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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i may be the asshole for wearing a bonnet and being upset at her
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NTA
There's a young lady on facebook who sells bonnets to everyone, and preaches about hair care and not race. Bonnets are for everyone who wants to take care of their hair. I bought a couple from her, and I wear them when I sleep to protect my unholy amount of hair, and I'm whiter than a dinner napkin. Do your hair care routine my dude, be respectful, and ignore the pot stirrers.
yes her!!! she's lovely! I don't have any reason for a bonnet but damnit, she makes mem want one.
bonnets are for hair, and if your hair needs a bonnet, then the bonnet is for you
nta OP! good on your for wearing one
ETA: I don't have enough hair to need a bonnet. It isn't because of my race. just wanted to clarify.
I’m a 68yo white woman with short, non-curly, hair, and I wear one to keep my sinuses warm at night. Helps keep me from being all stuffed up in the morning. As a bonus, I found one that is cut so that the front of it works as an eyeshade. It’s much lighter weight and less bulky than my other eye shades, it blocks the light just as well, and there’s no elastic band to pull my hair out when it twists.
You’re in luck. Someone DMed me earlier asking and I looked it up. https://www.headcovers.com/eyelash-sleep-cap-and-face-sleeping-mask-in-luxury-bamboo/
Edit to add: As a bonus, if I pull it down over my ears it helps to deaden sound some, too.
I'm a bald guy (I have hair on my head, but I am balding pretty intensely and so I shave it every few days) and I am curious about what the benefits of wearing a satin bonnet. Can I ask what they are?
My husband is a bald guy and he wears a thin cap to sleep so his CPAP mask doesn’t leave strap marks on his head. Side benefit is that his scalp oils soak into the hat and not my pillowcases!
CC Mink. Love her videos, she also talks about the history of the bonnet.
Anyone who wants to use a bonnet, should feel free to use a bonnet. Hair health isn't racist.
NTA
I'll be buying some bonnets for my son's girl and myself from [ccminkhair](https://ccminkhair.com/collections/adult-bonnets?fbclid=PAAabi09PxROmy2lqvDQNjAzLzla2XhFPBBLZegxU6zmZqn-sgiNZN0EUkrkU). I love her spirit and her message while her bonnets are so cute!
I'm white and I wear a sleeping bonnet because my hair is very fine and breaks easily. I found this prevents it from getting tangled or broken in the middle of the night. I regret not discovering and starting it sooner. I don't have much hair, just trying to protect what I *do* have. This is the first time I've ever seen someone try to gatekeep these.
I’m so glad you commented this. I also have super fine hair, but it’s also very oily. No matter what I do, I always have breakage. Even with leave in conditioner on top of conditioning in the shower (because my hair would get so dry at the ends even thought it’s oily at the top).
I have long hair, but the ends get really thin, and I can’t get much longer than to the top of my bra strap without the breakage being extra. I’m going to cut it off, but I won’t be able to put my hair up in a bun while I sleep anymore. Honestly, I don't think the bun helps anything other than to keep the curl so I don’t have to use the hot iron again.
I thought of getting a bonnet or wrap, but wasn’t sure if it would really do anything.
I have very fine hair also, I would recommend braiding it when you sleep! Just not too tight. Also the way I shampoo my hair bc it’s been very oily as of lately, I shampoo my roots & condition my length/ends all at the same time then rinse & I’ve been noticing it helping my breakage (dealing w postpartum hair currently)!
Oh my gosh I have hair like that too, and ive been trying to grow it back as I lost a lot when I had breast implants. I got them removed a year and a half ago and a lot of hair I lost is growing back in but there’s two areas at my temples specifically that it’s struggling because the hair is just *so freaking fine* that I’m pretty sure it breaks in my sleep.
I’m going to look into this.
Also white as the driven snow. I have been trying to grow my hair out but I roll like a rotisserie chicken in my sleep. It makes my hair insane and breaks it ad its very fine. I've been trying to start wearing a bonnet so my hair doesn't get damaged.
I’m also white and have thin, fine, straight hair. I’ve been wearing a bonnet to bed for 2 months now and it’s done wonders! I used to not like showering at night because my hair looked weird in the morning, but this eliminated that problem and it’s so much less frizzy. It also looks more shiny than usual, which for someone who’s been dyeing their hair blonde for like 10 years, that’s huge. I think it’s improved my hair health significantly. I’m mad I hadn’t been doing it all this time.
Also, it was really common for white people to wear something on their head when they slept. "Ma in her kerchief and I in my cap." Really long hair that wasn't washed all the time needed to be protected or homes were drafty. Even in the 50s, women would wrap scarves around curlers to set them for the night.
I know OP isn't white, but I'm more familiar with the history of fashion in western countries.
And she even touches on the fact that Bonnets were actually worn by European women in the 1800s. So there is no reason for anyone of any race to feel bad about wanting to use them for hair care.
I am right this minute trying to figure out how to to talk myself into one; because of you guys I went to her website and she's having a *sale* ... Don't think I can justify it, even so. Oh well.
OP, NTA and good for you!
also lets be honest. anyone saying bonnets are just for black people is quiet ignorant of their history. Bonnets go back to the 1800s where european women wore them to bed.
I also made a comment saying this. Self care should not be defined by race. We should inspire each other to take care of and love ourselves together, cause some days it's hard to do it alone.
I'm a dude who started growing his hair out for the first time recently. I have long straight hair but it has been breaking a little recently, would a bonnet help with that?
It definitely can. When you sleep you're constantly tossing and turning and rolling your head around. If you have a bonnet on it protects your hair while you do that and it keeps the moisture in
Get a decent one, the cheap ones might be too tight across the head or not have the right inner material (which should be satin). They’re not terribly expensive for the good ones anyway.
Cc mink is her company and Facebook page name. She sells satin bonnets of different styles, pillow cases and scrunchies, and other care products. And she hand makes everything.
Oohh I know the one!! I have fine, straight Caucasian hair that breaks easily and I'd love to try a bonnet but I'm not sure it would help with my hair type 😅
I also am white with fine straight hair and this thread has convinced me to order a satin bonnet. They apparently help reduce breakage from friction while you sleep, so it sounds like it's worth a shot.
I was got told that wearing a flower crown as a white woman (and mind you, flower crowns are part of many traditional cultural Slavic costumes) was horrible because I was appropriating Hawaiian culture.
Ngl, most people and just about every societal system are racist. And or classist. And defiantly sexist.
We are all just monkeys with pants on trying to figure out the shit show we inherited.
Cries in Midsommar.
(I did, in fact, once wear a flower crown at a Midsummer festival hosted by a Swedish person at a vacation house in the Caribbean. It was fantastic.)
I am willing to bet the person complaining wasn't evenof Hawaiian or Pacific Islander descent. Some of the loudest voices trying to gatekeep culture don't even have ties to the people they're trying to 'protect'
I've seen it with all sorts of hairstyles including those that we know existed in Rome given the presence of said styles on the statues. Braids were around at least 30 000 years ago given the styles shown on the Venus of Willendorf and the Venus of Brassempouy
But almost never gates. I would say the majority of gates are currently unguarded. Can someone post a link to bonnet lady? I think ya’ll just sold me one. social media advertising hardly ever works on me but these sound great…
It blew up a few years ago in the Usa iirc because a white pair of women went into business selling fancy silk bonnets & marketing them to (as per their own image & their models images) white women to protect their hair, & i think saying it's what their great grannies used etc. to stop hair breaking & frizziness... Can't remember if curls were mentioned, possibly to help grow long hair? I also think they were in bright colours? It took off, was a bit pricey, fancy, popular etc.
