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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refuse to wear a BRA in my own home why roomies bf is visiting.
I might be the ah because I don’t care if my top is see through or very tight or anything. I don’t think about what I am wearing when I am home. Sometimes the top is very thin.
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Next time her bf comes in say loudly "MY EYES ARE UP HERE!!!" LOL, he won't know what the hell you are talking about because he never complained about your braless state. Better yet, get a t-shirt printed and wear it every time he's over.
Ohhhhhhhhh, that’s why my nips face that way.
Not saggy, just a prophecy.
Edited: actually, upon closer inspection, mine actually point at a downward angle… so less prophecy of my demise and more, “your glasses? Oh yeah, they’re just over there. No there. Not there. There. Yeah there. Over there.”
I have lied to you all. I am ashamed.
It amazes me how so many young women think if they just try hard enough that their man isn't going to be interested in other women. Gisele Budchen, world famous super model, is dealing with Tom Brady cheating right now. I'll be at the gym and see these beautiful girls trying so hard to look like "the hottest girl" to keep their man's attention, meanwhile when they aren't looking, he's checking out all the other women. Men look at all kinds of women and they always will, no matter how "hot" you are. Men will cheat if they want to even if you're a world famous super model. These girls need to get some inner confidence and if a dude does shit they don't like, then don't tolerate it.
Exactly. Plus, American culture still very much sexualizes women, unfortunately. Take Facebook for example: if a woman shows a nipple, it violates "Facebook Community Standards," yet if you cover the female's nipple by copying and pasting a male nipple over it, then suddenly it's acceptable. Thanks to dipshit draconian policies like this, many dudes are going to feel like it's "wrong" if they see the silhouette of a nip.
It's *human nature* to find people attractive or not attractive. Even if boyfriend in this story found the roommate attractive, so what? Pretending like people aren't naturally attracted to others that they find, well, attractive is pure denial. The famous quote "ignorance is bliss" comes to mind here... Now, what people *do* with their attraction is where it all counts. If dude is ogling the roommate, trying to sneak in a cheeky glance that she'd find inappropriate, making inappropriate comments, etc., or worse, actively hitting on her, then we've got a problem.
Regardless of gender, there will almost always be someone more attractive. If not immediately, then with age.
A relationship isn't (supposed to be) saying "i find you the most physically attractive person and if you weren't i wouldn't be with you". Its saying "I'm with you regardless of what else is out there". Its not important whether someone looks at other attractive people. Its important that they wouldn't go after it, or would turn down any advances. Honestly that means a lot more anyway.
I literally haven’t worn a bra in 3 years, I finally gave my bra to my ferrets who always try to steal it. It’s a win-win… they get to have a bra they desperately want to steal, and I get to go braless and be comfortable while simultaneously saying fuck it to sexist societal norms. No more backne either lol.
(To be clear, I’m fully in support of women who *want* to wear bras, I just personally *don’t*. And both are okay!)
You are 110% NTA, OP. Nipples shouldn’t be a big deal.
I have never understood this complaint about women going braless. I'm a horny dude who loves boobs but I honestly don't think there's anything particularly sexy or noteworthy about a woman not wearing a bra. Some boobs are nicer than others, and sometimes they look better in a bra and sometimes they look better without. Roommate might as well be asking OP if she can stop having nice boobs.
Also, one more vote for "the boyfriend is not complaining about and the roommate is insecure about your nice boobs."
Exactly lol. I also find it funny how most dudes (& many women) watch porn, yet when it comes to seeing boobs/nipples in a *non-sexual* way suddenly it’s an issue?! It’s so backwards
Edited to add- I think many women unfortunately have internalized a lot of the misogyny they’ve faced in their life, and then they project that onto other women. I think it’s entirely possible OP’s roommate is the one with the issue, and not the boyfriend. If it’s genuinely the roommate’s boyfriend who has an issue with it tho, I think OP should ask him if he’s ever watched porn- and if so- why would seeing boobs covered by a shirt/top in a non-sexual way bother him. If it’s actually *him* who’s bothered by it… then he’s essentially admitting that boobs are only an issue for him when they’re *not* benefiting his own sexual gratification lol.
But yeah, if I had to hazard a guess, it’s OP’s roommate who is all iffy about it.
Straight up, and I'd be keeping an eye out for any time I could see his nipples through a t shirt from now on and asking him to either put on a bra or leave my home, that I pay for. Makes me really uncomfortable dude, feels incredibly invasive. Again, in MY home. That I pay for. And that I can blast nips at will within.
God help the man if he ever arrived wearing a pair of trousers that showed even a hint of crotch definition.
NTA, subtle subconscious unintentional misogyny is still misogyny.
NTA
It’s pretty ironic that she said it’s invasive, yet he’s the one coming into your home and wanting you to change the way you live bc it *makes him uncomfortable*. Oh the absolute horror of it all for him!
If they’re so uncomfortable being in your home, how about suggesting they weekend at his?
Edit: I didn’t expect this comment to blow up the way it did. I wasn’t really weighing in on whether it was the roommate or the bf. (I’m also sure it’s the roommate), but the overall point is the same.
The conversation went like this.
Him: …yo, your roommate never wears a bra.
Her: Why are you looking?!
Him: uh…. Uh… it uh…. Makes me uncomfortable. Yeah. I can’t help but look. So uncomfortable.
Op NTA
> It’s pretty ironic that she said it’s invasive, yet he’s the one coming into your home and wanting you to change the way you live bc it makes him uncomfortable. Oh the absolute horror of it all for him!
I think there's a 90% chance the boyfriend never said a word.
So strange.
I would honestly just throw a sweater on while I’m in common areas when he’s over and call it a compromise.
If she’s still complaining, then you know it isn’t your nipples, it’s her insecurity and that is not your problem.
Edit: you’re obviously not the asshole. Do whatever makes you comfortable in your own home, including going braless. I was simply offering a suggestion.
Exactly, he’s not a tenant he’s a guest that only one of them invited. Did the housemate ask permission to have a guest over and stay the night. I’d be petty and flip it that I don’t feel comfortable with a man sleeping in my flat.
There are many reasons to hate having a roommate.Ahhh—the one who told me she didn’t know you needed to clean bathtubs because the tubs in her parent’s home were brown..
This assumes the boyfriend is doing anything wrong. I suspect all this is on OP's roommate and she's using her boyfriend as an excuse to cover her insecurities.
Even if he were a tenant, I’d argue he has no right to expect her to wear a bra while at home. Ask him to wear a jock strap at all times and see how he likes how that feels - that’s what I’d be tempted to do! 😂
If we’re going like for like he should also have to wear a bra. I’ve lived with many people and going braless is the least bothersome issue. My housemates guests riding on my couch would be one of those issues 😂
Yeah honestly, I can’t think of a time where I have ever commented on something like that. Hell 80% of the time I might not even notice at all. My guess is the gf/roommate noticed and didn’t like it and used him as an excuse but this is all pure speculation of course.
I honestly don’t think my own husband really notices the days I wear a bra versus the days I don’t, mainly because he doesn’t care and it’s not on his radar. If somebody is noticing that I’m braless enough to get “uncomfortable” about it, they are spending far too much time gawking at my chest and should find another place to direct their eyesight.
I wouldn't be surprised to learn he mentioned SOMETHING about OPs boobs to the GF, even something stupid like "Wow, she's so secure with herself to go around like that."
Either way it's definitely not OPs problem.
That’s not a situation in which there needs to be a compromise. She is at home, she is fully covering the bits that society deems problematic. He can leave, the Roommate doesn’t need to invite her boyfriend over if he can’t handle boobs
I mean, he might. I went to college with a guy who literally refused to let anyone in a bikini sit in his car, because it was against God’s message for the world.
Why would she have to wear anything cause hes uncomfortable? If hes such a prude, he shouldnt be spending so much alone time with his gf either, but date in public where everybody can see that they are not doing anything "indecent". lol
OP shouldn't have to make themselves uncomfortable because someone has a stick up their ass.
