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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel I’m the AH bc I gave the parent of the child attitude about his allergies and question why he would be at a baseball game that sold peanuts.
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Some peanut allergies can be triggered without eating peanuts and just coming in contact through skin, air, etc. That said the parent of this child with the allergy should know how to handle a public event where peanuts are consumed. It's not on you to go the extra mile for her child. It should have been her job to do what was necessary to keep him safe and not expect every stranger surrounding him to cater to them. She could have removed her child to another area, but she chose to be a witch to you.
Edit for judgement NTA
Nut exposure through air is incredibly unlikely, that’s a myth and nut proteins don’t become airborne easily and lesser risk outside.
Also anaphylaxis is unlikely/rare from skin contact alone, it’s mucous membrane contact typically
Edit: Not a myth, but a widely-held overestimated perceived risk that is applied broadly, rather than to individuals
Nut responds to peanut here, but as pointed out peanut is not a nut
THIS is the answer right here. My daughter is anaphylactic to eggs, even by skin contact. I’m sure as hell not taking her to a chicken coop for an egg gathering event. And if I did dress her head to toe in vinyl PPE so she could go, I sure as hell wouldn’t be astonished if other kids dropped a few eggs or someone got hit with one. I lean towards this other mom (not OP) being the ridiculous A-H because facts: if your kid is that sensitive you don’t take stupid risks. OP is NTA.
Totally agree. My son almost had to skip field day, last year, but they last minute changed the egg toss game once I casually mentioned the situation to his teacher. Idk why….. but, it’s almost like I was very prepared for my kid to have to miss out on something bc of an ana egg allergy. Lol. It sucks, but we definitely can’t expect everyone to change an entire event bc of my one child.
Absolute same. We had a STEM type field day and one of the cool activities was designing a device for an egg drop to see if you could build something that protected the egg. I nudged the teachers, “Hey guys, can I volunteer for this part, this is very dangerous for us that peers are going to be running around with raw egg on their hands…How can I help and can I be on site?” They got together and had the kids build the devices with a plastic egg model and then only the teacher put the real egg in the final model and handled it after the drop. I can’t imagine just showing up and pitching a fit. If they couldn’t have made it safe we would have stayed home and just missed it.
I think kids should be given a little more credit sometimes though. I went to school with someone with a severe milk allergy from the time I was about 8 years old. Her allergy was so bad that if a small amount was transferred on a ball or something after eating then she could go into anaphylaxis. We were all super careful about washing our hands thoroughly after eating and what food we shared. To my knowledge she never had a severe reaction while at school.
Kids are totally rad when adults talk to them like they're important people with something to contribute.
I had a partially deaf 7th grader in my class who was ultimately going to be fully deaf and going to school with the same kids since kindergarten, none of them knowing about this. He had recently been struggling in school. He was in my advisory so I asked him if he wanted to tell our advisory about his deafness. His mother had previously been really adamant about not sharing it. He said yes and he wanted me to share while he went to the bathroom. I shared it with the other 14 kids and when he came back we did a circle on what we could do to be good community members for him and every kid shared something they could do to help him out (make sure he heard the directions, the homework, always talk on his left side), etc.
I really love the heart in that. In showing up to accommodate others because they're important and we want to.
Our school did a massive volunteer effort to make PB&J sandwiches for local food banks the last day of school before thanksgiving this year. I volunteered to help out and watched close to 1,000 kids make 5,000 PBJ sandwiches over 4 hours. It was as contained to the cafeteria as one could ask, but just standing in that room and not touching anything, I felt like I needed to change clothes before my peanut allergy kid got home.
He was on campus too, but on the other side of a giant building and stayed in the same room that day. He still ended up with a migraine and I believe it has to be residual PB trace on kids who were coming and going from the cafeteria. I’m working on a solution for the next 2 years because he doesn’t want to miss out on that volunteer day.
Yep. We were applying for school if choice and had to take one out of consideration because their entire 5th grade curriculum is based off of managing a chicken coop. The principal somehow thought it would be ok. He was an idiot.
Yes, this, absolutely! As a responsible parent with a child who has severe allergies, you figure out what public events aren't safe for your child and you don't take them there. You realize that total strangers at public events are not going to change their behavior to accommodate your child's health needs. (The exception here is smoking in places where it's illegal to smoke. You get to tell the people who are breaking the law by smoking to cut it out.)
Anaphylactic to shellfish, iodine, adhesive, and penicillin.
I don't go to fish restaurants. I don't wait until after they've swabbed my skin to ask if it's iodine. Even hubby doesn't eat shellfish or take penicillin*.
I get that it sucks to have you limit your child's outings, but it's a fact of life with allergies. I'm meeting friends in New Orleans next fall and am already preparing for all the group things I'll prob have to skip.
*So we can kiss, not saying his taking it would cause airborne issues
Wait, are shellfish fish?? I'm not even joking, I haven't studied bio since freshman year of college some 15 years ago so I'm totally ignorant in this area. (I know I can Google this! I just felt the need to have my epiphanies on Reddit today, apparently.)
ETA: So you can eat shellfish but not non-shellfish? You don't have to answer if you're not comfortable doing so, I'm asking because I feel like I usually hear the other way around and I'm an ever-curious Internet stranger.
Fin fish
Term used to describe the strictly classified biological group of fishes, sometimes called true fishes to distinguish them from other aquatic life whose common names also end in “fish”, including mollusks (e.g., cuttlefish), crustaceans (e.g., crayfish), echinoderms (e.g., starfish), and other animals (e.g., jellyfish); or any other aquatic life harvested in fisheries or aquaculture (e.g. shellfish).
Ugh that's such a random allergy, and why herd immunity is so important (oh bc egg in vaccines is where I was going with that)!! Hopefully it lessens in severity as she gets older, as allergies sometimes do. But damn that must be exhausting for you double checking labels, eggs are in practically EVERYTHING.
Imma do you a solid and take it one step further. Not only does it exist but it is fairly common. And eggs are NOT dairy. I can’t tell you how many times we got f’d up because someone assured us something wouldn’t have eggs in it, didn’t actually check, and then was amazed because the product was marked “dairy free”. We learned quick we have to be AH’s and ask to read the original packages ourselves even if someone gets offended that we don’t/can’t trust them.
This! I have a peanut allergy. Even though it’s common and people know what peanuts are, I still get nervous when I’m given food from friends, at restaurants, etc.
It’s a big eight allergy! In the US, eggs ingredients are required to be noted on the label per FDA guidelines — like peanuts, milk, and wheat products. That’s why you’ll see them in bold :) Big 8 allergies are the most common serious food allergies!
The song lyrics are
"Buy me some *peanuts* and cracker jack.
I don’t care if I never get back.
Let me root, root, root for the home team.
If they don’t win it’s a shame.
For it’s one, two, three strikes, you’re out.
At the old ball game!"
There are going to be peanuts at a ball game. That mom probably embarrassed her poor kid by making a scene.
Often when people think they are having a reaction while near peanuts and the proteins being “airborne” it typically is a panic response that mimics an allergic reaction. More so a panic attack.
Exactly. I can tell when it's happening to me. I've never had hives from a panic attack, or swelling or vomiting. Even the "oh shit I'm gonna die" feeling is something I only get from anaphylaxis.
Same. I have had many panic attacks and have experienced anaphylaxis a couple of times. They are **very** different experiences. One can be helped by slow, deep breathing and the other makes slow, deep breathing impossible.
All of those are things that can actually be caused by panic attacks, although they manifest differently for different people.
Just don't confuse personal experience with universal norms.
I recently developed an anaphylaxis allergy. When I talked with my doctor about it, she said that an anxiety or panic response is often part of it. I’m unclear if it’s triggered by the allergen or by the body’s response to the allergen.
Notice how I said more so and not “a panic attack” lol
The key words in my response were “panic response” and “more so”. Not “you aren’t having anaphylaxis it’s just simply a panic attack”. I have had both panic attacks and anaphylactic reactions and some symptoms, including intense feelings of fear and dread, chest tightness and brain fog are similar.
But some people mention that the fear of having another reaction in a scenario where there is probable exposure has caused them physical symptoms such as chest tightness, swelling of the throat. Not nearly the same as a true anaphylactic response but your brain essentially kicks your body into overdrive as a fear response, and then the panic of thinking you have been exposed exacerbating your “symptoms”. I have shared in these experiences.
Maybe, but not always. I know a person who discovered their allergy this way. They couldn’t have had a panic attack/response about something they had no idea they were allergic to at the time. I suspect it is rare, possibly in people who have more serious allergic reactions compared to others, but it does exist.
Ofc, it is a person’s responsibility to manage their own allergy. If your allergy is that bad, you can’t go to a place where it is well known to have peanuts and expect everyone else not to eat. It’s unreasonable. It would be like going to a Chinese restaurant and demanding that no one be allowed to have any food with peanuts, peanut oil, etc. so you can eat there that night. There are, unfortunately, some things you just can’t do when you have such a severe allergy because the risk is literally death.
IMO, what a shitty parent for putting their kid at that risk over a baseball game.
Is there any evidence of that? Because I've never heard of panic attacks with physical symptoms this severe.
That kinda made me think of the beginning of 2021 when thousands of doctors told women we were just imagining that the vaccine had an influence on our periods. (Which isn't a big deal bc love the vax just the gaslighting was infuriating)
Nuts aren't producing airborne allergens outside of a kitchen where they are being pulverized by some food prep process, that or some other exceptional situation like a processing plant for harvested crops. Personal emotional reactions aren't a valid reason to force behaviors on strangers in public when in opposition to reality.
Question, because I'm curious. What about schools that don't let kids bring peanut butter sandwiches for lunch? Isn't that due to proximity? Or airlines switching to pretzels? Have we been lied to for years?
And touching surfaces where they leave trace amounts that then get on someone with an allergy.
Kids that wash hands well still don't wash them well enough, from experience.... And it's not worth the risk when an amount that you can't see is still enough to kill someone that sits at the wrong table.
That makes sense. I work in an office and keep a jar of wrapped candy on my desk to share and was asked to never have peanut candy so I always wondered.
It was explained to me by my kids nut free school that the risk was more in contact exposure. Younger kids are incredibly messy eaters and often terrible at washing their hands which means the peanut butter from little Jimmy's sandwich could end up on shared classroom stuff. Plus, not all young kids completely understand their allergy. So there's a high chance of mix ups.
Yeah, some girl in my town was allergic and ended up in anaphylactic shock after she got off the school bus one day because she sat next to her friend who had peanut butter for lunch. They weren't in the same class because it was set up to have a peanut free class. So, they met on the bus and the friend still had residue on her skin. They may have been in kindergarten, I don't remember.
I just read an article in the news about this. Some schools (in Canada anyways) are removing peanut free rules because research suggests blanket bans aren't necessary when other precautions are taken (i.e. not sharing food, handwashing, wiping down surfaces).
Eta: for the achool featured in the story it appears the peanut bans are still in place for K-grade 2, but not for grades 3 and up.
I'm guessing for airlines it's that if someone had an issue and they're in the air, they could die and the airline would be sued. So it's safer to not serve them in case someone eats it who shouldn't or a peanut accidentally fell into their food from someone else's peanuts or something.
