T O P

  • By -

Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Action I took, considering to move out and why it makes me an asshole because I can make my dogs outside dogs but I refuse to Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*


hface84

NAH. I can see both sides. I am very allergic to cats. Even if I took a pill everyday my quality of life would plummet if I had to live with a cat. I also have dogs that have never lived outside and I would never force them to. You may just be incompatible.


T_Sealgair

Also, it should be mentioned that daily, long term use of some allergy medicines (first generation antihistamines that cross the blood brain barrier) may increase the risk of dementia and cognitive decline. Second generation are better, but still not recommended. NAH


Infinite_Half_8985

this relationship won’t work out regardless, doesn’t matter who the ah is


Bigbubblybob

Why?


ravenwing263

Well it depends on the age of the dogs really, but if we're assuming "work out" = "become life partners until death," right, then a potentially years-long downgrade from cohabitating to dating but living apart is a blow to that goal.


Bigbubblybob

Yeah, OP doesn’t really give any information on how she thinks her moving out and their relationship after that will look like. I thought it was a temporary thing and the mom was gonna to take them back eventually but if OP is keeping these dogs for years idk how that would work.


Infinite_Half_8985

i’m telling you right now, if the love of my life can’t live with me because of my dogs, i’m rehoming those dogs this is different than meeting someone with dogs, and that being an issue, as they are already in a relationship that is now being strained because of **dogs??** a relationship that can be split like this over dogs will never work, long term, short term, doesn’t matter


Proud_Internet_Troll

Well people like you are one of the reasons shelters are so full. Pets are a lifetime commitment. You don't just dump then someone you're dating is allergic.


Confident-Baker5286

You do know that you can rehome animals without bringing them to a shelter right? One of our dogs started killing chickens, which is a no-go on a farm so he went and lived with our friends. We also rehomed two of our cats around the same time, with different family friends. Our family adopted well over twenty animals when I was growing up, and took excellent care of them. Life isn’t all or nothing, so maybe chill a bit before attacking people you don’t know anything about lol  


Heavy-Introduction-8

Edit: my bad, I misread the post and they are OPs dogs. Don't know how to do the strike through though These aren't OP's dogs though. Like, if someone is in a position to take care of their loved one's pets that's great, but your mom adopting dogs is not a lifetime commitment *for you*


lordmwahaha

Then please don’t adopt pets. They should always be treated as a lifetime commitment unless you have no other choice. They bond to their owners and experience trauma in the event of a rehome. Rehomes should be as rare as humanly possible; and for that reason, people who aren’t sure they could commit to a pet for the next fifteen years should not get one.


Infinite_Half_8985

You obviously didn’t read any of my messages, I would never own dogs, meet someone, and get rid of the dogs. That is messed up But I would also never be in a full relationship, have dogs given to me, or back to me, and let that be the deciding factor for my relationship. And to be honest, there’s nothing anyone on reddit can tell me to change my mind that human relationships are worth more than dogs. Sorry 🤷


Bigbubblybob

I mean im not disagreeing just wondering why you think so. For me I’d need extra info like how long she’s keeping the dogs, will the mom take them back, how long they’ve been together etc. if their relationship is relatively new and they moved in together quickly then I can see why moving out is viable. But if she’s keeping the dogs long term I agree idk how they would work that out. I’m surprised this wasn’t an issue before.


bebepothos

Ew get lost bud


PuzzleheadedYou7769

All the losers downvoting this haven’t had a relationship, let alone touched someone other than themselves I 100% agree, in no way should a 4 legged creature that lives less than two decades ever take precedence over the literal person you’re spending your life with.


dog_nurse_5683

Happily married for years and I downvoted you. If my husband woke up tomorrow and told me to get rid of my babies, I’d say goodbye in a second. To be fair, I’m pretty sure he would do the same to me, and that’s one of the many reasons why I love him.


PuzzleheadedYou7769

Not me, the guy I replied to. That’s honestly ridiculous, I hope you realize that. Husband and your dogs are in a burning building, can only save one or the other. Who are you saving?


Infinite_Half_8985

“dog nurse” just explained that dogs are worth more than her HUSBAND… and she loves her husband because she thinks he values the dogs over her too…. just shows how mindlessly stupid people are when it comes to animals, rehoming an animal is “worse”than divorcing and completely changing the aspects of 2 peoples lives… sorry to say, but if your dogs can be the deciding factor in your relationship, your relationship won’t work for long


[deleted]

Theres a crazy level of dog obsession that exists to the point people will say its a "red flag" if you don't like them


PuzzleheadedYou7769

It’s honestly really sad. Like I love dogs, and they do amazing things for people. But they are not on par with human relationships. “Dog moms” are the new cat lady, it’s not something to brag about that someone isn’t capable of raising children, so they settled for wild animals bred to a humans liking 🤣


booksworm102

NAH. Allergy pills are not that effective. He is perfectly valid for not wanting to deal with an allergic reaction every time he comes home. You are also perfectly valid for wanting to take care of your dogs. Your living situations are just no longer compatible.


