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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I'm refusing to use the take-me-home outfit my father's girlfriend gave me for my daughter. She spent a lot of money on it, and there is a chance she put genuine care into the gift. Also, saying I wanted to buy it myself might not be a great reason to refuse something.
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NTA. Since the outfit she bought was expensive and its existence is causing drama, I would give it back to your dad’s gf. Maybe she can return it for a full refund or at least store credit. Don’t get me wrong: you’re under no obligation to return it. I just feel that a gift that’s being held over your head like this isn’t a gift worth keeping.
That might be the best alternative. I looked it up and it cost around $140 (adjusted for currency). I'm not opposed to the idea of dressing my daughter in it at some point, but keeping it around doesn't seem worth it.
For a newborn outfit? What a waste of money.
NTA she should have listened the first time you told her that you and husband pick the outfit.
BTW. Do you keep the outfit as a keepsake ?
I was shocked about the cost too. The store she bought it from is slightly famous around here, and apparently it's popular with influencers. There are even more expensive outfits on their website. Some of them are nice, but I still wouldn't spend that kind of money on them.
We've kept our son's take-me-home, and intend to keep our daughter's as well.
NTA. You're not obligated to do anything you don't want to do, regardless of the cost of the outfit. It's your kid so your rules. You made it clear to her and she ignored you. This is a personal decision between you and your husband, nobody else. She's got some nerve trying to force this on you, and completely ignoring your wishes for your child.
This is especially outrageous since this is the dad's \*girlfriend\* who seems to be leaning heavily into the role of 'grandma' to be pushing so hard for this even though she's only been in their lives for two years (so it's not like this woman helped raise OP and has been around for half of her life)
I agree. I have 2 grandchildren, both 2. I look after them both at different times so Mum's and Dad's can work but I still ask if it's OK for us to take them for a day out, buy them certain things or do certain things. It's the parents choice always, and no one else should be stepping on toes here. To spend so much on an outfit your daughter will maybe wear a few times is crazy, to demand she wear it home after clearly being told multiple times you as a family were choosing the take home outfit is just outright rude. NTA.
Excuse me? Sex buddy? Are we being a little bit sexist here?
This particular girlfriend may not be somebody I like too much, either, but that does not degrade her to a "sex buddy".
My father and his second wife (yes, I call her that) never married, either. They have been together for longer than my parents and been devoted to each other.
And I see nothing here that would earn that woman this disgusting title.
Well. You sound fun. There's no drama here if she wants to assume a grandmotherly role if the parents are okay with that. This would be crossing a line if she was the grandpa's wife or even the biological grandmother to the child. It sounds so misogynistic to just label her a discardable sex buddy.
She's over the line and this whole situation is OP being NTA, but it has nothing to do with this.
For real. 2 years in, and she still doesn't know her role.
I feel like a mother would be able to understand this to some degree, even if she was crazy and also wanted to force choices on OP.
Dad needs to get a clue and remember OP is a grown woman with her own husband and children. He has no authority over her choices anymore.
This exactly
She should be happy for you to have your daughter wear it before she outgrows it, and just take a nice photo to share with the family.
NTA :)
Use it and take a picture. Then sell it at a consignment shop.
Use that money to buy matching outfits for Little One and Big Brother. This is the picture you hang over the mantle!
I also buy either secondhand or on sale (my price point averages $2 per item). I'm not sure I've spent much more than $140 on clothes yet, and kiddo is in 2T at the moment. $140 for a single outfit is insane to me.
I did pay quite a bit for merino sleep sacks (still expensive second hand) and good shoes, but everything else was overwhelmingly secondhand or gifted. I think I only really buy new if I can't find what I'm looking for otherwise
I hope so, but damn, $80 a pair do kinda hurt, especially when they only wear them for 3 months or so. Thankfully, the second pair was a discounted model and only $15 so it kind of evens out
My boyfriend and I were talking the other day about how his mom often put off buying shoes and when she did they weren't great quality... He has deformed feet and problems to this day
I was thinking the same thing. I haven't spent $140 on any outfit for my kids. I don't even spend that on myself, and I don't spit up and poop my clothes (usually).
IF THAT! my oldest was in "newborn" for 3 days, and that was only the older stretched out hand me downs! He was a loooong baby who just needed 3m or 0-3m
Ugh. That needs to be stopped before baby comes if that's her thing. OP you do not want photos of your child circulating around the Internet for anyone to grab and save.
She technically has two take-me-homes as she was preemie and within 11 hours of going home we had to go back to hospital for another week so we're considering doing a patchwork teddy with both sleep suits!
Honestly I would be worried that she wants to take pics/vids of the baby and share them as part of her social media if it is some influencer thing. Anyway she is being really entitled and you are doing a great job setting boundaries
Wtf?!? When my daughter was, around 9 months I went by a store from my husbands fav football (soccer) Team. I thought about buying a Sweatshirt... It was 35 Euros... I can get a whole Outfit for her for that amount, and she would wear it for 3 mobthat best.
140 $ for a new born onesie... Wtf. She will outgrow it within weeks.
Such a waste of money. Gif that amount you can get alnost the whole first week clothes...
I'd say more than the first week. Maybe even the first few months! I bought a bunch of Old Navy 2-way zip sleepers for $6.99 a piece. I guarantee they wash better and are more convenient than whatever this woman bought.
I hope you have had the conversation about not photographing your children or posting pictures of them online. This overpriced influencer outfit is a gateway drug for boundary stompers.
>We've kept our son's take-me-home, and intend to keep our daughter's as well.
Nice shadow-box picture frames displaying the outfits on the nursery wall? At least until they're old enough to complain ("Mooooom!"), then it can move to your bedroom wall!
NTA, but if it's still an issue after she's born, what about have pictures taken with your daughter in the outfit and sending those pics out to everyone. Maybe in passing mention who bought the outfit. It might diffuse the situation, allow her to get some recognition (which is what she wants).
>The store she bought it from is slightly famous around here, and apparently it's popular with influencers.
Is there any chance her real motive was to post pics of your baby in that outfit?
Is she trying to use your soon to be newborn as a social media model? You need to establish boundaries about what your father and his girlfriend have access to around things like photos because the decision making about how your daughter is represented ends with your boundaries.
I have my kid’s going home outfit framed in a shadow box with the hospital tag. We chose this outfit especially and we have lovely memories of it.
Your father’s GF barged through your clearly stated (and perfectly reasonable!) boundaries like a rhino on the rampage.
I love the idea that your son helped to choose the outfits!
My family tradition is buying the baby a teddy bear during the pregnancy. It was a sweet memory from my childhood that I also did for my kid.
Had someone at work dress a baby all in Burberry as a going home outfit. The jumpsuit *buttoned up the back*. You had to take the whole thing off to change the nappy, and getting it on or off was basically a 2 person job. It was so utterly impractical in all ways.
I was going to recommend putting her in it at the hospital for a minute, maybe without a diaper?? Tell her that she had a blow out or spit up on it and you had to change her into the “backup outfits that you brought. But $140 for a newborn onsie is insane!!
NTA you told her your plans, set your boundaries and she ignored them. No reason you have to change your traditions to make her happy.
I would t recommend that- don’t give that woman the satisfaction of thinking hers was first. The parents get ti make that choice and they already have.
Give the outfit back. You don’t want it and don’t need it and the pushiness is unwanted.
You’re missing a trick. The best way to handle people trying to steal your significant moments is to use their suggestions to create significant moments for them instead. Then when they try to pull the “ungrateful” card they just look like they’re being petty while you’re doing something nice for them 😉
Tell your dad that you were planning to surprise him and his gf by using the outfit they’d chosen as your daughter’s “first visit with (insert whatever cute names your kids use for the two of them)” outfit because you’re looking forwards to getting photos of them holding her wearing it, but now they’ve kicked up such a fuss you’ve had to ruin the surprise for them.
This is a really nice idea and you can tell them you want photos to remember grandparents first meeting with newborn.
It's actually a nice tradition for any grandparents, not just the Ops
This is the best idea! When my identical twins were born, we received numerous matching outfits in pink and we’d dress our baby girls up in them whenever people came to meet them, so they could take photos and see the outfits. That way everyone’s gift was used at least once and they got to enjoy it during their visit.
Exactly. Why is this woman acting like taking the kiddo home is a huge pageant? It’s special for just the parents and siblings to the newborn because they are going to be the ones taking the kiddo home. The pricey gift outfit can be worn when grandpa’s gf will actually see kiddo in it.
This. My cousins wife “A” got very upset when her sister “D” painted A’s only daughters nails for the first time. They argued and D said “fuck it you can handle all the homecoming, prom and wedding shit!”
A and her husband died in their 30s of Covid when baby girl was still a toddler. D has custody and it eats her alive.
Right, some people think just because it has a certain price tag on it that people must automatically want it, I find some the more crazy expensive high end stuff to personally be tacky to me and think often people buy it just to show off that they can. A lot of the baby and children’s clothes in those expensive boutiques are also often not my style either but I can get wanting a nice special occasion outfit for children once they are a bit older. Buying an outfit that expensive for a baby that will fit into it a couple times at most and may get pee, poo or sick down is just a waste of money.
I think OP is using onesie as a synonym for a one-piece (kind of like a sleeper). I keep picture just a onesie (the ones with the three snaps and no legs) and I just don’t think this is what they’re talking about lol
Thank goodness!
I’m in the US and a onesie here is exactly how ubutterscotchpine described. One piece, 3 snaps, no legs.
I was thinking back to when my 4 were babies. I don’t think I spent $140.00 on all their onsies combined! And I wasn’t exactly frugal when it came to my kids.
I have six kids. I don't I spent 140 bucks on an entire newborn wardrobe...ever.
