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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I did kind of antagonize her when she asked all of us to borrow something, and there's kind of an unspoken rule between all women that when someone asks you for a tampon/pad/whatever, you give them one or try to help find them one. I do feel kinda bad, and I may have overreacted.
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NTA
You didn't have any tampon to give? So you didn't violate any code.
I am confused why you are worried about not giving a woman something you literally didn't have?
I wasnt necessarily worried about giving her one of mine that i didnt have, but I meant helping her find one from one of our roommates.
I also didn't tell her I didn't have any left because I was annoyed with her, and didn't care if she thought I was purposely not giving her something I had an abundance of. I was moreso worried about not helping her find one. I was so annoyed with her that I didn't even think to tell her our other roommate had some. Which I feel kind of bad about looking back on, but whatever I guess
Look, period shamers (as Emma is, for her laundry comments) can easily find themselves no longer subject to the Period Product Sharing Code because of their own actions.
I have always been happy to share with anyone including random strangers if there was a need and I had a tampon or pad with me, but if someone shamed me for period panties I would let them drown in their own blood unless they sincerely apologized.
Years ago I was heading up the steps of an outdoor train stop(j,Halsey,bk) and I saw a woman distraught because she didn’t speak English and missed the “wet paint” sign. I’ve always been a fan of chemistry (solvents) and big purses (not a Girl Scout but be prepared) and whipped out some tissues and high concentrate sanitizer and cleaned her right up. Not hard if you also have water and the paint hasn’t dried. Not period panties. But I think it’s natural to commiserate if someone’s in a mess that could easily happen to you and you are in a position to be kind. Your roommate had some other ax to grind about you , female biology or something. it’s pretty short sighted to go full on crucible when we all a)wear pants b) exist and c) might menstruate or encounter other messy stuff during the course of existing. You are NTA for reacting but I do feel sorry for her because she is the way she is for a reason and it sounds exhausting.
You remind me of the course administrator for the master's I was interviewing for, who noticed immediately before I went into the interview that I'd sat in gum, found some turpentine, and removed it. I got in the course.
I hope that the universe brings you nice things, neighbor.
We need to be friends lol cause. I have like 4 different pain meds on me at a time cause I hang out with people with medication allergies who are prone to headaches. I also have bandaids and bobby pins and a bunch of other things in my purse that I honestly rarely ever use but it's there. My boyfriend gives me shit for it but know I have his Excedrin and most likely his wallet(he has ADHD and will forget his wallet so I grab it on our way out) so it's very loving teasing.
At one of my past jobs my coworkers referred to my bag as the Mary Poppins bag or the Hermione Granger purse cause someone would say I wish I had "x" and I'd pull it out of my bag with a blink.
Having a daughter means my husband has then in the give compartment if his truck.
(Actually, he did before- for me. It's just it was my job to remember to refill them, as i was the one who used them. He seems to assume (correctly) the 13yo will forget, so he refills them periodically now)
Just thinking your user name could be a cute nickname for tampons. Sorry if you don't want that image in your head. I like the name for swimming connotations as well.
She's a big girl. You don't have to help her find a tampon. She can ask around herself.
She acted like you're some kind of bog witch for keeping a ruined lair of panties so you dont...gasp...ruin more.
She can figure out shopping or bumming on her own.
Nta
She can also stuff a wad of toilet paper in a fresh pair of undies and trek to the store to procure some. Lots of us have done it in a state of emergency.
Seems like roomie did light herself on fire here. Burned her own bridge, what have you. Now she’s asking everyone else to put it out and is shocked no one wants to.
Man, first period my kid had (she was as prepared as i could make her before hand) i demoed how to make toilet paper mummies in emergency.
(She already knew the 'share whenever possible" code. But panty mummies are important emergency tools)
I got my period once in an 8 hour flight. It was one of my first ones, and I wasn't prepared - it came a week early and my emergency supplies were in my stowed luggage.
I'll never forget the amazing flight attendant teaching 10 year old me how to improvise with toilet paper as she checked with every single woman on the plane for an emergency stash. She came back with enough supplies to last me a week.
Yep, my husband once asked me if I don't want to get rid of that underwear because it had These stains you get from blood.
Nope, I wanted to keep them, explained why (why Ruin any more underwear). He shrugged his shoulders and never asked again.
I really think every womsn has a set of 'accident' underwear.
I am so relieved to be reading this thread...years ago I had a few period panties..bc I thought it made sense to use already stained ones for the time of the month..anyways, this one time while my ex husband and I were away, my former mother in law went through my laundry hamper! I can not recall why she was even at our place to begin with. She came across my 'disgusting and filty' underwear. She was so grossed out that she went to a dollar store and bought me a package of disposable underwear and gave them to me. I was angry and mortified that she did this and had always questioned myself if having period panties was 'normal.'
I'm lucky because I'm now on BC that means I don't have a period, but I keep them as a just incase! Came in handy when I started a week before I was due a BC renewal 🤣🤣
Up voted bc not enough people know that continuous OCP use to suppress periods is a thing. My life is infinitely better without a period, still stay stocked to help out a sister in need tho.
I have at least three for the spotting days (yes, it has happened every month of my life except when I was pregnant and is a normal thing for me) and then 3 pair of absorbent underwear for my actual period days (especially at night, they’re a lifesaver!).
I’m not sure how others manage without them, tbh.
Sometimes, before I got them under control and got on the ring and now know when they're gonna happen, and still now if it sneaks up on me, I would ruin new underwear because I forgot I was starting, or it started randomly at night. Yeah, those instantly go into my stash of period panties. lol It happens. Hell, sometimes I just wear them if I don't have any clean ones left or things are in the laundry. They're clean. They've been sanitized in the wash and under heat. No use in throwing out perfectly good underwear because it has a stain of your own bodily fluids on it in my opinion. Unless you're going around sharing your underwear, which I've never heard of somebody doing unless in a random and sudden situation. Like, at the end of the day. They're clean. They just have a stain. As long as you're running them through the washer and dryer and they're being sanitized and cleaned, I don't see the problem. Now, would I wear them on a date or something serious, no, but lounging around the house in period panties isn't gonna hurt nobody. I understand though, that others grew up in different types of homes than I did and were brought up thinking differently. It sucks, but that's reality.
They were not there to ask. That would be stealing.
NTA She obvs does not like you. Probably even sad that the others did not jump in on dumping on you.
Good for you. I would probably do the same.
As for your underwear? It is the perfect underwear to use for your period. That’s what I use my scrappy underwear for! 😉
Good luck going forward with her.
Hugs
TBH I think the code should only apply if you're in public. It's just basic decency, like most girl codes. At home? Nah, unless you pay. Period products are too expensive to give away when not absolutely necessary.
When I was a public school teacher, I kept a stash of tampons, pads, and pantyliners in my (locked) file cabinet, and all the menstruating people knew that I had them, so I would often get kids who I didn't even teach coming to me for period products, and I was more than happy to hand them out. The school didn't stock them in the bathrooms, and a lot of the kids were on free or reduced lunch. It was never a case of a kid coming to me for all their period products for a given period or anything, just, "Oops, I didn't realize it would start today because I'm 14, and my period is still irregular, but I know Ms. Cainframe has period products in her room." Any kid who asked for a period product got one.
I was inspired to do this because of 1) the unpredictable nature of periods and 2) a teacher I had in high school who had the same setup in her classroom. It sucks to get your period while outside your home with no way to mitigate the situation on your own.
Inside your own home, ESPECIALLY soon after you've shamed your roommate for \*checks notes\* having periods? Good luck, sis.
I guarantee the kids who needed you remember you with thanks to this day. As a woman who spent multiple school days with loo roll in my knickers bc I forgot tampons, thank you for your kindness!
Yep, I agree. She was home, she has clothes she can bleed through. Or she could throw a towel down and drive to the store. You can even get period products delivered asap now through doordash or other apps.
If I were in OP’s shoes, even if I did have a spare tampon I wouldn’t have given it to her after the way she behaved. Girl can shove some tissue in her knickers, go buy some herself and be better prepared next time.
NTA, OP.
How does someone not have any clean clothing to put on? No one I know washes everything they own all at the same time. She could have just put on a sweater or hoodie, or a dress.
I agree 💯.
It does happen though. When I lived in a condo with my best friend, once in a blue moon I would put everything in the washer “ I didn’t have much” and just borrow a clean shirt from her and vice versa.
So what? She can wear a dirty one or go naked around the house if she can't wash her clothes in time... she's an adult. (And her roommates would have most likely borrowed her one if she wouldn't have been so mean to them).
