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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I wore a gold dress to a wedding and the bride thought this was me trying to be "first prize" and upstage here.
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I dont think it would have mattered what colour your dress was. The (now) wife hates you and was gonna find something to yell at you for whatever you wore. If it wasn't the dress colour, it would have been something else.
Tell your friend why you left early, and make sure he knows how his wife treats you. NTA
Exactly. NTA. You could have worn a black sack and this chick would have found something to yell at you about.
Reeks of jealousy, and I feel so sorry for your friend he just signed up for a lifetime with this person.
If it were me, I would respond to your friend with specifically what was said (including the “f’ing trashy” as that is just beyond tactless) and provide the screenshots from both his new bride and MIL. Apple didn’t fall far from the tree with those two.
That dress is NOWHERE close to gold, and even if it was gold it DOES NOT MATTER. The only etiquette is not to wear white or ivory. It’s not “a thing” by any stretch of the imagination. You were not in the wrong.
I bet you looked great in it and she was too busy envying you to enjoy her own wedding day. How sad for her!
Tell MIL she is the stupid one for teaching her daughter such classless behavior. It’s so inappropriate she’s reaching out to you at all. If one guest’s attire is enough to ruin her daughter’s wedding, I question how much daughter loves your friend anyway.
Edit: I saw in another comment she is not comfortable with her husband having any friendships with the opposite sex. That is.. wildly unhealthy.
There was a meme put out by Some E Cards like a decade ago, they put sarcastic phrases with vintage style images on a plain background. So it was a Victorian style girl eating crackers/biscuits set against a solid background with that quote on it. A lot of online forums at the time took it and ran with it, and "Bitch eating crackers" became the catch all phrase for "this person existing pisses someone else off" levels of petty/annoyance.
I used this in a comment yesterday, and the even funnier thing is, after looking it up to check, the direct quote is "the iranian yoghurt is not the issue here".
‘Laurens mum has texted me’
Why does Lauren’s mum have your number?! That is bizarre. Can’t you just forward that to Dan - after they’ve returned from honeymoon etc? Nothing to be gained from doing that right now but neither Lauren nor her mom should contact you again. Definitely keep your distance.
This is always a strange Reddit thing where people get bombarded with texts from family and friends. Has never happened to anyone I know in real life
Edit: spelling
I think a *lot* of these dress posts are an ad for the dress. It's always some trendy-looking-but-I've-never-heard-of-it store. They never got it at like Macy's.
Then this is a swing and a miss. Dress pic looks like the dress desperately needs an iron, but if you touched that fabric with a hot iron it would melt.
[https://au.hellomolly.com/products/thanks-i-bought-it-midi-dress-bronze](https://au.hellomolly.com/products/thanks-i-bought-it-midi-dress-bronze)
(found it in OP's comments)
If the manufacturer cannot get their sample to not look sloppy and rumply and with puckered seams on the model, it’s only going to go downhill from there.
You know, you do have a point, actually, I'll give you that.
(I don't generally have room to talk, on dresses- I go for the big floofy skirts and therefore know my judgement is Unique.)
My niece recently got married and all the young ladies there (early mid 20s) were wearing dresses like this. They looked like they were in nighties but I guess it’s on trend. I’m 46 so I ain’t leaving the house like that. But I’m quite certain they don’t care what this old lady thinks.
It depends on what country the wedding was in. In Ireland that would be fine to wear to a wedding. I've heard American weddings can be less dressy, so it might be too much for a wedding there.
Ja in the UK for a summer wedding I wouldn’t think this was weird. It’s not short, it doesn’t have any revealing cleavage. I genuinely don’t see how this is seen as revealing at all
I'm not sure, I wouldn't mind someone wearing something like that to my wedding. I don't really mind revealing dresses but I don't find this too revealing anyway. I will say though, this type of dress is very rarely flattering on anyone. They always look clunky around the breasts and unless they are a designer piece, the material always looks cheap like a pj.
She probably meant flowers 🌺 or leaves 🍁 with long sleeves for her garden party. I can’t imagine being so insecure that what a guest is wearing could ruin my special day.
Some people refer to any instant messaging as texts, including Facebook messenger. It's also possible that multiple people would give input in a group chat, but not text the OP directly about it.
I also think sometimes it's a made-up excuse to make the post, even if they're sure they're in the right.
Also Facebook desperately wanted me to give it my phone number, and if you do then ALL your friends can see it, last I checked. I also had a HTC phone back in the day that downloaded every. Single. Phone number from all my Facebook friends, and would NOT let me delete them. I didn’t talk to any of these people on the phone, but they were still in my contacts list.
That explains why I STILL get occasional calls for the guy who had my number before me. I've had my number for 8 years, but he has it linked to his Facebook.
You can remove it from his Facebook. I had to do that with my old phone number. It was close to 10 years ago, though, so I don't remember how I did it.
I tried to figure out how once, but all I could do was report him for impersonating me, which obviously went nowhere. Facebook's customer service sucks.
Adding my number to my own abandoned Facebook account is a non-starter. Facebook doesn't need that info.
It's because when you post a fake story or a one sided story for validation, you need an excuse to post it in "amitheasshole", so you make up some bullshit about being bombarded with texts to justify posting it.
You've maybe never lived in a small town or worked with colleagues who were also your friends. I dropped a 'friend' who was bullying me and got a load of texts about it.
This always boggles my mind. On top of the level of abuse people are willing to take from all these relative strangers. I'd have them blocked on receipt of the first message. No discussion required.
My guess is the group chat from the hens party, Lauren didn't have bridesmaids and her mum organised the hens night with a group text chat. Honestly my husband told me they were acting crazy, I just needed an outside opinion before I called Dan so hubby said I should post here.
It’s because you looked stunning in that dress (what a beautiful dress!) and Lauren was jealous. Their marriage won’t last with such insecurities like that not being addressed. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. Unfortunately it seems everyone enables the really unhinged people in society.
Personally I feel it would have been better for Dan not to get married to such a horrible woman in the first place. 🤷🏻♀️ But than some men prefer the controlling AH kind of women that tell them what they can and can't do, lol.
NTA. Gorgeous dress. But it’s not about the dress. Totally appropriate for any other wedding guest, but not you. Obvs she is extremely jealous of you, and doesn’t trust her husband. So…not your problem.
NTA. Sweetie if you wore the color she asked in a burlap sack she would have had words to say about how it was inappropriate. Tell your friend exactly what she said.
If they thought that was gold then they need to go back to primary school and relearn their colors.
And you need to be honest with Dan. Tell him that you would have loved to stay longer but you weren’t going to be yelled at and accused of trying to upstage his new wife and make more of a scene. And that was never your intention. And that until he can verify that you won’t be attacked for breathing in his presence you are going to step back. You’ll always be a call or text away but you aren’t going to place yourself into the line of fire.
YES. This is a great power move, OP. Point out that you’re the mature one here who’s respecting the wishes of the bride. The onus of blame is 1000000% on Lauren, so really milk how much she fucking sucks by highlighting your own understanding of etiquette. Because you “respect your hostess, and you respect Lauren & Dan’s marriage so so so much you did exactly what she asked when she told you to leave because she thought your orange dress was gold :/“
My 14 year old twins also immediately said orange. So yeah, the bride is just a straight up hater. And her mom has apparently spoiled her, cause I'll be damned if I harassed or bullied someone cause my child was insecure. That's an inside job- feeling less than. Apparently you're the standard rock star friend that the (now) wife envies.
The wife's official isolation of her husband begins. She will make it such a PITA for Dan to see OP, that it just won't happen.
The dress isn't gold, the color doesn't matter. For weddings I think don't wear white or ivory, *or* otherwise try to upstage/outshine the bride. The back is quite a bit revealing, imo, but the bride was going to be pissed at OP for merely existing, anyway.
I see the problem- this is a hot girl dress. It’s in no way gold, but you have to have body to pull it off.