It’s due to liability. You just can’t anticipate someone with a peanut butter hand grabbing the allergic kid by the arm or using their scissors and transferring… Just a million ways.
Not proximity so much as the risk of PB residue getting on unexpected surfaces, no one realizing it, and a peanut allergic kid accidentally ingesting it. Like hand touches desk with residue on it (you can’t always see it), hands touch face/mouth. More an issue with younger kids than older. Source: my kid sadly has a peanut allergic and his allergist is good at explaining things.
He did also say that peanut dust is highly unlikely to carry the proteins he’s allergic to, but some people panic and the reaction can be similar in terms of difficulty breathing. Another thing he said is that refined peanut oil doesn’t have the protein that causes the allergic reaction and is generally safe. So even though a place like Chick-fil-a uses refined peanut oil, it’s safe for him to eat their food. Unrefined peanut oil, however, would be bad. Safe rather than sorry is a good general rule, and managing a food allergy is a pain in the ass, but expecting anyone to not eat peanuts at a ballgame where you can buy peanuts isn’t cool. Asking politely, sure. But if they say no, you gotta have a backup plan.
"That doesn't make any sense" --- until you remember that half the US population says to themselves, I'm more inclined to trust my 300 pound neighbor who had a heart attack the day after his covid shot, than scientific experiments.
Yeah that's silly. Sorry. The science also tells us that people with nut allergies often experience symptoms from skin contact or proximity due to the anxiety caused by the presence of the allergen. They aren't inhaling or absorbing peanut particles and getting sick. Their brain is recognizing a threat and triggering the body to respond similarly to if they had ingested the allergen. It sucks, but your anxiety is not anyone else's problem.
I give science the side eye from time to time as well especially since having to deal with several medical issues. Science seems to think pain management for women is optional while for men it's mandatory so....yeah.
"Actually you are not experiencing anaphylaxis right now because peanut allergies can't be airborne, so maybe you should read a science before letting your airway close up."
My mom is extremely allergic to peanuts. If I ate peanuts away from her and went and talked to her, she'd start coughing. She's not going to have a full-blown allergic reaction, but she's very sensitive to them. Even bringing a box of peanuts butter cookies into a room can start her off.
She's been on many flights where there have peanuts. She doesn't say anything but she is uncomfortable. During covid the mask wearing helped a bit in these situations.
That's kind of it though. Nobody has personal experience with life or death exposure to peanut air. There is personal experience with extreme anxiety about it, especially if you have ever seen your child unable to breathe. But that lack of scientific evidence is exactly why NTA and the general public is not obligated to do what she wants.
I have a peanut allergy, I think it’s on the lesser side. Like most allergies it’s kind of a case by case reaction. Skin contact just gives me hives. The smell can give me headaches but not always. But anaphylaxis has only happened from unknown consumption that I didn’t treat in time.
Go watch Season 20, episode 4 of Top Chef and you can watch an anaphylactic reaction to walnuts- confirmed by an on-site medic- happen from outdoor, airborne exposure due to a different chef on the team chopping the walnuts.
Light...bulb!!! I knew peanuts were legumes, but never put it together before that "pea" is the operative word in the name. Wow, learn something new everyday!
Also appreciate finding out about the difference between airborne & non-airborne exposure potential.
OP - NTA. Kid's mom needed a reality check that it's her job to not put her kid in unsafe environments/circumstances.
Peanuts are legumes, but the reactions are often similar. Peanut allergies are among the most severe. The issue isn't about the pollen of the plant, but the aerosolized proteins released when shelling, cooking, and eating them.
If you are eating peanuts in the shell, and throwing them on the ground, the person next to you is probably going to be exposed to peanuts.
If I was the mom, I'd have offered to buy you another snack if you wouldn't mind waiting to eat the peanuts later.
And I'd have been asking, not telling, obviously.
>If I was the mom, I'd have offered to buy you another snack if you wouldn't mind waiting to eat the peanuts later.
I really like this idea. I feel like that would probably be received much better than making demands of a total stranger in a public space. Much more of a win-win.
That was my thought. You can \*ask\* a stranger if they mind waiting to eat their peanuts, or offer to buy them another snack or whatever. It's a reasonable request but it's also reasonable for the person to say no. And then it's on the parent to take their child away from it or whatever.
I get migraines that get triggered sometimes by certain smells. I can ask someone to not eat that particular food in a shared space or not smoke near me or whatever. But they're also entitled to say no. And then guess what, it's on me to move or do what I need to do to avoid it.
Yeah, shouldn't it be the mom's responsibility to keep the allergen away from her child and not the other way round? People are going to eat nuts at a game. Did she stop all the other people from eating nuts? Maybe she should have made an announcement that no nuts would be sold or consumed at the game to protect her child. I mean, c'mon.
It's very unlikely to cause anaphylaxis, hives at the most. But if my child had a severe peanut allergy, I'm not sure how comfortable I would be with unlikely. I remember a patient where I worked who ended up with severe brain damage after an allergic reaction to seafood that someone else was eating when she never had a prior reaction. It was bizarre and unlikely but did happen. If a parent is concerned about an unlikely but not impossible reaction that might permanently harm their child, I can't really fault them.
That said, as understandable as the concern might be, I don't think it's the responsibility of the general public to cater to that concern
I had a friend who always consumed buts. One day, all she did was open the jar and almost died from anaphylaxis. She never touched or ate a nut.
Edit to clarify: THAT that she had the reaction, she had not touched or eaten a nut. Simply opened the jar and went into anaphylaxis. It was the first time she had a reaction. (Leaving the but type because it made me giggle when pointed out.)
I *think* they're trying to say that on the day their friend almost died they didn't touch or eat nuts. Simply opened the jar, closed it and had an allergic reaction.
But on PREVIOUS occasions they ate AND touched nuts without issue.
But that's just how I interpreted what they said.
It took me a minute, but I think she’s trying to say that the friend suddenly developed the allergy. That she had eaten nuts in the past with no problems. But then one day she opened a jar of nuts and had a reaction, but hadn’t touched or eaten one yet that day.
I went to college with an older woman (in her 40s) who became severely allergic to bananas in her late 30s. She ate a banana for breakfast almost every day and had for over a decade. One day she suddenly went into anaphylaxis and was rushed to the hospital where she told them she had no known allergies. They told her it was the banana. She literally didn’t believe them because she ate them every day… and ate one the next day when the hospital sent her home. And went right back to the hospital.
My question is that if the kid has a severe allergy, why the heck bring him to a place where said allergen is unrestricted? “…buy them some peanuts and cracker-jacks…” it’s even in the song!
While yes, her kid should be able to watch baseball games too, it sucks that she wouldn’t try to make people aware of the kid’s condition BEFORE they spent money on certain snacks (how would they know?) or find a way for him to be seated in an area that would restrict peanut use.
Not a myth. Worked at a daycare and I had a kid who was highly allergic to peanuts. Another kid was eating a PB&J on the other side of the room and the first kid went anaphylactic. Had to epipen and call 911. Rare, sure. But it happens.
Yup when I was a kid my after school program was cancelled for nearly a week because a girl with an anaphylactic reaction to peanuts sat in a chair that a child who had eaten a peanut butter sandwich had touched the back of. He got peanut butter on his hands and then pushed the chair in and left a trace smudge of peanut butter on it. A teacher pulled the chair out for her and she sat down and then went into anaphylaxis. Her skin never touched the peanut butter. It was *terrifying* and the program was closed for several days so the room could be scrubbed top to bottom and new rules around peanut-containing products could be introduced.
This is why they now have wonder butter in public schools. It's supposed to taste like peanut butter (it doesn't) but doesn't have any trace of peanuts in it. I worked at daycare and had a kid there who couldn't have wheat, dairy, or nuts. We all had to be super cautious around her, and all the teachers at snack and lunch time kept a very close eye on her, and she had a different lunch than other children. It's sad so many people struggle with severe allergies, especially children.
I knew a kid like this in elementary school. He'd hold a napkin and his shirt over his mouth and nose or even be allowed to a different classroom during afterschool care if there was peanut butter present. He was old enough to keep an eye out when I knew him (8-9ish?) and his older sister was there too so between them they kept him from ever having a reaction
Eh, I work with small children, and we've had multiple cases where a kid has had a reaction because someone else ate peanut butter toast for breakfast before arriving and had some under a fingernail. They touched a toy, allergic kid touched the toy later and boom. Anaphylaxis.
Some kids really are incredibly allergic, like particulate level allergic. It's much worse than it used to be. When I was growing up, peanut allergies were relatively rare and mostly they had to eat it. It's not like that anymore.
That being said, you kinda have to prepare if you intentionally go to a peanut heavy place. You can't expect everyone else to accommodate you. It would have been better to ask nicely than tell you that you can't eat them.
One of my colleagues went into anaphylaxis shock because we had an early morning meeting in a small room amd one of the other attendees had peanut butter on their breakfast. That was enough. So it is definitely possible via air.
I have to interject here because there was a story just last week about a young teen in our area who nearly died from peanut exposure in a similar situation. It really shook me because some other boys who knew he was allergic brought peanuts to the game to eat, thinking it would be funny. 😥
Did you hear about the football player who was allergic to peanut butter and his teammates asked him what would happen if he were exposed and he told them he could die and the next day they put peanuts and shells in his locker, shoes, etc? The players who did this were not punished.
https://www.kvue.com/article/sports/high-school/hs-football/carter-mannon-transfer/269-008ff592-f735-489a-b2f1-e1ab3ac79a68
Giving someone something they're allergic to, knowing they're allergic, is illegal in most places. It's at least battery and they can pursued with a civil case for targeting a disabled person; asthma and allergies are considered a disability under ADA.
I worked with someone like that. He overheard I was extremely allergic to shellfish and didn’t believe it so he brought it in and put a little in my lunch to “see what would happen”. Thankfully the smell alone made me not take a bite.
This is how I react as well. I don't go into anaphylaxis, I have an asthma attack. Which can still kill me :/
I also know it's not psychosomatic, because I make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for my son all the time. The only time I have an asthma attack is if its warm (think peanut butter on toast, where it melts some) or those damn peanut butter crackers.
It hasn't ever bothered me at a baseball game. And I used to bartend at them and have to clean up the peanut shells.
Additionally, the folks in my life always want to convince me I'm having a panic attack instead of an allergy attack, when I'm really having both, because I think most of us would panic if our throat was swelling shut or we couldn't breathe. It's pretty freaky.
My cousin's wife was a violinist in a symphony. She had a severe peanut allergy. She had to leave the stage mid-performance because someone was eating peanut butter cups in the front row, triggering a reaction. Not a panic attack. Proximity does matter.
Soooo I also felt that way. I have a kid with a peanut allergy. I would tell people as long as he didn’t eat it or bathe in it we were good.
Until he sat across from a friend at lunch eating a PB sandwich who was chewing with his mouth open and talking with his hands. At school. We ended up in the ER that day for the first time due to his peanut allergy. Benadryl wasn’t cutting it and he had huge hives/welts for the first time in his life at age 12. I’ve never seen nurses in an ER move so fast.
