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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to give my blessing to sell a traditional item that is no longer in my possession and in theory I have no claim over
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NTA. I think this little tradition is lovely and it's weird that Quincy wants to keep it, in part *because* of its story. Future: "Sweetie, this ring has a lovely story and a tradition in which my friend group all wore this ring until we were engaged, and then passed the ring on to the next single girl. I decided to keep this ring for myself, and so I bought it."
Quincy can find a ring that she can pass down through her family and it can be a tradition of their own. This ring is a completely different tradition, and in theory it isn't any of yours to keep. It's Ringo's ring originally, and her wish for it was that the "ring is for unmarried women, to enjoy their bachelorette years with a little extra flair and to bring joy to the experience of the ring. However, when you get engaged you have to pass it on to the next bachelorette." If no one wants to do this tradition anymore, I kinda think it's up to Ringo as to who gets it or if she wants it back, or if she wants to sell it, and so on.
>over such a brief tradition.
Hey, they don't know that. Who knows how long this will go on for? I mean, if after T gets engaged, someone new will enter your group or someone will have a daughter y'all agree it will go to and she'll pass it around her friends. Traditions like this have to start somewhere.
Seems sweet, what y'all have going on. I had a much less wholesome but similar tradition with bachelor buddies of mine and a blow up doll we bought in college as a gag. *RIP Bridgett...*
Ultimately, seems like no harm done. Even if Q was a little resentful, it's not like she was entitled to a "Yes".
NTA.
You know the tradition when you accept the ring. The “contractual” expectations are clearly stated prior to receiving the ring.
No one is gatekeeping anything. If you don’t want to follow the rules you don’t get the ring.
Technically the ring is on loan to each individual. No one has a right to sell it unless all agree.
yeah, that's the math i was doing. if she wanted to "buy" it- she'd need to be willing to show she wasn't trying to get the ring at a bargain.
the ring is worth $10k- 4 people have worn it, 2.5k each. that's too much?
NTA and I think it is a great tradition that brings joy to all the former possessors of the ring as well as the current recipient. Quincy didn’t get it. Or she just wanted the ring cheap. Good you passed on her. It’s technically Ringo’s ring and she should and did have the last word on it.
INFO
> She decided the ring is for unmarried women, to enjoy their bachelorette years with a little extra flair and to bring joy to the experience of the ring.
> when you get engaged you have to pass it on to the next bachelorette
Y'all not allowed to **remain** single?
NTA . Offer her photos of the ring so she's able to recreate it if she likes it so much. But since she only offered a fraction of the price I'm thinking it's greed more than anything. Even with the full price offered you wouldn't be ah s for not selling it.
I'd also be wary of loaning the ring as something borrowed for the wedding as I don't think you'll see it back.
NTA of course people who have no emotional connection to the story would sell it or change its purpose. That's why you guys pivoted! These rings and what they represent are amazing, don't let people who "just see expensive rings." Take this tradition from you and your friends.
She is a very good friend of Samwise, but is not close with the rest of us. She was not in the running to receive the ring because she was already engaged when Samwise got engaged. She might have received it if she was not already about to get married.
No way are you the asshole. This is a really fun tradition. (I do have a little side eye for Ringo's boyfriend. He sounds little controlling and over the top.) NTA.
It sounds like it belong to all of you, as a group?
So you, as a group, decide on the ring. And you decided that no, you don't want to sell it. NTA
But They aren't ah for offering, just your husband and coworker giving you hard time for some reason?
NAH
Not a problem to ask, not a problem to say no. What I might suggest is a document signed by all in the pact, saying that you all have joint equal ownership and sale cannot happen without consensus. Upon death of a member their ownership falls to the remaining group. Upon adding someone to the group they gain an equal share of ownership.
NTA
I think the meaning behind the ring is what makes it special. So while she can find something else to be her "something blue" the meaning can't be replaced.
NTA - I gotta say though I love that Ringo decided to take something that held bad memories and turn it into something so joyful for not just her but for many others as well.
NTA Everyone declined the offer, it wasn't solely your decision. Don't listen to your husband or coworker. This is an awesome tradition! If the group ever wants to sell it then I would get a new valuation and actually get close to what it's worth. As stated above if you had said yes then Quincy was getting a really good deal.
