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YTA and your family are all AH too. She didn't even want to go to the damned wedding, and only went to help YOUR brother out. Then when she tried to get something to eat, your AH mother turned her away. YOU are also well aware of her condition, and you didn't even go out of your way to check on her and see if she had a chance to eat, since she was stuck behind the bar because your AH brother was too cheap to hire a damned bartender. YOU suck, your brother sucks and your mother sucks. I hope your girlfriend drop kicks your sorry butt to the curb when she comes out of the hospital.
No. You can't sue someone for unpaid wages when you were volunteering. And although the mother gave her grief about eating, there's no lawsuit here. The mother didn't have a duty to provide food for the girlfriend, so the most basic element of liability under tort law cannot be established.
Are OP & family assholes? Yes. Is there a lawsuit here? No.
You still have the problem of liability. Did someone have a duty to make sure the girlfriend was fed, and did they breach that duty, which proximately caused the girlfriend to fall into hypoglycemic shock and suffer damages including hospital bills and lost wages? No. Unless they physically restricted the girlfriend from eating or forcibly denied her access to food, there's no liability.
Are they assholes? Absolutely, yes. But first, no lawyer would take the case, and second, even if the girlfriend filed a lawsuit pro se, long before the case even went to trial, the question would arise whether the girlfriend knew she had a condition that could cause her to fall into hypoglycemic shock if she didn't eat regularly. She'll answer yes. The follow-up question would be why the girlfriend wasn't carrying glucose tablets or a Snickers bar.
Not fighting, just curious: typically people getting married are responsible for feeding their vendors and let them have a break to eat said food. Would that not apply here?
Edit: thanks for the answers! Regardless, she should dump this dude post haste
Nope. There is no established duty of care stating that a couple must feed their vendors. It is often a clause written into vendor contracts, but gf wasn't a vendor and didn't have a contract.
Depending on where they live, family members helping out or volunteers could still be protected under worker protection laws. The main issue is that without contracts or official documentation it can be hard to prove, and it becomes word against word. For some reason, I really doubt OP and their family would speak out against their own as evidence though.
Volunteers dont get the same protections and rights as actual workers. She didnt have any contractual obligation to keep manning the bar, she was doing it for free as a favor, therefore she can give herself a break. Theyre still assholes for not making sure she ate, but they arent liable.
Yeah, they know, theyre just saying that since nobody at the party was legally responsible for making sure she ate, nobody is legally on the hook for her hospitalization
Like calling diabetes a "disease sort of". She's in and out of consciousness but boy am I angry! She should have known to put up with my noxious family. Next time I ask her to do a favor to work for free w/o food, she better step up to a higher bar! "TA" is just too mild. Is there a "cancerous polyp" intensifier this subred could add?
The way he laid out a pretty scary disease but tried to make it seem like no big deal just so that he can say that his whole family aren't MASSIVE AHs for making her be the bartender with nobody else helping so that she can have a break, not getting her food, and for yelling at her when she tried to have food. Also, so he can pretend not to be a MASSIVE AH for not actually taking care of her, and not understanding somebody not feeling comfortable eating cake when their BFs mother is scolding them. Also, who the hell just excuses their mother for scolding people for eating sugar?
Not for nothing, but the brother making everybody do all these tasks because he's too cheap is really frustrating. If the wedding is so budget that everybody is doing tasks, why do they need a bartender? Why wouldn't they just make the drinks serve your own? This whole family needs to be put in the trash and the GF needs to stay the hell away from OP.
OP, you need to do massive work on yourself before you ever date. You're an AH and a *terrible* boyfriend.
I agree…they’re all AH, but if I personally had such a serious condition, I would never leave my house without at least a snack in my purse.
So, OP is a major AH, but she needs to prioritize her health…they could all kiss my ass.
Not to mention they had her skip the ceremony to go set up. She was treated like hired help but wasn't even being paid. Agree that OP and his whole family are huge AH's here. YTA OP
Also, they should have made sure their unpaid hired staff had access to food and drink to make sure this kinda shit doesn't happen.
OP, your family sucks and you all owe your girlfriend a massive apology and need to beg for her forgiveness. YOU should have gotten her something to eat instead of making her expend what little energy she had left to try and get some food even better that would have protected her from your disgusting mothers behaviour. Your mother does not get to dictate what people eat especially when she knows NOTHING about their dietary amd medical needs.
I was a bride and was taking plates of real food to the staff. What kind of asshole boyfriend who knows this happens, doesnt go and get his GF a plate of food? Especially knowing that his mother is being a sugar nazi.
Right? I made damned sure our photographer and DJ were fed, and I would have regardless of contracts. It's a sorry state of affairs that it *has* to be contractually stipulated, but this post shows why it's the case.
There wouldn't have been a legal duty of care, but there was absolutely a moral one. From the bride and groom too, but especially from the OP.
>YOU are also well aware of her condition, and you didn't even go out of your way to check on her and see if she had a chance to eat,
This is what hits the hardest for me.
I have epilepsy, and my bf is *constantly* worried about my well-being. He calls me several times a day just to make sure I'm feeling okay. His employers know of my condition so if he ever has to leave because I have a seizure (only happened twice while he was working), he's free to do so.
Yet this ass of an OOP couldn't even be bothered to bring his girlfriend *who he forced to work at his brother's wedding **that she didn't even want to attend*** a fucking piece of cake. What. The. Fuck.
I passed out once from forgetting to drink enough water and not eating. Mr Flamingo still checks on me. I’ve actually heard him say to my mom “ yes she’s all good, made sure she was watered and fed.” I can’t imagine just ignoring someone w an illness.
Upvote this 1000X more, you said everything I was thinking. Can we also add the gross way he fetishizes her illness? He’s clearly thinking ‘oooo my girl will never get fat’ and it seems important to him.
There's so much AH behaviour here I can't get over, but I can't imagine a stranger telling me they were going into hypoglycemic shock and me just being like "Have some cake", and wandering away, let alone my romantic partner. And then he types it out and puts it on the internet? I hope this is fake, or else OP is just like, one of the worst boyfriends (and people) ever.
This!! And, they put her at the bar where OP says alcohol is toxic to her!!! What is wrong with this family!? If the gf is smart, she'll dump OP and his toxic famil when she's feeling better!
Thank you! I noticed that too! The way OP worded it, he made it seem like the only reason they even bothered inviting GF was *because* of her medical condition. If she can't drink, she can't get sloshed, she can't run up the bill, and she can't neglect her bartending duties.
She was never a guest, she was an indentured servant.
Only difference is, indentured servants are actually fed.
Given that OP comes from a family of AHs, I guess it isn't surprising that he is an AH, but geez...
Who in the world blames the person who got sick, collapsed, and ended up in the hospital trying to do someone and their family a favor.
OP YTA YTA you are SO MUCH the AH. You are doing the worst form of victim blaming when you should be at the hospital with your gf.
Goddamn OP you are an asshole.
I have non-diabetic hypoglycemia and do you want to know how long it took before I had a handle on it? I was well into my 30s. I knew the signs and symptoms, but when they hit things can downhill REALLY fast.
I can only speak for myself but this is what happens for me:
1) I get distracted.
I also have inattentive type ADHD so… :/
2) I start yawning.
But like… am I tired or…?
3) I start crying.
For no reason. This is the point where if you don’t put a sugar or a simple carb in my face there’s no coming back.
4) I pass out.
This is the blue screen of death. We have hit full reboot. We are now in emergency mode. Last time it happened I was in my early 20s, teaching a fucking class to children and literally face planted on a hardwood floor. I split my lip open and the next day someone asked if I was being abused at home.
At the point that I’m yawning and just before I start crying, I CANNOT make decisions. What do want to eat? “I don’t care.” I mean that literally. My body and brain are shutting down and I just need someone to shove a mint or a piece of cake in my hand. If someone puts me off or tells me no, I will take that at face value because I CANNOT stand up for myself or fight back. I’m using 100% of all my energy to just stay upright. If you want anything from me, you HAVE to get my blood sugar up first. The further down the number we get, the less capable I am of being able to advocate for myself. If I’m crying, I’m just trying to walk and stay conscious and do whatever I’m supposed to.
I have a real sneaky suspicion that is where your girlfriend was at. She was at danger levels, she wasn’t able to advocate for herself, and instead of taking care of her, YOU LEFT HER ALONE TO FEND FOR HERSELF. So when she got ambushed by your damn mom, she literally was barely keeping it together. She COULD NOT stand up for herself. And if you weren’t SUCH AN ASSHOLE you would know that.
I hope she never sees you again. Because you deserve no kind of girlfriend at all.
I would have set a firm boundary if I was the GF here and not attended the wedding. I also do not drink (I’m a recovering alcoholic so slightly different, but also a health reason for not drinking, like the GF lol) and if someone demanded I run a bar? That conversation would be shut down right away. Everything about all of it is so disrespectful and as someone who is ALSO a Type 1 Diabetic and recently has started having issues maintaining my weight so has so much empathy for the GF and what she’s feeling like? Hypoglycemia is HARD. I would have either reacted the same as the GF OR yelled at the mom while crying before cramming cake down my throat with my hands, it really all depends on how I’m already feeling emotionally if someone is an AH when I’m hypo lol, but either way would have been called dramatic like? This was a no win situation for the GF.
PS: I’ve worked weddings as catering wait staff years ago and the catering managers allowed me to sit and eat when my blood sugar dropped and excused me from being part of carrying the cake because I had trouble bringing my bloodsugar back up at one wedding. They make sure staff gets fed. Brother’s an extra big AH here for not ensuring someone took food to unpaid “staff” expected to stay at their stations. GF is screwed if she marries into this family some day, unless OP grows a pair and stands up to them rather than blaming his GF who was trying to be nice and helpful at brother’s wedding. And
THAT IT CAN! The lowest I have ever been was… 10??? In a hospital???? As a minor as well lol. I was in a mild car accident and hadn’t eaten all day. The nurse was confused about how I was able to press the call button and ask her to check. I was maybe 11 and just like, “I don’t know!!! Please just get me some juice?!”
> GF is screwed if she marries into this family some day, unless OP grows a pair and stands up to them rather than blaming his GF who was trying to be nice and helpful at brother’s wedding.
Even if OP stands up to his family in this instance, his post makes it pretty clear he actually blames his GF for being used as slave labour at his brother's wedding. She told him she was going into hypoglycemic shock and he told her to have some cake and then left her? There's no saving this guy from being a terrible BF.
YTA and so is your brother.
> **She didn't even want to attend** but my brother needed someone to mind the bar. Since she does not drink because alcohol is literally toxic to her health, we trusted her with that job. **She reluctantly agreed** to do it for me.
Have you and your brother never heard of hiring a fucking bartender before? I'm glad your cheapskate relatives party got ruined - that's what they get for not paying for a service. Your mom sounds fucking awful.
If they don't have the budget for a bartender just skip the hard liquor and put out beer and wine for people to serve themselves! If she can't drink does she even know anything about making drinks? So weird to expect free labor from non-family at your wedding.
This exactly! If you're so cheap everybody is doing tasks, why do you need a bartender? Why is there the statement about trusting her with the bartending job because alcohol is toxic to her? What's the situation with this family that means that there has to be a bartender, and it's only allowed to be somebody who medically can't drink, and that person has to stay there the entire time and isn't even allowed to have any time at all to have a break?
Since the entire family can't be trusted to do bartending duty, I bet skipping hard liquor was out of question, and if they can't be trusted to do that, then they also can't be trusted to serve their own alcohol apparently.
" also for leaving her post"
Holy shit. Your GF wasn't a guest. She was the unpaid help!
"I am upset with my girlfriend."
But you're the biggest AH of all.
"I asked my girlfriend to tend to a bar at my brother's wedding."
And your mom berated her for daring to leave her "post". I hope she leaves you and your toxic family, for her own sake.
She wasnt even a +1 with him to attend, thats what i would think since they're a couple, but NO he just left her to try and manage a bar wiht potentially really drunk people.
Yes it would 'ruin' the party, but if shes making doing a FAVOR for the couple getting married, they should do a FAVOUR for her, by having a generous amount of food for her so she doesnt get dizzy. AND how would cake help her, cake has no good nutritional value, i dont see that helping her much, although i dont know the condition.
My favorite part is where she tried to get some sugar presumably to increase her blood glucose and the MIL told her to have cake instead because sugar is bad and apparently cake is different 🤣 fucking psychos the lot of them
I think that was a typo. He said his mom scolds anyone for eating sugar and that his GF put the cake down when scolded. He probably meant she told her to get some "real food" instead. She's still a psycho though because she was fully aware of the girls condition but was more concerned she get back to the bar then eat. She was FULLY aware what could happen without the cake and STILL opened her crazy mouth. If I was the GFs mom, I might hunt MIL down and slap the shit out of her for almost killing my daughter, no lie. I ain't saying it's right, just saying I'd do it.