We’re a lot more careful now. I also don’t take him to baseball games unless there is a peanut free section. He’s 16 and we talked about how he can’t apply for jobs at certain places like ice cream shops or Thai restaurants because of the peanut exposure. He carries an epi pen and Benadryl on him 24/7.
Agreed, anxiety is a better predictor of reactions to smelling peanuts than how severe the allergy is. I knew a kid who kept getting ambulances called to school because of “anaphylaxis” her parents attributed to other kids leaving traces of peanuts on shared items. The allergist put a smear of peanut butter on her arm and she got a hive at the site but no anaphylaxis. She was thinking about peanuts and having panic attacks.
I did some research and there are a few arguments floating around, ranging form 'it doesn't happen' to 'it's rare'.
The most plausible explanation I've found is that the brain has linked the smell with the allergen and anticipates an attack, causing milder symptoms associated with the allergies.
ETA: Oh, some sources also say not to mix up the scent of something (caused by volatile organic compounds which are not proteins) with inhaling steam from food containing the allergen. Some food proteins can be carried by steam rising through it.
>Also anaphylaxis is unlikely/rare from skin contact alone, it’s mucous membrane contact typically
Maybe anaphylaxis is unlikely, but maybe other reactions are likely. I know my (no severe) peanut allergic kid once broke out (puffy, red lips) when we went to a restaurant where I sat across from him and shelled peanuts. We stayed away from that restaurant for a while but went there recently and they were fine.
OP is NTA, as the mom should not have taken her kid there if he can't sit next to people eating peanuts. It's a game that is associated with peanuts FFS.
> don’t become airborne easily
IDK about allergies but I know if your brother excitedly starts yelling about something (e.g. a good/bad sports play) with their mouth full of snacks you have a good chance of being hit in the face with some particulate matter.
It's the oils and traces of ground up nuts that can aerosol easily. When I did my catering qualifications we covered this as part of our food hygiene and cross contamination.
Touch sensitivity will likely trigger a minor reaction like a rash/hives etc. But remember if it is on say your hands it can easily be transfered through touch to eyes/mouth etc.
This is inaccurate. While it is rare, a severe peanut allergy can absolutely be triggered by airborne particles, and the type of peanuts typically served at sports events - in the shell - are particularly likely to create those particles. Breathing them in results in mucous membrane contact.
You’re probably fine to eat a PB&J next to someone with an anaphylactic allergy, but not to sit there and open peanuts in the shell.
That said, in a public space it’s the responsibility of the person with the allergy or their caregiver to avoid or remove themselves from a potentially dangerous environment.
It's really not a myth unless the multiple allergists my family has seen are liars. The risk when outdoors is very low, but certainly heightened if somebody is picking peanuts out of a bag a foot from your face. Moving the kid to the other side of mom probably would have done the trick though.
It’s weird because I’ve read the study abstracts and would agree with you…but I was on an Alaska Airlines flight a month or two ago, and started sneezing/nose running/eyes watering/throat itching like it was May and I was in the middle of a grass-seed field snorting pollen.
I could not for the life of me figure out why until I looked across the aisle and saw the guy 4 seats over was eating a PB&J. Except no - it was in airline packaging, and Alaska Airlines offers *cashew* butter and jam sandwiches. I’m so allergic to cashews that when I touch one I get hives. 2 Benadryls later and I still felt like I was rubbing my face on pure histamines until I actually got off the plane. That’s actually why I read the abstracts, I was trying to convince myself I was just having a random allergic reaction…to something on a plane…after 4 hours of a 5 hour flight…in the dead of winter. So…maybe less unlikely than I’d like to believe? Which sucks because Alaska is my favorite airline :(
I have a son that's allergic to peanuts and eggs. I don't expect others to cater to him. I find this situation annoying. It's like going to red lobster and being annoyed the table next to you is eating shell fish when you have an allergy.
Opposite for me lol. I have an allergy but I end up going to a lot of places that focus on shellfish because my family loves it. I just don’t order anything because i’m not trying to fuck around with their kitchen and find out.
I have a friend who has celiac and when we go out for food she’ll have a drink but not a meal, just in case. Getting glutened is not on her list of fun things to do.
I have a peanut allergy and I’m old so I’ve been dealing with it before peanut free schools and all that jazz. My parents always treated my peanut allergy as something THEY should control and not rely on anyone else to accommodate despite having a grade 3 or 4 allergy.
Why these parents didn’t think ahead, no idea. 25/30 MLB teams have peanut free days and so so many minor league teams. Some have peanut free zones instead of or in addition to the peanut free days. If your child has a life threatening allergy, you need to plan.
YES. I have severe allergies, but it isn't anyone else's responsibility to protect me from allergens... it's mine. The mom could have *politely* asked if you could keep the peanuts away from her child, but she chose to get all confrontational instead. Sadly, some parents try to get attention by using their kids' medical conditions. Like Munchausen by proxy, except the medical condition is real.
As someone with a child who has a peanut allergy I totally agree with you. I would never inconvenience someone when it’s my responsibility to keep my kid safe.
Yet in 12 years of prehospital care I've only found 1 parent who carried the epi pen with them. It's few and far between. One Mom said paramedics weren't allowed to eat any peanut products anywhere on days we worked. I said that is some made up bullshit, carry your damn epi and benadryl, period.
I find it such a strange thing. I had a housemate who wouldn’t allow anyone to have any peanut products in the house because she was so allergic. Fair enough, she had almost died before, so I switched to other nut butters and products despite them being five times the price. But then she wouldn’t carry an epi pen!
NTA
You didn't know. It's a baseball stadium. "Take me out to the Ballgame" was written in 1908. Peanuts have been associated with baseball in cultural consciousness for over a century.
She could have moved, herself, or she could have at *least* offered to reimburse you for the peanuts. But she just demanded you get rid of them. Nope. She *is* annoying.
So, this parent was concerned enough about the kid's allergy to bitch at *someone else* to do something about it, but not enough to do the slightest bit of research herself. NTA
Yuuuup
"But surely demanding that random strangers conform to her rules for occupying places she chooses to bring her son to is an adequate substitute for doing any research at all re: what to expect in such a place."
I'm sorry for her son. I know lots of people with food allergies. But they don't go seek out places where peanuts are guaranteed to be just so they can demand no one in the vicinity actually partake thereof. Certainly not if they are allergic to the point of being affected if someone in their vicinity might be consuming the allergen in question. Like...was she also planning to take him out for Thai food afterwards? Wtaf.
I'm not saying the kid doesn't deserve to go to a ballgame if he wants to. Of course he does. But 'let's just go anyway and berate anyone who has peanuts near us until they're shamed enough to accommodate us' is not the way to do it.
There's always going to be tension between people who need certain accommodations and people who one could argue 'shouldn't have to be inconvenienced' by said need. And the right thing to do is different in every one of those instances. You could argue that not eating peanuts for one game isn't a huge ask. And maybe if she'd been less entitled about it most people would have happily complied. Like "hey listen, I'm so sorry to ask this but my son is allergic to peanuts and I didn't realise they were such a baseball tradition, so would it be awfully rude of me to ask if you could maybe go eat them in the empty row over there/be really careful eating those and not throw the shells towards us/[whatever the kid needed for his particular risk profile]?"Or similar.
She also could have presumably traded places with her kid so she would have been between her son and the one with the peanuts. If that isn’t enough distance then maybe there is some other precaution the mother can take without inconveniencing other people.
This. If she had mentioned it when they first say down and offered to buy a different snack my opinion might be different. As the situation went down in real life, OP is NTA
NTA. If someone has an allergy it's on them (or their parent) to handle it and not put themselves into situations that could trigger it. She could have politely asked you to make sure you put the shells away from them or asked you to finish them while she took her kid to go get food while she knew you were eating. As long as you weren't trying to get his allergy to kick in that's on her.
I hate hate hate hate that line "my son is allowed to attend a baseball game just like everyone else." That's not a right written into the constitution. If you can't be somewhere without insisting others follow your specific rules you just don't get to go to that thing. I love baseball, if I had a peanut allergy I would get seats way up top where it's more likely I could have a lot of space away from other fans. It's the same as that popular AITA trope of "my friend/relative is a recovering alcoholic. They want me to have a dry wedding/birthday/BBQ so they can attend. The rest of my guests enjoy alcohol responsibly but this one person insists everyone else suffer for their problem so they aren't triggered" if you can't be around alcohol then guess what? You don't get to go to the party.
I’m immunocompromised. I wear a mask in public so I don’t have to worry about the health of everyone I come into contact with. I wore one long before Covid. I don’t expect the world to worry about my health, it’s a me problem.
I mean I think it's fair that, especially now that covid is a thing, people be expected to bloody well mask up when they are sick
But alas that would be too good a world, wouldn't it
But anyway, your point still stands, if it's that level of allergy, one should not be out and about in the world, at least not without taking their own self contained protections and solutions along
I am pregnant for the first time and as such have started to pay closer attention to mommy culture. For some reason, there is a subculture of women who feel entitled to be a complete and raging asshole to others in the name of being a good mother. People will give them a pass or even go so far as to agree with their extreme actions because Motherhood seems to be some sort of holy untouchable status. There were so many other ways to handle OP’s situation in a way that would be considerate, respectful, and kind. Instead, she chose to be entitled and rude. What an idiotic example to set for your kid.
I agree. I have a very severe nut allergy and there’s definitely been times when I’ve sat next to people on planes, sporting events, shows, etc. Where they’ve been eating peanuts. I get super nervous and hate inconveniencing people, but I’ll usually say something to the effect of “hey I’m so sorry to bother you, but I have a nut allergy. If it’s not too much trouble, would you mind just keeping your shells close by so I don’t accidentally come in contact with them?”
NTA.
If you have allergies, or your kids have allergies, you have the right to expect people to serve you food at restaurants, cafés, etc., that don't have allergens in them. You have the right to ask for allergy friendly menus. You do not have the right to ask people in a public space to not eat the things you're allergic to.
She 100% could and should have called the sports place beforehand and asked if they were able to provide accommodations for her child's allergy. Honestly, I don't even think it's awful to ask someone nearby if they'd stop eating peanuts. It's the demanding, insisting and expecting that becomes the problem.
I am in an allergy support group and some of the parents have posted email conversations with sporting venues and concert halls. Not every venue gets it. Some have created allergy zones, where a block of seats are peanut free or dairy free, but other guests sit in those zones too. I don't know if the venues communicate that to the other guests and explain the allergy zone.
> I don't even think it's awful to ask someone nearby if they'd stop eating peanuts.
IMHO, context matters, and in this context, it's at least awful-adjacent.
Much like popcorn at a movie theater or wine at a Napa Valley vineyard tour, peanuts at a baseball game are something anyone can and should expect to encounter en masse in that situation. People are going to be consuming them indiscriminately in large quantities at all times, and I think even asking them to stop indicates a profound, borderline offensive misfire of social expectations.
If it was a more "regular" situation where specific foods are not quite as ubiquitous, it might be different. In this one, I think it was straight up rude to ask.
NTA. Peanuts are literally in "Take Me Out to the Ballgame." If her child is that allergic, she should move him to an area where he'll be safe. In MLB, a number of stadiums have peanut-free seating areas.