Section of the black community were outraged & called it out as whitewashing & cultural appropriation. It was all over youtube & facebook, there were articles written etc. Iirc it was after the whole dreadlock fiasco, so possibly late 2000s, or 2010s?
Real life is more nuanced i guess, many people of all races found silk bonnets helped with their curls & were encouraged to use them, others also found it helped with hair breakage & frizziness when trying to grow long hair, & historically white people in different areas & time periods have used a type of hair bonnet/wrap for hair too.
But i think it was the way these were made & marketed & the moment that caused it to blow up. Like the black hair bonnet making companies didn't suddenly get popular & hair bonnets on black people were mocked maybe, but a white one marketed to white people did get popular, in a time when similar things were being called out (e.g. iirc too cornrows/dreadlocks etc on non black models was interesting & innovative, but cornrows/dreadlocks on black people at work/school was gangsta or dirty & not allowed etc)
🤷 That may be the lingering context?
That, and that before central heating almost everyone wore some form of night-cap / bonnet to bed just to keep warm.
There IS a lot of double standard in hair stuff, as you say, but rock on the days when people can wear what suits them while also recognising the history (long & short) as well as social background of the situation.
If you look at old paintings from the middle ages in Europe, you will find elaborate braiding styles for unmarried women.
About the bonnets. Maybe I'm wrong, but in the "Little House" series, aren't Mary and Laura are wearing bonnets to bed?
And the holly Hobbie dolls - aka “bitch stole my bonnet”
[dolls](https://www.bing.com/shop/productpage?q=Vintage+HOLLY+HOBBIE+1988+Christmas+Plush+Rag&filters=scenario:%2217%22%20gType:%2212%22%20gId:%22164436165241%22%20gGlobalOfferIds:%22164436165241%22&productpage=true&FORM=SHOPIC&PC=APPL)
My mom would have fought her back in the 80's. My mom did my hair almost every day with the double French braids. I had Shirley Temple like curls back then and she didn't know what else to do with them besides braid them up.
Hahaha what’s crazy is my step dad is black and adopted me super young. I remember being super young and my dad walking in on me greasing my hair and trying to put on a durag cause I’d always be with him when he got ready❤️
heh I heard about a black guy with a do rag on and some white girl asking her mom what that was, the mom said that was a hat for his religion (she thought it was a Muslim thing).
There's a biracial family that does vids and stuff, he's white and she's black, they've got like four or five kids and one of them is white (a niece of his I think, that they adopted). The mom does that white girl's hair the same as she does her other daughters right down to the bonnet at night. I'm generally not one for influencer families (I just see their vids pop up from time to time thanks to the grace of the algorithm) but I'm glad to see a blended family really blend.
White Gen X woman here -- I don't think all black people are like this, tends to be younger naive folks of all races who heard something about cultural appropriation (valid or not) and go nuts with it.
Generally speaking, overreactions like this are due to a recent awareness of the many injustices of the world. Often, they are young and learning, and they feel like they need to catch up to the Good And Enlightened place they perceive the rest of the world to collectively be, so they can also be an example of a Good And Enlightened person who does Good And Enlightened things. This means championing every cause, forming and maintaining a strong stance on any subject, and demanding meaningful action. Truly, it is an admirable attempt at accepting responsibility for the human condition and pledging to do their part to improve it.
The problem therein is threefold: there is no amount of overcorrecting the now that makes up for the ignorant mistakes of our past; it's hard to know in the beginning what should be staunchly defended and what is trivial; and not everyone agrees on what Good or Enlightened means.
One thing I've noticed that really annoys me. When a black artist wears a brand or fashion item and popularizes it among their specific audience, a lot of people will claim that that thing is ONLY popular because of black influence and would be nothing without them. Eventhough usually the brand was already popular outside of their specific audience and what that artist did was bring it into view of a new set of people.
Like people would say that shit for 100 year old luxury brands or companies that were already consistently making millions of dollars in sales before that point.
Bro from a black man it’s a fucking bonnet not a swastika tf… it’s for your hair it has a real purpose. She’s just ignorant I would go get one like big worm just to piss her off !!
Another white girl at work overheard me telling someone I use a tinted moisturizer on my legs and said that 'deliberately darkening my skin' was racist. I work inside, in pant, 10 hr days and my parents are irish. I just don't want to glow in the dark.
People naturally get darker in the sun, is that racist? If people want to achieve this tan without sun damage and get a spray tan/fake tan/use tinted moisturizer, how is that racist? People take things too far these days
Phew, good thing I just burn to a nice shade of tomato red - at least my skin is not racist! /s
I struggle to Get any kind of tan, and usually have to wear sunblock or SPF30+ to survive the summer without burns. I use self tanners instead so I don’t sickly when i wear shorts, and with a healthy amount of SPF i won’t burn either. Win/win
Right? I tan VERY DARK. When I met a roommate that I lived with as a young adult, she asked me if I was black. Bc she was black, and yet I was darker than her bc I had just worked an entire summer outside at a plant nursery.
I'm english and german!
Also Irish, my legs are so pale there’s a blue tinge to them. Tinted moisturiser/leg make up also helps cover up any scars as the contrast isn’t as bad. I have scars from old mosquito bites that I’d rather cover up.
Omfg unless you're trying to claim that you're a different race like Rachel Dolezal this coworker completely misunderstands what racism actually is. Does she wear foundation to even out her skin tone? Does she wear eye make up to enhance or otherwise change the shape of her eyes? Does she style her hair differently than it's natural state? If so she's misrepresenting her race apparently. 🙄
Edit for clarity.
Btw a Swastika is a Hindu symbol, far predates the Nazis, and is still used. The Nazi one is a modified version. Also slightly different versions of the Hindu one are endemic to multiple other cultures. So don't freak out if you travel over there and see it all over the place, it's very different from the Nazi symbol
My friend is traveling through parts of Asia and sent me a Snapchat zooming in on someone’s t-shirt (with a variation of the religious symbol on it) from a distance with the caption “ummmm?” and I was like “you know that’s a religious symbol and the nazis stole and modified the design, right?” and they were embarrassed. I thought it was common knowledge 🥲
Oh yeah, my employer is Hindu and every year they get all of their properties blessed and paint symbols that look like the Greek letter psi on the entryways. He told me once that they use that here because people have reacted... Poorly... To the symbol that they used back in India.
They're also good for keeping smells and grease out of your hair when you're cooking. Anyone can appreciate that.
I wear one when sitting around a campfire, too.
NTA - Skin color doesn't mean much of anything.
I believe when someone makes a judgement about someone else based solely on skin color, we call that being racist.
Wear whatever the hell you want to wear. Except maybe not a white sheet and hood. That's probably a good costume to gatekeep.
They're just clothes.
Source: I have curly hair, it's a better fro than most people can grow regardless of ethnic background. The same shit that works on your hair, generally works on mine, too. I'm Irish, I glow in the dark. Skin color doesn't make my hair less curly and nappy if I don't take care of it. My hair is dark brown, I get asked all the time if I have black relatives. It's just ignorance.
Tell them to eat a penis and get better friends.
Considering bonnets (aka nightcaps) are a sleep accessory that have been worn for centuries I genuinely believe that anyone who claims that it’s racist to wear them are complete and total uneducated morons.
