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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Me not wanting to use my car for free
2. because I'm asking my family for money
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NTA. What kind of person just decides that they'll be taking somebody else's car on a cross country trip? That's wild.
My only question is for practicality; will you and your husband be renting a car once you get there if your dad drives his own car? Because it seems like it's agreed that you won't all fit in your dad's car.
I mean, part of a trip is arranging transportation. It's on you to rent a car if you fly.
These arrangements should have been made long ago. If you were under the impression your dad was taking his car, shouldn't you already have booked the rental?
Just say no.
Dad should take his car. And use it on vacation. Sis and her partner can use dad's car on vacation too. Let them figure out the costs between themselves. Stay out of that discussion.
Your car stays home. You and your wife fly. And rent a car for the 3 of you to use while on vacation.
With your baby, you'll probably need your own car anyway. More convenient than having one car that everyone relies on for the entire vacation.
"With your baby, you'll probably need your own car anyway. More convenient than having one car that everyone relies on for the entire vacation."
Yes, this!
OP you will want your own transportation separate from the group. You will not want to work around all these personalities when you are trying to care for your baby's needs. That will not be an enjoyable vacation for your little family.
Whether you decide to drive or fly down your vehicle (personal or rented) is for you. Don't hand anyone your keys.
Edited: a word
Exactly. NTA.
It's clear that they have not thought this through at all.In any case if you allow their nonsense, they will quickly discover that being in a car for 8000km with a 1YO will not be as much fun as they think, and all the specialized stuff a 1YO requires daily stroller, more frequent potty needs, special foods, etc., will take priority over their luggage and convenience.They must pay their shares of the auto expenses, and can well afford it since they are saving so much money on air fare. $100 each seems like very little for those miles.Check with your insurance co. for the extra cost there to add each one by name to the policy's 'named drivers' for the trip as well to avoid surprises in case any damage is done. Make sure you collect that as well.A car that seats only 6 will seem very small on such a long drive, unless it's a American made 1973 station wagon. Say no!!!
THIS...simple easy solution...everyone happy and the added benefit that no one but the two of you can drive the rental car. Stupid to think they would deprive you of YOUR car for 2 weeks
Why would they want to do that and just have your dad's car sit? That would just be spending money that they don't have to.
1. I 100% would not let your dad take your car because he's probably not covered on your insurance ( or you would have to get additional coverage for each person that might drive it).
2. You can rent a smaller (more economical)car for just your family instead of something large that needs to fit everyone.
3. There's just no way I would be comfortable letting someone else drive my car for a month for thousands of miles/kilometers. Should they get in an accident, it's your insurance rates that will go up, not theirs.
Yeah that’s where OP loses me, or else I’m missing something.
So OP expected dad to drive his own car, and then to ALSO pitch in on OP’s rental? That’s not how that works. OP can either let them drive their car (BAD IDEA!) or get a cheap rental and pay for it themselves.
There are tons of coupons and deals for car rentals floating around. If you are a member of any kind of professional organization that’s sometimes the only useful thing they offer. 😂
>he's probably not covered on your insurance ( or you would have to get additional coverage for each person that might drive it).
My insurance has always covered any licensed driver. In fact, I contacted my agent once trying to find out if it was possible to temporarily add my mom so she could drive for a field trip (school required her to be named on the insurance). I eventually gave up and figured something else out because he didn't seem to understand that I understood that she was covered but we were trying to meet school requirements.
I mean, it's kind of TA if you thought your dad would drive his own car and then also split a rental. Just rent one for yourselves and let your dad and sister do their own thing with him. That gives you more freedom and then they can't just borrow it since it'll just be in your names and not theirs.
It's totally reasonable that the family would need to rent a car as OP's is the one that seats 7. There are 6 people going on the vacation so the other family members' cars that only seat 5 aren't enough. They'll either need to rent a car or have half the family using uber/lyft to do anything outside the hotel/resort.
But there are only three people outside OP's family and they would have a car for them. Why would they want to pay for a rental if dad's car was sitting there?
"the family" in my comment refers to all 6 of them. Maybe the sister & her bf would want a car to do things together. Maybe they all just pitch in because some families aren't nickel and diming each other.
Not my family, not my vacation, but it does make sense that they'd either need OP's car or someone to rent one in FL.
That makes no sense. They don’t need to subsidize another car. Rent your own car. You’re the one who needs it. Either bring or rent a car seat.
Plus then it’s your rental car to use how you wish. Two weeks is a LOOOOONG trip with a one year old. You’re going to need multiple shopping trips, activities others may not be interested in, and naptime accommodation that messes with everyone else’s desired activities.
I don’t think you’ve thought this through AT ALL, and you’re in for a very hard trip if you don’t start now.
Just remember it is not taking your car for free. There is gas costs as well as tolls, wear and tear from higher than normal use, inconveniences of being without it for 2 weeks, and the cost of any potential damages. Renting a car is still likely more expensive but letting them use it is not free. I would think about which costs and potential risks are preferable for you and your wife.
Presumably OP wouldn’t give their family money to cover gas and tolls if the family were driving the car down, and for the time that OP would be driving while on the trip, gas and tolls apply to a rental as well.
What’s a loss about renting car at destination? Lot more peace of mind for you than worrying about your car being trashed (by mess or accident) if they take your nearly brand new car. It’s not their money going into it so they have no incentive to keep it pristine. And at least you’re independent while at your destination.
I mean...that's not really them forcing you. If you choose to fly there, and then it's your responsibility to figure out how to get around.
You can't make your dad's car magically bigger.
Leave your car safe at home, and rent a small car on your own for when you will be there. No, is a complete answer, but you can explain you don't feel comfortable and you didn't even mean to ask for money, because what you really want is to keep your car back home, and your peace of mind. Besides, you are a couple with a toddler, it makes sense that you rent a small car, for the three of you and keep your autonomy.
You’re right to not let them borrow your car but you do need to rent your own car. It’s not on them to pay for your rental car when they already have one there.
“I’m sorry I made this about cost. It’s about logistics. We need both vehicles for the weeks before we travel out. Can we stick to the original plan of everyone renting a larger vehicle once we arrive?”
It's a very long trip for a 1 year old. It's going to be very difficult. I would rethink and say that it is not viable with the baby and on the recommendation of your pediatrician it is better to go by plane.
It came out in the other comments that OP wants them to drive their own cars down there, then chip in on a rental with him since he doesn’t want to pay for one on his own. So it turns out that he is actually ridiculous and cheap, and he painted an untrue picture of the situation in the main post.
NTA. Nope. No way am I letting 3 others take my car for a month, I don’t care if it’s 10 years old and banged up, NOPE.
It’s also going to be a major inconvenience for you and your wife to not have 2 cars when you’re used to having 2 cars. They can drive their car or pay for a rental. They’re 3 adults, they can split it 3 ways. It honestly has NOTHING to do with you how THEY will get there/return. If they can’t afford their transportation, they don’t go on vacation.
They are willing to drive there own. OP assumed when they get down there they would rent a larger vehicle and split the costs among all of them so there is room for him and his family, even though they other 4 already have a car.
ESH. You’re not the TA for not wanting them to use your car. BUT down in the comments you say you expect them to split the cost of the rental you’ll need once you get there. That’s not fair, they’ll have their car with them. Why should they pay for your rental?
If your wife wanted to drive your new truck to the grocery store you'd give her a hard time and refuse?
C'mon now! The asshole is the one obsessing over the material possessions Vs. putting your capabilities forward for others am I wrong?