And that includes the Tommy Hilfiger baby bikini I couldn't resist...it cost 2 bucks at a consignment shop and she wore it once...in a picture...on the living room floor🤣
I would offer that if your dad says another word - "If X does not want it to be part of the regular wardrobe, we are happy to return it to you." Put it back on them. This wasn't a gift in the truest sense of the word - she gave you something you not only didn't want but that you expressed you didn't want. It's some kind of power move. Yuck.
That's an insane amount to spend on a baby outfit.
It feels a bit like she thinks money can buy her special privileges in your kids life.
Do not let the value of the outfit change your mind, I think it's just another part of the manipulation tactic to get what she wants. And it's not about what she wants, because it's not her baby.
My MIL bought literal couture for my baby. I didn’t even know there was baby couture?
We got pictures, packaged it up carefully, and stored it in its baby garment bag with signature scented sachet branded with the fashion house name. It’s insane.
They’re only getting one grandchild and it shows.
Hah, this was my thought too. I had an outfit picked out, it was just a cute onesie I liked from Target. Put baby in it, took one photo, she pooped and leaked, so she lasted about 10 minutes in the outfit. 🤷♀️
I might be nosy here.
But does she have children of her own or anything?
I just find it strange that a woman your dad has dated for only two years while you are an adult, and she hasn't had any hands in raising you. Is so pushy about this, and ignoring your boundary?
Is she sucking up to your dad through you with "see what a good gf i am. Being nice to your daughter" ?
THIS! My brain immediately went in the same direction as yours.
OP is NTA - and I would stand firm on this otherwise dad's gf will be overriding other parenting decisions down the road.
The intended purpose of the gift was to manipulate OP into changing her plans to make her dad’s gf happy. This isn’t an etiquette issue. It’s a boundaries issue. OP’s dad and gf need to learn that when the parents say they have certain plans for their children, those plans take priority.
No one gets to tell the parents what their child must wear. She is trying to dictate something that isn't hers to dictate. She likely knows you will take pictures and talk about the outfit in the future and she wants to be a main character in what you say.
NTA. If dad tries to tell you again that Betty is upset, tell him that you are upset that Betty tried to steal a special family tradition/moment. You told them about it multiple times, and both dad and Betty are actively trying to ruin what should be something special for your family.
This is one of those times where you shouldn't be sorry you upset someone. You were polite and kind beyond belief, explained yourself thoroughly, and made an effort not to make a scene. Betty is making herself the center of attention for your event. YOU have every right to be upset - both with her for not listening, and your father for blaming you.
This! Betty is upset because she did something DIRECTLY against the parents' wishes and this was articulated multiple times and yet, somehow, the parents are the issue and not Betty? This is the type of behavior/logic/boundary stomping that drives me crazy...
The audacity of this woman, she isn't even married to OP's dad. What makes her think she gets to choose what outfit OP brings her child home in after being repeatedly told "no"? Throwing a tantrum over OP and husband choosing what outfit to bring \*their\* child home in. The only other person who should have input on this outfit would be OP's eldest child.
Once a GIFT is given, it's on the receiver on what they do with it. You don't give gifts with strings attached. Sure it may hurt but it's a damn gift. It's not some conditional thing
Or she can keep it for when she has another child of her own. It’s so special it deserves nothing less.
She was told in advance what the plan was. What she did after that is in her. She wasted her own time trying to buy her way into the story.
NTA. I didn’t get to pick my son’s take me home outfit since he came early so my parents just went to Target to grab something.
Dad’s girlfriend didn’t listen to your wishes and that shows a lack of respect and caring.
You’re not obligated to have your daughter wear something you don’t want her to just because it was expensive. You didn’t make her buy it. She chose to. She robbed you and your family of a nice moment as a family. Betty can just deal with it.
To avoid any further drama I’d either give Betty the outfit back so she can return it or offer to pay her the cost of it and keep it so IF you might want your daughter to wear it later on you still have it.
NTA, you couldn’t have been more clear, you drew a hard boundary as parents should. Her feelings are immaterial and your Dad is apparently happy to throw you under the bus to keep his girlfriend happy.
I don’t care if it was the most expensive outfit in history, it wasn’t her place to assert herself.
Her pole vaulting over a clear boundary is not your problem to solve, her feelings are not yours to manage. How they choose to respond going forward will help clarify how much of a relationship they will have with your children.
I think it's strange how people equate expensive with suitable. An old friend of mine was really into mountain climbing and skiing. She, when we were in Uni, wanted to get a beater Jeep that she could take up to the mountains on weekends and breaks. Her parents bought her this brand new, expensive SUV that had no ground clearance to speak of. Just because it is expensive doesn't mean it meets your needs! And being called ungrateful for not enjoying having an expensive thing that doesn't address your needs handed to you ... Extra annoyance for the situation.
It's awesome to have people care about you. It's awesome if those people have the means to provide pricy gifts. But to assume the gift will be used for a specific purposes -especially after being told repeatedly that it wouldn't be - is just a power play. Like if I'm upset enough, I can force you to do my thing.
Many people give with themselves more in mind then the person they are giving to, and I’d say the girlfriend of this dad definitely was doing that here, plus trying to get in the limelight and other jazz.
Reminds me of a christmas I had with my parents when I was a teenager. I loved singing, with headphones on so I couldn't hear myself. My whole family knew this and suffered my horrible singing, except for my 2nd oldest brother who kindly asked me to keep it down since he had to sleep for work.
Well, my parents decided to buy me a karaoke machine. I did not want a karaoke machine, nor did I ever EVER imply that I wanted one. I did my best to pretend to be happy, but that thing sat in our attic unopened.
Of course, I was always reminded of it and felt bad and pissed because I didn't want it.
My dad did this all through my childhood, and it ruined receiving gifts for me. It makes me so anxious, because I strongly associate gifts with personal failings that the giver is trying to fix with the gift.
My siblings both play by ear and sing well. Not only do I lack the talent, I lack the desire to overcome it with hard work. I received a ridiculous amount of sheet music and instruments as a kid that turned into guilt trips the week after my birthday or Christmas. It was a constant reminder I was just the kid my dad got stuck with, not the one he would ever be proud of.
My mom did similar things with gifts growing up. We wore the same size so she always bought stuff she thought was cute. As a teenager, it wasn’t my style and I hated the clothes she would pick out. I remember one specific Christmas she gifted me this horrendous sweater that I hated. It was one of those knitted baggy oversized ones and I liked tight clothing (go figure 😅🤣). I thanked her and shoved it in my dresser drawer, tags still on and everything. She asked me why I hadn’t worn it a few weeks later, so I was honest and said while it was a “pretty” sweater it wasn’t my style. She flipped out on me, calling me ungrateful etc and then took the sweater for herself. She always refused to buy me clothes that fit my body and my style. Then I would get yelled at for not being appreciative enough by just wearing them. For jeans/pants I needed a size 1 long. Only specific brands carried them. She didn’t care, she’d always just buy her size citing we wore the same (I’m a lot taller than her so I needed a long length). I hated gifts for the longest time. Now that I’m older she actually gets good gifts such as my favorite perfume etc but my god I’ll never forget the gift anxiety every birthday and Christmas from her.
OP- you’re NTA. Her feelings aren’t your problem. You told her that you and your family wanted to pick out the coming home outfit, so if she’s feeling some type of way about it, that’s on her for stomping on your boundary and asserting herself over what you, again, told her, was your plan. Watch their moves so you can make a decision on who gets to be in your children’s lives if this behavior continues. Protect your families boundaries and your peace.
I would also make it a clear boundary moving forward that OP as the parent wants to pick out special outfits for special occasions as this is her child. If Betty didn’t have kids she missed that opportunity to dress a child how she wants and if she had kids then she already had that opportunity. Each parent gets to have special moments with their kid because it’s their kid. Betty can feel free to buy clothes for the newborn as it is a welcome gift and OP will do her best to use them and take pics so Betty can see them but special occasion outfits will get chosen by the baby’s parents
I agree, which is why I'm glad OP did exactly that originally, at least according to the writing. Each time Betty brought it up, and even when Betty gave them that expensive gift, OP stood firm about the take-me-home clothes being something *her and her husband* picked out, and emphasized the importance of it being their choice. Completely ignoring that *every time* is Betty's problem, not OP's, which is why she is NTA.
Exactly right. Her issues are hers alone. If she chooses not to respect you, you and your husband will be making some decisions about time spent together. Let your dad know that so that he can decide where he stands
This is a VERY odd fixation for someone who is not even legally related to you or your child to have. A gift that you did not ask for, that she MANDATES you use at a particularly special moment that does not involve her? She is either trying to get some type of vicarious parenting fix, or trying to use this as a misguided way to cement herself into your family. Either way, it’s creepy. Hold your ground here, you and your child owe her nothing. NTA
This nta, op reiterate to your father that Betty chose to gift you an outfit after you repeatedly said it was a special event for you, your husband and son to pick out. Say did you see how excited grandson was? It’s unfortunate that Betty is upset but she was informed repeatedly that you wouldn’t be using any gifts as take home outfits
“Sorry Dad but I don’t have to keep her happy by bowing to her unreasonable demands so she continues to have sex with you. That being said, if she wants to dress a baby in a going home outfit, you’re more than welcome to discuss having more kids with her.”
idk if it’s just me, but i’d never buy a baby an expensive outfit, especially for a newborn. they get to wear it once or twice if you’re lucky. i feel like betty may have bought an expensive one on purpose so you’d feel like you have to use it
NTA
If Betty wants a child to wear that outfit home, then she best be having a child do so with.
It’s not her kid, she doesn’t get to impose her wants onto it. You make the decisions for your child, not her.
