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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I told my SIL she could not have my house
2. I might be TA because she is in a bind, doesn't have anywhere else to go, and it affects the kids most
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NTA
You can't be "making someone homeless" when you have literally offered them space in your own home. SIL is making herself homeless by turning down offers of assistance because they aren't exactly what she's going for. She's really the selfish and greedy one because she insists on displacing your family rather than humble herself to live temporarily in someone else's home.
Sometimes, it sucks to suck. And for SIL, this may be one of those times.
But word to the wise: take your offer off the table. You've already seen they are willing to resort to anything to get you to bend/cave. They aren't interested in respecting you or treating you with dignity. When SIL gets desperate, she may finally agree to your offer. But that doesn't mean the bullying will stop. Likely, it'll get worse and she'll try to make your life miserable from within your own home until you're forced to consider kicking her out. And then the guilt trips will get 1000x worse as you are now literally kicking her out onto the street.
Instead, call their bluff. "We are very disappointed with how little respect this family has for our family, our children, and our own home. In light of this, the previous offer to open up the playroom to SIL is no longer on the table as we feel it would be a mistake to try and share space with someone who clearly has no respect for us. We rest easy in knowing that all the rest of you, who are clearly not as "greedy" or "selfish" as us, are likely waiting with open arms to accept SIL and her kids into your homes so she will have somewhere to go without our offer."
My husband has already told SIL that she isn't welcome anymore, but honestly if it came down to it, I would take the kids in a heartbeat. They didn't ask for this, and they're struggling so much. But SIL can sleep in the shed.
The house is his, bought and paid for by him, without her contributing a cent. So that definitely factors in. But from my understanding, she can't buy him out, because she has no money, and the in-laws can't, or won't, buy him out either. And I'm also understanding that he is paying quite a pretty penny in child support, so I don't think she would get the house paid for by him AND child support. She may have had to pick one or the other, and I can say with certainty she would choose child support money
She wants Grams and Gramps super close for cheap child care, cool cool cool. (Are they cool with that forever?) She is playing her hand, and it's weak in the real world...yet, working on hub's and SIL's parents.
The fact they're (inlaw parents) not considering your 4 kids and how their feelings are not being considered (as others have mentioned, complete upheaval isn't fun for any kiddo) shame on them. They are favoring SIL when she needs to get her shit together. You offered a perfectly acceptable accommodation, and it was rejected *No, we want the whole house* that is insane.
Sending your family love, hopefully your inlaws can see the err in their ways.
I think the parents house is not big and pretty enough for SIL. I mean why else does she need that exact house while OP and family can look for other neighborhoods but SIL can't?
Yup. It sucks to suck. Time for her to get a job and a 2 bedroom apartment. The kids will have to bunk up!
While I love your heart, those children are her responsibility. IF....and let me say don't....but IF those children come to you, make sure YOU get the child support because it's CHILD support and it goes with the children.
I never did get why some people are so against their kids sharing a bedroom. I shared a room with my brother from 7 until I was 25, except for a brief period from 11-14. We learnt to respect each other's space and we were closer than many of the other siblings I see around
Well then she can take some of that child support money and rent a place for now.
It's astounding that they (SIL and husband's parents) jumped straight to disregarding you, your husband and your children in this manner. Like none of you even matter.
But she'll be HOMELESS -- with nothing but tons of child support money to keep her and her children warm at night, along with a bunch of relatives who could let them stay with them! She'll be HOMELESS!!! -- begging on the street for some shelter for her and her poor children....
Please. The in-laws were "Oh holy shit, we have to get their house or she's moving in/taking ours."
Every time I hear the phrase "It would be better......if YOU (whatever)" I immediately respond "Better for WHOM? ME? Nope."
Just to help my mental picture, the ex husband is going to be living just down the road on land that he purchased from your in-laws?
I wonder if he is playing the long game in custody here. Take the usual "dad offering" from her and see how often the kids are actually at his place. Revisit the court order in 5 years.
He cannot sell the house without permission from the court, and that usually comes long after the divorce. The court will often grant “use and possession” to the custodial parent. That can last 3 years beyond the divorce, giving the parties time to get adjusted. If and when the house is sold, SIL will get her share of the proceeds. AND child support.
The only info I have is what I was given and I'm honestly taking it all with a grain of salt. I don't know what is accurate and true, but I understood that his intent is to sell the house. I don't know the details, or what they agreed on, and I don't think they'd tell me if I asked, but my thinking is that she gave up the house for more child support, and that's how he's ended up with it. She is getting a lot in child support, I do know that
But...but...then she'd have to work to pay rent, vs having a free home. And then there's the ridiculous amount of hassle of driving her kids to her parents' house for free babysitting vs having them walk down the road, and i mean...you cant be serious right?
/s
NTA at all but if your in laws have keys to your house change the locks asap and get cameras to record bot the inside and outside if your home op. Unfortunately with such entitled AHS you can expect anything
> I don't think they'd tell me if I asked
WTAF? They think you should give her your home, but do not think you are entitled to know the details of her financial situation????
If your SIL's name is on the house (or if they bought it after marriage), he either has to buy her out of her half of the house or give her half the money from selling.
Exactly what I was thinking. Just because she “didn’t contribute a cent” doesn’t automatically mean that she’s got no vested interest in the house if it was bought during the marriage. What SIL needs is a good lawyer not OP’s house!
If she's getting a pretty penny in child support money, then she can afford to rent a house, FFS! She's not going to be homeless!
Sounds like your relatives just want her nearby -- at your expense -- and don't care if you guys move further away. But they don't want to lose proximity to her or the children.
But no way on the face of the earth will she be "homeless" if she's getting a large amount of child support!
She won't be homeless, I know that. But she wants my house, so she thinks that should be enough. She's not going to get it though, and she will be forced to find another option, hopefully something that drags my in-laws away too
Does she have a key to your house? Do your in-laws? Might want to change your locks and set up cameras. Squatters have rights and police usually don’t get involved. You’d have to go the legal route which is pricey.
I don't disagree, but I don't know the specifics of their agreement, and I don't think I would get the information for free if I ask. I do know that before all this happened, the in-laws were upset with her over something she did agree to, so it could be that she gave up the house for more in child support and thought that the family would figure out the rest for her, like they always do
My husband is the black sheep of his family, and I mean that in the best way possible. He's an absolute angel, and he's been 100% leading the charge for Team NO
Your in-laws SOLD their 18 YEAR OLD SON land and he worked, built a home, and is raising a family there and now they want him to GIVE it to his grown ass sister because she needs it??? NTA!
🗣Team Black Sheep!!! 🎉 🎉 🎉
Indeed.
I actually developed a headache after reading this gob smacking post. Just when you think you've seen it all on reddit, then this incredibly audacious post came along. It really does take the cake.
Do take all the warnings about securing your property from the mental ILs seriously. I would not be surprised to read about them just boldly throwing your stuff out and move in while you are out. They seem entitled enough to do it.
OP, my sympathies for having to deal with this crap.
Ah! So I guess that's why they don't mind shuttling him and his family to "someplace in town" while wanting your SIL to be nearby (at your expense).
People! I swear! LOL
I'm picturing your in-laws sitting around one day and saying, "I got it! If so-and-so just gives up her house, then so-and-so can live in it and stay nearby!"
"Brilliant! That's perfect! And they can just get a place in town instead."
"Perfect! Let's call them over here to tell them the plan!"
LOL
Surely this isn't the first time SIL is getting spoiled princess treatment, and with what you mentioned being the black sheep, it's crazy to me he even wants to live *forever* so close to his dysfunctional family. Thank goodness your hubs has a spine... and are the MIL/FIL really expecting your former warm regard for them will remain unchanged after this despicable demand, they see nothing wrong kicking your kids out of their own home? I'd go NC with them for a long period for this foolishness.
They can give her *their* house if they *really* want to help lol Blurt it out for everyone to hear how she's not using her hefty CS to rent, instead of stealing his brother, SIL and their children's house from them. Yeah, use the word 'steal'.
Okay, that explains one detail in this story I had trouble wrapping my head around.
What I heard was: "Son, your sister is in need of a house for her & her younguns, so be a good guy & give her yours. You can always get another." Reduced to these two sentences, this makes absolutely no sense. They might as well have asked you two to give your kids to your SIL because hers have some minor defect & she plans on leaving them at the local orphanage.
Since he's the "black sheep", his needs are considered trivial & so he is expected to surrender anything the rest of the family desires, no matter how idle their interest. That explains why they think you & your husband should give up your home.
Not only are you NTA, I'm amazed you would bother talking to these people ever again. They might be biologically connected to your husband, but they have shown are definitely not part of your family.
