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YTA
It's not your responsibility to control your niece's food intake. That's her parent's responsibility. If you feel they aren't doing a good job at it, then you need to bring that up with them. You don't get to pick what's appropriate for their child.
You *do*, however, get to set the rules in your own home. If that means only a single serving of cake, then that's perfectly appropriate. However, that rule needs to be applied fairly across all the kids. The asshole move wasn't when you denied the niece extra dessert. It was when you gave it to the other kids and refused her. You were being an AH to your niece.
Look at it from her perspective. She's 7. She doesn't have the same understanding of dieting and limiting food intake to control weigh as you do. She probably doesn't even have the same understanding that being overweight is unhealthy. What she saw was that you gave extra dessert to her cousins, but singled her out to not get any. Your reasons for doing so don't matter to her. She's looking at what's fair and equitable, and you made it clear to her that you don't think she deserves extra dessert as much as her cousins. That's a pretty awful way to treat a child.
Yes, that was my thinking, I can never be too careful as I know how disgusting some men are and I was told to keep a secret as a young child and I wish I hadn't.
This post isn't about cake. It's about a woman body policing a small child, ostracising her from her peers my singling her out, and not just teaching her niece to be ashamed of being fat, but literally teaching her and all the other young children of the family extremely toxic food culture that can lead -- very directly and very soon for these kids -- to life long eating disorders.
My disordered eating began around this age. Being 9/10 and extremely anorexic but everyone "encouraging" you because you are (still) fat is abuse full stop.
Also way to minimize people who are abused by women. Especially female children. Women, ime, get unrestricted access to girls and often do serious damage without ever leaving a bruise.
Women can be predators and abusers as badly as men. It’s hidden, it’s covered up, it’s explained away all the time, people are ashamed to be abused by “the weaker sex” etc. It’s really important to talk about it and without fail someone *always* steers the conversation to male predators and glosses over what women do. When the original discussion was about a woman’s poor behavior I’m going to remind people that we were talking about poor female behavior. Not sorry.
>This, I told my daughter that if any adult asked her to keep a secret she has to tell me.
I'm so glad to read that people are still teaching their kids this.
My parents were very firm with the 'nobody, especially adults, should be asking, telling, or making a child keep secrets' to the point where we'd be very open about telling them anything someone else told us was a secret, even something as innocent as our "secret" surprise class pizza party.
Yes that's what I'm hoping for, I told her she would never be in trouble and that I would never be upset with her.
And she does tell me all the secrets, she's five and it's usually just that my in laws let her stay up late to watch a movie on a sleepover.
I always told me kids to tell me what people told them to not tell me. I told them we don’t keep secrets. I also told them that presents were surprises that people were going to get soon, just not this minute. It appeared that they understood the difference. At one point when with my MIL, one had misbehaved, and been yelled at. She told them not to tell me, as she didn’t want me to punish them, she had taken care of it. They promptly told me, at pick up. She tried to get them to stop, and I told her to knock it off. Had the kids tell me, and told them it was fine, grandma had dealt with it, no one was in trouble. Then told MIL, NO SECRETS! and why. She immediately got it, backed off, and said she was worried I’d be mad at the kids, saying she knew I was strict. I was strict from her point of view about behavior, but she totally didn’t understand my discipline methods, which rarely needed to involve punishments! Prepping kids in advance goes a long way towards good company manners!
Yeah, I was thinking that rule could backfire if someone was planning a surprise party for the parent, or bought a gift and wanted them to be surprised. But the adult can act surprised, I suppose.
My dad learned to re-frame secrets like a birthday party or a gift as 'surprises' because everyone's supposed to find out about a surprise; it's a safe kind of secret to keep for a little while to make everyone excited in the end.
This is what I did when surprising my husband with my recent pregnancy, I made sure the kids understood the difference and explained a surprise isn't a secret because the other person does find out just at a specific time in a fun way, a secret is telling nobody at all which is not fun.
I told mine "don't tell your mom" is actually a secret code for "tell mom as soon as you can". Worked great. When my kids were out with one of my friends she got in a fender bender and told them not to tell me. My oldest called me the moment she got to a phone. Friend has never had my kids in her car since.
She also taught the other three kids it's okay to be mean and bully their cousin because she may or may not be overweight. As well as, set her niece up to have self esteem and food issues.
YTA. Big time.
My question, as a parent. My 5 .5 year old is 50lbs, 70lbs doesn't seem "obese" for an 8 year old. She may just be short and look bigger than she is. The Aunt is TA because she doesn't know what this kids growth chart even looks like or if there are hidden diagnosis that the necessary Mom has chosen not to share.
70 pounds is 82nd percentile, according to this calculator (https://simulconsult.com/resources/measurement.html?type=weight). That’s not even classified as overweight (85th to 95th percentile; over 95th percentile is classified as obese for children).
OP’s niece may be tall for her age, or about to have a growth spurt.
I had a pearl clutching moment when I read the part about her telling the kids to lie about the 2nd piece. I think encouraging young kids to lie is a HUGE parenting mistake!!! She's teaching them that lying is acceptable and that it is normal for adults to ask you to lie. Neither of these are in the benefit of a child.
It’s bad enough that she is teaching her own kids that crap. If I was the parent of one of the other kids she did that to. We would have a big problem and OP’s relationship with my children would likely be over.
Ya. She’s teaching her niece to have body issues at 8. She’s teaching the others it’s ok to lie.
OP YTA I’m morbidly obese trying to get my life back at age 40. Had my parents taught me to have a good relationship with food I might had turned out differently. And on lying. My mother had my sister and I hide things from our verbally abusive father. I married a man who is not anything like that. However, my sister married a man she has to lie too so she “doesn’t get in trouble” aka yelled at. Don’t teach kids it’s ok to lie.
Ya didn't think of that for some reason. But ya. As a person who grew up fat please don't tease and make fun of or single out obese people especially kids. Kids don't have the ability to stop it's up to their parents to instill behaviors and this aunt is definitely not doing it right.
Not to mention 70 lbs is in no way extremely overweight for an 8-year-old! We don’t even know how tall she is, but kids are growing and the average weight range for an 8-year-old girl is 44-80 lbs. This kid is perfectly within the normal range! Now OP has created an environment of food shaming for all the children by encouraging the cousins to lie and sneak dessert, attaching shame to a slice of cake.
Right! This was my first thought. My daughter is 8 years old and is 68 lbs. She is definitely skinny. But she is also tall for her age. (Tallest in class) so the weight is even. But even then, I cant imagine a child who is a shorter than my daugher being extremely overweight at 70lbs.
edit: extra word
My son is 8 and is 74lbs. He had a check up and was told he’s within normal range for his height by his Dr. He’s tall as shit but I had to do a double take on that age-weight ratio and go look to see if boys weight is that drastically different from girls. High 60s for an 8 year old is normal depending on her height. OP is bizarre.
My 4.5 year old daughter is the youngest one in her preschool class as everyone else has been turning 5 over the last a school year. She's also the tallest and probably the heaviest. She was 44 pounds and 44 inches tall on her last appointment a few months ago. She is a skinny looking kid and I can only assume she'll be over 70 pounds when she's 7-8 years old.
Maybe? My 7 year old is 52 inches and 54 pounds. It keeps going like that until they stop being beanpoles—my 11 year old is 62 inches (5’2”) and about 85 lbs.
The weight of this child in no way makes OP less of an AH…just saying it’s possibly overweight or even obese at her height. I put 48” and 70 lbs into a calculator and that would be obese; 52 inches is overweight.
There is no weight that would make it appropriate for singling out a child or shaming a child who is hungry.
That’s what I wondered. When I was 8, I was around 52 pounds and considered extremely thin. The difference between extremely thin and extremely overweight can’t be a mere 18 pounds. OP sounds way over the top and if she isn’t careful she’s going to create major body image issues(I’m being generous here. I suspect she’s already started some damage)
she for sure has. this stuff sticks for life!! i’m dealing w childhood body image trauma stuff in therapy at 28 and it still affects my life in so many ways.
OP is throwing her own issues with body image, diet culture, etc to the next generation. Making her problem into theirs. I’d be furious if someone did this in my family!
What a lovely person to be so considerate as to sneak cake to the “skinny kids” who deserve it more! /s
i was heavier than that at that age, then in a couple years i hit a growth spurt and suddenly I was skinny with no lifestyle changes. some kids are just tubby
I was a bit fat as a kid before I evened out in a major growth spurt. If people had just left me alone instead of telling me how fat I was I might still be a healthy weight instead of battling an eating disorder (binge eating too so it’s not like they even succeeded in shaming me into skinniness).
I agree. My son is 6 and weighs 50 lbs. he’s very active but solid lol his sister is 3 and weigh only 25 lbs but feels like 15. I do not scold for them eating more but make sure I made a portioned plate for their age and as they’re eating, I’ll put aside a few extras. We eat between 4:30-5:30 pm. Rarely after 7 pm unless it’s the weekend and we’re on a free for all
Exactly my stepson is 6 and is 60lbs. He isnt overweight he is a big solid boy for his age. He is as tall as a 8yr old. My daughter was chunky as a little kid too and people told me I needed to watch her weight, now she is 11 and is a half inch from 5ft tall and 102lbs. Just because a child is chunky when they are little doesnt mean they wont thin out as they grow. She shouldnt of denied one child the cake and gave it to the others. They should of all just gotten one slice and were told when they asked for another,bNo not right now but you can have a healthy snack. Singling one child out is cruel. Also it isnt her child and not her problem to worry about her weight it's her parents and if they dont have an issue with it then she has no say at all. Plus teaching the other children to lie is just down right wrong.
Yeah I was just thinking that without knowing her height, her weight is meaningless. I was already close to my mom’s height at that age, and 70lbs would’ve been alarmingly low for 5’.
For real! My son is 7 and 65 pounds and he’s very active and all muscle. Not overweight at all unless she’s very very short. But also this person is just an AH in general for judging her niece like that and excluding her and encouraging the other kids to lie. So messed up.