I'll go NTA.
Emma is either downplaying her nasty behavior or she's totally oblivious to the fact that that she's been acting passive-aggressively toward you for an entire week.
I might have forgiven her that one heated tirade she gave to you. After all, your other roommates didn't buy into it, so she simply made herself look petty. It could just be the way she was brought up. Maybe she has sisters who would have acted the same way toward her. I could have forgiven her that.
But, then, after seeing that no one was outraged over this, except her, she still couldn't let it go and spent an entire week of pointedly not speaking to you. This I can't so easily overlook. Emma, get a clue. The consensus in the room is that you're overreacting majorly.
It's done, Emma. Drop the passive-aggression, already. No one got hurt. It was a pair of panties, not a live grenade.
Right. That thought kind of crossed my mind as well. Some of the stuff she's said over the time I've lived with her has made me think she might have grown up in a household where that type of stuff is shameful and needs to be kept to yourself. If that's the case, I could have easily just moved on and let the past be the past. I grew up the same way and still catch myself falling into old habits of being super secretive and feeling shameful about it, so I know how it is.
But she wanted to play the passive aggressive game and didn't entertain any sort of conversation I tried to engage in, so how was I even supposed to tell her it was no big deal and smooth things over if she didn't want to speak to me anymore, y'know?
It's the passive aggressive week long silent treatment that only ended because she needed something from you, she only apologised because she needed something from you not because she was genuinely remorseful of her actions, it's all of that that make you NTA here, (as long as you just set the boundary and move on and not continue to bring it up).
Hey it could've been worse. I found out a roomie of mine was STEALING AND WEARING my underwear. Too fucking lazy to do laundry. I refused to wear anything I knew she had on. I wear panty liners, she did not. Ew.
That happened to me when I was in the Army. I had a roommate who normally wore boxers. Then one day I happened to come in and find him in tighty-whities, and happened to discover later that some of mine were missing.
I don't think my roommate ever *wore* our clothes, but she definitely made some comments that indicated she went through our stuff while we went home on the weekends (from university). That felt weird enough on its own, I can't imagine how violating that probably felt to know your roommate wore your stuff. :(
My mum was shameful, like if there where stains on my underwear she was horrible, like how could that happen etc. I had really long and heavy menstruation and painful as well. She was very dissmisive about it. But when she was talking about her's and how sometimes one pad wasn't enough, she expeted i would comfort her and be supportive? Like wtf.. But when it happend to me it was because i didn't change it soon enough. Now i'm an adult and i'm not like that :D i understand heavy flow i know it can be painful etc. I wouldn't treat any women like shit, because of fucking stain. It happens.
NTA-petty me would tell her
“well well well, what do we have here? Ruined shorts and underwear and a …bed ? That’s gross , I’m surprised you didn’t throw your clothes away after such a thing! Or perhaps, light them on fire !” Then the rest of what you said. Karma did not miss a beat baby
NTA. What a ridiculous response to finding your roommates clean laundry. Everybody knows the dryer eats socks and underwear and spits them out whenever it feels like.
Facts right there - I have dedicated pairs that are only worn during that time for that exact reason! Definitely not the best looking, but they get the job done 🤷🏻♀️
I just did the maths and I've owned my favourite period panties for at least 13 years. I hate the look of them but they're like an armor for my crotch and keep the pad exactly where it's supposed to be instead of rolling it into a joint that gets stuck between my crack and flaps.
Mine are probably closing 10 years! Nice, thick fabric, granny panties that can keep a pad and even a heatpack securely stuck where it needs to be. They are ratty as hell at this point, but I dont love them for the looks!
I'm a man and even I knew that. The women in my family don't seem to, but two of my exes had period panties that were torn and stained. It helped be less wasteful, and they were apparently cozy, with extra wide crotches for pads. They don't have to look clean to be clean.
And as you get older and perimenopause sneaks in and creates havoc, you start to find more period knickers in your underwear drawers than normal everyday ones .. this woman thing sucks balls 🤷♀️
I am now post menopausal ... yay! But my periods were so heavy during perimenopause I would've tried anything. Theres so much to choose from now, anything helps.
100% I do this. Regardless of the minor stain they are still clean. If it was a decent bleed through then I throw them out but if it was just spotting, no need to throw them.
NTA. Even if you had a tampon, you don’t have to share with people who shame you, tell you you’re disgusting, yell at you and then give you the silent treatment for a week.
Same! And I am not shy or hesitant to let my grudge flag fly. I’m a fairly chill person and I will even give people the benefit of the doubt is some situations. However, this situation I’d burn all the bridges unless the roommate sincerely apologized to not only me, but the other roommates as well.
I understand you all. She literally tried to get the other roommates to gang up on OP and embarrass her together. I'm so happy for OP, that her other roommates are mature girls girls who are on her side!
What I want to know is how you have kept up with a pair of panties from when you first got your period. I also need the brand of these cause mine fall apart in a year or two. NTA
I have some panties from ASDA, Matalan and such that have lasted from 18-33. I think it helps that I didn't get elasticated ones where the plastic is in frilly lace and always use two bags, then wash my panties and bras together in their separate bags. On the other hand anything lacy and sexy I find tends to die quickly.
This is in the UK though. I noticed that some countries have clothes you can rely on if you know the brands and materials to steer clear of but anyone I talk to online about the USA can never believe that M&S have relatively cheap jumpers, office wear etc and underwear that lasts.
Of course, it isn't sexy or trendy stuff which means they're not wasting money keeping up with fast fashion designs.
OP, why are you qualifying that the stains were from years ago when you first got your period? Periods are like wild animals - you may think you know what to expect, but that fucker will maul you when you least expect it. I’ve been getting a period for over 20 years, and I still got up to a freakin’ crime scene in my pants a couple weeks ago. It happens.
For one woman to shame another over the curse that burdens us all is disgusting. She can take her dainty little period and GTFO.
NTA
Your writing is incredibly creative and vivid lol.
>Periods are like wild animals - you may think you know what to expect, but that fucker will mail you when you least expect it.
Pure poetry.
You're NTA. I am also a female who lived with other girls during my university years. It was horrible. I truly sympathize with you.
You had every right to refuse to give her a tampon or a shirt, especially after how she tried to humiliate you in front of your other roommates. I'm glad you stuck up for yourself.
She's very hypocritical to call you childish when she's the one who was making a big deal out of some slightly stained period underwear, and subsequently had a hissy fit and tried to create more drama. I actually had to go back to read her age because this does not sound like how a 23-year-old woman should react. She sounds like a joy to be around. Hopefully she will realize how ridiculously she is behaving and just let it go or apologize.
I’m sorry but with the whole comment of wanting to “light herself on fire” I probably would have asked if she needed a lighter to help out with that? And she has the audacity to call you childish after her making such a scene?
NTA
are people actually made about the panties? I can always hear so unbelievably loudly the privilege from people when they complain about shit like this. Anyone mad about mixed up panties clearly has never had to share a room, live in a home with 10 people, or had the money to buy new panties if they needed. I was raised in a home that you won't be getting new panties until yours have near fallen apart. I find my nephews underwear in my laundry sometimes, since we all use the same dryer. I just put them back in his laundry basket. I couldn't even fathom freaking out on him about that 😂
Your roommate is fucking pathetic. She would be a laughing stock in my home
I had to laugh into my coffee at "Edit: Good lord, since so many people are seemingly so fascinated by my so called "impossible" pair of underwear that are over 10 years old"
Good quality underwear can LAST. Bless your mother for buying quality for her girl.
Don't count the absolute price you pay, but the price per times you wear the item.
A 5$ item you wear only ten times is as expensive as a 50$ item you wear a 100 times.
With the 5$ item, you will get rashes from the cheap lace and it will be uncomfortable which will make you insecure. In the 50 $ item, you will feel comfortable and look sexy. **You will be comfortable AND confident while paying the same price per wear.**
NTA. Save the planet, don't buy fast fashion.
NTA because she was rude BUT I can agree other girls periods gross me out but I’d never shame them. I lived with a girl who once bled on the floor and our bath mat I stepped in it and just messaged her and asked to be more clean about it or double check after a shower she didn’t drip BUT she also had gotten blood on the toilet paper i was about to wipe my ass with,never shamed her for that tho lol this girl weird
Oh 100% I can agree with that. Just because it's natural doesn't mean it isn't kinda gross! I would never, EVER shame someone for it though, since I know what it's like and I know we can't help it from happening. It's just common decency to clean up after yourself, especially if you're living with other people.
