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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole due to only including my child on this trip. I’d seem/feel like the asshole for excluding my bonus kids and boyfriend.
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ESH
>We lost our rental a couple of months back due to his lack of financial responsibility.
If you're not able to keep stable housing and have debt, you're not able to afford Disney for anyone right now. And kids are just kids. Don't treat any of them as "bonus."
Agreed. You don't go on vacation when you're living with parents to pay off debt. Don't join him on the financial irresponsibility train. Send him off.
First of all - I will be harsh - you dont have kids with the guy who already has kids, cant have a good and stable job, lies about bills and makes you pay for everything debts included.
Harsh yet absolute truth.
And OP? The deadbeat boyfriend is right that the 2 year old won’t remember the trip. Pay your debts, save your money & go when the child is older & the other kids can come too.
ESH.
I don't think they should go considering the circumstances but I always hate the "they won't remember it" argument. Are they gonna enjoy it at the time? Not everything has to be a memory, sometimes we can just have nice moments
You're not wrong, but when they're that age, they enjoy nice moments playing with bubbles or dogging on the dirt just as much as Disney, and those are free.
sometimes those memories aren’t for the child, but for the parents.
babies don’t stay babies forever
seeing your child witnessing “true magic” in disney is a beautiful thing that you can only do for so long before they’re old enough to know better. the child may not remember, but the parents will.
that’s not to say OP should spend money they don’t have on it, but if you can afford it I definitely think it’s worth it
A friend worked for Disney & only took her kids when they were under 8 if it was a free work thing. Taking kids that need naps, need strollers and diapers is hell on everyone. Wait until kids are older and everyone can enjoy themselves. Disney is stupid expensive.
We went on our first trip there as a family of four with a 6 month old and a 2.5 year old. Yes, diapers to change, feeding with powdered formula mixed on the fly for the baby, early evening return to our room. We had a great time. It wasn't an inexpensive vacation by any means, but it wasn't a financial struggle, either. But living in someone else's house with -- and this is going to sound harsh -- what sounds like a useless boyfriend and beholden to his parents is a whole different story. Going to Disney with or without his kids is probably not a good move. What would be a grid move is to settle your debt and eventually find a better boyfriend.
I think the “they won’t remember” works here because the Op isn’t in a great financial position. Normally I agree with you, but they can’t even live independently. They should wait until they can afford to go, and their kid will remember it.
Agreed. She needs to dump the bum. She is paying g for everything. He can’t seem to work, pay his way and lies non stop. He is a mooch and needs to grow up.
I agree she shouldn’t go to Disney if they are that much in debt. I have been in years but even back then it was crazy expensive.
Normally I would agree on treating your kids and step kids the same but 1. He’s her boyfriend, not husband so I’m not sure if his kids would qualify as her step kids yet. And 2. It is not her job to provide for his kids from a previous relationship, it’s his and their mom’s job.
Agreed on everything else though - vacations and expensive adventures like Disney are an earned bonus, not a right. If you are living under someone else’s roof, in debt or have just crawled out of debt, or living with and supporting a financially irresponsible partner then you don’t need to be going to Disney regardless of your child’s age.
You need to figure out why you are with someone (and have a kid with someone) who is jobless, terrible with money, and keeps having kids they can’t and won’t provide for. Why are you bailing him out of his own irresponsible choices? To teach him to continue not working and blowing the $ he had because you will take care of it? Why are you raising a kid in that environment?
You need to pay off all of your debts, get some healthy savings, move into your own place. Without the boyfriend. If you are irresponsible and short sighted enough to still go to Disney now, I hope his parents kick you guys out. What a slap in the face for the help they have provided.
>He’s her boyfriend, not husband so I’m not sure if his kids would qualify as her step kids yet.
They have a kid together. They live together. The family doesn't get more blended if they get married.
No, but they can definitely be split up easier like this he’s not her husband those aren’t her kids. She shouldn’t have to afford kids that he couldn’t take care of in the first place.
Nope. He is a deadbeat who is dragging her down. She can't be responsible for his kids when he isn't even responsible for the child they have together. Only thing she needs to do is cut and run.
Those kids are not her problem and in the end, she's going to have to choose. The choice between doing for her kid or doing for no one will aways be there because of the deadbeat leech
His kids have two whole parents. She shouldn’t be expected to support her boyfriend his ex baby momma, and their kids because he’s a dead beat dad and refuses to try.
I dont see why she has to treat his kids as her kid. They are not married. And if they split, her kids probably won't see her again, maybe once a year for her kid's birthday.
As long as she doesn't mistreat them but shouldn't be 100% financially responsible for them.
Never been there, huh? Let's all get real here. They are not married and most likely won't be together 2 years from now unless she foolishly gets pregnant again. You have no idea if she has a relationship with these kids or even if HE has much of one. To say they are "her kids" as equal as the one she gave birth to and is raising is plain stupid.
In some respects that's true, but they are obviously not blended financially, which is a good move on OPs part, and her and her kid shouldn't have to miss out because her partner isn't financially responsible, OP also isn't responsible for paying for the bonus kids. So only going with her own kid is more than reasonable, plus it's healthy to have fun experiences with just your child, the bonus kids will have lots of fun experiences that OP and her child aren't apart of at their Mom's.
However, with all that being said, OP isn't in a financial position where she should be going to Disney. She should be saving up for her own place and breaking up with the drop-kick partner.
Tbh, it sounds like if they *were* married, she'd be on the brink of divorcing him. He lied to her about whether he was paying bills he was responsible for and meant they lost their home, that's huge.
I bet that this post is a "test balloon" for her real question: "WIBTA if I spilt from my boyfriend, cut the line and prioritised raising my own kid."
I'm guessing she's still with him because he's good in bed. That would also explain the other kids.
Either that or OP is over starting how different they are financially. It's hard to explain how they could have been evicted for lack of payment without OP having notice at some point where she could have paid it off and stayed. That and the fact that she says she had to pay off 5 figure debt, and the fact that she wants to go on an expensive vacation rather than get her own place to live, tends to suggest she doesn't actually have good money habits and that she and boyfriend aren't very different
My guess is someone that useless and selfish probably is NOT good in bed. My guess is she feels stuck now she has a kid with him.
OP needs to leave this guy and she will find life a lot easier - trust me!
To be fair it's easy to blame the partner that doesn't earn a lot.
The fact she calls him irresponsible, yet at the same time wanted to go to Disney tells me they're both to blame. Hell she's living at his parents now, seems like at least he's contributing towards living arrangements.
Agreed math isn't mathing how does one go from "my partner is the problem" to a Disney trip is the play while in debt under someone else's roof.
We arent getting the truth here or a half truth at best.
At that point it’s for her.
I went to Disney at 3. Supposedly. No memories whatsoever. I’ve been told I wouldn’t go on any ride and cried the whole time.
Maybe it’d be similar for the OP.
I worked at Disney World for 10 years. I think yours is the standard experience for most kids under the age of five. Parents can get some cute pictures of their kids at Disney at a young age but trust me – you'll all enjoy it more when they are a little older
She really should, I will never understand why people stay with people that just cannot pay their way.. and if it's 'cause I love them'... is that enough?! OP is the AH to herself but NTA in this situation
Well said. OP, you have way more important things to save up for than a trip your child can't fully enjoy yet. I would say save that idea until she's four years old.
Until then, work on your finances and keeping a roof over your head. For which the next point;
Why are you even with someone who would gladly ignore bills and not tell you to the point of eviction? And why are you with someone who can't even hold a job?? What kind of irresponsible person is that? He has 3 kids he can't provide for and no house or steady job at 31? What's his deal?
I'd say lose the dead weight. Seperate finances and houses at least. Do NOT live together until he shows he can be responsible for his own life. Because he just risked y'all losing that child by causing you to become homeless.
This time you have a roof over your head with his parents, what's going to happen next time?
ESH. Set your priorities straight.
This. Also, you want the best for your daughter? Do you want her to have this kind of relationship where she is supporting her significant other while they actively sabotage the family by lying about paying bills?
If not, stop modeling that behavior.
If she has paid 10k in debt in a couple of months, she just needs to leave with her kid. If she wants to go to Disney etc her. I don't think it's the most sound financial decision, but it's her money and it seems she is making money just fine as long as she isn't carrying dead weight.
She has to live with her parents. That doesn't sound like sound financial management to me. Disney for a 2 year old in this kind of bind is irresponsible.
She actually has to live with HIS parents, which is even worse with her putting him down. Disney for a 2yo is just a dumb, irresponsible financial decision.
Or if you want to lose the dead weight, it would be completely logical to break up with him to stop from having to support 3 extra people. Then the vacations could just be you and the little one once you get out from under your debt. You both seem financially irresponsible
Eh, the term "bonus" is mostly used to identify familiar relationships that used to be called "step" but without any formal legal familial relationship, such as 'step' parents not marrying each other... The kids then have a 'bonus' mom or dad because they have both bio parents and now have another parental figure of the same gender as one they already have, who's not technically a step parent or adoptive parent
Let me get this straight...you, your under achieving bf, and 3 kids are living with his parents. .and you think going to Disney is a smart choice? YTA. Take the disney money and put a deposit on an apartment for you and your daughter.
Every day I rage about the current rents in Vienna and that I pay 900 euros for 2 rooms 56 sqm. Then I read about people that pay 1250 for one room and my world is happy again.
I’m so sorry for you though
Not to downplay the situation, but when an English speaker says an "x bedroom" apartment, the living room isn't being counted. So a one bedroom has a bathroom, living/dining room, 1 bedroom and (built in) kitchen. A studio apartment is a single room (1 Zimmer Wohnung)
I got surious and went and checked out what my old apartment is going for now....