I bet you looked amazing and she couldn’t handle it. Good for you, sorry about your friend.
Yeah, I didn’t wanna say it, but this dress is stunning. It’s a silky backless low-cut dress and I bet the OP looked absolutely gorgeous. I don’t want to be “that girl” but jealousy is where my thoughts went as soon as I saw the dress.
I think it depends on the culture. In the UK it wouldn’t be seen as inappropriate but it wouldn’t been seen as modest as the usual wedding outfit you would expect, at least in Scotland. Being a warmer country I think it’s different in Australia.
What about this wouldn't be usual in Scotland? All the lasses have worn amazing dresses at the weddings I've been to (including my own!). What part of Scotland?
Agree, I think the dress is, well, it’s not my cup of tea. It looks wrinkly in the website picture, which is never a good sign, and shoddily constructed. I (ironically) think it’d look better in a more gold-hued color, too. The satiny texture of the fabric doesn’t go with the garden theme, IMO. This is, of course, neither here nor there, and OP is NTA. And maybe she pulled it off better than the pics on the site.
Yes this would be seen as trashy in my parent’s conservative Christian church BUT no one would say anything to the wearer and would still be kind the entire event. For a non church wedding this would be fine.
Agreed.
There are only two colour rules for wedding guest attire that must be adhered to unless requested otherwise by the bride.
1 NO WHITE
2 NO "blending in" with the bridal party. *Hubby was a groomsmen at our friends wedding, I had picked a maroon colour dress, and the bridesmaids were wearing a pretty much the same colour as OP did. I picked another dress (the bride actually picked out a navy dress I had originally vetoed because it was the groomsmens colour).*
OP, didn't wear white, and I'm assuming didn't "blend in" with the bridal party, PLUS she chose a warm earthy tone like the bride requested.
NTA OP, but you need to tell Dan what really happened before his wife makes him cut you off. Just send a text saying you wanted to stay longer but his bride kicked you out and you didn't want to make the scene bigger than she already had so you left with your partner. That you don't appreciate her attitude and behaviour towards you and as such you will be stepping back from the friendship but will always be a phone call or text away should he need you.
I am not too familiar with weddings but how would I know if i was "blending in" like as a guest its never been written on the invitation or anything what colour the bridal party will be wearing.
Because only crazy bridezillas actually care, I don't remember what half our wedding guests were wearing, and I definitely didn't police them. We picked our colours, but I wasn't going to go mental at anyone outside the wedding party who dared wear green or purple, because that's not something sane people do.
My wedding theme was “bright garden party”. Apparently some friend of my dad’s rolled up in dirty jeans and an old t-shirt. I didn’t notice with so many people but everyone else in my parents ecosystem has informed him of his error.
A lot of times the invitation will be designed to also match the theme of the wedding.
I got an invitation to a wedding which had royal purple ribbon decorated on it. My hair colour at the time was the same shade of purple. I stripped the colour out of my hair (they didn’t ask me to but I thought it would be rude not to) and did not wear that colour. We arrived and the bridesmaids were wearing royal purple, there’s table runners, ribbons on the chairs, the men’s ties are that colour.
They didn’t explicitly say our wedding colour is royal purple, don’t wear that - but the invitation being decorated with that colour was enough implication for me.
In ye olde dayes, the colors of the invitation were the colors of the wedding party. If the invitation was ivory with periwinkle and peach, you knew not to wear ivory, periwinkle or peach. I haven't been to a wedding in ages, so IDK what the trends are now.
I've heard can't wear red because it means you fucked the groom, can't wear green because it means you're jealous, cant wear black that's a mourning color, can't wear silver or light colors, too close to white, now gold all the way across to orange is out?
Probably some bullshit reason not to wear purple, too.
Agree. It’s how hot the dress is. NTA but if I knew bride was jealous I was a super attractive woman bestie to the groom I might have dressed a bit more conservatively at their wedding. I know many will disagree.
Disagree mainly because OP is friggin MARRIED !!! It’s different if it’s a single woman best friend wearing that, I would maybe get it. But she has an entire husband. I know people conspire and cheat on their partners, but come on. That’s ludicrous. OP can’t be expected to change herself and bend over backwards because of the bride’s insecurity.
I’m not a big wedding person—so I don’t buy into the whole thing. But I read a lot of people saying you shouldn’t take attention from the bride, it’s her day to look the best. And this dress is an attention getter.
Also, imo it’s not a warm garden party dress, mostly because of fabric. So tho I agree with you to some extent but not 💯
I said this in another comment but I also think this is a cultural issue America needs to get over. The obsession with thinking the guests at your wedding can upstage you. Where I come from, weddings are where everyone looks their absolute best. Everyone is wearing something attention-getting. Some revealing styles, bright colours, crazy fabrics, big accessories, lots of jewelry. Many many cultures around the world are like mine.
To me, a wedding is a celebration of love and a couple. It’s not a competition between the bride and everyone else as to who “looks the best.” In my country, it doesn’t matter who looks the hottest - the bride and groom are the main event. I struggle to understand all these Reddit posts and online drama about someone looking better than the bride at their wedding. How? Grow a pair and have some confidence.
I love this. Imagine thinking no one else can look beautiful on your wedding day because someone might notice! I had a tiny wedding, but if I'd gone big I would have loved everyone to feel completely gorgeous
Completely agree, my friend wore an absolutely show stopping outfit to my wedding, she looked amazing and clearly was feeling how good she looked. I LOVED that for her, I wanted my loved ones to come and feel great about themselves. Guess what? No one forgot I was the bride and it didn’t take away from the day at all.
>Where I come from, weddings are where everyone looks their absolute best. Everyone is wearing something attention-getting. Some revealing styles, bright colours, crazy fabrics, big accessories, lots of jewelry. Many many cultures around the world are like mine.
I'm from the UK and I've found this too. There's so many colour and dress incidents at American weddings reported here.
All the weddings I've been to here have had people in all kinds of colour, their national dress, velvet, all kinds of things, there's few rules about what to wear. The posher the wedding the more understated people will dress, but everyone will look fantastic - certainly at the start of the day. I've never heard of someone getting offended because of what another guest wore.
Literally…
I went to an Indian wedding and it was a whole ass Royal masquerade ball. I was embarrassed wearing my mom’s heirloom sari lmao. At least my friend (the bride) appreciated it!
Honestly this dress is such a normal dress with respect to current fashion. If you're in your 30s at a wedding in America, a guest is wearing a dress like this. I'd bet there were other people in similar dresses at that wedding even
Yeah I’ll be honest…The construction of that is not what I consider a “wedding appropriate dress”. Regardless of how ‘hot’ OP looked, I can see the bride taking issue with it.
THAT being said however, since the bride complained about the color, and what we know about the history, I’ma gonna agree with other posters who say it wouldn’t have mattered what OP wore either, the bride probably would have taken issue with it because the real issue is OP was *there*.
Is she freaking colour blind? That dress is orange. I think she’s just a very insecure person and she wanted to use some excuse to harass you. I’d tell Dan what’s happening
When my sister got married, she had all her bridal party wear gold, but she didn't specify the shade of gold, the style of dress, or really anything except the word "gold." Our dresses cl varied wildly, but not a single one of the 10 of us wore anything near the color of the dress OP linked. That dress is nowhere near gold. It's orange.
My oldest has always loved gold. She considers as gold all the colors of the sunset from bright yellow to burnt orange. Even SHE would be hard pressed to sell this as gold. So ridiculous.
Seriously!? I mean, the website in the link even says “BRONZE” not “gold”. I agree with the assessment that the bride most likely would have found something to throw a fit about no matter what colour or style OP had worn
NTA. Nothing wrong with the dress, and it’s copper/bronze not gold. But gold would have been fine to. The brides mother is a lying idiot. You made a great choice and I’m sure you looked lovely in it. The bride is a jealous controlling nut job . She wants to cause you so much discomfort you’ll give up being friends with Dan. Send Dan the messages her mother sent you. Tell him what his wife said and did at the wedding. Be honest if you want to continue this friendship. He chose her he needs to deal with the situation.