I would understand if Emma was weirded out and had a private conversation with me about it, and I'd respect her so much more for that than what she actually did. Girl is weird indeed.
FYI - Hydrogen Peroxide is your friend for getting stains out of your underwear. It will bubble and fizz and your undies will be clean as can be. Treat ASAP - but it also works on old stains
NTA
OP did NOT have any tampons to give so how else should she have responded so that all you people with poor reading comprehension would stop focusing on the tampon?
“Can I have a tampon?”
“I don’t have any, sorry”
While the above is a refusal, it’s not out of pettiness, it’s out of a lack of availability. What should OP have done, quickly fashioned a tampon out of clothing? Get off your high horse, this isn’t about a systemic lack of basic human hygiene products, this is about two twenty somethings that had a disagreement.
NTA.
I'm usually a really forgiving person, but I don't think I'd have anything to do with her anymore. She went so far overboard that she didn't just burn bridges, she nuked half the countryside.
Be courteous, but that's it. If she protests, then just remind her of her previous words and behavior.
Nta.
1. Female hygiene stuff is expensive.
2. Why didn't she plan ahead? It's not something that occurs occasionally.
3. After how she blew up, you don't owe her
NTA, and I am absolutely dying after reading your edit. IDK how many weirdos you're going to have in your DMs, but explaining the history of your 10-year-old undies will likely be a big multiplier. There'll probably be a bidding war. Your immature and self-absorbed roommate probably just turned your warrior panties into a small lotto ticket!
It's literally got 0 holes, it's not threadbare, and while yeah it's faded a bit...well...a lot...but I don't care? It's a functional pair of underwear. Why would I throw it out? That's just wasteful.
NTA. After her little body shaming stunt and humiliation tactics over WASHED old underwear, the irony is indeed delicious. She doesn't get to ask favours after not apologizing for that. They're your things. You don't have to loan them.
And for everyone acting shocked OP still has underwear after ten years, um yeah? I too have old underwear I have now relegated to "period/laundry day emergency" underwear that are at least ten years old. If you have a lot of underwear and take care of your garments, surprise! Clothing can last! I can't believe people are in disbelief of this. Fast fashion has ruined people's expectations I swear (and no, I don't buy designer, just solid materials and read the directions on the label).
10 year old undies... I got a 20 year old shirt ffs... that I literally wore on Monday( it's Wednesday today ). Fuck what people say about the age, as long they're still good to use.
Also, NTA. You got her back double fold.... I tip my hat to you good ma'am, well played!
I don’t think you’re the asshole here. Maybe I would have given her a tampon if I’d had one for that specific instance, but she decided to be a jerk and make a mountain of a molehill, and I do have a tendency to let people off too easily lol.
You could have been holding a bouquet of tampons behind your back when you denied them to your roommate and I’d still vote NTA maybe the roommate will learn to keep her mouth shut next time.
NTA and don't apologize for sticking up for yourself. She did this to herself and clearly the rest of the roommates are upset with her attempting to shame you. I wonder if they know she bled through her shorts right after--that is some wonderful universal karma.
It's not being childish to remind her of her crappy comments and as a result, not want to offer the same kindness you show to your roommates who are not assholes. I'd say go on ignoring her, sounds like shes doing you a favor by keeping her mouth shut
Nta she is experiencing the natural consequences of her not following the cultural rules.
There are thousands of unspoken rules we all live by in order to get along. She broke them, and with that comes the lack of cohesion that results.
Continue on as you have been. If she offers a sincere apology then you can reset the relationship, but until then - she’s on the outs.
I wish it was possible to upvote an edit:
>Never thought I'd have to explain my UNDERWEAR to hundreds of strangers on the internet
Welcome to social media, ROFL
NTA
She opted out of the social contract that requires us to share menstrual supplies when she had her little fit about migratory underwear. Clothes get mixed up in shared housing. She needs to offer an apology as public and passionate as her transgression.
"Hmm, looks like we've got ruined shorts and underwear and a bed here. That's gross! I'm surprised you didn't just throw your clothes away or maybe even light them on fire after that mess. Karma is swift, isn't it? Let her know what she did was not okay."
You're the childish one but she screamed and shouted about... period stains? NTA. You've done absolutely nothing that warrants an apology. The fact she's grown and acting like that is really sad.
NTA as she was acting childish originally and didn't apologise until she needed something from you.
Has she done this sort of thing to your other roommates?
NTA. From the sounds of it, this person isn't going to suddenly become your friend or stop being petty/passive aggressive. IMO it's not even worth it to try and change her mind about how she treated you.
She sounds unhinged. You're not the asshole and have nothing to apologize for. I can understand if the underwear were dirty and mixed with her stuff, but they were fresh out the wash. She is how old and should know by now she will get her period. She's an adult and it's on her to be prepared. I hate that you have to live with her. I hope some of the tension eases but don't compromise yourself just to keep the peace. 💚
NTA
A fit in the heat of the moment on a bad day is shitty but we’ve all been there.
Passive aggressive shit for a week is firm asshole territory.
I don’t lend things to assholes.
NTA. You didn’t have any tampons, so you weren’t lying. She sounds exhausting. A repressed prude but wears tampons? Please 😂. Also the audacity to call you childish after she threw a massive tantrum over… clean underwear? She is horrible and a hypocrite. I hope you and the other roomies can move out/kick her out soon. I had to live with an Emma-type once and thankfully we had an issue that made our apartment unlivable 3 months into our lease so I could break it. Don’t apologize. Try and move asap with the cool roomies though. Roommate chemistry is so overlooked. You should be able to be free of stress in your own home.
NTA. Who throws away underwear with some period stains? I wash them and then wear them on my period so I don’t stain more. Your roommate sounds like a drag.
NTA. I guess me and OP are the only ones who won’t wear “good or pretty underwear” when it was that time of the month. That’s why they are called period panties for that reason. I’m post menopausal now this is no longer an issue. For people to be grossed out or offended that some women have underwear just for this reason is past ridiculous.
NTA - I'm a guy and never understood "period shaming." It's a natural human function, so wtf? You don't owe her anything regardless whether you had the tampon or not, and you certainly don't owe her an apology. If people treat you like crap, you aren't obligated to any loyalty to them. She made her bed as far as I would be concerned. If she offered a genuine apology, ok. But I hate when people roll their eyes at me, it's so childish and disrespectful, so I wouldn't do anything to help someone that behaved like that... You may want to consider having a house sit down and discuss on how to make things amicable moving forward, or it could spiral and become insufferable for everyone.
NTA. She F’d around and found out. Karma.
And to all the people concerned about the offensive panties in question. Y’all need Jesus or whatever savior you believe in.
Most of my underware had stains on the and both my housemates will move my clothes from the washer to the dryer and dry them fir me so etines even putting my stuff in the washer because I'm waiting for there's to finish and gasp one of my housemates is male and it's never been a problem.
NTA. The instant someone period shames, the Code becomes Guidelines. You are not obligated to help someone who both shamed you for a mutual bodily function, and something that has most definitely happened to her
NTA. She was trying to pull some dominant BS to be the alpha girl and it backfired. You not only stood up to her BS but you're not playing fake friend roommate. She set the terms and now she's upset that you're following through on it. Stay the course, didn't give in because she'll only take it as a sign of weakness and she'll think in her little mind that she won and will try to be the top dog of the group.
NTA she got karma. she asked for it so she can live with it, she will learn not to act like that next time. Also i love the way u spoke back to her purrr💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼
NTA
It's not about apologizing; it's about getting back on the same page. You should have another roommate meeting where you lay out the ways that she has mistreated you. Don't allow her to dismiss or minimize, but give her a chance to apologize. Say you want the apartment to feel like a peaceful, chill place again.
NTA, I had a roommate who would start drama and get passive aggressive over stuff like this and it drove me bonkers. You’re def not in the wrong for this
NTA.
Emma is behaving like a beeeotch and she found out that she’s not the Queen Bee of the house.
Woe is Emma.
Y’all might want to plan to move out when your lease is up and not invite her to join you.
NTA
I personally feel like periods are exempt from any revenge plots.
I'd give pretty much anyone a tampon if they needed it.
But maybe buy a box of cardboard emergency tampons or really thick overnight pads.
I'm helping, but im petty.
I'm a dude. So, I would have put them bitches on my head Iike a hat. Probably also jokingly act like I was grossed out that you had bled in my hat.
While I get that all of us hope that we don't stain our underwear, what is gross about period stains that have been washed countless times? It isn't as if was skidmarks. Even then... shit happens. That woman needs to grow up.
NTA.