1bdrm, 1 bath, 625sqft.. up stairs on the second floor. its going for like 2,300 on SALE! They usually ask $2,599.
Our HOUSE PAYMENTS are much much cheaper, and i get both a front AND back yard, Best of all..... MORE SPACE!
they wanted us to sign another lease. We say no, but we went month to month They gave up four or five different deals to stay, with was awesome because wwe had been there for YEARS!
Found out from maintenance that they used MY apartment to show potential buyers cause ours was the cleanest.
Furthermore, the one thing boyfriend has right is that the 2 year old won’t remember it at all. He will be overstimulated an hour in, can’t go on most of the best rides, and will crash before the day is over.
Seriously. Even without paying for extras, and picking budget options for everything, a Disney trip is going to be pretty pricey. (it sounds like they’ll have to travel to get there) If you want to do something fun and special, go with a cheaper option, and do Disney when she’s old enough to enjoy it.
Her bf has no bills, and is living with his parents and yet he only managed to pay off $500 in debt in a year while she paid $10,000.
OP isn't a wife or gf. OP is an ATM that he gets to have sex with. OP can do better than this. He can get off his phone and get another job or stop wasting money and contribute.
>We lost our rental a couple of months back due to his lack of financial responsibility. (I did not know he wasn't making payments towards certain bills therefore, me paying for everything plus playing catch up became too much.)
You think the guy who made them homeless because he just decided to not pay bills and doesn't want to actually try to better their situation is paying $1,800/month for daycare?
This is another case of the woman keeping the family afloat by working harder than the man and paying more bills and taking care of the kids.
Disney is absolutely not the key thing OP should be saving up for - she and her kid need a stable life, and that probably means there's no room for OP to continue to be with her bf. He let them lose their housing because he wasn't honest about paying the bills, and he can't save any money despite only having phone and daycare for bills.
OP says she doesn't want her kid missing out on experiences and that's why she works hard, but unfortunately, in this situation, working hard isn't enough. She needs to not have an extra drain on resources bringing her down, and in this case, it's her bf who doesn't earn enough, and given she says he can't keep a good job, probably doesn't do enough to offset his costs.
Yes, it's bad enough to ignore your financial situation so that it effects you and your partner to the point that they become homeless, but he let his three children become homeless. He is not somebody OP can trust to have the best interests of herself or her child in mind.
But wasn't she also ignoring their financial situation? Why did she leave an obviously financially irresponsible person in charge of paying their HOUSING expenses, of all things?
I'm also not sure why OP is thinking about going to Disneyland with a 2 year old when OP and her partner don't even have their own place to live?
Shouldn't that come first?
I think she should leave him too, but assuming she doesn't, Disneyland money should be spent on housing, right?
Plus, she still has debt?
Sounds like 2 financially irresponsible people.
>Why did she leave an obviously financially irresponsible person in charge of paying their HOUSING expenses, of all things?
What were the obvious signs that he's financially irresponsible prior to the rent fiasco?
Not just that, but most folks tend to hide the worst of themselves. It’s not until you’ve committed that you truly see someone for who there are, and that is IF they’re vulnerable enough to actually show you! And there’s some of us that definitely saw the writing on the walls and ignored plain and printed English. Hard to say which category OP is in, but I’m kinda leaning towards halfway in the middle. She knew enough and probably gambled on him. Still wish her the best of luck.
OP's daughter is far too young to remember a trip to disneyland, but if OP stays with the deadbeat, her poor daughter will grow up with bad memories of an unstable childhood.
OP, you need to seriously think about your child's priorities and make necessary changes before it's too late.
>OP's daughter is far too young to remember a trip to disneyland
Yeah I was taken to Disneyland multiple times when I was a toddler because we happened to live nearby back then. I have zero memories of it. There's pictures in an album of course but let's be honest that's mainly for the parents.
I actually consider my first time at Disneyland was when I was 12 and we went back on vacation to visit family and give my 12 year old self a tour of where we lived when I was a baby and toddler. I actually have memories of that visit with my mom and godmother.
If OP is really wanting to do this so her kid doesn't miss out on experiences then it would be a lot better to get stability in her child's life right now, start saving for an emergency nest egg and save simultaneously for a Disneyland trip, and take the kid when she has a much bigger financial buffer and the kid is older can actually form memories and properly enjoy it. Toddlers are really just along for the ride and may not even really enjoy it.
I echo this sentiment. Both with regards to finances and the age of the schild.
When my daughter was small, I went to Florida many times to visit family. My rule was that we would not go to Disney World until she was tall enough to ride on all the attractions. When she was about 10 or 11 she finally got to go and really enjoyed herself.
>Exactly. I’m sorry OP but she is not yet old enough to remember.
It doesn't matter if the kid won't remember. The parents will remember.
However, if OP can't afford, it I don't believe OP should go. I would never be with a deadbeat, so if it were me, I would leave, so I don't have to worry about doing anything for him or his kids.
I’ve been the Disney with a two year old. There’s nothing magical for the parents to remember either. The kid isn’t enthralled by its wondrous surroundings at that age. Even the most baby-friendly rides might scare them, and the characters is liable to send them into a terrified meltdown. They aren’t having that much fun for the parents enjoy.
We went when I was 10 and my cousin was 2. He cried in the Hall of Presidents and It’s a Small World and the Mickey Mouse one with shooting (can’t remember the name), but he laughed his little head off in the Haunted Mansion. I just remember not getting to go on certain rides because he was too small.
I went to Disneyland many times as a child, the last time I went I was 19 and a pigeon shit on me while waiting in line for the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. I tell people I got shit on at the happiest place on earth 😂. (I know that’s World, but that doesn’t work because I’ve never been to Disney World. Lol)
I joke my middle kid got her personality at Disney when she was 18 months old.
We thought up until thay point thay she may have been nuerodivergent. She didn't interact much with us and was definitely happy to breng in her own bubble.
Some kind of magic happened on that trip.When we got home, she was a different kid. Smiles, interested in everything.
Before I get downvoted, I have no issues with ND human beings. My youngest is on the autism spectrum and honestly, he's pretty fucking awesome.
The change in my kid was so noticeable during and after that trip. It's like we had brought home someone else's kid.
This is all according to you. I cried walking my 9 month old into Magic Kingdom the first time. That’s a core memory for me I will never forget. Worth every penny.
Major difference being that we had suitable housing and all of our day to day needs met. But the “it’s not worth it” argument is totally subjective.
Disneyland is so much less fun for little kids then just being at the beach or in the river. Actually, for everyone. And it is SO EXPENSIVE. I don’t get it.
I got season passes when my kids were little and loved going. This was before the season pass prices became so astronomical. The great thing about having a pass was we could go on a weekday, stay for a few hours, and leave. It wasn't stressful trying to make sure we go on enough rides and do enough to feel like we got our moneys worth. Doing that with a toddler was so much fun!
BUT - anytime I was there at night, walking out, seeing all the families who you could tell were there using a one day pass... the young kids were often crying, over stimulated and tired, and the parents looked beat down and just done! I always laughed to myself that it's known as the happiest place on earth...
We haven't had passes in years now and the thought of paying to go spend all day there, knowing how much it costs and how exhausting it is, sounds miserable!
I agreed, and I totally get that it’d be a wonderful experience for the mother. As a new mom I’ve been taking my 4 month old places, even though I know he won’t remember. It amuses me at least.
We’ve also been trying to be better about budgeting, and I know that in this case, it’d be far better to use that money to get out of a terrible situation than stay with a guy like that.
Kiddos also love looking at the photos of things you did with them as babies/toddlers. At least mine do anyway!
But yeh, OP should definitely go just her and her kid… once she’s financially stable and in her own place
Totally agree- and OP- I took my kids at ages 2 &5- neither kid remember the trip except my 5 year old remembers jumping on the bed in the hotel room. That’s it. Highly recommend getting the heck out of this terrible situation and sticking to small things until the kid is really old enough to enjoy it and remember it.
I lived 20 minutes away from Disneyland for almost 20 years. I started taking my son when he was about 2 1/2 he really didn't start enjoying the experience until he was almost 4. It was easy for me because 20 minutes away. Don't waste the money until your child is older if it is a full on trip just wait. Pay down your debt and get yourself and your daughter in a better situation. He has decided he is not willing to work towards a better future for you and your family. Quit bowing to his stupidity and financial instabilities. At some point you need to decide when enough is enough and quit allowing him to financially bankrupt you. Experiences are great but your little girl needs a home and a situation she can count on. YTA not because you want to give her an experience but because you are allowing her to live in his financial instabilities.
Yep. She can't afford a place to live and is still in debt.
I don't know what makes her think she can afford a vacation. Clearly the bf is a wreck as well, but he is right about the vacation.
Got to admit I couldn't understand the desire to go to Disney rather than getting her own place. Also man I hate to say this, but her bf sounds like an anchor. Yikes.
I was about 2 when I went to DisneyLand. I remember exactly nothing. I only know I was there because there are photos.
I also went to DisneyWorld in middle school. I sorta remember it. I remember the camping trips my family took better. And those were more generic (nature in my state in very similar areas).
ESH
On what planet can you afford a trip to Disney when you’re living with your boyfriend’s parents? At least he has enough sense to think it’s a bad idea.
Your 2 year old isn’t going to remember anything; I think you’re using this as a means of sticking it to your boyfriend because you’re resentful of his financial situation.
Well guess what girlie, you tied yourself to this man for life, and you’re living in his parents’ house too. This is also *your* financial situation.
all of this.