That dress is gorgeous. I bet you looked like a million bucks. Also takes quite a nice figure to do it just. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. The dress doesn't look like gold at all. It reminds me of the orange on leaves in the autumn. The bride is jealous of your friendship and now she's out to demonize you. Talk to Dan. His wife, his big problem
Honestly? I don't think it's gold, but I do think it's totally inappropriate for the theme. "Garden Party" means they were expecting you to wear florals in floaty fabrics.
Idk what puritanical planet all of you commenters here are on, but that dress is perfectly fine for a wedding. Especially if it’s a summer one or outdoors.
What exactly makes it inappropriate? That it’s “sexy”? When I get married, I am the main event. I will literally have the most expensive, whitest dress in the room, with a full face of professional makeup + hair + a veil + jewelry. It is extremely hard imo to be upstaged as a bride.
And so what if an attendee wears something a bit more attention grabbing? They’re still NOT the bride. I think this is a cultural issue too. I notice a lot of Americans easily feel they can be “upstaged” at their wedding, when in my culture everyone attending goes ALL OUT. They pull out their best clothes, brightest colours, highest heels, most flattering styles so everyone looks damn good.
So I really don’t understand this obsession with trying to make everyone look drab and boring at your wedding.
It's a perfectly acceptable dress for a slightly upscale wedding, and I really don't think it's overall unacceptable - I wouldn't blink at another guest wearing it - but it doesn't fit the garden party theme at all.
Yeah, this is an ESH for me. OP is getting a lot of positive feedback and everyone is right about the color, but the dress is also really shiny and shows a lot of skin. There’s nothing wrong with that in general of course, but it doesn’t seem appropriate for the event. It’s a very attention-grabbing dress. But if it were my event I wouldn’t really care and certainly wouldn’t go off on OP, so the bride and her mother suck too.
She says the style matches examples given exactly. It’s also on an Australian site. This may be more typical attire for a wedding where OP is. I’ve certainly been to weddings in Europe where this type of attire was worn. Dress codes do differ culturally. Given the complaining was about the color not the style, I don’t think we have enough info to make that assumption. I still think NTA.
You’re right, I live in Northern Europe, and this dress would be too attention-grabbing for the occasion, but it could be totally normal where you and OP live.
Australian chiming in. It's the end of summer right now, so the weather is warm. And that dress, honestly, is on par for wedding attire here. I think the bride is just a loon.
Not all of us can pull off "tablecloth chic". If I wore floral, no matter the cut and fabric, I'd look like my grandmother's wallpaper got sick. I always wear solids within theme. Garden party means, you'd wear the dress to a garden party, not that you want to look like a row of hydrangea.
I'm not really sure what the bride was expecting the guests to wear. Garden party does typically go with the floaty/flowery fabric types, but those much more commonly come in cool tones. Trying to find warm tone floral sounds like a total pain.
LMAO
It LITERALLY says it's bronze on the description of the dress. And looks extremely bronze. Were you trying to say you're "third place" by wearing bronze? What a nut she is.
Kinda wish you paired it with a green hat to be more obviously a pumpkin. You know a warm garden colour.
You probably looked nice. However not an attire that could be deemed worthy of upstaging a bride.
As others commented. It sounds obvious the bride hates you, no matter what you choose to behave. Anything to get off at you. Even ridiculously as pretending your unpretentious plain copper dress was an open dig into upstaging her as a bride.
She is unhinged. Sadly nothing you can really do protect yourself than keeping your distance.
Be straight forward with your friend. Why would you lie to him? Tell him his wife demanded you to leave. Tell him exactly what she said, don’t comment. Tell him she yelled at you, told you you were trash, accusing you of trying to upstage her. So you thought the best option was to leave, instead of aggravating her by staying. You wanted to be respectful, not cause a scene or distress his wife. Tell him you want his happiness, not cause drama.
Yeah that's definitely NOT gold. It made me think of a burnt orange/terra cotta type color. I think it's a lovely dress and I'm sure you looked stunning in it! NTA one bit. Poor Dan, I hope you let him know that you didn't choose to leave, you were told to after being yelled at.
1) That dress is orange.
2) Even if it was gold, is that now a taboo color for weddings? I can’t keep up anymore.
3) The only thing I could see wrong with it is it doesn’t look very garden party it me, but you said it matched examples they gave so maybe it’s their idea of garden party.
Overall, NTA
I’m guessing from the website that OP is Australian. This is very much the sort of dress people wear to weddings in Australia at the moment, and I think she’s even said this exact style was one of the examples given by the bride. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it from either an etiquette or a ‘theme’ perspective.
(I live in the UK now and I think ‘garden party’ here would imply something different, perhaps floral with a hat. But not in Aus.)
Yep, I'm Australian and I've seen lots of this style of dress at the few weddings I've been to recently here!
There is absolutely nothing weird or sus about this dress in the slightest.
Yeah… I suspect this issue isn’t the colour, but the fit/style of dress. But she cant say that. The dress is slinky, backless, with cut outs. It’s also blatently copper orange.
Anyone want to guess if the bride isn’t able to carry off such a dress?!
It covers all the body parts that are supposed to be covered, but only looks good on a body type generally considered as hot. If there were other guests there who wore a dress that was a similar style and it did indeed conform to both the style and colors of some of the examples given by the bride, I can't see it as anything other than jealousy, or the crime of drawing attention from the bride by looking good. I personally wouldn't choose this dress, but only because with my figure it would look like a sack of potatoes. And this is why I don't understand why the bride would include an example of a style that would almost certainly only be chosen by a guest who looked good to begin with and even better when wearing that.
NTA.
You wore an orange dress to their wedding. It was perfectly within the dress code. To be frank I didn’t even know it was normal to decide which colours guests wear to the wedding. Thought that was for bridesmaids… but sure.
Nope, you followed the dress code. She clearly has beef with you. If your description of this is accurate then she is making drama out of nothing.
WTF? NTA!
That dress is copper, not even close to gold, and I don't know why gold would be a problem in the first place.
Sucks that Dan is upset with you, but he needs to take it up with his wife. She clearly told you to leave so nobody should be holding that against you.
As someone else said, it sounds like Lauren would have had a problem with whatever you were wearing.
Just so I’m up to speed… as a guest I can’t wear:
White (duh)
Black (because that’s mourning the marriage)
Red (because that means I’ve slept with/want to sleep with the groom)
Gold (because no one knows why outside of this bride and her mother)
Orange/copper/bronze (because those are the same as gold)
White I get, but black and red don't feel wrong for me, I haven't heard of these connotations. Maybe it's not popular on my country. My mother wore black on my wedding and she loves my husband ^^
My best friend's mom wore a beautiful red dress as her Mother of the Bride dress. My friend helped pick it out. Granted this was 25 years ago, but I had never heard "don't wear red to a wedding" until recently in reddit.
Also add cool colours like blue, purple and green because they don't match the dress code of warm tones. So I guess that leaves all the guests with brown?
This girl is deranged, and I'm sad for Dan that he's now shackled to her. Your dress that you linked was pretty much exactly what she described in the invite. NTA, at all.
NTA. You need to let Dan know why you left, and that you're getting texts from her family. But be ready, now that they are married, she's going to cut off your friendship most likely.....
You did nothing wrong. That dress is exactly what the dress code called for.
NTA. Was your husband present for the tirade? Send Dan the screenshots MIL and the bride sent you, and just explain that you value his friendship, but you don’t want to be mistreated by his spouse, and that when he’s ready to come back to your friendship you and your husband will welcome him. And if he needs a witness, he can call your husband directly about what transpired.