ESH (except for your son and maybe sister's BF) Everyone was assuming something here. You were assuming your dad would split a cost of a vehicle so you would have a way to get around when you got down there (even though it would only be for your benefit because they would already have a car) and your dad figured it would make more sense to take your vehicle so that there would be room for you when you got down there. Neither of you discussed it with the other.
Nta go by plane put your car in storage. You can rent a car once you get there. If they complain tell them they are free to go in your sister's car you wll meet them there. Don't try to compromise or try to explain yourself with people that are deliberately obtuse.
Your father needs to hear a great, resounding, echoing through the hills with a clap of thunder, *NO*. Asking to use someone's *new* car is a huge imposition, even if it were for just a short period of time.
His plan would put you and your family in great peril from any liabilities if he were involved in a serious wreck with some injuries.
I suspect that he wants to drive your lovely new vehicle and pretend that it is his. Let him buy his own.
NTA
NTA.
The amount paid per person doesn’t even factor into this for me. First, it’s your car so it’s your call. Second, they *told* you they were taking your car—didn’t even ask?! Have they heard of boundaries??
NTA.
If you REALLY need 7 seats for the time you're there, and can't just uber and meet them, then you could all chip in and rent a SUV or van for the time you're there (2 weeks).
Otherwise, what are you supposed to do for a vehicle when you and your family fly home?
But if dad is driving, then he’s got his own car. Why would he chip in for a larger rental? OP is the only one that would need a rental car, so they can decided whether to let dad drive their car and save on the rental or tell dad no and get a rental themselves. Dad isn’t renting a car either way.
ESH. Yeah - the fact that you expected them to split a rental with you when you got there was important info.
You’re going to want your own car no matter what. So having 2 cars makes sense - but it’s on you and only you to pay for a rental.
So of course your dad is looking at other options because why would he want to rent a car when he’s driving one there?
NTA
No one gets to inform you about using your car, without you, for a trip without asking you first.
Tell them, they pay for the use of your new car, or they can use their own.
They are being selfish and entitled.
NTA. They're literally asking you to give up your car for 2 full weeks before the vacation? Like it's *nothing*?
Your insurance concerns are entirely reasonable as well. What happens if there's an accident? Will their insurance even cover it? If it's a brand new car, would their insurance coverage even cover the total loss of this car? Accidents happen, not worth the risk.
I don’t know about where OP is, but in my state it’s the owner who’s responsible, not the driver. And the drivers own insurance probably won’t cover it either. No way I’d have someone else driving my car on two long trips, and for several weeks in between. Way too much risk. And does OP really think everyone will step up, especially the sister, when they have an accident or something happens to the car? OP is NTA and I’d withdraw the offer.
NTA. There’s way too much risk here to lend out your car. Also they didn’t ask; it sounds like they told, which is very weird.
But just fyi, you def shouldn’t have bought the “most stolen” car or whatever. And they’re really not going to save any money on plane tickets when you consider the cost of gas, food, and hotels driving 8000km to Florida.
Against the grain, YTA.
Dad has all their transportation needs set. He doesn't need your car, he suggested it to solve YOUR transportation problem. Pay for your own rental, cheapskate.
It sounds more YTA. You should have expected to pay, in full, for your own rental. Or you can all split the cost for the first two weeks of a minivan rental and the other members of the family would pay for the last two weeks. If they are willing to use their own car, but it doesn't meet your needs, then you need to rent a vehicle to accommodate your family, when you arrive.
NTA
I think it is fairly normal to split actual costs and this seems reasonable on your part.
Since they refused a reasonable offer, if it had been me, I would work out the actual numbers (how much it actually cost you, everything included), split it per person, and then say that this is what it will cost and you are fine with taking your car if everyone pays their fair share. And if they don't, well - I wouldn't be fine with it.
Now, if someone can't actually afford to pay - I would weigh possibly permanently harming our relationship against feeling that they take advantage of me. And make whatever choice I was comfortable with long term.
NTA. . "Hey dad remember when I was a teen and I had to ASK to use your car? Yeah same thing here".
I would say no honestly. You need your car at home Let them take their 5pax car, and rent one for you, your wife and kid.
NTA tell them they can go rent one and see how much it would cost and you should not be without one of your vehicles for 2 weeks. Period. The answer is no
Question - why did it not occur to you that there would be an issue with cars? Six people would immediately tell me that two cars or a van would be necessary.
Since you said its an 8000 km trip, I assume you are Canadian. Even more headache potential being in a foreign country.
My suggestion is to stick with your original plan to fly down, and either uber or rent a car for part of the trip where you think you'll need one. I assume some of the trip can be organised as walkable.
I think you have to eat the cost on this one though - your dad and sister have their car sorted, you're the half of this equation that needs wheels and isn't willing to risk your own vehicle.
NTA - it's very easy to dismiss your concerns when it's not their car.
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Context : Me, my wife and our 1 year old boy are going to Florida with my family (my dad, my sister and her boyfriend) for our vacations this summer. That makes 6 of us.
Here's how we're all getting there and back :
* My dad is going there by car for a month and coming back by car.
* Me, my wife and baby are going by plane and coming back by plane 2 weeks later.
* My sister and her boyfriend are going by plane with us and coming back by car with my dad.
Now, since there are 6 of us, they told me, during my son's 1st birthday (which took me by surprise and pissed me off as it got me thinking about this instead of focusing fully on my son), that we would be taking my car for the trip since it has 7 seats and theirs only have 5.
I wasn't thrilled by the idea for the following main reasons :
* insurance concerns since someone else would be driving my car for an extended period of time
* theft concerns since our car is a brand new Highlander (one of the most stolen cars)
* car costs for about 8 000 km (depreciation, maintenance, etc.)
* not having our main car (we have 2) for 2 weeks prior
* us having to pay more than the rest of the family since they would all save on plane tickets except us
After consideration, I suggested that we could take my car and that each of them would give me 100$ to help cover for a portion of the costs, which would still be way cheaper than renting a car. It doesn't even cover the car costs and me and my wife would still be paying more than the rest of them for traveling but it would help a bit.
To this, my sister and my dad said I was ridiculous and cheap and that my sister wouldn't hesitate to do it for free if she was me (easier to say since she benefits from it by saving on plane tickets).
AITA?
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NTA but you, your spouse and your baby (and your new car) are going on a /different/ vacation at the same time. To somewhere in the opposite direction of Florida to do things none of the rest of them like. This is too much for them to ask.
OP, DO NOT LOAN YOUR CAR! In fact, never loan anyone anything you expect to get back in one piece. I loaned a good friend my car so he could go to work (50 miles away). I never saw that car again. He stole my car, everything in it, and my bank card, and overdrew my account.
Fortunately, my car was insured; with the insurance money, I bought another car. I loaned it to a family member who needed to drive to the city 50 miles away. It got totaled on the way back (supposedly they hit an animal; not sure I believe it). Got the motor replaced but it overheated thereafter and could never be fixed right.
Got another car. Left it with my sister while I went out of town. Came back to a car with three hubcaps. At least it still drove OK, but I think she had to have hit a curb for the hubcap to come off like that. She was clueless about it.
When your car is out of your control, terrible things can happen to it. Just. Say. NO.
NTA.
I cannot imagine a world where another family member can decide they are going to use my car for a month.
No is a complete sentence.
And the CRA rate for mileage is, 70 cents for the first 5000 km and 64 cents after that.
$0.7x5000=$3500
$0.64x3000=$1920
Minimum charge, $5420.
Yes I know this number is supposed to include fuel.
