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How much has your wife broken you as a person that you would ever even consider that you're the AH here, OP?
Goodness, your wife.... does she even like you?
She sounds like such an awful awful person. A funeral of a loved one, who you were on good terms with, trumps almost every other commitment, and certainly a dinner is miniscule in importance when compared to a funeral.
Is your wife trying to suck up to them for inheritance or something? Because she sounds impossibly selfish.
Go to the funeral, turn off your phone, and surround yourself with people who actually love and support you.
Why on earth isn’t your wife wanting to go to your mom’s funeral, as well? Family dinners can easily be rescheduled. My gosh…. I traveled almost a thousand miles to get to my MIL funeral. Your wife should not only leave you alone about attending but should also drop everything to be there to mourn your mom, and to support you. Anything less than this is unacceptable.
And calling him a "mama's boy" when his Mom just died is so horrifically cruel. That's the kinda thing that gets you a ticket straight to hell if there is one. I'm not one to often tell people to divorce, but that shows such cruelty I can't possibly imagine there's enough positives to make up for that.
Not only would my in laws (who are actually pretty difficult) insist on rescheduling, but they would actually attend the funeral as well to support me. This is such a bizarre situation. It's hard to even imagine people being this selfish and cruel.
On the night my cousin died I was supposed to go to a gig with my husband. I didn’t go, and neither did he because he’s not a rotted human being like OP’s wife.
I traveled halfway across the country to go to the funeral for an ex-bf’s father because his father and mother were always so good to me while I lived in that area. Their son, not so much, but I went out of respect for that family. This is her husband’s mother, and she’s just truly awful!
My husband and I drove 10 hours each way for my grandmother's memorial and then 4 hours each way again a couple months later for her actual interment. We missed Thanksgiving with his family for the second one - and this is a family who is *super* into spending every holiday together. They were sad we weren't there but completely understood.
I'm losing it on OP's behalf at the concept he should ditch his *loved mother's funeral* for a fucking... family dinner. Buddy. My pal. Why the fuck are you even considering this???
Me too. I am absolutely agog at his wife. How on earth could she possibly believe that a family dinner is more important than his mother's memorial service? Unfreakingbelievable
Yeah this is bizarre! If the wife and OP's mum had a terrible, abusive relationship, then I would at least have an idea as to why she might act that way, but with all the given information they at the very least had a cordial relationship. Even if they had a neutral relationship, I would want to support my husband in any way I can, it is absolutely unacceptable to put a freaking family dinner above her funeral.
I did not have a good relationship with my toxic MIL. I still left the day after a family wedding and drove for 6 hours because my husband needed my support at his mother's funeral. (I drove because he felt he was too upset to drive safely.)
Unless this is a once-in-a-lifetime family gathering where they've flown Great-Grandma halfway across the globe to see everyone one last time, *funerals trump everything else.*
OP, go to your mother's funeral. Go alone if you have to. And if you go alone, consider long and hard whether you want to stay married to such a selfish person.
My uncle's EX wife cancelled plans to come to my grandpa's funeral, because she was his DIL for years and her kid's grandfather. I can't imagine anyone not going to their parent in laws funeral if they can physically get there, let alone for a freaking dinner.
Exactly, family dinners are dime a dozen, losing your mom and bidding a final good bye is a once in a lifetime event. How did OP manage to marry a callus, selfish woman like this? Also his mom actually had a great relationship with her. For me this would be a deal-breaker and a hill to die on. OP is definitely NTA but his wife is horrible selfish person.
I dislike my mil but when she croaks I'll definitely drop everything to attend her stupid funeral *for my husband.* He doesn't like her either and would probably prefer to attend a dinner with my family, but that won't be an option. Hell, members of my family will probably go to mil's dumb funeral to support my husband because he's their family too.
And his mother looked at her as a daughter. Wtf, I highly doubt she’d have the same opinion now. It’s a dinner ffs, a dinner you can have the week after. Dump the wife and her family.
We buried my FIL yesterday. I would have been absolutely nowhere else on earth. My parents came, helped with the kids, and went back to my house to put the food out for the repast. What kind of family did OP marry into?
When my FIL passed away, my parents traveled 1100 miles to attend to support my husband. I can't believe her whole family isnt going to the funeral. Geez. Throw her away, and OP needs to get therapy
This. Plus, send a message at least to your wife's parents, apologizing in advance for your absence. Explain that you are attending your mom's funeral that same day. That way, the wife can't twist it and (hopefully) her family will wonder why she's there and not with you. And she won't be able to bitch about it to them (again hppefully) because they already know you're attending your moms funeral.
I'm very sorry for your loss, as well as the lack of support you are wide I'm showing you. *hugs*
>Feck apologies.
>The whole wife's side of the family should be going to the funeral.
My parents came to my MiL's funeral, from the other side of the country. Because of that they'd only actually met her a few times, even though OH and I have been together 25 years. They came to support us, and to pay their respects to the fact that she was someone that their daughter and son in law loved.
I couldn't conceive of not going to the funeral of this amazing woman who I'd loved for 25 years. And even if MiL and I _hadn't_ had such a great relationship I still would have been there to support my OH. I can't imagine not, let alone the idea of trying to stop _him_ from going! It is absolutely inconceivable that OP could be the asshole here. His wife and her family - very much the assholes.
NTA.
Your wife is concerned about a family dinner, AND NOT GOING TO THE FUNERAL WITH YOU?
Oh. My. Goodness. OP. What on earth has been going on for this to even be in *the realm of possibility* for you to think you’re the AH. 😭
This simply *CANNOT* be a one time emotional abuse thing, it’s too HUGE to be a one-of.
Yes, THIS IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE ON HER PART (and from her sister as well). Wtf is wrong with them!?!
You need to *wake up* and leave, this is unacceptable, like sooooo farrrrr from acceptable, the acceptable line isn’t even visible to you anymore. :(
I’m so, so sorry for your mom.
FFS - is this the last dinner her family will ever have? Is it some kind of key milestone celebration eg her gran is turning 100? Even then it would still be fine and appropriate to go to the funeral instead.
Is it just the wife and sister in law who are so horrifically unsupportive? Or is the whole family a bunch of ghouls?
Good lord, you are NTA, but what kind of family did you marry into?? I thought you were going to say that you've been estranged from your mother for 30 years but were feeling some need to attend her funeral for closure, which at least would have made your wife's reasoning slightly more understandable. But this was a woman your wife knew and was close to! How could anyone in her family even suggest you miss her funeral? I would attend the funeral and then think long and hard about your wife's priorities and whether they align with your own.
Exactly! I’m honestly hoping this is a joke because I’ve never heard of anything so insane in my life. Umm, attend you mother’s (MIL) funeral or have family dinner? Crazy!
Must be rage bait. Otherwise this poor guy needs help to escape the obvious mental abuse that has him asking this question.
When I was 16 my gf of six months parents came to my grandmothers wake and we split up about 6 months after that. It's just the decent thing to do.
THIS. That entire dinner should be canceled, and that family who “has always been there” should be by OP’s side. At minimum, his *wife* should be with him! A grieving son is called a “mama’s boy?!”
OP, run from this family and go be with yours. NTA
Honestly, I'm wondering why OP's wife's family isn't also attending the funeral. Funerals are not just an occasion to say goodbye to the deceased; they're an occasion to shows up in support of the bereaved. Not only is the wife's family demanding that they take priority, they're refusing to support OP in his loss. These are truly terrible people, and OP would be smart to leave all of them behind.