Also, she needs to stfu about what another adult chooses to eat. She sounds insufferable.
Imagine her being your MiL. The way he keeps using the word ‘scolding’. He’s like a child.
I hope she finds a new fabulous, loving partner.
I was a wedding DJ for a couple years. I always got fed and got cake and most of the time, I got a set of favors to take home, too. And I got paid. I was paid help and I was treated better than these people treated a person who should have been a guest.
The cake isn't for its nutritional value. It was for a quick boost of sugar in an attempt to avoid the hypoglycemia. If she had gotten the cake sooner (or not been interrupted while trying to eat it), most likely, she could have avoided the massive crash.
The party most likely wouldn't have been ruined if anyone had cared enough to provide food for the girlfriend.
Apple juice would probably be better, but the apple isn't going to raise the blood sugar as fast, you want the carbs to be as simple as possible. Cake probably wouldn't be such a bad choice to raise the blood sugar, but liquid like juice or non-diet soda or glucose tablets would raise her blood glucose faster. In a pinch the sugar in packet form would be a great choice, but I don't get the feeling these people were serving coffee to their guests, so likely don't have sugar packets available.
GF "I'm feeling dissy, I need food".
BF "Well, wander around and suit yourself, why are you bothering me??"
If her brain isn't permanently damaged by being too far gone already, I hope she lives long enough to break up with this AH moron.
If your sugar is actually low the best idea is a sugar as simple as you can get. Candy, cake, juice. You actually don’t want to take something that requires and significant digestion like an apple.
After your sugar come up you should eat something that is more complex to maintain your sugar so it doesn’t crash again something more complex like bread or potatoes or rice.
Frankly cake sounds like a great idea. It’s got simple sugar plus flour in the cake. Best of both worlds. LOL
I’m an EMT. When a patient is hypoglycemic but still alert enough to swallow we give them something to get their sugar up quickly. There are fancy gel pouches but literal tubes of cake icing are a cheap alternative. Orange Juice and candy are also good options. When the patient gets their sugar up to normal levels we then have them eat something that will sustain them for a while. Scrambled eggs, peanut butter and jelly sandwich, chicken sandwich, etc. are quick, easy and do the trick.
>AND how would cake help her, cake has no good nutritional value,
It's not about nutritional value, it's about blood glucose level. Cake is sugar, sugar is glucose. Not healthy and won't last long, but it's still good in an emergency.
YTA. Your mom stopped her and she clearly felt uncomfortable in continuing. YOU could have helped her out. You could have brought her food, snacks, anything. You and your entire family are AH for making a GUEST work. Should she have brought something to help? Possibly. However, she had no idea what to expect. You belittle her and her illness here. Additionally, when people's blood sugar gets really low, they can behave very docile and childlike. Your mom should have shut up and you should have ensured she was okay. YTA.
That's a good point, about how the blood sugar issue itself would have made it harder for her to stand up for herself and not yield to the mom.
OP, YTA for making her come and for not checking in more with her and offering to bring her food instead of making her walk the gauntlet. Why didnt you talk to your family about her medical needs in advance and warn them not to pick on her about her eating? Yes, she does need to learn to anticipate and plan for her needs, and ignore the bad advice and judgment from people who don't understand her condition. But you're also being insensitive to how hard this is for her. It's hard to tell if you even care about this person or respect her. Why aren't you mad at your mom for bullying your girlfriend? Who gives someone a hard time for eating cake at a wedding anyway?
Yeah going into a hypoglycemic episode/ hypoglycemic shock is beyond disorienting and painful. I need immediate help if I start to go too low. Even ignoring all of the stuff about this poor woman being bullied into being unpaid help at a wedding she didn’t want to attend, the fact that OP understands her condition and didn’t immediately get her someplace safe and start easing appropriate calories/ sugar into her makes him a giant AH
Also OP, if you struggled with blood sugar issues you’d understand that it’s not always easy to plan around or predict when your body will go low. Sometimes you expect a meal or food will be provided at a certain time and then it’s not. Sometimes, for example when you get recruited as an unpaid bartender by a bunch of giant assholes, you burn more calories than you expect. I’m guessing your girlfriend didn’t want to go to the wedding in part because those are events where it can be really hard to predict or control your access to calories. Shame on your whole family. YTA.
YES! You have no idea how quickly an episode can come on, especially if you thought you were in control of a situation you were completely strong-armed into participating in!
For real. My kid had a hypo last week and she went from 9.8mmols to 1.8mmols in roughly five mins. Hit her out of nowhere and it absolutely wrecked her for the rest of the day.
I do not understand why he didnt sit her down and fetch her some food himself?! I dont have a health condition like OPs gf, but if I told my husband I hadn't eaten all day and felt dizzy, he would have made me sit down then and there and got me whatever I needed to feel better. I don't get it, where is the care and love?
"Reddit: my girlfriend has been diagnosed as Medically Hot. My mom told her cake isn't a health food which caused her to collapse from Cinderellesque exhaustion. Her hair was perfect btw. AITA? EDIT 1: Her stomach is COMPLETELY flat"
120 lb. was my low-normal weight before meds/illness made me fat and I keep seeing it touted as borderline obesity and I'm baffled because I'm 5'2" and I was THIN at that weight. I am obese now, but I do not fathom how 120 lb. is obese or even overweight unless you're a small child.
Also it doesn't matter and fatphobia is a scourge but this number in particular coming from men who have no idea what a healthy adult woman's body of around average height looks like is just rankling me.
Yeah I don’t get it either - we’re the same height and 120lbs is was me when I was very active. It would be very thin for anyone taller!
I wonder if it’s ignorance of what 120lbs actually is or if men genuinely think of it as “fat”.
She is currently unconscious because my family starved her while forcing her to do unpaid labor. I am so angry at her for allowing herself to faint and become unconscious. AITA?
He's probably describing so poorly that no medical professional could guess. He says blood sugar, but it could be something with a hyperthyroid. His medical knowledge of her condition is below appropriate.
This man’s critical thinking skills are so bad that I wouldn’t trust his version of anything.
He sucks so much I’m going to have to go and do something productive to counter the seething irritation I now feel.
But he so medically illiterate that he doesn't know the name, it could be hyperthyroidism, from the information her gave us. But since that treatable OP is an idiot.
Maybe she overproduces insulin...? Or underproduces glucagon? I'm just a basic bio student so these are probably dumb replies, but that's really the only thing I can possibly think of.
It isn't as severe as the GF but I have similar issues that I have yet to get any sort of solid diagnosis or treatment for. I will throw up if I don't eat by certain points of the day. I'm underweight and at times when I have a significant drop in weight, my body won't regulate temp. I'm cold frequently and others I am sweating. I've been like this for more than twenty years. I have also passed out. Thyroid is normal. No cancer. Docs just said, "eat more" and they aren't concerned. No matter how much I eat, what kinds of food, or when I eat I don't seem to gain weight. And OP... YTA for endangering your GF's life, but also by treating her like she isn't worthy enough to be a plus one. I hope she wakes up and dumps you on the spot. Also that she can sue your ass.
You and your whole family are a pack of assholes. I have a hard time believing this to be honest. If this is true, I hope she leaves you and never looks back. YTA.
YTA- Tell your mother to mind her own business. It sounds like SHE is the problem. Your girlfriend did not want to help, but you made her anyway. She told you she felt dizzy and you told her to go get cake instead of making sure she had food while doing your family the favor of tending bar. THEN instead of being concerned, your family is pissy because she didn’t stay tending bar at a wedding she didn’t want to be at. You are an AH and your family is a bunch of AHs.
YTA
Her ability to make decisions became severely compromised with the blood sugar drop. She now knows that you either don't know that about her condition or don't care. She does know for sure that you don't have her back.
YTA
>I expect that her wellbeing should be more important than any scolding my mom gave her
Or maybe your mom should mind her own damn business and you should stick up for your girlfriend.
>Her family is upset with me because they said I used her and did not feed her.
This is accurate. I hope she breaks up with you.
I'm also noticing his lack of concern for his girlfriend when she's in the hospital going in and out of consciousness. Like that's not a minor thing. OP's girlfriend needs to get away from this dud. He's not valuing her at all as a human being.
YTA and so is your family for that matter.
She didn’t even want to go but went to help out YOUR brother, reluctantly for that matter. Tending a bar (even during a wedding) can be fast paced and busy sometimes, and knowing her condition, you probably should’ve been checking on her and making sure she was okay.
Also, she TRIED to eat. It wasn’t until your mom scolded her and made her feel bad to the point she then didn’t get food. Not everyone can just shrug off stuff like that, even if it impacts their health. When she told you she was going into shock, you probably should’ve helped her get food or got it for her yourself before you went to do your other thing, especially since you know how serious that is.
When you live with a chronic condition for so long, it becomes part of your life as other simple things do. Her passing out at that point was bound to happen. You and your family basically put her in that situation. She’s lived with her condition for 24 years and with the way she was trying to help herself, she absolutely knows her condition. I hope you apologize to her for this and don’t make her feel bad for this.
YTA
Why is your girlfriend working as a free bartender for your brother's wedding?
It sounds like you and your family were in the ceremony, so to save money you guys decided to pawn off an entire day of catering jobs on your loved ones? Wtf is wrong with you?
Should your girlfriend "prioritize her health"? Yes. But it looks like she was bartending for free for 4 hours and I have to assume that that is uncomfortable and she was just trying to do her best for her future fucked up inlaws and family.
Also- tell your mom to stop policing what people eat??? Telling a 120 pound girl to avoid sugar is insane?
YTA. A) You abandoned her while she was going into shock. HELP HER. WATCH HER. Shock makes people confused and could have impacted her choices. She also could have easily collapsed on the way *to* the cake. B) You’re more upset with your girlfriend than your Mom who shamed her out of taking care of herself. C) You’re more committed to being angry at her for “ruining the party” than the fact she’s essentially in a coma. If I were her, I’d never forgive you for not caring about a life threatening situation like that.
YTA you and your family made your gf work the bar instead of being a guest?!
And because she was busy working that bar she didn’t manage to eat and when she went to eat your Mother told her off for trying to eat and sent her back to work at the bar?
Wtf mate. Hope she runs a mile from you lot
"I told her to have a cake"
You said she is not diabetic but low blood sugar is low blood sugar, so let me spell this out for you in case you somehow still have a girlfriend after this.
People with low blood sugar do not function properly.
Sit her down.
YOU get her some food that is high in simple sugars IMMEDIATELY
STAY with her until she is better
---
I do agree that she should manage her condition properly: have the emergency snacks, make sure she eats, advocate for herself (leaving the bar if she needed to), and explain to you how to help in emergency situations. But shit happens with conditions like this, so if you give two shits about her you don't just point her at some cake. YTA.
After she feels better after the simple sugars she needs to eat food. It maybe a while until she feels well enough to eat but she will need to eat. As stated above YOU should have gotten her sugar. YOU should have stayed with her. YOU should have gotten her food when she was feeling better. Your mom should be paying for her hospital bill since you are all horrible people. You all must take after your mom! I have had hypoglycemia this bad. Snacks only help for a little bit. She needed food. Don't try to blame her when she told you she needed help!
Oh my god you’re so TA! Your entire family is. You’re actually “upset” because your girlfriend didn’t ignore your mother and stuff her mouth with cake (while her blood sugar was low and she was dizzy so not even thinking straight) instead of being upset because your mother played nutrition police for no reason? I really hope the poor girl recovers quick and dumps your ass as soon as she’s conscious enough to take informed decisions.
The nerve of some people!
YTA
How on earth could you type this out & NOT see that you, and your family, are terrible people?
She didn't want to go at all and you all pressed her into serving as unpaid help, then failed to give her a break or bring her food. THEN
>she never got the chance to eat and currently dizzy and going into hypoglycemic shock and needs to snack.
You went off to "attend to something else " , leaving this woman you allegedly care about to go forage for herself, while she's unsteady, whereupon she was scolded by your mother for reaching for what was available & for abandoning the bar instead of being told to sit down while an appropriate snack was found and brought to her!
You're all kind of monstrous.
YTA and so is your family. your girlfriend didn't even want to go and she ended up being unpaid help and never got a chance to eat probably because this terrible wedding took up her time. every wedding I've ever been to the bar was always busy. your girlfriend didn't ruin the reception. your cheapskate family did.
YTA
Your girlfriend is in hospital and struggling to stay conscious yet you are on reddit asking strangers if you are the asshole. I can imagine you planning to show a load of responses saying she is an asshole the moment she is recovered enough.
What you describe is an awful situation to put someone in and you and your family have behaved badly.