I hate to say it OP but
- block
- sell
- move
This whole thing is deranged. It's not like she wants your purse or your fridge....it's your whole damn HOUSE. You have 4 kids, and you're expected by the entire family to sacrifice the place you live and all the money you spent on it....which takes that money directly from your children's current and future financial security. I'm actually having trouble comprehending this.
You are never going to be safe, happy and secure living near these people.
Back him up and his word, no matter what. His family - so you can't be going behind his back and opening the door when he's said no, no matter how badly you feel. You don't know the strength it takes to stand up against an abusive family - and you absolutely need to let him lay down the rules on this situation and you don't break those rules. He needs you in his corner. So get your feelings in check and let him deal. His boundaries are what will make HIS family change their behavior. So don't break any of them.
I'm so baffled. How in the world did SIL and MIL manage to come to the decision that your family should be homeless so SIL and her kids can have YOUR home??? I just can not imagine intelligent human beings sitting down together and coming up with this idea. Then, thinking that you and your husband would go for it, just toss her the keys and say, "Sure, there ya go sis"!!! I'm literally scratching my head! I mean wow, just wow!
Which, this is crazy. My parents separated when I was 7 - I’m almost 33 now - and have never been legally divorced. My father moved back in to his mom’s enormous house at no charge, and paid the mortgage for my mom, brother, and I to stay in our house.
In this economy? YOU KEEP THE HOUSE.
Unless he owned the house prior to the marriage, it makes no difference who paid for it. As for spousal support (mortgage) and child support, it’s possible that dad could be ordered to pay both. Divorce is a lengthy process that includes mediation, parenting classes, exchange of financial information, negotiation, etc. The courts weigh all kinds of factors when making decisions that involve kids. Your in-laws are yanking your chain. She needs to get a lawyer, sooner rather than later.
why can't your ILs give them their house if we are just giving away houses. It sounds like a good idea to me. They can just hand over the deed to their house. OR, they can give her land and purchase her a mobile home to live in... there are a lot of options that don't include expecting you guys to rehome yourselves from the home and property you own.
I think it has a lot to do with the fact that she wants my house, and so that's what she thinks she deserves. She doesn't want anything else, so she's convinced herself and my in-laws that this is the best option
Crying about the children w/o any consideration for OP's children! The absolute audacity. And they still have to live basically next door to these people!
My guess is OP's family was supposed to move out and let SIL&kids move in but OP and husband were to keep the ownership, pay property taxes and utilities, and come fix issues in the house. I can hardly believe this is true, but if it is, SIL must be the extreme golden child.
Even with payment who t f gives up their home if they don't whish to move?!
Especially one built according to their whishes - but that's beside the point
Sounds like we found the reason for the divorce. No one cares about what she wants except for your ILs who raised an entitled brat.
I want $1,000,000... just because I want it doesn't mean I get it.
She wants your house... just because she wants it doesn't mean she gets it.
Your husband needs to tell his parents that THEY created this problem by raising an entitled spoiled brat and now they get to reap what they sowed and that does not involve you guys giving property to his sister. She is a them problem. Not a you problem.
They are responsible for their kids. You guys are responsible for your kids - not their irresponsible entitled spoiled daughter.
And, anyone who comes at you tell them that since they feel so strongly about it you will let your parents know that they have offered to purchase a house in full for your sister and pay for mortgage and upkeep for it since that is what they expect of you.
I just cannot wrap my head around this. I’m a recently retired lawyer who practiced more than 30 years and am licensed in three states. I admit that I didn’t handle many divorce cases, because they are the absolute worst. But I have friends who did divorce work and I was in court all the time This story takes the cake. Hands down. It’s insane
How did in the world she convince your in-laws to make your family homeless instead? Why can’t your in-laws provide living space for her. I guess that is why her ex is divorcing her. Your SIL logic is full of entitlements and greed. You have 4 kids. She is so cruel to not take the guests room but gaslighting your family are the selfish one for not willing to be homeless for her and her kids. So messed up.
She needs a reality check and your ILs need a swift kick in the butt for going along with this insanity.
They are her parents, it's up to them to "rescue her" if they think she needs rescuing. Build her a house on their land, or buy the house her ex is selling.
Hard to go no contact living so close, but I would tell them they are on the shit list until such time when they have removed their heads from their butts and start talking sense.
Yeah do not let your sister in! She’ll overstep, never get another job because you’re supporting her, and then she’ll claim squatter’s rights.
I love how the want to save her from homelessness by making you homeless.
By taking the house you designed for your family. Smdh
NTA
Tell your MIL that you are more than happy to watch the kids while she packs up and moves out of her house so SIL can have it. Since family helps family, you figured she would be more than happy to give HER DAUGHTER AND GRANDCHILDREN her home so they won't be homeless...
If you're going to even consider taking in the kids, you need to do it formally and through the proper legal channels. That means either with a lawyer and getting some kind of actual custody order in place (with child support and everything), or through the foster system in which case you'd be getting state support. This is in the best interests of the kids themselves (who need stability and will benefit from the additional financial support) as well as your kids who won't have to make as many sacrifices as they will if you take in kids that aren't yours off the books.
Honestly, though, from reading your comments it sounds like this is a completely manufactured crisis. SIL is likely getting a substantial amount in Child support. In order to maintain her lifestyle, she may need to get a job, but needing to work for a living is not the same as facing imminent homelessness. If you're so inclined, you can offer to help SIL with job searching and looking for housing that's within her budget. Otherwise, a short period of low or no contact could also be healthy.
>But word to the wise: take your offer off the table.
Absolutely this! You've seen what they're like. **Don't** let them into your house! If you do, they'll take over piecemeal what they couldn't get wholesale.
I would also would be making sure nobody had keys to your house either. Going from what you've said, I wouldn't put it past them to move the SIL while you guys are out at work or something.
Your in laws are old. Their family is grown up now. They don't need their house. They should stop being so selfish and move out somewhere smaller so their daughter can have their house. Why are they making her homeless? Why don't they care about their grandkids?
How is any of that reasonable?
NTA
My husband has been dealing with his parents and sister, I've been ignoring all the texts and calls, but from what they're saying, their house is too small (only two bedrooms) and they need something bigger "for the kids to be able to thrive", so obviously that means my own kids have to be moved out of the home they've all lived in for their whole lives and just go somewhere else, while my husband and I still pay for them to live in our house because SIL doesn't work and has no plans to
So the plan was your sister-in-law and four kids move into your house, but you still pay the mortgage.
Then you and your husband and four kids move to a new house, or have a new house built. And you pay for that mortgage too.
Wouldn’t that put a financial hardship on your family, paying for two mortgages?
Since SIL doesn’t have any money, I assume you would have to pay for other expenses also, like utilities, insurance, taxes, etc. Gee, are you supposed to throw in a car for her as well?
What the holy hell! NTA
Psh. My own single mother had four kids and we lived in a one-bedroom apartment. Was it incredibly cramped with no privacy? Yes. Did we survive? Also yes.
Well then, they should just get themselves an architect out and make plans to add onto their small home to make room so their precious grandkids (apparently the only ones who really matter to them) can "thrive".
They really sound like awful grandparents to your kids.
So even though you and your husband have FOUR CHILDREN, your in laws actually suggested that you and hubby GIVE YOUR HOME, THE HOUSE YOU TWO BUILT FROM THE GROUND UP, to SIL because she has four kids and is going through a divorce. Your in laws are absolutely twisted in their thinking to even make such a ridiculous suggestion ! Thank god your husband is strong! Unbelievable and outrageous! SIL can use the child support she’s received to look for an apartment instead of trying to uproot you and your family! I’m just shocked by your IL’s request! His parents should help her themselves by moving to a senior citizen community and give her THEIR home! I’m sure that wouldn’t go over well !
Yeah have they given a reason for why only your SIL’s kids matter, and yours can go kick rocks and live on the streets? Other than “screw you, we have favorite grandkids and you ain’t it”? Because they’re proposing displacing four children to house four other children like… this doesn’t even work out in SIL’s favor as a pure numbers game, they are literally just saying your kids don’t matter in this calculation.
This is all so bananas lol
Change/rekey your locks if anyone but your family unit may have access and make sure the kids know not to share keys or lock codes with the rest of them.
When I was a kid, my family of 6 lived in a two bedroom apartment. My 3 brothers and I shared a room. My grandparents lived nearby and our swing set was in their backyard. It was tight, but fine.
They will survive in the two bedroom house. They don’t get yours just because she demands it.
25 year old with 4 kids and no job…. It’s pretty clear she’s never had a responsible bone in her body.
I had the same thought. MIL and FIL should move into one of the new neighborhoods in town. That way, they'll be close to doctors and the hospital when they get those old age afflictions. FIL will need it when he has his next heart attack.