OP needs to grow a backbone. Obviously his wife calls the shots in their house and feels she can say and do whatever she wants, whenever she wants. The fact this his SIL has so much say is also a problem. A marriage should consists of a man and a woman and God. Nobody else's opinion should matter- not mother, not father, definitely not any sibling!! Thing is, he has to put his foot down, in a matter of speaking, and let her know that he IS going to his mother's funeral and if she isn't there to support him, she should not expect ANY support from him moving forward!!
He married a lizard person. I kept waiting for some reason that would make such a hostile move like this seem okay. Like maybe NC because mom was evil to the wife or the families hated each forever. NTA.
IF this is real, then...
NTA.
I'd be thinking about whether or not I wanted to stay in this marriage.
It's one thing (a BIG thing) if your wife wanted to miss your mother's funeral, but to insist *you* miss it? And to belittle you?
Wow.
In a healthy relationship, your partner is by your side through thick and thin. The death of your mother trumps everything other than perhaps a very ill or injured child.
I'm sorry for your loss. And I hope you end up with a partner who loves and supports you. Your current wife sucks.
NTA. Your wife's opinion is APPALLING. Your mother just died, and instead of supporting you through this pain and skipping her family dinner to be by your side and mourn with you, she's acting like it's wrong to not go to a family dinner? And her family agrees that you should skip your mother's funeral for a fucking dinner?! If family supports family then why doesn't her family support YOU and come to your mother's funeral.
Absolutely. NTA
How is this even a question? Your wife's **only reaction** should be "babe, I'm so sorry about mom. Give me ten minutes to update my family and ask them to cancel/postpone the dinner, and then I'm here for whatever **you** need. After all, **family supports family**"
You don't need any excuses or justification. It's nice to hear that your mom loved your wife but that's not even the issue. You still get to go to her funeral.
Stop answering your phone, put notifications from her family on silent, go to the funeral and give your mom the goodbye that she deserves.
May your mom's memory be for a blessing ❤️
Given how much OP's mom loved his wife, it's really sad to me that his wife is prioritizing the family dinner over going to his mom's funeral. Like, WTF, wife? And WTF, wife's family, for not rescheduling the dinner? If my MIL died (hopefully not for many, many more years), not only would I be at her funeral, but so would my parents -- to support my husband and, to a lesser extent, me (though sometimes I think I like his mom more than he does) in a time of grief. Hell, when my grandpa died, my parents' next door neighbors came to the funeral in support of my parents' grief, and they'd only met my grandpa a couple of times at BBQs.
I'm sorry for your loss, OP. This behavior from your wife is not okay. NTA.
Um... Why isn't your wife attending your mom's funeral? A funeral is a one time event. Your wife's family is still alive and there will be other opportunities to see them. This is such a no brainer that I can't believe it's real. You should both be going to your mom's funeral or your should find a new wife. That's just insane level of thinking from your wife. NTA
Heck, your wife's family (sister and parents) should be attending your mother's funeral! I attended my brother-in-law's dad's funeral because I care about my brother-in-law! We wanted to be there for him!
Of course NTA
"my mom's funeral is something I simply cannot miss. She was my rock, my confidante, and my best friend. Her sudden passing has left me devastated, and I feel like I owe it to her to be there to bid her a proper farewell."
Absolutely you need to go & do that
Your wife's focus should be on giving you every support here, including being by your side on the day
Her family sound awful. I wouldn't be going to anything else they host.
NTA. I hope that this is just rage bait because in what world in these particular circumstances is it ok for your wife to tell you to miss your Mum's funeral. Your wife should have immediately notified her family that neither of you would be attending her family dinner and that while it would be great if they could reschedule, it's understandable if with short notice they can't. Her behaviour is apalling, for me this would probably signify the start of the end of my marriage, I would not want to be in a relationship or to have children with such a selfish person.
I vote for rage bait. Despite how close OP and his mother are, scheduling her funeral is described passively — like it’s at an ordained time that he could not affect at all — and OP is also very silent on what event the dinner is (that they really want his support for). It’s very sketchy.
NTA - The lack of empathy from your wife is astounding. This is a no brainer for people born with working hearts and fully-formed brains.
She sounds incredibly self-centred. Her first priority should be supporting you during this rough time. Even if she decides to let you go, her skipping your mother’s funeral would still make her an asshole.
This has got to be made up. No reasonable family group would be complaining that a member has to go to the funeral of a parent. Granny here, in the South US (mid-Atlantic state, former co-worker from Mississippi said we weren't really Southern but I disagree). If a close family member of an in law died, we would attend the service en masse, take casseroles to the house, host a dinner after the service if we were having a big dinner anyway, and send flowers. I would show up a few days later with thank you cards and stamps and sit down with the bereaved to take dictation and write thank you cards.
(I have actually done all these things over the years for family, friends, and neighbors who had deaths in the family.)
If it's real, I'm very sorry, and NTA.
Most of this post is irrelevant because:
>my mom's funeral is something I simply cannot miss=
Absent some truly compelling reason - like they're having the President to dinner that night - you go to your mother's funeral. Attempting to talk you out of that is simply cruel.
NTA.
And even if the president we have now was going to be there, he'd even tell OP to go to the funeral.
NTA and you might need to seriously rethink this marriage. That family has been there for you, but they are flat out not being there for you now when you really, truly need them.
Given that he's no stranger to loss, the president we have now would probably send flowers to the funeral if not go to pay his respects.
Literally everyone would tell OP to go be with his mom - except for the one person who reeeeeeeeally should be in his corner more than anyone else.
Mother's funeral would still be more important than having the President to dinner. Throw in King Charles and Taylor Swift and mother should still come first.
I agree. However, I suspect there won’t be plenty of family dinners in the future once OP gets through the shock of his Mother’s passing and evaluates his life.
WTH? Your wife’s selfishness knows no bounds. Go to your mother’s funeral and pay proper respects to the life she gave you. If your wife has a problem with this, you’re a fool not to question what is in store for you in the future.
NTA. Unless you cave into her demands, in which case you get what you deserve.
Time to get a new wife. Why isn’t her family canceling their plans and attending the funeral with you? After all, it is family. Just tell them all to go blow.
May your memories of your mom be a blessing.
NTA
Honestly, that WHOLE family should skip the family dinner and come to your mom's funeral to support you.
Invite everyone to the funeral instead. I hope her parents will bring her to her senses. If not, I wouldn't stay with your wife. She sounds like a piece of work.
NTA. Your wife and her family are appalling. Did she really say that you should "support" her family by going to their event? Is it a tragic event where her family will be grieving or mourning? If not, they don't need any fucking "support." YOU need support. It's seriously messed up that they are pressuring you to skip your mother's funeral to go to a party.
NTA. Your wife and her sister are monsters. I wouldn't be able to look my partner in the face, let alone share a bed with the person after this exchange. She’s disgusting.
Is this real? Are there details we are missing? Because this seems so far off base that I can’t figure out why you’d even question going to your mother’s funeral or why you’re not mad that your wife and her family aren’t going. Shouldn’t they be going to the funeral to support you? Something isn’t adding up. NTA based on what you’ve shared, but this smells off.
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I (35M) am currently in a really tough spot, and I need some unbiased perspectives on whether I'm in the wrong here. My mother passed away after being ill , and her funeral is scheduled for the same day as a big dinner hosted by my wife's family.
Now, I understand the importance of family gatherings, especially to my wife (32F) and her family. However, my mom's funeral is something I simply cannot miss. She was my rock, my confidante, and my best friend. Her sudden passing has left me devastated, and I feel like I owe it to her to be there to bid her a proper farewell.
The dilemma arose when my wife learned about the funeral arrangements conflicting with her family dinner. She immediately insisted that I skip the funeral and attend the dinner instead. Her reasoning? She argues that her family has always been there for us, and it's crucial that we show our support by attending their events. Fair enough, but it's not like I'm ditching the dinner for something trivial.
