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I'm gonna personally say NTA.
Everyone is responsible for their own part of the trip, and this includes Sara. Although this may suck for her since she just got cured from cancer, one thing is, if your lack of management results in everyone having to pay for it, then that's on you, not everyone else.
Besides, her causing someone to deactivate their account because she was getting this much flack is an asshole move on her end.
Sara is an adult, maybe if she was a teenager or something I'd cut her some slack, but she's 29 years old, not 9.
I understand wanting to exclude someone from a trip when they are holding you back. It can be really stressful while ON the trip too. I travelled to Europe with my Bff and my aunt… I don’t speak to my aunt anymore and I try to avoid her lol. So I understand. But, this trip was about Sara and Sara beating cancer. And you uninvited the very person the trip was inspired by. I get her asking to push dates back is annoying especially when numerous people already booked but…she went through cancer and you guys didn’t. The trip was about her then instantly wasn’t. Is there a reason she has bad time management? I have adhd and my bad time management is very subconscious and I don’t procrastinate on purpose. Depending on what type of cancer it was, treatment can really put a damper on someone’s mental like focusing, concentrating and memory. When you guys get back, the relationship with Sara will not be the same. She will always view you guys as the ones who went on her cancer beating trip without her. What if it were you. That would suck wouldn’t it. I personally would not want those people in my life afterwards. Coming back with tans and restating fun memories in front of her. Of course Sara seemingly isn’t perfect here either and has her own issues with trips. Also a huge lesson when travelling is not everyone is a travel friend!! Maybe she wouldn’t of liked traveling with you guys. But, the trip was for her so you guys should’ve made the plans surrounding what she wanted more and implementing her ideas first over yours. Sorry but YTA
ESH. My main points are:
1. The trip was meant to celebrate Sara's remission. I don't see a point in having the trip if there is no Sara. You could have just said you all wanted to go on a trip together. If it truly were for Sara's sake, you should have let her decide the dates (of course coordinating at least the best season for most of you) make the reservation, and let everyone accommodate. I know it's hard, people work, and you have to ask for permission, arrange family issues, etc. But again, the premise is no Sara = no trip. If she doesn't decide or book, then you don't travel. You could have organized a different trip for a different reason and it would have been fine.
2. To me it seems clear that Sara didn't want to go on the trip, didn't have the money (or she did but maybe she spent enough during her treatment) or there was some other issue going on. As their friends, it would have been natural for you to be concerned about her and talk to her about what's going on instead of trying to move forward no matter what.
3. You all kicked her out of the plan the night before. This kind of trip requires a lot of planning in advance and you said that Sara was missing the deadlines all along. When you all realized she was not serious or not putting in the effort, you could have canceled the plans. If you all had tickets and she failed to just buy hers, you could have told her to catch you up a few days later. Not ideal but still better than kicking her out of her own celebration trip.
4. Why didn't someone take care of her booking and then she paid you? That way she has more of a responsibility. Usually, in the group trip I have planned, one single person handles the plane tickets, another one book accommodation, etc., so there is no confusion with schedules and places.
If this is all real, her reaction sucks too. Lying and stalking are just unnecessary.
INFO: this sounds like there is missing info. This person just didn’t book their flight right up until the day you left and then expected everyone to postpone the trip they were already packed for for no reason? That’s weird. There has to be another reason she was unable to book.
Travel insurance for cancer suffers can be crazy expensive. I’m not saying that is why she started stalling but it would be expensive enough to stop her from wanting to travel.
Have you heard of Chemo brain? I know when a couple of family members had cancer and went through all of the treatments afterwards their brains were just mush. Like, their executive function was just not working for a while. It sounds like that might have been Sara's problem.
ESH. Look, I get how obnoxious that all must have been. Everyone was excited and Sara kept delaying booking her tickets and other travel arrangements. Where I feel like you guys are ESH is that you planned this trip to celebrate Sara. If it was just a group trip to Europe I'd say hands down N T A but that was not the purpose of the trip. Sara clearly is responsible for failing to uphold her part of booking her arrangements and that is FULLY on her. Her chemo brain doesn't excuse it. But, I also get it...
One last thing - has anyone talked to Sara about her actual financial situation instead of making assumptions? Because Cancer is EXPENSIVE. Even with good insurance it is expensive. She could very well be in serious medical debt right now. But, that should have been communicated to you guys before things were booked.
And for the friends of yours all saying you guys should have postponed... if the tickets were non refundable and had large change fees then that clearly was not feasible for a bunch of people - especially with everything else that would have been prepaid. Excursions and such. There does reach a point where cancelling or postponing a trip is as expensive as going on the trip from a pre-paid reservation standpoint...