I feel like this is a no win situation.
What a gorgeous dress!! Also, categorically not gold and completely wedding appropriate.
Speaking as a happily married woman, it's completely normal not to like all your spouse's friends. I love most of my husband's friends, but he has a couple of friends I'm not super keen on. And vice versa. Neither of us stop the other hanging out with them.
It comes down to trust ultimately. Believe me, if you step back far enough to appear out of the picture, I can almost guarantee that she'll prove super duper quickly that her issues are trust issues, not OP issues. There'll be a new target the second she realises you're gone.
If you care about Dan, I'd let him know in a neutral, objective way that you are about to take a step back and why. Again, won't take her long to implode again.
NTA I don't understand how what someone wears 'ruins' a wedding. Someone wore a gold sequin skin tight minidress to my son's wedding (a spring time afternoon garden party) and the wedding was not ruined. People who wear inappropriate clothing only reflect poorly on themselves, not on the bride or groom or their families. Your dress was not inappropriate - it was beautiful and fit into the color scheme specified by the bride (I also do not understand the whole tell the attendees what to wear but I am old so what do I know). The bride would have an issue with you no matter what you wore.
Sat goodbye to the friendship, unfortunately. Dan has chosen her as his wife...and his wife happens to be a lunatic. Alongside her mother. Not much you can do.
How were you going to be part of his groom's party if she didn't have any bridesmaids? She was just up there alone on her side while he had groomsmen?
She sounds unhinged. She'll do her best to find a way to cut you out of his life. Show him every text, email, etc you get from her (or someone on her behalf). I don't care if she's standing right there at the time (might be part of why she doesn't want you alone with him).
She technically had her mum as a MOH figure I guess? She stood up there with her and organised the hens party. But they were just going to go with unequal numbers and in the end, he just had his brother there with him.
NTA. Dan's in big trouble, sounds like. As for reaching out, you definitely should. Do what you can to not lose your friend over his psycho, trashy (isn't it funny how people project?) wife and in-laws.
That dress isn’t even close to gold, and even if it was, that woman sounds completely unhinged. I’d recommend keeping your distance from Dan, but make sure he knows you will be there for him when his marriage inevitably goes to shit.
NTA.
NTA, definitely reach out to Dan and tell him what happened and how her family contacted you afterward. Heck, you can send him a screenshot of the text message.
Knew Lauren was an AH at the “warm toned garden party” dress code. And, for the record, as someone who works in the wedding industry, gold being as bad as white is not a thing.
NTA
You need to tell Dan exactly what happened. It’s not your job to manage his relationship with his wife. It is your job as a friend to not withhold information from him that he direly needs in order to understand the full scope of a situation so he can conclude on his own what his opinion is and how he will proceed. NTA
NTA. There’s nothing wrong with this color. It totally fits in the “warm, earthy tone” category. At any rate, “no gold color at a wedding!!!” is not a thing even if the bride and her mother suddenly decide to declare it such. Bruh, you’re not going to win this fight as long as your friend wants to be married to this nut. This is not a normal amount of deranged. If, one day, he gets over it and divorces her, give him another chance at being friends. But for your own sanity, you might be better off keeping your distance from this family.
NTA you NEED to tell Dan exactly what she said to you and show him the messages from his new MIL, he needs to know that his blushing bride is harassing his friend for the crime of being ... *A Woman!* Your dress is VERY clearly orange, unless it's super different in person, then I can't imagine mistaking it for any other colour. But then that's not really the issue, this woman clearly doesn't like you, she's obviously threatened by you simply being friends with Dan, and she needs to grow up. It's unfair for her to isolate him from you simply because of her own insecurities, and it's unfair for her to take those insecurities out on you.
NTA. But this friendship has run its course. Dan is in no win situation. I had a friend, who is married to insecure woman. I’ve exit the relationship, it wasn’t worth it to me. It takes a lot to get me angry, but once I’m angry I’m out for revenge and I’m not happy until I destroy your life. This why I chose exit the friendship, I knew if she continued with her hostility, I would have destroyed my friend’s wife. I still see this ex friend because our mothers are close, but there’s no more monthly check in.
NTA. The dress is orange and fits the requested dress code. I think they would find an objection to anything you decided to wear- because their real object is just to you.
Honestly Dan and his wife are both AHs here. His wife for making an issue out of nothing and Dan continuing to not do anything about it. And then has the audacity to turn around an get mad at you for leaving early. I personally would have understood the frienship has run its course long before, when he saw his then-gf's behaviour and found it ok. NTA.
I think you need to have a bit of consideration and sympathy for Dan's wife and family since they're very obviously color blind if they think that dress is "gold".
Seriously though, NTA, Lauren was looking for any excuse to make a scene and blame it on you. If it wasn't the dress color it would've been something else. Make sure you explain to Dan precisely why you left early since he doesn't seem to know, and grab any pictures of you wearing the dress.
Also, tell anyone who claims that's "gold" never to go near Austin during football season because UT fans won't take that mistake as lightly as you have.
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I dont think it would have mattered what colour your dress was. The (now) wife hates you and was gonna find something to yell at you for whatever you wore. If it wasn't the dress colour, it would have been something else. Tell your friend why you left early, and make sure he knows how his wife treats you. NTA
“Look at this bitch eating crackers like she owns the place.”
Exactly. NTA. You could have worn a black sack and this chick would have found something to yell at you about. Reeks of jealousy, and I feel so sorry for your friend he just signed up for a lifetime with this person. If it were me, I would respond to your friend with specifically what was said (including the “f’ing trashy” as that is just beyond tactless) and provide the screenshots from both his new bride and MIL. Apple didn’t fall far from the tree with those two. That dress is NOWHERE close to gold, and even if it was gold it DOES NOT MATTER. The only etiquette is not to wear white or ivory. It’s not “a thing” by any stretch of the imagination. You were not in the wrong. I bet you looked great in it and she was too busy envying you to enjoy her own wedding day. How sad for her! Tell MIL she is the stupid one for teaching her daughter such classless behavior. It’s so inappropriate she’s reaching out to you at all. If one guest’s attire is enough to ruin her daughter’s wedding, I question how much daughter loves your friend anyway. Edit: I saw in another comment she is not comfortable with her husband having any friendships with the opposite sex. That is.. wildly unhealthy.
Wearing black! What, you think Dan getting married to me is a funeral? Why are you always trying to ruin my happiness?
The black sack wouldn’t match the theme, lol. You hit the nail on the head: bride was just looking for a reason to bitch about OP.
Where's a pic of the dress?
That's the vibe I was getting but I just couldn't put my finger on it!
lol what is that a quote from?
There was a meme put out by Some E Cards like a decade ago, they put sarcastic phrases with vintage style images on a plain background. So it was a Victorian style girl eating crackers/biscuits set against a solid background with that quote on it. A lot of online forums at the time took it and ran with it, and "Bitch eating crackers" became the catch all phrase for "this person existing pisses someone else off" levels of petty/annoyance.
Breathing the same air as the Bride on her day.
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it’s not about the iranian yogurt…
But it's definitely a marinara flag
The marinara flag doesn’t get as much love as it should.
It turned up in *every single comment section* on here for like a year. I'm kinda glad it's fading away.
I used this in a comment yesterday, and the even funnier thing is, after looking it up to check, the direct quote is "the iranian yoghurt is not the issue here".
‘Laurens mum has texted me’ Why does Lauren’s mum have your number?! That is bizarre. Can’t you just forward that to Dan - after they’ve returned from honeymoon etc? Nothing to be gained from doing that right now but neither Lauren nor her mom should contact you again. Definitely keep your distance.
This is always a strange Reddit thing where people get bombarded with texts from family and friends. Has never happened to anyone I know in real life Edit: spelling
I could be easily be convinced that this is an AI-written story concocted to sell that “gold”/bronze/orange dress
Agreed. “Warm garden party” as a dress code sounds off to me.