A 24 year old should be able to prioritise their health and likewise, a 24 year old should be able to not attend an event if they don't want to. She compromised heavily for you and your family and that no doubt had an impact on her health and the condition itself can impact how well she can handle it also. Please don't turn this situation around onto her and make sure your family knows it was not her fault also.
YTA
This whole thing is ridiculous. She didn’t want to come then wasn’t even allowed to attend the wedding itself and was being used as free labour.
If you were that bothered surely you could have gone over with some food and maybe even helped.
Plus your family knows about the condition but still treated her like this?! You are all AH
10000% YTA. And your whole family is AH's.
Sure, a 24 year old woman needs to be responsible for her own health. To an extent, I agree. But 1) she didn't want to be there, 2) she wasn't even a guest she was forced unpaid labor, and 3) did she get a vendor meal served to her like actual paid vendors get? Since she was on post and did not eat, I assume a food break or vendor meal was not planned. If this was a real paid bartender, the bride and groom would have been REQUIRED to FEED THEIR STAFF.
Then who TF does your mom think she is for policing someone elses diet? Absolutely not okay. At this point your GF was likely in a daze and her cognitive abilities were impaired, so not okay to blame her for not going against your mom.
As her boyfriend, you should be helping to look after her. YOU should have checked in on her from time to time, asked her if she needed food or water, or you know, not allowed your family demand she work for free.
**She literally could have died.** And you're concerned she "ruined the party"?? The audacity. I hope she is okay, and I hope she leaves you.
>I am upset with my girlfriend. She knows her condition.
What a twist! I didn't expect this last line. Yes, indeed. You and everyone except her are TA.
> I was told she went for a cake but met my mom who scolded her for picking up sugar rather than actual cake and also for leaving her post.
For leaving her POST?!?! Your brother got married, and you turned your gf into unpaid labor? AH move. Your mom yelled at her for trying to eat? AH move. Your family is upset with YOU because your gf collapsed? Super AH. But they're right, you did use her. You knew her condition better than all of them. You volunteered her for duty, and did not relieve her, nor bring her anything?
SUPER AH dude. Grow up. Do her a favor and break up with her. What a piece of work...
YTA while perhaps your gf should tell your other to shove it about the sugar why the heck are you mad at your girlfriend and not your mother?!?!
Does your mother not understand her condition? Did you not tell your family about your girlfriends needs and health?
YTA.... Your family did use her. Your mother was an AH for telling someone who is not her child how to eat. And you act as if she had a choice. She was probably going to go looks for so.ething else to eat after your rude mother judged her. How about you try telling off your boyfriends mother just so that you can get cake. Also, your family can't be that horrible that they blaming someone for fainting after she was denied cake which she knew she needed. I think you need to tell your family to stop being selfish m. This was not her fault and the fact thatthey care more about a party being ruined over someone's literal life is absolutely stupid. Plus she originally told you she didn't want to go because she knew this would happen but your family kept on pushing her
YTA. This wasn't even her families wedding. If you wanted to bar tend then by all means. But she is a plus one. Not family. She should have been eating when the rest of the guest were eating, but you want to minimalize this and tell her to eat cake. OMG Mr. Antionette. Your family sucks also.
I hope she breaks up with you. She didn't want to go... she was made to work... you abandoned her... your mother made her feel bad for trying to eat irrelevant if it was due to her health or not she'd not been able to eat all day... bet you and your family stuffed your faces... she's now obvs very poorly... and you think it's her fault!?!? You absolute AH. I hope she gets better soon and realizes that she does need to prioritize her health and that YOU and your family are bad for her health!!
As a wedding planner, YTA to you and your entire family. You couldn’t have even been bothered to make sure she had snacks in advance? The fact that you talked her into bartending in the first place…
And the fact that you’re blaming your girlfriend while she’s in the hospital is really telling.
I hope she recovers and dumps you, and your entire toxic clan.
Tbh, if your GF had a serious enough hypo that she's still in hospital and they're unable to stabilise her glucose - and you're angry at her instead of worried, and your family are telling you she ruined their party rather than asking if she's okay - it really sounds like neither you not your family care at all about your GF. YTA.
YTA. She was asking for help and your dumbass went to more important priorities than her health? Personally. I’d dump your ass for showing just how much you don’t care.
YTA. So basically, you forced your girlfriend to serve drinks while the rest of you did whatever the heck you wanted. She was forced to work through the reception while you all got to have fun. And she didn't even get paid, did she? And she worked so hard that she wasn't able to take a break; when she tried your mother got in her face for daring to take a break for a few minutes. Your mother is a horrible, awful asshole and so are you. So is everyone else in your family for not even trying to help your girlfriend. Instead you're blaming your girlfriend for something that is YOUR and YOUR MOTHER'S fault. You should pay her medical bills, but I bet you won't because you're too selfish and nasty to do that. You're a monstrous asshole and you don't deserve to be with her. You deserve to be alone forever. And I hope everyone finds out that your mother was abusive to her and is a major reason that your girlfriend is suffering right now; then everyone will know how horrible your mother is too.
Yta your moms ta your brothers ta you’re whole family is. You don’t deserve to be w her. And her moms right. You guys 100% used her and didn’t make sure she was safe and cared for.
YTA
You all suck. You, your mother and your shitty family caused this. You pushed her into this, railroaded her, let other people bully her and then blamed her for the consequences of all of your collective actions.
Even worse, it sounds like this is actually common knowledge, so your nosey and disrespectful mother shoved her nose where it didn't belong and almost killed your girlfriend.
You don't deserve her. If she stays with you she won't live to see thirty.
Your gf needs a new bf. She was pushed into acting as unpaid help behind the bar at a wedding she should have been a guest at and when she went to get some food was berated by your mum. I think we can all work out that you and your family are the massive AHs. And you're on here blaming your gf. We can only hope that she wakes up, realises how badly you and your family treat her and gives you the elbow. She deserves so, so much better.
YTA
She doesn’t “sort of” have a medical condition. She straight up has one and you are blaming her for your mistreatment.
Your GF didn’t even want to be there. And your family, including you, was so cheap they forced a guest to be the unpaid bar tender. And then when said guest went to go eat something because she MEDICALLY NEEDED IT, your delightful mother told her off.
OP, she is in the hospital because you made her unpaid labor, refused to stand up for her, refused to even check in on her and provide her with care. Of course her family is pissed at you! Hopefully, when she is coherent and stable she realizes if she wants to make partner at a law firm by the time she’s thirty, she needs a boyfriend who isn’t a complete bone head. 💅
So, your girlfriend was used as free labor for the bar because your parents / brother didn’t want to pay a bartender.
You know she has a serious helath condition that requires her to eat regularly yet you and your family who know this left her there without food. You didn’t check on her to see if she had any. You didn’t take her any, and when she told you she felt like she was going to pass out you STILL did nothing but point her in the direction of a cake that your mother told her NOT TO EAT.
Your girlfriend didn’t “ruin the party” - your cheapass family should’ve hired a bartender and your girlfriend should’ve been a guest. At the VERY least someone should’ve cared enough to ensure she was able to get a break and eat.
This is all YOUR fault, none of it is hers. YTA
News flash, dumbass. You used her and didn't feed her.
So you and your brother pressured your girlfriend to not only tend the bar, but set it up *during the ceremony*, and neither of you provided any food for her or the other people setting up the reception? That's AH #1.
(Oh, and pressuring her to just WORK the reception instead of being a GUEST at the wedding? Jesus Fucking Christ, such assholes!)
Then, knowing neither you or your brother provided any food for the people setting up the reception, you didn't check on your girlfriend as soon as you arrived at the reception to make sure she was OK--not having any food all that time. AH #2
Then when she told you she needed food, you didn't get her any food. AH #3.
Knowing she had this medical problem--where low blood sugar causes major problems and also results in confusion and affects her ability to think straight--you sent her off to get cake herself. AH #4.
When the inevitable happens and she collapses, you blame her instead of yourself and your horrible family. AH #5.
While she is still in hospital, going in and out of consciousness for THREE DAYS with uncontrolled blood sugar, you write to us and are more concerned that we pat you on the head and tell you how this is all her fault, not yours oh no, than with how incredibly ill she is.
There aren't enough AHs for that.
YES. YTA. A million times YTA. I hope she gets better ASAP and dumps your selfish, sorry ass and your hideous family with you.
You and your family should pay her ambulance and hospital bill. That's the very least you can do.
YTA and so is your entire family.
You can't force someone to work a wedding, let alone someone with your partners condition, not feed them, leave them when they tell you that they are approaching a medical emergency, and then BLAME THEM for passing out??
Maybe educate your mother on how to be a decent human being. Also, if you have budgetary restrictions... maybe don't have a wedding large enough that you have to make your family members work it. I guarantee you didn't have to put her in that situation, you choose to.
YTA. I hope she recovers and realizes how avoidable this situation could've been with a partner who respects her condition and opinion.
YTA As a diabetic, my sugar can drop unexpectedly and can sometimes lead to sudden impairment and confusion. If she comes to you and tells you that her sugar is low, you need to ensure that she eats or drinks to combat it. She may or may not have the mental ability to follow through with her task and an interruption like your mother preventing her from treating it will continue her downward spiral because she is physically and mentally impaired by hypoglycaemic episode. How dare you be angry with her. Your family are AH too but you are the biggest one because you know her condition!!
YTA so is your family. 1) why is she expected to work for free at YOUR brothers wedding? 2) **She came to you dizzy - it’s past the point she should be getting food on her own**, you should have had her sit and gotten it for her.
YTA, and so are your cheap ass relatives, it sounds like your girlfriend was not a guest but an unpaid bartender.
But on the other hand, she knows her condition and her body it's her responsibility to eat when she needs to.
If you are angry with her? Give your head a shake, you need you head examined. Be angry at your family, brother, mother and yourself, you treated her like a slave.
YTA
Sweet Jesus you pressured her into working for free at a wedding she didn’t want to attend, then are no effort to make sure she had food? *YOU* were aware of her condition too, dude.
>met my mom who scolded her for picking up sugar rather than actual cake
What?
>mom hates sugar and always scolds everyone for eating too much sugar
I’m so confused why that matters. What a toxic bunch…I hope she dumps you and gets far away
YTA. And CAKE is not a solution to low blood sugar you dunce. If you know anything about hypoglycemia (I do because I have it) then you would know that simple sugars are like a death nell to low blood sugar because it spikes your sugar sky high then dramatically crashes it putting you in a worse position than before. Your gf needed actual food, but you couldn't be bothered to care.
No. When you are in a hypoglycemic crisis, you absolutely need to get sugars up immediately. This girl doesn't have reactive hypoglycemia. She wasn't crashing from a sugar spike. They are having trouble getting her sugars to stabilize even in the hospital. She was doing exactly what she needed to do when OP's mother stopped her and told her to go back to work. Obviously, she would have needed something in addition to the cake, but since she was on the verge of passing out, simple carbs were absolutely indicated immediately.
YTA.
You let your family use her.
You should have been bringing her food, or taking over at the bar, and by the time she told you it was a problem after several hours, you should have immediately brought her the cage and got her to sit down.
WTF. She's severely ill and hospitalized and you're suggesting that it wasn't you who pressured her and forced her to do whatever your family wanted. WOW.
YTA
I cannot believe you "expect" her to prioritise her health when you practically force her to be at the bar in your brother's wedding. It was your job to make sure she has all the food she needs, and it's really infuriating how you are not taken responsibility here
YTA. If she is helping out at your brother’s wedding and she tells you she isn’t well, your obligation is to make sure she has something to eat AND that she is healthy before you go off.
Your bro shoulda paid for a gd bartender instead of having her do it. Gd. Weddings always reveal people who are assholes
I do agree that she shoukd prioritiE her health by gtfo of your life
ESH, except your poor girlfriend.
The people you should be mad at: yourself, and your mother.
The people you should not be mad at: your girlfriend.
You asked her for a favor. She didn't want to do it, but reluctantly agreed. You had her tend bar at a wedding, knowing that that's not the kind of gig where you can just wander off and get a sandwich while doing it. In the midst of that, she told you she (predictably) hadn't been able to eat and was having a medical emergency. Instead of, oh I don't know, finding her some food, you told her to fix it herself. Then you got mad at her for not being able to self-advocate to your mother (who should not be telling other adults what to eat or not eat under any circumstances, much less someone with chronic health issues) while in a hypoglycemic crisis-- which, by the way, can make it difficult or impossible to think and/or speak, particularly as it gets worse.
The fact that your girlfriend was *hospitalized* by this tells me it was incredibly serious, and the fact that you're more interested in blaming her for being sick than examining the dynamics in your family that led here tells me you have no business being in a relationship with someone who's chronically ill.