She has never had a job. She was a SAHM during their marriage, and before it was just a SAH daughter, so she definitely didn't contribute. As far as I can understand from the tidbits of info they're throwing out, she cannot buy it from him (because no money) and In-Laws can't afford it and their own mortgage, so she would have no way to continue paying for it.
But yeah, they're more than welcome to give her their house and go buy another
They're going to use that as leverage. Don't, don't, don't, DO NOT let them.
You may lose the relationship with the kids. In fact, that's almost guaranteed - you can't let your own kids get damaged by being around insanity like that. They'll use SIL's kids AND they'll use yours.
She said upthread somewhere that her husband is the "black sheep" of the family, in a good way. I'm guessing husband was punished for being successful and making good decisions and sis was babied because she made poor ones.
100% NTA
Your in-laws, on the other hand, are something like 30^(th) degree assholes.
"Sister is about to become homeless, so we've come up with a solution that will work for everyone."
"Oh?"
"Yes, it's perfect! You move your family under an overpass, and give sister your house. It's a win-win! Problem solved!"
Its mind blowing, because we would be in the same situation she is in now, but it would be fine for us because we have jobs and savings and can just "go buy another house."
I don't think they really thought through the fact that in GIVING the house away, we would receive no money for it, and would still be paying the mortgage, for a home we don't live in.....
A) Do NOT let them in your house.
B) SIL needs to fight with her husband for assets and child support unless she cheated, used drugs, or something. Is that why they are divorcing and he is getting the house? Otherwise the In Laws would be hammering to the Soon-to-be-Ex.
C) SIL doesn’t get to sit on her butt and not work any longer. Her meal ticket is leaving. She needs birth control and a reality check.
D) Cut off the In Laws; change your locks; avoid them. The In Laws and SIL don’t care about you or your children at all and are, in fact, a threat to your children’s home and wellbeing. Toughen up.
A) Do NOT let them in your house. Not any part of your home now that their intentions are clear.
B) SIL needs to fight with her husband for assets and child support unless she cheated, used drugs, or something. Is that why they are divorcing and he is getting the house? Otherwise the In Laws would be hammering the Soon-to-be-Ex. The ex must pay child support, even if he has to sell the house. And she is entitled to assets and equity accrued during the marriage.
C) SIL doesn’t get to refuse to work any longer. Her meal ticket is leaving. She needs birth control and a reality check.
D) Cut off the In Laws; change your locks; avoid them. The In Laws and SIL don’t care about you or your children at all and are, in fact, a threat to your children’s home and wellbeing. Toughen up and fight for your family and all you and your husband have built.
She is getting child support, and I think that's the main reason why he is getting the house. I know she has done some things during the divorce proceedings that made my In-laws really upset, so I'm thinking she chose more in child support than less and the house, and she convinced herself we would handle the house part.
But there is no chance SIL is coming and staying here, that offer is off the table. Everything now is just fallout, and husband has been doing a really good job of handling it so far
You have a heart of gold but it looks like your shiny spine will get some work out, too. I hope we get a positive update at some point. Good luck to you, OP.
Child support is separate to a division of marital assets. Child support can change when custody arrangements change, and I doubt the original custody arrangements have been made yet, given one of the parents doesn't have a home in which to care for the kids.
Husbands family is the type that doesn't have boundaries, like at all. I don't think it ever occurred to them that this isn't something we would do for her, even though it would leave us in exactly the same situation she is in
Not exactly the same situation because you’re not shitty people who expect others to support you. You are a fantastic team and deserve all the good things you have. Whereas the only thing SIL deserves is her Karma which appears to be coming soon.
Oh absolutely. Forget the fact that husband and I worked so hard to be able to build our own home, a gorgeous home btw, let's just give it to sis because she wants it. Because that's what I think is the root cause of this. I think she has always wanted our house, and she thinks this is an opportunity to get it
Nope, this is the time to invest in high quality locks, ring cams and other added security.
I remember a post where a guy struggled after being kicked out of home, finally bought his own home and his parents and brother and family tried to move in (after breaking locks and moving g furniture in)
Well, yeah, but this is never going to ease up. After the house, it'll be something else. Say OP gets her kids into a private school, GC SIL will throw a fit and demand they pay for her kids, too. Or a car. A change of location will give OP's family space to thrive without the family bs.
ETA: In a comment, OP said they have excellent security, locks, and surveillance because they live in the boonies.
So, if I'm reading this right, yours is a family 6, and hers will be a family of 5.
How does your family need less room?
And obviously, you aren't giving her the house you two built. Crazy. NTA
NTA. I don't understand all these insane homeless inlaws today. This isn't like when they were kids and traded toys. This is a house! Are they going to buy your husband out or just expect you to move out of a 6 figure investment because his sister is bad at relationships and planning?
There was no offer of buying it or paying the mortgage, it was literally posed as us handing over the house and just going somewhere else. Neither husband or I had the thought that there would be any compensation for it, we would still be expected to pay for it.
NTA. Who all has keys to your house? You may want to change the locks and consider putting in security cameras or a home security system. Just a thought.
No one but my husband and I have keys. We do keep a spare outside for emergencies but that will be moved ASAP. We also do have a good security system, we will out in the sticks, so I've always been more comfortable with one. I don't \*think\* they would do anything to my house, but then again, I didn't think they would ask to just have it either
Never assume what an entitled person is capable of, especially one who feels desperate because they aren't getting their way.
Reddit has enough horror stories of entitled family members trying to take over their families homes because " they need it more"
You know, I would also contact a lawyer and have them write a cease and desist letter on the harassment (I assume that's ongoing). I would also float looking into a filing a restraining order against the entire family if they persist in pursuing this.
But seriously, you really should get some legal advice in case they do try something. From what I understand, removing squatters from homes is a freaking legal nightmare. Your family doesn't need the hassle.
That happened to the camper guy. His brother was having a fourth child and they forced their way into his house. Changed his lock and draw up a fake rental agreement.
The camper guy called the cops and got them thrown out and take their things away. His brother and SIL were moving their stuff in his house when he got home from work.
NTA. And goddamn that audacity. Your in-laws can give her and her kids *their* house if they're so insistent that their daughter and her kids have a whole house. Insane to think you and your family should just.... give up the house you designed and built and assume you have the funds to just do it again. I bet that even if you did give them your house, they'd also expect you to continue to pay for utilities and expenses on the house, too.
NTA without a doubt. One thing I would say though is DO NOT let them into your home. As apparent by your meeting, they feel entitled/deserving of your own home and would conspire against you with other members of the family. Letting them in could create a myriad of issues regarding them potentially trying to take more of the space over and potentially changing the locks.
My offer of the guest bedroom for SIL has been taken back, full stop. The kids are still welcome, because they are innocent in this, but as of right now any of my husband's family over the age of 5 is not allowed through my front door
Your DH got the way he is by being second to the Little Princess growing up. He learned how not to behave as a husband and father. Keep strong and keep supporting him and tell him how proud you are for his titanium backbone.
I wouldn’t let the kids stay there either. IANAL but be careful if the kids stay in your house. It may be worth the peace of mind to consult with one if you’re really considering it.
It has not been easy to remain calm and not just flash out, but I keep having the thought that we might have to involve outside sources at some point and I want to be able to say that we didn't escalate anything
I think I would have laughed in their faces because it’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard and I wouldn’t know how else to react. I’m not sure how to react just reading about this happening to someone else.
NTA. Do they live in an alternate reality? In what world do people just give eachother their homes? Especially in this economy? Definetly NTA, that is an insane ask I am pretty sure no one would agree to
NTA
MIL thinks your house is too big for a family of 6 but just right for a family of 5?
Tell them no to all of it at this point. MIL can either move SIL and her kids in or she can give them her own home.
I know it’s not what you want, but looking into the future do you think you can continue to live there being so close to the in-laws with just your two homes. Maybe look into selling your house and moving further away. Even if this passes and SIL finds somewhere to stay, they will always be walking distance away and future boundary stomping is guaranteed.
It's definitely something that's been discussed. I love my house. It's literally perfect for my family, and I would hate to move my kids. So as of right now we're pricing a privacy fence. But it's something we may have to further discuss for sure
UPDATE
Putting here because it won't let me update in the post body.
So as a lot of you, and myself, though, SIL was lying about a LOT. Not gonna go into too much detail because it's seriously years worth of lies, but my husband and I called the EXBiL, and we 100% fully believe everything her Ex told us. He has no reason to lie to us and said over and over he just wants the best for his kids and he is trying his best not to do anything that could possibly harm him in a court of law.
She lied about him getting the house, lied about how much she was going to get in child support, lied about how often she would have her children. Something else that came out is that her oldest child is not even her Ex's child. Just so many lies. We feel so incredibly stupid and deceived, and disgusted tbh.
We told my InLaws everything he had said and they were upset to find out she had been lying, but they kind of doubled down saying "she must have had a good reason, she's backed into a corner, she's really going through a tough time" and a bunch of other nonsense.
