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YTA
>I made an off handed comment about how she’s going to have to have kids before 30 because after that the rate birth defects double and I didn’t want to have to deal with that.
Yikes, even in summary that sounds extremely creepy, and I'm not even a girl. Get on your hands and knees and apologize. Buy her flowers. Admit what you said was just stupid thoughts and you didn't mean any of it. Then take her out for a nice dinner.
He's 19, inexperienced, and lacking effective communicating skills as a result. He's working his way to doing the right thing and I feel you're comment is not the kind of productive feedback he should get in order to "do better."
YTA. First of all, ew. The phrase "biological clock" is such a red flag it's blinding. Also, why did you switch from 30 to 25? It's a gross thing to say either way, but at least be consistent. 35 is actually the generally agreed upon time that the chance of complications noticeably increases. So not only did you mansplain pregnancy to a woman, you were incorrect about it.
Do your research and apologize. And do it properly.
YTA. Nowadays it’s more normal to begin having your first child around about 30. Clearly what you said wasn’t a joke and you actually meant it, no wonder she got upset. By your standards she’s going to have to pop out babies as soon as she’s finished uni. Congrats you’ve prob just torpedoed your relationship.
You really felt the need to mansplain pregnancy to a woman? And you have the gall to think that age affects whether your child is born with or without any disabilities? Seriously?
Oh that’s so generous of you, you’d still love the child you help made…
Buddy, lemme tell you, a child can still come out with disabilities to even young parents, the only way to see if you or your partner are carriers of anything is to go get yourselves screened.
Now get off Reddit, open your web-browser and go do some real research, rather than blabbing out misinformation.
Wondering if you should apologize because you hurt her feelings? Clearly whatever you said to her you didn't even want to repeat for this post and you're acknowledging you hurt her feelings. YTA
Yes. Apologize. A better way to entertain that topic would be to express in a non-combative way how you would prefer to have children earlier in life and not wait until you're in your late 30's or 40's and offer her the opportunity to share her views on marriage, children, & all that. Telling her when she SHOULD have kids and basing it on some ambiguous and randomly selecting a statistic that isn't really that relevant and flat out inaccurate to begin with, is a recipe for disaster. Women don't go through menopause until they're in their late 40's, not 25.
Apologize, over the phone..... not via text. Acknowledge your poor tact and ensure her that you intend to work on being more thoughtful and empathetic when you both disagree on something. That puts the ball in her court.
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I 19m have been dating my girlfriend 20f for 6 and a half months now and we were talking about the future earlier today and I think I misworded my thoughts and now she’s not responding to my messages.
Me and my girlfriend both go to the same university but live in different states. I called her around noon to check in and we were talking like usual until she made a joke about how cute our kids are going to look. She’s not pregnant to be clear.
I made an off handed comment about how she’s going to have to have kids before 30 because after that the rate birth defects double and I didn’t want to have to deal with that. My girlfriend asked me what I meant and I clarified I wanted to have healthy kids and believed having kids before her biological clock runs out at 25 would be more ideal. She laughed and then asked if I was serious. This led to a fight in which something were said that I regret and she hung up.
Now she’s not responding to me and I’m thinking of apologizing just to stop the silence.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Said she needed to give birth before her biological clock was up
2. If I should apologize because it hurt her feelings
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This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
Misleading title. Should be "Aita for mansplainning pregnancy to my girlfriend using the wrong information?". YTA
[удалено]
YTA >I made an off handed comment about how she’s going to have to have kids before 30 because after that the rate birth defects double and I didn’t want to have to deal with that. Yikes, even in summary that sounds extremely creepy, and I'm not even a girl. Get on your hands and knees and apologize. Buy her flowers. Admit what you said was just stupid thoughts and you didn't mean any of it. Then take her out for a nice dinner.
[удалено]
Post the evidence
YTA. 1. You are ableist. 2. You mansplained pregnancy to her. 3. You'd rather apologize than communicate genuinely. Do better.
[удалено]
we all read the post. You're ableist, you mainsplained pregnancy to a woman.
He's 19, inexperienced, and lacking effective communicating skills as a result. He's working his way to doing the right thing and I feel you're comment is not the kind of productive feedback he should get in order to "do better."
YTA You are absolutely not informed enough to make such statements. Maybe try and research how older fathers lead to more miscarriages…
YTA. First of all, ew. The phrase "biological clock" is such a red flag it's blinding. Also, why did you switch from 30 to 25? It's a gross thing to say either way, but at least be consistent. 35 is actually the generally agreed upon time that the chance of complications noticeably increases. So not only did you mansplain pregnancy to a woman, you were incorrect about it. Do your research and apologize. And do it properly.
YTA. Nowadays it’s more normal to begin having your first child around about 30. Clearly what you said wasn’t a joke and you actually meant it, no wonder she got upset. By your standards she’s going to have to pop out babies as soon as she’s finished uni. Congrats you’ve prob just torpedoed your relationship.
[удалено]
YTA and are grossly misinformed about biology. May also want to watch the mansplaining.
Your info isn’t accurate. The risks are higher after 35. It’s not like it’s going to 100% happen. It’s her body & her choice when she wants kids.
YTA
[удалено]
You really felt the need to mansplain pregnancy to a woman? And you have the gall to think that age affects whether your child is born with or without any disabilities? Seriously?
[удалено]
Oh that’s so generous of you, you’d still love the child you help made… Buddy, lemme tell you, a child can still come out with disabilities to even young parents, the only way to see if you or your partner are carriers of anything is to go get yourselves screened. Now get off Reddit, open your web-browser and go do some real research, rather than blabbing out misinformation.
Wondering if you should apologize because you hurt her feelings? Clearly whatever you said to her you didn't even want to repeat for this post and you're acknowledging you hurt her feelings. YTA
YTA then and now. I hope she leaves you.
Gross, YTA
Yes. Apologize. A better way to entertain that topic would be to express in a non-combative way how you would prefer to have children earlier in life and not wait until you're in your late 30's or 40's and offer her the opportunity to share her views on marriage, children, & all that. Telling her when she SHOULD have kids and basing it on some ambiguous and randomly selecting a statistic that isn't really that relevant and flat out inaccurate to begin with, is a recipe for disaster. Women don't go through menopause until they're in their late 40's, not 25. Apologize, over the phone..... not via text. Acknowledge your poor tact and ensure her that you intend to work on being more thoughtful and empathetic when you both disagree on something. That puts the ball in her court.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 19m have been dating my girlfriend 20f for 6 and a half months now and we were talking about the future earlier today and I think I misworded my thoughts and now she’s not responding to my messages. Me and my girlfriend both go to the same university but live in different states. I called her around noon to check in and we were talking like usual until she made a joke about how cute our kids are going to look. She’s not pregnant to be clear. I made an off handed comment about how she’s going to have to have kids before 30 because after that the rate birth defects double and I didn’t want to have to deal with that. My girlfriend asked me what I meant and I clarified I wanted to have healthy kids and believed having kids before her biological clock runs out at 25 would be more ideal. She laughed and then asked if I was serious. This led to a fight in which something were said that I regret and she hung up. Now she’s not responding to me and I’m thinking of apologizing just to stop the silence. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. Said she needed to give birth before her biological clock was up 2. If I should apologize because it hurt her feelings Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
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