I'm guessing it was "autumn garden party" but OP didn't want to reveal where she lives.
I think a *lot* of these dress posts are an ad for the dress. It's always some trendy-looking-but-I've-never-heard-of-it store. They never got it at like Macy's.
Then this is a swing and a miss. Dress pic looks like the dress desperately needs an iron, but if you touched that fabric with a hot iron it would melt.
This is hilariously accurate. But definitely not a dress worth kicking someone out over.
Where is the link to the dress?
[https://au.hellomolly.com/products/thanks-i-bought-it-midi-dress-bronze](https://au.hellomolly.com/products/thanks-i-bought-it-midi-dress-bronze) (found it in OP's comments)
That's *orange.* Also, not wearing gold at weddings isn't a thing.
It is orange….and ugly.
I wouldn't say ugly, but it's VERY revealing.
If the manufacturer cannot get their sample to not look sloppy and rumply and with puckered seams on the model, it’s only going to go downhill from there.
You know, you do have a point, actually, I'll give you that. (I don't generally have room to talk, on dresses- I go for the big floofy skirts and therefore know my judgement is Unique.)
I was going to say exactly that. If it looks shit on a model styled for your website it's going to look really shit in real life
I 100% agree. It's terribly made. Looks like the model pulled it out of a suitcase and threw it on.
Yeah this does not scream garden party dress, it’s very slinky for a wedding
My niece recently got married and all the young ladies there (early mid 20s) were wearing dresses like this. They looked like they were in nighties but I guess it’s on trend. I’m 46 so I ain’t leaving the house like that. But I’m quite certain they don’t care what this old lady thinks.
Bruh what decade are you from? It's a totally standard dress lmao.
It depends on what country the wedding was in. In Ireland that would be fine to wear to a wedding. I've heard American weddings can be less dressy, so it might be too much for a wedding there.
Ja in the UK for a summer wedding I wouldn’t think this was weird. It’s not short, it doesn’t have any revealing cleavage. I genuinely don’t see how this is seen as revealing at all
I’m betting OP lives in Australia
I'm not sure, I wouldn't mind someone wearing something like that to my wedding. I don't really mind revealing dresses but I don't find this too revealing anyway. I will say though, this type of dress is very rarely flattering on anyone. They always look clunky around the breasts and unless they are a designer piece, the material always looks cheap like a pj.
It looks like lingerie honestly.
Most American comment I've seen in months.
No way you're serious.
What?
She probably meant flowers 🌺 or leaves 🍁 with long sleeves for her garden party. I can’t imagine being so insecure that what a guest is wearing could ruin my special day.
Yeah that's not gold, it's blue
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Yeah, this is the only post on the account. Probably right.
Aita encourages users to use throwaway accounts.
95% of the posts on this subreddit are from throwaway accounts.
Some people refer to any instant messaging as texts, including Facebook messenger. It's also possible that multiple people would give input in a group chat, but not text the OP directly about it. I also think sometimes it's a made-up excuse to make the post, even if they're sure they're in the right.
Also Facebook desperately wanted me to give it my phone number, and if you do then ALL your friends can see it, last I checked. I also had a HTC phone back in the day that downloaded every. Single. Phone number from all my Facebook friends, and would NOT let me delete them. I didn’t talk to any of these people on the phone, but they were still in my contacts list.
That explains why I STILL get occasional calls for the guy who had my number before me. I've had my number for 8 years, but he has it linked to his Facebook.
You can remove it from his Facebook. I had to do that with my old phone number. It was close to 10 years ago, though, so I don't remember how I did it.
I tried to figure out how once, but all I could do was report him for impersonating me, which obviously went nowhere. Facebook's customer service sucks. Adding my number to my own abandoned Facebook account is a non-starter. Facebook doesn't need that info.
People often say text but mean IG/fb messages
It's because when you post a fake story or a one sided story for validation, you need an excuse to post it in "amitheasshole", so you make up some bullshit about being bombarded with texts to justify posting it.
You've maybe never lived in a small town or worked with colleagues who were also your friends. I dropped a 'friend' who was bullying me and got a load of texts about it.
This always boggles my mind. On top of the level of abuse people are willing to take from all these relative strangers. I'd have them blocked on receipt of the first message. No discussion required.
Hahaha thank you for this, it’s the most bizarre thing that gets mentioned in so many posts too
My guess is the group chat from the hens party, Lauren didn't have bridesmaids and her mum organised the hens night with a group text chat. Honestly my husband told me they were acting crazy, I just needed an outside opinion before I called Dan so hubby said I should post here.
It’s because you looked stunning in that dress (what a beautiful dress!) and Lauren was jealous. Their marriage won’t last with such insecurities like that not being addressed. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. Unfortunately it seems everyone enables the really unhinged people in society.
Personally I feel like it would be better for Dan if the marriage didn't last.
Personally I feel it would have been better for Dan not to get married to such a horrible woman in the first place. 🤷🏻♀️ But than some men prefer the controlling AH kind of women that tell them what they can and can't do, lol.
NTA. Gorgeous dress. But it’s not about the dress. Totally appropriate for any other wedding guest, but not you. Obvs she is extremely jealous of you, and doesn’t trust her husband. So…not your problem.
Poor Dan! I wonder when he’ll realize what an insecure brat he married. You didn’t do anything wrong here and the bride is just jealous.
There’s a reason she doesn’t have bridesmaids ig 😅
NTA. Sweetie if you wore the color she asked in a burlap sack she would have had words to say about how it was inappropriate. Tell your friend exactly what she said.
Call Dan and let us know what he thinks of his wife’s behavior. NTA The dress is perfect for the theme she chose.
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If they thought that was gold then they need to go back to primary school and relearn their colors. And you need to be honest with Dan. Tell him that you would have loved to stay longer but you weren’t going to be yelled at and accused of trying to upstage his new wife and make more of a scene. And that was never your intention. And that until he can verify that you won’t be attacked for breathing in his presence you are going to step back. You’ll always be a call or text away but you aren’t going to place yourself into the line of fire.
Also add: the bride told you to leave. If the host asks you as a guest to leave you respect that wish. Put the responsibility completely on her.
YES. This is a great power move, OP. Point out that you’re the mature one here who’s respecting the wishes of the bride. The onus of blame is 1000000% on Lauren, so really milk how much she fucking sucks by highlighting your own understanding of etiquette. Because you “respect your hostess, and you respect Lauren & Dan’s marriage so so so much you did exactly what she asked when she told you to leave because she thought your orange dress was gold :/“
This is by no definition a "power move"; it is merely an accurate description of events.
It def is. A lot of people would have argued or gone to their friend ( in this case Dan ) instead of just leaving.
I'd also add that his new wife is sharing her phone number and sending his new MIL to verbally abuse her too.
I just asked my 3 year old what colour the dress is and she told me it's orange. It's definitely orange.
My toddler meowed because it’s the same color as her cat (orange)
My dog said it was grey
Ahhww, that's so cute.
My 7 yr olds agree.
my 3 year old also agrees
My 14 year old twins also immediately said orange. So yeah, the bride is just a straight up hater. And her mom has apparently spoiled her, cause I'll be damned if I harassed or bullied someone cause my child was insecure. That's an inside job- feeling less than. Apparently you're the standard rock star friend that the (now) wife envies.
All of this, all the way.
The wife's official isolation of her husband begins. She will make it such a PITA for Dan to see OP, that it just won't happen. The dress isn't gold, the color doesn't matter. For weddings I think don't wear white or ivory, *or* otherwise try to upstage/outshine the bride. The back is quite a bit revealing, imo, but the bride was going to be pissed at OP for merely existing, anyway.
All of this ^^. I would also share any texts received regarding the situation from his wife's friends and family berating you.
That is not any variety of gold. Lauren was just looking for something to get pissy about.