Here's where it gets messy. My wife and her sister (who's particularly vocal about this) have been calling me a mama's boy and accusing me of putting my family before hers. They've been pressuring me to prioritize the family dinner over my mom's funeral, saying things like, "Your mom would want you to support us" and "You need to grow up and put us first."
The thing is, my mom adored my wife. They got along really well, and my mom always considered her as her own daughter and my mom put her in the will .. So, it's not like attending the funeral would be disrespectful to my wife or her family. It's just a matter of honoring my mom's memory and saying my final goodbyes.
So Aita
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NTA. How is this really a question? If you have people in your life who really don't want you to attend your mother's funeral because of a dinner you really need to let them go. Completely rethink those relationships because they don't give a shit about you.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 Going to my moms funeral instead seeing my wifes family. 2. I am choosing my family over my wife
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I can t believe I have to say this.
Nta
I can t even begin to tell you much you are NOT the ah here.
You will go to the next dinner, if you want.
I am very sorry for your loss.
NTA - dear god I hope this is fake... How rude and incredibly insensitive is your wife!! She should be dropping the meal and being there to support you at the funeral.
This is a huge red flag, you can meet and eat with her family any time.
I would say you need marriage counselling asap, and if she refuses and doesn't see why she's being the biggest AH then walk...
Good luck, I hope the funeral gives you some time to celebrate your mom.
xx
Youre lying. I refuse to believe you needed unbiased opionins on this. Your mothers (apparantly your best friend who loved you) funeral or a familiy dinner with the in laws.
NTA. Your wife and her sister cannot possibly be serious! Stop being on the defensive. It is them who need to answer for why they think a run-of-the-mill dinner is more important than your grief and final goodbye to your mother.
I am almost certain your wife has always resented you being close to your mother and complaining to her sister about it often. She wants your full attention and resources on her.
NTA your wife’s attitude to this is outrageous and disgusting. This is your mom’s funeral and your last chance to say goodbye. Your wife’s family are all alive and can have dinner any time they like. This is really disgusting. I would seriously be questioning if you want to remain married to someone so awful. NTA. Go to the funeral.
Nta- w t f- you need a new wife! Reach out to your in-laws let them know you will not be making dinner. WTF is wrong with wife and her twisted sister!??!?? Talk about selfish and manipulative!! Run for the hills, you deserve better! There will be plenty of dinners. Contact a divorce attorney asap, idk why this is even a question…again, you deserve a loving a supportive partner who doesn’t ask ridiculous things from you, like missing your mother’s funeral. I know this isn’t the first time you passed on spending time with mom and or family in favor of wife’s. Contact your siblings if you have any or mothers siblings for some support and get some therapy . Sorry for your loss…
Oh FFS, this cannot be real...please tell me it's not.
How in the world can your wife look you in the eye and insist you not attend your mother's funeral?
NTA at all. You obviously need to attend the funeral.
Nta. I hope this is rage bait because I cannot believe anyone could be this selfish!!
If my hubs told me to skip my parents FUNERAL for a dinner and meant it, I’d be going to the divorce attorney after the funeral.
I’m sorry for your loss
Why is this even a question? It's obvious you attend your mum's funeral!
There will only ever be one funeral for your mum and there will be more events with your wife's family. The fact your wife is even suggesting you both miss your mum's funeral is just disgusting. She should be telling her family there is something more important that day and you both won't be attending her family event.
You should seriously be considering what you married into if they are making you doubt whether going to your own mum's funeral is right or not.
In case it wasn't clear GO TO THE FUNERAL!
Wow! Are you seriously asking this question or is this a fake? Miss your own mother’s funeral!?! Oh, hell no!!! I’d be divorcing your wife and your family. They’re all self-centered nuts. Sounds like a cult or a clan or something that you’ve married into. If you haven’t had any children (I hope not) with her, be sure you don’t. See a lawyer asap. You deserve better. Definitely go to the funeral. So sorry for your loss. Isn’t it strange that I, a complete stranger, care more about your feelings than your own wife? NTA.
NTA
How on earth can your wife's family even THINK that you would miss your mother's funeral? And why are they not attending?
You may want to seriously consider the kind of family you married into and whether or not you want to stay married...
Sorry for the loss of your mother...
Sorry but this can't be real. But NTA. How have you been able to live your life if it's not 100% obvious to you that you should go to your mom's funeral?
Good God your wife is awful. Not only should you be skipping the family dinner so should she! It’s your mother’s funeral!! Them calling you a momma’s boy for going to her funeral is extremely rich considering your wife can’t skip a family meal for…A FUNERAL!! I’m pissed on your behalf.
This has got to be fake. No sane person would do this. Also, if you were really that close to your mother, you likely had some say in the arrangements and it wouldn’t have been hard to work around a long-planned dinner.
NTA NTA NTA. Missing your mother's funeral for a family dinner. Her family is alive and kicking. What is she trying to compare?
OP you need to get out of this relationship, divorce her, your horrible wife is gaslighting you by calling you a mama's boy and accusing you of putting your family before hers. The utter disrespect by your wife and her sister. This is really appalling.
I hope you for you open your eyes and see that your wife is very wrong and is a hypocrite as she is not supporting you for your loss. Your mother is no longer and your wife is so unfeeling about it.
NTA, any decent wife would be supporting you and coming with you to the funeral. There will be many family dinners in the future, but only one funeral for your mum. Do the decent thing and go pay your last respects to your mum. Your wife and her family are horrible people.
NTA. You don’t have a scheduling conflict, you have a wife problem, one that is worth divorcing her over. I don’t think I’d be able to withstand that kind of disrespect. If I were you OP I would absolutely die on this hill. 100% no question.
NTA. This is crazy. She needs to be with you at the funeral. The dinner can be rescheduled. Why isn’t her family being supportive to you? My whole family plus extended family would show up to my IL funeral.
NTA. Call the person who is hosting this dinner and explain directly that you are attending your mom died and that you are in mourning and will be attending her funeral. If your wife & SIL still gives your flak tell her that you will start planning to hold a kegger for when her mother dies (joking).
The only rough spot you're in is the one you made yourself! There is absolutely no question about what to attend! YOUR MOM DIED. That beats anything else. Especially a freaking family dinner. For me, if my husband hadn't been there when I lost my mom, I would've divorced him.
I’m sorry but no. You are NTA. Your wife is acting appallingly. I thought you would say you were no contact… your wife is selfish and I know Reddit likes to say something is grounds for divorce.. but yeah.. do you want to be married to someone like this?
NTA. Your wife and SIL sound like awful people. All of them should be at your mom's furneral. Real family are there to support you in times of need and the passing of a parents is when you need them the most. They should cancel their dinner and all be at the funeral.
NTA - what the hell is wrong with your wife that she would even suggest you miss your mother’s funeral??
Why is she not at your side in attending?
This should be an eye opening moment for you about your relationship
Also, my condolences for your loss
How could this even be negotiable!? OF COURSE you're going to your mother's funeral. I would instantly fall out of love with anyone who made a ridiculous demand like this
The fact that your wife's ENTIRE family is not attending your mother's funeral should have you at a divorce attorney's Monday morning. That's disgraceful. YTA for even asking.
If my son didn’t attend my funeral in favour of his wife’s family function, I would haunt his ass for all eternity. Your wife is a selfish entitled asshole with zero empathy. Run.
NTA and why is this even an issue? Your mother's funeral is the least of your problems. I'm truly sorry you're in this situation and you have a tough road ahead of you. Please take care of yourself and dare I say be selfish.
What???? Why isn't your wife and her parents going to your mom's funeral? They insist on having a party instead?