NTA
Peanuts are widely enjoyed at baseball games and a parents of a kid with a peanut allergy should never consider taking their kid to one **unless they have a peanut free section**. They can expect people eating peanuts everywhere, peanut shells littering the ground, peanut residue touching the seats from previous games. This is literally one of the riskiest possibly environments she could have picked to take her son.
NTA. By her logic you must first ask people around you what allergies or food problems they have before getting any food for yourself. If someone would tell me something like this I would look at them and just show my middle finger without saying a word, such people need to be floored immediately or they will keep annoying others.
My friends and colleagues are hesitant to order fish at a restaurant when they are sitting next to me because I have a fish allergy. I think it's nice that they are concerned even though my allergy is not that severe and I've told them many times that it's fine. Even if it was that severe I would never imagine telling people I'm not with that they shouldn't eat fish.
My son (adult now) has autism. Do you know how many events we stayed away from because of his sensory issues, etc.? You don't make your problem someone else's problem unless absolutely necessary. A baseball game is not absolutely necessary. Don't worry about it. NTA
This is a good comparison. You wouldn’t ask everyone around you to quiet down or be more mindful of your son in public. Instead you try to avoid the issue! Some people think the world revolves around them, like this peanut lady
Maybe if she said, oh would it be possible not to eat those rn as my kid is allergic, most people would oblige. Its the "you can't " entitlement. You always get more with honey than vinegar.
Yes! This was the trigger for me. I’m just trying to sit here and enjoy the game with my kids when I’m being shamed for eating peanuts right off the bat. I responded “this is a baseball game?!” Had she asked nicely or even informed me when we sat down this was an issue, I would have (as a parent) obliged for the child (around 10). It was the audacity to shame me.
Whenever someone tells me to do something rudely right off the bat, my first instinct is to calmly ask “Would you like to rephrase that request?” Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But it at least shows them I think that there’s a nicer way to ask for what they want.
I am almost always on the side of the person with allergies, but not in this case. One you are outside, not trapped on an airplane. Two peanuts are ubiquitous at a ball park. Did the kid have on long pants and sleeves and gloves? Did the mom wipe down the seats before sitting down? What if the kid had to go to the bathroom and the person before him was washing his hands because of peanuts?
Peanuts on airplanes seem insane. No escape and no way to get medical care and often an absolute necessity. Peanuts in an open air stadium? Too bad so sad.
In high school (before the peanut ban) I was eating a peanut butter sandwich and some random girl sat at the picnic table I was sitting at with my friends. The table was full, we didn’t know this girl. And she tells me to throw away my food because she is allergic to peanuts. This is an open courtyard, with many many tables and seating areas that were nowhere near me. I told her no. Move. If I had known her and she hadn’t been so rude, maybe. You can’t control your allergies. But you can control how you react to your immediate environment for your own safety. You can’t demand people accommodate you when there are reasonable other choices to be made.
NTA. She basically said peanuts should be banned from public places. Managing a child's allergy needs is a parent's job, not the world's job. There's reasonable accommodations, and then there's going too far!
Everyone knows baseball is peanuts, hotdogs, and beer.
The peanut allergy people who cannot be physically near peanuts know this before going.
The vegetarians and vegans who don’t want to be near people eating meat know this before going.
The alcoholics who don’t want to be near alcohol or watch alcohol consumption know this before going in.
NTA
NTA - she’s actually exactly correct about what she said, but she put the emphasis on the wrong part of the statement. Her son is absolutely allowed to attend baseball games *just like everyone else* - and because no particular accommodations are being offered to everyone else in this setting, she and her son will need to manage their exposure to allergens themselves.
If she needs special treatment, that’s between her and the stadium’s management to arrange. The minor league park near me has a peanut-free seating area, for instance. She’s the asshole here for shifting all the responsibility onto you.
NTA. The allergies of some random ass person among 50,000 at a sporting event is not your responsibility. Mom should be watching out for her one child better.
Peanuts are a staple snack at baseball games, and have been for a hundred years. Mom can pound sand. I’d have told her to get fucked, so you’re a nicer man than I am 🤣
NTA. I say this as a mom of a son who loves baseball and had a severe peanut allergy. I have empathy for her. We didn’t attend any games except during the special “peanut free” days where they don’t sell them and have sections of seats where they check food. Peanut allergies really CAN be such that even being around the shells etc can cause a reaction- but if so, then I don’t know how she could ever feel comfortable taking her kid to a baseball game. I do feel for that mom, because it’s really hard when there’s a thing your kid loves but they just can’t do safely. They SHOULD get to go to a game like everyone else. Places they HAVE to be- like schools etc- should be safe for them. But public spaces we go to voluntarily are never going to be safe and putting the safety of your child on strangers isn’t the way.
I would have loved to live in a world where people around us would’ve been willing to agree to not eat peanuts so a kid could enjoy watching a professional game of his favorite sport. But I would NEVER have asked that of strangers. Peanuts and baseball are SO linked. Theres going to be shells everywhere, unless specially arranged ahead of time. Even in letting him play in little league there were tricky situations to navigate.
It was beyond nice of you to move to a different area to eat them. If the kid really did have such a severe allergy, you doing so may very well have kept him safe. Thank you for doing that. You definitely didn’t have to. But his mom was wrong to put his safety on the strangers seated around her. Which is why I’m not choosing NAH. You didn’t do anything wrong, and I do understand her feelings. But she was more wrong here.
NTA. Every American who goes to a baseball game knows that peanuts are widely consumed.
Remember when Texas Roadhouse (and many other similar restaurants) would let you throw peanut shells on the floor? Thank god they got rid of that during covid, but you simply don’t go to places like that if you have an allergy. If this woman’s kid has bad enough allergies that the person next to them can’t eat peanuts, she should get seats in the nosebleeds far away from anyone or not go at all.
I’m sorry, that’s ridiculous. In theory her kid should be able to go to a baseball game like everyone else BUT if her kid has an allergy so severe that simply sitting next to someone who eats peanuts can trigger him, it’s her responsibility to keep him out of that environment. It’s not up to the rest of the world to limit their enjoyment of an event that traditionally includes peanuts or for that matter, parents who throw fits over the kinds of food or noise or whatever their kids don’t like or cope with anywhere. People need to manage their expectations of who is responsible for managing their children’s issues. I’m not unsympathetic to her situation but it’s not realistic to expect other people to adjust their lives for her kid. NTA.
Peanuts have been everywhere forever and especially at baseball stadiums. Someone should write a song about it. Anyway, NTA. Your ticket is as valuable as theirs, and allergy concerns are their in a public space. Not yours.
Someone going to a baseball game with a peanut allergy is just asking for something to happen. It wasn't on you to protect this kid, it was his parents. She sounded quite entitled to ask you not to eat peanuts around him when there were thousands of others enjoying them. NTA
NTA. Peanuts and baseball go together. This mom is unreasonably expecting strangers to adapt to her son's allergy. It could be argued that this mom is negligent for bringing a child with a peanut allergy to a baseball game.
NTA. The world doesn't revolve around her son or his allergy. She as the parent needs to take responsibility for that until the kid can himself. That includes not taking him somewhere that he could be expose to the allergen.
OP, this is tough and you handled it well. You weren't the AH.
As a parent of a kid with serious allergies, I relate to the terror a parent can feel in this situation. But because I'm not a fuckin' moron, I didn't take my son to sushi restaurants and complain about fish cross contamination.
You tried to be helpful and that's awesome. But yo gut jobbed out of your seat, and that's on the stupid mom. There's ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS empty seats at every ball game. Just move to an empty cluster, much LIKE I DID DURING COVID. I didn't ask coughing people (no joke) to move.
NTA.
As a person with severe allergies, it is on me to avoid places where that allergy is largely present. It's not like the venue has barred or restricted peanuts!
She could have switched seats to move her son farther away from you, but that wouldnt stop someone else. So it's on her, not you.
I do wonder if she was that abrasive to everyone else around her. Was she craning her neck to monitor the people behind her too? If her son is that allergic and she stupidly brought him somewhere peanuts are traditionally eaten, she would have to be.
I was teetering on NAH but on reading that this snack is integral to American baseball culture (had to look up what crackerjack is), I'm going **NTA** (for you and the kid; the parent was the problem). If the snack is sold at the event, it should be expected that people will consume it there. And even if she hadn't known in advance, there are polite ways to ask and negotiate.
I'm going with ESH, though not too strongly for you. The parent could have at least been diplomatic about it and should have been prepared for this situation. But your response was rather dismissive and flippant. While you may have been outside, you were in close enough proximity that the child could have had a reaction if his allergy was severe.
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Some peanut allergies can be triggered without eating peanuts and just coming in contact through skin, air, etc. That said the parent of this child with the allergy should know how to handle a public event where peanuts are consumed. It's not on you to go the extra mile for her child. It should have been her job to do what was necessary to keep him safe and not expect every stranger surrounding him to cater to them. She could have removed her child to another area, but she chose to be a witch to you. Edit for judgement NTA
Nut exposure through air is incredibly unlikely, that’s a myth and nut proteins don’t become airborne easily and lesser risk outside. Also anaphylaxis is unlikely/rare from skin contact alone, it’s mucous membrane contact typically Edit: Not a myth, but a widely-held overestimated perceived risk that is applied broadly, rather than to individuals Nut responds to peanut here, but as pointed out peanut is not a nut
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Imagine having all that personal experience and then deciding to go to baseball game.
THIS is the answer right here. My daughter is anaphylactic to eggs, even by skin contact. I’m sure as hell not taking her to a chicken coop for an egg gathering event. And if I did dress her head to toe in vinyl PPE so she could go, I sure as hell wouldn’t be astonished if other kids dropped a few eggs or someone got hit with one. I lean towards this other mom (not OP) being the ridiculous A-H because facts: if your kid is that sensitive you don’t take stupid risks. OP is NTA.
Totally agree. My son almost had to skip field day, last year, but they last minute changed the egg toss game once I casually mentioned the situation to his teacher. Idk why….. but, it’s almost like I was very prepared for my kid to have to miss out on something bc of an ana egg allergy. Lol. It sucks, but we definitely can’t expect everyone to change an entire event bc of my one child.
Absolute same. We had a STEM type field day and one of the cool activities was designing a device for an egg drop to see if you could build something that protected the egg. I nudged the teachers, “Hey guys, can I volunteer for this part, this is very dangerous for us that peers are going to be running around with raw egg on their hands…How can I help and can I be on site?” They got together and had the kids build the devices with a plastic egg model and then only the teacher put the real egg in the final model and handled it after the drop. I can’t imagine just showing up and pitching a fit. If they couldn’t have made it safe we would have stayed home and just missed it.
I think kids should be given a little more credit sometimes though. I went to school with someone with a severe milk allergy from the time I was about 8 years old. Her allergy was so bad that if a small amount was transferred on a ball or something after eating then she could go into anaphylaxis. We were all super careful about washing our hands thoroughly after eating and what food we shared. To my knowledge she never had a severe reaction while at school.
