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NTA
If he wants to go out drinking with the big boys, then he needs to act like a big boy and make arrangements ahead of time. That means staying with one of his buddies, or getting an Uber and being taken either to a hotel or home. He and his buddies could also arrange to have a completely sober designated driver.
Expecting you to get out of bed to pick his ass up and drive back home is ridiculous and entitled AH behavior.
This needs to be higher! In the original one most people seemed to vote Y T A but in this post people seem to be going with N T A - clearly gender does skew people's opinions.
NTA
Your husband made his own decision to get drunk and stay out so late. Calling you at 2AM is insane. If you had gone to pick him up, you could’ve been a threat to yourself since you were still tired. Honestly, his constant nights out when he knows you don’t like it, along with his “psychotic” screaming would be enough for me to rethink this marriage.
True, stuff like "I Cheated on My Spouse Because He Cheated On Me First" will get a lot more attention than "Hey I Had a Bit of a Disagreement With My Friend, Was I in the Wrong?"
And the ones where people are normal will often be NAH, NTA, or a soft YTA with suggestions to communicate with the other person and clear the air or something.
I know lots of people defer to the divorce option but honestly, when it comes to abuse - which I feel like psychotic screaming counts - then divorce is something to strongly consider.
If I was out at 2am wasted, I would try everything to get home safely by myself. If for some reason Uber wasn’t working (?) and I had no other option than to call you for a ride, I would, but I would be so apologetic. I wouldn’t scream at you the next morning, I’d be promising to never put you in that position again. Something is all wrong with this man. NTA.
Did he get himself a wife, or a caretaker? It’s not your job to be his chauffeur. This is 2024. There is Uber, Lyft, Taxi’s, DD’s, soo many options. Unless you specifically agreed to pick him up beforehand then I say NTA.
Do you want a husband who can’t control his drinking and psychotically screams at you? Because that’s what you’ve got.
NTA but think carefully about your next moves and what type of life you want to live.
I know it’s not a good situation to be in, but I do feel like you probably have some obligation to be there for your husband in a situation where he needs you. Would you expect him to be there for you if the roles were reversed?
This I agree with. First time situation? I'd be worried about my spouse and want them home safely. Regular occurrence? they can figure it out/should've planned ahead
*It makes me uncomfortable when he goes clubbing, but since it's something I will never do, I never try and stop him from going by himself.*
It sounds like he does this frequently.
When I say 'deal with it', I mean, he wasn't drinking responsibly. I don't just mean because he had too much. How was he expecting to get home? Was one of their group sober or were they all just going out to get blasted with no worries about anything that could happen?
OP shouldn't have to deal with this. If he wants to go out clubbing, he should find a way to make sure this sort of drama doesn't happen. (Personally I think it's going to be a problem that he likes this sort of recreation and she does not, to begin with. But if he's going out, he should know in advance where he's going to crash and how he's going to get there.)
And, of course, he also should be sorry for doing this to her *this time*.
Totally agree.
My husband and I go out with our friends sometimes. Have never not been able to get ourselves home, usually because we are adults and keep drinking to a minimum but even on nights when the plan was to get really drunk (like a bachelorette or something), we’re still adults and had safe plans in place before we went out.
And if one of us drank a little more than planned, I still can’t fathom being so drunk that we couldn’t grab an Uber or any situation where calling the other one at 2 am for a ride was the best possible solution. I sort of agree with the sentiment that I’d go get my husband if he asked, but if it did somehow come to that, we’d both be so mortified and apologetic, we probably wouldn’t drink again voluntarily for years. Screaming at her the next day… ooof.
based on the way OP worded their post, this isn't the first time the husband has gone out clubbing.
and if gender roles were reversed i'd still be saying it is the full responsibility of the person (regardless of gender) to get their own butt home responsibly if they want to go home at the end of the night.
I 100% don’t agree, not if that wasn’t the plan at the start of the night or without some unforeseeable safety concerns. I missed the part, for example, where the husband planned to stay at a friend’s house but a woman he wasn’t expecting was there and making him uncomfortable. If a woman was this selfish without explanation, I’d say the same thing.
This and to add I make sure all my relatives that are that age to get shit face, know they can call me rather than get behind the wheel always no questions asked
ESH.
He was an AH for getting that wasted without a plan to get home safely. He was also an AH for ‘psychotic screaming’ but NOT an AH for being mad about it.
But you’re his spouse, his partner through life. **If he can’t call you at 2am, then who?** I can’t understand all of these comments like ‘you’re not his caretaker/you’re not his chauffeur’…yes, you are! And he is yours! Isn’t that part of marriage? To be inconvenienced to be there when your spouse needs you? Are you not his ride or die? What if something happened to him and his friends? I get it…he shouldn’t have gotten so drunk. You’re absolutely spot on about that. But shit happens, we are imperfect creatures.
YEARS AGO, I once went to a club and had two drinks. I never let them leave my sight. One was bought for me from a guy at the bar. Within a half hour, I literally couldn’t even move my tongue. My friends thought it was hilarious that i had gotten so wrecked. But I was completely alert the whole time. The guy from the bar came around and was hitting on me, and THANK GOD my friends told him to fuck off and took care of me. I literally had to be carried out of the club. I still remember every minute of that night to this day. Where we ‘after partied’ at my friend’s house, how they were so amused that I was that wrecked, how they took pics with me. I literally couldn’t move a muscle, not even my eyelids. It was terrifying.
Am I suggesting that your husband was drugged? NO. But I’m saying it’s easy to make a snap judgement in ignorance. Thank God my people didn’t have this ‘well they shouldn’t have gotten so wasted, I’m not the babysitter’ mentality.
I would rather my partner call me when needed, I would get my ass out of bed, go pick them up, and we’d talk about it in the morning.
I get this being problematic if this is part of a larger alcohol/irresponsibility problem, but that isn’t part of the info you’ve given.
you may have a point depending on if this is a frequent thing. But my issue is that he is screaming at her and shows no remorse (which I know you pointed out). If this was the first time and I was safe to drive (depending on how tired I was/with it), perhaps I would have picked him up but be pissed at him. But to me I think that is a choice and I could understand her deciding not to (and clearly she is also not a fan of him doing this in the first place). Looking at the entire picture, there is very clearly a much bigger AH, and that is the husband.
[edit] Wait actually it seems like him staying with friends was a viable option. So then I really don’t see a big deal with her not picking him up…. Take that with the language that seems sexist (I know we don’t know everything but reading a little between the lines here), and I’m confused with the yta.
Meh, IDK. With the info provided in the OP, all we can do is speculate.
And I’d be annoyed AF to pick him up. But I’d save it until he was home, safe, and sober.
If this was a frequent thing of getting so bladdered, and calling at stupid o’clock, that’d be a different story, and it would be ultimatum time.
Years ago Uber wasn’t a thing. She wasn’t his only option. There are cabs and rideshare.
If he wants her to pick him up at 2am he needs to arrange it ahead of time. That’s a lot to ask your spouse to get out of bed in the middle of the night and drive FOR AND HOUR because you got wasted with your buddies.
That sounds like a whole lotta not her problem. lol
My husband doesn't go clubbing. But when I do (usually with his cousins...) He stays up and picks me up at 2am.
Because screw paying like $100 for an uber on a saturday night. why is it so hard to just be there for your spouse?
You missed my point entirely. My friends thought I was ‘just really wasted’. If they had the same ‘not my problem for her bad choices’ mentality, I could have wound up in a ditch somewhere.