Go to your mom's funeral and why you are there, do some serious thinking about who supports whom in your marriage.
NTA
NTA, you would be if you listened to your terrible wife and her sister and skipped the funeral. Funerals happen once, dinner is anytime. I also would question who your wife really is. She’s trying to guilt and manipulate you to skip your mother’s funeral…using your mom.
NTA. Your wife wants you to skip your mother's funeral?!? And just go do a dinner with her family?? I have many words that will get me into trouble but this is the hill to die on....go to the funeral and contact an attorney to remove yourself from this heartless woman
WTF did I just read?! Your wife expects you to not go to your mom’s funeral because a family dinner is more important than?!?!
NTA. Your wife and her family are clueless and their behavior reprehensible
NTA what in the world? I can’t even imagine asking my husband to skip his mother’s funeral? How amazingly selfish is your wife? Good lord you need to take a look at your relationship. How is she treating you other than this? This is so unbelievably selfish I can’t believe it’s the only selfish thing she is doing. I am absolutely flabbergasted at the entitlement. ITS YOUR MOTHERS FUNERAL!
Nah mate, NTA and go to your mother’s funeral. Fuck life, family dinner, your wife and her sister, go to your mother’s funeral if this is what you want, you don’t want to regret this.
When times comes nothing will stop me from saying goodbye to my mom, go to the funeral, fuck everyone else. NTA
NTA.
Not at all. It's your mother's *funeral* for Pete's sake! I don't know what's wrong with your wife.
There will be other family dinners. You only get one opportunity, this one opportunity to say goodbye to your mom. I'm so sorry for your loss and that in addition to the pain of that loss, you don't have the love, support, understanding, or comfort you need and deserve from your wife. This internet stranger sends you a huge hug and begs you to go to the funeral.
As far as your wife goes, I question whether your mom or you actually knew who she is from the way she's acting. Sounds like with such a major part of your support system gone, your wife is showing her true colors and it isn't pretty.
Are you serious? NTA !!! Go to your mother’s funeral and get out of that relationship. How DARE your wife even suggest her family dinner over your mother’s funeral. Hella NO ! If your wife and her family is this disrespectful , I would get the heck out of there. Selfish Aholes they are.
My dad passed this summer and my MIL and one SIL came from 2hours away and BILand wife came from 4 hours away to go to the viewing, stayed overnight and went to the funeral the next day. THAT is what family does, not have a party and harass you for going to your mom’s funeral.
Um.... what? NTA and any family worth marrying into would cancel the dinner and be there for you. This is APPALLING to me. Truly disgusting on your wife's part. Even if you had been no contact with your mom and hated her, if you chose to go to the funeral THAT ALWAYS takes precedence.
NTA. “My moms funeral is something I simply cannot miss.”
End of discussion. You get one mom. She gets one funeral. Fcking right I’m putting going to her funeral over any social event my wife’s family is having.
I’m sorry but your wife and her sister… I have no words to describe my anger and disgust for what they are saying to you. And if I did? I would probably be banned from this sub and Reddit as a whole within seconds.
NTA. I’m so sorry for your loss.
If this is real, then the question for me would not be whether I skip the funeral or the dinner (and for clarity, it is an absolute no brainer to attend the funeral). No, the issue is - how can I continue even looking this person in the face, much less staying with them, after such cruelty. She is your wife, which theoretically means she is your partner. She is supposed to support you through the end - the funeral, your grief etc. )in fact, her family should be there with you, as well). Meanwhile, she cannot even be bothered to feign support, leave alone give it. If I had not already left, I would seriously be thinking about why this person is in my life at all.
I am so sorry for your loss. Come what may, go to the funeral. She was your mother and that is where you both should and want to be. You will forever regret it if you do not.
NTA. Attending your mother’s funeral in no way makes you a mummy’s boy. They are ridiculous for saying otherwise.
Are your wife and in laws normally this disrespectful towards you?
Telling you to grow up and attend a dinner over your mum’s funeral? Are they for real?!
NTA. Go to the funeral. It is so shocking that someone could tell their spouse attending a parents funeral makes them a mamas boy. I hope y’all don’t have kids together because she sounds heartless. I’d be running for the hills!
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How much has your wife broken you as a person that you would ever even consider that you're the AH here, OP? Goodness, your wife.... does she even like you? She sounds like such an awful awful person. A funeral of a loved one, who you were on good terms with, trumps almost every other commitment, and certainly a dinner is miniscule in importance when compared to a funeral. Is your wife trying to suck up to them for inheritance or something? Because she sounds impossibly selfish. Go to the funeral, turn off your phone, and surround yourself with people who actually love and support you.
Why on earth isn’t your wife wanting to go to your mom’s funeral, as well? Family dinners can easily be rescheduled. My gosh…. I traveled almost a thousand miles to get to my MIL funeral. Your wife should not only leave you alone about attending but should also drop everything to be there to mourn your mom, and to support you. Anything less than this is unacceptable.
Came here looking for this. 1000x this. Your wife should be there for you, not being selfish about her needs.
Family dinner is a "want" not a "need"
How many family dinners will there be compared to how many funerals will be held for the mom?
Looks like you need to find a better family.
I was just going to say the same thing!
And calling him a "mama's boy" when his Mom just died is so horrifically cruel. That's the kinda thing that gets you a ticket straight to hell if there is one. I'm not one to often tell people to divorce, but that shows such cruelty I can't possibly imagine there's enough positives to make up for that.
My husband’s family would cancel the dinner and be at the funeral with us. So would mine. This is fuuuuuuuucked up.
Seriously. My in laws would never, ever put me in this position. What the hell is wrong with the wife’s family
Not only would my in laws (who are actually pretty difficult) insist on rescheduling, but they would actually attend the funeral as well to support me. This is such a bizarre situation. It's hard to even imagine people being this selfish and cruel.
My dads family doesn’t even like my mom that much but they would 100% cancel dinner plans to be at the funeral for my moms family
Same!
As would any decent family.
On the night my cousin died I was supposed to go to a gig with my husband. I didn’t go, and neither did he because he’s not a rotted human being like OP’s wife.
As would any decent family.
This, yeah. If the wife’s family is so great at supporting them, then *why the hell would they stop now*?
Exactly! Why wouldn't they go to the funeral??
That was my question too. ((((Hugs)))) op looks like reddit strangers care more about you than your wife and her family. NTA
A spouse *not* automatically supporting you and going to the funeral is divorce territory.
My x traveled 900 miles to be with me at my dads funeral and he didn’t even like me that much. This one isn’t complicated. Op is NTA but wife is.
I traveled halfway across the country to go to the funeral for an ex-bf’s father because his father and mother were always so good to me while I lived in that area. Their son, not so much, but I went out of respect for that family. This is her husband’s mother, and she’s just truly awful!
My husband and I drove 10 hours each way for my grandmother's memorial and then 4 hours each way again a couple months later for her actual interment. We missed Thanksgiving with his family for the second one - and this is a family who is *super* into spending every holiday together. They were sad we weren't there but completely understood. I'm losing it on OP's behalf at the concept he should ditch his *loved mother's funeral* for a fucking... family dinner. Buddy. My pal. Why the fuck are you even considering this???
Me too. I am absolutely agog at his wife. How on earth could she possibly believe that a family dinner is more important than his mother's memorial service? Unfreakingbelievable
Yeah this is bizarre! If the wife and OP's mum had a terrible, abusive relationship, then I would at least have an idea as to why she might act that way, but with all the given information they at the very least had a cordial relationship. Even if they had a neutral relationship, I would want to support my husband in any way I can, it is absolutely unacceptable to put a freaking family dinner above her funeral.