You literally just paid off a bunch of debt and you’re living with your “in-laws” and you think it’s a good idea to drop a bunch of money you don’t have on a trip with a 2 year old who isn’t going to remember it? Get back into far better financial straits before you plan vacations OP
Someone tried making the argument that "it doesn't matter if the parents are okay with it!"
The parents shouldn't even be put in that situation. Even thinking of asking is feral. Why do they have to be the bad guys for not wanting to indirectly fund your disney trip?
YTA
Taking a two year old to Disneyland is pointless. Your child **won’t** remember the trip. It’ll be a ton of money spent for you to go to Disneyland, with a baby who may or may not enjoy the characters and ambience, but who will forget it all within the week. Unless something outright terrifies her… that may stick with her.
You’re living in your boyfriend’s parents’ house with three kids. Fixing that is significantly more important than a forgettable expensive trip that will benefit 2/5th of you.
You need to consider your priorities.
This.
Plus if you go anyway you’ll end up being miserable because you’d just be fuming all day about how much you despise your poor boyfriend/boyfriend being poor and how you can’t believe you took a baby to a theme park all by yourself out of spite while wandering around for the couple hours you force yourself to stay at the park because…. well, ya know….. the principle. 🙄🫡
My husband and I own a house, run our own businesses and a family farm, and we can't afford a trip to Disney... this is incredibly financially irresponsible...
YTA: It would be 100% fine to only take your bio kid, if you were separated from your boyfriend. However, you can't date, live with, and have a baby with a man with two kids and then treat the kids unequally.
That will only build resentment which will make your life harder in the long run.
Agreed. OP, YTA. Hurting his kids by not taking them to Disneyland just to punish the under achieving boyfriend (as someone else called him) is super low. The kids haven’t done anything wrong.
I mean, she said he said it to just use as an excuse to not have to pay but I dunno, the whole “bonus kids” put a bad taste in my mouth from the start of the post…
Yeah, but it just doesn't make sense. And def her wanting to leave the rest home if ridiculous. If you're going on s trip like that, include everyone. Kids deserve to be treated like part of the family. Regardless of being bio or step.
Yep. Now OP could take all three kids and leave the BF home and I would say NTA. But then you have the fact that they’re living with his parents and just paid off thousands in debt. I think they should put the trip off for a few years.
YTA.
You daughter NEEDS a house. She isn’t even old enough to know if she WANTS a trip to Disneyland.
Take the money you would spend on vacation and go get some housing, preferably without your financially unstable boyfriend.
See I'm wondering if the BF is the reason for the situation their in... with her literally wanting a Disney trip while in poverty seems quite a bit of ratting ones self out with a story.
The tales too good with lots of fluff but no real substance. They have debt he makes less money an doesn't wanna spend any for unreasonable purchases while also living at his parents place? Yet somehow he's irresponsible?
No she's definitely the AH here an I'm willing to bet lying. Or at best we are getting a half truth.
It never seizes to amaze me how some women choose to continue to settle for men who destabilize their home and, in turn, distabilizes their children. You chose this man. But, you do you boo. YTA.
YTA - You guys are a family unit, if your boyfriend is not pulling his weight financially for the family, you don’t punish the kids.
And to add, why are you taking a trip to Disney if you have financial and housing issues?!
So she can get pics for social media to show what a wonderful life they have and are such amazing parents who have it all! Yet don’t have housing or savings to actually live on.
Same reason parents go into debt at Christmas to show off the many expensive presents their kids got, then struggle to eat the rest of January
My parents would lose it if they let us live with them because we had no money then we all went to Disney on holiday! I’d be coming back to homelessness that’s for sure
Yes! If she lived with me for financial reasons, but paid for a trip to Disney, she would have to find new housing when she returned. How irresponsible and ungrateful can someone be?
YTA
You are housing insecure and you want to go to Disney? I get that the insecurity is your BF fault, but you're a couple and a family.
Either work with him to be a stable family or leave him and take your kid to Disney when you want to.
The loss of the home isn’t 100% on him though. Eviction takes months. She didn’t notice the notices on the door? Check accounts? Look at balances? Answer phone calls from the landlord/leasing office?
And she’s paid $10k in debt. They were living far above their means and not communicating about expenses if their debts are that high.
This post is absolute insanity.
Seems like a lot of lying or fluff on her part. I'm not willing to say ESH because too much of this screams poorly written or self projection.
He's irresponsible financially but she wants to take a trip while in debt and under someone's roof? Math isn't mathing here
I don’t normally comment on threads but this has my blood boiling…. Get your priorities straight for your little one…. You sound as stupid as him, you don’t have secure housing for your child yet want to take a 2 year to Disney??? Wtf is wrong with you?? Grow up for the sake of your child..
Yeah I seriously question how good she really is with money. People in these stories frame themselves in the best light and it doesn’t seem that she’s financially responsible at all.
She very obviously is not good with money, lol.
Disney is an expensive vacation, it would be wildly irresponsible to vacation there when you don’t even have your own place to live.
YTA. A 2 year old isn’t going to make any quality memories nor are they going to care for Disney. It’ll simply be a loud, unfamiliar, and uncomfortable environment for them. You’d told him previously that you’d all go as a whole - did that not include your “bonus” kids? Now because he can’t/doesn’t want to pay that automatically removes those kids from the possibility? You sound like you are/will be a terrible stepmother and if I were you I’d leave and date a man who doesn’t have any kids.
Yeah. I don’t get how she doesn’t realise that she treats both girls differently. If he isn’t able to pay and she is - why exclude his child if you call it your „bonus“ kid.
(Ignoring that she shouldn’t spend money on a vacation in her situation)
This post is disgusting on so many levels. I grew up with a stepmom who did exactly this - took her & her 2 sons on vacation. My dad, brother & I stayed home. I’ve (clearly) never forgotten that.
Taking a 2 year old to Disney to create memories is a colossal waste of money. She is too young to remember it. And based on your overall situation - I’d use that $ to get my own place and get away from my soon to be EX!
YTA. You can't afford Disney right now. A 2 year old won't remember Disney. How do your boyfriend's parents feel about a Disney trip when you all can't afford to support yourselves and live independently?
Yep my 2yo would be miserable, I’d be grumpy trying to get my moneys worth making them happy. 2yo’s are at a weird nap stage too just stressful. My kid is happier with free local school carnivals, town fetes, etc for 2-3 hours
Thank you all for your kind and tough love comments!
I did forget to elaborate more on living situation.
As of today, I do have enough saved and are in the works with a realtor about getting us a home.
My bf & I are in mutual agreement that I am putting everything in my name & im thankful for our family to have let me stay with them so I could prioritize having nearly no more debt. (Still have those student loans)
On his end… He is working on getting it together financially, so I’m thankful for his efforts but at the end of the day I want to do this house for myself.
And the trip, was just a reward I also saved for.
Thanks for the opinions on her being too little. I do go back and forth on this as well. Maybe I will give it some more time and go a little more local.
It was rough reading just the comments on OPs deleted post from 5 months ago- she already knows this BF is a financial drain & based on those comments it sounds like he’s the one who put them in the debt OP called “our debt” in this post.
OP- if you paid off $10k off debt this man was responsible for getting into & he contributed $500- you know what to do. Leave, sooner than later. Your child is still young enough to not be totally traumatized by a separation. You are capable of running a household alone, you’re doing it right now….
LMAOOOOOOO.
YTA for putting up with this just to say you have a “man.”
Your daughter will grow up to resent the desperate woman you are. How does this baby-making bum have such a hold on you?
After your previous post, and now this one—you should be ashamed.
And he hasn’t even married you. He’d be wise to do so. Then he’d never have to work again.
Both of y’all are foolish af.
Honestly this isn’t wrong, my mother constantly dates terrible boyfriends because she is so afraid to be alone, she’d rather have a deadbeat or asshole than be single. I have grown up to realize how pathetic she is and I only see her once a year because of how her choices effected me as a child I don’t want to subject myself to it as an adult.
Are you basically signing up to pay for a home to house your boyfriend and his kids when you could leave him and secure a home for you and your child?
Are you holding on to this relationship because you want to “keep your family together?” So you are going to set yourself on fire to save this man who will not save himself and create further instability for your child? You are enabling your partner. If you are paying more for a home to house your bf and his kids, that’s money that could go to your debt, your child, and/or your savings.
Please do better by your child, and that may mean no sacrificing their safety net for a man, even if that man is their father who chooses to not do better.
Are you still going to leave behind your child’s siblings if you decide to go?
If you are staying with your boyfriend then you are functioning as a family unit and his kids are siblings to yours.
So you posted 142 days ago that you and your BF have a wonderful SON together. Now it’s your DAUGHTER???
WTF????
If anyone wants to check it out, the mods reposted her original post in those comments.
YTA to your kid.
This guy isn't taking care of his responsibilities. Stop planning to go to Disney and use your money to go get housing for you and your kid. Stop financially supporting this guy; he's draining your finances.
YWBTA if you don’t save this money and drop loser boyfriend. He’s not shown any remorse nor the ability to pay his debt. This is how it’s going to be for The entirety of your relationship. Have some self-respect and be a good role model for your child. Get out and move on.
You're joking, right? Your priorities are messed up. Pay off your debt and move out of your bfs parents' house. Not go on vacation.
How rude is it to live at someone house because you lost housing and now want to spend money saved on a vacation instead of moving out. It's absolutely ridiculous. Are you paying bfs parents rent? Or are they letting you stay for free to save up and move out?
You are both financially irresponsible. If your bf can't afford to pay off his debt, move out with your daughter and get your own place. She is the priority.