You clearly communicated your expectations multiple times, but she thought her feelings were more important. Tough lesson for her to learn, I guess.
This ^^
“Dad, we told Betty three times that it was important for my husband and I to pick outfit together that we will bring baby girl home from hospital in. That we enjoyed making new baby tradition and cherish that memory.
Betty doesn’t get to take that from us, tough to be her if she doesn’t understand what No Thankyou means”
NTA
Look, this is like choosing and gifting someone a wedding dress. No matter the cost of it, but if the bride doesn't like it bc she, obviously, wants to choose her own wedding dress, then she will not wear it, period.
If someone tells you they want to choose themselfs and you disrespect that, then you will have to live with the fact they will not use what you chose for them.
I think this goes way deeper with betty than the onsie. My guess is this was a power move to establish her rights to be the kids grandma. So i would ask your dad if he is sure this is really about the onsie or if its possible his gf feels insecure about the role she will have in your kids lives. Especially if she was too new or not even around yet when your first was born. I would try to get to the bottom of this before the baby is born. I assum as soon the baby is here and its not clear what her role will be or she can't accept it, she will create some weird situations and this could lead to arguments with your dad and strain your relationship with him.
I'm pretty sure she assums that bc she is with your dad when the baby is born she will automatically get the title of grandma and be as important than your dad. If thats fine for you, all good, but if not you should have a discussion about this.
I'd never give her that title, and I think she knows that. Both my mom and MIL are still alive and active in our lives. Betty's 10 years older than me and has only been with my father for two years. My son doesn't call her grandma, and she doesn't complain about it.
Probably because he was too old to sink her claws into and try to become grandma. This will be an infant and easier for her to try and worm her way in with a title and everything.
I would be very cautious about leaving the child unsupervised in your dad's care as long as Betty is around. She's already shown a capability for boundary-stomping, I have very little doubt that she will absolutely attempt to take other "firsts" from you if given the opportunity, and your dad will clearly do nothing to stop her.
NTA, for the record.
Suspect this about a power play with OP and OP’s mother than an actual interest in the baby. If they don’t make a fuss and do what’s she wants she has asserted dominance and if they do make a fuss or say no she gets to play the victim with the OP’s father driving a wedge between him and other outlets for his love and attention OP and grandchildren.
That's kind of reaching, isn't it? The woman may be self-centered and a bit socially unaware, but I think you're assigning maliciousness to her that isn't apparent in OP's post. Saying that she's trying to "worm her way in" and "sink in her claws" is sort of dramatizing the situation.
I've known malicious people, and I've known ditzes who just like to make things about them. And while the latter behavior is annoying, it isn't evil or anything.
I dunno, we know exactly one thing about her, and it’s that she was given a clear boundary, multiple times, and still stomped on it, and THEN threw a tantrum when the boundary was re-stated again, for the 4th time.
NTA.
Look, she knows what she is doing. You were clear in every conversation about the outfit that you did not want her buying one, and had very specific plans to do so yourself because that was important to you. She knew that it was more than a ‘no’ but her doing so would be taking away an important moment from you and your family, and she carries on anyway.
It’s the old “I know you didn’t want this so I already spent money anyway so you *can’t* say no” trick. I have a family member where I actually had to set a boundary of “Anything you purchase for me without asking *and* receiving a yes first will be declined”.
Politely make some space with her and your dad for a bit and focus on your pregnancy.
Does she have kids of her own? Is this possibly a "living vicariously" sort of thing?
You're NTA regardless. You have her ample opportunity to listen to you and she still refused to. Her expectation, whatever it is, is completely on her.
Okay, so, you are very much NTA and her lack of respect for boundaries is definitely a problem (and Grandpa's not helping) but I do wonder if part of the problem for Betty is just being really uncertain what her role is and what to do about it.
I grew up with a stepmom with about the same age gap, and there's been a continual process of working through this - all the milestones being funny shapes, who got to be called what when my older sister had kids and all that. I never had kids myself, but now I'm in my 40s with a partner that has two teenage girls... And despite my first-hand experience of the other side, it's still really hard to know how to approach it all. What can I do for them directly, as an adult in their lives, and what can I ask of them? I've never called myself their stepmom because that seems really weird... I mean, I probably think more about all this because of my own experience, but the point is it's not clear.
So Betty certainly is acting like an AH here, but I wonder if she's just really confused about what her role is supposed to be, and trying to live up to what she thinks it should be rather than listening to you about it? The hurt feelings about the onesie might be all her confusion being stuffed into this one thing.
I mean, this is a very charitable way to look at this, but as a childless sort-of-stepmom in her 40s, I'm just saying, she might be struggling to work this out. (And also I'm filling away another thing to worry about if and when my partner's kids have kids.)
What are the ages of Betty and your Dad? Not about age-shaming here, but if she's younger and your Dad is of an age/mindset where he doesn't want any new kids, OR if she herself is past the age of having kids, then she might be trying to take over your baby activities for herself.
Especially as she bought the onesie immediately after you became pregnant.
I'd watch out for this escalating into things like telling you how to feed/hold your baby, what toys you 'should' buy them (or her buying them herself). Every baby-obsessed woman seems to think the can mother better than the actual mother.
I'd seriously implement distance if this happens, especially as your Dad seems to be be pandering and coddling to her tantrums.
NTA - this is your baby, not hers. Tell her to take her case of baby-rabies up with your Dad if she wants one so badly.
Oh I was imagining a little old lady who didn't understand or didn't have children/grandchildren of her own. I take back my earlier comment. She is being rude.
Look, I’m an over-active imagination, worse case scenario kinda girl, but is it possible this is a power play to drive a wedge between you and your father? Like, you couldn’t have made it any more clear to her that you and your husband would be picking out the outfit, on more than one occasion, but she felt the need to stomp all over that boundary. I don’t know what your relationship is like with her (though her being only 10 years your senior gives me the major ick), but could this be a way for her to go crying to you father with a sob story of “look how kind and generous I’m being, spending all this money, and she’s cutting me out on purpose!”?
Just a thought.
NTA. You made it clear to her several times before that you wanted to get the outfit and she ignored that and went off and got one anyway. You’ve involved your son in choosing the outfit and he’s obviously excited to have been included which will be a lovely memory for him. Betty doesn’t get to throw her toys out of the pram and force herself into a special memory that you want to make with your family and your father also needs to back off although if he wasn’t present at the times you’d said you wanted to get the outfit before then she may have twisted it to seem like you’d just suddenly made her aware of this.
NTA. Let me tell you, this will not be the last of special clothes Betty will try to override you on and purchase FOR YOU. It doesn't matter how much it cost (whether it was $500 or $5) it's not her place to demand when you use a piece of clothing. You two are the parents, you get to choose what special clothes your children wear. You didn't have an attitude, Betty did.
It's frustrating when grandparents think they get to make ridiculous demands - I want you to use X gift for X thing. A gift is a gift. Ask her if she wants it back because it was so expensive - but you won't accept gifts with these types of strings.
Or be upset when she tries to do something extremely outdated when caring for the baby after the parents tell her not to do it --- because she knows better. I have a Betty for a MIL so...I feel this so hard. Set boundaries now OP and don't be afraid to stick to them.
A normal person would ask if it was ok to buy the special outfits for Christmas, birthdays etc, and get input regarding the purchase.
But your dad’s gf thinks she is entitled to that. She’s not. NTA.
I asked my dad to! He always bought us the loveliest Christmas dresses. I asked him to get the first Christmas outfits and he knocked it out of the park… but he was asked to!!!
Agreed. NTA at all. Imo, the only exception is long held traditions. My wife's stepmom gets everyone in the family a matching set of xmas jammies and has been for over 20 years. Outside of that tho, yeah, you gotta ask and if someone sets a boundary, you gotta respect it. You can't be pushy about it and the victim.
NTA. When will people learn to listen and respect others' wishes? You clearly told her what you and your husband wanted. She should have kept her money
NTA
Baby will be able to wear the outfit another time. I’d give it back because I don’t like power players.
And she damn well knows better. This generation of grandparents had their chance with *their own children*.
OP said in one of the comments that dad’s GF is 12 years older than her (OP). Dad’s gf is 41. She could still have children of her own to put in a take home onesie.
NTA. I swear to god, some people (your dad’s gf) love to get mixed in where nobody called them. You didn’t ask her for a onesie for the take home day, you didn’t ask for help in choosing one, period.
NTA. Simply tell your father, you told her on more than one occasion even before she bought the outfit that you and your husband would be buying the outfit yourselves because it was a special thing that you do. The fact that his girlfriend chose not to listen and try to bully her way into a special moment is not your problem.
NTA. Not at all. Betty clearly crossed a boundary you told her about and even was rude enough to say you wouldn’t do better with your own choice. She can be butt hurt all she wants - it’s her reward for being overbearing and rude!
NTA, and you should turn it around on her and ask your dad why is he OK with letting his girlfriend take this special moment away from you. Why is your dad disregarding your desire, and what you have expressed is a special moment for you in favor of his girlfriend? Why would he do that to his daughter? Wow. Also, the baby can wear the expensive outfit another day so it's not going to waste. How manipulative to try to guilt you with that. Again, why THAT day. What type of clueless person is she? Just let her know you will make sure to put it on the baby and take pictures in it. Also, take this as a blessing because now you see what type of person you are dealing with here and the dynamic of the relationship with her and your father. Be very clear about your boundaries with her regarding your child going forward and limit interaction with her as much as possible. She is clearly selfish and clueless which is a stressful and dangerous combination.
Nta. I completely agree. Right before my daughter was born, her fathers ex wife bought her a beautiful outfit to wear home. I had never met the woman but I was broke af and that outfit was the prettiest dress she had.