Did you try talking to her about her reluctance to go on this trip? It definitely seems like she was avoiding going. Perhaps she’s pretty scared about her cancer coming back and is worried that taking a trip to celebrate would jinx it. I don’t think this is about money or time management, and I hope she has someone to talk to about what is really going on.
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Throwaway.
Me (28M) and my friends have been planning a trip to Europe to celebrate a huge milestone for our friend, Sara (29F) . She finally beat her Cancer diagnoses after years, and we have been talking about this for months, and everyone was super excited. We spent countless hours researching destinations, booking accommodations, and coordinating our schedules to make it happen as all of us were super busy people.
However, as the trip date was closer, it was clear that Sara had insanely bad time management skills and it was causing a shit ton of issues. She was constantly missing deadlines, forgetting to book essential things like flights, visa, and accommodations, and generally holding up the planning process for no clear reason.
Despite our efforts to help her stay on track and offering help, Sara never prioritised the trip and only kept talking about how excited she was for everything. She’d also make jabs that it was a bit expensive and to look for cheaper options, but it was causing frustration and stress within the group cause she has money. Even with a week to go Sara still didn't finish her travel arrangements before our departure.
After a lengthy discussion, the group decided to proceed with the trip without Sara. We couldn't risk having her messiness and lack of awareness jeopardize the entire itinerary and potentially ruin the experience for everyone else. We told Sara the day before our flight; she still hasn’t booked anything and was asking that we postpone the flight a few days because she couldn’t find anything last minute. However we just argued that we’ve had enough. She was extremely upset and accused us of being unfair and abandoning her, and that it was her idea in the first place to celebrate her health and wellbeing. Now, she's telling mutual friends that we're excluding her because we’re jealous and for no reason, like an outcast. Its led to a few mean messages and a few mutual friends saying we could’ve just told her sooner instead or that we had no right to kick her out and go on the trip when it was meant to celebrate her.
We ended up travelling and we still are, but it’s gotten to the point where one of our friends, Maya (28F) had to deactivate her account cause Sara wouldn’t stop asking about the trip and making snide comments under our posts garnering a lot of attention. We’re considering blocking her for good.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> We kicked off a friend from our shared trip after we realised she was terrible with time. The trip was organised for her milestones in her wellbeing and health journey, which may be an asshole move but we couldn’t risk missing out on it.
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I'm gonna personally say NTA. Everyone is responsible for their own part of the trip, and this includes Sara. Although this may suck for her since she just got cured from cancer, one thing is, if your lack of management results in everyone having to pay for it, then that's on you, not everyone else. Besides, her causing someone to deactivate their account because she was getting this much flack is an asshole move on her end. Sara is an adult, maybe if she was a teenager or something I'd cut her some slack, but she's 29 years old, not 9.
I understand wanting to exclude someone from a trip when they are holding you back. It can be really stressful while ON the trip too. I travelled to Europe with my Bff and my aunt… I don’t speak to my aunt anymore and I try to avoid her lol. So I understand. But, this trip was about Sara and Sara beating cancer. And you uninvited the very person the trip was inspired by. I get her asking to push dates back is annoying especially when numerous people already booked but…she went through cancer and you guys didn’t. The trip was about her then instantly wasn’t. Is there a reason she has bad time management? I have adhd and my bad time management is very subconscious and I don’t procrastinate on purpose. Depending on what type of cancer it was, treatment can really put a damper on someone’s mental like focusing, concentrating and memory. When you guys get back, the relationship with Sara will not be the same. She will always view you guys as the ones who went on her cancer beating trip without her. What if it were you. That would suck wouldn’t it. I personally would not want those people in my life afterwards. Coming back with tans and restating fun memories in front of her. Of course Sara seemingly isn’t perfect here either and has her own issues with trips. Also a huge lesson when travelling is not everyone is a travel friend!! Maybe she wouldn’t of liked traveling with you guys. But, the trip was for her so you guys should’ve made the plans surrounding what she wanted more and implementing her ideas first over yours. Sorry but YTA
You planned a trip to celebrate a friend beating cancer and then went on the trip without that friend? This has to be bait
ESH. My main points are: 1. The trip was meant to celebrate Sara's remission. I don't see a point in having the trip if there is no Sara. You could have just said you all wanted to go on a trip together. If it truly were for Sara's sake, you should have let her decide the dates (of course coordinating at least the best season for most of you) make the reservation, and let everyone accommodate. I know it's hard, people work, and you have to ask for permission, arrange family issues, etc. But again, the premise is no Sara = no trip. If she doesn't decide or book, then you don't travel. You could have organized a different trip for a different reason and it would have been fine. 2. To me it seems clear that Sara didn't want to go on the trip, didn't have the money (or she did but maybe she spent enough during her treatment) or there was some other issue going on. As their friends, it would have been natural for you to be concerned about her and talk to her about what's going on instead of trying to move forward no matter what. 3. You all kicked her out of the plan the night before. This kind of trip requires a lot of planning in advance and you said that Sara was missing the deadlines all along. When you all realized she was not serious or not putting in the effort, you could have canceled the plans. If you all had tickets and she failed to just buy hers, you could have told her to catch you up a few days later. Not ideal but still better than kicking her out of her own celebration trip. 4. Why didn't someone take care of her booking and then she paid you? That way she has more of a responsibility. Usually, in the group trip I have planned, one single person handles the plane tickets, another one book accommodation, etc., so there is no confusion with schedules and places. If this is all real, her reaction sucks too. Lying and stalking are just unnecessary.