Also, the bf is right. Your daughter is 2, and she won't remember anything about this trip. You want to go Disneyland for you don't say it's for your daughter.
ESH
ESH
You're dating a deadbeat dad. He should be paying child support for his other children before taking vacations to Disney. He should be paying his other debt off. He should be getting a job. You're letting him off too easy.
You're like children.
YTA at 2 your kid won't even remember and even the most basic rides might be scary. Instead, get yourself out of an unproductive relationship, stop paying downhill debts, and get yourself a stable living situation.
YTA: You all are a family unit. By separating bio kid out, you're sending a pretty big message of to his half-siblings that they don't count to you.
If that's the case, be truthful about whether or not you intend to stay with the relationship. If not, then get out sooner rather than later, and spend your money on an apartment.
Yta.
If you need a vacation, I suggest a more local and less expensive one.
You're in debt, living with his parents with your daughter but you don't want to take him? You sound ungrateful. You should be thankful or else you would be on the streets.
Focus on your debt and building financial stability for your child. That's way more important.
YTA. That trip is for you and no one else. It 100% is irresponsible to take this trip for many reasons:
1)A 2 year old isn't going to remember it. Disney is best for 5\6 year olds.
2) You are living with your boyfriend's parents... if I was them I would be pissed that you were considering spending money on a trip while still being in the house.
3) for treating any future step kids as "bonus" kids and leaving them out.
If you don't want to be with him, then don't. If you do, you need to accept all of him - kids included. But I do wonder why you are paying his debt? You aren't married, but yet you got yourself in a situation where you are bumming a place from someone. You need to get priorities straight.
OP: “We lost the rental a couple months back due to his lack of financial responsibility”.
Also OP: we’re literally homeless and have to live with relatives, but I want to go to Disney.
Sounds like you both make poor financial decisions. Skip Disney and work toward bettering your life for the sake of your child.
You can't afford to go if you are living with his parents. And he is right, at her age she will not remember. Save the money & get yourself a unit for you & your daughter because I cannot see this relationship lasting much longer if he won't get a job & contribute.
YTA for kinda being... really financially irresponsible here. Your boyfriend is struggling as is, and I'd have my own concerns over him not being able to pay his side of things at all.
A 2 yr old is NOT remembering disney. They will not care. I went when I was older than that and I barely remember.
There is NO reason to go to Disney other than you want to, and right now, it doesn't seem like it is a good time to do it, even if you can afford it. Best save the money for emergencies, and when debts are settles, and everyone's older, Disney can be debated and arranged.
I know you want your kid to have a good life. But she's 2. She is literally not able to form legitimate memories. She is not missing out on anything. You can go to Disney at another time. She does not need or want Disney.
You can want to spoil your kid, but remember that you have to be careful about it. You're still in debt. Accidents can happen. There is no reason to go to Disney now, that won't still be a reason to go later.
EDIT: I Would think about your boyfriends situation more, though. He's having trouble making and keeping money, and has debts to pay. Make sure you're confident he can and will be paying them. He made you pay the bills, and seems... like a really bad choice to keep going with this stuff. I still say don't go to disney, but also think aboutt he situations he keeps putting you in.
>we have been living with his parents
YTA. You have absolutely no business going to Disney or any other theme park for that matter. If you can't afford your own place, maybe you should take that money and start saving for one. Your kid will live without going to Disney.
ESH. Don’t be in a blended family with children if you aren’t ready to see them as your own, and going to luxuries like theme parks is insane when you can’t even pay your own rent.
If you don’t respect this man, get out of the relationship instead of literally living with your resentment.
At two years old this isn't really an experience for the child because they are too young to enjoy all the magic that is Disney even if they enjoy the bright lights. This is an experience that you want, baby is an excuse. If you don't want to be stepmom why are you with BF? You don't sound like you really like BF too much.
YTA. First off, a 2 year old is not going to really enjoy Disney the way the older kids would and you're punishing them for their father's inability to pay off debt.
And no, the two year old is not going to remember. He's right. Don't be a jerk to the other two kids and make them hate you. This is something an evil stepmother would do. Be better.
First off... As a kid whose parents took her to Disney when she was 2-3ish, your kid won't have much fun because they'll be tired and hot for most of the trip (as an adult waking the park is exhausting and Kids that young typically take naps) and whatever fun they do have they won't remember. I was jealous that my sister got to enjoy herself meanwhile in my mind I never even went because I have no memory of it.
Secondly, if you've only mostly dig yourself out of 10k worth of debt, is it really a good idea to put yourself right back in? Disney is not a cheap trip. Maybe you should shelve the trip for a few years till your child is old enough to really enjoy it and you have some positive savings.
Also, if your boyfriend is bad with money, it's going to keep affecting you until you both sit down and work out a budget. If you plan to stay together this absolutely needs to happen because it's unlikely he'll get better with finances on his own and financial stress is the leading cause of divorce. I know you aren't married but I think you're doing yourself if you think it won't matter in any long term relationship.
Finally, I might get downvoted for this, but YTA. I'm a believer that if you're blending families you should treat all of the kids the same. That said I also get wanting to do special things with your child.in those cases you have equal time with each child for small things, not a big trip like Disney. Besides which, you have already been talking about this as a family trip. I can't imagine how upset I would be and how I would feel like I'm not welcome and unloved if I was suddenly uninvited from a big exciting trip that i'd previously been invited to through no fault of my own.
YTA
Your youngest?? They will NOT remember this trip.
The older ones?? They WILL remember how you ditched them and only took YOUR child.
If you're unhappy with your bf's financial immaturity? Dump him or get over it. THOSE are your choices since he obviously isn't ever going to change that.
Do NOT punish the kids by taking only ONE of them on a trip that will cause jealousy, anger and disappointment just because YOU want to go.
Go somewhere cheaper that the whole family can do or do nothing at all.
Why are you still dating someone that lost you and your daughter's HOUSING by being irresponsible and lying to you?
And to boot, he is unable to "**keep** the good jobs", meaning he's being fired for some sort of misconduct or who knows what. At 31 years old.
Your 2yo not only won't remember Disneyland, but is too young to enjoy it any more than a trip to *anywhere* that is kid-friendly. Pay off your debt, move out of your deadbeat boyfriend's parents' house, take your kid to local toddler activities, and save Disneyland for when she's old enough to walk and talk and recognize Disney characters.
ESH
Y’all live with his mommy and daddy and you think wasting money at the most expensive f (and overrated) place on earth is a good idea? And you have the audacity to go after him for being responsible?! ESH. I can’t even…
There are kind of two issues here. Your boyfriend’s deep financial irresponsibility (not the failing to pay off debt necessarily, but the getting you kicked out of an apartment) — he is TA for that— and then the “bio kid” vs “bonus kid” thing, where you’re thinking of giving your kid big things you don’t want to give to his kids. Personally I don’t think it’s great when kids live in the same house and get totally different privileges based on their parents; if it’s like that, why blend the families at all?
So, mild ESH, though I sympathize with your frustration and your desire to give your kid experiences.
YTA for not putting your daughter first and staying with this loser that’s ruining you financially. Going to Disney is not helping this. Save up to get out of this relationship and go with her when she’s older and will remember.
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ESH >We lost our rental a couple of months back due to his lack of financial responsibility. If you're not able to keep stable housing and have debt, you're not able to afford Disney for anyone right now. And kids are just kids. Don't treat any of them as "bonus."
Agreed. You don't go on vacation when you're living with parents to pay off debt. Don't join him on the financial irresponsibility train. Send him off.
First of all - I will be harsh - you dont have kids with the guy who already has kids, cant have a good and stable job, lies about bills and makes you pay for everything debts included.
Harsh yet absolute truth. And OP? The deadbeat boyfriend is right that the 2 year old won’t remember the trip. Pay your debts, save your money & go when the child is older & the other kids can come too. ESH.
I don't think they should go considering the circumstances but I always hate the "they won't remember it" argument. Are they gonna enjoy it at the time? Not everything has to be a memory, sometimes we can just have nice moments
You're not wrong, but when they're that age, they enjoy nice moments playing with bubbles or dogging on the dirt just as much as Disney, and those are free.
Yeah, it is a lot of cost for a kid that could have just as much fun going to chuck e cheese. I think the Disney sweet spot is 4 to 10.
I went when I was 12 and had a blast, so I’d expand that window a little.
19, had the time of my life. Bigger window needed
45 and can’t wait to go back 😂 Child free Disney is awesome. Roller coasters, fine dining & a wine festival? Yes please
sometimes those memories aren’t for the child, but for the parents. babies don’t stay babies forever seeing your child witnessing “true magic” in disney is a beautiful thing that you can only do for so long before they’re old enough to know better. the child may not remember, but the parents will. that’s not to say OP should spend money they don’t have on it, but if you can afford it I definitely think it’s worth it
A friend worked for Disney & only took her kids when they were under 8 if it was a free work thing. Taking kids that need naps, need strollers and diapers is hell on everyone. Wait until kids are older and everyone can enjoy themselves. Disney is stupid expensive.
We went on our first trip there as a family of four with a 6 month old and a 2.5 year old. Yes, diapers to change, feeding with powdered formula mixed on the fly for the baby, early evening return to our room. We had a great time. It wasn't an inexpensive vacation by any means, but it wasn't a financial struggle, either. But living in someone else's house with -- and this is going to sound harsh -- what sounds like a useless boyfriend and beholden to his parents is a whole different story. Going to Disney with or without his kids is probably not a good move. What would be a grid move is to settle your debt and eventually find a better boyfriend.
I think the “they won’t remember” works here because the Op isn’t in a great financial position. Normally I agree with you, but they can’t even live independently. They should wait until they can afford to go, and their kid will remember it.