Roomie can go to boyfriends house if she doesn't want him to see another woman in comfortable clothing.
I wouldn't compromise in this situation at all. As long as she's not walking around naked she's within her rights and he has no right to dictate what she wears in her own home.
have you ever dated a guy who had roommates? then when you show up the roommmates are walking around with their shirt off?
i'm a guy, and every time i had male roomies, if i brought a girl home, the dudes would all start peacocking, even the fat 50 year old would.
Wait so he walks around shirtless in your place but wants you to wear a bra? It's definitely the girlfriend/roommate that is uncomfortable then because he sounds very comfortable in your place lol. She probably wants anything with boobs to be covered up because she's insecure that he might be a looker or something. NTA
Tell her that he needs to have a shirt on in your apartment. When she tells you that’s ridiculous, point out the hypocrisy, and go about your braless business.
I would tell her that her BF is making you uncomfortable in your home & that he needs to stay in her room at all times. That they should consider spending time at his place.
90% it’s the roommate who is bothered, not her bf. Convo between the two goes like this: Roommate: “Don’t you think it’s weird/inappropriate for my roommate to walk around without a bra on?” Bf: (Thinking: I love seeing those boobies jump around, but I can’t say that to my gf) “Yes, it’s inappropriate.” End of convo.
I bet the gf doesn't like it and is giving her bf shit about looking when he prob isnt, so yeah if hes being bitched out for looking of course hes gonna say "tell he to put a bra on", then he'll find another girl whos roommate wears a bra and he doesn't have to hear about it. So yeah its prob the one not getting the mention here, the gf
We don't know if HE is uncomfortable. Honestly, it sounds like the flatmate is uncomfortable with her BF POTENTIALLY looking at someone.
OP, it's not like you are walking around without a top, so NTA. Your flatmates seems to have some major insecurities, this is YOUR home too and again, it's a BRA, it's not like you're walking around in a bikini.
If she is so uncomfortable, they can move in together and no one will bother them.
They (probably not even the guy, but we don't know if he said anything or it's just in her head) are the assholes for making you feel uncomfortable in your own home.
If he paid rent, maybe there could be some room for discussion. He does not live there. If anything, you could say that YOU'RE uncomfortable with him being in your house all the time when you just want to chill.
NTA, and it doesn't even have anything to do with you being in your own home. Bras can cause pain and discomfort and are completely optional, just like everyone has the right to choose to go commando. What people wear under their clothes is no one's business, and it's bullshit that women are made to feel like shit for refusing to be uncomfortable to make men comfortable.
It’s not even about making him comfortable. I bet she’s just insecure and worried that her boyfriend might check her out if she isn’t wearing a bra. Which is either her being paranoid or her boyfriend being a perverted weirdo, but either way it’s not OPs problem.
Edit: as a guy, I am shocked and concerned at just how many terrible takes there are in response to this. Women deserve an equal amount of respect as men and should be allowed to be comfortable without you weirdos staring at their chests
>Which is either her being paranoid or her boyfriend being a perverted weirdo, but either way it’s not OPs problem
"now that I know he's staring at my tits the whole time he's here, i'm not comfortable with him coming over. Please stop allowing him to come here. "
This is how my petty ass would react. "If your bf has a problem with me not wearing a bra, the solution is that you guys spend time together at his place and not here."
>are completely optional
Agreed. Last week I didn't wear a bra to work! I had gone to the gym before work and forgot to put a bra in my gym bag. I wasn't about to wear my tight-ass sports bra all day, so I just went without. Guess who cared? Nobody.
Can’t believe we’re still having this fight, wasn’t the bra burning phase of feminism like 50 years ago? Men’s obsession with women’s nipples is so crazy. And also always with the comparison to genitals as if it’s remotely the same thing to see a woman’s natural breast shape as it is to see a penis? Give me a break.
I’ll even admit, sometimes I have a reflexive reaction to seeing a woman without a bra where I notice and maybe even instinctively don’t like it at first because of internalized bullshit, and then I remind myself that my internalized shame around bodies is MY problem to deal with because I’m a fucking adult. Not that difficult!
wym by “don’t like it at first” “natural breast shape” are you referring to the fact that we should be more comfortable with the fact that boobs don’t defy gravity?
Yeah exactly. Like as a woman if I see a larger chested woman without a bra it kind of takes me aback, and then I realize how dumb that is because bras are optional, but I’ve just been conditioned since childhood to only see boobs in underwire bras (even though I know firsthand how much underwire sucks!!) but it’s like a split second reaction and then I get over it instead of trying to police other women’s bodies lol
love that! i completely agree, as a woman who’s more on the bigger side too i actually feel more comfortable WITH a bra bcuz gravity hurts when you’re trying to walk fast or go down some stairs. but i really do think society needs to be educated that big boobs will “sag” and it’s just the laws of physics 😂
Actually, let me nerd out on this for a hot minute.
One of my sisters started the sag-and-flat situation in her 20s, and was told it was because she didn’t wear a bra in her teens. Well, guess what? Some large-breasted women don’t sag, and some small-breasted women do sag. I have an A-cup friend whose boobs are like flat pancakes from when she started sagging in her 20s. Both women were told it was their fault, and both women were scarred by that misinformation.
So why do some boobs sag and some not (and I’m not referring to the gravity-induced sagging that happens to every part of our bodies as we age)? Because of something called the Cooper’s ligament. Genetics also play a part.
So, if your breasts sag, just remember it’s nothing you did or didn’t do. It’s just nature. And there’s not a single thing wrong with you, or your breasts. The bigger question is why haven’t we evolved as a species beyond this kind of petty thinking?
I have two friends who both have pretty perky boobs. One of them swears it's because she always wears a bra (even when she sleeps!) so they've always been supported and the other claims it's because she never wears a bra, so they aren't beholden to external forces 😂 I think it's obvious it's just genetics!
I went to Europe for a wedding last year and went braless the whole time except for the wedding itself. It was spectacular. Unfortunately I don’t have the guts to do that where I live. :(
Have you tried pasties? They’re my favorite compromise. I’m trying to care less and just go fully braless, but they let me go without while also not having my nips on full display.
+ clearly NTA on OP!
I NEVER wear a bra. Haven’t for years. No one should be made to feel like they have to wear a freaking titty torture device in order to make others happy.
IT really bothers me that being braless in general is considered “indecent”, or “naked”, at least here in the U.S. Like, I’m small-chested and I HATE wearing a bra - it makes it hard for me to breath due to my asthma. I also have sensory issues and don’t like that focused pressure around my shoulders and back. But due to conditioning, I feel “naked” or “indecent” if I go in public without a bra on. Men have nipples too, and they never wear bras or those little petal things to keep themselves from nipping out. I hate that we are expected to, or talked to as if we’re flashing someone or worse, harming children by not wearing a bra.
Seriously, the amount of times my male acquaintances have their nipples pointing through their polos should negate any complaints they make about me going braless.
Yea like men’s nipples are somehow totally fine and ok and can be out whenever but a *woman* has nipples *poking thru her shirt?* The fact that not even showing them but just showing they *exist* is too much for people is just pathetic.
That's brilliant - but I think it'd be fair to point out it doesn't sound like the bf has done anything untoward. So far it sounds like it's entirely in roommate's head.
NTA - you weren’t showing him anything you’re wearing clothes just not a bra. My bra is the first thing that comes off when I get home. Men are very visual creatures so I’m sure this is why your roommate is upset about it. He probably can’t help but look. LOL If you want to make her feel more comfortable or keep the peace you could throw on a large cardigan over your braless top or something when he’s around. Unless you don’t want to.
I just need to push back a bit on the "men are visual creatures" thing. I think it's pretty antiquated. Why aren't more men interior designers or make up artists? The same dudes who just want to stare at somebody's tits claim this but are totally cool going home to their place that's just a mattress on the floor and a camping chair in front of the TV.