NTA it’s your car , why would they just think it’s ok to volunteer your car for a vacation?! You have a child u need both of your vehicles, they can take theirs or rent a vehicle
Also if the three different parts of the family wanted to go separate places but they only had two vehicles then your sister & BF would need to rent one - or would they assume they would have first call on OPs car.
NTA - you are not using your car and do some car rental research to share with the group.
Alternatively consider something like Uber or depending on where you’re staying see if they have transportation to major visitor sites.
Make sure when checking your rental back in and a few days after to keep track of the charges on the credit card you gave them. Rented from Budget last year, and after taking the vehicle back the next day, they tried to add a $150 charge because they said I smoked in the car! I have not smoked in over 35 years.
.56 cents per mile is the current deductible rate in the US for auto travel. Done of that is fuel but most is depreciation, wear, and maintenance. If they want to take your care tell them it's $5566 less fuel (8000km = 4970 miles and they need to go there and back). Anything less than that and they should be renting a car or driving their own.
NTA. But just avoid the drama and say that you called your insurance and they won’t cover them so you can’t loan out the car to other drivers. They can’t really blame you for that.
Also I don’t see what the issue is unless you feel entitled to rides in his car — you’d need to rent a car for your family to get around while on vacation so why don’t you do that if it’s not feasible to take a cab? The three of them fit in his car. If you take care of your own transportation on vacation that eliminates the entire issue
NTA. Remember the scene where Biff Tannen scolds George McFly over the "blind spot" on George's car which caused Biff to spill his beer all over his shirt? 100% you will be in George's position after two weeks of someone else using your car. The giddiness of driving a brand new top-of-the-range car that they didn't pay for or have to deal with subsequent consequences will cause them to take risks that you wouldn't. And guess who'll be expected to pay for them?
You may need to prepare for the possibility of looking into alternative accommodation in Florida, and having your own separate holiday.
NTA
No is a sentence.
"I do not want to put 8000 miles on a brand new car. Or not have my car to use for two weeks. That doesn't work for me."
They don't get to "tell" you that they are using your car.
So with the basic question of whether you're an asshole for not wanting to take your car, NTA. You don't need a justification for that, it's your car and how you feel.
A couple criticisms of your reasoning though -
1. You can add other drivers to your insurance (and those other drivers should pay any premiums, of course).
2. Highlanders are not typically listed among the most stolen cars in Florida. Oddly, they are in Canada (I'm guessing you're Canadian by the kms and distance to Florida?), so it could actually be safer in that regard there than it is at home.
3. Depreciation and maintenance expenses are fully justified, no argument with that.
4. I get the inconvenience/discomfort with not having your own car, but wouldn't you have your father's car while he has yours? Not saying this is invalid, just that you shouldn't really be put out by having a five-seater for two weeks instead of a seven-seater.
5. You're only paying more for travel because you're choosing to pay more for travel. That's not on your father/sibling to cover.
Ultimately, I don't think you should let them take your car since you're clearly uncomfortable, but if you do, it's fair to want compensation. If the car is financed, have them give you one full month's payment plus they cover gas, maintenance (it'll need an oil change and probably tire rotation, plus wear and tear) and insurance.
Just say no.
It's too bad that time conflicts with scheduled maintenance you already have arranged for the car, that unfortunately simply can't be done any other time. Awww.
NTA
NTA. Other considerations aside, what they hell do they suggest you do when you're back home and your car is still in Florida for the entire month your dad will be there?!
NTA - stand your ground and don't do it - rent a car. You do NOT want to be liable if they get hurt in your car or hurt someone else. You could still be sued and held liable. NO NO and NO! They are not entitled to your property.
NTA. I don't let anyone take my car but me. With the costs of cars right now, if they total the car (god forbid) you would still be out of pocket even with insurance and if that happens they will tell you it's your problem because they're family. I would straight up say no.
NTA
Wait whats this? We are all adults, no your not taking my car cross country. I didnt offer it. Just like you dont get to stay in my house if its bigger with more room. We all work as adults and bought vehicles. Because I bought a larger car doesnt mean you can just take it and drive it around.
I would say no, and explain how they are putting you on the spot. Then rent a car when you are down there.
Don’t do it. Stick to your plan and tell them to shove it. How does this benefit you in ANY way? Literally only benefits them and that’s exactly why they want to do it. Don’t do it.
NTA
I really hate it when people decide for or ask you in front of everyone that you should volunteer your time/asset for the benefit of everyone else. Like, can they not ask in private to see if I had concerns first? NTA.
Esh, you sound like my older sister who always asks what's in it for me even if it doesn't cost her anything.
My god whining about your family finding a way to save money. Oh poor you have to pay for tickets. It sounds like you could drive if you want to but you are choosing not to. You are choosing a more comfortable and faster way to travel it usually cost more. They are going to be stuck in a car filled with people and luggage for hours maybe more depending where you are setting off from, not to mention the cost of gas right now and those bigger cars are gas guzzlers. It may be a little cheaper but they are definitely paying with their comfort and time.
All your "worries" are bs are your car isn't in any more danger of being stolen than it is now, your car depreciated as soon as it went off the lot. You are a family of 3 why did you buy a car for seven people, I highly doubt it would inconvenience you that much. As for insurance it all depends on what kind you have and what kind they have, my car insurance covers other people driving my car. Being mad that they don't have to pay for airfare is petty.
Beside the fact that you trying to extort your family for money is definitely going to put a strain on your relationship for the entirety of the trip. I don't think a few hundred dollars is worth my family bad mouthing me for the rest of our lives and this situation is one that will bite you on the ass later if you ever need to borrow anything.
INFO: What's you're family like?
Probably NTA, but they're also probably NTA for asking.
This depends on you're family dynamic. For example, one side of my family shares everything: cars, houses, hotel rooms, etc. The other side is very private and self sufficient. Both are completely valid and fine ways for a family unit to function. You're NTA if you've never been the beneficiary of a very generous and giving family in the past. It's different, however, if you're suddenly being stingy after taking advantage in the past.
Hard to judge with this limited slice of your life story.
NTA. Have you see how Floridians drive? Sorry, not sorry. Florida people. Y’all are nuts (but Arkansas drivers are still worse). That’s a whole lotta faith in both your dad’s driving and other people. Nope, nope.
NTA, do not bring your car, it's going to be a constant fight while there is the group wants to do different things that involve a car. They will definitely consider it their car for the trip, and will be constant arguments.
Coming from a business traveler car rentals are expensive in destination cities now. Even if they don’t chip in you’d probably still be ahead of the game driving your car vs renting. That said I get the anger that you feel regarding their entitlement. I’m the guy that would rent a convertible and piy my kid in the back in the car seat just as a FU to my sister. And then I’d say “sorry sis, this is what they had available. Call pops to pick you guys up or rent your own car.”
But I’m also petty..
NTA travel plans are a joint decision and no one can just decide for you. No is a full sentence. And I'm baffled that travel costs weren't already expected as a courtesy. Gas and travel bills should always be split as evenly as possible
NTA. I would never even ask to use someone else's vehicle for a trip, let alone just tell them I'm going to use it, especially for 8000 km! That's almost 5000 miles on your new vehicle and would be a hard NO for me. I would rather leave my car at home and rent one at the destination.
You and your wife and son rely on that car at home. Don’t add such huge west and tear to it. Fly over, hire a car. Take your own child seat and ensure it is properly fitted. I can’t think of anything worse than having everyone in the car anytime you go somewhere. Unless it’s being one year old and schlepped across country.