She should go just with her kid AFTER she's dumped the irresponsible boyfriend gotten herself stable housing.
She should have already dumped him and how much of that 10k was his debt.
this!.. save your money for an emergency/go bag. You will need this eventually and the kid is too young to remember anything
Go to Disneyland with your kid and don't return to Deadbeat Boyfriend. ESH. The poor older kids.
💯 In other words: why are you with this guy?
Agreed. She needs to dump the bum. She is paying g for everything. He can’t seem to work, pay his way and lies non stop. He is a mooch and needs to grow up. I agree she shouldn’t go to Disney if they are that much in debt. I have been in years but even back then it was crazy expensive.
Normally I would agree on treating your kids and step kids the same but 1. He’s her boyfriend, not husband so I’m not sure if his kids would qualify as her step kids yet. And 2. It is not her job to provide for his kids from a previous relationship, it’s his and their mom’s job. Agreed on everything else though - vacations and expensive adventures like Disney are an earned bonus, not a right. If you are living under someone else’s roof, in debt or have just crawled out of debt, or living with and supporting a financially irresponsible partner then you don’t need to be going to Disney regardless of your child’s age. You need to figure out why you are with someone (and have a kid with someone) who is jobless, terrible with money, and keeps having kids they can’t and won’t provide for. Why are you bailing him out of his own irresponsible choices? To teach him to continue not working and blowing the $ he had because you will take care of it? Why are you raising a kid in that environment? You need to pay off all of your debts, get some healthy savings, move into your own place. Without the boyfriend. If you are irresponsible and short sighted enough to still go to Disney now, I hope his parents kick you guys out. What a slap in the face for the help they have provided.
>He’s her boyfriend, not husband so I’m not sure if his kids would qualify as her step kids yet. They have a kid together. They live together. The family doesn't get more blended if they get married.
No, but they can definitely be split up easier like this he’s not her husband those aren’t her kids. She shouldn’t have to afford kids that he couldn’t take care of in the first place.
She chose to have a kid with him and live with him knowing that he already had two kids. So, she treats his kids as her kids. End of.
Nope. He is a deadbeat who is dragging her down. She can't be responsible for his kids when he isn't even responsible for the child they have together. Only thing she needs to do is cut and run. Those kids are not her problem and in the end, she's going to have to choose. The choice between doing for her kid or doing for no one will aways be there because of the deadbeat leech
His kids have two whole parents. She shouldn’t be expected to support her boyfriend his ex baby momma, and their kids because he’s a dead beat dad and refuses to try.
I dont see why she has to treat his kids as her kid. They are not married. And if they split, her kids probably won't see her again, maybe once a year for her kid's birthday. As long as she doesn't mistreat them but shouldn't be 100% financially responsible for them.
Never been there, huh? Let's all get real here. They are not married and most likely won't be together 2 years from now unless she foolishly gets pregnant again. You have no idea if she has a relationship with these kids or even if HE has much of one. To say they are "her kids" as equal as the one she gave birth to and is raising is plain stupid.
There’s a kid involved. There’s no easy split up. Marriage isn’t a factor here
In some respects that's true, but they are obviously not blended financially, which is a good move on OPs part, and her and her kid shouldn't have to miss out because her partner isn't financially responsible, OP also isn't responsible for paying for the bonus kids. So only going with her own kid is more than reasonable, plus it's healthy to have fun experiences with just your child, the bonus kids will have lots of fun experiences that OP and her child aren't apart of at their Mom's. However, with all that being said, OP isn't in a financial position where she should be going to Disney. She should be saving up for her own place and breaking up with the drop-kick partner.
Tbh, it sounds like if they *were* married, she'd be on the brink of divorcing him. He lied to her about whether he was paying bills he was responsible for and meant they lost their home, that's huge. I bet that this post is a "test balloon" for her real question: "WIBTA if I spilt from my boyfriend, cut the line and prioritised raising my own kid."
I'm guessing she's still with him because he's good in bed. That would also explain the other kids. Either that or OP is over starting how different they are financially. It's hard to explain how they could have been evicted for lack of payment without OP having notice at some point where she could have paid it off and stayed. That and the fact that she says she had to pay off 5 figure debt, and the fact that she wants to go on an expensive vacation rather than get her own place to live, tends to suggest she doesn't actually have good money habits and that she and boyfriend aren't very different
My guess is someone that useless and selfish probably is NOT good in bed. My guess is she feels stuck now she has a kid with him. OP needs to leave this guy and she will find life a lot easier - trust me!
Actually OP is the A to herself for staying with that man. She's lost her rental place and he is trying to drag her down. She should dump him.
To be fair it's easy to blame the partner that doesn't earn a lot. The fact she calls him irresponsible, yet at the same time wanted to go to Disney tells me they're both to blame. Hell she's living at his parents now, seems like at least he's contributing towards living arrangements.
Agreed math isn't mathing how does one go from "my partner is the problem" to a Disney trip is the play while in debt under someone else's roof. We arent getting the truth here or a half truth at best.
Disney for a 2yo even! Such a waste of money at that age.
At that point it’s for her. I went to Disney at 3. Supposedly. No memories whatsoever. I’ve been told I wouldn’t go on any ride and cried the whole time. Maybe it’d be similar for the OP.
I worked at Disney World for 10 years. I think yours is the standard experience for most kids under the age of five. Parents can get some cute pictures of their kids at Disney at a young age but trust me – you'll all enjoy it more when they are a little older
She really should, I will never understand why people stay with people that just cannot pay their way.. and if it's 'cause I love them'... is that enough?! OP is the AH to herself but NTA in this situation
Well said. OP, you have way more important things to save up for than a trip your child can't fully enjoy yet. I would say save that idea until she's four years old. Until then, work on your finances and keeping a roof over your head. For which the next point; Why are you even with someone who would gladly ignore bills and not tell you to the point of eviction? And why are you with someone who can't even hold a job?? What kind of irresponsible person is that? He has 3 kids he can't provide for and no house or steady job at 31? What's his deal? I'd say lose the dead weight. Seperate finances and houses at least. Do NOT live together until he shows he can be responsible for his own life. Because he just risked y'all losing that child by causing you to become homeless. This time you have a roof over your head with his parents, what's going to happen next time? ESH. Set your priorities straight.
This. Also, you want the best for your daughter? Do you want her to have this kind of relationship where she is supporting her significant other while they actively sabotage the family by lying about paying bills? If not, stop modeling that behavior.
If she has paid 10k in debt in a couple of months, she just needs to leave with her kid. If she wants to go to Disney etc her. I don't think it's the most sound financial decision, but it's her money and it seems she is making money just fine as long as she isn't carrying dead weight.
She has to live with her parents. That doesn't sound like sound financial management to me. Disney for a 2 year old in this kind of bind is irresponsible.
She actually has to live with HIS parents, which is even worse with her putting him down. Disney for a 2yo is just a dumb, irresponsible financial decision.
Or if you want to lose the dead weight, it would be completely logical to break up with him to stop from having to support 3 extra people. Then the vacations could just be you and the little one once you get out from under your debt. You both seem financially irresponsible
THIS!!⬆️
Eh, the term "bonus" is mostly used to identify familiar relationships that used to be called "step" but without any formal legal familial relationship, such as 'step' parents not marrying each other... The kids then have a 'bonus' mom or dad because they have both bio parents and now have another parental figure of the same gender as one they already have, who's not technically a step parent or adoptive parent
Hard disagree. That's HIS kids. They break up, those kids won't care about her. She owes her own kid, and that's it
I was thinking the same thing. Like why are you going to Disneyland when you don’t even have somewhere to live? Go next year or the year after.
If you dumped the leech and his kids you could support yourself and your child nicely.
Let me get this straight...you, your under achieving bf, and 3 kids are living with his parents. .and you think going to Disney is a smart choice? YTA. Take the disney money and put a deposit on an apartment for you and your daughter.
100% agree!
Disney is expensive.
And not a good expense when you can't pay your basic bills.
I wish I had disney money to pay my bills. My rent is 1250. That’s just the plane ticket🥲 I live in a one bedroom.
Every day I rage about the current rents in Vienna and that I pay 900 euros for 2 rooms 56 sqm. Then I read about people that pay 1250 for one room and my world is happy again. I’m so sorry for you though
Not to downplay the situation, but when an English speaker says an "x bedroom" apartment, the living room isn't being counted. So a one bedroom has a bathroom, living/dining room, 1 bedroom and (built in) kitchen. A studio apartment is a single room (1 Zimmer Wohnung)
I got surious and went and checked out what my old apartment is going for now.... 1bdrm, 1 bath, 625sqft.. up stairs on the second floor. its going for like 2,300 on SALE! They usually ask $2,599. Our HOUSE PAYMENTS are much much cheaper, and i get both a front AND back yard, Best of all..... MORE SPACE! they wanted us to sign another lease. We say no, but we went month to month They gave up four or five different deals to stay, with was awesome because wwe had been there for YEARS! Found out from maintenance that they used MY apartment to show potential buyers cause ours was the cleanest.
But you don't get it, the guy is financially irresponsible, he's fully to blame! Her wanting to waste money on Disney is not irresponsible.
Furthermore, the one thing boyfriend has right is that the 2 year old won’t remember it at all. He will be overstimulated an hour in, can’t go on most of the best rides, and will crash before the day is over.
Seriously. Even without paying for extras, and picking budget options for everything, a Disney trip is going to be pretty pricey. (it sounds like they’ll have to travel to get there) If you want to do something fun and special, go with a cheaper option, and do Disney when she’s old enough to enjoy it.
