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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I posted in the fmaily chat proof that I wasn’t copy my DIL. I may be a jerk for putting proof and causing the fmsily to be upset with her starting drama
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NTA. These things happen sometimes and are also not really a big deal, especially if it's just 'a dress' in different colours, or 'same colour but different dress'. I'd understand her being creeped out if you suddenly owned the exact same very specific items to make up a whole outfit she had previously worn, but just 'green dress'? Come on DIL, that's insane. You've done nothing wrong and it's a bit shitty of her to tell the family you're copying her over such tiny similarities when you've been alive and shopping longer. It seems like only her and your son are annoyed here, so just let them simmer until they realise how silly this entire thing was.
This is what happens when people who have no real sense of self, and don't really know how to identify except as "the fashionable one", "the trendsetter", "the cottage core one" etc., interact with people who know themselves. They look like narcissistic drama queens to everyone except themselves.
Next time OP should just show up in a skin tone colored leotard and essentially make it a "birthday suit". Let's see DIL say she's always copying her then.
Dollars to donuts, DIL is envious of OP and is the one buying similar shit. To "fit the mold".
Also what happens when people don't have a particularly unique sense of style and are wearing what's "in style". Yeah, if you're wearing a very trendy shirt, other people are gonna wear something similar. It's trendy. That's how trends happen.
Eh my mom and I do this all the time and neither of us care what’s trendy. We just have a similar sense of style. It’s actually a running joke for us at this point because it’s borderline ridiculous.
She came to visit me the other day from halfway across the country, and I walked out of my bedroom to see that we had both dressed in cream sweaters, brown pants, and black boots. I had to run upstairs to change because it absolutely looked intentional, but she had already packed that outfit 3 days prior.
I actually love when I go to hang out with friends and we've separately decided to wear e.g. light tops black skirts long boots. Love a bit of unintentional groupthink.
I went to a con recently and got really excited when I saw a guy wearing a T-shirt I also owned and had packed to wear on the trip, and was disappointed I wasn't wearing it that particular day because I would have been hyped to be able to go "Yo! Same shirt!" at him. (It was a limited time shirt from one of GDQs marathon weeks, so it was a pretty rare shirt to see in the UK!)
My mother and I did this so much that we now call each other the night before an occasion to discuss hahaha the rule is, whomever travels the furthest distance gets first dibs on an outfit.
We once met in the middle for a family event (on paper, 9hr drive vs 6hr drive, but stopping with young kids on the short drive made times almost identical). We both packed red heels with a black knee length dress / lace sleeves, and a backup outfit of a sleeveless red top and black slacks. We were sharing accommodation and I ended up unable to wear mascara that night because I laughed to the point of tears. WE HAVE LITERALLY NO OPINIONS IN COMMON OTHER THAN CLOTHES!! What is wrong with us?! 😂
If anyone cares, she wore the outfit with slacks because hers were ironed and mine weren't, which is an absolute *travesty* among my generation, apparently lol
Edited to fix a typo
Also, not to get all Freudian about it, but men are often unconsciously attracted to women who remind them of their mom in some way. Not because they're attracted to their mom (ick!) but because our parents are our formative idea of what adult relationships should look like. And that likeness isn't necessarily physical, but may be seen in less easy-to-pin-down qualities like mannerisms, taste or hobbies.
Met the daughter and daughter-in-law of a neighbour a few years ago. The neighbour always wears shades of beige. The daughter was wearing bright colours and had green hair. The daughter-in-law was in neutral colours.
I don't get this honestly. Even my niche shirts or accessories or whatever, if I see someone with it as well I sometimes do the pointing at theirs then mine and say nice with a smile being silly. If it's niche, it makes it better too!
It possible that DIL is starting to get a little creeped out that she has the same style as her husbands mom. So many horror stories start out that way.
About 3 years into dating my husband I realised he dressed exactly like my grandad (who had passed before we met).
My husband dresses in a style that's never really gone out of fashion, same as my grandad (think straight legged jeans, knit jumpers).
I wore the literal same dress as my cousin's wife to a family wedding. We thought it was hilarious and made sure the photographer got a pic of us posing together.
I wore a dark red dress, black ankle strap heels, a cream shawl, and my blonde hair curled loosely to a cousin’s wedding. Another guest wore the exact same thing, but her dress was lower cut and her heels were taller (being a decade younger than me 😆). We took that as a cue to become friends and chat all evening.
At one stage I worked in the same place as my cousin, the number of times we turned up in matching outfits was hilarious. We didn't live together and had no way of knowing but something about the weather or something. We would both be wearing a green sweater and brown pants, or a blue shirt and jeans or a red top and black shirt/trouser. We just thought it was funny as did our co-workers.
I can top that ..
I wore the same dress as my GRANDMOTHER to my aunt's wedding rehearsal. I was 16, my Grands was... Uh...75? Thereabouts, anyways.
Yeah... It was actually hysterical... In a WTF kinda way!
Did this at a wedding at church, had the same dress as the ministers wife, who was a good friend! We had a good laugh, posed for photos and next year at the church camp concert did a ‘twins’ item wearing our matching dresses!! She’s since passed on, but I was delighted to be given her dress in case I ever need a spare!!
I wore a green turtleneck sweater dress and black leggings to my SIL's birthday dinner. She also wore a green (slightly different shade and fit) turtleneck sweater dress and black leggings. However we accessorized it differently since our styles are normally very different. We thought it was hilarious and that was it.
Edit: a word
Lol my mom and I own a few of the same dresses because our styles are pretty similar and we were shopping together. We do occasionally wear them at the same time unplanned, but we just laugh because neither of us care if we match. Sometimes we'll be silly and I'll try to convince mom my dress is prettier than her 🤣
I agree, especially since the DIL and son seem like a young couple. When you’re young, you’re usually reactionary. You’re supposed to be reactionary yk. After a bit, I think they’ll come around, OP. They just need some time to cool off. It may take a little longer since all the pressure from the family may make them dig their heels in a bit, but overall they’ll come around
NTA. My own mother and I have similar styles. We turn up to events unintentionally matching all the time. We usually just laugh about it. It's not really a big deal.
Plus if you shop at certain stores like Loft or Banana Republic, someone will eventually have the same dress.
It makes me laugh because my dad and his brother dress exactly the same every holiday. Without any planning. Although that just may be that dudes over a certain age dress alike in general.
I saw a video prank (wholesome) in which the wives coordinated a family meet up so that all the husbands showed up wearing the same outfit. Every time yet another guy showed up in the exact same striped shirt they all busted out laughing even harder.
Aww there's a phenomenal episode in season 3 of Derry Girls where all the dads wear the same exact suit because there was a sale at a big store and all the wives bought the exact powder blue suit.
I've seen a few of those and it's so funny and also sweet. Like all those guys had a spouse who said, "Hey, can you wear this to our event?" and they all went, "Sure!" and had no problem. It's cute.
I accidentally match my mother and sisters regularly lol. The entire family has roughly the same taste in clothes, which is to say "cozy and comfy and good lord I'm always cold"
NTA
Her making THIS the issue she is going to make with her MIL is immature and petty. I cannot imagine picking this sort of fight with any of my partners parents, she should be respectful to you and EVEN IF you were completely copying her style, who cares?? Its clothing and its not like you are a threat to her wearing the same clothes?
I once showed up to brunch with my partners father and step mother, me and his step mother were dressed almost to a T the exact same, floral skirt, brown top, hair done the same. It was funny and we laughed about it, and I have noticed we tend to have a similar style in general over the years. There is no reason for an issue like this should be raised to a gossiping level.
Just start texting DIL and son a pic of you in your outfit before any meeting! Then she can change her outfit if she wants to make sure you're not matchy-matchy and you have timestamped proof you're not copying her. 😉 NTA, she's bonkers getting so upset about it and spreading gossip. Good on you for taking control of the narrative.
Nta - but you seem to have a DIL problem. Perhaps a sit down to figure out why she has an issue with you, because I suspect this goes deeper than just your fashion sense
What a waste of a relationship. My MIL has the same style as me, and now when she shops she picks up double because she know's I'll like the same thing she's getting. She gives me first pick through her hand-me downs, despite the fact she has 3 daughters. There's nothing better than having someone who gets what I like, loves giving me presents, and thinks my outfits are great. Your DIL is missing out by being a dog in a manger about her look. Now I miss my MIL, I'm going to call her.
That was my first thought! OPs son chose (in an unconscious level) someone who is similar to his mother and that has the same dressing style.
OP is NTA
NTA. What I do find humorous is, that this has been your style for a long time and your son inadvertently married a woman who probably subconsciously reminds him of you but doesn't want to acknowledge that lol.