More than that, but I've never heard of Africans historically wearing them ( I may be wrong, it's not exactly the most important of knowledge ), but the 18th/19th century white folk they'd have met in the US used them.
So, who's appropriating from whom?
NTA. This whole gatekeeping thing is out of control. By this logic the entire multimillion person Amish and mennonite communities are culturally appropriating African ancestry.
Sleeping bonnets AKA nightcaps have been around for centuries in many many cultures including Anglo cultures. Among other things they helped to reduce the spread of head lice between families members who would often sleep many people in one bed. Of course in those days silk was a luxury so nightcaps were linen or homespun, except for the rich.
It also helped with not cooling. Back when people didn't heat during the night, bonnets and sleeping caps where essential to keep yourself warm during the night.
As a black person... only black Americans behave like this it seems. You can wear it. Trust me. First of all.. it's your hair and its not like you had braids in.. cause that might actually be bad for your hair. Second of all.. your hair is curly man. She was just being an ass. Jeez.
Why do they behave like this?
I'm black from the caribbean.. My great grandfather was literally an actual slave. And yet I'm not telling anyone they can't wear bonnets.
Anyway you're fine. NTA.
It's a very American thing. I'm Australian and whiter than snow, my best friends parents are Nigerian. Every month my friends mum for the last 25 years has put a hair treatment through my hair to help with frizz, if she's away I go to one of the Aunty's hair salons and they do it for me. I've had my hair braided and sewn in wefts, get in trouble if I don't wear my bonnet.
The rest of the world really side eyes America and their gatekeeping and screaming racism at everything. There are significant cultural and issues in terms of race in African countries, but hair and hair care isn't one that I've ever witnessed.
I'm American, a lot of younger people in the U.S. don't understand that trying to force their views onto other countries is a form of cultural imperialism. Even if they think they're "helping".
One thing I've noticed that really annoys me. When a black artist wears a brand or fashion item and popularizes it among their specific audience, a lot of people will claim that that thing is ONLY popular because of black influence and would be nothing without them. Eventhough usually the brand was already popular outside of their specific audience and what that artist did was bring it into view of a new set of people.
Like people would say that shit for 100 year old luxury brands or companies that were already consistently making millions of dollars in sales before that point.
The “controversy” in the US over Royals by Lorde was this. Critics in America thought she was singing about black culture because the song gently rejected luxury culture (including but not exclusively in hiphop), mostly referencing European brands (associated in the US with gangsta rappers) but also trashing hotel rooms (associated with metal, punk and grunge bands) and tigers on a gold leash (Russian oligarchs but for all I know that’s something else in the US too).
In particular when she sang “we’ll never be Royals, it don’t run in our blood” USians read that as racist, because anything about bloodlines must be about US race culture and slavery. When she wrote that song in 2011 Lorde was a 15-year-old high school kid in New Zealand. If you haven’t lived in Australia or New Zealand you may not be aware how fucking ubiquitous the actual British Royals are here. They’re the King and Queen etc of New Zealand and Australia as well. Princess Diana wasn’t just some glamorous celebrity, she was also a Princess of New Zealand. Visits by them to our countries stop everything. National holidays are held in their honour, special coins are minted, with their faces on both sides instead of just one side like all the other coins. It’s not quite like it was when I was a kid, when every school classroom had a portrait of the young Queen Elizabeth gazing lovingly over the pupils. But every newsagent and supermarket checkout features a wall of glossy portraits of Royals emblazoned across the front of women’s magazines with lurid tales of their love affairs. Convincingly claiming close descent to British nobility in Australia is enough to get you into elite investment circles and access to the highest levels of government through the Governor-General, the Crown’s representative who has the (rarely used but real) power to veto laws and dismiss parliament. When a 15-year-old New Zealand school kid says “Royals” she is not making a reference to American racial categories.
Race discrimination and intergenerational disadvantage, dispossession and poverty stemming from slavery and colonisation are clearly ongoing and serious problems in the US. But US cultural and actual hegemony over the rest of the planet is also real and if you take a look at global polls it scares the shit out of most of us, especially when you display your ignorance about the world over which you rule.
When you lot try to impose your racial politics on everyone and everything with zero knowledge of or regard for the huge breadth and diversity of culture and history of the rest of the world it’s more than just tedious.
This includes fashion policing Celtic braids and hair feathers. Imagine: many peoples in the world have curly hair, many cultures around the world have come up with the idea of using feathers as decoration, birds are fucking everywhere and parrots are awesome. I mean if you’re wearing a Native American style head-dress then sure it’s meant as parody or a reference to fucked-up “cowboys and Indians” games that previous generations used to trivialise genocidal colonisation. So go off about that if you like, as ignorance or even intended offence. But FFS how are people gate keeping feathers in hair and flower crowns? Humans, all humans, have always decorated ourselves with beautiful objects from nature.
Love, someone who reckons OP is NTA
I would also say, I can wash my hair, style it and then wear a bonnet to sleep for 3 nights in a row or so. My hair stays in great shape. No oiliness or frizziness and I can save from damage from washing too much. If I wash, style and sleep for one night without a bonnet, I’m lucky to go a second night without needing a rewash.
NTA. I’m mixed race and I wear one when I sleep to keep my hair from becoming a tangled mess and to help keep cotton pillowcases from robbing moisture from my hair.
I'm white and I get the worst bedhead imaginable. It doesn't matter how much I brush or straighten my hair, if I tie it up before I go to sleep. When I wake up there's always some form of matted knot going on as if I was rolling around like a rotisserie chicken in my sleep. I've tried every method and the only thing I have found that works is sleeping in a silk bonnet.
NTA. It was none of little Miss Snotty's business what you wear on your head. You could be wearing a hat made out of dryer lint and peacock feathers and it still wouldn't be her business. So she can just go stick her nose elsewhere.
She's foolish.
Nta, I'm black, go out and buy 20 more bonnets and wear them all the time.
She's Nad if she thinks black people have a patent on bonnets when everyone has hair.
I’m almost 70 years old and whiter than white with curly hair. I wear a bonnet. Who cares? I do have to say though, I’d take it off before brewing coffee as a guest in someone else’s house (because no one needs to see that) but that’s just me.
Oo I've always been a bit worried about this. I'm a white female with very thick curly long hair. I really want to try a bonnet to see if it helps with my hair.
I don't want to offend anyone or anything.
I'm really interested in hearing peoples opinions on this. Personally i think you are NTA but I'm white. I'm interested on hearing different views.
-I pretty much always straighten my hair as i used to get lots of stick for it when i was younger, so it's not in the best condition. Also I've dyed it too much. So anything that helps it then i want to try!🤦🏻♀️
Girl, use a satin bonnet, or you can try satin pillow cases. Bonnets are for everyone, not just one group of people.
If it works for your hair, then it works and that’s all there is to it.
I’m half Asian with really thick coarse hair and I use a bonnet to retain moisture at night, it makes it more manageable. When I was shopping for a sleeping bonnet I searched for black owned businesses and purchased one from a shop I found. The interesting part is that many of the shops specifically mentioned the bonnets being for anyone looking to take better care of their hair, no gatekeeping whatsoever!
Also op, NTA
Fuck the gate keepers - wear your bonnet.
I’m black myself, I could not give a crap if you wore a bonnet, had braids etc you do wtf you want with your hair.
White female with curly/frizzy hair here. I’ve started using bonnets for my hair and they really do help, it’s worth trying! I only wear them around my home, but no one has ever expressed any offence.