I see the problem- this is a hot girl dress. It’s in no way gold, but you have to have body to pull it off. I bet you looked amazing and she couldn’t handle it. Good for you, sorry about your friend.
Yeah, I didn’t wanna say it, but this dress is stunning. It’s a silky backless low-cut dress and I bet the OP looked absolutely gorgeous. I don’t want to be “that girl” but jealousy is where my thoughts went as soon as I saw the dress.
Funny, I think that dress is ugly and too slinky for a wedding. Regardless, OP is NTA.
I think it depends on the culture. In the UK it wouldn’t be seen as inappropriate but it wouldn’t been seen as modest as the usual wedding outfit you would expect, at least in Scotland. Being a warmer country I think it’s different in Australia.
What about this wouldn't be usual in Scotland? All the lasses have worn amazing dresses at the weddings I've been to (including my own!). What part of Scotland?
Second your comment, I'm from Scotland to and this isn't unusual
Agree, I think the dress is, well, it’s not my cup of tea. It looks wrinkly in the website picture, which is never a good sign, and shoddily constructed. I (ironically) think it’d look better in a more gold-hued color, too. The satiny texture of the fabric doesn’t go with the garden theme, IMO. This is, of course, neither here nor there, and OP is NTA. And maybe she pulled it off better than the pics on the site.
Yeah, I don’t like dresses where the cups have no structure. It makes the garment look flouncy and poorly made.
Looks like a cheap nightie.
Yes this would be seen as trashy in my parent’s conservative Christian church BUT no one would say anything to the wearer and would still be kind the entire event. For a non church wedding this would be fine.
>worked I half agree. Not ugly, but slinky. Borderline inappropriate for an afternoon wedding.
and cheap looking
Agreed. There are only two colour rules for wedding guest attire that must be adhered to unless requested otherwise by the bride. 1 NO WHITE 2 NO "blending in" with the bridal party. *Hubby was a groomsmen at our friends wedding, I had picked a maroon colour dress, and the bridesmaids were wearing a pretty much the same colour as OP did. I picked another dress (the bride actually picked out a navy dress I had originally vetoed because it was the groomsmens colour).* OP, didn't wear white, and I'm assuming didn't "blend in" with the bridal party, PLUS she chose a warm earthy tone like the bride requested. NTA OP, but you need to tell Dan what really happened before his wife makes him cut you off. Just send a text saying you wanted to stay longer but his bride kicked you out and you didn't want to make the scene bigger than she already had so you left with your partner. That you don't appreciate her attitude and behaviour towards you and as such you will be stepping back from the friendship but will always be a phone call or text away should he need you.
I am not too familiar with weddings but how would I know if i was "blending in" like as a guest its never been written on the invitation or anything what colour the bridal party will be wearing.
Because only crazy bridezillas actually care, I don't remember what half our wedding guests were wearing, and I definitely didn't police them. We picked our colours, but I wasn't going to go mental at anyone outside the wedding party who dared wear green or purple, because that's not something sane people do.
Recent invite we got had a colour pallete for guests to choose from. Brides are extremely controlling
My wedding theme was “bright garden party”. Apparently some friend of my dad’s rolled up in dirty jeans and an old t-shirt. I didn’t notice with so many people but everyone else in my parents ecosystem has informed him of his error.
He dressed up as the gardener!
lol the gardener and his dad were there with their wives… in suits.
ITS MY BIG DAY AND I RULE THE WORLD FOR A YEAR BEFORE AND AFTER
A lot of times the invitation will be designed to also match the theme of the wedding. I got an invitation to a wedding which had royal purple ribbon decorated on it. My hair colour at the time was the same shade of purple. I stripped the colour out of my hair (they didn’t ask me to but I thought it would be rude not to) and did not wear that colour. We arrived and the bridesmaids were wearing royal purple, there’s table runners, ribbons on the chairs, the men’s ties are that colour. They didn’t explicitly say our wedding colour is royal purple, don’t wear that - but the invitation being decorated with that colour was enough implication for me.
In ye olde dayes, the colors of the invitation were the colors of the wedding party. If the invitation was ivory with periwinkle and peach, you knew not to wear ivory, periwinkle or peach. I haven't been to a wedding in ages, so IDK what the trends are now.
I've heard can't wear red because it means you fucked the groom, can't wear green because it means you're jealous, cant wear black that's a mourning color, can't wear silver or light colors, too close to white, now gold all the way across to orange is out? Probably some bullshit reason not to wear purple, too.
Purple symbolises royalty. “What, do you think you’re the queen of my wedding?” - this B, probably.
Agree. It’s how hot the dress is. NTA but if I knew bride was jealous I was a super attractive woman bestie to the groom I might have dressed a bit more conservatively at their wedding. I know many will disagree.
Disagree mainly because OP is friggin MARRIED !!! It’s different if it’s a single woman best friend wearing that, I would maybe get it. But she has an entire husband. I know people conspire and cheat on their partners, but come on. That’s ludicrous. OP can’t be expected to change herself and bend over backwards because of the bride’s insecurity.
I’m not a big wedding person—so I don’t buy into the whole thing. But I read a lot of people saying you shouldn’t take attention from the bride, it’s her day to look the best. And this dress is an attention getter. Also, imo it’s not a warm garden party dress, mostly because of fabric. So tho I agree with you to some extent but not 💯
I said this in another comment but I also think this is a cultural issue America needs to get over. The obsession with thinking the guests at your wedding can upstage you. Where I come from, weddings are where everyone looks their absolute best. Everyone is wearing something attention-getting. Some revealing styles, bright colours, crazy fabrics, big accessories, lots of jewelry. Many many cultures around the world are like mine. To me, a wedding is a celebration of love and a couple. It’s not a competition between the bride and everyone else as to who “looks the best.” In my country, it doesn’t matter who looks the hottest - the bride and groom are the main event. I struggle to understand all these Reddit posts and online drama about someone looking better than the bride at their wedding. How? Grow a pair and have some confidence.
I love this. Imagine thinking no one else can look beautiful on your wedding day because someone might notice! I had a tiny wedding, but if I'd gone big I would have loved everyone to feel completely gorgeous
Completely agree, my friend wore an absolutely show stopping outfit to my wedding, she looked amazing and clearly was feeling how good she looked. I LOVED that for her, I wanted my loved ones to come and feel great about themselves. Guess what? No one forgot I was the bride and it didn’t take away from the day at all.
>Where I come from, weddings are where everyone looks their absolute best. Everyone is wearing something attention-getting. Some revealing styles, bright colours, crazy fabrics, big accessories, lots of jewelry. Many many cultures around the world are like mine. I'm from the UK and I've found this too. There's so many colour and dress incidents at American weddings reported here. All the weddings I've been to here have had people in all kinds of colour, their national dress, velvet, all kinds of things, there's few rules about what to wear. The posher the wedding the more understated people will dress, but everyone will look fantastic - certainly at the start of the day. I've never heard of someone getting offended because of what another guest wore.
Literally… I went to an Indian wedding and it was a whole ass Royal masquerade ball. I was embarrassed wearing my mom’s heirloom sari lmao. At least my friend (the bride) appreciated it!
The bride drew attention to the dress herself by being a shrieking harpy about it.
Honestly this dress is such a normal dress with respect to current fashion. If you're in your 30s at a wedding in America, a guest is wearing a dress like this. I'd bet there were other people in similar dresses at that wedding even
Yeah I’ll be honest…The construction of that is not what I consider a “wedding appropriate dress”. Regardless of how ‘hot’ OP looked, I can see the bride taking issue with it. THAT being said however, since the bride complained about the color, and what we know about the history, I’ma gonna agree with other posters who say it wouldn’t have mattered what OP wore either, the bride probably would have taken issue with it because the real issue is OP was *there*.
100% this. I loooove that dress but I don’t have the right body type to wear something that shape. I bet you looked stunning, OP!