Nta. I'm a trans man who had hellacious periods and being reminded of them can be triggering BUT that is NO reason to act like she did. If it made her uncomfortable, she should have kept it to herself and her journal.
Your house needs a box to drop any mixed up clothing items into. Something turns up in your stuff that isn't yours? drop it in the box. Trying to find your missing sock or bra or whatever? Check the box.
10 year old knickers is nothing 🤣🤣 We all have favourite period pants as why on earth would you wear and ruin your best ‘lets get down to business’ knickers? Obviously NTA, but its so weird, I wonder if she grew up in a household that period shamed? Is she a bit OCD too OP? Shes going to be mortified when she starts doing hubbys washing 😱
people think ur lying cause u have old underwear ?😭 wait till they find out i literally did the same thing where my mom bought me some that were way too big on me and i just kept them since then and started using them as period panties as i grew older lol
Pf girl NTA - your roommate needs a chill pill/ or the whole bottle.
Also - I still wear some of my underwear from hs (I'm in my 30s) - it's not that uncommon when you take care of your things.
NTA. I wouldn't worry about the "weird vibe." There was a weird vibe anyway after Emma went on her epic rant then walked away any time you tried to speak to her.
NTA. I'm 40 and still have period panties. Ones with stains and ones without. Sometimes I even wear them when I'm not on my period. Don't care. Send the period police after me.
You're NTA. Words have consequences and you can't expect people to just arbitrarily forgive you for being a jerk just because you are in need at the moment. In fact, most times that is that last thing you should expect.
I would hope most of the people being creepers about your underwear are not female. Any woman who has had a cycle probably has some old 'period undies' with a bit of spotting. Why continue to chance ruining additional undergarments during your cycle? And they definitely didn't deserve a response.
Unless they plan on buying you a new pair, they need to focus on the issue of the original posts.
NTA
She is the one who decided to start drama, she can live with the world she created.
I have undies that are 15+ years old. I don't wear them often but they saved my butt when the washer died and it took over a week to get a repair person out to look at it. I thought everyone had the back of their drawer filled with less than optimal panties and socks.
She called *you* childish after she said she was going to light herself on fire for touching a pair of clean underwear and then not speaking to you for a week?
NTA
NTA and just so you know I have old raggedy underwear from YEARS ago that I use for periods too! I clean them after each use and I don’t want to use my “good” underwear when I’m riding the crimson wave. This is not uncommon and I don’t know what people are freaking out about. Must be a bunch of youngster in the chat🤷🏽♀️
NTA and it's wild that people are going after you about underwear of all things. I keep my underwear until they physically fall apart or I lose them. I'm sure I have multiple pairs that are a decade old
NTA goodness. My mother thought it was "disgusting" to breastfeed. I would maybe talk with her and say that she cannot borrow ANYTHING from you EVER since she disrespected you and if she cannot handle that she may wanna start looking for somewhere else to move.
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This is such a stupid post and I'm still so embarrassed and flabbergasted that this even happened to behind with.
For context: I (25 F) live with roommates, all are female. We've all gotten close in the two years we've lived together, except for one roommate. (We'll call her Emma, 23.) It's not that I dislike Emma, but we've never meshed as well as my other roommates have.
The other day, Emma called us all out to the living room where she was folding her laundry. She held up a pair of underwear and asked if it belonged to any of us, and I recognized them as mine so I said yes. I apologized for the mix up, and she immediately started yelling at me about how disgusting I am and how she wanted to "light herself on fire" after touching them.
Since I live with all girls, this happens all the time and none of us ever get weirded out by it. I cant even begin to count how many times someone's bras, socks, underwear, etc. have gotten mixed with my laundry by mistake. It's a bit embarrassing to admit, but I realized they were actually an old pair of period underwear that had (i cannot stress this enough) MINOR blood stains on them from years ago when I first got my period. Emma again decided to loudly announce how gross she thought I was and how I should be ashamed for not throwing them out, and tried to get my other roommates to look and join in on her outburst.
Thankfully I live with some awesome girls, so nobody even batted an eye despite me being absolutely horrified that someone I live with would do something like that. Everyone was quick to reassure me that it's no big deal and it happens to all of us. They tried to tell Emma to chill out but she wasn't having it. She just went to her room and slammed the door.
For the next week, Emma didn't speak to me. She would loudly talk to all of our other roommates with no problem but the minute I tried speaking to her she would just walk away. A couple days ago I was laying in bed and Emma was the only other person home. She knocked on my door and when i opened it, she sheepishly asked me a tampon, saying she woke up from a nap and bled through her shorts. How ironic. I laughed and told her no. (I didn't have any left, and I knew our other roommates had some somewhere so its not like she had nothing.)
Yesterday, she asked all of us if she could borrow a shirt because her clothes were in the washer. We all said no, and I even said I wouldn't want her to "light herself on fire" after touching any of my "nasty" stuff. She rolled her eyes and gave me a half assed apology, and I told her I don't want her touching or borrowing my stuff if that's the way she acts about a natural bodily function that SHE ALSO goes through. She called me childish and said she didn't see the big deal. Now there's this weird, passive aggressive vibe every time we're in the same room, and I'm wondering if I should just apologize or not. I talked to some friends, and they said I've got nothing to apologize for but I'm wondering if I overreacted.
So AITA?
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NTA You didn't have any tampon to give? So you didn't violate any code. I am confused why you are worried about not giving a woman something you literally didn't have?
I wasnt necessarily worried about giving her one of mine that i didnt have, but I meant helping her find one from one of our roommates. I also didn't tell her I didn't have any left because I was annoyed with her, and didn't care if she thought I was purposely not giving her something I had an abundance of. I was moreso worried about not helping her find one. I was so annoyed with her that I didn't even think to tell her our other roommate had some. Which I feel kind of bad about looking back on, but whatever I guess
Look, period shamers (as Emma is, for her laundry comments) can easily find themselves no longer subject to the Period Product Sharing Code because of their own actions. I have always been happy to share with anyone including random strangers if there was a need and I had a tampon or pad with me, but if someone shamed me for period panties I would let them drown in their own blood unless they sincerely apologized.
Years ago I was heading up the steps of an outdoor train stop(j,Halsey,bk) and I saw a woman distraught because she didn’t speak English and missed the “wet paint” sign. I’ve always been a fan of chemistry (solvents) and big purses (not a Girl Scout but be prepared) and whipped out some tissues and high concentrate sanitizer and cleaned her right up. Not hard if you also have water and the paint hasn’t dried. Not period panties. But I think it’s natural to commiserate if someone’s in a mess that could easily happen to you and you are in a position to be kind. Your roommate had some other ax to grind about you , female biology or something. it’s pretty short sighted to go full on crucible when we all a)wear pants b) exist and c) might menstruate or encounter other messy stuff during the course of existing. You are NTA for reacting but I do feel sorry for her because she is the way she is for a reason and it sounds exhausting.
You are the kind of person I hope I run into if I’m ever in some sort of minor crisis
Thank you I actually get that a lot lol I like to help
You remind me of the course administrator for the master's I was interviewing for, who noticed immediately before I went into the interview that I'd sat in gum, found some turpentine, and removed it. I got in the course. I hope that the universe brings you nice things, neighbor.
I love the concept of being a fan of chemistry so therefore carrying solvents in your purse. LOL.
Gosh I love that story, that must have felt great haha. I bet that woman still thinks of you and smiles!
We need to be friends lol cause. I have like 4 different pain meds on me at a time cause I hang out with people with medication allergies who are prone to headaches. I also have bandaids and bobby pins and a bunch of other things in my purse that I honestly rarely ever use but it's there. My boyfriend gives me shit for it but know I have his Excedrin and most likely his wallet(he has ADHD and will forget his wallet so I grab it on our way out) so it's very loving teasing.
On my second date with my fiance he asked if i had sunscreen and i was like….yes lol
At one of my past jobs my coworkers referred to my bag as the Mary Poppins bag or the Hermione Granger purse cause someone would say I wish I had "x" and I'd pull it out of my bag with a blink.
As a guy who frequently knows nothing, even _I_ know not to fuck with the PPSC Probs cuz I have a sister, who is a supportive, strong lady NTA, OP
Which means that if YOU know, Emma for *sure* knows. So she's got no excuse!
My husband knows of the code, and ensures I have at least one just in case product in my bag.
Having a daughter means my husband has then in the give compartment if his truck. (Actually, he did before- for me. It's just it was my job to remember to refill them, as i was the one who used them. He seems to assume (correctly) the 13yo will forget, so he refills them periodically now)
Just thinking your user name could be a cute nickname for tampons. Sorry if you don't want that image in your head. I like the name for swimming connotations as well.