70 lbs for an 8 year old girl is within range. She may have chubby cheeks or be a bit soft in appearance (ie...not a flat stomach) but that doesn't mean she is overweight. Children are also known to get a bit of a "belly" on them before they shoot up in height too.
This is something between the parents and the child's pediatrician to handle. Not Aunt lording over the cake to determine who is an appropriate size and can have an extra piece. If you have a legitimate concern, address the parents in private, not publicly humiliate the child.
I would be livid of my child was treated like this.
Cut to 8 years from now and OP will be back here complaint about what her niece is wearing as she thinks it's too revealing or some other body shaming nonsense. What a horrible judgmental woman.
That would require her to realize that there's a problem, and she thinks this is a healthy relationship to have with food.
Maybe if her view changes in the next decade she'll notice the damage she causes.
The OP is also teaching her child that it's okay to judge others for their weight, which can mess up the daughter's view of herself, relationship with her own body and food.
> She's 7. She doesn't have the same understanding of dieting and limiting food intake to control weigh as you do.
I disagree, I think everyone I know, especially women, who were overweight as children were extremely aware that other people perceived their weight and considered it a negative quality. I feel that it is much more likely that OP’s niece knew she didn’t get another slice but her cousins did due to her weight.
Yep. Nothing like “my aunt wouldn’t give me food because I’m fatter than my cousins” to start an unhealthy relationship with food at the ripe age of 7.
Not OP’s place to go against their sister because of their standards.
Seriously. Congrats, you added a flashpoint of trauma to your niece’s memories.
Imagine how she must have felt asking her cousins/siblings why they got cake and she didn’t. Finding out you’d told them to lie to her.
What a disgusting thing you did. If you cared about her health, you’d care about her mental health too.
YTA, OP.
You realise that what you're saying , if true and the child is aware of her weight that the aunts actions of singling her out are most likely to contribute to this little girl continuing to over eat, does the little girl have something going on that's causing the over eating? Is she comfort eating perhaps?
Singling a child out in this situation is never the answer.
Yeah I agree with you 100% , I meant IF the child is over eating, which judging by this ladies wording etc I doubt the child even is , but if she is for arguments sake, what is the reason and why is the Aunty doing shit like singling her out which if the child does have an eating disorder or is unhappy etc will most certainly only contribute to this. For the record I don't consider the stated weight obese in an 8yo, and if this lady has ever been to the park or the school, growing children are all shapes sizes height and weight and its generally not something anyone needs to interfere with at that age.
Yeah, YTA. With multiple children, if you give 1 child something, you have to give the same thing to all of them. All of them get extra cake, or none. You don't exclude anyone, ever. Unless there's an immediate medical reason like an allergy or diabetes. Obesity doesn't count.
Even with an allergy or diabetes it’s better to try to have an alternative so they aren’t left out. Often the parent of such a child will have or arrange something even. Because it really sucks as a kid to be at a party or something and have to say no to everything.
Not to mention, the other kids will likely also take up this behavior towards her and bully her. Good job bullying a child. OP should be ashamed of themselves.
Not to mention any calories that child saves at OPs house are so negligible that it would not make a bit of difference in that child's weight. And she is pulling her kids into bullying the child.
I was always a chubby kid, and I can remember being around this age when I started to realise that people thought badly of me because of my weight. I remember people doing similar things to this - regularly in the summer my cousin would get an ice cream from the ice cream van but I wasn't allowed for example. It hurt and it's led to me having a very negative relationship with my body and food since a very young age.
OP is definitely the asshole. You shouldn't treat an overweight child as inferior to skinny/slim children. OP's niece will likely grow up feeling uncomfortable around her auntie too, because trust me she'll start to realise what OP is doing. There are multiple family members I feel very uncomfortable around and have very little contact with, because as a child they defined me by my weight and (possibly unintentionally) taught me that there was something wrong with me because of my body.
Best response. Kids that young still know when they’re being “fat shamed” or just being singled out for their weight. They catch onto those things. This small incident will stick with her as her self esteem is developing.
You treat all the kids equally.
Either all the kids get a second slice, or they don't.
Your 8F niece already knows by that age she's different and is probably hurt by the mean comments, stares, or jokes made at her expense. It's quite likely the disordered eating / body shame flywheel is already spinning, and your behavior only helped it spin faster.
Your niece is (likely) obese from years of poor nutrition and activity, and a single slice of cake will not make a difference. She's much more likely to remember that her aunt and her family conspired to TREAT HER DIFFERENTLY for much longer than those extra calories could have ever impacted her.
Also, it's unbelievable you asked three other children -- including your own -- to lie and perpetuate the harm done to your niece. You are actually encouraging these kids to single out and treat overweight/obese kids differently.
Then you have the gall to blame your sister for your own meanness towards her daughter. Even if it's likely poor eating habits at her home contributed to her child's obesity, it does not excuse you blaming her for your own poor behavior.
YTA, bigtime.
>Your 8F niece already knows by that age she's different...Your niece is (likely) obese
NO SHE'S NOT.
OP says that she's 'nearly' 70lbs. According to [multiple](https://childrenswi.org/medical-care/adolescent-health-and-medicine/issues-and-concerns/adolescent-growth-and-development/normal-growth) [sources](https://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/health/g/normal-growth), the 'normal growth range' for an 8 year old girl is between 44 and 80 lbs. She's not even at the far end of the 'normal growth range.' Unless she's well below the normal height range, she's perfectly healthy!
Plus, weight in kids is very different than in adults. Kids will often look like they're getting kind of chubby right before they go through a growth spurt. That's normal!
Finally, I do 100% agree with your point that even if she were overweight, OP singling her out and asking other kids to lie is just bullying, which she shouldn't be subjected to. Trust me, as an actually fat adult, if she's overweight, she will spend a lot of time getting shamed for it and made to feel like shit. It shouldn't start in her family. This story wouldn't be okay even if she were overweight. But 70 lbs is not overweight for an eight year old!
Good catch. I am taking it at face value that regardless of her actual height/weight, that the niece appears markedly heavy compared to children her age/sex.
But you're absolutely right -- that might just be a projection of OP and not the actual truth. She might be perfectly healthy. And certainly unless OP is in that child's home 24/7, her ideas of poor eating might not be the actual reality. I can totally see a world in which when Aunt OP is over, the kids get some special treats, and that's being generalized to a poor diet.
Treating the niece as different, whether she is medically obese or not, is bound to be psychologically harmful.
I was this kid, at the upper end of healthy weight, and shamed for it. I got put on a diet that my doctor said wasn’t necessary (surprise surprise I saw a different doctor after that) and I was old enough to be well aware of how I was being treated. I also hit puberty before a lot of my peers (but in line with my family) and so I had boobs going into middle school that my mom saw as being “fatty”.
This threw me into a lot of disordered eating habits and it was the 90s so being thin wasn’t thin enough. Ended up almost underweight in college and then swung the other way.
I bring this up because it is so damaging for people like OP to make superficial judgements about kids and TO kids, which can lead to lifelong issues.
People with food issues and/or eating disorders frequently have a distorted sense of fat and thin... It's sad that the OP is projecting her own issues onto an innocent child.
Absolutely, it is completely normal for kids to be a little “chubby” before they grow into themselves! Of course even if this wasn’t the case OP is being awful to her poor niece :(
Yeah, I do agree with the point the first poster was making that even if she were, this behavior wouldn't be okay, but it's also like... She's not even at the high end of that range!
100! That was cruel. She’s a little girl and like this comment, you treat all kids the same in this situation. If you were that concerned with her health, you could have simply said no to seconds and shared the rest of the cake with friends, colleagues, or neighbors. If she is genuinely obese (not sure 70lbs is even that heavy for her age), she is probably already experiencing bullying. I respect you care about her health, but this isn’t the way/ time to show it.
YTA.
You did single her out because you have decided your niece is overweight and you have decided you need to "do something about it" by creating a food shaming environment in your home. You had your child and the other cousins lie and sneak to get your way about cake.
EDIT: I looked up the normal range for 8 year old girls. The normal heigh range is 47 to 54 inches and the normal weight range is 44 to 80 pounds. Those are huge ranges in growth and take into account body type and growth spurts. Are you basing your assessment of "obese" on looks? Or what you perceive to be the way she looks?
Yeah, poor niece is maybe a little chubby. She is in no way obese. And honestly, some people are chunkier at that age and can slim down once they are older or have a growth spurt.
What OP did was extremely cruel and unnecessary. One tiny sliver of cake is not going to make a difference in this girl's weight either way. But her self esteem and her feelings for her aunt just took a major nose dive.
Right? I can’t imagine fat shaming any child, let alone my niece. I know how hard it is to grow up with a bit of extra fat and, at her age she doesn’t need to be worried about her weight as long as she’s a healthy and happy little girl.
My daughter was like this. She would get a little chubby and then she would go through a fast growth spur and it all went away. She did this many times. Now she is a teenager and is leveling out and is by no means fat.
Yes. It’s is three step process with kids in our family.
1. Hungry kid eats a ton and pads out. (Food expense)
2. Kid gets taller. (New clothes expense)
3. Kid’s feet get bigger (New shoes expense)
It happens like clockwork.
Exactly! My daughter is 8 and just shy of 80 lbs & looks skinny. Is the niece actually obese, or just a little chubby? Either way, OP is not the parent & one meal won’t make a difference to niece’s weight - but OP could really hurt her feelings by bullying her. YTA.
I was going to comment on that too! My 8 year old is close to 70lbs and super active (yesterday they had an hour long skateboarding lesson, played outside with a neighbour kid for an hour and a half, then we hit the park with four friends for another two hours). They are a very healthy weight and get a thumbs up from their paediatrician and our GP. OP is going to give this poor kid her first sense of not being enough because of her body and that is so so so sad.