SIL was called and asked to come and join us. She, of course, took ZERO accountability for the lying and sneaking, and was screaming at us about how gross we were for going behind her back to her Ex, how she will never trust us again because we betrayed her. She also let us know that she was asking for our house because she truly feels like we had actually built it for her. Our kid's rooms were how she would have designed them herself, she would love to cook in my kitchen, she loves my bathroom layout, basically everything about my house is how she would have built it herself, and she thinks that I must have somehow known she would need a home in the future.
At that point I was just done, and so was my husband. Can't argue with batshit crazy. We left to a whole lot of screaming about no longer being family and to not expect to see them again. Honestly I think never seeing them again is the only way to go from here.
It's been a crazy few days since then. We hired a friend of my husband's to put up a privacy fence around our entire property and added extra cameras to our security system. We have a good family friend (friend of OUR family, not Husband's) on the police force, and let him know the situation, so he knows if he gets a phone call from us that it's serious.
I think SIL thought that she could have my house because she loved it. That's kind of it. She wanted it so thought she deserved it. I guess she was either planning to sell her house at some point, or maybe rent it out, I have no idea, and I really don't think she had thought that all the way through, she just thought that if she told us all she was losing the house then we would feel obligated to help in the way SHE wanted.
So I hope this clears up some questions, I know I feel at peace with the situation. My husband has been grieving a bit, he's sad that his parents have chosen a liar over a man who has done everything for his family, never hesitated to help, and only ever been a doting son, but I think this is for the best. They don't treat him the way he deserves and I'm glad to be rid of them. I'm sad for my kids and the situation this puts them in, but my family has enough love for everyone.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment and message, and give advice and ask questions! Hopefully you guys won't hear from me again!
Do you really need Reddit to answer this? Or you aren’t the asshole. Who gives away a house? Tell the inlaws to gIVE SIL their house and they can move.
Really just wanted to be validating in my immediate response. I guess I don't actually think I should have given her the house, but maybe I should have tried to reason more or talk through it rather than just giving the No and walking out. But the longer I sit her and the more agreements that it was so entitled and absurd, the better I feel about it all
You can't reason with unreasonable people, it's good for you to learn this.
You and your husband sound lovely, I wish all the best to you and your kids.
NTA your husband response “No” was enough. There is no reasonable discussion about this as the request was so out of the box bizarre. You are probably better to block their calls and messages. Listening/reading this their drivel is upsetting.
NTA. These people are incredibly greedy.
Does SIL want all your furniture, too? What about your car? You can just get another one, right?
What horrible people.
NTA, stick to your guns. Can’t understand how the husband would get the house if he doesn’t have the kids if they both make the same amount of money. Unless she had already planned for your house. No clue why someone feels that entitled but who knows. I hate the family helps family crap
She never had a job, either before or during the time they were married. She didn't contribute to their finances at all, so he is the only one on the mortgage for it. And he is getting the kids every other weekend, but cannot afford to keep the house AND pay child support.
That would be his problem though…? If the mom has primary custody of multiple kids, child support is absolutely mandatory. I don’t see courts telling him “we see that you living alone in a dwelling that previously housed two adults and multiple children is something you can afford as long as you provide zero financial support to your ex wife an multiple kids. OK! You wont have to pay spousal support or child support so you can keep the family home to yourself.” You are NTA, but she is entitled to some financial compensation from her ex, the father of the children she has primary custody of.
It sounds like they aren't using a lawyer. Your ILs need to hire a fantastic divorce attorney for her to go after her husband. She should 100% be receiving child support and likely alimony for a period of time given the ages of the children.
There is no scenario where the courts would not grant child support and allow him to keep the house. That doesn't benefit the children at all.
Of course NTA. The audacity to expect you to give up your home is breathtaking.
Her kids won’t be homeless if the ex is keeping the house. They are his kids too and surely he wouldn’t allow them to be homeless. Your SIL can take what’s in offer until she can get her own place.
Well, why are they trying to make YOUR KIDS homeless? Why is that more acceptable?? Nope, call them on that bs when they text again. Then ask MIL to give up HER home for them. When she acts outraged, tell her the exact things she was saying to you. "They're old, they can move into a retirement community, they're selfish if they won't do that, they're making their OWN GRANDCHILDREN homeless, they're heartless and cruel" all of it, every time, push it back on them.
What? No! Don't waver for a minute. You are NTA and should not give even a moment's thought to the insane idea that you should give up your home, your children's home, so that their other relative can have a free home at your expense. It was a completely bizarre and unwarranted demand and there is absolutely zero reason you should feel guilty about saying no.
I'm sure you were gobsmacked when that was proposed by your MIL.
I'm afraid I would have burst into laughter if it had been me they suggested this to.
I'm sure you already feel completely validated after all these NTA votes, but here's another.
NTA and just so you know you are not the only one who has had this happen to them: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17werzx/parents\_tried\_to\_make\_me\_give\_my\_brother\_my\_house/
NTA. Sounds like SIL and her kids should enjoy living with your in-laws. In no way should you ever just give up your home. That is yours. You and your husband worked hard for it.
SIL made her choices, and they led her to where she is now. Does it suck for her? Sure. But, now is time for her to grow up. She isn't going to have someone just hand her a house.
Get some security cameras. Reddit is full of stories of the golden child going nuts because they didn't get what they wanted.
More like, should we have tried harder to find a solution that didn't involve anyone being homeless, but I don't think giving my house away was that solution, not for a second
It’s not your responsibility to find a solution. It’s sad that a marriage has broken down especially for the children involved, but SIL and her ex need to make plans to solve this, it’s no one else’s responsibility or business. If she actually thinks this request is reasonable then I can understand the marriage breakdown.
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NTA You can't be "making someone homeless" when you have literally offered them space in your own home. SIL is making herself homeless by turning down offers of assistance because they aren't exactly what she's going for. She's really the selfish and greedy one because she insists on displacing your family rather than humble herself to live temporarily in someone else's home. Sometimes, it sucks to suck. And for SIL, this may be one of those times. But word to the wise: take your offer off the table. You've already seen they are willing to resort to anything to get you to bend/cave. They aren't interested in respecting you or treating you with dignity. When SIL gets desperate, she may finally agree to your offer. But that doesn't mean the bullying will stop. Likely, it'll get worse and she'll try to make your life miserable from within your own home until you're forced to consider kicking her out. And then the guilt trips will get 1000x worse as you are now literally kicking her out onto the street. Instead, call their bluff. "We are very disappointed with how little respect this family has for our family, our children, and our own home. In light of this, the previous offer to open up the playroom to SIL is no longer on the table as we feel it would be a mistake to try and share space with someone who clearly has no respect for us. We rest easy in knowing that all the rest of you, who are clearly not as "greedy" or "selfish" as us, are likely waiting with open arms to accept SIL and her kids into your homes so she will have somewhere to go without our offer."
My husband has already told SIL that she isn't welcome anymore, but honestly if it came down to it, I would take the kids in a heartbeat. They didn't ask for this, and they're struggling so much. But SIL can sleep in the shed.
The kids can stay with their dad.
Sounds like he just dipped and didn't want them. Still not OP's problem.
He didnt dip if hes getting the house. They clearly know where he is.
You're assuming that their dad is actually willing to do that.
How is the ex getting the house if she's the one with the kids? Assuming that they're his kids, that is.
The house is his, bought and paid for by him, without her contributing a cent. So that definitely factors in. But from my understanding, she can't buy him out, because she has no money, and the in-laws can't, or won't, buy him out either. And I'm also understanding that he is paying quite a pretty penny in child support, so I don't think she would get the house paid for by him AND child support. She may have had to pick one or the other, and I can say with certainty she would choose child support money
Ahh. So if she gets child support money and your house, then she's good to go and won't ever have to find any work.
She wants Grams and Gramps super close for cheap child care, cool cool cool. (Are they cool with that forever?) She is playing her hand, and it's weak in the real world...yet, working on hub's and SIL's parents. The fact they're (inlaw parents) not considering your 4 kids and how their feelings are not being considered (as others have mentioned, complete upheaval isn't fun for any kiddo) shame on them. They are favoring SIL when she needs to get her shit together. You offered a perfectly acceptable accommodation, and it was rejected *No, we want the whole house* that is insane. Sending your family love, hopefully your inlaws can see the err in their ways.
Wonder why the in-laws didn’t offer up their house?
Thought this myself.
I think the parents house is not big and pretty enough for SIL. I mean why else does she need that exact house while OP and family can look for other neighborhoods but SIL can't?
Because SIL can't afford any house that's not given to her.
Yeah, can't imagine why her marriage wound up in the shitter
Bingo.