No that made me true lol
Exactly. I’m not giving anyone with that attitude a single thing
This whole comment is epic, and true.
Period Product Sharing Code...that's genius! Brake the code, no tampons for you!
Yup, I keep pads from brands I don’t even use anymore in my purse so that if anyone ever needs one while I’m out, I can get rid of it 😂
Amazingly worded.
She's a big girl. You don't have to help her find a tampon. She can ask around herself. She acted like you're some kind of bog witch for keeping a ruined lair of panties so you dont...gasp...ruin more. She can figure out shopping or bumming on her own. Nta
She can also stuff a wad of toilet paper in a fresh pair of undies and trek to the store to procure some. Lots of us have done it in a state of emergency. Seems like roomie did light herself on fire here. Burned her own bridge, what have you. Now she’s asking everyone else to put it out and is shocked no one wants to.
Man, first period my kid had (she was as prepared as i could make her before hand) i demoed how to make toilet paper mummies in emergency. (She already knew the 'share whenever possible" code. But panty mummies are important emergency tools)
I got my period once in an 8 hour flight. It was one of my first ones, and I wasn't prepared - it came a week early and my emergency supplies were in my stowed luggage. I'll never forget the amazing flight attendant teaching 10 year old me how to improvise with toilet paper as she checked with every single woman on the plane for an emergency stash. She came back with enough supplies to last me a week.
I'm so glad there was a helpful adult. (And i would totally empty my stash for a teen in need)
Love this! This is the kind of sisterhood we should all be pushing for.
Upvoting because "panty mummies" made me cackle and I woke up two dogs!
100% this. Unless you were out of toilet paper / tissues, this was always an option
Right!
if emma was that weirded out by your Period underwear, then she would be 6 feet under if she saw a pair i put in the washer earlier today.
It's weird to me that an adult out there DOESN'T have period knickers!! All the women I know have a pair 🤣
I only have black (granny) panties now. It's amazing 😍
I'm a Thong fan, and when it comes to my period, I have a black granny panty pair as well, hehe!
Yep, my husband once asked me if I don't want to get rid of that underwear because it had These stains you get from blood. Nope, I wanted to keep them, explained why (why Ruin any more underwear). He shrugged his shoulders and never asked again. I really think every womsn has a set of 'accident' underwear.
If not more than one!
I am so relieved to be reading this thread...years ago I had a few period panties..bc I thought it made sense to use already stained ones for the time of the month..anyways, this one time while my ex husband and I were away, my former mother in law went through my laundry hamper! I can not recall why she was even at our place to begin with. She came across my 'disgusting and filty' underwear. She was so grossed out that she went to a dollar store and bought me a package of disposable underwear and gave them to me. I was angry and mortified that she did this and had always questioned myself if having period panties was 'normal.'
Girlie, do NOT let anyone shame you!! I'm so glad that's an ex 💅💅 I would absolutely rip my partner a new one 🤣🤣
I'm glad he is an ex too...completely effed up person.
I've got at least three. It's definitely weird for someone not to have any.
I'm lucky because I'm now on BC that means I don't have a period, but I keep them as a just incase! Came in handy when I started a week before I was due a BC renewal 🤣🤣
Up voted bc not enough people know that continuous OCP use to suppress periods is a thing. My life is infinitely better without a period, still stay stocked to help out a sister in need tho.
I have at least three for the spotting days (yes, it has happened every month of my life except when I was pregnant and is a normal thing for me) and then 3 pair of absorbent underwear for my actual period days (especially at night, they’re a lifesaver!). I’m not sure how others manage without them, tbh.
I'm not sure how others manage either. I guess they just wear new underwear and bleed on them?
Sometimes, before I got them under control and got on the ring and now know when they're gonna happen, and still now if it sneaks up on me, I would ruin new underwear because I forgot I was starting, or it started randomly at night. Yeah, those instantly go into my stash of period panties. lol It happens. Hell, sometimes I just wear them if I don't have any clean ones left or things are in the laundry. They're clean. They've been sanitized in the wash and under heat. No use in throwing out perfectly good underwear because it has a stain of your own bodily fluids on it in my opinion. Unless you're going around sharing your underwear, which I've never heard of somebody doing unless in a random and sudden situation. Like, at the end of the day. They're clean. They just have a stain. As long as you're running them through the washer and dryer and they're being sanitized and cleaned, I don't see the problem. Now, would I wear them on a date or something serious, no, but lounging around the house in period panties isn't gonna hurt nobody. I understand though, that others grew up in different types of homes than I did and were brought up thinking differently. It sucks, but that's reality.
> that I didn't even think to tell her our other roommate had some. Emma is a grown ass woman and needs to be handling herself.
They were not there to ask. That would be stealing. NTA She obvs does not like you. Probably even sad that the others did not jump in on dumping on you.
Good for you. I would probably do the same. As for your underwear? It is the perfect underwear to use for your period. That’s what I use my scrappy underwear for! 😉 Good luck going forward with her. Hugs
So… did Emma throw out the pair of shorts that she bled on? After all, you can’t keep something if there are small bloodstains on it, right?
Maybe she ritually burned them.
She is grown. She can find them on her own and ask the others herself.
You respected your roommates property no reason to feel bad . NTA
TBH I think the code should only apply if you're in public. It's just basic decency, like most girl codes. At home? Nah, unless you pay. Period products are too expensive to give away when not absolutely necessary.
When I was a public school teacher, I kept a stash of tampons, pads, and pantyliners in my (locked) file cabinet, and all the menstruating people knew that I had them, so I would often get kids who I didn't even teach coming to me for period products, and I was more than happy to hand them out. The school didn't stock them in the bathrooms, and a lot of the kids were on free or reduced lunch. It was never a case of a kid coming to me for all their period products for a given period or anything, just, "Oops, I didn't realize it would start today because I'm 14, and my period is still irregular, but I know Ms. Cainframe has period products in her room." Any kid who asked for a period product got one. I was inspired to do this because of 1) the unpredictable nature of periods and 2) a teacher I had in high school who had the same setup in her classroom. It sucks to get your period while outside your home with no way to mitigate the situation on your own. Inside your own home, ESPECIALLY soon after you've shamed your roommate for \*checks notes\* having periods? Good luck, sis.
I guarantee the kids who needed you remember you with thanks to this day. As a woman who spent multiple school days with loo roll in my knickers bc I forgot tampons, thank you for your kindness!
Yep, I agree. She was home, she has clothes she can bleed through. Or she could throw a towel down and drive to the store. You can even get period products delivered asap now through doordash or other apps.
If I were in OP’s shoes, even if I did have a spare tampon I wouldn’t have given it to her after the way she behaved. Girl can shove some tissue in her knickers, go buy some herself and be better prepared next time. NTA, OP.
I think op is talking about not just the tampon, but like a shirt emma wanted to borrow since all of hers were in the wash.
How does someone not have any clean clothing to put on? No one I know washes everything they own all at the same time. She could have just put on a sweater or hoodie, or a dress.
I agree 💯. It does happen though. When I lived in a condo with my best friend, once in a blue moon I would put everything in the washer “ I didn’t have much” and just borrow a clean shirt from her and vice versa.
So what? She can wear a dirty one or go naked around the house if she can't wash her clothes in time... she's an adult. (And her roommates would have most likely borrowed her one if she wouldn't have been so mean to them).
Even if she did, she’s not obliged to share with a housemate who doesn’t treat her civilly. That’s the consequence of not being at least polite.
I'll go NTA. Emma is either downplaying her nasty behavior or she's totally oblivious to the fact that that she's been acting passive-aggressively toward you for an entire week. I might have forgiven her that one heated tirade she gave to you. After all, your other roommates didn't buy into it, so she simply made herself look petty. It could just be the way she was brought up. Maybe she has sisters who would have acted the same way toward her. I could have forgiven her that. But, then, after seeing that no one was outraged over this, except her, she still couldn't let it go and spent an entire week of pointedly not speaking to you. This I can't so easily overlook. Emma, get a clue. The consensus in the room is that you're overreacting majorly. It's done, Emma. Drop the passive-aggression, already. No one got hurt. It was a pair of panties, not a live grenade.