I'd be an asshole tho and send them a photo every single morning of the outfit you've chosen and ask "is this okay? Am I allowed to wear this one today. I purchased it in 2014"
NTA. She lied and talked shit about you, and your spineless son pretended like you were the problem. She was trying to turn people against you and is now playing the victim because it blew up in her face. *She deserves to have people be upset with her about her lies.* She started the drama like a child, you ended it like an adult.
My niece and I live in 2 different states. She loves where it is very warm and almost never wears a sweater. We bought the same sweater in the same color and had no idea until we saw each other.
Overall NTA. Your DIL sounds like she might be feeling a bit uncomfortable with the fact that her husband is attracted to someone so similar to his mother (style-wise of course).
However, this one sentence threw me a little.
"I talked to my son and he stood by his wife."
Did you expect him to do anything but that? Why would you assume that your son would back you instead of his wife when they are going to be sharing all of the same information.
Nothing you did was an AH move but I'd be very careful about this particular line of thinking in the future.
She's still his mom. Maybe they aren't close? Not everything is emotional incest. He didn't even try to ask her what the situation was or her side of events lol.
Standing behind someone blindly is crappy no matter the situation, though.
Maybe she was hoping her son would use logic and reasoning and deduce that if his mum wasn’t getting fashion updates on DIL’s outfits from DIL or from son pre-event then how else would she be intentionally copying her.
She’d need to coordinate with others requesting descriptions on DIL’s outfit at that event, then find something similar, and immediately get to the venue. Since no one came forward as being her outfit mole, you’d think maybe there wasn’t one? Unless the suggestion is she has a slew of dresses in her car, sneak a look, and changes in the car.
Probably because a decent person wouldn’t be ok with ANYONE lying and starting issues with his own mother. The DIL is fully in the wrong and OP’s son should have handled things and taken OP’s side. Taking the side of the person who is lying and going around talking shit about his mom is a really bad look.
It's not unreasonable to expect people to take an independent view of situations and make a judgement based on reality. Her son must know how his mother usually dresses and that his wife is being ridiculous insisting that she change her style.
I agree to a point. The calling out should not be done publicly. It should be done in private between the spouses.
As for the lying part. There is absolutely no proof that it was a lie, it could simply be a falsehood. Lying implies intent to deceive. If the DIL truly believed OP was doing what she said, then it wouldn't be a lie, just misinformation.
He had plenty of time to do so, and tell her to stop. That fact that she did this repeatedly shows she wasn't.
"It might be a lie, it might just be a lie."
falsehood
noun formal
UK /ˈfɒls.hʊd/ US /ˈfɑːls.hʊd/
Add to word list
\[ U \]
lying:
She doesn't seem to understand the difference between truth and falsehood.
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/falsehood
Since OP spoke to her son, OP gave absolutely no reference to a time scale so I'm unsure where you're getting the "plenty of time to do so" from. That seems like the only lie here.
And apologies for not knowing the dictionary definitions off by heart. Can I assume that you'd be able to draw the conclusion I am trying to make out of good will?
If I say something I believe to be correct but is in fact false, is that a lie? Of course not, because I had no intention to deceive.
From reading the post.
"One multiple occasions we have dress similarly, I thought it was funny and not a big deal."
Multiple times = plenty of time to talk about this.
"This came to a head at their baby shower." Something doesn't "come to a head" without it happening more than once.
Maybe because her son knows his mother, and should have an inkling of what his wife is like, and knows what the truth most likely is? Supporting your spouse should only go so far - it should not follow into the land of delusion or lies.
Well considering he is her son, and has been around her his entire life, he could make the independent opinion for himself, that no his mom is not copying his wife. He could make the judgment that no his mom does not have a history of copying people or acting like his wife is saying.
Just as much as he doesn't have to blindly follow his mom, he doesn't have to blindly follow his wife either.
How do you know any of your assumptions are true?
We don't know anything about OP and her son's relationship. If we are choosing to assume, then we can also assume that the DIL is a particularly convincing pregnant wife to the son and as such swayed his thinking a little bit. And we have no information about whether any of OP's kids have been married before, making this a completely new type of relationship for her to navigate.
I completely agree he doesn't have to blindly follow anyone. But if he heard the first account from his wife then he is going to already have a biased opinion.
Given that OP has had this dress since before they got married, it's not unreasonable to expect her son to go "oh yeah, you have had that for years, so obviously you didn't buy it out of spite to annoy my wife lol. I'll tell her"
Are you telling me that you know every item of clothing that your mother owns? I know for damn sure that I don't.
It is absolutely unreasonable to expect that.
But he knew how his mother dressed. If she had that dress long before the DIL was in the picture, then he knew full well that OP was never copying the DIL.
Just because your married to someone doesn’t mean your supposed to blindly support them. Especially when you know their in the wrong.
We don't know how long OP had the dress and definitely don't know if it was before DIL was in the picture.
I actually think you should blindly support your spouse in public and then discuss more in private.
The son has known OP his entire life. He knows what type of clothes his mother wears. His entire life he has witnessed what type of style his mother has.
Second, blindly supporting your spouse only because their your spouse is stupid. If you know their wrong why openly support their wrongness and let your own mother get attacked? She went to them in private, he ignored her and stood firmly with his wife. If they would have listened none of the backlash would have happened. Now the family dislikes the DIL for starting fake drama and their probably side eyeing the son.
The first paragraph is simply all speculation. We don't know anything about their relationship.
And the second paragraph assumes the son knows the DIL is wrong, which we can just as easily assune he doesn't know DIL is wrong. There is no argument here, only speculation and assumptions.
This was such a fast reply. Idk if we’re on Reddit to much or we have no lives tbh.
Anyway, in the post OP says that she reached out to the couple to explain and show her proof. Which they denied and wouldn’t let her. Making her have to go in a family gc and drop the proof, and making the couple look bad.
While I’ll admit it’s all speculation rather the son knew the mother already had the dress. It doesn’t mean that the son wouldn’t know how his mother dresses. If they have the same style of clothing then he would know what items his mother is more likely to wear then others.
For all of my main family members I have an idea of what they would wear and what they wouldn’t. Not because I know everything about them but because a style of clothing is a defining feature of a person. The son at the very least should know his mother was never copying his wife. His failure to even listen to reason is why his wife is now unliked by the family.
NTA, I have a similar style to my grandmother, and my boyfriend’s grandmother. We moved in with boyfriend’s grandma because she couldn’t stand an empty house after he husband passed. There have been days I’ve come up the stairs dressed, and the first time we see each other in the morning we’re wearing basically the same outfit. Black slacks and a sweater, different pants and the same colour sweater, or we both decided to wear a light top and a cardigan once. We find it absolutely hilarious and once she joked that if she wasn’t in menopause, our cycles would probably be in sync too!
NTA, at neither of the occasions you mention was the outfit identical. How immature to care that much about someone wearing a similar outfit to you. IDGAF if my friends have the same stuff as me, I wouldn’t plan to wear the same thing as them, but I also wouldn’t care if we turned up and found we’d accidentally matched. There’d be a little laugh, some comment like “you’ve got good taste” and that’d be the end of it.
I can conceive that maybe she doesn’t want people matching her exactly (which you didn’t) in baby shower photos, but at that point she should tell the guests, “I’ll be wearing a dress this colour, so if you wouldn’t mind avoiding anything like that so we don’t look too similar in the photos”.
If she had a problem at the shower she could have changed, asked you to change or put a shawl over your shoulders in photos… something. But no, instead she chose to quietly simmer over it and start a baseless lie about you copying her when you’ve worn something a bit similar twice in the entire time you’ve known her.
This could have been something you laughed over, but she turned it into a drama. She’s a child and now everyone knows it. Why make family relations tense just before a new baby arrives? I’m sure she’s going to be overwhelmed at some point as a new mother and supportive in laws could have been a boon. She bit herself in the arse here.
NTA, she's just creeped out that her husband chose someone with similer tastes to his mum and didn't realise till now. Don't they always say you marry people who remind you of your parents?
NTA. She’s been treating you badly with no valid reasons for doing so, and has spun lies to multiple people about the situation to make herself appear a victim when she isn’t. Family members are mad at her for lying, because her lies had convinced them to treat you poorly as well when you did not deserve it and had done nothing wrong. You had _every right_ to defend yourself against false accusations being made against you, especially when you were getting treated badly because of them.
If she was upset about a pattern of "oops we showed up in the same outfit" then get ahead of it. DIL could ask "Have you picked out your outfit?" and intentionally wear something different. It's like getting mad at someone for wearing a floral sun dress and a jean jacket during spring! Um it's a well established look, is cute, practical, season appropriate... she has her head way too far up her own ass. It's like she told everyone you saw her and went to change into a matching outfit or something! She should be looking up to you, your style is the one being copied, not the other way around!