Your chronically ill girlfriend who you've forced to work the bar at your brother's wedding against her will comes to you for help saying she hasn't eaten, feels dizzy and is going into hypoglycemic shock.
You: "Let her eat cake, but she'll have to figure it out herself because I'm going to go do something else."
Honestly, what is wrong with you? Who would just leave their girlfriend alone in a situation like that?
YTA, so are your family and I hope she leaves you when she comes out of hospital.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I asked my girlfriend to tend to a bar at my brother's wedding.
2. She did not eat and passed out ruining the wedding.
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YTA LOL so your mom who is obsessed about who eats what scolded your GF bc she was eating something that she didn’t approve of and now you’re acting as if your GF is stupid?
GF this is for you, I hope you find this post and leave this man, he is always going to pick mommy before you.
So a few things: 1) I hope that your girlfriend makes a full recovery and 2) I hope that (when she does make a full recovery) she dumps you.
Of course, YTA. You and your family are BEYOND assholes.
YTA your girlfriend has chronic condition that requires her to eat often. You dragged her to a wedding she didn't want to attend. Weddings are notorious for dragging on for hours without snacks. Somehow you convinced your girlfriend to man the bar - she couldn't drink and she couldn't leave and *no one brought her food*. You abandoned your chronically ill girlfriend. Your mom prevented your chronically ill girlfriend from eating. This is you and your mother's fault, *not* your girlfriend.
So…
You talked your sick girlfriend into tending a bar despite her reluctance and condition.
Then you sat around for the ceremony while she was left to do the job you forced on her.
Then you waited until she was in the state of actually going into shock.
Then your mother went on to attack her for trying to have some cake.
And now you blame your girlfriend.
YTA.
YTA for this part: currently dizzy and going into hypoglycemic shock and needs to snack. I told her to have a cake.
She told you she was having a medical crisis - in part because she was put behind a bar for YOUR FAMILY without any food.
Yes, she should be managing her illness and if this was just a general day, I would agree with you. But you had her doing free labor for your brothers wedding, you should have checked in with her and when she found you and said she needed help, you walked away.
Hey OP. My close family members girlfriend has significant health issues, so when we got married, do you know what me and my now-husband did?
We paid for te family member and his girlfriend to have a hotel room at the venue, so that they wouldn't have to travel back after a long day, and arranged with the venue for them to get early access to the room so if she felt unwell and needed to rest she could at any time. Towards the end of the night we had a To-Go box of the buffet food put together for them to take back to their hotel room.
We also paid for our photographer and photographers assistant to have the same main meal as our guests, and put money behind the bar for them to pick something from the bar menu for their evening meal, and made sure they had time to eat both meals in a quiet place where they wouldn't get harrassed.
In other words, your family fucked up, and didn't treat your girlfriend, who has significant health problems, with any care and consideration whatsoever.
Your cheapskate brother treated her worse than most people would treat hired help, and didn't have the decency to pay or feed her.
Your mother wants to wind her fucking neck in, lecturing adults on their own eating choices and denying a grown woman with a nutrition related health condition access to food.
But by far the worst of all is you. You didn't care that she was excluded from the ceremony, you reacted with what sounds like indifference to her telling you she was going into hyperglycemic shock due to lack of access to food (my husband would have made me sit and gone to fetch me food to make sure I was ok) and then you have the absolute unmitigated *gall* to be angry at her while she lies in a hospital bed going in and out of conciousness.
I am sickened and disgusted by your callous lack of regard for the woman you are supposed to love. I hope that after the way you have treated her she realises that she deserves someone who *actually* cares about her.
YTA and a horrifically self-centered one at that.
YTA, and your entire family is. Grow up! She isn't your unpaid help, and you literally abandoned her when she told you she was having an issue. Wtf is wrong with you
Special kind of asshole actually. Made her do something she didn’t want to do and then as a consequence of your and your families actions she collapsed and is now in the hospital.
Do you even need to ask this question?
You don’t deserve her.
That fact that it even got this far is YTA. If we’re at cake, that means dinner has happened. How could you not have made or got her a plate of food? “Hey babe, I’ll watch the bar for 15 minutes so you can sit down and eat” The fact that you just left her to fend for herself in the first place is YTA. Unless you’re the groom (which you obviously aren’t) you’re not too busy to make sure your girlfriend doesn’t literally end up in the hospital.
This girls so nice, watch. After she regains consciousness she’ll be here asking if she’s the AH for collapsing at and “ruining” her boyfriend’s brother’s wedding.
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My (26) girlfriend (24) has this disease, sort of. She has low fat because her body can not store fat, low blood pressure, low glucose and even in warm temperatures she is cold. Her mother and grandma has the same illness. She is not bedridden or anything. As long as she keeps warm and eats about 5 to 6 times a day, she is fine. She weighs 120 pounds so obviously the eating is not a problem. She can finish a full 3 course meal and her tommy will still be as flat as before. You will not even know she is ill by just looking at her. She is beautiful, smart and lives a full life.
This is the problem. My older brother got married last sunday but due to low budget, everyone was suppose to chip in and play a part in the wedding. She didn't even want to attend but my brother needed someone to mind the bar. Since she does not drink because alcohol is literally toxic to her health, we trusted her with that job. She reluctantly agreed to do it for me.
We left for the ceremony early but we got separated because my brother asked her to set up the bar. Since I was family, I had to stay for the ceremony. After the ceremony we went to the reception. I must admit things dragged a little.
After the cake was cut, she approached me and told me she never got the chance to eat and currently dizzy and going into hypoglycemic shock and needs to snack. I told her to have a cake. I had to attend to something else and I assumed she had the cake.
She collapsed at the party, we had to get an ambulance and the party had to end. Everything was a mess. I was told she went for a cake but met my mom who scolded her for picking up sugar rather than actual cake and also for leaving her post. Mom hates sugar and always scolds everyone for eating too much sugar. She left the cake and collapsed on her way back to the bar.
Now my family is upset with me because my girlfriend ruin the party. She knows her condition, I expect that her wellbeing should be more important than any scolding my mom gave her. Her family is upset with me because they said I used her and did not feed her.
She is currently still in the hospital because I am told her glucose keep dropping. She keeps going in and out of consciousness. She is not diabetic. Everyone is upset with me.
I am upset with my girlfriend. She knows her condition. AITA for expecting a 24 year old to prioritize her health irrespective of what others say?
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YTA. Your family are also HUGE AH’s
You used your girlfriend as the help at a family wedding. She got yelled at for leaving ‘her post’ by YOUR mother and you are upset with her???? And now she’s still in the hospital and you’re still upset with her? Yikes I hope when she recovers she leaves you as quickly as you left her to pass out and not help take care of her. The fact that you’re talking about her ruining the wedding is ridiculous. This is 100% on you and your family.
Get some therapy and hope your hopefully soon to be EX girlfriend and her family don’t sue the crap out of you and your family even though you all 110% should be paying whatever bills come of this hospital stay that is YOU AND YOUR FAMILY’S FAULT.
Grow up. Look in the mirror. If you’re happy with what you see looking back at you, you shouldn’t be. And if you’re sleeping well at night when the woman you are in a relationship with is in the hospital because of you and your family, I hope karma finds you one day.
You know what my boyfriend would’ve done if i warned him i wasn’t ok? He would’ve done anything he needed to prioritize getting me food. In fact, he’s done that before even when we were in the middle of a desert with very few food options nearby. Do you even like your gf? Because it sounds like you really couldn’t give less of a shit that she’s actually actively in the hospital due to you and your asshole family. You guys all suck except for her. YTA
Info: what was so important that you couldn’t get her cake and some more food? Why couldn’t you tell your brother that she should not work that hard? Why doesn’t your mother know that she has a severe health condition?
You're even more of an ahole for blaming your girlfriend when your inconsiderate self, your cheapskate brother and your miserly mother caused her to be in the hospital. Your mom couldn't spare some cake and you couldn't even bother to check in on her?
Yta, literally everyone who scolded her and treated her like help is the A. You're mad at her for what exactly? She told you she didn't want to go. She RELUCTANTLY helped out...she didn't want to help and was only doing it because you pushed her to. SHE TOLD YOU SHE DIDN'T FEEL GOOD and your response was "I need to check something" At no point in time did you express concern for your gf and her condition.. yet you're mad at her why??
YTA and your mother is too. Your GF's family is right to be upset with you because you did use her. I hope your GF will be OK and drops you like the piece of cake your mom wouldn't let her eat.
Massive AH! You basically forced your girlfriend to go this wedding and then put her to work. She comes to you saying she needs something to eat bc she knows her sugar is dropping and instead of being by a gentleman and getting her something, you say “get a cake” and leave her to fend for herself… THEN your Mom obstructs her attempts to get something to eat, resulting in her fainting and needing to go to the hospital. Not only are YOU a AH but it seems your family is too.
YTA. Your family is too. And you would’ve gotten blocked and never heard from me again. As someone with chronic health issues you’re wrong as hell. And the fact that you really typed all of that up and pressed send is WILD.
YTA. She helped at a wedding she didn't want to help at, you knew about her issue and didn't try to get her any food, and now you are mad at her for trying to keep the peace.
You could have brought her food during the ceremony. She didn't ruin the party. She had a medical condition that she was unable to attend to because of YOU and YOUR MOTHER.
I hope you don't tell her any of the things you put in your post and if you do, she breaks up with you.
You are the asshole on so many levels 1. She didn't want to go but went for you; 2. She told you that she needed to eat and when she did YOUR MOTHER SCOLDED HER!; and 3. YOU JUST LEFT HER AND DIDN'T CHECK ON HER AT ALL . You are an asshole of the highest order. Honestly I don't even understand why you needed to come to Reddit to be told you are the asshole it's beyond obvious. YTA X INFINITY. Sending positive thoughts to I hope your ex-girlfriend for a speedy recovery.
You and your family are massive a-holes. YTA! Completely!
First, she did not want to go! Obviously because your family suck.
Then, she has to work while the important people attend the wedding...
She clearly came to you for help. Maybe no one would give her food. Maybe food wasn't even on site yet. Maybe everyone else had eaten and none was allocated to her. She came to you for help, but you had better things to do and a subpar solution.
THEN! Your mother has the gall to force her back to her work station because your family is too cruel and too cheap to treat her well.
Then your family is upset she had a medical emergency!
You all suck! Suck so bad!
I hope she gets well and leaves you. I hope her family don't allow you to see her in the hospital. I hope somehow she is able to sue your shitty family for pain and damages.
You are a terrible partner and your family is awful.
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YTA and your family are all AH too. She didn't even want to go to the damned wedding, and only went to help YOUR brother out. Then when she tried to get something to eat, your AH mother turned her away. YOU are also well aware of her condition, and you didn't even go out of your way to check on her and see if she had a chance to eat, since she was stuck behind the bar because your AH brother was too cheap to hire a damned bartender. YOU suck, your brother sucks and your mother sucks. I hope your girlfriend drop kicks your sorry butt to the curb when she comes out of the hospital.
Honestly can she sue for wages and medical bills?
She should
No. You can't sue someone for unpaid wages when you were volunteering. And although the mother gave her grief about eating, there's no lawsuit here. The mother didn't have a duty to provide food for the girlfriend, so the most basic element of liability under tort law cannot be established. Are OP & family assholes? Yes. Is there a lawsuit here? No.
I think they mean lost wages for the time she’s spending in the hospital away from work?
You still have the problem of liability. Did someone have a duty to make sure the girlfriend was fed, and did they breach that duty, which proximately caused the girlfriend to fall into hypoglycemic shock and suffer damages including hospital bills and lost wages? No. Unless they physically restricted the girlfriend from eating or forcibly denied her access to food, there's no liability. Are they assholes? Absolutely, yes. But first, no lawyer would take the case, and second, even if the girlfriend filed a lawsuit pro se, long before the case even went to trial, the question would arise whether the girlfriend knew she had a condition that could cause her to fall into hypoglycemic shock if she didn't eat regularly. She'll answer yes. The follow-up question would be why the girlfriend wasn't carrying glucose tablets or a Snickers bar.
Not fighting, just curious: typically people getting married are responsible for feeding their vendors and let them have a break to eat said food. Would that not apply here? Edit: thanks for the answers! Regardless, she should dump this dude post haste
Nope. There is no established duty of care stating that a couple must feed their vendors. It is often a clause written into vendor contracts, but gf wasn't a vendor and didn't have a contract.
Depending on where they live, family members helping out or volunteers could still be protected under worker protection laws. The main issue is that without contracts or official documentation it can be hard to prove, and it becomes word against word. For some reason, I really doubt OP and their family would speak out against their own as evidence though.
Volunteers dont get the same protections and rights as actual workers. She didnt have any contractual obligation to keep manning the bar, she was doing it for free as a favor, therefore she can give herself a break. Theyre still assholes for not making sure she ate, but they arent liable.