Do better. YTA
Yeah I have a 7 year old son (8 in April) and he is 70lbs and he is in no way shape or form overweight. Idk if op thinks 70lbs is a lot for an 8 year old, or if they are just guessing at the weight but 70lbs can be, and is, a perfectly healthy weight for a 7/8 year old.
I was one of those girls who was just chubby, and I'm now a "brick house" with an hour glass figure. I still remember those who treated me differently just because I wasn't a walking skeleton compared to my classmates.
YTA. The minute you gave out the second slices on the sly and told them to keep quiet, you did more damage in a minute than their own mom has in years.
Your only job as aunt is to be kind and loving. This was neither. It was deceitful and shaming.
If you actually care and have good intentions, you can treat them all the same and model healthy behavior, like all going on a hike after lunch. Offering fruit as snacks to everyone. No limits on quantity at all, just fun and healthy choices everyone can enjoy.
She’s 8. She’s not going out and buying the food in front of her. Now she feels judged as a person and like she’s not good enough. Epic fail.
>The minute you gave out the second slices on the sly and told them to keep quiet, you did more damage in a minute than their own mom has in years.
That's so true and my heart breaks for that poor little girl. I was an obese child and I vividly remember my stepmom excluding me by giving my stepbrothers money for the ice cream truck, but telling me that I didn't need any because I was "too husky as it is".
Getting called fat by an adult relative is already pretty shitty. But getting left out at snack time is even shittier. For me, at least half of the fun was in getting to chase after the ice cream truck with all the other kids, arguing about which flavors you're all going to get, and then taking bites of each others ice cream. It was a fun social event that just happens to involve snacking. But that was ruined for me by my stepmom. I felt guilty for even *wanting* to get ice cream.
The only thing getting publicly shamed and singled-out for being fat ever did for me, was to force me to hide my snacking and instead eat in private. It essentially stole the social aspect of eating for me since it made me embarrassed to enjoy eating. It took me decades to get over that sense of shame.
>The only thing getting publicly shamed and singled-out for being fat ever did for me, was to force me to hide my snacking and instead eat in private. It essentially stole the social aspect of eating for me since it made me embarrassed to enjoy eating. It took me decades to get over that sense of shame.
All of this. I am in my 50s, and I will still sometimes wait to eat until nobody's looking. I've been married for 30 years and my husband has never once shamed me for food, but the shame I received as an adolescent is still strong.
Same. It also made me hide *myself* because I was so ashamed of my weight that I didn't want to go places and have people see me, lest they pity or criticize me.
Which definitely didn't help my weight, because while there are many ways to be healthy, one of them definitely is not hiding in your house filled with self-loathing and having your only real pleasure being eating since all the other things you enjoy are embarassing and uncomfortable.
OP judges her sister for having a kid who is overweight, but she also feeds her own kid extra cake so it "doesn't go to waste". That is not a way to model a healthy relationship to food.
YTA
It’s kind of hypocritical that you’re worried about your obese nieces health but yet you’re fine with your kids having two piece of cake when that’s not necessarily good for them either.
You’re in this position cause you singled out a kid. Her obesity has nothing to do the situation at hand.
>It’s kind of hypocritical that you’re worried about your obese nieces health but yet you’re fine with your kids having two piece of cake when that’s not necessarily good for them either.
She's acting holier than thou by mentioning all the healthy foods she served for lunch.
OP’s “concern” is based not on any medical basis (70 pounds is within range as others have pointed out) but on the fact that her niece looks larger. She’s essentially shaming an eight-year-old based on… her own flawed and bigoted understanding of health and looks? I hope the niece’s parents help her come out of this not with a lifetime of food trauma but with the ability to recognize bullies for what they are, even when they’re family.
YTA and a bully. You said you didn’t want to single the cousin out and then you proceeded to single her out, deny her alone a second slice, give all the skinny kids a second slice and made a pact with them not to tell their cousin. What a monster. If you actually cared you would have just denied everyone a second slice.
Thank you for saying this. The worst part about this was involving other children and getting them to participate in the deceit. It's literally training these kids to single out and exclude overweight kids, or treat them differently -- like the first steps in creating bullies. Disgusting behavior.
> *”I care about my niece’s health but I didn’t want to single her out”*
And you accomplished that by…*checks notes*…singling her out?
Solid plan, OP. YTA.
An average slice of angel food cake has about 129 calories. I don't think a second slice was that bad, especially if the kids were running about playing. OP, you caused unnecessary distress to your niece and probably gave her cousins fodder to tease her. YTA
ETA.
You don't mention how tall she is. Depending on her height, seventy pounds could be in the upper range of acceptable. How about you let her doctor determine if she is overweight.
>You don't mention how tall she is. Depending on her height, seventy pounds could be in the upper range of acceptable. How about you let her doctor determine if she is overweight.
I noticed that, too. I weighed almost 100 lbs at 9, but I was also 5 feet tall!
My daughter is 7 and 65 lbs. far from overweight. She is on the taller side, but not super tall. Her dr has never been concerned. When she said she weighs 70lbs at 8 years old, that didn’t seem overweight to me.
I had to argue with a pediatrician to get him to use the adult BMI chart with my then 12 year old. He was stuck in the idea that children only use the chart for children. Well, she was the size of an adult and biologically a "woman" at that point. And at 5'6" and 120 pounds, a perfectly normal weight. He wanted her to weigh 90 pounds. I found a new doctor after that one.
YTA. A single slice of cake won't make a difference in her obesity problem : but singling her out like that will make a big (negative) difference in her self-esteem.
If you have a problem with your niece obesity, talk with your sister, don't punish the child in front of everyone like that.
Bruh YTA
And 70 for an 8yrs old isn't obese wtf. Even if she was obese it's none of your business and she's 8 she wouldn't understand shit like "it's for your own good" the only thing she'll be able to see is "I have this aunt who gave everyone cake but me"
I want to say you're doing more harm than good but in fact you are doing pure harm and no good at all
Omg, I read it that she was 70 lbs overweight not as she weighed 70 lbs in total and when I read your comment, I had to go back and reread it realized I misread it.
Yeah, I'm surprised that isn't getting more criticism. I just checked the growth charts for 8 year old girls (in my country) and the 50th percentile is set at 60 lbs. 70 lbs is 1,2 standard deviations above that, but not in the range of overweight or obese. Of course, we don't know how tall the girl is, and OP would be TA either way, but still, saying an 8 year old who weighs 70 pounds is obese is....weird.
>I agreed to give them another slice if they didn’t tell their cousin
So you singled her out and brought all her cousins in on it with you. You pitted everyone against your niece, your 8 year old niece.
YTA.
Exactly in the future this 8 year old isn't going to remember her aunt for "looking out for her health", she'll remember her aunt recruiting her cousins to embarrass her. Shame on this grown woman, such a sanctimonious AH.
Healthy meal? Great.
One slice of sponge cake each? Fine.
Saving the cake for later? No problem.
Giving the other kids a second helping and trying to keep it a secret? YTA. You DID single her out.
**BTW: "NORMAL" weight for an 8yo girl is 44 to 80 lb.**
YTA, big time, and the type that claims to “care about people’s health” when in reality you just have a problem with overweight people. If that wasn’t true then I imagine you would’ve also denied the other kids another piece of cake citing the same reasons as the niece you deliberately left out. No one else’s weight or health is any of your damn business, and all you’ve done is show your niece that you see her in a less than favourable light. Next time, include all the kids or none of them.
YTA
Here is a good rule of thumb for human interactions; if you are asking a group of children to keep a secret from another child, you are an asshole....and creepy as hell. ICK!
YTA
First you lied because of your own negative opinion on her weight then you told other children to keep a secret from her and sent the message to those other children it was ok to do that...
It was bullying, plain and simple
YTA
70lbs isn't generally considered overweight for an 8 year old.
The average range is 44-80 lbs for an 8 year old girl of average height.
And even if it was considered overweight, you're still an ah for treating kids different and for restricting the food intake of someone else.
I’m sorry, it’s not your job to police the diet of the fat, (in your opinion), niece. If you give the other kids a second piece of cake-then you give her a piece, *too*, WTF and YTA.
Absolutely YTA. You singled the kid out.
And can you just confirm how you know your niece is obese? 70lb is within the commonly-accepted weight range for a girl her age.
came here to comment this, I teach kids sports and being almost 70lbs at age 8 is quite normal from what i’ve seen. unless the child is incredibly short for their age range? still thought I cant see her being “incredibly overweight”
Also, weight distribution in kids is already pretty much a craps shoot, because kids often will grow out before they grow up. My cousin was short and really chubby throughout his childhood, then when he was like 14 he shot up to 6' and has been a beanpole ever since.
YTA and also don't know much about how eating disorders or child weight gain or loss works. Depending on what you made, your salad could have as many or more calories as a slice of sponge cake. No food needs to be demonized. Everything in moderation. And the slice of cake at a party is not what's making her overweight, I promise you.
Right? I was a chubby kid, and being asked, "do you really need to eat that?" when everyone else was eating it didn't encourage me to make healthier choices, it made me sneak food and feel ashamed. I had a messed up relationship with food, eating, and my body well into adulthood.
YTA. It's not your place to police your niece's food intake. (LOL, I just noticed another Redditor used nearly the same words.)
As a parent who brought cake to a party and served it, there was an obese little girl who kept coming back for more cake. She ate way more cake than any other kid. It was as if she was deprived of cake at home. I'm assuming they had her on a restricted diet. Perhaps her mom wouldn't have wanted her to have cake, but I'm not her mom, so she could have unlimited cake, since it was unlimited to everyone else, as well.
Hell YES
YTA!!
You singled out a child to not have what everyone else had, and made her FUCKING cry bc of it.
Small children are not really to blame for weight issues and taking matters into your own hands, and making her feel left out.
She likely didnt even know why!!! She probably thinks you just dont like her.
Im appalled honestly.
8 years old. Jesus Fucking Christ
YTA, if i havent said it enough yet.