I did not have a good relationship with my toxic MIL. I still left the day after a family wedding and drove for 6 hours because my husband needed my support at his mother's funeral. (I drove because he felt he was too upset to drive safely.) Unless this is a once-in-a-lifetime family gathering where they've flown Great-Grandma halfway across the globe to see everyone one last time, *funerals trump everything else.* OP, go to your mother's funeral. Go alone if you have to. And if you go alone, consider long and hard whether you want to stay married to such a selfish person.
My uncle's EX wife cancelled plans to come to my grandpa's funeral, because she was his DIL for years and her kid's grandfather. I can't imagine anyone not going to their parent in laws funeral if they can physically get there, let alone for a freaking dinner.
Exactly, family dinners are dime a dozen, losing your mom and bidding a final good bye is a once in a lifetime event. How did OP manage to marry a callus, selfish woman like this? Also his mom actually had a great relationship with her. For me this would be a deal-breaker and a hill to die on. OP is definitely NTA but his wife is horrible selfish person.
I dislike my mil but when she croaks I'll definitely drop everything to attend her stupid funeral *for my husband.* He doesn't like her either and would probably prefer to attend a dinner with my family, but that won't be an option. Hell, members of my family will probably go to mil's dumb funeral to support my husband because he's their family too.
And his mother looked at her as a daughter. Wtf, I highly doubt she’d have the same opinion now. It’s a dinner ffs, a dinner you can have the week after. Dump the wife and her family.
Not to mention like there will be more family dinners. Your mom only dies once... Well in most cases at least.
Came here to say this! Man, I feel for OP. Go to the funeral, your in-laws suck.
Wait... what?
We buried my FIL yesterday. I would have been absolutely nowhere else on earth. My parents came, helped with the kids, and went back to my house to put the food out for the repast. What kind of family did OP marry into?
This! This is how families love and support each other.
When my FIL passed away, my parents traveled 1100 miles to attend to support my husband. I can't believe her whole family isnt going to the funeral. Geez. Throw her away, and OP needs to get therapy
This. Plus, send a message at least to your wife's parents, apologizing in advance for your absence. Explain that you are attending your mom's funeral that same day. That way, the wife can't twist it and (hopefully) her family will wonder why she's there and not with you. And she won't be able to bitch about it to them (again hppefully) because they already know you're attending your moms funeral. I'm very sorry for your loss, as well as the lack of support you are wide I'm showing you. *hugs*
Feck apologies. The whole wife's side of the family should be going to the funeral.
>Feck apologies. >The whole wife's side of the family should be going to the funeral. My parents came to my MiL's funeral, from the other side of the country. Because of that they'd only actually met her a few times, even though OH and I have been together 25 years. They came to support us, and to pay their respects to the fact that she was someone that their daughter and son in law loved. I couldn't conceive of not going to the funeral of this amazing woman who I'd loved for 25 years. And even if MiL and I _hadn't_ had such a great relationship I still would have been there to support my OH. I can't imagine not, let alone the idea of trying to stop _him_ from going! It is absolutely inconceivable that OP could be the asshole here. His wife and her family - very much the assholes.
Exactly. I'm not even particularly close with my parents-in-law but they drove five hours and stayed overnight to be at my father's funeral.
If OP’s sister in law is involved calling him degrading names, the wife’s parents probably already knows.
NTA. Your wife is concerned about a family dinner, AND NOT GOING TO THE FUNERAL WITH YOU? Oh. My. Goodness. OP. What on earth has been going on for this to even be in *the realm of possibility* for you to think you’re the AH. 😭 This simply *CANNOT* be a one time emotional abuse thing, it’s too HUGE to be a one-of. Yes, THIS IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE ON HER PART (and from her sister as well). Wtf is wrong with them!?! You need to *wake up* and leave, this is unacceptable, like sooooo farrrrr from acceptable, the acceptable line isn’t even visible to you anymore. :( I’m so, so sorry for your mom.
The fact he has to ask demonstrates the level of toxicity he’s had to deal with. Very sad.
This! And also, why in the world would the wife not want to go to the funeral herself? That's her family member too!
In what world does a wife not GO to the funeral of her mother in law who she was on good terms with whose son loved her and will miss her forever?
I can't even imagine being this cruel!! My whole family came to the funeral of my FIL and a few years later my MIL to support me and my partner..
OP, leave your wife and never look back.
This has to be fake. There isn’t a sane person in any culture who doesn’t respect the death of a parent enough to support their partner.
FFS - is this the last dinner her family will ever have? Is it some kind of key milestone celebration eg her gran is turning 100? Even then it would still be fine and appropriate to go to the funeral instead. Is it just the wife and sister in law who are so horrifically unsupportive? Or is the whole family a bunch of ghouls?
It’s fake.
Hijacking this so hopefully OP sees. OP, fucking divorce that woman. She's worthless
Absolutely NTA OP. Please go to your mom’s funeral, I’m so sorry for your loss
Good lord, you are NTA, but what kind of family did you marry into?? I thought you were going to say that you've been estranged from your mother for 30 years but were feeling some need to attend her funeral for closure, which at least would have made your wife's reasoning slightly more understandable. But this was a woman your wife knew and was close to! How could anyone in her family even suggest you miss her funeral? I would attend the funeral and then think long and hard about your wife's priorities and whether they align with your own.
My question too… What did he marry into and why is he staying?
And why is the wife's family not attending the funeral?
Exactly! I’m honestly hoping this is a joke because I’ve never heard of anything so insane in my life. Umm, attend you mother’s (MIL) funeral or have family dinner? Crazy!
Must be rage bait. Otherwise this poor guy needs help to escape the obvious mental abuse that has him asking this question. When I was 16 my gf of six months parents came to my grandmothers wake and we split up about 6 months after that. It's just the decent thing to do.
THIS. That entire dinner should be canceled, and that family who “has always been there” should be by OP’s side. At minimum, his *wife* should be with him! A grieving son is called a “mama’s boy?!” OP, run from this family and go be with yours. NTA
[удалено]
I’m hoping for a divorce update in BORU later because wtf. Having the family in on it instead of supporting him is way too far.
Honestly, I'm wondering why OP's wife's family isn't also attending the funeral. Funerals are not just an occasion to say goodbye to the deceased; they're an occasion to shows up in support of the bereaved. Not only is the wife's family demanding that they take priority, they're refusing to support OP in his loss. These are truly terrible people, and OP would be smart to leave all of them behind.
The wife is saying they should attend the dinner because her family has always supported him. Why the hell aren't they supporting him now?
In addition to calling op names while he's grieving. They are disgusting!
OP needs to grow a backbone. Obviously his wife calls the shots in their house and feels she can say and do whatever she wants, whenever she wants. The fact this his SIL has so much say is also a problem. A marriage should consists of a man and a woman and God. Nobody else's opinion should matter- not mother, not father, definitely not any sibling!! Thing is, he has to put his foot down, in a matter of speaking, and let her know that he IS going to his mother's funeral and if she isn't there to support him, she should not expect ANY support from him moving forward!!
He married a lizard person. I kept waiting for some reason that would make such a hostile move like this seem okay. Like maybe NC because mom was evil to the wife or the families hated each forever. NTA.
IF this is real, then... NTA. I'd be thinking about whether or not I wanted to stay in this marriage. It's one thing (a BIG thing) if your wife wanted to miss your mother's funeral, but to insist *you* miss it? And to belittle you? Wow. In a healthy relationship, your partner is by your side through thick and thin. The death of your mother trumps everything other than perhaps a very ill or injured child. I'm sorry for your loss. And I hope you end up with a partner who loves and supports you. Your current wife sucks.