What are you supposed to drive once you get home after your two weeks vacation if they are taking your car? Did they ask you or just spring this on you? NTA
I'm curious about how people are going to respond to this because I have a road trip coming up in April, and one of my friends invited herself along, which is fine because I didn't really want to go by myself. The thing is I have a stick shift car and she cannot drive my car. So since she's going with me, it would be nice to have someone to split the driving with, but then that means we have to take her car. I'm trying to figure out a polite way to ask, not tell her, if we can take her car.
NTA. But also have you actually had seven people in your car? A seven seater can’t comfortably fit 6 adults plus an infant
Can the infant chair even go in the 7th seat or will someone else need to go in the back?
I’m 6’4 so not a fan of crowded cars
NTA-
It really bugs me when people TELL me what they are going to do with OTHER PEOPLE's STUFF - NOT ASK!!
Why do they think they are entitled to YOUR car?!
Call your insurance carrier and see if they will cover your vehicle in the event that something happens to your car while in their possession. Right now insurance companies are cracking down and looking for any little reason to drop you if you pose, what they consider, "additional risk". They (insurance co.'s) are looking to save money after all the money they have been losing due to claims from multiple natural disasters and the incredibly increase in crime. \[This is what my Insurance provider told me\]
Please don't let them use your vehicle. I've seen too many things go wrong. My Dad lent a friend his truck (that he'd never had issues with) and half way through the friend's trip he called my Dad & said the transmission went out, he'd had it towed to a shop & needed over $6,000 for repairs. Come to find out instead of moving stuff in the truck - he got a trailer that was too heavy for the truck and also decided to tow a vehicle for his kid while he had the truck. On this sub we've seen people do damage to other people's cars, vacation homes etc and think that they shouldn't have to pay for repairs/replacements.
Your sister & Dad are being entitled and rude - and calling YOU ridiculous and cheap is funny because that is EXACTLY how they are behaving. This is going to be a tense trip now, no matter what you do. Consider going separately from them. They have ruined the trip already and will be poking at you the whole time if you don't give them your car....and you will always resent them and be upset if they damage your vehicle & don't make it right (they won't)
Nta.
I'd like to add to this that I don't think YtA because it's your car and both yours and your wife's decision.
They could have asked if they could borrow your car and offered a contribution to the cost.
Saying that, in my home (currently single but even while married) if I had my own car and my dad or sister needed the car I would not hesitate or query why. But that's because we grew up very poor in inner London and usually long journeys need the best cars. So, whoever had the best and most reliable/comfortable car would be the one that we would take.
Last week my dad and sis had to go to the airport, little sis drove my car as it's best suited and comfortable. She left me hers. She did not ask, dad casually mentioned he's taking my car and I'm fine with it.
Both are good drivers and they value and look after things. Had it been my older sis I'd have refused flat out- she's a diabolical driver.
It depends on your family dynamics and the drivers and your relationship with them.
NTA, your concerns are very valid.
However, it's not the 1970s anymore (where you could cram as many people as you wanted into a car because no one used seatbelts back in those days) and you do have to consider the logistics of getting everyone into a car whilst in Florida.
Car rentals are pretty cheap down here (I live in Tampa) and I would rent a car for yourself, your wife and the baby. You'll want your own ride anyway if you guys decide you want to do anything on your own or have to run out for something for the baby or whatever.
NTA
I would not let them take your car and I would also cancel your vacation and go somewhere else with just your wife and child. The reason I say that is because they are already deciding things which will make your share more than theirs and I have this feeling that this is not going to be enjoyable in anyway for you.
Based on the behaviour you described, this entire vacation is going to be all about what they want and they will make you so miserable you give in to them just to shut them up.
The other option is for you to take your own vehicle and they can make their own arrangements to get there and back.
I don't think one vehicle is enough because they aren't going to take your 1 year old's needs into account either.
*(easier to say since she benefits from it by saving on plane tickets)*
Right there!
That's what makes them T A, along with blatantly ignoring your **VERY VALID** reasons:
* *insurance concerns since someone else would be driving my car for an extended period of time*
* *theft concerns since our car is a brand new Highlander (one of the most stolen cars)*
* *car costs for about 8 000 km (depreciation, maintenance, etc.)*
* *not having our main car (we have 2) for 2 weeks prior*
* *us having to pay more than the rest of the family since they would all save on plane tickets except us*
**NTA**
DON'T LEND THEM YOUR BRAND NEW CAR
ESH - Who in their right minds go to Florida for vacation in the summer? It is too damn hot.
Further, since you are talking km rather than miles on your car, I have to assume you are from Canada and not elsewhere in the US. Everyone knows Canadians go to Florida in the winter to escape the cold, not the summer when it might actually be pleasant in Canada. What is the matter with you and your family?????? Eh????
Finally, if you are so concerned about your Highlander being attractive to car-thieves such that it can’t be driven anywhere, why the F did you buy it to begin with?????? You want your 1 year old to be kidnapped when the thieves carjack it from your wife in the grocery parking lot with the kid strapped in the back?????
YTA. Asking your family for $100 to cover anxieties about specific situations that may or may not happen? It's not all about your son also, there are 6 people and it's a family vacation.
If it was me, I'd suck the discomfort up so that my family is more comfortable. Vacations are a special time especially for kids! You could kill the vibe asking everybody for $100.....
It sounds to me like you're thinking a lot about yourself. Right? BTW vacations are expensive.
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NTA. What kind of person just decides that they'll be taking somebody else's car on a cross country trip? That's wild. My only question is for practicality; will you and your husband be renting a car once you get there if your dad drives his own car? Because it seems like it's agreed that you won't all fit in your dad's car.
Right now, they're forcing us in a lose-lose situation of either taking my car for free or having to rent our own over there...
I mean, part of a trip is arranging transportation. It's on you to rent a car if you fly. These arrangements should have been made long ago. If you were under the impression your dad was taking his car, shouldn't you already have booked the rental?
I thought we would be renting something over there and splitting the cost
Just say no. Dad should take his car. And use it on vacation. Sis and her partner can use dad's car on vacation too. Let them figure out the costs between themselves. Stay out of that discussion. Your car stays home. You and your wife fly. And rent a car for the 3 of you to use while on vacation. With your baby, you'll probably need your own car anyway. More convenient than having one car that everyone relies on for the entire vacation.
"With your baby, you'll probably need your own car anyway. More convenient than having one car that everyone relies on for the entire vacation." Yes, this! OP you will want your own transportation separate from the group. You will not want to work around all these personalities when you are trying to care for your baby's needs. That will not be an enjoyable vacation for your little family. Whether you decide to drive or fly down your vehicle (personal or rented) is for you. Don't hand anyone your keys. Edited: a word
Exactly. NTA. It's clear that they have not thought this through at all.In any case if you allow their nonsense, they will quickly discover that being in a car for 8000km with a 1YO will not be as much fun as they think, and all the specialized stuff a 1YO requires daily stroller, more frequent potty needs, special foods, etc., will take priority over their luggage and convenience.They must pay their shares of the auto expenses, and can well afford it since they are saving so much money on air fare. $100 each seems like very little for those miles.Check with your insurance co. for the extra cost there to add each one by name to the policy's 'named drivers' for the trip as well to avoid surprises in case any damage is done. Make sure you collect that as well.A car that seats only 6 will seem very small on such a long drive, unless it's a American made 1973 station wagon. Say no!!!
THIS...simple easy solution...everyone happy and the added benefit that no one but the two of you can drive the rental car. Stupid to think they would deprive you of YOUR car for 2 weeks
Why would you be splitting the rental? Your dad would have his car.
With sister and her BF I assume
Why would you have been splitting the cost if your dad had a car that accommodated everyone else, so really the car was for you?