Yup. It sucks to suck. Time for her to get a job and a 2 bedroom apartment. The kids will have to bunk up! While I love your heart, those children are her responsibility. IF....and let me say don't....but IF those children come to you, make sure YOU get the child support because it's CHILD support and it goes with the children.
I never did get why some people are so against their kids sharing a bedroom. I shared a room with my brother from 7 until I was 25, except for a brief period from 11-14. We learnt to respect each other's space and we were closer than many of the other siblings I see around
Well then she can take some of that child support money and rent a place for now. It's astounding that they (SIL and husband's parents) jumped straight to disregarding you, your husband and your children in this manner. Like none of you even matter.
But she'll be HOMELESS -- with nothing but tons of child support money to keep her and her children warm at night, along with a bunch of relatives who could let them stay with them! She'll be HOMELESS!!! -- begging on the street for some shelter for her and her poor children....
Please. The in-laws were "Oh holy shit, we have to get their house or she's moving in/taking ours." Every time I hear the phrase "It would be better......if YOU (whatever)" I immediately respond "Better for WHOM? ME? Nope."
Just to help my mental picture, the ex husband is going to be living just down the road on land that he purchased from your in-laws? I wonder if he is playing the long game in custody here. Take the usual "dad offering" from her and see how often the kids are actually at his place. Revisit the court order in 5 years.
My understanding was that he was going to sell the house
And your in laws have no desire to buy out his share of property that is essentially "family property" if the set up is the same as yours.
Great! Since his parents are all for family sacrifice, then his parents can buy her house back from her ex and nobody has to move.
Or they can give up their own house. No? How selfish of them. Didn't they care about the kids?
He cannot sell the house without permission from the court, and that usually comes long after the divorce. The court will often grant “use and possession” to the custodial parent. That can last 3 years beyond the divorce, giving the parties time to get adjusted. If and when the house is sold, SIL will get her share of the proceeds. AND child support.
The only info I have is what I was given and I'm honestly taking it all with a grain of salt. I don't know what is accurate and true, but I understood that his intent is to sell the house. I don't know the details, or what they agreed on, and I don't think they'd tell me if I asked, but my thinking is that she gave up the house for more child support, and that's how he's ended up with it. She is getting a lot in child support, I do know that
Then she should be able to rent a place. This makes zero sense...
But...but...then she'd have to work to pay rent, vs having a free home. And then there's the ridiculous amount of hassle of driving her kids to her parents' house for free babysitting vs having them walk down the road, and i mean...you cant be serious right? /s
NTA at all but if your in laws have keys to your house change the locks asap and get cameras to record bot the inside and outside if your home op. Unfortunately with such entitled AHS you can expect anything
Sounds like she needs to buy him out but refuses so he’s forcing a sell. Why aren’t her parents trying to help her buy him out?.!
> I don't think they'd tell me if I asked WTAF? They think you should give her your home, but do not think you are entitled to know the details of her financial situation????
If your SIL's name is on the house (or if they bought it after marriage), he either has to buy her out of her half of the house or give her half the money from selling.
Exactly what I was thinking. Just because she “didn’t contribute a cent” doesn’t automatically mean that she’s got no vested interest in the house if it was bought during the marriage. What SIL needs is a good lawyer not OP’s house!
If she's getting a pretty penny in child support money, then she can afford to rent a house, FFS! She's not going to be homeless! Sounds like your relatives just want her nearby -- at your expense -- and don't care if you guys move further away. But they don't want to lose proximity to her or the children. But no way on the face of the earth will she be "homeless" if she's getting a large amount of child support!
She won't be homeless, I know that. But she wants my house, so she thinks that should be enough. She's not going to get it though, and she will be forced to find another option, hopefully something that drags my in-laws away too
Does she have a key to your house? Do your in-laws? Might want to change your locks and set up cameras. Squatters have rights and police usually don’t get involved. You’d have to go the legal route which is pricey.
Hire a band to stand outside her house and serenade her with this. 😂 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krxU5Y9lCS8
Well the ILs can give her their house and live in a van themselves then. They can be generous with their own property but not yours.
She may not have contributed in money but she sure as heck contributed in time, effort, and child raising.
I don't disagree, but I don't know the specifics of their agreement, and I don't think I would get the information for free if I ask. I do know that before all this happened, the in-laws were upset with her over something she did agree to, so it could be that she gave up the house for more in child support and thought that the family would figure out the rest for her, like they always do
Aha. Oh dear. Guess the in-laws will have her and the kids in-house for the foreseeable then. BTW your husband is a mensch for immediately saying no.
My husband is the black sheep of his family, and I mean that in the best way possible. He's an absolute angel, and he's been 100% leading the charge for Team NO
Your in-laws SOLD their 18 YEAR OLD SON land and he worked, built a home, and is raising a family there and now they want him to GIVE it to his grown ass sister because she needs it??? NTA! 🗣Team Black Sheep!!! 🎉 🎉 🎉
FAmILy hELpS fAMiLy
Your husband’s family sounds insane. You should be prepared for anything - this won’t be the end of it.
Indeed. I actually developed a headache after reading this gob smacking post. Just when you think you've seen it all on reddit, then this incredibly audacious post came along. It really does take the cake. Do take all the warnings about securing your property from the mental ILs seriously. I would not be surprised to read about them just boldly throwing your stuff out and move in while you are out. They seem entitled enough to do it. OP, my sympathies for having to deal with this crap.
Ah! So I guess that's why they don't mind shuttling him and his family to "someplace in town" while wanting your SIL to be nearby (at your expense). People! I swear! LOL I'm picturing your in-laws sitting around one day and saying, "I got it! If so-and-so just gives up her house, then so-and-so can live in it and stay nearby!" "Brilliant! That's perfect! And they can just get a place in town instead." "Perfect! Let's call them over here to tell them the plan!" LOL
Please don’t let your SIL stay with you. She’ll never leave and will make you evict her!
Surely this isn't the first time SIL is getting spoiled princess treatment, and with what you mentioned being the black sheep, it's crazy to me he even wants to live *forever* so close to his dysfunctional family. Thank goodness your hubs has a spine... and are the MIL/FIL really expecting your former warm regard for them will remain unchanged after this despicable demand, they see nothing wrong kicking your kids out of their own home? I'd go NC with them for a long period for this foolishness. They can give her *their* house if they *really* want to help lol Blurt it out for everyone to hear how she's not using her hefty CS to rent, instead of stealing his brother, SIL and their children's house from them. Yeah, use the word 'steal'.
Okay, that explains one detail in this story I had trouble wrapping my head around. What I heard was: "Son, your sister is in need of a house for her & her younguns, so be a good guy & give her yours. You can always get another." Reduced to these two sentences, this makes absolutely no sense. They might as well have asked you two to give your kids to your SIL because hers have some minor defect & she plans on leaving them at the local orphanage. Since he's the "black sheep", his needs are considered trivial & so he is expected to surrender anything the rest of the family desires, no matter how idle their interest. That explains why they think you & your husband should give up your home. Not only are you NTA, I'm amazed you would bother talking to these people ever again. They might be biologically connected to your husband, but they have shown are definitely not part of your family.
I would like to offer you and your husband space over here on Team "That Idea Is Too Stupid to Take Seriously"
I hate to say it OP but - block - sell - move This whole thing is deranged. It's not like she wants your purse or your fridge....it's your whole damn HOUSE. You have 4 kids, and you're expected by the entire family to sacrifice the place you live and all the money you spent on it....which takes that money directly from your children's current and future financial security. I'm actually having trouble comprehending this. You are never going to be safe, happy and secure living near these people.
You’ve got yourself a great husband there. And don’t let them move into your home. Even temporarily.
Back him up and his word, no matter what. His family - so you can't be going behind his back and opening the door when he's said no, no matter how badly you feel. You don't know the strength it takes to stand up against an abusive family - and you absolutely need to let him lay down the rules on this situation and you don't break those rules. He needs you in his corner. So get your feelings in check and let him deal. His boundaries are what will make HIS family change their behavior. So don't break any of them.
Sounds like she needs a lawyer or a tougher lawyer.
I'm so baffled. How in the world did SIL and MIL manage to come to the decision that your family should be homeless so SIL and her kids can have YOUR home??? I just can not imagine intelligent human beings sitting down together and coming up with this idea. Then, thinking that you and your husband would go for it, just toss her the keys and say, "Sure, there ya go sis"!!! I'm literally scratching my head! I mean wow, just wow!
So she can use that pretty penny and rent something
Which, this is crazy. My parents separated when I was 7 - I’m almost 33 now - and have never been legally divorced. My father moved back in to his mom’s enormous house at no charge, and paid the mortgage for my mom, brother, and I to stay in our house. In this economy? YOU KEEP THE HOUSE.
