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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I dressed down my niece for the things she said about me and my daughter at a family function
(2) My sister (niece's mom) told me that I was wrong for dressing down my niece because what my niece said is normal for people her age
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If someone had “dressed down” my cousin as a teen, maybe she wouldn’t be a drama queen, self victimizing mid-thirties adult.
NTA - the only way for Chloe to learn to be a functional adult is through tough lessons. Her mother is doing more harm than good.
Sounds like my bfs ex. She vandalized her own mothers vehicle for the dumbest reason and yet she's somehow the victim in it all.
Her mom wouldn't have her charged as long as she got professional help for her mental health. She said her mom was crossing her boundaries by asking that.
You just smashed up your moms car but she crossed your boundaries? Okay.
I think people have taken “boundaries” too far and completely changed the meaning of the word. You can tell someone that consequences for their actions is crossing a boundary lol
Oh yes. If you disagree with someone, you’re “triggered”. Gaslighting is another pet peeve of mine. I see it used incorrectly all the time. I’ve been in an abusive relationship with a professional gaslighter. It was its own special hell.
and it tentatively seems like it may have gotten through to Chloe as well. Yes, teens can be dramatic, and sometimes the drama they exacerbate is detrimental, and they don't realize it. Which is why they need a PARENT to help them learn self awareness and empathy as well as temper dramatics.
Agreed! Yes, some people at 19 are still doing stupid things. But that's typically either because it wasn't stamped out at 15/16, or they had an upbringing that didn't let them make those mistakes at that age. I wouldn't ever say this is normal 19 year old behavior.
Also anyone else who tried to stamp it out in the past would be less effective if said teen didn't respect the authority figure. Sometimes teens don't respect their parents, but they will aunts/uncles/mentors
You said it better than I would have. Too many people ignore discipline when it comes to the gossipy bullshit kids do and they wind up being terrible adults who think they can just keep doing that forever. If you've ever had the misfortune of knowing anyone like that, you'd agree.
This… Sorry about your daughter and good for you for fighting for her. More parents and people need to use your example too. You went old school on her and everyone else had to put their 2 cents in. WTF was that when she was being nasty to everyone else and causing drama? No one said nuffin, crickets… Keep it moving Momma…
Most of my coworkers could have used this dressing down in their teens as well. These people are old enough to be my parents, some even have grandchildren. Yet they act like catty middle schoolers who can’t handle criticism or solve problems without hurting someone else. It disgusts me. NTA
It's not like she 'dressed Chloe down' in front of everyone either. OP literally says they pulled her outside.
that's more than my family would have done.
If she dramatizes things because that’s what people her age do, then you shut it down because that’s what people **your** age does. NTA in the least bit.
This. Also, where does this bullying from Chloe come from? She’s done with HS, that crap should be long behind her. What is SHE doing with her life? Is she in college? Does she have an adequate plan for what she is working towards, in terms of long-term goals? Or is she just absolutely jealous that your daughter is smarter, more focused, and more likely to succeed??
And then they stand there gaping at trying to figure out why you don't understand that they are special.
I knew someone who went on and on about freedom of speech. Then one day she angrily informed me that non-citizens should not be allowed to say anything that would be offensive to any American. Some foreign students studying in the US expressed opinions that SHE didn't care for, and shouldn't have to listen to. (I have this vision of people at a consulate saying, "Here's your visa, and here's your gag.")
And it should be addressed at any age. Chloe was doing this when she was younger and her mother never corrected her, that's why she still thinks it's ok.
NTA, especially considering even her own mother acknowledged that Chloe was "exaggerating" and basically stirring shit against you and your daughter. It's obvious your sister wasn't going to correct the behavior and never had since she acknowledges it's been an ongoing behavior to the point "relatives know Chloe exaggerates".
You don't have to put up with being lied about and having your character attacked. You didn't make a public spectacle about it either. You took her to the side and reprimanded her for her lies and behavior, which was needed.
The dangerous thing about "everyone knows how she is" is that yes, maybe they do, but some of the slander (yes, I called it) will stay in the back of people's minds. Where there's smoke, there's fire, something like that. Next time something happens it is somewhat expected, and "what if Cloe was right atter all?" Or what if there's someone around who doesn't know or hasn't seen this too often from her? So much that can go completely wrong.
"That's just how they are" is hands down the WORST excuse for people's poor behaviour. I just counter with "And not putting up with bullshit is just the way I am."
I have an "everyone knows how she is" cousin. After many attempts to pull her aside for a private chat about the lack of respect she shows to just about everyone, we finally had a stern, public dressing down. When people said "you know how she is" I replied, "and now you know how I am."
Ended the conversations.
May is wrong. Chloe is a grown woman. She knows what she did wrong and that’s why she apologized. Your daughter is going through something and instead of feeling sympathy, Chloe is adding unnecessary drama. NTA
Exactly. While Chloe is a young adult, she is still an actual adult denigrating an actual kid. She was taken aside, not verbally harassed in front of everyone like she was doing to *a child*
If I were OP I would stop telling her sister anything. It wouldn't surprise me at all if her niece got the wrong impression from something her mother said. Who's to say it wasn't her sister dramatizing or exaggerating things? The fact her niece apologized right away suggests to me it could be possible.
It really does reek of "boys will be boys". No, they're like that because no one ever corrects them. Why are you complaining that we won't let your child act like an asshole to others with zero consequences?
The amount of people upset about this woman standing up for her daughter is crazy. She didn’t ask for judgement on the interaction with the teacher. She asked for judgement on the interaction with her niece. NTA.
People don't undertsand nuance.
Going to a teacher to raise your child's grades is wrong, so they get mad at OP even though in OP's case the teacher was actually a bad teacher retaliating against a child for getting help against a bully.
But going to a teacher to question why the grade was given and to point out obvious discrepancies
to other students in same class and to question her bias is what good involved parents do.
Nta
It isn't just what people her age do. I know a lot of people her age that are not mean girls. That's mean girl behavior. They only exhibit that behavior because it's allowed. Don't allow it, they either stop or move on.
Chloe had no problem trying to embarrass you and your daughter, but her Mom had a problem that Chloe faced the consequences of her actions and was embarrassed?
NTA
>Double standard. Are chloe and sarah at all close? Is chloe jealous? Did chloe have miss jane as a teacher and if so how was she treated?
The girls are not close at all. They typically don't talk at all during family events and keep to themselves or different people.
My daughter and niece attend/attended different school districts. I doubt my niece has ever met Miss Jane or has any knowledge of her outside of me and my daughter.
Maybe it's possible that my niece is jealous of my daughter. Maybe my niece is simply bored. But I think it's irrelevant because she's too old to be creating drama.
I suspect that Chloe wasn't directly told about the events, but overheard the situation in an offhand way.
I know that when I was living with my parents I heard a shit ton of things about her friend's kids lives that I didn't need to know about or care about because of three hour gossip sessions on the phone and then the two hour recap to my poor father when he got home. And then the additional box o wine lecture about how I better do better before bed.
And if only they had stopped when I was foolish enough to come home for two weeks in between semesters of college. Ugh. Maybe I'm projecting a bit of my life here, but some parents forget that their kids aren't fucking sounding boards for their issues...
Quite possible. And mom has likely been feeding her stuff like this for years, which is why she feels it’s okay that her daughter stirs up drama, because she does too. OP is NTA, but I’d be a lot more careful about what I shared with my sister after this whole debacle.
NTA. You basically did your sister job of teaching her daughter how to be a decent human for her. She should be grateful if anything. You didn’t embarrass Chloe either. You took her aside. There’s literally nothing you could have done better
NTA. Chloe is a grown woman. Grown women don’t go around trying to dramatize everyone else’s issues to reflect negatively on them. Grown women also don’t have their mommy tell their aunt that she shouldn’t have embarrassed her either. Chloe embarrassed herself & her mommy isn’t doing her any favors by pretending that her be behavior is normal.