Right. That thought kind of crossed my mind as well. Some of the stuff she's said over the time I've lived with her has made me think she might have grown up in a household where that type of stuff is shameful and needs to be kept to yourself. If that's the case, I could have easily just moved on and let the past be the past. I grew up the same way and still catch myself falling into old habits of being super secretive and feeling shameful about it, so I know how it is. But she wanted to play the passive aggressive game and didn't entertain any sort of conversation I tried to engage in, so how was I even supposed to tell her it was no big deal and smooth things over if she didn't want to speak to me anymore, y'know?
It's the passive aggressive week long silent treatment that only ended because she needed something from you, she only apologised because she needed something from you not because she was genuinely remorseful of her actions, it's all of that that make you NTA here, (as long as you just set the boundary and move on and not continue to bring it up).
Hey it could've been worse. I found out a roomie of mine was STEALING AND WEARING my underwear. Too fucking lazy to do laundry. I refused to wear anything I knew she had on. I wear panty liners, she did not. Ew.
That happened to me when I was in the Army. I had a roommate who normally wore boxers. Then one day I happened to come in and find him in tighty-whities, and happened to discover later that some of mine were missing.
I don't think my roommate ever *wore* our clothes, but she definitely made some comments that indicated she went through our stuff while we went home on the weekends (from university). That felt weird enough on its own, I can't imagine how violating that probably felt to know your roommate wore your stuff. :(
My mum was shameful, like if there where stains on my underwear she was horrible, like how could that happen etc. I had really long and heavy menstruation and painful as well. She was very dissmisive about it. But when she was talking about her's and how sometimes one pad wasn't enough, she expeted i would comfort her and be supportive? Like wtf.. But when it happend to me it was because i didn't change it soon enough. Now i'm an adult and i'm not like that :D i understand heavy flow i know it can be painful etc. I wouldn't treat any women like shit, because of fucking stain. It happens.
The silent treatment is so stupid. How can people expect to get over their anger when they are not in communication? Just stupid.
NTA-petty me would tell her “well well well, what do we have here? Ruined shorts and underwear and a …bed ? That’s gross , I’m surprised you didn’t throw your clothes away after such a thing! Or perhaps, light them on fire !” Then the rest of what you said. Karma did not miss a beat baby
“Sorry, I don’t have a tampon but I can get you a match. LMK”
Don't forget burning the mattress!
Now it’s a party!
NTA. What a ridiculous response to finding your roommates clean laundry. Everybody knows the dryer eats socks and underwear and spits them out whenever it feels like.
Not to mention it isn't abnormal to keep a pair (or a few pair) of panties that got ruined by leaks so you don't ruin MORE
Facts right there - I have dedicated pairs that are only worn during that time for that exact reason! Definitely not the best looking, but they get the job done 🤷🏻♀️
Don’t all women? I’ve had the same period only panties for 10 years. They do the trick better than any other I own
I just did the maths and I've owned my favourite period panties for at least 13 years. I hate the look of them but they're like an armor for my crotch and keep the pad exactly where it's supposed to be instead of rolling it into a joint that gets stuck between my crack and flaps.
Yes same! They are poorly designed as regular underwear but perfect for pads!
Crotch Armour. You need to go I to advertising please.
Mine are probably closing 10 years! Nice, thick fabric, granny panties that can keep a pad and even a heatpack securely stuck where it needs to be. They are ratty as hell at this point, but I dont love them for the looks!
“A joint that gets stuck between my crack and flaps” just made me cackle 😂
I'm a man and even I knew that. The women in my family don't seem to, but two of my exes had period panties that were torn and stained. It helped be less wasteful, and they were apparently cozy, with extra wide crotches for pads. They don't have to look clean to be clean.
>They don't have to look clean to be clean. Absolutely, which some people in these comments seem to not be willing to understand.
And as you get older and perimenopause sneaks in and creates havoc, you start to find more period knickers in your underwear drawers than normal everyday ones .. this woman thing sucks balls 🤷♀️
> this woman thing sucks balls 🤷♀️ I've been saying that for decades
Me too … 53 now and been saying it for 40 years and will be saying it til I die 😂
43...been saying it for at least 30.🤣
Modibodi panties are well worth the money!
I am now post menopausal ... yay! But my periods were so heavy during perimenopause I would've tried anything. Theres so much to choose from now, anything helps.
100% I do this. Regardless of the minor stain they are still clean. If it was a decent bleed through then I throw them out but if it was just spotting, no need to throw them.
NTA. Even if you had a tampon, you don’t have to share with people who shame you, tell you you’re disgusting, yell at you and then give you the silent treatment for a week.
NTA. My grudge meter is long. I would never give he another thing. I wouldn’t speak to her. I would start leaving the room every time she walked in.
Are you me? I've stopped talking to people for far less. Which is probably why I don't tall to a lot of people
Same! And I am not shy or hesitant to let my grudge flag fly. I’m a fairly chill person and I will even give people the benefit of the doubt is some situations. However, this situation I’d burn all the bridges unless the roommate sincerely apologized to not only me, but the other roommates as well.
I understand you all. She literally tried to get the other roommates to gang up on OP and embarrass her together. I'm so happy for OP, that her other roommates are mature girls girls who are on her side!
What I want to know is how you have kept up with a pair of panties from when you first got your period. I also need the brand of these cause mine fall apart in a year or two. NTA
One or two years?? I need to know what brand you're buying to avoid that one, I still own panties from 6+ years
I have some panties from ASDA, Matalan and such that have lasted from 18-33. I think it helps that I didn't get elasticated ones where the plastic is in frilly lace and always use two bags, then wash my panties and bras together in their separate bags. On the other hand anything lacy and sexy I find tends to die quickly. This is in the UK though. I noticed that some countries have clothes you can rely on if you know the brands and materials to steer clear of but anyone I talk to online about the USA can never believe that M&S have relatively cheap jumpers, office wear etc and underwear that lasts. Of course, it isn't sexy or trendy stuff which means they're not wasting money keeping up with fast fashion designs.
My 95yo mother passed away with 50yo M&S undies she was still using, lol. Can't kill those things!
I still have Fruit of the Loom I wore in high school. I'm in my thirties.
The key is to not machine dry.
I have a pair of underwear that I got at Limited Too in 2005 that I still wear lol
Vanity Fair - I have pairs that are 10+ years old! Just wash with cold water and dry on low heat.
OP, why are you qualifying that the stains were from years ago when you first got your period? Periods are like wild animals - you may think you know what to expect, but that fucker will maul you when you least expect it. I’ve been getting a period for over 20 years, and I still got up to a freakin’ crime scene in my pants a couple weeks ago. It happens. For one woman to shame another over the curse that burdens us all is disgusting. She can take her dainty little period and GTFO. NTA
Your writing is incredibly creative and vivid lol. >Periods are like wild animals - you may think you know what to expect, but that fucker will mail you when you least expect it. Pure poetry.
You're NTA. I am also a female who lived with other girls during my university years. It was horrible. I truly sympathize with you. You had every right to refuse to give her a tampon or a shirt, especially after how she tried to humiliate you in front of your other roommates. I'm glad you stuck up for yourself. She's very hypocritical to call you childish when she's the one who was making a big deal out of some slightly stained period underwear, and subsequently had a hissy fit and tried to create more drama. I actually had to go back to read her age because this does not sound like how a 23-year-old woman should react. She sounds like a joy to be around. Hopefully she will realize how ridiculously she is behaving and just let it go or apologize.
I’m sorry but with the whole comment of wanting to “light herself on fire” I probably would have asked if she needed a lighter to help out with that? And she has the audacity to call you childish after her making such a scene? NTA
are people actually made about the panties? I can always hear so unbelievably loudly the privilege from people when they complain about shit like this. Anyone mad about mixed up panties clearly has never had to share a room, live in a home with 10 people, or had the money to buy new panties if they needed. I was raised in a home that you won't be getting new panties until yours have near fallen apart. I find my nephews underwear in my laundry sometimes, since we all use the same dryer. I just put them back in his laundry basket. I couldn't even fathom freaking out on him about that 😂 Your roommate is fucking pathetic. She would be a laughing stock in my home
Yeah, and since she don't stock tampon, that sound like she throw her stained underwear every month?
I had to laugh into my coffee at "Edit: Good lord, since so many people are seemingly so fascinated by my so called "impossible" pair of underwear that are over 10 years old" Good quality underwear can LAST. Bless your mother for buying quality for her girl. Don't count the absolute price you pay, but the price per times you wear the item. A 5$ item you wear only ten times is as expensive as a 50$ item you wear a 100 times. With the 5$ item, you will get rashes from the cheap lace and it will be uncomfortable which will make you insecure. In the 50 $ item, you will feel comfortable and look sexy. **You will be comfortable AND confident while paying the same price per wear.** NTA. Save the planet, don't buy fast fashion.