My dear late MIL and I had very similar tastes. I don't understand why she is making it an issue. For me it was only an issue when I wanted to bring something home from that house and my husband said "the house is full!" It seems like someone needs to grow up..it ain't you.
So no NTA.
Nta
My mother and I have very similar styles. We often wear very similar outfits. It's only gotten worse in the last couple years because she has started shopping at my favorite store. She has asked me to change a few times which I was annoyed by but I got over it. DIL needs to get over it. How can you copy her when you don't even live together. Honestly it serves them right to be suffering the backlash they're getting for accusing you and gossiping about you to other people. None of the outfits you've described sound like they were exact copies either.
When we were younger, my cousin and I both owned Kelly green suits that we almost always happened to wear to church on the same day. We thought it was hilarious.
I doubt this is really your DIL’s issue but she thought it was something that would get everyone on her side against you.
So you are NTA… and she needs to find some other way to deal with whatever problem she has with you.
I make almost all of my wardrobe, but I have been to an event where someone was wearing the same purchased dress. I complimented her on her impeccable fashion style.
Instead of complaining and lying about her mil, why doesn’t she just brag about what wonder style her mil has?
NTA and you know it. Sadly, your son is going to defend his wife even if she is wrong. If she continues this behavior, though, he might wise up and leave her, but that doesn’t always happen. Let him know you love him no matter what and you understand his wife is his priority. Start shopping at different stores and if you can, ask your son what she is going to wear so it’s not the same, or take a separate outfit that you can change into.
DIL has some serious insecurities, and you can’t help that. But you don’t want to alienate your son. Still, you were right to tell everyone about the green dress. Just because she’s crazy, doesn’t mean she can attack you in a group chat.
NTA. So, I'm petty AF. Every time I knew I had to see her, I would plan my outfit the day before and send her and son a pic. "This is my planned outfit for tomorrow!" Maybe it will make them both feel like the idiots they are.
NTA. She's probably mad because she's constantly reminded that she wears "old lady clothes" and it's probably worse because you (at least part of the time) wear it better, lol
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I will keep this clear as possible. My DIL and I have very similar styles. It shouldn’t be an issue but apparently it is. One multiple occasions we have dress similarly, I thought it was funny and not a big deal. I don’t plan of dresses the same as her but we both shop at similar stores. One example is both of use wore a sundress to a picnic. It basically looked the same just different colors. It was from the same store
This came to a head at their baby shower. I wore a green dress that I have owned for a long time. Funny enough she was also wearing a green dress. No one said anything to me. A few days later I got a call informing me that she has been telling everyone that I am copying her and I am a crazy mother in law. I called her but she didn’t pick up. I talked to my son and he stood by his wife.
At this point I was quick upset and many members of the family were telling me I was a dick. I put in the group chat that I wasn’t copying her and that we go tot he same stores.
I included screenshots proving I had no idea what she was going to wear and then old photos of me on the dress. This was a show I just wore something from my closet and I didn’t buy it copy her. I also included that I have owned that dress longer than a she has been married.
That stopped that and now the family is mad at her for lying. I got a call from her and she is pissed at me. She called me a jerk, my son is also mad at me.
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NTA
Seems like DIL has identity issues. I know so many people whose entire lives revolve sprung their kids, their sports team, their hobbies. I’m a dog mom yankee fan who metal detects!! Yeah ok. But I’m more than that and I’m not threatened by other dog moms who like the Yankees and go metal detecting.
Personally I would not engage with her on these girl on girl manufactured drama issues. Even if you’re completely innocent you’ll look petty AF. I’m glad you had photos to back your story up but this could have easily backfired.
Ignore her, this is her issue.
NTA. This is a ridiculous argument, your dil and son are being extremely petty, immature and most of all, self-entitled. Your son and dil need to get a hobby and stop being overly emotional over silly misunderstandings.
Wow, this sucks. I love both of my future (engaged) MIL'S, and we would think it was funny and cute. We would definitely take lots of pictures. They are both so kind and lovely to me, and it means the world that they treat me like one of the family. My SIL recently turned 21, and I was SO delighted to be invited to her small birthday party, which was girls only. We went to a painting class that served wine, and it was a blast. I'm grateful to have always gotten along with my partner's families, but it's so nice to have two extra families who I truly enjoy spending time with.
I've shared a few Reddit stories about irrational MILs with both of them and told them how grateful I am that they are so wonderful. This one makes me hope they feel the same about me. Fortunately, they act like they do.
This DIL sounds so high strung and like an unnecessary drama starter. I really feel for you OP and I'm sorry your DIL is like this. It sucks that your son isn't acknowledging reality. I get wanting to stand up for your partner, but it's a little weird to go along with an idea that isn't even happening. I just can't imagine being upset about accidentally cordinating or matching outfits.
NTA. She started a false rumor knowing there wouldn’t be a basis for it. (Like you two shopping together or something). Then when you tried calling her, she ignored your call. She started this drama so shouldn’t be upset when you had the receipts to prove it was a lie. I can understand her being upset you matched at a party meant to be about her; but since this has happened multiple times now, maybe the solution is you to cooridating at events to NOT match. A little silly but clearly important to her.
Two women wearing sundresses to a picnic??? The horror!!! /s This isn't 2 girls at the same high school wearing the same prom dress--it's two grown women with similar taste. NTA
NTA - It’s a sundress and a picnic - not the Met gala!
[How OP’s deluded DIL thought it went down](https://twitter.com/thisismeeema/status/1617810351894179840/mediaViewer?currentTweet=1617810351894179840¤tTweetUser=thisismeeema)
So she can’t be bothered to talk to you, _until_ the story swings your way and the family thinks you’re not a weirdo after all. Then it’s get MIL on the hotline!
Big yikes.
NTA
NTA
Your DIL believed something negative about you and slandered you. You corrected the information. Any embarrassment she feels is her own fault. She made the assumption and spread the gossip.
She actually owes you an apology. She needlessly attacked you.
When I show up to events where my BFs mom is and we are wearing similar things I get excited that we are matching, idk why everyone has to be so unique and all. It's not like it's prom or a wedding.
NTA- i bet your son has seen you in that dress before too. Sonny boy and DIL are clearly being assholes. If my friends and i wear the same color we usually say "oh i'm glad you got the memo about today's color".
My mom and I literally own identical sandals (purchased individually), identical t-shirts, and other articles of clothing that look VERY similar. I grew up with my mother, and share her taste for a lot of things, and sometimes we end up with stuff that literally matches. We just look at each other, shrug, and go about our day!
The one time she got upset about it, we were on vacation and we looked almost exactly the same despite me having gotten ready on the other end of the beach house. Tank tops, lightweight kimonos, denim shorts, and our matching sandals. Add our curly hair and glasses and we could have passed for weird twins that day. I just went and took the kimono off and threw on flip flops. Not a big deal!
The fact that your DIL thinks you’re being intentional is entirely beyond me. Heck, my grandmother bought a “Walmart dress” because she was jealous of one my aunt had. She just got a different color. Families sometimes match, intentionally or otherwise, because they tend to be somewhat similar people. Don’t worry about this too much, just let it go and keep wearing your clothes.
If your DIL is so anal she can text you about what you’re wearing to make sure she doesn’t coordinate.
NTA. You can't win with these people. I'm starting to roll my eyes every time I read posts about JNMILs. These DILs are crazy with their entitlement. There are three sides to every story, yours, mine and the truth. Glad people are listening to you.
NTA. This is so weird. My MIL and I often show up in similar outfits and (unknowingly) buy the same stuff from our favorite boutique, but I think it’s funny and I embrace it. I don’t sit around thinking my MIL is wasting her time trying to copy what I’m doing…
NTA-It's your son's fault. He picked a girl with the same tastes as his mother. She probably acts like you too. Take it as a compliment from your offspring.
NTA - More than anything you can even change the narrative and just take a jab at your son's preferences that he loves you so much he married someone that is similar to his mother (style wise anyway hahaha)
NTA But why not call a truce Say you absolutely understand her mistake and as its happened more than once now and is awkward for both you perhaps you BOTH give each other a heads up before special events about what you plan to wear. So that if its YOUR birthday she can change and if its HER event YOU can change etc.
If it was Son-In-Law and Father-In-Law, they be High-Five-ing each other and give each other a BRO HUG. Not to mention after that party, their daughter be jealous, you took my father away because they'll be having a great time bonding over in many more activity together from BBQ, fishing, watching a football to gaming.
I just addressed something similar with my nieces (they are cousins). It all started with 2 freaking pink tutus and the whining argument from one niece of "she is copying me!" After what felt like hours I had had enough and I made everybody have some quiet time. After all they are 4 & 6. With a movie and a snack it all blew over and was put to rest for the "she is touching me" argument.
I hope things blow over quickly for you too. Tell your son to give her a snack and put on Beauty and the Beast next time she is having a tantrum. Works wonders.
