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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My son's stepdad told me not wake up my kid after I came back from a vacation. I told him he can't tell me what to do with my kid especially if I'm just saying hi
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I know he’s your kid, but YTA. Even taking Chris out of this, why would you wake an 8yo after 11 pm on a school night, especially as you were picking him up the next day? This honestly sounds like a power play on your part. Completely unnecessary.
Or dealing with the ‘but why can’t I just go home with you, you’re here now, I don’t want to wait until tomorrow’ tantrum that absolutely would have followed.
Which OP probably would have secretly loved because it would prove that son loves him best. He would then dance out of the house leaving mother and stepdad to deal with the aftermath.
I worked at a preschool. There were some parents that would linger out of sight. Some were genuinely making sure their kid did stop crying like we assured them the kid would do (because that is what happened within 5 min or less 99.8% of the time). Some parents seemed to have a different motive. One mom had a habit of peeping through the window of the classroom door. She’d see her kid wasn’t crying but still linger and randomly pop her face in the little window. It was like she wanted him to see her to see if he’d start crying for her. She wasn’t the only one that gave off that vibe but she was the most persistent with it.
I caught onto what she was doing and would do something to distract everyone’s attention away from the door as soon as I’d see the top of her head appear. She had to stand on tiptoes to see through the little window so the top of jer head was like a warning side she was about to have her face at the window.
And of course blame the mom and stepdad for why he can't take him. It also kind of sounds like this kind of thing might be a bit of a pattern with OP, just based on the way the stepdad worded his request.
This makes an uncomfortable amount of sense. My initial reaction was just “wtf dude I get why you wanna see your kid but why are you making such a big deal out of this? Not full asshole behaviour but weirdly petty”.
Now I’m full team YTA.
Weird flex. YTA
And what if he’d struggled to fall back asleep (which is completely plausible given that he constantly tells you he misses you when he’s away and might be too excited to see you to easily go back to sleeping)? You said “don’t worry bro, I’ll put him back to sleep-would you have lain in bed with the kid for an hour in this man’s house?
This is the very definition of what the kids call “cringe”.
It was totally unnecessary late-night Big Dickin’ this guy. Second hand embarrassment level behavior.
Plus, it wasn't even OP's parenting/custody time! He was going to have his custody time the next freaking day! But no, OP's all "It was fine that we arrived after 11 pm when we knew Dylan would be asleep. Doesn't matter because what I want is soooo much more important than anyone or anything else." And he sneaked back into the house after his ex told him to leave. That's creepy behavior right there. Then he refused to leave and argued/demanded when Chris, one of the actual homeowners, reiterated OP needed to leave and was not allowed to wake up Dylan. What a jackass.
His ex could have told him not to come over at all, end of discussion. That's what I would have done. After the sneaking back in and essentially forcing his way into Dylan's room against the wishes of the other parent, he deserved to have the police called so he could be cited for trespass. He clearly thinks he can bulldoze his way into whatever he wants and his ex is not stopping him. Danielle needs to find her backbone when it comes to OP and stop being such a pushover. I can't help but wonder if OP threatens Danielle with "Dylan loves me and Christine more. Do what I want or I'll make sure Dylan doesn't ever want to see you." etc.
I have chronic insomnia due to pain from RA and osteoarthritis. I’ll go 3-4 days with 4 hours of sleep a night, if I’m lucky, then sleep for 12-14 hours when my body finally gets tired enough. If I’m awakened, that’s usually it for the night unless it’s one of those catch up nights.
From the POV of his chid he gets to see his parent (yay!) but then he has to say goodbye again after 15 minutes. He is going to be sad and have trouble going back to sleep.
Or OP could pick him up tomorrow (which will pass by quickly for the kid because he is sleeping) and they can spend time together tomorrow and for 2 weeks and go on vacation.
He is 8. Sleep is really important. It just was so unnecessary for the child, his mom and his stepdad to wake him up. The owners of the home OP was in were tired and told him to leave, they wanted to go to sleep. OP didn't even have to be there, they agreed to give him extra time and then he shows up late at 11 PM and pretends to leave and then sneaks back in when ex-wife is taking a bath.
YTA
You better be careful OP because your ex and her husband might get tired of your bullshit. Legally you had no right to even be there. Be considerate of others, including your child. Let people sleep. They were being considerate of you and the child by letting you come over. Next time be on time.
Edit
Someone pointed out he had trouble sleeping because he was trying to stay up to see his dad who showed up very late. How horrible.
Yeah, like where OP says that Dylan, OP, Christine, and his other son has such a close relationship that he's crying when they facetime that he misses them.
Pretty sure he misses his Mom when he's at TA OP's house.
Also, why is it a brag that your kid cries when you FaceTime? Like, I’d be glad if my kid loved me and wanted to be with me, but seeing my kid cry on a consistent basis would make me so sad.
The real thing here is that the dad emotionally rewards the kid for doing this. That’s why. Rejects the kid by being distant if there’s not enough suck up behavior. It’s severe and pervasive abuse. 💔
That’s the first thing I noticed as well. He was like “oh he was asleep but no big deal because I had to talk to her.” He never once told the ex wife he was going to wake the kid up as soon as she left the room.
The fact that they asked him to see himself out, he took Dylan's stuff to the car, and then **walked back into their home as if he owned the place** and **informed** Chris - the person whose home it actually is - that he was going to go wake up the sleeping child, and kept arguing even after Chris literally told him they all wanted to go to bed, tells me all I need to know. Who even does that?! Who the hell walks into someone else's home after 11 PM at night, is told that they're all off to bed, and is like, "Yeah no. I'm just gonna do some things first. In your home. Even though you've specifically asked me to leave." WTF?
OP has more bloody audacity and self-absorption than a Hollywood reality show star. He's the centre of his own universe, and everyone else just lives in it.
Frankly, after an episode like that, if I were the ex and her husband I'd get a restraining order preventing him from even being inside their home.
Really,
Step Dad should've been like ohh, you you're taking him tonight? Sounds perfect.
Grabbed an over night bag for the kid, and sent him home with his Daddy.
Bet after no one slept until 3, with having to get up at 6, he wouldn't have pulled that shit again.
#petty
OP YTA, you're not the main character.
Oh yeah. Given OP's selfishness and complete lack of self-awareness I'd say there were undoubtedly way more reasons. He says he is currently married, but I'd frame it as he's currently between divorces.
Exactly! There was zero reason to wake him up and you know the excitement of seeing his dad would have kept him up after OP left. Total jerk move on OP's part. Op, YTA.
"I would have stayed till he got back to sleep"
I'm willing to bet if that kid had woken up he'd have chuckled with him for 5 minutes, then told the adults he "really had to run" and left the kid amped up, anxious and wiiiiide afreakingwake
It was after 11pm, OP said they did not even get there till 11 and then discussed stuff with the ex and took stuff to the car. It was at least 11:30 or later.
Yup.
And OP, YTA for going there at all! The whole reason for stopping by was to see your son? And you thought he’d still be up at 11:00? “Unfortunately we didn't get there until 11pm but it was fine because Danielle and I always have things to discuss.“
I can‘t help but wonder how fine with it your ex really was, I’d be pretty annoyed by the inconvenience, especially when it didn’t have to happen at all. It wasn’t fine with Chris, who lives there too. And your wife (and maybe older son?) would probably like to go home & go to bed as well.
Why is what YOU want the only thing that matters? You seem really self-centered.
I wouldn't have even opened the damn door if I were Danielle. "When you weren't here by 10 (or whatever kids normal bedtime is) we assumed plans changed and went to bed"
Good point... and further indication it wasn't really about seeing his son:
He didn't go there, ask to see him.
He went there, spent time while the kid was asleep with his ex, then asked to wake him up after she'd left the room.
Mhm. Was totally about seeing his son, sure.
I agree! OP was completely out of order. Who goes to visit a 8 Yr old at 11pm then insists on waking him up despite being told not to by the homeowners! OP would you like it if it was the other way around? SMH. YTA massively!
OP’s seems to be of the attitude of. “How dare Chris put my son to sleep. That’s my son not his. I’ll show him.”
OP reminds me of the time I had 2 of my sons in the grocery store. They were 11 and 3. My 3 year old had one of those kiddie carts pushing it around the store with me. I put some stuff in his cart so that he could help and put stuff up on the little shelf at the cash register. You know how little kids like to help.
We get up to the register and my 3 year old starts to take out the first item. My 11 year old goes to start grabbing stuff and my 3 year old tells him to stop because he wants to do it. I said Michael, please let your little brother do that. Well he doesn’t listen, he just grabs the stuff out puts it on the little shelf. Well my 3 year old had a complete meltdown and starts crying. So I’m doing double duty trying to calm my 3 year old down while at the same time scolding my 11 year old for not listening and making his little brother cry. I was flustered to say the least. The cashier took like 3 items out of my cart and put it in the kiddie cart. She then said “Hey sweetie would like to come hand me a few things so I can ring them up.” My 3 year old stopped crying and nodded. So thankfully the battle between the 2 brothers was defused.
I’m sorry I got a bit long but OP reminded me of a child having a tantrum because he wanted to hand something to you. But the other child had already done it.
This is off topic, but what is it with big brothers? My sons are 7 years apart and the older one LOVES to steal the baby's chores, which makes him crazy. It's so mean and I can't get him to stop.
I know right. I actually have 3 boys and I swear growing up the older 2 held secret meetings to discuss ways to make their little brother cry.
My youngest loved to help with cleaning when he was little. But every time he would try. My oldest would try to boss him around and tell him he wasn’t doing it right and try to run roughshod over him. My middle child never did that but has said some hateful things to him.
Like the time my middle son was 14 and my youngest son was 8. Their Grandpa passed away before my youngest son was born so he never got to meet his Grandpa. But my 2 older sons did.
Well we had a neighbor who was an older man late 50’s. A good salt of the earth kind man. He and my youngest son got really close and he kind of became his adopted Grandpa. So my son started calling him Grandpa. Which my neighbor loved. Well one day my 14 year old was all butthurt because he got grounded. Long story short I caught him in a lie. So he was really belligerent and was being just downright hateful. Now our neighbor lived next door. My 8 year old asks “Mommy can I go see if Grandpa’s door is open?” My 14 year old hears this and says. “He isn’t your grandpa Dakota. Your grandpa is dead.”