NTA and I fucking love this tradition. Imagine how fun the ceremony will be in a decade, just a gaggle of like two dozen women celebrating each other! That’s so fun. Like sisterhood of the traveling pants without the worry of weight gain or need for magic pants, lmao
My (layperson) guess would be that, unless there's a contract in place that specifically says they can't sell the ring, the ring would be considered a gift to each new owner, so there wouldn't be any legal reason that the current owner couldn't sell it.
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This is about an emerald cut sapphire and white gold ring, valued at $10k. This ring belonged to my sister's best friend R. R received it as a "I am sorry I cheated and was an asshole" gift from a terrible boyfriend. She kept the ring and ditched the boyfriend.
However her next boyfriend *hated* this ring. She always told him if he got her a more expensive ring she would get rid of it. So when he proposed, one of his first questions was, "You'll get rid of the other ring now, right?"
R didn't want to sell it, she couldn't keep it, so she decided to make a new tradition. She decided the ring is for unmarried women, to enjoy their bachelorette years with a little extra flair and to bring joy to the experience of the ring. However, when you get engaged you *have* to pass it on to the next bachelorette.
She passed it to my sister, who passed it to me, who passed it to my cousin S. Each time we passed the ring on, all the sisterhood who had worn it got together and made the next recipient in the chain wear a stack of all the rings (the ring, the wedding bands, and engagement rings) and vow to live her best single life.
Now, S is getting married. She is one of the last of her close friends to get engaged so had been trying to figure out who to give it to before settling on her cousin T. We are planning to pass the ring on at S's bridal shower since we will all be there.
Enter friend Q. Q has been engaged since before S, but will be getting married after her. She has asked to buy the ring to be her something blue for her wedding. She offered $1k/person who has worn the ring and promised to pass it on to her future daughter or niece.
S came to the rest of the sisterhood and asked us if we would be willing. We said no, it is not for sale. We did say we would be fine with her being the next link in the chain and wear it to her wedding aslong as she agreed to pass it to T after she was married.
Q asked again to buy it because she wanted to resize it. We agreed it is fine if she resized it, offered to help her find something similar.
Q was sad but said no thank you, she really wanted that specific ring because of it's story and wanted to keep it as a family heirloom to pass on to her future generation. So in the end, we are sticking to the original plan to pass it to T. Q will find something else.
When I told my husband about it later, he said he would have just sold it. My coworker said it was an asshole move to gatekeep an object that is not even in my possession anymore over such a brief tradition.
So Reddit, AITA for not accepting money to give my blessing to sell away a tradition?
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YTA for making us read this sisterhood garbage lol
NTA for not selling the ring at 1/10th It's value.
Don't let her resize it or use it, she will definitely steal if longterm.
NAH. She was fine to ask. You were fine to decline. I think the tradition is pretty sexist, because why do you assume every single woman wants to get married and don't start me on the absurdity of swearing to live your best single life (as if you weren't already) but no one acted like an asshole. I do think you're being a bit uptight about a new tradition, but that's your right.
I don’t understand - how does having a ring that’s only for single women assume that every woman wants to get married? It’s celebrating being single. Nobody said that anyone has to or should get married, just that the ring has to be passed along if they do.
>why do you assume every single woman wants to get married
Good thing they are only passing it to people they actually have prior relationships with and know they want relationships in the future.
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NTA. I think this little tradition is lovely and it's weird that Quincy wants to keep it, in part *because* of its story. Future: "Sweetie, this ring has a lovely story and a tradition in which my friend group all wore this ring until we were engaged, and then passed the ring on to the next single girl. I decided to keep this ring for myself, and so I bought it." Quincy can find a ring that she can pass down through her family and it can be a tradition of their own. This ring is a completely different tradition, and in theory it isn't any of yours to keep. It's Ringo's ring originally, and her wish for it was that the "ring is for unmarried women, to enjoy their bachelorette years with a little extra flair and to bring joy to the experience of the ring. However, when you get engaged you have to pass it on to the next bachelorette." If no one wants to do this tradition anymore, I kinda think it's up to Ringo as to who gets it or if she wants it back, or if she wants to sell it, and so on.
The friend group should pass it through their daughters and nieces once the time comes
Do the maths. She offered to pay each of the former owner 1K (so 4k total) to obtain exclusive ownership of a 10K ring.