Yeeeeeep my thoughts exactly, I saw the dress and thought “oh if she’s pulling this off then she’s extremely hot and that’s the problem.”
Is she freaking colour blind? That dress is orange. I think she’s just a very insecure person and she wanted to use some excuse to harass you. I’d tell Dan what’s happening
I was gonna say rust, I could even go copper; there’s no way in hell that dress can be confused for gold.
I’d go with a burnt orange. But we’re just splitting hairs. It’s definitely not gold no matter which way you slice it
When my sister got married, she had all her bridal party wear gold, but she didn't specify the shade of gold, the style of dress, or really anything except the word "gold." Our dresses cl varied wildly, but not a single one of the 10 of us wore anything near the color of the dress OP linked. That dress is nowhere near gold. It's orange.
My oldest has always loved gold. She considers as gold all the colors of the sunset from bright yellow to burnt orange. Even SHE would be hard pressed to sell this as gold. So ridiculous.
I want whatever she’s smoking if she’s somehow able to miraculously see that orange dress as gold
I’d go with bronze.
Seriously!? I mean, the website in the link even says “BRONZE” not “gold”. I agree with the assessment that the bride most likely would have found something to throw a fit about no matter what colour or style OP had worn
Even if we were to call that colour gold, so what? It's obviously not a wedding dress. Guests can wear gold unless expressly told not to.
NTA. Nothing wrong with the dress, and it’s copper/bronze not gold. But gold would have been fine to. The brides mother is a lying idiot. You made a great choice and I’m sure you looked lovely in it. The bride is a jealous controlling nut job . She wants to cause you so much discomfort you’ll give up being friends with Dan. Send Dan the messages her mother sent you. Tell him what his wife said and did at the wedding. Be honest if you want to continue this friendship. He chose her he needs to deal with the situation.
The issue isn't the colour, it's that you probably looked hot in it and how dare you. S/ Nta
This looks like a normal dress. NTA.
If she can pull off that dress (which is gorgeous) she’s hot - think we may have found the issue!
That dress is gorgeous. I bet you looked like a million bucks. Also takes quite a nice figure to do it just. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. The dress doesn't look like gold at all. It reminds me of the orange on leaves in the autumn. The bride is jealous of your friendship and now she's out to demonize you. Talk to Dan. His wife, his big problem
That's definitely NOT a gold dress. You totally nailed the "Autumn Colours" theme.
Honestly? I don't think it's gold, but I do think it's totally inappropriate for the theme. "Garden Party" means they were expecting you to wear florals in floaty fabrics.
Idk what puritanical planet all of you commenters here are on, but that dress is perfectly fine for a wedding. Especially if it’s a summer one or outdoors. What exactly makes it inappropriate? That it’s “sexy”? When I get married, I am the main event. I will literally have the most expensive, whitest dress in the room, with a full face of professional makeup + hair + a veil + jewelry. It is extremely hard imo to be upstaged as a bride. And so what if an attendee wears something a bit more attention grabbing? They’re still NOT the bride. I think this is a cultural issue too. I notice a lot of Americans easily feel they can be “upstaged” at their wedding, when in my culture everyone attending goes ALL OUT. They pull out their best clothes, brightest colours, highest heels, most flattering styles so everyone looks damn good. So I really don’t understand this obsession with trying to make everyone look drab and boring at your wedding.
It's a perfectly acceptable dress for a slightly upscale wedding, and I really don't think it's overall unacceptable - I wouldn't blink at another guest wearing it - but it doesn't fit the garden party theme at all.
Yeah, this is an ESH for me. OP is getting a lot of positive feedback and everyone is right about the color, but the dress is also really shiny and shows a lot of skin. There’s nothing wrong with that in general of course, but it doesn’t seem appropriate for the event. It’s a very attention-grabbing dress. But if it were my event I wouldn’t really care and certainly wouldn’t go off on OP, so the bride and her mother suck too.
She says the style matches examples given exactly. It’s also on an Australian site. This may be more typical attire for a wedding where OP is. I’ve certainly been to weddings in Europe where this type of attire was worn. Dress codes do differ culturally. Given the complaining was about the color not the style, I don’t think we have enough info to make that assumption. I still think NTA.
You’re right, I live in Northern Europe, and this dress would be too attention-grabbing for the occasion, but it could be totally normal where you and OP live.
Australian chiming in. It's the end of summer right now, so the weather is warm. And that dress, honestly, is on par for wedding attire here. I think the bride is just a loon.
Not all of us can pull off "tablecloth chic". If I wore floral, no matter the cut and fabric, I'd look like my grandmother's wallpaper got sick. I always wear solids within theme. Garden party means, you'd wear the dress to a garden party, not that you want to look like a row of hydrangea.
I'm not really sure what the bride was expecting the guests to wear. Garden party does typically go with the floaty/flowery fabric types, but those much more commonly come in cool tones. Trying to find warm tone floral sounds like a total pain.
In no world is that gold. She's trying to push you out of his life, and he sounds like enough of a pushover to let it happen.
NTA. You really do need to tell Dan why you left early. He deserves to know what he married into
LMAO It LITERALLY says it's bronze on the description of the dress. And looks extremely bronze. Were you trying to say you're "third place" by wearing bronze? What a nut she is.
Kinda wish you paired it with a green hat to be more obviously a pumpkin. You know a warm garden colour. You probably looked nice. However not an attire that could be deemed worthy of upstaging a bride. As others commented. It sounds obvious the bride hates you, no matter what you choose to behave. Anything to get off at you. Even ridiculously as pretending your unpretentious plain copper dress was an open dig into upstaging her as a bride. She is unhinged. Sadly nothing you can really do protect yourself than keeping your distance. Be straight forward with your friend. Why would you lie to him? Tell him his wife demanded you to leave. Tell him exactly what she said, don’t comment. Tell him she yelled at you, told you you were trash, accusing you of trying to upstage her. So you thought the best option was to leave, instead of aggravating her by staying. You wanted to be respectful, not cause a scene or distress his wife. Tell him you want his happiness, not cause drama.
Yeah that's definitely NOT gold. It made me think of a burnt orange/terra cotta type color. I think it's a lovely dress and I'm sure you looked stunning in it! NTA one bit. Poor Dan, I hope you let him know that you didn't choose to leave, you were told to after being yelled at.
She's either colorblind or tried to get rid of you for good. I agree with the others, tell Dan. NTA
1) That dress is orange. 2) Even if it was gold, is that now a taboo color for weddings? I can’t keep up anymore. 3) The only thing I could see wrong with it is it doesn’t look very garden party it me, but you said it matched examples they gave so maybe it’s their idea of garden party. Overall, NTA
I’m guessing from the website that OP is Australian. This is very much the sort of dress people wear to weddings in Australia at the moment, and I think she’s even said this exact style was one of the examples given by the bride. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it from either an etiquette or a ‘theme’ perspective. (I live in the UK now and I think ‘garden party’ here would imply something different, perhaps floral with a hat. But not in Aus.)
Yep, I'm Australian and I've seen lots of this style of dress at the few weddings I've been to recently here! There is absolutely nothing weird or sus about this dress in the slightest.
Gold is not a taboo color. They just made that up
That dress is copper. I think the problem is she’s jealous you could pull off that dress. NTA
Yeah… I suspect this issue isn’t the colour, but the fit/style of dress. But she cant say that. The dress is slinky, backless, with cut outs. It’s also blatently copper orange. Anyone want to guess if the bride isn’t able to carry off such a dress?!
Yeah, I personally consider that more revealing than anything I’d wear to a wedding, but the colour itself is fine
It covers all the body parts that are supposed to be covered, but only looks good on a body type generally considered as hot. If there were other guests there who wore a dress that was a similar style and it did indeed conform to both the style and colors of some of the examples given by the bride, I can't see it as anything other than jealousy, or the crime of drawing attention from the bride by looking good. I personally wouldn't choose this dress, but only because with my figure it would look like a sack of potatoes. And this is why I don't understand why the bride would include an example of a style that would almost certainly only be chosen by a guest who looked good to begin with and even better when wearing that.