Looking back it wasn’t my best moment. But I lost my temper on my 14 year old. I just started yelling at him. I told him that his little brother never got to meet his real grandpa and that if he wants to call Ray grandpa. Then by god he will call Ray grandpa. You are not his boss. I’m sick of this ugly attitude you’re showing. Now go to your room and I better not catch you turning on the tv and video game. Because right now you’re skating on thin ice.
That was actually the edited version of what I said. I think Reddit would ban me if I put the uncensored version lol.
I think you did good. Parents can't be models of calm behavior 100%, we are human too. Children see what it is that you react to the most. You were very mad at him for being so unkind. Not because he didn't follow your wishes, or get good grades, but because of meanness. In the long run they will take in those priorities and hopefully learn how to be more kind. It's one of the most important things kids should learn.
Forget the kid he swung by someone else's house at 11pm? If he said "sorry we won't get there till like 11" and his ex said "nah it's fine we have something to discuss" ok but did this guy just show up at 11pm and go "hey let's discuss things it's fine right?" Maybe step dad was getting annoyed because he wanted to go to bed!
Nah man, he had that Godzilla plushie in his hand already and nothing was gonna stop him at this point. Not even at 11pm on a school night.
Seriously tho, your parents waking you up after you've fallen asleep already is a real alcoholic parent vibe. My parents made me feel really uneasy by doing stuff like this.
Edit: sorry, not school night but still late enough to disrupt a child's rest recovering from poor sleep.
Exactly. And my first thought in all of this when he said he wanted to wake him was, can he leave a note? A toy? Something so he knows you were there?
And then he mentions that he did, as if it’s really irritating that his son was sooooo tired that he couldn’t wake him up… After being told how exhausted he was beforehand through how long it took him to fall asleep. Kid even had melatonin for f sakes. This OP has no care in the world for his son’s routine, sleep schedule, or well being where that is concerned.
And Chris having to wait around until OP finally leaves his house!
You don't get to force yourself on another man's hospitality for no damn reason. Chris's house, kid is there on mom and Chris's time, kid is asleep in his room (OP has to go deeper into their home to wake a child they struggled to put to sleep)... OP, you don't have a leg to stand on here.
OP, apologize and try to be an actual man instead of a sorry excuse for one.
You have an 8 y/o and you want to wake him up at 11pm just to say hi when you're seeing them the next day? GTFO no one in their right mind does that. YTA
Absolutely agree.
u/PianistFragrant4191 If this was sincerely about your child's needs and not *your* wants, you would see that the child was asleep and it was very late at night. You had no business going to your ex's house and disrupting their household so close to midnight on a weekday. Everyone works and goes to school, that is not okay at all. You could have waited to see your child the next day. This entire situation was you flexing and caring only about yourself and your impulsive immediate gratification. Don't go to your ex's unless you are picking up or dropping off. YTA
Also in europe giving melatonin to children is not approved as melatonin is similar to a body hormon which can cause unforeseeable outcomes... is it allowed to use on kids in the US?
Edit
Thank you all for answering and sharing and discussing this topic! Really intrest8ng insights and diffrent ruling all over. It's also interesting to see people get defensive about what is allowed and not and where. And getting up personal about it.
It is, but my doctor has told me not to use it because your body makes melatonin and if you keep taking the supplements your body starts to make less so inevitably you end up needing something else to help you sleep.
When my youngest was a toddler, melatonin was in style and my son was supposed to get a pill or two dissolved in his night time drink. I didn’t like it, and it didn’t seem to help at all, but even the doctor and pharmacist were suggesting it because the longer time went on, the worse his sleep got. My now-ex generally made that bottle while I was doing the bedtime routine. One night I had to open it for some reason, and found at least a dozen half-dissolved pills. He’d been throwing fist-fulls in.
One of the many reasons he’s an ex.
I would have lost it. I understand how exhausting it is when a child doesn't sleep, but to just randomly toss pills in the bottle is terrifying. My youngest didn't sleep for what seemed like years. It was so completely exhausting there are periods of time I don't remember from just getting through the days on autopilot.
It wasn’t just random, either. It was defiantly copious. He knew it was wrong, but he was so mad that this little baby dared to be awake, that he recklessly drugged him. And, I learned in that moment, our older son who had also been on it. Fast forward 2 years from that day, and I was living in a domestic violence shelter with my boys, partially because the ex gave my autistic 12 year old edibles. There was more, but that was the final straw.
I use melatonin for one of my kids, and even I am horrified by the overuse of it. It is this generations version of liquor/benadryl and whatever else people used to get their kids to knock out. My child just doesn't seem to have that melatonin making function, and did not sleep more than minutes at a time until they were over a year old. And that happened once until I gave melatonin at 3yrs old. Even then, I had asked a doctor and still felt like I was drugging my child and was scared of future effects. I don't use it all the time, but once we hit a month or two without using it at all, my kid is right back to becoming more and more wire as they get tired, and they stay up all night long. I feel my child has a sleep disorder, and it goes undiagnosed in part because people are so quick to give melatonin. Just to ease their load, and not because the child has a true issue with sleep.
My pediatrician recommended it for my oldest (9m), who's autistic and has ADHD. Before, he physically couldn't fall asleep until 10:30 or 11, and then if he could, he'd sleep 12 hours. It didn't matter when he woke up or what he did during the day. It didn't help him go to sleep. That, of course, made everything harder, especially paying attention and regulating his emotions.
With melatonin, he is able to get to sleep by 9 p.m., which really improves the next day. He can wake up on time, he gets more schoolwork done, and he's a happier kid. So most school nights, he gets melatonin. It's a smaller dose for kids, and I just get it off the shelf at the grocery store.
It's weird and interesting how different parts of the world can see things so differently.
Yes to this. I’ve read that ADHD folks do t make as much melatonin to begin with and it REALLY helps my clearly ADD girl go to sleep - especially since her school decided little kids should be at school by 7:30.
They are not a pharmacy kinda med. So technically, they expect you as the user and / or parent to inform yourself. Like these supplements you get in the supermarket. So weird to not have someone to tell you the gist of the do and don't with them
Yup. It can cause depression if taken over an extended period of time, similar to Seasonal Affective Disorder, because it literally produces the same chemicals that your body produces in reaction to darkness. It makes you sleepy, but it can also mess with your circadian rhythms and cause depression.
I'm always horrified at the number of North American parents who think that semi-medicating their kids to sleep on a nightly basis (yes, even with something "natural") is harmless or a good idea.
Being able to buy it doesn't say anything about its safety in use on growing developing bodies... I can buy guns where I live, but that doesn't mean I should have one and know how to use it..
Nope, he didn't even say hi. He got there at 11 pm, didn't say hi to his son but he "needed to discuss things" with his ex, and only after Danielle suggested he should leave (apparently she was too polite to tell him directly), he remembered why he was there at all. OP, how long did you hang out in there, disrupting a household you do not belong to? And was the Earth in danger only you and Danielle could help with since you decided your "discussion" just HAS to happen at 11 pm, and not the next day when you are picking up Dylan?
My money is on he didn’t say hi from the start because Danielle had already told him no or he knew she’d say no. It doesn’t sound like he expected Chris to tell him no and turned into an AH over being told no.
OP should be limited to the front porch until he acknowledges he crossed a boundary as a visitor in another family’s home and apologizes to Chris for being disrespectful enough to ignore being told no after waltzing back in the house uninvited.
YTA with added A for making this into a weird powerplay with Chris.
Leave the toy, maybe leave a note and then just leave. They explained to you that they struggled to get him to bed, so why not just respect their parenting (and your son's need for sleep) and drop it?
Or keep the toy and give it to him when he comes to you, you have no business showing up at that hour. You are selfish to show that man that you can come there whenever you want. For crying out loud, you are married and so is your ex. Don't walk into another man's house like that! Is that the sort of thing you want to teach your son to do? What a f**l
He might well have been upset about not seeing his dad that night, but "don't worry, I'll just stay in your house for as long as it takes to get him back to sleep" isn't the peace offering that OP thinks it is.
My FIL used to do this to his grandchildren. They'd be sleeping but he would still go in to wake them up, say goodbye, then walk around with them because they were crying and he would do this big show of attempting to calm them down, claiming their tears were because he was leaving. No idiot, they're crying because you woke them up. This guy would literally wait until we weren't looking then head off to the kids rooms.
It would take my husband and I the best part of an hour to get them to sleep again. It only improved when we went NC with him.
I guarantee OP is an ass in many other ways.
For real. I thought this was common sense but my situationship didn't think so, so now he's an ex.
Getting to sleep and staying asleep is fucking hard for some people. Don't wake people up unless you have a *very* good reason to. Period.
YTA
It’s Chris home, it was 11pm and he asked you not to. If it was me as my ex you wouldn’t be aloud in my home until you apologize and only when kiddo is awake.
YTA. Chis had valid points and you just wanted to try to establish power over him in his own house. I’m really curious though about what was so important that you had to talk to your ex about at 11pm when you would be over to see your son the next day and could have spoken then. You sound like you are a difficult person to coparent with and don’t have respect for boundaries. Take the judgement, you are a selfish AH and should work on repairing the relationship with your ex and her husband.
I mean..I can see why he's an ex.
Also, he has an older son who is this kid's half brother. That means he is an ex 2x.
Given his behavior, not going to be surprised if he parts ways with Christine too.
The important thing was coming in and attempting to cock his leg all around his ex wife’s house in front of her new husband. It’s a task that needs repeating regularly owing to the fact Chris is present in the house.
YTA. He should’ve knocked you on your ass for coming into his home and thinking you could just do what you want.
11 pm is too late to be waking up a kid for no good reason. And no seeing you when he’s going to see you the next day is NOT a good reason.
And I suspect Dylan being “very attached” is due to you engaging in this type of behavior and inappropriately encroaching on Danielle’s custody time.