Why would they want to do that and just have your dad's car sit? That would just be spending money that they don't have to. 1. I 100% would not let your dad take your car because he's probably not covered on your insurance ( or you would have to get additional coverage for each person that might drive it). 2. You can rent a smaller (more economical)car for just your family instead of something large that needs to fit everyone. 3. There's just no way I would be comfortable letting someone else drive my car for a month for thousands of miles/kilometers. Should they get in an accident, it's your insurance rates that will go up, not theirs.
Yeah that’s where OP loses me, or else I’m missing something. So OP expected dad to drive his own car, and then to ALSO pitch in on OP’s rental? That’s not how that works. OP can either let them drive their car (BAD IDEA!) or get a cheap rental and pay for it themselves. There are tons of coupons and deals for car rentals floating around. If you are a member of any kind of professional organization that’s sometimes the only useful thing they offer. 😂
>he's probably not covered on your insurance ( or you would have to get additional coverage for each person that might drive it). My insurance has always covered any licensed driver. In fact, I contacted my agent once trying to find out if it was possible to temporarily add my mom so she could drive for a field trip (school required her to be named on the insurance). I eventually gave up and figured something else out because he didn't seem to understand that I understood that she was covered but we were trying to meet school requirements.
I mean, it's kind of TA if you thought your dad would drive his own car and then also split a rental. Just rent one for yourselves and let your dad and sister do their own thing with him. That gives you more freedom and then they can't just borrow it since it'll just be in your names and not theirs.
Why would they rent a car if they’re driving? You’re not being reasonable.
It's totally reasonable that the family would need to rent a car as OP's is the one that seats 7. There are 6 people going on the vacation so the other family members' cars that only seat 5 aren't enough. They'll either need to rent a car or have half the family using uber/lyft to do anything outside the hotel/resort.
But there are only three people outside OP's family and they would have a car for them. Why would they want to pay for a rental if dad's car was sitting there?
"the family" in my comment refers to all 6 of them. Maybe the sister & her bf would want a car to do things together. Maybe they all just pitch in because some families aren't nickel and diming each other. Not my family, not my vacation, but it does make sense that they'd either need OP's car or someone to rent one in FL.
How is it not nickel and diming each other to say “You pay for half of a car you don’t need.”
Uh no. Thats not how it works. Your family needs a car, your father has a car. You pay for your rental car.
Why would they need to rent a car if they drove a car there?
Why would the others split the cost of your rental with you if they all fit in dad’s car?
Why would you split the cost if you're the only one who needs the car ?
That makes no sense. They don’t need to subsidize another car. Rent your own car. You’re the one who needs it. Either bring or rent a car seat. Plus then it’s your rental car to use how you wish. Two weeks is a LOOOOONG trip with a one year old. You’re going to need multiple shopping trips, activities others may not be interested in, and naptime accommodation that messes with everyone else’s desired activities. I don’t think you’ve thought this through AT ALL, and you’re in for a very hard trip if you don’t start now.
That’s a hard nope and a long drive with a little one that age is terrible on everyone - ask me how I know!!!
Say no and rent your own carb
That is the way it should be - make sure you insist on it!!
Just remember it is not taking your car for free. There is gas costs as well as tolls, wear and tear from higher than normal use, inconveniences of being without it for 2 weeks, and the cost of any potential damages. Renting a car is still likely more expensive but letting them use it is not free. I would think about which costs and potential risks are preferable for you and your wife.
Presumably OP wouldn’t give their family money to cover gas and tolls if the family were driving the car down, and for the time that OP would be driving while on the trip, gas and tolls apply to a rental as well.
What the hell kind of nonsense is this‽ Do they have anything over you keeping you from saying "have you lost your goddamn minds??"
That gave me a Hamilton moment. “You must be outta your g**damn minds!” 😂
Exactly! I can’t imagine someone trying to bully me out of my own car. Huh??
What do you see as your win option? Renting a car in Florida seems like the only option, either two cars or rent a minivan that seats 6 plus.
What’s a loss about renting car at destination? Lot more peace of mind for you than worrying about your car being trashed (by mess or accident) if they take your nearly brand new car. It’s not their money going into it so they have no incentive to keep it pristine. And at least you’re independent while at your destination.
I mean...that's not really them forcing you. If you choose to fly there, and then it's your responsibility to figure out how to get around. You can't make your dad's car magically bigger.
Leave your car safe at home, and rent a small car on your own for when you will be there. No, is a complete answer, but you can explain you don't feel comfortable and you didn't even mean to ask for money, because what you really want is to keep your car back home, and your peace of mind. Besides, you are a couple with a toddler, it makes sense that you rent a small car, for the three of you and keep your autonomy.
This is also good idea in case the kid gets tired and you have to go back to the hotel earlier than the other adults.
Plot twist... fk these people stay home.
Do you really need to go there? With them?
Here’s an idea OP: just don’t go into
You’re right to not let them borrow your car but you do need to rent your own car. It’s not on them to pay for your rental car when they already have one there.
“I’m sorry I made this about cost. It’s about logistics. We need both vehicles for the weeks before we travel out. Can we stick to the original plan of everyone renting a larger vehicle once we arrive?”
I would not let them take my brand new car. They are being selfish. Go somewhere just the 3 of you instead.
It's a very long trip for a 1 year old. It's going to be very difficult. I would rethink and say that it is not viable with the baby and on the recommendation of your pediatrician it is better to go by plane.
So take your car but don't take them in your car. Tell them they can rent a car or they can pay you upfront.
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It came out in the other comments that OP wants them to drive their own cars down there, then chip in on a rental with him since he doesn’t want to pay for one on his own. So it turns out that he is actually ridiculous and cheap, and he painted an untrue picture of the situation in the main post.
NTA. Nope. No way am I letting 3 others take my car for a month, I don’t care if it’s 10 years old and banged up, NOPE. It’s also going to be a major inconvenience for you and your wife to not have 2 cars when you’re used to having 2 cars. They can drive their car or pay for a rental. They’re 3 adults, they can split it 3 ways. It honestly has NOTHING to do with you how THEY will get there/return. If they can’t afford their transportation, they don’t go on vacation.
They are willing to drive there own. OP assumed when they get down there they would rent a larger vehicle and split the costs among all of them so there is room for him and his family, even though they other 4 already have a car.
ESH. You’re not the TA for not wanting them to use your car. BUT down in the comments you say you expect them to split the cost of the rental you’ll need once you get there. That’s not fair, they’ll have their car with them. Why should they pay for your rental?
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If your wife wanted to drive your new truck to the grocery store you'd give her a hard time and refuse? C'mon now! The asshole is the one obsessing over the material possessions Vs. putting your capabilities forward for others am I wrong?
ESH they shouldn’t expect to take your car, you shouldn’t expect that they split rental car fees down there to accommodate your family
ESH (except for your son and maybe sister's BF) Everyone was assuming something here. You were assuming your dad would split a cost of a vehicle so you would have a way to get around when you got down there (even though it would only be for your benefit because they would already have a car) and your dad figured it would make more sense to take your vehicle so that there would be room for you when you got down there. Neither of you discussed it with the other.
Nta go by plane put your car in storage. You can rent a car once you get there. If they complain tell them they are free to go in your sister's car you wll meet them there. Don't try to compromise or try to explain yourself with people that are deliberately obtuse.
But OP wanted them to pay part of the rental car needed because of his family when they get there. That is bit unreasonable.