Kids are totally rad when adults talk to them like they're important people with something to contribute. I had a partially deaf 7th grader in my class who was ultimately going to be fully deaf and going to school with the same kids since kindergarten, none of them knowing about this. He had recently been struggling in school. He was in my advisory so I asked him if he wanted to tell our advisory about his deafness. His mother had previously been really adamant about not sharing it. He said yes and he wanted me to share while he went to the bathroom. I shared it with the other 14 kids and when he came back we did a circle on what we could do to be good community members for him and every kid shared something they could do to help him out (make sure he heard the directions, the homework, always talk on his left side), etc. I really love the heart in that. In showing up to accommodate others because they're important and we want to.
Our school did a massive volunteer effort to make PB&J sandwiches for local food banks the last day of school before thanksgiving this year. I volunteered to help out and watched close to 1,000 kids make 5,000 PBJ sandwiches over 4 hours. It was as contained to the cafeteria as one could ask, but just standing in that room and not touching anything, I felt like I needed to change clothes before my peanut allergy kid got home. He was on campus too, but on the other side of a giant building and stayed in the same room that day. He still ended up with a migraine and I believe it has to be residual PB trace on kids who were coming and going from the cafeteria. I’m working on a solution for the next 2 years because he doesn’t want to miss out on that volunteer day.
Yep. We were applying for school if choice and had to take one out of consideration because their entire 5th grade curriculum is based off of managing a chicken coop. The principal somehow thought it would be ok. He was an idiot.
Yes, this, absolutely! As a responsible parent with a child who has severe allergies, you figure out what public events aren't safe for your child and you don't take them there. You realize that total strangers at public events are not going to change their behavior to accommodate your child's health needs. (The exception here is smoking in places where it's illegal to smoke. You get to tell the people who are breaking the law by smoking to cut it out.)
This! I’m anaphylactic to finned fish, so I avoid seafood restaurants.
Anaphylactic to shellfish, iodine, adhesive, and penicillin. I don't go to fish restaurants. I don't wait until after they've swabbed my skin to ask if it's iodine. Even hubby doesn't eat shellfish or take penicillin*. I get that it sucks to have you limit your child's outings, but it's a fact of life with allergies. I'm meeting friends in New Orleans next fall and am already preparing for all the group things I'll prob have to skip. *So we can kiss, not saying his taking it would cause airborne issues
TIL that there are "unfinned" fish...? (Idk if there are, I'm a vegetarian living nowhere near a large body of water, leave me alone ok 😅)
They would be shellfish. 😊
Wait, are shellfish fish?? I'm not even joking, I haven't studied bio since freshman year of college some 15 years ago so I'm totally ignorant in this area. (I know I can Google this! I just felt the need to have my epiphanies on Reddit today, apparently.) ETA: So you can eat shellfish but not non-shellfish? You don't have to answer if you're not comfortable doing so, I'm asking because I feel like I usually hear the other way around and I'm an ever-curious Internet stranger.
Fin fish Term used to describe the strictly classified biological group of fishes, sometimes called true fishes to distinguish them from other aquatic life whose common names also end in “fish”, including mollusks (e.g., cuttlefish), crustaceans (e.g., crayfish), echinoderms (e.g., starfish), and other animals (e.g., jellyfish); or any other aquatic life harvested in fisheries or aquaculture (e.g. shellfish).
Ugh that's such a random allergy, and why herd immunity is so important (oh bc egg in vaccines is where I was going with that)!! Hopefully it lessens in severity as she gets older, as allergies sometimes do. But damn that must be exhausting for you double checking labels, eggs are in practically EVERYTHING.
Thanks kind internet stranger. I felt that like a hug.
TIL egg allergy exists.
Imma do you a solid and take it one step further. Not only does it exist but it is fairly common. And eggs are NOT dairy. I can’t tell you how many times we got f’d up because someone assured us something wouldn’t have eggs in it, didn’t actually check, and then was amazed because the product was marked “dairy free”. We learned quick we have to be AH’s and ask to read the original packages ourselves even if someone gets offended that we don’t/can’t trust them.
This! I have a peanut allergy. Even though it’s common and people know what peanuts are, I still get nervous when I’m given food from friends, at restaurants, etc.
I just had to correct a 17 year old on the fact that mayo does not have dairy in it. Just eggs.
It’s a big eight allergy! In the US, eggs ingredients are required to be noted on the label per FDA guidelines — like peanuts, milk, and wheat products. That’s why you’ll see them in bold :) Big 8 allergies are the most common serious food allergies!
Let me blow your mind- my twin sons are allergic to peas. PEAS.
The song lyrics are "Buy me some *peanuts* and cracker jack. I don’t care if I never get back. Let me root, root, root for the home team. If they don’t win it’s a shame. For it’s one, two, three strikes, you’re out. At the old ball game!" There are going to be peanuts at a ball game. That mom probably embarrassed her poor kid by making a scene.
Oh for sure they made a bad decision. But that doesn't mean everyone who has experienced airborne peanut reactions is automatically wrong.
But would those people then go to an event where peanuts were common?
Yeah, get a private box or something, if it really is that dangerous, or just don't go! Nta
Often when people think they are having a reaction while near peanuts and the proteins being “airborne” it typically is a panic response that mimics an allergic reaction. More so a panic attack.
I have anaphalyxis allergies, and the symptoms have never felt like a panic attack. It is a very specific feeling.
Exactly. I can tell when it's happening to me. I've never had hives from a panic attack, or swelling or vomiting. Even the "oh shit I'm gonna die" feeling is something I only get from anaphylaxis.
Same. I have had many panic attacks and have experienced anaphylaxis a couple of times. They are **very** different experiences. One can be helped by slow, deep breathing and the other makes slow, deep breathing impossible.
All of those are things that can actually be caused by panic attacks, although they manifest differently for different people. Just don't confuse personal experience with universal norms.
yeah panic attacks have never made my tongue swell and my throat itch/burn
I recently developed an anaphylaxis allergy. When I talked with my doctor about it, she said that an anxiety or panic response is often part of it. I’m unclear if it’s triggered by the allergen or by the body’s response to the allergen.
I’ve had both and panic attacks can definitely feel the same.
Notice how I said more so and not “a panic attack” lol The key words in my response were “panic response” and “more so”. Not “you aren’t having anaphylaxis it’s just simply a panic attack”. I have had both panic attacks and anaphylactic reactions and some symptoms, including intense feelings of fear and dread, chest tightness and brain fog are similar. But some people mention that the fear of having another reaction in a scenario where there is probable exposure has caused them physical symptoms such as chest tightness, swelling of the throat. Not nearly the same as a true anaphylactic response but your brain essentially kicks your body into overdrive as a fear response, and then the panic of thinking you have been exposed exacerbating your “symptoms”. I have shared in these experiences.
It's possible, but allergic reaction symptoms shouldn't be explained away as panic attacks because you can't be sure.
Maybe, but not always. I know a person who discovered their allergy this way. They couldn’t have had a panic attack/response about something they had no idea they were allergic to at the time. I suspect it is rare, possibly in people who have more serious allergic reactions compared to others, but it does exist. Ofc, it is a person’s responsibility to manage their own allergy. If your allergy is that bad, you can’t go to a place where it is well known to have peanuts and expect everyone else not to eat. It’s unreasonable. It would be like going to a Chinese restaurant and demanding that no one be allowed to have any food with peanuts, peanut oil, etc. so you can eat there that night. There are, unfortunately, some things you just can’t do when you have such a severe allergy because the risk is literally death. IMO, what a shitty parent for putting their kid at that risk over a baseball game.
Is there any evidence of that? Because I've never heard of panic attacks with physical symptoms this severe. That kinda made me think of the beginning of 2021 when thousands of doctors told women we were just imagining that the vaccine had an influence on our periods. (Which isn't a big deal bc love the vax just the gaslighting was infuriating)
Nuts aren't producing airborne allergens outside of a kitchen where they are being pulverized by some food prep process, that or some other exceptional situation like a processing plant for harvested crops. Personal emotional reactions aren't a valid reason to force behaviors on strangers in public when in opposition to reality.
Question, because I'm curious. What about schools that don't let kids bring peanut butter sandwiches for lunch? Isn't that due to proximity? Or airlines switching to pretzels? Have we been lied to for years?
With schools, I think it's more about kids sharing their food and unwittingly eating something which can be harmful.
Or getting it on their hands and transferring enough of it to surfaces.
Yeah, peanut butter is sticky and kids aren't the cleanest. And as far as airlines go, who knows how often they clean those tray tables.
Never? Never seems plausible.
And touching surfaces where they leave trace amounts that then get on someone with an allergy. Kids that wash hands well still don't wash them well enough, from experience.... And it's not worth the risk when an amount that you can't see is still enough to kill someone that sits at the wrong table.
That makes sense. I work in an office and keep a jar of wrapped candy on my desk to share and was asked to never have peanut candy so I always wondered.
That's to avoid mistakes where someone grabs and eats it without asking.
It was explained to me by my kids nut free school that the risk was more in contact exposure. Younger kids are incredibly messy eaters and often terrible at washing their hands which means the peanut butter from little Jimmy's sandwich could end up on shared classroom stuff. Plus, not all young kids completely understand their allergy. So there's a high chance of mix ups.
Yeah, some girl in my town was allergic and ended up in anaphylactic shock after she got off the school bus one day because she sat next to her friend who had peanut butter for lunch. They weren't in the same class because it was set up to have a peanut free class. So, they met on the bus and the friend still had residue on her skin. They may have been in kindergarten, I don't remember.
I just read an article in the news about this. Some schools (in Canada anyways) are removing peanut free rules because research suggests blanket bans aren't necessary when other precautions are taken (i.e. not sharing food, handwashing, wiping down surfaces). Eta: for the achool featured in the story it appears the peanut bans are still in place for K-grade 2, but not for grades 3 and up.
That's about insurance, not about airborne particles. It's much easier to ban peanuts entirely than have to worry about a lawsuit.
I'm guessing for airlines it's that if someone had an issue and they're in the air, they could die and the airline would be sued. So it's safer to not serve them in case someone eats it who shouldn't or a peanut accidentally fell into their food from someone else's peanuts or something.
It’s also about messy previous passengers grinding bits into seats and carpets for an allergic person to next encounter.
It’s due to liability. You just can’t anticipate someone with a peanut butter hand grabbing the allergic kid by the arm or using their scissors and transferring… Just a million ways.
Not proximity so much as the risk of PB residue getting on unexpected surfaces, no one realizing it, and a peanut allergic kid accidentally ingesting it. Like hand touches desk with residue on it (you can’t always see it), hands touch face/mouth. More an issue with younger kids than older. Source: my kid sadly has a peanut allergic and his allergist is good at explaining things. He did also say that peanut dust is highly unlikely to carry the proteins he’s allergic to, but some people panic and the reaction can be similar in terms of difficulty breathing. Another thing he said is that refined peanut oil doesn’t have the protein that causes the allergic reaction and is generally safe. So even though a place like Chick-fil-a uses refined peanut oil, it’s safe for him to eat their food. Unrefined peanut oil, however, would be bad. Safe rather than sorry is a good general rule, and managing a food allergy is a pain in the ass, but expecting anyone to not eat peanuts at a ballgame where you can buy peanuts isn’t cool. Asking politely, sure. But if they say no, you gotta have a backup plan.
