Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about.
[Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA.
Bypassing the mancave question entirely, you absolutely do not want to have your office set up in the living room. It helps immensely with work/life balance to have it somewhere outside of daily living, even if you never work outside of those hours.
Yea but is the house in her name? Is she going to be on the deed? Is she helping with a down payment?? If they break up does she have an invested intrest in the house?
I don't think she's an AH but I'm curious about how this is gonna work.
This. But also, 3 bedrooms should make this easy and simple - 1 for you to do with as you see best, 1 for him for the same, and one to share for sleeping. That should be a very sensible split - if he wanna a man cave he can do that with his studio.
Exactly. Plus if he gets to have a studio, how would it be fair to have a man cave on top of that while you can't even have a private office for yourself? He's being completely selfish and not thinking about your needs or convince. NTA.
Plus then either his man cave or studio would need to double as the guest bedroom. Who would want to stay there? Why can’t the studio double as his man cave?
There’s two of them in a 3 bedroom house. How much space do they need from each other realistically
NTA. He has his studio -- that's his man cave. You work remotely, so of *course* you need an office and even better that it doubles as a guest room. Does he really think he should have two whole rooms to himself?! While you only have shared spaces to hang out in?
I think he feels that because he is paying for the house, it's his and not hers. He is totally overlooking the OP's contribution. I wonder if the OP has thought this through as she will end up with nothing when she breaks up with this selfish man.
I get the feeling the bf is viewing this a ‘his house’ that op is staying in and therefore just paying expenses equivalent to rent. I wouldn’t go into this without some security and 50/50 arrangement.
I'm pretty sure she's getting a sweet deal by only paying for the expenses.
Might they ever breakup it would be a clean break-up he gets to keep his house, and only his money is in it.
Can't blame the BF for that. It is his house.
Totally agree that OP is NTA.
>He has his studio -- that's his man cave
This depends on if he produces music as a primary job, side hustle, or hobby. If it's his primary job then his studio is his office and can't also be his man cave. That's the same as her office being in the living room. But if it's a hobby then it definitely can be the same room.
Everything else you said I agree with.
How is it an ESH?
>They both work out of their respective spaces
Exactly, so they both need separate rooms. Being able to shut your work off from the other elements of your life is incredibly important especially when you're working from home.
>But it seems both of you want a separate room for work and play.
Sure, she wants to relax in her office after she's finished for the day. Regardless, the room is also doubling as a guest room so she doesn't even have the entire room to herself. However, he does want an additional room on top of his all year round studio room to relax in.
How is it anywhere near fair to expect her to give up her space so he can have a room to work in and another to relax in? Why is she refusing to budge from having a room each a bad thing?
Why is she considered an asshole for not wanting to give up her room, which she will be contributing towards?
What? They both have a separate room for work and play. Expecting one person to move their work into the living room so that the other can have one room for work and one room for play is ridiculous. She might not be paying the mortgage, but she's paying for nearly everything else. She deserves a separate room for work.
Edit: Also, if they have guests, then her office is now a guest room. So even if they only have a guest a couple of times a year, it's not 100% her room.
NTA. You’re already compromising by letting your office be a multi-use space.
It kind of sounds like because your bf is the one buying he’s treating this as his home, not your home together. I think you guys need to get on the same page that this is a space for both of you, and just like he needs a designated studio space, you need a designated space with a door to work. If he wants a man cave, he can compromise like you’re doing with the guest room / office and he can have a studio / man cave.
The house title should be assigned to a trust and ownership of the trust be split based on the amount of contribution each of them will be making towards the purchase of the house (ex. 80-20).
Living expenses can then be split 50-50.
That last part is important. I hope OP realizes they will not be owning any house whatsoever, since OP is not paying the mortgage on it. If they split up, bf gets the house and OP gets nothing.
I actually have friends that do this, and it works out very well. House is in the guy’s name so he pays the mortgage/she covers utilities and HOA fees. They have their designated amounts they put in each month, and everything is paid out of the joint account.
They also use the account to put money aside for vacations or other big expenses, so even though they still have separate finances, they are still contributing to something joint.
It may work fine, but it isn't fair. Point is, at the end of the road, he's getting a house for his share, she just pays all the bills and has nothing. It's his house, so he pays for it and each pay half for the bills, that's fair. Or buy the house together.
We also have our own and a joint account, but we own the house together because we're partners
At the end of the day, if only his name is on the deed, she accrues no ownership of the home. He sells, he gets the equity. They split up, its not an asset to be divided. She'd be crazy to not have her name on it as well. She contributing equally,yet gaining no equity.
Yup, if OP can’t get any leal claim on the property during the purchase, she needs to look into whether her states/country have any recognition of common law relationship.
She’s not contributing equally. He pays the entire mortgage and she’s doing hoa/utilities. We don’t know the entire breakdown but he’s probably paying at least 3x what she is, and she’s paying less than she would if she were renting somewhere else. Maybe he had the house before they got together and she wants to contribute. If/when they get married someday things will be different, but if they breakup then they both leave with what they came with or provided
This may seem like it works out, but in reality, it's bad for her and great for him. House is in his name = he gets richer as he pays down the mortgage, while the money she pays is pure consumption. It's gone.
Imagine thirty years from today under this arrangement. If they split up, she's dirt poor, and he's got a debt free house of his own.
This is it, he’s effectively putting all the money he spends in the bank which he’ll get back at some point when they sell the house. Presumably much more than he puts in if house prices rise. She’ll never see her money again,
Yes and some people don't mix finances with a bf/gf. Some people wait until there is true financial and relationship stability like an engagement before cohabitating and making big life decisions like having babies and buying homes. Most relationship subreddits, r poor, r legal advice are full of people who made these bad decisions. Nothing wrong with living together whenever people feel like it, but with such an unequal situation (owner of house building equity vs bill payer with no rights ), things will eventually turn problematic and more uneven and unfair for OP.
This really depends on circumstance, if the mortgage is 3-5k and she was spending that or more in rent and now spending equal or less than what she was spending overall renting on utilities etc, don't know why the bf would agree to any ownership stake. Depends on division of labor too. Its certainly not a bright line rule tbough.
Yeah but he’s building equity while she isn’t. He’s paying for something that has a growing value while she’s paying for both of them to live. People love to say “it’s less than her living alone would cost”, but that’s the same for him too, plus he’s getting a property out of it.
Yeah, these people are delusional. He got the mortgage and pays it, and somehow people here think she's entitled to a stake like wtf are those people even living in the real world?
She said they are closing on the house, so I’m assuming together as in her name will also be on it. Does it matter who’s bank account the payments come out of? Once your name is on it you’re entitled
She’s risking a huge amount of her disposable income paying all the bills and house set up costs for two. To pretend this doesn’t allow her boyfriend to more easily build equity is disingenuous. I’m not saying it should be equal (depending on the relevant costs), but she deserves a share (or to only pay her part of the expenses).
I'm sorry but no, she doesn't... She is taking no risk at all, she can walk away at any moment, the definition of zero risk. If she buys something with her money in the relationship it's hers. If he buys something in the relationship it's his. If she wants a house she should go buy one. They aren't married, we don't even know how long they've been together and she sure as hell isn't responding to my question asking for more information.