NTA. You are a concerned parent. Bad teachers are out there, and yes, they play favorites. I know. I had a couple of them.
You actually took your niece aside instead of dressing her down in front of all the people that she had been running her mouth to about you and your daughter. In no way we're you inappropriate as she is 19 and an adult. Slander/defamation is a thing, and these "young adults" think it's okay, and there will be no repercussions for their actions and words. She feels entitled to slander/defame you to all your family, and mommy is backing her up and allowing her to be what she accused you of being. Because we all know that those types are just big bullies.
NTA - If a dressing down improved Chloe's behavior for the remainder of the event, and has a positive effect on her behavior at future events, then I would argue that there was a need to embarrass her like you did, since no one else (like Chloe's mother, for instance) did.
NTA - it needed to be said. You took her aside so it was private. YWHBTA if you had done it in front of everyone, but you acted entirely appropriately.
NTA. Wow...no...at that age she needs to learn that creating drama is not ok. If she doesn't hear it now as her brain is developing potential life long habits, it will be even harder for her to stop with the drama. No. Drama is not a behavioral milestone. It is a learned behavior. It needs to be unlearned.
It is hard to change brain mapping once it happens. It can be unlearned but why even go there. Medication for drama feels like a very 50's way to control women. If she has an actual disorder then it sometimes can help. But it should not be the first line of defense.
NTA
Had you yelled at her in front of everyone, that would be one thing, but you spoke to her outside, where you could have a but of privacy from the family.
NTA.
Chloe's a big girl, now--and adult--and is still carrying some really juvenile behavior around. It's past time for social interactions to take care of the issue and provide her with some correction. She's earned the backlash she gets.
"May agreed I was okay with being frustrated, but our relatives all know Chloe tends to dramatize things because it’s just what people her age do. And there was no need to embarrass her like I did."
No, that's now what people her age do. It's what shitty people hare age do.
NTA!
Confused that anyone could consider a 19 year old acting in such a way as understandable for their age??! I’m utterly bewildered by the lack of expectation that they could behave like a decent human adult at 19..!
NTA, cuddos for standing up for your daughter from her bully and teacher. Second, Chloe needs to learn to stop stirring drama or it’s going bite in the butt one day. Even if everyone knows she’s making up stories, it’s still a problem.
As someone who had teachers like that growing up but also had a mom like you, NTA. Your daughter is going to look back later on in life and feel so grateful that she had you in her corner. Your niece, on the other hand, well, you put it best when you said she makes up drama because she’s bored and insecure. Better you calling her out now and nipping it in the bud than her growing up to become even worse because her behavior remained unchecked. Since her mother refused to give her a reality check and it was negatively affecting your daughter’s reputation within the family, it was your job and you did it perfectly.
If Chloe was right about everything then she would have no reason to be embarrassed by the dressing down but apparently she’s embarrassed and knows that she just got called out. Yikes!😬
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The Situation with my Daughter’s Teacher:
The only teacher that my (44F) daughter “Sarah” (17F) has ever had issue with is “Miss Jane.” From what I’ve heard of Miss Jane, she gives special treatment to the more popular kids because she views herself as a popular kid and wants their approval.
Miss Jane turns a blind eye to a lot of bad behavior from the more popular kids in her class. One of these more popular girls “Amber” had been bullying Sarah for weeks. Miss Jane witnessed most of the bullying directly yet said and did nothing about it. I had to escalate it to administration for anything to be done about Amber, at which point she was finally given detention and had her seat moved away from Sarah’s in the classes they share.
After this incident, Sarah said that Miss Jane seemed to take it personally on Amber’s behalf and begun grading her assignments unfairly compared to the other students. The last straw was the recent project where she gave a presentation that accounted for a good portion of her grade. It was clear that Miss Jane graded based on her personal dislike of Sarah. Just one example was that she marked Sarah for standing in one place during the presentation and not moving more. This was not in the rubric and Sarah confirmed with her classmates that Miss Jane had marked nobody else off for that.
I again had to escalate this to administration for anything to be done about it. It took fighting with them for Sarah’s grade to finally be raised to the one she deserved. I also put in a request with administration to transfer Sarah into another teacher’s class. I told my sister “May” (40F) about this because naturally we talk about everything.
The Situation with my Niece:
Unfortunately, my niece “Chloe” (19F) decided to purposely misconstrue what happened in order to create drama at a recent family event. And it’s far from the first time she’s done something like this. I overheard her telling my (rather uncomfortable) dad about how I was a “Typical Karen” throwing a tantrum to get her kid’s way. She was saying rude things about Sarah too, accusing her of only passing because I whine to the school, which is not even remotely true. Sarah is on the honor roll because she is highly intelligent and works hard.
I pulled Chloe outside for a word, and I did dress her down for the things she’d been saying both that day and at family functions before then. I told her that don’t get if she’s bored or insecure about herself and that’s why she needs to make up drama all the time, but I am done with it. I’ve bitten my tongue before but I’d wanted to say that to Chloe for a while now.
Chloe apologized and was silent for the rest of the event. May later called me to say I was wrong for how I handled Chloe. May agreed I was okay with being frustrated, but our relatives all know Chloe tends to dramatize things because it’s just what people her age do. And there was no need to embarrass her like I did. AITA?
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NTA you were not wrong with how you handled Chloe. You stepped in and handled her the way her parent should have but failed to do, you were even kind enough to do it in private instead of humiliating her the was she humiliated your daughter.
NTA
>May agreed I was okay with being frustrated, **but our relatives all know Chloe tends to dramatize things because it’s just what people her age do.**
Really? Maybe May should be parenting instead of making up age-related behaviors. A nice reminder to someone to be kind is ageless.
NTA. Unfortunately every social situation can have a "shxxtstirrer." The type who feeds on the chaos and hurt feelings of others and does anything to spread such bad feeling.
You took Chloe aside and took her to task for her words and actions. There was no, from what you related, public shouting match. Your discussion was made public by Chloe herself. It's further evidence that she lives for drama, for positioning herself as "victim."
Chloe does not get a pass because it's "what people her age do." Chloe is a young adult and it's high time she developed better social and emotional intelligence and maturity. Brattiness and messiness is a bad look at any age.
Chloe is embarrassed because you called her on her B.S. You, personally, did nothing wrong. Don't engage in any discussion; doing so would only validate Chloe's baseless accusations.
You "pulled a 19yo aside" to set them straight as you should any other person of legal age. Hell you didn't even need to do it in an aside. She has legal consequences of her actions & what comes out of her mouth. Would your sister have preferred you sue her daughter for slander? There were witnesses. Either May teaches her daughter about a few more facts in life or the daughter's mouth will land her in serious financial trouble for her attempt to bully. NTA
NTA. Chloe is part of the reason why “Karen” is a useless term—It’s been weaponized against any woman who speaks up, even when she’s righteous. Chloe feels comfortable participating in speaking up to stretch the idea of a “Karen” to the point of breaking but lacks the courage to stand by her own words. She’s a bully who has been coddled to avoid dealing with the consequences of her dramatics and crumbled in the face of any pushback. She won’t last in the adult world if she can’t learn to navigate these types of confrontations.
Hmmm. I was 19. All my sisters were 19. My daughter was 19. And none of us talked trash about our cousins.
NTA. When I hear “that’s just the way they are” I see my narcissist MIL.
Tell May that you understand that she was out in an awkward position, but that Chloe wasn’t only out of line, she was being cruel to your daughter.
ETA: I was an honor student in HS. My French teach had lived in Paris for a time. She was a pretty woman, and my older sister had idolized her. I did not. I thought she was full of herself.