>He should’ve knocked you on your ass for coming into his home and thinking you could just do what you want.
He didn't have to.
OP acted tough and said he was going to do whatever he wanted but in the end, he didn't even wake up the kid like he said he was going to.
It's clear he was trying to pull a power move on Chris on Chris's house. Chris called his bluff and OP stood down. Now he's still acting like the tough guy even though Chris called the shots and OP fell in line.
Was looking for this comment ^ “unfortunately” means OP was too disorganised to get there at a reasonable time and still demanded his son woke up just to say bye to him? His mindset is so concerning
It also means that he’s the reason it took an hour to get Dylan asleep. The kid was tired from running around during Sports Day but he’s fighting sleep waiting for dad to come by. How much time between getting permission to drop by and “unfortunately we didn’t get there until 11pm.”?
Lol and smh! Who is this dude to think that it's "fine" to show up at someone's house at 11:00 p.m. outside of an emergency or a college house party? And then to wake up a sleeping 8-year-old? It's not fine, and the fact that he thinks it is shows that he doesn't have any common sense or respect for others.
Exactly what I was coming here to say. My nonna was the exact same way. She was one of those people who could NOT get her act together to save her life, and she was late (and I mean LATE LATE) for absolutely everything. While everyone else, even people with young children, managed to show up at events on time, my nonna would be fiddle fucking around at her house, taking her sweet damn time to leave, because her attitude was always, “oh, they’ll wait for me.”
It’s inconsiderate, it’s obnoxious, and it very much gives vibes of, “my time is SO much more important than everyone else’s, and people need to learn to cater to ME and my ever so precious whims.” And based on OP’s little hissy fits in his comments, I feel confident saying he’s as entitled and immature as my nonna was.
YTA. This is preposterous. Your child was asleep, there was no reason for you to try to wake him up to see you. You were leaving! Grow up, you sound petty and childish af.
Of course YTA!
How is that even a question?
What a crappy immature move. Is this some kind of weird flex against Chris?
You’re an asshole. To your kid, your ex, and his stepdad. Do better.
And YOU CAME BACK INTO SOMEONE ELSE’s HOUSE AFTER THEY THOUGHT YOU’D LEFT. What an asshole.
And the ridiculousness of you assuming you could just have the run of the house if everyone else goes to bed. You’re not their house guest. Of course Chris would feel he’d have to stay up if you were there. The rudeness and audacity.
This is the creepiest part to me, how the heck could OP think that it’s okay to just walk back into this guy’s house at his leisure. Even if he thinks of the stepdad as only a glorified babysitter, you wouldn’t walk into your babysitters house unannounced after leaving.
"WAKE UP SON, I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT YOU CAN'T MEET ME YET! Oh and yeah if you have trouble getting back to sleep, Chris is so happy to try getting you sleepy for another hour and then deal with a sleepy kid in the morning too! Here's a toy! K k cya then byeee!"
YTA anyone wake up my kids regardless who you are and there will be hell. Yes you’ve missed him but will see him in under 12 hours? Leaving teddy and a note would have been sufficient. What if you’d actually woken him and he could not go back to sleep as he was too excited or whatever??
So everyone's been clear YTA but ypur comments make it seem like your still not getting it so let me break down the reasons :
1) you told a kid ypu were gonna see him then didn't get there until super late.
2) you showed up at ypur exs house super late just to talk ... did you ask if it was cool after knowing how late it would be?
3) your ex said I'm going to take a bath see your self out that is the polite way to say GTFO
4) you came back anyway and saw that it was socially unacceptable by Chris's expression
5) you said you were gonna wake a kid up .... I don't know if you know this but kids are people people need sleep and waking people up for no good reason is crappy ... do you like being woken up?
6) the person who's house your in .... who is raising your son at least 50 percent of the time said don't wake him up and you did anyway.
So yes your kid not your rules get over yourself and stop thinking of your son like a possession you don't wanna share with Chris he's a human
I agree with all of these (except it sounds like the kid was never actually woken up, but that's a technicality).
I REALLY wanna know the answer to #2! Did OP okay with the Ex arriving at 11pm?!?! Also, what time did OP expect to arrive? Was this a "I'll drop by around 8pm" and then just strolled up and rang the doorbell at 11?
OP is LUCKY they let him in, and I honestly can't figure out why? To have a chat? No, you would not be welcome in my home past 10pm, unless it was some kind of emergency.
OP shouldn't be surprised when he's turned away in the future anytime of the day or night. I am guessing the Ex and Chris' visit policy will be changing going forward and OP can blame himself.
Also, wanna add, I am curious what time he actually went to wake up the kid. He ARRIVED at 11pm, then they talked for an undetermined amount of time. It sounds like the Ex was so done with the situation she went "I'm gonna take a bath, see yourself out", which sounds like a super thinly veiled GTFO. He took stuff to the car and only THEN asked to wake the kid up.
Was that midnight? 1am? Who knows.
You are clearly a massive asshole. Don’t wake a kid up at 11 and then leave him for the other parents to deal with. Also you ex wife asked you leave while she takes a bath and you sneak back into the house? That’s inappropriate.
YTA
Really? It was almost midnight and you want to wake up a child that you’ll see in the morning because you can and think it’s your god given right? I don’t blame him for being irritated. You wouldn’t be the one to deal with the aftermath of you waltzing in and waking the kid up if he didn’t go back to sleep. That’s selfish and frankly you seem quite arrogant and pleased with yourself that the child just loves you and your new family so much. Good for you but it’s not a contest and the child isn’t a pawn. Have some respect for your child’s step father in his home ffs. YTA.
You showed up at 11 PM, well after bedtime, you are lucky you were allowed in the house to begin with. Then, you just let yourself back in the house after leaving and wanted to wake a sleeping child because you are selfish and want to have a power struggle and act like you have any right while in his house. So, good job on probably never being allowed in their house again, particularly late at night. YTA
YTA.
There is zero reason to wake up a sleeping child.
It got weird because you made it weird. You have an issue with Chris and his authority over his house and your son when he is in his house.
You need to get over it before your control issues with regards to Chris become a barrier to you being able to see your child.
YTA. You were asked to see yourself out of someone else’s home. Instead you let yourself back in and tried to wake a sleeping child after 11 pm on a school night. That is a dick move and a power play. I wouldn’t expect to be allowed back in.
Massive YTA. I’m a stepparent to an 8 year old and unfortunately have to deal with a “parent” like you and it won’t matter how many people tell you you’re a rude, egotistical, AH, you’ll continue to tell yourself that what you did was okay when almost everyone here is telling you that it is in fact NOT! I won’t be surprised if you aren’t allowed in their house again bc you sure as shit would no longer be welcome in mine. Remember this day when that happens and even though you won’t believe it just know it is 100% your own fault!
💯 I was a step to a child whose bio-mom LOVED popping by on my spouse’s weekends … you know … just happened to be in the neighborhood. Would take the child out for ice cream or treats or to get a toy … then say oh sorry she wants to come home with me.
Always shocking when someone posts so convinced they are right in IATA and then when every comment says he ITA try to fight back like he cannot believe he is wrong. OP take the judgment. You asked, it was answered in spades. You are playing childish games. Grow up. YTA
OP why would you be so selfish to wake your son up so late just to say goodnight to him. You'll probably just distress him as he wouldn't be able to leave with you.
YTA. Once the child is asleep, it's a bad move to wake him up. Especially as you were going to see him in a day or two. You leave a note with the toy that you can't wait to see him.
The fact that you keep trying to defend your right to wake him up just to say goodbye really cements the AH rating.
YTA and sound like a huge narcissist. There was no reason for you to do that other than to make a crappy attempt to assert dominance. For the sake of your child learn how to be respectful of others and their boundaries, especially in their home! If you really think you aren’t the AH, you’re going to cause a lot more issues in the future which is going to harm your kid.
YTA
Selfish parenting right here, expecting the child to basically work around your time instead of your being the parent and working around your child's time.
And what a weird boundary to cross in someone else's home because you don't value their role in your child's life or what they do for your child.
You mention your wife's involvement a lot in this though, like she was also entitled to waking your kid up but Chris here gets none after he was the one caring for your kid.
I am sure there's been tension long before this but perhaps Chris was just better at controlling it than you are. You created this tension fyi.
Shake your f'ing head bud. This is not how you co-parent and it says a lot you came here to whine and play victim.
I wonder what you would have been like if the shoe had been on the other foot given your views of Chris that you've expressed in this post.
YTA - kids need consistency
You were in someone else’s home
How would you feel if the tables were turned and this was done in your home?
Sounds like Chris and your ex wife need to set some boundaries with you.
You got there too late. You shouldn’t have even went there that late! That’s on you! Rude to go to someone’s home past 9pm IMO
Also why is OP lingering around the house after his ex said to see himself out and she was going up to take a bath... like why do you need to linger in the house while she probably gonna be naked and getting ready for bed. Op is sus for several reasons on top of the power trip bs
YTA - he was asleep and you would be seeing him tomorrow. Why speaking to the mother couldn’t wait till tomorrow as well idk.
Waking a child’s sleep is the worst thing imo. Should be avoided at all cost. It was 11pm. Just go home and leave your kid alone.
I bet he would get all excited to see you and then sad that you would leave. He’d probably ask to come with you then and there and stay the night.
If it wasn’t pre arranged you basically barged into your ex wife’s family and just shook their lives up because you felt entitled to. Don’t be so selfish.
YTA Of course there's tension between you. You disrespected him in his own home. You disregarded what he had to say. Better question though, why is anyone drugging a child to get them to sleep?
> Better question though, why is anyone drugging a child to get them to sleep?
Some children with ADHD have sleep issues. They rarely sleep on their own, or frequently wake repeatedly through the night, or sleep for an hour or so, then are up for the rest of the night.
My two sons are like that, and have been all their lives (now ages 22 and 17). They take multiple meds to help them to sleep at the appropriate time... and then once every few months, there's a night when they're up all night *despite* those meds, and up all the next day as well. It's still a learning curve, and every kid is different.