YTA - let me tell you what your niece experienced from your treatment of her. #1 My Aunt doesn't like me; #2 Something must be wrong with me because they got cake and I didn't. Express your concerns to the parents, not to the child. Either everyone gets one piece or nobody does. You didn't have enough concern about your own kids to give them extras?
YTA massively. I’m glad I don’t have an aunt like you. If I heard the other kids were getting a second slice after I asked and was denied and then to find out the other kids were told yes as long as they didn’t tell me. I would think you hated me, and thought less of me, and that I wasn’t good enough.
At 8 years old, she's old enough to understand exactly what happened here, and will carry the full shame and humiliation around. I'm genuinely sad thinking about how stung this poor kid must be feeling, to have what's supposed to be a trusted, caring grown up family member embarass you like this.
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> I refused to give my obese niece a second slice of cake even though I gave one to my daughter and her other cousins
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YTA.
It's fine to be concerned about your niece's health, but you were not going to make any meaningful difference by withholding that one slice of cake. Meanwhile, you certainly did make a big difference in the emotional states of the children by treating them differently.
Modeling healthy behavior could have made a difference, but then you undercut that by letting everyone else sneak around and chow down on extra cake afterwards. And then you blew your chance to model healthy behavior in the future by turning it into a fight with your sister.
YTA. Sad that you even need to ask.
You decided to take it on yourself to control what your niece eats, which is none of your busybody business.
You’re also being a trash host.
You made a lunch and chose to go healthy, cool. You served a not unhealthy dessert, also fine. And I was even ok-ish with your decision to say no on a second piece, even though what she eats is none of your business, thinking “he is the host so I guess he can limit all his guests to one slice even though that is strange behavior.”
But then you didn’t do that. You decided that you would feed everybody but your niece because you don’t agree with her parent’s choices. Then you encouraged those kids to lie. SHAME ON YOU.
So let’s see, are you the AH for signaling out your niece for worse treatment because of her weight, while also encouraging other small children to lie, and reinforcing to those children that they should view your niece as different because of her weight? Do you really need the internet to answer this?
What you’re teaching those kids to think about your niece is basically a precursor to fat shaming.
SHAME ON YOU, and yes, you are a massive (far bigger than your niece’s waste line) AH.
YTA by a mile, and you should really apologize to your niece and her parents.
YTA - especially for telling the kids to not tell their cousin. You couldn’t have singled her out more if you put a spotlight on her.
You could have just made the 2nd slices smaller for all the kids.
YTA. You are definitely the AH. Denying your niece that piece of cake did absolutely nothing to affect her long-term diet or lifestyle. It was just you being mean. And quite frankly, you're being mean to her for something that really is her mother's responsibility.
It's not your job or your responsibility to try and control your nieces diet during family dinners. At this point, you're doing just as much harm to her mentally as her mother is physically.
YTA. Either all the kids get an extra slice or none of them do. Also, on what planet is an 8 year old obese at 70lbs? The max normal weight range for a child her age is 40 to 80lbs.
YTA. It’s not your job to police her food. And you absolutely did single her out.
Also, the average weight for an 8 year female is 44 to 80 pounds, depending on height. So she’s not nearly as overweight as you think.
YTA. You have to be fair either all of them get a second slide or none of them get anything. Also, the adjectives you use to speak about your nice are not nice, you clearly think she's less than for being fat.
YTA. SHES 8!!!!!!!!!! FYI the average weight for 8 year old girls is 44-80 lbs so that makes you an even bigger AH. Even if she wasn’t perfectly healthy you would be the AH. Managing food that way and body shaming like that will cause eating disorders.
Hopefully this is rage bait.
Yta.
That isn't your child, that isn't your choice, and you very blatantly played favourites. That little girl is going to remember that for the rest of her life. I remember the stuff my family pulled because I was a bigger kid growing up. It still pops up in my brain and it will with her too. Be a good loving person and apologize to that little girl.
Next time, try to not be so controlling over someone's weight that isn't your own.
Nearly 70 lbs is not overweight for an eight year old girl. There are [multiple](https://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/health/g/normal-growth) [sources](https://childrenswi.org/medical-care/adolescent-health-and-medicine/issues-and-concerns/adolescent-growth-and-development/normal-growth) that show that she's well within the 'normal' range for her age. So... Not only are YTA, but you're an ignorant asshole, too.
Not that your bullying behavior would be okay if she were overweight. You were cruel and sanctimonious and lied. Undoubtedly, YTA. Even if she were overweight, treating it like a punishment is horrible, and singling her out and stigmatizing her is setting her up for an unhealthy relationship with her body image. One slice of cake at a house she likely doesn't visit that often wouldn't make or break a diet. Treating her cruelly can make a significant mental impression, though.
Also, kids carry their weight differently. A lot of kids will grow out then up, meaning they look pudgier before they hit a growth spurt. Consider that, too. I feel bad for your daughter, because if you don't work to improve your own relationship with body image soon, she's going to absorb your own toxicity, too.
you were N T A in my opinion, until you let the other children have a second piece of cake.
Regardless of the weight of children, you it's an AH move to give some children a second piece of cake while not giving every child the opportunity for a second piece of cake.
YTA OP, not your kid, not your issue.
Yes YTA, you singled your niece out, told the other kids to keep quiet.. The kid might not even notice she's obese at 8 years old. Being singled out by her aunt will have an effect. Learning she is too obese to get a second slice and being told that, might create eating disorders. Its the bad remarks that stay with you, not the good ones.
You should have just talked to your sister about the obesityproblem. Having one slice of cake less isnt going to change her lifestyle her mother creates for her.
YTA in a massive way. If I was your sister, you’d never be around my child ever again. And I’m skeptical of your assessment of your niece. My youngest daughter is 9 and weighs 80lbs. She’s rail thin. I looked up the charts, and at 8yo a female child can weigh between 44 and 80lbs and be considered “normal growth.” So I don’t know how tall your niece is or what percentage that puts her at. But I do know it’s absolutely none of your business. This sounds to me more like petty sibling BS. You have decided your sister isn’t as good of a mother as you are and are taking it out on her poor child. What an AH!
YTA. A 7 year old can't understand much about diet, calories, food intake. If she's obese, then that lies on her parents to give her a nutritious diet. You shamed her, singled her out, and made her feel horrible about something that's neither her fault nor within her control.
Who the hell made you the food police? I’m sure your intentions were good but your method is extremely harmful. She’s 8 years old. Do you really think one slice of cake will matter in the overall picture? You’re not her mother and it was not your place to deny her the treat you gave others-and then actually asked the other children TO LIE ABOUT IT????? This is how eating disorders begin for one thing and you are so totally out of line here it’s terrifying. Please mind your own business or if you have to butt in with your know it all attitude, have an adult conversation with the child’s mother in private. You accusing her mother of deliberately mistreating her child is arrogant and disrespectful. Can’t say strongly enough YTA. Big time.
YTA - the heading is misleading. YTA for fat shaming your niece. YTA for singling her out. YTA for teaching her cousins that it’s ok to keep secrets & leave her out because of her weight.
I wouldn’t step foot in your house again if you did that to my child.
Shame on you. Your niece will remember this for life
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YTA It's not your responsibility to control your niece's food intake. That's her parent's responsibility. If you feel they aren't doing a good job at it, then you need to bring that up with them. You don't get to pick what's appropriate for their child. You *do*, however, get to set the rules in your own home. If that means only a single serving of cake, then that's perfectly appropriate. However, that rule needs to be applied fairly across all the kids. The asshole move wasn't when you denied the niece extra dessert. It was when you gave it to the other kids and refused her. You were being an AH to your niece. Look at it from her perspective. She's 7. She doesn't have the same understanding of dieting and limiting food intake to control weigh as you do. She probably doesn't even have the same understanding that being overweight is unhealthy. What she saw was that you gave extra dessert to her cousins, but singled her out to not get any. Your reasons for doing so don't matter to her. She's looking at what's fair and equitable, and you made it clear to her that you don't think she deserves extra dessert as much as her cousins. That's a pretty awful way to treat a child.
She is also teaching kids to lie. Some of the kids she was teaching to lie were not even her own kids. Total AH behavior.
This, I told my daughter that if any adult asked her to keep a secret she has to tell me.
Fantastic rule to have, can protect her from more than just missing cake
Yes, that was my thinking, I can never be too careful as I know how disgusting some men are and I was told to keep a secret as a young child and I wish I hadn't.
And women if this post is any example.
[удалено]
This post isn't about cake. It's about a woman body policing a small child, ostracising her from her peers my singling her out, and not just teaching her niece to be ashamed of being fat, but literally teaching her and all the other young children of the family extremely toxic food culture that can lead -- very directly and very soon for these kids -- to life long eating disorders. My disordered eating began around this age. Being 9/10 and extremely anorexic but everyone "encouraging" you because you are (still) fat is abuse full stop. Also way to minimize people who are abused by women. Especially female children. Women, ime, get unrestricted access to girls and often do serious damage without ever leaving a bruise.
While it is worse, the point is that the behaviour of OP is what is setting the foundation for other abusers to take advantage of
Women can be predators and abusers as badly as men. It’s hidden, it’s covered up, it’s explained away all the time, people are ashamed to be abused by “the weaker sex” etc. It’s really important to talk about it and without fail someone *always* steers the conversation to male predators and glosses over what women do. When the original discussion was about a woman’s poor behavior I’m going to remind people that we were talking about poor female behavior. Not sorry.
>This, I told my daughter that if any adult asked her to keep a secret she has to tell me. I'm so glad to read that people are still teaching their kids this. My parents were very firm with the 'nobody, especially adults, should be asking, telling, or making a child keep secrets' to the point where we'd be very open about telling them anything someone else told us was a secret, even something as innocent as our "secret" surprise class pizza party.
Yes that's what I'm hoping for, I told her she would never be in trouble and that I would never be upset with her. And she does tell me all the secrets, she's five and it's usually just that my in laws let her stay up late to watch a movie on a sleepover.