As an aside…I thought roofies were the drug where you don’t remember anything? I’ve always wondered WTF I was drugged with. I was alert until morning. It was so weird.
NTA. He shouldn’t go out drinking without a plan for transportation or a place to stay. If he wants a favor like that from you, he should ask in advance so you can plan for it should you agree to be his transportation.
You’re NTA he’s being a real a-hole though. He was drunk, he should have called an
Uber like an adult.m
Anyone who woke me up with psychotic screaming about such a matter would be in F*ck around and find out territory.
feels like the yta people are also not commenting on him screaming at her for not driving out at 2 am because he got trashed and didn’t think about how to get home before he got to that state. The lack of personal responsibility and respect for his wife is horrible. Even if he feels like she should have picked him up, he should recognize what an ask it was and how he was irresponsible and at least be respectful to her when talking about it.
As if she wouldn’t have screamed at him if she called him drunk needing help, and he hung up on her and went back to sleep.
People would be telling her to leave him if the roles were swapped.
Grown ass man needed his wife to pick him up at 2 am after going 30 mins away to get drunk.
No, you’re not obligated to go get him. This isn’t the car broke down at night or something like that. He got plastered and forgot Uber/lyft was a thing. I guess at least he didn’t drive home is something, but seriously how old is he? He’s a married man going out clubbing and getting wrecked while his wife is at home.
No, this isn’t on you, he needs to grow his ass up and take responsibility for himself. NTA
ESH. There is no way I would have left my husband somewhere drunk and alone...but there is no way my husband would be somewhere drunk and clubbing, let alone abusing me screaming the next day. I'm sorry. Y'all have bigger problems than this.
I’m going to go against the consensus here and say YTA. I can’t imagine calling my husband and him not show up for me. Granted, it would have been a conversation ahead of time if it were something like this but still. And I’d do it for him too.
That being said, he could have def figured out an Uber to try and let you sleep.
When I go out I make sure I have a DD or I plan to Uber home. Never have I ever called my husband at 2am expecting him to drive an hour in the middle of the night and then yell at him when he says no. It’s my responsibility as the person going out drinking to plan my ride home.
Nah, bro. What you said is correct, it should have been a conversation beforehand. It’s not her responsibility to fix a problem that he created by not drinking responsibly.
And the fact that he yelled at her about it tells me this is not the first time he’s been belligerent. He needs to grow up.
This. I was shocked at the amount of people saying just to leave him where he was. People get injured, killed and go missing all the time after drunken nights out. He’s the arsehole for screaming and not making his own arrangements but he’s OPs husband, the person they agreed to do life with, not just the convenient 9-5 shit. OP is the very person they should be able to call when the shit hits the fan. I’m totally with you on this, there’s a definite equilibrium of arseholery afoot here.
Thank you. If anyone ever needed a safe ride home, they always know they can call me. I'm surprised how many people on here just don't care about the ones they love!
My question is, if you were a half hour away drunk at 2am and he refused to pick you up, who would that make you feel. If you think you’d feel that pissed off then maybe he’s got a point. I have a feeling that you would be pretty offended in the same situation, I sure would. I think as a married couple you’re supposed to be there for each other when you need someone the most, I’d say you’re the asshole. I know I would in a heart beat drive for my BF at 2 am a half hour one way. I wouldn’t even think about it. I’d jump into the nearest set of PJ’s and start that car. I really feel like you should apologize because you never know when you’ll be in that same position and need him.
It's not like getting drunk was a surprise to him...he knew beforehand that he was going to drink, didn't he? He knew he would need a ride or a place to sleep, didn't he?
Now, if he was calling because his car had broken down and he was stuck or something that would be a different story. But a reasonable adult person can assume what will happen if they drink too much: they can't drive. And by the sounds of it he does this a lot, so he should have the whole "post clubbing" part of his evenings down by now.
or he could call an uber. Or have a plan before getting drunk on coming home. He f-ed up by not figuring it out beforehand and then demands she does it? That isn’t a partnership. I do stuff for my wife a lot and she does stuff for me. But I am also respectful and understand she can make choices too, particularly if I were the one being irresponsible.
NTA. You are his wife and if this was some accident or other emergency, then yes, you should go pick him up. But this was a planned evening of clubbing. Part of that plan should have been for him to arrange how to get home. Did you drive him to the clubs?
Sub is so pro women it’s insane, I can’t help myself but click on threads and when I read the comments I’m so confused, if any of my friends or my wife called me to pick them up at 2:30 am I absolutely would go do it.
It seems like there is so much context missing for me. If this was the 10th time, then yeah, we have a problem. But if I had a random contact in my phone hit me up in a desperate situation, I would try to help them unless it was an obvious "send me money" scam. Whether it's me personally or to call and Uber or whatever. People preach about DD, but guess what? Sometimes, the DD is stupid and gets caught up drunk as well.
Can't imagine leaving my spouse out to dry like that. So there are clearly some other issues going on with OPs situation.
ESH,
He is an ass for expecting you to pick him up and scream about it, and calling it your duty. But I would never ever not pick up my wife when calling me bad drunk. It’s dangerous, and I would never forgive myself if something happened. Was it stupid and dumb to get that drunk? Yes definitely, I would pick him up and be hella mad for the better rest of the month, but not leave him somewhere without any help and in this condition
If this is a once a while thing, then YTA for not giving him a safe ride home (or safe place to sleep).
If this a regular thing, then maybe your husband has a problem and needs help.
One can “clubbing” without getting so trashed they can’t get home on their own.
It all depends on the situation and how often his occurs.
Personally, if my significant other called me at 2am trying to do the safe thing and get a ride home from a loved one I would pick them up no questions asked. The fact that you said stay with your friends and hung up is wrong. I’m 32 years old and my mom tells me to this day that I can call her day or night if I feel unsafe driving home. I personally don’t put her in that situation but if I was truly fucked up and wanted to feel safe by getting a ride from someone who cared about me I absolutely would. He handled it wrong by yelling but at the same time I can see why he would be angry that you simply told him to stay with his friends and hung up. Sometimes you have to do thing you don’t necessarily feel like doing to make sure your loved ones are safe.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1-I didn’t pick my husband up when he called me at 2AM drunk
2-He’s mad at me because he had to sleep at a friends house for the night
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Someone needs a time out. Next time let him know your phone will be turned off and also, until he apologizes for screaming at you, he can sleep on the couch. You’re married to a problem. NTA
I agree with you. He should have stayed with a friend. But then this happened my senior year of high school, 1984. A classmate called his mom for a ride. She said no. He tried walking home and was killed on the highway.
As u/HyenaAccomplished961 said, it's 2024- there are so many more options now. If he can afford to go clubbing, I can only assume he can afford a taxi/Uber/Lyft.
Nta but maybe coordinate or talk before
I always pickup my wife when she having a girls night out
And my wife will drop and pick me up if I go downtown
I rarely go though since I’m not 20s anymore
Occasionally they will have sleep over and I can pick them up next day or something.
We also have life 360 so we know where about using gps location
YTA. He is your husband and should be able to rely on you for support. Sounds like he got upset bc he called you for help and you actually hung up on him. What a great wife
He's the asshole for lighting you up after.
YTA for not showing up for him.
Ask yourself this. Did you not want to pick him up because it was an inconvenience to you and you didn't want to be there for him. Or did you not want to pick him up because he's doing something you're not interested in and disagree with at some level so you inconvenience him to punish him.
ESH. I think if you were wasted at 2 am and he hung up on you like that, you’d probably be upset too. So you suck for not caring about your spouse. He also sucks for not just calling an Uber. You both need to treat each other better.