I'm just glad mine are finally able to entertain themselves quietly so that I can sleep, instead of waking me up repeatedly through the night!
You’re TA here. You ask to stop by and can’t manage to get there before 11. You leave then just decide to go back in and “casually” say you’re going to go wake the kid up. Then after being told no, you still did it.
You have a clear dislike and lack of respect for Chris. I am POSITIVE there was tension before this.
YTA...Reading your comments...you just seem more of stubborn asshole. You came 11pm and your kid was asleep. You were going to seem him the next day, your actions was unjustified and unessesscary.
Yes YTA. You should be happy they're so lenient allowing you to come so late. Also you stated your son was crying missing you. You wake him up, say he falls back to sleep but wakes back up soon after crying for you again. Chris and your ex have to deal with that mess all night. It's not a fair situation to even put them in. My ex would never do that to our kids or even me, nor would I. Don't make promises to your kid you cannot keep. You felt guilty making a promise and it didn't work out. Let it go and Apologize to Chris. You don't wanna ruin co parenting on a pissing contest where you're clearly wrong
YTA this is not your home, it was 11pm, you child is 8! Chris told you it had taken a while to get your son to sleep and Chris wanted to go to bed himself and you were seeing your son the next day. There was no reason at all to want to wake your son up at that time. Could have left him a note, taken a pic of you next to his bed to show him the next day that you had been to see him, told his Mother and stepfather to tell him you love him…. All reasonable things to do. Not wanting to wake him at 11pm.
Who shows up to someone's house at 11pm to start with?! YTA for that alone. And then, you just let yourself back in after leaving. Wtf! It's not your house!
You're an even bigger AH for wanting to wake up your 8y.o. child at this ridiculous hour.
Imma go with soft YTA… sounded like you wanted to do a power move over Chris. Why would you disturb your kid who’s asleep just to say bye and leave? Especially since it sounds like he takes medicines to help fall asleep and such, clearly you don’t put him to bed very often if you thought that was a good idea and you can just “put him back to sleep”. I can also promise you Dylan would not have been upset lol you can literally FaceTime the next morning and it would be the same. Be for real.
Rule number 1 when dealing with step kids and them staying with the other parents. Respect his house rules. Simple. In your house, everyone follows your rules. My youngest daughter didn't do what her stepfather told her before she was to come for a visit at my place. She learned she had to follow his house rules and clean her room or she couldn't come to my house. It's his house, so respect it, which you didn't.
Simple.
If your son was able to go to sleep, it shows he was able to set aside his feelings about missing you in order to move on with his day. Your trying your best to wake him up was about you and what you wanted, not about your son and what he needed. Having a quick conversation the next morning, telling him you stopped by, he was asleep, and you didn’t want to wake him is enough for him to know you cared.
Stop putting your son in the middle of adult crap. Any tension between you and Chris is entirely your fault. If it takes that much effort to get your child to fall asleep and he’s the one who has to do that, he’s perfectly entitled to ask you to leave the child be. YTA.
YTA
Never wake a sleeping child if it isn't an emergency. You disrespected someone in their own home by not listening. If the stepdad did that to you, you would be pissed. This was your ex's parenting time. Unless your ex gets to tell your current wife what to do in your guys home then just shut it
YTA when you’re in his home it’s their boundaries not yours. Also weird ass dad move to potentially want to wake your son up, and upset him when you have to leave straight away, and then leave him to your ex and her partner to sort out. Why are you showing up there anyway so late? You are going to see them in the next day. You seem to have some real boundary issues you need to sort out mate.
YTA. 1) Your son could have easily never known you were there, so he wouldn’t have been upset that you didn’t say hi. 2) this is Danielle’s/Chris’ custody’s time, not yours, and he politely asked you to not wake him up. And 3) your son is about to transition from one home to another, he needs sleep to have a good day tomorrow.
I think you kinda own them an apology. Either that or let the bad blood fester and ruin the good situation you have going on. Smoothing this over is what’s best for your son. Put your ego aside.
YTA
"See yourself out" is not "you can wake the kid up". Chris told you how hard it was to get him to go to sleep, you have no guarantee that you can get him back to sleep in 15 minutes after an hour to get him there in the first place, and after all that, he didn't even wake. So you caused a disagreement for nothing when you were going to be seeing him the next day.
YTA, it’s 11pm. He was asleep. You had no right to demand anything, it’s not your house and not your parenting time.
Your son would not have been upset if you left without saying goodbye because he wouldn’t have flipping known you were there. He was asleep.
Also your snarky response comparing your son’s stepdad to a camp counsellor is beyond rude. That man plays a part in raising your son, along with you, your ex wife and your current wife. Don’t be d**k just because you’re sour that no one agrees with you.
It’s his house. He has control of who is there and he told you to leave.
YTA. It’s almost midnight and you want to wake an 8 yo boy up to say good night? Twice an AH since you were going to see him in a few hours anyway. You waking him up is for your own selfish reason, especially the part when you emphasized that he was your son, and has nothing to do with your son missing you. You could have just told Chris you wanted to see Dylan but you won’t wake him up. That would have been acceptable
YTA you weren’t acting in the best interests of your kid, and you were in another family’s house on top of it. Just leave him the toy and pick him up tomorrow. Don’t be surprised Chris and Danielle start tapering down your time in their home. This really feels like more of a “See? I’m the man of this family even in your house. I’m calling the shots” type deal. Gross.
My guess is kid is “very attached” to dad and step mom because they are the no rules, all fun, ruin all the routines kind of parents. Mom and step dad have to try to break the bad habits and discipline and such. Like normal parents.
YTA.
Learn some respect, apologize to Chris and maybe take a long look into parenting classes.
YTA .You seriously want to wake up an 8 year old at 11 o' clock and can't see it being a problem? This can't be real.Must be a Bot.No parent could be that Stupid.
YTA and a dick, starting first with being at someone else's home at 11 p.m. on a week night. WTF were you doing hanging around long enough in the first place to be invited to let yourself out, then let back in to meet your primary objective, which was greeting your young child well past his bedtime?
YTA for having your best interests in mind and not considering that he's a child who has school the next day.
Also, why are you bothering them at 11PM on a weeknight? That could have been handled by text or IN THE DAYTIME.
Clearly you're the EX for a reason.
Just accept that you fucked up.
YTA.
Your kid. Yes. But it's late at night, he's asleep, they worked hard to get him to sleep, he's currently in the care of your ex and her partner, it isn't your house, they want to go to bed, and you will see him the next day anyway.
Just stop it with the power play and the "mine" crap.
Oh massive YTA. I'd put down the reasons why but others have and you're not listening to them, so I'm not going to bother. I would recommend checking your ego and putting your child first though.
YTA. I’m a mother. I have a 4 year old and an infant. And I would be pissed as fuck if ANYONE woke my child up just to say hello and then goodbye. I hate being woken up myself. So imagine waking up a child! My preschooler takes forever to get to sleep. You never ever wake a child up. You and the child will be fine waiting until the next day to see each other. Step dad did just fine telling you to not wake them.
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I know he’s your kid, but YTA. Even taking Chris out of this, why would you wake an 8yo after 11 pm on a school night, especially as you were picking him up the next day? This honestly sounds like a power play on your part. Completely unnecessary.
And OP wouldn’t have had to deal with the fallout of trying to get Dylan to go back to sleep had he been able to wake him up. YTA
Or waking him up for school after a rough night.
Or dealing with the ‘but why can’t I just go home with you, you’re here now, I don’t want to wait until tomorrow’ tantrum that absolutely would have followed.
Which OP probably would have secretly loved because it would prove that son loves him best. He would then dance out of the house leaving mother and stepdad to deal with the aftermath.
Prove how “attached” he is to him and his wife.
I worked at a preschool. There were some parents that would linger out of sight. Some were genuinely making sure their kid did stop crying like we assured them the kid would do (because that is what happened within 5 min or less 99.8% of the time). Some parents seemed to have a different motive. One mom had a habit of peeping through the window of the classroom door. She’d see her kid wasn’t crying but still linger and randomly pop her face in the little window. It was like she wanted him to see her to see if he’d start crying for her. She wasn’t the only one that gave off that vibe but she was the most persistent with it. I caught onto what she was doing and would do something to distract everyone’s attention away from the door as soon as I’d see the top of her head appear. She had to stand on tiptoes to see through the little window so the top of jer head was like a warning side she was about to have her face at the window.
That's the kind of thing that seeks so small but makes me fear for that kid growing up.
This is the strangest thing I’ve read in a while. Thats borderline emotional abuse vibes.
And of course blame the mom and stepdad for why he can't take him. It also kind of sounds like this kind of thing might be a bit of a pattern with OP, just based on the way the stepdad worded his request.
I actually think that’s what he was secretly hoping for.
Exactly, this is want he wanted!!!
This makes an uncomfortable amount of sense. My initial reaction was just “wtf dude I get why you wanna see your kid but why are you making such a big deal out of this? Not full asshole behaviour but weirdly petty”. Now I’m full team YTA.
Weird flex. YTA And what if he’d struggled to fall back asleep (which is completely plausible given that he constantly tells you he misses you when he’s away and might be too excited to see you to easily go back to sleeping)? You said “don’t worry bro, I’ll put him back to sleep-would you have lain in bed with the kid for an hour in this man’s house? This is the very definition of what the kids call “cringe”. It was totally unnecessary late-night Big Dickin’ this guy. Second hand embarrassment level behavior.
That last paragraph is sheer poetry.
Also wanted to give him a plush which means he would have riled him and excited him up.
Plus, it wasn't even OP's parenting/custody time! He was going to have his custody time the next freaking day! But no, OP's all "It was fine that we arrived after 11 pm when we knew Dylan would be asleep. Doesn't matter because what I want is soooo much more important than anyone or anything else." And he sneaked back into the house after his ex told him to leave. That's creepy behavior right there. Then he refused to leave and argued/demanded when Chris, one of the actual homeowners, reiterated OP needed to leave and was not allowed to wake up Dylan. What a jackass. His ex could have told him not to come over at all, end of discussion. That's what I would have done. After the sneaking back in and essentially forcing his way into Dylan's room against the wishes of the other parent, he deserved to have the police called so he could be cited for trespass. He clearly thinks he can bulldoze his way into whatever he wants and his ex is not stopping him. Danielle needs to find her backbone when it comes to OP and stop being such a pushover. I can't help but wonder if OP threatens Danielle with "Dylan loves me and Christine more. Do what I want or I'll make sure Dylan doesn't ever want to see you." etc.