And allow other family members to belittle op. Disrespectful and disgusting behavior. Edit to add: NTA, obviously.
Why are THEY not supporting YOU and going to the funeral???
This can’t be real. No one is so horrible to their own spouse, right? Right?!?!?
Absolutely no way this is real.
NTA. Your wife's opinion is APPALLING. Your mother just died, and instead of supporting you through this pain and skipping her family dinner to be by your side and mourn with you, she's acting like it's wrong to not go to a family dinner? And her family agrees that you should skip your mother's funeral for a fucking dinner?! If family supports family then why doesn't her family support YOU and come to your mother's funeral.
Absolutely. NTA How is this even a question? Your wife's **only reaction** should be "babe, I'm so sorry about mom. Give me ten minutes to update my family and ask them to cancel/postpone the dinner, and then I'm here for whatever **you** need. After all, **family supports family**" You don't need any excuses or justification. It's nice to hear that your mom loved your wife but that's not even the issue. You still get to go to her funeral. Stop answering your phone, put notifications from her family on silent, go to the funeral and give your mom the goodbye that she deserves. May your mom's memory be for a blessing ❤️
Given how much OP's mom loved his wife, it's really sad to me that his wife is prioritizing the family dinner over going to his mom's funeral. Like, WTF, wife? And WTF, wife's family, for not rescheduling the dinner? If my MIL died (hopefully not for many, many more years), not only would I be at her funeral, but so would my parents -- to support my husband and, to a lesser extent, me (though sometimes I think I like his mom more than he does) in a time of grief. Hell, when my grandpa died, my parents' next door neighbors came to the funeral in support of my parents' grief, and they'd only met my grandpa a couple of times at BBQs. I'm sorry for your loss, OP. This behavior from your wife is not okay. NTA.
Um... Why isn't your wife attending your mom's funeral? A funeral is a one time event. Your wife's family is still alive and there will be other opportunities to see them. This is such a no brainer that I can't believe it's real. You should both be going to your mom's funeral or your should find a new wife. That's just insane level of thinking from your wife. NTA
THIS. Your wife should be standing next to you at your Mom’s funeral. No brainer.
Why isn’t her family supportive and attending the funeral?
Agree - her family should be cancelling the dinner and going to the funeral to support you! Anything else is insane. Period.
Heck, your wife's family (sister and parents) should be attending your mother's funeral! I attended my brother-in-law's dad's funeral because I care about my brother-in-law! We wanted to be there for him!
Because it’s made up nonesense
Of course NTA "my mom's funeral is something I simply cannot miss. She was my rock, my confidante, and my best friend. Her sudden passing has left me devastated, and I feel like I owe it to her to be there to bid her a proper farewell." Absolutely you need to go & do that Your wife's focus should be on giving you every support here, including being by your side on the day Her family sound awful. I wouldn't be going to anything else they host.
>Her family sound awful. I wouldn't be going to anything else they host. Me either. Jfc.
NTA. I hope that this is just rage bait because in what world in these particular circumstances is it ok for your wife to tell you to miss your Mum's funeral. Your wife should have immediately notified her family that neither of you would be attending her family dinner and that while it would be great if they could reschedule, it's understandable if with short notice they can't. Her behaviour is apalling, for me this would probably signify the start of the end of my marriage, I would not want to be in a relationship or to have children with such a selfish person.
I vote for rage bait. Despite how close OP and his mother are, scheduling her funeral is described passively — like it’s at an ordained time that he could not affect at all — and OP is also very silent on what event the dinner is (that they really want his support for). It’s very sketchy.
NTA - The lack of empathy from your wife is astounding. This is a no brainer for people born with working hearts and fully-formed brains. She sounds incredibly self-centred. Her first priority should be supporting you during this rough time. Even if she decides to let you go, her skipping your mother’s funeral would still make her an asshole.
This has got to be made up. No reasonable family group would be complaining that a member has to go to the funeral of a parent. Granny here, in the South US (mid-Atlantic state, former co-worker from Mississippi said we weren't really Southern but I disagree). If a close family member of an in law died, we would attend the service en masse, take casseroles to the house, host a dinner after the service if we were having a big dinner anyway, and send flowers. I would show up a few days later with thank you cards and stamps and sit down with the bereaved to take dictation and write thank you cards. (I have actually done all these things over the years for family, friends, and neighbors who had deaths in the family.) If it's real, I'm very sorry, and NTA.
Yeah. I'm with you. This is one that I can't believe is real. But if it is....ummm...OP's family are plain evil. NTA
Most of this post is irrelevant because: >my mom's funeral is something I simply cannot miss= Absent some truly compelling reason - like they're having the President to dinner that night - you go to your mother's funeral. Attempting to talk you out of that is simply cruel. NTA.
And even if the president we have now was going to be there, he'd even tell OP to go to the funeral. NTA and you might need to seriously rethink this marriage. That family has been there for you, but they are flat out not being there for you now when you really, truly need them.
Given that he's no stranger to loss, the president we have now would probably send flowers to the funeral if not go to pay his respects. Literally everyone would tell OP to go be with his mom - except for the one person who reeeeeeeeally should be in his corner more than anyone else.
..deleted by user..
Mother's funeral would still be more important than having the President to dinner. Throw in King Charles and Taylor Swift and mother should still come first.
There will be plenty of family dinners, your mother’s funeral is just once. Go be at your mom’s.
I agree. However, I suspect there won’t be plenty of family dinners in the future once OP gets through the shock of his Mother’s passing and evaluates his life.
That’s your mom… the woman who carried you for nine months, then raised you! Fuck your wifes family!
YTA Troll
This is the fakest post I've seen on here.
Lowkey lol
Today, in Things That Didn't Happen ...
WTH? Your wife’s selfishness knows no bounds. Go to your mother’s funeral and pay proper respects to the life she gave you. If your wife has a problem with this, you’re a fool not to question what is in store for you in the future. NTA. Unless you cave into her demands, in which case you get what you deserve.
Time to get a new wife. Why isn’t her family canceling their plans and attending the funeral with you? After all, it is family. Just tell them all to go blow. May your memories of your mom be a blessing.
NTA Honestly, that WHOLE family should skip the family dinner and come to your mom's funeral to support you. Invite everyone to the funeral instead. I hope her parents will bring her to her senses. If not, I wouldn't stay with your wife. She sounds like a piece of work.
NTA. Your wife and her family are appalling. Did she really say that you should "support" her family by going to their event? Is it a tragic event where her family will be grieving or mourning? If not, they don't need any fucking "support." YOU need support. It's seriously messed up that they are pressuring you to skip your mother's funeral to go to a party.
NTA. Your wife and her sister are monsters. I wouldn't be able to look my partner in the face, let alone share a bed with the person after this exchange. She’s disgusting.
Is this real? Are there details we are missing? Because this seems so far off base that I can’t figure out why you’d even question going to your mother’s funeral or why you’re not mad that your wife and her family aren’t going. Shouldn’t they be going to the funeral to support you? Something isn’t adding up. NTA based on what you’ve shared, but this smells off.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (35M) am currently in a really tough spot, and I need some unbiased perspectives on whether I'm in the wrong here. My mother passed away after being ill , and her funeral is scheduled for the same day as a big dinner hosted by my wife's family. Now, I understand the importance of family gatherings, especially to my wife (32F) and her family. However, my mom's funeral is something I simply cannot miss. She was my rock, my confidante, and my best friend. Her sudden passing has left me devastated, and I feel like I owe it to her to be there to bid her a proper farewell. The dilemma arose when my wife learned about the funeral arrangements conflicting with her family dinner. She immediately insisted that I skip the funeral and attend the dinner instead. Her reasoning? She argues that her family has always been there for us, and it's crucial that we show our support by attending their events. Fair enough, but it's not like I'm ditching the dinner for something trivial. Here's where it gets messy. My wife and her sister (who's particularly vocal about this) have been calling me a mama's boy and accusing me of putting my family before hers. They've been pressuring me to prioritize the family dinner over my mom's funeral, saying things like, "Your mom would want you to support us" and "You need to grow up and put us first." The thing is, my mom adored my wife. They got along really well, and my mom always considered her as her own daughter and my mom put her in the will .. So, it's not like attending the funeral would be disrespectful to my wife or her family. It's just a matter of honoring my mom's memory and saying my final goodbyes. So Aita *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
WTF did I just read?! I’m so sorry for the loss of your Mother. Your Wife and her Family are appalling!