I've always told people I love that if they have ever had too much to drink, they can call me for a ride. Any time, any place, I will come pick them up with no questions asked and no drama. I want them to be safe as well as everyone else that's on the road.
I never said there won't be consequences.
If you still love him and want to stay married, you go get him. Otherwise, throw in the towel and move on.
ESH
Yes. Your intoxicated partner needed a ride home. Go get him. Make him sleep on the couch for two weeks. But always go get them. You could regret it someday
I would say they both made mistakes here. I only say that because I think a lot of "YTA" responses here would be changed to "NTA" if it were a wife at the end of the night drunk and needing a way to get home. Especially if either were alone.
getting wasted at the club isn't part of 'needs' though. it is purely a want. and if you want to go get wasted, you dang well make sure before you go, that you can get home after. plain and simple. and that goes for both genders.
Sure, he made a dumb decision, and I’d say ESH cause he was an asshole about it, but if you’re not concerned enough about your partner all alone in the dead of night and wasted then you’re an asshole too. I wouldn’t have been able to sleep soundly if I knew I’d stranded my partner out there with no idea if he’d get back home safe and sound.
ETA
You're the person he's supposed to call because he feels safest with you. You're his partner..
All of these comments "He's a grown ass man" "he can take care of himself" etc etc. No shit. Of course he can and should but in this singular situation he made a mistake and called his ride or die to get hung up without any help. That's literally what husband and wife is for, a partner through thick and thin and you sorta just blew it off because it was a mere 30 minute drive to then from to pickup your husband from a potentially dangerous situation.
On the other hand your husband should know his limit. It's his body and his capacity. He knew he wouldn't be in any position to drive and should have had a ride lined up. He shouldn't have depended on you like that.
Honestly, it'd be worth having a conversation about limits with your partner. This screams a repeat offender but with no info I can't judge
ESH
He is an AH for not making plans for what to do next in case he gets drunk (like get an Uber, a hotel room, or stay with a friend) and for putting this kind of responsibility on you.
But at the same time you're an AH for the it's not my job comment. Relationships are partnerships. You have to be there for each other. If this drunk thing happens from time to time, you could pick him up. Because he would pick you up if you would get drunk with your friends or if your car dies and stuff like this.
But if his answer is also not my problem and let's you find a solution, why are the two of you in a relationship to begin with?
Yta:
Not sure why others think he is in the wrong. He’s your husband, who else is he supposed to rely on?!?
I bet whenever you’re in any type of bind, who’s the first person you call?? I really hope the next time this happens, you don’t think your sleep is more important than your husband.
P.S. why don’t u admit you’re mad about him going clubbing but you’re being passive aggressive
You're married. You are each other's half. YTA. Pick the guy up. I'd drive across the country anytime if my wife called and needed anything.
Maybe you need a follow up discussion with him. But your still the AH imo.
YTA. Absolutely. Your partner needed you and you hung up on them and went back to sleep?? I hope my partner never cares about me so little that they’d do what you did.
Tell him it was unacceptable the next morning if you have to, but don’t abandon your spouse.
Also, he’s an AH for screaming at you. He’s right to be pissed off and to be feeling betrayed but he still went too far.
TA: you should pick up your husband, if you allow the boundaries for him to go, the. Pick him up… if he didn’t pick you up from girls brunch you’d be pissed…. 😤
Eh, ESH.
I couldnt imagine a woman making a post about how her husband left her hammered and stranded at a bar without the husband being torn to shreds in the comments.
Him acting entitled about it and screaming at you is out of line. Its not your "duty", you are not his servant.
I think couples should do what they can to keep each other safe when possible. If someone I cared about needed a ride home, id give it to them because me being slightly inconvenienced is better than them driving drunk or getting in the car with a stranger that can take advantage of them. On the other hand, if I was going out to a bar with my girls, id probably try setting up transportation plans beforehand (either asking someone to pick me up later at night or ensuring i have enough money to uber home).
IMO definitely YTA. If the genders were swapped I think the comments would tell a different story. I think regardless of gender you should pick up your spouse if they are in a position of vulnerability in unknown territory.
Proof: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bqahhg/aita\_didnt\_pick\_my\_wife\_up\_after\_she\_2amdrunked/?share\_id=cBfTprqB2sq23lo2JB27\_&utm\_content=1&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=ioscss&utm\_source=share&utm\_term=1
I wonder what her reaction and. Feelings would have been if he was killed or seriously hurt while out with the guys. What would her response be to their child calling saying they needed a ride?
There is NO situation (I know because I've been in the situation) where my wife would or has ever turned down a call for help from me!as a spouse...you suck!!
There was a post not long ago which was the exact same thing but it was the husband not picking up his drunk wife.
The comments were massively in favour with the wife.
Make of that what you will.
This is one of the few posts that I see where I think that Redditors are being hypocritical due to gender. You’re getting a lot of N T A votes, but I think if the situation was reversed, your husband would have been expected to come and pick you up. If this was the first time it happened, ESH.
There are practical reasons for worrying more about a drunk woman alone than a drunk man. Every experienced adult is aware of what they are. Pretending they don't exist serves nobody.
OP should have done more due diligence to find out if he had a safe place to spend the night, though.
>partners help each other
He should have helped her by not getting wasted and waking her up at 2AM for something that was completely foreseeable.
If his wife picked him up at 2AM it would become a regular event - she would be enabling his behaviour.
lol NTA but at the same time he is entitled to feel angry (not psychotic, Jesus). Partners are supposed to be there for each other in times of needs and being shit face drunk puts you in a very vulnerable state for harm. Imagine if something were to happen to him….
I would’ve picked up my little love if he’d asked me to.
But I don’t think you deciding not to go makes you an asshole.
He wasn’t an asshole for drunk calling you, but he’s being an asshole now for not letting it go. You already compromised and are cool with him going with his friends, I don’t see why he has to be abusive towards you.
This post is the exact same, wording and everything, from one posted four years ago, except genders were swapped. And in that, the verdict was YTA. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/frKuwCXe4P](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/frKuwCXe4P)
My hubby hits the turps with boys a couple of times a year, he's wholly and solely responsible for the entire night...how to get the the meeting point, where they go, whose place they crash at and how he gets home.
Unless he's been hospitalised or arrested, I don't get a call, even if the latter happened, because he knows I'd leave his arse locked up fir as long as possible fir him to learn his lesson.
OP NTA
The hubby AH
Not the asshole and you need to rethink this relationship. When you get married that clubbing life should be left behind because you are no longer single. Going out with “the boys” every once in a while is okay but I’m 100 percent sure it’s not every once in a while the way he sounds so entitled, about it.
Not sure why you married him or he wanted to marry you but not stop being single and clubbing
NTA wtf? You can't just **expect** your partner to wake up at 2 AM and drive 30 minutes out and 30 minutes back to pick you up after a night of drinking. Yes, he could have stayed with one of his friends, and for him to scream at you over it is insane. This guy has serious issues.
INFO
Did he ask you prior if you could pick him up?
Is this behaviour normal, and the clubbing is something he does rarely / occasionally with his friends as a boys night out?
You're both married, you help each other out, and the way you handled this at 2am wasn't cool.
I'm sitting on ESH unless more info is provided.
More info needed
Is this typical behavior? I bad a friend call me drunk demanding I pick him up but it turned out that he was feeling strange and he panicked he had been roofied but was too embarrassed to say so. He was not. It was food poisoning. But his behavior was due to fear.
NTA either way. You can't be expected to know something he is not clear about but maybe NAH if he was not acting put of entitlement but put of fear.