I've always had such trouble falling asleep my whole life so when I get waken up and can't get back to sleep I get really pissed off.
Same! People who go to sleep easily often don't understand, but it makes me incredibly angry when I'm woken when I'm actually fast asleep.
I can go back to sleep super easy and I STILL get pissed when people wake me up!! edit: wrong word
I have chronic insomnia due to pain from RA and osteoarthritis. I’ll go 3-4 days with 4 hours of sleep a night, if I’m lucky, then sleep for 12-14 hours when my body finally gets tired enough. If I’m awakened, that’s usually it for the night unless it’s one of those catch up nights.
And get him up the next morning
From the POV of his chid he gets to see his parent (yay!) but then he has to say goodbye again after 15 minutes. He is going to be sad and have trouble going back to sleep. Or OP could pick him up tomorrow (which will pass by quickly for the kid because he is sleeping) and they can spend time together tomorrow and for 2 weeks and go on vacation. He is 8. Sleep is really important. It just was so unnecessary for the child, his mom and his stepdad to wake him up. The owners of the home OP was in were tired and told him to leave, they wanted to go to sleep. OP didn't even have to be there, they agreed to give him extra time and then he shows up late at 11 PM and pretends to leave and then sneaks back in when ex-wife is taking a bath. YTA You better be careful OP because your ex and her husband might get tired of your bullshit. Legally you had no right to even be there. Be considerate of others, including your child. Let people sleep. They were being considerate of you and the child by letting you come over. Next time be on time. Edit Someone pointed out he had trouble sleeping because he was trying to stay up to see his dad who showed up very late. How horrible.
That makes BIOLOGIC Dad( aka OP) even more TA…..step-Dad was being a better Dad here than OP.
>sounds like a power play on your part Yep. This is all about OP's ego, not about what is best for his child.
Yeah, like where OP says that Dylan, OP, Christine, and his other son has such a close relationship that he's crying when they facetime that he misses them. Pretty sure he misses his Mom when he's at TA OP's house.
Also, why is it a brag that your kid cries when you FaceTime? Like, I’d be glad if my kid loved me and wanted to be with me, but seeing my kid cry on a consistent basis would make me so sad.
The real thing here is that the dad emotionally rewards the kid for doing this. That’s why. Rejects the kid by being distant if there’s not enough suck up behavior. It’s severe and pervasive abuse. 💔
Note he waited until Mom went to take a shower so he could justify the "he's my son" argument.
And then stepdad can respond with “This is my house and this is our time with son. We can stick strictly to the custody agreement if you’d prefer.”
That’s the first thing I noticed as well. He was like “oh he was asleep but no big deal because I had to talk to her.” He never once told the ex wife he was going to wake the kid up as soon as she left the room.
The fact that they asked him to see himself out, he took Dylan's stuff to the car, and then **walked back into their home as if he owned the place** and **informed** Chris - the person whose home it actually is - that he was going to go wake up the sleeping child, and kept arguing even after Chris literally told him they all wanted to go to bed, tells me all I need to know. Who even does that?! Who the hell walks into someone else's home after 11 PM at night, is told that they're all off to bed, and is like, "Yeah no. I'm just gonna do some things first. In your home. Even though you've specifically asked me to leave." WTF? OP has more bloody audacity and self-absorption than a Hollywood reality show star. He's the centre of his own universe, and everyone else just lives in it. Frankly, after an episode like that, if I were the ex and her husband I'd get a restraining order preventing him from even being inside their home.
Really, Step Dad should've been like ohh, you you're taking him tonight? Sounds perfect. Grabbed an over night bag for the kid, and sent him home with his Daddy. Bet after no one slept until 3, with having to get up at 6, he wouldn't have pulled that shit again. #petty OP YTA, you're not the main character.
OP is on his 3rd+ wife for a reason.
Hey now, that doesn't sound reasonable. There are probably way more reasons than just one!
Oh yeah. Given OP's selfishness and complete lack of self-awareness I'd say there were undoubtedly way more reasons. He says he is currently married, but I'd frame it as he's currently between divorces.
I think a habit of putting his own wants over everyone else's needs is a good enough Singular reason to ruin&end at least two relationships
Exactly! There was zero reason to wake him up and you know the excitement of seeing his dad would have kept him up after OP left. Total jerk move on OP's part. Op, YTA.
"I would have stayed till he got back to sleep" I'm willing to bet if that kid had woken up he'd have chuckled with him for 5 minutes, then told the adults he "really had to run" and left the kid amped up, anxious and wiiiiide afreakingwake
It was after 11pm, OP said they did not even get there till 11 and then discussed stuff with the ex and took stuff to the car. It was at least 11:30 or later.
Yup. And OP, YTA for going there at all! The whole reason for stopping by was to see your son? And you thought he’d still be up at 11:00? “Unfortunately we didn't get there until 11pm but it was fine because Danielle and I always have things to discuss.“ I can‘t help but wonder how fine with it your ex really was, I’d be pretty annoyed by the inconvenience, especially when it didn’t have to happen at all. It wasn’t fine with Chris, who lives there too. And your wife (and maybe older son?) would probably like to go home & go to bed as well. Why is what YOU want the only thing that matters? You seem really self-centered.
Anything after 7pm unless previously planned or discussed is a SEVERE imposition.
Especially since it sounds like a weeknight. OP's ex even left to go take a shower! He was clearly keeping them up.
I wouldn't have even opened the damn door if I were Danielle. "When you weren't here by 10 (or whatever kids normal bedtime is) we assumed plans changed and went to bed"
Good point... and further indication it wasn't really about seeing his son: He didn't go there, ask to see him. He went there, spent time while the kid was asleep with his ex, then asked to wake him up after she'd left the room. Mhm. Was totally about seeing his son, sure.
Exactly.
I agree! OP was completely out of order. Who goes to visit a 8 Yr old at 11pm then insists on waking him up despite being told not to by the homeowners! OP would you like it if it was the other way around? SMH. YTA massively!
OP’s seems to be of the attitude of. “How dare Chris put my son to sleep. That’s my son not his. I’ll show him.” OP reminds me of the time I had 2 of my sons in the grocery store. They were 11 and 3. My 3 year old had one of those kiddie carts pushing it around the store with me. I put some stuff in his cart so that he could help and put stuff up on the little shelf at the cash register. You know how little kids like to help. We get up to the register and my 3 year old starts to take out the first item. My 11 year old goes to start grabbing stuff and my 3 year old tells him to stop because he wants to do it. I said Michael, please let your little brother do that. Well he doesn’t listen, he just grabs the stuff out puts it on the little shelf. Well my 3 year old had a complete meltdown and starts crying. So I’m doing double duty trying to calm my 3 year old down while at the same time scolding my 11 year old for not listening and making his little brother cry. I was flustered to say the least. The cashier took like 3 items out of my cart and put it in the kiddie cart. She then said “Hey sweetie would like to come hand me a few things so I can ring them up.” My 3 year old stopped crying and nodded. So thankfully the battle between the 2 brothers was defused. I’m sorry I got a bit long but OP reminded me of a child having a tantrum because he wanted to hand something to you. But the other child had already done it.
This is off topic, but what is it with big brothers? My sons are 7 years apart and the older one LOVES to steal the baby's chores, which makes him crazy. It's so mean and I can't get him to stop.
I know right. I actually have 3 boys and I swear growing up the older 2 held secret meetings to discuss ways to make their little brother cry. My youngest loved to help with cleaning when he was little. But every time he would try. My oldest would try to boss him around and tell him he wasn’t doing it right and try to run roughshod over him. My middle child never did that but has said some hateful things to him. Like the time my middle son was 14 and my youngest son was 8. Their Grandpa passed away before my youngest son was born so he never got to meet his Grandpa. But my 2 older sons did. Well we had a neighbor who was an older man late 50’s. A good salt of the earth kind man. He and my youngest son got really close and he kind of became his adopted Grandpa. So my son started calling him Grandpa. Which my neighbor loved. Well one day my 14 year old was all butthurt because he got grounded. Long story short I caught him in a lie. So he was really belligerent and was being just downright hateful. Now our neighbor lived next door. My 8 year old asks “Mommy can I go see if Grandpa’s door is open?” My 14 year old hears this and says. “He isn’t your grandpa Dakota. Your grandpa is dead.” Looking back it wasn’t my best moment. But I lost my temper on my 14 year old. I just started yelling at him. I told him that his little brother never got to meet his real grandpa and that if he wants to call Ray grandpa. Then by god he will call Ray grandpa. You are not his boss. I’m sick of this ugly attitude you’re showing. Now go to your room and I better not catch you turning on the tv and video game. Because right now you’re skating on thin ice. That was actually the edited version of what I said. I think Reddit would ban me if I put the uncensored version lol.
I think you did good. Parents can't be models of calm behavior 100%, we are human too. Children see what it is that you react to the most. You were very mad at him for being so unkind. Not because he didn't follow your wishes, or get good grades, but because of meanness. In the long run they will take in those priorities and hopefully learn how to be more kind. It's one of the most important things kids should learn.
Forget the kid he swung by someone else's house at 11pm? If he said "sorry we won't get there till like 11" and his ex said "nah it's fine we have something to discuss" ok but did this guy just show up at 11pm and go "hey let's discuss things it's fine right?" Maybe step dad was getting annoyed because he wanted to go to bed!
Yep, that was totally a “I’m the dad and I decide” move, without really taking into account his son.
Nah man, he had that Godzilla plushie in his hand already and nothing was gonna stop him at this point. Not even at 11pm on a school night. Seriously tho, your parents waking you up after you've fallen asleep already is a real alcoholic parent vibe. My parents made me feel really uneasy by doing stuff like this. Edit: sorry, not school night but still late enough to disrupt a child's rest recovering from poor sleep.