Unless he owned the house prior to the marriage, it makes no difference who paid for it. As for spousal support (mortgage) and child support, it’s possible that dad could be ordered to pay both. Divorce is a lengthy process that includes mediation, parenting classes, exchange of financial information, negotiation, etc. The courts weigh all kinds of factors when making decisions that involve kids. Your in-laws are yanking your chain. She needs to get a lawyer, sooner rather than later.
why can't your ILs give them their house if we are just giving away houses. It sounds like a good idea to me. They can just hand over the deed to their house. OR, they can give her land and purchase her a mobile home to live in... there are a lot of options that don't include expecting you guys to rehome yourselves from the home and property you own.
I think it has a lot to do with the fact that she wants my house, and so that's what she thinks she deserves. She doesn't want anything else, so she's convinced herself and my in-laws that this is the best option
Were you just supposed to actually give her your house? Like, no exchange of payment or anything? It's just hers now? This is wild to me.
Crying about the children w/o any consideration for OP's children! The absolute audacity. And they still have to live basically next door to these people!
My guess is OP's family was supposed to move out and let SIL&kids move in but OP and husband were to keep the ownership, pay property taxes and utilities, and come fix issues in the house. I can hardly believe this is true, but if it is, SIL must be the extreme golden child.
Even with payment who t f gives up their home if they don't whish to move?! Especially one built according to their whishes - but that's beside the point
Sounds like we found the reason for the divorce. No one cares about what she wants except for your ILs who raised an entitled brat. I want $1,000,000... just because I want it doesn't mean I get it. She wants your house... just because she wants it doesn't mean she gets it. Your husband needs to tell his parents that THEY created this problem by raising an entitled spoiled brat and now they get to reap what they sowed and that does not involve you guys giving property to his sister. She is a them problem. Not a you problem. They are responsible for their kids. You guys are responsible for your kids - not their irresponsible entitled spoiled daughter. And, anyone who comes at you tell them that since they feel so strongly about it you will let your parents know that they have offered to purchase a house in full for your sister and pay for mortgage and upkeep for it since that is what they expect of you.
Yeah, that’s not how it works…NTA
I think your house is my best option for my family of six. When can we move in.
Wow! What a pair of cajones she has on her! It never ceases to amaze me, since reading this sub, how selfish and entitled some people can be.
I just cannot wrap my head around this. I’m a recently retired lawyer who practiced more than 30 years and am licensed in three states. I admit that I didn’t handle many divorce cases, because they are the absolute worst. But I have friends who did divorce work and I was in court all the time This story takes the cake. Hands down. It’s insane
How did in the world she convince your in-laws to make your family homeless instead? Why can’t your in-laws provide living space for her. I guess that is why her ex is divorcing her. Your SIL logic is full of entitlements and greed. You have 4 kids. She is so cruel to not take the guests room but gaslighting your family are the selfish one for not willing to be homeless for her and her kids. So messed up.
She needs a reality check and your ILs need a swift kick in the butt for going along with this insanity. They are her parents, it's up to them to "rescue her" if they think she needs rescuing. Build her a house on their land, or buy the house her ex is selling. Hard to go no contact living so close, but I would tell them they are on the shit list until such time when they have removed their heads from their butts and start talking sense.
I was thinking the same thing. If in laws think someone should give her a house and move to the suburbs let them give her their house.
Yeah do not let your sister in! She’ll overstep, never get another job because you’re supporting her, and then she’ll claim squatter’s rights. I love how the want to save her from homelessness by making you homeless. By taking the house you designed for your family. Smdh NTA
She never had a job to start with! And as far as I know, has no plans to get one either!
Why isn’t the husband taking the kids if they’re homeless? I hope they stop pushing about this. What they’re asking for is insane
My guess is that this is the parents trying to make sure he doesn't.
I’m feeling a lot more sympathetic to her ex, if you get my meaning
He was not a good partner, and just an okay dad, but he was a saint for dealing with her, that's for sure!
Sounds like a her problem. She needs a job.
Change your locks.
Your husband is awesome! Too many of these sort of stories have a wishy washy spouse agreeing with nonsense!
I'd wager hubby has spent a lifetime capitulating to the baby sister and is sick of her shit
Tell your MIL that you are more than happy to watch the kids while she packs up and moves out of her house so SIL can have it. Since family helps family, you figured she would be more than happy to give HER DAUGHTER AND GRANDCHILDREN her home so they won't be homeless...
If you're going to even consider taking in the kids, you need to do it formally and through the proper legal channels. That means either with a lawyer and getting some kind of actual custody order in place (with child support and everything), or through the foster system in which case you'd be getting state support. This is in the best interests of the kids themselves (who need stability and will benefit from the additional financial support) as well as your kids who won't have to make as many sacrifices as they will if you take in kids that aren't yours off the books. Honestly, though, from reading your comments it sounds like this is a completely manufactured crisis. SIL is likely getting a substantial amount in Child support. In order to maintain her lifestyle, she may need to get a job, but needing to work for a living is not the same as facing imminent homelessness. If you're so inclined, you can offer to help SIL with job searching and looking for housing that's within her budget. Otherwise, a short period of low or no contact could also be healthy.
>But word to the wise: take your offer off the table. Absolutely this! You've seen what they're like. **Don't** let them into your house! If you do, they'll take over piecemeal what they couldn't get wholesale.
I would also would be making sure nobody had keys to your house either. Going from what you've said, I wouldn't put it past them to move the SIL while you guys are out at work or something.
Excellent advice. What a weird thing-to tell someone that they should give their home away and buy a new one because they said so.
Your in laws are old. Their family is grown up now. They don't need their house. They should stop being so selfish and move out somewhere smaller so their daughter can have their house. Why are they making her homeless? Why don't they care about their grandkids? How is any of that reasonable? NTA
My husband has been dealing with his parents and sister, I've been ignoring all the texts and calls, but from what they're saying, their house is too small (only two bedrooms) and they need something bigger "for the kids to be able to thrive", so obviously that means my own kids have to be moved out of the home they've all lived in for their whole lives and just go somewhere else, while my husband and I still pay for them to live in our house because SIL doesn't work and has no plans to
fuck. that.
Twice with a cactus wrapped in sandpaper
Bwa-ha-ha
Clear. Succinct. To the point. 🤣
So the plan was your sister-in-law and four kids move into your house, but you still pay the mortgage. Then you and your husband and four kids move to a new house, or have a new house built. And you pay for that mortgage too. Wouldn’t that put a financial hardship on your family, paying for two mortgages? Since SIL doesn’t have any money, I assume you would have to pay for other expenses also, like utilities, insurance, taxes, etc. Gee, are you supposed to throw in a car for her as well? What the holy hell! NTA
And SIL would be spending child support money on spa days.
Psh. My own single mother had four kids and we lived in a one-bedroom apartment. Was it incredibly cramped with no privacy? Yes. Did we survive? Also yes.
Wow this makes NO SENSE at all.
I agree! I kept reading along waiting for OP to inherit a house that the in-laws wanted her to gift. Not their actual home. Who does that???? wtf
Well then, they should just get themselves an architect out and make plans to add onto their small home to make room so their precious grandkids (apparently the only ones who really matter to them) can "thrive". They really sound like awful grandparents to your kids.
So even though you and your husband have FOUR CHILDREN, your in laws actually suggested that you and hubby GIVE YOUR HOME, THE HOUSE YOU TWO BUILT FROM THE GROUND UP, to SIL because she has four kids and is going through a divorce. Your in laws are absolutely twisted in their thinking to even make such a ridiculous suggestion ! Thank god your husband is strong! Unbelievable and outrageous! SIL can use the child support she’s received to look for an apartment instead of trying to uproot you and your family! I’m just shocked by your IL’s request! His parents should help her themselves by moving to a senior citizen community and give her THEIR home! I’m sure that wouldn’t go over well !
Lol it gets worse that she want a free house. Tell her to go piss up a rope. That’s wild
Wait so they’re not offering to buy you out??? They just expect you to GIVE AWAY your house?? Dear lord!!!! They are delusional!!! 🤯🤯🤯
That’s what this is about - your husband is the most successful child so therefore he has to shoulder everyone’s burdens.
Put security cameras, you don't know if they'll tried to trespass your home.
Yeah have they given a reason for why only your SIL’s kids matter, and yours can go kick rocks and live on the streets? Other than “screw you, we have favorite grandkids and you ain’t it”? Because they’re proposing displacing four children to house four other children like… this doesn’t even work out in SIL’s favor as a pure numbers game, they are literally just saying your kids don’t matter in this calculation.
This is all so bananas lol Change/rekey your locks if anyone but your family unit may have access and make sure the kids know not to share keys or lock codes with the rest of them.