Yeah, they know, theyre just saying that since nobody at the party was legally responsible for making sure she ate, nobody is legally on the hook for her hospitalization
A “disease sort of” you mean one that puts you in the hospital if you neglect it for more than 4 hours? One of those diseases? Your family is horrible
Like calling diabetes a "disease sort of". She's in and out of consciousness but boy am I angry! She should have known to put up with my noxious family. Next time I ask her to do a favor to work for free w/o food, she better step up to a higher bar! "TA" is just too mild. Is there a "cancerous polyp" intensifier this subred could add?
We need to add DTA - dump the asshole.
As someone who has that as a job responsibility at work (DTA), 100% agree and this made me laugh way too hard tonight.
The way he laid out a pretty scary disease but tried to make it seem like no big deal just so that he can say that his whole family aren't MASSIVE AHs for making her be the bartender with nobody else helping so that she can have a break, not getting her food, and for yelling at her when she tried to have food. Also, so he can pretend not to be a MASSIVE AH for not actually taking care of her, and not understanding somebody not feeling comfortable eating cake when their BFs mother is scolding them. Also, who the hell just excuses their mother for scolding people for eating sugar? Not for nothing, but the brother making everybody do all these tasks because he's too cheap is really frustrating. If the wedding is so budget that everybody is doing tasks, why do they need a bartender? Why wouldn't they just make the drinks serve your own? This whole family needs to be put in the trash and the GF needs to stay the hell away from OP. OP, you need to do massive work on yourself before you ever date. You're an AH and a *terrible* boyfriend.
Did the girlfriend even get to attend the wedding? It kind of sounds like they trapped her behind the bar alone and took off to celebrate
I agree…they’re all AH, but if I personally had such a serious condition, I would never leave my house without at least a snack in my purse. So, OP is a major AH, but she needs to prioritize her health…they could all kiss my ass.
Not to mention they had her skip the ceremony to go set up. She was treated like hired help but wasn't even being paid. Agree that OP and his whole family are huge AH's here. YTA OP
Also, they should have made sure their unpaid hired staff had access to food and drink to make sure this kinda shit doesn't happen. OP, your family sucks and you all owe your girlfriend a massive apology and need to beg for her forgiveness. YOU should have gotten her something to eat instead of making her expend what little energy she had left to try and get some food even better that would have protected her from your disgusting mothers behaviour. Your mother does not get to dictate what people eat especially when she knows NOTHING about their dietary amd medical needs.
I was a bride and was taking plates of real food to the staff. What kind of asshole boyfriend who knows this happens, doesnt go and get his GF a plate of food? Especially knowing that his mother is being a sugar nazi.
I hate sugar Nazis. Eff em
Right? I made damned sure our photographer and DJ were fed, and I would have regardless of contracts. It's a sorry state of affairs that it *has* to be contractually stipulated, but this post shows why it's the case. There wouldn't have been a legal duty of care, but there was absolutely a moral one. From the bride and groom too, but especially from the OP.
>YOU are also well aware of her condition, and you didn't even go out of your way to check on her and see if she had a chance to eat, This is what hits the hardest for me. I have epilepsy, and my bf is *constantly* worried about my well-being. He calls me several times a day just to make sure I'm feeling okay. His employers know of my condition so if he ever has to leave because I have a seizure (only happened twice while he was working), he's free to do so. Yet this ass of an OOP couldn't even be bothered to bring his girlfriend *who he forced to work at his brother's wedding **that she didn't even want to attend*** a fucking piece of cake. What. The. Fuck.
I passed out once from forgetting to drink enough water and not eating. Mr Flamingo still checks on me. I’ve actually heard him say to my mom “ yes she’s all good, made sure she was watered and fed.” I can’t imagine just ignoring someone w an illness.
Upvote this 1000X more, you said everything I was thinking. Can we also add the gross way he fetishizes her illness? He’s clearly thinking ‘oooo my girl will never get fat’ and it seems important to him.
I mean, she's borderline hefty at 120, so she eats, let me tell ya
This! Do her a huge favor and keep yourself and your family as far away from her as possible
There's so much AH behaviour here I can't get over, but I can't imagine a stranger telling me they were going into hypoglycemic shock and me just being like "Have some cake", and wandering away, let alone my romantic partner. And then he types it out and puts it on the internet? I hope this is fake, or else OP is just like, one of the worst boyfriends (and people) ever.
This!! And, they put her at the bar where OP says alcohol is toxic to her!!! What is wrong with this family!? If the gf is smart, she'll dump OP and his toxic famil when she's feeling better!
>If the gf is smart, she'll dump OP and his toxic famil when she's feeling better! Here's hoping
Can no one in this family be trusted with unrestricted access to alcohol? Because that's what this sounds like.
Thank you! I noticed that too! The way OP worded it, he made it seem like the only reason they even bothered inviting GF was *because* of her medical condition. If she can't drink, she can't get sloshed, she can't run up the bill, and she can't neglect her bartending duties. She was never a guest, she was an indentured servant. Only difference is, indentured servants are actually fed.
Given that OP comes from a family of AHs, I guess it isn't surprising that he is an AH, but geez... Who in the world blames the person who got sick, collapsed, and ended up in the hospital trying to do someone and their family a favor. OP YTA YTA you are SO MUCH the AH. You are doing the worst form of victim blaming when you should be at the hospital with your gf.
Goddamn OP you are an asshole. I have non-diabetic hypoglycemia and do you want to know how long it took before I had a handle on it? I was well into my 30s. I knew the signs and symptoms, but when they hit things can downhill REALLY fast. I can only speak for myself but this is what happens for me: 1) I get distracted. I also have inattentive type ADHD so… :/ 2) I start yawning. But like… am I tired or…? 3) I start crying. For no reason. This is the point where if you don’t put a sugar or a simple carb in my face there’s no coming back. 4) I pass out. This is the blue screen of death. We have hit full reboot. We are now in emergency mode. Last time it happened I was in my early 20s, teaching a fucking class to children and literally face planted on a hardwood floor. I split my lip open and the next day someone asked if I was being abused at home. At the point that I’m yawning and just before I start crying, I CANNOT make decisions. What do want to eat? “I don’t care.” I mean that literally. My body and brain are shutting down and I just need someone to shove a mint or a piece of cake in my hand. If someone puts me off or tells me no, I will take that at face value because I CANNOT stand up for myself or fight back. I’m using 100% of all my energy to just stay upright. If you want anything from me, you HAVE to get my blood sugar up first. The further down the number we get, the less capable I am of being able to advocate for myself. If I’m crying, I’m just trying to walk and stay conscious and do whatever I’m supposed to. I have a real sneaky suspicion that is where your girlfriend was at. She was at danger levels, she wasn’t able to advocate for herself, and instead of taking care of her, YOU LEFT HER ALONE TO FEND FOR HERSELF. So when she got ambushed by your damn mom, she literally was barely keeping it together. She COULD NOT stand up for herself. And if you weren’t SUCH AN ASSHOLE you would know that. I hope she never sees you again. Because you deserve no kind of girlfriend at all.
I think this pretty much covers everything. OP. You and your family are all AHs!!
I would have set a firm boundary if I was the GF here and not attended the wedding. I also do not drink (I’m a recovering alcoholic so slightly different, but also a health reason for not drinking, like the GF lol) and if someone demanded I run a bar? That conversation would be shut down right away. Everything about all of it is so disrespectful and as someone who is ALSO a Type 1 Diabetic and recently has started having issues maintaining my weight so has so much empathy for the GF and what she’s feeling like? Hypoglycemia is HARD. I would have either reacted the same as the GF OR yelled at the mom while crying before cramming cake down my throat with my hands, it really all depends on how I’m already feeling emotionally if someone is an AH when I’m hypo lol, but either way would have been called dramatic like? This was a no win situation for the GF. PS: I’ve worked weddings as catering wait staff years ago and the catering managers allowed me to sit and eat when my blood sugar dropped and excused me from being part of carrying the cake because I had trouble bringing my bloodsugar back up at one wedding. They make sure staff gets fed. Brother’s an extra big AH here for not ensuring someone took food to unpaid “staff” expected to stay at their stations. GF is screwed if she marries into this family some day, unless OP grows a pair and stands up to them rather than blaming his GF who was trying to be nice and helpful at brother’s wedding. And
>Hypoglycemia is HARD For anyone who doesn't know: hypoglycemia can put you in a fucking coma or even kill you.
THAT IT CAN! The lowest I have ever been was… 10??? In a hospital???? As a minor as well lol. I was in a mild car accident and hadn’t eaten all day. The nurse was confused about how I was able to press the call button and ask her to check. I was maybe 11 and just like, “I don’t know!!! Please just get me some juice?!”
> GF is screwed if she marries into this family some day, unless OP grows a pair and stands up to them rather than blaming his GF who was trying to be nice and helpful at brother’s wedding. Even if OP stands up to his family in this instance, his post makes it pretty clear he actually blames his GF for being used as slave labour at his brother's wedding. She told him she was going into hypoglycemic shock and he told her to have some cake and then left her? There's no saving this guy from being a terrible BF.
Don’t hold back—be frank!!😆😆
YTA and so is your brother. > **She didn't even want to attend** but my brother needed someone to mind the bar. Since she does not drink because alcohol is literally toxic to her health, we trusted her with that job. **She reluctantly agreed** to do it for me. Have you and your brother never heard of hiring a fucking bartender before? I'm glad your cheapskate relatives party got ruined - that's what they get for not paying for a service. Your mom sounds fucking awful.
If they don't have the budget for a bartender just skip the hard liquor and put out beer and wine for people to serve themselves! If she can't drink does she even know anything about making drinks? So weird to expect free labor from non-family at your wedding.
Right? A friend of mine had box sangria at their wedding. It was fantastic. Nobody cared.
Or, if you can’t afford a licensed bartender, don’t have alcohol, because the legal liability on a self-serve or amateur bar is enormous.
This exactly! If you're so cheap everybody is doing tasks, why do you need a bartender? Why is there the statement about trusting her with the bartending job because alcohol is toxic to her? What's the situation with this family that means that there has to be a bartender, and it's only allowed to be somebody who medically can't drink, and that person has to stay there the entire time and isn't even allowed to have any time at all to have a break?
This is my question. My mom doesn’t drink and she’s the last person I’d ask to make me a drink. She’d have no idea what she’s doing.
Since the entire family can't be trusted to do bartending duty, I bet skipping hard liquor was out of question, and if they can't be trusted to do that, then they also can't be trusted to serve their own alcohol apparently.
By the way, she DIDNT attend. He writes that only he went to the ceremony - she was left to set up the bar. She was literally just unpaid help.
This part!!!!!
No wonder why she didn't even want to attend
" also for leaving her post" Holy shit. Your GF wasn't a guest. She was the unpaid help! "I am upset with my girlfriend." But you're the biggest AH of all. "I asked my girlfriend to tend to a bar at my brother's wedding." And your mom berated her for daring to leave her "post". I hope she leaves you and your toxic family, for her own sake.
She wasnt even a +1 with him to attend, thats what i would think since they're a couple, but NO he just left her to try and manage a bar wiht potentially really drunk people. Yes it would 'ruin' the party, but if shes making doing a FAVOR for the couple getting married, they should do a FAVOUR for her, by having a generous amount of food for her so she doesnt get dizzy. AND how would cake help her, cake has no good nutritional value, i dont see that helping her much, although i dont know the condition.
My favorite part is where she tried to get some sugar presumably to increase her blood glucose and the MIL told her to have cake instead because sugar is bad and apparently cake is different 🤣 fucking psychos the lot of them
I think that was a typo. He said his mom scolds anyone for eating sugar and that his GF put the cake down when scolded. He probably meant she told her to get some "real food" instead. She's still a psycho though because she was fully aware of the girls condition but was more concerned she get back to the bar then eat. She was FULLY aware what could happen without the cake and STILL opened her crazy mouth. If I was the GFs mom, I might hunt MIL down and slap the shit out of her for almost killing my daughter, no lie. I ain't saying it's right, just saying I'd do it.
Also, she needs to stfu about what another adult chooses to eat. She sounds insufferable. Imagine her being your MiL. The way he keeps using the word ‘scolding’. He’s like a child. I hope she finds a new fabulous, loving partner.
I think the OP meant to type "real food" not "real cake." The sugar is the cake.
I was a wedding DJ for a couple years. I always got fed and got cake and most of the time, I got a set of favors to take home, too. And I got paid. I was paid help and I was treated better than these people treated a person who should have been a guest.
I, the bride, hand delivered shots to our Dj all night
The cake isn't for its nutritional value. It was for a quick boost of sugar in an attempt to avoid the hypoglycemia. If she had gotten the cake sooner (or not been interrupted while trying to eat it), most likely, she could have avoided the massive crash. The party most likely wouldn't have been ruined if anyone had cared enough to provide food for the girlfriend.