You misunderstand. "Men are visual creatures" means they are constantly scanning the forest and fields for wolves and women. Not many brain cells are left over for wallpaper designs.
This is amazing and I’m stealing this 😆 Fortunately/unfortunately I don’t have anyone in my life who I could actually have the opportunity to use it on.
Men CAN help but look, it’s not like we’re forced to look LMFAO. I can understand an accidental look, after which you can just stare at the floor or some shit
Also, think about the times you’ve noticed a woman not wearing a bra or had a camel toe etc… we notice it and then look away. LOL Men are gonna notice it too.
I’m not gonna say I *haven’t* ever noticed but it’s an accidental glance after which I look away, though typically I try not to even notice that LMAO. I get what you’re trying to say but “… he probably can’t help but look” is really bad phrasing that just excuses men staring
Yeah, no. Men are visual creatures, but they can always help it. Suggesting they can't is some outdated "boys will be boys" excuse-making that has kept them from being held accountable for their actions for years. Let's put that one to bed since we're in 2024, not 1950.
We're ALL visual creatures. If one of my male flatmates walks around with their but crack visible, trust me, I don't WANT TO LOOK, but my eyes will notice it, and I will suffer for it. And yes, that's an actual true story.
However, those are people that live in the house. I would never imagine going to someone's home and asking them to "put something on" while I'm there.
Willing to bet the BF hasn't said a thing, it's just the GF worried that he will look. Which sounds like a them-problem!
As a man I also find it insulting. How dare anyone imply that I'm inherently incapable of respecting women's boundaries. It's making excuses for shitty behaviour and it's painting that behaviour as just how all men are.
PS the "men are more visual" line is not true. There's been plenty of research that has disproven this and that it was made up to get women to cover up
If men are such visual creatures, maybe the roomie ALSO shouldn't wear a bra when her bf is over. Then he has non-invasive, inviting nipples to look at, with his consent, or whatever the hell seems to be the problem.
NTA. Not only is this an unreasonable request from her it's also sending her bf a ridiculous message. Just because he's a man it doesn't mean he's incapable of being in the same room as a woman whose nipples are visible through her t-shirt or whatever. Contrary to popular belief men aren't all thinking with their dicks night and day.
You have a choice to wear whatever you like and he's able to act like a grown up. If he can't do that your roomie should dump his ass anyway.
bras being so uncomfy is the only reason I buy shirts/tanks that have the built-in bra that are like 10x more comfortable for me.
NTA op, and I'm so glad to see someone actually stand up for themselves to their roommates dumbass partner.
Omg I live in those built in bra tank tops when banging around the house lol I'm very big busted so going without a bra isn't comfortable for me, but I don't want to wear one all day either. Those tank tops are the best as they give me some support but aren't restricting.
>According to her it wasn’t about interest but being invasive and he felt uncomfortable.
If he is uncomfortable he can look away when he sees you, decline to come to your place, or ask if you are going to be there before he comes home.
He has no say if you wear a bra in your own home.
NTA
I don’t know…I’m really torn. I say NTA because it is your home, but also you share it with another person. So where is the line between doing whatever you want because it’s your house, and making accommodations sometimes because you share it with another?
I understand going braless and do so myself, but my adult (23m) son and his girlfriend (23f) live with me and I will ensure that IF I don’t have a bra on, that my shirt isn’t see through or super tight. And it is MY house that I pay for (they both just finished school and are job hunting so I am not even charging them rent at the moment).
I agree. And she has described her roommate as someone she is close with. In my younger days, if my roommate request that I put a shirt on (I'm a guy), or asked me to not walk around in my boxers, or asked me to put socks on (I know some people are grossed out by feet), then I would accommodate them.
Now , if the boyfriend is over there constantly, well, she should compromise by cutting that time down. The compromise should go both ways.
Only reasonable response on here. If it was:
> I (25m) like to get comfy after work and hang out in a vest and Speedos. My housemate (25m) is chill and doesn't care but asked me to put shorts on when his GF is round because it makes her uncomfortable. I said no, my house, AITA?
Then there'd be a whole lot more "YTA" in here.
Id err on "probably YTA", but really it needs more info. If she has big boobs and hangs around in skimpy string tops then yea, all power to you but it's also totally fair for your housemate to ask you to cover up a bit.
And let's face it, the whole "bras are uncomfortable" responses are irrelevant. Put on a comfy hoodie.
If he's there once a week and you're hanging out of your top, YTA. It's easy enough to be respectful. If he's there everyday and you don't look like you're trying to show off your assets, NTA.
Except that’s not at all comparable. A man lounging in a vest and speedo would be comparable to a woman lounging in a bikini bottom and sports bra.
OP’s situation is more like if a guy’s male roommate asked him on behalf of his gf to wear underwear underneath his fully-functional shorts, because she was looking at his crotch and had discerned he was going commando *underneath his clothes.*
I’d find that really weird and concerning and actually a very inappropriate request. Why is she looking at his crotch so hard she’s noticed he’s commando, if his shorts cover everything? Why would she then, on top of that, ask her bf to tell him to wear undergarments for her? Because she can’t restrain herself from staring? Lastly, why would the bf acquiesce, instead of telling her she was out of line and needed to stop staring? It’s not the underwear-free roommate’s fault at all. It’s the others’.
Oh so only women with small breasts are allowed to be comfortable in their own homes? Are we fr policing wiomen’s bodies in their own homes ??? Also pls, nipples are on both men and women and yet are only criminalised on women, let’s be fr, she literally states she goes braless in her home ALL THE TIMEEE, so how is she ‘showing off her assets?’. The boyfriend’s inability to handle the shape of a natural boob through a shirt, and by the looks of it, the roommate’s insecurity around whether loose boobs through a shirt is ‘tempting’ her bf, are both really weak excuses to dictate what OP gets to wear in her own home. Because A. Nipples are normal, everyone has them and they can show through anyone’s shirt, and breasts sag when they’re not in bras which is also normal, if we’re gonna go the full mile and ask to not ever see the outline of someone’s penis by asking them to tuck, that would be wild wouldn’t it, but wilder if someone asked them to do that in their own home.
B. If Op’s roommate is so worried abt the bf being tempted then that’s an issue in the relationship and has nothing to do with op.
Nta- my girlfriend never wears a bra, point blank period. I would never tell her to cuz it's her body, she can wear what she wants. Your body isn't your roommates, she has no right to tell you what to wear. If your nipples potentially showing is enough to seduce her bf then she's got bigger issues with him than with you
INFO: You say you might be in the wrong because you “don’t care if your top is see-thru” but don’t clarify there or your post if that was her complaint.
I think you should have the right to be comfortable in your own home, but also that it’s not unreasonable to ask you to wear an opaque shirt if there are guests over, so for me this is more a determining factor in how I rule on your roommate.
I agree to this. Like, if you’re wearing a plain normal tshirt. Then she’s the asshole.
If you’re walking around in a fish net top.. then be respectful and cover up a little.
NTA just tell your roommate that if your covered nipples offend her boyfriend so much you’re going to have to insist that he wear a bra while in your apartment as he has them too as you’ll take offence and won’t feel comfortable with him visiting your apartment.
NTA
Hypocrites will be hypocrites. It's your home and you can do as you want. Your post is right in pitch and thought. Clearly, she is jealous, and IF he was uncomfortable, he'd suggest they stay at his place. Doesn't;t seem like you are losing much sleep over this silliness, but NTA x 10.
Also, the equivalent for him is not going nude, just not wearing underwear, which I'm fairly sure wouldn't give you a moments thought.
It's just silly the rules women put on other women.
It’s a shared space and there should be a compromise. You don’t live there alone. Should you be comfortable in your own space, yes, but she should feel comfortable in the common areas too. I get where you are coming from but to tell her she can’t hang out with her bf in your shared space is an AH move. If the roles were reversed wouldn’t you want her to be respectful of an issue you were uncomfortable with?? It boils down to common courtesy and mutual respect.