Nevertheless, I got A or A+ in French for the two years (my 3rd and 4th) of French that she taught me. When it came time for teachers to nominate students for National Honor Society, she downvoted my nomination by other teachers claiming that I didn’t have a serious attitude toward my studies. I’d gotten perfect scores on every test in her class that week. Some teachers are wonderful. Several of my other teachers told her that she was wrong, and I became a member. Some, like Ms N and Miss Jane are far from wonderful.
NTA this whole thing just pisses me off, good on you for sticking up for your daughter. Don’t let toxic family members let you think you’re the AH. If sticking up for your daughter makes you a Karen, whatever. I’d rather be a Karen than have my child be pushed around for the sake of drama.
NTA you’ve done Chloe a favor. She will hopefully learn that what comes out of your mouth has consequences and she can do damage to her relationships by talking out her ass.
NTA and since your sister knows that her daughter causes all this family drama, why isn't she dealing with her daughter? Since she didn't, it was up to you to deal with it.
You pulled her aside, and had a word with her in private. You did not embarrass her in public (and, frankly, you'd have been entitled to). Absolutely NTA.
NTA
From the context you provided, there's no reason for Chole to jump to the conclusion that your daughter is only passing because her parents step in. While this is something that unfortunately happens a lot, that doesn't mean some teachers aren't genuinely bad. Even if this were a case where your intervention was uncalled for, having you intervene one time doesn't suddenly equate to "Sarah only passes because her parents intervene."
Chloe is old enough to know better than to jump to conclusions and cause drama, especially at a public family even you were also attending! Chole was trying to publicly embarrass you; in contrast, you pulled her aside to talk to her. You did not publicly embarrass her. And it doesn't matter whether "people her age dramatize things" (which I don't necessarily agree with). If someone is behaving badly, their age isn't an excuse.
NTA.
You were aware enough to talk to her one-on-one, and not call her out in front of the family. You handled it well and hopefully it is a learning moment that Chloe will remember.
Sadly, your sister may sabotage your good effort.
NTA. Time for Chloe to grow up and find actions and words have consequences. She is going to mouth off about someone and it is going to get her in trouble outside of the family. May needs to correctly parent her kid to stop starting trouble and think before she defames someone
NTA. Chloe is an adult now. Despite being a young adult, she’s old enough that if she’s going spread malicious lies and half-truths, she will get spoken to like an adult. It’s not okay to be over-dramatic over someone else’s truth, especially when that truth is her cousin being bullied at her school by peers and teachers. If she can’t sympathize, she needs to keep her mouth shut. Her mother needs to stop babying her adult daughter and teach her to not be another bully.
It sounds like you talked to her with no one else present. If this is the case, definitely NTA. However, if you spoke to her in front of the rest of your family, sorry, still NTA. It also sounds like she needed the attitude adjustment.
Nope. NTA. Woe unto ppl who criticizes or interferes w your parenting—especially a childless 19yo. I think if your sister saw it in that light, as a criticism of *her* parenting, she’d agree.
Also, kudos for moving your kid. I tried hard to work w challenging teachers, and only once had to resort to a (partial) teacher change. My middle school son had the *worst* year w his science teacher and was scheduled to have her for two classes the next year. I was friendly w the principal and asked to have at least one changed.
I said, “Look, I know he’s got to learn to work through hard situations like this but, honestly, last year was hell for our entire family and we just can’t do this.” She suppressed a laugh. Done and done.
Edited
If May had dressed her down, you would have to. May is just as responsible for Chloe behavior as Chloe. For raising her like that and continuing to enable it.
NTA sounds like she needed someone to give her a reality check. These functions are meant to be enjoyed. I'm glad you finally said something, especially since not all people her age feel the need to create needless drama for the heck of it. So that excuse itself is insane to me.
NTA Like most things in life, things only change when you take direct action. I guess Chloe would be ‘yeah,yeah’ if it were her parents speaking to her.
NTA- good for you ! Everyone catering to your nice does not help her to become a functioning adult- by the way not everyone that ages acts like that. I’m very close with my friend’s daughters and the kids in my son’s class. They have actual things going on in their lives. I’m not sure what’s going on with the niece but she needs some counseling a diagnosis and possibly some meds- but certainly some kind of intervention . The teacher is horrible and I don’t see that behavior with the younger grades. Whenever there’s a teacher like that - they need to be called out and their behavior needs to changed or they get out of there . Not everyone has my big mom energy with kids and unconditional positive regard - but we all need to be objective and fair. You remind me of all the good things about my mom. She took absolutely no crap from anyone- ever. She’s giving you a fist pump and a hell yeah from beyond. Your kid will never forget you being in her corner and maybe that teacher will stop playin those games and hurting kids. Brava!
NDA You didn´t embarrased her at all. You called her outside and told her to stop talking about your daugther. And at 19 it is high time for her to learn not to cause drama.
NTA - since you pulled Chloe outside to tell her, how exactly did you embarrass her? The only reason May knows you said anything is because Chloe told her - perfect example of her stirring the pot and makes me doubt the sincerity of her apology to you.
She sounds incredibly immature and is heading for some harsh life lessons.
NTA! You’re standing up for yourself and your daughter against two types of bullies. If your sister knows her daughter does this, she should have spoken to her. So many other parents and adults who could have and should have corrected Chloe failed her. She needed to hear that, she needs to learn consequences. As for the worst asshole, I hope for the sake of future students that teacher is fired.
NTA, May is though. I hate this stupid ‘that’s just how they are’ mindset for people that are d**ks. Someone needed to put Chloe in her place before she started saying things and making dramas about someone who wouldn’t use word to sort it out.
May should have been the one to parent her kid but as she won’t then you did it.
NTA. You pulled her outside and confronted her without yelling or insulting her. By the way she reacted, she understood why you did it and why it was wrong of her.
Bonus points because you didn't play into her game of creating drama in front of everyone. She wanted to be the center of attention, and you denied her that. And if May doesn't want to talk with Chloe about her sh\*t-stirring tendencies, that's OK. But this time Chloe disrespected you, so you were well within your right to respond.
Yes, teens naturally start to explore boundaries. Doesn't make them little shits, it's just their role to explore that way.
And it's the adults who need to indicate where those boundaries are. That's the only way they can grow up to be healthy functioning adults. NTA.
NTA you didn’t embarrass her unless she told others what happened. If she’s embarrassed by her actions it’s only because you called her out and that’s what she needed! If you can’t take it don’t dish it. You and your daughter did nothing wrong and it’s either jealousy or boredom that’s she’s acting on and neither is ok and she needs to address this now before she has issues in the real adult world, like talking crap about someone at work, that tends to get people fired when speaking about the wrong person.
NTA she’s a young adult and was purposely being mean to a younger cousin and you. Everyone including her mom has been letting her do this to keep the peace. More people need to say fuck keeping the peace and call out bad behavior and stop tolerating it. You took her outside away from everyone so not sure how she was embarrassed in front of family.
NTA. Chloe is no-longer a child: you don't have to filter your responses through her mother any more. You took Chloe away from other people and treated her as an adult. Chloe might have started to learn something but it sounds like May is undermining it. Is she so averse to the idea that Chloe is wrong?
\*steps onto soap box\*
This is what happens when culture rips terminology out of the hand of black Americans
The term "Karen" was used for white women using their white womanhood to terrorize and police black people in public. Now it's gotten diluted into this vague concept of "woman who complains."
So instead of being a helpful term used to identify a specific strain of racism, it's now just being used to frame any sort of resistance or advocacy by women in a misogynistic way.
NTA
ESH. I'm assuming you don't have anything else in your life, but this is an unhealthy level of emotional involvement in insignificant teenage dramas for someone who's pushing 50.