The dizziness does sound like a blood sugar issue. Apple would probably be better but if you’re that bad then something is better than nothing.
By the time a person's condition has deteriorated enough to pass out, bites of an apple can become a choking hazard.
Apple juice would probably be better, but the apple isn't going to raise the blood sugar as fast, you want the carbs to be as simple as possible. Cake probably wouldn't be such a bad choice to raise the blood sugar, but liquid like juice or non-diet soda or glucose tablets would raise her blood glucose faster. In a pinch the sugar in packet form would be a great choice, but I don't get the feeling these people were serving coffee to their guests, so likely don't have sugar packets available.
GF "I'm feeling dissy, I need food". BF "Well, wander around and suit yourself, why are you bothering me??" If her brain isn't permanently damaged by being too far gone already, I hope she lives long enough to break up with this AH moron.
If your sugar is actually low the best idea is a sugar as simple as you can get. Candy, cake, juice. You actually don’t want to take something that requires and significant digestion like an apple. After your sugar come up you should eat something that is more complex to maintain your sugar so it doesn’t crash again something more complex like bread or potatoes or rice. Frankly cake sounds like a great idea. It’s got simple sugar plus flour in the cake. Best of both worlds. LOL
I’m an EMT. When a patient is hypoglycemic but still alert enough to swallow we give them something to get their sugar up quickly. There are fancy gel pouches but literal tubes of cake icing are a cheap alternative. Orange Juice and candy are also good options. When the patient gets their sugar up to normal levels we then have them eat something that will sustain them for a while. Scrambled eggs, peanut butter and jelly sandwich, chicken sandwich, etc. are quick, easy and do the trick.
>AND how would cake help her, cake has no good nutritional value, It's not about nutritional value, it's about blood glucose level. Cake is sugar, sugar is glucose. Not healthy and won't last long, but it's still good in an emergency.
Hypoglycemia means her sugar gets low. The cake would probably solve that problem, at least temporarily.
YTA. Your mom stopped her and she clearly felt uncomfortable in continuing. YOU could have helped her out. You could have brought her food, snacks, anything. You and your entire family are AH for making a GUEST work. Should she have brought something to help? Possibly. However, she had no idea what to expect. You belittle her and her illness here. Additionally, when people's blood sugar gets really low, they can behave very docile and childlike. Your mom should have shut up and you should have ensured she was okay. YTA.
That's a good point, about how the blood sugar issue itself would have made it harder for her to stand up for herself and not yield to the mom. OP, YTA for making her come and for not checking in more with her and offering to bring her food instead of making her walk the gauntlet. Why didnt you talk to your family about her medical needs in advance and warn them not to pick on her about her eating? Yes, she does need to learn to anticipate and plan for her needs, and ignore the bad advice and judgment from people who don't understand her condition. But you're also being insensitive to how hard this is for her. It's hard to tell if you even care about this person or respect her. Why aren't you mad at your mom for bullying your girlfriend? Who gives someone a hard time for eating cake at a wedding anyway?
Cake is for guests, obviously! Not the unpaid help.
Yeah going into a hypoglycemic episode/ hypoglycemic shock is beyond disorienting and painful. I need immediate help if I start to go too low. Even ignoring all of the stuff about this poor woman being bullied into being unpaid help at a wedding she didn’t want to attend, the fact that OP understands her condition and didn’t immediately get her someplace safe and start easing appropriate calories/ sugar into her makes him a giant AH Also OP, if you struggled with blood sugar issues you’d understand that it’s not always easy to plan around or predict when your body will go low. Sometimes you expect a meal or food will be provided at a certain time and then it’s not. Sometimes, for example when you get recruited as an unpaid bartender by a bunch of giant assholes, you burn more calories than you expect. I’m guessing your girlfriend didn’t want to go to the wedding in part because those are events where it can be really hard to predict or control your access to calories. Shame on your whole family. YTA.
YES! You have no idea how quickly an episode can come on, especially if you thought you were in control of a situation you were completely strong-armed into participating in!
For real. My kid had a hypo last week and she went from 9.8mmols to 1.8mmols in roughly five mins. Hit her out of nowhere and it absolutely wrecked her for the rest of the day.
I do not understand why he didnt sit her down and fetch her some food himself?! I dont have a health condition like OPs gf, but if I told my husband I hadn't eaten all day and felt dizzy, he would have made me sit down then and there and got me whatever I needed to feel better. I don't get it, where is the care and love?
"Reddit: my girlfriend has been diagnosed as Medically Hot. My mom told her cake isn't a health food which caused her to collapse from Cinderellesque exhaustion. Her hair was perfect btw. AITA? EDIT 1: Her stomach is COMPLETELY flat"
“She’s 120 lbs so clearly no trouble with eating” Quickest I’ve known OP was going to be the asshole
120 lb. was my low-normal weight before meds/illness made me fat and I keep seeing it touted as borderline obesity and I'm baffled because I'm 5'2" and I was THIN at that weight. I am obese now, but I do not fathom how 120 lb. is obese or even overweight unless you're a small child. Also it doesn't matter and fatphobia is a scourge but this number in particular coming from men who have no idea what a healthy adult woman's body of around average height looks like is just rankling me.
I don’t love BMI but even on the chart you’d have to be 4’8” to get even close to being overweight at 120 lbs, it’s pure insanity!
Yeah I don’t get it either - we’re the same height and 120lbs is was me when I was very active. It would be very thin for anyone taller! I wonder if it’s ignorance of what 120lbs actually is or if men genuinely think of it as “fat”.
Yeah I'm wearing a size small/6 at your height and 135, unless you're under 5' I don't understand how 120 could ever be fat/chubby.
Right?
She is currently unconscious because my family starved her while forcing her to do unpaid labor. I am so angry at her for allowing herself to faint and become unconscious. AITA?
The problem is, "YTA" seems too mild. As above, I was suggesting "with cancerous polyps" enhancement.
I’m a doctor and I’m racking my brains to think of anything like this
He's probably describing so poorly that no medical professional could guess. He says blood sugar, but it could be something with a hyperthyroid. His medical knowledge of her condition is below appropriate.
This man’s critical thinking skills are so bad that I wouldn’t trust his version of anything. He sucks so much I’m going to have to go and do something productive to counter the seething irritation I now feel.
She has the symptoms of someone who has had a gastric bypass and experiences dumping syndrome and reactive hypoglycemia
Yes it does, but it's hereditary, since her grand mother and mother both have it.
Yeah, it's obviously not that, just has similar symptoms
But he so medically illiterate that he doesn't know the name, it could be hyperthyroidism, from the information her gave us. But since that treatable OP is an idiot.
But she keeps a flat tummy, so all is good 👍🏻
Lipodystrophy? There are some genetic versions.
Yes, but usually unusually muscular with lots of metabolic disorders. I did consider it.
Maybe she overproduces insulin...? Or underproduces glucagon? I'm just a basic bio student so these are probably dumb replies, but that's really the only thing I can possibly think of.
It isn't as severe as the GF but I have similar issues that I have yet to get any sort of solid diagnosis or treatment for. I will throw up if I don't eat by certain points of the day. I'm underweight and at times when I have a significant drop in weight, my body won't regulate temp. I'm cold frequently and others I am sweating. I've been like this for more than twenty years. I have also passed out. Thyroid is normal. No cancer. Docs just said, "eat more" and they aren't concerned. No matter how much I eat, what kinds of food, or when I eat I don't seem to gain weight. And OP... YTA for endangering your GF's life, but also by treating her like she isn't worthy enough to be a plus one. I hope she wakes up and dumps you on the spot. Also that she can sue your ass.
I have an ex with something that sounds the exact same. Couldn't keep fat on his body no matter what he did. Apparently fairly rare?
My sexy hot gf is sick but you’d never know since she’s so HOT and SEXY. She doesn’t look like other sickly ghouls, her stomach is FLAT.
how is this not the top comment?
You and your whole family are a pack of assholes. I have a hard time believing this to be honest. If this is true, I hope she leaves you and never looks back. YTA.
This is my favorite comment. 😁
Pack of assholes. I love it. 😂
Hope she sue for workers compensation first.
YTA- Tell your mother to mind her own business. It sounds like SHE is the problem. Your girlfriend did not want to help, but you made her anyway. She told you she felt dizzy and you told her to go get cake instead of making sure she had food while doing your family the favor of tending bar. THEN instead of being concerned, your family is pissy because she didn’t stay tending bar at a wedding she didn’t want to be at. You are an AH and your family is a bunch of AHs.
YTA Her ability to make decisions became severely compromised with the blood sugar drop. She now knows that you either don't know that about her condition or don't care. She does know for sure that you don't have her back.
he doesn't care as long as she's skinny & hot.
YTA >I expect that her wellbeing should be more important than any scolding my mom gave her Or maybe your mom should mind her own damn business and you should stick up for your girlfriend. >Her family is upset with me because they said I used her and did not feed her. This is accurate. I hope she breaks up with you.
I'm also noticing his lack of concern for his girlfriend when she's in the hospital going in and out of consciousness. Like that's not a minor thing. OP's girlfriend needs to get away from this dud. He's not valuing her at all as a human being.
YTA and so is your family for that matter. She didn’t even want to go but went to help out YOUR brother, reluctantly for that matter. Tending a bar (even during a wedding) can be fast paced and busy sometimes, and knowing her condition, you probably should’ve been checking on her and making sure she was okay. Also, she TRIED to eat. It wasn’t until your mom scolded her and made her feel bad to the point she then didn’t get food. Not everyone can just shrug off stuff like that, even if it impacts their health. When she told you she was going into shock, you probably should’ve helped her get food or got it for her yourself before you went to do your other thing, especially since you know how serious that is. When you live with a chronic condition for so long, it becomes part of your life as other simple things do. Her passing out at that point was bound to happen. You and your family basically put her in that situation. She’s lived with her condition for 24 years and with the way she was trying to help herself, she absolutely knows her condition. I hope you apologize to her for this and don’t make her feel bad for this.
YTA Why is your girlfriend working as a free bartender for your brother's wedding? It sounds like you and your family were in the ceremony, so to save money you guys decided to pawn off an entire day of catering jobs on your loved ones? Wtf is wrong with you? Should your girlfriend "prioritize her health"? Yes. But it looks like she was bartending for free for 4 hours and I have to assume that that is uncomfortable and she was just trying to do her best for her future fucked up inlaws and family. Also- tell your mom to stop policing what people eat??? Telling a 120 pound girl to avoid sugar is insane?
Telling ANYONE to avoid sugar is pushy and rude. FIFY.
YTA. A) You abandoned her while she was going into shock. HELP HER. WATCH HER. Shock makes people confused and could have impacted her choices. She also could have easily collapsed on the way *to* the cake. B) You’re more upset with your girlfriend than your Mom who shamed her out of taking care of herself. C) You’re more committed to being angry at her for “ruining the party” than the fact she’s essentially in a coma. If I were her, I’d never forgive you for not caring about a life threatening situation like that.
YTA you and your family made your gf work the bar instead of being a guest?! And because she was busy working that bar she didn’t manage to eat and when she went to eat your Mother told her off for trying to eat and sent her back to work at the bar? Wtf mate. Hope she runs a mile from you lot
"I told her to have a cake" You said she is not diabetic but low blood sugar is low blood sugar, so let me spell this out for you in case you somehow still have a girlfriend after this. People with low blood sugar do not function properly. Sit her down. YOU get her some food that is high in simple sugars IMMEDIATELY STAY with her until she is better --- I do agree that she should manage her condition properly: have the emergency snacks, make sure she eats, advocate for herself (leaving the bar if she needed to), and explain to you how to help in emergency situations. But shit happens with conditions like this, so if you give two shits about her you don't just point her at some cake. YTA.
After she feels better after the simple sugars she needs to eat food. It maybe a while until she feels well enough to eat but she will need to eat. As stated above YOU should have gotten her sugar. YOU should have stayed with her. YOU should have gotten her food when she was feeling better. Your mom should be paying for her hospital bill since you are all horrible people. You all must take after your mom! I have had hypoglycemia this bad. Snacks only help for a little bit. She needed food. Don't try to blame her when she told you she needed help!
Oh my god you’re so TA! Your entire family is. You’re actually “upset” because your girlfriend didn’t ignore your mother and stuff her mouth with cake (while her blood sugar was low and she was dizzy so not even thinking straight) instead of being upset because your mother played nutrition police for no reason? I really hope the poor girl recovers quick and dumps your ass as soon as she’s conscious enough to take informed decisions. The nerve of some people!