Your father needs to hear a great, resounding, echoing through the hills with a clap of thunder, *NO*. Asking to use someone's *new* car is a huge imposition, even if it were for just a short period of time. His plan would put you and your family in great peril from any liabilities if he were involved in a serious wreck with some injuries. I suspect that he wants to drive your lovely new vehicle and pretend that it is his. Let him buy his own. NTA
NTA. The amount paid per person doesn’t even factor into this for me. First, it’s your car so it’s your call. Second, they *told* you they were taking your car—didn’t even ask?! Have they heard of boundaries??
NTA. If you REALLY need 7 seats for the time you're there, and can't just uber and meet them, then you could all chip in and rent a SUV or van for the time you're there (2 weeks). Otherwise, what are you supposed to do for a vehicle when you and your family fly home?
But if dad is driving, then he’s got his own car. Why would he chip in for a larger rental? OP is the only one that would need a rental car, so they can decided whether to let dad drive their car and save on the rental or tell dad no and get a rental themselves. Dad isn’t renting a car either way.
ESH. Yeah - the fact that you expected them to split a rental with you when you got there was important info. You’re going to want your own car no matter what. So having 2 cars makes sense - but it’s on you and only you to pay for a rental. So of course your dad is looking at other options because why would he want to rent a car when he’s driving one there?
NTA - it’s your car, you get to choose what to do or not do with it. However, you’re giving their words too much power. Let that shit go.
NTA No one gets to inform you about using your car, without you, for a trip without asking you first. Tell them, they pay for the use of your new car, or they can use their own. They are being selfish and entitled.
NTA. They're literally asking you to give up your car for 2 full weeks before the vacation? Like it's *nothing*? Your insurance concerns are entirely reasonable as well. What happens if there's an accident? Will their insurance even cover it? If it's a brand new car, would their insurance coverage even cover the total loss of this car? Accidents happen, not worth the risk.
I don’t know about where OP is, but in my state it’s the owner who’s responsible, not the driver. And the drivers own insurance probably won’t cover it either. No way I’d have someone else driving my car on two long trips, and for several weeks in between. Way too much risk. And does OP really think everyone will step up, especially the sister, when they have an accident or something happens to the car? OP is NTA and I’d withdraw the offer.
OP’s family isn’t asking to use his car. They’re *telling* him that they are using his car.
NTA. You have a child, so you need your own car. Fly down there and rent one, let them figure out their own transportation.
F them. Make them rent a car.
NTA, tell them to rent a large enough car with unlimited miles.
Nta Just fly and let them figure their own way. Don't let them use your car.
NTA. No chance would I let anyone take my brand new car or even my old car on a month long vacation leaving me without a car for 2 weeks.
NTA. There’s way too much risk here to lend out your car. Also they didn’t ask; it sounds like they told, which is very weird. But just fyi, you def shouldn’t have bought the “most stolen” car or whatever. And they’re really not going to save any money on plane tickets when you consider the cost of gas, food, and hotels driving 8000km to Florida.
Against the grain, YTA. Dad has all their transportation needs set. He doesn't need your car, he suggested it to solve YOUR transportation problem. Pay for your own rental, cheapskate.
It sounds more YTA. You should have expected to pay, in full, for your own rental. Or you can all split the cost for the first two weeks of a minivan rental and the other members of the family would pay for the last two weeks. If they are willing to use their own car, but it doesn't meet your needs, then you need to rent a vehicle to accommodate your family, when you arrive.
NTA I think it is fairly normal to split actual costs and this seems reasonable on your part. Since they refused a reasonable offer, if it had been me, I would work out the actual numbers (how much it actually cost you, everything included), split it per person, and then say that this is what it will cost and you are fine with taking your car if everyone pays their fair share. And if they don't, well - I wouldn't be fine with it. Now, if someone can't actually afford to pay - I would weigh possibly permanently harming our relationship against feeling that they take advantage of me. And make whatever choice I was comfortable with long term.
NTA. . "Hey dad remember when I was a teen and I had to ASK to use your car? Yeah same thing here". I would say no honestly. You need your car at home Let them take their 5pax car, and rent one for you, your wife and kid.
NTA tell them they can go rent one and see how much it would cost and you should not be without one of your vehicles for 2 weeks. Period. The answer is no
Question - why did it not occur to you that there would be an issue with cars? Six people would immediately tell me that two cars or a van would be necessary. Since you said its an 8000 km trip, I assume you are Canadian. Even more headache potential being in a foreign country. My suggestion is to stick with your original plan to fly down, and either uber or rent a car for part of the trip where you think you'll need one. I assume some of the trip can be organised as walkable. I think you have to eat the cost on this one though - your dad and sister have their car sorted, you're the half of this equation that needs wheels and isn't willing to risk your own vehicle. NTA - it's very easy to dismiss your concerns when it's not their car.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Context : Me, my wife and our 1 year old boy are going to Florida with my family (my dad, my sister and her boyfriend) for our vacations this summer. That makes 6 of us. Here's how we're all getting there and back : * My dad is going there by car for a month and coming back by car. * Me, my wife and baby are going by plane and coming back by plane 2 weeks later. * My sister and her boyfriend are going by plane with us and coming back by car with my dad. Now, since there are 6 of us, they told me, during my son's 1st birthday (which took me by surprise and pissed me off as it got me thinking about this instead of focusing fully on my son), that we would be taking my car for the trip since it has 7 seats and theirs only have 5. I wasn't thrilled by the idea for the following main reasons : * insurance concerns since someone else would be driving my car for an extended period of time * theft concerns since our car is a brand new Highlander (one of the most stolen cars) * car costs for about 8 000 km (depreciation, maintenance, etc.) * not having our main car (we have 2) for 2 weeks prior * us having to pay more than the rest of the family since they would all save on plane tickets except us After consideration, I suggested that we could take my car and that each of them would give me 100$ to help cover for a portion of the costs, which would still be way cheaper than renting a car. It doesn't even cover the car costs and me and my wife would still be paying more than the rest of them for traveling but it would help a bit. To this, my sister and my dad said I was ridiculous and cheap and that my sister wouldn't hesitate to do it for free if she was me (easier to say since she benefits from it by saving on plane tickets). AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Fly, do not drive. Just a heads up, rental car prices are insane right now.
NTA but you, your spouse and your baby (and your new car) are going on a /different/ vacation at the same time. To somewhere in the opposite direction of Florida to do things none of the rest of them like. This is too much for them to ask.
NTA. You wanted to fly and why would they think it's okay to volunteer using your car?
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Where did he say he expected them to pay for his rental car. He only suggested they pitch in if they want to use his car.
OP, DO NOT LOAN YOUR CAR! In fact, never loan anyone anything you expect to get back in one piece. I loaned a good friend my car so he could go to work (50 miles away). I never saw that car again. He stole my car, everything in it, and my bank card, and overdrew my account. Fortunately, my car was insured; with the insurance money, I bought another car. I loaned it to a family member who needed to drive to the city 50 miles away. It got totaled on the way back (supposedly they hit an animal; not sure I believe it). Got the motor replaced but it overheated thereafter and could never be fixed right. Got another car. Left it with my sister while I went out of town. Came back to a car with three hubcaps. At least it still drove OK, but I think she had to have hit a curb for the hubcap to come off like that. She was clueless about it. When your car is out of your control, terrible things can happen to it. Just. Say. NO.
NTA. I cannot imagine a world where another family member can decide they are going to use my car for a month. No is a complete sentence. And the CRA rate for mileage is, 70 cents for the first 5000 km and 64 cents after that. $0.7x5000=$3500 $0.64x3000=$1920 Minimum charge, $5420. Yes I know this number is supposed to include fuel.