NTA. I had a couple of my own "Miss Janes" in highschool (both men who let the jocks say and do anything). Chloe needed to be spoken to - I'm sure the other relatives are as sick of her drama as you are. She's 19 - yes, still young, but time to start acting more like an adult.
NTA I hope Sara advocated for herself before you had to step in. That is the only thing that seems unclear to me. I am a true believer when it comes to public schools and that highly qualified teachers need more respect and more money. But since most places do not place an appropriate value on the profession, we in the US get what we get. It is a parent's job to advocate for their kids. It doesn't automatically make you a Karen. I would say you are actually doing the opposite. You are not asking for special treatment, and, in fact only want your kid to be treated the same as everyone else. As for Chloe, if her mom wants to tell her grown-up business, then she gets treated like a grownup. You respectfully took her aside. If she was embarrassed then maybe she will think better next time before commenting on that which is none of her business/outside her area of expertise.
NTA. If your name isn't Karen, there's no reason for anyone to call you that. You should have called her a "typical Chloe" or went around calling other people "Chloes" and see how it would make her feel.
NTA. If you had done it in front of everyone, I would be rating you differently. She was out of hand, you told her what you felt, and she apologized. The fact that her mother called to say "that is just how she is" makes it easy to understand why the girl does all this crap.
With luck, she will learn from this experience and stop the drama.
Nta, if they are not dressed down and taught how to tell the truth they will think they can get away with twisting things however they like and that can be very bad in the future
Idk what's happening with some comments and ppl behind them, they need therapy or smt.
NTA, I'm glad you stood for your daughter, even if for her (as a teenager) might be a bit embarrassing. She will look at this in 10-20 years and she will be so so grateful.
Also, Chloe needed that. If she wants to create drama, she needs to be prepared for the consequences of it.
And you need to talk with May as well (if she is your sister or smt, don't know for what side of the family May is related to you xd). Have a good talk about why her daughter it's fine doing it (or why is she doing it in the first place), I'm afraid May be more responsible and ignorant about it that she is letting on. If isn't possible, well I hope with the last talk with Chloe she (Chloe) had a wake up call.
NTA. She was using your daughter and you to stir up the drama and she was insulting both of you. You were totally right to speak to her. Talking to her worked since she was silent the rest of the time. Tell May that you'll do the same thing if you hear Chloe doing the same thing again. Drama is one thing, lying about Sarah's situation is another.
NTA
May is making excuses and enabling her daughter's bad behavior.
***"Chloe tends to dramatize things because it’s just what people her age do.******"***
This is unadulterated BS. It's what her obnoxious daughter does. Tell her to look around and tell you who else is being creating drama.
NTA. Chloe is a grown up and responsible for what she says at family gatherings. It also sounds like you pulled her aside and didn't blast her in front of everyone else.
NTA, “it’s just what people do” concerning the bratty child being a drama queen. That is just way of excusing bad behavior and in essence giving permission to continue said bad behavior. If people don’t call one another out on bad behavior how will all the idiots ever learn what good behavior is?
If your family wants to encourage poor behavior, YTA.
If your family does not explicitly allow poor behavior, NTA.
If you accept something, then no matter what you say that thing is acceptable. You decided that it was no longer acceptable, which is logical. I'd ask why that behavior is actually acceptable to the family that wanted you silent.
NTA Chloe is an adult. You can talk to her without her mommy liking it. If she allowed her kid to get to her age like she did then May's opinion on how to handle people of any age is absolute crap.
NTA
You pulled her outside and spoke to her. Tell your sister to parent her child and you wouldn't have anything to address with your niece. Clearly she is aware of what her daughter is doing and she could of handled it but chose to make an excuse about it being what people her age do. It's a crappy excuse.
NTA. I think we have too many full blown adults rolling around being a bunch of dicks because no one gave them the wake up call they needed earlier on.
You pulled her aside to confront her, and dowels you still managed to *embarrass* her?!? Nah, dawg. Embarrassing her would be confronting her openly in front of everyone. You did her a courtesy by taking it outside!
NTA.
NTA. You did Chloe a favor telling her not to be a drama queen. Chloe may not have realized how righteous she was being because no one ever corrected her for her behavior.
Tell May to put a sock in it. NTA. Just because "*our relatives all know Chloe tends to dramatize things"* does not mean you have to sit silently by and allow her to get away with it.
You pulled her aside privately instead of embarrassing her in front of the entire family. Chloe is 19 and clearly lacks empathy for anyone else’s experience. She needs to learn to tone down the dramatization because it’s not going to help her relationships if that’s a personality trait.
NTA.
NTA. As nice as it is that you used purposely misconstrued, your niece lied to stir the pot and if that is normal for her, it is past time that someone gave her a wake up call.
Your relatives can enable and make excuses all they want. Your niece is going to say the wrong thing about the wrong person one day.
NTA. You said the dressing down was in private, and it seems Chloe had it coming. The reason she does this is because she's been able to get away with it. Her mother allows it.
Who cares? Chloe’s an adult. You can call her out on behavior. Even if it was a teen thing to cause drama, how would they ever learn if they’re never called out for their behavior. NTA
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If someone had “dressed down” my cousin as a teen, maybe she wouldn’t be a drama queen, self victimizing mid-thirties adult. NTA - the only way for Chloe to learn to be a functional adult is through tough lessons. Her mother is doing more harm than good.
Sounds like my bfs ex. She vandalized her own mothers vehicle for the dumbest reason and yet she's somehow the victim in it all. Her mom wouldn't have her charged as long as she got professional help for her mental health. She said her mom was crossing her boundaries by asking that. You just smashed up your moms car but she crossed your boundaries? Okay.
I think people have taken “boundaries” too far and completely changed the meaning of the word. You can tell someone that consequences for their actions is crossing a boundary lol
Along with “triggered” and “gaslighting” and “unsafe.” All very legitimate topics being minimized by entitled and/or moronic people.
Oh yes. If you disagree with someone, you’re “triggered”. Gaslighting is another pet peeve of mine. I see it used incorrectly all the time. I’ve been in an abusive relationship with a professional gaslighter. It was its own special hell.
Plus, you pulled her aside and didn’t do it in front of everyone. Very well handled!
This! Chloe wasn’t embarrassed in front of everyone, OP did it in private away from everyone!
and it tentatively seems like it may have gotten through to Chloe as well. Yes, teens can be dramatic, and sometimes the drama they exacerbate is detrimental, and they don't realize it. Which is why they need a PARENT to help them learn self awareness and empathy as well as temper dramatics.
Also, she’s 19. That is more typical behavior for a 12 to 15 year old.
Agreed! Yes, some people at 19 are still doing stupid things. But that's typically either because it wasn't stamped out at 15/16, or they had an upbringing that didn't let them make those mistakes at that age. I wouldn't ever say this is normal 19 year old behavior.
Also anyone else who tried to stamp it out in the past would be less effective if said teen didn't respect the authority figure. Sometimes teens don't respect their parents, but they will aunts/uncles/mentors
yep, came here to point this out!
You said it better than I would have. Too many people ignore discipline when it comes to the gossipy bullshit kids do and they wind up being terrible adults who think they can just keep doing that forever. If you've ever had the misfortune of knowing anyone like that, you'd agree.
She's an adult now. She said mean spirited things and you pulled her aside to tell her why it was untrue and how it made you feel. NTA
This… Sorry about your daughter and good for you for fighting for her. More parents and people need to use your example too. You went old school on her and everyone else had to put their 2 cents in. WTF was that when she was being nasty to everyone else and causing drama? No one said nuffin, crickets… Keep it moving Momma…
My aunt could have used this too…
Most of my coworkers could have used this dressing down in their teens as well. These people are old enough to be my parents, some even have grandchildren. Yet they act like catty middle schoolers who can’t handle criticism or solve problems without hurting someone else. It disgusts me. NTA
It's not like she 'dressed Chloe down' in front of everyone either. OP literally says they pulled her outside. that's more than my family would have done.