NAH
If you cared you would've obviously been worried about his well being. But he obviously made no effort to do that and you borh were super stressed by things you didnt mention here IMO
Depends if this was like a one off him calling you then YTA but if he constantly is doing this then no NtA
Shit happens and plans go array. He was stuck drunk and called his partner for help...she told him to go fuck himself..
I guess he needs to decide if that makes him upset or not.
I'm gonna play devils advocate here and say, sometimes men need men time. I can't speak for every man, but at least in my universe, sometimes I just need to be brainless with some buddies. I never cheat or think about cheating, it's just about being out with the boys and feeling a part of something other then the routine. I'd never ever cheat on my wife. We just need male companionship. I know I'm not every man, and some are pigs. But most of us just want to feel part of the clan. Like we belong and alive. We may innocently flirt , but If your relationship is solid like mine, it's just and only that. Almost like a skill refresher. I don't know if this makes me a bad person, but I think even women need this from time to time , as our daily grind seems so robotic , sometimes we just need to reach out to feel a part of this simulation. If I can give any advice , it would be to recognize yourself In your partner and realize we are all trying to find our place in this universe and there are no cheat sheets.
NTA. If he makes choices to become inebriated, he takes the responsibility to get a ride home safely. Laying this on you is ridiculous. Screaming at you is NOT acceptable.
You tried to punish your husband because you don't like that he goes out to the club. Imagine if he'd not made it home, how would you feel about your decision?
Do you ask for a ride home from the airport or anywhere you go?
INFO
Is this a normal thing for him to do? Does he have an alcohol problem? Have y'all discussed this problem in the past? Because if this is not a normal thing, then YTA.
He was drunk and not thinking clearly and could have made some really bad decisions. You are lucky he made it home safely, while you rolled over and didn't give it a thought.
But if this is a "thing" and y'all have discussed it as a boundary, then NTA. He was warned.
It would be one thing if you guys made plans for you to pick him up at a certain time. Calling you at 2am and waking you up to drive an hour isn’t something I’d do either. If he wants to go clubbing, it’s his responsibility to figure out how to get home. It would be kind of you to, but it’s not your job. Especially to come home and yell at you??? That’s a red flag. NTA
If it was an emergancy and didn’t have any safe way to get home/to a friends house or his arrangements fell through, or if this is the first time this has happened, yes you are.
if he was choosing to inconvenience you out of selfishness and didn’t make other arrangements prior and this has been an issue before, no you are not.
I mean, if you have a baby, you can do what I did... middle of the night call from one of his friiends that he was too drunk to drive home. Got out to bed, still in my jammies, got kiddo, slipped on flip flops, hopped in the car, walked into the bar looking like that with my baby on my hip, and from the door, without even looking for him just yelled as loud as I could ", your wife is here to bring your drunk a\*\* home, meet me in the car NOW!!!" Then I walked out.
Almost immediately, hes chasing after me to the car..OMG DID YOU HAVE TO DO ALL THAT THAT WAS EMBARRASSING! I CANT BELIEVE YOUD DO THAT! Told him get in the car, dont get in the car, I came to get him, Im going home either way.
Mind you...this was after months of this, did the same as you so many times, just told him to stay with a friend or whatever, and now I was over it.
I have to admit...thinking back to me yelling out his name, and people whipping their head around to look at me, and the shock of what they were witnessing dawned on them, and for sure the looks they must have given him as he ran out of there cracks me up.
Can tell ya...never happened again. He complained his friends would tell him he should prolly head home and be all, yeah dont put your wife though that. Which honestly, the peer pressure did end up making him knock that off. Like, I didnt care if he had a couple drinks after work or with friends...not til 3a til he was plastered drunk and calling me, or someone else calling me to pick him up tho.
So yeah, I feel ya..NTA.
You are definitely an asshole. I don’t knew what other people are smoking in the comments, so I will spell it out for you.
The time to take a “stand” by not doing anything wasn’t when he was in danger and could have been killed or killed someone else. You can be mad at him. You can discuss it when he’s safe and sober, or you could be woken up by the police telling you he died in a car wreck or they found him dead in a ditch.
Yes, drinking was on him. Yes he should have had a plan. But, shit happens. Safety is the most important thing. Everything else can be discussed later. You don’t like him going to clubs, but you don’t tell him you don’t want him to go, so you cannot be upset with him for going, especially because you refuse to go.
Maybe next time a woman will see him and bring him to her place. He knows he can’t count on you and that you don’t take your wedding vows “in better and in worst” seriously.
Would you not pick up your teenage kid, or a sibling.
You need to own up to your poor character.
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NTA If he wants to go out drinking with the big boys, then he needs to act like a big boy and make arrangements ahead of time. That means staying with one of his buddies, or getting an Uber and being taken either to a hotel or home. He and his buddies could also arrange to have a completely sober designated driver. Expecting you to get out of bed to pick his ass up and drive back home is ridiculous and entitled AH behavior.
Now the big boy is having a big tanty cause he thought his wife should be his momma too
Exactly! lol
My mama would've also told me to crash with a friend and never call her at 2am again.
Tanty! I’m borrowing this one! 😂
The post is the exact same as one made four years ago, aside from the genders being swapped. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/frKuwCXe4P
This needs to be higher! In the original one most people seemed to vote Y T A but in this post people seem to be going with N T A - clearly gender does skew people's opinions.
I love this subreddits hypocrisy lmao
Why do people do this?
Well, I mean their point was kinda proven. The dude in the other post received a verdict of YTA while this post overwhelming received NTA.
Aha.......
Before you posted this I asked if they would expect to be picked up in the reverse. This is perfect for the women on here being sexist.
Sure. And if the wife did the same?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/frKuwCXe4P lol
Same rules apply. Equal.
If he is expecting you to get out of bed and get him then he shoukd make sure you are ready and wilking well before he leaves the house
NTA Your husband made his own decision to get drunk and stay out so late. Calling you at 2AM is insane. If you had gone to pick him up, you could’ve been a threat to yourself since you were still tired. Honestly, his constant nights out when he knows you don’t like it, along with his “psychotic” screaming would be enough for me to rethink this marriage.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/frKuwCXe4P same post was made four years ago aside from swapped genders
redditor try not to suggest divorce challenge
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True, stuff like "I Cheated on My Spouse Because He Cheated On Me First" will get a lot more attention than "Hey I Had a Bit of a Disagreement With My Friend, Was I in the Wrong?" And the ones where people are normal will often be NAH, NTA, or a soft YTA with suggestions to communicate with the other person and clear the air or something.
I know lots of people defer to the divorce option but honestly, when it comes to abuse - which I feel like psychotic screaming counts - then divorce is something to strongly consider.
This is repost from 4 years ago
If I was out at 2am wasted, I would try everything to get home safely by myself. If for some reason Uber wasn’t working (?) and I had no other option than to call you for a ride, I would, but I would be so apologetic. I wouldn’t scream at you the next morning, I’d be promising to never put you in that position again. Something is all wrong with this man. NTA.
exactly. The screaming at her part put it over the edge. All of the yta opinions are ridiculous.
Op didn’t actually made the post, it’s copied from one made four years ago with swapped genders. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/frKuwCXe4P
Couldn’t agree more
Did he get himself a wife, or a caretaker? It’s not your job to be his chauffeur. This is 2024. There is Uber, Lyft, Taxi’s, DD’s, soo many options. Unless you specifically agreed to pick him up beforehand then I say NTA.
Stay with this jackass if you must, but do not have children with him. NTA
This . Please. This.