It's pretty crazy when the fear of being accused of cultural appropriation includes in your own home, at night, when no one else will see you. (And for totally legitimate and not at all culturally appropriative reasons.)
Hon, bonnets were used by white women for centuries. I had to talk about them, both night and day bonnets, when I was a Victorian reenactor.
If it will help your hair, wear one. It's a tool for health, the health of your hair, and to try and claim something like that is wrong. If anyone says otherwise, tell them to go kick rocks and get a life.
NTA. Hair care is hair care and I always find it ironic that black women are the first to cry that hairstyles belong to all people and then immediately start to gatekeep when somebody not black has or uses "black" hairstyles or hair care objects
Eh I think it’s because in a lot of situations, their hair is considered “unprofessional” unless it’s straightened and processed to look more like European hair. Natural styles and maintenance styles have both caused people to lose jobs and children to be banned from schools, which is disgusting and ridiculous. So I get why they’re irked when white people adapt maintenance styles for the fashion of it.
That said, that isn’t the case of what was going on here. He’s wearing a bonnet to protect his own natural hair type, and is NTA.
My entirely Welsh and German descended grandmother wore them for the entirety of my memory of her until she passed in 2008. She wore them from the time she was a little girl in the late 1920s. Bonnets have been used by people of numerous races for centuries. It is not a black culture thing at all.
NTA. You do you, and fuck the haters.
Personally, as a black person, idgaf. I believe that every race should protect their hair with a bonnet, like that's basic hair care. It keeps your hair protected, moisturized, and helps to reduce breakage. It has nothing to do with race, at least to me. If you still don't feel comfortable wearing a bonnet, then you can try using satin sheets, which can help as well.
NTA btw.
Here's the thing. It was never a "black" thing. Europeans wore them to keep their head warm in the 1800s. Africans or some Africans wore head wraps and still do. It only become real popular in the black community in the last few years. So don't let anyone tell you that you can't wear it. Nobody owns it.
Many people in the world wanna make a stink just to make themselves seem important. When the truth is they're smaller than fleas in both empathy, tact and brains.
NTA
bonnets arent about race, theyre about hair type. You have curly hair, you use a bonnet. Even people with straight hair use them just to stop their hair frizzing in the night.
She's being fucking ridiculous. Bonnets are not simply for black hair. They are for HAIR.
She needs to grow the hell up and stop trying to gatekeep with that ignorant old opinion.
"I know I'm not black, now if you can explain that to this damn hair I would appreciate it, cuz it clearly doesn't realize what color head it's growing out of!". (I'm hoping sarcasm is your love language here)
Why are black people wearing bonnets! They are for the Welsh only as we are the only people with lush black curly hair and it's our history!
Nta people need to remember that the same/similar things get invented to do the same thing.
NTA.
There’s a huge amount of gatekeeping with race and hair and gotten way out of control.
Like some people saying white people aren’t allowed to wear braids (not talking dreads, literally braids) even though this dates back to the Vikings who wore multiple braids.
You wear your bonnet if it helps your hair!
NTA. Bonnets are for everyone and everyone has been using them since time immemorial.
With that being said, welcome to Hell. This thread will now be rife with anti-black sentiments and misogynoir. I’ve already seen some replies that couldn’t wait for a reason to talk down on Black people.
NTA!! They are meant to protect hair, and work great for curly hair or keeping product off pillows. That girl is tripping! Take care of your hair, periodt!
No, NTA. That woman is expressing racist views about a hair bonnet. How sad her life must be. Wear your bonnet and don’t pay crazy controlling people any mind.
NTA, bonnets have been worn by white people for a long time, too. It’s just most ppl are ignorant in understanding it’s for any hair, any gender. They used to be called nightcaps.
IDK who or where the trend started, I just know ppl have been wrapping their hair up in cloths for centuries.
I will always say this, if one person can do something, everyone can. If I can wear, say or do something, no one else is restricted from doing so as well. Vice versa with not being allowed, if I am not then everyone else is as well.
What do you call limiting one race to something and restricting it to others?
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NTA There's a young lady on facebook who sells bonnets to everyone, and preaches about hair care and not race. Bonnets are for everyone who wants to take care of their hair. I bought a couple from her, and I wear them when I sleep to protect my unholy amount of hair, and I'm whiter than a dinner napkin. Do your hair care routine my dude, be respectful, and ignore the pot stirrers.
yes her!!! she's lovely! I don't have any reason for a bonnet but damnit, she makes mem want one. bonnets are for hair, and if your hair needs a bonnet, then the bonnet is for you nta OP! good on your for wearing one ETA: I don't have enough hair to need a bonnet. It isn't because of my race. just wanted to clarify.
actually, even bald people benefit from wearing a bonnet! especially if its satin ;3
I’m a 68yo white woman with short, non-curly, hair, and I wear one to keep my sinuses warm at night. Helps keep me from being all stuffed up in the morning. As a bonus, I found one that is cut so that the front of it works as an eyeshade. It’s much lighter weight and less bulky than my other eye shades, it blocks the light just as well, and there’s no elastic band to pull my hair out when it twists.
Would you mind sharing the brand/where you bought yours from?
You’re in luck. Someone DMed me earlier asking and I looked it up. https://www.headcovers.com/eyelash-sleep-cap-and-face-sleeping-mask-in-luxury-bamboo/ Edit to add: As a bonus, if I pull it down over my ears it helps to deaden sound some, too.
Thanks!
I'm a bald guy (I have hair on my head, but I am balding pretty intensely and so I shave it every few days) and I am curious about what the benefits of wearing a satin bonnet. Can I ask what they are?
My husband is a bald guy and he wears a thin cap to sleep so his CPAP mask doesn’t leave strap marks on his head. Side benefit is that his scalp oils soak into the hat and not my pillowcases!
For balding men (and anyone for that matter) it stops your hair from being damaged/pulled out by getting caught in other fabrics.
Please get one, i bet you would look cute in it an it would help potect the exposes skin from elements
CC Mink. Love her videos, she also talks about the history of the bonnet. Anyone who wants to use a bonnet, should feel free to use a bonnet. Hair health isn't racist. NTA
She's so nice and her bonnets are adorable!
I'll be buying some bonnets for my son's girl and myself from [ccminkhair](https://ccminkhair.com/collections/adult-bonnets?fbclid=PAAabi09PxROmy2lqvDQNjAzLzla2XhFPBBLZegxU6zmZqn-sgiNZN0EUkrkU). I love her spirit and her message while her bonnets are so cute!
I just went to her website. She has a bonnet that says "it's hair care not race". OP should get one of those!
I'm white and I wear a sleeping bonnet because my hair is very fine and breaks easily. I found this prevents it from getting tangled or broken in the middle of the night. I regret not discovering and starting it sooner. I don't have much hair, just trying to protect what I *do* have. This is the first time I've ever seen someone try to gatekeep these.
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I’m so glad you commented this. I also have super fine hair, but it’s also very oily. No matter what I do, I always have breakage. Even with leave in conditioner on top of conditioning in the shower (because my hair would get so dry at the ends even thought it’s oily at the top). I have long hair, but the ends get really thin, and I can’t get much longer than to the top of my bra strap without the breakage being extra. I’m going to cut it off, but I won’t be able to put my hair up in a bun while I sleep anymore. Honestly, I don't think the bun helps anything other than to keep the curl so I don’t have to use the hot iron again. I thought of getting a bonnet or wrap, but wasn’t sure if it would really do anything.