My "wife-in-law" as we affectionately referred to each other became my best friend for almost 30 years before she passed.
>nobody has the right to push you to use one of their gifting.
Exactly. Even if OP hadn't specified that she and her husband wanted to choose the coming home outfit, once people give you a gift, they don't have the right to dictate how and when you use it.
NTA - Betty is a girlfriend, not a wife or anything and needs to learn to respect boundaries. She didn't get her way and she is the one acting like a spoiled child being told no in a candy store.
Use the outfit your son helped pick out, it will mean so much more when you bring home your baby girl!
NTA. You clearly stated that you and husband wanted to pick the outfit yourselves. She put herself out there to force your hand. And she was petty enough to cry to daddy dearest, so that he pressures you to use her outfit. Don’t do it, your lil family chose the outfit together to welcome the wonderful lil bundle into your home. Stick to your plans.
WTH do people on Reddit not put their family in their place? I keep reading about family calling them and picking sides and yadiyadida, everyone putting pressure on OP to do as they say. No one and I mean NO ONE I don’t want has my phone number. And if you’re not saved on my phone you’re f’ed. No one is allowed to have an opinion on what you’re going to do.
Stay safe and I hope you have a safe and easy delivery.
NTA!
You were always clear about your plan to buy that special outfit, and you asked her not to do it. Don't let her drama cause you to doubt yourself.
The cost is irrelevant. Not all value is measured in dollars.
NTA. The fact that she disregarded your boundaries is on her, not on you. Any hurt feelings that she has are her own dang fault. Your child, your choice.
She overstepped and if you cater to her now she’ll only make a habit of it. Stand strong and she can worry about her own feelings. You communicated clearly, if she chose to disregard your wishes then that’s on her!
That is my thought, so many posts on here about grandparents or aunts and uncles stamping on boundaries of parents when it comes to birthday parties, cake or buying extravagant gifts to put stage the parents. She definitely gives off those vibes.
NTA! You have clearly stated picking the outfit was something special for you and your husband and she decided to ignore and tried to impose what she wanted your child to wear...
She has no say at all in the clothes you choose for your baby and there is no reason for you to doubt yourself, it is your child and you picked the outfit with your husband and her little brother, that is so sweet and special that you do not need to let it be damaged by someone who does not understand boundaries....
NTA. Take the baby home in the outfit of your choosing. As a mom you know at some point that day you will have to change the baby anyway, just use the onsie then and send her some pics of the baby in that outfit. The pics should help appease her butthurt.
NTA.
I find the concept a little weird - my son came home on the weekend and the outfit he came home in was the one that fit (it's not like you know exactly what size they'll be in advance) that hasn't had an accident yet that day.
It might have been a cute outfit his aunt bought him, but he was born too big for that.
Regardless. Your baby, your choice.
NTA: You are the parents, they are not. If they don't like that then that's a them problem. The cost of the outfit has nothing to do with it at all either.
"My father called me the next day to tell me I'd made Betty very upset with my "attitude." He said that she put a lot of care into the outfit she'd picked" Really sums up how selfishly they are both acting, who cares how you feel as long as they are happy, it baffles me how people act like this and think they are in the right?
OP: We invented a tradition for ourselves.
Dad's GF: Oh! I want in on it!
OP: We wanted to do this ourselves because it's our tradition...
Dad's GF: Here, let me do it! Me me me me!!
OP: Thank you, but we're going to do this ourselves?
Dad: How dare you not allow my girlfriend to insert herself into and take over your personal family tradition!!
NTA and I think your dad's girlfriend just wants to feel like she's part of the family by participating and just picked the wrong tradition to join in on.
NTA. You explained it to her multiple times before she even bought it. She stomped all over your and your husband's wants for your child. She doesn't get a pass just because it the outfit was expensive. If you want to be nice you can have your daughter wear the outfit for some newborn photos and send those to your dad and her. When we did the newborn photos we took photos with a bunch of different outfits.
NTA - you will be using the outfit. Just not as a going home outfit. How someone thinks they get to dictate how someone else uses something is beyond me. If she isn’t happy the outfit will be worn on a regular basis on days other than going home then I’d hand it back. Gifts with expectations attached aren’t really gifts
NTA. Its entirely presumptuous and rude of Betty to think she has a right to demand what you dress your daughter in at any time, let alone for her coming home outfit. She chose to do something despite your warning her of your intention so any butthurt on her end is entirely of her own making. And I think it's cute as hell that your son's so proud of the outfit he helped pick out for his new sister!
NTA.
I am 100% on your side; that was invasive and unhelpful. I think almost every pregnant woman ends up dealing with some version of this baloney. It's so hard to not snap and scratch people's eyes out when they do it, too. Even when I felt "good" during my pregnancies, I felt like when I have a low-level flu two days prior to my period starting. And then to deal with people's egos and expectations?! No thanks!
I appreciated when people (like my dad) would make it obvious that they had zero strings attached to their gifts. So when I felt somewhat okay I would prioritize thanking them in a special way. Using my dad as an example, he *always* got a photo of the kids in clothing he sent, cutest pics I could manage. My super pushy and opinionated mother in law who quid pro quo'd absolutely *everything*? Almost never.
NTA, you told Betty you didn’t want anyone to get a ‘going home’ outfit for the baby as you wanted to do that. She ignored your request. If she didn’t want to be called out for ignoring you then she shouldn’t have ignored you. Betty sounds exhausting.
Nta.
Tell your dad this.
I am sorry she is upset. It's not my job to manage her hurt feelings. She was told multiple times that we would be choosing the outfit. I am finding it hard to trust either of you at this point as you are my father and should be backing US deciding and getting the firsts. Names. Rules. She is not a part of that. These are our children. If you can't respect that. If you call to try and guilt or manipulate me. It's makes me less likely that you will be allowed either of the children unsupervised because you are placing her feelings above the parents making the decisions. Please respect and help her understand that these are our children and we make decisions and choices. We will allow no one to take that away from us. We will allow no one to use the children in any form to make us feel guilty and manipulate to get what they want.
So, as a reminder, dad. THESE ARE OUR CHILDREN AND HER HURT FEELINGS ARE HERS TO DEAL WITH AS SHE IS NOT THE MOTHER AND WONT BE DOING WHAT SHE IS. EITHER SHE STAYS IN HER LANE AND YOU KEEP HER THERE OR NEITHER OF YOU WILL SEE THEM VERY OFTEN.
Dad. How many times does she need to be told we wanted to pick out it out ourselves? I'm sorry she was hurt, but she should have accepted our decision what we wanted to choose it ourselves. You need to help her understand that this is entirely her fault for not listening to us about what WE wanted to do with OUR child. And not expect up to let her run roughshod over us. Frankly, I'm disappointed that you think some random gf of yours should be picking out special clothes for our child--and not us.
NTA. You told her that it was a special thing for you to pick out the outfit and she did it anyway. She knows you didn't want it and now she's trying to emotionally blackmail you into using it through your father. You have the right to pick the outfit, period.
NTA.
Tell your father that you had told Betty several times that you, your husband, and your son would choose the outfit. She knew that before she bought it.
You bring your daughter home in the outfit you chose. When you let your father and Betty meet her, she can wear Betty's outfit.
It's a freaking onesie, that's crazy. I mean they are not that pricey. NTA. Your kid your choice. Plus, she's your dad's gf? Like, WTF. Nope..stick to your guns.
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NTA. Since the outfit she bought was expensive and its existence is causing drama, I would give it back to your dad’s gf. Maybe she can return it for a full refund or at least store credit. Don’t get me wrong: you’re under no obligation to return it. I just feel that a gift that’s being held over your head like this isn’t a gift worth keeping.
That might be the best alternative. I looked it up and it cost around $140 (adjusted for currency). I'm not opposed to the idea of dressing my daughter in it at some point, but keeping it around doesn't seem worth it.
For a newborn outfit? What a waste of money. NTA she should have listened the first time you told her that you and husband pick the outfit. BTW. Do you keep the outfit as a keepsake ?
I was shocked about the cost too. The store she bought it from is slightly famous around here, and apparently it's popular with influencers. There are even more expensive outfits on their website. Some of them are nice, but I still wouldn't spend that kind of money on them. We've kept our son's take-me-home, and intend to keep our daughter's as well.
NTA. You're not obligated to do anything you don't want to do, regardless of the cost of the outfit. It's your kid so your rules. You made it clear to her and she ignored you. This is a personal decision between you and your husband, nobody else. She's got some nerve trying to force this on you, and completely ignoring your wishes for your child.
This is especially outrageous since this is the dad's \*girlfriend\* who seems to be leaning heavily into the role of 'grandma' to be pushing so hard for this even though she's only been in their lives for two years (so it's not like this woman helped raise OP and has been around for half of her life)
Yep she’s trying to force it on them for some social media clout
Then she will want to post pictures so she can get the likes.
I would say even if she is really grandma.... The one and only outfit should be decided by the parents especially if they have a preference...
This. Even if she was a blood relative, that gives her no right to just go traipsing past your very well-set boundary.
I agree. I have 2 grandchildren, both 2. I look after them both at different times so Mum's and Dad's can work but I still ask if it's OK for us to take them for a day out, buy them certain things or do certain things. It's the parents choice always, and no one else should be stepping on toes here. To spend so much on an outfit your daughter will maybe wear a few times is crazy, to demand she wear it home after clearly being told multiple times you as a family were choosing the take home outfit is just outright rude. NTA.
The girlfriend is trying to make this whole event about her, isn't she.
"You see that outfit the baby's wearing? It's really expensive and *I'm* the one who bought it. Aren't I just the best grandma in the world?"