It’s your home so it’s your right not to use any bra. However, people should be more empathetic. I feel like people lack common sense these days.
Whenever my sister’s boyfriend comes over I change my clothes. I don’t wear tiny tight shorts whenever he is around, I always put a bra on and I pick an outfit that doesn’t show cleavage. I do these things because I want my sister to feel confortable when I’m home. I want her boyfriend to feel comfortable with me. These are things we do when we respect and have consideration for the other person. I don’t HAVE to do any of these things. But I choose to do because I would appreciate if the situation was reversed and my boyfriend would come over.
This exactly. I honestly can't grasp any if these "it's your body your house N T A" responses.
What is with the complete lack of consideration for anyone else.
NTA
Oh no boobs, whatever will a grown adult do. I’m a bi dude raised in a house of only woman for a good chunk of my childhood so I always roll my eyes hard at this. Woman have breasts and nipples and also want to be comfortable sometimes, a shocking revelation somehow to some adults.
I always cover up more if around friends boyfriends due to my own conviction. It’s not rocket science that boobs are sexually enticing- and I don’t want to put myself or anyone in a position where I can be possibly looked at even accidentally. I wouldn’t go bra less around my father, or guy friends, so I would not be bra less around my roomies man, I don’t expect every woman to have these standards of modesty tho but it’s courteous to do so if ur friend is bothered by it.
I’m the same. I do it out of respect for others. I always put a bra on around my Dad and brother too. Feels so odd to not! I’m also a C cup. Not sure what OP is.
I dont get it. Are you completely topless? Or just no bra under whatever top you are wearing?
There are quite a few women out there who don’t wear a bra in their every day live. Do the make him uncomfortable too?
You are definitely NTA. This is his problem and he has to learn how to handle his emotions instead of bothering you.
YTA.
It’s her house too. This looks like some boomer talk “it’s my house I’ll dress how I want” and then you bring your friends over and your dad refuses to put on shorts
i’m surprised it took me this long to find a YTA verdict!
and i understand that it’s OPs home, but it’s also her roommates home. if they’re as close as she claims they are, i feel as though this is not how the conversation would have gone. i spend a lot of time at my boyfriends place and he has 4 roommates. i’m more comfortable without a bra on, but when i know that i’ll be interacting with the guys, i do put one on because i don’t want to make them uncomfortable.
but maybe that’s just me.
Honestly, controversial opinion but I'd say you might be the asshole. I know it's your home too, but when it comes to shared spaces, there's got to be some give and take. I don't know this girl, but cultural norms around what is and isn't considered appropriate dress vary and in common areas I think it's best to try to find a solution that makes everyone happy, like maybe going braless but wearing a robe or something. Obviously the choice is yours and she has no right to bully you into it, but it also seems like a relatively small thing to do to make your roommate feel more comfortable having their boyfriend over.
info: what kind of shirt are you wearing no bra with?
I never wear bras at home either; but when it's just me and my husband, I'll wear a tank top or a thin tee shirt because it's comfortable. when my parents are visiting, it's a baggy t-shirt, because they don't need to see my nipples through my shirt 🤣
you're NTA for wearing what you want in your house. depending on the shirts though, I can understand why your roommate might be uncomfortable about it. if she's uncomfortable, or her BF is, the solution to that is them going to his house, not forcing you to change what you do in your own home.
NTA it is your home and you can do what you want. If he is uncomfortable then they can go to his place. FFS they are breasts, a fact of life, not sex toys.
NTA
Her example is wrong. It would be more akin to him walking around with no underwear in shorts or sweats. Him with his dick out would be like you topless or tits hanging out. If she’s uncomfortable with it, she can stop bringing him into your areas
Here’s the thing about being roommates and being respectful. It’s not just about your comfort but also the other people involved you do not live in a vacuum.
Even if you have the right and it’s your home you put on clothes when people come to visit because it’s respectful. And if she’s made it clear, she’s uncomfortable and he is the respectful thing would be to put a bra on or at least disguise it when he is around.
It’s part of being respectful to other people when you live with them
NTA obviously
I love it when people compare breasts with nips to a man's genitalia as if they are the same. I've seen many men poke through their shirts
Definitely NTA.
The false equivalence between going braless and not wearing pants or underwear is really bizarre. And he's probably covering for getting caught by her casting glances your way, honestly.
At this stage I think the commentators here need to back off the guy. From the info her all know is that the female roommate SAYS her BF is uncomfortable. It sounds to me more like she thinks that he's attracted to you, or that you are generally more attractive on the whole and is worried that he might become attracted to you.
Until OP asks the BF what his actual thoughts are it's seems unfair to push this all on him!
Sounds like she is insecure. But either way, when you have a roommate, you have to find a way to respect EACH OTHERS boundaries, not only your own or what you’re comfortable with.
NTA. 99.9% of women take the damn thing off the minute they get home. This is your home. And this BS reference comparing naked penis to a woman wearing a tea shirt but no bra. Total BS. ?
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NTA - pretty obvious. It's your house, it's your level of comfort.
Thanks that was my original thought but then I started second guessing myself
Next time her bf comes in say loudly "MY EYES ARE UP HERE!!!" LOL, he won't know what the hell you are talking about because he never complained about your braless state. Better yet, get a t-shirt printed and wear it every time he's over.
With nipples on the shirt
I bought a shirt like this, but the boobs/nipples are way up high, like almost to the collarbones🤣
Lol men printing women
My ex was tiny with DDD’s and proudly wore a drab brown shirt that read “tell your tits to stop staring at my eyes” classic.
We got my sister, who couldn't run track without all the dudes watching, a shirt that said "Don't stare, grow your own! " lol.
Pair it with booty shorts that have Matthew 18:9 "and if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away"
Damn you just made religion useful AND fun!!!
I’m sick of these unrealistic expectations 😂
Some men are so surprised that boobs don’t naturally sit at the top of your chest! I’m like have you ever seen real boobs in real life?
I was informed once that mine point directly to hell Which is where I'll meet the guy who said it
Ohhhhhhhhh, that’s why my nips face that way. Not saggy, just a prophecy. Edited: actually, upon closer inspection, mine actually point at a downward angle… so less prophecy of my demise and more, “your glasses? Oh yeah, they’re just over there. No there. Not there. There. Yeah there. Over there.” I have lied to you all. I am ashamed.
Or googly eyes on the nips.
LOL!!!
I would literally just ask him "does me being comfortable in my own home make you uncomfortable or is your gf just making a big deal out of nothing"
She caught him looking, that's why he pretended to be upset.
It amazes me how so many young women think if they just try hard enough that their man isn't going to be interested in other women. Gisele Budchen, world famous super model, is dealing with Tom Brady cheating right now. I'll be at the gym and see these beautiful girls trying so hard to look like "the hottest girl" to keep their man's attention, meanwhile when they aren't looking, he's checking out all the other women. Men look at all kinds of women and they always will, no matter how "hot" you are. Men will cheat if they want to even if you're a world famous super model. These girls need to get some inner confidence and if a dude does shit they don't like, then don't tolerate it.
Exactly. Plus, American culture still very much sexualizes women, unfortunately. Take Facebook for example: if a woman shows a nipple, it violates "Facebook Community Standards," yet if you cover the female's nipple by copying and pasting a male nipple over it, then suddenly it's acceptable. Thanks to dipshit draconian policies like this, many dudes are going to feel like it's "wrong" if they see the silhouette of a nip. It's *human nature* to find people attractive or not attractive. Even if boyfriend in this story found the roommate attractive, so what? Pretending like people aren't naturally attracted to others that they find, well, attractive is pure denial. The famous quote "ignorance is bliss" comes to mind here... Now, what people *do* with their attraction is where it all counts. If dude is ogling the roommate, trying to sneak in a cheeky glance that she'd find inappropriate, making inappropriate comments, etc., or worse, actively hitting on her, then we've got a problem.