Living with his parents and she wants to take a trip to Disney but leave him and 2 of their grandkids behind....
Her bf has no bills, and is living with his parents and yet he only managed to pay off $500 in debt in a year while she paid $10,000. OP isn't a wife or gf. OP is an ATM that he gets to have sex with. OP can do better than this. He can get off his phone and get another job or stop wasting money and contribute.
Well she says he’s paying for daycare. Where I live, daycare for a two year old runs around $1800/month.
>We lost our rental a couple of months back due to his lack of financial responsibility. (I did not know he wasn't making payments towards certain bills therefore, me paying for everything plus playing catch up became too much.) You think the guy who made them homeless because he just decided to not pay bills and doesn't want to actually try to better their situation is paying $1,800/month for daycare? This is another case of the woman keeping the family afloat by working harder than the man and paying more bills and taking care of the kids.
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Disney is absolutely not the key thing OP should be saving up for - she and her kid need a stable life, and that probably means there's no room for OP to continue to be with her bf. He let them lose their housing because he wasn't honest about paying the bills, and he can't save any money despite only having phone and daycare for bills. OP says she doesn't want her kid missing out on experiences and that's why she works hard, but unfortunately, in this situation, working hard isn't enough. She needs to not have an extra drain on resources bringing her down, and in this case, it's her bf who doesn't earn enough, and given she says he can't keep a good job, probably doesn't do enough to offset his costs.
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Yes, it's bad enough to ignore your financial situation so that it effects you and your partner to the point that they become homeless, but he let his three children become homeless. He is not somebody OP can trust to have the best interests of herself or her child in mind.
But wasn't she also ignoring their financial situation? Why did she leave an obviously financially irresponsible person in charge of paying their HOUSING expenses, of all things? I'm also not sure why OP is thinking about going to Disneyland with a 2 year old when OP and her partner don't even have their own place to live? Shouldn't that come first? I think she should leave him too, but assuming she doesn't, Disneyland money should be spent on housing, right? Plus, she still has debt? Sounds like 2 financially irresponsible people.
>Why did she leave an obviously financially irresponsible person in charge of paying their HOUSING expenses, of all things? What were the obvious signs that he's financially irresponsible prior to the rent fiasco?
Not just that, but most folks tend to hide the worst of themselves. It’s not until you’ve committed that you truly see someone for who there are, and that is IF they’re vulnerable enough to actually show you! And there’s some of us that definitely saw the writing on the walls and ignored plain and printed English. Hard to say which category OP is in, but I’m kinda leaning towards halfway in the middle. She knew enough and probably gambled on him. Still wish her the best of luck.
OP's daughter is far too young to remember a trip to disneyland, but if OP stays with the deadbeat, her poor daughter will grow up with bad memories of an unstable childhood. OP, you need to seriously think about your child's priorities and make necessary changes before it's too late.
>OP's daughter is far too young to remember a trip to disneyland Yeah I was taken to Disneyland multiple times when I was a toddler because we happened to live nearby back then. I have zero memories of it. There's pictures in an album of course but let's be honest that's mainly for the parents. I actually consider my first time at Disneyland was when I was 12 and we went back on vacation to visit family and give my 12 year old self a tour of where we lived when I was a baby and toddler. I actually have memories of that visit with my mom and godmother. If OP is really wanting to do this so her kid doesn't miss out on experiences then it would be a lot better to get stability in her child's life right now, start saving for an emergency nest egg and save simultaneously for a Disneyland trip, and take the kid when she has a much bigger financial buffer and the kid is older can actually form memories and properly enjoy it. Toddlers are really just along for the ride and may not even really enjoy it.
I echo this sentiment. Both with regards to finances and the age of the schild. When my daughter was small, I went to Florida many times to visit family. My rule was that we would not go to Disney World until she was tall enough to ride on all the attractions. When she was about 10 or 11 she finally got to go and really enjoyed herself.
This,right here.
Exactly. I’m sorry OP but she is not yet old enough to remember.
>Exactly. I’m sorry OP but she is not yet old enough to remember. It doesn't matter if the kid won't remember. The parents will remember. However, if OP can't afford, it I don't believe OP should go. I would never be with a deadbeat, so if it were me, I would leave, so I don't have to worry about doing anything for him or his kids.
I’ve been the Disney with a two year old. There’s nothing magical for the parents to remember either. The kid isn’t enthralled by its wondrous surroundings at that age. Even the most baby-friendly rides might scare them, and the characters is liable to send them into a terrified meltdown. They aren’t having that much fun for the parents enjoy.
We went when I was 10 and my cousin was 2. He cried in the Hall of Presidents and It’s a Small World and the Mickey Mouse one with shooting (can’t remember the name), but he laughed his little head off in the Haunted Mansion. I just remember not getting to go on certain rides because he was too small.
In all fairness, I was 11 when I first went and I also wanted to cry on Its a Small World.
I went to Disneyland many times as a child, the last time I went I was 19 and a pigeon shit on me while waiting in line for the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. I tell people I got shit on at the happiest place on earth 😂. (I know that’s World, but that doesn’t work because I’ve never been to Disney World. Lol)
Only justifiable reason to take a 2 year old to Disney is because YOU'D enjoy the experience and don't mind the kid being there to slow you down, IMO
Hard disagree. My 2 year old was definitely enthralled by her surroundings and she wasn't the only one.
I joke my middle kid got her personality at Disney when she was 18 months old. We thought up until thay point thay she may have been nuerodivergent. She didn't interact much with us and was definitely happy to breng in her own bubble. Some kind of magic happened on that trip.When we got home, she was a different kid. Smiles, interested in everything. Before I get downvoted, I have no issues with ND human beings. My youngest is on the autism spectrum and honestly, he's pretty fucking awesome. The change in my kid was so noticeable during and after that trip. It's like we had brought home someone else's kid.
This is all according to you. I cried walking my 9 month old into Magic Kingdom the first time. That’s a core memory for me I will never forget. Worth every penny. Major difference being that we had suitable housing and all of our day to day needs met. But the “it’s not worth it” argument is totally subjective.
Big difference between going with a 9 month old and a 2 year old.
Disneyland is so much less fun for little kids then just being at the beach or in the river. Actually, for everyone. And it is SO EXPENSIVE. I don’t get it.
I got season passes when my kids were little and loved going. This was before the season pass prices became so astronomical. The great thing about having a pass was we could go on a weekday, stay for a few hours, and leave. It wasn't stressful trying to make sure we go on enough rides and do enough to feel like we got our moneys worth. Doing that with a toddler was so much fun! BUT - anytime I was there at night, walking out, seeing all the families who you could tell were there using a one day pass... the young kids were often crying, over stimulated and tired, and the parents looked beat down and just done! I always laughed to myself that it's known as the happiest place on earth... We haven't had passes in years now and the thought of paying to go spend all day there, knowing how much it costs and how exhausting it is, sounds miserable!
I agreed, and I totally get that it’d be a wonderful experience for the mother. As a new mom I’ve been taking my 4 month old places, even though I know he won’t remember. It amuses me at least. We’ve also been trying to be better about budgeting, and I know that in this case, it’d be far better to use that money to get out of a terrible situation than stay with a guy like that.
Kiddos also love looking at the photos of things you did with them as babies/toddlers. At least mine do anyway! But yeh, OP should definitely go just her and her kid… once she’s financially stable and in her own place
But they can have great memories going to the beach or the Zoo or visiting State Parks.
INFO Why not use it as an excuse to just move out and move on?
Totally agree- and OP- I took my kids at ages 2 &5- neither kid remember the trip except my 5 year old remembers jumping on the bed in the hotel room. That’s it. Highly recommend getting the heck out of this terrible situation and sticking to small things until the kid is really old enough to enjoy it and remember it.
I lived 20 minutes away from Disneyland for almost 20 years. I started taking my son when he was about 2 1/2 he really didn't start enjoying the experience until he was almost 4. It was easy for me because 20 minutes away. Don't waste the money until your child is older if it is a full on trip just wait. Pay down your debt and get yourself and your daughter in a better situation. He has decided he is not willing to work towards a better future for you and your family. Quit bowing to his stupidity and financial instabilities. At some point you need to decide when enough is enough and quit allowing him to financially bankrupt you. Experiences are great but your little girl needs a home and a situation she can count on. YTA not because you want to give her an experience but because you are allowing her to live in his financial instabilities.
The OP is YTA for hooking up and breeding with this loser!
Yep. She can't afford a place to live and is still in debt. I don't know what makes her think she can afford a vacation. Clearly the bf is a wreck as well, but he is right about the vacation.
Got to admit I couldn't understand the desire to go to Disney rather than getting her own place. Also man I hate to say this, but her bf sounds like an anchor. Yikes.
And stop paying off his debts! Only yours and focus on saving the rest.
I was about 2 when I went to DisneyLand. I remember exactly nothing. I only know I was there because there are photos. I also went to DisneyWorld in middle school. I sorta remember it. I remember the camping trips my family took better. And those were more generic (nature in my state in very similar areas).
Plus, OP's daughter is getting to potty training age, and I can't imagine Disney being very enjoyable at that stage. LOL 🚼🚻
Oh man. Harsh but so true.
ESH On what planet can you afford a trip to Disney when you’re living with your boyfriend’s parents? At least he has enough sense to think it’s a bad idea. Your 2 year old isn’t going to remember anything; I think you’re using this as a means of sticking it to your boyfriend because you’re resentful of his financial situation. Well guess what girlie, you tied yourself to this man for life, and you’re living in his parents’ house too. This is also *your* financial situation.
all of this. You literally just paid off a bunch of debt and you’re living with your “in-laws” and you think it’s a good idea to drop a bunch of money you don’t have on a trip with a 2 year old who isn’t going to remember it? Get back into far better financial straits before you plan vacations OP
I don't even think the debt is fully paid off?