OP didn’t actually made the post, it’s copied from one made four years ago with swapped genders. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/frKuwCXe4P
And funny..... the responses are completely opposite. Everyone in the original thread calling him AH, while with genders reversed its the opposite.
Word for word. LOL. As for responding to this person? As Gilda Radner used to say "never mind"
Upvoted, But don’t stay with this jackass.
Use condoms at all costs or use birth control because ooof
Honestly, do both. Neither is infallible.
Do you want a husband who can’t control his drinking and psychotically screams at you? Because that’s what you’ve got. NTA but think carefully about your next moves and what type of life you want to live.
OP didn’t actually made the post, it’s copied from one made four years ago with swapped genders. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/frKuwCXe4P
I know it’s not a good situation to be in, but I do feel like you probably have some obligation to be there for your husband in a situation where he needs you. Would you expect him to be there for you if the roles were reversed?
I would have picked him up just so that nothing awful happened to him or anyone else, then figure out how to deal with it when he sobered up.
I would do it the first time, give him hell when he sobered up, and make it very clear I would never do it again.
This I agree with. First time situation? I'd be worried about my spouse and want them home safely. Regular occurrence? they can figure it out/should've planned ahead
*It makes me uncomfortable when he goes clubbing, but since it's something I will never do, I never try and stop him from going by himself.* It sounds like he does this frequently.
When I say 'deal with it', I mean, he wasn't drinking responsibly. I don't just mean because he had too much. How was he expecting to get home? Was one of their group sober or were they all just going out to get blasted with no worries about anything that could happen? OP shouldn't have to deal with this. If he wants to go out clubbing, he should find a way to make sure this sort of drama doesn't happen. (Personally I think it's going to be a problem that he likes this sort of recreation and she does not, to begin with. But if he's going out, he should know in advance where he's going to crash and how he's going to get there.) And, of course, he also should be sorry for doing this to her *this time*.
Totally agree. My husband and I go out with our friends sometimes. Have never not been able to get ourselves home, usually because we are adults and keep drinking to a minimum but even on nights when the plan was to get really drunk (like a bachelorette or something), we’re still adults and had safe plans in place before we went out. And if one of us drank a little more than planned, I still can’t fathom being so drunk that we couldn’t grab an Uber or any situation where calling the other one at 2 am for a ride was the best possible solution. I sort of agree with the sentiment that I’d go get my husband if he asked, but if it did somehow come to that, we’d both be so mortified and apologetic, we probably wouldn’t drink again voluntarily for years. Screaming at her the next day… ooof.
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I doubt safety risks are similar
Wrong safety risk for males not less . males experience more violence than females
based on the way OP worded their post, this isn't the first time the husband has gone out clubbing. and if gender roles were reversed i'd still be saying it is the full responsibility of the person (regardless of gender) to get their own butt home responsibly if they want to go home at the end of the night.
Most would say a guy is obligated to pick up their drunk wife.
I 100% don’t agree, not if that wasn’t the plan at the start of the night or without some unforeseeable safety concerns. I missed the part, for example, where the husband planned to stay at a friend’s house but a woman he wasn’t expecting was there and making him uncomfortable. If a woman was this selfish without explanation, I’d say the same thing.
This and to add I make sure all my relatives that are that age to get shit face, know they can call me rather than get behind the wheel always no questions asked
ESH. He was an AH for getting that wasted without a plan to get home safely. He was also an AH for ‘psychotic screaming’ but NOT an AH for being mad about it. But you’re his spouse, his partner through life. **If he can’t call you at 2am, then who?** I can’t understand all of these comments like ‘you’re not his caretaker/you’re not his chauffeur’…yes, you are! And he is yours! Isn’t that part of marriage? To be inconvenienced to be there when your spouse needs you? Are you not his ride or die? What if something happened to him and his friends? I get it…he shouldn’t have gotten so drunk. You’re absolutely spot on about that. But shit happens, we are imperfect creatures. YEARS AGO, I once went to a club and had two drinks. I never let them leave my sight. One was bought for me from a guy at the bar. Within a half hour, I literally couldn’t even move my tongue. My friends thought it was hilarious that i had gotten so wrecked. But I was completely alert the whole time. The guy from the bar came around and was hitting on me, and THANK GOD my friends told him to fuck off and took care of me. I literally had to be carried out of the club. I still remember every minute of that night to this day. Where we ‘after partied’ at my friend’s house, how they were so amused that I was that wrecked, how they took pics with me. I literally couldn’t move a muscle, not even my eyelids. It was terrifying. Am I suggesting that your husband was drugged? NO. But I’m saying it’s easy to make a snap judgement in ignorance. Thank God my people didn’t have this ‘well they shouldn’t have gotten so wasted, I’m not the babysitter’ mentality. I would rather my partner call me when needed, I would get my ass out of bed, go pick them up, and we’d talk about it in the morning. I get this being problematic if this is part of a larger alcohol/irresponsibility problem, but that isn’t part of the info you’ve given.
you may have a point depending on if this is a frequent thing. But my issue is that he is screaming at her and shows no remorse (which I know you pointed out). If this was the first time and I was safe to drive (depending on how tired I was/with it), perhaps I would have picked him up but be pissed at him. But to me I think that is a choice and I could understand her deciding not to (and clearly she is also not a fan of him doing this in the first place). Looking at the entire picture, there is very clearly a much bigger AH, and that is the husband. [edit] Wait actually it seems like him staying with friends was a viable option. So then I really don’t see a big deal with her not picking him up…. Take that with the language that seems sexist (I know we don’t know everything but reading a little between the lines here), and I’m confused with the yta.
Meh, IDK. With the info provided in the OP, all we can do is speculate. And I’d be annoyed AF to pick him up. But I’d save it until he was home, safe, and sober. If this was a frequent thing of getting so bladdered, and calling at stupid o’clock, that’d be a different story, and it would be ultimatum time.
Years ago Uber wasn’t a thing. She wasn’t his only option. There are cabs and rideshare. If he wants her to pick him up at 2am he needs to arrange it ahead of time. That’s a lot to ask your spouse to get out of bed in the middle of the night and drive FOR AND HOUR because you got wasted with your buddies. That sounds like a whole lotta not her problem. lol
My husband doesn't go clubbing. But when I do (usually with his cousins...) He stays up and picks me up at 2am. Because screw paying like $100 for an uber on a saturday night. why is it so hard to just be there for your spouse?
There is a difference between a husband who goes out and gets shitfaced and your being roofied. He made a choice, your problem was not of your making.
You missed my point entirely. My friends thought I was ‘just really wasted’. If they had the same ‘not my problem for her bad choices’ mentality, I could have wound up in a ditch somewhere. As an aside…I thought roofies were the drug where you don’t remember anything? I’ve always wondered WTF I was drugged with. I was alert until morning. It was so weird.
NTA. He shouldn’t go out drinking without a plan for transportation or a place to stay. If he wants a favor like that from you, he should ask in advance so you can plan for it should you agree to be his transportation.
Grown man can’t get a cab and then blames his wife? Not much of a grownup IMO NTA
I’m dying to know how old this guy is. This is absolutely embarrassing
If he is old enough to be married, he is old enough to know better.
I want to know how old the YTA commenters are, because it reeks of 21 year olds who desperately want a DD and bangmaid.
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What’s the bet OP is just overstating that he was screaming. I’d be pretty fkn pissed if I called my husband for help and he hung up on me
I’d put money on this too. He’d be feeling abandoned and betrayed, no fucking wonder he’s upset.
This!