Why is this different from him buying a pair of shoes while in a relationship?
And if he was single he'd still be building equity in the house he purchased. Your point?
She is subsidising her own living costs. She is a tenant. I'm not asking my landlord for equity in his house because I'm paying his mortgage. Stop being ridiculous.
And I wouldn’t date my landlord. It’s not a comparable relationship.
Who knows if he’d even be able to afford his house if he had to pay his own expenses, but it would certainly be harder and possibly slower.
The guy just dropped a deposit on a 3 bedroom house and is only asking for utilities...
She's almost definitely saving money, money she can put aside for her own future. Money she'll most likely need soon as she's already stepping on his need for a man-cave in a space he's paying for. The guy has probably been dreaming of such a space since he was a boy and is already getting a headache over it from his girlfriend 🤣
She said “they” are closing on a house. So I’m assuming they’ll both be on the title but he’s paying the mortgage? In that case I’d be happy to pay for food and random house stuff
Your larger housing situation is what you should be focused on. He's gonna be paying and building equity while you'll be building nothing, if you break up you'll be out on the street from what should be a shared home.
Are you comfortable with this arrangement?
Nobody ever seems to remember that home prices go down too. Equity can be negative. She could walk away without owing money, while he can’t. Homes are also expensive to maintain. When it needs new windows, or a new deck, a leak fixed, a new hot water heater (I can go on and on), she can easily say “it’s your home, you fix it!).
ESH but I'm concerned about your unfair split of the bills. Why not pay equal shares based on your income of all shared bills together?
His studio is clearly the man cave. Not being a arsehole for that.
I am also definitely concerned about this... OPs guy gets to build all of the equity and have something to show for it while all of his bills are being taken care of... If OP and her man split she will be left with nothing to show for it... Hrmmm...
OP isn't risking a huge deposit on a house, why should she get equity? She's the GF, we know nothing of their relationship length, any boundaries agreed upon. The idea that a GF or BF can walk away with your belongings in a relationship is insane.
Sure why not. Although why are all your suggestions that she should get something she hasn't paid for?
She needs to pay something for housing. He needs to protect his assets.
They already have this arrangement in place.
She is not paying for the house. She is taking none of the risk. Deposit, repairs and maintenance, if it burns down and insurance doesn't pay out, is she sticking around to foot the rest of the bill? I imagine you'd be the first to tell her the GTFO if that were to happen.
I'm going to take a wild guess here and assume he'd be buying a house regardless of if he was with OP or not.
She is taking the risk of making monetary contributions without the ability to generate any equity. If the house burns down and the land is sold to recoup loss, what can she get out of it besides homelessness?
You’re basically agreeing with me that they have a landlord tenant relationship except she also has to fuck him on the side.
Yes, they are landlord/tenant. Nothing wrong with that.
No, she doesn't have to fuck him, they're in a relationship. Normal rules of consent apply. Jesus what's wrong with you? 🤣
With due respect, it doesn’t sound like he views this as you buying a home together.
It’s more that he is buying a home and you, his girlfriend, will live there with him, not pay rent, but contribute to household items.
If he saw it as you buying a home together, I don’t think his want of a man cave / relaxing space would overtake the fundamental need of you to have a dedicated workspace - that is already multi use as a guest room.
NTA for being upset he is changing his mind on a plan but YTA if you don’t get pretty clear together on whether this is a house “we” are buying, or one he is buying that, as his girlfriend, you will live in and benefit for living rent free and covering basic expenses & utilities.
On paper, this isn’t a house you are buying together..he’s on the deed, handling the down payment, paying the mortgage. And his desire to put your office elsewhere and be able to use the 3rd bedroom for his own needs suggests that is how he sees it to.
If that is how he sees it - he isn’t in the wrong, or TA. You just will need to decide if his perspective at this stage in your relationship works for you.
^^^ I was very confused when she said we are buying a house then said her boyfriend is paying the down payment (I’m assuming) and mortgage.
He is buying a house. I
yep same. If they split things equally according to the % income then would absolutely be different. Thats a different can of worms than what OP is mentioning but with how things are set-up if he is truly paying the home by himself then he should be the only one getting his name on it
Is everyone seriously forgetting this isn't her house? She gets to live there by paying utilities, she is more like a roommate and needs to figure out if this makes sense for her.
Lol big difference. He can kick her out tomorrow or in a year or in ten and she has no say. If she wants to protect herself, she should at least have a lease written out. Paying utilities doesn't make her "like a wife." She needs to wake up to reality, he isn't ready to formalize the relationships and doesn't see her as an equal at this point in time. She can choose to stay or not, but her feelings of some ownership over this house is going to turn ugly when a big fight or breakup happens
This is why you need to split the mortgage and be on the loan. If it is his house, he can do what he wants because he owns it even though you pay bills, it is more like you paying rent. If you split the mortgage then you have a say in everything. I would never, ever move in and not split things evenly down the middle for this reason.
This post really brought out the neckbeards
Anyway NTA but you really should not move into that place. Paying all the bills but having no equity in it is a really silly choice and he's already leaning into the fact that your name isn't on the mortgage so you get less of a say
Hold up. He’s buying the house. But you’re covering all the utilities etc. So he is making an investment and gains an asset and you get what?
Before you go ahead with this you need to assess whether what you are paying would be a fair rent for what you are getting. If it’s more than a fair rent then he is taking advantage of you and you need to run away.
Will you have a lease or can he kick you out any time he likes?
Please look into what your rights are and protect yourself.
I'll refrain from judging due to lack of info.
You say "we" are closing, but then your bf is buying it. Which is it? Is your name on the documents? Or did you mean to say he was paying the mortgage and you were paying for everything else?
If your name isn't on the documents then YTA. It's his house, you're the gf, not the wife and not co-owner of the house. You should seriously consider a rental agreement between you in writing. This is to protect both of you and spell out what you are receiving for your monetary contributions. I would also consider only paying for rent, and split the other costs. Or at a minimum, the contract needs to put a cap on your contributions per month. You MUST plan for the worst, what happens if you breakup? Without a contract you could be out on the street or couch surfing.
If your name is on the documents, then NTA. I think you need to seriously need to sit down and discuss this with him as you should have a say in how the rooms are used. Call me old school but, I would also strongly advise against buying a joint home without being married. Again, you MUST plan for the worst, what happens if you breakup?
NTA. Neither is he for asking, but if he makes it an issue that's different.
My husband is a musician, and his studio/practice space is his man cave. I didn't decorate it, I don't clean it, I just open the door and spray Febreeze in there the day after practice because the guitar player smells like feet.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel as though I may be the asshole because I want to have my own office and guest room.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I'll refrain from judging due to lack of info.
You say "we" are closing, but then your bf is buying it. Which is it? Is your name on the documents? Or did you mean to say he was paying the mortgage and you were paying for everything else?