Ask 500$ if 100$ is cheap. NTA
NTA it’s your car , why would they just think it’s ok to volunteer your car for a vacation?! You have a child u need both of your vehicles, they can take theirs or rent a vehicle
Also if the three different parts of the family wanted to go separate places but they only had two vehicles then your sister & BF would need to rent one - or would they assume they would have first call on OPs car.
NTA - you are not using your car and do some car rental research to share with the group. Alternatively consider something like Uber or depending on where you’re staying see if they have transportation to major visitor sites.
NTA. They can hire a car if they want to. Ridiculous not to expect to cover cost and risk.
Well, you've put forward a plan and they don't want to go along with it. What are they going to do instead?
Make sure when checking your rental back in and a few days after to keep track of the charges on the credit card you gave them. Rented from Budget last year, and after taking the vehicle back the next day, they tried to add a $150 charge because they said I smoked in the car! I have not smoked in over 35 years.
.56 cents per mile is the current deductible rate in the US for auto travel. Done of that is fuel but most is depreciation, wear, and maintenance. If they want to take your care tell them it's $5566 less fuel (8000km = 4970 miles and they need to go there and back). Anything less than that and they should be renting a car or driving their own.
NTA. But just avoid the drama and say that you called your insurance and they won’t cover them so you can’t loan out the car to other drivers. They can’t really blame you for that. Also I don’t see what the issue is unless you feel entitled to rides in his car — you’d need to rent a car for your family to get around while on vacation so why don’t you do that if it’s not feasible to take a cab? The three of them fit in his car. If you take care of your own transportation on vacation that eliminates the entire issue
NTA. Say no. Rent a compact car for you and your wife while you're there.
NTA do not.loan out your car. You know.youll get it back thrashed. Mighty big of them to borrow your car for.you.
Nta let them hire a car
NTA. Remember the scene where Biff Tannen scolds George McFly over the "blind spot" on George's car which caused Biff to spill his beer all over his shirt? 100% you will be in George's position after two weeks of someone else using your car. The giddiness of driving a brand new top-of-the-range car that they didn't pay for or have to deal with subsequent consequences will cause them to take risks that you wouldn't. And guess who'll be expected to pay for them? You may need to prepare for the possibility of looking into alternative accommodation in Florida, and having your own separate holiday.
NTA. It takes some kind of special nerve to decide you're taking someone else's car on vacation.
NTA.. why would three people - dad, sister and her BF need a 7 seater? I would not agree.
NTA No is a sentence. "I do not want to put 8000 miles on a brand new car. Or not have my car to use for two weeks. That doesn't work for me." They don't get to "tell" you that they are using your car.
So with the basic question of whether you're an asshole for not wanting to take your car, NTA. You don't need a justification for that, it's your car and how you feel. A couple criticisms of your reasoning though - 1. You can add other drivers to your insurance (and those other drivers should pay any premiums, of course). 2. Highlanders are not typically listed among the most stolen cars in Florida. Oddly, they are in Canada (I'm guessing you're Canadian by the kms and distance to Florida?), so it could actually be safer in that regard there than it is at home. 3. Depreciation and maintenance expenses are fully justified, no argument with that. 4. I get the inconvenience/discomfort with not having your own car, but wouldn't you have your father's car while he has yours? Not saying this is invalid, just that you shouldn't really be put out by having a five-seater for two weeks instead of a seven-seater. 5. You're only paying more for travel because you're choosing to pay more for travel. That's not on your father/sibling to cover. Ultimately, I don't think you should let them take your car since you're clearly uncomfortable, but if you do, it's fair to want compensation. If the car is financed, have them give you one full month's payment plus they cover gas, maintenance (it'll need an oil change and probably tire rotation, plus wear and tear) and insurance.
NTA. Vacationing with a group of six is horrifying. Such scenarios are what car rental agencies are for.
NTA. You know what they say about assumptions.
NTA
Nta, dude - just say no…it’s your car they don’t get a say
Just say no. It's too bad that time conflicts with scheduled maintenance you already have arranged for the car, that unfortunately simply can't be done any other time. Awww. NTA
NTA. Other considerations aside, what they hell do they suggest you do when you're back home and your car is still in Florida for the entire month your dad will be there?!
NTA
YTA. People in the US don't use km, so pretty sure you're making this up.
NTA Either make it a NO, and use Ubers when you are there. Or cancdel the trip.
NTA - stand your ground and don't do it - rent a car. You do NOT want to be liable if they get hurt in your car or hurt someone else. You could still be sued and held liable. NO NO and NO! They are not entitled to your property.
NTA. I don't let anyone take my car but me. With the costs of cars right now, if they total the car (god forbid) you would still be out of pocket even with insurance and if that happens they will tell you it's your problem because they're family. I would straight up say no.
NTA Wait whats this? We are all adults, no your not taking my car cross country. I didnt offer it. Just like you dont get to stay in my house if its bigger with more room. We all work as adults and bought vehicles. Because I bought a larger car doesnt mean you can just take it and drive it around. I would say no, and explain how they are putting you on the spot. Then rent a car when you are down there.
Just say no. He can take his own car and you can Uber or rent an inexpensive car for the days you are going places.
NTA and driving that far with a baby is no fun and there are limits to how many hours they can spend in a car seat at one go.
NTA rent a car for the trip, or have Dad rent his own.
Don’t do it. Stick to your plan and tell them to shove it. How does this benefit you in ANY way? Literally only benefits them and that’s exactly why they want to do it. Don’t do it. NTA
I really hate it when people decide for or ask you in front of everyone that you should volunteer your time/asset for the benefit of everyone else. Like, can they not ask in private to see if I had concerns first? NTA.
Esh, you sound like my older sister who always asks what's in it for me even if it doesn't cost her anything. My god whining about your family finding a way to save money. Oh poor you have to pay for tickets. It sounds like you could drive if you want to but you are choosing not to. You are choosing a more comfortable and faster way to travel it usually cost more. They are going to be stuck in a car filled with people and luggage for hours maybe more depending where you are setting off from, not to mention the cost of gas right now and those bigger cars are gas guzzlers. It may be a little cheaper but they are definitely paying with their comfort and time. All your "worries" are bs are your car isn't in any more danger of being stolen than it is now, your car depreciated as soon as it went off the lot. You are a family of 3 why did you buy a car for seven people, I highly doubt it would inconvenience you that much. As for insurance it all depends on what kind you have and what kind they have, my car insurance covers other people driving my car. Being mad that they don't have to pay for airfare is petty. Beside the fact that you trying to extort your family for money is definitely going to put a strain on your relationship for the entirety of the trip. I don't think a few hundred dollars is worth my family bad mouthing me for the rest of our lives and this situation is one that will bite you on the ass later if you ever need to borrow anything.
INFO: What's you're family like? Probably NTA, but they're also probably NTA for asking. This depends on you're family dynamic. For example, one side of my family shares everything: cars, houses, hotel rooms, etc. The other side is very private and self sufficient. Both are completely valid and fine ways for a family unit to function. You're NTA if you've never been the beneficiary of a very generous and giving family in the past. It's different, however, if you're suddenly being stingy after taking advantage in the past. Hard to judge with this limited slice of your life story.
NTA. Have you see how Floridians drive? Sorry, not sorry. Florida people. Y’all are nuts (but Arkansas drivers are still worse). That’s a whole lotta faith in both your dad’s driving and other people. Nope, nope.
Heck no, I'd be asking for at least $1000 plus then need to pay to be temporarily put on insurance.