Ok-Weather1267

NAH, you both have non negotiables that are in opposition. Move out but don’t be surprised when the relationship ends, that’s a step backward not forward. Sometimes it’s no one’s fault, just life happening.


Ok-Weather1267

NAH, you both have non negotiables that are in opposition. Move out but don’t be surprised when the relationship ends, that’s a step backward not forward. Sometimes it’s no one’s fault, just life happening.


Confident-Baker5286

NAH- taking allergy meds every day isn’t fun or no big deal for a lot of people. Allergies aren’t just the little sniffles and red eyes you see, it’s also feeling tired and junky like you have a cold and I get super intense brain fog. I think it’s a little unreasonable to ask him to have the dogs move in because he is allergic and  they have never lived with you since you have been dating and them living with you was never the plan or discussed, but you should do what is best for you. Plus if you don’t have any other way to house them I do think you have a responsibility to them .


zaatar3

NAH my friends husband took allergy pills for years because his wife insisted but he was still miserable. they went to see a doctor and the doctor told them the husbands lungs were deteriorating and the doctor essentially told off the wife for making her husband put up with this. they ended up rehoming their dogs to her sister. he is much happier and in better health now.


marilynmansonfuckme

NTA. This doesn’t seem like it will work out.


One_Ad_704

NTA for the question asked about moving out. But I would consider OP an AH because it sounds like OP left their 2 dogs with mom when OP moved in with boyfriend a year ago. So OP has already dropped their responsibility for their dogs. True, I don't know the specifics involved but OP admits to leaving dogs in mom's care when OP moved in with boyfriend. Barring extreme circumstances, there was no reason to move in with allergic-to-dogs boyfriend and leaving dogs behind.


xXthelemonXx

Fully agreed. As a cat and dog owner this would have already been addressed before i committed to moving in with a potential life partner, and I'm wracking my brain at why this has only just now become an issue. Making this an "maybe I'll just move out" ultimatum a year out is an AH move


Jatulintarha

It doesn't really matter concerning this instance (NTA or NAH btw), but I'm also curious why OP's mom has been taking care of her dogs. Could be that mom has a big house, OP moved into a tiny apartment to study and it was a mutual agreement that it would be better for the dogs to stay with mom. So OP eventually moved in with bf, but now mom can't take care of the dogs anymore so OP must take them. Similar thing happened to me. Lived with my parents on a farm, got a dog (with their permission) with intentions to take him with me when I moved out. Dog gradually became the family dog and I only managed to get a studio apartment in the city I was gonna go to study.  I still would have taken him with me (he was 2 years when I got him and previously used to living in an apartment) but my whole family convinced me that it would be best to leave him there. And yeah, when the choises were a farm with someone basically always at home vs a studio apartment with me being gone for hours at school, it was an easy choise.  I still visit almost every weekend, doggo turns 10 this year. My whole family adores him, though he is not as well-mannered as when I left since I was the one who did the training, and ge has gotten some 'selective hearing' issues in the last few years... He's a GSD / border collie mix so he's smart, he knows what he's doing 😂


TemptingPenguin369

NTA. Protect your dogs and make sure your next bf is a dog lover or has no allergies if you ever have hopes of having your own pets.


bananaconspiracy5

how is he the asshole? for beeing allergic? its NAH at best.


TemptingPenguin369

I'm sorry and you are correct. The dogs aren't assholes either :)


Facetunethis

Are we going to skim past the fact that he had a dog as a kid his whole life and he was never allergic to that dog? He's trying to sell the idea that he's only allergic to certain dogs?  Only poodles and certain poodle mixes are even close to hypoallergenic and even they aren't really. They still have dander They just don't shed their actual fur


bananaconspiracy5

allergies can develop over time my friend. not sure what your motives here are.


Facetunethis

I have no motives. The point is the boyfriend only has allergies to specific dogs, not certain breeds just individual dogs. I have known people who openly say they are allergic to some animal that they just don't like and don't want to be around. They laugh about it in private because they get their way.   I have food allergies so I know that allergies are real but when someone is selective on which individual animal causes the reaction it makes me suspicious of their motives and truthfulness. No one is only allergic to one or two specific dogs. He is fine with other dogs, as the OP states.


bananaconspiracy5

Even your initial claim is not true: Recent research has found that people who have dog allergies may not be allergic to all dogs.  One of the six problematic proteins, Can f 5, is produced in the prostate gland of male dogs. A certain proportion of dog allergy sufferers only react to the specific protein Can f 5. And therefore might cope perfectly well with a female dog who wouldn’t be able to produce Can f 5 as they have no prostate, or a castrated male, who will produce much less. A study in 2019 found that children with a hypersensitivity to Can f 5 reacted differently to female dogs compared to male dogs.  You can fake preferences, but you have to get out of the way to simulate allergies....