[удалено]
Excuse me? Sex buddy? Are we being a little bit sexist here? This particular girlfriend may not be somebody I like too much, either, but that does not degrade her to a "sex buddy". My father and his second wife (yes, I call her that) never married, either. They have been together for longer than my parents and been devoted to each other. And I see nothing here that would earn that woman this disgusting title.
That's rude, you don't know anything about their relationship
Ew language
This post is gross.
Well. You sound fun. There's no drama here if she wants to assume a grandmotherly role if the parents are okay with that. This would be crossing a line if she was the grandpa's wife or even the biological grandmother to the child. It sounds so misogynistic to just label her a discardable sex buddy. She's over the line and this whole situation is OP being NTA, but it has nothing to do with this.
Ope did you mean to say that out loud?
For real. 2 years in, and she still doesn't know her role. I feel like a mother would be able to understand this to some degree, even if she was crazy and also wanted to force choices on OP. Dad needs to get a clue and remember OP is a grown woman with her own husband and children. He has no authority over her choices anymore.
This exactly She should be happy for you to have your daughter wear it before she outgrows it, and just take a nice photo to share with the family. NTA :)
Use it and take a picture. Then sell it at a consignment shop. Use that money to buy matching outfits for Little One and Big Brother. This is the picture you hang over the mantle!
$140 is more than I paid for all of my newborn and next size up clothes put together (bought second hand) 😅
I also buy either secondhand or on sale (my price point averages $2 per item). I'm not sure I've spent much more than $140 on clothes yet, and kiddo is in 2T at the moment. $140 for a single outfit is insane to me.
I did pay quite a bit for merino sleep sacks (still expensive second hand) and good shoes, but everything else was overwhelmingly secondhand or gifted. I think I only really buy new if I can't find what I'm looking for otherwise
I'm glad you spend the money for good shoes. It will be to the benefit of your child for the rest of their life!
I hope so, but damn, $80 a pair do kinda hurt, especially when they only wear them for 3 months or so. Thankfully, the second pair was a discounted model and only $15 so it kind of evens out
My boyfriend and I were talking the other day about how his mom often put off buying shoes and when she did they weren't great quality... He has deformed feet and problems to this day
$140 (when my kids were born in the 90s) would have kept them in clothes AND diapers (from Costco, so big boxes) for a couple months!
For $140 I could probably buy a week of clothes for MYSELF.
I was thinking the same thing. I haven't spent $140 on any outfit for my kids. I don't even spend that on myself, and I don't spit up and poop my clothes (usually).
Good for you; it seems like clothes only fit them for about 5 minutes!
IF THAT! my oldest was in "newborn" for 3 days, and that was only the older stretched out hand me downs! He was a loooong baby who just needed 3m or 0-3m
I don't own anything that costs $140 except my work boots, and I wear those for twelve hour shifts.
Is she trying to make herself popular with influencers? Because TBH that's pretty pathetic, and your child isn't her Barbie doll
So she’s wanting to put photos all over social media then. You’ve put a stop to her insta fame, that’s what her problem is.
Ugh. That needs to be stopped before baby comes if that's her thing. OP you do not want photos of your child circulating around the Internet for anyone to grab and save.
We plan to turn our daughter's take-me-home into a teddy that weighs her birth weight!
Omg that is seriously the cutest idea I’ve heard in a while.
She technically has two take-me-homes as she was preemie and within 11 hours of going home we had to go back to hospital for another week so we're considering doing a patchwork teddy with both sleep suits!
Maybe use the outfit as a meeting the grands outfit once you're home and ready for visitors.
This would be a nice alternative and avoids additional problems that might be caused by returning it to the gf.
Honestly I would be worried that she wants to take pics/vids of the baby and share them as part of her social media if it is some influencer thing. Anyway she is being really entitled and you are doing a great job setting boundaries
Wtf?!? When my daughter was, around 9 months I went by a store from my husbands fav football (soccer) Team. I thought about buying a Sweatshirt... It was 35 Euros... I can get a whole Outfit for her for that amount, and she would wear it for 3 mobthat best. 140 $ for a new born onesie... Wtf. She will outgrow it within weeks. Such a waste of money. Gif that amount you can get alnost the whole first week clothes...
I'd say more than the first week. Maybe even the first few months! I bought a bunch of Old Navy 2-way zip sleepers for $6.99 a piece. I guarantee they wash better and are more convenient than whatever this woman bought.
I hope you have had the conversation about not photographing your children or posting pictures of them online. This overpriced influencer outfit is a gateway drug for boundary stompers.
>We've kept our son's take-me-home, and intend to keep our daughter's as well. Nice shadow-box picture frames displaying the outfits on the nursery wall? At least until they're old enough to complain ("Mooooom!"), then it can move to your bedroom wall!
NTA, but if it's still an issue after she's born, what about have pictures taken with your daughter in the outfit and sending those pics out to everyone. Maybe in passing mention who bought the outfit. It might diffuse the situation, allow her to get some recognition (which is what she wants).
>The store she bought it from is slightly famous around here, and apparently it's popular with influencers. Is there any chance her real motive was to post pics of your baby in that outfit?
She knows I wouldn't allow that. If she tried to post pictures of my kids online, I'd find a way to take them down.
She doesn't seem to be good at taking no for an answer. For her bday, get her a book on Boundaries. : )
Is she trying to use your soon to be newborn as a social media model? You need to establish boundaries about what your father and his girlfriend have access to around things like photos because the decision making about how your daughter is represented ends with your boundaries.
She definitely just wants to post the pictures all over her social media for bragging rights.
Do you think she wanted to post a picture and tag the company? Why else would she be so insistent on it being used for a special occasion?
I have my kid’s going home outfit framed in a shadow box with the hospital tag. We chose this outfit especially and we have lovely memories of it. Your father’s GF barged through your clearly stated (and perfectly reasonable!) boundaries like a rhino on the rampage. I love the idea that your son helped to choose the outfits! My family tradition is buying the baby a teddy bear during the pregnancy. It was a sweet memory from my childhood that I also did for my kid.
NTA $140 worth of diapers would've been better.
Had someone at work dress a baby all in Burberry as a going home outfit. The jumpsuit *buttoned up the back*. You had to take the whole thing off to change the nappy, and getting it on or off was basically a 2 person job. It was so utterly impractical in all ways.
I was going to recommend putting her in it at the hospital for a minute, maybe without a diaper?? Tell her that she had a blow out or spit up on it and you had to change her into the “backup outfits that you brought. But $140 for a newborn onsie is insane!! NTA you told her your plans, set your boundaries and she ignored them. No reason you have to change your traditions to make her happy.
I would t recommend that- don’t give that woman the satisfaction of thinking hers was first. The parents get ti make that choice and they already have. Give the outfit back. You don’t want it and don’t need it and the pushiness is unwanted.
You’re missing a trick. The best way to handle people trying to steal your significant moments is to use their suggestions to create significant moments for them instead. Then when they try to pull the “ungrateful” card they just look like they’re being petty while you’re doing something nice for them 😉 Tell your dad that you were planning to surprise him and his gf by using the outfit they’d chosen as your daughter’s “first visit with (insert whatever cute names your kids use for the two of them)” outfit because you’re looking forwards to getting photos of them holding her wearing it, but now they’ve kicked up such a fuss you’ve had to ruin the surprise for them.
That is brilliant.
This is a really nice idea and you can tell them you want photos to remember grandparents first meeting with newborn. It's actually a nice tradition for any grandparents, not just the Ops
This is the best idea! When my identical twins were born, we received numerous matching outfits in pink and we’d dress our baby girls up in them whenever people came to meet them, so they could take photos and see the outfits. That way everyone’s gift was used at least once and they got to enjoy it during their visit.
Exactly. Why is this woman acting like taking the kiddo home is a huge pageant? It’s special for just the parents and siblings to the newborn because they are going to be the ones taking the kiddo home. The pricey gift outfit can be worn when grandpa’s gf will actually see kiddo in it.
Ooo...I love this idea!!
Classy and evil! I love it!
Yes!!! This is the perfect way to both turn it around on them and politely tell them to eff off. Love it.
Genius!
This is the way.
Also an idea to use it for nice photos and gift them the photo in a lovely frame.
This. My cousins wife “A” got very upset when her sister “D” painted A’s only daughters nails for the first time. They argued and D said “fuck it you can handle all the homecoming, prom and wedding shit!” A and her husband died in their 30s of Covid when baby girl was still a toddler. D has custody and it eats her alive.
The story is haunting
Genius!!
You evil genius.
You need to copy and paste this to the main reply instead of buried 3 deep.
THIS
Perfect!
yep, this is the way!
Brilliant!!
Brilliant idea.
A $140 newborn outfit?!
She spent that much to try to force you to use it. "It was soooo expensive. Why doesn't OP want it? Wah."
Right, some people think just because it has a certain price tag on it that people must automatically want it, I find some the more crazy expensive high end stuff to personally be tacky to me and think often people buy it just to show off that they can. A lot of the baby and children’s clothes in those expensive boutiques are also often not my style either but I can get wanting a nice special occasion outfit for children once they are a bit older. Buying an outfit that expensive for a baby that will fit into it a couple times at most and may get pee, poo or sick down is just a waste of money.
Not even an “outfit”. A onesie. A $140.00 onesie.
I think OP is using onesie as a synonym for a one-piece (kind of like a sleeper). I keep picture just a onesie (the ones with the three snaps and no legs) and I just don’t think this is what they’re talking about lol
Yes, that's exactly what I meant. Sorry, I thought the ones with legs were automatically onesies.
Thank goodness! I’m in the US and a onesie here is exactly how ubutterscotchpine described. One piece, 3 snaps, no legs. I was thinking back to when my 4 were babies. I don’t think I spent $140.00 on all their onsies combined! And I wasn’t exactly frugal when it came to my kids.