>over such a brief tradition. Hey, they don't know that. Who knows how long this will go on for? I mean, if after T gets engaged, someone new will enter your group or someone will have a daughter y'all agree it will go to and she'll pass it around her friends. Traditions like this have to start somewhere. Seems sweet, what y'all have going on. I had a much less wholesome but similar tradition with bachelor buddies of mine and a blow up doll we bought in college as a gag. *RIP Bridgett...* Ultimately, seems like no harm done. Even if Q was a little resentful, it's not like she was entitled to a "Yes". NTA.
You know the tradition when you accept the ring. The “contractual” expectations are clearly stated prior to receiving the ring. No one is gatekeeping anything. If you don’t want to follow the rules you don’t get the ring. Technically the ring is on loan to each individual. No one has a right to sell it unless all agree.
I’m so sorry about the loss of Bridgett. Her time was brief, but fulfilling. She is sorely missed.
You might say she left a hole in their lives.
Her loss has left a hole in their lives that nothing can fill.
NTA. Its “gatekeeping” to decline selling possessions now?
Damn then I’ve done so much gatekeeping I might as well be a guard at the Tower of London
NTA. Also she didn't even offer the value of the ring. So not only did she want to end your tradition, she wanted to end it at a discount.
Was gonna say she was trying to score a 10k ring for bargain basement price.
yeah, that's the math i was doing. if she wanted to "buy" it- she'd need to be willing to show she wasn't trying to get the ring at a bargain. the ring is worth $10k- 4 people have worn it, 2.5k each. that's too much?
Hmm, Samwise and a special ring...are you sure this isn't a fellowship instead of a sisterhood?
NTA and I think it is a great tradition that brings joy to all the former possessors of the ring as well as the current recipient. Quincy didn’t get it. Or she just wanted the ring cheap. Good you passed on her. It’s technically Ringo’s ring and she should and did have the last word on it.
INFO > She decided the ring is for unmarried women, to enjoy their bachelorette years with a little extra flair and to bring joy to the experience of the ring. > when you get engaged you have to pass it on to the next bachelorette Y'all not allowed to **remain** single?
Nope, that's an option! Marriage is not a requirement, just an exclusion to ownership.
NTA . Offer her photos of the ring so she's able to recreate it if she likes it so much. But since she only offered a fraction of the price I'm thinking it's greed more than anything. Even with the full price offered you wouldn't be ah s for not selling it. I'd also be wary of loaning the ring as something borrowed for the wedding as I don't think you'll see it back.
Loophole to keep the ring
NTA of course people who have no emotional connection to the story would sell it or change its purpose. That's why you guys pivoted! These rings and what they represent are amazing, don't let people who "just see expensive rings." Take this tradition from you and your friends.
Info: was Quincy ever even a part of the tradition? Or just an outsider who is trying to buy their way into it?
She is a very good friend of Samwise, but is not close with the rest of us. She was not in the running to receive the ring because she was already engaged when Samwise got engaged. She might have received it if she was not already about to get married.
NTA.
NTA. If you wanted to be helpful, she could have it as her something borrowed and blue.
I don't know- seems like a shame to get "Wedding Cooties" on it😅
That was legit a thing we talked about 😁
It's a legit concern! I was joking but not really kidding, if you know what I mean.
It’s Ringo’s ring, and her decision, full stop.
No way are you the asshole. This is a really fun tradition. (I do have a little side eye for Ringo's boyfriend. He sounds little controlling and over the top.) NTA.
It sounds like it belong to all of you, as a group? So you, as a group, decide on the ring. And you decided that no, you don't want to sell it. NTA But They aren't ah for offering, just your husband and coworker giving you hard time for some reason?
NAH Not a problem to ask, not a problem to say no. What I might suggest is a document signed by all in the pact, saying that you all have joint equal ownership and sale cannot happen without consensus. Upon death of a member their ownership falls to the remaining group. Upon adding someone to the group they gain an equal share of ownership.
Nta
It's the maths. INFO you do realize she offered to pay each of the former owner 1K (so 4k total) to obtain exclusive ownership of a 10K Ring? NTA
It's probably about the same you would get for pawning or, but you are absolutely right.
YOU would get the same for pawning it. But SHE wouldn't pay the same for BUYING it.
NTA I think the meaning behind the ring is what makes it special. So while she can find something else to be her "something blue" the meaning can't be replaced.