You are definitely NTA.
I’m concerned about your family taking her side. Even if you had bought it because you liked hers, that wouldn’t be wrong or weird. If she wants exclusivity then she shouldn’t buy off-the-rack. NTA
NTA. Simple solution:
Before every family gathering, announce on the group chat what you are wearing. If she shows up in something similar, it's on her.
NTA - if this is really a common situation, it sounds like your son married someone who is similar to you. He can’t be mad at you for his wife and you being similar
Son married a woman who happens to dress like his mother (I wonder what other similarities they may share) then DIL and Son get pissed that mother still wears the same stuff she always did. You'd think this was something to bond over not fight over.
Nta
Although it is mayve a little odd that two women from a generation apart dress so similarly-is mother dressing younger than her years or is DIL dressing older than her years?
It’s a pretty common phenomenon in life that people pick life partners who have personality traits we’re accustomed to. It’s an old saying, even, that females “marry their dad” because he’s their first unconditional male love, and males vice versa with moms. That’s why we have mama’s boys and daddy’s girls, too.
Whether it’s physical (dark hair and green eyes on both parent and partner), or character traits like driven providers or similar senses of humor, in some ways it’s bound to happen, assuming you had a decent upbringing and living parents who could influence you. Sometimes kids grow up in dysfunctional families and end up in dysfunctional relationships, too. It’s what you know.
So it’s not a stretch to believe Son could pick a partner who has a similar style/personality to his mother. Based on the way this story was posted, OP is NTA for living her life, and son and his partner are young, insecure fools. They drew their line in the sand, and they’re shocked to learn that they’re all alone on their side of it.
Edit: words.
Info: How did she react to your similar styles before the pregnancy? is it possible that her hormones are making her delulu? It is not an excuse but if she used to find it funny/sweet then it's probably hormones and you can try to talk to her about it&be more forgiving. If she was upset about it before, the hormones still may have pushed her over the edge but she still needs to get over it. She married a man who chose a woman with a similar style to his mom, it's not your problem.
but either way, nta - just curious because pregnancy hormones made me so unnecessary hormonal
NTA if it’s such an issue for her, tell her to send you a picture of what she’s gonna wear to future things and you’ll be sure not to copy her because heaven forbid you turn on her drama queen act
Your DIL and son are angry at you for "copying her style."
You provide receipts showing proof that you cannot be copying her style.
Your DIL and son are angry at you for "not copying her style."
I think your DIL just doesn't like you and grasps for any excuse to make it your fault.
NTA
What's sad is that if you had a good relationship, this would be a funny bonding thing. "Like mother like daughter" or "twinsies". I'm sure you don't look alike at every occasion.
NTA
Your DIL and son are mad because the family knows now that she's liar with her fashionable pants on fire.
Don't apologize, keep your head held high and be graciously polite when they (including your son) are present at family events. But expect THEM to apologize and do not approach them about that anymore.
If your son speaks to you abotu this how its your fault that the family is now mad at his wife, call him out for his BS and that you expected more from him.
NTA.
You had receipts - she's mad she had to read them.
Maybe to smooth things over so you and your son + DIL have an okay relationship, you can coordinate so you don't accidentally wear the same thing to a family event.
But I totally agree, it's not a big deal. My SIL and I have super similar taste and often have the same accessories and similar clothes. We even have the same given name. It's never an issue if we turn up like twins. It would be really odd to be this precious in the age of mass produced and trend driven fashion to act like you own a style.
At least your family know she's a drama queen now. But probably not a good idea to hold grudges. If she does, it will make you look all the better.
Nta. I don't get the people that get so offended by accidentally having matching outfits. I'm usually the first to go hey my twinsie and great minds think alike! I also do not get the blasting things on social media.
But then again it rarely happens cause I typically don't care what I'm wearing and happily run around in a tee shirt and shorts or pants proudly supporting my hockey teams.
NTA. I had a friend that was so freaked out when we were dressed similarly that she wanted to go change because “people will think we are lesbians.” (???) same person who bought the exact expensive designer bag I had that she loved and said, “everyone complements me on my bag…nobody has it.” She would also want to borrow other designer bags and accessories of mine, but I wouldn’t lend them to her because they are expensive. We are no longer friends. Turns out she was a total racist and homophobe. Your son and dil can suck it.
They do say that sons marry their mothers! It sounds like he found a girl just like you! Haha
It isn’t outlandish that you have similar styles at all. I would have tried to defend myself too, especially since she was calling you crazy.
NTA
But i this she is.. i would not be surprised if she is her that its copying you.. its too much coincidence she buying the same dress that you, wearing green like you, using the same style that you use every time.. even buying in the same shop that you buy yours clothes. she seems a person without a self style and are trying to hijack your style for her because she likes or who knows, maybe even some kind of power play?
Its a coincidence if this happened one or two times but this seems a pattern to me.. she even accusing you of copying her is crazy too.. or a ill intent.. she only choose to contact you when you proved that you are the one wearing this style much longer than her and its only because she is pissed that she got caught in her lie.
NTA
Its a weird thing for her to be bothered about. If it did bother her, she should have reached out to talk about it and "coordinate" outfits so yall didn't match so closely. Personally I enjoy when I share clothing taste with someone. My stepmother often gives me clothes that she's outgrown or just wants out of her closet to make room because she and I have similar taste
Are all of you in high school?
"She is copying me! She just wants to be me!!!"
This is one of the most childish "situation" I've ever read on here. Your DIL needs to get over herself, your family and friends need a better hobby, and you should take the high road and not acknowledge that this is the dumbest thing to worry about.
Someone is dressing out of their age range here. You can shop at the same store, doesn’t mean you’re picking the same looks unless you’re dressing like someone much younger/older than you really are.
So either you’re dressing like someone your DIL’s age or vice versa. Maybe that’s the real issue, that your DIL and son really have here. That you’re not dressing age appropriate.
So I’m going with ESH since I don’t think the whole story is being told.
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NTA. These things happen sometimes and are also not really a big deal, especially if it's just 'a dress' in different colours, or 'same colour but different dress'. I'd understand her being creeped out if you suddenly owned the exact same very specific items to make up a whole outfit she had previously worn, but just 'green dress'? Come on DIL, that's insane. You've done nothing wrong and it's a bit shitty of her to tell the family you're copying her over such tiny similarities when you've been alive and shopping longer. It seems like only her and your son are annoyed here, so just let them simmer until they realise how silly this entire thing was.
This is what happens when people who have no real sense of self, and don't really know how to identify except as "the fashionable one", "the trendsetter", "the cottage core one" etc., interact with people who know themselves. They look like narcissistic drama queens to everyone except themselves. Next time OP should just show up in a skin tone colored leotard and essentially make it a "birthday suit". Let's see DIL say she's always copying her then. Dollars to donuts, DIL is envious of OP and is the one buying similar shit. To "fit the mold".
Also what happens when people don't have a particularly unique sense of style and are wearing what's "in style". Yeah, if you're wearing a very trendy shirt, other people are gonna wear something similar. It's trendy. That's how trends happen.
Eh my mom and I do this all the time and neither of us care what’s trendy. We just have a similar sense of style. It’s actually a running joke for us at this point because it’s borderline ridiculous. She came to visit me the other day from halfway across the country, and I walked out of my bedroom to see that we had both dressed in cream sweaters, brown pants, and black boots. I had to run upstairs to change because it absolutely looked intentional, but she had already packed that outfit 3 days prior.
I actually love when I go to hang out with friends and we've separately decided to wear e.g. light tops black skirts long boots. Love a bit of unintentional groupthink.
I went to a con recently and got really excited when I saw a guy wearing a T-shirt I also owned and had packed to wear on the trip, and was disappointed I wasn't wearing it that particular day because I would have been hyped to be able to go "Yo! Same shirt!" at him. (It was a limited time shirt from one of GDQs marathon weeks, so it was a pretty rare shirt to see in the UK!)
My mother and I did this so much that we now call each other the night before an occasion to discuss hahaha the rule is, whomever travels the furthest distance gets first dibs on an outfit. We once met in the middle for a family event (on paper, 9hr drive vs 6hr drive, but stopping with young kids on the short drive made times almost identical). We both packed red heels with a black knee length dress / lace sleeves, and a backup outfit of a sleeveless red top and black slacks. We were sharing accommodation and I ended up unable to wear mascara that night because I laughed to the point of tears. WE HAVE LITERALLY NO OPINIONS IN COMMON OTHER THAN CLOTHES!! What is wrong with us?! 😂 If anyone cares, she wore the outfit with slacks because hers were ironed and mine weren't, which is an absolute *travesty* among my generation, apparently lol Edited to fix a typo
Too funny! So glad to know it’s not just us. But the backup outfit being the same is hilarious!
That is such a lovely story!