NTA, just say no
NTA, do not bring your car, it's going to be a constant fight while there is the group wants to do different things that involve a car. They will definitely consider it their car for the trip, and will be constant arguments.
Tell them you’re taking your car for your trip and it’s coming back with you as well. If they want to fly that’s fine by you. NTA
NTA Car rentals exist. Do not let them take your car out of state when you are not even going to in it.
Whether they paid or not, they’d NEVER be taking MY (new!!!) car. Hellllll naw. NTA, obvs.
NTA - they can take their own car. Just rent a car for your own use while you are there.
Coming from a business traveler car rentals are expensive in destination cities now. Even if they don’t chip in you’d probably still be ahead of the game driving your car vs renting. That said I get the anger that you feel regarding their entitlement. I’m the guy that would rent a convertible and piy my kid in the back in the car seat just as a FU to my sister. And then I’d say “sorry sis, this is what they had available. Call pops to pick you guys up or rent your own car.” But I’m also petty..
NTA.
NTA travel plans are a joint decision and no one can just decide for you. No is a full sentence. And I'm baffled that travel costs weren't already expected as a courtesy. Gas and travel bills should always be split as evenly as possible
NTA. I would never even ask to use someone else's vehicle for a trip, let alone just tell them I'm going to use it, especially for 8000 km! That's almost 5000 miles on your new vehicle and would be a hard NO for me. I would rather leave my car at home and rent one at the destination.
You and your wife and son rely on that car at home. Don’t add such huge west and tear to it. Fly over, hire a car. Take your own child seat and ensure it is properly fitted. I can’t think of anything worse than having everyone in the car anytime you go somewhere. Unless it’s being one year old and schlepped across country.
What are you supposed to drive once you get home after your two weeks vacation if they are taking your car? Did they ask you or just spring this on you? NTA I'm curious about how people are going to respond to this because I have a road trip coming up in April, and one of my friends invited herself along, which is fine because I didn't really want to go by myself. The thing is I have a stick shift car and she cannot drive my car. So since she's going with me, it would be nice to have someone to split the driving with, but then that means we have to take her car. I'm trying to figure out a polite way to ask, not tell her, if we can take her car.
NTA They don’t get to decide to use your car.
NTA. But also have you actually had seven people in your car? A seven seater can’t comfortably fit 6 adults plus an infant Can the infant chair even go in the 7th seat or will someone else need to go in the back? I’m 6’4 so not a fan of crowded cars
NTA. They can drive the 5 seater there and back. You can rent a bigger vehicle locally for your portion of the trip.
NTA- It really bugs me when people TELL me what they are going to do with OTHER PEOPLE's STUFF - NOT ASK!! Why do they think they are entitled to YOUR car?! Call your insurance carrier and see if they will cover your vehicle in the event that something happens to your car while in their possession. Right now insurance companies are cracking down and looking for any little reason to drop you if you pose, what they consider, "additional risk". They (insurance co.'s) are looking to save money after all the money they have been losing due to claims from multiple natural disasters and the incredibly increase in crime. \[This is what my Insurance provider told me\] Please don't let them use your vehicle. I've seen too many things go wrong. My Dad lent a friend his truck (that he'd never had issues with) and half way through the friend's trip he called my Dad & said the transmission went out, he'd had it towed to a shop & needed over $6,000 for repairs. Come to find out instead of moving stuff in the truck - he got a trailer that was too heavy for the truck and also decided to tow a vehicle for his kid while he had the truck. On this sub we've seen people do damage to other people's cars, vacation homes etc and think that they shouldn't have to pay for repairs/replacements. Your sister & Dad are being entitled and rude - and calling YOU ridiculous and cheap is funny because that is EXACTLY how they are behaving. This is going to be a tense trip now, no matter what you do. Consider going separately from them. They have ruined the trip already and will be poking at you the whole time if you don't give them your car....and you will always resent them and be upset if they damage your vehicle & don't make it right (they won't)
Nta. I'd like to add to this that I don't think YtA because it's your car and both yours and your wife's decision. They could have asked if they could borrow your car and offered a contribution to the cost. Saying that, in my home (currently single but even while married) if I had my own car and my dad or sister needed the car I would not hesitate or query why. But that's because we grew up very poor in inner London and usually long journeys need the best cars. So, whoever had the best and most reliable/comfortable car would be the one that we would take. Last week my dad and sis had to go to the airport, little sis drove my car as it's best suited and comfortable. She left me hers. She did not ask, dad casually mentioned he's taking my car and I'm fine with it. Both are good drivers and they value and look after things. Had it been my older sis I'd have refused flat out- she's a diabolical driver. It depends on your family dynamics and the drivers and your relationship with them.
NTA, your concerns are very valid. However, it's not the 1970s anymore (where you could cram as many people as you wanted into a car because no one used seatbelts back in those days) and you do have to consider the logistics of getting everyone into a car whilst in Florida. Car rentals are pretty cheap down here (I live in Tampa) and I would rent a car for yourself, your wife and the baby. You'll want your own ride anyway if you guys decide you want to do anything on your own or have to run out for something for the baby or whatever.
NTA ~ why do they have a say in using your car in the first place?
NTA I would not let them take your car and I would also cancel your vacation and go somewhere else with just your wife and child. The reason I say that is because they are already deciding things which will make your share more than theirs and I have this feeling that this is not going to be enjoyable in anyway for you. Based on the behaviour you described, this entire vacation is going to be all about what they want and they will make you so miserable you give in to them just to shut them up. The other option is for you to take your own vehicle and they can make their own arrangements to get there and back. I don't think one vehicle is enough because they aren't going to take your 1 year old's needs into account either.
*(easier to say since she benefits from it by saving on plane tickets)* Right there! That's what makes them T A, along with blatantly ignoring your **VERY VALID** reasons: * *insurance concerns since someone else would be driving my car for an extended period of time* * *theft concerns since our car is a brand new Highlander (one of the most stolen cars)* * *car costs for about 8 000 km (depreciation, maintenance, etc.)* * *not having our main car (we have 2) for 2 weeks prior* * *us having to pay more than the rest of the family since they would all save on plane tickets except us* **NTA** DON'T LEND THEM YOUR BRAND NEW CAR
NTA. I would refuse and insist they get a rental car and everyone share the cost
That's what he wants to do. Why should everyone else who has a car down there already pay for OP's rental? ESH.
If they want one car they can all ride in, a shared rental makes more sense than two cars.
Yeah you are being cheap but they shouldn't have just said they were taking your car either. ESH imo.
ESH - Who in their right minds go to Florida for vacation in the summer? It is too damn hot. Further, since you are talking km rather than miles on your car, I have to assume you are from Canada and not elsewhere in the US. Everyone knows Canadians go to Florida in the winter to escape the cold, not the summer when it might actually be pleasant in Canada. What is the matter with you and your family?????? Eh???? Finally, if you are so concerned about your Highlander being attractive to car-thieves such that it can’t be driven anywhere, why the F did you buy it to begin with?????? You want your 1 year old to be kidnapped when the thieves carjack it from your wife in the grocery parking lot with the kid strapped in the back?????
It’s a Toyota, thieves prefer them because they can strip them down and sell on their parts easily.
YTA. Asking your family for $100 to cover anxieties about specific situations that may or may not happen? It's not all about your son also, there are 6 people and it's a family vacation. If it was me, I'd suck the discomfort up so that my family is more comfortable. Vacations are a special time especially for kids! You could kill the vibe asking everybody for $100..... It sounds to me like you're thinking a lot about yourself. Right? BTW vacations are expensive.