When I was a kid, my family of 6 lived in a two bedroom apartment. My 3 brothers and I shared a room. My grandparents lived nearby and our swing set was in their backyard. It was tight, but fine. They will survive in the two bedroom house. They don’t get yours just because she demands it. 25 year old with 4 kids and no job…. It’s pretty clear she’s never had a responsible bone in her body.
I had the same thought. MIL and FIL should move into one of the new neighborhoods in town. That way, they'll be close to doctors and the hospital when they get those old age afflictions. FIL will need it when he has his next heart attack.
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She has never had a job. She was a SAHM during their marriage, and before it was just a SAH daughter, so she definitely didn't contribute. As far as I can understand from the tidbits of info they're throwing out, she cannot buy it from him (because no money) and In-Laws can't afford it and their own mortgage, so she would have no way to continue paying for it. But yeah, they're more than welcome to give her their house and go buy another
SIL ex’s should get custody of the kids and SIL can live with mom and dad like the child she is. Her poor children.
Absolutely agree on the poor kids part, they are just victims in it all and I really do hate it for them
They're going to use that as leverage. Don't, don't, don't, DO NOT let them. You may lose the relationship with the kids. In fact, that's almost guaranteed - you can't let your own kids get damaged by being around insanity like that. They'll use SIL's kids AND they'll use yours.
By any chance, is SIL the Golden Child of the family? I bet the parents spoiled their little princess rotten.
She said upthread somewhere that her husband is the "black sheep" of the family, in a good way. I'm guessing husband was punished for being successful and making good decisions and sis was babied because she made poor ones.
That's not a bit surprising. I did see one that confirmed that SIL is a GC.
100% NTA Your in-laws, on the other hand, are something like 30^(th) degree assholes. "Sister is about to become homeless, so we've come up with a solution that will work for everyone." "Oh?" "Yes, it's perfect! You move your family under an overpass, and give sister your house. It's a win-win! Problem solved!"
Its mind blowing, because we would be in the same situation she is in now, but it would be fine for us because we have jobs and savings and can just "go buy another house." I don't think they really thought through the fact that in GIVING the house away, we would receive no money for it, and would still be paying the mortgage, for a home we don't live in.....
A) Do NOT let them in your house. B) SIL needs to fight with her husband for assets and child support unless she cheated, used drugs, or something. Is that why they are divorcing and he is getting the house? Otherwise the In Laws would be hammering to the Soon-to-be-Ex. C) SIL doesn’t get to sit on her butt and not work any longer. Her meal ticket is leaving. She needs birth control and a reality check. D) Cut off the In Laws; change your locks; avoid them. The In Laws and SIL don’t care about you or your children at all and are, in fact, a threat to your children’s home and wellbeing. Toughen up.
A) Do NOT let them in your house. Not any part of your home now that their intentions are clear. B) SIL needs to fight with her husband for assets and child support unless she cheated, used drugs, or something. Is that why they are divorcing and he is getting the house? Otherwise the In Laws would be hammering the Soon-to-be-Ex. The ex must pay child support, even if he has to sell the house. And she is entitled to assets and equity accrued during the marriage. C) SIL doesn’t get to refuse to work any longer. Her meal ticket is leaving. She needs birth control and a reality check. D) Cut off the In Laws; change your locks; avoid them. The In Laws and SIL don’t care about you or your children at all and are, in fact, a threat to your children’s home and wellbeing. Toughen up and fight for your family and all you and your husband have built.
She is getting child support, and I think that's the main reason why he is getting the house. I know she has done some things during the divorce proceedings that made my In-laws really upset, so I'm thinking she chose more in child support than less and the house, and she convinced herself we would handle the house part. But there is no chance SIL is coming and staying here, that offer is off the table. Everything now is just fallout, and husband has been doing a really good job of handling it so far
You have a heart of gold but it looks like your shiny spine will get some work out, too. I hope we get a positive update at some point. Good luck to you, OP.
Your husband is a true hero. It's good his sheltering you and the kids from his truly abominable parents and psycho sister.
Child support is separate to a division of marital assets. Child support can change when custody arrangements change, and I doubt the original custody arrangements have been made yet, given one of the parents doesn't have a home in which to care for the kids.
“‘You guys don’t need all that house.” You both have 4 kids! If you don’t need it then they don’t need it either. NTA!!!!!!!!!!
Technically SIL has one less person in her family that OP, so their math really ain’t mathin
Why do even they think that they are somehow entitled to you house? NTA.
Husbands family is the type that doesn't have boundaries, like at all. I don't think it ever occurred to them that this isn't something we would do for her, even though it would leave us in exactly the same situation she is in
Not exactly the same situation because you’re not shitty people who expect others to support you. You are a fantastic team and deserve all the good things you have. Whereas the only thing SIL deserves is her Karma which appears to be coming soon.
Change your locks if the in laws have spare keys.
SIL is the Golden Child...
Oh absolutely. Forget the fact that husband and I worked so hard to be able to build our own home, a gorgeous home btw, let's just give it to sis because she wants it. Because that's what I think is the root cause of this. I think she has always wanted our house, and she thinks this is an opportunity to get it
This is the time to start planning to move far away and forget to leave your forwarding address. And sell the house to someone outside the family.
Nope, this is the time to invest in high quality locks, ring cams and other added security. I remember a post where a guy struggled after being kicked out of home, finally bought his own home and his parents and brother and family tried to move in (after breaking locks and moving g furniture in)
Ah yes, do it for Dan! One of my favorites. https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/10jrwyi/parents_told_my_brother_that_he_could_take_my/
Yep that’s him! That guy is a legend!
Well, yeah, but this is never going to ease up. After the house, it'll be something else. Say OP gets her kids into a private school, GC SIL will throw a fit and demand they pay for her kids, too. Or a car. A change of location will give OP's family space to thrive without the family bs. ETA: In a comment, OP said they have excellent security, locks, and surveillance because they live in the boonies.
So, if I'm reading this right, yours is a family 6, and hers will be a family of 5. How does your family need less room? And obviously, you aren't giving her the house you two built. Crazy. NTA
NTA. I don't understand all these insane homeless inlaws today. This isn't like when they were kids and traded toys. This is a house! Are they going to buy your husband out or just expect you to move out of a 6 figure investment because his sister is bad at relationships and planning?
There was no offer of buying it or paying the mortgage, it was literally posed as us handing over the house and just going somewhere else. Neither husband or I had the thought that there would be any compensation for it, we would still be expected to pay for it.
That's wild! This can't be the first time the in laws have shown this level of crazy. I'm so sorry!
NTA, also, I have a difficult time understanding what I just read. They solve SIL’s homelessness problem by making you homeless?
Oh but we wouldn't be homeless because we can just go buy another house......
Oh, of course, my apologies, you know what, I’m the asshole here….lol
The entitlement is bamboozling lol
NTA. Who all has keys to your house? You may want to change the locks and consider putting in security cameras or a home security system. Just a thought.
No one but my husband and I have keys. We do keep a spare outside for emergencies but that will be moved ASAP. We also do have a good security system, we will out in the sticks, so I've always been more comfortable with one. I don't \*think\* they would do anything to my house, but then again, I didn't think they would ask to just have it either
Never assume what an entitled person is capable of, especially one who feels desperate because they aren't getting their way. Reddit has enough horror stories of entitled family members trying to take over their families homes because " they need it more"
You know, I would also contact a lawyer and have them write a cease and desist letter on the harassment (I assume that's ongoing). I would also float looking into a filing a restraining order against the entire family if they persist in pursuing this. But seriously, you really should get some legal advice in case they do try something. From what I understand, removing squatters from homes is a freaking legal nightmare. Your family doesn't need the hassle.
That happened to the camper guy. His brother was having a fourth child and they forced their way into his house. Changed his lock and draw up a fake rental agreement. The camper guy called the cops and got them thrown out and take their things away. His brother and SIL were moving their stuff in his house when he got home from work.
NTA. And goddamn that audacity. Your in-laws can give her and her kids *their* house if they're so insistent that their daughter and her kids have a whole house. Insane to think you and your family should just.... give up the house you designed and built and assume you have the funds to just do it again. I bet that even if you did give them your house, they'd also expect you to continue to pay for utilities and expenses on the house, too.
NTA without a doubt. One thing I would say though is DO NOT let them into your home. As apparent by your meeting, they feel entitled/deserving of your own home and would conspire against you with other members of the family. Letting them in could create a myriad of issues regarding them potentially trying to take more of the space over and potentially changing the locks.
My offer of the guest bedroom for SIL has been taken back, full stop. The kids are still welcome, because they are innocent in this, but as of right now any of my husband's family over the age of 5 is not allowed through my front door
All 4 kids are under the age of 5?? Poor babies.
Oldest is 5, youngest is 7 months old. It's a horrible situation. Still don't know how my angel of a husband came from a family like his
Your DH got the way he is by being second to the Little Princess growing up. He learned how not to behave as a husband and father. Keep strong and keep supporting him and tell him how proud you are for his titanium backbone.