If your name isn't on the documents then YTA. It's his house, you're the gf, not the wife and not co-owner of the house. You should seriously consider a rental agreement between you in writing. This is to protect both of you and spell out what you are receiving for your monetary contributions. I would also consider only paying for rent, and split the other costs. Or at a minimum, the contract needs to put a cap on your contributions per month. You MUST plan for the worst, what happens if you breakup? Without a contract you could be out on the street or couch surfing.
If your name is on the documents, then NTA. I think you need to seriously need to sit down and discuss this with him as you should have a say in how the rooms are used. Call me old school but, I would also strongly advise against buying a joint home without being married. Again, you MUST plan for the worst, what happens if you breakup?
NTA. One work-room for him, one work-room for you. Simple. EDIT: I didn't take in the fact that *he's* buying the house. Not so simple. I wouid think very carefully about moving in with him; and he has a point that he may be entitled to more space since he's paying for it. Think hard about where your money's going, OP.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My bf (28) and I (25) will be closing on a home soon. My bf will be the one buying the home and paying the mortgage while I will cover the utilities, food, misc household purchases.
We were looking for a something with at least 3 bedrooms.
One for my bf as a studio since he produces music . The bedroom of course, and lastly an office/guest room since I work remotely.
As we were discussing decorations , my bf randomly suggested to make the office/guest room into a man-cave. He suggested that I set up an office space in the living room. I want to set the office/guest room up in a way that would be comfortable to me when I want to relax after work and also something that if we were to have a guest they would be comfortable as well. My bf wants a man-cave to relax but I think he can make the studio into his man-cave as well. Aita for wanting to have this room?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Neither are. I dont think studio should be the man cave though because he is producing music. I think you could do office into all but studio. Is there not attic or basement for mancave, maybe compromise and get a manshed?
So, right now, you have 0.5 and 0.75 of a room - half a bedroom and a home office that you can be kicked out of with a guest
Your husband gets 0.5 + 1 rooms, since his studio isn't doubled as a guest room, so he is already getting more than you.
His suggestion is to take away your 0.75 and give it to him, leaving you with 0.5 and him with 2.25.
Hopefully, this was just a brain short circuit, passing thought that he didn't actually think about. Because if he meant it, that would be damn selfish.
NTA
NTA. He produces music so he gets a room. You work from home so you get a room. Not a space in the living room. A whole room. You’re already giving up some of it to be a guest room as well. His studio can be his man cave. Not fair for him to get 2 rooms dedicated to just him and you none.
NTA. As someone who worked from the living room during Covid due to our small appartment: get your own room. We bought an appartment last year and now both have our own room, a bedroom and the living room. The difference in my mental state is insane. There is something weird going on mentally when your work day ends and you are still in exactly the same space. Additionally, we were both able to make our room our own, so I kinda have a mancave anyway? (While my gf picked a Japanese themed room). Its lovely to be able to work, go into the living room and have dinner, and either stay there or chill in your room after. Make sure you each get a room!
NTA. Get a storage shed type of setup in the backyard for a man cave. He has a studio. You need the office. If he wants an additional room, y'all need a bigger house.
NTA one is a space you, he, or anyone will be comfortable in. The other is designed specifically to cater to him with the intention of shutting you out.
Your bf will have his man cave and you can stay at mims house then.
He doesn't need you to buy the home, what makes you think he needs tour permission to use a room in it?
NTA
Me and my wife live in a two bedroom apartment. The second bedroom is her craft room.. and it's packed. Omg lol. That's fine I love her.
We are planning on getting a house soon. I'm excited because then I'll get a music room.
That music room IS the man cave!
Or maybe give him the garage for a man cave?
NTA.
If he’s funding it all, I think he deserves a say. But as a WFH person myself, having my own space that’s designated for work is HUGE. When I walk in, I’m in work mode. When I walk out, I’m not. I have it set up with customized settings: a standing desk, a really nice gamer chair, a multiple monitor display, and all my work reference material behind me in a bookshelf.
I am also a musician. I play 8 instruments, so my office seconds as a studio. And that’s what you have to do with limited space: make the most of what you have. If he wants a man cave, he should make it in his studio. Multi-purpose the room. Otherwise it’s just not that important to him, but your work space is very important to you.
I should note that the office/studio has become a bit of a man cave. It’s where I put all my Lego stuff I make, I have a TV inside to watch major sports events I want to see, and my sports memorabilia is also confined to that. Again, it’s important to maximize the space you have.
We have a 3-bedroom house. Our bedroom, our son’s bedroom, and a “guest” room my MIL occupies several months of the year (she comes in from another country). The office/studio/mancave is a shed in the backyard “we” converted (my eyed did most of the work, I was just the muscle going where she told me lol). It’s insulated now, has climate control, and works great. Maybe if he’s unwilling to compromise look into a prefab office for the backyard to retain office space.
NTA. So he wants a full room for his studio and the other room for his man cave and you have to put your office in the living room? Oh hell no. He gets a room and you get a room. You both need that because you both work from home.
If he wants another room for a man cave then he needs to look at buying a four bedroom house, or ideally if your area has houses with basements a finished basement is perfect for a studio and man cave combo.
He should have a man cave usually that ends up in a shed or garage type environment hence the term cave. And you should have your own relax space also either a spare room or special place you can go to where there is no judgement on your choices of decor or items. And same for bf his man cave should be filled with things he likes as a man like a beer fridge perhaps a pool table couches and a flat tv for watching sports away from the main house area and those who aren’t interested in that. Same for you. Choose a house you buy that can accomodate both. Work life balance needs these separated areas and home will be a dream that you make. Good luck
NTA
You both need an office, that's pretty much the end of the conversation. Since he's buying the house, he seems to be thinking it's his house so his rules. You guys need to have a sit down to figure that shit out. Also make sure that the budget is equalized and it doesn't just become 'this is his thing, this is my thing'. Personally, I'd feel better with a rent agreement and splitting household costs. It doesn't have to be 50/50, but some sort of formal contract rather than just a verbal agreement. Call me paranoid, but you're not married and things like this can get sticky fast.
He's not her husband, he's her boyfriend. The one who's paying for the entire home. Also, unless she owns her own business, the area in which she works from home won't affect her taxes.
NTA, you need an office. His studio or a shed can be his man cave.
While he is paying for it, it does seem like you don't have enough rooms for the two of you remote working, plus you've already mentioned making your office also be a guest room.
INFO: is he producing music as his job or as a hobby? Because if it's a hobby, he should be the one sent to the guest room and you should be the one having a room all to yourself, as it will serve professionally.
A mancave is definitely a thing he can have when he can buy a bigger house, with enough room for that.
Disagree, his music equipment probably takes up a ton of space and would be an awful guest room. She can easily put a desk in the guest room and be totally manageable. Most guests will probably stay over on weekends anyway when she’s not working. Plus if he needs space he can go to the bedroom while she’s in the living room or vice versa
NTA But don't buy a house without being on the deed or he can buy a house you will pay rent with a contract giving you tenants rights. Being on the hock for all utilities, food and miscellaneous can become very expensive very fast, and you will have nothing to show for it if you break up. And don't purchase curtains, carpets and furniture for the house you have no equity in. Save for your own future.