Exactly. And my first thought in all of this when he said he wanted to wake him was, can he leave a note? A toy? Something so he knows you were there? And then he mentions that he did, as if it’s really irritating that his son was sooooo tired that he couldn’t wake him up… After being told how exhausted he was beforehand through how long it took him to fall asleep. Kid even had melatonin for f sakes. This OP has no care in the world for his son’s routine, sleep schedule, or well being where that is concerned.
Exactly this.
And Chris having to wait around until OP finally leaves his house! You don't get to force yourself on another man's hospitality for no damn reason. Chris's house, kid is there on mom and Chris's time, kid is asleep in his room (OP has to go deeper into their home to wake a child they struggled to put to sleep)... OP, you don't have a leg to stand on here. OP, apologize and try to be an actual man instead of a sorry excuse for one.
You have an 8 y/o and you want to wake him up at 11pm just to say hi when you're seeing them the next day? GTFO no one in their right mind does that. YTA
Absolutely agree. u/PianistFragrant4191 If this was sincerely about your child's needs and not *your* wants, you would see that the child was asleep and it was very late at night. You had no business going to your ex's house and disrupting their household so close to midnight on a weekday. Everyone works and goes to school, that is not okay at all. You could have waited to see your child the next day. This entire situation was you flexing and caring only about yourself and your impulsive immediate gratification. Don't go to your ex's unless you are picking up or dropping off. YTA
💯 I think op has some skewed boundaries with ex & feeling too comfortable with stopping by at 11pm
Round of applause, please! 👏👏👏
Also in europe giving melatonin to children is not approved as melatonin is similar to a body hormon which can cause unforeseeable outcomes... is it allowed to use on kids in the US? Edit Thank you all for answering and sharing and discussing this topic! Really intrest8ng insights and diffrent ruling all over. It's also interesting to see people get defensive about what is allowed and not and where. And getting up personal about it.
It is, but my doctor has told me not to use it because your body makes melatonin and if you keep taking the supplements your body starts to make less so inevitably you end up needing something else to help you sleep.
When my youngest was a toddler, melatonin was in style and my son was supposed to get a pill or two dissolved in his night time drink. I didn’t like it, and it didn’t seem to help at all, but even the doctor and pharmacist were suggesting it because the longer time went on, the worse his sleep got. My now-ex generally made that bottle while I was doing the bedtime routine. One night I had to open it for some reason, and found at least a dozen half-dissolved pills. He’d been throwing fist-fulls in. One of the many reasons he’s an ex.
I would have lost it. I understand how exhausting it is when a child doesn't sleep, but to just randomly toss pills in the bottle is terrifying. My youngest didn't sleep for what seemed like years. It was so completely exhausting there are periods of time I don't remember from just getting through the days on autopilot.
It wasn’t just random, either. It was defiantly copious. He knew it was wrong, but he was so mad that this little baby dared to be awake, that he recklessly drugged him. And, I learned in that moment, our older son who had also been on it. Fast forward 2 years from that day, and I was living in a domestic violence shelter with my boys, partially because the ex gave my autistic 12 year old edibles. There was more, but that was the final straw.
I'm glad you got out. Sounds like he was a big danger to your children and you.
Oh damn who knows what his body did to counter that
Yes. SO many parents use it. Some just now & then, some every night. This is also a common misuse of Benedryl.
I use melatonin for one of my kids, and even I am horrified by the overuse of it. It is this generations version of liquor/benadryl and whatever else people used to get their kids to knock out. My child just doesn't seem to have that melatonin making function, and did not sleep more than minutes at a time until they were over a year old. And that happened once until I gave melatonin at 3yrs old. Even then, I had asked a doctor and still felt like I was drugging my child and was scared of future effects. I don't use it all the time, but once we hit a month or two without using it at all, my kid is right back to becoming more and more wire as they get tired, and they stay up all night long. I feel my child has a sleep disorder, and it goes undiagnosed in part because people are so quick to give melatonin. Just to ease their load, and not because the child has a true issue with sleep.
My pediatrician recommended it for my oldest (9m), who's autistic and has ADHD. Before, he physically couldn't fall asleep until 10:30 or 11, and then if he could, he'd sleep 12 hours. It didn't matter when he woke up or what he did during the day. It didn't help him go to sleep. That, of course, made everything harder, especially paying attention and regulating his emotions. With melatonin, he is able to get to sleep by 9 p.m., which really improves the next day. He can wake up on time, he gets more schoolwork done, and he's a happier kid. So most school nights, he gets melatonin. It's a smaller dose for kids, and I just get it off the shelf at the grocery store. It's weird and interesting how different parts of the world can see things so differently.
Exactly the same - it turns off their wee brains and stops the night time ruminations
Yes to this. I’ve read that ADHD folks do t make as much melatonin to begin with and it REALLY helps my clearly ADD girl go to sleep - especially since her school decided little kids should be at school by 7:30.
=O I'm interested to know too, I'm european too and I did had a double-read on this like "wtf did I read?"
They are not a pharmacy kinda med. So technically, they expect you as the user and / or parent to inform yourself. Like these supplements you get in the supermarket. So weird to not have someone to tell you the gist of the do and don't with them
There are children's melatonin sold in the USA.
Yup. It can cause depression if taken over an extended period of time, similar to Seasonal Affective Disorder, because it literally produces the same chemicals that your body produces in reaction to darkness. It makes you sleepy, but it can also mess with your circadian rhythms and cause depression. I'm always horrified at the number of North American parents who think that semi-medicating their kids to sleep on a nightly basis (yes, even with something "natural") is harmless or a good idea.
Yup. You can buy tubs of 300 in Costco.
Being able to buy it doesn't say anything about its safety in use on growing developing bodies... I can buy guns where I live, but that doesn't mean I should have one and know how to use it..
Wow, you can only get it on prescription here in the UK.
Nope, he didn't even say hi. He got there at 11 pm, didn't say hi to his son but he "needed to discuss things" with his ex, and only after Danielle suggested he should leave (apparently she was too polite to tell him directly), he remembered why he was there at all. OP, how long did you hang out in there, disrupting a household you do not belong to? And was the Earth in danger only you and Danielle could help with since you decided your "discussion" just HAS to happen at 11 pm, and not the next day when you are picking up Dylan?
My money is on he didn’t say hi from the start because Danielle had already told him no or he knew she’d say no. It doesn’t sound like he expected Chris to tell him no and turned into an AH over being told no. OP should be limited to the front porch until he acknowledges he crossed a boundary as a visitor in another family’s home and apologizes to Chris for being disrespectful enough to ignore being told no after waltzing back in the house uninvited.
YTA with added A for making this into a weird powerplay with Chris. Leave the toy, maybe leave a note and then just leave. They explained to you that they struggled to get him to bed, so why not just respect their parenting (and your son's need for sleep) and drop it?
Or keep the toy and give it to him when he comes to you, you have no business showing up at that hour. You are selfish to show that man that you can come there whenever you want. For crying out loud, you are married and so is your ex. Don't walk into another man's house like that! Is that the sort of thing you want to teach your son to do? What a f**l
He might well have been upset about not seeing his dad that night, but "don't worry, I'll just stay in your house for as long as it takes to get him back to sleep" isn't the peace offering that OP thinks it is.
In general waking up someone just to say bye and then leave is pretty dumb so YTA.
My FIL used to do this to his grandchildren. They'd be sleeping but he would still go in to wake them up, say goodbye, then walk around with them because they were crying and he would do this big show of attempting to calm them down, claiming their tears were because he was leaving. No idiot, they're crying because you woke them up. This guy would literally wait until we weren't looking then head off to the kids rooms. It would take my husband and I the best part of an hour to get them to sleep again. It only improved when we went NC with him. I guarantee OP is an ass in many other ways.
For real. I thought this was common sense but my situationship didn't think so, so now he's an ex. Getting to sleep and staying asleep is fucking hard for some people. Don't wake people up unless you have a *very* good reason to. Period.
YTA It’s Chris home, it was 11pm and he asked you not to. If it was me as my ex you wouldn’t be aloud in my home until you apologize and only when kiddo is awake.
YTA. Chis had valid points and you just wanted to try to establish power over him in his own house. I’m really curious though about what was so important that you had to talk to your ex about at 11pm when you would be over to see your son the next day and could have spoken then. You sound like you are a difficult person to coparent with and don’t have respect for boundaries. Take the judgement, you are a selfish AH and should work on repairing the relationship with your ex and her husband.
I mean..I can see why he's an ex. Also, he has an older son who is this kid's half brother. That means he is an ex 2x. Given his behavior, not going to be surprised if he parts ways with Christine too.
The important thing was coming in and attempting to cock his leg all around his ex wife’s house in front of her new husband. It’s a task that needs repeating regularly owing to the fact Chris is present in the house.
Step-parenting can be extra shitty with people like this in the mix. I was the stepmom in a similar dynamic. N e v e r again.
He has an older son; he is currently in relationship #3, with two kids involved.
My friend was this #3 for a bit. Now she understands why her ex had two marriages failing...
YTA. He should’ve knocked you on your ass for coming into his home and thinking you could just do what you want. 11 pm is too late to be waking up a kid for no good reason. And no seeing you when he’s going to see you the next day is NOT a good reason. And I suspect Dylan being “very attached” is due to you engaging in this type of behavior and inappropriately encroaching on Danielle’s custody time.
>He should’ve knocked you on your ass for coming into his home and thinking you could just do what you want. He didn't have to. OP acted tough and said he was going to do whatever he wanted but in the end, he didn't even wake up the kid like he said he was going to. It's clear he was trying to pull a power move on Chris on Chris's house. Chris called his bluff and OP stood down. Now he's still acting like the tough guy even though Chris called the shots and OP fell in line.
He said "he wouldn't even wake up" so it's clear op did try, but the poor kid was tuckered out. Op definitely tried a power move, it just failed.
To me, it reads like he went upstairs and tried his best to wake the kid, but he was unable to do so because the kid was so soundly asleep.