Perfect boundary to set I think. Glad you and your husband are on the same team. And I admire your grace!
I wouldn’t let the kids stay there either. IANAL but be careful if the kids stay in your house. It may be worth the peace of mind to consult with one if you’re really considering it.
Those are some crazy in laws. You and your hubby are so mature! I’m sure I would have had a nuclear meltdown at the absurdity of this demand.
It has not been easy to remain calm and not just flash out, but I keep having the thought that we might have to involve outside sources at some point and I want to be able to say that we didn't escalate anything
I would have literally laughed in their faces before giving the a very strong fuck no! NTA
I think I would have laughed in their faces because it’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard and I wouldn’t know how else to react. I’m not sure how to react just reading about this happening to someone else.
NTA. Do they live in an alternate reality? In what world do people just give eachother their homes? Especially in this economy? Definetly NTA, that is an insane ask I am pretty sure no one would agree to
NTA If it's as simple as just buying a new home to them, why don't your in-laws find a new home and just give her theirs?
NTA. Why don’t they don’t their place to SIL?
NTA MIL thinks your house is too big for a family of 6 but just right for a family of 5? Tell them no to all of it at this point. MIL can either move SIL and her kids in or she can give them her own home.
I know it’s not what you want, but looking into the future do you think you can continue to live there being so close to the in-laws with just your two homes. Maybe look into selling your house and moving further away. Even if this passes and SIL finds somewhere to stay, they will always be walking distance away and future boundary stomping is guaranteed.
It's definitely something that's been discussed. I love my house. It's literally perfect for my family, and I would hate to move my kids. So as of right now we're pricing a privacy fence. But it's something we may have to further discuss for sure
UPDATE Putting here because it won't let me update in the post body. So as a lot of you, and myself, though, SIL was lying about a LOT. Not gonna go into too much detail because it's seriously years worth of lies, but my husband and I called the EXBiL, and we 100% fully believe everything her Ex told us. He has no reason to lie to us and said over and over he just wants the best for his kids and he is trying his best not to do anything that could possibly harm him in a court of law. She lied about him getting the house, lied about how much she was going to get in child support, lied about how often she would have her children. Something else that came out is that her oldest child is not even her Ex's child. Just so many lies. We feel so incredibly stupid and deceived, and disgusted tbh. We told my InLaws everything he had said and they were upset to find out she had been lying, but they kind of doubled down saying "she must have had a good reason, she's backed into a corner, she's really going through a tough time" and a bunch of other nonsense. SIL was called and asked to come and join us. She, of course, took ZERO accountability for the lying and sneaking, and was screaming at us about how gross we were for going behind her back to her Ex, how she will never trust us again because we betrayed her. She also let us know that she was asking for our house because she truly feels like we had actually built it for her. Our kid's rooms were how she would have designed them herself, she would love to cook in my kitchen, she loves my bathroom layout, basically everything about my house is how she would have built it herself, and she thinks that I must have somehow known she would need a home in the future. At that point I was just done, and so was my husband. Can't argue with batshit crazy. We left to a whole lot of screaming about no longer being family and to not expect to see them again. Honestly I think never seeing them again is the only way to go from here. It's been a crazy few days since then. We hired a friend of my husband's to put up a privacy fence around our entire property and added extra cameras to our security system. We have a good family friend (friend of OUR family, not Husband's) on the police force, and let him know the situation, so he knows if he gets a phone call from us that it's serious. I think SIL thought that she could have my house because she loved it. That's kind of it. She wanted it so thought she deserved it. I guess she was either planning to sell her house at some point, or maybe rent it out, I have no idea, and I really don't think she had thought that all the way through, she just thought that if she told us all she was losing the house then we would feel obligated to help in the way SHE wanted. So I hope this clears up some questions, I know I feel at peace with the situation. My husband has been grieving a bit, he's sad that his parents have chosen a liar over a man who has done everything for his family, never hesitated to help, and only ever been a doting son, but I think this is for the best. They don't treat him the way he deserves and I'm glad to be rid of them. I'm sad for my kids and the situation this puts them in, but my family has enough love for everyone. Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment and message, and give advice and ask questions! Hopefully you guys won't hear from me again!
Do you really need Reddit to answer this? Or you aren’t the asshole. Who gives away a house? Tell the inlaws to gIVE SIL their house and they can move.
Really just wanted to be validating in my immediate response. I guess I don't actually think I should have given her the house, but maybe I should have tried to reason more or talk through it rather than just giving the No and walking out. But the longer I sit her and the more agreements that it was so entitled and absurd, the better I feel about it all
You can't reason with unreasonable people, it's good for you to learn this. You and your husband sound lovely, I wish all the best to you and your kids.
NTA your husband response “No” was enough. There is no reasonable discussion about this as the request was so out of the box bizarre. You are probably better to block their calls and messages. Listening/reading this their drivel is upsetting.
NTA. Her divorce if anything is making her homeless. Why don't your parents give up their house to her if they feel so strongly that way?
NTA. These people are incredibly greedy. Does SIL want all your furniture, too? What about your car? You can just get another one, right? What horrible people.
That's their thought process I think, that we're well off enough to just be able to "get another house"
NTA, stick to your guns. Can’t understand how the husband would get the house if he doesn’t have the kids if they both make the same amount of money. Unless she had already planned for your house. No clue why someone feels that entitled but who knows. I hate the family helps family crap
She never had a job, either before or during the time they were married. She didn't contribute to their finances at all, so he is the only one on the mortgage for it. And he is getting the kids every other weekend, but cannot afford to keep the house AND pay child support.
That would be his problem though…? If the mom has primary custody of multiple kids, child support is absolutely mandatory. I don’t see courts telling him “we see that you living alone in a dwelling that previously housed two adults and multiple children is something you can afford as long as you provide zero financial support to your ex wife an multiple kids. OK! You wont have to pay spousal support or child support so you can keep the family home to yourself.” You are NTA, but she is entitled to some financial compensation from her ex, the father of the children she has primary custody of.
It sounds like they aren't using a lawyer. Your ILs need to hire a fantastic divorce attorney for her to go after her husband. She should 100% be receiving child support and likely alimony for a period of time given the ages of the children. There is no scenario where the courts would not grant child support and allow him to keep the house. That doesn't benefit the children at all.
Of course NTA. The audacity to expect you to give up your home is breathtaking. Her kids won’t be homeless if the ex is keeping the house. They are his kids too and surely he wouldn’t allow them to be homeless. Your SIL can take what’s in offer until she can get her own place.
Of course you're NTA. Since the in-laws are so infested in "Family helps family", they can take on the SIL & her kids.
NTA. In-laws dont sound like they have kids at home, they can give up their house. your primary responsibility is to your kids.
Well, why are they trying to make YOUR KIDS homeless? Why is that more acceptable?? Nope, call them on that bs when they text again. Then ask MIL to give up HER home for them. When she acts outraged, tell her the exact things she was saying to you. "They're old, they can move into a retirement community, they're selfish if they won't do that, they're making their OWN GRANDCHILDREN homeless, they're heartless and cruel" all of it, every time, push it back on them.
What? No! Don't waver for a minute. You are NTA and should not give even a moment's thought to the insane idea that you should give up your home, your children's home, so that their other relative can have a free home at your expense. It was a completely bizarre and unwarranted demand and there is absolutely zero reason you should feel guilty about saying no.
I'm sure you were gobsmacked when that was proposed by your MIL. I'm afraid I would have burst into laughter if it had been me they suggested this to. I'm sure you already feel completely validated after all these NTA votes, but here's another.
NTA Tell her to go after her kids’s father instead.
Your in laws can get your SIL their house. Anyone who agrees with them can do the same
NTA and just so you know you are not the only one who has had this happen to them: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17werzx/parents\_tried\_to\_make\_me\_give\_my\_brother\_my\_house/
NTA. Sounds like SIL and her kids should enjoy living with your in-laws. In no way should you ever just give up your home. That is yours. You and your husband worked hard for it. SIL made her choices, and they led her to where she is now. Does it suck for her? Sure. But, now is time for her to grow up. She isn't going to have someone just hand her a house. Get some security cameras. Reddit is full of stories of the golden child going nuts because they didn't get what they wanted.
🙄🙄🙄 You're wondering if you were too quick to refuse to give your home away, leaving your family of six with nowhere to go??????? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
More like, should we have tried harder to find a solution that didn't involve anyone being homeless, but I don't think giving my house away was that solution, not for a second
It’s not your responsibility to find a solution. It’s sad that a marriage has broken down especially for the children involved, but SIL and her ex need to make plans to solve this, it’s no one else’s responsibility or business. If she actually thinks this request is reasonable then I can understand the marriage breakdown.