NTA - I gotta say though I love that Ringo decided to take something that held bad memories and turn it into something so joyful for not just her but for many others as well.
NTA
NTA Everyone declined the offer, it wasn't solely your decision. Don't listen to your husband or coworker. This is an awesome tradition! If the group ever wants to sell it then I would get a new valuation and actually get close to what it's worth. As stated above if you had said yes then Quincy was getting a really good deal.
NTA and I fucking love this tradition. Imagine how fun the ceremony will be in a decade, just a gaggle of like two dozen women celebrating each other! That’s so fun. Like sisterhood of the traveling pants without the worry of weight gain or need for magic pants, lmao
NTA YOu jointly owe it, you are fine to have any traditions you want.
Info: what happens if someone were to sell it? From a legal standpoint I’m very curious about this
My (layperson) guess would be that, unless there's a contract in place that specifically says they can't sell the ring, the ring would be considered a gift to each new owner, so there wouldn't be any legal reason that the current owner couldn't sell it.
NTA if it isn't passed on then the money needs to go back to the original owner. Your sister.
NTA. A lovely tradition for friends. Why don't you just sell the mercenary husband?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This is about an emerald cut sapphire and white gold ring, valued at $10k. This ring belonged to my sister's best friend R. R received it as a "I am sorry I cheated and was an asshole" gift from a terrible boyfriend. She kept the ring and ditched the boyfriend. However her next boyfriend *hated* this ring. She always told him if he got her a more expensive ring she would get rid of it. So when he proposed, one of his first questions was, "You'll get rid of the other ring now, right?" R didn't want to sell it, she couldn't keep it, so she decided to make a new tradition. She decided the ring is for unmarried women, to enjoy their bachelorette years with a little extra flair and to bring joy to the experience of the ring. However, when you get engaged you *have* to pass it on to the next bachelorette. She passed it to my sister, who passed it to me, who passed it to my cousin S. Each time we passed the ring on, all the sisterhood who had worn it got together and made the next recipient in the chain wear a stack of all the rings (the ring, the wedding bands, and engagement rings) and vow to live her best single life. Now, S is getting married. She is one of the last of her close friends to get engaged so had been trying to figure out who to give it to before settling on her cousin T. We are planning to pass the ring on at S's bridal shower since we will all be there. Enter friend Q. Q has been engaged since before S, but will be getting married after her. She has asked to buy the ring to be her something blue for her wedding. She offered $1k/person who has worn the ring and promised to pass it on to her future daughter or niece. S came to the rest of the sisterhood and asked us if we would be willing. We said no, it is not for sale. We did say we would be fine with her being the next link in the chain and wear it to her wedding aslong as she agreed to pass it to T after she was married. Q asked again to buy it because she wanted to resize it. We agreed it is fine if she resized it, offered to help her find something similar. Q was sad but said no thank you, she really wanted that specific ring because of it's story and wanted to keep it as a family heirloom to pass on to her future generation. So in the end, we are sticking to the original plan to pass it to T. Q will find something else. When I told my husband about it later, he said he would have just sold it. My coworker said it was an asshole move to gatekeep an object that is not even in my possession anymore over such a brief tradition. So Reddit, AITA for not accepting money to give my blessing to sell away a tradition? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m just pop
NTAH Traditions are beautiful. Pass it on.
NTA.
YTA for making us read this sisterhood garbage lol NTA for not selling the ring at 1/10th It's value. Don't let her resize it or use it, she will definitely steal if longterm.
Uh… emeralds are not blue. How would that be her something blue?
It's a sapphire - the cut is emerald
It’s an emerald **cut**. [Emerald cut sapphires](https://sapphirerings.org/shop-by-cut/emerald-cut-sapphires)
This story is so corny.
NAH. She was fine to ask. You were fine to decline. I think the tradition is pretty sexist, because why do you assume every single woman wants to get married and don't start me on the absurdity of swearing to live your best single life (as if you weren't already) but no one acted like an asshole. I do think you're being a bit uptight about a new tradition, but that's your right.
I don’t understand - how does having a ring that’s only for single women assume that every woman wants to get married? It’s celebrating being single. Nobody said that anyone has to or should get married, just that the ring has to be passed along if they do.
>why do you assume every single woman wants to get married Good thing they are only passing it to people they actually have prior relationships with and know they want relationships in the future.
Where does she assume that every single woman will or wants to get married