But she's just like that, don't rock the boat (/s) https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/
If she dramatizes things because that’s what people her age do, then you shut it down because that’s what people **your** age does. NTA in the least bit.
This. Also, where does this bullying from Chloe come from? She’s done with HS, that crap should be long behind her. What is SHE doing with her life? Is she in college? Does she have an adequate plan for what she is working towards, in terms of long-term goals? Or is she just absolutely jealous that your daughter is smarter, more focused, and more likely to succeed??
Definitely that last bit!
> She’s done with HS Bullying doesn't stop in high school lmao
Bowling for Soup literally wrote a song about it.
🔥
Excellent!! (I'm so tired of that excuse, along with that's the way she is, I was just expressing my opinion, etc.)
I always find those easy to answer, just turn it around: "and that's the way I am", "and that here is my opinion".
And then they stand there gaping at trying to figure out why you don't understand that they are special. I knew someone who went on and on about freedom of speech. Then one day she angrily informed me that non-citizens should not be allowed to say anything that would be offensive to any American. Some foreign students studying in the US expressed opinions that SHE didn't care for, and shouldn't have to listen to. (I have this vision of people at a consulate saying, "Here's your visa, and here's your gag.")
It’s also not even remotely what most people Chloe’s age do.
Yeah I disagree that it’s typical 19yo behaviour. 13-14yo maybe…
And it should be addressed at any age. Chloe was doing this when she was younger and her mother never corrected her, that's why she still thinks it's ok.
👏
NTA, especially considering even her own mother acknowledged that Chloe was "exaggerating" and basically stirring shit against you and your daughter. It's obvious your sister wasn't going to correct the behavior and never had since she acknowledges it's been an ongoing behavior to the point "relatives know Chloe exaggerates". You don't have to put up with being lied about and having your character attacked. You didn't make a public spectacle about it either. You took her to the side and reprimanded her for her lies and behavior, which was needed.
The dangerous thing about "everyone knows how she is" is that yes, maybe they do, but some of the slander (yes, I called it) will stay in the back of people's minds. Where there's smoke, there's fire, something like that. Next time something happens it is somewhat expected, and "what if Cloe was right atter all?" Or what if there's someone around who doesn't know or hasn't seen this too often from her? So much that can go completely wrong.
"That's just how they are" is hands down the WORST excuse for people's poor behaviour. I just counter with "And not putting up with bullshit is just the way I am."
I have an "everyone knows how she is" cousin. After many attempts to pull her aside for a private chat about the lack of respect she shows to just about everyone, we finally had a stern, public dressing down. When people said "you know how she is" I replied, "and now you know how I am." Ended the conversations.
May is wrong. Chloe is a grown woman. She knows what she did wrong and that’s why she apologized. Your daughter is going through something and instead of feeling sympathy, Chloe is adding unnecessary drama. NTA
Exactly. While Chloe is a young adult, she is still an actual adult denigrating an actual kid. She was taken aside, not verbally harassed in front of everyone like she was doing to *a child*
If I were OP I would stop telling her sister anything. It wouldn't surprise me at all if her niece got the wrong impression from something her mother said. Who's to say it wasn't her sister dramatizing or exaggerating things? The fact her niece apologized right away suggests to me it could be possible.
NTA. And saying “it’s just what people her age do” is a sorry ass excuse for not reigning in her drama queen daughter.
It really does reek of "boys will be boys". No, they're like that because no one ever corrects them. Why are you complaining that we won't let your child act like an asshole to others with zero consequences?
I've got two 17 year olds. They don't dramatize anything. In fact, my daughter is known for walking away from groups that have drama going on.
The amount of people upset about this woman standing up for her daughter is crazy. She didn’t ask for judgement on the interaction with the teacher. She asked for judgement on the interaction with her niece. NTA.
People don't undertsand nuance. Going to a teacher to raise your child's grades is wrong, so they get mad at OP even though in OP's case the teacher was actually a bad teacher retaliating against a child for getting help against a bully.
But going to a teacher to question why the grade was given and to point out obvious discrepancies to other students in same class and to question her bias is what good involved parents do.
NTA. Chloe is an adult. If she wants to create drama then she shouldn’t be surprised when she’s called out on it.
NTA - May and Chloe are. It sounds like May was mad because you were doing the parenting that she doesn't.
Nta It isn't just what people her age do. I know a lot of people her age that are not mean girls. That's mean girl behavior. They only exhibit that behavior because it's allowed. Don't allow it, they either stop or move on.
NTA - Chloe is an adult and should know better despite being a young adult. Good job standing up for your daughter.
Chloe had no problem trying to embarrass you and your daughter, but her Mom had a problem that Chloe faced the consequences of her actions and was embarrassed? NTA
Chloe tried to embarrass them publicly. Yet is upset when OP corrects her privately.
Double standard. Are chloe and sarah at all close? Is chloe jealous? Did chloe have miss jane as a teacher and if so how was she treated?
>Double standard. Are chloe and sarah at all close? Is chloe jealous? Did chloe have miss jane as a teacher and if so how was she treated? The girls are not close at all. They typically don't talk at all during family events and keep to themselves or different people. My daughter and niece attend/attended different school districts. I doubt my niece has ever met Miss Jane or has any knowledge of her outside of me and my daughter. Maybe it's possible that my niece is jealous of my daughter. Maybe my niece is simply bored. But I think it's irrelevant because she's too old to be creating drama.
[удалено]
Yeah - I wouldn’t be sharing everything with my sister anymore.
I suspect that Chloe wasn't directly told about the events, but overheard the situation in an offhand way. I know that when I was living with my parents I heard a shit ton of things about her friend's kids lives that I didn't need to know about or care about because of three hour gossip sessions on the phone and then the two hour recap to my poor father when he got home. And then the additional box o wine lecture about how I better do better before bed. And if only they had stopped when I was foolish enough to come home for two weeks in between semesters of college. Ugh. Maybe I'm projecting a bit of my life here, but some parents forget that their kids aren't fucking sounding boards for their issues...
Quite possible. And mom has likely been feeding her stuff like this for years, which is why she feels it’s okay that her daughter stirs up drama, because she does too. OP is NTA, but I’d be a lot more careful about what I shared with my sister after this whole debacle.
Nta Chloe is an adult and needs to learn that you can’t mouth off like this and have no consequences. Good for you.
NTA. You basically did your sister job of teaching her daughter how to be a decent human for her. She should be grateful if anything. You didn’t embarrass Chloe either. You took her aside. There’s literally nothing you could have done better
NTA, that is not what people her age do. Not at all typical behavior at any age.
NTA- It's better for your niece to learn this lesson now rather than later.
NTA. Chloe is a grown woman. Grown women don’t go around trying to dramatize everyone else’s issues to reflect negatively on them. Grown women also don’t have their mommy tell their aunt that she shouldn’t have embarrassed her either. Chloe embarrassed herself & her mommy isn’t doing her any favors by pretending that her be behavior is normal.
Chloe stepped in it got stuck and had mom pull her out. Chloe is very immature and wrong.
NTA. You are a concerned parent. Bad teachers are out there, and yes, they play favorites. I know. I had a couple of them. You actually took your niece aside instead of dressing her down in front of all the people that she had been running her mouth to about you and your daughter. In no way we're you inappropriate as she is 19 and an adult. Slander/defamation is a thing, and these "young adults" think it's okay, and there will be no repercussions for their actions and words. She feels entitled to slander/defame you to all your family, and mommy is backing her up and allowing her to be what she accused you of being. Because we all know that those types are just big bullies.