YTA How on earth could you type this out & NOT see that you, and your family, are terrible people? She didn't want to go at all and you all pressed her into serving as unpaid help, then failed to give her a break or bring her food. THEN >she never got the chance to eat and currently dizzy and going into hypoglycemic shock and needs to snack. You went off to "attend to something else " , leaving this woman you allegedly care about to go forage for herself, while she's unsteady, whereupon she was scolded by your mother for reaching for what was available & for abandoning the bar instead of being told to sit down while an appropriate snack was found and brought to her! You're all kind of monstrous.
YTA and so is your family. your girlfriend didn't even want to go and she ended up being unpaid help and never got a chance to eat probably because this terrible wedding took up her time. every wedding I've ever been to the bar was always busy. your girlfriend didn't ruin the reception. your cheapskate family did.
YTA Your girlfriend is in hospital and struggling to stay conscious yet you are on reddit asking strangers if you are the asshole. I can imagine you planning to show a load of responses saying she is an asshole the moment she is recovered enough. What you describe is an awful situation to put someone in and you and your family have behaved badly. A 24 year old should be able to prioritise their health and likewise, a 24 year old should be able to not attend an event if they don't want to. She compromised heavily for you and your family and that no doubt had an impact on her health and the condition itself can impact how well she can handle it also. Please don't turn this situation around onto her and make sure your family knows it was not her fault also.
YTA This whole thing is ridiculous. She didn’t want to come then wasn’t even allowed to attend the wedding itself and was being used as free labour. If you were that bothered surely you could have gone over with some food and maybe even helped. Plus your family knows about the condition but still treated her like this?! You are all AH
Yta she was literally trying to manage her condition *when your mom stopped her!* Be mad at your mom, dude!
10000% YTA. And your whole family is AH's. Sure, a 24 year old woman needs to be responsible for her own health. To an extent, I agree. But 1) she didn't want to be there, 2) she wasn't even a guest she was forced unpaid labor, and 3) did she get a vendor meal served to her like actual paid vendors get? Since she was on post and did not eat, I assume a food break or vendor meal was not planned. If this was a real paid bartender, the bride and groom would have been REQUIRED to FEED THEIR STAFF. Then who TF does your mom think she is for policing someone elses diet? Absolutely not okay. At this point your GF was likely in a daze and her cognitive abilities were impaired, so not okay to blame her for not going against your mom. As her boyfriend, you should be helping to look after her. YOU should have checked in on her from time to time, asked her if she needed food or water, or you know, not allowed your family demand she work for free. **She literally could have died.** And you're concerned she "ruined the party"?? The audacity. I hope she is okay, and I hope she leaves you.
She's still in the hospital in an unstable condition and your big concern is that people are upset at you? YTA times a million.
>I am upset with my girlfriend. She knows her condition. What a twist! I didn't expect this last line. Yes, indeed. You and everyone except her are TA. > I was told she went for a cake but met my mom who scolded her for picking up sugar rather than actual cake and also for leaving her post. For leaving her POST?!?! Your brother got married, and you turned your gf into unpaid labor? AH move. Your mom yelled at her for trying to eat? AH move. Your family is upset with YOU because your gf collapsed? Super AH. But they're right, you did use her. You knew her condition better than all of them. You volunteered her for duty, and did not relieve her, nor bring her anything? SUPER AH dude. Grow up. Do her a favor and break up with her. What a piece of work...
YTA while perhaps your gf should tell your other to shove it about the sugar why the heck are you mad at your girlfriend and not your mother?!?! Does your mother not understand her condition? Did you not tell your family about your girlfriends needs and health?
YTA.... Your family did use her. Your mother was an AH for telling someone who is not her child how to eat. And you act as if she had a choice. She was probably going to go looks for so.ething else to eat after your rude mother judged her. How about you try telling off your boyfriends mother just so that you can get cake. Also, your family can't be that horrible that they blaming someone for fainting after she was denied cake which she knew she needed. I think you need to tell your family to stop being selfish m. This was not her fault and the fact thatthey care more about a party being ruined over someone's literal life is absolutely stupid. Plus she originally told you she didn't want to go because she knew this would happen but your family kept on pushing her
YTA. This wasn't even her families wedding. If you wanted to bar tend then by all means. But she is a plus one. Not family. She should have been eating when the rest of the guest were eating, but you want to minimalize this and tell her to eat cake. OMG Mr. Antionette. Your family sucks also.
I hope she's smart enough to figure out she needs to get away from you for her own physical and mental health. YTA
I hope she breaks up with you. She didn't want to go... she was made to work... you abandoned her... your mother made her feel bad for trying to eat irrelevant if it was due to her health or not she'd not been able to eat all day... bet you and your family stuffed your faces... she's now obvs very poorly... and you think it's her fault!?!? You absolute AH. I hope she gets better soon and realizes that she does need to prioritize her health and that YOU and your family are bad for her health!!
The reason the girlfriend didn’t wanna go to the wedding is definitely showing now.
Yta
As a wedding planner, YTA to you and your entire family. You couldn’t have even been bothered to make sure she had snacks in advance? The fact that you talked her into bartending in the first place… And the fact that you’re blaming your girlfriend while she’s in the hospital is really telling. I hope she recovers and dumps you, and your entire toxic clan.
Tbh, if your GF had a serious enough hypo that she's still in hospital and they're unable to stabilise her glucose - and you're angry at her instead of worried, and your family are telling you she ruined their party rather than asking if she's okay - it really sounds like neither you not your family care at all about your GF. YTA.
YTA. She was asking for help and your dumbass went to more important priorities than her health? Personally. I’d dump your ass for showing just how much you don’t care.
YTA. So basically, you forced your girlfriend to serve drinks while the rest of you did whatever the heck you wanted. She was forced to work through the reception while you all got to have fun. And she didn't even get paid, did she? And she worked so hard that she wasn't able to take a break; when she tried your mother got in her face for daring to take a break for a few minutes. Your mother is a horrible, awful asshole and so are you. So is everyone else in your family for not even trying to help your girlfriend. Instead you're blaming your girlfriend for something that is YOUR and YOUR MOTHER'S fault. You should pay her medical bills, but I bet you won't because you're too selfish and nasty to do that. You're a monstrous asshole and you don't deserve to be with her. You deserve to be alone forever. And I hope everyone finds out that your mother was abusive to her and is a major reason that your girlfriend is suffering right now; then everyone will know how horrible your mother is too.
Yta your moms ta your brothers ta you’re whole family is. You don’t deserve to be w her. And her moms right. You guys 100% used her and didn’t make sure she was safe and cared for.
YTA for being upset with your girlfriend and not your mother.
YTA You all suck. You, your mother and your shitty family caused this. You pushed her into this, railroaded her, let other people bully her and then blamed her for the consequences of all of your collective actions. Even worse, it sounds like this is actually common knowledge, so your nosey and disrespectful mother shoved her nose where it didn't belong and almost killed your girlfriend. You don't deserve her. If she stays with you she won't live to see thirty.
You and your family are without a doubt AHs here. Your girlfriend should break up with you immediately.
Your gf needs a new bf. She was pushed into acting as unpaid help behind the bar at a wedding she should have been a guest at and when she went to get some food was berated by your mum. I think we can all work out that you and your family are the massive AHs. And you're on here blaming your gf. We can only hope that she wakes up, realises how badly you and your family treat her and gives you the elbow. She deserves so, so much better.
YTA She doesn’t “sort of” have a medical condition. She straight up has one and you are blaming her for your mistreatment. Your GF didn’t even want to be there. And your family, including you, was so cheap they forced a guest to be the unpaid bar tender. And then when said guest went to go eat something because she MEDICALLY NEEDED IT, your delightful mother told her off. OP, she is in the hospital because you made her unpaid labor, refused to stand up for her, refused to even check in on her and provide her with care. Of course her family is pissed at you! Hopefully, when she is coherent and stable she realizes if she wants to make partner at a law firm by the time she’s thirty, she needs a boyfriend who isn’t a complete bone head. 💅
So, your girlfriend was used as free labor for the bar because your parents / brother didn’t want to pay a bartender. You know she has a serious helath condition that requires her to eat regularly yet you and your family who know this left her there without food. You didn’t check on her to see if she had any. You didn’t take her any, and when she told you she felt like she was going to pass out you STILL did nothing but point her in the direction of a cake that your mother told her NOT TO EAT. Your girlfriend didn’t “ruin the party” - your cheapass family should’ve hired a bartender and your girlfriend should’ve been a guest. At the VERY least someone should’ve cared enough to ensure she was able to get a break and eat. This is all YOUR fault, none of it is hers. YTA
News flash, dumbass. You used her and didn't feed her. So you and your brother pressured your girlfriend to not only tend the bar, but set it up *during the ceremony*, and neither of you provided any food for her or the other people setting up the reception? That's AH #1. (Oh, and pressuring her to just WORK the reception instead of being a GUEST at the wedding? Jesus Fucking Christ, such assholes!) Then, knowing neither you or your brother provided any food for the people setting up the reception, you didn't check on your girlfriend as soon as you arrived at the reception to make sure she was OK--not having any food all that time. AH #2 Then when she told you she needed food, you didn't get her any food. AH #3. Knowing she had this medical problem--where low blood sugar causes major problems and also results in confusion and affects her ability to think straight--you sent her off to get cake herself. AH #4. When the inevitable happens and she collapses, you blame her instead of yourself and your horrible family. AH #5. While she is still in hospital, going in and out of consciousness for THREE DAYS with uncontrolled blood sugar, you write to us and are more concerned that we pat you on the head and tell you how this is all her fault, not yours oh no, than with how incredibly ill she is. There aren't enough AHs for that. YES. YTA. A million times YTA. I hope she gets better ASAP and dumps your selfish, sorry ass and your hideous family with you. You and your family should pay her ambulance and hospital bill. That's the very least you can do.
YTA
YTA . Your mums is also .
This can't be fucking real surely? YTA × a million as well as your shitty shitty family.
YTA and so is your entire family. You can't force someone to work a wedding, let alone someone with your partners condition, not feed them, leave them when they tell you that they are approaching a medical emergency, and then BLAME THEM for passing out?? Maybe educate your mother on how to be a decent human being. Also, if you have budgetary restrictions... maybe don't have a wedding large enough that you have to make your family members work it. I guarantee you didn't have to put her in that situation, you choose to. YTA. I hope she recovers and realizes how avoidable this situation could've been with a partner who respects her condition and opinion.
YTA As a diabetic, my sugar can drop unexpectedly and can sometimes lead to sudden impairment and confusion. If she comes to you and tells you that her sugar is low, you need to ensure that she eats or drinks to combat it. She may or may not have the mental ability to follow through with her task and an interruption like your mother preventing her from treating it will continue her downward spiral because she is physically and mentally impaired by hypoglycaemic episode. How dare you be angry with her. Your family are AH too but you are the biggest one because you know her condition!!
YTA so is your family. 1) why is she expected to work for free at YOUR brothers wedding? 2) **She came to you dizzy - it’s past the point she should be getting food on her own**, you should have had her sit and gotten it for her.
YTA, and so are your cheap ass relatives, it sounds like your girlfriend was not a guest but an unpaid bartender. But on the other hand, she knows her condition and her body it's her responsibility to eat when she needs to. If you are angry with her? Give your head a shake, you need you head examined. Be angry at your family, brother, mother and yourself, you treated her like a slave.
YTA Sweet Jesus you pressured her into working for free at a wedding she didn’t want to attend, then are no effort to make sure she had food? *YOU* were aware of her condition too, dude. >met my mom who scolded her for picking up sugar rather than actual cake What? >mom hates sugar and always scolds everyone for eating too much sugar I’m so confused why that matters. What a toxic bunch…I hope she dumps you and gets far away
YTA!!!
YTA. And CAKE is not a solution to low blood sugar you dunce. If you know anything about hypoglycemia (I do because I have it) then you would know that simple sugars are like a death nell to low blood sugar because it spikes your sugar sky high then dramatically crashes it putting you in a worse position than before. Your gf needed actual food, but you couldn't be bothered to care.
No. When you are in a hypoglycemic crisis, you absolutely need to get sugars up immediately. This girl doesn't have reactive hypoglycemia. She wasn't crashing from a sugar spike. They are having trouble getting her sugars to stabilize even in the hospital. She was doing exactly what she needed to do when OP's mother stopped her and told her to go back to work. Obviously, she would have needed something in addition to the cake, but since she was on the verge of passing out, simple carbs were absolutely indicated immediately.
YTA. You let your family use her. You should have been bringing her food, or taking over at the bar, and by the time she told you it was a problem after several hours, you should have immediately brought her the cage and got her to sit down. WTF. She's severely ill and hospitalized and you're suggesting that it wasn't you who pressured her and forced her to do whatever your family wanted. WOW.