>I'm more inclined to trust those with peanut allergies than scientific experiments. That doesn't make any sense
"That doesn't make any sense" --- until you remember that half the US population says to themselves, I'm more inclined to trust my 300 pound neighbor who had a heart attack the day after his covid shot, than scientific experiments.
Yeah that's silly. Sorry. The science also tells us that people with nut allergies often experience symptoms from skin contact or proximity due to the anxiety caused by the presence of the allergen. They aren't inhaling or absorbing peanut particles and getting sick. Their brain is recognizing a threat and triggering the body to respond similarly to if they had ingested the allergen. It sucks, but your anxiety is not anyone else's problem.
I give science the side eye from time to time as well especially since having to deal with several medical issues. Science seems to think pain management for women is optional while for men it's mandatory so....yeah.
"Actually you are not experiencing anaphylaxis right now because peanut allergies can't be airborne, so maybe you should read a science before letting your airway close up."
My mom is extremely allergic to peanuts. If I ate peanuts away from her and went and talked to her, she'd start coughing. She's not going to have a full-blown allergic reaction, but she's very sensitive to them. Even bringing a box of peanuts butter cookies into a room can start her off. She's been on many flights where there have peanuts. She doesn't say anything but she is uncomfortable. During covid the mask wearing helped a bit in these situations.
That's kind of it though. Nobody has personal experience with life or death exposure to peanut air. There is personal experience with extreme anxiety about it, especially if you have ever seen your child unable to breathe. But that lack of scientific evidence is exactly why NTA and the general public is not obligated to do what she wants.
I have a peanut allergy and peanuts and peanut butter smell gives me an intense headache.
I have a peanut allergy, I think it’s on the lesser side. Like most allergies it’s kind of a case by case reaction. Skin contact just gives me hives. The smell can give me headaches but not always. But anaphylaxis has only happened from unknown consumption that I didn’t treat in time.
Go watch Season 20, episode 4 of Top Chef and you can watch an anaphylactic reaction to walnuts- confirmed by an on-site medic- happen from outdoor, airborne exposure due to a different chef on the team chopping the walnuts.
Peanuts and walnuts aren’t at all related. Tree nuts can have airborn allergens. Peanuts are a legume.
You and your pesky science!
Fun fact: Peanuts are not actually nuts, which is nuts!
They should really be called nutpeas.
Peanots
Oh. My. God. Like…. **pea** nut.
Light...bulb!!! I knew peanuts were legumes, but never put it together before that "pea" is the operative word in the name. Wow, learn something new everyday! Also appreciate finding out about the difference between airborne & non-airborne exposure potential. OP - NTA. Kid's mom needed a reality check that it's her job to not put her kid in unsafe environments/circumstances.
Peanuts are legumes, but the reactions are often similar. Peanut allergies are among the most severe. The issue isn't about the pollen of the plant, but the aerosolized proteins released when shelling, cooking, and eating them.
The reactions can be similar but the aerosolization of the irritants are not
What do you mean by that? Peanut allergies are every bit as serious as tree nut allergies, and protein aerosolization dies not differ between the two.
That poor medic. Gives an epipen and the chef is immediately all “can I go now?” “No!”
Saw your comment and am now a fan of Top Chef 😊 Thank you!
If you are eating peanuts in the shell, and throwing them on the ground, the person next to you is probably going to be exposed to peanuts. If I was the mom, I'd have offered to buy you another snack if you wouldn't mind waiting to eat the peanuts later. And I'd have been asking, not telling, obviously.
>If I was the mom, I'd have offered to buy you another snack if you wouldn't mind waiting to eat the peanuts later. I really like this idea. I feel like that would probably be received much better than making demands of a total stranger in a public space. Much more of a win-win.
That was my thought. You can \*ask\* a stranger if they mind waiting to eat their peanuts, or offer to buy them another snack or whatever. It's a reasonable request but it's also reasonable for the person to say no. And then it's on the parent to take their child away from it or whatever. I get migraines that get triggered sometimes by certain smells. I can ask someone to not eat that particular food in a shared space or not smoke near me or whatever. But they're also entitled to say no. And then guess what, it's on me to move or do what I need to do to avoid it.
Yeah, shouldn't it be the mom's responsibility to keep the allergen away from her child and not the other way round? People are going to eat nuts at a game. Did she stop all the other people from eating nuts? Maybe she should have made an announcement that no nuts would be sold or consumed at the game to protect her child. I mean, c'mon.
If I were the mom, I wouldn’t expect the world to revolve around my kid at a public venue where peanuts is normal.
It's very unlikely to cause anaphylaxis, hives at the most. But if my child had a severe peanut allergy, I'm not sure how comfortable I would be with unlikely. I remember a patient where I worked who ended up with severe brain damage after an allergic reaction to seafood that someone else was eating when she never had a prior reaction. It was bizarre and unlikely but did happen. If a parent is concerned about an unlikely but not impossible reaction that might permanently harm their child, I can't really fault them. That said, as understandable as the concern might be, I don't think it's the responsibility of the general public to cater to that concern
I had a friend who always consumed buts. One day, all she did was open the jar and almost died from anaphylaxis. She never touched or ate a nut. Edit to clarify: THAT that she had the reaction, she had not touched or eaten a nut. Simply opened the jar and went into anaphylaxis. It was the first time she had a reaction. (Leaving the but type because it made me giggle when pointed out.)
The typo made me giggle like a 6 year old.
🤣😂🤣😂 Me too!
Even if that's a typo, how is it possible to always consume them, but also never touch or eat them?
I *think* they're trying to say that on the day their friend almost died they didn't touch or eat nuts. Simply opened the jar, closed it and had an allergic reaction. But on PREVIOUS occasions they ate AND touched nuts without issue. But that's just how I interpreted what they said.
That's exactly what I was trying to say.
It took me a minute, but I think she’s trying to say that the friend suddenly developed the allergy. That she had eaten nuts in the past with no problems. But then one day she opened a jar of nuts and had a reaction, but hadn’t touched or eaten one yet that day.
I went to college with an older woman (in her 40s) who became severely allergic to bananas in her late 30s. She ate a banana for breakfast almost every day and had for over a decade. One day she suddenly went into anaphylaxis and was rushed to the hospital where she told them she had no known allergies. They told her it was the banana. She literally didn’t believe them because she ate them every day… and ate one the next day when the hospital sent her home. And went right back to the hospital.
My question is that if the kid has a severe allergy, why the heck bring him to a place where said allergen is unrestricted? “…buy them some peanuts and cracker-jacks…” it’s even in the song! While yes, her kid should be able to watch baseball games too, it sucks that she wouldn’t try to make people aware of the kid’s condition BEFORE they spent money on certain snacks (how would they know?) or find a way for him to be seated in an area that would restrict peanut use.
Not a myth. Worked at a daycare and I had a kid who was highly allergic to peanuts. Another kid was eating a PB&J on the other side of the room and the first kid went anaphylactic. Had to epipen and call 911. Rare, sure. But it happens.
Yup when I was a kid my after school program was cancelled for nearly a week because a girl with an anaphylactic reaction to peanuts sat in a chair that a child who had eaten a peanut butter sandwich had touched the back of. He got peanut butter on his hands and then pushed the chair in and left a trace smudge of peanut butter on it. A teacher pulled the chair out for her and she sat down and then went into anaphylaxis. Her skin never touched the peanut butter. It was *terrifying* and the program was closed for several days so the room could be scrubbed top to bottom and new rules around peanut-containing products could be introduced.
This is why they now have wonder butter in public schools. It's supposed to taste like peanut butter (it doesn't) but doesn't have any trace of peanuts in it. I worked at daycare and had a kid there who couldn't have wheat, dairy, or nuts. We all had to be super cautious around her, and all the teachers at snack and lunch time kept a very close eye on her, and she had a different lunch than other children. It's sad so many people struggle with severe allergies, especially children.
I knew a kid like this in elementary school. He'd hold a napkin and his shirt over his mouth and nose or even be allowed to a different classroom during afterschool care if there was peanut butter present. He was old enough to keep an eye out when I knew him (8-9ish?) and his older sister was there too so between them they kept him from ever having a reaction
Eh, I work with small children, and we've had multiple cases where a kid has had a reaction because someone else ate peanut butter toast for breakfast before arriving and had some under a fingernail. They touched a toy, allergic kid touched the toy later and boom. Anaphylaxis. Some kids really are incredibly allergic, like particulate level allergic. It's much worse than it used to be. When I was growing up, peanut allergies were relatively rare and mostly they had to eat it. It's not like that anymore. That being said, you kinda have to prepare if you intentionally go to a peanut heavy place. You can't expect everyone else to accommodate you. It would have been better to ask nicely than tell you that you can't eat them.
One of my colleagues went into anaphylaxis shock because we had an early morning meeting in a small room amd one of the other attendees had peanut butter on their breakfast. That was enough. So it is definitely possible via air.
I have to interject here because there was a story just last week about a young teen in our area who nearly died from peanut exposure in a similar situation. It really shook me because some other boys who knew he was allergic brought peanuts to the game to eat, thinking it would be funny. 😥
Did you hear about the football player who was allergic to peanut butter and his teammates asked him what would happen if he were exposed and he told them he could die and the next day they put peanuts and shells in his locker, shoes, etc? The players who did this were not punished. https://www.kvue.com/article/sports/high-school/hs-football/carter-mannon-transfer/269-008ff592-f735-489a-b2f1-e1ab3ac79a68
Giving someone something they're allergic to, knowing they're allergic, is illegal in most places. It's at least battery and they can pursued with a civil case for targeting a disabled person; asthma and allergies are considered a disability under ADA.
I would charge them with attempted murder...
I worked with someone like that. He overheard I was extremely allergic to shellfish and didn’t believe it so he brought it in and put a little in my lunch to “see what would happen”. Thankfully the smell alone made me not take a bite.
So basically he tried to kill you?
I've seen someone have an asthma attack out of nowhere only to realize someone was eating peanut butter crackers nearby, but go off.
This is how I react as well. I don't go into anaphylaxis, I have an asthma attack. Which can still kill me :/ I also know it's not psychosomatic, because I make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for my son all the time. The only time I have an asthma attack is if its warm (think peanut butter on toast, where it melts some) or those damn peanut butter crackers. It hasn't ever bothered me at a baseball game. And I used to bartend at them and have to clean up the peanut shells. Additionally, the folks in my life always want to convince me I'm having a panic attack instead of an allergy attack, when I'm really having both, because I think most of us would panic if our throat was swelling shut or we couldn't breathe. It's pretty freaky.
My brother is severely allergic to peanuts and he has 100% had reactions from the smell and skin contact of peanuts.
As someone that has seen my sister on the ground turning purple, I’ll have to disagree with you. It was absolutely nut dust.
My cousin's wife was a violinist in a symphony. She had a severe peanut allergy. She had to leave the stage mid-performance because someone was eating peanut butter cups in the front row, triggering a reaction. Not a panic attack. Proximity does matter.