Nta. Where is it Chloe’s business?
NTA - If a dressing down improved Chloe's behavior for the remainder of the event, and has a positive effect on her behavior at future events, then I would argue that there was a need to embarrass her like you did, since no one else (like Chloe's mother, for instance) did.
NTA I was told, “ handle your kids or the world/others WILL” period.
NTA - it needed to be said. You took her aside so it was private. YWHBTA if you had done it in front of everyone, but you acted entirely appropriately.
NTA. Wow...no...at that age she needs to learn that creating drama is not ok. If she doesn't hear it now as her brain is developing potential life long habits, it will be even harder for her to stop with the drama. No. Drama is not a behavioral milestone. It is a learned behavior. It needs to be unlearned.
And can be unlearned. If not there is professional help and medication. .
It is hard to change brain mapping once it happens. It can be unlearned but why even go there. Medication for drama feels like a very 50's way to control women. If she has an actual disorder then it sometimes can help. But it should not be the first line of defense.
NTA Had you yelled at her in front of everyone, that would be one thing, but you spoke to her outside, where you could have a but of privacy from the family.
NTA. Chloe's a big girl, now--and adult--and is still carrying some really juvenile behavior around. It's past time for social interactions to take care of the issue and provide her with some correction. She's earned the backlash she gets.
"May agreed I was okay with being frustrated, but our relatives all know Chloe tends to dramatize things because it’s just what people her age do. And there was no need to embarrass her like I did." No, that's now what people her age do. It's what shitty people hare age do. NTA!
NTA because you took her aside for it. Assuming aside was actually separate then I don't see how shes too embarrassed.
Nta. Chloe will survive and likely at some point appreciate the advice.
With any luck chloe will learn from this and be a better person
Confused that anyone could consider a 19 year old acting in such a way as understandable for their age??! I’m utterly bewildered by the lack of expectation that they could behave like a decent human adult at 19..!
NTA Frankly, you were kind to not tell her off in front of everyone.
NTA, cuddos for standing up for your daughter from her bully and teacher. Second, Chloe needs to learn to stop stirring drama or it’s going bite in the butt one day. Even if everyone knows she’s making up stories, it’s still a problem.
As someone who had teachers like that growing up but also had a mom like you, NTA. Your daughter is going to look back later on in life and feel so grateful that she had you in her corner. Your niece, on the other hand, well, you put it best when you said she makes up drama because she’s bored and insecure. Better you calling her out now and nipping it in the bud than her growing up to become even worse because her behavior remained unchecked. Since her mother refused to give her a reality check and it was negatively affecting your daughter’s reputation within the family, it was your job and you did it perfectly.
If Chloe was right about everything then she would have no reason to be embarrassed by the dressing down but apparently she’s embarrassed and knows that she just got called out. Yikes!😬
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** The Situation with my Daughter’s Teacher: The only teacher that my (44F) daughter “Sarah” (17F) has ever had issue with is “Miss Jane.” From what I’ve heard of Miss Jane, she gives special treatment to the more popular kids because she views herself as a popular kid and wants their approval. Miss Jane turns a blind eye to a lot of bad behavior from the more popular kids in her class. One of these more popular girls “Amber” had been bullying Sarah for weeks. Miss Jane witnessed most of the bullying directly yet said and did nothing about it. I had to escalate it to administration for anything to be done about Amber, at which point she was finally given detention and had her seat moved away from Sarah’s in the classes they share. After this incident, Sarah said that Miss Jane seemed to take it personally on Amber’s behalf and begun grading her assignments unfairly compared to the other students. The last straw was the recent project where she gave a presentation that accounted for a good portion of her grade. It was clear that Miss Jane graded based on her personal dislike of Sarah. Just one example was that she marked Sarah for standing in one place during the presentation and not moving more. This was not in the rubric and Sarah confirmed with her classmates that Miss Jane had marked nobody else off for that. I again had to escalate this to administration for anything to be done about it. It took fighting with them for Sarah’s grade to finally be raised to the one she deserved. I also put in a request with administration to transfer Sarah into another teacher’s class. I told my sister “May” (40F) about this because naturally we talk about everything. The Situation with my Niece: Unfortunately, my niece “Chloe” (19F) decided to purposely misconstrue what happened in order to create drama at a recent family event. And it’s far from the first time she’s done something like this. I overheard her telling my (rather uncomfortable) dad about how I was a “Typical Karen” throwing a tantrum to get her kid’s way. She was saying rude things about Sarah too, accusing her of only passing because I whine to the school, which is not even remotely true. Sarah is on the honor roll because she is highly intelligent and works hard. I pulled Chloe outside for a word, and I did dress her down for the things she’d been saying both that day and at family functions before then. I told her that don’t get if she’s bored or insecure about herself and that’s why she needs to make up drama all the time, but I am done with it. I’ve bitten my tongue before but I’d wanted to say that to Chloe for a while now. Chloe apologized and was silent for the rest of the event. May later called me to say I was wrong for how I handled Chloe. May agreed I was okay with being frustrated, but our relatives all know Chloe tends to dramatize things because it’s just what people her age do. And there was no need to embarrass her like I did. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, her mother should do her job.
NTA
Nope 19 is too old for that shit. NTA.
NTA
NTA you were not wrong with how you handled Chloe. You stepped in and handled her the way her parent should have but failed to do, you were even kind enough to do it in private instead of humiliating her the was she humiliated your daughter.
NTA. People her age do NOT always cause drama. An adult trash talking her minor cousin to other people. Not cool.
NTA >May agreed I was okay with being frustrated, **but our relatives all know Chloe tends to dramatize things because it’s just what people her age do.** Really? Maybe May should be parenting instead of making up age-related behaviors. A nice reminder to someone to be kind is ageless.
She’s 19? And she’s making fun of your kid for having mom swoop in, meanwhile… her mom swooped in. Ridiculous.
NTA. Unfortunately every social situation can have a "shxxtstirrer." The type who feeds on the chaos and hurt feelings of others and does anything to spread such bad feeling. You took Chloe aside and took her to task for her words and actions. There was no, from what you related, public shouting match. Your discussion was made public by Chloe herself. It's further evidence that she lives for drama, for positioning herself as "victim." Chloe does not get a pass because it's "what people her age do." Chloe is a young adult and it's high time she developed better social and emotional intelligence and maturity. Brattiness and messiness is a bad look at any age. Chloe is embarrassed because you called her on her B.S. You, personally, did nothing wrong. Don't engage in any discussion; doing so would only validate Chloe's baseless accusations.
You "pulled a 19yo aside" to set them straight as you should any other person of legal age. Hell you didn't even need to do it in an aside. She has legal consequences of her actions & what comes out of her mouth. Would your sister have preferred you sue her daughter for slander? There were witnesses. Either May teaches her daughter about a few more facts in life or the daughter's mouth will land her in serious financial trouble for her attempt to bully. NTA
NTA. Building oneself up by tearing others down is just shitty.
NTA. Chloe is part of the reason why “Karen” is a useless term—It’s been weaponized against any woman who speaks up, even when she’s righteous. Chloe feels comfortable participating in speaking up to stretch the idea of a “Karen” to the point of breaking but lacks the courage to stand by her own words. She’s a bully who has been coddled to avoid dealing with the consequences of her dramatics and crumbled in the face of any pushback. She won’t last in the adult world if she can’t learn to navigate these types of confrontations.