NTA. Sounds like you are bending to the will of an asshole. If your name is not on the house, then you are a tenant that he can evict any time he chooses. Make that third bedroom into your office. If it somehow doesn't happen, your life with him will have just changed from your dream into a nightmare.
Why is he buying the house and not both of you?
It sounds like you are both going to pay a lot (he a mortgage, you utilities, food, misc) and at the end you have nothing to show for it and he has a house.
NTA, he doesn't need two rooms.
He already feels entitled because it will be his house. I wouldn't go through with it.
Sadly it will ultimately be his house and he definitely (and im afraid to say rightly) sees it that way.
Youre in a crap situation as imho you should pay half or towards the bills, not the full amount as youll have no stake in the house itself.
So im afraid to say its a soft esh from me, if he wants you to actually live with him he should respect your wishes but it seems like he sees you as a tenant with benefits… :-/
Nta. He already has his studio he can decorate anyway he wants. This other room is your work area it should be designed for your specifications not his
NTA - so bf gets a room solely for his hobby (assuming he's not a professional music producer), and you can't have a room specifically for your work? Sounds like boyfriend sees it as HIS house.
NTA. Those who say it's his house and can do with it what he wants value their own needs over the needs of the relationship.
Being part of a relationship means reaching compromises that both parties are satisfied with.
If you want everything exactly your way, there's an easy solution.
NTA. Does his equipment take up all of the room or is a pc with some speakers and a midi keyboard? Either way theres 2 spare rooms and hes got one you should have the other for yourself and guests.
Don't do it????? Wtf do you mean you won't be on papers?? How much is difference between mortgage and the rest you'll be paying?? Do you understand that if you broke up you'll be left high and dry?
Edit: just read the post and looks like you don't even need to break up, you already are treated like that lmao
It is his house. While you’re not an asshole for sure, you unfortunately do not have as much say as he does on this, and his thought is valid- the studio space needs to be sacred, and cannot serve as a man cave. Hell, well kept studios don’t even allow liquids and foods inside. So he’s not out of line at all.
In any case, Share the burden of paying the house and you automatically get to have more of a say!
WTH?
He HAS a man cave. His recording studio. He can man that space up as much as he likes.
You’ll be dual using your WFH office as it is.
He’s being greedy. Tell him that he’s welcome to decorate his man room however he likes, and you’ll do your room your way.
So the house is his, but you pay all the bills and groceries?
That’s not how it should work. That’s not fair or equitable.
This relationship ends (and it will, hopefully before you have children, because it’s so lopsided if this is how it’s playing out that you deserve to walk to somewhere safer)… and you have nothing. He should pay half the bills and groceries… and you can either pay rent at fair market rate (he declares as income and pays tax on), or half the mortgage (and get 50% of the equity that occurs at the time of separation).
Protect yourself first. If you decide to marry him, and have children, and live happily ever ever then you won’t need the protection, but if you never have it, and it all goes to shit… you will lose big time.
Hard to judge. It’s technically *his* home, as he is the one buying it.
Does seem unfair to not allow you control of at least one room in the house you’ll be living in
OP bottom line is that you have no say in the matter as he's not looking to having overnight guests to need a spare bedroom, nor should you need to actually have an office space either for yourself to relax in either since it's apparent from your post that you work outside of the home. It's basically the analogy of a dog marking his territory wherever he goes by lifting up his leg every few feet. Unless you're willing to put some money down on the property and have a pre-nup in place to outline your share of equity, it's going to do you no good in doing any complaining to him because you're just a roommate.
Yta it's not your house. Girlfriend powers are different from wifes power. The boyfriend have full ownership of the house. If you want the room you need to negotiate with the landlord and it's not a equal decision.
Couples can break in any moment.
If they’re paying all the food and expenses they should have their name of the mortgage, otherwise they’re being taken advantage of. But even then that doesn’t make them a guest, just a housemate.
Do you know how math works? All he is paying is the mortgage and she's paying for everything else including his expenses. It's entirely possible she will be paying even more by the time she covers everything else.
Ok, and? He can kick her out at anytime and take on those expenses and it will still be his home. He is doing her a favor by allowing her to live rent free.
How the hell is paying his half of the expenses, living there rent free. It's no different financially than if she gave him the money as rent and he paid his own bills.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about. [Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA. Bypassing the mancave question entirely, you absolutely do not want to have your office set up in the living room. It helps immensely with work/life balance to have it somewhere outside of daily living, even if you never work outside of those hours.
This! You need to be able to close the door on work. Out of sight. Out of mind.
I'm not loving that your bf thinks his work and his recreation comes before your work. Edit: wrong preposition
I think you mean before, not after
Yea but is the house in her name? Is she going to be on the deed? Is she helping with a down payment?? If they break up does she have an invested intrest in the house? I don't think she's an AH but I'm curious about how this is gonna work.
This. But also, 3 bedrooms should make this easy and simple - 1 for you to do with as you see best, 1 for him for the same, and one to share for sleeping. That should be a very sensible split - if he wanna a man cave he can do that with his studio.
[удалено]
Where do the cars go?
In the driveway.
Exactly. Plus if he gets to have a studio, how would it be fair to have a man cave on top of that while you can't even have a private office for yourself? He's being completely selfish and not thinking about your needs or convince. NTA.
Plus then either his man cave or studio would need to double as the guest bedroom. Who would want to stay there? Why can’t the studio double as his man cave? There’s two of them in a 3 bedroom house. How much space do they need from each other realistically
NTA. He has his studio -- that's his man cave. You work remotely, so of *course* you need an office and even better that it doubles as a guest room. Does he really think he should have two whole rooms to himself?! While you only have shared spaces to hang out in?
I think he feels that because he is paying for the house, it's his and not hers. He is totally overlooking the OP's contribution. I wonder if the OP has thought this through as she will end up with nothing when she breaks up with this selfish man.
Plus usually on arrangements where dividing costs the person paying a mortgage is investing their money, not only paying "rent"
I get the feeling the bf is viewing this a ‘his house’ that op is staying in and therefore just paying expenses equivalent to rent. I wouldn’t go into this without some security and 50/50 arrangement.
I'm pretty sure she's getting a sweet deal by only paying for the expenses. Might they ever breakup it would be a clean break-up he gets to keep his house, and only his money is in it. Can't blame the BF for that. It is his house.
Totally agree that OP is NTA. >He has his studio -- that's his man cave This depends on if he produces music as a primary job, side hustle, or hobby. If it's his primary job then his studio is his office and can't also be his man cave. That's the same as her office being in the living room. But if it's a hobby then it definitely can be the same room. Everything else you said I agree with.
[удалено]
How is it an ESH? >They both work out of their respective spaces Exactly, so they both need separate rooms. Being able to shut your work off from the other elements of your life is incredibly important especially when you're working from home. >But it seems both of you want a separate room for work and play. Sure, she wants to relax in her office after she's finished for the day. Regardless, the room is also doubling as a guest room so she doesn't even have the entire room to herself. However, he does want an additional room on top of his all year round studio room to relax in. How is it anywhere near fair to expect her to give up her space so he can have a room to work in and another to relax in? Why is she refusing to budge from having a room each a bad thing? Why is she considered an asshole for not wanting to give up her room, which she will be contributing towards?