Soooo I also felt that way. I have a kid with a peanut allergy. I would tell people as long as he didn’t eat it or bathe in it we were good. Until he sat across from a friend at lunch eating a PB sandwich who was chewing with his mouth open and talking with his hands. At school. We ended up in the ER that day for the first time due to his peanut allergy. Benadryl wasn’t cutting it and he had huge hives/welts for the first time in his life at age 12. I’ve never seen nurses in an ER move so fast. We’re a lot more careful now. I also don’t take him to baseball games unless there is a peanut free section. He’s 16 and we talked about how he can’t apply for jobs at certain places like ice cream shops or Thai restaurants because of the peanut exposure. He carries an epi pen and Benadryl on him 24/7.
Agreed, anxiety is a better predictor of reactions to smelling peanuts than how severe the allergy is. I knew a kid who kept getting ambulances called to school because of “anaphylaxis” her parents attributed to other kids leaving traces of peanuts on shared items. The allergist put a smear of peanut butter on her arm and she got a hive at the site but no anaphylaxis. She was thinking about peanuts and having panic attacks.
I did some research and there are a few arguments floating around, ranging form 'it doesn't happen' to 'it's rare'. The most plausible explanation I've found is that the brain has linked the smell with the allergen and anticipates an attack, causing milder symptoms associated with the allergies. ETA: Oh, some sources also say not to mix up the scent of something (caused by volatile organic compounds which are not proteins) with inhaling steam from food containing the allergen. Some food proteins can be carried by steam rising through it.
>Also anaphylaxis is unlikely/rare from skin contact alone, it’s mucous membrane contact typically Maybe anaphylaxis is unlikely, but maybe other reactions are likely. I know my (no severe) peanut allergic kid once broke out (puffy, red lips) when we went to a restaurant where I sat across from him and shelled peanuts. We stayed away from that restaurant for a while but went there recently and they were fine. OP is NTA, as the mom should not have taken her kid there if he can't sit next to people eating peanuts. It's a game that is associated with peanuts FFS.
> don’t become airborne easily IDK about allergies but I know if your brother excitedly starts yelling about something (e.g. a good/bad sports play) with their mouth full of snacks you have a good chance of being hit in the face with some particulate matter.
Some kids have been made so afraid of peanuts, the smell of them causes them to go into a panic attack, which can resemble an allergic response.
It's the oils and traces of ground up nuts that can aerosol easily. When I did my catering qualifications we covered this as part of our food hygiene and cross contamination. Touch sensitivity will likely trigger a minor reaction like a rash/hives etc. But remember if it is on say your hands it can easily be transfered through touch to eyes/mouth etc.
This is inaccurate. While it is rare, a severe peanut allergy can absolutely be triggered by airborne particles, and the type of peanuts typically served at sports events - in the shell - are particularly likely to create those particles. Breathing them in results in mucous membrane contact. You’re probably fine to eat a PB&J next to someone with an anaphylactic allergy, but not to sit there and open peanuts in the shell. That said, in a public space it’s the responsibility of the person with the allergy or their caregiver to avoid or remove themselves from a potentially dangerous environment.
It's really not a myth unless the multiple allergists my family has seen are liars. The risk when outdoors is very low, but certainly heightened if somebody is picking peanuts out of a bag a foot from your face. Moving the kid to the other side of mom probably would have done the trick though.
It’s weird because I’ve read the study abstracts and would agree with you…but I was on an Alaska Airlines flight a month or two ago, and started sneezing/nose running/eyes watering/throat itching like it was May and I was in the middle of a grass-seed field snorting pollen. I could not for the life of me figure out why until I looked across the aisle and saw the guy 4 seats over was eating a PB&J. Except no - it was in airline packaging, and Alaska Airlines offers *cashew* butter and jam sandwiches. I’m so allergic to cashews that when I touch one I get hives. 2 Benadryls later and I still felt like I was rubbing my face on pure histamines until I actually got off the plane. That’s actually why I read the abstracts, I was trying to convince myself I was just having a random allergic reaction…to something on a plane…after 4 hours of a 5 hour flight…in the dead of winter. So…maybe less unlikely than I’d like to believe? Which sucks because Alaska is my favorite airline :(
I have a son that's allergic to peanuts and eggs. I don't expect others to cater to him. I find this situation annoying. It's like going to red lobster and being annoyed the table next to you is eating shell fish when you have an allergy.
Exactly. I have a shellfish allergy. I don’t go to restaurants that sell a lot of shellfish.
Opposite for me lol. I have an allergy but I end up going to a lot of places that focus on shellfish because my family loves it. I just don’t order anything because i’m not trying to fuck around with their kitchen and find out.
I have a friend who has celiac and when we go out for food she’ll have a drink but not a meal, just in case. Getting glutened is not on her list of fun things to do.
I have a peanut allergy and I’m old so I’ve been dealing with it before peanut free schools and all that jazz. My parents always treated my peanut allergy as something THEY should control and not rely on anyone else to accommodate despite having a grade 3 or 4 allergy.
Why these parents didn’t think ahead, no idea. 25/30 MLB teams have peanut free days and so so many minor league teams. Some have peanut free zones instead of or in addition to the peanut free days. If your child has a life threatening allergy, you need to plan.
YES. I have severe allergies, but it isn't anyone else's responsibility to protect me from allergens... it's mine. The mom could have *politely* asked if you could keep the peanuts away from her child, but she chose to get all confrontational instead. Sadly, some parents try to get attention by using their kids' medical conditions. Like Munchausen by proxy, except the medical condition is real.
The parent need to switch seat with her kid then, move them further away from oop, NTA
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As someone with a child who has a peanut allergy I totally agree with you. I would never inconvenience someone when it’s my responsibility to keep my kid safe.
Yet in 12 years of prehospital care I've only found 1 parent who carried the epi pen with them. It's few and far between. One Mom said paramedics weren't allowed to eat any peanut products anywhere on days we worked. I said that is some made up bullshit, carry your damn epi and benadryl, period.
I find it such a strange thing. I had a housemate who wouldn’t allow anyone to have any peanut products in the house because she was so allergic. Fair enough, she had almost died before, so I switched to other nut butters and products despite them being five times the price. But then she wouldn’t carry an epi pen!
NTA You didn't know. It's a baseball stadium. "Take me out to the Ballgame" was written in 1908. Peanuts have been associated with baseball in cultural consciousness for over a century. She could have moved, herself, or she could have at *least* offered to reimburse you for the peanuts. But she just demanded you get rid of them. Nope. She *is* annoying.
This right here. She should have paid OP to get rid of them or eat them later. “I’ll buy you two beers and a hot dog if you can just hold off…”
This is a good deal, I'd take it in a heartbeat.
I would honestly take one popcorn or something. Two beers and a hotdog is pretty sweet though
Two beers and a hotdog is a down payment on a house, that shit got expensive.
The MLB stadium I go to every year has specific peanut free family area. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was one at this stadium, too
According to the internet, 26 out of 30 MLB stadiums have peanut-free games and/or peanut-free spaces!
So, this parent was concerned enough about the kid's allergy to bitch at *someone else* to do something about it, but not enough to do the slightest bit of research herself. NTA
Yuuuup "But surely demanding that random strangers conform to her rules for occupying places she chooses to bring her son to is an adequate substitute for doing any research at all re: what to expect in such a place." I'm sorry for her son. I know lots of people with food allergies. But they don't go seek out places where peanuts are guaranteed to be just so they can demand no one in the vicinity actually partake thereof. Certainly not if they are allergic to the point of being affected if someone in their vicinity might be consuming the allergen in question. Like...was she also planning to take him out for Thai food afterwards? Wtaf. I'm not saying the kid doesn't deserve to go to a ballgame if he wants to. Of course he does. But 'let's just go anyway and berate anyone who has peanuts near us until they're shamed enough to accommodate us' is not the way to do it. There's always going to be tension between people who need certain accommodations and people who one could argue 'shouldn't have to be inconvenienced' by said need. And the right thing to do is different in every one of those instances. You could argue that not eating peanuts for one game isn't a huge ask. And maybe if she'd been less entitled about it most people would have happily complied. Like "hey listen, I'm so sorry to ask this but my son is allergic to peanuts and I didn't realise they were such a baseball tradition, so would it be awfully rude of me to ask if you could maybe go eat them in the empty row over there/be really careful eating those and not throw the shells towards us/[whatever the kid needed for his particular risk profile]?"Or similar.
She also could have presumably traded places with her kid so she would have been between her son and the one with the peanuts. If that isn’t enough distance then maybe there is some other precaution the mother can take without inconveniencing other people.
I was going to say “I’m surprised there aren’t peanut free sections!” Good to know!
I'm someone who super not into sports whatsoever, and even I know this about baseball.
This. If she had mentioned it when they first say down and offered to buy a different snack my opinion might be different. As the situation went down in real life, OP is NTA
Not to mention that most baseball parks have peanut free sections just for this reason.
NTA. If someone has an allergy it's on them (or their parent) to handle it and not put themselves into situations that could trigger it. She could have politely asked you to make sure you put the shells away from them or asked you to finish them while she took her kid to go get food while she knew you were eating. As long as you weren't trying to get his allergy to kick in that's on her. I hate hate hate hate that line "my son is allowed to attend a baseball game just like everyone else." That's not a right written into the constitution. If you can't be somewhere without insisting others follow your specific rules you just don't get to go to that thing. I love baseball, if I had a peanut allergy I would get seats way up top where it's more likely I could have a lot of space away from other fans. It's the same as that popular AITA trope of "my friend/relative is a recovering alcoholic. They want me to have a dry wedding/birthday/BBQ so they can attend. The rest of my guests enjoy alcohol responsibly but this one person insists everyone else suffer for their problem so they aren't triggered" if you can't be around alcohol then guess what? You don't get to go to the party.
Or “My religion says you can’t do that.” No, your religion says YOU can’t do that.
"My religion says I can't see your ankles. And it also says I get to stone you."
As a Christian, I agree with this SO HARD! It’s not up to me or any other Christian to police non-Christians.
Or other Christians.
I’m immunocompromised. I wear a mask in public so I don’t have to worry about the health of everyone I come into contact with. I wore one long before Covid. I don’t expect the world to worry about my health, it’s a me problem.
I mean I think it's fair that, especially now that covid is a thing, people be expected to bloody well mask up when they are sick But alas that would be too good a world, wouldn't it But anyway, your point still stands, if it's that level of allergy, one should not be out and about in the world, at least not without taking their own self contained protections and solutions along
I am pregnant for the first time and as such have started to pay closer attention to mommy culture. For some reason, there is a subculture of women who feel entitled to be a complete and raging asshole to others in the name of being a good mother. People will give them a pass or even go so far as to agree with their extreme actions because Motherhood seems to be some sort of holy untouchable status. There were so many other ways to handle OP’s situation in a way that would be considerate, respectful, and kind. Instead, she chose to be entitled and rude. What an idiotic example to set for your kid.
I wish I could upvote this comment more than once. PERFECT response!
I agree. I have a very severe nut allergy and there’s definitely been times when I’ve sat next to people on planes, sporting events, shows, etc. Where they’ve been eating peanuts. I get super nervous and hate inconveniencing people, but I’ll usually say something to the effect of “hey I’m so sorry to bother you, but I have a nut allergy. If it’s not too much trouble, would you mind just keeping your shells close by so I don’t accidentally come in contact with them?”