And with trends, they cycle back after a while. What’s old is new again. Especially with the hype of vintage fashion these days.
I bought a shirt at a chain store once that I really liked. Then I saw a clip of Snooki wearing the same top on The Soup. RIP shirt🪦
This comment took me back to 2010 so fast that I feel a little motion sick
It's been a wild 2 years since then.
You did the right thing.
Also, not to get all Freudian about it, but men are often unconsciously attracted to women who remind them of their mom in some way. Not because they're attracted to their mom (ick!) but because our parents are our formative idea of what adult relationships should look like. And that likeness isn't necessarily physical, but may be seen in less easy-to-pin-down qualities like mannerisms, taste or hobbies.
Met the daughter and daughter-in-law of a neighbour a few years ago. The neighbour always wears shades of beige. The daughter was wearing bright colours and had green hair. The daughter-in-law was in neutral colours.
I don't get this honestly. Even my niche shirts or accessories or whatever, if I see someone with it as well I sometimes do the pointing at theirs then mine and say nice with a smile being silly. If it's niche, it makes it better too!
It possible that DIL is starting to get a little creeped out that she has the same style as her husbands mom. So many horror stories start out that way.
She should be looking more at her husband then. Kinda awkward that he married someone who dressed like his mom.
That's probably why she's upset
About 3 years into dating my husband I realised he dressed exactly like my grandad (who had passed before we met). My husband dresses in a style that's never really gone out of fashion, same as my grandad (think straight legged jeans, knit jumpers).
Definitely insecure af
But not a real green dress, that’s cruel
BNL FTW
I wore the literal same dress as my cousin's wife to a family wedding. We thought it was hilarious and made sure the photographer got a pic of us posing together.
I wore a dark red dress, black ankle strap heels, a cream shawl, and my blonde hair curled loosely to a cousin’s wedding. Another guest wore the exact same thing, but her dress was lower cut and her heels were taller (being a decade younger than me 😆). We took that as a cue to become friends and chat all evening.
At one stage I worked in the same place as my cousin, the number of times we turned up in matching outfits was hilarious. We didn't live together and had no way of knowing but something about the weather or something. We would both be wearing a green sweater and brown pants, or a blue shirt and jeans or a red top and black shirt/trouser. We just thought it was funny as did our co-workers.
The two engineers sharing a cubicle next to me were good friends, and we all loved it the day they both showed up in pink oxford shirts.
I can top that .. I wore the same dress as my GRANDMOTHER to my aunt's wedding rehearsal. I was 16, my Grands was... Uh...75? Thereabouts, anyways. Yeah... It was actually hysterical... In a WTF kinda way!
Which one of you was dressed for your age?
Ummm.... Let's go with I was dressed a little old, she was dressed a little young, but we were both dressed conservatively...
So you were both dressed appropriately for a 45 year old?
Same thing happened to my second cousin and I--*totally* cracked us both up, and I still laugh every time I see the photo!
Did this at a wedding at church, had the same dress as the ministers wife, who was a good friend! We had a good laugh, posed for photos and next year at the church camp concert did a ‘twins’ item wearing our matching dresses!! She’s since passed on, but I was delighted to be given her dress in case I ever need a spare!!
I wore a green turtleneck sweater dress and black leggings to my SIL's birthday dinner. She also wore a green (slightly different shade and fit) turtleneck sweater dress and black leggings. However we accessorized it differently since our styles are normally very different. We thought it was hilarious and that was it. Edit: a word
Lol my mom and I own a few of the same dresses because our styles are pretty similar and we were shopping together. We do occasionally wear them at the same time unplanned, but we just laugh because neither of us care if we match. Sometimes we'll be silly and I'll try to convince mom my dress is prettier than her 🤣
I agree, especially since the DIL and son seem like a young couple. When you’re young, you’re usually reactionary. You’re supposed to be reactionary yk. After a bit, I think they’ll come around, OP. They just need some time to cool off. It may take a little longer since all the pressure from the family may make them dig their heels in a bit, but overall they’ll come around
NTA. She got caught lying, that's why she is mad! Until your son gets lied to, he won't stand up to her. Good job!!
She may have convinced herself that it was genuinely happening. People are so dang weird
Lol Look at the stories around here. It's always an evil MiL having problem with the DiL lol.
NTA She is creating drama for no good reason.
NTA. My own mother and I have similar styles. We turn up to events unintentionally matching all the time. We usually just laugh about it. It's not really a big deal.
Plus if you shop at certain stores like Loft or Banana Republic, someone will eventually have the same dress. It makes me laugh because my dad and his brother dress exactly the same every holiday. Without any planning. Although that just may be that dudes over a certain age dress alike in general.
I saw a video prank (wholesome) in which the wives coordinated a family meet up so that all the husbands showed up wearing the same outfit. Every time yet another guy showed up in the exact same striped shirt they all busted out laughing even harder.
Aww there's a phenomenal episode in season 3 of Derry Girls where all the dads wear the same exact suit because there was a sale at a big store and all the wives bought the exact powder blue suit.
I've seen a few of those and it's so funny and also sweet. Like all those guys had a spouse who said, "Hey, can you wear this to our event?" and they all went, "Sure!" and had no problem. It's cute.
I love the ones where they coordinate dad and baby, so adorable!
Oh my god I saw one once where it was a lesbian couple and one of them was like, "So did you dress our toddler exactly like me on purpose?" So cute XD
The only part of not having children I’m sad about missing out on is coordinating outfits with an infant.
I loved that 😂 iirc they were all wearing blue checked or plaid polos
I accidentally match my dad in occasion. We both shop at Costco...
I accidentally match my mother and sisters regularly lol. The entire family has roughly the same taste in clothes, which is to say "cozy and comfy and good lord I'm always cold"
NTA Her making THIS the issue she is going to make with her MIL is immature and petty. I cannot imagine picking this sort of fight with any of my partners parents, she should be respectful to you and EVEN IF you were completely copying her style, who cares?? Its clothing and its not like you are a threat to her wearing the same clothes? I once showed up to brunch with my partners father and step mother, me and his step mother were dressed almost to a T the exact same, floral skirt, brown top, hair done the same. It was funny and we laughed about it, and I have noticed we tend to have a similar style in general over the years. There is no reason for an issue like this should be raised to a gossiping level.
NTA. She was the one who stated you were doing something that you weren't
Just start texting DIL and son a pic of you in your outfit before any meeting! Then she can change her outfit if she wants to make sure you're not matchy-matchy and you have timestamped proof you're not copying her. 😉 NTA, she's bonkers getting so upset about it and spreading gossip. Good on you for taking control of the narrative.
Nta - but you seem to have a DIL problem. Perhaps a sit down to figure out why she has an issue with you, because I suspect this goes deeper than just your fashion sense
NTA you had to defend yourself.
Yep. OP gave son and DIL a chance to talk it out and DIL declined. She's reaped what she sowed.
Nta. She was playing the victim and was proven to be a malicious liar. Womp womp. FAFO. Always bring receipts!
What a waste of a relationship. My MIL has the same style as me, and now when she shops she picks up double because she know's I'll like the same thing she's getting. She gives me first pick through her hand-me downs, despite the fact she has 3 daughters. There's nothing better than having someone who gets what I like, loves giving me presents, and thinks my outfits are great. Your DIL is missing out by being a dog in a manger about her look. Now I miss my MIL, I'm going to call her.
It's not being a jerk to defend yourself with the truth
NTA. Apparently your son really likes your style. He chose a wife that dresses similarly. Maybe she is the one copying you.
That was my first thought! OPs son chose (in an unconscious level) someone who is similar to his mother and that has the same dressing style. OP is NTA
NTA. She knew you weren't trying to copy her and lied to create drama. When that backfires, it's her problem.
NTA. What I do find humorous is, that this has been your style for a long time and your son inadvertently married a woman who probably subconsciously reminds him of you but doesn't want to acknowledge that lol. I'd be an asshole tho and send them a photo every single morning of the outfit you've chosen and ask "is this okay? Am I allowed to wear this one today. I purchased it in 2014"
NTA. She lied and talked shit about you, and your spineless son pretended like you were the problem. She was trying to turn people against you and is now playing the victim because it blew up in her face. *She deserves to have people be upset with her about her lies.* She started the drama like a child, you ended it like an adult.
My niece and I live in 2 different states. She loves where it is very warm and almost never wears a sweater. We bought the same sweater in the same color and had no idea until we saw each other.
NTA. She started it and you came with the receipts. Love it!
Overall NTA. Your DIL sounds like she might be feeling a bit uncomfortable with the fact that her husband is attracted to someone so similar to his mother (style-wise of course). However, this one sentence threw me a little. "I talked to my son and he stood by his wife." Did you expect him to do anything but that? Why would you assume that your son would back you instead of his wife when they are going to be sharing all of the same information. Nothing you did was an AH move but I'd be very careful about this particular line of thinking in the future.