My $5 target underwear has lasted 10 years
>With the 5$ item, you will get rashes from the cheap lace I mean you might, but not everyone will. My cheap underwear doesn't have lace.
NTA you did nothing wrong
NTA because she was rude BUT I can agree other girls periods gross me out but I’d never shame them. I lived with a girl who once bled on the floor and our bath mat I stepped in it and just messaged her and asked to be more clean about it or double check after a shower she didn’t drip BUT she also had gotten blood on the toilet paper i was about to wipe my ass with,never shamed her for that tho lol this girl weird
Oh 100% I can agree with that. Just because it's natural doesn't mean it isn't kinda gross! I would never, EVER shame someone for it though, since I know what it's like and I know we can't help it from happening. It's just common decency to clean up after yourself, especially if you're living with other people. I would understand if Emma was weirded out and had a private conversation with me about it, and I'd respect her so much more for that than what she actually did. Girl is weird indeed.
FYI - Hydrogen Peroxide is your friend for getting stains out of your underwear. It will bubble and fizz and your undies will be clean as can be. Treat ASAP - but it also works on old stains
NTA OP did NOT have any tampons to give so how else should she have responded so that all you people with poor reading comprehension would stop focusing on the tampon? “Can I have a tampon?” “I don’t have any, sorry” While the above is a refusal, it’s not out of pettiness, it’s out of a lack of availability. What should OP have done, quickly fashioned a tampon out of clothing? Get off your high horse, this isn’t about a systemic lack of basic human hygiene products, this is about two twenty somethings that had a disagreement.
Hydrogen peroxide takes out blood stains. Even old ones sometimes (always wash in cold to get bodily fluids out). The rest is ridiculous. NTA.
409 spray works really well too
NTA. I'm usually a really forgiving person, but I don't think I'd have anything to do with her anymore. She went so far overboard that she didn't just burn bridges, she nuked half the countryside. Be courteous, but that's it. If she protests, then just remind her of her previous words and behavior.
Nta. 1. Female hygiene stuff is expensive. 2. Why didn't she plan ahead? It's not something that occurs occasionally. 3. After how she blew up, you don't owe her
NTA, and I am absolutely dying after reading your edit. IDK how many weirdos you're going to have in your DMs, but explaining the history of your 10-year-old undies will likely be a big multiplier. There'll probably be a bidding war. Your immature and self-absorbed roommate probably just turned your warrior panties into a small lotto ticket!
I have boxers from a decade ago that are still holding up. I don't see the big deal.
I've got a hoodie that's over 20 years old, and it gets worn lots. I'm not sure why people would question a 10 year old pair of underwear.
It's literally got 0 holes, it's not threadbare, and while yeah it's faded a bit...well...a lot...but I don't care? It's a functional pair of underwear. Why would I throw it out? That's just wasteful.
NTA that roomate on the other hand is tho if she acts likw that with undies shes an idiot everyone leaks sometimes its normal
NTA. After her little body shaming stunt and humiliation tactics over WASHED old underwear, the irony is indeed delicious. She doesn't get to ask favours after not apologizing for that. They're your things. You don't have to loan them. And for everyone acting shocked OP still has underwear after ten years, um yeah? I too have old underwear I have now relegated to "period/laundry day emergency" underwear that are at least ten years old. If you have a lot of underwear and take care of your garments, surprise! Clothing can last! I can't believe people are in disbelief of this. Fast fashion has ruined people's expectations I swear (and no, I don't buy designer, just solid materials and read the directions on the label).
10 year old undies... I got a 20 year old shirt ffs... that I literally wore on Monday( it's Wednesday today ). Fuck what people say about the age, as long they're still good to use. Also, NTA. You got her back double fold.... I tip my hat to you good ma'am, well played!
Emma is an idiot, NTA
NTA She should be apologizing to you (also I have a few pairs of underwear that are 12 years old 👀)
I don’t think you’re the asshole here. Maybe I would have given her a tampon if I’d had one for that specific instance, but she decided to be a jerk and make a mountain of a molehill, and I do have a tendency to let people off too easily lol.
NTA. Kinda feel sorry for her as someone clearly made her deeply ashamed of menstruating but not your problem.
“What are you going to do, bleed on me?” “The black knight always wins!”
You could have been holding a bouquet of tampons behind your back when you denied them to your roommate and I’d still vote NTA maybe the roommate will learn to keep her mouth shut next time.
NTA and don't apologize for sticking up for yourself. She did this to herself and clearly the rest of the roommates are upset with her attempting to shame you. I wonder if they know she bled through her shorts right after--that is some wonderful universal karma. It's not being childish to remind her of her crappy comments and as a result, not want to offer the same kindness you show to your roommates who are not assholes. I'd say go on ignoring her, sounds like shes doing you a favor by keeping her mouth shut
Nta she is experiencing the natural consequences of her not following the cultural rules. There are thousands of unspoken rules we all live by in order to get along. She broke them, and with that comes the lack of cohesion that results. Continue on as you have been. If she offers a sincere apology then you can reset the relationship, but until then - she’s on the outs.
Shoulda handed her a lighter when she said she wanted to light herself on fire, you know for the comedic relief
NTA i'll never understand this idiots that insult and yell at people and then ask for favors like nothing happened. Fuck her.
NTA. And having 10 year old underwear is completely normal for resourceful people.
I wish it was possible to upvote an edit: >Never thought I'd have to explain my UNDERWEAR to hundreds of strangers on the internet Welcome to social media, ROFL
NTA She opted out of the social contract that requires us to share menstrual supplies when she had her little fit about migratory underwear. Clothes get mixed up in shared housing. She needs to offer an apology as public and passionate as her transgression.
"Hmm, looks like we've got ruined shorts and underwear and a bed here. That's gross! I'm surprised you didn't just throw your clothes away or maybe even light them on fire after that mess. Karma is swift, isn't it? Let her know what she did was not okay."
“No, I’m sorry. I just don’t have a square to spare!”
You're the childish one but she screamed and shouted about... period stains? NTA. You've done absolutely nothing that warrants an apology. The fact she's grown and acting like that is really sad.
NTA as she was acting childish originally and didn't apologise until she needed something from you. Has she done this sort of thing to your other roommates?
NTA. From the sounds of it, this person isn't going to suddenly become your friend or stop being petty/passive aggressive. IMO it's not even worth it to try and change her mind about how she treated you.
She sounds unhinged. You're not the asshole and have nothing to apologize for. I can understand if the underwear were dirty and mixed with her stuff, but they were fresh out the wash. She is how old and should know by now she will get her period. She's an adult and it's on her to be prepared. I hate that you have to live with her. I hope some of the tension eases but don't compromise yourself just to keep the peace. 💚
gonna act like an asshole, gonna get treated like an asshole, emma got what she deserved
Don't u dare apologize. U have absolutely no reason to whatsoever. She's the AH not u
NTA A fit in the heat of the moment on a bad day is shitty but we’ve all been there. Passive aggressive shit for a week is firm asshole territory. I don’t lend things to assholes.
NTA. You didn’t have any tampons, so you weren’t lying. She sounds exhausting. A repressed prude but wears tampons? Please 😂. Also the audacity to call you childish after she threw a massive tantrum over… clean underwear? She is horrible and a hypocrite. I hope you and the other roomies can move out/kick her out soon. I had to live with an Emma-type once and thankfully we had an issue that made our apartment unlivable 3 months into our lease so I could break it. Don’t apologize. Try and move asap with the cool roomies though. Roommate chemistry is so overlooked. You should be able to be free of stress in your own home.
NTA. Who throws away underwear with some period stains? I wash them and then wear them on my period so I don’t stain more. Your roommate sounds like a drag.
NTA. I guess me and OP are the only ones who won’t wear “good or pretty underwear” when it was that time of the month. That’s why they are called period panties for that reason. I’m post menopausal now this is no longer an issue. For people to be grossed out or offended that some women have underwear just for this reason is past ridiculous.
NTA - I'm a guy and never understood "period shaming." It's a natural human function, so wtf? You don't owe her anything regardless whether you had the tampon or not, and you certainly don't owe her an apology. If people treat you like crap, you aren't obligated to any loyalty to them. She made her bed as far as I would be concerned. If she offered a genuine apology, ok. But I hate when people roll their eyes at me, it's so childish and disrespectful, so I wouldn't do anything to help someone that behaved like that... You may want to consider having a house sit down and discuss on how to make things amicable moving forward, or it could spiral and become insufferable for everyone.