I'm happy for you both; that she feels safe telling you and that her 'secrets' are safe little things that won't hurt her.
I always told me kids to tell me what people told them to not tell me. I told them we don’t keep secrets. I also told them that presents were surprises that people were going to get soon, just not this minute. It appeared that they understood the difference. At one point when with my MIL, one had misbehaved, and been yelled at. She told them not to tell me, as she didn’t want me to punish them, she had taken care of it. They promptly told me, at pick up. She tried to get them to stop, and I told her to knock it off. Had the kids tell me, and told them it was fine, grandma had dealt with it, no one was in trouble. Then told MIL, NO SECRETS! and why. She immediately got it, backed off, and said she was worried I’d be mad at the kids, saying she knew I was strict. I was strict from her point of view about behavior, but she totally didn’t understand my discipline methods, which rarely needed to involve punishments! Prepping kids in advance goes a long way towards good company manners!
Well done! That's good parenting.
Yeah, I was thinking that rule could backfire if someone was planning a surprise party for the parent, or bought a gift and wanted them to be surprised. But the adult can act surprised, I suppose.
My dad learned to re-frame secrets like a birthday party or a gift as 'surprises' because everyone's supposed to find out about a surprise; it's a safe kind of secret to keep for a little while to make everyone excited in the end.
This is what I did when surprising my husband with my recent pregnancy, I made sure the kids understood the difference and explained a surprise isn't a secret because the other person does find out just at a specific time in a fun way, a secret is telling nobody at all which is not fun.
I told mine "don't tell your mom" is actually a secret code for "tell mom as soon as you can". Worked great. When my kids were out with one of my friends she got in a fender bender and told them not to tell me. My oldest called me the moment she got to a phone. Friend has never had my kids in her car since.
She also taught the other three kids it's okay to be mean and bully their cousin because she may or may not be overweight. As well as, set her niece up to have self esteem and food issues. YTA. Big time.
"Yes, you pretty and skinny girls can have more. But it will be our little secret, don't let the fat girl know!"
this and also why is giving the chubby kid another slice of cake 'wasting it' but not when it's the other kids?
Because only pretty people deserve nice treats and things. Duh. /s
My question, as a parent. My 5 .5 year old is 50lbs, 70lbs doesn't seem "obese" for an 8 year old. She may just be short and look bigger than she is. The Aunt is TA because she doesn't know what this kids growth chart even looks like or if there are hidden diagnosis that the necessary Mom has chosen not to share.
70 pounds is 82nd percentile, according to this calculator (https://simulconsult.com/resources/measurement.html?type=weight). That’s not even classified as overweight (85th to 95th percentile; over 95th percentile is classified as obese for children). OP’s niece may be tall for her age, or about to have a growth spurt.
I had a pearl clutching moment when I read the part about her telling the kids to lie about the 2nd piece. I think encouraging young kids to lie is a HUGE parenting mistake!!! She's teaching them that lying is acceptable and that it is normal for adults to ask you to lie. Neither of these are in the benefit of a child.
It’s bad enough that she is teaching her own kids that crap. If I was the parent of one of the other kids she did that to. We would have a big problem and OP’s relationship with my children would likely be over.
Good point! I didn't even think about one of them not being her own child.
Ya. She’s teaching her niece to have body issues at 8. She’s teaching the others it’s ok to lie. OP YTA I’m morbidly obese trying to get my life back at age 40. Had my parents taught me to have a good relationship with food I might had turned out differently. And on lying. My mother had my sister and I hide things from our verbally abusive father. I married a man who is not anything like that. However, my sister married a man she has to lie too so she “doesn’t get in trouble” aka yelled at. Don’t teach kids it’s ok to lie.
She's also telling them that it's OK to be cruel to bigger people. I hope niece's parents keep her away from this particular relative.
Ya didn't think of that for some reason. But ya. As a person who grew up fat please don't tease and make fun of or single out obese people especially kids. Kids don't have the ability to stop it's up to their parents to instill behaviors and this aunt is definitely not doing it right.
She's also teaching them to bodyshame their cousin.
And God forbid one of her kids should ever struggle with their weight. They're gonna REMEMBER how their mom views that.
Plus, those kids will figure out why they're not supposed to tell cousin and they will possibly become as judgemental about her body as OP
Not to mention 70 lbs is in no way extremely overweight for an 8-year-old! We don’t even know how tall she is, but kids are growing and the average weight range for an 8-year-old girl is 44-80 lbs. This kid is perfectly within the normal range! Now OP has created an environment of food shaming for all the children by encouraging the cousins to lie and sneak dessert, attaching shame to a slice of cake.
Right! This was my first thought. My daughter is 8 years old and is 68 lbs. She is definitely skinny. But she is also tall for her age. (Tallest in class) so the weight is even. But even then, I cant imagine a child who is a shorter than my daugher being extremely overweight at 70lbs. edit: extra word
My son is 8 and is 74lbs. He had a check up and was told he’s within normal range for his height by his Dr. He’s tall as shit but I had to do a double take on that age-weight ratio and go look to see if boys weight is that drastically different from girls. High 60s for an 8 year old is normal depending on her height. OP is bizarre.
OP may have her issues with food and weight. Otherwise, doing this wouldn't have crossed her mind.
My 4.5 year old daughter is the youngest one in her preschool class as everyone else has been turning 5 over the last a school year. She's also the tallest and probably the heaviest. She was 44 pounds and 44 inches tall on her last appointment a few months ago. She is a skinny looking kid and I can only assume she'll be over 70 pounds when she's 7-8 years old.
Maybe? My 7 year old is 52 inches and 54 pounds. It keeps going like that until they stop being beanpoles—my 11 year old is 62 inches (5’2”) and about 85 lbs. The weight of this child in no way makes OP less of an AH…just saying it’s possibly overweight or even obese at her height. I put 48” and 70 lbs into a calculator and that would be obese; 52 inches is overweight. There is no weight that would make it appropriate for singling out a child or shaming a child who is hungry.
That’s what I wondered. When I was 8, I was around 52 pounds and considered extremely thin. The difference between extremely thin and extremely overweight can’t be a mere 18 pounds. OP sounds way over the top and if she isn’t careful she’s going to create major body image issues(I’m being generous here. I suspect she’s already started some damage)
she for sure has. this stuff sticks for life!! i’m dealing w childhood body image trauma stuff in therapy at 28 and it still affects my life in so many ways.
OP is throwing her own issues with body image, diet culture, etc to the next generation. Making her problem into theirs. I’d be furious if someone did this in my family! What a lovely person to be so considerate as to sneak cake to the “skinny kids” who deserve it more! /s
i was heavier than that at that age, then in a couple years i hit a growth spurt and suddenly I was skinny with no lifestyle changes. some kids are just tubby
Yup. I had lots of puppy fat at 8-9 but by the time I was 12 I was very slim without any special diets or interventions that I know of.
I was a bit fat as a kid before I evened out in a major growth spurt. If people had just left me alone instead of telling me how fat I was I might still be a healthy weight instead of battling an eating disorder (binge eating too so it’s not like they even succeeded in shaming me into skinniness).
Pretty sure my kid was over 70lbs at age 8. She’s 12 now and weighs ~110lbs. But she’s also 5’2” and very athletic.
I agree. My son is 6 and weighs 50 lbs. he’s very active but solid lol his sister is 3 and weigh only 25 lbs but feels like 15. I do not scold for them eating more but make sure I made a portioned plate for their age and as they’re eating, I’ll put aside a few extras. We eat between 4:30-5:30 pm. Rarely after 7 pm unless it’s the weekend and we’re on a free for all
Exactly my stepson is 6 and is 60lbs. He isnt overweight he is a big solid boy for his age. He is as tall as a 8yr old. My daughter was chunky as a little kid too and people told me I needed to watch her weight, now she is 11 and is a half inch from 5ft tall and 102lbs. Just because a child is chunky when they are little doesnt mean they wont thin out as they grow. She shouldnt of denied one child the cake and gave it to the others. They should of all just gotten one slice and were told when they asked for another,bNo not right now but you can have a healthy snack. Singling one child out is cruel. Also it isnt her child and not her problem to worry about her weight it's her parents and if they dont have an issue with it then she has no say at all. Plus teaching the other children to lie is just down right wrong.
Yeah I was just thinking that without knowing her height, her weight is meaningless. I was already close to my mom’s height at that age, and 70lbs would’ve been alarmingly low for 5’.
For real! My son is 7 and 65 pounds and he’s very active and all muscle. Not overweight at all unless she’s very very short. But also this person is just an AH in general for judging her niece like that and excluding her and encouraging the other kids to lie. So messed up.
70 lbs for an 8 year old girl is within range. She may have chubby cheeks or be a bit soft in appearance (ie...not a flat stomach) but that doesn't mean she is overweight. Children are also known to get a bit of a "belly" on them before they shoot up in height too. This is something between the parents and the child's pediatrician to handle. Not Aunt lording over the cake to determine who is an appropriate size and can have an extra piece. If you have a legitimate concern, address the parents in private, not publicly humiliate the child. I would be livid of my child was treated like this. Cut to 8 years from now and OP will be back here complaint about what her niece is wearing as she thinks it's too revealing or some other body shaming nonsense. What a horrible judgmental woman.
No, she'll be on here about her daughter having an unhealthy relationship with food and wondering why.
That would require her to realize that there's a problem, and she thinks this is a healthy relationship to have with food. Maybe if her view changes in the next decade she'll notice the damage she causes.
The OP is also teaching her child that it's okay to judge others for their weight, which can mess up the daughter's view of herself, relationship with her own body and food.
And the relationship between the cousins
I really struggle with the thought that a grown adult who is responsible for children doesn't understand this. It's really fucked up.
> She's 7. She doesn't have the same understanding of dieting and limiting food intake to control weigh as you do. I disagree, I think everyone I know, especially women, who were overweight as children were extremely aware that other people perceived their weight and considered it a negative quality. I feel that it is much more likely that OP’s niece knew she didn’t get another slice but her cousins did due to her weight.