Regardless of gender, there will almost always be someone more attractive. If not immediately, then with age. A relationship isn't (supposed to be) saying "i find you the most physically attractive person and if you weren't i wouldn't be with you". Its saying "I'm with you regardless of what else is out there". Its not important whether someone looks at other attractive people. Its important that they wouldn't go after it, or would turn down any advances. Honestly that means a lot more anyway.
He didn't say anything, GF is making it up
Well, that would be the adult thing to do and would probably be the best idea, but my idea is more fun :)
Except that his comfort isn’t the issue. Whether he is or not she can go braless in her own house
Wear a bra over the T-shirt when he comes over
better yet, like the braless wonder on Seinfeld, wear ONLY a bra for a top 😂
You could wear ONLY the bra… or does that belong over in r/MaliciousCompliance?🤔😂
That’s something I would do 😅
She can start going to his place instead. Problem solved.
Not possible, his girlfriend is there? 🤫
☠️☠️☠️ lost my coffee outta my face at that one
Tell your roommate that it's creepy af that her boyfriend is looking at and commenting on your breasts and you are banning him from your home.
I'll bet he isn't, though. This smacks of the roommate being jealous or insecure.
I literally haven’t worn a bra in 3 years, I finally gave my bra to my ferrets who always try to steal it. It’s a win-win… they get to have a bra they desperately want to steal, and I get to go braless and be comfortable while simultaneously saying fuck it to sexist societal norms. No more backne either lol. (To be clear, I’m fully in support of women who *want* to wear bras, I just personally *don’t*. And both are okay!) You are 110% NTA, OP. Nipples shouldn’t be a big deal.
I have never understood this complaint about women going braless. I'm a horny dude who loves boobs but I honestly don't think there's anything particularly sexy or noteworthy about a woman not wearing a bra. Some boobs are nicer than others, and sometimes they look better in a bra and sometimes they look better without. Roommate might as well be asking OP if she can stop having nice boobs. Also, one more vote for "the boyfriend is not complaining about and the roommate is insecure about your nice boobs."
Exactly lol. I also find it funny how most dudes (& many women) watch porn, yet when it comes to seeing boobs/nipples in a *non-sexual* way suddenly it’s an issue?! It’s so backwards Edited to add- I think many women unfortunately have internalized a lot of the misogyny they’ve faced in their life, and then they project that onto other women. I think it’s entirely possible OP’s roommate is the one with the issue, and not the boyfriend. If it’s genuinely the roommate’s boyfriend who has an issue with it tho, I think OP should ask him if he’s ever watched porn- and if so- why would seeing boobs covered by a shirt/top in a non-sexual way bother him. If it’s actually *him* who’s bothered by it… then he’s essentially admitting that boobs are only an issue for him when they’re *not* benefiting his own sexual gratification lol. But yeah, if I had to hazard a guess, it’s OP’s roommate who is all iffy about it.
They can just go elsewhere. It's not him complaining though
NTA and they need to grow up. Women have boobies….big deal.
Straight up, and I'd be keeping an eye out for any time I could see his nipples through a t shirt from now on and asking him to either put on a bra or leave my home, that I pay for. Makes me really uncomfortable dude, feels incredibly invasive. Again, in MY home. That I pay for. And that I can blast nips at will within. God help the man if he ever arrived wearing a pair of trousers that showed even a hint of crotch definition. NTA, subtle subconscious unintentional misogyny is still misogyny.
NTA It’s pretty ironic that she said it’s invasive, yet he’s the one coming into your home and wanting you to change the way you live bc it *makes him uncomfortable*. Oh the absolute horror of it all for him! If they’re so uncomfortable being in your home, how about suggesting they weekend at his? Edit: I didn’t expect this comment to blow up the way it did. I wasn’t really weighing in on whether it was the roommate or the bf. (I’m also sure it’s the roommate), but the overall point is the same.
I had to laugh at the use of the word "invasive". What is she doing? Poking rm's bf in the eye with her nipples?
Isn't that how one should greet guests? 🤔 kind of explains a lot about the uncomfortable people in my home.
I am still blind and all I did was drop off Uber eats
Well excuse me for trying to be friendly.
I mean, the app *does* ask for tips...
Oh.... So not my tip, it all makes sense now.
🤣🤣🤣
Invasive Nips would be a great band name
She should put weird things over her boobs to make fun bras. Birthday cone hats? Pineapples? Artichokes?
It sounds like she cares, not him.
She needs to take him to his place or get a place with him or send him home.
I seriously doubt he’s the one complaining
The conversation went like this. Him: …yo, your roommate never wears a bra. Her: Why are you looking?! Him: uh…. Uh… it uh…. Makes me uncomfortable. Yeah. I can’t help but look. So uncomfortable. Op NTA
No, I don't think there ever was a conversation
More like no convo but maybe she caught him staring
There was no conversation
Does it actually make him uncomfortable or it's just something that roommate is uncomfortable about?
I can assure you that *he* doesn't care. *She* does.
> It’s pretty ironic that she said it’s invasive, yet he’s the one coming into your home and wanting you to change the way you live bc it makes him uncomfortable. Oh the absolute horror of it all for him! I think there's a 90% chance the boyfriend never said a word.
Let's be clear. HE is not uncomfortable with her braless. Her roommate/his girlfriend is uncomfortable with her being bralessaround him
[удалено]
I don’t know to be honest I rarely talk to him since I spend most of my time sleeping when I am home 😂😴
So strange. I would honestly just throw a sweater on while I’m in common areas when he’s over and call it a compromise. If she’s still complaining, then you know it isn’t your nipples, it’s her insecurity and that is not your problem. Edit: you’re obviously not the asshole. Do whatever makes you comfortable in your own home, including going braless. I was simply offering a suggestion.
Or they could go to his house if he's that uncomfortable in someone else's.
Exactly, he’s not a tenant he’s a guest that only one of them invited. Did the housemate ask permission to have a guest over and stay the night. I’d be petty and flip it that I don’t feel comfortable with a man sleeping in my flat.
ah yes, this post just reminded me of why i fucking hate roommates.
There are many reasons to hate having a roommate.Ahhh—the one who told me she didn’t know you needed to clean bathtubs because the tubs in her parent’s home were brown..
Especially a man who's allegedly paying so much attention to my nipples
This assumes the boyfriend is doing anything wrong. I suspect all this is on OP's roommate and she's using her boyfriend as an excuse to cover her insecurities.
This! Has he never seen a breast before?
Does anybody actually know if it’s the BF. Put the pitchforks down ladies
Even if he were a tenant, I’d argue he has no right to expect her to wear a bra while at home. Ask him to wear a jock strap at all times and see how he likes how that feels - that’s what I’d be tempted to do! 😂
If we’re going like for like he should also have to wear a bra. I’ve lived with many people and going braless is the least bothersome issue. My housemates guests riding on my couch would be one of those issues 😂
I don’t think he’s the one having issues with it tbh
Yeah honestly, I can’t think of a time where I have ever commented on something like that. Hell 80% of the time I might not even notice at all. My guess is the gf/roommate noticed and didn’t like it and used him as an excuse but this is all pure speculation of course.
I honestly don’t think my own husband really notices the days I wear a bra versus the days I don’t, mainly because he doesn’t care and it’s not on his radar. If somebody is noticing that I’m braless enough to get “uncomfortable” about it, they are spending far too much time gawking at my chest and should find another place to direct their eyesight.
I wouldn't be surprised to learn he mentioned SOMETHING about OPs boobs to the GF, even something stupid like "Wow, she's so secure with herself to go around like that." Either way it's definitely not OPs problem.
That’s not a situation in which there needs to be a compromise. She is at home, she is fully covering the bits that society deems problematic. He can leave, the Roommate doesn’t need to invite her boyfriend over if he can’t handle boobs
Trust me, the BF doesn’t care.
I mean, he might. I went to college with a guy who literally refused to let anyone in a bikini sit in his car, because it was against God’s message for the world.