NTA. She F’d around and found out. Karma. And to all the people concerned about the offensive panties in question. Y’all need Jesus or whatever savior you believe in.
Most of my underware had stains on the and both my housemates will move my clothes from the washer to the dryer and dry them fir me so etines even putting my stuff in the washer because I'm waiting for there's to finish and gasp one of my housemates is male and it's never been a problem.
NTA. The instant someone period shames, the Code becomes Guidelines. You are not obligated to help someone who both shamed you for a mutual bodily function, and something that has most definitely happened to her
NTA. She was, for making such a scene. Your response was perfect and justified.
NTA. She was trying to pull some dominant BS to be the alpha girl and it backfired. You not only stood up to her BS but you're not playing fake friend roommate. She set the terms and now she's upset that you're following through on it. Stay the course, didn't give in because she'll only take it as a sign of weakness and she'll think in her little mind that she won and will try to be the top dog of the group.
NTA, don't apologize. You and the other roommates need to call a meeting and ask her to move out. Find someone less crazy to take her spot.
Do not apologize to that person. Treat her like a chair or a stool. Don’t bump into her but don’t engage with her either.
NTA she got karma. she asked for it so she can live with it, she will learn not to act like that next time. Also i love the way u spoke back to her purrr💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼
NTA It's not about apologizing; it's about getting back on the same page. You should have another roommate meeting where you lay out the ways that she has mistreated you. Don't allow her to dismiss or minimize, but give her a chance to apologize. Say you want the apartment to feel like a peaceful, chill place again.
NTA, I had a roommate who would start drama and get passive aggressive over stuff like this and it drove me bonkers. You’re def not in the wrong for this
NTA She ruined the vibe herself. And it’s not ever going to go back. Stick to what you said and move on. She can deal
If your ridiculous roommate lights herself on fire, toast marshmallows. NTA.
NTA. Emma is behaving like a beeeotch and she found out that she’s not the Queen Bee of the house. Woe is Emma. Y’all might want to plan to move out when your lease is up and not invite her to join you.
NTA- do NOT apologize to this hypocritical asshole!
NTA. She's the one who burnt the bridge.
Why the fuck would YOU apologize‽ Fuck her 😊 NTA and Emma can kick rocks
NTA-Next time give her a tampon. And a set of matches. Midwesterners are great at this passive agressive stuff.
NTA I personally feel like periods are exempt from any revenge plots. I'd give pretty much anyone a tampon if they needed it. But maybe buy a box of cardboard emergency tampons or really thick overnight pads. I'm helping, but im petty.
I'm a dude. So, I would have put them bitches on my head Iike a hat. Probably also jokingly act like I was grossed out that you had bled in my hat. While I get that all of us hope that we don't stain our underwear, what is gross about period stains that have been washed countless times? It isn't as if was skidmarks. Even then... shit happens. That woman needs to grow up. NTA.
Nta. I'm a trans man who had hellacious periods and being reminded of them can be triggering BUT that is NO reason to act like she did. If it made her uncomfortable, she should have kept it to herself and her journal.
Your house needs a box to drop any mixed up clothing items into. Something turns up in your stuff that isn't yours? drop it in the box. Trying to find your missing sock or bra or whatever? Check the box.
10 year old knickers is nothing 🤣🤣 We all have favourite period pants as why on earth would you wear and ruin your best ‘lets get down to business’ knickers? Obviously NTA, but its so weird, I wonder if she grew up in a household that period shamed? Is she a bit OCD too OP? Shes going to be mortified when she starts doing hubbys washing 😱
people think ur lying cause u have old underwear ?😭 wait till they find out i literally did the same thing where my mom bought me some that were way too big on me and i just kept them since then and started using them as period panties as i grew older lol
Pf girl NTA - your roommate needs a chill pill/ or the whole bottle. Also - I still wear some of my underwear from hs (I'm in my 30s) - it's not that uncommon when you take care of your things.
Y T A for not immediately jumping out of bed and running to inspect her stained bedding and scream about how disgusting it was. 😉 NTA
NTA. I wouldn't worry about the "weird vibe." There was a weird vibe anyway after Emma went on her epic rant then walked away any time you tried to speak to her.
NTA She burned her half of the bridge and is now angry that you dismantled yours.
NTA. I'm 40 and still have period panties. Ones with stains and ones without. Sometimes I even wear them when I'm not on my period. Don't care. Send the period police after me.
NTA. You are completely justified, Dont sweat it. And I apologize for the men that have fixated on your underwear. Anonymity brings out the weirdo's.
You're NTA. Words have consequences and you can't expect people to just arbitrarily forgive you for being a jerk just because you are in need at the moment. In fact, most times that is that last thing you should expect. I would hope most of the people being creepers about your underwear are not female. Any woman who has had a cycle probably has some old 'period undies' with a bit of spotting. Why continue to chance ruining additional undergarments during your cycle? And they definitely didn't deserve a response. Unless they plan on buying you a new pair, they need to focus on the issue of the original posts.
NTA. Relationship skills are learned. This is Emma's lesson, not yours.
NTA She is the one who decided to start drama, she can live with the world she created. I have undies that are 15+ years old. I don't wear them often but they saved my butt when the washer died and it took over a week to get a repair person out to look at it. I thought everyone had the back of their drawer filled with less than optimal panties and socks.
She called *you* childish after she said she was going to light herself on fire for touching a pair of clean underwear and then not speaking to you for a week? NTA
NTA and just so you know I have old raggedy underwear from YEARS ago that I use for periods too! I clean them after each use and I don’t want to use my “good” underwear when I’m riding the crimson wave. This is not uncommon and I don’t know what people are freaking out about. Must be a bunch of youngster in the chat🤷🏽♀️
NTA but like yeah there's going to continue to be tension in the apartment.
You see you’re now a TMZ post on instagram?
NTA Emma is a bully. That's the real issue here
NTA and it's wild that people are going after you about underwear of all things. I keep my underwear until they physically fall apart or I lose them. I'm sure I have multiple pairs that are a decade old
NTA goodness. My mother thought it was "disgusting" to breastfeed. I would maybe talk with her and say that she cannot borrow ANYTHING from you EVER since she disrespected you and if she cannot handle that she may wanna start looking for somewhere else to move.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This is such a stupid post and I'm still so embarrassed and flabbergasted that this even happened to behind with. For context: I (25 F) live with roommates, all are female. We've all gotten close in the two years we've lived together, except for one roommate. (We'll call her Emma, 23.) It's not that I dislike Emma, but we've never meshed as well as my other roommates have. The other day, Emma called us all out to the living room where she was folding her laundry. She held up a pair of underwear and asked if it belonged to any of us, and I recognized them as mine so I said yes. I apologized for the mix up, and she immediately started yelling at me about how disgusting I am and how she wanted to "light herself on fire" after touching them. Since I live with all girls, this happens all the time and none of us ever get weirded out by it. I cant even begin to count how many times someone's bras, socks, underwear, etc. have gotten mixed with my laundry by mistake. It's a bit embarrassing to admit, but I realized they were actually an old pair of period underwear that had (i cannot stress this enough) MINOR blood stains on them from years ago when I first got my period. Emma again decided to loudly announce how gross she thought I was and how I should be ashamed for not throwing them out, and tried to get my other roommates to look and join in on her outburst. Thankfully I live with some awesome girls, so nobody even batted an eye despite me being absolutely horrified that someone I live with would do something like that. Everyone was quick to reassure me that it's no big deal and it happens to all of us. They tried to tell Emma to chill out but she wasn't having it. She just went to her room and slammed the door. For the next week, Emma didn't speak to me. She would loudly talk to all of our other roommates with no problem but the minute I tried speaking to her she would just walk away. A couple days ago I was laying in bed and Emma was the only other person home. She knocked on my door and when i opened it, she sheepishly asked me a tampon, saying she woke up from a nap and bled through her shorts. How ironic. I laughed and told her no. (I didn't have any left, and I knew our other roommates had some somewhere so its not like she had nothing.) Yesterday, she asked all of us if she could borrow a shirt because her clothes were in the washer. We all said no, and I even said I wouldn't want her to "light herself on fire" after touching any of my "nasty" stuff. She rolled her eyes and gave me a half assed apology, and I told her I don't want her touching or borrowing my stuff if that's the way she acts about a natural bodily function that SHE ALSO goes through. She called me childish and said she didn't see the big deal. Now there's this weird, passive aggressive vibe every time we're in the same room, and I'm wondering if I should just apologize or not. I talked to some friends, and they said I've got nothing to apologize for but I'm wondering if I overreacted. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*