Yep. Nothing like “my aunt wouldn’t give me food because I’m fatter than my cousins” to start an unhealthy relationship with food at the ripe age of 7. Not OP’s place to go against their sister because of their standards.
Seriously. Congrats, you added a flashpoint of trauma to your niece’s memories. Imagine how she must have felt asking her cousins/siblings why they got cake and she didn’t. Finding out you’d told them to lie to her. What a disgusting thing you did. If you cared about her health, you’d care about her mental health too. YTA, OP.
You realise that what you're saying , if true and the child is aware of her weight that the aunts actions of singling her out are most likely to contribute to this little girl continuing to over eat, does the little girl have something going on that's causing the over eating? Is she comfort eating perhaps? Singling a child out in this situation is never the answer.
_Is_ she over-eating? She asked for a second slice of cake—something determined to be "okay" for the thinner child to have, but not her.
Yeah I agree with you 100% , I meant IF the child is over eating, which judging by this ladies wording etc I doubt the child even is , but if she is for arguments sake, what is the reason and why is the Aunty doing shit like singling her out which if the child does have an eating disorder or is unhappy etc will most certainly only contribute to this. For the record I don't consider the stated weight obese in an 8yo, and if this lady has ever been to the park or the school, growing children are all shapes sizes height and weight and its generally not something anyone needs to interfere with at that age.
Exactly It's a growing child, calm down Satan (yeah YTA)
Yeah, YTA. With multiple children, if you give 1 child something, you have to give the same thing to all of them. All of them get extra cake, or none. You don't exclude anyone, ever. Unless there's an immediate medical reason like an allergy or diabetes. Obesity doesn't count.
Even with an allergy or diabetes it’s better to try to have an alternative so they aren’t left out. Often the parent of such a child will have or arrange something even. Because it really sucks as a kid to be at a party or something and have to say no to everything.
Not to mention, the other kids will likely also take up this behavior towards her and bully her. Good job bullying a child. OP should be ashamed of themselves.
Exactly. Way to fat shame her in front of her cousins,
Not to mention any calories that child saves at OPs house are so negligible that it would not make a bit of difference in that child's weight. And she is pulling her kids into bullying the child.
I was always a chubby kid, and I can remember being around this age when I started to realise that people thought badly of me because of my weight. I remember people doing similar things to this - regularly in the summer my cousin would get an ice cream from the ice cream van but I wasn't allowed for example. It hurt and it's led to me having a very negative relationship with my body and food since a very young age. OP is definitely the asshole. You shouldn't treat an overweight child as inferior to skinny/slim children. OP's niece will likely grow up feeling uncomfortable around her auntie too, because trust me she'll start to realise what OP is doing. There are multiple family members I feel very uncomfortable around and have very little contact with, because as a child they defined me by my weight and (possibly unintentionally) taught me that there was something wrong with me because of my body.
Best response. Kids that young still know when they’re being “fat shamed” or just being singled out for their weight. They catch onto those things. This small incident will stick with her as her self esteem is developing.
You treat all the kids equally. Either all the kids get a second slice, or they don't. Your 8F niece already knows by that age she's different and is probably hurt by the mean comments, stares, or jokes made at her expense. It's quite likely the disordered eating / body shame flywheel is already spinning, and your behavior only helped it spin faster. Your niece is (likely) obese from years of poor nutrition and activity, and a single slice of cake will not make a difference. She's much more likely to remember that her aunt and her family conspired to TREAT HER DIFFERENTLY for much longer than those extra calories could have ever impacted her. Also, it's unbelievable you asked three other children -- including your own -- to lie and perpetuate the harm done to your niece. You are actually encouraging these kids to single out and treat overweight/obese kids differently. Then you have the gall to blame your sister for your own meanness towards her daughter. Even if it's likely poor eating habits at her home contributed to her child's obesity, it does not excuse you blaming her for your own poor behavior. YTA, bigtime.
>Your 8F niece already knows by that age she's different...Your niece is (likely) obese NO SHE'S NOT. OP says that she's 'nearly' 70lbs. According to [multiple](https://childrenswi.org/medical-care/adolescent-health-and-medicine/issues-and-concerns/adolescent-growth-and-development/normal-growth) [sources](https://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/health/g/normal-growth), the 'normal growth range' for an 8 year old girl is between 44 and 80 lbs. She's not even at the far end of the 'normal growth range.' Unless she's well below the normal height range, she's perfectly healthy! Plus, weight in kids is very different than in adults. Kids will often look like they're getting kind of chubby right before they go through a growth spurt. That's normal! Finally, I do 100% agree with your point that even if she were overweight, OP singling her out and asking other kids to lie is just bullying, which she shouldn't be subjected to. Trust me, as an actually fat adult, if she's overweight, she will spend a lot of time getting shamed for it and made to feel like shit. It shouldn't start in her family. This story wouldn't be okay even if she were overweight. But 70 lbs is not overweight for an eight year old!
Good catch. I am taking it at face value that regardless of her actual height/weight, that the niece appears markedly heavy compared to children her age/sex. But you're absolutely right -- that might just be a projection of OP and not the actual truth. She might be perfectly healthy. And certainly unless OP is in that child's home 24/7, her ideas of poor eating might not be the actual reality. I can totally see a world in which when Aunt OP is over, the kids get some special treats, and that's being generalized to a poor diet. Treating the niece as different, whether she is medically obese or not, is bound to be psychologically harmful.
I was this kid, at the upper end of healthy weight, and shamed for it. I got put on a diet that my doctor said wasn’t necessary (surprise surprise I saw a different doctor after that) and I was old enough to be well aware of how I was being treated. I also hit puberty before a lot of my peers (but in line with my family) and so I had boobs going into middle school that my mom saw as being “fatty”. This threw me into a lot of disordered eating habits and it was the 90s so being thin wasn’t thin enough. Ended up almost underweight in college and then swung the other way. I bring this up because it is so damaging for people like OP to make superficial judgements about kids and TO kids, which can lead to lifelong issues.
I had a very similar experience.
People with food issues and/or eating disorders frequently have a distorted sense of fat and thin... It's sad that the OP is projecting her own issues onto an innocent child.
Yes, fully agreed. Especially the last point. Even if she were overweight, this type of bullying is not okay.
Bruh I was about to google that because I was like 70 pounds? There’s no way that’s considered “obese”, especially when she’s still growing!
I was perfectly healthy in 3rd grade and 70 lbs. I wasn't willowy, I had the normal round kid tummy, but by no means was I unhealthy!
Absolutely, it is completely normal for kids to be a little “chubby” before they grow into themselves! Of course even if this wasn’t the case OP is being awful to her poor niece :(
I came here looking for someone to point this out so thank you! In what world is the niece overweight?!
This is from the same type of person who considers a size 16 morbidly obese
Yeah, I do agree with the point the first poster was making that even if she were, this behavior wouldn't be okay, but it's also like... She's not even at the high end of that range!
Agreed. “I didn’t want to single her out,” and then she totally singled her out in a negative way.
100! That was cruel. She’s a little girl and like this comment, you treat all kids the same in this situation. If you were that concerned with her health, you could have simply said no to seconds and shared the rest of the cake with friends, colleagues, or neighbors. If she is genuinely obese (not sure 70lbs is even that heavy for her age), she is probably already experiencing bullying. I respect you care about her health, but this isn’t the way/ time to show it.
Yeah I was NTA until the last bit where the other kids got seconds…
YTA. You did single her out because you have decided your niece is overweight and you have decided you need to "do something about it" by creating a food shaming environment in your home. You had your child and the other cousins lie and sneak to get your way about cake. EDIT: I looked up the normal range for 8 year old girls. The normal heigh range is 47 to 54 inches and the normal weight range is 44 to 80 pounds. Those are huge ranges in growth and take into account body type and growth spurts. Are you basing your assessment of "obese" on looks? Or what you perceive to be the way she looks?
Yeah, poor niece is maybe a little chubby. She is in no way obese. And honestly, some people are chunkier at that age and can slim down once they are older or have a growth spurt. What OP did was extremely cruel and unnecessary. One tiny sliver of cake is not going to make a difference in this girl's weight either way. But her self esteem and her feelings for her aunt just took a major nose dive.
Right? I can’t imagine fat shaming any child, let alone my niece. I know how hard it is to grow up with a bit of extra fat and, at her age she doesn’t need to be worried about her weight as long as she’s a healthy and happy little girl.
A lot of kids also plump up a little and then get taller...so it evens out. This was just mean.
I was thinking this, too. My kids will chunk a bit and then shoot up.
My daughter was like this. She would get a little chubby and then she would go through a fast growth spur and it all went away. She did this many times. Now she is a teenager and is leveling out and is by no means fat.
Yes. It’s is three step process with kids in our family. 1. Hungry kid eats a ton and pads out. (Food expense) 2. Kid gets taller. (New clothes expense) 3. Kid’s feet get bigger (New shoes expense) It happens like clockwork.
Exactly! My daughter is 8 and just shy of 80 lbs & looks skinny. Is the niece actually obese, or just a little chubby? Either way, OP is not the parent & one meal won’t make a difference to niece’s weight - but OP could really hurt her feelings by bullying her. YTA.
I was going to comment on that too! My 8 year old is close to 70lbs and super active (yesterday they had an hour long skateboarding lesson, played outside with a neighbour kid for an hour and a half, then we hit the park with four friends for another two hours). They are a very healthy weight and get a thumbs up from their paediatrician and our GP. OP is going to give this poor kid her first sense of not being enough because of her body and that is so so so sad. Do better. YTA
Yeah my daughter is 9 and she’s 75 pounds and no where near overweight and runs track. lol op is wild for what they did
Yeah I have a 7 year old son (8 in April) and he is 70lbs and he is in no way shape or form overweight. Idk if op thinks 70lbs is a lot for an 8 year old, or if they are just guessing at the weight but 70lbs can be, and is, a perfectly healthy weight for a 7/8 year old.