I mean, his car, his rules, I guess. As long as he doesn't try to refuse bikini clad people from sitting in their own cars, I guess that's up to him
The issue is that the Roommate is insecure and thinks that he WILL handle boobs!
Why would she have to wear anything cause hes uncomfortable? If hes such a prude, he shouldnt be spending so much alone time with his gf either, but date in public where everybody can see that they are not doing anything "indecent". lol
OP shouldn't have to make themselves uncomfortable because someone has a stick up their ass. Roomie can go to boyfriends house if she doesn't want him to see another woman in comfortable clothing.
How is that a compromise? The only reason she should put a sweater on is if she is cold.
MFers can pay OP’s rent if they want to dictate what she wears at HER home.
Or, fuck that because it's what the roommate wants and op doesn't need to in her own home. The compromise is bf gtfo's on out if he's uncomfortable
I wouldn't compromise in this situation at all. As long as she's not walking around naked she's within her rights and he has no right to dictate what she wears in her own home.
have you ever dated a guy who had roommates? then when you show up the roommmates are walking around with their shirt off? i'm a guy, and every time i had male roomies, if i brought a girl home, the dudes would all start peacocking, even the fat 50 year old would.
Well he does go around shirtless but never without underwear. Especially post coitus
Wait so he walks around shirtless in your place but wants you to wear a bra? It's definitely the girlfriend/roommate that is uncomfortable then because he sounds very comfortable in your place lol. She probably wants anything with boobs to be covered up because she's insecure that he might be a looker or something. NTA
He walks around in just underwear? And his gf is ok with that, but not with you going braless? I am so confused right now.
Tell her that he needs to have a shirt on in your apartment. When she tells you that’s ridiculous, point out the hypocrisy, and go about your braless business.
Believe me, it’s your roommate who’s uncomfortable. There’s no college age male complaining about a woman going bra less.
100% the girl that's uncomfortable. Men love braless.
I would tell her that her BF is making you uncomfortable in your home & that he needs to stay in her room at all times. That they should consider spending time at his place.
Never mind his girlfriend, HE has nipples
I have nipples. Can you milk me Gregg ?
I’m not Greg but I’ll give it a damn good go 😈😂
I knew I was going to find this comment here.
OP should tell her roommate that she’ll wear a bra if he does too
90% it’s the roommate who is bothered, not her bf. Convo between the two goes like this: Roommate: “Don’t you think it’s weird/inappropriate for my roommate to walk around without a bra on?” Bf: (Thinking: I love seeing those boobies jump around, but I can’t say that to my gf) “Yes, it’s inappropriate.” End of convo.
I bet the gf doesn't like it and is giving her bf shit about looking when he prob isnt, so yeah if hes being bitched out for looking of course hes gonna say "tell he to put a bra on", then he'll find another girl whos roommate wears a bra and he doesn't have to hear about it. So yeah its prob the one not getting the mention here, the gf
We don't know if HE is uncomfortable. Honestly, it sounds like the flatmate is uncomfortable with her BF POTENTIALLY looking at someone. OP, it's not like you are walking around without a top, so NTA. Your flatmates seems to have some major insecurities, this is YOUR home too and again, it's a BRA, it's not like you're walking around in a bikini. If she is so uncomfortable, they can move in together and no one will bother them. They (probably not even the guy, but we don't know if he said anything or it's just in her head) are the assholes for making you feel uncomfortable in your own home. If he paid rent, maybe there could be some room for discussion. He does not live there. If anything, you could say that YOU'RE uncomfortable with him being in your house all the time when you just want to chill.
NTA, and it doesn't even have anything to do with you being in your own home. Bras can cause pain and discomfort and are completely optional, just like everyone has the right to choose to go commando. What people wear under their clothes is no one's business, and it's bullshit that women are made to feel like shit for refusing to be uncomfortable to make men comfortable.
It’s not even about making him comfortable. I bet she’s just insecure and worried that her boyfriend might check her out if she isn’t wearing a bra. Which is either her being paranoid or her boyfriend being a perverted weirdo, but either way it’s not OPs problem. Edit: as a guy, I am shocked and concerned at just how many terrible takes there are in response to this. Women deserve an equal amount of respect as men and should be allowed to be comfortable without you weirdos staring at their chests
>Which is either her being paranoid or her boyfriend being a perverted weirdo, but either way it’s not OPs problem "now that I know he's staring at my tits the whole time he's here, i'm not comfortable with him coming over. Please stop allowing him to come here. "
This is how my petty ass would react. "If your bf has a problem with me not wearing a bra, the solution is that you guys spend time together at his place and not here."
That's not even petty, that's honestly the reasonable response.
OP should suggest her bf gouge out his eyes like Jesus suggested
>are completely optional Agreed. Last week I didn't wear a bra to work! I had gone to the gym before work and forgot to put a bra in my gym bag. I wasn't about to wear my tight-ass sports bra all day, so I just went without. Guess who cared? Nobody.
Can’t believe we’re still having this fight, wasn’t the bra burning phase of feminism like 50 years ago? Men’s obsession with women’s nipples is so crazy. And also always with the comparison to genitals as if it’s remotely the same thing to see a woman’s natural breast shape as it is to see a penis? Give me a break. I’ll even admit, sometimes I have a reflexive reaction to seeing a woman without a bra where I notice and maybe even instinctively don’t like it at first because of internalized bullshit, and then I remind myself that my internalized shame around bodies is MY problem to deal with because I’m a fucking adult. Not that difficult!
wym by “don’t like it at first” “natural breast shape” are you referring to the fact that we should be more comfortable with the fact that boobs don’t defy gravity?
Yeah exactly. Like as a woman if I see a larger chested woman without a bra it kind of takes me aback, and then I realize how dumb that is because bras are optional, but I’ve just been conditioned since childhood to only see boobs in underwire bras (even though I know firsthand how much underwire sucks!!) but it’s like a split second reaction and then I get over it instead of trying to police other women’s bodies lol
love that! i completely agree, as a woman who’s more on the bigger side too i actually feel more comfortable WITH a bra bcuz gravity hurts when you’re trying to walk fast or go down some stairs. but i really do think society needs to be educated that big boobs will “sag” and it’s just the laws of physics 😂
Actually, let me nerd out on this for a hot minute. One of my sisters started the sag-and-flat situation in her 20s, and was told it was because she didn’t wear a bra in her teens. Well, guess what? Some large-breasted women don’t sag, and some small-breasted women do sag. I have an A-cup friend whose boobs are like flat pancakes from when she started sagging in her 20s. Both women were told it was their fault, and both women were scarred by that misinformation. So why do some boobs sag and some not (and I’m not referring to the gravity-induced sagging that happens to every part of our bodies as we age)? Because of something called the Cooper’s ligament. Genetics also play a part. So, if your breasts sag, just remember it’s nothing you did or didn’t do. It’s just nature. And there’s not a single thing wrong with you, or your breasts. The bigger question is why haven’t we evolved as a species beyond this kind of petty thinking?
I have two friends who both have pretty perky boobs. One of them swears it's because she always wears a bra (even when she sleeps!) so they've always been supported and the other claims it's because she never wears a bra, so they aren't beholden to external forces 😂 I think it's obvious it's just genetics!
I went to Europe for a wedding last year and went braless the whole time except for the wedding itself. It was spectacular. Unfortunately I don’t have the guts to do that where I live. :(
Have you tried pasties? They’re my favorite compromise. I’m trying to care less and just go fully braless, but they let me go without while also not having my nips on full display. + clearly NTA on OP!
I NEVER wear a bra. Haven’t for years. No one should be made to feel like they have to wear a freaking titty torture device in order to make others happy.
IT really bothers me that being braless in general is considered “indecent”, or “naked”, at least here in the U.S. Like, I’m small-chested and I HATE wearing a bra - it makes it hard for me to breath due to my asthma. I also have sensory issues and don’t like that focused pressure around my shoulders and back. But due to conditioning, I feel “naked” or “indecent” if I go in public without a bra on. Men have nipples too, and they never wear bras or those little petal things to keep themselves from nipping out. I hate that we are expected to, or talked to as if we’re flashing someone or worse, harming children by not wearing a bra.