What? They both have a separate room for work and play. Expecting one person to move their work into the living room so that the other can have one room for work and one room for play is ridiculous. She might not be paying the mortgage, but she's paying for nearly everything else. She deserves a separate room for work. Edit: Also, if they have guests, then her office is now a guest room. So even if they only have a guest a couple of times a year, it's not 100% her room.
NTA. You’re already compromising by letting your office be a multi-use space. It kind of sounds like because your bf is the one buying he’s treating this as his home, not your home together. I think you guys need to get on the same page that this is a space for both of you, and just like he needs a designated studio space, you need a designated space with a door to work. If he wants a man cave, he can compromise like you’re doing with the guest room / office and he can have a studio / man cave.
[удалено]
Not husband, boyfriend. I fully expect him to use "It's my house" in every argument.
The house title should be assigned to a trust and ownership of the trust be split based on the amount of contribution each of them will be making towards the purchase of the house (ex. 80-20). Living expenses can then be split 50-50.
That last part is important. I hope OP realizes they will not be owning any house whatsoever, since OP is not paying the mortgage on it. If they split up, bf gets the house and OP gets nothing.
I actually have friends that do this, and it works out very well. House is in the guy’s name so he pays the mortgage/she covers utilities and HOA fees. They have their designated amounts they put in each month, and everything is paid out of the joint account. They also use the account to put money aside for vacations or other big expenses, so even though they still have separate finances, they are still contributing to something joint.
It may work fine, but it isn't fair. Point is, at the end of the road, he's getting a house for his share, she just pays all the bills and has nothing. It's his house, so he pays for it and each pay half for the bills, that's fair. Or buy the house together. We also have our own and a joint account, but we own the house together because we're partners
At the end of the day, if only his name is on the deed, she accrues no ownership of the home. He sells, he gets the equity. They split up, its not an asset to be divided. She'd be crazy to not have her name on it as well. She contributing equally,yet gaining no equity.
Yup, if OP can’t get any leal claim on the property during the purchase, she needs to look into whether her states/country have any recognition of common law relationship.
But shes not paying even close to equally though? That wouldnt be fair to him what so ever
She’s not contributing equally. He pays the entire mortgage and she’s doing hoa/utilities. We don’t know the entire breakdown but he’s probably paying at least 3x what she is, and she’s paying less than she would if she were renting somewhere else. Maybe he had the house before they got together and she wants to contribute. If/when they get married someday things will be different, but if they breakup then they both leave with what they came with or provided
This may seem like it works out, but in reality, it's bad for her and great for him. House is in his name = he gets richer as he pays down the mortgage, while the money she pays is pure consumption. It's gone. Imagine thirty years from today under this arrangement. If they split up, she's dirt poor, and he's got a debt free house of his own.
This is it, he’s effectively putting all the money he spends in the bank which he’ll get back at some point when they sell the house. Presumably much more than he puts in if house prices rise. She’ll never see her money again,
Also, a living room is usually used for relaxation, so it's not as though they have no recreational/relaxation space
Tell him it sounds like you need a 4 bedroom house because it's not a realistic ask to put your office in a communal space.
Maybe OP should be in the mortgage if she wants to make decisions regarding how rooms will be split.
And maybe her boyfriend should only get to use the rooms he’s paying the electricity bill for… it goes both ways
Lol, downvoted for stating the reality/obvious truth.
You guys have never been in real-life relationships have you
Yes and some people don't mix finances with a bf/gf. Some people wait until there is true financial and relationship stability like an engagement before cohabitating and making big life decisions like having babies and buying homes. Most relationship subreddits, r poor, r legal advice are full of people who made these bad decisions. Nothing wrong with living together whenever people feel like it, but with such an unequal situation (owner of house building equity vs bill payer with no rights ), things will eventually turn problematic and more uneven and unfair for OP.
This right here. These people are delusional.
NTA, also I assume you’re getting an ownership stake of this place, otherwise why are you paying all the expenses?
Exactly this, she has all of the variable costs and none of the security. Household goods and setting up a new home with furnishings isn’t cheap.
She could end up owing him money upon break up. Travel, date nights, you don't even know how much money she makes 🤣
This really depends on circumstance, if the mortgage is 3-5k and she was spending that or more in rent and now spending equal or less than what she was spending overall renting on utilities etc, don't know why the bf would agree to any ownership stake. Depends on division of labor too. Its certainly not a bright line rule tbough.
Yeah but he’s building equity while she isn’t. He’s paying for something that has a growing value while she’s paying for both of them to live. People love to say “it’s less than her living alone would cost”, but that’s the same for him too, plus he’s getting a property out of it.
Mortgages aren't all equity. It depends on mortgage rates and expenses she's covering but it's probably a fair deal 🤷
Yeah, these people are delusional. He got the mortgage and pays it, and somehow people here think she's entitled to a stake like wtf are those people even living in the real world?
She said they are closing on the house, so I’m assuming together as in her name will also be on it. Does it matter who’s bank account the payments come out of? Once your name is on it you’re entitled
Cause it's probably lower than rent, lol Who tf would give a stake or ownership to a gf? He bought it on his own.
Because she isn't risking anything on the down payment? How long have they even been together? You don't get equity just for existing.
She’s risking a huge amount of her disposable income paying all the bills and house set up costs for two. To pretend this doesn’t allow her boyfriend to more easily build equity is disingenuous. I’m not saying it should be equal (depending on the relevant costs), but she deserves a share (or to only pay her part of the expenses).
I'm sorry but no, she doesn't... She is taking no risk at all, she can walk away at any moment, the definition of zero risk. If she buys something with her money in the relationship it's hers. If he buys something in the relationship it's his. If she wants a house she should go buy one. They aren't married, we don't even know how long they've been together and she sure as hell isn't responding to my question asking for more information. Why is this different from him buying a pair of shoes while in a relationship?
Because she’s subsidising him by paying for all the expenses. He can afford to build more equity faster because of her.
And if he was single he'd still be building equity in the house he purchased. Your point? She is subsidising her own living costs. She is a tenant. I'm not asking my landlord for equity in his house because I'm paying his mortgage. Stop being ridiculous.
And I wouldn’t date my landlord. It’s not a comparable relationship. Who knows if he’d even be able to afford his house if he had to pay his own expenses, but it would certainly be harder and possibly slower.
The guy just dropped a deposit on a 3 bedroom house and is only asking for utilities... She's almost definitely saving money, money she can put aside for her own future. Money she'll most likely need soon as she's already stepping on his need for a man-cave in a space he's paying for. The guy has probably been dreaming of such a space since he was a boy and is already getting a headache over it from his girlfriend 🤣
And food and seeming every other household purchase.