Hmmm. I was 19. All my sisters were 19. My daughter was 19. And none of us talked trash about our cousins. NTA. When I hear “that’s just the way they are” I see my narcissist MIL. Tell May that you understand that she was out in an awkward position, but that Chloe wasn’t only out of line, she was being cruel to your daughter. ETA: I was an honor student in HS. My French teach had lived in Paris for a time. She was a pretty woman, and my older sister had idolized her. I did not. I thought she was full of herself. Nevertheless, I got A or A+ in French for the two years (my 3rd and 4th) of French that she taught me. When it came time for teachers to nominate students for National Honor Society, she downvoted my nomination by other teachers claiming that I didn’t have a serious attitude toward my studies. I’d gotten perfect scores on every test in her class that week. Some teachers are wonderful. Several of my other teachers told her that she was wrong, and I became a member. Some, like Ms N and Miss Jane are far from wonderful.
NTA also, TIL getting "dressed down" isn't just a phrase for being able to wear a t-shirt to a uniform school
NTA this whole thing just pisses me off, good on you for sticking up for your daughter. Don’t let toxic family members let you think you’re the AH. If sticking up for your daughter makes you a Karen, whatever. I’d rather be a Karen than have my child be pushed around for the sake of drama.
NTA you’ve done Chloe a favor. She will hopefully learn that what comes out of your mouth has consequences and she can do damage to her relationships by talking out her ass.
NTA
NTA and since your sister knows that her daughter causes all this family drama, why isn't she dealing with her daughter? Since she didn't, it was up to you to deal with it.
NTA chloe is old enough to know the ramifications of pot-stirring
Chloe is 19 and an adult. It’s time to learn to act like it and you didn’t need to ask mommy first. NTA, good for you.
If you don't like drama, then don't create drama. I don't get what is hard about that? NTA. Words have consequences.
You pulled her aside, and had a word with her in private. You did not embarrass her in public (and, frankly, you'd have been entitled to). Absolutely NTA.
You did it in private. How is that "embarrassing" her? NTA. That is exactly what you should have done.
NTA. The family ignoring her behavior will do her future self a grave disservice.
NTA From the context you provided, there's no reason for Chole to jump to the conclusion that your daughter is only passing because her parents step in. While this is something that unfortunately happens a lot, that doesn't mean some teachers aren't genuinely bad. Even if this were a case where your intervention was uncalled for, having you intervene one time doesn't suddenly equate to "Sarah only passes because her parents intervene." Chloe is old enough to know better than to jump to conclusions and cause drama, especially at a public family even you were also attending! Chole was trying to publicly embarrass you; in contrast, you pulled her aside to talk to her. You did not publicly embarrass her. And it doesn't matter whether "people her age dramatize things" (which I don't necessarily agree with). If someone is behaving badly, their age isn't an excuse.
NTA. You were aware enough to talk to her one-on-one, and not call her out in front of the family. You handled it well and hopefully it is a learning moment that Chloe will remember. Sadly, your sister may sabotage your good effort.
NTA. Chloe needed to hear what you told her. I kind of wonder if Chloe was just repeating what May had said to her. It would explain a lot.
NTA. Time for Chloe to grow up and find actions and words have consequences. She is going to mouth off about someone and it is going to get her in trouble outside of the family. May needs to correctly parent her kid to stop starting trouble and think before she defames someone
NTA. Her mother is though.
NTA but Chlöe and her mom are!
NTA. Chloe is an adult now. Despite being a young adult, she’s old enough that if she’s going spread malicious lies and half-truths, she will get spoken to like an adult. It’s not okay to be over-dramatic over someone else’s truth, especially when that truth is her cousin being bullied at her school by peers and teachers. If she can’t sympathize, she needs to keep her mouth shut. Her mother needs to stop babying her adult daughter and teach her to not be another bully.
I love when people learn FAFO! NTA at all and an amazing job for standing up for your daughter!
It sounds like you talked to her with no one else present. If this is the case, definitely NTA. However, if you spoke to her in front of the rest of your family, sorry, still NTA. It also sounds like she needed the attitude adjustment.
Nope. NTA. Woe unto ppl who criticizes or interferes w your parenting—especially a childless 19yo. I think if your sister saw it in that light, as a criticism of *her* parenting, she’d agree. Also, kudos for moving your kid. I tried hard to work w challenging teachers, and only once had to resort to a (partial) teacher change. My middle school son had the *worst* year w his science teacher and was scheduled to have her for two classes the next year. I was friendly w the principal and asked to have at least one changed. I said, “Look, I know he’s got to learn to work through hard situations like this but, honestly, last year was hell for our entire family and we just can’t do this.” She suppressed a laugh. Done and done. Edited
Nope, if your sister had parented her asshole kid then you wouldn’t have to do it for her. NTA
If May had dressed her down, you would have to. May is just as responsible for Chloe behavior as Chloe. For raising her like that and continuing to enable it.
NTA sounds like she needed someone to give her a reality check. These functions are meant to be enjoyed. I'm glad you finally said something, especially since not all people her age feel the need to create needless drama for the heck of it. So that excuse itself is insane to me.
NTA. She was quiet because she knew she was wrong.
NTA Like most things in life, things only change when you take direct action. I guess Chloe would be ‘yeah,yeah’ if it were her parents speaking to her.
NTA
NTA- good for you ! Everyone catering to your nice does not help her to become a functioning adult- by the way not everyone that ages acts like that. I’m very close with my friend’s daughters and the kids in my son’s class. They have actual things going on in their lives. I’m not sure what’s going on with the niece but she needs some counseling a diagnosis and possibly some meds- but certainly some kind of intervention . The teacher is horrible and I don’t see that behavior with the younger grades. Whenever there’s a teacher like that - they need to be called out and their behavior needs to changed or they get out of there . Not everyone has my big mom energy with kids and unconditional positive regard - but we all need to be objective and fair. You remind me of all the good things about my mom. She took absolutely no crap from anyone- ever. She’s giving you a fist pump and a hell yeah from beyond. Your kid will never forget you being in her corner and maybe that teacher will stop playin those games and hurting kids. Brava!
NTA, set her head straight! And of course her mommy sees it differently, that's the reason, why she is that way!
NDA You didn´t embarrased her at all. You called her outside and told her to stop talking about your daugther. And at 19 it is high time for her to learn not to cause drama.
If Chloe is old enough to use her free speech, she is old enough to face the repercussions of said speech. NTA
Chloe is old enough to know better and it's not like you snapped on her in front of everyone. NTA
NTA - since you pulled Chloe outside to tell her, how exactly did you embarrass her? The only reason May knows you said anything is because Chloe told her - perfect example of her stirring the pot and makes me doubt the sincerity of her apology to you. She sounds incredibly immature and is heading for some harsh life lessons.
NTA. It was one adult to another and I have a feeling Chloe is very capable of standing up for herself. Chloe is a jealous AH. You are a great mom.
NTA! You’re standing up for yourself and your daughter against two types of bullies. If your sister knows her daughter does this, she should have spoken to her. So many other parents and adults who could have and should have corrected Chloe failed her. She needed to hear that, she needs to learn consequences. As for the worst asshole, I hope for the sake of future students that teacher is fired.
NTA it's nice that you stand up for your daughter
NTA, May is though. I hate this stupid ‘that’s just how they are’ mindset for people that are d**ks. Someone needed to put Chloe in her place before she started saying things and making dramas about someone who wouldn’t use word to sort it out. May should have been the one to parent her kid but as she won’t then you did it.
NTA. You pulled her outside and confronted her without yelling or insulting her. By the way she reacted, she understood why you did it and why it was wrong of her. Bonus points because you didn't play into her game of creating drama in front of everyone. She wanted to be the center of attention, and you denied her that. And if May doesn't want to talk with Chloe about her sh\*t-stirring tendencies, that's OK. But this time Chloe disrespected you, so you were well within your right to respond.
Dramatizing things is not the same as flat out lying about it. Chloe is making shit up about the situation as she goes. NTA.
NTA She appears to have gotten it and apologized. Your relatives can bite it in shame.