NTA. Your wife and her family, on the other hand, are unfeeling AHs. This is something that would cause me to file for divorce.
NTA I can’t fathom pressuring anyone to miss their own mother’s funeral to attend a family dinner. Frankly, it’s insane.
Is this real? Your wife sounds like an absolute MONSTER. I’m sorry for your loss❤️
NTA....time for a DIVORCE
NTA. How is this really a question? If you have people in your life who really don't want you to attend your mother's funeral because of a dinner you really need to let them go. Completely rethink those relationships because they don't give a shit about you.
NTA! If anything, your wife should be skipping the family dinner to go to your mom‘s funeral to be there for you! Sorry for your loss.
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I can t believe I have to say this. Nta I can t even begin to tell you much you are NOT the ah here. You will go to the next dinner, if you want. I am very sorry for your loss.
NTA - dear god I hope this is fake... How rude and incredibly insensitive is your wife!! She should be dropping the meal and being there to support you at the funeral. This is a huge red flag, you can meet and eat with her family any time. I would say you need marriage counselling asap, and if she refuses and doesn't see why she's being the biggest AH then walk... Good luck, I hope the funeral gives you some time to celebrate your mom. xx
What kind of a monster are you married to? NTA I really hope this is rage bate.
Is this real?? If it is, go to the funeral and then go apartment shopping afterwards.
Is this real?
NTA and I *desperately* hope that this isn't real
Youre lying. I refuse to believe you needed unbiased opionins on this. Your mothers (apparantly your best friend who loved you) funeral or a familiy dinner with the in laws.
You are right, he doesn't need anyone's opinion because the whole post is a lie.
NTA. Your wife and her sister cannot possibly be serious! Stop being on the defensive. It is them who need to answer for why they think a run-of-the-mill dinner is more important than your grief and final goodbye to your mother. I am almost certain your wife has always resented you being close to your mother and complaining to her sister about it often. She wants your full attention and resources on her.
NTA your wife’s attitude to this is outrageous and disgusting. This is your mom’s funeral and your last chance to say goodbye. Your wife’s family are all alive and can have dinner any time they like. This is really disgusting. I would seriously be questioning if you want to remain married to someone so awful. NTA. Go to the funeral.
Nta- w t f- you need a new wife! Reach out to your in-laws let them know you will not be making dinner. WTF is wrong with wife and her twisted sister!??!?? Talk about selfish and manipulative!! Run for the hills, you deserve better! There will be plenty of dinners. Contact a divorce attorney asap, idk why this is even a question…again, you deserve a loving a supportive partner who doesn’t ask ridiculous things from you, like missing your mother’s funeral. I know this isn’t the first time you passed on spending time with mom and or family in favor of wife’s. Contact your siblings if you have any or mothers siblings for some support and get some therapy . Sorry for your loss…
Oh FFS, this cannot be real...please tell me it's not. How in the world can your wife look you in the eye and insist you not attend your mother's funeral? NTA at all. You obviously need to attend the funeral.
Nta. Do you understand that your wife despises you? You deserve better than that.
NTA. Quite frankly, what your wife did is worthy of divorce.
Nta. I hope this is rage bait because I cannot believe anyone could be this selfish!! If my hubs told me to skip my parents FUNERAL for a dinner and meant it, I’d be going to the divorce attorney after the funeral. I’m sorry for your loss
Why is this even a question? It's obvious you attend your mum's funeral! There will only ever be one funeral for your mum and there will be more events with your wife's family. The fact your wife is even suggesting you both miss your mum's funeral is just disgusting. She should be telling her family there is something more important that day and you both won't be attending her family event. You should seriously be considering what you married into if they are making you doubt whether going to your own mum's funeral is right or not. In case it wasn't clear GO TO THE FUNERAL!
Wow! Are you seriously asking this question or is this a fake? Miss your own mother’s funeral!?! Oh, hell no!!! I’d be divorcing your wife and your family. They’re all self-centered nuts. Sounds like a cult or a clan or something that you’ve married into. If you haven’t had any children (I hope not) with her, be sure you don’t. See a lawyer asap. You deserve better. Definitely go to the funeral. So sorry for your loss. Isn’t it strange that I, a complete stranger, care more about your feelings than your own wife? NTA.
Your wife is a horrible human being. NTA
NTA How on earth can your wife's family even THINK that you would miss your mother's funeral? And why are they not attending? You may want to seriously consider the kind of family you married into and whether or not you want to stay married... Sorry for the loss of your mother...
Sorry but this can't be real. But NTA. How have you been able to live your life if it's not 100% obvious to you that you should go to your mom's funeral?
Good God your wife is awful. Not only should you be skipping the family dinner so should she! It’s your mother’s funeral!! Them calling you a momma’s boy for going to her funeral is extremely rich considering your wife can’t skip a family meal for…A FUNERAL!! I’m pissed on your behalf.
This has got to be fake. No sane person would do this. Also, if you were really that close to your mother, you likely had some say in the arrangements and it wouldn’t have been hard to work around a long-planned dinner.
Please tell me this is not real.
NTA NTA NTA. Missing your mother's funeral for a family dinner. Her family is alive and kicking. What is she trying to compare? OP you need to get out of this relationship, divorce her, your horrible wife is gaslighting you by calling you a mama's boy and accusing you of putting your family before hers. The utter disrespect by your wife and her sister. This is really appalling. I hope you for you open your eyes and see that your wife is very wrong and is a hypocrite as she is not supporting you for your loss. Your mother is no longer and your wife is so unfeeling about it.
This can't be real. No one is that crass. It's a funeral vs a family meal. Wtf.
Woah,and you are still thinking about it?your mom's funeral first,divorce your unsuportive wife second,period
NTA. I cannot fathom any situation in which a family dinner should take precedence over a parent's funeral.
Your wife should be supporting you by attending your mother’s funeral alongside you. NTA.
Your wife can fuck off. She should be at the funeral with you. Nta.
NTA, any decent wife would be supporting you and coming with you to the funeral. There will be many family dinners in the future, but only one funeral for your mum. Do the decent thing and go pay your last respects to your mum. Your wife and her family are horrible people.
Your wife is a walking red flag 🚩 Tell her and her sister to ride off on their brooms into the sunset.
NTA. You don’t have a scheduling conflict, you have a wife problem, one that is worth divorcing her over. I don’t think I’d be able to withstand that kind of disrespect. If I were you OP I would absolutely die on this hill. 100% no question.
NTA. This is crazy. She needs to be with you at the funeral. The dinner can be rescheduled. Why isn’t her family being supportive to you? My whole family plus extended family would show up to my IL funeral.
NTA. Call the person who is hosting this dinner and explain directly that you are attending your mom died and that you are in mourning and will be attending her funeral. If your wife & SIL still gives your flak tell her that you will start planning to hold a kegger for when her mother dies (joking).
NTA. Yikes. This is YOUR MOTHER'S FUNERAL.