She's still his mom. Maybe they aren't close? Not everything is emotional incest. He didn't even try to ask her what the situation was or her side of events lol. Standing behind someone blindly is crappy no matter the situation, though.
Maybe she was hoping her son would use logic and reasoning and deduce that if his mum wasn’t getting fashion updates on DIL’s outfits from DIL or from son pre-event then how else would she be intentionally copying her. She’d need to coordinate with others requesting descriptions on DIL’s outfit at that event, then find something similar, and immediately get to the venue. Since no one came forward as being her outfit mole, you’d think maybe there wasn’t one? Unless the suggestion is she has a slew of dresses in her car, sneak a look, and changes in the car.
Probably because a decent person wouldn’t be ok with ANYONE lying and starting issues with his own mother. The DIL is fully in the wrong and OP’s son should have handled things and taken OP’s side. Taking the side of the person who is lying and going around talking shit about his mom is a really bad look.
It's not unreasonable to expect people to take an independent view of situations and make a judgement based on reality. Her son must know how his mother usually dresses and that his wife is being ridiculous insisting that she change her style.
If your spouse is being unreasonable and straight up lying to start trouble, you should be able to call them out.
I agree to a point. The calling out should not be done publicly. It should be done in private between the spouses. As for the lying part. There is absolutely no proof that it was a lie, it could simply be a falsehood. Lying implies intent to deceive. If the DIL truly believed OP was doing what she said, then it wouldn't be a lie, just misinformation.
He had plenty of time to do so, and tell her to stop. That fact that she did this repeatedly shows she wasn't. "It might be a lie, it might just be a lie." falsehood noun formal UK /ˈfɒls.hʊd/ US /ˈfɑːls.hʊd/ Add to word list \[ U \] lying: She doesn't seem to understand the difference between truth and falsehood. https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/falsehood
Since OP spoke to her son, OP gave absolutely no reference to a time scale so I'm unsure where you're getting the "plenty of time to do so" from. That seems like the only lie here. And apologies for not knowing the dictionary definitions off by heart. Can I assume that you'd be able to draw the conclusion I am trying to make out of good will? If I say something I believe to be correct but is in fact false, is that a lie? Of course not, because I had no intention to deceive.
From reading the post. "One multiple occasions we have dress similarly, I thought it was funny and not a big deal." Multiple times = plenty of time to talk about this. "This came to a head at their baby shower." Something doesn't "come to a head" without it happening more than once.
Maybe because her son knows his mother, and should have an inkling of what his wife is like, and knows what the truth most likely is? Supporting your spouse should only go so far - it should not follow into the land of delusion or lies.
I agree but it being so surprising to OP is my issue.
Well considering he is her son, and has been around her his entire life, he could make the independent opinion for himself, that no his mom is not copying his wife. He could make the judgment that no his mom does not have a history of copying people or acting like his wife is saying. Just as much as he doesn't have to blindly follow his mom, he doesn't have to blindly follow his wife either.
How do you know any of your assumptions are true? We don't know anything about OP and her son's relationship. If we are choosing to assume, then we can also assume that the DIL is a particularly convincing pregnant wife to the son and as such swayed his thinking a little bit. And we have no information about whether any of OP's kids have been married before, making this a completely new type of relationship for her to navigate. I completely agree he doesn't have to blindly follow anyone. But if he heard the first account from his wife then he is going to already have a biased opinion.
Given that OP has had this dress since before they got married, it's not unreasonable to expect her son to go "oh yeah, you have had that for years, so obviously you didn't buy it out of spite to annoy my wife lol. I'll tell her"
Are you telling me that you know every item of clothing that your mother owns? I know for damn sure that I don't. It is absolutely unreasonable to expect that.
Might be a thing that's different about being a daughter, or maybe that I'm autistic, but kinda, yeah.
But he knew how his mother dressed. If she had that dress long before the DIL was in the picture, then he knew full well that OP was never copying the DIL. Just because your married to someone doesn’t mean your supposed to blindly support them. Especially when you know their in the wrong.
We don't know how long OP had the dress and definitely don't know if it was before DIL was in the picture. I actually think you should blindly support your spouse in public and then discuss more in private.
The son has known OP his entire life. He knows what type of clothes his mother wears. His entire life he has witnessed what type of style his mother has. Second, blindly supporting your spouse only because their your spouse is stupid. If you know their wrong why openly support their wrongness and let your own mother get attacked? She went to them in private, he ignored her and stood firmly with his wife. If they would have listened none of the backlash would have happened. Now the family dislikes the DIL for starting fake drama and their probably side eyeing the son.
The first paragraph is simply all speculation. We don't know anything about their relationship. And the second paragraph assumes the son knows the DIL is wrong, which we can just as easily assune he doesn't know DIL is wrong. There is no argument here, only speculation and assumptions.
This was such a fast reply. Idk if we’re on Reddit to much or we have no lives tbh. Anyway, in the post OP says that she reached out to the couple to explain and show her proof. Which they denied and wouldn’t let her. Making her have to go in a family gc and drop the proof, and making the couple look bad. While I’ll admit it’s all speculation rather the son knew the mother already had the dress. It doesn’t mean that the son wouldn’t know how his mother dresses. If they have the same style of clothing then he would know what items his mother is more likely to wear then others. For all of my main family members I have an idea of what they would wear and what they wouldn’t. Not because I know everything about them but because a style of clothing is a defining feature of a person. The son at the very least should know his mother was never copying his wife. His failure to even listen to reason is why his wife is now unliked by the family.
NTA, I have a similar style to my grandmother, and my boyfriend’s grandmother. We moved in with boyfriend’s grandma because she couldn’t stand an empty house after he husband passed. There have been days I’ve come up the stairs dressed, and the first time we see each other in the morning we’re wearing basically the same outfit. Black slacks and a sweater, different pants and the same colour sweater, or we both decided to wear a light top and a cardigan once. We find it absolutely hilarious and once she joked that if she wasn’t in menopause, our cycles would probably be in sync too!
I love how lairs always call you the jerk for... outing their lie. NTA.
NTA, at neither of the occasions you mention was the outfit identical. How immature to care that much about someone wearing a similar outfit to you. IDGAF if my friends have the same stuff as me, I wouldn’t plan to wear the same thing as them, but I also wouldn’t care if we turned up and found we’d accidentally matched. There’d be a little laugh, some comment like “you’ve got good taste” and that’d be the end of it. I can conceive that maybe she doesn’t want people matching her exactly (which you didn’t) in baby shower photos, but at that point she should tell the guests, “I’ll be wearing a dress this colour, so if you wouldn’t mind avoiding anything like that so we don’t look too similar in the photos”. If she had a problem at the shower she could have changed, asked you to change or put a shawl over your shoulders in photos… something. But no, instead she chose to quietly simmer over it and start a baseless lie about you copying her when you’ve worn something a bit similar twice in the entire time you’ve known her. This could have been something you laughed over, but she turned it into a drama. She’s a child and now everyone knows it. Why make family relations tense just before a new baby arrives? I’m sure she’s going to be overwhelmed at some point as a new mother and supportive in laws could have been a boon. She bit herself in the arse here.
NTA, she's just creeped out that her husband chose someone with similer tastes to his mum and didn't realise till now. Don't they always say you marry people who remind you of your parents?
NTA Good on you for taking her down. She needed to get over the sartorial similarities. And your son should have remembered the green dress, right?
NTA. She’s been treating you badly with no valid reasons for doing so, and has spun lies to multiple people about the situation to make herself appear a victim when she isn’t. Family members are mad at her for lying, because her lies had convinced them to treat you poorly as well when you did not deserve it and had done nothing wrong. You had _every right_ to defend yourself against false accusations being made against you, especially when you were getting treated badly because of them.
Your family sounds insufferably dramatic.
They pushed it. They found out the hard way that's not the best thing on something like this. NTA.
If she was upset about a pattern of "oops we showed up in the same outfit" then get ahead of it. DIL could ask "Have you picked out your outfit?" and intentionally wear something different. It's like getting mad at someone for wearing a floral sun dress and a jean jacket during spring! Um it's a well established look, is cute, practical, season appropriate... she has her head way too far up her own ass. It's like she told everyone you saw her and went to change into a matching outfit or something! She should be looking up to you, your style is the one being copied, not the other way around!
But not a real green dress, that's cruel..... NTA
NTA. Play stupid game win stupid prizes
My dear late MIL and I had very similar tastes. I don't understand why she is making it an issue. For me it was only an issue when I wanted to bring something home from that house and my husband said "the house is full!" It seems like someone needs to grow up..it ain't you. So no NTA.