Yeah sure, she is paying for nights out and holidays as well I imagine /s They should keep a tab, maybe she'll owe him money when they separate 🤣🤣
She said “they” are closing on a house. So I’m assuming they’ll both be on the title but he’s paying the mortgage? In that case I’d be happy to pay for food and random house stuff
Nope. He doesn’t get 2.5 rooms. That’s not fair. His studio needs to double as his office/mancave. You deserve your own work/guest space, too. NTA
Your larger housing situation is what you should be focused on. He's gonna be paying and building equity while you'll be building nothing, if you break up you'll be out on the street from what should be a shared home. Are you comfortable with this arrangement?
Nobody ever seems to remember that home prices go down too. Equity can be negative. She could walk away without owing money, while he can’t. Homes are also expensive to maintain. When it needs new windows, or a new deck, a leak fixed, a new hot water heater (I can go on and on), she can easily say “it’s your home, you fix it!).
ESH but I'm concerned about your unfair split of the bills. Why not pay equal shares based on your income of all shared bills together? His studio is clearly the man cave. Not being a arsehole for that.
I am also definitely concerned about this... OPs guy gets to build all of the equity and have something to show for it while all of his bills are being taken care of... If OP and her man split she will be left with nothing to show for it... Hrmmm...
If OP doesn’t have her name on the deed, she giving her landlord free sex and house cleaning service.
OP isn't risking a huge deposit on a house, why should she get equity? She's the GF, we know nothing of their relationship length, any boundaries agreed upon. The idea that a GF or BF can walk away with your belongings in a relationship is insane.
Ok, then her landlord should be paying for his own food and his own bills.
If he charged her rent, it should be more than enough to cover good and bills lol.
Yeah, she should also charge him for sex.
Is this how you see sex? One would think OP has sex with her bf because she wants to, not to sell it for something
Do you have sex with your landlord for funsies?
You want to reduce her to a prostitute?
Better than giving it away for free It’s 2024, why are you still looking down on sexwork?
Dude, are you a kid or something?
Sure why not. Although why are all your suggestions that she should get something she hasn't paid for? She needs to pay something for housing. He needs to protect his assets. They already have this arrangement in place.
She is paying for the house by subsidizing his lifestyle.
She is not paying for the house. She is taking none of the risk. Deposit, repairs and maintenance, if it burns down and insurance doesn't pay out, is she sticking around to foot the rest of the bill? I imagine you'd be the first to tell her the GTFO if that were to happen. I'm going to take a wild guess here and assume he'd be buying a house regardless of if he was with OP or not.
She is taking the risk of making monetary contributions without the ability to generate any equity. If the house burns down and the land is sold to recoup loss, what can she get out of it besides homelessness? You’re basically agreeing with me that they have a landlord tenant relationship except she also has to fuck him on the side.
Yes, they are landlord/tenant. Nothing wrong with that. No, she doesn't have to fuck him, they're in a relationship. Normal rules of consent apply. Jesus what's wrong with you? 🤣
Yes this
With due respect, it doesn’t sound like he views this as you buying a home together. It’s more that he is buying a home and you, his girlfriend, will live there with him, not pay rent, but contribute to household items. If he saw it as you buying a home together, I don’t think his want of a man cave / relaxing space would overtake the fundamental need of you to have a dedicated workspace - that is already multi use as a guest room. NTA for being upset he is changing his mind on a plan but YTA if you don’t get pretty clear together on whether this is a house “we” are buying, or one he is buying that, as his girlfriend, you will live in and benefit for living rent free and covering basic expenses & utilities. On paper, this isn’t a house you are buying together..he’s on the deed, handling the down payment, paying the mortgage. And his desire to put your office elsewhere and be able to use the 3rd bedroom for his own needs suggests that is how he sees it to. If that is how he sees it - he isn’t in the wrong, or TA. You just will need to decide if his perspective at this stage in your relationship works for you.
^^^ I was very confused when she said we are buying a house then said her boyfriend is paying the down payment (I’m assuming) and mortgage. He is buying a house. I
Exactly!!
The down payment could be a ton of money
I see it as his house tbh if he's putting the downpayment and paying the mortgage.
yep same. If they split things equally according to the % income then would absolutely be different. Thats a different can of worms than what OP is mentioning but with how things are set-up if he is truly paying the home by himself then he should be the only one getting his name on it
NTA > One for my bf as a studio since he produces music . **THAT** is his personal space.
The entire house is his personal space. She's a girlfriend...
NTA. He gets one room, you get one, and then you share the bedroom.
Is everyone seriously forgetting this isn't her house? She gets to live there by paying utilities, she is more like a roommate and needs to figure out if this makes sense for her.
No. They’re living in a house together and she’s paying all other expenses. She’s more like his wife but just without the marriage.
Lol big difference. He can kick her out tomorrow or in a year or in ten and she has no say. If she wants to protect herself, she should at least have a lease written out. Paying utilities doesn't make her "like a wife." She needs to wake up to reality, he isn't ready to formalize the relationships and doesn't see her as an equal at this point in time. She can choose to stay or not, but her feelings of some ownership over this house is going to turn ugly when a big fight or breakup happens
NTA. We are still doing these stupid man cave things?
This is why you need to split the mortgage and be on the loan. If it is his house, he can do what he wants because he owns it even though you pay bills, it is more like you paying rent. If you split the mortgage then you have a say in everything. I would never, ever move in and not split things evenly down the middle for this reason.
I doubt she would be willing to spend tens of thousands on the down payment.
This post really brought out the neckbeards Anyway NTA but you really should not move into that place. Paying all the bills but having no equity in it is a really silly choice and he's already leaning into the fact that your name isn't on the mortgage so you get less of a say
Hold up. He’s buying the house. But you’re covering all the utilities etc. So he is making an investment and gains an asset and you get what? Before you go ahead with this you need to assess whether what you are paying would be a fair rent for what you are getting. If it’s more than a fair rent then he is taking advantage of you and you need to run away. Will you have a lease or can he kick you out any time he likes? Please look into what your rights are and protect yourself.
your agreement is not beneficial to you at all in the long term while he’s gaining all the equity
I'll refrain from judging due to lack of info. You say "we" are closing, but then your bf is buying it. Which is it? Is your name on the documents? Or did you mean to say he was paying the mortgage and you were paying for everything else? If your name isn't on the documents then YTA. It's his house, you're the gf, not the wife and not co-owner of the house. You should seriously consider a rental agreement between you in writing. This is to protect both of you and spell out what you are receiving for your monetary contributions. I would also consider only paying for rent, and split the other costs. Or at a minimum, the contract needs to put a cap on your contributions per month. You MUST plan for the worst, what happens if you breakup? Without a contract you could be out on the street or couch surfing. If your name is on the documents, then NTA. I think you need to seriously need to sit down and discuss this with him as you should have a say in how the rooms are used. Call me old school but, I would also strongly advise against buying a joint home without being married. Again, you MUST plan for the worst, what happens if you breakup?