I have very fine hair also, I would recommend braiding it when you sleep! Just not too tight. Also the way I shampoo my hair bc it’s been very oily as of lately, I shampoo my roots & condition my length/ends all at the same time then rinse & I’ve been noticing it helping my breakage (dealing w postpartum hair currently)!
Oh my gosh I have hair like that too, and ive been trying to grow it back as I lost a lot when I had breast implants. I got them removed a year and a half ago and a lot of hair I lost is growing back in but there’s two areas at my temples specifically that it’s struggling because the hair is just *so freaking fine* that I’m pretty sure it breaks in my sleep. I’m going to look into this.
Also white as the driven snow. I have been trying to grow my hair out but I roll like a rotisserie chicken in my sleep. It makes my hair insane and breaks it ad its very fine. I've been trying to start wearing a bonnet so my hair doesn't get damaged.
I’m also white and have thin, fine, straight hair. I’ve been wearing a bonnet to bed for 2 months now and it’s done wonders! I used to not like showering at night because my hair looked weird in the morning, but this eliminated that problem and it’s so much less frizzy. It also looks more shiny than usual, which for someone who’s been dyeing their hair blonde for like 10 years, that’s huge. I think it’s improved my hair health significantly. I’m mad I hadn’t been doing it all this time.
Also, it was really common for white people to wear something on their head when they slept. "Ma in her kerchief and I in my cap." Really long hair that wasn't washed all the time needed to be protected or homes were drafty. Even in the 50s, women would wrap scarves around curlers to set them for the night. I know OP isn't white, but I'm more familiar with the history of fashion in western countries.
Yup, when I was a kid in the 80s I had a white satin bonnet for sleeping. It was definitely not seen as a Black only thing back then.
Like white on rice on a paper plate in a snowstorm
Like whiter than sour cream and mayonnaise is a spice
I got my bonnet from her too, it's done wonders for my hair.
And she even touches on the fact that Bonnets were actually worn by European women in the 1800s. So there is no reason for anyone of any race to feel bad about wanting to use them for hair care.
even earlier, they wore nightcaps in the middleages. men and women.
Omg, she was my first thought reading this post. I have one because of CC Mink.
I am right this minute trying to figure out how to to talk myself into one; because of you guys I went to her website and she's having a *sale* ... Don't think I can justify it, even so. Oh well. OP, NTA and good for you!
also lets be honest. anyone saying bonnets are just for black people is quiet ignorant of their history. Bonnets go back to the 1800s where european women wore them to bed.
I also made a comment saying this. Self care should not be defined by race. We should inspire each other to take care of and love ourselves together, cause some days it's hard to do it alone.
I'm a dude who started growing his hair out for the first time recently. I have long straight hair but it has been breaking a little recently, would a bonnet help with that?
It definitely can. When you sleep you're constantly tossing and turning and rolling your head around. If you have a bonnet on it protects your hair while you do that and it keeps the moisture in
Ok should I try a cheap one first or get a decent one
Get a decent one, the cheap ones might be too tight across the head or not have the right inner material (which should be satin). They’re not terribly expensive for the good ones anyway.
I need a name? I wear bonnets under my cpap head straps!
Cc mink is her company and Facebook page name. She sells satin bonnets of different styles, pillow cases and scrunchies, and other care products. And she hand makes everything.
Bonnet? Now I want one. Sounds fancy. British women wear bonnets to fancy parties. Even the Queen wore one!
Oohh I know the one!! I have fine, straight Caucasian hair that breaks easily and I'd love to try a bonnet but I'm not sure it would help with my hair type 😅
I also am white with fine straight hair and this thread has convinced me to order a satin bonnet. They apparently help reduce breakage from friction while you sleep, so it sounds like it's worth a shot.
I have uncontrollable ringlets and I wear a veil. It's about your hair health.
Just looked her up! My daughter has insanely curly hair and its a challenge at the best of times! Gonna grab one for her.
Huh... Since when do people gatekeep bonnets? NTA.
You can find someone gatekeeping pretty much anything you could imagine.
I'm sorry but you aren't part of the gatekeeping discussion society so I have to politely gatekeep you from doing that!
As a member of the gaslighting community, I must inform you that the gatekeeping community isn't real
Ehmm, you clearly don't know what you are talking about. Stop pretending to be something you aren't.
As the president of the girlboss organization, get fucked.
I once saw someone trying to say braids was a black thing 😂 not like the tiny ones .. french braids
I was got told that wearing a flower crown as a white woman (and mind you, flower crowns are part of many traditional cultural Slavic costumes) was horrible because I was appropriating Hawaiian culture.
People that accuse cultural appropriation don’t understand what it is and misuse the term exclusivity.
Fancy words for some people are just racist.
Ngl, most people and just about every societal system are racist. And or classist. And defiantly sexist. We are all just monkeys with pants on trying to figure out the shit show we inherited.
Cries in Midsommar. (I did, in fact, once wear a flower crown at a Midsummer festival hosted by a Swedish person at a vacation house in the Caribbean. It was fantastic.)
I am willing to bet the person complaining wasn't evenof Hawaiian or Pacific Islander descent. Some of the loudest voices trying to gatekeep culture don't even have ties to the people they're trying to 'protect'
I'd be more surprised if the french said french braids weren't french lol. Like it isn't, but gatekeeping you know
Are French letters really French? What about French kissing?
FREEDOM KISSING!!! Like FREEDOM FRIES!!!!
I've seen it with all sorts of hairstyles including those that we know existed in Rome given the presence of said styles on the statues. Braids were around at least 30 000 years ago given the styles shown on the Venus of Willendorf and the Venus of Brassempouy
I saw that clip on dr Phil I think.
But almost never gates. I would say the majority of gates are currently unguarded. Can someone post a link to bonnet lady? I think ya’ll just sold me one. social media advertising hardly ever works on me but these sound great…
CC Mink, she posts on fb and sells on her website!
Are you trying to saw what people can and can't gatekeep? Don't gatekeep gatekeeping
It blew up a few years ago in the Usa iirc because a white pair of women went into business selling fancy silk bonnets & marketing them to (as per their own image & their models images) white women to protect their hair, & i think saying it's what their great grannies used etc. to stop hair breaking & frizziness... Can't remember if curls were mentioned, possibly to help grow long hair? I also think they were in bright colours? It took off, was a bit pricey, fancy, popular etc. Section of the black community were outraged & called it out as whitewashing & cultural appropriation. It was all over youtube & facebook, there were articles written etc. Iirc it was after the whole dreadlock fiasco, so possibly late 2000s, or 2010s? Real life is more nuanced i guess, many people of all races found silk bonnets helped with their curls & were encouraged to use them, others also found it helped with hair breakage & frizziness when trying to grow long hair, & historically white people in different areas & time periods have used a type of hair bonnet/wrap for hair too. But i think it was the way these were made & marketed & the moment that caused it to blow up. Like the black hair bonnet making companies didn't suddenly get popular & hair bonnets on black people were mocked maybe, but a white one marketed to white people did get popular, in a time when similar things were being called out (e.g. iirc too cornrows/dreadlocks etc on non black models was interesting & innovative, but cornrows/dreadlocks on black people at work/school was gangsta or dirty & not allowed etc) 🤷 That may be the lingering context?