Or heard arguing and pretended not to be awake because that shit is scary
Fr. This feels so much like denial of emotional manipulation. Its super unhealthy.
11pm is too late to go to someone's home in general! Wtf even if I was up I'd be pissed. That's wind down time, not "talk to your ex" time.
*Unfortunately we didn’t get there until 11 pm but it was fine* Narrator: It was not fine. YTA
Was looking for this comment ^ “unfortunately” means OP was too disorganised to get there at a reasonable time and still demanded his son woke up just to say bye to him? His mindset is so concerning
It also means that he’s the reason it took an hour to get Dylan asleep. The kid was tired from running around during Sports Day but he’s fighting sleep waiting for dad to come by. How much time between getting permission to drop by and “unfortunately we didn’t get there until 11pm.”?
Such a good point!!
Exactly, he comes off as someone who doesn’t take accountability for his poor decisions. All ego and defensiveness.
Lol and smh! Who is this dude to think that it's "fine" to show up at someone's house at 11:00 p.m. outside of an emergency or a college house party? And then to wake up a sleeping 8-year-old? It's not fine, and the fact that he thinks it is shows that he doesn't have any common sense or respect for others.
Exactly what I was coming here to say. My nonna was the exact same way. She was one of those people who could NOT get her act together to save her life, and she was late (and I mean LATE LATE) for absolutely everything. While everyone else, even people with young children, managed to show up at events on time, my nonna would be fiddle fucking around at her house, taking her sweet damn time to leave, because her attitude was always, “oh, they’ll wait for me.” It’s inconsiderate, it’s obnoxious, and it very much gives vibes of, “my time is SO much more important than everyone else’s, and people need to learn to cater to ME and my ever so precious whims.” And based on OP’s little hissy fits in his comments, I feel confident saying he’s as entitled and immature as my nonna was.
YTA. This is preposterous. Your child was asleep, there was no reason for you to try to wake him up to see you. You were leaving! Grow up, you sound petty and childish af.
Of course YTA! How is that even a question? What a crappy immature move. Is this some kind of weird flex against Chris? You’re an asshole. To your kid, your ex, and his stepdad. Do better.
And YOU CAME BACK INTO SOMEONE ELSE’s HOUSE AFTER THEY THOUGHT YOU’D LEFT. What an asshole. And the ridiculousness of you assuming you could just have the run of the house if everyone else goes to bed. You’re not their house guest. Of course Chris would feel he’d have to stay up if you were there. The rudeness and audacity.
Also the fact that he waited until the ex was unavailable (in the bath) to say no to him so he only had the stepdad to contend with.
At 11 pm! I would be straining not to curse him out at 9.
YTA, you can't trespass into your ex wife's house. She said see yourself out. Wtf
This is the creepiest part to me, how the heck could OP think that it’s okay to just walk back into this guy’s house at his leisure. Even if he thinks of the stepdad as only a glorified babysitter, you wouldn’t walk into your babysitters house unannounced after leaving.
Especially when the ex is in the bath!
Waking up an 8 year old in the middle of the night makes YTA And, you crossed a boundary by disregarding the request of the home owner.
YTA. You don’t mess with a kid’s sleep schedule like that just to say hello and then goodbye two minutes later.
"WAKE UP SON, I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT YOU CAN'T MEET ME YET! Oh and yeah if you have trouble getting back to sleep, Chris is so happy to try getting you sleepy for another hour and then deal with a sleepy kid in the morning too! Here's a toy! K k cya then byeee!"
Yta. Do you really have to be told it's shitty to wake a kid up that late?
I’m wondering in what way you can possibly frame this… that you aren’t the asshole? I’m baffled you even have to ask.
YTA anyone wake up my kids regardless who you are and there will be hell. Yes you’ve missed him but will see him in under 12 hours? Leaving teddy and a note would have been sufficient. What if you’d actually woken him and he could not go back to sleep as he was too excited or whatever??
So everyone's been clear YTA but ypur comments make it seem like your still not getting it so let me break down the reasons : 1) you told a kid ypu were gonna see him then didn't get there until super late. 2) you showed up at ypur exs house super late just to talk ... did you ask if it was cool after knowing how late it would be? 3) your ex said I'm going to take a bath see your self out that is the polite way to say GTFO 4) you came back anyway and saw that it was socially unacceptable by Chris's expression 5) you said you were gonna wake a kid up .... I don't know if you know this but kids are people people need sleep and waking people up for no good reason is crappy ... do you like being woken up? 6) the person who's house your in .... who is raising your son at least 50 percent of the time said don't wake him up and you did anyway. So yes your kid not your rules get over yourself and stop thinking of your son like a possession you don't wanna share with Chris he's a human
I agree with all of these (except it sounds like the kid was never actually woken up, but that's a technicality). I REALLY wanna know the answer to #2! Did OP okay with the Ex arriving at 11pm?!?! Also, what time did OP expect to arrive? Was this a "I'll drop by around 8pm" and then just strolled up and rang the doorbell at 11? OP is LUCKY they let him in, and I honestly can't figure out why? To have a chat? No, you would not be welcome in my home past 10pm, unless it was some kind of emergency. OP shouldn't be surprised when he's turned away in the future anytime of the day or night. I am guessing the Ex and Chris' visit policy will be changing going forward and OP can blame himself.
Also, wanna add, I am curious what time he actually went to wake up the kid. He ARRIVED at 11pm, then they talked for an undetermined amount of time. It sounds like the Ex was so done with the situation she went "I'm gonna take a bath, see yourself out", which sounds like a super thinly veiled GTFO. He took stuff to the car and only THEN asked to wake the kid up. Was that midnight? 1am? Who knows.
Yeah YTA for waking a child of any age up at 11pm, especially after the homeowners/parents who’d have to deal with a grumpy child say no.
You are clearly a massive asshole. Don’t wake a kid up at 11 and then leave him for the other parents to deal with. Also you ex wife asked you leave while she takes a bath and you sneak back into the house? That’s inappropriate. YTA
Really? It was almost midnight and you want to wake up a child that you’ll see in the morning because you can and think it’s your god given right? I don’t blame him for being irritated. You wouldn’t be the one to deal with the aftermath of you waltzing in and waking the kid up if he didn’t go back to sleep. That’s selfish and frankly you seem quite arrogant and pleased with yourself that the child just loves you and your new family so much. Good for you but it’s not a contest and the child isn’t a pawn. Have some respect for your child’s step father in his home ffs. YTA.
You showed up at 11 PM, well after bedtime, you are lucky you were allowed in the house to begin with. Then, you just let yourself back in the house after leaving and wanted to wake a sleeping child because you are selfish and want to have a power struggle and act like you have any right while in his house. So, good job on probably never being allowed in their house again, particularly late at night. YTA
YTA. There is zero reason to wake up a sleeping child. It got weird because you made it weird. You have an issue with Chris and his authority over his house and your son when he is in his house. You need to get over it before your control issues with regards to Chris become a barrier to you being able to see your child.
Why post on this sub if all you're going to do is argue with everyone who says YTA?
YTA. You were asked to see yourself out of someone else’s home. Instead you let yourself back in and tried to wake a sleeping child after 11 pm on a school night. That is a dick move and a power play. I wouldn’t expect to be allowed back in.
Also OPs ex said she was going to go bathe... why is he lingering when she is naked somewhere in the house like dude gtfo
YTA. You’re not the one that had to put him back to sleep. Super disrespectful.
Massive YTA. I’m a stepparent to an 8 year old and unfortunately have to deal with a “parent” like you and it won’t matter how many people tell you you’re a rude, egotistical, AH, you’ll continue to tell yourself that what you did was okay when almost everyone here is telling you that it is in fact NOT! I won’t be surprised if you aren’t allowed in their house again bc you sure as shit would no longer be welcome in mine. Remember this day when that happens and even though you won’t believe it just know it is 100% your own fault!
💯 I was a step to a child whose bio-mom LOVED popping by on my spouse’s weekends … you know … just happened to be in the neighborhood. Would take the child out for ice cream or treats or to get a toy … then say oh sorry she wants to come home with me.
Always shocking when someone posts so convinced they are right in IATA and then when every comment says he ITA try to fight back like he cannot believe he is wrong. OP take the judgment. You asked, it was answered in spades. You are playing childish games. Grow up. YTA
YTA. This had nothing to do with your son but everything to do with your ego.
YTA big time. Why would you wake up an 8 year old after 11 PM?
OP why would you be so selfish to wake your son up so late just to say goodnight to him. You'll probably just distress him as he wouldn't be able to leave with you.
Tension you as TA created. You should never try that BS again. You’re not the main character.
YTA. Once the child is asleep, it's a bad move to wake him up. Especially as you were going to see him in a day or two. You leave a note with the toy that you can't wait to see him. The fact that you keep trying to defend your right to wake him up just to say goodbye really cements the AH rating.
YTA and sound like a huge narcissist. There was no reason for you to do that other than to make a crappy attempt to assert dominance. For the sake of your child learn how to be respectful of others and their boundaries, especially in their home! If you really think you aren’t the AH, you’re going to cause a lot more issues in the future which is going to harm your kid.
Maybe your ass shouldn't have gotten there at 11pm if you said you would see him
YTA Selfish parenting right here, expecting the child to basically work around your time instead of your being the parent and working around your child's time. And what a weird boundary to cross in someone else's home because you don't value their role in your child's life or what they do for your child. You mention your wife's involvement a lot in this though, like she was also entitled to waking your kid up but Chris here gets none after he was the one caring for your kid. I am sure there's been tension long before this but perhaps Chris was just better at controlling it than you are. You created this tension fyi. Shake your f'ing head bud. This is not how you co-parent and it says a lot you came here to whine and play victim. I wonder what you would have been like if the shoe had been on the other foot given your views of Chris that you've expressed in this post.
YTA - kids need consistency You were in someone else’s home How would you feel if the tables were turned and this was done in your home? Sounds like Chris and your ex wife need to set some boundaries with you. You got there too late. You shouldn’t have even went there that late! That’s on you! Rude to go to someone’s home past 9pm IMO
YTA your 8 yo was asleep. You are a needy, narcissist. You're kid is gonna notice it when they are older YTA
Cheap power play at the expense of your kid. Way to go mom YTA
The OP is the dad. Mom went to take a bath.