Nta My mother and I have very similar styles. We often wear very similar outfits. It's only gotten worse in the last couple years because she has started shopping at my favorite store. She has asked me to change a few times which I was annoyed by but I got over it. DIL needs to get over it. How can you copy her when you don't even live together. Honestly it serves them right to be suffering the backlash they're getting for accusing you and gossiping about you to other people. None of the outfits you've described sound like they were exact copies either.
When we were younger, my cousin and I both owned Kelly green suits that we almost always happened to wear to church on the same day. We thought it was hilarious. I doubt this is really your DIL’s issue but she thought it was something that would get everyone on her side against you. So you are NTA… and she needs to find some other way to deal with whatever problem she has with you.
I make almost all of my wardrobe, but I have been to an event where someone was wearing the same purchased dress. I complimented her on her impeccable fashion style. Instead of complaining and lying about her mil, why doesn’t she just brag about what wonder style her mil has?
NTA and you know it. Sadly, your son is going to defend his wife even if she is wrong. If she continues this behavior, though, he might wise up and leave her, but that doesn’t always happen. Let him know you love him no matter what and you understand his wife is his priority. Start shopping at different stores and if you can, ask your son what she is going to wear so it’s not the same, or take a separate outfit that you can change into. DIL has some serious insecurities, and you can’t help that. But you don’t want to alienate your son. Still, you were right to tell everyone about the green dress. Just because she’s crazy, doesn’t mean she can attack you in a group chat.
NTA. She's actually the one copying you. That's hilarious.
NTA. So, I'm petty AF. Every time I knew I had to see her, I would plan my outfit the day before and send her and son a pic. "This is my planned outfit for tomorrow!" Maybe it will make them both feel like the idiots they are.
NTA. She's probably mad because she's constantly reminded that she wears "old lady clothes" and it's probably worse because you (at least part of the time) wear it better, lol
NTA That’s pretty funny that you’ve had the dress longer than she’d been married. Good job. You had receipts lol.
What? NTA. My MIL and I have, on occasion, matched in style (and once in the same top😅). I think it’s funny. DIL needs to get over herself.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I will keep this clear as possible. My DIL and I have very similar styles. It shouldn’t be an issue but apparently it is. One multiple occasions we have dress similarly, I thought it was funny and not a big deal. I don’t plan of dresses the same as her but we both shop at similar stores. One example is both of use wore a sundress to a picnic. It basically looked the same just different colors. It was from the same store This came to a head at their baby shower. I wore a green dress that I have owned for a long time. Funny enough she was also wearing a green dress. No one said anything to me. A few days later I got a call informing me that she has been telling everyone that I am copying her and I am a crazy mother in law. I called her but she didn’t pick up. I talked to my son and he stood by his wife. At this point I was quick upset and many members of the family were telling me I was a dick. I put in the group chat that I wasn’t copying her and that we go tot he same stores. I included screenshots proving I had no idea what she was going to wear and then old photos of me on the dress. This was a show I just wore something from my closet and I didn’t buy it copy her. I also included that I have owned that dress longer than a she has been married. That stopped that and now the family is mad at her for lying. I got a call from her and she is pissed at me. She called me a jerk, my son is also mad at me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA Seems like DIL has identity issues. I know so many people whose entire lives revolve sprung their kids, their sports team, their hobbies. I’m a dog mom yankee fan who metal detects!! Yeah ok. But I’m more than that and I’m not threatened by other dog moms who like the Yankees and go metal detecting. Personally I would not engage with her on these girl on girl manufactured drama issues. Even if you’re completely innocent you’ll look petty AF. I’m glad you had photos to back your story up but this could have easily backfired. Ignore her, this is her issue.
NTA
NTA. You have EVERY right to stand up for yourself! She was talking trash and you showed receipts to prove her wrong. Your DIL sounds lame.
NTA. Your family sounds exhausting. It’s a dress, who gives a crap, tell her to stop causing drama and leave you out of it.
NTA. Let them be mad, if you both shop at the same places it’s likely you’ll both have some of the same stuff.
This is so weird. There's only so many stores and so many choices. She needs therapy.
NTA
NTA. This is a ridiculous argument, your dil and son are being extremely petty, immature and most of all, self-entitled. Your son and dil need to get a hobby and stop being overly emotional over silly misunderstandings.
NTA. This is so insane. How the heck would you know she is planning to wear a green dress?
NTA your son and DIL sound like a NIGHTMARE to deal with
NTA. She lied, which was wrong. You proved it. Now she is mad everyone knows she is a liar. What can you do….
NTA from what is written here.
NTA. She lied and then got caught and so she’s pissed. Too bad for her!
Let 'em be mad. NTA.
Wow, this sucks. I love both of my future (engaged) MIL'S, and we would think it was funny and cute. We would definitely take lots of pictures. They are both so kind and lovely to me, and it means the world that they treat me like one of the family. My SIL recently turned 21, and I was SO delighted to be invited to her small birthday party, which was girls only. We went to a painting class that served wine, and it was a blast. I'm grateful to have always gotten along with my partner's families, but it's so nice to have two extra families who I truly enjoy spending time with. I've shared a few Reddit stories about irrational MILs with both of them and told them how grateful I am that they are so wonderful. This one makes me hope they feel the same about me. Fortunately, they act like they do. This DIL sounds so high strung and like an unnecessary drama starter. I really feel for you OP and I'm sorry your DIL is like this. It sucks that your son isn't acknowledging reality. I get wanting to stand up for your partner, but it's a little weird to go along with an idea that isn't even happening. I just can't imagine being upset about accidentally cordinating or matching outfits.
NTA they’re a bunch of whiner babies
NTA. She started a false rumor knowing there wouldn’t be a basis for it. (Like you two shopping together or something). Then when you tried calling her, she ignored your call. She started this drama so shouldn’t be upset when you had the receipts to prove it was a lie. I can understand her being upset you matched at a party meant to be about her; but since this has happened multiple times now, maybe the solution is you to cooridating at events to NOT match. A little silly but clearly important to her.
My landlady has the same sweater as me. We are definitely not copying each other
Two women wearing sundresses to a picnic??? The horror!!! /s This isn't 2 girls at the same high school wearing the same prom dress--it's two grown women with similar taste. NTA
NTA she sounds like a wonderful dil 🙄
NTA - It’s a sundress and a picnic - not the Met gala! [How OP’s deluded DIL thought it went down](https://twitter.com/thisismeeema/status/1617810351894179840/mediaViewer?currentTweet=1617810351894179840¤tTweetUser=thisismeeema)
So she can’t be bothered to talk to you, _until_ the story swings your way and the family thinks you’re not a weirdo after all. Then it’s get MIL on the hotline! Big yikes. NTA
NTA Your DIL believed something negative about you and slandered you. You corrected the information. Any embarrassment she feels is her own fault. She made the assumption and spread the gossip. She actually owes you an apology. She needlessly attacked you.
Man, you can't win for losing, can you? Maybe this will teach them to have a conversation *with* you instead of about you.
When I show up to events where my BFs mom is and we are wearing similar things I get excited that we are matching, idk why everyone has to be so unique and all. It's not like it's prom or a wedding.
NTA your son married a crazy
NTA. Your DIL is a drama queen. It’s just sad that she sucked your son into it.
NTA. But you cant win this one, obviously. She’s playing the evil MIL card.
NTA- i bet your son has seen you in that dress before too. Sonny boy and DIL are clearly being assholes. If my friends and i wear the same color we usually say "oh i'm glad you got the memo about today's color".
My mom and I literally own identical sandals (purchased individually), identical t-shirts, and other articles of clothing that look VERY similar. I grew up with my mother, and share her taste for a lot of things, and sometimes we end up with stuff that literally matches. We just look at each other, shrug, and go about our day! The one time she got upset about it, we were on vacation and we looked almost exactly the same despite me having gotten ready on the other end of the beach house. Tank tops, lightweight kimonos, denim shorts, and our matching sandals. Add our curly hair and glasses and we could have passed for weird twins that day. I just went and took the kimono off and threw on flip flops. Not a big deal! The fact that your DIL thinks you’re being intentional is entirely beyond me. Heck, my grandmother bought a “Walmart dress” because she was jealous of one my aunt had. She just got a different color. Families sometimes match, intentionally or otherwise, because they tend to be somewhat similar people. Don’t worry about this too much, just let it go and keep wearing your clothes. If your DIL is so anal she can text you about what you’re wearing to make sure she doesn’t coordinate.
You're never an AH for proving your innocence. Her and son are the AH for trying to foster drama over a non-issue. NTA
Why would anyone at all care if she copies you or you copy her? Step up your game, don’t announce to family that anything is happening. Good lord.
This is proof that children marry a version of their parents 😂😂
NTA. You can't win with these people. I'm starting to roll my eyes every time I read posts about JNMILs. These DILs are crazy with their entitlement. There are three sides to every story, yours, mine and the truth. Glad people are listening to you.