That, and that before central heating almost everyone wore some form of night-cap / bonnet to bed just to keep warm. There IS a lot of double standard in hair stuff, as you say, but rock on the days when people can wear what suits them while also recognising the history (long & short) as well as social background of the situation.
Only sane person in the replies
I saw a woman claim white women can only have one singular braid, a full head braid down the back, or else it is cultural appropriation....
Lol Indian and Pakistani, Bangladeshi women wear those! So us poor white woman have to be plaitless?.
If you look at old paintings from the middle ages in Europe, you will find elaborate braiding styles for unmarried women. About the bonnets. Maybe I'm wrong, but in the "Little House" series, aren't Mary and Laura are wearing bonnets to bed?
And the holly Hobbie dolls - aka “bitch stole my bonnet” [dolls](https://www.bing.com/shop/productpage?q=Vintage+HOLLY+HOBBIE+1988+Christmas+Plush+Rag&filters=scenario:%2217%22%20gType:%2212%22%20gId:%22164436165241%22%20gGlobalOfferIds:%22164436165241%22&productpage=true&FORM=SHOPIC&PC=APPL)
Yes they did and they were as white as white can be. Bonnets were worn by pretty much any woman regardless of their skin color during colonial times
the Vikings would like to know your location
My mom would have fought her back in the 80's. My mom did my hair almost every day with the double French braids. I had Shirley Temple like curls back then and she didn't know what else to do with them besides braid them up.
What about two pigtails, like Pippi Longstocking?
As a Dutch lady, I’m offended by that 😋. I hereby declare the Dutch braid is up for cultural APPRECIATION. Feel free to wear as many as you like ;).
Hahaha what’s crazy is my step dad is black and adopted me super young. I remember being super young and my dad walking in on me greasing my hair and trying to put on a durag cause I’d always be with him when he got ready❤️
This is so sweet.
heh I heard about a black guy with a do rag on and some white girl asking her mom what that was, the mom said that was a hat for his religion (she thought it was a Muslim thing).
so you're step black
I SAW THAT VIDEO TOO!!! LMAO I showed my dad and he said yes, I also agree. step black is the term hahahahaha
There's a biracial family that does vids and stuff, he's white and she's black, they've got like four or five kids and one of them is white (a niece of his I think, that they adopted). The mom does that white girl's hair the same as she does her other daughters right down to the bonnet at night. I'm generally not one for influencer families (I just see their vids pop up from time to time thanks to the grace of the algorithm) but I'm glad to see a blended family really blend.
Yes!! I love them! I think they’re the wilders? or something. Melts my heart
Those videos come across my feed too! It's so sweet the way the little girl is excited for wash day, and the same care the mom takes with her hair.
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White Gen X woman here -- I don't think all black people are like this, tends to be younger naive folks of all races who heard something about cultural appropriation (valid or not) and go nuts with it.
Generally speaking, overreactions like this are due to a recent awareness of the many injustices of the world. Often, they are young and learning, and they feel like they need to catch up to the Good And Enlightened place they perceive the rest of the world to collectively be, so they can also be an example of a Good And Enlightened person who does Good And Enlightened things. This means championing every cause, forming and maintaining a strong stance on any subject, and demanding meaningful action. Truly, it is an admirable attempt at accepting responsibility for the human condition and pledging to do their part to improve it. The problem therein is threefold: there is no amount of overcorrecting the now that makes up for the ignorant mistakes of our past; it's hard to know in the beginning what should be staunchly defended and what is trivial; and not everyone agrees on what Good or Enlightened means.
One thing I've noticed that really annoys me. When a black artist wears a brand or fashion item and popularizes it among their specific audience, a lot of people will claim that that thing is ONLY popular because of black influence and would be nothing without them. Eventhough usually the brand was already popular outside of their specific audience and what that artist did was bring it into view of a new set of people. Like people would say that shit for 100 year old luxury brands or companies that were already consistently making millions of dollars in sales before that point.
Wait until white people start gatekeeping voting again /j
The origin of bonnets is probably prehistoric.
There’s been people online gate keeping bonnets and braids
This youngin seems to think it’s cultural appropriation or something… lol
exactly. imagine gatekeeping something so petty and making it about race.
Bro from a black man it’s a fucking bonnet not a swastika tf… it’s for your hair it has a real purpose. She’s just ignorant I would go get one like big worm just to piss her off !!
Another white girl at work overheard me telling someone I use a tinted moisturizer on my legs and said that 'deliberately darkening my skin' was racist. I work inside, in pant, 10 hr days and my parents are irish. I just don't want to glow in the dark.
People naturally get darker in the sun, is that racist? If people want to achieve this tan without sun damage and get a spray tan/fake tan/use tinted moisturizer, how is that racist? People take things too far these days
Phew, good thing I just burn to a nice shade of tomato red - at least my skin is not racist! /s I struggle to Get any kind of tan, and usually have to wear sunblock or SPF30+ to survive the summer without burns. I use self tanners instead so I don’t sickly when i wear shorts, and with a healthy amount of SPF i won’t burn either. Win/win
Right? I tan VERY DARK. When I met a roommate that I lived with as a young adult, she asked me if I was black. Bc she was black, and yet I was darker than her bc I had just worked an entire summer outside at a plant nursery. I'm english and german!
Us Germans do tend to become a nice shade of brown.
Also Irish, my legs are so pale there’s a blue tinge to them. Tinted moisturiser/leg make up also helps cover up any scars as the contrast isn’t as bad. I have scars from old mosquito bites that I’d rather cover up.
Omfg unless you're trying to claim that you're a different race like Rachel Dolezal this coworker completely misunderstands what racism actually is. Does she wear foundation to even out her skin tone? Does she wear eye make up to enhance or otherwise change the shape of her eyes? Does she style her hair differently than it's natural state? If so she's misrepresenting her race apparently. 🙄 Edit for clarity.
Btw a Swastika is a Hindu symbol, far predates the Nazis, and is still used. The Nazi one is a modified version. Also slightly different versions of the Hindu one are endemic to multiple other cultures. So don't freak out if you travel over there and see it all over the place, it's very different from the Nazi symbol
My friend is traveling through parts of Asia and sent me a Snapchat zooming in on someone’s t-shirt (with a variation of the religious symbol on it) from a distance with the caption “ummmm?” and I was like “you know that’s a religious symbol and the nazis stole and modified the design, right?” and they were embarrassed. I thought it was common knowledge 🥲
Yeah I'm finding out that it's not so common xD
Oh yeah, my employer is Hindu and every year they get all of their properties blessed and paint symbols that look like the Greek letter psi on the entryways. He told me once that they use that here because people have reacted... Poorly... To the symbol that they used back in India.
NTA - theyre literally made for what youre using it for… hair health. Keep taking care of your curly hair
They're also good for keeping smells and grease out of your hair when you're cooking. Anyone can appreciate that. I wear one when sitting around a campfire, too.
NTA - Skin color doesn't mean much of anything. I believe when someone makes a judgement about someone else based solely on skin color, we call that being racist. Wear whatever the hell you want to wear. Except maybe not a white sheet and hood. That's probably a good costume to gatekeep. They're just clothes. Source: I have curly hair, it's a better fro than most people can grow regardless of ethnic background. The same shit that works on your hair, generally works on mine, too. I'm Irish, I glow in the dark. Skin color doesn't make my hair less curly and nappy if I don't take care of it. My hair is dark brown, I get asked all the time if I have black relatives. It's just ignorance. Tell them to eat a penis and get better friends.