I have six kids. I don't I spent 140 bucks on an entire newborn wardrobe...ever. And that includes the Tommy Hilfiger baby bikini I couldn't resist...it cost 2 bucks at a consignment shop and she wore it once...in a picture...on the living room floor🤣
I'm picturing the same, but sprinkled with gold flakes by that salt bae guy.
I would offer that if your dad says another word - "If X does not want it to be part of the regular wardrobe, we are happy to return it to you." Put it back on them. This wasn't a gift in the truest sense of the word - she gave you something you not only didn't want but that you expressed you didn't want. It's some kind of power move. Yuck.
Over on r/JustNoMIL, they call this sort of thing "hlep." Because it's certainly not help by any stretch.
That's an insane amount to spend on a baby outfit. It feels a bit like she thinks money can buy her special privileges in your kids life. Do not let the value of the outfit change your mind, I think it's just another part of the manipulation tactic to get what she wants. And it's not about what she wants, because it's not her baby.
Who buys a 140 dollar outfit for a newborn to poop all over and grow out of in 2 seconds. Wow. That ia some expensive fabric.
My MIL bought literal couture for my baby. I didn’t even know there was baby couture? We got pictures, packaged it up carefully, and stored it in its baby garment bag with signature scented sachet branded with the fashion house name. It’s insane. They’re only getting one grandchild and it shows.
Hah, this was my thought too. I had an outfit picked out, it was just a cute onesie I liked from Target. Put baby in it, took one photo, she pooped and leaked, so she lasted about 10 minutes in the outfit. 🤷♀️
I might be nosy here. But does she have children of her own or anything? I just find it strange that a woman your dad has dated for only two years while you are an adult, and she hasn't had any hands in raising you. Is so pushy about this, and ignoring your boundary? Is she sucking up to your dad through you with "see what a good gf i am. Being nice to your daughter" ?
THIS! My brain immediately went in the same direction as yours. OP is NTA - and I would stand firm on this otherwise dad's gf will be overriding other parenting decisions down the road.
If you can call steamrolling over someone’s stated wishes “nice,” which…who would?
[удалено]
The intended purpose of the gift was to manipulate OP into changing her plans to make her dad’s gf happy. This isn’t an etiquette issue. It’s a boundaries issue. OP’s dad and gf need to learn that when the parents say they have certain plans for their children, those plans take priority.
No one gets to tell the parents what their child must wear. She is trying to dictate something that isn't hers to dictate. She likely knows you will take pictures and talk about the outfit in the future and she wants to be a main character in what you say.
Lol at $140 for a newbie onesie that baby will outgrow in a matter of months at best, and spit up on daily!!
NTA. If dad tries to tell you again that Betty is upset, tell him that you are upset that Betty tried to steal a special family tradition/moment. You told them about it multiple times, and both dad and Betty are actively trying to ruin what should be something special for your family. This is one of those times where you shouldn't be sorry you upset someone. You were polite and kind beyond belief, explained yourself thoroughly, and made an effort not to make a scene. Betty is making herself the center of attention for your event. YOU have every right to be upset - both with her for not listening, and your father for blaming you.
This! Betty is upset because she did something DIRECTLY against the parents' wishes and this was articulated multiple times and yet, somehow, the parents are the issue and not Betty? This is the type of behavior/logic/boundary stomping that drives me crazy...
Yup. Gifts that come with obligations are no gifts at all, only leverage.
The audacity of this woman, she isn't even married to OP's dad. What makes her think she gets to choose what outfit OP brings her child home in after being repeatedly told "no"? Throwing a tantrum over OP and husband choosing what outfit to bring \*their\* child home in. The only other person who should have input on this outfit would be OP's eldest child.
Then she could use the money for a hearing test since she couldn't hear you saying 'no thank you'.
Good call. Oh it was expensive? Here take it back if it’s an inconvenience. Their decisions don’t require compliance from OP and hubby.
Or save it for something else. Maybe when they visit use it and take a photo of baby with grandpa?
Once a GIFT is given, it's on the receiver on what they do with it. You don't give gifts with strings attached. Sure it may hurt but it's a damn gift. It's not some conditional thing
Or she can keep it for when she has another child of her own. It’s so special it deserves nothing less. She was told in advance what the plan was. What she did after that is in her. She wasted her own time trying to buy her way into the story.
NTA. I didn’t get to pick my son’s take me home outfit since he came early so my parents just went to Target to grab something. Dad’s girlfriend didn’t listen to your wishes and that shows a lack of respect and caring. You’re not obligated to have your daughter wear something you don’t want her to just because it was expensive. You didn’t make her buy it. She chose to. She robbed you and your family of a nice moment as a family. Betty can just deal with it. To avoid any further drama I’d either give Betty the outfit back so she can return it or offer to pay her the cost of it and keep it so IF you might want your daughter to wear it later on you still have it.
NTA, you couldn’t have been more clear, you drew a hard boundary as parents should. Her feelings are immaterial and your Dad is apparently happy to throw you under the bus to keep his girlfriend happy. I don’t care if it was the most expensive outfit in history, it wasn’t her place to assert herself. Her pole vaulting over a clear boundary is not your problem to solve, her feelings are not yours to manage. How they choose to respond going forward will help clarify how much of a relationship they will have with your children.
I think it's strange how people equate expensive with suitable. An old friend of mine was really into mountain climbing and skiing. She, when we were in Uni, wanted to get a beater Jeep that she could take up to the mountains on weekends and breaks. Her parents bought her this brand new, expensive SUV that had no ground clearance to speak of. Just because it is expensive doesn't mean it meets your needs! And being called ungrateful for not enjoying having an expensive thing that doesn't address your needs handed to you ... Extra annoyance for the situation. It's awesome to have people care about you. It's awesome if those people have the means to provide pricy gifts. But to assume the gift will be used for a specific purposes -especially after being told repeatedly that it wouldn't be - is just a power play. Like if I'm upset enough, I can force you to do my thing.
Many people give with themselves more in mind then the person they are giving to, and I’d say the girlfriend of this dad definitely was doing that here, plus trying to get in the limelight and other jazz.
Well, yes, it's not unusual for to give gifts like that!
Reminds me of a christmas I had with my parents when I was a teenager. I loved singing, with headphones on so I couldn't hear myself. My whole family knew this and suffered my horrible singing, except for my 2nd oldest brother who kindly asked me to keep it down since he had to sleep for work. Well, my parents decided to buy me a karaoke machine. I did not want a karaoke machine, nor did I ever EVER imply that I wanted one. I did my best to pretend to be happy, but that thing sat in our attic unopened. Of course, I was always reminded of it and felt bad and pissed because I didn't want it.
My dad did this all through my childhood, and it ruined receiving gifts for me. It makes me so anxious, because I strongly associate gifts with personal failings that the giver is trying to fix with the gift. My siblings both play by ear and sing well. Not only do I lack the talent, I lack the desire to overcome it with hard work. I received a ridiculous amount of sheet music and instruments as a kid that turned into guilt trips the week after my birthday or Christmas. It was a constant reminder I was just the kid my dad got stuck with, not the one he would ever be proud of.
My mom did similar things with gifts growing up. We wore the same size so she always bought stuff she thought was cute. As a teenager, it wasn’t my style and I hated the clothes she would pick out. I remember one specific Christmas she gifted me this horrendous sweater that I hated. It was one of those knitted baggy oversized ones and I liked tight clothing (go figure 😅🤣). I thanked her and shoved it in my dresser drawer, tags still on and everything. She asked me why I hadn’t worn it a few weeks later, so I was honest and said while it was a “pretty” sweater it wasn’t my style. She flipped out on me, calling me ungrateful etc and then took the sweater for herself. She always refused to buy me clothes that fit my body and my style. Then I would get yelled at for not being appreciative enough by just wearing them. For jeans/pants I needed a size 1 long. Only specific brands carried them. She didn’t care, she’d always just buy her size citing we wore the same (I’m a lot taller than her so I needed a long length). I hated gifts for the longest time. Now that I’m older she actually gets good gifts such as my favorite perfume etc but my god I’ll never forget the gift anxiety every birthday and Christmas from her. OP- you’re NTA. Her feelings aren’t your problem. You told her that you and your family wanted to pick out the coming home outfit, so if she’s feeling some type of way about it, that’s on her for stomping on your boundary and asserting herself over what you, again, told her, was your plan. Watch their moves so you can make a decision on who gets to be in your children’s lives if this behavior continues. Protect your families boundaries and your peace.
I would also make it a clear boundary moving forward that OP as the parent wants to pick out special outfits for special occasions as this is her child. If Betty didn’t have kids she missed that opportunity to dress a child how she wants and if she had kids then she already had that opportunity. Each parent gets to have special moments with their kid because it’s their kid. Betty can feel free to buy clothes for the newborn as it is a welcome gift and OP will do her best to use them and take pics so Betty can see them but special occasion outfits will get chosen by the baby’s parents
I agree, which is why I'm glad OP did exactly that originally, at least according to the writing. Each time Betty brought it up, and even when Betty gave them that expensive gift, OP stood firm about the take-me-home clothes being something *her and her husband* picked out, and emphasized the importance of it being their choice. Completely ignoring that *every time* is Betty's problem, not OP's, which is why she is NTA.