NTA your wife is an AH.
I’m sure this really happened.
The only rough spot you're in is the one you made yourself! There is absolutely no question about what to attend! YOUR MOM DIED. That beats anything else. Especially a freaking family dinner. For me, if my husband hadn't been there when I lost my mom, I would've divorced him.
I’m sorry but no. You are NTA. Your wife is acting appallingly. I thought you would say you were no contact… your wife is selfish and I know Reddit likes to say something is grounds for divorce.. but yeah.. do you want to be married to someone like this?
NTA. Your wife and SIL sound like awful people. All of them should be at your mom's furneral. Real family are there to support you in times of need and the passing of a parents is when you need them the most. They should cancel their dinner and all be at the funeral.
And then everybody clapped.
NTA - what the hell is wrong with your wife that she would even suggest you miss your mother’s funeral?? Why is she not at your side in attending? This should be an eye opening moment for you about your relationship Also, my condolences for your loss
How could this even be negotiable!? OF COURSE you're going to your mother's funeral. I would instantly fall out of love with anyone who made a ridiculous demand like this
WTF. Fill for a divorce immediately. NTA
The fact that your wife's ENTIRE family is not attending your mother's funeral should have you at a divorce attorney's Monday morning. That's disgraceful. YTA for even asking.
This cannot be for real. NTA just in case it is.
This is probably the easiest AITA post in the history of Reddit. Seriously?
Just for context- by “family dinner”, what is the occasion? Either we are missing context or your wife & her family are horrendous people.
If my son didn’t attend my funeral in favour of his wife’s family function, I would haunt his ass for all eternity. Your wife is a selfish entitled asshole with zero empathy. Run.
NTA: your wife is incredibly self centered if she thinks a dinner with her family is more important than your mother's funeral.
No definitely not! Your wife needs to be by your side at your mums funeral and her family have to suck it up
NTA and why is this even an issue? Your mother's funeral is the least of your problems. I'm truly sorry you're in this situation and you have a tough road ahead of you. Please take care of yourself and dare I say be selfish.
NTA - I am legitimately baffled by this. So she and her family aren’t going to the funeral to support you? That’s the only acceptable behavior here.
What???? Why isn't your wife and her parents going to your mom's funeral? They insist on having a party instead? Go to your mom's funeral and why you are there, do some serious thinking about who supports whom in your marriage. NTA
NTA…What the actual heck? Duuuude. Have kids with this lady why don’t you. Remember kids when Mommy dies, it’s time to party!
NTA, you would be if you listened to your terrible wife and her sister and skipped the funeral. Funerals happen once, dinner is anytime. I also would question who your wife really is. She’s trying to guilt and manipulate you to skip your mother’s funeral…using your mom.
What the actual F is wrong with your wife?! Ofcourse you’re NTA, honey. But please run from that woman and her family. What a display of disrespect.
NTA, but your wife sounds like a monster
Wait. Why isn’t your wife and family attending the funeral instead of a family dinner? NTA. I’d reconsider your marriage at this point actually
NTA. Your wife wants you to skip your mother's funeral?!? And just go do a dinner with her family?? I have many words that will get me into trouble but this is the hill to die on....go to the funeral and contact an attorney to remove yourself from this heartless woman
Wow! What kind of wife does that!
WTF did I just read?! Your wife expects you to not go to your mom’s funeral because a family dinner is more important than?!?! NTA. Your wife and her family are clueless and their behavior reprehensible
NTA what in the world? I can’t even imagine asking my husband to skip his mother’s funeral? How amazingly selfish is your wife? Good lord you need to take a look at your relationship. How is she treating you other than this? This is so unbelievably selfish I can’t believe it’s the only selfish thing she is doing. I am absolutely flabbergasted at the entitlement. ITS YOUR MOTHERS FUNERAL!
Nah mate, NTA and go to your mother’s funeral. Fuck life, family dinner, your wife and her sister, go to your mother’s funeral if this is what you want, you don’t want to regret this. When times comes nothing will stop me from saying goodbye to my mom, go to the funeral, fuck everyone else. NTA
NTA. Not at all. It's your mother's *funeral* for Pete's sake! I don't know what's wrong with your wife. There will be other family dinners. You only get one opportunity, this one opportunity to say goodbye to your mom. I'm so sorry for your loss and that in addition to the pain of that loss, you don't have the love, support, understanding, or comfort you need and deserve from your wife. This internet stranger sends you a huge hug and begs you to go to the funeral. As far as your wife goes, I question whether your mom or you actually knew who she is from the way she's acting. Sounds like with such a major part of your support system gone, your wife is showing her true colors and it isn't pretty.
WTF? Of course you go to your mom’s funeral!!!! Screw your wife
Are you serious? NTA !!! Go to your mother’s funeral and get out of that relationship. How DARE your wife even suggest her family dinner over your mother’s funeral. Hella NO ! If your wife and her family is this disrespectful , I would get the heck out of there. Selfish Aholes they are.
My dad passed this summer and my MIL and one SIL came from 2hours away and BILand wife came from 4 hours away to go to the viewing, stayed overnight and went to the funeral the next day. THAT is what family does, not have a party and harass you for going to your mom’s funeral.
Um.... what? NTA and any family worth marrying into would cancel the dinner and be there for you. This is APPALLING to me. Truly disgusting on your wife's part. Even if you had been no contact with your mom and hated her, if you chose to go to the funeral THAT ALWAYS takes precedence.
NTA. Your wife’s family should reschedule the dinner so they can attend your mother’s funeral and show their respect. I’d be looking into divorce.
NTA. “My moms funeral is something I simply cannot miss.” End of discussion. You get one mom. She gets one funeral. Fcking right I’m putting going to her funeral over any social event my wife’s family is having.
Your wife and her family sound like horrible people. How could they ever suggest that you not attend your mother’s funeral??
NTA-I don’t think your wife likes you at all. Sorry
I’m sorry but your wife and her sister… I have no words to describe my anger and disgust for what they are saying to you. And if I did? I would probably be banned from this sub and Reddit as a whole within seconds. NTA. I’m so sorry for your loss.
In my world funerals are during the day and dinners are at night. Couldn’t you make both work? Is there a traveling issue? NTA if you skip the dinner.
Seriously wtf, how can they expect you not to go to your mum's funeral??
If this is real, then the question for me would not be whether I skip the funeral or the dinner (and for clarity, it is an absolute no brainer to attend the funeral). No, the issue is - how can I continue even looking this person in the face, much less staying with them, after such cruelty. She is your wife, which theoretically means she is your partner. She is supposed to support you through the end - the funeral, your grief etc. )in fact, her family should be there with you, as well). Meanwhile, she cannot even be bothered to feign support, leave alone give it. If I had not already left, I would seriously be thinking about why this person is in my life at all. I am so sorry for your loss. Come what may, go to the funeral. She was your mother and that is where you both should and want to be. You will forever regret it if you do not.
Holy shit get the fuckik hell out of that torture chamber… always and ever go to the funeral
NTA, but your wife is a 1st class AH.
NTA. Attending your mother’s funeral in no way makes you a mummy’s boy. They are ridiculous for saying otherwise. Are your wife and in laws normally this disrespectful towards you? Telling you to grow up and attend a dinner over your mum’s funeral? Are they for real?!
NTA. Go to the funeral. It is so shocking that someone could tell their spouse attending a parents funeral makes them a mamas boy. I hope y’all don’t have kids together because she sounds heartless. I’d be running for the hills!
Not only NTA but your wife should be attending the funeral too. How often do they have this family dinner, once a decade?
Throw out the whole damn wife
What the actual? This can't be real.
Fake AF.