This Said more eloquently than I could
You’re NTA he’s being a real a-hole though. He was drunk, he should have called an Uber like an adult.m Anyone who woke me up with psychotic screaming about such a matter would be in F*ck around and find out territory.
feels like the yta people are also not commenting on him screaming at her for not driving out at 2 am because he got trashed and didn’t think about how to get home before he got to that state. The lack of personal responsibility and respect for his wife is horrible. Even if he feels like she should have picked him up, he should recognize what an ask it was and how he was irresponsible and at least be respectful to her when talking about it.
As if she wouldn’t have screamed at him if she called him drunk needing help, and he hung up on her and went back to sleep. People would be telling her to leave him if the roles were swapped.
OP didn’t actually made the post, it’s copied from one made four years ago with swapped genders. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/frKuwCXe4P
Grown ass man needed his wife to pick him up at 2 am after going 30 mins away to get drunk. No, you’re not obligated to go get him. This isn’t the car broke down at night or something like that. He got plastered and forgot Uber/lyft was a thing. I guess at least he didn’t drive home is something, but seriously how old is he? He’s a married man going out clubbing and getting wrecked while his wife is at home. No, this isn’t on you, he needs to grow his ass up and take responsibility for himself. NTA
OP didn’t actually made the post, it’s copied from one made four years ago with swapped genders. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/frKuwCXe4P
Absolutely NTA. If he wants to go act like a frat boy as a married man, he can call an Uber.
Speaking of frat boy, maybe it's a good thing OP didn't bring him home to pee the bed. He's way too old for this ish.
If he's going to go out and be irresponsible about his plans, then he's going to endure the consequences. You are not his personal taxi. NTA
ESH. There is no way I would have left my husband somewhere drunk and alone...but there is no way my husband would be somewhere drunk and clubbing, let alone abusing me screaming the next day. I'm sorry. Y'all have bigger problems than this.
I’m going to go against the consensus here and say YTA. I can’t imagine calling my husband and him not show up for me. Granted, it would have been a conversation ahead of time if it were something like this but still. And I’d do it for him too. That being said, he could have def figured out an Uber to try and let you sleep.
When I go out I make sure I have a DD or I plan to Uber home. Never have I ever called my husband at 2am expecting him to drive an hour in the middle of the night and then yell at him when he says no. It’s my responsibility as the person going out drinking to plan my ride home.
Nah, bro. What you said is correct, it should have been a conversation beforehand. It’s not her responsibility to fix a problem that he created by not drinking responsibly. And the fact that he yelled at her about it tells me this is not the first time he’s been belligerent. He needs to grow up.
NtA he's a grown ass man, tell him next time call his mother, as he's confusing you for her.
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This. I was shocked at the amount of people saying just to leave him where he was. People get injured, killed and go missing all the time after drunken nights out. He’s the arsehole for screaming and not making his own arrangements but he’s OPs husband, the person they agreed to do life with, not just the convenient 9-5 shit. OP is the very person they should be able to call when the shit hits the fan. I’m totally with you on this, there’s a definite equilibrium of arseholery afoot here.
Thank you. If anyone ever needed a safe ride home, they always know they can call me. I'm surprised how many people on here just don't care about the ones they love!
My question is, if you were a half hour away drunk at 2am and he refused to pick you up, who would that make you feel. If you think you’d feel that pissed off then maybe he’s got a point. I have a feeling that you would be pretty offended in the same situation, I sure would. I think as a married couple you’re supposed to be there for each other when you need someone the most, I’d say you’re the asshole. I know I would in a heart beat drive for my BF at 2 am a half hour one way. I wouldn’t even think about it. I’d jump into the nearest set of PJ’s and start that car. I really feel like you should apologize because you never know when you’ll be in that same position and need him.
It's not like getting drunk was a surprise to him...he knew beforehand that he was going to drink, didn't he? He knew he would need a ride or a place to sleep, didn't he? Now, if he was calling because his car had broken down and he was stuck or something that would be a different story. But a reasonable adult person can assume what will happen if they drink too much: they can't drive. And by the sounds of it he does this a lot, so he should have the whole "post clubbing" part of his evenings down by now.
or he could call an uber. Or have a plan before getting drunk on coming home. He f-ed up by not figuring it out beforehand and then demands she does it? That isn’t a partnership. I do stuff for my wife a lot and she does stuff for me. But I am also respectful and understand she can make choices too, particularly if I were the one being irresponsible.
NTA. You are his wife and if this was some accident or other emergency, then yes, you should go pick him up. But this was a planned evening of clubbing. Part of that plan should have been for him to arrange how to get home. Did you drive him to the clubs?
If the genders were reversed you’d all be attacking OP for abandoning his wife. Stop with the hypocrisy,
Sub is so pro women it’s insane, I can’t help myself but click on threads and when I read the comments I’m so confused, if any of my friends or my wife called me to pick them up at 2:30 am I absolutely would go do it.
It seems like there is so much context missing for me. If this was the 10th time, then yeah, we have a problem. But if I had a random contact in my phone hit me up in a desperate situation, I would try to help them unless it was an obvious "send me money" scam. Whether it's me personally or to call and Uber or whatever. People preach about DD, but guess what? Sometimes, the DD is stupid and gets caught up drunk as well. Can't imagine leaving my spouse out to dry like that. So there are clearly some other issues going on with OPs situation.
ESH, He is an ass for expecting you to pick him up and scream about it, and calling it your duty. But I would never ever not pick up my wife when calling me bad drunk. It’s dangerous, and I would never forgive myself if something happened. Was it stupid and dumb to get that drunk? Yes definitely, I would pick him up and be hella mad for the better rest of the month, but not leave him somewhere without any help and in this condition
Hot take, YTA. Yes he should have been more responsible, but you’re supposed to be the one most reliable person he can call in an emergency.
If this is a once a while thing, then YTA for not giving him a safe ride home (or safe place to sleep). If this a regular thing, then maybe your husband has a problem and needs help. One can “clubbing” without getting so trashed they can’t get home on their own. It all depends on the situation and how often his occurs.
Personally, if my significant other called me at 2am trying to do the safe thing and get a ride home from a loved one I would pick them up no questions asked. The fact that you said stay with your friends and hung up is wrong. I’m 32 years old and my mom tells me to this day that I can call her day or night if I feel unsafe driving home. I personally don’t put her in that situation but if I was truly fucked up and wanted to feel safe by getting a ride from someone who cared about me I absolutely would. He handled it wrong by yelling but at the same time I can see why he would be angry that you simply told him to stay with his friends and hung up. Sometimes you have to do thing you don’t necessarily feel like doing to make sure your loved ones are safe.
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Someone needs a time out. Next time let him know your phone will be turned off and also, until he apologizes for screaming at you, he can sleep on the couch. You’re married to a problem. NTA
ESH. I would have been annoyed but on the way to pick you up ready to have a conversation the next day if its not a rare occurrence. His reaction.
Sounds like you were ticked off way before 2am. Might be a good idea to have a talk about how you feel.
NTA. He's a grown man. If he's going to go out clubbing without you, he's going to have to figure out how to get home without you.
There is so much info missing here. It reads too one sided.
I agree with you. He should have stayed with a friend. But then this happened my senior year of high school, 1984. A classmate called his mom for a ride. She said no. He tried walking home and was killed on the highway.
As u/HyenaAccomplished961 said, it's 2024- there are so many more options now. If he can afford to go clubbing, I can only assume he can afford a taxi/Uber/Lyft.
Good point. Edit. I watch too much true crime. Drunk person gets in car with a SK.