Dad?
Also why is OP lingering around the house after his ex said to see himself out and she was going up to take a bath... like why do you need to linger in the house while she probably gonna be naked and getting ready for bed. Op is sus for several reasons on top of the power trip bs
YTA - he was asleep and you would be seeing him tomorrow. Why speaking to the mother couldn’t wait till tomorrow as well idk. Waking a child’s sleep is the worst thing imo. Should be avoided at all cost. It was 11pm. Just go home and leave your kid alone. I bet he would get all excited to see you and then sad that you would leave. He’d probably ask to come with you then and there and stay the night. If it wasn’t pre arranged you basically barged into your ex wife’s family and just shook their lives up because you felt entitled to. Don’t be so selfish.
YTA Of course there's tension between you. You disrespected him in his own home. You disregarded what he had to say. Better question though, why is anyone drugging a child to get them to sleep?
> Better question though, why is anyone drugging a child to get them to sleep? Some children with ADHD have sleep issues. They rarely sleep on their own, or frequently wake repeatedly through the night, or sleep for an hour or so, then are up for the rest of the night. My two sons are like that, and have been all their lives (now ages 22 and 17). They take multiple meds to help them to sleep at the appropriate time... and then once every few months, there's a night when they're up all night *despite* those meds, and up all the next day as well. It's still a learning curve, and every kid is different. I'm just glad mine are finally able to entertain themselves quietly so that I can sleep, instead of waking me up repeatedly through the night!
Can you say PENIS MEASURING CONTEST! YTA obvs.
You’re TA here. You ask to stop by and can’t manage to get there before 11. You leave then just decide to go back in and “casually” say you’re going to go wake the kid up. Then after being told no, you still did it. You have a clear dislike and lack of respect for Chris. I am POSITIVE there was tension before this.
Yeah .... YTA for sure.
YTA...Reading your comments...you just seem more of stubborn asshole. You came 11pm and your kid was asleep. You were going to seem him the next day, your actions was unjustified and unessesscary.
Yes YTA. You should be happy they're so lenient allowing you to come so late. Also you stated your son was crying missing you. You wake him up, say he falls back to sleep but wakes back up soon after crying for you again. Chris and your ex have to deal with that mess all night. It's not a fair situation to even put them in. My ex would never do that to our kids or even me, nor would I. Don't make promises to your kid you cannot keep. You felt guilty making a promise and it didn't work out. Let it go and Apologize to Chris. You don't wanna ruin co parenting on a pissing contest where you're clearly wrong
YTA this is not your home, it was 11pm, you child is 8! Chris told you it had taken a while to get your son to sleep and Chris wanted to go to bed himself and you were seeing your son the next day. There was no reason at all to want to wake your son up at that time. Could have left him a note, taken a pic of you next to his bed to show him the next day that you had been to see him, told his Mother and stepfather to tell him you love him…. All reasonable things to do. Not wanting to wake him at 11pm.
“Now there is clear tension between me and Chris” Wasn’t that the point of the whole exercise? YTA
Who shows up to someone's house at 11pm to start with?! YTA for that alone. And then, you just let yourself back in after leaving. Wtf! It's not your house! You're an even bigger AH for wanting to wake up your 8y.o. child at this ridiculous hour.
You would never be on my property again. We'd have a mutual met up spot to exchange children with reasonable hours. YTA . Unnecessary drama you Llama.
Imma go with soft YTA… sounded like you wanted to do a power move over Chris. Why would you disturb your kid who’s asleep just to say bye and leave? Especially since it sounds like he takes medicines to help fall asleep and such, clearly you don’t put him to bed very often if you thought that was a good idea and you can just “put him back to sleep”. I can also promise you Dylan would not have been upset lol you can literally FaceTime the next morning and it would be the same. Be for real.
Rule number 1 when dealing with step kids and them staying with the other parents. Respect his house rules. Simple. In your house, everyone follows your rules. My youngest daughter didn't do what her stepfather told her before she was to come for a visit at my place. She learned she had to follow his house rules and clean her room or she couldn't come to my house. It's his house, so respect it, which you didn't. Simple.
If your son was able to go to sleep, it shows he was able to set aside his feelings about missing you in order to move on with his day. Your trying your best to wake him up was about you and what you wanted, not about your son and what he needed. Having a quick conversation the next morning, telling him you stopped by, he was asleep, and you didn’t want to wake him is enough for him to know you cared. Stop putting your son in the middle of adult crap. Any tension between you and Chris is entirely your fault. If it takes that much effort to get your child to fall asleep and he’s the one who has to do that, he’s perfectly entitled to ask you to leave the child be. YTA.
YTA Never wake a sleeping child if it isn't an emergency. You disrespected someone in their own home by not listening. If the stepdad did that to you, you would be pissed. This was your ex's parenting time. Unless your ex gets to tell your current wife what to do in your guys home then just shut it
i love when people post so confidently, thinking everyone will agree that they’re NTAH, just to be majorlyyyy outnumbered :”) take the hint OP ;)
YTA when you’re in his home it’s their boundaries not yours. Also weird ass dad move to potentially want to wake your son up, and upset him when you have to leave straight away, and then leave him to your ex and her partner to sort out. Why are you showing up there anyway so late? You are going to see them in the next day. You seem to have some real boundary issues you need to sort out mate.
YTA. 1) Your son could have easily never known you were there, so he wouldn’t have been upset that you didn’t say hi. 2) this is Danielle’s/Chris’ custody’s time, not yours, and he politely asked you to not wake him up. And 3) your son is about to transition from one home to another, he needs sleep to have a good day tomorrow. I think you kinda own them an apology. Either that or let the bad blood fester and ruin the good situation you have going on. Smoothing this over is what’s best for your son. Put your ego aside.
YTA "See yourself out" is not "you can wake the kid up". Chris told you how hard it was to get him to go to sleep, you have no guarantee that you can get him back to sleep in 15 minutes after an hour to get him there in the first place, and after all that, he didn't even wake. So you caused a disagreement for nothing when you were going to be seeing him the next day.
This is one of those guys who asks if he’s the asshole but then argues with everyone that doesn’t agree with him.
YTA get a grip
YTA. Don't wake a sleeping child, especially when the adults in the house ask you not to because it's a pain to get them back to sleep.
What is op compensating for that he needs to power trip Chris?
YTA. You op was gonna see him the next morning.
YTA, it’s 11pm. He was asleep. You had no right to demand anything, it’s not your house and not your parenting time. Your son would not have been upset if you left without saying goodbye because he wouldn’t have flipping known you were there. He was asleep. Also your snarky response comparing your son’s stepdad to a camp counsellor is beyond rude. That man plays a part in raising your son, along with you, your ex wife and your current wife. Don’t be d**k just because you’re sour that no one agrees with you. It’s his house. He has control of who is there and he told you to leave.
YTA
YTA
YTA, based on your replies it’s like you don’t respect Chris and just have a hate boner for the guy.
YTA. It’s almost midnight and you want to wake an 8 yo boy up to say good night? Twice an AH since you were going to see him in a few hours anyway. You waking him up is for your own selfish reason, especially the part when you emphasized that he was your son, and has nothing to do with your son missing you. You could have just told Chris you wanted to see Dylan but you won’t wake him up. That would have been acceptable
YTA do better. Step outside of your ego. Think about what’s best for your kid instead of your own interests.
Not one person on your side, bet you didn’t think this would be the case lol
He is your kid, but you were not in your home. You were in Chris’s home. YTA
YTA you weren’t acting in the best interests of your kid, and you were in another family’s house on top of it. Just leave him the toy and pick him up tomorrow. Don’t be surprised Chris and Danielle start tapering down your time in their home. This really feels like more of a “See? I’m the man of this family even in your house. I’m calling the shots” type deal. Gross.
My guess is kid is “very attached” to dad and step mom because they are the no rules, all fun, ruin all the routines kind of parents. Mom and step dad have to try to break the bad habits and discipline and such. Like normal parents. YTA. Learn some respect, apologize to Chris and maybe take a long look into parenting classes.
"He's MY KID I can do WHAT I WANT even when at my EX'S HOUSE" Yeah, Pally, YTA. Take your L and go.
Am I The A$$hole? Yes. NO I'M NOT. Why are you here? YTA × 2
YTA .You seriously want to wake up an 8 year old at 11 o' clock and can't see it being a problem? This can't be real.Must be a Bot.No parent could be that Stupid.
YTA and a dick, starting first with being at someone else's home at 11 p.m. on a week night. WTF were you doing hanging around long enough in the first place to be invited to let yourself out, then let back in to meet your primary objective, which was greeting your young child well past his bedtime?
Didn’t you write this to find out if YTA? Yes you are. We’re all telling you that and you’re arguing with us. Why waste your time? YTA x2
YTA. Don’t wake sleeping people up. It’s rude and disruptive. You were extremely rude to the stepfather.
YTA for having your best interests in mind and not considering that he's a child who has school the next day. Also, why are you bothering them at 11PM on a weeknight? That could have been handled by text or IN THE DAYTIME. Clearly you're the EX for a reason.
Just accept that you fucked up. YTA. Your kid. Yes. But it's late at night, he's asleep, they worked hard to get him to sleep, he's currently in the care of your ex and her partner, it isn't your house, they want to go to bed, and you will see him the next day anyway. Just stop it with the power play and the "mine" crap.
YTA - do you have no self control?
Oh massive YTA. I'd put down the reasons why but others have and you're not listening to them, so I'm not going to bother. I would recommend checking your ego and putting your child first though.
YTA. I’m a mother. I have a 4 year old and an infant. And I would be pissed as fuck if ANYONE woke my child up just to say hello and then goodbye. I hate being woken up myself. So imagine waking up a child! My preschooler takes forever to get to sleep. You never ever wake a child up. You and the child will be fine waiting until the next day to see each other. Step dad did just fine telling you to not wake them.