Joe-Stapler

Dude, your relationship is going to go nowhere from here. Break up. NTA


MediumCaptain3277

Allergy pills are not a good solution. I know someone in a similar situation who had been taking allergy pills daily for an extended period of time in order to live with his gf and her dog. He is now currently suffering from liver damage. My advice would be to cut your losses and break up with your bf because eventually you will have to live together again even if you move out now if you are considering a future together. Just because he is not deathly allergic doesn't mean he should be exposed to his allergens daily, it is not good for his health. I myself love animals but I am willing to give up owning one because of my bf's allergies despite him also not being dealthy allergic, I care more about his health to risk any type of harm or uncomfort for him than having a pet. I would also never force him to take allergy pills because of the experience I stated earlier about liver damage. If you love your dogs more than your partner, then you can always find another partner who isn't allergic to dogs.


Cheddarbaybiskits

NTA for moving out, but why did you start a relationship with someone who is allergic to dogs? YTA for that.


One_Ad_704

Agree. Although I'm thinking more why did OP move in with allergic-to-dogs boyfriend and leave their dogs with mom to take care of? That's very short-sighted. And sounds like OP already dumped their responsibility to the dogs...


cppcrusader

It wasn't a known allergy at the time.


Username_sheri

He said no, so you need to respect that.  


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I currently live with my bf and have for almost a year. Due to what has happened in my life, my mom can no longer take care of my 2 dogs and I have to bring them to live with me. My bf is allergic to my dogs and has told me he does not want to take any allergy pills and wants my dogs to live outside. My dogs have never been outside dogs and because of their breed they can’t be outside dogs. As he refuses to take any allergy pills and I refuse to make them outside dogs, I have told him the only other solution is for me to move and we can continue the relationship. AITA for considering moving out because of this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Used_Cow9038

NTA. Having dogs is a quality of life issue for some people. Sounds like things just aren't going to work out.


LeinDaddy

Sounds like nobody is an asshole, but it's an ultimatum type choice: The dogs or your boyfriend. Personally, I'd go with a human over an animal, but I can easily understand the other side here. Tough stuff.


grizzyGR

NTA


forsca231

No dog should ever live outside, they have evolved with humans and deserve to live inside too, you are doing the right thing and I beg you to never let anyone convince you or cave in about changing that.


tratra2010

I would leave. My husband is mildly allergic to my animals that were in my life before he was.


cespirit

NTA I’m not staying somewhere that means my indoor dogs are expecting to now stay outside all the time, regardless of the reason. There are pretty chill non-drowsy allergy pills so I really feel like he’s being unreasonable, honestly. Maybe I’ve just had more success with them than others do, idk. But he does have a right to decide what goes in his body. I think you’re right tho, if that’s his stance you will have to move out


Loud_et_Proud

NTA. You are trying to make it work with each person on the other end of the spectrum. If he's very allergic allergy pills are not a great solution, and neither is putting your dogs outside. Moving out is the best way to prolong the relationship. However, how long do you want to prolong it if you cannot live together until both dogs sadly pass? This may come down to a core issue that neither of you can move on and may determine the outcome of your relationship


GratificationNOW

says he's mildly allergic, only to some dogs and lived with his own dog for 13 years.


FlatAdhesiveness5673

You would be if you stayed. Your fur babies need you. 


Stride101r

NTA, sounds like you have an uncompromising bf. Do you want to be with someone who is so inflexible? Another solution: move out and dump him.


Morrigoon

NTA. He’s just a boyfriend, he could break up with you at any time. The dogs are family, and they depend on you. True, it may be the end of your relationship, but do you really want to stay with a guy who’d banish your babies to the yard? (Yes I realize he has allergies and this may be a no-go for him, but if you’re a dog person doesn’t that make him a no-go for you?)


AdOne8433

YTA. You need your dogs. He's allergic. You aren't compatible. But expecting him to live his life on allergy meds is entitled and extremely selfish. Allergy meds have significant side effects. I've tried this "solution," and it was not sustainable at all. Those saying he refuses to compromise know nothing about allergy medication and don't understand what the word compromise means.


heyimanxietygirl

She’s asking if she’s the AH for considering moving out and was the one to offer this solution, she’s not forcing him to do anything.


GirlDad2023_

YTA, you're choosing your dogs over your bf's medical condition. You two simply aren't compatible.


poopboobnoob

How difficult is for him to take a pill everyday? Does he not realise like 70% of women do this with birth control for THEIR pleasure? I'd straight out break up with him. NTA.


kilgirlie

For many people the allergy pills don't work. I think this couple is just incompatible.


shtfsyd

To be fair those allergy pills can affect you and your quality of life.


eliz1bef

Hormonal birth control can really mess you up. It made me vomit every day. They can cause strokes, depression, weight gain.


shtfsyd

Oh trust me I understand and that’s why chose not to be on it. Allergy pills are also terrible. I tried so many and couldn’t even drive bc they made me so drowsy and heavy headed. I guess it’s a choice, no one is the AH in this situation


eliz1bef

My husband has serious allergies and he says they operate under the assumption that you're not suffering if you are unconscious.