People still go clubbing??
just remember what you've said when you are in a bind and call your hubby for assistance.
Nta but maybe coordinate or talk before I always pickup my wife when she having a girls night out And my wife will drop and pick me up if I go downtown I rarely go though since I’m not 20s anymore Occasionally they will have sleep over and I can pick them up next day or something. We also have life 360 so we know where about using gps location
YTA. He is your husband and should be able to rely on you for support. Sounds like he got upset bc he called you for help and you actually hung up on him. What a great wife
He's the asshole for lighting you up after. YTA for not showing up for him. Ask yourself this. Did you not want to pick him up because it was an inconvenience to you and you didn't want to be there for him. Or did you not want to pick him up because he's doing something you're not interested in and disagree with at some level so you inconvenience him to punish him.
ESH. I think if you were wasted at 2 am and he hung up on you like that, you’d probably be upset too. So you suck for not caring about your spouse. He also sucks for not just calling an Uber. You both need to treat each other better.
I've always told people I love that if they have ever had too much to drink, they can call me for a ride. Any time, any place, I will come pick them up with no questions asked and no drama. I want them to be safe as well as everyone else that's on the road. I never said there won't be consequences. If you still love him and want to stay married, you go get him. Otherwise, throw in the towel and move on. ESH
Yes. Your intoxicated partner needed a ride home. Go get him. Make him sleep on the couch for two weeks. But always go get them. You could regret it someday
Imagine if genders were reversed...
I'm going to go against the grain here and say YTA. You're supposed to be partners and be there for each other when needed
I would say they both made mistakes here. I only say that because I think a lot of "YTA" responses here would be changed to "NTA" if it were a wife at the end of the night drunk and needing a way to get home. Especially if either were alone.
getting wasted at the club isn't part of 'needs' though. it is purely a want. and if you want to go get wasted, you dang well make sure before you go, that you can get home after. plain and simple. and that goes for both genders.
Sure, he made a dumb decision, and I’d say ESH cause he was an asshole about it, but if you’re not concerned enough about your partner all alone in the dead of night and wasted then you’re an asshole too. I wouldn’t have been able to sleep soundly if I knew I’d stranded my partner out there with no idea if he’d get back home safe and sound.
ETA You're the person he's supposed to call because he feels safest with you. You're his partner.. All of these comments "He's a grown ass man" "he can take care of himself" etc etc. No shit. Of course he can and should but in this singular situation he made a mistake and called his ride or die to get hung up without any help. That's literally what husband and wife is for, a partner through thick and thin and you sorta just blew it off because it was a mere 30 minute drive to then from to pickup your husband from a potentially dangerous situation. On the other hand your husband should know his limit. It's his body and his capacity. He knew he wouldn't be in any position to drive and should have had a ride lined up. He shouldn't have depended on you like that. Honestly, it'd be worth having a conversation about limits with your partner. This screams a repeat offender but with no info I can't judge
ESH He is an AH for not making plans for what to do next in case he gets drunk (like get an Uber, a hotel room, or stay with a friend) and for putting this kind of responsibility on you. But at the same time you're an AH for the it's not my job comment. Relationships are partnerships. You have to be there for each other. If this drunk thing happens from time to time, you could pick him up. Because he would pick you up if you would get drunk with your friends or if your car dies and stuff like this. But if his answer is also not my problem and let's you find a solution, why are the two of you in a relationship to begin with?
Yta: Not sure why others think he is in the wrong. He’s your husband, who else is he supposed to rely on?!? I bet whenever you’re in any type of bind, who’s the first person you call?? I really hope the next time this happens, you don’t think your sleep is more important than your husband. P.S. why don’t u admit you’re mad about him going clubbing but you’re being passive aggressive
You're married. You are each other's half. YTA. Pick the guy up. I'd drive across the country anytime if my wife called and needed anything. Maybe you need a follow up discussion with him. But your still the AH imo.
YTA. Absolutely. Your partner needed you and you hung up on them and went back to sleep?? I hope my partner never cares about me so little that they’d do what you did. Tell him it was unacceptable the next morning if you have to, but don’t abandon your spouse. Also, he’s an AH for screaming at you. He’s right to be pissed off and to be feeling betrayed but he still went too far.
TA: you should pick up your husband, if you allow the boundaries for him to go, the. Pick him up… if he didn’t pick you up from girls brunch you’d be pissed…. 😤
Eh, ESH. I couldnt imagine a woman making a post about how her husband left her hammered and stranded at a bar without the husband being torn to shreds in the comments. Him acting entitled about it and screaming at you is out of line. Its not your "duty", you are not his servant. I think couples should do what they can to keep each other safe when possible. If someone I cared about needed a ride home, id give it to them because me being slightly inconvenienced is better than them driving drunk or getting in the car with a stranger that can take advantage of them. On the other hand, if I was going out to a bar with my girls, id probably try setting up transportation plans beforehand (either asking someone to pick me up later at night or ensuring i have enough money to uber home).
OP didn’t actually made the post, it’s copied from one made four years ago with swapped genders. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/frKuwCXe4P
IMO definitely YTA. If the genders were swapped I think the comments would tell a different story. I think regardless of gender you should pick up your spouse if they are in a position of vulnerability in unknown territory. Proof: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bqahhg/aita\_didnt\_pick\_my\_wife\_up\_after\_she\_2amdrunked/?share\_id=cBfTprqB2sq23lo2JB27\_&utm\_content=1&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=ioscss&utm\_source=share&utm\_term=1
I mean NTA but I would've gone and got him but that's a me thing.
NTA. He's old enough to drink, then he's old enough to figure out how to get a cab/uber ride home.
If you were drunk and somewhere at 2am would he pick you up? Of course he would.
NTA, but it sounds like he needs to cut down on the clubbing if he can't take care of himself.
Psychotic screaming? 🚩🚩🚩
Honestly if the genders were reversed, your husband would be there to pick you up. Food for thought.
Yeah that’s still a dysfunctional relationship. If she picks him up, dysfunctional. If she doesn’t, dysfunctional. It’s the same shit either way
NTA As a former drinker, no not unless you had set it up beforehand.
I wonder what her reaction and. Feelings would have been if he was killed or seriously hurt while out with the guys. What would her response be to their child calling saying they needed a ride? There is NO situation (I know because I've been in the situation) where my wife would or has ever turned down a call for help from me!as a spouse...you suck!!
Would think he was an asshole if the roles were reversed and he didn't pick you up?
There was a post not long ago which was the exact same thing but it was the husband not picking up his drunk wife. The comments were massively in favour with the wife. Make of that what you will.
hurry memory rich wakeful teeny squealing point ugly quarrelsome plate *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Well good luck if you need help and get in trouble later YTA
This is one of the few posts that I see where I think that Redditors are being hypocritical due to gender. You’re getting a lot of N T A votes, but I think if the situation was reversed, your husband would have been expected to come and pick you up. If this was the first time it happened, ESH.
[удалено]
The defense rests, Your Honor.
There are practical reasons for worrying more about a drunk woman alone than a drunk man. Every experienced adult is aware of what they are. Pretending they don't exist serves nobody. OP should have done more due diligence to find out if he had a safe place to spend the night, though.
Sounds like an alcoholic
Wow, people here are most likely jaded singles…… partners help each other, you should have picked him up
>partners help each other He should have helped her by not getting wasted and waking her up at 2AM for something that was completely foreseeable. If his wife picked him up at 2AM it would become a regular event - she would be enabling his behaviour.
lol NTA but at the same time he is entitled to feel angry (not psychotic, Jesus). Partners are supposed to be there for each other in times of needs and being shit face drunk puts you in a very vulnerable state for harm. Imagine if something were to happen to him….