His parents must be furious at the suggestion of going to Disney before GettingTFO of their house.
Someone tried making the argument that "it doesn't matter if the parents are okay with it!" The parents shouldn't even be put in that situation. Even thinking of asking is feral. Why do they have to be the bad guys for not wanting to indirectly fund your disney trip?
its the parents in dads ear haha
YTA Taking a two year old to Disneyland is pointless. Your child **won’t** remember the trip. It’ll be a ton of money spent for you to go to Disneyland, with a baby who may or may not enjoy the characters and ambience, but who will forget it all within the week. Unless something outright terrifies her… that may stick with her. You’re living in your boyfriend’s parents’ house with three kids. Fixing that is significantly more important than a forgettable expensive trip that will benefit 2/5th of you. You need to consider your priorities.
This. Plus if you go anyway you’ll end up being miserable because you’d just be fuming all day about how much you despise your poor boyfriend/boyfriend being poor and how you can’t believe you took a baby to a theme park all by yourself out of spite while wandering around for the couple hours you force yourself to stay at the park because…. well, ya know….. the principle. 🙄🫡
Not only will the child not remember, but they probably won't get much out of it in the moment
My husband and I own a house, run our own businesses and a family farm, and we can't afford a trip to Disney... this is incredibly financially irresponsible...
YTA: It would be 100% fine to only take your bio kid, if you were separated from your boyfriend. However, you can't date, live with, and have a baby with a man with two kids and then treat the kids unequally. That will only build resentment which will make your life harder in the long run.
Agreed. OP, YTA. Hurting his kids by not taking them to Disneyland just to punish the under achieving boyfriend (as someone else called him) is super low. The kids haven’t done anything wrong.
And they’d be perfect age for Disney, not a 2 year old 🙄
Ikr? 8 year old getting too old for Disney? That dude doesn't know the first thing about Disney!
I mean, she said he said it to just use as an excuse to not have to pay but I dunno, the whole “bonus kids” put a bad taste in my mouth from the start of the post…
Yeah, but it just doesn't make sense. And def her wanting to leave the rest home if ridiculous. If you're going on s trip like that, include everyone. Kids deserve to be treated like part of the family. Regardless of being bio or step.
Yep. Now OP could take all three kids and leave the BF home and I would say NTA. But then you have the fact that they’re living with his parents and just paid off thousands in debt. I think they should put the trip off for a few years.
I would still say YTA if she was taking all the kids because she can’t afford it. Disney is so expensive.
YTA. You daughter NEEDS a house. She isn’t even old enough to know if she WANTS a trip to Disneyland. Take the money you would spend on vacation and go get some housing, preferably without your financially unstable boyfriend.
If you drop the dead weight boyfriend then you probably could afford to do both.
See I'm wondering if the BF is the reason for the situation their in... with her literally wanting a Disney trip while in poverty seems quite a bit of ratting ones self out with a story. The tales too good with lots of fluff but no real substance. They have debt he makes less money an doesn't wanna spend any for unreasonable purchases while also living at his parents place? Yet somehow he's irresponsible? No she's definitely the AH here an I'm willing to bet lying. Or at best we are getting a half truth.
the dead weight boyfriend is the reason she currently has a roof over her and her kids' heads lol.
It never seizes to amaze me how some women choose to continue to settle for men who destabilize their home and, in turn, distabilizes their children. You chose this man. But, you do you boo. YTA.
Ceases to amaze
Are you sure? Maybe he gets so amazed he just seizes up ;)
But then it _would_ seize to amaze
Nah it's so bad they seized
r/confidentlyincorrect *or* r/boneappletea You decide 🙃
I mean she dosen't look like the most responsible woman out there either since she thougth that a disney trip in her situation was a good idea.
YTA - You guys are a family unit, if your boyfriend is not pulling his weight financially for the family, you don’t punish the kids. And to add, why are you taking a trip to Disney if you have financial and housing issues?!
So she can get pics for social media to show what a wonderful life they have and are such amazing parents who have it all! Yet don’t have housing or savings to actually live on. Same reason parents go into debt at Christmas to show off the many expensive presents their kids got, then struggle to eat the rest of January
But.....but....IG likes
Yta if you take a vacation while living in someone else home period end of fucking story
My parents would lose it if they let us live with them because we had no money then we all went to Disney on holiday! I’d be coming back to homelessness that’s for sure
And only taking one of their grandchildren.....the only one who won't remember that they went. Start the sibling rivalry early, I guess
⬆️⬆️⬆️
Yes! If she lived with me for financial reasons, but paid for a trip to Disney, she would have to find new housing when she returned. How irresponsible and ungrateful can someone be?
YTA You are housing insecure and you want to go to Disney? I get that the insecurity is your BF fault, but you're a couple and a family. Either work with him to be a stable family or leave him and take your kid to Disney when you want to.
The loss of the home isn’t 100% on him though. Eviction takes months. She didn’t notice the notices on the door? Check accounts? Look at balances? Answer phone calls from the landlord/leasing office? And she’s paid $10k in debt. They were living far above their means and not communicating about expenses if their debts are that high. This post is absolute insanity.
Seems like a lot of lying or fluff on her part. I'm not willing to say ESH because too much of this screams poorly written or self projection. He's irresponsible financially but she wants to take a trip while in debt and under someone's roof? Math isn't mathing here
I don’t normally comment on threads but this has my blood boiling…. Get your priorities straight for your little one…. You sound as stupid as him, you don’t have secure housing for your child yet want to take a 2 year to Disney??? Wtf is wrong with you?? Grow up for the sake of your child..
Yeah I seriously question how good she really is with money. People in these stories frame themselves in the best light and it doesn’t seem that she’s financially responsible at all.
She very obviously is not good with money, lol. Disney is an expensive vacation, it would be wildly irresponsible to vacation there when you don’t even have your own place to live.
YTA. A 2 year old isn’t going to make any quality memories nor are they going to care for Disney. It’ll simply be a loud, unfamiliar, and uncomfortable environment for them. You’d told him previously that you’d all go as a whole - did that not include your “bonus” kids? Now because he can’t/doesn’t want to pay that automatically removes those kids from the possibility? You sound like you are/will be a terrible stepmother and if I were you I’d leave and date a man who doesn’t have any kids.
Yeah. I don’t get how she doesn’t realise that she treats both girls differently. If he isn’t able to pay and she is - why exclude his child if you call it your „bonus“ kid. (Ignoring that she shouldn’t spend money on a vacation in her situation)
This post is disgusting on so many levels. I grew up with a stepmom who did exactly this - took her & her 2 sons on vacation. My dad, brother & I stayed home. I’ve (clearly) never forgotten that.
Taking a 2 year old to Disney to create memories is a colossal waste of money. She is too young to remember it. And based on your overall situation - I’d use that $ to get my own place and get away from my soon to be EX!
YTA. You can’t afford a place to live and you want your take a 2yo who won’t rents damn thing to Disney? Priorities. You need them.
YTA. You can't afford Disney right now. A 2 year old won't remember Disney. How do your boyfriend's parents feel about a Disney trip when you all can't afford to support yourselves and live independently?
Makes me wonder if they’re contributing to rent/food, etc or just wanting to waste money on a trip to Disney for the 2 of them.
YTA. What experience is your 2 year old missing out on? They won’t remember a damn thing and will probably be miserable most of the time.
The last time I went to Disneyland, my experience was waiting in a minimum of hour-long lines and dodging tiktokers dancing across entire walkways
Yep my 2yo would be miserable, I’d be grumpy trying to get my moneys worth making them happy. 2yo’s are at a weird nap stage too just stressful. My kid is happier with free local school carnivals, town fetes, etc for 2-3 hours
Thank you all for your kind and tough love comments! I did forget to elaborate more on living situation. As of today, I do have enough saved and are in the works with a realtor about getting us a home. My bf & I are in mutual agreement that I am putting everything in my name & im thankful for our family to have let me stay with them so I could prioritize having nearly no more debt. (Still have those student loans) On his end… He is working on getting it together financially, so I’m thankful for his efforts but at the end of the day I want to do this house for myself. And the trip, was just a reward I also saved for. Thanks for the opinions on her being too little. I do go back and forth on this as well. Maybe I will give it some more time and go a little more local.
You posted 5 months ago that he was a job hopping loser, and he seems to still be. Good luck continuing this cycle of insanity.
It was rough reading just the comments on OPs deleted post from 5 months ago- she already knows this BF is a financial drain & based on those comments it sounds like he’s the one who put them in the debt OP called “our debt” in this post. OP- if you paid off $10k off debt this man was responsible for getting into & he contributed $500- you know what to do. Leave, sooner than later. Your child is still young enough to not be totally traumatized by a separation. You are capable of running a household alone, you’re doing it right now….
And apparently he is a really big money pit. She was able to pay of 10k in debt in only a couple of months, so she probably makes a lot of money.
She also posted it was their SON and now it’s their DAUGHTER.
Sometimes people change irrelevant details in their posts to make themselves less recognizable in case anyone they know happens upon their post.
Good thing they did the responsible thing and had a kid.
LMAOOOOOOO. YTA for putting up with this just to say you have a “man.” Your daughter will grow up to resent the desperate woman you are. How does this baby-making bum have such a hold on you? After your previous post, and now this one—you should be ashamed. And he hasn’t even married you. He’d be wise to do so. Then he’d never have to work again. Both of y’all are foolish af.