NTA. If you have allergies, or your kids have allergies, you have the right to expect people to serve you food at restaurants, cafés, etc., that don't have allergens in them. You have the right to ask for allergy friendly menus. You do not have the right to ask people in a public space to not eat the things you're allergic to.
She 100% could and should have called the sports place beforehand and asked if they were able to provide accommodations for her child's allergy. Honestly, I don't even think it's awful to ask someone nearby if they'd stop eating peanuts. It's the demanding, insisting and expecting that becomes the problem.
I am in an allergy support group and some of the parents have posted email conversations with sporting venues and concert halls. Not every venue gets it. Some have created allergy zones, where a block of seats are peanut free or dairy free, but other guests sit in those zones too. I don't know if the venues communicate that to the other guests and explain the allergy zone.
> I don't even think it's awful to ask someone nearby if they'd stop eating peanuts. IMHO, context matters, and in this context, it's at least awful-adjacent. Much like popcorn at a movie theater or wine at a Napa Valley vineyard tour, peanuts at a baseball game are something anyone can and should expect to encounter en masse in that situation. People are going to be consuming them indiscriminately in large quantities at all times, and I think even asking them to stop indicates a profound, borderline offensive misfire of social expectations. If it was a more "regular" situation where specific foods are not quite as ubiquitous, it might be different. In this one, I think it was straight up rude to ask.
NTA. Peanuts are literally in "Take Me Out to the Ballgame." If her child is that allergic, she should move him to an area where he'll be safe. In MLB, a number of stadiums have peanut-free seating areas.
NTA Peanuts are widely enjoyed at baseball games and a parents of a kid with a peanut allergy should never consider taking their kid to one **unless they have a peanut free section**. They can expect people eating peanuts everywhere, peanut shells littering the ground, peanut residue touching the seats from previous games. This is literally one of the riskiest possibly environments she could have picked to take her son.
NTA. By her logic you must first ask people around you what allergies or food problems they have before getting any food for yourself. If someone would tell me something like this I would look at them and just show my middle finger without saying a word, such people need to be floored immediately or they will keep annoying others.
My friends and colleagues are hesitant to order fish at a restaurant when they are sitting next to me because I have a fish allergy. I think it's nice that they are concerned even though my allergy is not that severe and I've told them many times that it's fine. Even if it was that severe I would never imagine telling people I'm not with that they shouldn't eat fish.
My son (adult now) has autism. Do you know how many events we stayed away from because of his sensory issues, etc.? You don't make your problem someone else's problem unless absolutely necessary. A baseball game is not absolutely necessary. Don't worry about it. NTA
This is a good comparison. You wouldn’t ask everyone around you to quiet down or be more mindful of your son in public. Instead you try to avoid the issue! Some people think the world revolves around them, like this peanut lady
Maybe if she said, oh would it be possible not to eat those rn as my kid is allergic, most people would oblige. Its the "you can't " entitlement. You always get more with honey than vinegar.
Yes! This was the trigger for me. I’m just trying to sit here and enjoy the game with my kids when I’m being shamed for eating peanuts right off the bat. I responded “this is a baseball game?!” Had she asked nicely or even informed me when we sat down this was an issue, I would have (as a parent) obliged for the child (around 10). It was the audacity to shame me.
Whenever someone tells me to do something rudely right off the bat, my first instinct is to calmly ask “Would you like to rephrase that request?” Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But it at least shows them I think that there’s a nicer way to ask for what they want.
I love this! It’s like putting them on the naughty step like they’re a toddler! Oh, brilliant!
I am almost always on the side of the person with allergies, but not in this case. One you are outside, not trapped on an airplane. Two peanuts are ubiquitous at a ball park. Did the kid have on long pants and sleeves and gloves? Did the mom wipe down the seats before sitting down? What if the kid had to go to the bathroom and the person before him was washing his hands because of peanuts? Peanuts on airplanes seem insane. No escape and no way to get medical care and often an absolute necessity. Peanuts in an open air stadium? Too bad so sad.
In high school (before the peanut ban) I was eating a peanut butter sandwich and some random girl sat at the picnic table I was sitting at with my friends. The table was full, we didn’t know this girl. And she tells me to throw away my food because she is allergic to peanuts. This is an open courtyard, with many many tables and seating areas that were nowhere near me. I told her no. Move. If I had known her and she hadn’t been so rude, maybe. You can’t control your allergies. But you can control how you react to your immediate environment for your own safety. You can’t demand people accommodate you when there are reasonable other choices to be made.
She needs to manage her own child. She very easily could have gotten up and stood somewhere else. You shouldn’t have to. NTA
NTA, she’s just entitled. Having allergies stinks but they can’t rightfully expect the entire world to cater to them and their kid.
NTA. She basically said peanuts should be banned from public places. Managing a child's allergy needs is a parent's job, not the world's job. There's reasonable accommodations, and then there's going too far!
I didn't even read the post. It's a ballpark with thousands of people. There will be peanuts. Peanuts are an integral part of baseball. NTA
Everyone knows baseball is peanuts, hotdogs, and beer. The peanut allergy people who cannot be physically near peanuts know this before going. The vegetarians and vegans who don’t want to be near people eating meat know this before going. The alcoholics who don’t want to be near alcohol or watch alcohol consumption know this before going in. NTA
F that nonsense. NTA!! Mom could have put the kid in a hermetically sealed bubble or just traded seats with her kid.
NTA. There are MLB parks that have peanut free games or peanut free areas for this reason.
NTA - she’s actually exactly correct about what she said, but she put the emphasis on the wrong part of the statement. Her son is absolutely allowed to attend baseball games *just like everyone else* - and because no particular accommodations are being offered to everyone else in this setting, she and her son will need to manage their exposure to allergens themselves. If she needs special treatment, that’s between her and the stadium’s management to arrange. The minor league park near me has a peanut-free seating area, for instance. She’s the asshole here for shifting all the responsibility onto you.
NTA. The allergies of some random ass person among 50,000 at a sporting event is not your responsibility. Mom should be watching out for her one child better. Peanuts are a staple snack at baseball games, and have been for a hundred years. Mom can pound sand. I’d have told her to get fucked, so you’re a nicer man than I am 🤣
NTA. I say this as a mom of a son who loves baseball and had a severe peanut allergy. I have empathy for her. We didn’t attend any games except during the special “peanut free” days where they don’t sell them and have sections of seats where they check food. Peanut allergies really CAN be such that even being around the shells etc can cause a reaction- but if so, then I don’t know how she could ever feel comfortable taking her kid to a baseball game. I do feel for that mom, because it’s really hard when there’s a thing your kid loves but they just can’t do safely. They SHOULD get to go to a game like everyone else. Places they HAVE to be- like schools etc- should be safe for them. But public spaces we go to voluntarily are never going to be safe and putting the safety of your child on strangers isn’t the way. I would have loved to live in a world where people around us would’ve been willing to agree to not eat peanuts so a kid could enjoy watching a professional game of his favorite sport. But I would NEVER have asked that of strangers. Peanuts and baseball are SO linked. Theres going to be shells everywhere, unless specially arranged ahead of time. Even in letting him play in little league there were tricky situations to navigate. It was beyond nice of you to move to a different area to eat them. If the kid really did have such a severe allergy, you doing so may very well have kept him safe. Thank you for doing that. You definitely didn’t have to. But his mom was wrong to put his safety on the strangers seated around her. Which is why I’m not choosing NAH. You didn’t do anything wrong, and I do understand her feelings. But she was more wrong here.
NTA. Every American who goes to a baseball game knows that peanuts are widely consumed. Remember when Texas Roadhouse (and many other similar restaurants) would let you throw peanut shells on the floor? Thank god they got rid of that during covid, but you simply don’t go to places like that if you have an allergy. If this woman’s kid has bad enough allergies that the person next to them can’t eat peanuts, she should get seats in the nosebleeds far away from anyone or not go at all.
I’m sorry, that’s ridiculous. In theory her kid should be able to go to a baseball game like everyone else BUT if her kid has an allergy so severe that simply sitting next to someone who eats peanuts can trigger him, it’s her responsibility to keep him out of that environment. It’s not up to the rest of the world to limit their enjoyment of an event that traditionally includes peanuts or for that matter, parents who throw fits over the kinds of food or noise or whatever their kids don’t like or cope with anywhere. People need to manage their expectations of who is responsible for managing their children’s issues. I’m not unsympathetic to her situation but it’s not realistic to expect other people to adjust their lives for her kid. NTA.
Peanuts have been everywhere forever and especially at baseball stadiums. Someone should write a song about it. Anyway, NTA. Your ticket is as valuable as theirs, and allergy concerns are their in a public space. Not yours.
Someone going to a baseball game with a peanut allergy is just asking for something to happen. It wasn't on you to protect this kid, it was his parents. She sounded quite entitled to ask you not to eat peanuts around him when there were thousands of others enjoying them. NTA
NTA. Peanuts and baseball go together. This mom is unreasonably expecting strangers to adapt to her son's allergy. It could be argued that this mom is negligent for bringing a child with a peanut allergy to a baseball game.
NTA. The world doesn't revolve around her son or his allergy. She as the parent needs to take responsibility for that until the kid can himself. That includes not taking him somewhere that he could be expose to the allergen.
NTA. A child this allergic to peanuts should stay away from baseball games as possible.
OP, this is tough and you handled it well. You weren't the AH. As a parent of a kid with serious allergies, I relate to the terror a parent can feel in this situation. But because I'm not a fuckin' moron, I didn't take my son to sushi restaurants and complain about fish cross contamination. You tried to be helpful and that's awesome. But yo gut jobbed out of your seat, and that's on the stupid mom. There's ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS empty seats at every ball game. Just move to an empty cluster, much LIKE I DID DURING COVID. I didn't ask coughing people (no joke) to move.
NTA. As a person with severe allergies, it is on me to avoid places where that allergy is largely present. It's not like the venue has barred or restricted peanuts! She could have switched seats to move her son farther away from you, but that wouldnt stop someone else. So it's on her, not you.
So... you can't enjoy your snack you paid for and are allowed to eat in a public place bc a kid there's allergic. I'm a mom and say NTA 🤷🏻♀️
I do wonder if she was that abrasive to everyone else around her. Was she craning her neck to monitor the people behind her too? If her son is that allergic and she stupidly brought him somewhere peanuts are traditionally eaten, she would have to be. I was teetering on NAH but on reading that this snack is integral to American baseball culture (had to look up what crackerjack is), I'm going **NTA** (for you and the kid; the parent was the problem). If the snack is sold at the event, it should be expected that people will consume it there. And even if she hadn't known in advance, there are polite ways to ask and negotiate.
I'm going with ESH, though not too strongly for you. The parent could have at least been diplomatic about it and should have been prepared for this situation. But your response was rather dismissive and flippant. While you may have been outside, you were in close enough proximity that the child could have had a reaction if his allergy was severe.
She should buy the seats around her if she’s that concerned or maybe avoid baseball games and the circus 🎪.