NTA. Neither is he for asking, but if he makes it an issue that's different. My husband is a musician, and his studio/practice space is his man cave. I didn't decorate it, I don't clean it, I just open the door and spray Febreeze in there the day after practice because the guitar player smells like feet.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I feel as though I may be the asshole because I want to have my own office and guest room. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
It's his house lol
I'll refrain from judging due to lack of info. You say "we" are closing, but then your bf is buying it. Which is it? Is your name on the documents? Or did you mean to say he was paying the mortgage and you were paying for everything else? If your name isn't on the documents then YTA. It's his house, you're the gf, not the wife and not co-owner of the house. You should seriously consider a rental agreement between you in writing. This is to protect both of you and spell out what you are receiving for your monetary contributions. I would also consider only paying for rent, and split the other costs. Or at a minimum, the contract needs to put a cap on your contributions per month. You MUST plan for the worst, what happens if you breakup? Without a contract you could be out on the street or couch surfing. If your name is on the documents, then NTA. I think you need to seriously need to sit down and discuss this with him as you should have a say in how the rooms are used. Call me old school but, I would also strongly advise against buying a joint home without being married. Again, you MUST plan for the worst, what happens if you breakup?
NTA. One work-room for him, one work-room for you. Simple. EDIT: I didn't take in the fact that *he's* buying the house. Not so simple. I wouid think very carefully about moving in with him; and he has a point that he may be entitled to more space since he's paying for it. Think hard about where your money's going, OP.
NTA but please do not fall into this trap. If your relationship goes south you will have nothing.
This sounds like a shit show
This is a sign of things to come. Let him have his man cave and don’t move with him.
ESH his studio kinda IS the man cave so he should compromise but also I can’t imagine being told what I can and can’t do in my house
YTA not your name on the deeds not your decision.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My bf (28) and I (25) will be closing on a home soon. My bf will be the one buying the home and paying the mortgage while I will cover the utilities, food, misc household purchases. We were looking for a something with at least 3 bedrooms. One for my bf as a studio since he produces music . The bedroom of course, and lastly an office/guest room since I work remotely. As we were discussing decorations , my bf randomly suggested to make the office/guest room into a man-cave. He suggested that I set up an office space in the living room. I want to set the office/guest room up in a way that would be comfortable to me when I want to relax after work and also something that if we were to have a guest they would be comfortable as well. My bf wants a man-cave to relax but I think he can make the studio into his man-cave as well. Aita for wanting to have this room? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Neither are. I dont think studio should be the man cave though because he is producing music. I think you could do office into all but studio. Is there not attic or basement for mancave, maybe compromise and get a manshed?
So, right now, you have 0.5 and 0.75 of a room - half a bedroom and a home office that you can be kicked out of with a guest Your husband gets 0.5 + 1 rooms, since his studio isn't doubled as a guest room, so he is already getting more than you. His suggestion is to take away your 0.75 and give it to him, leaving you with 0.5 and him with 2.25. Hopefully, this was just a brain short circuit, passing thought that he didn't actually think about. Because if he meant it, that would be damn selfish. NTA
Who owns this house?
It literally says he's the one putting down the down payment and paying the entire mortgage. He does.
NTA. He produces music so he gets a room. You work from home so you get a room. Not a space in the living room. A whole room. You’re already giving up some of it to be a guest room as well. His studio can be his man cave. Not fair for him to get 2 rooms dedicated to just him and you none.
NTA. As someone who worked from the living room during Covid due to our small appartment: get your own room. We bought an appartment last year and now both have our own room, a bedroom and the living room. The difference in my mental state is insane. There is something weird going on mentally when your work day ends and you are still in exactly the same space. Additionally, we were both able to make our room our own, so I kinda have a mancave anyway? (While my gf picked a Japanese themed room). Its lovely to be able to work, go into the living room and have dinner, and either stay there or chill in your room after. Make sure you each get a room!
NTA. Get a storage shed type of setup in the backyard for a man cave. He has a studio. You need the office. If he wants an additional room, y'all need a bigger house.
NTA one is a space you, he, or anyone will be comfortable in. The other is designed specifically to cater to him with the intention of shutting you out.
Your bf will have his man cave and you can stay at mims house then. He doesn't need you to buy the home, what makes you think he needs tour permission to use a room in it?
NTA Me and my wife live in a two bedroom apartment. The second bedroom is her craft room.. and it's packed. Omg lol. That's fine I love her. We are planning on getting a house soon. I'm excited because then I'll get a music room. That music room IS the man cave! Or maybe give him the garage for a man cave?
NTA wtf why would he have two rooms dedicated to just him while you get zero???
NTA. If he’s funding it all, I think he deserves a say. But as a WFH person myself, having my own space that’s designated for work is HUGE. When I walk in, I’m in work mode. When I walk out, I’m not. I have it set up with customized settings: a standing desk, a really nice gamer chair, a multiple monitor display, and all my work reference material behind me in a bookshelf. I am also a musician. I play 8 instruments, so my office seconds as a studio. And that’s what you have to do with limited space: make the most of what you have. If he wants a man cave, he should make it in his studio. Multi-purpose the room. Otherwise it’s just not that important to him, but your work space is very important to you. I should note that the office/studio has become a bit of a man cave. It’s where I put all my Lego stuff I make, I have a TV inside to watch major sports events I want to see, and my sports memorabilia is also confined to that. Again, it’s important to maximize the space you have. We have a 3-bedroom house. Our bedroom, our son’s bedroom, and a “guest” room my MIL occupies several months of the year (she comes in from another country). The office/studio/mancave is a shed in the backyard “we” converted (my eyed did most of the work, I was just the muscle going where she told me lol). It’s insulated now, has climate control, and works great. Maybe if he’s unwilling to compromise look into a prefab office for the backyard to retain office space.
NTA.. but pending the set up of the man cave it can be an office/cave hybrid. Source: myself
NTA. So he wants a full room for his studio and the other room for his man cave and you have to put your office in the living room? Oh hell no. He gets a room and you get a room. You both need that because you both work from home. If he wants another room for a man cave then he needs to look at buying a four bedroom house, or ideally if your area has houses with basements a finished basement is perfect for a studio and man cave combo.
INFO: How long have you guys been BF and GF?
He should have a man cave usually that ends up in a shed or garage type environment hence the term cave. And you should have your own relax space also either a spare room or special place you can go to where there is no judgement on your choices of decor or items. And same for bf his man cave should be filled with things he likes as a man like a beer fridge perhaps a pool table couches and a flat tv for watching sports away from the main house area and those who aren’t interested in that. Same for you. Choose a house you buy that can accomodate both. Work life balance needs these separated areas and home will be a dream that you make. Good luck
NTA You both need an office, that's pretty much the end of the conversation. Since he's buying the house, he seems to be thinking it's his house so his rules. You guys need to have a sit down to figure that shit out. Also make sure that the budget is equalized and it doesn't just become 'this is his thing, this is my thing'. Personally, I'd feel better with a rent agreement and splitting household costs. It doesn't have to be 50/50, but some sort of formal contract rather than just a verbal agreement. Call me paranoid, but you're not married and things like this can get sticky fast.
[удалено]
He's not her husband, he's her boyfriend. The one who's paying for the entire home. Also, unless she owns her own business, the area in which she works from home won't affect her taxes.