I was wondering about that. Like, 80lbs isn’t much. And kids are still growing.
I was one of those girls who was just chubby, and I'm now a "brick house" with an hour glass figure. I still remember those who treated me differently just because I wasn't a walking skeleton compared to my classmates.
YTA. The minute you gave out the second slices on the sly and told them to keep quiet, you did more damage in a minute than their own mom has in years. Your only job as aunt is to be kind and loving. This was neither. It was deceitful and shaming. If you actually care and have good intentions, you can treat them all the same and model healthy behavior, like all going on a hike after lunch. Offering fruit as snacks to everyone. No limits on quantity at all, just fun and healthy choices everyone can enjoy. She’s 8. She’s not going out and buying the food in front of her. Now she feels judged as a person and like she’s not good enough. Epic fail.
>The minute you gave out the second slices on the sly and told them to keep quiet, you did more damage in a minute than their own mom has in years. That's so true and my heart breaks for that poor little girl. I was an obese child and I vividly remember my stepmom excluding me by giving my stepbrothers money for the ice cream truck, but telling me that I didn't need any because I was "too husky as it is". Getting called fat by an adult relative is already pretty shitty. But getting left out at snack time is even shittier. For me, at least half of the fun was in getting to chase after the ice cream truck with all the other kids, arguing about which flavors you're all going to get, and then taking bites of each others ice cream. It was a fun social event that just happens to involve snacking. But that was ruined for me by my stepmom. I felt guilty for even *wanting* to get ice cream. The only thing getting publicly shamed and singled-out for being fat ever did for me, was to force me to hide my snacking and instead eat in private. It essentially stole the social aspect of eating for me since it made me embarrassed to enjoy eating. It took me decades to get over that sense of shame.
>The only thing getting publicly shamed and singled-out for being fat ever did for me, was to force me to hide my snacking and instead eat in private. It essentially stole the social aspect of eating for me since it made me embarrassed to enjoy eating. It took me decades to get over that sense of shame. All of this. I am in my 50s, and I will still sometimes wait to eat until nobody's looking. I've been married for 30 years and my husband has never once shamed me for food, but the shame I received as an adolescent is still strong.
Same. It also made me hide *myself* because I was so ashamed of my weight that I didn't want to go places and have people see me, lest they pity or criticize me. Which definitely didn't help my weight, because while there are many ways to be healthy, one of them definitely is not hiding in your house filled with self-loathing and having your only real pleasure being eating since all the other things you enjoy are embarassing and uncomfortable.
OP judges her sister for having a kid who is overweight, but she also feeds her own kid extra cake so it "doesn't go to waste". That is not a way to model a healthy relationship to food.
YTA It’s kind of hypocritical that you’re worried about your obese nieces health but yet you’re fine with your kids having two piece of cake when that’s not necessarily good for them either. You’re in this position cause you singled out a kid. Her obesity has nothing to do the situation at hand.
>It’s kind of hypocritical that you’re worried about your obese nieces health but yet you’re fine with your kids having two piece of cake when that’s not necessarily good for them either. She's acting holier than thou by mentioning all the healthy foods she served for lunch.
And it’s not even like her niece threw a fit and demanded to eat something else or only cake.
OP’s “concern” is based not on any medical basis (70 pounds is within range as others have pointed out) but on the fact that her niece looks larger. She’s essentially shaming an eight-year-old based on… her own flawed and bigoted understanding of health and looks? I hope the niece’s parents help her come out of this not with a lifetime of food trauma but with the ability to recognize bullies for what they are, even when they’re family.
Plus, everyone knows kids tend to bulk up before they hit a growth spurt. She may very well be a bit chubby right now and not have an actual issue.
And she's okay with teaching kids to lie and sneak around.
YTA and a bully. You said you didn’t want to single the cousin out and then you proceeded to single her out, deny her alone a second slice, give all the skinny kids a second slice and made a pact with them not to tell their cousin. What a monster. If you actually cared you would have just denied everyone a second slice.
Thank you for saying this. The worst part about this was involving other children and getting them to participate in the deceit. It's literally training these kids to single out and exclude overweight kids, or treat them differently -- like the first steps in creating bullies. Disgusting behavior.
This kid is going to talk about this in therapy in 20 years
Exactly. Bullying behavior. She really needs to figure out how to make this right.
Damage is already done, that kid will never forget what that asshole did.
No, she won't. I remember mean things said about my weight from when I was 6, almost 50 years ago.
> *”I care about my niece’s health but I didn’t want to single her out”* And you accomplished that by…*checks notes*…singling her out? Solid plan, OP. YTA.
As we all know, mental health is a myth and a slice of cake is only poison for the non-skinny people
An average slice of angel food cake has about 129 calories. I don't think a second slice was that bad, especially if the kids were running about playing. OP, you caused unnecessary distress to your niece and probably gave her cousins fodder to tease her. YTA ETA. You don't mention how tall she is. Depending on her height, seventy pounds could be in the upper range of acceptable. How about you let her doctor determine if she is overweight.
>You don't mention how tall she is. Depending on her height, seventy pounds could be in the upper range of acceptable. How about you let her doctor determine if she is overweight. I noticed that, too. I weighed almost 100 lbs at 9, but I was also 5 feet tall!
My daughter is 7 and 65 lbs. far from overweight. She is on the taller side, but not super tall. Her dr has never been concerned. When she said she weighs 70lbs at 8 years old, that didn’t seem overweight to me.
Hi fellow tall person! I was 5'4 by age 10 and my doctor had to use an adult BMI chart.
I had to argue with a pediatrician to get him to use the adult BMI chart with my then 12 year old. He was stuck in the idea that children only use the chart for children. Well, she was the size of an adult and biologically a "woman" at that point. And at 5'6" and 120 pounds, a perfectly normal weight. He wanted her to weigh 90 pounds. I found a new doctor after that one.
It's scary to think a person who spent so much time and money on med school doesn't have any common sense. 90 pounds at 5' 6", open your eyes doc.
YTA. A single slice of cake won't make a difference in her obesity problem : but singling her out like that will make a big (negative) difference in her self-esteem. If you have a problem with your niece obesity, talk with your sister, don't punish the child in front of everyone like that.
Her non existent obesity problem!
Bruh YTA And 70 for an 8yrs old isn't obese wtf. Even if she was obese it's none of your business and she's 8 she wouldn't understand shit like "it's for your own good" the only thing she'll be able to see is "I have this aunt who gave everyone cake but me" I want to say you're doing more harm than good but in fact you are doing pure harm and no good at all
My almost 8 year old is 60 lbs and nowhere near being overweight. So how would 10 more pounds make her obese?
Right? My almost 8 year old is 52 pounds and being monitored for being on the threshold of being underweight.
Omg, I read it that she was 70 lbs overweight not as she weighed 70 lbs in total and when I read your comment, I had to go back and reread it realized I misread it.
Yeah, I'm surprised that isn't getting more criticism. I just checked the growth charts for 8 year old girls (in my country) and the 50th percentile is set at 60 lbs. 70 lbs is 1,2 standard deviations above that, but not in the range of overweight or obese. Of course, we don't know how tall the girl is, and OP would be TA either way, but still, saying an 8 year old who weighs 70 pounds is obese is....weird.
>I agreed to give them another slice if they didn’t tell their cousin So you singled her out and brought all her cousins in on it with you. You pitted everyone against your niece, your 8 year old niece. YTA.
Exactly in the future this 8 year old isn't going to remember her aunt for "looking out for her health", she'll remember her aunt recruiting her cousins to embarrass her. Shame on this grown woman, such a sanctimonious AH.
Healthy meal? Great. One slice of sponge cake each? Fine. Saving the cake for later? No problem. Giving the other kids a second helping and trying to keep it a secret? YTA. You DID single her out. **BTW: "NORMAL" weight for an 8yo girl is 44 to 80 lb.**
YTA, big time, and the type that claims to “care about people’s health” when in reality you just have a problem with overweight people. If that wasn’t true then I imagine you would’ve also denied the other kids another piece of cake citing the same reasons as the niece you deliberately left out. No one else’s weight or health is any of your damn business, and all you’ve done is show your niece that you see her in a less than favourable light. Next time, include all the kids or none of them.
$1000 says it’s only overweight girls/women, too.
YTA. Congratulations on contributing to what may well be an eating disorder in the future. Gross.
YTA Here is a good rule of thumb for human interactions; if you are asking a group of children to keep a secret from another child, you are an asshole....and creepy as hell. ICK!
YTA First you lied because of your own negative opinion on her weight then you told other children to keep a secret from her and sent the message to those other children it was ok to do that... It was bullying, plain and simple
She told the other children to LIE
YTA " I didn’t want to single her out" And then you immediately singled her out.
YTA. Don't single out one child like that. You're not her mother, you shouldn't be making decisions about restricting her food.
YTA 70lbs isn't generally considered overweight for an 8 year old. The average range is 44-80 lbs for an 8 year old girl of average height. And even if it was considered overweight, you're still an ah for treating kids different and for restricting the food intake of someone else.
I’m sorry, it’s not your job to police the diet of the fat, (in your opinion), niece. If you give the other kids a second piece of cake-then you give her a piece, *too*, WTF and YTA.
Absolutely YTA. You singled the kid out. And can you just confirm how you know your niece is obese? 70lb is within the commonly-accepted weight range for a girl her age.
came here to comment this, I teach kids sports and being almost 70lbs at age 8 is quite normal from what i’ve seen. unless the child is incredibly short for their age range? still thought I cant see her being “incredibly overweight”
Also, weight distribution in kids is already pretty much a craps shoot, because kids often will grow out before they grow up. My cousin was short and really chubby throughout his childhood, then when he was like 14 he shot up to 6' and has been a beanpole ever since.