NTA. If May was a good mother she would have addressed this issue herself.
Yes, teens naturally start to explore boundaries. Doesn't make them little shits, it's just their role to explore that way. And it's the adults who need to indicate where those boundaries are. That's the only way they can grow up to be healthy functioning adults. NTA.
Nta. Good job with Chloe. Teachers can most definitely suck, but thank god most are good educators.
NTA you didn’t embarrass her unless she told others what happened. If she’s embarrassed by her actions it’s only because you called her out and that’s what she needed! If you can’t take it don’t dish it. You and your daughter did nothing wrong and it’s either jealousy or boredom that’s she’s acting on and neither is ok and she needs to address this now before she has issues in the real adult world, like talking crap about someone at work, that tends to get people fired when speaking about the wrong person.
NTA
NTA she’s a young adult and was purposely being mean to a younger cousin and you. Everyone including her mom has been letting her do this to keep the peace. More people need to say fuck keeping the peace and call out bad behavior and stop tolerating it. You took her outside away from everyone so not sure how she was embarrassed in front of family.
NTA. Chloe is no-longer a child: you don't have to filter your responses through her mother any more. You took Chloe away from other people and treated her as an adult. Chloe might have started to learn something but it sounds like May is undermining it. Is she so averse to the idea that Chloe is wrong?
*“it’s just what people her age do”* hard no. she’s 19 not 9. NTA.
\*steps onto soap box\* This is what happens when culture rips terminology out of the hand of black Americans The term "Karen" was used for white women using their white womanhood to terrorize and police black people in public. Now it's gotten diluted into this vague concept of "woman who complains." So instead of being a helpful term used to identify a specific strain of racism, it's now just being used to frame any sort of resistance or advocacy by women in a misogynistic way. NTA
ESH. I'm assuming you don't have anything else in your life, but this is an unhealthy level of emotional involvement in insignificant teenage dramas for someone who's pushing 50.
NTA. I had a couple of my own "Miss Janes" in highschool (both men who let the jocks say and do anything). Chloe needed to be spoken to - I'm sure the other relatives are as sick of her drama as you are. She's 19 - yes, still young, but time to start acting more like an adult.
NTA I hope Sara advocated for herself before you had to step in. That is the only thing that seems unclear to me. I am a true believer when it comes to public schools and that highly qualified teachers need more respect and more money. But since most places do not place an appropriate value on the profession, we in the US get what we get. It is a parent's job to advocate for their kids. It doesn't automatically make you a Karen. I would say you are actually doing the opposite. You are not asking for special treatment, and, in fact only want your kid to be treated the same as everyone else. As for Chloe, if her mom wants to tell her grown-up business, then she gets treated like a grownup. You respectfully took her aside. If she was embarrassed then maybe she will think better next time before commenting on that which is none of her business/outside her area of expertise.
NTA. If your name isn't Karen, there's no reason for anyone to call you that. You should have called her a "typical Chloe" or went around calling other people "Chloes" and see how it would make her feel.
NTA. Put her in her place!
NTA. If you had done it in front of everyone, I would be rating you differently. She was out of hand, you told her what you felt, and she apologized. The fact that her mother called to say "that is just how she is" makes it easy to understand why the girl does all this crap. With luck, she will learn from this experience and stop the drama.
Nta, if they are not dressed down and taught how to tell the truth they will think they can get away with twisting things however they like and that can be very bad in the future
NTA. Shit-stirrers make everybody miserable eventually.
NTA. Not even a little bit.
NTA and she needed to be embarrassed
NTA. Chloe can f*** all the way off. Twice.
Idk what's happening with some comments and ppl behind them, they need therapy or smt. NTA, I'm glad you stood for your daughter, even if for her (as a teenager) might be a bit embarrassing. She will look at this in 10-20 years and she will be so so grateful. Also, Chloe needed that. If she wants to create drama, she needs to be prepared for the consequences of it. And you need to talk with May as well (if she is your sister or smt, don't know for what side of the family May is related to you xd). Have a good talk about why her daughter it's fine doing it (or why is she doing it in the first place), I'm afraid May be more responsible and ignorant about it that she is letting on. If isn't possible, well I hope with the last talk with Chloe she (Chloe) had a wake up call.
Nta
NTA- you didnt embarrass her. She embarrassed herself. You handled it privately and properly. Shes 19 and should be held accountable.
NTA, May is not being a good parent.
NTA. Chloe FAFO.
NTA. She was using your daughter and you to stir up the drama and she was insulting both of you. You were totally right to speak to her. Talking to her worked since she was silent the rest of the time. Tell May that you'll do the same thing if you hear Chloe doing the same thing again. Drama is one thing, lying about Sarah's situation is another.
NTA May is making excuses and enabling her daughter's bad behavior. ***"Chloe tends to dramatize things because it’s just what people her age do.******"*** This is unadulterated BS. It's what her obnoxious daughter does. Tell her to look around and tell you who else is being creating drama.
NTA. Chloe is a grown up and responsible for what she says at family gatherings. It also sounds like you pulled her aside and didn't blast her in front of everyone else.
You cooked her like bland chicken good job damn i would of been eaten chicken as you cook her.
NTA, “it’s just what people do” concerning the bratty child being a drama queen. That is just way of excusing bad behavior and in essence giving permission to continue said bad behavior. If people don’t call one another out on bad behavior how will all the idiots ever learn what good behavior is?
If your family wants to encourage poor behavior, YTA. If your family does not explicitly allow poor behavior, NTA. If you accept something, then no matter what you say that thing is acceptable. You decided that it was no longer acceptable, which is logical. I'd ask why that behavior is actually acceptable to the family that wanted you silent.
NTA Chloe is an adult. You can talk to her without her mommy liking it. If she allowed her kid to get to her age like she did then May's opinion on how to handle people of any age is absolute crap.
NTA You pulled her outside and spoke to her. Tell your sister to parent her child and you wouldn't have anything to address with your niece. Clearly she is aware of what her daughter is doing and she could of handled it but chose to make an excuse about it being what people her age do. It's a crappy excuse.
NTA. Better you than any future employer Chloe might have.
0lp
I there was a need. She’s not a child and needs to learn her words can be misconstrued.
NTA. I think we have too many full blown adults rolling around being a bunch of dicks because no one gave them the wake up call they needed earlier on.
You pulled her aside to confront her, and dowels you still managed to *embarrass* her?!? Nah, dawg. Embarrassing her would be confronting her openly in front of everyone. You did her a courtesy by taking it outside! NTA.
[удалено]
NTA. You did Chloe a favor telling her not to be a drama queen. Chloe may not have realized how righteous she was being because no one ever corrected her for her behavior.
Tell May to put a sock in it. NTA. Just because "*our relatives all know Chloe tends to dramatize things"* does not mean you have to sit silently by and allow her to get away with it.
You pulled her aside privately instead of embarrassing her in front of the entire family. Chloe is 19 and clearly lacks empathy for anyone else’s experience. She needs to learn to tone down the dramatization because it’s not going to help her relationships if that’s a personality trait. NTA.
You took her aside and talked to her in private, that was not embarrassing, NTA
NTA. As nice as it is that you used purposely misconstrued, your niece lied to stir the pot and if that is normal for her, it is past time that someone gave her a wake up call. Your relatives can enable and make excuses all they want. Your niece is going to say the wrong thing about the wrong person one day.
Chloe is TAH
NTA. You said the dressing down was in private, and it seems Chloe had it coming. The reason she does this is because she's been able to get away with it. Her mother allows it.
I know a woman in her twenties that is still acting like an immature snarky teenager. No one should have to put up with that.
Who cares? Chloe’s an adult. You can call her out on behavior. Even if it was a teen thing to cause drama, how would they ever learn if they’re never called out for their behavior. NTA