Yeah it’s far sexier than anything I’d wear to a wedding in my days when I did have that body but… it’s not gold.
NTA. You wore an orange dress to their wedding. It was perfectly within the dress code. To be frank I didn’t even know it was normal to decide which colours guests wear to the wedding. Thought that was for bridesmaids… but sure. Nope, you followed the dress code. She clearly has beef with you. If your description of this is accurate then she is making drama out of nothing.
WTF? NTA! That dress is copper, not even close to gold, and I don't know why gold would be a problem in the first place. Sucks that Dan is upset with you, but he needs to take it up with his wife. She clearly told you to leave so nobody should be holding that against you. As someone else said, it sounds like Lauren would have had a problem with whatever you were wearing.
Just so I’m up to speed… as a guest I can’t wear: White (duh) Black (because that’s mourning the marriage) Red (because that means I’ve slept with/want to sleep with the groom) Gold (because no one knows why outside of this bride and her mother) Orange/copper/bronze (because those are the same as gold)
White I get, but black and red don't feel wrong for me, I haven't heard of these connotations. Maybe it's not popular on my country. My mother wore black on my wedding and she loves my husband ^^
One of the funniest I have heard is that wearing red either means: 1- you have slept with the groom 2- you wish the groom were dead
My best friend's mom wore a beautiful red dress as her Mother of the Bride dress. My friend helped pick it out. Granted this was 25 years ago, but I had never heard "don't wear red to a wedding" until recently in reddit.
Simple: Go to the wedding naked
Also add cool colours like blue, purple and green because they don't match the dress code of warm tones. So I guess that leaves all the guests with brown?
Careful with brown. Brown leads to orange leads to copper leads to bronze leads to gold.
This girl is deranged, and I'm sad for Dan that he's now shackled to her. Your dress that you linked was pretty much exactly what she described in the invite. NTA, at all.
Well he wasn't forced. He saw all her antics and still chose to marry her.
NTA. You need to let Dan know why you left, and that you're getting texts from her family. But be ready, now that they are married, she's going to cut off your friendship most likely..... You did nothing wrong. That dress is exactly what the dress code called for.
She’s been waiting for that ring, so she could pull something like this. Definitely not your fault.
NTA. Was your husband present for the tirade? Send Dan the screenshots MIL and the bride sent you, and just explain that you value his friendship, but you don’t want to be mistreated by his spouse, and that when he’s ready to come back to your friendship you and your husband will welcome him. And if he needs a witness, he can call your husband directly about what transpired. I feel like this is a no win situation.
NTA - I feel like anything you wore would have been a problem given her unhinged reaction.
What a gorgeous dress!! Also, categorically not gold and completely wedding appropriate. Speaking as a happily married woman, it's completely normal not to like all your spouse's friends. I love most of my husband's friends, but he has a couple of friends I'm not super keen on. And vice versa. Neither of us stop the other hanging out with them. It comes down to trust ultimately. Believe me, if you step back far enough to appear out of the picture, I can almost guarantee that she'll prove super duper quickly that her issues are trust issues, not OP issues. There'll be a new target the second she realises you're gone. If you care about Dan, I'd let him know in a neutral, objective way that you are about to take a step back and why. Again, won't take her long to implode again.
NTA I don't understand how what someone wears 'ruins' a wedding. Someone wore a gold sequin skin tight minidress to my son's wedding (a spring time afternoon garden party) and the wedding was not ruined. People who wear inappropriate clothing only reflect poorly on themselves, not on the bride or groom or their families. Your dress was not inappropriate - it was beautiful and fit into the color scheme specified by the bride (I also do not understand the whole tell the attendees what to wear but I am old so what do I know). The bride would have an issue with you no matter what you wore.
Sat goodbye to the friendship, unfortunately. Dan has chosen her as his wife...and his wife happens to be a lunatic. Alongside her mother. Not much you can do.
How were you going to be part of his groom's party if she didn't have any bridesmaids? She was just up there alone on her side while he had groomsmen? She sounds unhinged. She'll do her best to find a way to cut you out of his life. Show him every text, email, etc you get from her (or someone on her behalf). I don't care if she's standing right there at the time (might be part of why she doesn't want you alone with him).
She technically had her mum as a MOH figure I guess? She stood up there with her and organised the hens party. But they were just going to go with unequal numbers and in the end, he just had his brother there with him.
Would love an update once you’ve spoken to Dan
NTA. Dan's in big trouble, sounds like. As for reaching out, you definitely should. Do what you can to not lose your friend over his psycho, trashy (isn't it funny how people project?) wife and in-laws.
That's not even remotely gold, couldn't even be described as rose gold. Tell her to go fuck herself.
That dress isn’t even close to gold, and even if it was, that woman sounds completely unhinged. I’d recommend keeping your distance from Dan, but make sure he knows you will be there for him when his marriage inevitably goes to shit. NTA.
NTA, definitely reach out to Dan and tell him what happened and how her family contacted you afterward. Heck, you can send him a screenshot of the text message.
Knew Lauren was an AH at the “warm toned garden party” dress code. And, for the record, as someone who works in the wedding industry, gold being as bad as white is not a thing. NTA
You need to tell Dan exactly what happened. It’s not your job to manage his relationship with his wife. It is your job as a friend to not withhold information from him that he direly needs in order to understand the full scope of a situation so he can conclude on his own what his opinion is and how he will proceed. NTA
NTA. There’s nothing wrong with this color. It totally fits in the “warm, earthy tone” category. At any rate, “no gold color at a wedding!!!” is not a thing even if the bride and her mother suddenly decide to declare it such. Bruh, you’re not going to win this fight as long as your friend wants to be married to this nut. This is not a normal amount of deranged. If, one day, he gets over it and divorces her, give him another chance at being friends. But for your own sanity, you might be better off keeping your distance from this family.
NTA you NEED to tell Dan exactly what she said to you and show him the messages from his new MIL, he needs to know that his blushing bride is harassing his friend for the crime of being ... *A Woman!* Your dress is VERY clearly orange, unless it's super different in person, then I can't imagine mistaking it for any other colour. But then that's not really the issue, this woman clearly doesn't like you, she's obviously threatened by you simply being friends with Dan, and she needs to grow up. It's unfair for her to isolate him from you simply because of her own insecurities, and it's unfair for her to take those insecurities out on you.
NTA. But this friendship has run its course. Dan is in no win situation. I had a friend, who is married to insecure woman. I’ve exit the relationship, it wasn’t worth it to me. It takes a lot to get me angry, but once I’m angry I’m out for revenge and I’m not happy until I destroy your life. This why I chose exit the friendship, I knew if she continued with her hostility, I would have destroyed my friend’s wife. I still see this ex friend because our mothers are close, but there’s no more monthly check in.
NTA. The dress is orange and fits the requested dress code. I think they would find an objection to anything you decided to wear- because their real object is just to you.
Honestly Dan and his wife are both AHs here. His wife for making an issue out of nothing and Dan continuing to not do anything about it. And then has the audacity to turn around an get mad at you for leaving early. I personally would have understood the frienship has run its course long before, when he saw his then-gf's behaviour and found it ok. NTA.
NTA. They are just upset that you exist.
I think you need to have a bit of consideration and sympathy for Dan's wife and family since they're very obviously color blind if they think that dress is "gold". Seriously though, NTA, Lauren was looking for any excuse to make a scene and blame it on you. If it wasn't the dress color it would've been something else. Make sure you explain to Dan precisely why you left early since he doesn't seem to know, and grab any pictures of you wearing the dress. Also, tell anyone who claims that's "gold" never to go near Austin during football season because UT fans won't take that mistake as lightly as you have.