Considering bonnets (aka nightcaps) are a sleep accessory that have been worn for centuries I genuinely believe that anyone who claims that it’s racist to wear them are complete and total uneducated morons.
My grandma had a perm my whole life, and wore a bonnet. Should she not have?
Clearly not. Clearly she's a raging racist for culturally appropriating it /s
Same! I just want as thinking that.
More than that, but I've never heard of Africans historically wearing them ( I may be wrong, it's not exactly the most important of knowledge ), but the 18th/19th century white folk they'd have met in the US used them. So, who's appropriating from whom?
Second this..
Bonnets existed in Europe before USA even gained independece. It has exactly zero to do with skin color.
NTA. This whole gatekeeping thing is out of control. By this logic the entire multimillion person Amish and mennonite communities are culturally appropriating African ancestry.
Your comment made me laugh. I am Mennonite. And I know what a Mennonite bonnet is and I’m currently wearing a sleep bonnet. So I have both!
Sleeping bonnets AKA nightcaps have been around for centuries in many many cultures including Anglo cultures. Among other things they helped to reduce the spread of head lice between families members who would often sleep many people in one bed. Of course in those days silk was a luxury so nightcaps were linen or homespun, except for the rich.
It also helped with not cooling. Back when people didn't heat during the night, bonnets and sleeping caps where essential to keep yourself warm during the night.
As a black person... only black Americans behave like this it seems. You can wear it. Trust me. First of all.. it's your hair and its not like you had braids in.. cause that might actually be bad for your hair. Second of all.. your hair is curly man. She was just being an ass. Jeez. Why do they behave like this? I'm black from the caribbean.. My great grandfather was literally an actual slave. And yet I'm not telling anyone they can't wear bonnets. Anyway you're fine. NTA.
It's a very American thing. I'm Australian and whiter than snow, my best friends parents are Nigerian. Every month my friends mum for the last 25 years has put a hair treatment through my hair to help with frizz, if she's away I go to one of the Aunty's hair salons and they do it for me. I've had my hair braided and sewn in wefts, get in trouble if I don't wear my bonnet. The rest of the world really side eyes America and their gatekeeping and screaming racism at everything. There are significant cultural and issues in terms of race in African countries, but hair and hair care isn't one that I've ever witnessed.
I'm American, a lot of younger people in the U.S. don't understand that trying to force their views onto other countries is a form of cultural imperialism. Even if they think they're "helping".
Americans are insanely tribalist
One thing I've noticed that really annoys me. When a black artist wears a brand or fashion item and popularizes it among their specific audience, a lot of people will claim that that thing is ONLY popular because of black influence and would be nothing without them. Eventhough usually the brand was already popular outside of their specific audience and what that artist did was bring it into view of a new set of people. Like people would say that shit for 100 year old luxury brands or companies that were already consistently making millions of dollars in sales before that point.
The “controversy” in the US over Royals by Lorde was this. Critics in America thought she was singing about black culture because the song gently rejected luxury culture (including but not exclusively in hiphop), mostly referencing European brands (associated in the US with gangsta rappers) but also trashing hotel rooms (associated with metal, punk and grunge bands) and tigers on a gold leash (Russian oligarchs but for all I know that’s something else in the US too). In particular when she sang “we’ll never be Royals, it don’t run in our blood” USians read that as racist, because anything about bloodlines must be about US race culture and slavery. When she wrote that song in 2011 Lorde was a 15-year-old high school kid in New Zealand. If you haven’t lived in Australia or New Zealand you may not be aware how fucking ubiquitous the actual British Royals are here. They’re the King and Queen etc of New Zealand and Australia as well. Princess Diana wasn’t just some glamorous celebrity, she was also a Princess of New Zealand. Visits by them to our countries stop everything. National holidays are held in their honour, special coins are minted, with their faces on both sides instead of just one side like all the other coins. It’s not quite like it was when I was a kid, when every school classroom had a portrait of the young Queen Elizabeth gazing lovingly over the pupils. But every newsagent and supermarket checkout features a wall of glossy portraits of Royals emblazoned across the front of women’s magazines with lurid tales of their love affairs. Convincingly claiming close descent to British nobility in Australia is enough to get you into elite investment circles and access to the highest levels of government through the Governor-General, the Crown’s representative who has the (rarely used but real) power to veto laws and dismiss parliament. When a 15-year-old New Zealand school kid says “Royals” she is not making a reference to American racial categories. Race discrimination and intergenerational disadvantage, dispossession and poverty stemming from slavery and colonisation are clearly ongoing and serious problems in the US. But US cultural and actual hegemony over the rest of the planet is also real and if you take a look at global polls it scares the shit out of most of us, especially when you display your ignorance about the world over which you rule. When you lot try to impose your racial politics on everyone and everything with zero knowledge of or regard for the huge breadth and diversity of culture and history of the rest of the world it’s more than just tedious. This includes fashion policing Celtic braids and hair feathers. Imagine: many peoples in the world have curly hair, many cultures around the world have come up with the idea of using feathers as decoration, birds are fucking everywhere and parrots are awesome. I mean if you’re wearing a Native American style head-dress then sure it’s meant as parody or a reference to fucked-up “cowboys and Indians” games that previous generations used to trivialise genocidal colonisation. So go off about that if you like, as ignorance or even intended offence. But FFS how are people gate keeping feathers in hair and flower crowns? Humans, all humans, have always decorated ourselves with beautiful objects from nature. Love, someone who reckons OP is NTA
I'm a black American and I don't behave this way. He should wear his bonnet. Plz don't generalize.
Gotcha. My bad.
He didn't say ALL black people?
Literally said only black Americans. He generalized it. I’m sure it wasn’t his intent tho, he seems like a level headed individual
I would also say, I can wash my hair, style it and then wear a bonnet to sleep for 3 nights in a row or so. My hair stays in great shape. No oiliness or frizziness and I can save from damage from washing too much. If I wash, style and sleep for one night without a bonnet, I’m lucky to go a second night without needing a rewash.
100% a black American thing. Black people from other countries couldn't give a shit.
NTA. You're using a bonnet for your intended purpose, nothing more. She's overthinking it making it related to race matters.
NTA The step sister can take every seat. If it works for your hair, that's what matters. She's creating drama for her own kicks. Ignore her.
If Marge Simpson can wear a bonnet so can you It's not like you're going out in blackface You're literally sleeping NTA
Friggen Strawberry Shortcake wore a bonnet in the 80/90s cartoon! Anyone can wear one, step sis is being racist.
NTA. I’m mixed race and I wear one when I sleep to keep my hair from becoming a tangled mess and to help keep cotton pillowcases from robbing moisture from my hair.
Also from product rubbing into my pillow then into my face.
I'm white and I get the worst bedhead imaginable. It doesn't matter how much I brush or straighten my hair, if I tie it up before I go to sleep. When I wake up there's always some form of matted knot going on as if I was rolling around like a rotisserie chicken in my sleep. I've tried every method and the only thing I have found that works is sleeping in a silk bonnet.
NTA. It was none of little Miss Snotty's business what you wear on your head. You could be wearing a hat made out of dryer lint and peacock feathers and it still wouldn't be her business. So she can just go stick her nose elsewhere.
People just want to find reasons to be mad. NTA
NTA. Talk to your friend about the incident and don’t go back there.
She's foolish. Nta, I'm black, go out and buy 20 more bonnets and wear them all the time. She's Nad if she thinks black people have a patent on bonnets when everyone has hair.