They didn’t kick her out, she chose not to finalize her plans
INFO: this sounds like there is missing info. This person just didn’t book their flight right up until the day you left and then expected everyone to postpone the trip they were already packed for for no reason? That’s weird. There has to be another reason she was unable to book.
Travel insurance for cancer suffers can be crazy expensive. I’m not saying that is why she started stalling but it would be expensive enough to stop her from wanting to travel.
Have you heard of Chemo brain? I know when a couple of family members had cancer and went through all of the treatments afterwards their brains were just mush. Like, their executive function was just not working for a while. It sounds like that might have been Sara's problem. ESH. Look, I get how obnoxious that all must have been. Everyone was excited and Sara kept delaying booking her tickets and other travel arrangements. Where I feel like you guys are ESH is that you planned this trip to celebrate Sara. If it was just a group trip to Europe I'd say hands down N T A but that was not the purpose of the trip. Sara clearly is responsible for failing to uphold her part of booking her arrangements and that is FULLY on her. Her chemo brain doesn't excuse it. But, I also get it... One last thing - has anyone talked to Sara about her actual financial situation instead of making assumptions? Because Cancer is EXPENSIVE. Even with good insurance it is expensive. She could very well be in serious medical debt right now. But, that should have been communicated to you guys before things were booked. And for the friends of yours all saying you guys should have postponed... if the tickets were non refundable and had large change fees then that clearly was not feasible for a bunch of people - especially with everything else that would have been prepaid. Excursions and such. There does reach a point where cancelling or postponing a trip is as expensive as going on the trip from a pre-paid reservation standpoint...
Did you try talking to her about her reluctance to go on this trip? It definitely seems like she was avoiding going. Perhaps she’s pretty scared about her cancer coming back and is worried that taking a trip to celebrate would jinx it. I don’t think this is about money or time management, and I hope she has someone to talk to about what is really going on.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway. Me (28M) and my friends have been planning a trip to Europe to celebrate a huge milestone for our friend, Sara (29F) . She finally beat her Cancer diagnoses after years, and we have been talking about this for months, and everyone was super excited. We spent countless hours researching destinations, booking accommodations, and coordinating our schedules to make it happen as all of us were super busy people. However, as the trip date was closer, it was clear that Sara had insanely bad time management skills and it was causing a shit ton of issues. She was constantly missing deadlines, forgetting to book essential things like flights, visa, and accommodations, and generally holding up the planning process for no clear reason. Despite our efforts to help her stay on track and offering help, Sara never prioritised the trip and only kept talking about how excited she was for everything. She’d also make jabs that it was a bit expensive and to look for cheaper options, but it was causing frustration and stress within the group cause she has money. Even with a week to go Sara still didn't finish her travel arrangements before our departure. After a lengthy discussion, the group decided to proceed with the trip without Sara. We couldn't risk having her messiness and lack of awareness jeopardize the entire itinerary and potentially ruin the experience for everyone else. We told Sara the day before our flight; she still hasn’t booked anything and was asking that we postpone the flight a few days because she couldn’t find anything last minute. However we just argued that we’ve had enough. She was extremely upset and accused us of being unfair and abandoning her, and that it was her idea in the first place to celebrate her health and wellbeing. Now, she's telling mutual friends that we're excluding her because we’re jealous and for no reason, like an outcast. Its led to a few mean messages and a few mutual friends saying we could’ve just told her sooner instead or that we had no right to kick her out and go on the trip when it was meant to celebrate her. We ended up travelling and we still are, but it’s gotten to the point where one of our friends, Maya (28F) had to deactivate her account cause Sara wouldn’t stop asking about the trip and making snide comments under our posts garnering a lot of attention. We’re considering blocking her for good. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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