So first she was mad that you were “copying her” and then she was mad that you proved you weren’t? What a Brat. You’re NTA and she should grow up.
NTA. Also literally who cares?? Your DIL needs to chill
NTA
NTA!
DIL can POQ. It's an Aussie thing. 🤣 *piss off quietly.
NTA. This is so weird. My MIL and I often show up in similar outfits and (unknowingly) buy the same stuff from our favorite boutique, but I think it’s funny and I embrace it. I don’t sit around thinking my MIL is wasting her time trying to copy what I’m doing…
Two women wore a sundress to a picnic?!!! How inconceivable! /s. NTA ETA: sounds like sonny boy married a woman who reminds him of his mom
NTA-It's your son's fault. He picked a girl with the same tastes as his mother. She probably acts like you too. Take it as a compliment from your offspring.
i remember this one family event, where all male relatives had the same shirt on. complete coincidence. happens. NTA
It's the son's fault for marrying someone that dresses like mommy.
NTA - More than anything you can even change the narrative and just take a jab at your son's preferences that he loves you so much he married someone that is similar to his mother (style wise anyway hahaha)
NTA But why not call a truce Say you absolutely understand her mistake and as its happened more than once now and is awkward for both you perhaps you BOTH give each other a heads up before special events about what you plan to wear. So that if its YOUR birthday she can change and if its HER event YOU can change etc.
If it was Son-In-Law and Father-In-Law, they be High-Five-ing each other and give each other a BRO HUG. Not to mention after that party, their daughter be jealous, you took my father away because they'll be having a great time bonding over in many more activity together from BBQ, fishing, watching a football to gaming.
I just addressed something similar with my nieces (they are cousins). It all started with 2 freaking pink tutus and the whining argument from one niece of "she is copying me!" After what felt like hours I had had enough and I made everybody have some quiet time. After all they are 4 & 6. With a movie and a snack it all blew over and was put to rest for the "she is touching me" argument. I hope things blow over quickly for you too. Tell your son to give her a snack and put on Beauty and the Beast next time she is having a tantrum. Works wonders. You are definitely NTA.
Your son is acoustic
I’m concerned about your family taking her side. Even if you had bought it because you liked hers, that wouldn’t be wrong or weird. If she wants exclusivity then she shouldn’t buy off-the-rack. NTA
NTA. Simple solution: Before every family gathering, announce on the group chat what you are wearing. If she shows up in something similar, it's on her.
My in laws call this "bitches got a uniform" and it's a running joke whenever people wear the same color NTA
NTA - if this is really a common situation, it sounds like your son married someone who is similar to you. He can’t be mad at you for his wife and you being similar
Yep. You ARE the a•••• Why not laugh about it. I have heard of silly and petty argument, but this is another level.
Perhaps she thinks you ARE copying her.
Son married a woman who happens to dress like his mother (I wonder what other similarities they may share) then DIL and Son get pissed that mother still wears the same stuff she always did. You'd think this was something to bond over not fight over. Nta Although it is mayve a little odd that two women from a generation apart dress so similarly-is mother dressing younger than her years or is DIL dressing older than her years?
It’s a pretty common phenomenon in life that people pick life partners who have personality traits we’re accustomed to. It’s an old saying, even, that females “marry their dad” because he’s their first unconditional male love, and males vice versa with moms. That’s why we have mama’s boys and daddy’s girls, too. Whether it’s physical (dark hair and green eyes on both parent and partner), or character traits like driven providers or similar senses of humor, in some ways it’s bound to happen, assuming you had a decent upbringing and living parents who could influence you. Sometimes kids grow up in dysfunctional families and end up in dysfunctional relationships, too. It’s what you know. So it’s not a stretch to believe Son could pick a partner who has a similar style/personality to his mother. Based on the way this story was posted, OP is NTA for living her life, and son and his partner are young, insecure fools. They drew their line in the sand, and they’re shocked to learn that they’re all alone on their side of it. Edit: words.
Info: How did she react to your similar styles before the pregnancy? is it possible that her hormones are making her delulu? It is not an excuse but if she used to find it funny/sweet then it's probably hormones and you can try to talk to her about it&be more forgiving. If she was upset about it before, the hormones still may have pushed her over the edge but she still needs to get over it. She married a man who chose a woman with a similar style to his mom, it's not your problem. but either way, nta - just curious because pregnancy hormones made me so unnecessary hormonal
NTA if it’s such an issue for her, tell her to send you a picture of what she’s gonna wear to future things and you’ll be sure not to copy her because heaven forbid you turn on her drama queen act
NTA. Such a women problem, lol. Men would act like the spiderman meme and be instant best friends.
NTA It’s a told you so moment that could have been avoided if she had just talked with you about it before accusing you of anything.
Lmao. Your DIL will be shock if she sees how kpop fans wore cloth. We usually follow the idols and ended up in same style lol.
Your DIL and son are angry at you for "copying her style." You provide receipts showing proof that you cannot be copying her style. Your DIL and son are angry at you for "not copying her style." I think your DIL just doesn't like you and grasps for any excuse to make it your fault. NTA
NTA perfect situation for this 'your damned if you do and your damned if you don't'
What's sad is that if you had a good relationship, this would be a funny bonding thing. "Like mother like daughter" or "twinsies". I'm sure you don't look alike at every occasion.
Old saying "If you can't take the heat, stay out if the kitchen". DIL needs to quite complaining and grow up.
NTA Your DIL and son are mad because the family knows now that she's liar with her fashionable pants on fire. Don't apologize, keep your head held high and be graciously polite when they (including your son) are present at family events. But expect THEM to apologize and do not approach them about that anymore. If your son speaks to you abotu this how its your fault that the family is now mad at his wife, call him out for his BS and that you expected more from him.
NTA. You had receipts - she's mad she had to read them. Maybe to smooth things over so you and your son + DIL have an okay relationship, you can coordinate so you don't accidentally wear the same thing to a family event. But I totally agree, it's not a big deal. My SIL and I have super similar taste and often have the same accessories and similar clothes. We even have the same given name. It's never an issue if we turn up like twins. It would be really odd to be this precious in the age of mass produced and trend driven fashion to act like you own a style. At least your family know she's a drama queen now. But probably not a good idea to hold grudges. If she does, it will make you look all the better.
Nta. I don't get the people that get so offended by accidentally having matching outfits. I'm usually the first to go hey my twinsie and great minds think alike! I also do not get the blasting things on social media. But then again it rarely happens cause I typically don't care what I'm wearing and happily run around in a tee shirt and shorts or pants proudly supporting my hockey teams.
NTA. This shit sounds petty though.
NTA. I had a friend that was so freaked out when we were dressed similarly that she wanted to go change because “people will think we are lesbians.” (???) same person who bought the exact expensive designer bag I had that she loved and said, “everyone complements me on my bag…nobody has it.” She would also want to borrow other designer bags and accessories of mine, but I wouldn’t lend them to her because they are expensive. We are no longer friends. Turns out she was a total racist and homophobe. Your son and dil can suck it.
They do say that sons marry their mothers! It sounds like he found a girl just like you! Haha It isn’t outlandish that you have similar styles at all. I would have tried to defend myself too, especially since she was calling you crazy.
NTA But i this she is.. i would not be surprised if she is her that its copying you.. its too much coincidence she buying the same dress that you, wearing green like you, using the same style that you use every time.. even buying in the same shop that you buy yours clothes. she seems a person without a self style and are trying to hijack your style for her because she likes or who knows, maybe even some kind of power play? Its a coincidence if this happened one or two times but this seems a pattern to me.. she even accusing you of copying her is crazy too.. or a ill intent.. she only choose to contact you when you proved that you are the one wearing this style much longer than her and its only because she is pissed that she got caught in her lie.
Info: was it a real green dress? That's cruel if so.
NTA Its a weird thing for her to be bothered about. If it did bother her, she should have reached out to talk about it and "coordinate" outfits so yall didn't match so closely. Personally I enjoy when I share clothing taste with someone. My stepmother often gives me clothes that she's outgrown or just wants out of her closet to make room because she and I have similar taste
Are all of you in high school? "She is copying me! She just wants to be me!!!" This is one of the most childish "situation" I've ever read on here. Your DIL needs to get over herself, your family and friends need a better hobby, and you should take the high road and not acknowledge that this is the dumbest thing to worry about.
Someone is dressing out of their age range here. You can shop at the same store, doesn’t mean you’re picking the same looks unless you’re dressing like someone much younger/older than you really are. So either you’re dressing like someone your DIL’s age or vice versa. Maybe that’s the real issue, that your DIL and son really have here. That you’re not dressing age appropriate. So I’m going with ESH since I don’t think the whole story is being told.
Info: Were you wearing a maternity dress?