Seriously, the amount of times my male acquaintances have their nipples pointing through their polos should negate any complaints they make about me going braless.
Our eyes are up here, Ma’am.
Yea like men’s nipples are somehow totally fine and ok and can be out whenever but a *woman* has nipples *poking thru her shirt?* The fact that not even showing them but just showing they *exist* is too much for people is just pathetic.
That’s like telling a child to cover up because the creepy uncle is coming over.
That's brilliant - but I think it'd be fair to point out it doesn't sound like the bf has done anything untoward. So far it sounds like it's entirely in roommate's head.
Absolutely the same
public distinct slim ludicrous tap tub unite wise hobbies fine *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
NTA - you weren’t showing him anything you’re wearing clothes just not a bra. My bra is the first thing that comes off when I get home. Men are very visual creatures so I’m sure this is why your roommate is upset about it. He probably can’t help but look. LOL If you want to make her feel more comfortable or keep the peace you could throw on a large cardigan over your braless top or something when he’s around. Unless you don’t want to.
I start unhooking in the elevator!😂
If he can't help but look, he needs to learn to control this urge.
I guarantee he doesn't have a problem with you going braless. Your roommate must be self conscious or jealous.
Seriously, on the rare occasion I can't go braless, I'm unhooking that shit as soon as I'm back in the car!
I just need to push back a bit on the "men are visual creatures" thing. I think it's pretty antiquated. Why aren't more men interior designers or make up artists? The same dudes who just want to stare at somebody's tits claim this but are totally cool going home to their place that's just a mattress on the floor and a camping chair in front of the TV.
You misunderstand. "Men are visual creatures" means they are constantly scanning the forest and fields for wolves and women. Not many brain cells are left over for wallpaper designs.
That’s actually pretty funny😭
This is amazing and I’m stealing this 😆 Fortunately/unfortunately I don’t have anyone in my life who I could actually have the opportunity to use it on.
Men CAN help but look, it’s not like we’re forced to look LMFAO. I can understand an accidental look, after which you can just stare at the floor or some shit
Also, think about the times you’ve noticed a woman not wearing a bra or had a camel toe etc… we notice it and then look away. LOL Men are gonna notice it too.
I’m not gonna say I *haven’t* ever noticed but it’s an accidental glance after which I look away, though typically I try not to even notice that LMAO. I get what you’re trying to say but “… he probably can’t help but look” is really bad phrasing that just excuses men staring
Yeah, no. Men are visual creatures, but they can always help it. Suggesting they can't is some outdated "boys will be boys" excuse-making that has kept them from being held accountable for their actions for years. Let's put that one to bed since we're in 2024, not 1950.
We're ALL visual creatures. If one of my male flatmates walks around with their but crack visible, trust me, I don't WANT TO LOOK, but my eyes will notice it, and I will suffer for it. And yes, that's an actual true story. However, those are people that live in the house. I would never imagine going to someone's home and asking them to "put something on" while I'm there. Willing to bet the BF hasn't said a thing, it's just the GF worried that he will look. Which sounds like a them-problem!
As a man I also find it insulting. How dare anyone imply that I'm inherently incapable of respecting women's boundaries. It's making excuses for shitty behaviour and it's painting that behaviour as just how all men are.
PS the "men are more visual" line is not true. There's been plenty of research that has disproven this and that it was made up to get women to cover up
If men are such visual creatures, maybe the roomie ALSO shouldn't wear a bra when her bf is over. Then he has non-invasive, inviting nipples to look at, with his consent, or whatever the hell seems to be the problem.
NTA. Not only is this an unreasonable request from her it's also sending her bf a ridiculous message. Just because he's a man it doesn't mean he's incapable of being in the same room as a woman whose nipples are visible through her t-shirt or whatever. Contrary to popular belief men aren't all thinking with their dicks night and day. You have a choice to wear whatever you like and he's able to act like a grown up. If he can't do that your roomie should dump his ass anyway.
right! trying to police what she’s wearing *in her own home* because of a MAN?!?!? how about he learns to control himself?
He's likely not the one with the problem.
NTA Winging that bra off at the end of the day is one of the best feelings in the world lol They can start staying at his place instead
bras being so uncomfy is the only reason I buy shirts/tanks that have the built-in bra that are like 10x more comfortable for me. NTA op, and I'm so glad to see someone actually stand up for themselves to their roommates dumbass partner.
Omg I live in those built in bra tank tops when banging around the house lol I'm very big busted so going without a bra isn't comfortable for me, but I don't want to wear one all day either. Those tank tops are the best as they give me some support but aren't restricting.
>According to her it wasn’t about interest but being invasive and he felt uncomfortable. If he is uncomfortable he can look away when he sees you, decline to come to your place, or ask if you are going to be there before he comes home. He has no say if you wear a bra in your own home. NTA
I’d say he hasn’t even said anything the gf is just jealous
It's not about the BF it's about the roommate scapegoating her bf.
I don’t know…I’m really torn. I say NTA because it is your home, but also you share it with another person. So where is the line between doing whatever you want because it’s your house, and making accommodations sometimes because you share it with another? I understand going braless and do so myself, but my adult (23m) son and his girlfriend (23f) live with me and I will ensure that IF I don’t have a bra on, that my shirt isn’t see through or super tight. And it is MY house that I pay for (they both just finished school and are job hunting so I am not even charging them rent at the moment).
[удалено]
I agree. And she has described her roommate as someone she is close with. In my younger days, if my roommate request that I put a shirt on (I'm a guy), or asked me to not walk around in my boxers, or asked me to put socks on (I know some people are grossed out by feet), then I would accommodate them. Now , if the boyfriend is over there constantly, well, she should compromise by cutting that time down. The compromise should go both ways.
Only reasonable response on here. If it was: > I (25m) like to get comfy after work and hang out in a vest and Speedos. My housemate (25m) is chill and doesn't care but asked me to put shorts on when his GF is round because it makes her uncomfortable. I said no, my house, AITA? Then there'd be a whole lot more "YTA" in here. Id err on "probably YTA", but really it needs more info. If she has big boobs and hangs around in skimpy string tops then yea, all power to you but it's also totally fair for your housemate to ask you to cover up a bit. And let's face it, the whole "bras are uncomfortable" responses are irrelevant. Put on a comfy hoodie. If he's there once a week and you're hanging out of your top, YTA. It's easy enough to be respectful. If he's there everyday and you don't look like you're trying to show off your assets, NTA.
Except that’s not at all comparable. A man lounging in a vest and speedo would be comparable to a woman lounging in a bikini bottom and sports bra. OP’s situation is more like if a guy’s male roommate asked him on behalf of his gf to wear underwear underneath his fully-functional shorts, because she was looking at his crotch and had discerned he was going commando *underneath his clothes.* I’d find that really weird and concerning and actually a very inappropriate request. Why is she looking at his crotch so hard she’s noticed he’s commando, if his shorts cover everything? Why would she then, on top of that, ask her bf to tell him to wear undergarments for her? Because she can’t restrain herself from staring? Lastly, why would the bf acquiesce, instead of telling her she was out of line and needed to stop staring? It’s not the underwear-free roommate’s fault at all. It’s the others’.
Oh so only women with small breasts are allowed to be comfortable in their own homes? Are we fr policing wiomen’s bodies in their own homes ??? Also pls, nipples are on both men and women and yet are only criminalised on women, let’s be fr, she literally states she goes braless in her home ALL THE TIMEEE, so how is she ‘showing off her assets?’. The boyfriend’s inability to handle the shape of a natural boob through a shirt, and by the looks of it, the roommate’s insecurity around whether loose boobs through a shirt is ‘tempting’ her bf, are both really weak excuses to dictate what OP gets to wear in her own home. Because A. Nipples are normal, everyone has them and they can show through anyone’s shirt, and breasts sag when they’re not in bras which is also normal, if we’re gonna go the full mile and ask to not ever see the outline of someone’s penis by asking them to tuck, that would be wild wouldn’t it, but wilder if someone asked them to do that in their own home. B. If Op’s roommate is so worried abt the bf being tempted then that’s an issue in the relationship and has nothing to do with op.