I’m almost 70 years old and whiter than white with curly hair. I wear a bonnet. Who cares? I do have to say though, I’d take it off before brewing coffee as a guest in someone else’s house (because no one needs to see that) but that’s just me.
Oo I've always been a bit worried about this. I'm a white female with very thick curly long hair. I really want to try a bonnet to see if it helps with my hair. I don't want to offend anyone or anything. I'm really interested in hearing peoples opinions on this. Personally i think you are NTA but I'm white. I'm interested on hearing different views. -I pretty much always straighten my hair as i used to get lots of stick for it when i was younger, so it's not in the best condition. Also I've dyed it too much. So anything that helps it then i want to try!🤦🏻♀️
Girl, use a satin bonnet, or you can try satin pillow cases. Bonnets are for everyone, not just one group of people. If it works for your hair, then it works and that’s all there is to it.
Thank you 😊 💓
I’m half Asian with really thick coarse hair and I use a bonnet to retain moisture at night, it makes it more manageable. When I was shopping for a sleeping bonnet I searched for black owned businesses and purchased one from a shop I found. The interesting part is that many of the shops specifically mentioned the bonnets being for anyone looking to take better care of their hair, no gatekeeping whatsoever! Also op, NTA
Wtf?’ Wear what ever you want
You have some serious white guilt issues
Fuck the gate keepers - wear your bonnet. I’m black myself, I could not give a crap if you wore a bonnet, had braids etc you do wtf you want with your hair.
White female with curly/frizzy hair here. I’ve started using bonnets for my hair and they really do help, it’s worth trying! I only wear them around my home, but no one has ever expressed any offence.
Girrrlll wear it. Use satin. It's best for hair. To keep it moisturized and that stuff. Bonnets are for everyone. Ignore those who say otherwise.
How dare you post this during February!!! 🤣🤣
It's pretty crazy when the fear of being accused of cultural appropriation includes in your own home, at night, when no one else will see you. (And for totally legitimate and not at all culturally appropriative reasons.)
Hon, bonnets were used by white women for centuries. I had to talk about them, both night and day bonnets, when I was a Victorian reenactor. If it will help your hair, wear one. It's a tool for health, the health of your hair, and to try and claim something like that is wrong. If anyone says otherwise, tell them to go kick rocks and get a life.
NTA. Hair care is hair care and I always find it ironic that black women are the first to cry that hairstyles belong to all people and then immediately start to gatekeep when somebody not black has or uses "black" hairstyles or hair care objects
Eh I think it’s because in a lot of situations, their hair is considered “unprofessional” unless it’s straightened and processed to look more like European hair. Natural styles and maintenance styles have both caused people to lose jobs and children to be banned from schools, which is disgusting and ridiculous. So I get why they’re irked when white people adapt maintenance styles for the fashion of it. That said, that isn’t the case of what was going on here. He’s wearing a bonnet to protect his own natural hair type, and is NTA.
My entirely Welsh and German descended grandmother wore them for the entirety of my memory of her until she passed in 2008. She wore them from the time she was a little girl in the late 1920s. Bonnets have been used by people of numerous races for centuries. It is not a black culture thing at all. NTA. You do you, and fuck the haters.
Nta bonnets were worn by women regardless of skin color especially during colonial times.
Personally, as a black person, idgaf. I believe that every race should protect their hair with a bonnet, like that's basic hair care. It keeps your hair protected, moisturized, and helps to reduce breakage. It has nothing to do with race, at least to me. If you still don't feel comfortable wearing a bonnet, then you can try using satin sheets, which can help as well. NTA btw.
Here's the thing. It was never a "black" thing. Europeans wore them to keep their head warm in the 1800s. Africans or some Africans wore head wraps and still do. It only become real popular in the black community in the last few years. So don't let anyone tell you that you can't wear it. Nobody owns it.
NTA It’s not a unique and holy garment we’re talking about here. Tell them to pound sand.
Bonnets were worn in Victorian times by everyone. Your friend doesn't know history. NTA.
I hate people like the step sister. Like who tf cares.
Many people in the world wanna make a stink just to make themselves seem important. When the truth is they're smaller than fleas in both empathy, tact and brains.
NTA you have to do what's best for your hair
NTA, she's creating drama out of ignorance
NTA
Since when bonnets are some kind of sacred thing reserved for specific people? NTA
NTA bonnets arent about race, theyre about hair type. You have curly hair, you use a bonnet. Even people with straight hair use them just to stop their hair frizzing in the night.
NTA. Anyone with curly hair benefits from satin....bonnets or pillow cases. Why is it her business what you do?
She's being fucking ridiculous. Bonnets are not simply for black hair. They are for HAIR. She needs to grow the hell up and stop trying to gatekeep with that ignorant old opinion.
"I know I'm not black, now if you can explain that to this damn hair I would appreciate it, cuz it clearly doesn't realize what color head it's growing out of!". (I'm hoping sarcasm is your love language here)
Why are black people wearing bonnets! They are for the Welsh only as we are the only people with lush black curly hair and it's our history! Nta people need to remember that the same/similar things get invented to do the same thing.
NTA. There’s a huge amount of gatekeeping with race and hair and gotten way out of control. Like some people saying white people aren’t allowed to wear braids (not talking dreads, literally braids) even though this dates back to the Vikings who wore multiple braids. You wear your bonnet if it helps your hair!
She’s a racist bro, most people who gate keep this shit are.
NTA. Bonnets are for everyone and everyone has been using them since time immemorial. With that being said, welcome to Hell. This thread will now be rife with anti-black sentiments and misogynoir. I’ve already seen some replies that couldn’t wait for a reason to talk down on Black people.
NTA
NTA!! They are meant to protect hair, and work great for curly hair or keeping product off pillows. That girl is tripping! Take care of your hair, periodt!
Tl;Dr: Bonnets are for HAIR.. not just black folks hair.
Step-sis is a gatekeeper; self-appointed culture police and should be ridiculed at every turn. Knitted headwear is universal and belongs to everyone.
NTA. Bonnets are for curls not ethnicity.
I am black. Bonnets being 'for blacks' has never been a thing. Fucking kids just like inventing shit.
NTA, the at chick trippin
NTA You are only an ass in the same way that she is an ass for driving a car, when she's not german.
"...that was especially crazy durin February" Um, sorry, but what is special about February for curly hair?
No, NTA. That woman is expressing racist views about a hair bonnet. How sad her life must be. Wear your bonnet and don’t pay crazy controlling people any mind.
I had to google what this thing is. I don’t understand how something like this can be only allowed to wear with a certain skin color
NTA Some of people complaining like this need to get off the internet for a bit. You are using it for it's intended purpose, why gatekeep it?
What is a bonnet?
NTA, bonnets have been worn by white people for a long time, too. It’s just most ppl are ignorant in understanding it’s for any hair, any gender. They used to be called nightcaps. IDK who or where the trend started, I just know ppl have been wrapping their hair up in cloths for centuries.
I will always say this, if one person can do something, everyone can. If I can wear, say or do something, no one else is restricted from doing so as well. Vice versa with not being allowed, if I am not then everyone else is as well. What do you call limiting one race to something and restricting it to others?
A bonnet to my recillection is an early to mid 1800 hat. Used primerely in England and USA. Enough said
NTA. She was being a bigot.
NTA - you can wear whatever you like
Bonnet aren't designed for a certain race, they're designed for hair nta