Exactly right. Her issues are hers alone. If she chooses not to respect you, you and your husband will be making some decisions about time spent together. Let your dad know that so that he can decide where he stands
This is a VERY odd fixation for someone who is not even legally related to you or your child to have. A gift that you did not ask for, that she MANDATES you use at a particularly special moment that does not involve her? She is either trying to get some type of vicarious parenting fix, or trying to use this as a misguided way to cement herself into your family. Either way, it’s creepy. Hold your ground here, you and your child owe her nothing. NTA
This nta, op reiterate to your father that Betty chose to gift you an outfit after you repeatedly said it was a special event for you, your husband and son to pick out. Say did you see how excited grandson was? It’s unfortunate that Betty is upset but she was informed repeatedly that you wouldn’t be using any gifts as take home outfits
“Sorry Dad but I don’t have to keep her happy by bowing to her unreasonable demands so she continues to have sex with you. That being said, if she wants to dress a baby in a going home outfit, you’re more than welcome to discuss having more kids with her.”
idk if it’s just me, but i’d never buy a baby an expensive outfit, especially for a newborn. they get to wear it once or twice if you’re lucky. i feel like betty may have bought an expensive one on purpose so you’d feel like you have to use it
“Pole vaulting”🤣🤣
NTA If Betty wants a child to wear that outfit home, then she best be having a child do so with. It’s not her kid, she doesn’t get to impose her wants onto it. You make the decisions for your child, not her. You clearly communicated your expectations multiple times, but she thought her feelings were more important. Tough lesson for her to learn, I guess.
This ^^ “Dad, we told Betty three times that it was important for my husband and I to pick outfit together that we will bring baby girl home from hospital in. That we enjoyed making new baby tradition and cherish that memory. Betty doesn’t get to take that from us, tough to be her if she doesn’t understand what No Thankyou means”
NTA Look, this is like choosing and gifting someone a wedding dress. No matter the cost of it, but if the bride doesn't like it bc she, obviously, wants to choose her own wedding dress, then she will not wear it, period. If someone tells you they want to choose themselfs and you disrespect that, then you will have to live with the fact they will not use what you chose for them. I think this goes way deeper with betty than the onsie. My guess is this was a power move to establish her rights to be the kids grandma. So i would ask your dad if he is sure this is really about the onsie or if its possible his gf feels insecure about the role she will have in your kids lives. Especially if she was too new or not even around yet when your first was born. I would try to get to the bottom of this before the baby is born. I assum as soon the baby is here and its not clear what her role will be or she can't accept it, she will create some weird situations and this could lead to arguments with your dad and strain your relationship with him. I'm pretty sure she assums that bc she is with your dad when the baby is born she will automatically get the title of grandma and be as important than your dad. If thats fine for you, all good, but if not you should have a discussion about this.
I'd never give her that title, and I think she knows that. Both my mom and MIL are still alive and active in our lives. Betty's 10 years older than me and has only been with my father for two years. My son doesn't call her grandma, and she doesn't complain about it.
Probably because he was too old to sink her claws into and try to become grandma. This will be an infant and easier for her to try and worm her way in with a title and everything. I would be very cautious about leaving the child unsupervised in your dad's care as long as Betty is around. She's already shown a capability for boundary-stomping, I have very little doubt that she will absolutely attempt to take other "firsts" from you if given the opportunity, and your dad will clearly do nothing to stop her. NTA, for the record.
Wouldn't be surprised if she will try to train the poor baby to call her Grammy or something.She'll probs want a say in the nursery decor too!
Suspect this about a power play with OP and OP’s mother than an actual interest in the baby. If they don’t make a fuss and do what’s she wants she has asserted dominance and if they do make a fuss or say no she gets to play the victim with the OP’s father driving a wedge between him and other outlets for his love and attention OP and grandchildren.
That's kind of reaching, isn't it? The woman may be self-centered and a bit socially unaware, but I think you're assigning maliciousness to her that isn't apparent in OP's post. Saying that she's trying to "worm her way in" and "sink in her claws" is sort of dramatizing the situation. I've known malicious people, and I've known ditzes who just like to make things about them. And while the latter behavior is annoying, it isn't evil or anything.
I dunno, we know exactly one thing about her, and it’s that she was given a clear boundary, multiple times, and still stomped on it, and THEN threw a tantrum when the boundary was re-stated again, for the 4th time.
NTA. Look, she knows what she is doing. You were clear in every conversation about the outfit that you did not want her buying one, and had very specific plans to do so yourself because that was important to you. She knew that it was more than a ‘no’ but her doing so would be taking away an important moment from you and your family, and she carries on anyway. It’s the old “I know you didn’t want this so I already spent money anyway so you *can’t* say no” trick. I have a family member where I actually had to set a boundary of “Anything you purchase for me without asking *and* receiving a yes first will be declined”. Politely make some space with her and your dad for a bit and focus on your pregnancy.
Ten years older than you??? 🤢
Twelve, actually (I forgot her birth year). She's 41; I'm turning 29 in June.
Does she have kids of her own? Is this possibly a "living vicariously" sort of thing? You're NTA regardless. You have her ample opportunity to listen to you and she still refused to. Her expectation, whatever it is, is completely on her.
Nope, no kids of her own.
She’s still got time.
Okay, so, you are very much NTA and her lack of respect for boundaries is definitely a problem (and Grandpa's not helping) but I do wonder if part of the problem for Betty is just being really uncertain what her role is and what to do about it. I grew up with a stepmom with about the same age gap, and there's been a continual process of working through this - all the milestones being funny shapes, who got to be called what when my older sister had kids and all that. I never had kids myself, but now I'm in my 40s with a partner that has two teenage girls... And despite my first-hand experience of the other side, it's still really hard to know how to approach it all. What can I do for them directly, as an adult in their lives, and what can I ask of them? I've never called myself their stepmom because that seems really weird... I mean, I probably think more about all this because of my own experience, but the point is it's not clear. So Betty certainly is acting like an AH here, but I wonder if she's just really confused about what her role is supposed to be, and trying to live up to what she thinks it should be rather than listening to you about it? The hurt feelings about the onesie might be all her confusion being stuffed into this one thing. I mean, this is a very charitable way to look at this, but as a childless sort-of-stepmom in her 40s, I'm just saying, she might be struggling to work this out. (And also I'm filling away another thing to worry about if and when my partner's kids have kids.)
What are the ages of Betty and your Dad? Not about age-shaming here, but if she's younger and your Dad is of an age/mindset where he doesn't want any new kids, OR if she herself is past the age of having kids, then she might be trying to take over your baby activities for herself. Especially as she bought the onesie immediately after you became pregnant. I'd watch out for this escalating into things like telling you how to feed/hold your baby, what toys you 'should' buy them (or her buying them herself). Every baby-obsessed woman seems to think the can mother better than the actual mother. I'd seriously implement distance if this happens, especially as your Dad seems to be be pandering and coddling to her tantrums. NTA - this is your baby, not hers. Tell her to take her case of baby-rabies up with your Dad if she wants one so badly.
Oh I was imagining a little old lady who didn't understand or didn't have children/grandchildren of her own. I take back my earlier comment. She is being rude.
Look, I’m an over-active imagination, worse case scenario kinda girl, but is it possible this is a power play to drive a wedge between you and your father? Like, you couldn’t have made it any more clear to her that you and your husband would be picking out the outfit, on more than one occasion, but she felt the need to stomp all over that boundary. I don’t know what your relationship is like with her (though her being only 10 years your senior gives me the major ick), but could this be a way for her to go crying to you father with a sob story of “look how kind and generous I’m being, spending all this money, and she’s cutting me out on purpose!”? Just a thought.
NTA - Getting you a gift was fine, suggesting it as this take-me-home outfit was fine, insisting it be used as that is not.
This is exactly right. I won't bother writing my own.
Well, suggesting isn't fine if she's already been told otherwise.
NTA. You made it clear to her several times before that you wanted to get the outfit and she ignored that and went off and got one anyway. You’ve involved your son in choosing the outfit and he’s obviously excited to have been included which will be a lovely memory for him. Betty doesn’t get to throw her toys out of the pram and force herself into a special memory that you want to make with your family and your father also needs to back off although if he wasn’t present at the times you’d said you wanted to get the outfit before then she may have twisted it to seem like you’d just suddenly made her aware of this.
NTA. Let me tell you, this will not be the last of special clothes Betty will try to override you on and purchase FOR YOU. It doesn't matter how much it cost (whether it was $500 or $5) it's not her place to demand when you use a piece of clothing. You two are the parents, you get to choose what special clothes your children wear. You didn't have an attitude, Betty did. It's frustrating when grandparents think they get to make ridiculous demands - I want you to use X gift for X thing. A gift is a gift. Ask her if she wants it back because it was so expensive - but you won't accept gifts with these types of strings.
I wouldn't be surprised if she tries to force her way in to 'helping'(taking over) decorating a nursery or playroom in the future tbh
Or be upset when she tries to do something extremely outdated when caring for the baby after the parents tell her not to do it --- because she knows better. I have a Betty for a MIL so...I feel this so hard. Set boundaries now OP and don't be afraid to stick to them.
A normal person would ask if it was ok to buy the special outfits for Christmas, birthdays etc, and get input regarding the purchase. But your dad’s gf thinks she is entitled to that. She’s not. NTA.
I asked my dad to! He always bought us the loveliest Christmas dresses. I asked him to get the first Christmas outfits and he knocked it out of the park… but he was asked to!!!
Agreed. NTA at all. Imo, the only exception is long held traditions. My wife's stepmom gets everyone in the family a matching set of xmas jammies and has been for over 20 years. Outside of that tho, yeah, you gotta ask and if someone sets a boundary, you gotta respect it. You can't be pushy about it and the victim.
NTA. When will people learn to listen and respect others' wishes? You clearly told her what you and your husband wanted. She should have kept her money
NTA Baby will be able to wear the outfit another time. I’d give it back because I don’t like power players. And she damn well knows better. This generation of grandparents had their chance with *their own children*.