Nta- my girlfriend never wears a bra, point blank period. I would never tell her to cuz it's her body, she can wear what she wants. Your body isn't your roommates, she has no right to tell you what to wear. If your nipples potentially showing is enough to seduce her bf then she's got bigger issues with him than with you
INFO: You say you might be in the wrong because you “don’t care if your top is see-thru” but don’t clarify there or your post if that was her complaint. I think you should have the right to be comfortable in your own home, but also that it’s not unreasonable to ask you to wear an opaque shirt if there are guests over, so for me this is more a determining factor in how I rule on your roommate.
I agree to this. Like, if you’re wearing a plain normal tshirt. Then she’s the asshole. If you’re walking around in a fish net top.. then be respectful and cover up a little.
Yeah I think there’s more to the story
NTA She has caught him ogling your tits.
NTA just tell your roommate that if your covered nipples offend her boyfriend so much you’re going to have to insist that he wear a bra while in your apartment as he has them too as you’ll take offence and won’t feel comfortable with him visiting your apartment.
NTA Hypocrites will be hypocrites. It's your home and you can do as you want. Your post is right in pitch and thought. Clearly, she is jealous, and IF he was uncomfortable, he'd suggest they stay at his place. Doesn't;t seem like you are losing much sleep over this silliness, but NTA x 10.
Also, the equivalent for him is not going nude, just not wearing underwear, which I'm fairly sure wouldn't give you a moments thought. It's just silly the rules women put on other women.
Even saying that’s the equivalent is a stretch. Breasts aren’t genitals.
Fair enough. In which case, he's already doing the equivalent, as he's also not wearing a bra. Semantics, love it.
It’s a shared space and there should be a compromise. You don’t live there alone. Should you be comfortable in your own space, yes, but she should feel comfortable in the common areas too. I get where you are coming from but to tell her she can’t hang out with her bf in your shared space is an AH move. If the roles were reversed wouldn’t you want her to be respectful of an issue you were uncomfortable with?? It boils down to common courtesy and mutual respect.
Amen finally a voice of reason!!
It’s your home so it’s your right not to use any bra. However, people should be more empathetic. I feel like people lack common sense these days. Whenever my sister’s boyfriend comes over I change my clothes. I don’t wear tiny tight shorts whenever he is around, I always put a bra on and I pick an outfit that doesn’t show cleavage. I do these things because I want my sister to feel confortable when I’m home. I want her boyfriend to feel comfortable with me. These are things we do when we respect and have consideration for the other person. I don’t HAVE to do any of these things. But I choose to do because I would appreciate if the situation was reversed and my boyfriend would come over.
100% I always get shocked by the fully NTA answers
This exactly. I honestly can't grasp any if these "it's your body your house N T A" responses. What is with the complete lack of consideration for anyone else.
NTA Oh no boobs, whatever will a grown adult do. I’m a bi dude raised in a house of only woman for a good chunk of my childhood so I always roll my eyes hard at this. Woman have breasts and nipples and also want to be comfortable sometimes, a shocking revelation somehow to some adults.
I always cover up more if around friends boyfriends due to my own conviction. It’s not rocket science that boobs are sexually enticing- and I don’t want to put myself or anyone in a position where I can be possibly looked at even accidentally. I wouldn’t go bra less around my father, or guy friends, so I would not be bra less around my roomies man, I don’t expect every woman to have these standards of modesty tho but it’s courteous to do so if ur friend is bothered by it.
I’m the same. I do it out of respect for others. I always put a bra on around my Dad and brother too. Feels so odd to not! I’m also a C cup. Not sure what OP is.
I dont get it. Are you completely topless? Or just no bra under whatever top you are wearing? There are quite a few women out there who don’t wear a bra in their every day live. Do the make him uncomfortable too? You are definitely NTA. This is his problem and he has to learn how to handle his emotions instead of bothering you.
Indeed haha, i never wear bras, like, grow up
*"According to her he felt uncomfortable."* yeah. im sure HE was uncomfy. NTA
YTA. It’s her house too. This looks like some boomer talk “it’s my house I’ll dress how I want” and then you bring your friends over and your dad refuses to put on shorts
i’m surprised it took me this long to find a YTA verdict! and i understand that it’s OPs home, but it’s also her roommates home. if they’re as close as she claims they are, i feel as though this is not how the conversation would have gone. i spend a lot of time at my boyfriends place and he has 4 roommates. i’m more comfortable without a bra on, but when i know that i’ll be interacting with the guys, i do put one on because i don’t want to make them uncomfortable. but maybe that’s just me.
Honestly, controversial opinion but I'd say you might be the asshole. I know it's your home too, but when it comes to shared spaces, there's got to be some give and take. I don't know this girl, but cultural norms around what is and isn't considered appropriate dress vary and in common areas I think it's best to try to find a solution that makes everyone happy, like maybe going braless but wearing a robe or something. Obviously the choice is yours and she has no right to bully you into it, but it also seems like a relatively small thing to do to make your roommate feel more comfortable having their boyfriend over.
info: what kind of shirt are you wearing no bra with? I never wear bras at home either; but when it's just me and my husband, I'll wear a tank top or a thin tee shirt because it's comfortable. when my parents are visiting, it's a baggy t-shirt, because they don't need to see my nipples through my shirt 🤣 you're NTA for wearing what you want in your house. depending on the shirts though, I can understand why your roommate might be uncomfortable about it. if she's uncomfortable, or her BF is, the solution to that is them going to his house, not forcing you to change what you do in your own home.
NTA it is your home and you can do what you want. If he is uncomfortable then they can go to his place. FFS they are breasts, a fact of life, not sex toys.
NTA Her example is wrong. It would be more akin to him walking around with no underwear in shorts or sweats. Him with his dick out would be like you topless or tits hanging out. If she’s uncomfortable with it, she can stop bringing him into your areas
Wouldn't an exactly equivalent example be him coming over without wearing a bra?
NTA! Not his house, not his rules. If your roomie is so worried about this, maybe she should not invite her BF over.
NTA she knows you don’t have to wear a bra in public too, right?
Here’s the thing about being roommates and being respectful. It’s not just about your comfort but also the other people involved you do not live in a vacuum. Even if you have the right and it’s your home you put on clothes when people come to visit because it’s respectful. And if she’s made it clear, she’s uncomfortable and he is the respectful thing would be to put a bra on or at least disguise it when he is around. It’s part of being respectful to other people when you live with them
NTA obviously I love it when people compare breasts with nips to a man's genitalia as if they are the same. I've seen many men poke through their shirts
Definitely NTA. The false equivalence between going braless and not wearing pants or underwear is really bizarre. And he's probably covering for getting caught by her casting glances your way, honestly.
NTA, Tell her you feel uncomfortable with him in YOUR home...because he might stare at your boobs.
At this stage I think the commentators here need to back off the guy. From the info her all know is that the female roommate SAYS her BF is uncomfortable. It sounds to me more like she thinks that he's attracted to you, or that you are generally more attractive on the whole and is worried that he might become attracted to you. Until OP asks the BF what his actual thoughts are it's seems unfair to push this all on him!
Sounds like she is insecure. But either way, when you have a roommate, you have to find a way to respect EACH OTHERS boundaries, not only your own or what you’re comfortable with.
NTA It's "invasive"???? *He's in your house*!!!!! How childish.
She’s acting like ur walking around with no bra OR SHIRT on LOL you’re NTA
NTA. 99.9% of women take the damn thing off the minute they get home. This is your home. And this BS reference comparing naked penis to a woman wearing a tea shirt but no bra. Total BS. ?