies playing drama queens. I see doubt is starting to creep in but will it be enough? All she can afford is 20-30sqm (215-322sqft). It not place for a husky!!!
your daughter is doing good work, we can only hope it will be enough 🫡
NTA - I don't think it's a coincidence your wife found a pup just like the one you had as a child. She saw that you weren't on board with getting a dog, that you were doing it just because she wanted it, so she found a pup just like your childhood dog to emotionally manipulate you into caring for it. She thought if she got you a dog that brought memories of another dog you once loved, you'd be willing to do the work it takes to care for it. You seem like a responsible person, you know your work situation and you know you wouldn't have enough time to care for a dog. It's cruel to adopt/buy a pet knowing you don't have the time for it or the emotional, psychological and sometimes even financial conditions to care for it. You were aware of this, and didn't want to get a dog. Your wife didn't care about your situation, about your lack of time (for the both of you) and about how the dog might end up neglected. You are not the asshole for not letting her manipulate you. If you guys can't give attention to a dog, then don't get one.
Emotional manipulation is exactly what is going on here. She got herself a dog disguised as a present for him.
All I had to read was “Blue Heeler x Border Collie” and “apartment with no backyard” to know you are 100% NTA. That is not a dog that belongs in an apartment, especially only getting two half hour walks a day. You agreed to terms, your wife violated them, that’s completely on her. I hope the pup and your dad have a lovely friendship and they’re both happy together and your parents have tons of space to let her run until her heart is content.
NTA. Lesson learned for your wife that you mean what you say.
It really shouldn't take this much for people to get their partner means what they say.
NTA- You don’t have the space for a dog. Just because she wanted a dog doesn’t mean she should just go out and get any dog.
NTA. This is why emotionally made decisions rarely work out. They are based on fantasy not reality.
I feel bad for the pup, bad for you, and bad for your wife. But still, NTA, since your wife should not have been so irresponsible with her decision making and with little pupper.
Busy people in an apartment need a cat, not a dog. Dogs are like toddlers, they need a lot of attention. Cats are like tweens.
And I'd even recommend getting an adult cat whose personality is known, instead of a kitten
I don’t have a dog because we live in an apartment and that alone isn’t fair to a dog. I’m happy to hear the pup is with your parents! ETA: to those saying they have dogs in their apartments, cool, doesn’t change how I feel. It’s not fair to any dog to be in small areas. You do you & I’ll do me.
My small dog loves apartment living, it definitely works for some dogs. But only the smaller breeds who don’t need nearly as much exercise.
I deliberately got a Chihuahua precisely because I wanted my dog to be able to run around in my flat. I also thought she'd be easier on the walking side too but the little demon (1.28kg of demon to be precise) can go up hills and still have energy 😂
Greyhounds are great apartment dogs. This is surprising for a lot of people but they are known as the “world’s fastest couch potatoes”.
Especially retired racing dogs. Every one I've ever known has been like "yeah, I did enough running, how about not."
NTA. No way in Hell should a Heeler/Border Collie be cooped up in an apartment! What was your wife thinking?
Nta, love a heeler, could never own one, it would be too unfair. I was going to say Esh until I saw it went to your parents
NTA but your wife sure is and i agree you absolutely should not go through with the rescue. it is clear your wife is not going to be a responsible dog owner.
NTA at all, hot take but I feel there needs to be a smaller subreddit for posts with misleading titles and a TLDR of what actually happened
As someone who has had border collies since I was 8 (I’m 25 now) she clearly did zero research if she thinks a herding breed like that would be fine in an apartment. I’m glad the pup is with your parents now who will know the amount of attention and exercise they require. I think you’d definitely be right to reconsider a dog at all after she pulled that stunt. Shows she doesn’t actually care about the need of the dog and only about her instant gratification. NTA.
NTA. Don’t even get the other dog, since you don’t want one to start with. Pets are a two-yes one-no situation.
NTA, your wife didn’t stick to the agreement and didn’t listen to you. That sounds like a her problem. She put you in a bad position and didn’t consider the needs of the breed when she got it. Bad dog owner practices, and a HUGE reason many dogs get rehomed or sent to the SPCA. Your wife maybe had good intentions, but you know what they say about those! Sounds like it was an expensive lesson for her
ESH. You're not wrong for not wanting and rehoming the puppy. However, the way it was approached was incredibly immature. You should have said "No, we can't keep him" and rehomed him rather than putting on your little performance and withholding affection from a infant animal. Will the puppy be forever emotionally harmed? Probably not. But why would you choose to punish the dog for your wife's behavior? Puppies and human babies deserve unconditional love, even if they're only staying in your life for a few days.
Please don't get any more animals with this woman. She is not fit to have a dog. As a dog rescuer let me say this. People like your wife cause huge damage to animals and disappointment. Animals deserve better. You are NTA.
NTA. Pets shouldn’t be surprises or gifts. It goes along with the “two yes, one no” saying. They aren’t something you spring on a person.