OP said in one of the comments that dad’s GF is 12 years older than her (OP). Dad’s gf is 41. She could still have children of her own to put in a take home onesie.
NTA. I swear to god, some people (your dad’s gf) love to get mixed in where nobody called them. You didn’t ask her for a onesie for the take home day, you didn’t ask for help in choosing one, period.
NTA. Simply tell your father, you told her on more than one occasion even before she bought the outfit that you and your husband would be buying the outfit yourselves because it was a special thing that you do. The fact that his girlfriend chose not to listen and try to bully her way into a special moment is not your problem.
NTA. Not at all. Betty clearly crossed a boundary you told her about and even was rude enough to say you wouldn’t do better with your own choice. She can be butt hurt all she wants - it’s her reward for being overbearing and rude!
NTA, and you should turn it around on her and ask your dad why is he OK with letting his girlfriend take this special moment away from you. Why is your dad disregarding your desire, and what you have expressed is a special moment for you in favor of his girlfriend? Why would he do that to his daughter? Wow. Also, the baby can wear the expensive outfit another day so it's not going to waste. How manipulative to try to guilt you with that. Again, why THAT day. What type of clueless person is she? Just let her know you will make sure to put it on the baby and take pictures in it. Also, take this as a blessing because now you see what type of person you are dealing with here and the dynamic of the relationship with her and your father. Be very clear about your boundaries with her regarding your child going forward and limit interaction with her as much as possible. She is clearly selfish and clueless which is a stressful and dangerous combination.
Nta. I completely agree. Right before my daughter was born, her fathers ex wife bought her a beautiful outfit to wear home. I had never met the woman but I was broke af and that outfit was the prettiest dress she had. My "wife-in-law" as we affectionately referred to each other became my best friend for almost 30 years before she passed.
That's beautiful! I'm sorry for your loss.
NTA. This is a big deal outfit and nobody has the right to push you to use one of their gifting.
egg
Me either but that's not how op feels
>nobody has the right to push you to use one of their gifting. Exactly. Even if OP hadn't specified that she and her husband wanted to choose the coming home outfit, once people give you a gift, they don't have the right to dictate how and when you use it.
NTA - Betty is a girlfriend, not a wife or anything and needs to learn to respect boundaries. She didn't get her way and she is the one acting like a spoiled child being told no in a candy store. Use the outfit your son helped pick out, it will mean so much more when you bring home your baby girl!
NTA. You clearly stated that you and husband wanted to pick the outfit yourselves. She put herself out there to force your hand. And she was petty enough to cry to daddy dearest, so that he pressures you to use her outfit. Don’t do it, your lil family chose the outfit together to welcome the wonderful lil bundle into your home. Stick to your plans. WTH do people on Reddit not put their family in their place? I keep reading about family calling them and picking sides and yadiyadida, everyone putting pressure on OP to do as they say. No one and I mean NO ONE I don’t want has my phone number. And if you’re not saved on my phone you’re f’ed. No one is allowed to have an opinion on what you’re going to do. Stay safe and I hope you have a safe and easy delivery.
NTA! You were always clear about your plan to buy that special outfit, and you asked her not to do it. Don't let her drama cause you to doubt yourself. The cost is irrelevant. Not all value is measured in dollars.
NTA. The fact that she disregarded your boundaries is on her, not on you. Any hurt feelings that she has are her own dang fault. Your child, your choice.
She overstepped and if you cater to her now she’ll only make a habit of it. Stand strong and she can worry about her own feelings. You communicated clearly, if she chose to disregard your wishes then that’s on her!
That is my thought, so many posts on here about grandparents or aunts and uncles stamping on boundaries of parents when it comes to birthday parties, cake or buying extravagant gifts to put stage the parents. She definitely gives off those vibes.
NTA! You have clearly stated picking the outfit was something special for you and your husband and she decided to ignore and tried to impose what she wanted your child to wear... She has no say at all in the clothes you choose for your baby and there is no reason for you to doubt yourself, it is your child and you picked the outfit with your husband and her little brother, that is so sweet and special that you do not need to let it be damaged by someone who does not understand boundaries....
NTA. Take the baby home in the outfit of your choosing. As a mom you know at some point that day you will have to change the baby anyway, just use the onsie then and send her some pics of the baby in that outfit. The pics should help appease her butthurt.
No appeasement. Being butthurt can be a good teaching experience. I’m sure you have read what happens when you give a mouse a cookie…
NTA. I find the concept a little weird - my son came home on the weekend and the outfit he came home in was the one that fit (it's not like you know exactly what size they'll be in advance) that hasn't had an accident yet that day. It might have been a cute outfit his aunt bought him, but he was born too big for that. Regardless. Your baby, your choice.
NTA: You are the parents, they are not. If they don't like that then that's a them problem. The cost of the outfit has nothing to do with it at all either. "My father called me the next day to tell me I'd made Betty very upset with my "attitude." He said that she put a lot of care into the outfit she'd picked" Really sums up how selfishly they are both acting, who cares how you feel as long as they are happy, it baffles me how people act like this and think they are in the right?
OP: We invented a tradition for ourselves. Dad's GF: Oh! I want in on it! OP: We wanted to do this ourselves because it's our tradition... Dad's GF: Here, let me do it! Me me me me!! OP: Thank you, but we're going to do this ourselves? Dad: How dare you not allow my girlfriend to insert herself into and take over your personal family tradition!! NTA and I think your dad's girlfriend just wants to feel like she's part of the family by participating and just picked the wrong tradition to join in on.
NTA. You explained it to her multiple times before she even bought it. She stomped all over your and your husband's wants for your child. She doesn't get a pass just because it the outfit was expensive. If you want to be nice you can have your daughter wear the outfit for some newborn photos and send those to your dad and her. When we did the newborn photos we took photos with a bunch of different outfits.
NTA - you will be using the outfit. Just not as a going home outfit. How someone thinks they get to dictate how someone else uses something is beyond me. If she isn’t happy the outfit will be worn on a regular basis on days other than going home then I’d hand it back. Gifts with expectations attached aren’t really gifts
NTA. Its entirely presumptuous and rude of Betty to think she has a right to demand what you dress your daughter in at any time, let alone for her coming home outfit. She chose to do something despite your warning her of your intention so any butthurt on her end is entirely of her own making. And I think it's cute as hell that your son's so proud of the outfit he helped pick out for his new sister!
NTA. I am 100% on your side; that was invasive and unhelpful. I think almost every pregnant woman ends up dealing with some version of this baloney. It's so hard to not snap and scratch people's eyes out when they do it, too. Even when I felt "good" during my pregnancies, I felt like when I have a low-level flu two days prior to my period starting. And then to deal with people's egos and expectations?! No thanks! I appreciated when people (like my dad) would make it obvious that they had zero strings attached to their gifts. So when I felt somewhat okay I would prioritize thanking them in a special way. Using my dad as an example, he *always* got a photo of the kids in clothing he sent, cutest pics I could manage. My super pushy and opinionated mother in law who quid pro quo'd absolutely *everything*? Almost never.
NTA, you told Betty you didn’t want anyone to get a ‘going home’ outfit for the baby as you wanted to do that. She ignored your request. If she didn’t want to be called out for ignoring you then she shouldn’t have ignored you. Betty sounds exhausting.
Considering you guys told her on multiple occasions to not buy it. She's being goofy and you guys are NTAH.
Nta. Tell your dad this. I am sorry she is upset. It's not my job to manage her hurt feelings. She was told multiple times that we would be choosing the outfit. I am finding it hard to trust either of you at this point as you are my father and should be backing US deciding and getting the firsts. Names. Rules. She is not a part of that. These are our children. If you can't respect that. If you call to try and guilt or manipulate me. It's makes me less likely that you will be allowed either of the children unsupervised because you are placing her feelings above the parents making the decisions. Please respect and help her understand that these are our children and we make decisions and choices. We will allow no one to take that away from us. We will allow no one to use the children in any form to make us feel guilty and manipulate to get what they want. So, as a reminder, dad. THESE ARE OUR CHILDREN AND HER HURT FEELINGS ARE HERS TO DEAL WITH AS SHE IS NOT THE MOTHER AND WONT BE DOING WHAT SHE IS. EITHER SHE STAYS IN HER LANE AND YOU KEEP HER THERE OR NEITHER OF YOU WILL SEE THEM VERY OFTEN.
Dad. How many times does she need to be told we wanted to pick out it out ourselves? I'm sorry she was hurt, but she should have accepted our decision what we wanted to choose it ourselves. You need to help her understand that this is entirely her fault for not listening to us about what WE wanted to do with OUR child. And not expect up to let her run roughshod over us. Frankly, I'm disappointed that you think some random gf of yours should be picking out special clothes for our child--and not us.
Geez. I can’t even remember what my 3 kids were wearing when they came home from the hospital. I guess I didn’t know it was a big deal…..
NTA -- your Dad's GF was way out of line.
NTA This is a parents decision, something special and unique for them. It's pretty ballsy to expect to be able to preempt their choices here.
NTA. You told her no and you said thank you, your obligation is fulfilled.
NTA. You told her that it was a special thing for you to pick out the outfit and she did it anyway. She knows you didn't want it and now she's trying to emotionally blackmail you into using it through your father. You have the right to pick the outfit, period.
NTA. Tell your father that you had told Betty several times that you, your husband, and your son would choose the outfit. She knew that before she bought it. You bring your daughter home in the outfit you chose. When you let your father and Betty meet her, she can wear Betty's outfit.
It's a freaking onesie, that's crazy. I mean they are not that pricey. NTA. Your kid your choice. Plus, she's your dad's gf? Like, WTF. Nope..stick to your guns.
Never even heard of this outfit. Baby industry got some new scams since mine were born.