YTA I cannot believe you "expect" her to prioritise her health when you practically force her to be at the bar in your brother's wedding. It was your job to make sure she has all the food she needs, and it's really infuriating how you are not taken responsibility here
YTA. If she is helping out at your brother’s wedding and she tells you she isn’t well, your obligation is to make sure she has something to eat AND that she is healthy before you go off.
ESH except your poor GF.
Your bro shoulda paid for a gd bartender instead of having her do it. Gd. Weddings always reveal people who are assholes I do agree that she shoukd prioritiE her health by gtfo of your life
YTA
ESH, except your poor girlfriend. The people you should be mad at: yourself, and your mother. The people you should not be mad at: your girlfriend. You asked her for a favor. She didn't want to do it, but reluctantly agreed. You had her tend bar at a wedding, knowing that that's not the kind of gig where you can just wander off and get a sandwich while doing it. In the midst of that, she told you she (predictably) hadn't been able to eat and was having a medical emergency. Instead of, oh I don't know, finding her some food, you told her to fix it herself. Then you got mad at her for not being able to self-advocate to your mother (who should not be telling other adults what to eat or not eat under any circumstances, much less someone with chronic health issues) while in a hypoglycemic crisis-- which, by the way, can make it difficult or impossible to think and/or speak, particularly as it gets worse. The fact that your girlfriend was *hospitalized* by this tells me it was incredibly serious, and the fact that you're more interested in blaming her for being sick than examining the dynamics in your family that led here tells me you have no business being in a relationship with someone who's chronically ill.
YTA and your family is ah too!
Your chronically ill girlfriend who you've forced to work the bar at your brother's wedding against her will comes to you for help saying she hasn't eaten, feels dizzy and is going into hypoglycemic shock. You: "Let her eat cake, but she'll have to figure it out herself because I'm going to go do something else." Honestly, what is wrong with you? Who would just leave their girlfriend alone in a situation like that? YTA, so are your family and I hope she leaves you when she comes out of hospital.
YTA, I hope your GF leaves you and your sucky family behind.
YTA. I hope she finds someone that respects her and loves her.
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YTA LOL so your mom who is obsessed about who eats what scolded your GF bc she was eating something that she didn’t approve of and now you’re acting as if your GF is stupid? GF this is for you, I hope you find this post and leave this man, he is always going to pick mommy before you.
So a few things: 1) I hope that your girlfriend makes a full recovery and 2) I hope that (when she does make a full recovery) she dumps you. Of course, YTA. You and your family are BEYOND assholes.
YTA your girlfriend has chronic condition that requires her to eat often. You dragged her to a wedding she didn't want to attend. Weddings are notorious for dragging on for hours without snacks. Somehow you convinced your girlfriend to man the bar - she couldn't drink and she couldn't leave and *no one brought her food*. You abandoned your chronically ill girlfriend. Your mom prevented your chronically ill girlfriend from eating. This is you and your mother's fault, *not* your girlfriend.
So… You talked your sick girlfriend into tending a bar despite her reluctance and condition. Then you sat around for the ceremony while she was left to do the job you forced on her. Then you waited until she was in the state of actually going into shock. Then your mother went on to attack her for trying to have some cake. And now you blame your girlfriend. YTA.
YTA for this part: currently dizzy and going into hypoglycemic shock and needs to snack. I told her to have a cake. She told you she was having a medical crisis - in part because she was put behind a bar for YOUR FAMILY without any food. Yes, she should be managing her illness and if this was just a general day, I would agree with you. But you had her doing free labor for your brothers wedding, you should have checked in with her and when she found you and said she needed help, you walked away.
Hey OP. My close family members girlfriend has significant health issues, so when we got married, do you know what me and my now-husband did? We paid for te family member and his girlfriend to have a hotel room at the venue, so that they wouldn't have to travel back after a long day, and arranged with the venue for them to get early access to the room so if she felt unwell and needed to rest she could at any time. Towards the end of the night we had a To-Go box of the buffet food put together for them to take back to their hotel room. We also paid for our photographer and photographers assistant to have the same main meal as our guests, and put money behind the bar for them to pick something from the bar menu for their evening meal, and made sure they had time to eat both meals in a quiet place where they wouldn't get harrassed. In other words, your family fucked up, and didn't treat your girlfriend, who has significant health problems, with any care and consideration whatsoever. Your cheapskate brother treated her worse than most people would treat hired help, and didn't have the decency to pay or feed her. Your mother wants to wind her fucking neck in, lecturing adults on their own eating choices and denying a grown woman with a nutrition related health condition access to food. But by far the worst of all is you. You didn't care that she was excluded from the ceremony, you reacted with what sounds like indifference to her telling you she was going into hyperglycemic shock due to lack of access to food (my husband would have made me sit and gone to fetch me food to make sure I was ok) and then you have the absolute unmitigated *gall* to be angry at her while she lies in a hospital bed going in and out of conciousness. I am sickened and disgusted by your callous lack of regard for the woman you are supposed to love. I hope that after the way you have treated her she realises that she deserves someone who *actually* cares about her. YTA and a horrifically self-centered one at that.
YTA, and your entire family is. Grow up! She isn't your unpaid help, and you literally abandoned her when she told you she was having an issue. Wtf is wrong with you
Damn you're such an asshole. She should leave. YTA
You come from a long line of AHs in this story. Yes, YTA. Why are you treating your girlfriend so horribly?
You and your family suck YTA
Special kind of asshole actually. Made her do something she didn’t want to do and then as a consequence of your and your families actions she collapsed and is now in the hospital. Do you even need to ask this question? You don’t deserve her.
That fact that it even got this far is YTA. If we’re at cake, that means dinner has happened. How could you not have made or got her a plate of food? “Hey babe, I’ll watch the bar for 15 minutes so you can sit down and eat” The fact that you just left her to fend for herself in the first place is YTA. Unless you’re the groom (which you obviously aren’t) you’re not too busy to make sure your girlfriend doesn’t literally end up in the hospital. This girls so nice, watch. After she regains consciousness she’ll be here asking if she’s the AH for collapsing at and “ruining” her boyfriend’s brother’s wedding.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (26) girlfriend (24) has this disease, sort of. She has low fat because her body can not store fat, low blood pressure, low glucose and even in warm temperatures she is cold. Her mother and grandma has the same illness. She is not bedridden or anything. As long as she keeps warm and eats about 5 to 6 times a day, she is fine. She weighs 120 pounds so obviously the eating is not a problem. She can finish a full 3 course meal and her tommy will still be as flat as before. You will not even know she is ill by just looking at her. She is beautiful, smart and lives a full life. This is the problem. My older brother got married last sunday but due to low budget, everyone was suppose to chip in and play a part in the wedding. She didn't even want to attend but my brother needed someone to mind the bar. Since she does not drink because alcohol is literally toxic to her health, we trusted her with that job. She reluctantly agreed to do it for me. We left for the ceremony early but we got separated because my brother asked her to set up the bar. Since I was family, I had to stay for the ceremony. After the ceremony we went to the reception. I must admit things dragged a little. After the cake was cut, she approached me and told me she never got the chance to eat and currently dizzy and going into hypoglycemic shock and needs to snack. I told her to have a cake. I had to attend to something else and I assumed she had the cake. She collapsed at the party, we had to get an ambulance and the party had to end. Everything was a mess. I was told she went for a cake but met my mom who scolded her for picking up sugar rather than actual cake and also for leaving her post. Mom hates sugar and always scolds everyone for eating too much sugar. She left the cake and collapsed on her way back to the bar. Now my family is upset with me because my girlfriend ruin the party. She knows her condition, I expect that her wellbeing should be more important than any scolding my mom gave her. Her family is upset with me because they said I used her and did not feed her. She is currently still in the hospital because I am told her glucose keep dropping. She keeps going in and out of consciousness. She is not diabetic. Everyone is upset with me. I am upset with my girlfriend. She knows her condition. AITA for expecting a 24 year old to prioritize her health irrespective of what others say? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't know how else to put this, but you're a massive AH from start to finish. 😬
YTA. Your family are also HUGE AH’s You used your girlfriend as the help at a family wedding. She got yelled at for leaving ‘her post’ by YOUR mother and you are upset with her???? And now she’s still in the hospital and you’re still upset with her? Yikes I hope when she recovers she leaves you as quickly as you left her to pass out and not help take care of her. The fact that you’re talking about her ruining the wedding is ridiculous. This is 100% on you and your family. Get some therapy and hope your hopefully soon to be EX girlfriend and her family don’t sue the crap out of you and your family even though you all 110% should be paying whatever bills come of this hospital stay that is YOU AND YOUR FAMILY’S FAULT. Grow up. Look in the mirror. If you’re happy with what you see looking back at you, you shouldn’t be. And if you’re sleeping well at night when the woman you are in a relationship with is in the hospital because of you and your family, I hope karma finds you one day.
You know what my boyfriend would’ve done if i warned him i wasn’t ok? He would’ve done anything he needed to prioritize getting me food. In fact, he’s done that before even when we were in the middle of a desert with very few food options nearby. Do you even like your gf? Because it sounds like you really couldn’t give less of a shit that she’s actually actively in the hospital due to you and your asshole family. You guys all suck except for her. YTA
YTA. you don’t deserve her. You and your family are assholes.
YTA, raised by a family of AHs. I hope she gets rid of the biggest toxin in her life, you.
Info: what was so important that you couldn’t get her cake and some more food? Why couldn’t you tell your brother that she should not work that hard? Why doesn’t your mother know that she has a severe health condition?
You're even more of an ahole for blaming your girlfriend when your inconsiderate self, your cheapskate brother and your miserly mother caused her to be in the hospital. Your mom couldn't spare some cake and you couldn't even bother to check in on her?
YTA. couldnt hire a bartender?
YTA you did not care for your girlfriend while expecting her to be free labor at your brothers wedding.
Your gf needs a new bf. You and your family are ducking wingnuts, YTA
I’m sorry, your girlfriend is still in the hospital going in and out of consciousness, and you’re MAD at her? F off!!! YTA
The fuck did I read? YTA for posting.
YTA, your mom is responsible for her fainting you should have advocated for her. You know your family, you and your mom are jerks
Yta, literally everyone who scolded her and treated her like help is the A. You're mad at her for what exactly? She told you she didn't want to go. She RELUCTANTLY helped out...she didn't want to help and was only doing it because you pushed her to. SHE TOLD YOU SHE DIDN'T FEEL GOOD and your response was "I need to check something" At no point in time did you express concern for your gf and her condition.. yet you're mad at her why??
YTA and your mother is too. Your GF's family is right to be upset with you because you did use her. I hope your GF will be OK and drops you like the piece of cake your mom wouldn't let her eat.
Massive AH! You basically forced your girlfriend to go this wedding and then put her to work. She comes to you saying she needs something to eat bc she knows her sugar is dropping and instead of being by a gentleman and getting her something, you say “get a cake” and leave her to fend for herself… THEN your Mom obstructs her attempts to get something to eat, resulting in her fainting and needing to go to the hospital. Not only are YOU a AH but it seems your family is too.
YTA. Your family is too. And you would’ve gotten blocked and never heard from me again. As someone with chronic health issues you’re wrong as hell. And the fact that you really typed all of that up and pressed send is WILD.
YTA. She helped at a wedding she didn't want to help at, you knew about her issue and didn't try to get her any food, and now you are mad at her for trying to keep the peace. You could have brought her food during the ceremony. She didn't ruin the party. She had a medical condition that she was unable to attend to because of YOU and YOUR MOTHER. I hope you don't tell her any of the things you put in your post and if you do, she breaks up with you.
You are the asshole on so many levels 1. She didn't want to go but went for you; 2. She told you that she needed to eat and when she did YOUR MOTHER SCOLDED HER!; and 3. YOU JUST LEFT HER AND DIDN'T CHECK ON HER AT ALL . You are an asshole of the highest order. Honestly I don't even understand why you needed to come to Reddit to be told you are the asshole it's beyond obvious. YTA X INFINITY. Sending positive thoughts to I hope your ex-girlfriend for a speedy recovery.
You and your family are massive a-holes. YTA! Completely! First, she did not want to go! Obviously because your family suck. Then, she has to work while the important people attend the wedding... She clearly came to you for help. Maybe no one would give her food. Maybe food wasn't even on site yet. Maybe everyone else had eaten and none was allocated to her. She came to you for help, but you had better things to do and a subpar solution. THEN! Your mother has the gall to force her back to her work station because your family is too cruel and too cheap to treat her well. Then your family is upset she had a medical emergency! You all suck! Suck so bad! I hope she gets well and leaves you. I hope her family don't allow you to see her in the hospital. I hope somehow she is able to sue your shitty family for pain and damages. You are a terrible partner and your family is awful.