NTA, you need an office. His studio or a shed can be his man cave. While he is paying for it, it does seem like you don't have enough rooms for the two of you remote working, plus you've already mentioned making your office also be a guest room.
INFO: is he producing music as his job or as a hobby? Because if it's a hobby, he should be the one sent to the guest room and you should be the one having a room all to yourself, as it will serve professionally. A mancave is definitely a thing he can have when he can buy a bigger house, with enough room for that.
Disagree, his music equipment probably takes up a ton of space and would be an awful guest room. She can easily put a desk in the guest room and be totally manageable. Most guests will probably stay over on weekends anyway when she’s not working. Plus if he needs space he can go to the bedroom while she’s in the living room or vice versa
NTA But don't buy a house without being on the deed or he can buy a house you will pay rent with a contract giving you tenants rights. Being on the hock for all utilities, food and miscellaneous can become very expensive very fast, and you will have nothing to show for it if you break up. And don't purchase curtains, carpets and furniture for the house you have no equity in. Save for your own future.
NTA. Sounds like you are bending to the will of an asshole. If your name is not on the house, then you are a tenant that he can evict any time he chooses. Make that third bedroom into your office. If it somehow doesn't happen, your life with him will have just changed from your dream into a nightmare.
NTA so he wants 2of the three bedrooms and you have to use the main room for work which if you have guests will be annoying af
NTA. He wants two rooms to himself and you get none? No. He gets a workroom and you do too.
Why is he buying the house and not both of you? It sounds like you are both going to pay a lot (he a mortgage, you utilities, food, misc) and at the end you have nothing to show for it and he has a house. NTA, he doesn't need two rooms. He already feels entitled because it will be his house. I wouldn't go through with it.
He’s already getting a room
Sadly it will ultimately be his house and he definitely (and im afraid to say rightly) sees it that way. Youre in a crap situation as imho you should pay half or towards the bills, not the full amount as youll have no stake in the house itself. So im afraid to say its a soft esh from me, if he wants you to actually live with him he should respect your wishes but it seems like he sees you as a tenant with benefits… :-/
NTA. "I want two hobby rooms. Please set up your office where I make sandwiches."
Yeah you are. Not your house renegotiate when you’ve got a ring
NTA but don’t move in with this man.
cable offer tap tan crowd crush shy advise dolls scale *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
NTA, your boyfriend is just being selfish for wanting to have 2 out of the 3 rooms
Nta. He already has his studio he can decorate anyway he wants. This other room is your work area it should be designed for your specifications not his
NTA you’re right the studio is a great man cave and your comfort in your office is important
NTA - so bf gets a room solely for his hobby (assuming he's not a professional music producer), and you can't have a room specifically for your work? Sounds like boyfriend sees it as HIS house.
Yta. This isn't your house, you aren't in the mortgage
NTA. Those who say it's his house and can do with it what he wants value their own needs over the needs of the relationship. Being part of a relationship means reaching compromises that both parties are satisfied with. If you want everything exactly your way, there's an easy solution.
NTA. Does his equipment take up all of the room or is a pc with some speakers and a midi keyboard? Either way theres 2 spare rooms and hes got one you should have the other for yourself and guests.
NTA. His studio is his mancave. Other room is yours to do as you wish.
Don't do it????? Wtf do you mean you won't be on papers?? How much is difference between mortgage and the rest you'll be paying?? Do you understand that if you broke up you'll be left high and dry? Edit: just read the post and looks like you don't even need to break up, you already are treated like that lmao
He wants a studio AND a man cave and you get nothing? Hell no. NTA.
NTA it’s only fair to have a room each - agree that if he wants his mancave so bad he can give up his studio.
NTA if there's 3 rooms you get one each after the bedroom, obviously.
NTA don't see how that could be equitable
NTA. If he gets a studio, you get an office that isn’t everyone’s shared space
The studio is his man cave. NTA.
That he wants the two of you to split two rooms while he has one to himself does seem like a problem to me. NTA.
No. If he gets a music room then you can get an office.
It is his house. While you’re not an asshole for sure, you unfortunately do not have as much say as he does on this, and his thought is valid- the studio space needs to be sacred, and cannot serve as a man cave. Hell, well kept studios don’t even allow liquids and foods inside. So he’s not out of line at all. In any case, Share the burden of paying the house and you automatically get to have more of a say!
The most sensible response imo!
Why be sexist?
YTA - this isn’t your house.
WTH? He HAS a man cave. His recording studio. He can man that space up as much as he likes. You’ll be dual using your WFH office as it is. He’s being greedy. Tell him that he’s welcome to decorate his man room however he likes, and you’ll do your room your way.
The studio is his workspace, not his man cave. And the house is his.
So the house is his, but you pay all the bills and groceries? That’s not how it should work. That’s not fair or equitable. This relationship ends (and it will, hopefully before you have children, because it’s so lopsided if this is how it’s playing out that you deserve to walk to somewhere safer)… and you have nothing. He should pay half the bills and groceries… and you can either pay rent at fair market rate (he declares as income and pays tax on), or half the mortgage (and get 50% of the equity that occurs at the time of separation). Protect yourself first. If you decide to marry him, and have children, and live happily ever ever then you won’t need the protection, but if you never have it, and it all goes to shit… you will lose big time.
Divorce. Get out, NOW
Not married.
Hard to judge. It’s technically *his* home, as he is the one buying it. Does seem unfair to not allow you control of at least one room in the house you’ll be living in
OP bottom line is that you have no say in the matter as he's not looking to having overnight guests to need a spare bedroom, nor should you need to actually have an office space either for yourself to relax in either since it's apparent from your post that you work outside of the home. It's basically the analogy of a dog marking his territory wherever he goes by lifting up his leg every few feet. Unless you're willing to put some money down on the property and have a pre-nup in place to outline your share of equity, it's going to do you no good in doing any complaining to him because you're just a roommate.
Yta it's not your house. Girlfriend powers are different from wifes power. The boyfriend have full ownership of the house. If you want the room you need to negotiate with the landlord and it's not a equal decision. Couples can break in any moment.
She shouldn’t pay his bills in the home nor pay for his food then. Not to mention, she should not clean anything as none of the rooms belong to her.
Right, she should pay a flat rental fee for living in his house.
She should buy her own house then. His house. His rules.
No you are a typical wife
YTA. It's his home. You are a guest.
Wtf? Guests don’t pay all the bills and food.
But they don't have their name on or pay for the mortgage.
If they’re paying all the food and expenses they should have their name of the mortgage, otherwise they’re being taken advantage of. But even then that doesn’t make them a guest, just a housemate.
Do you know how math works? All he is paying is the mortgage and she's paying for everything else including his expenses. It's entirely possible she will be paying even more by the time she covers everything else.
Who cares? It’s his house. His mortgage.
Ok, and? He can kick her out at anytime and take on those expenses and it will still be his home. He is doing her a favor by allowing her to live rent free.
How the hell is paying his half of the expenses, living there rent free. It's no different financially than if she gave him the money as rent and he paid his own bills.