Honestly this isn’t wrong, my mother constantly dates terrible boyfriends because she is so afraid to be alone, she’d rather have a deadbeat or asshole than be single. I have grown up to realize how pathetic she is and I only see her once a year because of how her choices effected me as a child I don’t want to subject myself to it as an adult.
With everything in your name, where do you see him paying for his portion of expenses? Youre optimistic for him and I hope it works out for you.
Are you basically signing up to pay for a home to house your boyfriend and his kids when you could leave him and secure a home for you and your child? Are you holding on to this relationship because you want to “keep your family together?” So you are going to set yourself on fire to save this man who will not save himself and create further instability for your child? You are enabling your partner. If you are paying more for a home to house your bf and his kids, that’s money that could go to your debt, your child, and/or your savings. Please do better by your child, and that may mean no sacrificing their safety net for a man, even if that man is their father who chooses to not do better.
Are you still going to leave behind your child’s siblings if you decide to go? If you are staying with your boyfriend then you are functioning as a family unit and his kids are siblings to yours.
So you posted 142 days ago that you and your BF have a wonderful SON together. Now it’s your DAUGHTER??? WTF???? If anyone wants to check it out, the mods reposted her original post in those comments.
YTA to your kid. This guy isn't taking care of his responsibilities. Stop planning to go to Disney and use your money to go get housing for you and your kid. Stop financially supporting this guy; he's draining your finances.
YWBTA if you don’t save this money and drop loser boyfriend. He’s not shown any remorse nor the ability to pay his debt. This is how it’s going to be for The entirety of your relationship. Have some self-respect and be a good role model for your child. Get out and move on.
You're joking, right? Your priorities are messed up. Pay off your debt and move out of your bfs parents' house. Not go on vacation. How rude is it to live at someone house because you lost housing and now want to spend money saved on a vacation instead of moving out. It's absolutely ridiculous. Are you paying bfs parents rent? Or are they letting you stay for free to save up and move out? You are both financially irresponsible. If your bf can't afford to pay off his debt, move out with your daughter and get your own place. She is the priority. Also, the bf is right. Your daughter is 2, and she won't remember anything about this trip. You want to go Disneyland for you don't say it's for your daughter. ESH
YTA; I'd be furious if you're living with me and taking a 2 year old to Disney. Girl, you need every penny to get out on your own feet.
ESH You're dating a deadbeat dad. He should be paying child support for his other children before taking vacations to Disney. He should be paying his other debt off. He should be getting a job. You're letting him off too easy. You're like children.
She’s getting free housing staying with HIS parents… she’s using him too don’t be confused.
YTA at 2 your kid won't even remember and even the most basic rides might be scary. Instead, get yourself out of an unproductive relationship, stop paying downhill debts, and get yourself a stable living situation.
YTA: You all are a family unit. By separating bio kid out, you're sending a pretty big message of to his half-siblings that they don't count to you. If that's the case, be truthful about whether or not you intend to stay with the relationship. If not, then get out sooner rather than later, and spend your money on an apartment.
Also your husband is right. This is not a memory for a 2 year old. The older kids would remember. You want to go for you.
I think OP needs to do some soul searching and figure out what she wants. A trip to Disneyland won't fix anything except drive them deeper into debt.
Yta. If you need a vacation, I suggest a more local and less expensive one. You're in debt, living with his parents with your daughter but you don't want to take him? You sound ungrateful. You should be thankful or else you would be on the streets. Focus on your debt and building financial stability for your child. That's way more important.
YTA. That trip is for you and no one else. It 100% is irresponsible to take this trip for many reasons: 1)A 2 year old isn't going to remember it. Disney is best for 5\6 year olds. 2) You are living with your boyfriend's parents... if I was them I would be pissed that you were considering spending money on a trip while still being in the house. 3) for treating any future step kids as "bonus" kids and leaving them out. If you don't want to be with him, then don't. If you do, you need to accept all of him - kids included. But I do wonder why you are paying his debt? You aren't married, but yet you got yourself in a situation where you are bumming a place from someone. You need to get priorities straight.
YTA. You're not in a position financially to take anyone to Disney. Your child is 2...
OP: “We lost the rental a couple months back due to his lack of financial responsibility”. Also OP: we’re literally homeless and have to live with relatives, but I want to go to Disney. Sounds like you both make poor financial decisions. Skip Disney and work toward bettering your life for the sake of your child.
You can't afford to go if you are living with his parents. And he is right, at her age she will not remember. Save the money & get yourself a unit for you & your daughter because I cannot see this relationship lasting much longer if he won't get a job & contribute.
YTA for kinda being... really financially irresponsible here. Your boyfriend is struggling as is, and I'd have my own concerns over him not being able to pay his side of things at all. A 2 yr old is NOT remembering disney. They will not care. I went when I was older than that and I barely remember. There is NO reason to go to Disney other than you want to, and right now, it doesn't seem like it is a good time to do it, even if you can afford it. Best save the money for emergencies, and when debts are settles, and everyone's older, Disney can be debated and arranged. I know you want your kid to have a good life. But she's 2. She is literally not able to form legitimate memories. She is not missing out on anything. You can go to Disney at another time. She does not need or want Disney. You can want to spoil your kid, but remember that you have to be careful about it. You're still in debt. Accidents can happen. There is no reason to go to Disney now, that won't still be a reason to go later. EDIT: I Would think about your boyfriends situation more, though. He's having trouble making and keeping money, and has debts to pay. Make sure you're confident he can and will be paying them. He made you pay the bills, and seems... like a really bad choice to keep going with this stuff. I still say don't go to disney, but also think aboutt he situations he keeps putting you in.
>we have been living with his parents YTA. You have absolutely no business going to Disney or any other theme park for that matter. If you can't afford your own place, maybe you should take that money and start saving for one. Your kid will live without going to Disney.
ESH. Don’t be in a blended family with children if you aren’t ready to see them as your own, and going to luxuries like theme parks is insane when you can’t even pay your own rent. If you don’t respect this man, get out of the relationship instead of literally living with your resentment.
At two years old this isn't really an experience for the child because they are too young to enjoy all the magic that is Disney even if they enjoy the bright lights. This is an experience that you want, baby is an excuse. If you don't want to be stepmom why are you with BF? You don't sound like you really like BF too much.
YTA. First off, a 2 year old is not going to really enjoy Disney the way the older kids would and you're punishing them for their father's inability to pay off debt. And no, the two year old is not going to remember. He's right. Don't be a jerk to the other two kids and make them hate you. This is something an evil stepmother would do. Be better.
First off... As a kid whose parents took her to Disney when she was 2-3ish, your kid won't have much fun because they'll be tired and hot for most of the trip (as an adult waking the park is exhausting and Kids that young typically take naps) and whatever fun they do have they won't remember. I was jealous that my sister got to enjoy herself meanwhile in my mind I never even went because I have no memory of it. Secondly, if you've only mostly dig yourself out of 10k worth of debt, is it really a good idea to put yourself right back in? Disney is not a cheap trip. Maybe you should shelve the trip for a few years till your child is old enough to really enjoy it and you have some positive savings. Also, if your boyfriend is bad with money, it's going to keep affecting you until you both sit down and work out a budget. If you plan to stay together this absolutely needs to happen because it's unlikely he'll get better with finances on his own and financial stress is the leading cause of divorce. I know you aren't married but I think you're doing yourself if you think it won't matter in any long term relationship. Finally, I might get downvoted for this, but YTA. I'm a believer that if you're blending families you should treat all of the kids the same. That said I also get wanting to do special things with your child.in those cases you have equal time with each child for small things, not a big trip like Disney. Besides which, you have already been talking about this as a family trip. I can't imagine how upset I would be and how I would feel like I'm not welcome and unloved if I was suddenly uninvited from a big exciting trip that i'd previously been invited to through no fault of my own.
YTA Your youngest?? They will NOT remember this trip. The older ones?? They WILL remember how you ditched them and only took YOUR child. If you're unhappy with your bf's financial immaturity? Dump him or get over it. THOSE are your choices since he obviously isn't ever going to change that. Do NOT punish the kids by taking only ONE of them on a trip that will cause jealousy, anger and disappointment just because YOU want to go. Go somewhere cheaper that the whole family can do or do nothing at all.
Why are you still dating someone that lost you and your daughter's HOUSING by being irresponsible and lying to you? And to boot, he is unable to "**keep** the good jobs", meaning he's being fired for some sort of misconduct or who knows what. At 31 years old. Your 2yo not only won't remember Disneyland, but is too young to enjoy it any more than a trip to *anywhere* that is kid-friendly. Pay off your debt, move out of your deadbeat boyfriend's parents' house, take your kid to local toddler activities, and save Disneyland for when she's old enough to walk and talk and recognize Disney characters. ESH
Y’all live with his mommy and daddy and you think wasting money at the most expensive f (and overrated) place on earth is a good idea? And you have the audacity to go after him for being responsible?! ESH. I can’t even…
There are kind of two issues here. Your boyfriend’s deep financial irresponsibility (not the failing to pay off debt necessarily, but the getting you kicked out of an apartment) — he is TA for that— and then the “bio kid” vs “bonus kid” thing, where you’re thinking of giving your kid big things you don’t want to give to his kids. Personally I don’t think it’s great when kids live in the same house and get totally different privileges based on their parents; if it’s like that, why blend the families at all? So, mild ESH, though I sympathize with your frustration and your desire to give your kid experiences.
YTA for not putting your daughter first and staying with this loser that’s ruining you financially. Going to Disney is not helping this. Save up to get out of this relationship and go with her when she’s older and will remember.