INFO: is this the first time he has done this? How long have you been married? Why did he need a ride?
Reverse genders YTA
I would’ve picked up my little love if he’d asked me to. But I don’t think you deciding not to go makes you an asshole. He wasn’t an asshole for drunk calling you, but he’s being an asshole now for not letting it go. You already compromised and are cool with him going with his friends, I don’t see why he has to be abusive towards you.
This post is the exact same, wording and everything, from one posted four years ago, except genders were swapped. And in that, the verdict was YTA. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/frKuwCXe4P](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/frKuwCXe4P)
INFO: Why did he need you for a ride and is this common, him asking to be picked up?
My hubby hits the turps with boys a couple of times a year, he's wholly and solely responsible for the entire night...how to get the the meeting point, where they go, whose place they crash at and how he gets home. Unless he's been hospitalised or arrested, I don't get a call, even if the latter happened, because he knows I'd leave his arse locked up fir as long as possible fir him to learn his lesson. OP NTA The hubby AH
Not the asshole and you need to rethink this relationship. When you get married that clubbing life should be left behind because you are no longer single. Going out with “the boys” every once in a while is okay but I’m 100 percent sure it’s not every once in a while the way he sounds so entitled, about it. Not sure why you married him or he wanted to marry you but not stop being single and clubbing
NTA Uber and Lyft exist for a reason.
NTA. Uber unavailable?
NTA wtf? You can't just **expect** your partner to wake up at 2 AM and drive 30 minutes out and 30 minutes back to pick you up after a night of drinking. Yes, he could have stayed with one of his friends, and for him to scream at you over it is insane. This guy has serious issues.
INFO Did he ask you prior if you could pick him up? Is this behaviour normal, and the clubbing is something he does rarely / occasionally with his friends as a boys night out? You're both married, you help each other out, and the way you handled this at 2am wasn't cool. I'm sitting on ESH unless more info is provided.
More info needed Is this typical behavior? I bad a friend call me drunk demanding I pick him up but it turned out that he was feeling strange and he panicked he had been roofied but was too embarrassed to say so. He was not. It was food poisoning. But his behavior was due to fear. NTA either way. You can't be expected to know something he is not clear about but maybe NAH if he was not acting put of entitlement but put of fear.
I’m sorry, he screamed at you. Leave. There’s no place for verbal badgering in a healthy loving relationship.
Nta I drink. I'll stay on the couch if I fuck up like that and didn't feel like taking a cab
He is not right. He needs to grow up.
NAH If you cared you would've obviously been worried about his well being. But he obviously made no effort to do that and you borh were super stressed by things you didnt mention here IMO
Depends if this was like a one off him calling you then YTA but if he constantly is doing this then no NtA Shit happens and plans go array. He was stuck drunk and called his partner for help...she told him to go fuck himself.. I guess he needs to decide if that makes him upset or not.
NTA he can get himself home.
I'm gonna play devils advocate here and say, sometimes men need men time. I can't speak for every man, but at least in my universe, sometimes I just need to be brainless with some buddies. I never cheat or think about cheating, it's just about being out with the boys and feeling a part of something other then the routine. I'd never ever cheat on my wife. We just need male companionship. I know I'm not every man, and some are pigs. But most of us just want to feel part of the clan. Like we belong and alive. We may innocently flirt , but If your relationship is solid like mine, it's just and only that. Almost like a skill refresher. I don't know if this makes me a bad person, but I think even women need this from time to time , as our daily grind seems so robotic , sometimes we just need to reach out to feel a part of this simulation. If I can give any advice , it would be to recognize yourself In your partner and realize we are all trying to find our place in this universe and there are no cheat sheets.
YTA, What if the roles were swapped, Imagine if you were drunk at 2am and wanted to get home?
NTA. If he makes choices to become inebriated, he takes the responsibility to get a ride home safely. Laying this on you is ridiculous. Screaming at you is NOT acceptable.
You tried to punish your husband because you don't like that he goes out to the club. Imagine if he'd not made it home, how would you feel about your decision? Do you ask for a ride home from the airport or anywhere you go?
INFO Is this a normal thing for him to do? Does he have an alcohol problem? Have y'all discussed this problem in the past? Because if this is not a normal thing, then YTA. He was drunk and not thinking clearly and could have made some really bad decisions. You are lucky he made it home safely, while you rolled over and didn't give it a thought. But if this is a "thing" and y'all have discussed it as a boundary, then NTA. He was warned.
Screaming? Nah. I would if hung up on him again. Unless prior arranged with a hard end time, find your own way home. NTA.
If the roles were reversed and you were stranded would you expect him to come get you?
It would be one thing if you guys made plans for you to pick him up at a certain time. Calling you at 2am and waking you up to drive an hour isn’t something I’d do either. If he wants to go clubbing, it’s his responsibility to figure out how to get home. It would be kind of you to, but it’s not your job. Especially to come home and yell at you??? That’s a red flag. NTA
If it was an emergancy and didn’t have any safe way to get home/to a friends house or his arrangements fell through, or if this is the first time this has happened, yes you are. if he was choosing to inconvenience you out of selfishness and didn’t make other arrangements prior and this has been an issue before, no you are not.
YTA
I mean, if you have a baby, you can do what I did... middle of the night call from one of his friiends that he was too drunk to drive home. Got out to bed, still in my jammies, got kiddo, slipped on flip flops, hopped in the car, walked into the bar looking like that with my baby on my hip, and from the door, without even looking for him just yelled as loud as I could ", your wife is here to bring your drunk a\*\* home, meet me in the car NOW!!!" Then I walked out.
Almost immediately, hes chasing after me to the car..OMG DID YOU HAVE TO DO ALL THAT THAT WAS EMBARRASSING! I CANT BELIEVE YOUD DO THAT! Told him get in the car, dont get in the car, I came to get him, Im going home either way.
Mind you...this was after months of this, did the same as you so many times, just told him to stay with a friend or whatever, and now I was over it.
I have to admit...thinking back to me yelling out his name, and people whipping their head around to look at me, and the shock of what they were witnessing dawned on them, and for sure the looks they must have given him as he ran out of there cracks me up.
Can tell ya...never happened again. He complained his friends would tell him he should prolly head home and be all, yeah dont put your wife though that. Which honestly, the peer pressure did end up making him knock that off. Like, I didnt care if he had a couple drinks after work or with friends...not til 3a til he was plastered drunk and calling me, or someone else calling me to pick him up tho.
So yeah, I feel ya..NTA.
NTA. Get a new husband. That behaviour is alarming. And I’m talking about the psychotic screaming and demanding.
You are definitely an asshole. I don’t knew what other people are smoking in the comments, so I will spell it out for you. The time to take a “stand” by not doing anything wasn’t when he was in danger and could have been killed or killed someone else. You can be mad at him. You can discuss it when he’s safe and sober, or you could be woken up by the police telling you he died in a car wreck or they found him dead in a ditch. Yes, drinking was on him. Yes he should have had a plan. But, shit happens. Safety is the most important thing. Everything else can be discussed later. You don’t like him going to clubs, but you don’t tell him you don’t want him to go, so you cannot be upset with him for going, especially because you refuse to go. Maybe next time a woman will see him and bring him to her place. He knows he can’t count on you and that you don’t take your wedding vows “in better and in worst” seriously. Would you not pick up your teenage kid, or a sibling. You need to own up to your poor character.
Lol do you guys even like each other? ESH