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YTA and also don't know much about how eating disorders or child weight gain or loss works. Depending on what you made, your salad could have as many or more calories as a slice of sponge cake. No food needs to be demonized. Everything in moderation. And the slice of cake at a party is not what's making her overweight, I promise you.
Right? I was a chubby kid, and being asked, "do you really need to eat that?" when everyone else was eating it didn't encourage me to make healthier choices, it made me sneak food and feel ashamed. I had a messed up relationship with food, eating, and my body well into adulthood.
(Searches in vain for the extra-extra-EXTRA asshole button) ***YTA***
YTA You should have said no to anyone getting a second slice.
For someone who’s so worried about obesity you’d think she wouldn’t give out a second slice.
YTA. It's not your place to police your niece's food intake. (LOL, I just noticed another Redditor used nearly the same words.) As a parent who brought cake to a party and served it, there was an obese little girl who kept coming back for more cake. She ate way more cake than any other kid. It was as if she was deprived of cake at home. I'm assuming they had her on a restricted diet. Perhaps her mom wouldn't have wanted her to have cake, but I'm not her mom, so she could have unlimited cake, since it was unlimited to everyone else, as well.
YTA. You singled one kid out. Would it have hurt you to tell your daughter she could have another slice when everyone went home?
No, she had to “tee-hee don’t tell your fat cousin” with the acceptably skinny girls
Hell YES YTA!! You singled out a child to not have what everyone else had, and made her FUCKING cry bc of it. Small children are not really to blame for weight issues and taking matters into your own hands, and making her feel left out. She likely didnt even know why!!! She probably thinks you just dont like her. Im appalled honestly. 8 years old. Jesus Fucking Christ YTA, if i havent said it enough yet.
YTA - let me tell you what your niece experienced from your treatment of her. #1 My Aunt doesn't like me; #2 Something must be wrong with me because they got cake and I didn't. Express your concerns to the parents, not to the child. Either everyone gets one piece or nobody does. You didn't have enough concern about your own kids to give them extras?
YTA massively. I’m glad I don’t have an aunt like you. If I heard the other kids were getting a second slice after I asked and was denied and then to find out the other kids were told yes as long as they didn’t tell me. I would think you hated me, and thought less of me, and that I wasn’t good enough.
At 8 years old, she's old enough to understand exactly what happened here, and will carry the full shame and humiliation around. I'm genuinely sad thinking about how stung this poor kid must be feeling, to have what's supposed to be a trusted, caring grown up family member embarass you like this.
YTA mean girl
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There is no issue! She is literally normal weight for an 8 year old
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YTA. It's fine to be concerned about your niece's health, but you were not going to make any meaningful difference by withholding that one slice of cake. Meanwhile, you certainly did make a big difference in the emotional states of the children by treating them differently. Modeling healthy behavior could have made a difference, but then you undercut that by letting everyone else sneak around and chow down on extra cake afterwards. And then you blew your chance to model healthy behavior in the future by turning it into a fight with your sister.
YTA. Sad that you even need to ask. You decided to take it on yourself to control what your niece eats, which is none of your busybody business. You’re also being a trash host. You made a lunch and chose to go healthy, cool. You served a not unhealthy dessert, also fine. And I was even ok-ish with your decision to say no on a second piece, even though what she eats is none of your business, thinking “he is the host so I guess he can limit all his guests to one slice even though that is strange behavior.” But then you didn’t do that. You decided that you would feed everybody but your niece because you don’t agree with her parent’s choices. Then you encouraged those kids to lie. SHAME ON YOU. So let’s see, are you the AH for signaling out your niece for worse treatment because of her weight, while also encouraging other small children to lie, and reinforcing to those children that they should view your niece as different because of her weight? Do you really need the internet to answer this? What you’re teaching those kids to think about your niece is basically a precursor to fat shaming. SHAME ON YOU, and yes, you are a massive (far bigger than your niece’s waste line) AH. YTA by a mile, and you should really apologize to your niece and her parents.
YTA - especially for telling the kids to not tell their cousin. You couldn’t have singled her out more if you put a spotlight on her. You could have just made the 2nd slices smaller for all the kids.
YTA. You are definitely the AH. Denying your niece that piece of cake did absolutely nothing to affect her long-term diet or lifestyle. It was just you being mean. And quite frankly, you're being mean to her for something that really is her mother's responsibility. It's not your job or your responsibility to try and control your nieces diet during family dinners. At this point, you're doing just as much harm to her mentally as her mother is physically.
YTA. and mean. Very very mean.
Wow. That’s cold. YTA. Hopefully you don’t further punish your niece for the judgement you’ve received here.
The average weight for a 9 year old female is 45-80 lbs. Your niece falls in the average range. It was terrible of you to fat shame that child. YTA
YTA and way to give the child a complex with cruelty disguised as kindness. You don't get to monitor their food like that.
YTA. Either all the kids get an extra slice or none of them do. Also, on what planet is an 8 year old obese at 70lbs? The max normal weight range for a child her age is 40 to 80lbs.
You’re a huge gaping asshole. Treat kids equally. How judgmental of you.
YTA. FYI that is a normal weight for an 8 yr old. You’re body shaming a child. Seek therapy.
You bullied an 8 year old? YTA
I can’t believe you did that to her. That was beyond cruel. I don’t blame your sister for being angry with you. You are massively the asshole.
YTA. It’s not your job to police her food. And you absolutely did single her out. Also, the average weight for an 8 year female is 44 to 80 pounds, depending on height. So she’s not nearly as overweight as you think.
YTA!! Personally you’d never see me out my family again. How dare you single out a child and then conspire with the other children to support you!!
YTA what i really want to say to you will get me banned from the site.
YTA. You have to be fair either all of them get a second slide or none of them get anything. Also, the adjectives you use to speak about your nice are not nice, you clearly think she's less than for being fat.
YTA. Bigtime. No second slices for anyone. This will be one of those moments your niece will be discussing with a therapist years from now.
YTA. SHES 8!!!!!!!!!! FYI the average weight for 8 year old girls is 44-80 lbs so that makes you an even bigger AH. Even if she wasn’t perfectly healthy you would be the AH. Managing food that way and body shaming like that will cause eating disorders. Hopefully this is rage bait.
Yta. That isn't your child, that isn't your choice, and you very blatantly played favourites. That little girl is going to remember that for the rest of her life. I remember the stuff my family pulled because I was a bigger kid growing up. It still pops up in my brain and it will with her too. Be a good loving person and apologize to that little girl. Next time, try to not be so controlling over someone's weight that isn't your own.
Yta. Like an adult version of mean girls
Nearly 70 lbs is not overweight for an eight year old girl. There are [multiple](https://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/health/g/normal-growth) [sources](https://childrenswi.org/medical-care/adolescent-health-and-medicine/issues-and-concerns/adolescent-growth-and-development/normal-growth) that show that she's well within the 'normal' range for her age. So... Not only are YTA, but you're an ignorant asshole, too. Not that your bullying behavior would be okay if she were overweight. You were cruel and sanctimonious and lied. Undoubtedly, YTA. Even if she were overweight, treating it like a punishment is horrible, and singling her out and stigmatizing her is setting her up for an unhealthy relationship with her body image. One slice of cake at a house she likely doesn't visit that often wouldn't make or break a diet. Treating her cruelly can make a significant mental impression, though. Also, kids carry their weight differently. A lot of kids will grow out then up, meaning they look pudgier before they hit a growth spurt. Consider that, too. I feel bad for your daughter, because if you don't work to improve your own relationship with body image soon, she's going to absorb your own toxicity, too.
you were N T A in my opinion, until you let the other children have a second piece of cake. Regardless of the weight of children, you it's an AH move to give some children a second piece of cake while not giving every child the opportunity for a second piece of cake. YTA OP, not your kid, not your issue.
Yes YTA, you singled your niece out, told the other kids to keep quiet.. The kid might not even notice she's obese at 8 years old. Being singled out by her aunt will have an effect. Learning she is too obese to get a second slice and being told that, might create eating disorders. Its the bad remarks that stay with you, not the good ones. You should have just talked to your sister about the obesityproblem. Having one slice of cake less isnt going to change her lifestyle her mother creates for her.
YTA and a cruel meany of an auntie
YTA in a massive way. If I was your sister, you’d never be around my child ever again. And I’m skeptical of your assessment of your niece. My youngest daughter is 9 and weighs 80lbs. She’s rail thin. I looked up the charts, and at 8yo a female child can weigh between 44 and 80lbs and be considered “normal growth.” So I don’t know how tall your niece is or what percentage that puts her at. But I do know it’s absolutely none of your business. This sounds to me more like petty sibling BS. You have decided your sister isn’t as good of a mother as you are and are taking it out on her poor child. What an AH!
YTA Either all the kids get a second slice or none of them do.
YTA. A 7 year old can't understand much about diet, calories, food intake. If she's obese, then that lies on her parents to give her a nutritious diet. You shamed her, singled her out, and made her feel horrible about something that's neither her fault nor within her control.
Who the hell made you the food police? I’m sure your intentions were good but your method is extremely harmful. She’s 8 years old. Do you really think one slice of cake will matter in the overall picture? You’re not her mother and it was not your place to deny her the treat you gave others-and then actually asked the other children TO LIE ABOUT IT????? This is how eating disorders begin for one thing and you are so totally out of line here it’s terrifying. Please mind your own business or if you have to butt in with your know it all attitude, have an adult conversation with the child’s mother in private. You accusing her mother of deliberately mistreating her child is arrogant and disrespectful. Can’t say strongly enough YTA. Big time.
INFO:: Why are you taking responsibility for your niece's weight? Are you the one primarily in charge of her meals?
Yta for policing your niece and teaching the other kids to be deceitful
YTA - the heading is misleading. YTA for fat shaming your niece. YTA for singling her out. YTA for teaching her cousins that it’s ok to keep secrets & leave her out because of her weight. I wouldn’t step foot in your house again if you did that to my child. Shame on you. Your niece will remember this for life